Shrek Go Donkey by wuxiangyu

VIEWS: 27 PAGES: 20

									        DONKEY! DON‟T GIVE UP AND DON‟T GIVE IN
(SCENE: CURTAIN OPENS to A forest where DONKEY and SHREK are searching for
FIONA.)
SHREK: Come on, Donkey. We must find Fiona.
DONKEY: Why we looking for her? I thought it was just the two of us,
forever.
SHREK: No, Donkey. It‟s not. Fiona is my one true love.
DONKEY: Oh. Okay Shrek. So where do you think she went?
SHREK: Someone took her.
DONKEY: Why would someone want to kidnap the princess?
SHREK: I don‟t know Donkey! I suppose someone wanted revenge.
DONKEY: Who‟ve you been making fun of?
SHREK: No one.
DONKEY: Wasn‟t there that one dude?
SHREK: I have made fun of no man. Unless.
DONKEY: What? Who? Huh?
SHREK: The Gingerbread Man. Maybe he took her. We did get his cousin
“milkified.”
DONKEY: Oh, you‟re right.
SHREK: I suppose it will be a long journey to find Fiona. We‟ve got to go
through the dark licorice forest, the sweet frosting swamp, and then into
his house. The Gingerbread house.
DONKEY: Who lives in a house made out of the same thing as them?
SHREK: I dunno. Maybe his mom thought it would be cost-efficient if she made the
house and her son at the same time.
DONKEY: Hmm
SHREK: Hmm (ponder this thought)
DONKEY: Oh yeah! Wait, what are we doing here? We‟ve got to go save the princess
SHREK: (shakes his head) That‟s what we‟re doing.
DONKEY: Oh, Shrek, it‟s getting dark, REAL dark! Oh, I hate the dark, Shrek, we‟ve
got to get inside, nothing good happens in the… Shrek HOLD ME!
SHREK: DONKEY! Shush… something‟s out there…
DONKEY: What…who? I don‟t see nothin‟ Shrek.
VOICE: Who goes there!?
SHREK: Show yourself.
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: It is I! Puss „n‟ boots.
(Guitarist ENTERS and plays a Spanish riff behind PUSS.)
SHREK: Puss „n‟ who?
DONKEY: Aww! Shrek, look it‟s a little kitty. Look at his ears and his precious
little boots. Can I keep him? Can I? Oh Can I keep him please? Oh, Shrek, please? Pretty
please? Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?
SHREK: DONKEY!!!

(PUSS „N‟ BOOTS pulls out a sword)



                                                                                       1
DONKEY: Oh, Shrek, it‟s a little kitty… with a sword? WITH A SWORD! RUN!

PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: Here (he puts a Gingerbread cookie onto sword and offers it to
SHREK.)
SHREK: Hey, thanks!
DONKEY: Uh, Shrek. Didn‟t your mom ever tell you not to eat food from strangers?
You know better don‟t you, kids?
SHREK: Wait, where did you get this gingerbread?
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: Follow me (follow the leader) It is from the Gingerbread Man's
home. Over the river and through the woods, I traveled, for I have heard the Princess of
Far Far Away had been taken there.
SHREK: Was she there? Did you find her?
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: I heard her cries and I knew I must find you. So come with me and
we will fight the Gingerbread Man together.
(Everyone walks off into the forest.)
DONKEY: Shrek, I‟m scared, Shrek!
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: Do not be scared! I will vanquish all who attempt to harm us.
SHREK: Why can‟t you be more like Puss „n‟ Boots, Donkey? You‟re a scaredy
Cat. I mean really, Donkey, this little kitty‟s braver than you.
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: Gracias, Shrek.
DONKEY: What‟s going on? What is goin‟on here? Didn‟t I come out here to help you
save Fiona? What do you need this cat for?
SHREK: You‟re not really helping, now are you? Donkey you‟re a distraction. Why
don‟t you go that way while Puss‟n‟ I go this way?
DONKEY: Shrek its dark I‟m scared PLEASE don‟t make me go.
SHREK: Go Donkey
DONKEY: No Shrek NO!
SHREK: Go away donkey
DONKEY: Fine, I‟m leaving Shrek and I'm never going to come back.
SHREK: Fine with me.
PUSS „N‟ BOOTS: Come on, Shrek, let‟s go find Fiona.

(SHREK and PUSS „n‟ BOOTS EXIT)

DONKEY: Shrek, no I was just kidding. Shrek come back! Wait! Don't go! (Starts
to get nervous because of the dark and hums to himself. Then breaks out in a verse of "All
by Myself" CAT IN THE HAT emerges from Book)

CAT: Yow! Man that book is small, and it's a bad thing that I'm so tall. Well now that I'm
out, I'll take a look around, for I just heard a horrible sound! Hey, who are you? Are you
children? I love children, oh how I do. Let‟s do something fun, shall we? It will be fun
and fill us with glee. Would all of you like to join in with me? Let‟s take a trip down
storybook lane. It may be tough going, very tough terrain. Maybe we should take a bus?
A train? Maybe even an airplane? (asking child in audience) What should we take to
travel down story book lane?



                                                                                           2
 (Hears and Sees Donkey) Why, Who is this? Now tell me what I missed. (asks a child)
Who is that…asks the Cat in the Hat? (Child answers.) Let‟s see if I can help this poor
fellow and make him a bit more mellow. (He crosses to DONKEY.)


DONKEY: My best friend Shrek left me. I‟m a donkey without a friend, a burro with no
hombre! If only I could meet someone (CAT is approaching DONKEY) fun and furry
like me! Someone who‟s tall and wears a hat! This must be my lucky day! Another
kitty, only no sword. What‟s your name?
CAT: I am the master of all things fun. Cat in the Hat. And you must be Donkey?
DONKEY: Why, yes, actually my name is Donkey. How‟dya know that, Kitty?
CAT: It‟s Cat.
DONKEY: Whatever.
CAT: Well, honestly, you look like a Donkey I wouldn‟t call you “mon-key.”
DONKEY: True. Man, today has just been horrible.
CAT: What‟s the problem?
DONKEY: I‟m just looking for somebody who understands me, and I won‟t stop until I
do. You see my EX-best friend just completely turned his back on me because he thinks
I‟m a coward.
CAT: Well, are you?
DONKEY: Well, yeah, BUT I‟ve been right by his side for years and it just hurts to be
rejected like that.
CAT: I totally understand, and I‟d be more than happy to bring a little sunshine into your
day.
DONKEY: Wow, thanks, Kitty.
CAT: Cat.
DONKEY: Whatever.
CAT: My goodness we can all help you feel a bit better! We‟ll sing a song. Now
everyone stand up and sing along.

(CAT leads everyone in the song “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,”
with audience. He and DONKEY walk out into the audience singing and curtain closes.
AS CAT and DONKEY EXIT, THE THREE PIGS ENTER from in back of audience and
they introduce themselves with a song and dance.

We are the three pigs
Not the little pigs
Cuz we've all grown up
Instead of the wolf
We hang with the man
Gingy says 'sup

Pig One (to the melody of "celebrate"):
I am the first pig, pig one!
I build my house with straw, with straw!
I used to live with my mom last year



                                                                                          3
She kicked me out to the forest of fear
So I found the gingerbread man right here
And now my world is clear

Chorus (to the melody of "the muffin man"):
We work for the gingerbread man
The gingerbread man, the gingerbread man
We work for the gingerbread man
And it‟s super "lame" (spoken)

Pig Two (with random guitar chords):
My mother kicked me out of the house
She really didn't love me
So I was left here with my house of sticks
But the wolf made me flee
So now I'm stuck here working
For the Gingerbread man
It's a really boring job I do
But it's mama's fault I ran

Chorus

Pig Three (beat boxed):
I was living with my mom
Everything was fun,
Until she kicked me out into the sun
Then I had to build a house of bricks
Unlike my bro I didn't build with sticks
When the big bad wolf came
We three pigs did proclaim
You shall not pass
And gave him lots of sass
Big bad feel down our chimney
And now we work for Gingy
Maybe today we'll have something to do
But if not, we can always stage a coup

Chorus
(GINGERBREAD MAN ENTERS.)

GINGERBREAD MAN: Fiona is mine. Now and forever.
PIG ONE: Not if Shrek finds you!
GINGER: But he won‟t, will he? It‟s your job to make sure he doesn‟t.
PIG TWO: You mean we‟re getting paid for this?
GINGER: Yes, in a way. You‟re earning my thanks, my gratitude and my undying…




                                                                                4
PIG ONE: Naw, we ain‟t getting‟ paid for this. But at least we‟re not sitting at home
countin‟ daisies.
PIG THREE: That‟s right!
PIG ONE: Let‟s go distract Shrek.
PIG TWO: Yeah!!! Keep him busy so he‟ll never find his Fiona!
PIG THREE: Great idea. I‟ll go get the fortress building supplies.
GINGER: Oh, piggies. I don‟t know if that is such a good idea. (Sarcastically innocent)
PIG TWO: Of course it is. Then Fiona shall belong to you forever.
GINGER: And you‟d do that for li‟l ole me?
THREE PIGS: Sure thing, boss.
GINGER: (Evil voice) Go get him.

(Scene change.   CAT IN THE HAT ENTERS at side door.)

CAT IN THE HAT: Hiya boys and girls! Enjoyin the show so far? Me too, except my
new friend Donkey here still seems to think it‟s a sad day.
DONKEY: I‟m just sad about Shrek, „cuz he left me behind.
CAT IN THE HAT: I won‟t desert you.
DONKEY: Wow! Thanks Kitty-
CAT IN THE HAT: It‟s Cat!
DONKEY: Whatever. So where do we go from here?
CAT IN THE HAT: Well first I‟d like to – fur ball, excuse me (turns back to audience
and coughs up someone’s homework) Will you look at that, it‟s somebody‟s homework,
and your teachers thought the dog ate it!
DONKEY: Ah-hem, as you were saying?
CAT: Yes, as I was saying and there‟ll be no delaying (SNEEZES…)
SAM: [Jumps out from behind book] Lookee here boys …did I hear a noise? ... Would
you could you forget that sneeze? Would you, could you if you please? [Presents a plate
of green eggs and ham, with a big phony smile]
CAT IN THE HAT: No! Get out of here Sam I Am with your green eggs and ham, or I
will... [Looks Sam up and Down, grabs a jar of pickles from his pocket] steal your
pickles! Now go!
DONKEY: Your rhyming seems to be getting out of whack.
CAT IN THE HAT: I have a problem with it every once in a while…don‟t know why!
SAM: [Sam stands there, not reacting, looking blankly at Cat in the Hat.] Do you like
green eggs and ham?
CAT IN THE HAT: No, for the last time. You disturbed little man, I do not like green
eggs and ham! But, yeah seriously my doctor told me to lay off the pork and poultry.

(SAM motions to DONKEY)

SAM: Well, Donkey, would you, could you on this stage? Or maybe in a cozy cage?
DONKEY: Boy, have you lost your mind? Pedaling diseased food as though it were the
greatest thing ever, get outta here with that trash!
SAM: Very well, but remember this. Not trying green eggs and ham may be the one
thing you‟ll regret and very possibly miss.



                                                                                          5
CAT IN THE HAT: And so is getting neutered. What a head case.
DONKEY: Maybe we should just move along and leave SAM here to eat his own Green
Eggs and Ham.
CAT IN THE HAT: Good call! Good call, my buddy ol‟ pal, why, after this we‟ll go to
the…mall? You see my rhymes just fall flat at times.
DONKEY: Keep tryin‟, you‟ll get it.
CAT IN THE HAT: You, know, for a Donkey, you‟re not half bad!
DONKEY: Ya think so?
CAT IN THE HAT: With you as a friend, my rhymes will soon mend.
DONKEY: See, now wasn‟t that easy? You keep it up, I bet you‟ll soon be rhyming right
up to snuff. Oh, no, I did not just say that!
CAT IN THE HAT: You know, you‟re right
DONKEY: Wait, did you say I was your friend?
CAT IN THE HAT: Sure! Friendship takes work and you‟re willing to do it…Sam is the
jerk; his eggs are like suet.
DONKEY: You‟re right! Why Cat that‟s what I needed to hear! You may joke around a
lot, but you‟re one smart feline!
CAT IN THE HAT: Aw, shucks, you don‟t mean that. I‟m blushing under my hat.
DONKEY: I do. In fact, I think I‟ll try and fix things with my true friend right now! It
was great meeting you, Thanks kitty! (EXITS)
CAT IN THE HAT: It‟s Cat!!
DONKEY: (offstage) whatever!

(CAT shrugs)

CAT IN THE HAT: Well, that should sum up my little tale. Time I take the ol‟ cat nap
(starts to exit, but back tracks because SAM is back)
SAM: You do not like them, so you say. Try them! Try them! And you may! Try them
and you may, I say.
CAT IN THE HAT: Oy, vey! Not again, Do you ever stop tryin‟? This constant nagging
Sam, I tell you, I‟m Dyin!
SAM: You must, you must try my green eggs and ham. Oh please, oh please do it for old
Sam I Am!
CAT IN THE HAT: I dunno kids, should I try his green eggs and ham?...Oh alright Sam.
If you let me be, I will try them, but I‟m gonna hate it, just you wait and see.

(CAT pops food in his mouth)

CAT IN THE HAT: Oh This is so...good. Why this is more than good, it‟s great!
SAM: See! I knew you‟d like it!
CAT IN THE HAT: You were right Sam! I have to congratulate you on trying so hard
and not giving up even when I absolutely refused you. You showed real character and
hung in there. Good job!
SAM: (shaking hands) Now, about my jar of pickles?
CAT IN THE HAT: Ya pushin it Sam…




                                                                                       6
(Traveling Scene with Pig #1)

SHREK: This is going nowhere.
PUSS: Just a little farther… I can feel it…
PIG ONE: Halt! You shall not pass!
SHREK: Oh yes, we shall.
PIG ONE: Well, I‟d like to see you try and get through my big, strong, indestructible wall
of STRAW.
(PUSS and SHREK look at each other, then walk right through wall of straw. THEY
EXIT.)
PIG ONE: Aww…. (PIG EXITS)
PUSS and SHREK: (Singing.)
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe
(PUSS EXITS as though leading SHREK towards FIONA..but SHREK remains behind.)
SHREK: Fiona!
(SHREK remains frozen in tableau as next scene begins.)

(Spotlight up and we see THE GINGERBREAD MAN in his Lair with FIONA tied up.]
GINGERBREAD MAN: ha-ha Fiona. Where‟s Shrek NOW?
FIONA: You will not get away with this! Shrek will come for me.
GINGER: WHY?!?!?!
FIONA: Because true love overcomes all obstacles. (She Sings)

I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

If it takes forever I will wait for you
I will fight man Ginger and I‟ll wait for you
Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you
Till I hear you burp here in my arms

SHREK:
Everywhere I wander, everywhere I go
Every day remember how I love you so
In your heart believe what in my heart I know
That I‟ll find you Fiona I swear

GINGER:
The clock will tick away the hours one by one
Then the time will come when all the waiting's done
The time when Shrek will come and find you here and runs
far, far and away from fear (bwahahaha)




                                                                                        7
FIONA:
If it takes forever I will wait for you
For a thousand summers I will wait for you
Till you're here beside me, till I'm scritching you
And forevermore sharing our love

GINGER: You‟re just dreaming!…Even if he does find you, what do you think I am,
chopped liver? I‟ll stop him from taking you away and you‟ll be mine forever!
FIONA: He‟ll come for me and love will triumph over you, you brainless hunka bread.
GINGER: Well, we‟ll see about that. (SPOTLIGHT OUT and CURTAIN OPENS.)
ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE SCENE
(DONKEY ENTERS.)
DONKEY: I'm back! I couldn't find Shrek, so I'll just stick with you. If that‟s okay, until
he turns up?
CAT: Sure why not. (THEY cross to ROCKY and BULLWINKLE who are counting
money. DUDLEY is standing off on the side.)
BULLWINKLE: Well I have about 2 dollars, how much you got?
CAT: Hello you two, who are you?
ROCKY: Bullwinkle please, don‟t count our money…not in front of strangers!
BULLWINKLE: Strangers…who? Oh, hey! I‟m Bullwinkle the Moose and this is…
ROCKY: …and I‟m Rocky the flying squirrel.
DUDLEY And I‟m Dudley-Do-Right of the Canadian Mounties!
(Awkward silence)
Ok, I‟ll Leave... (He EXITS.)
CAT: I am Cat in the Hat
DONKEY: And I am Donkey.
ROCKY: We‟re going to go over to that hip new theme park over there. Do you have
any money? I mean…would you like to join us?
DONKEY: I‟m not feeling so good, Cat. I think I need to lie down.
CAT: Oh, a fur ball, eh? Let‟s go take a rest…I need you at your best.
BULLWINKLE: Yeah, well maybe you can join us later. Sure you ain‟t got 50 cents?
ROCKY: C‟mon, Bullwinkle, we‟ve got enough. See ya!
(CAT and DONKEY EXIT while ROCKY and BULLWINKLE CROSS to Theme Park.)
ROCKY: Okay, let‟s go in. I can‟t wait!
BOUNCER: AW NO YA DON‟T!!
ROCKY: Why? Why can‟t we?
BOUNCER: Read the sign
BULLWINKLE: What sign?
BOUNCER: This Sign (Pulls out a sign from behind back.)
ROCKY & BULLWINKLE (Reading): Help Wanted
BOUNCER: Oops, wrong sign. (Flips it over.)
ROCKY & BULLWINKLE (Reading): No admittance for Squirrels or Moose.
BOUNCER: In other words, this place is for cool peoples only.
ROCKY: But everybody who‟s anybody is at this theme park.
BOUNCER: And you ain‟t anybody! Ha!
BULLWINKLE: Aw, Tarter Sauce.
ROCKY: Wrong Show


                                                                                              8
BULLWINKLE: Well, I‟m still mad.
ROCKY: Don‟t worry, Bullwinkle. We‟ll think of something.
(CURTAIN CLOSES. BORIS ENTERS in front of the curtain)
BORIS: Well, no more Natasha. I will miss her so. (Sigh) What a terrible journey, but
now I can finally take a vacation as long as fearless leader is not directly behind me and
about to say…
FEARLESS LEADER (From just behind Boris): BORIS BADINOFF!!
BORIS: Oh, Hello fearless Leader. We were just talking about you.
FEARLESS LEADER: “We”? Who‟s “we”?
BORIS: We have guests. See for yourself.
FEARLESS LEADER: Oh. (double take) CHILDREN! If there‟s one thing I hate it‟s
children.
BORIS: But you hate everything Fearless Leader. How could you pick just one?
FEARLESS LEADER: Never mind that! You need to destroy Moose and Squirrel.
BORIS: All right, I‟ll just get this A-Bomb and…
FEARLESS LEADER: NO! NO A-BOMBS!
BORIS: Well how about an E-bomb?
FEARLESS LEADER: No E-bomb!
BORIS: E-Minor-Bomb?
FEARLESS LEADER: All right! Fine, I admit it! Boris, Pottsylvania has
been broke for the past 15 years.
BORIS: Sir, use proper grammar. It‟s been brokEN for the past 15 years.
FEARLESS LEADER: Broke means we‟re out of money! Ever since Soviet
Union went kaputsnick, we haven‟t been given any funds. So you will have to get rid of
moose and squirrel on a 10-dollar budget!
(FEARLESS LEADER walks off.)
BORIS: What? How am I going to get rid of moose and Squirrel with ten dollars? I will
need to get some help. Can you help me…anyone? Oh wait! I know! There is one
person I can ask; the man with all the answers. I must summon the spirit of Josef Stalin
from beyond the grave. But I‟ll need some help from you kids. Can you help me now?
Good. Now to summon Josef Stalin, I will need you to utter the magic words, “Owa!
Tafoo! Liam!” (Oh what a fool I am. Josef Stalin appears in a puff of smoke, after the
children utter the words.)
JOSEF STALIN: Who has summoned me from my eternal Slumber.
BORIS: If it was eternal then how could I wake you?
JOSEF: Silence! Now why have you summoned me?
(Pause)
Well! Tell me why you have summoned me!
BORIS: But you told me to be silent.
JOSEF: Forget it then. Let us get right to the point. You want to get rid of moose and
squirrel with a cheap budget, yes? Then I have an idea for you. It is said that if you eat
pop rocks and drink soda you will explode. So just go to the 7-11 and buy some of those
pesky little pop rocks and a pretty decanter of Pepsi and get moose and squirrel to
consume them.
BORIS: Pop Rocks and soda? That is a great idea. I will get right on it. Heh heh heh
heh heh heh, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!



                                                                                         9
JOSEF: Who said you could laugh! Get back to work!!!
(They BOTH EXIT and the CURTAIN OPENS.)
ROCKY: Oh, we‟re never going into that theme park unless we get cool Bullwinkle.
BULLWINKLE: What‟s a cool Bullwinkle?
ROCKY: It‟s what you‟re not. Now come on, let‟s stand in the middle of the stage and
wait for somebody to come on with a plot device.

(DUDLEY and DONKEY ENTER)

DUDLEY: Never fear! Do-right‟s here!
ROCKY: You again?
DUDLEY: Yes me again, isn‟t it about time we break from your show and start a
Dudley cartoon?
ROCKY: We‟re not doing that this time. Ok!
DUDLEY: Well I suppose it doesn‟t matter since I don‟t have a script.
BULLWINKLE: It never stopped us before.
ROCKY: Wait, is that you DONKEY?
DONKEY: Yes, it is I, the noble steed. I got a job with the Mounties. It‟s great! I get to
eat peas with a knife and everything.

DUDLEY and DONKEY (both sing ROCKS AND TREES).

My country‟s bigger than most
And if asked I boast
„cause I‟m really proud
So I shout it loud
Though our numbers are few
We will welcome you

Although we don‟t have history
Gold medal winning teams
Heroes or prisoners
World famous volcanoes
Still what we‟ve got‟s glorious

„cause we‟ve got
Rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And water




                                                                                       10
All right, everyone!

We‟ve got
Rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And rocks and trees
And trees and rocks
And water

In canada, canada, canada, canada, canada, canada, canada,
canada
Canada, canada, canada, canada, canada, canada, canada, Canada

DUDLEY: Come along. We have wrongs to right!
DONKEY: Dudley and Donkey AWAY!!!
(DUDLEY and DONKEY EXIT. BORIS ENTERS in a thinly veiled disguise.)
BORIS: Hello boopsies!
ROCKY: Who are you?
BORIS: Allow me to introduce myself, the name‟s Jerry Seinfield.
ROCKY: The Comedian?
BORIS: None other.
BULLWINKLE: None other than what?
BORIS: None other than what he just said.
BULLWINKLE: Well then, finish your sentences. It can be very confusing.
ROCKY: Come on, Bullwinkle.
BULLWINKLE: Come on what?
BORIS: Well the way you‟re acting, it‟s no wonder you can‟t get into that cool theme
park.
ROCKY: Wait a minute do you know what we need to do to be cool?
BORIS: I do know.
BULLWINKLE: No? Come on, we‟re just wasting time here. We‟ll just have to find
some other way
ROCKY: Bullwinkle, he said “Know” as in K-N-O-W!
BULLWINKLE: Those darn synonyms.
BORIS: Look I‟m a busy person so I‟ll cut right to the chase. This stuff I have right here,
taken with this stuff right here, is what everybody who‟s anybody is doing these days.
ROCKY: I don‟t know if it‟s Ok. Bullwinkle, what do you think?
BULLWINKLE: Of course it‟s ok. He said everyone‟s doing it. I think we can trust this
honest fellow.
BORIS: Stop. You‟re embarrassing me.
ROCKY: Fine then, I guess sometimes you have to just grab the bull by the horns
BULLWINKLE: I‟m not sure if I should take offense at that or not.



                                                                                        11
(They both eat the pop rocks and soda. Then with nothing happens to them, they EXIT.)
BORIS: I don‟t get it. Why didn‟t it work?
(Boris takes some, then in a rush walks off stage, A loud sound is heard, followed by a
puff of strange smoke and a fake arm flies on stage. Boris walks back onstage and takes
his arm back. He is grumbling and covered in soot.)
Hoo boy! That smarts.
(DUDLEY and DONKEY ENTER.)
DONKEY: Stop right there!
DUDLEY: In the name of the queen you are under arrest for impersonating an
entertaining social critic!
(DUDLEY handcuffs the fake arm to his own then as he walks off the arm goes with him.
DUDLEY yells and runs off stage as BORIS goes after him.)
BORIS: Hey come back with that!
DONKEY: Hmmm…the Canadian Mounties isn‟t as great as I thought it would be. Oh,
hey, it‟s Rocky!

(ROCKY and BULLWINKLE ENTER.)

DONKEY: Are you guys okay?
ROCKY: No, that pop rocks and soda is making me ill.
BULLWINKLE: And I can‟t say I‟m feeling too good either.
DONKEY: Why would you guys eat pop rocks and soda?
ROCKY: I don‟t really feel like going to that theme park anymore.
BULLWINKLE: Why did we eat that stuff anyway?
ROCKY: Because everybody else was.
BULLWINKLE: (Sigh.) Well I sure learned my lesson.
ROCKY: Doing something just because everyone else is doing it isn‟t very smart.
BULLWINKLE: Yeah!
ROCKY: We can have fun our own way!
BULLWINKLE: Yeah!
ROCKY: Let‟s go!
DONKEY: That sounds fun.
(They go over to the table and set up D&D the CAT IN THE HAT ENTERS.)
CAT: What are you guys up to?
ROCKY: Hey, it‟s Dungeons and dragons.
CAT: And I call dungeon Master.
(CAT takes off his big hat and replaces it with a wizard one, then moves the little
dungeon master scene in front of him. CURTAIN CLOSES. PIG TWO ENTERS with wall
of sticks onto apron and PUSS and SHREK ENTER from audience.)

PIG TWO: Halt. You shall not pass!
PUSS: Oh another piggy, may I eat this one?
PIG TWO: Never! I am behind my wall of sticks. Just try to pass. HAHAHAHA.
PUSS: Take that (knocks sticks over with sword)
PIG: Aghahghdeg (general disgruntled noises, runs off)
SHREK: Come on, we‟ve got to get Fiona.



                                                                                     12
PUSS: Aww, but my breakfast.
SHREK: Puss, remember…
PUSS and SHREK: (Singing.)
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe
(BOTH EXIT.)

(Then we see GINGERBREAD MAN and FIONA again in his house. Fiona sings to the
tune of SOMEDAY MY PRINCE WILL COME.)

"Someday my Shrek will come"
 Someday my Shrek will come
and we will live as one
and we'll go back to our swamp
and I'll hear Shrek burp and chomp

Even with your wall of brick
Shrek will not fall for your trick
he will never give up or give in
Shrek will find me, he will win

Shrek you're my one true love
I'll tell you why because
you will never stop fighting for me
and you, shrek, will set me free

People may think you're mean,
but I think you're cute all green...
I will be waiting......
someday when my Shrek finds me

(GINGERBREAD MAN ENTERS into lair.)
GINGER: ha-ha Fiona. Where‟s Shrek NOW?
FIONA: As I said before…you will not get away with this! Shrek will come for me.
GINGER: WHY?!?!?!
FIONA: Because true love overcomes all obstacles.
GINGER: Yes, yes, I heard you before… But we shall see if Shrek comes…
(bwahahahahahahaha)

(CURTAIN OPENS BUZZ and JESSIE are on stage surrounding MR. POTATOHEAD
who’s all dressed up.)

MR. POTATOHEAD: Oh ha-ha guys real funny, look you made me look like a girl!



                                                                                   13
JESSIE: Come on PotatoHead, you look great. All you need is a pony, cowgirl!!!
(pushes her pony at him.) Yipee!
BUZZ: Now come on guys, I mean….GIRLS... Ha-ha. G.I.R.L. girl
you‟re a girl.
(Rex starts to sneak in through the audience.)
MR. POTATOHEAD: If you hadn‟t taken my eye I think I would be crying.
You guys are mean.
(All notice REX but Mr. POTATOHEAD and sneak away from him so REX can scare
him)
Mr. POTATOHEAD: Hey, where did you guys go?
(Rex jumps from behind Mr. POTATOHEAD.)
REX: Grrrr…
MR. POTATOHEAD: Rex, I‟m sorry but.. that‟s a pathetic roar. You‟re a sad dinosaur.
I‟m not feeling very good today. I‟ll see ya later. (POTATOHEAD EXITS.)
REX: Aww man, I can roar! Right kids? Grrrr… what do you think? It‟s weak? It
is? Well, I suppose you all could do better? (Kids in audience roar.) Yeah, I guess you
can.

(ENTER JESSIE and BUZZ)

BUZZ: What‟s wrong, prehistoric play toy?
JESSIE: Cheer up cowboy.
REX: Cheer up? How can I? I‟m not a real dinosaur I can‟t even roar!
JESSIE: Well of course not. You‟re not a real dinosaur, you‟re a toy!
REX: Still how can I be scary without a loud roar? Everybody is laughing at
me.
JESSIE: Well, we aren‟t laughing at you. How about you show us what you got
and we will see what you can do.
REX: Uh…OK. Well here I go. (Clears throat and takes a deep breathe) grrrr…
BUZZ: I think I‟ve heard a kitten louder then that.
JESSIE: Ha-ha you couldn‟t even scare the horse shoes off my horse and my
horse is one big chicken!
(REX looks dejected.)
JESSIE: Hey, it‟s okay. No worries, Rex, we‟ll help. You can lean on us…we‟re your
friends.
(THREE HIPPIES ENTER and start humming “LEAN ON ME” song. BUZZ and JESSIE
join in.)


Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on




                                                                                     14
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
(All the singers start to EXIT while grooving to the song.)
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

REX: What am I going to do about my roar? Everybody‟s gone off to be in a band.
Nobody will take me seriously. I‟m so angry, I could just grrr….

(REX EXITS . DONKEY ENTERS)

DONKEY: Where am I now? What are these things? Toy soldiers! Oh, my. I‟m feeling
tight from all this traveling. I gotta move the muscles and get the work out! (Starts
stretching and flexing in front of the army men.)
ARMY MAN: Intruder! Men grab him! GO GO GO GO!
DONKEY: Ah no fair. I could take you. I could take you!!! I can‟t take you!

(ARMY MEN Take donkey offstage and REX ENTERS)

REX: I can roar, really, I can! (Roars pathetically) Oh man! Those guys are right, my
roar really is pathetic. Gosh, I can‟t roar, I‟m not very scary; I must not be a
real dinosaur at all. Maybe I‟m a just an oversized lizard. No, I can‟t be a
really big lizard because I‟m scared of them! I know what I am; I‟m a really big
chicken! And nobody‟s going to be scared of a chicken. I mean, you have to be pretty
silly to be scared of an animal like a harmless little chicken, with it‟s cute cuddly
feathers, and adorable big feet…but wait I know what‟s scary about a chicken…its beak!
Yeah, that sharp pointy thing for a mouth that‟s ready to cause harm at any moment!

(CAT IN THE HAT ENTERS)

CAT: Listen to me, Rex, now listen good. I think you may be misunderstood. It‟s not
about how loud you can roar, that won‟t truly pump up your score. What‟s important is
what‟s inside. Be yourself and have some pride. Of course if your roar‟s important to
you, stick to it and see it through. I may just have the thing you need…a donkey..(clears



                                                                                       15
throat)…a noble steed. He‟s here somewhere and him I shall find. So I‟ll leave you now
if you don‟t mind. (He EXITS.)
REX: Thanks Cat! Whoever you may be, for trying to help li‟l ole me. Now I rhyme! Oh
great!

(REX EXITS. BUZZ, JESSIE and, MR. POTATOHEAD ENTER)

JESSIE: Boy! What a great game of “Defeating Zurg and his intergalactic
galaxy of bad guys” video game! Gee Buzz, you were using that laser pretty well.
BUZZ: What can I say Jessie, my many years of training have paid off! And as
a professional, Mr. PotatoHead, you need a little more work.
MR. POTATOHEAD Whatever! I could whoop your tush at a game of jacks any day of
the week!
ALL EXCEPT POTATOHEAD: oh yeah! Sure!
POTATOHEAD: I mean it! I could even do it without my eyes attached! And just to
show you…
(ARMY MEN ENTER with DONKEY in tow.)
Hey, Army men who do you have here?
ARMY MAN ONE: we have captured this intruder and have questioned him. He calls
himself the greatest hero of all time, the noble stead of every princess‟s dreams, but we
just call him donkey.
DONKEY: Do not touch the ears! Look, I don‟t really know where I am, what I
am, or what I‟ve just eaten, (smells breath) umm onions! You know we are all
like onions, but not everybody likes them. You know what everybody does
like…parfait!
(REX ENTERS)
Parfait must be the most delicious dessert! I mean who doesn‟t like cake
with ice cream melted on top, and hot fudge oohh with sprinkles! Man, I‟m getting
hungry just thinking about it!
REX: Grrrrrr!
DONKEY: Somebody else is hungry too…listen to that stomach a rumblin‟!
REX: Roar!
DONKEY: Wait a second, is that your stomache or are you just glad to see me?
REX: Boo hoo! I am an oversized lizard failure!
DONKEY: Look you are not a lizard or a failure. I think I can help
REX: What? (sniffles)
DONKEY: I said I guess I can help you. I am after all a NOBLE STEED!
REX: Wow! Really this is so great. How do we start? Let me hear you roar
first!
DONKEY: I can‟t roar, I‟m just a donkey, sorry (clear throat) a noble
Steed
REX: Well then who‟s going to teach me to roar?
DONKEY: Hmmm!! Hey, kids how „bout you? After all, you know what a dinosaur‟s
roar sounds like. Don‟t you? Let‟s hear! (Audience roars.)
REX: Wow! This is great, ok let me try! Rar.rar meow! How was that?
DONKEY: Well, umm let‟s try it again. Army men!



                                                                                        16
ARMY MAN TWO: Yes sir?
DONKEY: This little chicken, lizard, I mean terrifying dinosaur! Needs your
help!
ARMY MAN THREE: Got it soldier! Rex!
REX: Yes sir!
ARMY MAN THREE: Jumping jacks now! Give me 20! Your arms aren‟t swinging!
REX: But my little dinosaur arms are too small for you to see.
ARMY MAN ONE: No excuses! Go Go Go!
(SONG EYE of the TIGER plays…)
DONKEY: It‟s just a matter of believing in yourself and never giving up! Close your
eyes, Rex. Think it and you will become it. Think it and you will become it. Think it
and you will…
REX: …become it. (SONG FADE OUTS.)
DONKEY: And now…I want to introduce you to the new mean, lean, dinosaur machine.
Army men are you ready?
ARMY MEN: we are ready sure. Alright now here is what‟s going to happen kids
Rex needs your help to roar loudly so when we count to three roar as loud as
you can…alright?
One…
Two…
Three… (CHILDREN and REX roar)
MR. POTATOHEAD: ahhhhhhhhhh! I think my heart stopped…where‟s my face
anyone see my face?
JESSIE: Wow, Rex you really did it.
BUZZ: Yes, partner you sure did. Way to go!
JESSIE: Tar nations that was the most hootinest tootinest thing I have
heard.
REX: Thanks guys I just refused to give up on it. Also thank you donkey and thank you,
kids, for all your hard work. You are very good at helping others.
DONKEY: I think you‟re right and that‟s what Cat in the Hat…
(CAT ENTERS).
CAT: Did I hear my name? Oh, Donkey it‟s you! (Sees everyone else) whoa, how do
you do? We‟d like to stay, but not today. Donkey and I have got to run but this has been
a ton of fun!
DONKEY: I better be off I need to get home!
EVERYONE EXCEPT CAT: Goodbye donkey. Hope you return to visit!
(CAT pulls DONKEY aside while others wave and move off.)
CAT IN THE HAT: Donkey, it‟s time to part. You‟ve come a long way since the start.
Now you have learned all you need to know. Here we are, I‟ll let you go. Be kind, be just,
& learn to trust. Don‟t give up the fight, and persevere with all your might.
DONKEY: Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you! I won‟t forget you cat. Now I gotta
go find Shrek and tell him what I‟ve learned.

(The Curtain closes and SHREK ENTERS with PUSS to meet PIG THREE.)
SHREK: Oh great. Another pig. And now a wall of bricks? Let‟s go home, Puss
„n‟ Boots. I guess Fiona and I are not meant to be.



                                                                                       17
PUSS: You would forget your one true love?
SHREK: Yes, forget it. Forget everything. I‟m never going to find Fiona.
It‟s Hopeless.
PIG THREE: HAHAHA. My wall of bricks hath defeated you. Bwahahaha.
(DONKEY ENTERS.)
DONKEY: Shrek!
SHREK: Donkey, what are you doing here?
DONKEY: Now Shrek, well, I may not know much but I do know you can‟t go
giving up on something just cause its hard, you gotta overcome peer pressure Am I right,
kids, or am I right?
Yeah, you gotta overcome peer pressure, or in your case pig pressure.
PIG THREE: (offended) You shall never defeat me.
PUSS: Senor Donkey is right. Never should you give up.
SHREK: I know.. I just…
DONKEY: Shrek, that‟s what I am here for. That‟s what friends are for; to
help each other out.
SHREK: Ah Donkey. I am sorry. Friends?
DONKEY: Forever buddy. Now let‟s go get Fiona.
PUSS: We cannot, a pig is in the way, with a wall.
DONKEY: Why… This wall doesn‟t even go all the way around (walks around it)
PIG THREE: What. You cannot do that. Stop. STOP! (PIG #3 Follows them along with
the wall and gets in their way again. PUSS comes up from behind and points his sword
into the PIG’s tush, and the PIG squeals in pain. PIG #3 runs between SHREK and
DONKEY and PUSS chases him off.)
PUSS: Hello pig.
PIG THREE: (Screams, runs off stage)
PUSS: Mmm, Breakfast. (EXITS. SHREK and DONKEY cross to GINGER’S house.)
DONKEY: Let‟s go get the Princess.
(DONKEY and SHREK cross to lair)
SHREK: Fiona, where are you!?!?!
DONKEY: Shrek, it‟s so dark. I‟m scared Shrek!
SHREK: Be quiet donkey! (PUSS ENTERS from behind.)
PUSS: SHHHHHHHHH! I think I see something. It looks like frosting, we must be
close.
SHREK: SHHHHH. (Whispers) Fiona....Fiona?
FIONA: Shrek is that you?
SHREK and FIONA (singing.)
The long wait is over and you‟re/I‟m here at last
And we‟ll put that Gingerbread man in a cast
Now you're here beside me, and I'm scritching you
And forevermore sharing our love

PUSS: Whatever I do, I must not cry.
GINGERBREAD MAN: (steps in between them) NO, NO, NO. You shall never be with
each other again. EVER!
FIONA: HIGH-YA! (Kicks GINGER) you cannot get in the way of true love!



                                                                                      18
GINGER: Oh no! Not my gumdrop buttons!
PUSS: Your licorice lips are next.
GINGER: Give me back my gumdrop buttons.
DONKEY: Keep it Shrek. I haven‟t had dinner yet.
FIONA: Yeah Shrek you need to share.
(SHREK AND FIONA eat, then burp)
SHREK and FIONA: Excuse me.
SHREK: Come on, Donkey. Let‟s go home.
DONKEY: Yeah, the whole gang‟s together again.
PUSS: Never give up. What a motto!
GINGER: What‟s a motto?
DONKEY: Nothing. What‟s the motto you?
GINGER: Please release me. I have learned my lesson. Do not give in to peer
pressure. It was those piggies. They told me to do it.
SHREK: Go, and if you try to kidnap my wife again. We will eat you!
FIONA: Aww Shrek (THEY embrace and a sweet love song comes on)
Donkey: Enough of this. Let‟s dance! (Music changes to Hakuna Matata and the entire
cast sings and dances.)
Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze

It means no worries
For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!

DONKEY: Why, when he was a young ogre...
SHREK: When I was a young oh
REX: grrrr!
DONKEY: Very nice.
REX: Thanks!
ALL: He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the swamp after every meal
SHREK: I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick-skinned
       And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind
       And oh, the shame
(He was ashamed!)
       Thoughta changin' my name
(Oh, what's in a name?)
       And I got downhearted
(How did you feel?)
       Ev'rytime that I...
ALL: Not in front of the kids!
SHREK: Oh... sorry.



                                                                                  19
ALL: Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
         Yeah, sing it, kids!
It's our problem-free
philosophy...
Hakuna Matata!

Hakuna matata
[Repeats]

It means no worries
For the rest of your days.
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata
[Repeats]

CURTAIN CLOSES and END




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