Lesson08
Chapter 7 - Social Behavior and Personality in Infants and Toddlers
This is probably one of my favorite chapters in our text - and the reason why is that this is the one area that seems to surprise people the most to learn about! Would you believe that many parents I've met who have commented about how they couldn't wait until their little one turned two, since two is when they start to be "fun" Even when my sister had her first baby, she commented on how her new baby didn't do much, so she and her husband would just sort of "watch her lay there". Having spent so much time with young children, I love being able to show parents how much their little one actually responds to them, and how much personality is present from their very first day with us! If you don't know what to look for, it can be tough for some parents to "see it" - sometime the sheer fact of being tired can cause new parents to miss those cues, and many times it's those little cues our children give us that get us through those sleepless nights and seemingly endless days, and encourages us to continue being the best parents, teachers, and role models we can be! And whether you are a parent, or plan to be one someday, the earlier you start "bonding" with your baby, the more confident you will feel about your parenting skills....and be able to focus on this new little person in front of you! That said, what can a newborn do? From their very first moment, infants express emotions. The one you're most likely to hear after being born is distress - and you'll know the moment the newborn is feeling comforted by the lack of crying (generally after being placed on Mom!) Within the first few weeks of life, you'll begin to see a few more emotions, such as joy, surprise, anger, fear, disgust, interest and sadness. You'll also start to notice different cries for different needs (and yes, in these first few weeks, every cry reflects a NEED, so it is impossible to "spoil" an infant by reacting to their cries!) - the hunger cry sounds distinctly different from the pain cry, which is quite different from the sleepy cry or the "hold me" cry - and parents generally figure these cries out by "trial and error".
Generally sometime around 6 weeks, you'll start to see a social smile, where the infant reacts to seeing a person or a toy, or just about anything new and exciting! I almost hate sharing with people when the smiles truly begin, because most new parents are sure they see these smiles much, much sooner! I had a student become a bit upset in another class that I was teaching this past week because in reading the text, she learned that the smiles that got her through her first days of being a Mom were likely reflexes or gas - and this brought about a discussion the reason why reflexes exist. What do you think - do reflexes exist to help parents bond with their child, or because they serve a function (such as enabling sucking to gain nutrients), or some combination of the two? Whichever you believe, the sad truth is that no matter how much that smile makes a new parent feel absolutely wonderful about their newfound parenting skills, the "smiles" that are seen within the first month of life have absolutely nothing to do with us or anything we've done (but they're still so heartwarming to see - can you tell I LOVE newborns?)! There are a few other personality traits that you will likely see develop over the first two years of life, but some children never develop them. Around 6 months of age, many infants develop stranger wariness, or a fear of someone they don't recognize or know. However, for many children in child care, they've grown quite accustomed to meeting new people, and don't seem to experience any wariness. Still, it's very common for this age, which can be a bit frustrating to parents who used to be able to leave their child with relatives or the other parent, but the child simply CLINGS to one parent and screams if anyone new tries to hold them. Around 8-14 months, separation anxiety becomes common for most children - where they scream if a parent tries to leave them at school or with a sitter. It is completely normal and healthy for a child to experience this - as long as it only lasts for a few moments. Most children can be distracted and quickly adjust to the change of caregiver, such as going from parent to teacher or other relative, but most parents don't know this! I've seen parents watching through windows to be sure their child has stopped crying, but as soon as their child sees them through the window, they begin crying again because they've now been reminded that their parent left! Many centers are now placing cameras in their classrooms and monitors at the front desk so that parents can be assured that their child is experiencing
"normal" separation anxiety and does adjust within a few moments of the parent leaving. Since most parents leave when their child is upset, and return to an upset child at the end of the day (again, by seeing their parent again, they've been reminded that they were left earlier and now begin crying again), we as care providers need to be able to assure parents that their children aren't upset for the entire day! During the their second year (12-24 months) of life, toddlers generally look to those they trust to decide who is "ok" and who isn't. For instance, if someone they've never met walks into the room, most toddlers will look to someone they do trust and base their reaction on the reaction of that person. Through social referencing, a toddler will know if a person is "safe" to play with, or if they should be upset or scared. If you've ever spend time in a toddler classroom, you'll quickly learn that most toddlers associate location with safety - anyone who walks into a toddler classroom is quickly welcomed by each toddler, whereas if you walked past a toddler on the street, they likely (or hopefully) wouldn't approach you to give you a hug unless they knew you. Being able to successfully use social referencing also assumes the child has become securely attached to his or her caregiver since this allows the infant to develop a trusting relationship and be concerned with the visual cues of the adult they're looking to. An infant or toddler who is securely attached will feel safe enough exploring their surroundings by simply knowing an adult they trust is watching, and they'll probably keep looking back to make sure that person is still there as they explore. An infant or toddler who was insecurely attached would either not feel safe leaving their caregiver's side out of fear the person would leave (resistant), or would not feel comforted by their presence and wouldn't keep looking to see that they were there (avoidant), or shows a mixture of the two (disoriented). The child who is comforted by the caregivers presence, and who feels safe enough to explore their surroundings, will likely develop skills earlier than other children, which is a great indication of who will enjoy learning and education. Secure attachment aids in both cognitive and social development, and allows infants and toddlers to be more curious, outgoing and self directed. Insecurely attached infants are overly dependent on caregiver and can be overly aggressive. If you're interested in Attachment Parenting (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/), here is a great website that shares many of the views of this style of parenting. While
most people don't follow this style completely, there are many aspects that most parents can relate to and do use to some degree. Another thing that you can generally see developing during this same time period (12-24 months) is self awareness. A great example of this could easily be done with any infant or toddler who has seen themselves in a mirror. Place a dot of lipstick on the tip of their nose and let them see their reflection - do they notice the dot? If a child notices the dot, or sees something "wrong" with their reflection, they will most likely try to figure out who that "other" child is or try wiping the dot off - this child has self awareness! If they don't notice, or don't recognize the child as themselves, then they haven't developed self awareness. Self awareness include confidence, shame, guilt, pride, and embarrassment. One of the ideas I mentioned early in this lecture was that there are several characteristics or "skills" that are present at birth and one of those is personality! You can quickly identify a difficult newborn - the one that must be held at all times. You have probably heard from several parents about how easy their baby is - and how quickly their child adjusts to schedules or changes. The one thing I want to point out here is that regardless of the personality that is present at birth, those personalities can change - so don't stress too much if the personality isn't exactly as easy as you'd hoped for! A friend of mine gave birth to twins one was 4 pounds at birth, and the other was 7 pounds. Since one was so small, he had to be fed more often and changed more often and held more often - he demanded more attention, and was certainly her more difficult baby - and four years later he loves to give hugs and loves attention, and has certainly become very easy (and adorable!). The larger baby didn't have to eat as often and tended to sleep longer and basically required less attention - while he still as an "easy" temperament, he isn't quite as social and doesn't give hugs or attention nearly as easily as his brother. In other words, a "difficult" baby doesn't necessarily grow into a difficult child or adult - and much of an adult's personality has more to do with the people who were in that adults life when they were little! This also shows that genetics aren't always the "deciding" factor in personality or temperament - these were/are twins who have very little in common beyond their genetic make up!
Generally, most children fall into one of three categories of temperament - Easy (40%), Slow to Warm (15%), and Difficult (10%), and the rest of the children are some combination of these three. These temperaments generally reflect a child's activity level, emotionality, and sociability. How they develop these traits is through some combination of genetically inherited (nature) and prenatal and postnatal experiences (nurture). Now think back to Erik Erikson's Psychosocial Development - and the roles we might play in the development of their personalities, as well as in their abilities to develop secure attachments: Trust vs Mistrust (0-1 years old) – a sense of trust requires feeling of physical comfort and a minimal amount of fear and apprehension about the future. Trust in infancy sets the stage for a lifelong expectation that the world will be a good and pleasant place to live. Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt (1-2 years old) – after gaining trust in their caregivers, infants begin to discover that their behavior is their own. They start to assert their sense of independence, or autonomy. They realize their will! If infants are restrained too much or punished too harshly, they are likely to develop a sense of shame and doubt. Can you see how a child might be born with some characteristics, but because of opportunities (or lack of opportunities), the child might display characteristics we otherwise wouldn't have expected? A lot of what we see in older children is a reflection of the opportunities they've had as infants and toddlers - are they capable of trusting? Are they able to do things for themselves? And what role can we, as parents or care givers or role models, play in encouraging the healthiest development possible?