Journals
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Along life's road
Journal Entries
There will be sunshine and rain,
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain.
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep,
Deserts so long and valleys so deep.
A Time with God Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow.
But I want you to remember
I want you to know,
(Chorus)
You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way.
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And he'll be there down every road,
You will never walk alone.
The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears,
Labors of love and a few falling tears.
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns,
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn.
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow.
But I want you to remember where ever you
may go,
(Repeat Chorus)
Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully.
You will Never Walk Alone/Points of Grace
February 13 ~ Since I was late getting registered things came up real fast. Panic attacks set in but God brought me to
himself on Sunday, plus it was communion...ahh. The message humbled me to a peaceful place. God has chosen me to be
a teacher, and getting my Masters in EDTECH is a way of expanding the potential God has for me. I have been teaching a
long time and even though I have done some new and exciting things in technology as it relates to PE, I've been
"comfortable" in what I've been doing. This program has forced me to jump back into the arms of God and seeking Him for
wisdom, guidance and a stronger relationship with Him. I'm back where I should have been a long time ago.
March 9 ~ I cannot express in words what God has done to my life in this past month. Jodi mentioned that “our deepest
earthly valleys are our highest spiritual peaks”. After meeting with Dr. Bacer face to face, God walked out of that APU office
with me and I haven’t let go of His hand. The spiritual strength that I get from my friends in this cadre through discussions
chats and AIM is always so timely. If I lose site of spiritual things and get overwhelmed, there is the “Our Foundation” at
the beginning of the module that keeps my focus on God. As I sit here in ecollege with my virtual chai tea latte checking off
my last assignment in this module, getting ready to go to my office in Tappedin…. I sigh.
I was so lost when all this first began. But just like when I click on “convert to
PDF”, God has taken my life and made it into a document that He can now work
with since I have turned back to Him. I am again linked to His strength, peace,
confidence and, yes, even joy. That link to God has always been there it’s just
that now I’m becoming transparent with God too. What a powerful learning
experience this has been for me.
"My life is the discipline of the appreciation of the opportunity that is sitting right in front of me, and being
focused to see that this day is all I can deal with, and this is all I can make use of;
and squeeze every drop out of every opportunity."
P.Carroll
EDTC 511 – Foundations in Educational Technology – Dr. K. Bacer –Spring I 2006
March 21 ~ I was struggling at the beginning, in the middle, and even up until early these last weeks with this course.
The stress was overwhelming at times, and I just kept praying, and asking for strength. I know if I was attempting this
degree at any other university I would have given in to the pressure. But God is everywhere in what I'm doing here. I know
that he has gifted me as a teacher and I love my work as an educator. Now I see an opportunity to become a more
powerful teacher through technology and getting my life in line with the Lord's will. Not that it wasn't before, but it's much
more focused now. I have a keen understanding that by getting my Masters I am building on the very gift God gave me,
and by becoming a better educator, I can better serve Him. I love going to work realizing every once in awhile the song I'm
humming is "Ancient Words". How I remember those first two weeks playing that on my computer before I'd log off and ask
God in prayer to help me understand where all this was going; so confused, so scared. I am thankful for the care and
comfort He has given me these past months. Now my fear is it will all go by too fast.
"The benefits of sleep are obvious. As we sleep, strength is restored, the mind is cleared, and we're prepared to
serve God another day – to rise and experience His mercies that are new every morning. What a wonderful gift to
be given on a daily basis! The fact is, God could have created us without a need for sleep. But He chose to build
this need within us, and there's a spiritual purpose for it. Each night, as I confront my need again for sleep,
I'm reminded that I'm a dependent creature. I am not self-sufficient. I am not the Creator.
There is only ONE who „will neither slumber nor sleep‟ (Ps 121:4), and I am not that One.”
C. Mahoney
EDTC 511 – Foundations in Educational Technology – Dr. K. Bacer –Spring I 2006
February 14 ~ I was aware that APU was a Christian based University but didn't know the depth that it went spiritually.
Reading "God First" on the stationery was the first indicator. But when I was introduced to the their Cornerstones in an
assignment I learned a lot about APU and myself.
CHRIST - I have been teaching in a public school for over 20 years it is refreshing to have an atmosphere of learning that
not only includes my Lord Jesus Christ but encourages His hand in my life as a student and an educator.
SCHOLARSHIP - I am encouraged that wisdom seems like an underlying commandment by God. It's a way to verifying
that God's hand is in all of this. Focusing on working toward my Masters Degree is not just for me but to balance my
personal and professional life with Him as the axis.
COMMUNITY - the small class size is perfect for getting to know others, and after doing that I can see my Cadre has God
given strengths to help each other. I have been encouraged by some already and hope to do the same for all in my Cadre.
I love the diversity of our class.
SERVICE - I have traveled quite a few places and seen the needs of many
people. But I have such a heart to the mission field of the public school high
school student. These kids need Christ! I hope through my passion to present the
subject I love to them in new and exciting ways I will seize the opportunities God
will give me through this program to share the love of Christ with my students.
“What we learn with pleasure we never forget.”
EDTC 571 – Curricular Foundations – V. Suffern –Spring I 2006
March 2 ~ I enjoyed our chat tonight with everyone online. As our Cadre is finding ways to apply our walk with God in
this program and our teaching, I can't but help that He has put both of these instructors at the beginning of our program so
we feel comfortable and supported. The Christian example both have given us at the beginning of our journey is evidence
to me that God's hand is in it all. The beginning fears I know now were the uneasiness of mastering the Adobe software,
and are slowly subsiding. It is now 10:33pm and I have completed my assignments and only need to go online to read and
contribute to discussions. The peaceful feeling i have right now is a gift from God, and I am looking forward to a good
nights sleep!
March 14 ~ I went out last night before going to bed with my dog, Mikey and the moon was full! "God is light and in Him
there is no darkness." It was like a huge streetlight! I sat there and enjoyed being with God. A good night, and a great
reminder that He is always there.
“God is light and in Him there is no darkness."
EDTC 571 – Curricular Foundations – V. Suffern – Spring I 2006
June 1 ~ What is happening to me spiritually is exciting. I am sort of like two people now. Before, I was selfish and
out of control, not able to do things that I wanted to do. It seemed like before I just couldn’t respond to make right
choices and respond in a Christ-like manner most of the time. Now, as a result of getting stronger in my spiritual life, I
can see the old self getting shut out more.
June 10 ~ Walking on the treadmill today I had just finished my workout and closing my eyes and listening to
“Broken Road”, a song about Jesus leading you closer to Him. Then I slightly opened my eyes and saw my feet below
me on the treadmill walking along the small narrow area available to me and a thought came to me. Jesus wants me
on the narrow road and like the space on the treadmill; I do not need to see where it’s going or where I’ve been. I am
only to be on that narrow space living for that moment with my Lord guiding me. Don’t look too far ahead and get
anxious as to what I think may be there, and don’t look back and beat myself up over the times I chose to get off this
narrow road and serve my own passions and desires without Him. As I walked one foot in front of the other, I slowed
down the treadmill and allowed this thought to fill my mind. Jesus wants me on His road with Him. Take life one step
at a time and make sure after the speed of life seems to overtake me, to go to Christ and let Him slow me down as I
hold on to His hand and put one foot in front of the other. I will get my strength to work out my salvation through His
Word and a strong prayer life. My physical life strengthens as I use the treadmill on a daily basis,
but it’s the daily walk with my Lord on the spiritual narrow road that will give me the
quality of life He desires for me and ultimately I desire for myself.
“Seek ye the way of the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4
EDTC 517 – Telecommunications – J. Bruzzese – Spring II 2006
May 13 ~ All the questions about God's love, compassion, comfort, sympathy, strength, forgiveness, and faithfulness are
all available to me if I just know where to look within His Word. A huge reminder for the need to memorize and familiarize
myself with God's Word, for there I will find the keys that unlock my fear and doubts. As these door open I will be given
understanding when I face struggles, temptations, trials, sufferings and set backs because God has given me His Holy Spirit
and the hope of heaven. God longs for me to come to Him in prayer. What a beautiful thought. I think I'll do that right now.
June 2 ~ Why do I sigh? I love spiritual part of a new Session, unfortunately it's one of the few times, lately, that I can sit
down and read my Bible as my time is so tight. That's why I sigh, because I want so much for my life to include God, daily
reading His Word, and having a prayer life that reflects a close relationship with Him. Like Solomon I get caught up in the
trivial things of life but let’s think on this for awhile, as it is what I struggle with.
My day is so hectic that sometimes I ask myself, where in all of this am I pleasing God? This is why I sigh, because I live in
the Romans 7 syndrome, not doing what I want to do and doing the very thing I hate. I'm striving to get my Masters and it's
taking up so much time, I'm striving to make a difference in my work as an educator and it's taking up so much time; I'm
exhausted! I wonder if God sighs at my life as well. Am I breaking His heart every time I fall asleep during my evening
prayers or does He understand and enjoy the fact that I fall asleep within His precious arms? The big chunk of time is trying
to honor God to become a best teacher for my students. I have such a huge mission field within my public school. These
kids need Christ in their lives and so how can I reflect Christ in how I teach, what I say, how I respond to each of my
students?
So instead of striving I need to take control and first make sure I begin and
end my day together with my Lord. Then I will have the proper focus to my
life, reflecting Christ in everything I do. I won't be "chasing after the wind",
but chasing after the heart of God as I seek His will for my life in the two
things that are taking up so much time, APU and my career. I sigh,
because it seems easy and so very hard at the same time.
"There may be a promise in God's Word that would fit your situation exactly, but you may not know of it, so
you miss out on its comfort. You are like a prisoner in a dungeon, with a ring of keys. One of the keys
would unlock the door and free you. But if you don't look for it, you will remain a prisoner,
though your liberty is so close at hand."
C. Spurgeon
EDTC 527 – Special Topics in Education - B. Bettger – Spring II 2006
June 4 ~ Last night I entered in my journal with a "sigh". A little down spiritually, emotionally. This morning I woke up
to the sun coming through my bedroom window, the rays shining right on me. This never happens during the week and
Sunday since I'm up before the sun rises high enough to reach through my bedroom window. I began my day awaken by
God.
June 13 ~ And on the eighth day, God created…. Last week started out crazy with my niece, Amanda moving in.
Monday was a day at the board with the writing across the curriculum meeting and then that night was up with Amanda
and some issues until 2:00am. Before going to bed that night I prayed, half joking that God would create an 8th day as I
sure could use the extra time. I then decided to take a personal day on Tuesday.
Even though I couldn't sleep that morning in with all that was on my mind, I did meet up with my instructor from 517 and
he gave me the help I needed setting up my website. This couldn't have happened if I was at school. That night I met up
with Lisa and we spent 10 minutes on Skype helping me through some web stuff and the rest of the hour was on
encouraging each other. I told Lisa about my silly prayer for another day and she said, "But Judy, God did give you
another day, didn't you have today off?"
I felt so thankful and disappointed in myself at the same time. Here I asked God for something I didn't really believe He
could do. He answered my prayer but I didn't even recognize it and failed to thank and praise Him for again, taking care
of me. Where was my faith and trust? How many more times in my life will He continue
to pour His love and care on me in spite of my unbelief and appreciation for who
He is? I am thankful for the fact that His commitment to me is unwavering, I pray
that my life can bring to Him joy in some small way, that He knows how much I
truly love Him and want to serve him in my career and through this
educational process.
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously
accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace, God is awake.”
EDTC 527 – Special Topics in Education - B. Bettger – Spring II 2006
June 27 ~ As I was beginning session two it felt good to reflect in God's word as it relates to love. Our Cadre is so
loving and caring for each other, and the reintroduction of DrKb seems to give it a powerful boost needed for the short
summer session. As I moved past "His Presence" to the next "Introduction" there was instruction to read a few chapters
from our text. As I turned to my side desk to get my textbook, I paused as I had my open Bible on top of my notebook and
textbook. I was reminded once again that God needs to be my priority and I need to make sure I spend time in His Word!
It also made me thankful for APU once again, what other educational instruction would have a God First emphasis that
allows me to have my Bible close by, let alone open?
July 4 ~ This afternoon I got out my Bible and turned to Psalm 139 and prayed through that Psalm. God was there,
listening, talking, encouraging, guiding, loving, reassuring, and holding me "behind and before". What a beautiful time.
When I finished, I got out my iPod and listened to "In Christ Alone" and a few other songs that brought me to worship my
loving Lord! How refreshed and secure I felt in His presence.
July 10 ~ I just reviewed my Global Learning Research Article for the one millionth time and turned it in. Now that I am
half way through this class I'm beginning to understand Global Learning, try universal understanding! Anyway, as I turned
in the project I realized that the next session opened and clicked on that tab and....here we go again. It reminds me of the
days of training for volleyball. You finally finish what you think is the last exhaustive drill and, after a refreshing water
break, realize that another drill is planned.
Although excited with the anticipation of becoming proficient in a new skill
level, your body and mind still enjoy the moment, although short, of sitting
on the gym floor, water bottle in hand, catching your breath. The sense of
accomplishment this morning was like that, refreshing but brief.
Here we go again.
“There is no key to happiness, the door is always open.”
EDTC 518 – Global Learning/Cross Cultural Classrooms – Dr. K. Bacer – Summer 2006
“A wise teacher makes learning a joy!”
Proverbs 15:2
July 27 ~ I was working out this morning, and had my notes from my June 28 ~ I just turned in my final evaluation and
project in 524 as I was walking, trying to finalize that before Friday. Then it finished another challenging class. Once again, I
sort of hit me....wait a minute....I put down my notes and just started appreciated learning and observing a DrKb run classroom
praying and walking and running. The analogy of it all was overpowering. I as she is meticulously organized so as to squeeze every
have been living off the world's fast food table, passionate about my ounce of learning potential out of me. The spiritual
school work, my teaching, and all these new tech tools and not getting any experience is beyond words. I find myself on another level,
spiritual exercise. My devotions and prayer are sporadic, and as a result, closer in my walk with the Lord along the road to
my spiritual body isn't anyway in shape to be used by the Lord. Maybe that sanctification. How all this is done online would seem to
sounds weird, but I was thinking if I feasted from the Word of God and then some impossible. I have realized especially this term, that
exercised my spiritual body in prayer, fellowship and worship on a DAILY God puts people in our lives so He can minister to us
basis, I'd be in such great spiritual shape. As an athlete I have always through them. It follows that I end, not where I began, but
been in pretty good shape but these past years. I am in the process of on higher ground, stronger in my knowledge as it relates
losing some weight through proper diet and exercise. I pray that my to Educational Technology, bonded even more to my
passion to get in physical shape will be surpassed by my hearts desire to friends within my cadre, thankful to my Lord for their
get in great spiritual shape. I thank God for talking to me this morning. prayers, help and encouragement. All the craziness and
Then....(I’m full of analogies today), I was thinking about how God was self imposed stress in this class they call Global Learning
right there this morning asking me to talk to Him, spend some time with was worth the journey, but only with DrKb at the helm :)
Him. I realized while I was praying and working out with God that He is
even greater than the powerful threaded discussions we have been having
as a Cadre. I only do not have to wait to hear what God has said, but He
knows what I am going to ask even before I do. He's so much faster than
any Internet Speed. The thought of Who He is and how he desires to meet
me anytime, anywhere, to hear me, comfort me and be the object of my
worship is amazing. It's the ultimate instant message, because it happens
before it even happens. What a morning!
EDTC 518 – Global Learning/Cross Cultural Classrooms – Dr. K. Bacer –Summer 2006
June 26 ~ It is interesting to look at Creation in the light of design. God didn't make it all in one day, so what
makes me think I can? He created one day at a time, evaluated it, saw it was good, and then moved on, building
on the perfection of the day before. There is nothing that I do that isn't touched by God. I have been reminded of
this again and again through my short life in this program, and now so specifically within this class. God becomes
the example for perfect design. The beauty of creation is always in my sight as it shines through with the sunrises,
sunsets, seasonal colors, ocean waves, cool breezes, the smells of spring flowers and the music of the birds. Even
the companionship of my dog, Mikey, is evidence that God created everything for my pleasure. This God has done
to draw me closer to Him, and His plan is once again a success as I find God more times than I can explain in the
works of His creation. The fellowship I have with Him during these times are refreshing and peaceful. The Perfect
Designer achieves His goal, and begins again with the sunrise of the next day. I am forever blessed with the care
He brings to design creation so as to assure our fellowship.
"No matter how much good happens in a day, if you are not closer to
God at the end of the day, the day has been wasted."
EDTC 524 – Instructional Design and Development – M. Mauldin – Summer 2006
July 18 ~ As I began this journey for my Masters, days have flowed into each other so quickly that they are lost
in weeks and months. I can remember vividly February 6th when I began. Along the way there have been some
pretty intense and amazing moments with God, but sporadic. A verse in this devotional to reflect on:
Psalms 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” I need to
count my time with God as a priority. It has always been this way, I wonder how I will get out of this rut of desiring
to change and actually begin changing?
July 21 ~ How refreshing to start this final week with the words from Proverbs 3:5,6. It is one of my favorite
passages and, as God has done throughout this program, it brought me to a standstill in my activity and I took a
deep breath and relaxed, acknowledging Him. He has created the entire universe and made a plan for my salvation
that includes total forgiveness of my sin, a perfect design. So why am I am anxious and troubled about His
management of me and my life? It all would be easier if I spent time with God in quiet devotion. If I do that, he
becomes the Loving God that I can easily trust in with all my heart".
"Away with such unworthy doubtings!"
" "Things we fail to account for, we waste. That's why it is wise to ask God to teach us to consider each
day separate from the next, distinct in its purpose, unique in the way it is to be lived."
EDTC 524 – Instructional Design and Development – M. Mauldin – Summer 2006
“What matters supremely is not the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which
underlies it – the fact that He knows me!”
J.I. Packer
September 17 ~ I have been struggling with a few October 8 ~ My whole APU journey, as I have stated time
things in my life that have been keeping me from being and time again in this journal, has been just as much spiritual as
content. My mind wanders to places it shouldn't go and I educational. This morning as I was listening to my pastor speak
deal with so many stressful things in my mind that never on missions, God was helping me to develop my philosophy of
happen. Today in church the people who wrote the hymn "In education within the sermon. I was amazed as God gave me
Christ Alone" came and sang some of their modern hymns such a powerful understanding of my mission field and the
with such powerful words that touched my heart. I came purpose of my teaching. Even now as I type this I want to go
home to get on the computer and see about the new session into a huge discussion about what God has instructed me to do
that opened today. The assignment to write about "The Best with my life. I always knew it to be true, but this morning as God
Day of My Life” humbled me and spoke volumes about the spoke through his Word it was powerful. I have my Philosophy of
things that I need to rest in. I am so thankful for God's Education paper due and still need something to bring it all
creation and blessing of people in my life, but I need to rest together. As I prayed about this to God last night and throughout
in their beauty of goodness and not get distracted with other the week I would have never expected an answer as I received
things, the "what ifs" of my life. I got online today, and once this morning. He has humbled me again, answering my prayer,
again, I was met at the computer screen by God. The God knowing I would be listening to Him in church. Gotta go write my
Focus of APU is a blessing that never goes away and I paper now! I wonder, how do you quote/reference God when he
thank Him for the instructors that keep Him at the forefront speaks to you specifically? I know APA doesn't cover this one!
of everything that I do in class. Their preparation with the
devotionals in each session minister to me and give me the
proper focus and encouragement to move on in my life.
EDTC 573 – History and Philosophy of Education – V. Suffern – Fall I 2006
September 24 ~ Seems like everything is going way too fast. I’m glad for this reflection on God’s Armor. The Word of
God has been my protection. Protection from fear when death was at the door during my mom’s cancer, God's Word helped
me focus on heaven . Protection from sin, turning to His Word either physically, reading my Bible or mentally remembering
verses, helps me when my mind or body becomes tempted with the lusts of the world. Protection from doubt and uncertainty
on my life's journey. God speaks to me through His word, calming my frustrations when I get lost and confused. I am
refreshed and calmed when I pray through His word. Some of my most intimate times with God are these types of prayers.
At times, I feel like my life is sort of trivial, and I'm not fulfilling any real purpose. I am micro managing my time but when
Sunday rolls around I feel like I've gone crazy all week doing things that need to be done and not taking the proper time for
my relationship with God. Is this what God wants for me? I don’t think so.
October 6 ~ Reading the Reflection I have found that my passion is lacking in my work at school and my life in general.
Really the only thing that has a small flicker of light is my spiritual life. I am not as motivated as I was earlier in this APU
program and find myself tired and worn out. I use to be able to stay up past midnight working on projects and interested in
searching the URLs required. Now when I do that, I find my eyes so heavy that it is impossible. Teaching has turned into
raising other people's children, as I seem to spend more time disciplining that instruction at times.
I really feel washed out and need a jump start. The words "empty of spirit" really
spoke to me as I am almost "numb" at times to really do the things that I must, want
to do or should do. Tomorrow is Friday and so I hope weekend will energize me.
"If He can raise Jesus from the dead, He can raise you above your circumstances."
EDTC 523 – Information Design and Hypermedia – M. Mauldin – Fall I 2006
October 8 ~ There is a great song that this week's Reflection brought to mind, "Lord, let your light, light of your face,
shine on us! That we may be saved, that we may have life to shine the way in the darkest night, let your light shine on us!"
It's a beautiful song and not the first that God has used to softly minister to me during my time in devotionals. Ancient Words
was the first and I know this song won't be the last. The reading (Genesis 48:15) speaks how God never changes and the
things He has done He will continue to do. I need to stop doubting, fearing, and stressing over life and begin again to meet
God in His Word, being refreshed with the promise, "Be still and know that I am God." How easy it sounds when my focus is
on Him and not my limited resources.
October 31 ~ "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
Thinking on the journey so far, especially with all the challenges I have faced, how thankful I am that God put me in this
Cadre for support, encouragement, and friendship. Thinking back, I should have realized when the Encouragement Bible
came to me as my first text book in this program, that it was sent because it was known I would need God's strength and
encouragement to get me through these tough times. Tonight I am almost finished with my GLP, and I smile thinking of my
phone call with Lisa, how she helps me, and how simple the solutions. Pam made a comment in our discussion about how
tough Acrobat was, and it's not even a thought anymore..ahhh transparancy! I can hardly remember what it felt like to be
overwhelmed with Acrobat, okay, maybe a little now that I think of it. God has been there through it all. I have doubted way
too many times, but oh the joy of "getting it" and applying it.
They said it would go fast, I didn't believe them, but it's almost over. In a
way I wish it could be part of the rest of my life (minus all the projects,
reading, and researching), just discussing with my Cadre how God loves
us, forgives us and calls us to be part of this journey we call life.
"God always seems bigger to those who need him most."
EDTC 523 – Information Design and Hypermedia – M. Mauldin – Fall I 2006
November 13 ~ I have been a disappointment to myself and I’m sure to God, as I have failed to make time for
prayer and reading my Bible on a daily basis. ACTION STEP: Instead of reading the paper in the morning, I need to
read the Bible when I am eating breakfast. I think I’ll start with Romans and just read through the New Testament.
Before I go online to begin my APU work, I’ll read and pray through a Psalm.
November 30 ~ Humility. This theme is always coming up when I study the Bible. “Humility before God is
the key ingredient to a balanced inner life and an outer walk.” Subjecting my life to His will seems so common
sense. Staying in His Word is the key to bringing this thought process into mind 24/7. “Walking, quietness, stress
free balanced existence”. Sitting here right now meditating on these words brings a feeling of calm. I must cultivate
my relationship with God so I can humble myself before Him.
Dec 14 ~ I have surgery on Dec. 22nd and once again God has brought to my attention the beauty of Christian
fellowship and the assurance of His care. This has been an amazing experience that has blessed me beyond all
spiritual blessings. The devotionals during each class have brought me closer to my God, something only He knew I
would need at this time in my life. So here I am, loved by God, supported by Christian friends, encouraged by my
instructors toward a closer spiritual walk, and prayed for by all.
“"He has shown thee, O Man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee, But to do justly, and to
love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God."
Micah 6:8
EDTC 515 – Emerging Trends in Technology – Dr. J. Brown – Fall II 2006
Dec 16 ~ I'm doing well. Thursday during and after the doctor appointment was a little tough, I zoned in and out
during the rest of the day and evening. I went to Romans 8 this morning and the words "God did" jumped out. Reaching
down and saving me from my hopeless state and even better adopting me as His own. That brought me to the words
"those who are in the flesh cannot please God". By faith I am no longer in the flesh because of what Jesus did, so I now
have the capacity to please God! This is an awesome thought, and reflecting on it brings so much joy! This is what I
long to do and these verses have redirected my thoughts and focus this Christmas season toward thanking God for
what HE DID and pursuing the ability He has given me to PLEASE Him. There are other words that comforted me and
this morning I have a peace about my life and upcoming surgery. What a great God we have. Merry Christmas!
Dec 30 ~ One good thing about being limited physically is that I'm getting a lot of online school work done :) I've
been taking Dr. Brown's advice and only reading the sports page and staying away from TV and printed news. It has
been a good thing to focus on things Philippians 4: "whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good repute....dwell
on these things." Reading the Word and devotionals from Chambers and Spurgeon have lifted my spirit. I have been
praying fervently that I don't have cancer, and this morning for the first time I prayed for God's will and not mine. Even
though I didn't feel it with a full heart it was the first time I brought it up to God.
Jan 2 ~ I am being comforted by God daily. Isaiah 58:11 – “And the Lord shall guide thee
continually.” He speaks of my life as a Maze and me inside and God overlooking it all.
After reading this, for the first time I have submitted myself to God's will. Sure it's
a little scary, but I know that He wants what is best for me and whatever the
outcome today with my doctor appointment, I'm in His hands and my life is
being planned out by Him. Where else would I want to be?
"God already KNOWS what's going on and what you need - and is great at meeting our needs.“
Dr. J. Brown
EDTC 515 – Emerging Trends in Technology – Dr. J. Brown – Fall II 2006
January 11 ~ "I will be their God and they will be my people“ Jeremiah 31:33. Spurgeon writes: "Christian here is all
you need. You want something that satisfies: isn't this enough? If you could pour this promise into a cup, wouldn't you say
with David, 'My cup overflows' (Ps 23:5)? If God is your God, don't you have everything? If all else should fail, isn't His all-
sufficiency enough to satisfy you?” Thanks be to God that I can say a definite yes to this statement. Like I kept saying last
night "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want". I thanked God as I felt myself finally relax in His arms and eventually fell
asleep there.
January 17 ~ I am a child of God and He is holding me so close because He knows exactly what I am feeling, He's
been there. I pray that I can live in the moment and stay away from thoughts that take me to times that I have already
experienced in the past, that tough first visit with the oncologist and also those times in the future that only God knows. I
need to leave it all at His feet and sit back in His arms and enjoy the journey. I can even close my eyes and not look, you
know, like you do on a rollercoaster when it starts going down, confident that it will eventually start back on the up swing.
In His arms I feel no fear.
“Oh to lie forever here, doubt and care and self resign, while He whispers in my ear,
I am His and He is mine."
EDTC 515 – Emerging Trends in Technology – Dr. J. Brown – Fall II 2006
November 14 ~ It seems that the very suffering that I try to avoid, or feel defeated when it comes into my life, is the very
thing I need to bring me hope and develop my character because it brings me to the place where I can practice
perseverance. The theme that keeps running through this program is to have a Godly focus and not a selfish one. If I look to
God during trials, I will persevere through His strength, and will not dwell on the suffering itself.
November 28 ~ “How do you prepare for a potentially frustrating situation?” The key here is the word preparation.
There is a popular phrase in athletics - Preparation is the key to success. This reminds me that I need to prepare my heart
and mind through prayer on a daily basis as well so to persevere when trials and temptations come to frustrate me in my
spiritual life as well..
December 6 ~ When do I find peace? Saturday mornings, when I know there is nothing to do for the day and it is fresh,
waiting for me to plan it out. Getting my Bible and going in the back yard and sitting in a lawn chair. Reading God’s Word
and praying through my Bible brings me in God’s presence. These are times when I find I am most at peace.
December 24 ~ I had surgery on Friday, the 22nd and I was so encouraged with all the prayer for me from my
classmates and instructors. I was sharing that with some friends that came by yesterday and they said that they never had
their professors pray for them. How blessed I am! I lost focus on God yesterday and started getting nervous and feeling
sorry for myself. I hate how weak I feel, and don’t like the thought of doing this again. It is awesome
how my Bible is right there and I went to turn to my favorite Psalm and instead came to
chapter 144. I didn’t even have the strength to turn back and so I read these words:
“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, my lovingkindness, my fortress, my stronghold and
my deliverer, my shield and He in who I take refuge.” God is right here with me,
and He reminded me that He is all I need.
“But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
b
Romans 5:3
EDTC 520 – Applications of Technology Supported Curricular Tools – E. Silver – Fall II 2006
December 27 ~ It is totally amazing the things that I have written as it relates to Peace and Perseverance. Where I was
then in my spiritual life was a good place, free of trial and suffering. I now find myself in the midst of a huge storm, and those
words brought me back to the comfort that only God can give. Now I need to practice in my life what I know to be true in
God’s Word. I think this is the toughest thing I have ever had to do. I am thankful I don’t have to face it alone and without
God’s help..
January 15 ~ On a personal note: I found out today that I will have to undergo extensive surgery to remove some
cancer in my body. After almost twelve hours of hearing the news I just had a thought rush through me that this is too difficult
for me to handle and I am scared! But this is where my faith comes in and reading God’s Word, “ What a help you are to the
weak! How you have saved the arm without strength” Job 26:2. The same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is
available to me if I only submit my will to God’s and allow Him to do this for me. My confidence than is in Christ alone. I want
to be able to say with Paul in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” and in verse 19 be
confident “my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” If I have a God focus I can
have the confidence I need because I know the power that raised Jesus from the dead can carry me through this trial I face.
I am thankful that God will go through this with me, I need Him!
“How blessed you are that God chose you to get close to Him in this way.”
D. Gordon
EDTC 520 – Applications of Technology Supported Curricular Tools – E. Silver – Fall II 2006
March 5 ~ I'm still out on injured reserve with choir so I get to enjoy the music from the worship center. Today they
sang one of my favorites, an anthem from Psalm 139. I closed my eyes and just listened to the words and it touched my
heart. Most of my struggles these days is when I initially go to bed. I don't want to take medication, so I lay in bed
thinking about it and try to fall asleep. I now have my iPod full of some soft instrumental hymns, so I usually listen to
that and most of the time God lulls me to sleep. Mornings are the other tough time, getting up isn't as difficult as it was,
but the aches and pains are fresh once again and it takes an hour or two to "get the kinks out". That's why this song
was so awesome for me. I've used it during my recovery, but this morning the words that I have read and prayed
through just made me weep: "When I rise, when I lie down, you are with me!" I hadn't heard these words like that
before, maybe it was because of my musical intelligence that God gave me, but it was the most beautiful thing that I
have ever heard. I have been fighting a little depression and frustration with the lack of patience in taking it slow to get
better. It's one of those, "I want to be better NOW" kind of attitudes. But this morning God made me aware, once again,
in the beauty of song, that He is still there through my toughest times, and it's going to be okay.
As far as an ACTION PLAN I feel that I need to be more bold in talking about Christ in my normal conversation. Having
had cancer I have a huge opportunity to do this because this is usually what most people ask me about when I first see
them. I also need to make it a matter of prayer in my morning devotions, to ask God to strengthen me so when the
opportunity arises, I will speak out and give Him the glory and possibly
the opportunity to share the gospel with others. My desire is to be more
like Christ. I am confident if I seek a closer relationship with Him that He will
expose areas in my life that need changing and give me the wisdom to
create specific ways to address these areas.
“In His weakest moment, Christ performed His greatest work.”
EDTC 572 – Advanced Educational Psychology – Dr. J. Brown – Spring I 2007
March 15 ~ The plan for my life has been set long ago in eternity, planned by God who desires nothing else than for me
than to be like Jesus and this is for my ultimate good! I need to trust Him and stay in His Word, and use my mind to
understand what it is that He wants me to do in this game of life. This wasn’t more evident than when I had cancer. Initially I
was so me focused that I couldn’t think straight. “What if I die, what if my parents have to deal with my death? How can I not
be active for 8 weeks? What about Intramurals, who’s going to run them?” I was panicking big time, because my focus was
so selfish. Once I focused on God and my prayers became less selfish, He calmed the storm and answered my prayers. My
main prayer was that my parents wouldn’t have to see their daughter die. I met with Drkb before my surgery and she told
me about her mom dying of cancer and how she dealt with that. I almost became envious as she talked about caring for her
mom during that time. I prayed for God to grant me that, allow me to care for my parents in their last days, as they have so
willingly cared for me all my life, and spare them the grief of a child's death. I am confident that God gives me that strength
to deal with trials in my life when I need it, not before. Just like cancer, I went through it, and after that first day on January
15 when I cried out to God, I had the strength and the focus that God was in control and my cancer was part of His plan for
me. I just rode out the storm in His arms.
" Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes God lets the storm rage and calms His child.”
EDTC 572 – Advanced Educational Psychology – Dr. J. Brown – Spring I 2007
We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
H. Keller
March 15 ~ I cannot express in words what God has March 26 ~ Right now, God and I are as close as we have ever
done to my life in this past month. Jodi mentioned that “our been. It is because He chose to draw me close to Him through my
deepest earthly valleys are our highest spiritual peaks”. trial of cancer, and I am thankful for all those He brought in my life to
After meeting with Dr. Bacer face to face, God walked out of minister to me and point me to Him and His Word for guidance and
that APU office with me and I haven’t let go of His hand. comfort. Simple Bible verses come alive now as I don’t just read
The spiritual strength that I get from my friends in this cadre them but understand their application to my life. My prayer life is
through discussions chats and AIM is always so timely. I getting stronger, as I spend my morning with Him in His Word and
have found encouragement in the fact that they are then pray through that part of scripture and sing the song that always
struggling as well. Surprisingly, I have even helped those I seems to come to mind at the end of my prayer. This takes more than
thought would never need my help! If I lose site of spiritual the 5 minutes that I was challenged to set aside in a past APU class
things and get overwhelmed, there is the “Our Foundation” by a choice instructor. Really, thinking about it, how can you get to
at the beginning of the module that keeps my focus on God. establish a relationship with someone by just spending 5 minutes a
As I sit here in ecollege with my virtual chai tea latte day with them?
checking off my last assignment in this module, getting As far as being religious or spiritual I would first say that I focus on
ready to go to my office in Tappedin…. I sigh. I was so lost being spiritual. This has a focus on the Spirit and this is exactly Who
when all this first began. But just like when I click on fills my life and gives me the strength and wisdom I need to live to
“convert to PDF”, God has taken my life and made it into a bring honor to God. So I would say that I am spiritual because the
document that He can now work with since I have turned Spirit of God lives in me and I try to be obedient to Him to live a
back to Him. I am again linked to His strength, peace, Godly life. One definition of the word religious says: “Having or
confidence and, yes, even joy. That link to God has always showing belief in and reverence for God or a deity.” To me there is
been there it’s just that now I’m becoming transparent with only one true God and although I do show belief and reverence to
God too. What a powerful learning experience this has been Him, my relationship with God is more than just mere belief and
for me. reverence, it is love and commitment.
EDTC 572 – Advanced Educational Psychology – Dr. J. Brown – Spring I 2007
February 22 ~ I continue to find God at every turn of my life and no place as strong as within this program. Oh
to have God "marinated" in my life so that there is not one minute that I am not aware of His presence, and say a
prayer for thanks and guidance for the next minute. He's always been here with me but I've been so busy and
trying to be so in control that I would barely notice Him. I am thankful that He never gave up on me and left. As I
face this Monday, finding out if I have to have chemo or radiation, what a safe place I find in His arms. I have been
coming to him so many times during the day, trusting Him and confident that He will give me the strength needed to
face another challenge if that is the case.
Feb 26 ~ Today is my appointment, I’m anxious but in prayer heard God say, "Judy, do you really trust me?"
This happened before my surgery when I had a few instances in different days where they weren't sure about my
chest x-ray, and then an examination to make sure the cancer hadn't spread. Each one turned out to me a non-
issue, but each one I heard God questioning my faith in Christ alone. What a patient and loving God I have. In
December, when I found out I had cancer, I thought at that time what I would give to fast forward through to the
summer, with all the surgery and recovery behind me. Now, looking back after experiencing closeness to God that
is beyond words, I wouldn't have wanted to miss any part of any day (well maybe that surgery day).
The interaction I've had with God and the way He has wrapped His arms
around me during the difficult days and nights continues even now.
" Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love, in your great mercy turn to me.“
Psalm 69:16
EDTC 526 – Practicum in Applications of Technology – Dr. K. Bacer – Spring I 2007
"Beginnings are scary, and endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts."
February 26 ~ Well, the most pessimistic doctor in March 7 ~ I just turned my Chambers calendar over and
the world just told me that he didn't think he would be here's the quote: "Huge waves that would frighten an ordinary
prescribing any further treatment. He feels strongly that swimmer produce a tremendous thrill for the surfer who has
since there wasn't cancer in my 17 lymph nodes he ridden them. Let's apply that to our own circumstances. The
removed, the cancer is "synchronous primary", two things we try to avoid and fight against - tribulation, suffering, and
separate ones of a lesser stage, not the advanced case persecution - are the very things that produce abundant joy in us."
he had initially thought. With this type of cancer surgery is Wow, is that a description of my last few months or what? I've
the only treatment necessary. I was asking God to relieve ridden the wave of cancer to the shore and although it was pretty
my anxiety about the appointment and so I began to focus
big and I didn't know how to surf initially, I got the hang of it and
on people in scripture that prayed and "didn't get their with the help and constant presence of God keeping me balanced,
way". Jesus was the first that came to mind asking God to I not only survived, but now that I'm on the shore I can look back
not let him go through with the crucifixion. But God's will and say that it was an awesome experience. So I'm changing the
was to glorify Him, raise Him from the dead and save my term cancer survivor to cancer surfer. But I think I'll hang up the
soul! Paul even prayed three times for his "thorn in the board now that I'm safe on the shore. And I think that's how God
flesh" to be taken from Him but God said, "my grace is has intended it. I know when I go swimming I am so exhausted
sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness". and just lie down on the sand, in the sun and sleep. I am realizing
The words Paul writes in the epistles have touched so that this is where I am right now in my recovery, and God is with
many including myself, and without that struggle, his me. It's a warm day today. I think I'll go outside and have lunch in
words would not have had the passion for knowing Christ the sun, bring my Bible, and enjoy time on the shore with God,
and living for Him that they have! There’s David and thanking Him for helping me ride the wave of cancer to a safe
Abraham as well. Being in God's will has been such an place. I continue to be amazed at the many ways God gets my
awesome experience and I pray, oh how I pray, that I attention during the day.
never stray as far away from it as I have in the past.
EDTC 526 – Practicum in Applications of Technology – Dr. K. Bacer – Spring I 2007
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
March 15 ~
As I take a step away from my ePortfolio creation, which is going very well, by the way, I began reading about student
assessment in my other class. I came upon an excellent site TeacherVision that I had not seen before. After about
half an hour printing some info and surfing through that site I decided that I would add it to my list of sites for my
ePortfolio. Then I became a little overwhelmed at the fact that THERE IS SO MUCH TO KNOW AND APPLY TO MY
TEACHING!!! The exciting and frustrating thing about getting my Masters is that the learning, acquiring information,
and applying that knowledge to my classroom and career is a never ending pursuit! I remember when I started this
journey about a year ago I was thinking how I couldn't wait to finish. I was out of control and overwhelmed with so
many new ideas, software applications and no time to do anything. Now I find myself transparently overwhelmed.
Sure, there are new softwares to be learned, exciting ideas to sift through and apply to my career and life, but now I
am comfortable with where I am as an educator and understand the learning process is not a destination, but an
exciting journey. I feel like a kid at Disneyland, which ride do I go on first? What an exciting place to be in life, with all
these crazy options available to me now. I just sit here and smile at all the overwhelming possibilities from which to
choose. This is going to be fun! http://www.teachervision.fen.com/
EDTC 526 – Practicum in Applications of Technology – Dr. K. Bacer – Spring I 2007
March 25 ~ This morning I went out in the back and enjoyed the sun coming over the trees, standing by my rose garden.
The bushes are full of foliage and there are dozens upon dozens of rose buds waiting to bloom. Remembering the post I had
awhile back when I was in the early stages of recovery, I only saw the thorny stalks of those bushes - in reflection, my focus
was on myself and not on the God whose hands were beginning to heal and create the beauty that I could not see. As I looked
at each bud I saw it as an opportunity that God has now given me as a result of all the trials and challenges he has brought me
through this past year. He will begin to bloom in my career, in my body as I heal from the cancer, and in my personal life as I
seek to be the light of Christ to Amanda and those around me. It's exciting, as I know it's only a matter of a short time when
these buds will bloom into beautiful roses with a wonderful aroma. I pray my life will reflect their beauty, and praise God for what
He has done for me so I can trust Him as I move forward in faith.
March 31 ~ I Corinthians 8:1 says, “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.” It struck me as it relates to my knowledge that I
have gained in this program and where I now am in comparison to my peers at school. I need to make sure that I don't come
across as arrogant but in love seek changes in instruction that will assist my fellow teachers to plan tech infused lessons that
will motivate their students to learn. My goal and motivation should be to help them in creating exciting lessons for their
students, not to focus on what knowledge I have gained or skills I have possessed.
March 31 ~ When I first set foot on the APU campus with my meeting with DrKb in February 2006,
I was a little early and went through the bookstore. I saw an APU T-shirt I really liked and said I would
get it for myself if things worked out and I graduated from the program.
I bought that shirt today.
May 5 ~ Graduation, 9:30am.
"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."
Nahum 1:7
EDTC 526 – Practicum in Applications of Technology – Dr. K. Bacer – Spring I 2007
