INT. CTA BUS – DAY
A CTA bus slowly plods down the dreary streets of Chicago,
Illinois. It is filled to the brim with passengers, of all
shapes and sizes and colors, going about their daily
business, just trying to get from point A to point B. Yet,
in all the chaos, one passenger manages to stand out.
Sitting in the back of the bus, is a large, burly NORSE
MAN. He wears an oversized fur coat. His beard is long and
mangled. He looks like he could be in his mid-
thirties/early forties, but his eyes have a seriousness to
them that makes him seem eons older.
He sits there awhile, looking rather discontented with his
current state in life. A sense of contempt is cast upon the
fellow passengers. He is not happy to be here.
A SMALL GIRL, maybe 4 or 5, looks over the back of a chair
at him. If he notices her stare, he doesn’t show it. Her
MOM leans over and whispers something in her ear. Quietly,
she hops down off her seat, walks over to the man, and sits
down next to him, continuing to stare up at him. For a
moment, nothing happens.
The Norse man slowly looks down, mildly surprised at being
Good morrow, small one.
(cracks the slightest smile)
This is indeed so.
Your jacket makes look like
that big dumb red monster in
Bugs Bunny cartoons.
He pauses, waiting for her to go away. She just keeps
staring up at him, kicking her legs off the edge of the
My name’s Jenny, What’s your name?
Do you not have a mother
you can bother?
She told me to ask you what
your name is.
The Norse man looks up and sees Jenny’s mom, staring at him
and giving one of those slight ―Hey you‖ waves.
I have many names. Odinson, Atli,
Thunder God. I prefer Thor. Yes, The
Norse God of Thunder. Weilder of
the Mighty hammer, Mjolnir. Strange, is
Does it not vex you, young one, to see
a God would be reduced to riding a
transportation vessel with common
Things were not always this way, mind
you. I used to soar among the clouds,
the wind and rain in my beard, just
smashing everything in sight with my
hammer, causing mass destruction in my
wake for no reason other than my own
Jenny is so completely lost on what this whacko is talking
about that she just stares blankly at him.
Yes, there were some good times in the
past, long, long ago. Very long ago.
Your ancestors would have been children
then, wee womanchild.
You have a beard.
Yes. Good times…
Sounds of battle slowly build. Fade to:
INT. ASGARD – DAY
Subtitle: ―The Ancient Halls of Asgard. Long ago.‖
Thor screams a battle cry in an indecipherable Norse
tongue, swinging his hammer over his head, and leaps at a
giant, 2-story tentacled monster. He is grabbed by one of
the tentacles, and hoisted into the air. His fellow gods,
of which there seem to be about a dozen, are caught up
battling other parts of the creature. Among those gods are
ODIN, Thor’s father; TYR, the war god; FREYJA, Thor’s wife,
the goddess of love.
(shouting while slicing
tentacles with a sword)
Thor! Are you in need?!
Thor is being crushed in the chest by a tentacle wrapped
around him, and is having a hard time breathing.
There is a blast of lightning, and Thor is free.
I say thee NAY!
He lunges back into battle, swacking tentacles with his big
stone hammer. Odin barks some order at the other gods, but
they do not listen.
Much chaos ensues. The tentacle monster seems angrier than
ever, and the gods have to fight harder just to stand their
Luckily, Thor, too, is getting angrier by the minute. His
eyes start to glow the blueish glow of electricity. The
hairs in his beard stand on end slightly. He swings his
hammer into things harder.
BACK! BACK, YOU FOUL BEAST!
All of the other gods slowly stop fighting, as Thor seems
to be pretty much taking care of it. The tentacle monster
slowly starts retreating into the depths of the hole from
which it came.
IN THE NAME OF ASGARD! (POW!)
IN THE NAME OF VALHALLA! (SWACK!)
BY ODIN’S BEARD, I COMMAND YOU! (BAF!)
He takes one final blow, and the creature screeches, and
sinks back into the hole.
The gods cheer. Thor’s wife runs up and embraces him. Thor
looks pretty happy with himself. Fade to:
INT. CTA BUS – DAY
The sadder, lamer Thor is still sitting on the bus.
The world was simpler then, child.
Battle was simpler. We knew who to
fight, and they knew to fight. Now,
things are always…complicated.
He pauses, once again slowly taking in the mundane world
Food was simpler. Pork came from a pig.
You would kill the pig yourself, roast
it yourself, and eat the meat right off
it. Have you ever had pork straight
from the pig? And the mead! By the All-
Father! None of this fermented bread
nonsense! Honey! That’s where alcohol
should come from!
Jenny smiles at him.
You have no idea what am saying, do
You smell like a pony. I like ponies.
G’bye, Mr. Thor!
She runs to her mother. The mom winks at Thor as she and
Jenny get off the bus. Thor is left sitting there,
reminiscing his glory days by his lonesome.
EXT. THOR’S APARTMENT – DAY
The bus pulls to a stop, and lets Thor off. He slowly
trudges towards his apartment building.
In the alley next to his building, three GANGSTERS are
beating the snot out of some wimpy looking guy.
Thor looks around the corner.
Gangsters 2 and 3 hold him by the arms while Gangster 1
threatens him to his face.
You think you can squelch Big Vinnie
outta his cash?!
He punches the wimpy guy in the stomach.
No! I’m good for it! You know I’m good
for it! Vinnie knows I’m good for it!
I’ll tell him tomorrow!
He pulls a gun out from his coat.
I’ll tell him for ya.
Thor looks away. There is a GUNSHOT.
He sighs, walks up to the door, and goes inside.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
Thor slugs his way up the staircase. As he gets to a
landing, one of the doors opens and ALLISON, a young woman
in her early 30’s, steps out.
Many blessings, young Allison.
How was…whatever you do every day? What
do you do every day?
I go to the park. And feed ducks.
I like ducks.
That’s nice. I gotta go to work. I’ll
see you around, ok?
Thor nods. Allison goes downstairs, and Thor continues his
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thor enters his apartment. It is very dingy, and very
dirty. The walls are slowly peeling down. The furniture is
simple and functional. Thor’s mighty hammer, Mjolnir, is
sitting upright ingloriously in a corner, collecting
cobwebs and dust.
Thor takes off his gregariously large coat, and hangs it on
a coat-rack. He walks over and opens up a nearby fridge,
and pulls out a can of cheap beer. He frowns at it, and
closes the fridge. Fade to:
INT. VALHALLA - NIGHT
A rousing, boisterous Viking party is taking place, with
dozens upon dozens of Vikings laughing, and eating large
piles of meat, and drinking from large mugs of mead. Thor,
happily in his element, sits at one of the more important
tables, his arm around his wife, Freyja, his other arm
shoving large meat chunks into his mouth. Most of the
people at that table are listening to Tyr tell the exciting
tale of the battle against the giant tentacle monster.
(obviously very drunk)
Now, I was nearly helpless, trapped in
a sea of arms and…slime, and Thor
bravely leapt into battle, shouting
(poor Thor impression)
I SAY THEE NAY, I SAY THEE NAY!
There is some laughter.
And he starts swinging, swinging like a
(swings arms around in mock
Squid arm over there! Squid arm over
here! Nonstop flurry of battle, my
friends! That beast was dead before it
could sink back to the depths from
which it came! It was glorious.
He awkwardly drinks some mead, spilling a great deal of it
onto himself. Freyja looks up at Thor.
You were glorious.
I did what had to be done.
Is that what you call it?
Thor turns around to see LOKI, his half-brother, the
dastardly god of mischief.
I realize there was a creature that
required defeat, but did you have to
destroy half of Asgard in the process?!
Forgive me, brother, I seem to have
forgotten. Where were you during the
battle? You know, you seem to be
disappearing during a great many
(getting more angry)
Are you insinuating that this was my
doing?! Brother, I am offended!
Now you listen to me, you overgrown cow
of a man, if you think you can just-
Loki, please, it’s a celebration!
She hands him a mug of mead.
Relax, have some fun.
Don’t patronize me, you fat-
Thor’s hammer thwacks into Loki’s chest, blasting him
across the room in a blaze of electricity. He slams into
the wall. The party goes quiet for a moment. Everyone looks
No one calls Freyja, the wife of Thor,
―fat‖! (pause) Except Thor!
Everyone laughs. She punches him in the arm. The party goes
back to normal.
Suddenly, lava erupts volcanically from a spot in the
middle of the room. A few more lava blasts occur, under
tables, under people’s chairs. Several partygoers are
violently lavaed. A giant, 20-foot-tall man, made up
entirely of lava and rock and flame, slowly ascends from
the ground. Thor stands up, holding his hammer, battle-
I am the fire giant, Surt! As of this
moment, the many halls of Asgard are
under my rule!
Odin, sitting in his throne at the head of the room, is
Nay! Who are you, fire giant Surt, to
decide who rules Asgard?! Odin shall
remain all-father over this place!
Is this so?
Odin’s chair is blasted with a …blast of lava, destroying
the chair entirely and hurling a lava-encrusted Odin
backwards across the room, to somewhere relatively near
where Loki is.
Your all-father is defea-
Thor’s hammer smacks Surt in the head. Surt falls and
smashes into 3 or 4 tables behind him. The hammer flies
back towards Thor, who catches it. Freyja pulls out a
sword. Tyr falls out of his chair, very, very drunk.
He and Freyja charge into battle. Other Norse gods also
leap into the fray, because that’s what Norse gods do.
There is a great deal of axe-swinging and battle crying and
―I say thee nay!‖ing.
Surt the fire giant, not one to be taken down easily,
manages to incapacitate all of the gods but Thor. Soon, he
and Thor are locked in a vicious battle of strength and
valor, which only one of them can win. After a couple
minutes or so, Thor manages to pin Surt down on the ground,
hammer to his neck.
Surrender, vile brute, or face Thor’s
Surt coughs up some smoke and rock.
You have defeated me, Thunder God.
Someday I shall have my revenge.
Freyja, standing about 20 feet behind Thor, is suddenly
engulfed in hot magma, which latches onto her, solidifies,
and crumbles, leaving nothing behind.
He looks back at Surt, his eyes glowing with both lightning
and rage. Surt is gone. Thor acts like he is about to
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT – DAY
Thor screams, and crushes the beer can in his hand, sending
beer everywhere. He drops the can, and breathes heavily for
a moment, getting his bearings on where he is and what he’s
doing. He looks down, and sighs.
There is some yelling and screaming outside. Thor goes to
the window and looks. The same three mafia guys are picking
on some poor old hobo. He says something about having no
money, to which the mafia men respond with needless
violence. Thor scowls, and closes the shades.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Cut to Thor, asleep in a Laz-E-Boy, snoring loudly,
drooling all over himself. The room is lit solely by the
TV, which seems to be tuned to Animal Planet. The sounds of
violence and shouting are still piping in from outside,
muffled by the walls.
Thor is awoken by a knock at his door. He looks confused,
unused to visitors. He grunts as he slowly gets up, and
shambles over to the door, and opens it. It’s Allison.
Thor stares back at her, slowly trying to figure out why
(weirded out by the staring)
Listen…you’ve probably noticed the
mafia guys out in the alley beating and
shooting people all day and night…
―Mafia g-‖ Ah, yes. The Romans. So much
violence over simple currency. Very
Uhh…right. Well, right now they’re
harassing Mr. Macsimowicz from the
deli, and he’s a very nice old man, and
I was hoping you could go do something
Thor glances at his hammer. His eyes flicker with light
I’d go out there myself, but you’re
much bigger than I am, and I thought-
I am sorry, Allison. I do not do that
sort of thing anymore. You should call
Call the police? The mafia owns the
police. Can’t you just go talk to them
or scare them or something.
Thor ponders this over, slowly.
I suppose. But I will not use force.
I’m not asking you to.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Mr. Macsimowicz flops over into the ground after being
punched. The two lesser Mafia guys laugh, and the main one
That’ll teach you to squelch on Big
Vinnie, you old-
Leave him be.
They turn around to see Thor.
Who the fuck are you?!
The man has done no wrong. Leave him
―Done no wrong‖?! I’ll have you know,
he happens to have failed to pay his
protection money for an entire month.
If that ain’t wrong, I dunno what-
Thor steps forward.
I don’t want to hurt you.
His eyes flicker blue for a moment.
Hey, I don’t want to hurt me, eith-
Lighting strikes the gangsters’ car. It explodes in flame,
flies up a bit, then smashes into the ground, charred
wreckage that only vaguely resemble an automobile.
But I will if I have to.
The gangsters back away, and then cheese it. Mr.
Macsimowicz cheeses it, too. Because Thor is very scary. He
goes back inside.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Thor walks up the stairs to his apartment. Outside
Allison’s door is a large potted plant. Thor accidentally
knocks it over with his fur coat, sending it tumbling down
the stairs loudly. Thor winces. Allison opens the door.
How did you do that?
Thor looks at her, then the plant, then back at her.
My coat, I think. The fur catches on-
Not that. The car. How did you blow up
Car? (pauses) I am the Thunder God. I
control the thunder and rain. And the
seasons, I think. Although, those have
been changing without my assistance for
a great while now, so maybe I just
thought I controlled them…
Wait…you’re the Thunder God. You’re not
just some guy named ―Thor‖, you’re
actually the Norse God of Thunder. Who
Thursday is named after.
That’s bullshit. Shouldn’t you be in
the Hall of Fallen Heroes or something?
I left. A long time ago.
Why would you?
I lost someone. And there were too many
He starts to walk upstairs.
Do not worry about the elderly butcher.
He is safe.
Allison watches him go.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Cut to Thor in bed, hours later. He’s asleep, but just
barely, tossing and turning violently. He’s definitely
having some sort of nightmare.
INT. ASGARD – NIGHT
THOR! YOU CANNOT STAND IDLE IN THE
MIDST OF THIS GREAT BATTLE! WE NEED THE
A great battle between all the Norse gods and half a dozen
20-foot-tall ice giants is taking place. It’s very loud and
exciting, yet it is mostly in the background. Thor stands
against a wall, holding his hammer, looking completely
unsure of himself. Tyr is with him, battle-damaged but
still rearing to go.
NAY! I WILL NOT FIGHT!
WE CANNOT CLAIM VICTORY WITHOUT YOU!
MANY GODS MAY DIE IF YOU DO NOT
SOMETIMES THEY DIE WHEN I DO!
Tyr pauses, and takes a step closer.
Freyja’s death was not your fault, my
Tell her that. You want Mjolnir?
He shoves his hammer into Tyr’s grasp.
Take it. It is yours. I am done.
He walks away.
Thor walks up to Loki, who is leaning against a wall and
grinning fiendishly. He grabs Loki by the shirt and holds
him up, as if he’s either about to shout at him or totally
punch his face. Instead, he just lets go and walks away.
Loki laughs wildly.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Thor wakes up with a start, sweating profusely and once
again out of breath. He punches a nearby lamp into
smithereens in frustration and anger. He pauses for a
moment. Lightning strikes outside. Thor gets out of bed.
INT. CTA BUS – NIGHT
Thor sits in the CTA bus, in the same seat, now at night,
looking even surlier than before, holding a loaf of bread.
A little girl, similar to the earlier one, but of a
different nationality, looks over her seat at him. He
snarls at her, and she sits down, frightened.
INT. ALLISON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Allison lies asleep in bed. There’s a knock at her door.
She ignores it. They knock again. She grumbles, turns on
the light, walks over, and opens the door. The three
gangsters are standing there, holding weapons.
You know a big guy with a beard and a
fur coat? Smells kinda like an old
I, uhh, no, I don’t know anybody like-
Yeah, you’re lying. (motions to other
The enter her apartment, shoving her back. She screams.
EXT. PARK – NIGHT
Thor sits on a park bench, and tosses bread chunks to
ducks. They quack around and eat the bread and what not.
Thor doesn’t bother to turn around, and continues feeding
Loki. Don’t you have babies to eat?
Loki steps out of the shadows behind Thor.
Thor, really…I’m the god of mischief,
not evil. I’m not evil,
What do you want?
Your all-seeing father is expressing
concern that you may be returning to
your foolhearty battle-ready ways.
Obviously, he has been watching me
close, but not closely enough. Do not
worry, trickster god, your evil will
continue unimpeded yet.
Good. I mean, I’m not evil.
But Odin would know that.
So why are you really here?
The Romans. You’re somehow connected to
the Romans outside my home.
―Romans‖ is an antiquated term by
thousands of years, Thor. They’re
called ―Italians‖ now.
Why would you ally yourself with them?
You have no use for currency.
My intentions are my own.
Of course. You know, I am tempted to
hurt them simply to spite you-
Thor, by Odin’s beard, If you so much
As always, your threats mean nothing.
Loki pauses, then pokes Thor in the stomach.
You’re not the god you once were, Thor.
He steps back into the shadows and disappears. Thor tosses
the remaining bread (about half a loaf) to the ducks, and
gets up and walks away.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Thor walks up the stairs, past Allison’s room. There’s a
bloody handprint on the door, but he doesn’t notice.
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Thor sits in his chair, watching Animal Planet. On the TV,
monkeys jump around from tree to tree, having a good time.
Thor, bored, turns off the TV. He stands up and stretches.
He glances at the warhammer in the corner. He walks over,
picks it up, and wipes the dust and cobwebs off it. He
swings it once, awkwardly. Again, slightly less awkward. He
spins it around, and tries again. He gets too confident,
and accidentally swacks another lamp off another table.
(quietly, to himself)
I am running out of lamps.
There’s a knock at his door. Thor answers it. It’s Allison,
she’s bleeding profusely from the arm. Lighting and thunder
She collapses. He catches her, and puts her in his bed.
You need…we need to…
(awkwardly, as if he’s never said
the word before)
―Hos-pit-tal‖. We need to get you
Who did this?
Who do you think?
He goes to the window and looks as she continues talking.
They asked where you were. I didn’t
tell them anything. The knew I was
lying, but I didn’t-
Outside, the mafia guys toss a carpet full of body into the
trash dumpster, then run to their car and speed away.
One of them had a knife, and-
Thor turns around.
Where is the hospital?
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Thor sits in the waiting area, his head down. A DOCTOR
comes out of a door, and walks up to him.
She should be fine. The cut is deep,
but nothing life-threatening. She
should be able to go home in a couple
of days or so. Is there a phone number
we can call when she’s released?
I do not have a phone. They confuse me.
I will return here in 2 days to bring
He walks away.
Well, we’re not 100% sure when exactly
Thor’s already out the door and gone.
--and you’re already out the door and
INT. THOR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Thor kicks the door open. He walks in, grabs his hammer,
and starts smashing everything in sight. The TV, the table,
the chair, the lamp remains, the windows, everything.
Thunder strikes outside, and it starts to rain pretty
heavily. Thor calms down, and surveys the wreckage. Someone
screams outside. Thor walks hurriedly towards his door.
EXT. THOR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Gangsters 1, 2, and 3 have a woman pinned against the wall.
It’s raining really, really hard.
So, you think you can cheat Big Vinnie
out of his money, e-
Their car is suddenly struck by lightning. It explodes. The
mafia guys and the women stare at it in shock.
I’m running out of cars.
Thor is standing behind about 20 feet them. His eyes are
glowing. They do not notice. Him or his eyes.
You have injured an innocent person,
and killed and injured countless
They turn around.
Prepare to face a god’s wrath.
The mafia guys all pull out guns and point them at Thor.
You’re causing us a lot of trouble,
He walks towards them. They open fire. He swings his hammer
around, deflecting all the bullets, and then whumps
Gangster 3 right in the chest. He flies backwards all the
way down the alley, and into the smoldering wreckage of the
car. Gangster 1 tries to stab Thor in the arm when he’s not
looking. The knife bends.
What the hell are you?!
Thor hammers Gangster 2 in the face without looking, and
grabs Gangster 1 by the shirt.
Where is your master?
Where is the ―Big Vinnie‖ I hear so
I am here.
Big Vinnie is a silhouette in the darkness, standing near
the edge of the alley, next to the exploded, flaming car.
Vinnie! What’re you doing here?! I
swear to Christ, man, I didn’t tell him
Big Vinnie holds out his hand, and Gangster 1 bursts into
flames. Thor drops him.
I’m glad to see you’re back to your old
self, Thor. I have to admit, getting
you there was much trickier business
than I was expecting.
It can’t be.
Do you know how many old people and
children I had to have killed before we
thought of injuring your little
neighbor girlfriend? But hey, revenge
is only sweet if it’s a challenge, and,
by the rock heart of Garrnok, 2 months
ago, it would not have been a
He steps out of the shadows. He’s wearing a very slick suit
and a fedora. His face seems somehow unhuman. Like a very
realistic rubber mask.
Did you really think I would allow that
defeat to go unavenged? Fire giants do
not forgive, Thor.
Thor holds up his hammer in a battle-ready stance. It
starts to glow a bit.
You murdered my wife.
She was asking for it! All warrior-
goddess and sword-slinging. It’s your
fault, anyway. If you had just let me
take over Asgard, she would still be
one of my mightiest subjects.
Thor’s practically shaking with rage.
Strike a nerve? Good. I was hoping to-
Thor runs at him and swing the hammer. It hits Surt in the
side of the head. Surt slams through the brick wall next to
him, sending bricks and rubble flying every which way.
Things settle. Thor looks at Surt’s body. There’s a fairly
long moment of nothing, so the audience thinks the fight is
That is somewhat disappointi-
Lava rushes from the hole Surt was knocked into, blasting
Thor through the entire building behind him. He lands in
the next alley over, covered in lava and solidified rock.
Surt stands up, reaching his full fire giant height and
stature, looking as powerful and evil as ever. Thor’s
hammer flies through the tunnel Thor made in the building
between them and plows into Surt’s stomach, sending him
crashing back into the hole he was just in. Thor runs after
the hammer straight through the building and tackles Surt.
They fight, punching and burning and hammering and lava-ing
and scalding and lightning-ing. Eventually, beaten and
burned and bruised, his large fur coat completely burned
away, Thor manages to pin Surt up against a wall, hand to
neck, hammer ready to totally smash his head. Lightning
strikes the hammer for a long time, slowly filling it with
All that preparation, (coughs blood)
you think I wouldn’t have a back-up
Thor lightning-hammers his head, exploding it. Surt’s
remaining body turns to rock.
Oh, Thor, how could you?
Thor turns around and swacks Loki in the face with the
hammer, sending him 20 feet into a lamppost, which falls
over on top of him.
AND I HATE YOU, TOO!!
Thor breaths heavily for a few moments, then cools down. It
stops raining. He goes to walk away, and walks smack into
Tyr, his God buddy from the past, looking much more modern.
Tyr? By the beard of Odin, I have not
seen you in-
4,000 years. I know. It’s your fault.
You don’t have to live in Asgard, but
you could at least visit.
Why are you here?
(nods over to Loki) Loki’s been
controlling organized crime rings here
in Chicago. He set Surt up in his
position of power with his lame fake
name. Probably thinks it’s very
mischievious, the little bastard. I
gotta bring him in, you wanna help? I’m
sure your father would-
No, I—I cannot, there is a girl who
needs me to pick her up from the
hospital. But I will visit. Soon. You
have my word.
Right. I look forward to it. Farewell.
He and Loki disappear in a blast of light. Thor is left
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Allison is sitting in a hospital bed, her arm all bandaged
up, reading a magazine. Thor walks in, looking and feeling
awkward and out of place in the hospital. His new large fur
coat knocks over a tray full of hospital supplies, but he
Can you leave yet?
Tomorrow, Thor. I told you. Tomorrow.
How’s my apartment?
Building fell down.
Too many holes in it. Fell down.
You’re safe, though.
Yeah, I know. I’m safe.
Sirens go off outside. An ambulance leaves the hospital.
Thor watches it out the window.
You should go help.
He nods, and walks out of the room. He pokes his head back
in the room.
You are safe...
I know, go!
He goes. Outside the window, it starts to rain. There is a
blast of lightning, and Thor flies past, guided by his
hammer. Majestically. Or very goofily. Whichever.