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everything's as if

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					                    Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at
                     http://archiveofourown.org/works/226297.


 Rating:              Teen And Up Audiences
 Archive Warning:     Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
 Category:            F/F
 Fandom:              Glee
 Relationship:        Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez
 Character:           Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray
 Stats:               Published: 2011-07-20 Words: 1186


                            everything's as if
                                   by coloredlights

Summary



        Santana actually understands completely.



Notes



        Written for the prompt ("I'll never meet anyone like you") in the
        Glee Femslash Exchange, June 2011.




 Santana can't help herself, really. It's been months, and while that whole
 lizard analogy she gave Britt had been bullshit borne from denial, it had also
 been kind of true.

 It's the first time in years that Quinn has been able to come to Santana's
 birthday party - she was born three days after Christmas, and Quinn's
 austere asshole of a father would annually drag the Fabrays to his parents'
 house for a week to "celebrate" the holiday. But Daddy Fabray isn't around
 anymore, and for better or for worse, Quinn is at her sleepover.

 In her bed, actually. Because also for the first time in years, Brittany is not
 at her party, thus invalidating the unspoken and never-challenged policy of
 Britt and Santana get the bed, everyone else gets the floor.

 And Quinn is warm, and she's beautiful, and this is why it's not Santana's
 fault that she is wrapped around her super-straight, formerly born-again
 best friend.

 It might be her fault that her nose is pressed into the crease of Quinn's
jawline. Or that her hand is inching under the hem of Quinn's t-shirt. And
when her tongue flicks out against the skin of Quinn's neck, well, she can't
really abrogate responsibility for that one.

She doesn't expect Quinn to tilt her head back, exposing more skin, any
more than she expects Quinn's hand to cover hers instead of pushing it
away. She pauses, and Quinn's head turns, and suddenly they're seeing eye-
to-eye, maybe more than they have in a year.

They don't kiss, and their clothes stay on, and what happens isn't sex even
by lesbian terms. But they wake up in the morning unsure of when they'd
fallen asleep, except that Santana's hand is splayed across Quinn's stomach
and Quinn's fingers are twisted in Santana's hair.

Santana doesn't know which of them she expected to freak out more, but the
answer certainly isn't "neither.". They just get up and join the others in
haphazard pancake-making, and when Santana catches Quinn's eye she gets
a small smile in return.

_____________

The next time, they're backstage at the McKinley auditorium, just after a
dress rehearsal. They've been closer friends since December, but nothing
physical - nothing like Santana pushing Quinn up against the back wall of
the stage and kissing her until neither of them can breathe.

Santana would be scared, but however much the last year has damaged
Quinn, she still wouldn't be doing this unless she wanted to. On whatever
level.

It keeps happening. Backstage, or in a bedroom after school, or one time,
memorably, at a Glee party (Santana had shoved a space between Quinn's
sleeping bag and Puck's, and they held hands all night).

At the end of January, Santana gives Quinn a card. All it says is "happy one
month of this." It's more than she's ever acknowledged before.

And then they're watching Kissing Jessica Stein in Quinn's basement, just
plain watching the movie (no, really). Until Quinn's mom calls down the
stairs for her, and she's gone for 15 minutes and comes back several shades
paler.

Santana watches her out of the corner of her eye, while Quinn resolutely
watches the end of the movie. At the end, all she says is, "What the fuck, Q?"

Quinn has her amazing poker face on, the one that makes Santana want to
either smack her or kiss her.

"She told me I should be careful, watching this kind of movie with you. With
someone like you. That you might get the wrong idea."

Santana doesn't say anything. It's not like Quinn's mom is wrong.

At school the next day, Quinn is leaning on Puck's locker before class. A
week later, they're holding hands in the hallway. Santana wants to either
throw something or throw up.
Santana is never alone with Quinn again.

____________

Instead, Santana visits colleges. She chooses Oberlin, even though it's only a
couple hours from home (or maybe because). The scholarship and the fact
that her host when she visits is a tiny girl with a purple buzz-cut are enough
to make the distance tolerable. Not to mention the fact that the host girl's
ex-girlfriend drunk-dials the room at 4am. And the girl challenges Santana at
dinner, wondering aloud what someone like her would want at a school like
that.

Santana never backs down from a challenge. And while it's nice to know she
can still pass, she doesn't want to anymore.

Quinn is going somewhere else. At the honor roll ceremony before
graduation, Santana finds out it's Northwestern.

It takes until the end of first semester before Santana realizes Quinn has
even blocked her on IM.

_______________

If Santana passes for anything that year, it's a total badass. She sleeps with
half her dorm, gets straight A's, and barely goes back to Lima at all.

But then it's summer, and she has to go home.

She doesn't really know what to do with herself. In the first week, she hits
up the snow-cone stand, the mall, and every gay club within driving
distance. Every single bar in the area cards her and refuses her entry. How
rude.

So Santana's getting drunk alone in her room when her computer beeps at
her.

Quinn Fabray: hi
Santana Lopez: oh I guess you unblocked me
Quinn Fabray: yeah
Santana Lopez: well gosh, all is right with the world now

She's being bitingly sarcastic, of course. Mostly.

_____________

They meet for coffee. It's actually not awkward at all, because they are both
too damn proud and stubborn to be defeated by something like an ex-
fuckbuddy situation.

Quinn explains her mom, and the pressure to just get something right for
once, and Santana actually understands completely. (What she says, of
course, is something more like "nice to have such a convenient excuse to act
like a bitch.")

Santana talks about Oberlin, and the total lack of pressure to be anything
other than what she's always wanted, and Quinn seems to get that too.
(What she says is something more like "don't know why you ever came home
at all.")

But they're seeing eye-to-eye again, for the first time in a year.

And then Quinn levels her with this look across the table, and says, "I've
never been more turned on in my life than when you wrapped yourself
around me at your birthday party."

Santana's jaw actually drops, which she thought only happened in books.

_______________

Later, in Santana's bed again, after Santana has said embarrassing things
like, "I don't even know what kind of sex you like!" and Quinn has
demonstrated that Santana wasn't the only one using the freedom of college
to her advantage, they curl up facing each other.

Santana can't stop her thumb from tracing a path across Quinn's cheekbone
to her ear and down her jaw line. She knows what look is in her eyes but she
can't stop that either. Nothing has ever felt so right.

And Quinn seems to get that, because her hazel eyes meet Santana's and
she says, "I'll never meet anyone like you." She means it as a compliment,
and Santana understands completely.



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