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					                                    Nineveh Dispatch
                                                A Perspective from the land of Nineveh Assyria. A lesson tool for Lesson 39 Loving People
                                                you Dis-like. (The Prophet Jonah)
June 15, 770 BC
Don’t get sidetracked fig-
uring out how the Assyr-
ians know its 770 BC. Just
play along…
This paper is an attempt to Jonah Ignores the “Word of the Lord.” Draws Short Straw! Ends up on Foam Blubber Mattress!
create an ancient newspa-
per from Assyria using a
little creative license while API-Assyrian Press International from the Lord that we found a way
adhering to the core Bibli-                                    to save the crew. The sailors had
cal details of Jonah.         It has been a repentant week in
                                                                           already lost all their goods and
                                  Nineveh since the recent visit of
                                                                           many on board had given up. The
Special points of interest:       Jonah from the land of Israel.
                                                                           prophet named Jonah instructed
                                  Sources indicate that he received
∗    Sackcloth and Ashes Stock                                             the sailors to throw him overboard
                                  a message from the Lord that he
     Prices Skyrocket!                                                     and they would most likely be
                                  was to deliver to Nineveh, but
∗    Beach Vacation travel way                                             saved. The sailors were extremely
                                  chose to go to Joppa and take a
     down                                                                  nervous about throwing a prophet        belly of a large fish before being
                                  boat to Tarshisis instead. One of
                                                                           of the Lord overboard because           vomited onto the shore. The king of
∗    Fish Cologne sales picking   the sailors on the boat reported
                                                                           what if the Lord punished them for      Nineveh stated “We have no reason
     up..                         that a storm came upon them of
                                                                           their actions?                          to doubt Jonah’s story. If you could
                                  Biblical proportions! “We offered
∗    Sacks fifth Avenue starts                                                                                     have smelled him when he arrived
     store chain!
                                  up sacrifices to our gods, and           Jonah claims to have been swal-
                                                                                                                   there was no doubt where he had
                                  tossed our livelihood overboard,         lowed by a large fish that carried
∗    40 day countdown begins.                                                                                      been!” In a show of solidarity the
                                  but nothing was working. We knew         him back to the coast west of Nine-
     People repent!                                                                                                   Story Continued on Page 2
                                  we were going to die!”                   veh where he had to walk the re-
Inside this issue:                                                         maining distance. Jonah spent
                                  It was only after a sleeping pas-
                                                                           three days and three nights in the
                                  senger admitted he was running
Jonah Ignores Lord         1



Hook and Skewer Sales      1      People’s Repentance and Fasting Causes Hook and Skewer Sales to Plummet!
                           2      The recent repentant activity through-   through a person’s mouth and lips       fected torture to an art providing the
Israel Not Happy with
                                  out the city including fasting has       what am I supposed to do?” Another      most pain possible before death!”
Jonah
                                  caused hook and skewer production to     soldier who specializes in impaling
Jonah awaits Demise        2                                                                                       Nineveh has been known as one of the
                                  be devastated! In an interview with an   torture stated the the number of
                                                                                                                   torture capitals of the known world,
                                  un-named soldier he stated that          politically dead prisoners hanging on
                                                                                                                   but as repentance has become so
Assyrian Poll              3      “transporting conquered exiles is my     poles out of the city has almost com-
                                                                                                                   dominant there is no hooks and skew-
                                  livelihood! If I can’t run my hooks      pletely been stopped! “I have per-
                                                                                                                   ers being purchased.
                        Nineveh Dispatch                                                                                                      Page 2



                        Lead Story on Jonah continued.
                        king has ordered an extreme fast in        repentance will buy us some mercy!
                        the city and has even declared that
       Reports from                                                The king has taken no aggressive
                        the livestock participate. All efforts
     those near the                                                stance against Jonah from day one. It
                        are being taken to show the God of
                                                                   is possible that the king fears divine
 prophet Jonah say      Jonah that we mean business about
                                                                   reprisals if he attempts to rebuke the
                        fasting. We want to live and we will
   that he has yet to                                              prophet of God? Assyria could squash
                        take any measures necessary to
                                                                   Israel like a bug, but it appears all are
      appear happy      prove it. Reports from those near the
                                                                   participating in the extreme fast.
                        prophet Jonah say that he has yet to
   about our efforts
                        appear happy about our efforts to          Reports from outside of Nineveh say
        to show our     show our contriteness. It looks as         that Jonah is camped out under a
                        though Jonah wants Nineveh to suffer       shade tree waiting for God’s wrath to       Jonah preaching to the people of
       contriteness.                                                                                           Nineveh telling them “in 40 days
                        destruction! Jonah has not once men-       be poured out on Nineveh.
                        tioned how we could be spared from                                                     Nineveh will be destroyed!”
                        God’s wrath and we hope our show of



                        Israel Not too Happy with Jonah. Jonah just not too happy.
                        It is rumored that Jonah may lose          given, but it doesn’t change the fact
We are not called       many friends and supporters due to         that it resulted in repentance. God
to understand           his trip to Nineveh. He has crossed        used all but a divine whip to get Jonah
God’s reasoning,        into enemy territory and preached a        there, but the result is undisputable.
                        message to the Assyrians which has
but we are called                                                  A principle is learned from Jonah’s
                        caused revival to break out in the land.
to obey!                On top of everything else, this is the
                                                                   actions that we should obey God be-
                                                                   cause God Is. We are not called to
                        first time an Old Testament prophet                                                    Instead God used Jonah in spite of
                                                                   understand God’s reasoning, but we
                        has carried the Gospel to a Gentile                                                    Jonah’s desire to be bitter and dis-
                                                                   are called to obey! Jonah missed the
                        nation. There may not have been a call                                                 obedient.
                                                                   joy of being obedient to God’s call.
                        for repentance from the message



                        Jonah awaits Nineveh’s demise! Fears God will be Merciful.
                        Jonah is reported to have been seen        (described in Amos 4:2). The Assyr-         again. “Hey there goes the prophet
                        outside the city hoping for a fire-        ians were brutal in every sense of          who saved our enemy” would be the
                        works show, but why? He was sent           the word and struck fear into the           cry!
                        outside of his home country to             hearts of all nations in the land. They
                                                                                                               Jonah was more concerned with a
                        prophesy to the fiercest enemy of          would ultimately destroy Samaria in
                                                                                                               shade tree than for the 120,000
                        his people! Chances are he was both        722 BC. Jonah’s biggest fear is that
                                                                                                               (possibly referring to the children
                        angry, prejudiced, and petrified all at    the people of Nineveh would repent
                                                                                                               and women), and only God knows
                        once! These were the same Assyr-           of their evil ways and not be de-
                                                                                                               how many more who would have
                        ians who were brutal in their war          stroyed. Jonah was furious! How
                                                                                                               perished.
                        tactics taking people out of cities        would he ever be able to face his
                        with fish hooks chained together           people in the Northern Kingdom
Nineveh Dispatch                                                                                                      Page 3



Assyrian Poll shows 100 Percent of the People Would Rather Repent than be turned into Ash Heap.
A recent Assyrian Poll shows that
the people of Nineveh would rather
repent and beg for God’s mercy
                                                                                                                                   “Jonah never
than be incinerated into a pile of
ashes. From day one of the arrival                                                                                                 gave us any hope
of the prophet Jonah, his message                                                                                                  of being spared”
has struck fear in the hearts of the
people of Nineveh.
“Jonah never gave us any hope of
being spared from his message of
destruction, but we are just hoping
our show of repentance will spare
our city,” says one official.



Does Obedience to God always bring the Result we want?
In the 1990’s a beautiful and talented     that has gone by the name of the            and know that while we were still          “obedience
young lady attended a church with her      husband still invokes bitter and angry      sinners Christ died for us. If we truly
husband. All looked perfect until one      feelings for his selfish actions.           believe that The Bible is God’s Word,      doesn’t mean you
day when the husband planned and                                                       then we must live this out.
                                           Could you love someone like this? Is                                                   always get to pick
carried out the brutal murder of his
                                           there a clause or exception in the          Maybe we feel that some people just
adoring wife with the aid of his                                                                                                  the final
                                           scripture that says we must love one        need to get what they deserve just like
brother. The church was in a state of
                                           another? (1 John 3:11-15) If God told       Jonah, but obedience doesn’t mean          outcome.”
shock over how to react to this hei-
                                           you to go and share the Gospel with         you always get to pick the final out-
nous act. Both were members in the
                                           such a person how hard would it be?         come. Each of us has the opportunity
church, but all wanted to line up on the
                                                                                       to serve the God of the universe! What
side of the wife. Even with all the time   Maybe we need to re-read Romans 5:8
                                                                                       more could anyone ask?


Closing thoughts on Jonah
One of the saddest parts of Jonah’s        left his fish and chips.” (that was free)   There are times we need to realize
ministry is the fact that from what we                                                 that God’s big picture view isn’t al-
                                           When Jonah finally arrived in Nineveh
read in Jonah he never got it. He had                                                  ways our concern. He desires our
                                           and gave them the message, his only
every earthly right to be fearful and                                                  obedience because He is God! If your
                                           hope was that the message wouldn’t
angry with the Assyrians, but he didn’t                                                circumstances are the measure of
                                           take. Jonah’s book ends with a lecture
work for an earthly person. When he                                                    your happiness then you will be disillu-
                                           to Jonah from God.
was in the fish his heart appeared to                                                  sioned as a Christian. Each of us will
be humbled, but he also believed he        Jonah never appeared to enjoy being         suffer through rough and unexplain-
was about to die. When he did arrive       obedient to God as his Lord and Crea-       able times in our lives. Our content-
at the shore he didn’t leave his chip in   tor. It’s like the person who gets hung     ment will only come from being in the
the fish, he took his chip and left his    up on the phrase, “Why would a loving       center of God’s will, and by striving to
fish. In other words “he should have       God?”                                       be obedient no matter what.

				
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