So You Want To Rape Childhood Memories By Making A Shitty Film…
STEP 1: Find A Beloved Childhood Memory To Shit On
The Beloved Quotient: To be beloved enough to shit on, the franchise must,
when averaging the % of nerds, and non nerds who enjoy it, have a median greater than 60%
Not Beloved Enough Beloved Enough
In this example, the television show Perfect Strangers is clearly not beloved enough to shit on, whereas although people who have sex aren’t overwhelmingly supportive of Thundercats, the Nerd contingent pushes it over the edge.
STEP 2: The Script
Does your script reach “The Michael Bay
Zone?”
STEP 3: Hiring The Director
Does your potential candidate hit the “Hollywood
Douchebag” sweet spot?
STEP 4: Casting
Do teenage girls want to fuck the main character?
OMG soooooo badly!
He’s soooo funny! I totally would cause of that!
Ew, he’s old.
STEP 5: CGI
CGI or “Special Effects” should be incredibly overused, to the
point where the audience feels as if a computer shit on their face. Here’s a standard ratio to follow:
Shots that look like god damned cartoons Shots where actors say stuff that isn’t screaming
STEP 6: Merchandising
The more whorish in
nature your merchandising can be, the greater the shit you will take on the franchise. A good way to do that is advertising tie-ins with all kinds of unrelated products.