Police Union Lawyer Admits that Police Reports are “Unreliable

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					www.kwtn.com                                                                                                             Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1




                                                   KEY WEST THE NEWSPAPER • MAY 14, 2010

PAGE ONE COMMENTARY
                                                                                                             The Controversial
Police Union Lawyer                                                                                          Mr. Watherwax
Admits that Police Reports                                                                                   IS HIS PHOTOGRAPHY ART—
are “Unreliable”                                                                                             OR SOFTCORE PORN? WE ASKED
                                                                                                             HIM TO EXPLAIN IT
PBA ATTORNEY TELLS MEMBERS                                               zen complaint to the Key West
                                                                                                                 by Richard Watherwax
                                                                                                                   Last week I ran the photo
OF THE CRB THAT THEY SHOULD                                              Police Department (KWPD) for        at right in my ad in Key West The
NOT USE POLICE REPORTS WHEN                                              investigation by the internal       Newspaper with the caption
                                                                         affairs unit (IA).
THEY ARE SEARCHING FOR THE                                                      Apparently, however,
                                                                                                             “Happy Mother’s Day.” One
                                                                                                             reader was offended, and sent
TRUTH                                                                    Escobar had not bothered to         an email to Publisher Dennis
                                                                         research how the CRB operates.      Reeves Cooper.
 by Dennis Reeves Cooper           unlikely source— a lawyer for         Had she done that, she would              “This comment is on Rich-
      If you are a longtime        the police union, the Police Be-      have learned that the very first    ard Watherwax’s photo of the
reader of this newspaper, you      nevolent Association (PBA).           thing that happens to any citi-     week, showing an older lady
know that we have suggested              Last month, in a six-page       zen complaint received by the       posing with Chris Vidal naked
here more than once that police    letter to the City of Key West        CRB is that it is sent to IA for    behind her. I mean seriously!
officers sometimes just make       Citizen Review Board (CRB),           investigation—including the         That is so not appropriate. I am
stuff up when they write their     PBA Attorney Cristina Escobar         complaint that the officer alleg-   a very open minded person,
police reports. Police reports     said that police reports “are         edly lied on a police report. Had   as I belive the majority of Key      had been a model in New York
are often exercises in creative    considered hearsay” and they          she done her homework, she          West people are, but this is just    City (many moons ago), and
writing. The idea is to make the   are “unreliable and non-pro-          would not have embarrassed          gross.”                              a singer in local nightclubs in
person who got arrested look as    bative” (a legal term meaning         herself.                                  I can understand why           Key West.
bad as possible, while making      not proof or evidence). In other             She would have learned       some people might be upset.                  About 10 years ago she
the arresting officer look like    words, when it comes to try-          that, not only was the complaint    A friend of mine, who usually        called Vidal and said, “Vidal,
a highly-trained law enforce-      ing to determine what really          sent to IA, she would have also     likes the humor in my work,          you and I are both Key West
ment professional, honest and      happened, police reports may          learned that IA had declined to     told me that I had “finally          legends, and I think we should
as guileless as a new puppy.       not be worth the paper they’re        investigate it.                     crossed the line.” Finally? They     be photographed together.”
      We have given you a          written on— according to At-                 In her letter to the CRB,    haven’t been paying attention.             So she hired me to shoot
number of examples over the        torney Escobar.                       Escobar also suggested that               First of all, let me explain   several photos of the two of
years, but our personal favorite         Escobar was responding          the members of the board were       how the photo of the lady and        them in my studio. By the way,
is the officer who, after he has   to a report by the CRB, follow-       not qualified to investigate any    Vidal came about. The woman          Vidal wasn’t naked—he was
pulled some hapless citizen out    ing an investigation of a citizen     complaint against a police of-      is Viola Veidt, daughter of the      wearing a black thong, and
of his car and beat the living     complaint, concluding that an         ficer because, she said, none of    famous German actor Conrad           strategically covered it with his
crap out of him, wrote in his      officer had apparently lied on        them has law enforcement expe-      Veidt. Veidt played the Nazi         arm. It was a fun afternoon, and
report, “I feared for my life.”    a police report. She chided the       rience. Again, Escobar showed       officer who was shot in Casa-        I’m sorry she wasn’t here to see
      But now we have con-         board for relying on police           her ignorance. Apparently she       blanca.                              herself in the paper. She passed
firmation that, when it comes      reports when trying to find           was unaware that the co-chair of          Viola was a very good          away in 2004.
to looking for the truth, police   the truth.                            the CRB, Susan Srch, is a retired   friend of Tennessee Williams,              I’ve run a few other photos
reports are unreliable. That             She was also critical of the    police lieutenant from Illinois,    and claims to have gone skinny       that have also given offense.
admission comes from a most        board for failing to send the citi-                   See PBA, page 7     dipping with “Tennie.” She also                See PHOTOS, page 4


  THE ISLAND’S OLDEST INDEPENDENT WEEKLY NEWSPAPER
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2                                                                                 www.kwtn.com



                                                BITCHIN’ PARADISE

                                                     Thanks, but I
                                                      Prefer Mine
                                                        Shaken
                                                 by Kimberley Denney                    Well, actually I knew that   do I turn away in disgust? No.
                                                   It took more than five        wouldn’t happen. What keeps         Well, maybe sometimes, like at
                                             years, but last week I was          me in check even at my drunkest     the Garden of Eden.
                                             invited to a Key West rite of       moments is that certain behav-             But oh, the pressure! The
                                             passage known as the clothing       ior, and especially photographic    pressure to be one of the cool
                                             optional party. Actually, it was    evidence of certain behavior,       kids and not look judgy or
                                             something like, the Smokin’         could cause me to lose my day       puritanical when encouraged
                                             Hot Non-Smoking Clothing            job. Before the job, I had my       to take it off. The pressure to
                                             Optional Graduation Birthday        days of flashing for beads as a     confidently strut your stuff in
                                             Party. Most of the clothing         Fantasy Fest visitor, and other     your bathing suit when you are
                                             optional parties I’m told of usu-   related shenanigans, so I know      anything but confident. Which
                                             ally occur at Island House, or      I’m not missing out on anything     is weird because, living on an
                                             Bourbon Street. I’m always off      and yet still manage to have a      island, we really don’t wear
                                             the hook because these events       ton of fun. Or so I tell myself.    much of anything nine months
                                             aren’t female-friendly.                    Really, I have nothing       out of the year.
                                                   But it was time, and I        against nakedness. I kind of               To add to my angst, five
                                             had to face the music. I fancy      envy people who publicly throw      days before the party I’m in-
                                             myself a free and easy kind of      off their clothes in the blink of   formed that all the girls are
                                             gal, but just the thought of this   an eye. Do I walk around the        ordering Gina’s Gems (jeweled
                                             party was making me nervous.        house in the buff? You bet your     pasties) to match their bikini
                                             I haven’t even begun to try and     birthday suit I do. Hell, when      bottoms! Where, god, where
                                             get into swimsuit shape for the     I lived in a fourth-floor condo     does it end? I pray for rain.
                                             season, and now I’ve got the        I didn’t even bother to put up             Back in the day, I was the
                                             pressure of potentially getting     curtains or shades. Even after      girl who could devour an entire
                                             naked?                              I discovered the telescope on a     frozen pizza, top it with a pint
                                                                                 neighbor’s balcony.                 of ice cream, slip on a bikini and
                                                                                        If I see someone naked,           See KIMBERLEY, page 6
www.kwtn.com                                                         Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 

             NEwS BRIEfS
Today is Law Enforcement
Memorial Day
      It’s time again for one of the more somber ceremonies in
law enforcement: the annual Law Enforcement Memorial Day,
a day to remember those law enforcement officers who died in
the line of duty. This evening, Friday, May 14 at 6 p.m., members
from a number of local agencies will convene in Bayview Park to
honor the memory of officers who have, over the years, made the
ultimate sacrifice in the pursuit of a safe and peaceful commu-
nity. Hosted by the Key West Police Department and the Monroe
County Sheriff’s Office, the ceremony will include a traditional
laying of the wreath, a 21-gun salute, Honor Guards from both
agencies, and the Police Pipe and Drum Corp of Florida.
      Though 116 officers lost their lives nationwide last year,
not a single officer was killed in Monroe County in 2009. Dur-
ing that year, more officers were killed by firearms. Fewer were
killed in traffic accidents, however. The national level of 116
is the lowest annual number since the late 1950s, according to
Police Patrol Magazine.
      Special remembrance will be reserved for Monroe County
Sheriff’s Deputy Frank Adams, killed in 1901, Key West Police
Officer Clarence Till, 1904, Sheriff’s Game Warden Guy Bradley,
1905, Key West Police Officer Norman Drew, 1975, Sheriff’s
Deputies David Cormier and Michael Alexander, 1980 and 1998
respectively, and Key West Police Detective John Piskator in 2006.
The roll will also include Sheriff’s Deputy Robin Tanner, 2007,
and Nick Pham, killed in 2008.
      The public is encouraged to come out and join their local
law enforcement officers and city officials in honoring those of-
ficers who sacrificed their lives to ensure public safety.
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 4                                                                                      www.kwtn.com

                          The Controversial Mr. Watherwax
                          PHOTOS, from page 1
                          one The photo on this page was
                          shot in 1974 in my apartment
                          in New York. The caption was
                          “Willoughby lays an egg”. Wil-
                          loughby is the cat, of course, and
                          that’s a very young Tom Brokaw
                          on the TV, 36 years ago.
                                 I had shot it for a cat book
                          I was working on, and about
                          seven years ago, I dug it out
                          of my files and ran it in my ad
                          in KWTN because I think it’s a
                          funny picture.
                                Dennis told me that, after
                          the ad had appeared, a woman a cracked leg sitting in the    naked ladies. Here are three that
                          had called and accused me of windowsill.                     I’ve published in this paper.
                          child pornography. I assume         Some people see what           The first, “Christa,”
                          that she was referring to the they want to see.              seemed to offend the Religious                CHRISTA
                          mannequin with one arm and          And then there are the   Right, the Moral Majority, and a few people in Boston. I received
                                                                                                                         lots of flak on that one.
                                                                                                                               The next one, simply
                                                                                                                         titled, “Nude” was, as we pho-
                                                                                                                         tographers like to say, tastefully
                                                                                                                         done.




                                                                                                                                       NUDE
                                                                                                                               But a woman called and
                                                                                                                         left a message on my phone:
                                                                                                                         ”What’s wrong with you? Don’t
                                                                                                                         you know that children see that
                                                                                                                         paper? Idiot!”
                                                                                                                                Well, as I’ve said before,
                                                                                                                         what’s the first thing a newborn
                                                                                                                         child encounters after his first
                                                                                                                         breath? A nipple— which gives
                                                                                                                            CONTINUED on next page
www.kwtn.com                                                            Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 

Watherwax
PHOTOS, from previous page




him life sustaining nourish-                   And finally, this one,
ment, and creates a beautiful      above, is my homage to the
bond with his mother. But as       Playboy pictures of the Fifties
he gets older, and catches Mom     (before they went frontal).
without her bra, she ducks be-           So there . . . I’ve done it
hind the closet door, and yells,   again . . . offended someone, I’m
“No! NO! Don’t look ! Bad!”        sure. I’m sorry. Sort of.
     No wonder we guys are               willywax@bboi.net
screwed up.
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page                                                www.kwtn.com

                                             Kimberley                             10 TV channels were show-
                                                                                   ing infomercials for diet pills
                                                                                   and workout DVDs. I briefly
                                             FROM page 2                           contemplated jumping off the
                                             still not show an ounce of fat.       balcony and putting myself
                                             Not so much anymore. I’m new          out of my misery, but I was on
                                             to this whole workout thing,          the 10th floor and I’m afraid of
                                             and it’s a struggle to actually       heights.
                                             pay attention to what I eat. I              Alas, on my return to Key
                                             took this all for granted and now     West, I started going to the gym,
                                             that I’m in uncharted territory,      but too little, too late, at least
                                             I’m terrified.                        for this shindig. Yet four hours
                                                    To make matters worse,         before the party, I rallied and
                                             the weekend before the party          did an hour on the elliptical
                                             I went out of town and stayed         machine . . . and, in an act of
                                             at a hotel with the most brutal       self-sabotage, came home and
                                             full-length mirror view I’ve ever     ate all the Chinese leftovers in
                                             experienced in my life. It was        the fridge.
                                             almost as if the lighting was               Finally, it was time. The
                                             designed to penetrate and ex-         sun blazed in the afternoon
                                             pand your skin, showing every         sky and I tried to focus not
                                             tiny little fat cell underneath the   on nakedness, but on martini
                                             surface. That was quite a cold        mayhem. And boy did I need
                                             hard slap on the ass. And not         a martini.
                                             in a good way.                              I got on my bike and
                                                    Then I woke up at 3:00         stopped at KP’s. Leave it to Mr.
                                             a.m. and found that six of the           CONTINUED on next page
    www.kwtn.com                                                                                                  Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 

Kimberley                              girls were in the pool with their
                                       pasties. It was all so goddamn
                                                                             next day. Yes, the visualization
                                                                             did affect my level of relaxation.
                                       civilized. Where was the drunken      And I’m pretty sure one friend
FROM page 6                            debauchery? Where was the             ended up sporting a black eye.
Burlesque to order a costume           wanton nakedness? Where was           Don’t ask me how she got it or
change from beach cover-up             my martini, damn it? Shaken, not      if it’s related to the naked guy
to bikini and sarong, and then         stirred. At least today.              in the pool.
he applied a healthy varnish of               My over-thinking and                  There was the couple who
gold body glitter (four days later,    choreographed cock-blocking           didn’t realize we all knew they
I’m still cursing him). I put on a     were all for naught. Hell, I was so   were the ones in the shower for
brave face and we walked a block       relaxed I didn’t even care when       20 minutes in the only bathroom
to the party. Although I don’t         I realized, 10 minutes after the      in the house while we all did
know why I was the one with            fact, that a guy actually talked      the pee-pee dance outside the
the brave face; he was wearing         condescendingly about the size        door (hmmm . . . or did they???).
a flowy sheer paneled skirt over       of my bikini top. Um, so yeah, no     And there was some actual
his bikini brief, topped off with a    one remotely encouraged me to         nakedness and photos (with
Samantha Jones-esque black hat         take it all off. Or to take any of    strategic beer can placement)
to block the sun. From his bare        it off, for that matter.              that may or may not be posted
penis, eventually. Surely.                    It was a little shocking       on Facebook.
       And damn if like, every         when I realized the naked guy in             So the girl who was deter-
girl is there in a cute little dress   the pool was the guy I was sched-     mined to make an appearance
or beach cover-up. Three or four       uled to have a massage with the       and leave in two hours max left
                                                                             when the sun was long gone. But
                                                                             that wasn’t before I danced on

PBA Lawyer: You                                                              the ceiling and spilled martinis
                                                                             on the floor. Our gracious host

Cannot Assume That                                                           Scott is still trying to figure
                                                                             out who broke the toilet seat

Police Reports Are                                                           from its hinges. My money’s
                                                                             on Merryl.

True                                                                                And to the guy who peed
                                                                             in the outdoor bathtub and
                                                                             didn’t have the courtesy to
FROM page 1                            misleading ads. But on election       rinse: I’m no medical profes-
with 26 years of law enforcement       day, more than 60 percent of those    sional, but I think you need to
experience. She also has a degree      who went to the polls in Key West     see a doctor.
in criminal justice.                   voted “yes” to create a CRB.                 kimberley@kwtn.com
      Another CRB member,                    The CRB is a unique city
Mike Driscoll, spent more than         agency because it was created by
eight years of a 33-year Navy          the people and not by the govern-
career in law enforcement.             ment. The CRB is an independent
      Another member of the            seven-member volunteer board
CRB, Mark Kielsgard, is an at-         with the authority to review and
torney.                                investigate complaints involving
      In any event, the whole          Key West police officers and for-
idea behind the Citizen Review         ward findings and recommenda-
Board is to provide civilian over-     tions to the chief of police, state
sight of the police department.        attorney, other state and federal
      But having said all that,        law enforcement agencies, as
Escobar’s letter falls into the        well as grand juries. The CRB
consider-the-source category.          also has subpoena power.
Her letter is just part of the al-           The passage of the CRB
most-continuous whining by the         referendum was a stinging de-
PBA that has been going on since       feat for the PBA. They are still
the voters in Key West kicked          stinging. For the last eight years,
the union’s ass eight years ago.       union attorneys and others have
In November 2002, the voters           been trying to minimumize the
amended the city charter to cre-       CRB. For example, the PBA will
ate the CRB.                           not allow police officers who
      During the weeks before          are being investigated to appear
the vote on the CRB referendum,        before the CRB to tell their side
the police union campaigned            of the story. And then, when the
hard for a “no” vote. They spent          CONTINUED on next page
thousands of dollars on often
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page                                            www.kwtn.com

                                             PBA                                  eight years, the PBA’s policy has
                                                                                  seemed to be “just ignore the
                                                                                  CRB and maybe it will go away.
                                             FROM page 7                          All they can do, anyway, is make
                                             CRB comes to a conclusion based      recommendations.”
                                             on public documents (like police           That is true. But we here at
                                             reports) and other witnesses,        KWTN have repeatedly pointed
                                             the PBA attorneys whine that         out that the power of the CRB is
                                             the CRB did not consider all         that the agency’s recommenda-
                                             the evidence— like getting the       tions are made public. And the
                                             officer’s side of the story.         court of public opinion is a very
                                                   Apparently, Attorney Es-       powerful court!
                                             cobar and the PBA are nostalgic            What may have happened
                                             for the old days. Before the         in the recent case is this: The CRB
                                             CRB, when a citizen would file       received a citizen complaint al-
                                             a complaint about a Key West         leging that a police officer lied
                                             police officer, the cops would, in   on a police report. The complaint
                                             essence, investigate themselves.     was sent to IA for investigation.
                                             And, often, those complaints         IA sent the file back to the CRB
                                             would simply disappear into a        without investigating. So the
                                             black hole somewhere inside the      CRB conducted its own investi-
                                             police station.                      gation. That investigation found
                                                   But the recent letter from     inconsistencies in the police
                                             Attorney Escobar does represent      reports, suggesting that the of-
                                             a breakthrough, of sorts. The        ficer may have, indeed, lied. To
                                             PBA is at least providing some       give the officer an opportunity
                                             input into the process— even if      to explain the inconsistencies,
                                             it comes after the CRB investiga-    he and the PBA were invited to
                                             tion has been concluded and a        appear before the CRB. They did
                                             finding has been forwarded to        not show up.
                                             the police chief.                          So, based on police depart-
                                                   The reason this may be a       ment records and testimony
                                             breakthrough is that, for the last   by the complainant, the CRB
                                                                                  concluded that the police officer
                                                                                  apparently did lie on a police
                                                                                  report. And when that conclu-
                                                                                  sion was forwarded to the chief
                                                                                  of police, it became a public
                                                                                  record— and the newspapers
                                                                                  picked it up. Then the court of
                                                                                  public opinion kicked in.
                                                                                        And what should the pub-
                                                                                  lic think about a police officer
                                                                                  who won’t testify in his own
                                                                                  defense?
                                                                                        So now, well after the fact,
                                                                                  the PBA is coming forward to try
                                                                                  to defend the officer’s reputation
                                                                                  in the court of public opinion.
                                                                                  And that’s just fine with the
                                                                                  members of the CRB. In fact, to
                                                                                  give the officer another opportu-
                                                                                  nity to tell his side of the story, the
                                                                                  CRB has reopened the case.
                                                                                        So, after publicly com-
                                                                                  plaining that the CRB concluded
                                                                                  that an officer lied on a police
                                                                                  report without hearing the
                                                                                  officer’s side of the story, will
                                                                                  the PBA now allow the officer
                                                                                  to testify before the CRB?
                                                                                        Stay tuned.
www.kwtn.com   Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 10                                                                                                              www.kwtn.com


                                                                                                                                 RICk BoETTgER
                                    RHoNDA

           Precious, Indeed                                                                                                              Captive
           by Rhonda Linseman-Saunders
                                                                                                                                         Boards
       Okay, I caught a little bit of flak last week for                                                                           Boards we trust with our money and our lives
insinuating that my toddler is the bane of my existence.                                                                    too often fail us, instead becoming the handmaidens
Maybe the Friday before Mothers’ Day was bad tim-                                                                           to the very forces they are supposed to rule. Tragically
ing. But if I really felt that way, it would be the last         that cause me to fantasize about sticking a fork in my     so, in mining and oil. Our federal mine safety board
thing I’d jokingly write out loud, you know? I can’t             eye. But instead, I laugh, and sometimes I write about     had the power to close the oft-cited mine where 29
believe I actually have to say that. Jesus, lighten up.          it all, in hopes I might help make other parents feel a    recently died, but let them stay open. The federal
You know who you are.                                            wee bit less nuts, at least for a few minutes.             agency overseeing oil drilling has known since 2003
       What is it with this cultural expectation that                    Diarrhea that has leaked out of the diaper and     that deep-water blowout preventers were grossly
parents, especially mothers, are supposed to (pre-               traveled up the back of the child clear to his neck,       inadequate, but didn’t force the industry to fix them.
tend they) love every second of child-rearing? That              for example, is not something I can’t get enough of.       So another 11 died, and our Gulf Coast faces ruin.
expectation is imposed by people who either don’t                I spend whatever time is necessary to clean up after              Closer to home, the tragedies are merely finan-
have children, people who have never been close to               such noxious disasters, but that cleaning time is not      cial. No one is dying, but our Monroe County Com-
somebody raising children, or people whose children              something I count among the most precious moments          mission and our School Board are utterly captivated
are grown and they’ve chosen to retain only the cot-             of my life, no matter how precious the source.             by the civil servants they are supposed to oversee.
ton candy-stuffed unicorns portion of their memory                       Or, let’s consider several sleepless nights in a   Thus they tragically waste so much of our tax money
from that stage in life.                                         row because of a sick toddler who, as luck would           that I have to measure it in M’neeks. One M’neek is
       To be ultra clear for the very few humorless              have it, is also cutting two-year molars. That stops       now officially worth exactly $413,012.43, the amount
among you, I cherish the whole parenting experience.             being adorable sometime during night three. But it         Monique Acevedo is charged with stealing from the
Yes, I do. Very much.                                            has nothing to do with how much I love the child, or       School District. As I have detailed in these pages be-
       Regular readers may remember that this                    how far I will go to help him feel comfortable while       fore, the County has inflicted the equivalent of dozens
child—the toddler in question—gave us a medical                  he’s miserable.                                            of M’neeks upon us by ratholing tens of millions of
scare at the beginning of his life. But persistent local                 Not satisfied? Talk to anybody who was at Publix   our tax dollars in low-interest accounts. The School
rockstar pediatrician, Dr. Stanley Sack, was on the              a week ago—Thursday, May 6th, from about 7:00 to           Board has squandered multiple M’neeks on useless,
case and guided us through it. We ended up at Miami              7:30 p.m. They endured half an hour of skull-piercing      overpaid financial administrators.
Children’s Hospital. I’m all done naming names at the            screaming that echoed painfully, endlessly, through
local facility at which the baby’s obvious condition was         the store. All employees and patrons fell into stunned                                 See BOETTGER, page 23
missed, but please trust me when I say this: Parents,            silence, wandering dazed, willing us to make it stop,


                                                                                                                               Key West
if you need non-emergency pediatric services from                unable to concentrate or to remember why they’d


                                                                                                                                   Key
a hospital, go to Miami Children’s. Run!                         been there in the first place.
       In short, Number Five’s condition was corrected                   Ask any of those toddler tantrum victims of
with a surgery (performed by Superhero, pediatric                chance if they think we should file that thirty minutes       T H E               N E W S P A P E R
surgeon, and all around awesome human being, Dr.                 into our bank of pleasant memories from our angel’s
Colin Knight), after which life quickly returned to              childhood. While our pleasant memory bank will be
normal.                                                          full (really, it’s already overflowing), that is not one
                                                                                                                              Key West The Newspaper is published every
       My point is that, yes, in fact, I do cherish this child   that will make the cut.
                                                                                                                                 Friday, all year 'round, 52 weeks a year.
and recognize how very lucky we are to have him. I                       Look, if you think I’m bad, you really ought to
                                                                                                                                     Free distribution weekly: 9,000
am beyond grateful for all our healthy children, even            read Brett Paesel’s Mommies Who Drink (I think this
                                                                                                                             News tips and letters to the editor are welcome.
the ones who very actively work toward shortening                is your second reminder). It will help you put parent-
                                                                                                                                   Editorial and advertising office:
my time on Earth.                                                hood into a more realistic perspective, whether or not
                                                                                                                                             422 Fleming Street
       These column topics simply highlight that there           you have children.
                                                                                                                                  Mail: P.O. Box , Key West FL 041
are a few parts of routine parenthood that, gasp, choke,                 rhondasaunders@gmail.com.
                                                                                                                               Phone: (0) 22-210. Fax: (0) 22-12.
spit out martini, do not make me feel warm and fuzzy                     tweeting at @rhondasaunders.
                                                                                                                                    E-mail: TheBluePaper@kwtn.com
at the moment I’m experiencing them. There are parts
                                                                                                                                            Website: kwtn.com
                                                                                                                                    Subscriptions: $40 for six months

                  WHAT’S OPINION?
               WHAT’S YOUR YOUR
                                                                                                                            Editor/Publisher Dennis Reeves Cooper, Ph.D.
                                                                                                                             Associate Editor Rhonda Linseman-Saunders
                                        OPINION?                                                                                  Photography Richard Watherwax
                                                                                                                                      Art Director Art Winstanley
                                                Send Us a Letter
                                                Send Us a Letter                                                              Contributors Michael Barnes, Hal O’Boyle,
                                                  to the Editor
                                                  to the Editor
                                                                                                                                           Kimberley Denney,
                                                                                                                                   Harry Skevington, Rick Boettger,
                                              TheBluePaper@kwtn.com
                                              TheBluePaper@kwtn.com                                                                             Ken Davis
www.kwtn.com                                                                                           Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 11




 ENTERTAINMENT • EATING & DRINKING • NIGHTLIFE • ATTRACTIONS • EVENTS • ARTS • SHOPPING • MAP



   Colt and Sweet                                                    Chad Bradford & the
   at the Hogfish                                                 Damn Band at Cowboy Bill’s

                                                                                                                           CHAD BRADFORD & the
                                                                                                                           Damn Band headline a huge
                                                                                                                           array of live music at
                                                                                                                           Cowboy Bill’s this week.
                                                                                                                           They will be on the main
                                                                                                                           stage Friday, Saturday and
                                                                                                                           Sunday nights, starting at 10.

ROB SWEET, right, will be on stage at the Hogfish Bar & Grill
on Stock Island tonight. CW COLT takes over on Saturday night.
Showtime both nights is  ‘til 10.



        Raven at the                                               Suzanne Moore & Alphonse
         BottleCap                                                    at Finnegan’s Wake
                                RAVEN continues to
                                entertain at the BottleCap
                                Lounge every Thursday
                                night starting at 10.




                                                                 SUZANNE MOORE & ALPHONSE will be at Finnegan’s Wake tonight, Friday, May 14, starting
                                                                 at .
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 12                                               www.kwtn.com
                                              moRE ENTERTAINmENT
                                                   moRE ENTERTAINmENT

                                                    Larry Smith and
                                                   Guests at the Pier
                                                   House Wine Galley




                                                  PIANIST LARRY SMITH (above, right) performs with guests
                                                  Friday through Monday in the Wine Galley at the Pier House
                                                  Resort. This week, guests are Chief Billy tonight, Friday, May
                                                  14. On Saturday night, Cincinnati Mike Emerson joins Larry.
                                                  The Sunday Showcase stars guitarist, educator, singer/song-
                                                  writer Paul James (above left). Paul’s music contains elements
                                                  of jazz, Latin, folk and rock and he will be showcasing some of
                                                  his original compositions. Larry begins at . His guests join him
                                                  at . Monday is jazz jam night, starting at . Thursday night is
                                                  request night, starting at .
www.kwtn.com                       Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1

  moRE ENTERTAINmENT

 Caffeine Carl &
    Raven at
Schooner Wharf.
And Some Magic
   Tricks, Too




       CAFFEINE CARL and
RAVEN will be together again
 tonight and tomorrow night,
Friday and Saturday, May 14-
              1, starting at .

    Saturday night is also a big
    party night to celebrate the
   1th anniversary of FRANK
EVERHART’S MAGIC BAR at
  the Schooner Wharf. Lots of
 guest magicians will be drop-
 ping by, including the world-
   famous Levent, who will be
               performing at .
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 14                                                                       www.kwtn.com


                                                               moRE ENTERTAINmENT

                                                    Robert Albury Stars on
                                                       the Sunset Pier




                                              ROBERT ALBURY, Key West’s own King of Soul, stars on the Sunset Pier at the Ocean Key Resort,
                                              tonight, Friday, May 14, starting at :0— as well as Sunday, Monday and Wednesday nights.
www.kwtn.com                                                                                         Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1

                   moRE ENTERTAINmENT

    It’s a Sauce Boss Weekend
       at the Green Parrot Bar




BILL WHARTON, the Sauce Boss, promises a gumbo-filled weekend at the Green Parrot Bar. It
all starts at :0 this afternoon, Friday, May 14, with one of the Parrot’s famous “sound checks.”
Then Bill and the band return at 10 for a full gig. They will also be in the house Saturday night,
starting at 10. And they will also do the :0 “sound check” on Sunday afternoon.
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1                                                                                           www.kwtn.com

                                                                    mUSIC oN THE RoCk
                                                  Live Music on the Island
                                              KEY WEST IS FAMOUS FOR ITS LIVE                                                  day and late into the night.

                                              MUSIC. HERE’S A LISTING OF SOME
                                              OF THE TOP MUSIC VENUES IN THE
                                              SOUTHERNMOST CITY
                                                     EDITOR’S NOTE: Music           off Duval Street at 1128 Simonton
                                              schedules are subject to change       Street. Raven Cooper continues to
                                              without notice. To be included        entertain at the BottleCap on Thurs-
                                              in this listing, venues may email     day nights, starting at 10.
                                              music schedules to entertain-                The Bull One of Duval
                                              ment@kwtn.com by end of day           Street’s last open-air bars— actually
                                              Monday.                               three bars: The Bull on the first floor,
                                                     BottleCap Lounge One           the Whistle on the second floor
                                              of the oldest and most famous wa-     and the clothing-optional Garden
                                              tering holes on the island. A block   of Eden on the roof. Live music all                   THE BULL




                                                                                                                                  CAPT. TONY’S SALOON
                                                                                                                                      Capt. Tony’s Saloon A
                                                                                                                               Key West landmark at 428 Greene
                                                                                                                               Street, just off Duval. Since the
                                                                                                                               1850s, the building has been an ice
                                                                                                                               house, a telegraph station, a cigar
                                                                                                                               factory, a bordello and a series of
                                                                                                                               bars, including the original Sloppy
                                                                                                                               Joe’s. This is where Hemingway
                                                                                                                               drank 1933-37. The legendary
                                                                                                                               Capt. Tony Tarrecino, a charterboat
                                                                                                                               captain and a former gunrunner,
                                                                                                                               bought the place in 1958. Tony
                                                                                                                               was the Mayor of Key West 1989-
                                                                                                                               1991. Live music every day from
                                                                                                                               noon. The Carl Peachey Band is
                                                                                                                               the house band.
                                                                                                                                      Cowboy Bill’s Honky
                                                                                                                               Tonk Saloon Duval Street’s only
                                                                                                                               Country Bar. 610 Duval Street. Live
                                                                                                                               music every day. Two stages. La-
                                                                                                                               dies drink free Wednesdays 9-11.
                                                                                                                               Sports venue, too. Come ride the
                                                                                                                               bull. Music this weekend: Chad
                                                                                                                               Bradford & the Damn Band will be
                                                                                                                               on the main stage Friday, Saturday
                                                                                                                                CONTINUED on next page
www.kwtn.com                                                                                                           Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1

Behind Bars                                              RICHARD WATHERWAX




                                                                              BARTENDER OF
                                                                              THE WEEK
                                                                              DAVID is a bartender at the
                                                                              Hot Tin Roof restaurant at the
                                                                              Ocean Key Resort. He is
                                                                              serving a Grand Marnier.

                                                                              Tell us who your favorite
                                                                              drink server is:
                                                                              TheBluePaper@kwtn.com




                        mUSIC oN THE RoCk
FROM previous page                                                                   Pier House Resort Larry
and Sunday night, starting at 10.                                             Smith and special guests Thursday
       El Alamo is the newest live                                            through Monday nights. Larry be-
music venue on the island. Located                                            gins at 7pm; guests join him at 9.
on Charles Street, just across Du-                                                   Rick’s and Durty Harry’s
val from Sloppy Joe’s. Live music                                             208 Duval Street. Live music every
nightly.                                                                      night.
       Finnegan’s Wake An                                                            Rum Barrel A popular res-
authenic Irish Pub, off the beaten                                            taurant, bar and music venue at the
path at 320 Grinnell Street. Suzanne           GREEN PARROT                   corner of Front and Simonton.
Moore and Alphonse will be at don’t make this stuff up. Located                      Schooner Wharf Bar
Finnegan’s Wake tonight, Friday, on Whitehead at Southard, just a             Another top music venue. Famous
May 14, starting at 8.               block off Duval, this is the home of     mostly-outdoor bar located right
                                     great drinks and bad art— and one        on the water at Key West’s Historic
                                     of the top venues for live music on      Seaport at the foot of William Street.
                                     the island. Music this week: Sauce       “This must be the center of the
                                     Boss Bill Wharton and his band           universe,” wrote newsman Charles
                                     will be in the house all weekend,        Kurault. Voted Best Locals Bar six
                                     starting with a 5:30 “sound check”       years in a row. The irreverent Mi-
                                     this afternoon, Friday, May 14. Then     chael McCloud is on stage every
                                     they return at 10 for a full gig. They   afternoon except Tuesday, noon ‘til
                                     also start at 10 on Saturday night,      5. This weekend, Caffeine Carl and
                                     and they’ll also do the 5:30 “sound      Raven team up to provide some
      FINNEGAN’S WAKE                check” Sunday afternoon.                 musical excitement tonight and
                                             Hogfish Bar & Grill Funky        tomorrow night, Friday and Satur-
       Green Parrot Bar A Key waterfront venue on Stock Island.
West landmark since 1890. A fa- Maybe the best hogfish sandwich               day, May 14-15, starting at 7.
vorite of locals and visitors alike. in the world! Live music this week-             Sloppy Joe’s One of the
But even regulars were mysti- end: Rob Sweet will be on stage                 most famous bars in the world. This
fied when, in May 2000, Playboy tonight, Friday, May 14. CW Colt              was Hemingway’s favorite bar in
magazine named the Parrot one will be on stage Saturday night.                the 1930s. Right in the heart of the
of the 24 Best Bars in America. We Showtime both nights is 6 ‘til 10.          CONTINUED on next page
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1                                                                         www.kwtn.com

                                                             mUSIC oN THE RoCk
                                              FROM previous page    Duval Street action. Live music          sic seven days 5pm ‘til 2am. Ricky
                                                                    every day from noon ‘til late.           Ritzel and Kathy “Babe” Robinson
                                                                           Sunset Pier at the Ocean          are back! And jazz singer Jennifer
                                                                    Key House, Zero Duval. Talk about        Pace has also joined the stable of
                                                                    a waterfront venue! The pier sticks      entertainers at The Keys.
                                                                    right out into the harbor. Music this           Virgilio’s Live music every
                                                                    weekend: Robert Albury is on stage       night. Tonight and tomorrow night,
                                                                    this evening, Friday, May 14, start-     the popular Dave Aaron Band will
                                                                    ing at 7:30. He will also entertain on   be on stage, starting at 10. George
                                                                    Sunday and Monday nights.                Victory will be in the house on
                                                                           The Keys Popular piano            Sunday night, starting at 9:30.
                                               SCHOONER WHARF BAR   bar at 1114 Duval Street. Live mu-              Willie T’s This is a classic
                                                                                                             open-air Duval Street Bar. Sharkey
                                                                                                             entertains Wednesday through
                                                                                                             Sunday, starting at 7.



          NOW
         HIRING
www.kwtn.com                                                                                                     Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 1

                        mUSIC oN THE RoCk

   The Wailers’ Junior Marvin
     Talks about Returning
          to Key West
        Special to KWTN                                                     their new album “Long Jour-
       When Time magazine                                                   ney” for the first time live.
voted the Wailers “Exodus”                                                  The band is fronted by Reggae
album as the “Album of the                                                  legend Tony Gits, and he has
Century” they knew what they                                                an all-star band which features
were doing. Great music must                                                members who’ve played in
stand the test of time in order                                             Burning Spear, Rita Marley, Cul-
to really qualify as great music.                                           ture and Third World band.
Bob Marley passed away of                                                         THE RESOLVERS: Origi-
cancer in 1981, yet his songs of                                            nal Reggae-Pop. They opened
freedom and equality for all live                                           for Wailers last year. Great
on now stronger than ever.                                                  songwriters, and their own
       The Original Wailers have                                            unique reggae-pop style. They
been carrying Marley’s torch                                                do a Pink Floyd remake in reg-
into the 21st Century with pas-                                             gae style— very cool!
sion and with vigor. They play                                                    TICKETS: Advance:
all of those great songs with a                                             $22. At: Keystix.com, Stick &
real fire, and in a recent phone                                            Stein and Neptune Designs.
interview from Europe, the                                                  AttheGate:$30beginningat6pm.
band leaders commented on                                                   Keystix.com has limited num-
coming back to Key West.                                                    ber of VIP tickets for $49.
       Junior Marvin (lead vo-                                              VIP is private seated area (no
cals and guitar) spoke lively                                               tables) directly in front of stage
in his hard Jamaican accent:                                                and has a limited capacity.
                                              JUNIOR MARVIN
“Yeah, we wanted to come to                                                 There may or may not be a
Florida and Key West sooner,             tary Club’s College Scholar-       private bar in VIP.
but we kept getting booked               ship Fund, he paused again,              Gates open at 6:00pm.
up over here and small tours             and replied: “We knew it was       Free Parking available. Fans can
turned to bigger tours. We even          for a charity like always, but     bring folding chairs or blankets,
went to Australia and New                that’s good to know— college       but coolers are not permitted.
Zealand for the first time in a          scholarships— we’re helping to           Food & Drink: A variety
while.”                                  build the foundation of a new      of Food Vendors, as well as Beer
       When asked about his              America”                           and Drinks.
memories about Key West,                       The concert in Key West            Note: Rotary Club’s pro-
Marvin paused for a moment               is set for Saturday night, May     ceeds go to benefit Rotary’s
and replied: “Yeah, it’s always          22. Three great bands will be      College Scholarship Fund.
cool to play there, and it feels         featured.                                For more Info: (305) 296-
surreal in some ways ‘cause                    THE ORIGINAL WAIL-           6253.
it’s like the end of civilization        ERS: Featuring Marley’s former
for the U.S. I mean the energy           sidemen Junior Marvin and Al
there is intense, and the fans           Anderson. Their 8-piece band
are great— always great in Key           always delivers. And they play
West— and we always put a                all of the Wailers hits with a
little extra fire into the show in       true passion and intensity.
Key West ‘cause we know there            Don’t be surprised if the Marley
are real fans there. It’ll be the last   songs sound even better now,
day of our eastern tour, so we’re        this band is at the top of their
ready to jam it right hard!”             game.
       When Junior was told                    TECHNO DREAD: Will
it was a benefit for the Ro-             do the premiere of songs from
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 20                                                                                   www.kwtn.com

                                                                                             fIlm

                                                     What’s on at the Tropic




                                                                                            CITY ISLAND
                                                        by Phil Mann                quiet domestic dramas. City         emy Award by some folks who
                                                     I kept a boat on New           Island, a real crowd-pleaser that   appreciated an alternative to the
                                              York’s City Island for a while,       won the Audience Award at last      Disney-Pixar style. There’s a
                                              so I know the place. If you can       year’s Tribeca Film Festival,       real Book of Kells, a famous me-
                                              imagine Key West uprooted and         may be his breakthrough movie.      dieval illustrated manuscript in
                                              dropped alongside the Bronx,          Producing company Paradigm          the library of Trinity College,
                                              you might have an idea. The           Productions is said to have put     Dublin. The movie is the story
                                              old, raffish Key West, that is. The   De Fellita and Andy Garcia          of a young monk, Brendan, and
                                              new movie CITY ISLAND, set            together. It’s a great arranged     his adventures to help complete
                                              on this geographical oddity, is a     marriage.                           the book. The kids will love the
                                              family story, about a family full            Though you wouldn’t          quest adventure, and you’ll
                                              of people with secret lives that      expect it, there’s even a bit of    marvel at the majestic, illumi-
                                              would feel right at home on our       humor in LOURDES, a nar-            nated-manuscript-inspired art.
                                              southernmost island.                  rative film about Christine, a      A treasure.
                                                     The father Vincent Rizzo       girl with MS who seeks a cure             And, as they say, last
                                              (Andy Garcia) is a corrections        at the fabled French shrine.        but not least, is a documen-
                                              officer (don’t say “prison            Sylvia Testud is wonderfully        tary about The Doors and Jim
                                              guard”) who really wants to be        appealing as Christine. You’ll      Morrison, WHEN YOU’RE
                                              an actor. His son Vince, Jr. (Ezra    remember her as Edith Piaf’s        STRANGE. It’s not a talking
                                              Miller) has unusual sex fanta-        sidekick Mômone in La Vie En        heads doc, full of interviews.
                                              sies, while his daughter Vivian       Rose. Lourdes is not a film that    This is an unvarnished Music
                                              (played by Garcia’s own daugh-        tries to explain, investigate, or   doc, full of all The Doors music
                                              ter Dominik García-Lorido)            debunk the healing claims, but      and archival footage, including
                                              isn’t exactly the college student     rather an“intelligent, rigor-       clips from a movie that Morri-
                                              her parents think she is.             ously thoughtful, somewhat sly      son made of himself. “A trippy,
                                                     But those aren’t the only      film” (New York Times), “a cos-     fascinating documentary…
                                              secrets in this family. Vincent       mic black comedy that bumps         a mesmerizing, behind-the-
                                              has an even bigger one, and           up against the metaphysical”        music glimpse at a crucial and
                                              it’s the core of this serio-comic     (Time Out New York). Guess          bizarre moment in rock history.
                                              working-class story. No spoilers      you’ll have to see it to know.      Damn! This shit is powerful,
                                              here, but it involves a hand-                That’s probably not for      dude.” (Salon.com). Come on
                                              some hunk of an ex-con (Steven        the kids, but THE SECRET OF         baby, Light My Fire!
                                              Strait, buff and bold from 10,000     KELLS most definitely is. From            Full schedules and info at
                                              B.C.).                                the production team that gave       TropicCinema.com
                                                     Writer-director Raymond        us the wonderful The Triplets of          Comments, please, to
                                              De Fellita has begun to make a        Bellville, this animated film was   pmann@gmail.com
                                              modest name for himself with          nominated for the 2010 Acad-
www.kwtn.com                                                         Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 21

                            ART

 Harlan Show at
 Wyland Galleries
        Stephen Harlan,
who recently joined
Wyland Galleries of
Key West’s group of
featured artists, will
debut his unique im-
ages at Wyland’s 102
Duval St. location Fri-
day through Sunday,
May 14-16.
       Harlan will be
on hand daily and by
appointment all three
days to meet gallery
visitors and discuss the
elements of his unusual
artistry.
       Although he was
born in Minnesota,            Stephen Harlan’s DOWNTOWN
Harlan moved with his family of the image to fill his monitor
to Fort Myers, Fla., at a young screen. That way, he can make
age. There the mystery of light one petal of a flower fill a large
and shadows on the water be- screen, allowing him to paint
came a subject of fascination even the most intricate detail.
for him.                               With this digital technique
       Harlan’s subjects are and his electronic paintbrushes,
largely contemporary — vi- Harlan can achieve the look of
brant-hued land and ocean oils, acrylics, watercolors, and
scenes, urban streetscapes, pastels.
abstracts — and his work em-
braces the technology of the
new millennium.
       “The process I use to cre-
ate my artwork is quite unique
when you think in terms of
traditional painting,” he says.
“I create all my artwork digi-
tally.”
       Harlan uses a very power-
ful computer customized with
special software and tools that
enable him to craft his images.
If he knows in advance what he
wants to create, he will begin
with a pencil sketch. If not, he
begins his artistic process with
a blank screen.
       His images can be de-
scribed as hyper photo-realistic
when it comes to elements such
as color, perspective, light and
shadow. To get the finest detail,
Harlan expands a small portion
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 22                                                                                www.kwtn.com

                                                                                    THEATRE

                                                    “Stepping Out” at
                                                the Waterfront Playhouse                                                                    PETER ARNOW




                                                    The tap dancing comedy       attending a weekly tap class in a   Musical” at the WFPH and he
                                              “Stepping Out” by Richard          church hall in Buffalo, NY. Led     is the drama instructor at Key
                                              Harris is now playing at the       by an ex-professional dancer,       West High School, where he
                                              Waterfront Playhouse through       the class members attempt           has directed many Keys Kids
                                              May 29, running Thursday to        to overcome an abundance            shows.
                                              Saturday each week with a          of left feet in learning how to              The wonderful cast
                                              curtain time of 8:30. Directed     dance. During the classes, the      includes David Black, Laurie
                                              by Cameron Murray and              personalities of the dancers        Breakwell, Carolyn Cooper, Re-
                                              featuring an excellent cast of     are revealed in hilarious and       becca Gleason, Maggie Meier,
                                              ten, “Stepping Out” was a hit      touching detail. When the class     Marjorie Paul Shook, Melissa
                                              on Broadway and the West           is eventually asked to take part    Penrose, Kyla Piscopink, Jo-
                                              End. The production sponsor        in a charity event, tears, tan-     sephine Pizzino and Caroline
                                              is WKWM, 91.5 FM with the          trums and nerves abound as          Taylor.
                                              Platinum season sponsors of El     they struggle to transform into              Michael Boyer has
                                              Meson de Pepe, Comcast and         triumphant tappers. WABC,           designed the set, Carmen
                                              Digital Island Media.              New York promises, “You’ll          Rodriguez the costumes and
                                                    “Stepping Out” is a de-      stand up and cheer!”                props, with assistance from
                                              lightfully funny play about                 Director Cameron Mur-      Ruth Cahoon, David Bird has
                                              the lives, laughs and loves of a   ray directed last season’s smash    designed the lighting and Trish
                                              group of women (and one man)       hit “The Musical of Musicals, the   Manley acts as stage manager
                                                                                                                           For tickets, call (305) 294-
                                                                                                                     5015 or go to waterfrontplay-
                                                                                                                     house.org to purchase tickets
                                                                                                                     on line Check out the Friday
                                                                                                                     Night Date Special.
www.kwtn.com                                                                                                  Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2

Boettger                            to sit and listen to Randy once
                                    a week, “followers” in a word,
                                                                         rors by doubling down on
                                                                         the future. Popular names for
                                    who have neither the worldly         this decision making strategy
FROM page 10                        financial success nor the activist   are “Throwing good money
       We vote these people in      energy of the former members.        after bad,” “Bet the farm,” and
to RUN the top County and           So now the money given by the        “All-in!” In business research
School staff on our behalf, on      former members is subsidizing        it’s called “Escalation of com-
behalf of the voters, residents,    a weekly show-time for a new         mitment to a failing course of
and taxpayers of our fair           membership that won’t pay            action.” It happens a lot, espe-
county. Instead, like the mine      for, or otherwise volunteer          cially in bankruptcies.
and oil oversight boards, they      their time, in support of their             The County Commission-
end up bowing and scraping          adored lecturer.                     ers are committed to 60 M’neeks
to those they are supposed to               I repeatedly tried to warn   of excessive reserves because
command.                            our church’s Board of Directors      they foolishly got talked into it
       How does this happen?        that Randy’s new two-year            when firing Tom Willi, in part
We the people vote them in, and     contract legally jeopardized         because he was PROPERLY
pay their salaries and benefits.    not only our remaining endow-        spending down a reasonable
But then they turn around and       ment, but our very building,         amount of reserves during a
act like they are themselves        considering that mortgaging          time of fiscal stress, because
eager and humble employees          it to pay Randy has been part        THAT’S WHY THE RESERVES
of Clerk Danny Kolhage and          of their long-term contingency       EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Superintendent Joe Burke,           plan. Based on my study of           So when a highly credible con-
throwing millions of dollars of     Contracts at Yale Law School,        cerned citizen with no dog in
our tax money their way with        I asked them to add just a few       the hunt, other than truth and
no care for how it hurts us. The    short sentences to the contract      justice, challenges their keeping
Commission and Board have           that would save the last fifth,      tens of million of our tax dollars
forgotten that their real bosses    $52,000, of our endowment,           lying fallow in accounts earn-
are NOT Danny and Joe but           and prohibit mortgaging the          ing almost no interest—our
instead are We, the People.         building. Or at least have their     Commissioners, instead of
       Before I explain how Dan-    own lawyer take a look.              even discussing reserve levels,
ny and Joe seduced once-strong              Nope. They refused. “We      run to support the minimally
souls like George Nugent and        trust our beloved Randy,” they       educated strong man who has
Debra Walker into acting like       said. “He promises not to bank-      personally sucked millions of
servants instead of masters, I      rupt us.” Well, why not promise      our tax dollars into his pocket,
want to detail a smaller and        in writing? I fear Randy is like     and who wants to make sure
easier-to-understand case: my       a lobster diver who takes not        his, I mean the County’s, bank
own church. We’re about half        only all the legal sized bugs        accounts are lush with the cash
a M’neek into a financially         out of the hole at your dock,        that will give him and his top
disastrous plan to “grow” our       but then eyes the shorts. “Gee,”     people their “peace of mind.”
Fellowship by hiring a serious,     the diver says, “I promise not              The School Board were
smooth-talking minister who         to take your shorts,” but then       publicly so happy to dump
would attract throngs of wor-       refuses to let you inspect his       Randy Acevedo that they shut
shipers to his scintillating ser-   bag. Makes me nervous. Just          up and do whatever their long-
mons. Based on Randy Becker’s       please leave me the shorts, or       sought, appointed apparatchik
promise to bring in 100 more        the $52,000, so the lobster hole     does in his place. No matter
members, we could afford his        and our church can live when         how uninspiring, dull, and
exorbitant salary, far over scale   you’re gone.                         bureaucratic he is, damn it,
for a church our size even in the           It’s much easier to see      he’s what they asked for, so
most expensive area.                why my church Board is more          whatever he wants, he gets.
       Sadly, it hasn’t quite       captive than either the County       Hire TWO M’neeks worth of
worked out that way. After          or School District. They hand-       redundant financial guys at
3½ years, we have roughly           pick every single Director to be     around a cool hundred bucks
the same number of mem-             completely loyal to Randy. I’ve      an hour, from his old haunts up
bers, as we continue to burn        applied to be on the Board for       North, of course? No problem!
through our once-handsome           over a year, as we’ve turned         And meanwhile fire over 50
endowment at the rate now           over 6 members, but been re-         teachers, because our excessive
of $5,000/month. Our income         jected every time. Maybe I’d         reserves and overpriced fi-
now is actually lower than          win a fair election, maybe not,      nance guys are more important
it was pre-Randy, because           but they don’t take that chance.     than—what is it we do around
we’ve lost the members who          Groupthink all the way over the      here? Teach kids or sumpin’?
were wealthy local leaders,         cliff, is their joyful motto.               When a single School
who gave generously of their                What my UU, the County,      Board member, John Dick, even
money and talents. They’ve          and the District all share is a      once spoke up questioning a
been replaced by folks who like     need to justify their past er-             CONTINUED, next page
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 24                                                                                  www.kwtn.com

                                              Boettger
                                                                                  go vote him in again, despite        Board in April, they hurriedly
                                                                                  his opponent Danny Coll’s            changed our Bylaws. Only
                                                                                  excellent business experience        two changes were important:
                                              FROM page 23                        and care for the tax PAYERS          one, it takes only ONE Board
                                              Burke demand, he was im-            over the tax SPENDERS. If you        member, not two, to sign big
                                              mediately publicly denounced        want four more years of Debra        checks. (Making it easier, with
                                              by the four other captivated        Walker, . . . damn, you must be      half as many lawsuits, should
                                              members. Joe’s our guy, we          just plain nuts.                     anyone want to dump, say, the
                                              got what we want, so we’re all             But boo hoo, your un-         last $52,000 somewhere in the
                                              in, in bed through thick and        happy intrepid financial crime       dark of night.) The second is a
                                              thin. The danger of appointing      reporter sees no hope for his        new rule to kick out members
                                              Superintendents is that when        beloved Unitarian Universalist       easily: the wording as I remem-
                                              a Board selects someone, they       Fellowship, where he met and         ber it is “If someone like Rick
                                              fall over backward to pretend       married his Cynthia and to           speaks unpleasant Truths to
                                              their choice was smart. They        which we had once designated         our Power, he shall be given
                                              overpay to show how REALLY          over $200,000 in our wills. I’m      the Boot, as a Menace to our
                                              valuable he is. Then they let him   like the Lehman Brothers senior      Glory.” Or somesuch.
                                              stay on too long if he’s a screw-   V.P. who officially warned their           I hold out hope my Fellow
                                              up, so they don’t have to admit     Auditor and top brass about          UU-ers will respond to a public
                                              they made a bad decision.           five different ways they were        shaming, and let me stay, per-
                                                     Folks, we have an elec-      heading for financial hell. He       haps even put their feet down
                                              tion coming up, and we can          was right, as am I. And instead      for the last $52k. But, sadly,
                                              start to fix the County and our     of listening to him, and fixing as   I have no hope that George
                                              Schools. If you want George         much of it as they could, they       Nugent or Debra Walker have
                                              Nugent to keep pouring our          FIRED him!                           the depth of conscience to face
                                              tax money into financial rat               He reported within the        their past errors, and thus can
                                              holes and bureaucratic over-        system and lost his job. He          never repair them. We, their
                                              head—our per capita cost of         should have gone straight            bosses, hired them, and now
                                              county administration has           to the newspapers. That’s            it’s our solemn charge to let
                                              risen 68%, over twice the rate      what I’m doing here. After           them go.
                                              of inflation, in his tenure—well,   my desperate pleas to the UU
www.kwtn.com                                                                                                              Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2

                                                                     IT’S THE lAw

                     Class Action Lawsuits and Oil Spills
 by S. Brandon Dimando &              large group of people who have       stances you will automatically       playing a more active role in       ney to advise you on whether
        Michael Barnes                been injured in a similar way        be included as a member in the       the lawsuit.                        to accept the settlement or to
       The effects of the Oil Spill   and the cases of members of the      lawsuit if you fit the description         How the Recovery is Di-       opt out.
in the Gulf of Mexico on the          class involve similar issues of      of the class and do nothing          vided. The court decides how              S. Brandon Dimando and
Florida Keys are an unknown           fact and law.                        when you receive notice of the       to divide any recovery at the       Michael R. Barnes are both at-
for the moment. While we wait,               • The Lead Plaintiff is       lawsuit. Participation in the        end of a class action suit. The     torneys licensed to practice law
many of you have questions            typical of the class members         class action lawsuit in this way     attorneys are given costs and       in the State of Florida. These
about what kind of impact it          and has a reasonable plan and        will mean that you are giving        fees, often calculated as a per-    articles are intended to be a
will have on you and our en-          the ability to adequately repre-     up any right you might have          centage of the entire recovery,     public service and should not
vironment. From an economic           sent the class. The Lead Plaintiff   had to pursue a remedy for your      the Lead Plaintiff(s) receive       be taken as legal advice for your
perspective, keep good records        must also have no conflict with      injury in a private lawsuit. If      an amount partly determined         own unique circumstances. If
of how the Oil Spill has nega-        other class members.                 you had no intention of filing a     by their participation in the       you believe that you need a
tively influenced your business              How Potential Class           lawsuit on your own, you have        lawsuit, and the rest of the        lawyer, you should contact a
or was the reason for cancel-         Members Are Notified. If a           very little to lose by participat-   recovery is divided among the       lawyer directly and let him or
ations by customers. On the           lawsuit is certified as a class      ing in a class action.               class members.                      her help you with your indi-
legal side, a few words about         action, the court will order that           Opting Out. If you don’t            Receiving Notice of Set-      vidual case.
class action lawsuits, you have       the class of people affected be      want to participate in the law-      tlement. You may also receive
begun to hear so much about.          notified, which is done through      suit as a member of a class, you     a class action notice at the
       A class action lawsuit in      direct mailings as well as           will need to opt out of the class.   time of settlement. You should
a civil lawsuit that is brought       through the media and Internet.      The notice you receive will tell     carefully read the terms of
by one person or a few people         Class membership is automatic        you how to do that. There will       the settlement and go to any
on behalf of a larger group           in all but a very few cases. Ev-     also be a cut-off date, and you      website listed to get complete
of people who have suffered           eryone affected by the action        must send your notice to opt out     information. If you have a large
similar harm or have a similar        or product complained of will        of the class by the date speci-      amount at stake, again, you
claim. Class actions can be           be part of the case unless they      fied or you will be included in      should consult a qualified attor-
brought in either federal or          choose to opt out.                   the class and lose any rights to
state courts.                                Class members do not          file a lawsuit on your own. If
       Class actions are gener-       take part in the case directly       you hear about a class action in
ally used when too many peo-          unless they have evidence to         the media that you think might
ple have been affected by the         offer, and they are not involved     affect you, you should search
subject of the claim for each of      in the decision of whether or not    online to make sure you know
them to file a separate lawsuit.      to accept a settlement offer. The    the cut-off date to opt out.
For example, class action suits       Lead Plaintiff consults with the            Participating as a Named
are frequently used for claims        class action attorneys to plan       Plaintiff. You have one other
of injury from hazardous              the strategy of the case and to      option if you qualify as a class
products including tobacco,           accept or reject settlement of-      member. You can hire your
asbestos, Agent Orange, breast        fers. Other class members have       own attorney and participate
implants, pharmaceutical              only the option of opting out of     in the case as a named party.
products, and large oil spills        the settlement.                      You might want to do this if
in the Gulf of Mexico.                       Participating as a Class      your damages are large and
       A lawsuit becomes a            Member. Again, in most in-           you want the advantage of
class action when one or
more plaintiffs, often called
Lead Plaintiff(s) file a lawsuit
claiming some kind of harm.
The plaintiff(s) can then ask
the court to certify the case as
a class action. To have the case
certified, the Lead Plaintiff and
class action attorneys must
show that the case meets sev-
eral criteria, including:
       • There is a legal claim
against the defendant(s).
       • There is a significantly       S. BRANDON DIMANDO                      MICHAEL BARNES
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2                                                                                            www.kwtn.com

  If your club or organization has something                                   THE CommUNITy
  special happening, let us know:
  • community@kwtn.com
                                                       INTERNATIONAL CAN-              Keys environment, this website          to benefit PTKW. Visit www.peo-
  • PO box 567, Key West FL 33041               DELIGHT AIDS MEMORIAL--                has been created to help link all       plestheaterofkeywest.com, email
  • Fax 305-292-1882                            In Key West, on Sat., May 15, at the   partner projects with volunteers,       newtheater@rocketmail.com or call
                                                Mallory Square Sunset celebration      including boat captains, busi-          (305) 294-6813 for more info.
  To help us help you, try to get the           we have an opportunity to join         nesses, organizations and indi-                BIG PINE ACADEMY
  information to us by noon on Tuesday before   together as a local and global com-    viduals. The primary purpose is         KIDS’ ART SHOW--View all 140
                                                munity to recognize those working      to collect volunteer info, provide      beautiful creations of art displayed
  Friday publication.                           to prevent HIV, remember those         a calendar of local oil spill related   at the Artists in Paradise Gallery
                                                lost to HIV and AIDS, support          info/events, and provide links          (Big Pine Shopping Plaza) from the
                                                those living with the disease and      to updates. Coming soon will be         Big Pine Academy students, grades
                                                who are affected by its impact, and    protocols on pre-assessment and         K through 6. These amazing up and
                                                move our community to action.          pre-clean ups.                          coming artists, taught by “Ms. Con-
                                                       KEY WEST AND LOWER                     IT’S JUST4KIDS--TIB Bank         nie” Hauk, a member of the gallery,
                                                KEYS DEMOCRATIC CLUB                   and J4K are celebrating their 15th      will show their works of art through
                                                MEETING--Wed., May 19, 7pm             annual partnership supporting           May 15. Gallery hours are 10-6 daily.
                                                at the VFW on North Roosevelt          their Prom and Graduation effort..      Info: (305) 872-1828.
                                                Blvd. Our guest speaker will be the    Gowns, Tuxedos and formal wear                  SISTER SEASON FUND-
                                                Monroe County Superintendent           donations are being accepted at         RAISER AT THE BOTTLECAP-
                                                of Schools, Dr. Joseph Burke. Take     all TIB Bank locations. Sponsors        -Fri., May 28 from 5-7pm. Guest
                                                advantage of the great food from       are needed for tuxedo rentals           bartenders will be Ramey Matthew
                                                The Small Chef at Large. Bring your    and shoes.                              Hall, Raggs, Corey, Shawn Clarke,
                                                appetite. As always, there is a cash          PAINT THE TOWN                   and Zuzy. All tips will go to the Sister
                                                bar. Info: Sue at (305) 849-1070.      FUNDRAISER--The J4K Chil-               Season Fund, a local non-profit for
                                                       KWHS CHOIR CON-                 dren’s Art center is hosting their      those in the hospitality/tourism
                                                CERT--Final choir concert of the       5th annual “Paint the Town”             industry in need of assistance in
                                                year. Please join the Mistys and       fundraiser Sun., May 23, noon-          Key West. More info: Ramey at (305)
                                                VIPs, Chamber and Select Choirs        3pm, 727 Fort St. (end of Petro-        205-7255.
                                                for an evening of contemporary         nia). Showcasing the incredible                PTKW WORKSHOP FOR
                                                and brand new GLEE music in            masterpieces created by “our”           ACTORS--Fridays beginning May
                                                the high school auditorium at 7pm      local kids this past season at a        21, 6-8pm, 142 Simonton. Topics
                                                on Wed., May 19. The Chamber           fun filled block party.Food, music,     by instructor Tammy Shanley will
                                                Choir recently returned from the       silent auction, crafts and fun for      include character development,
                                                State Districts where they received    all. All tax deductible donations       action, and scene work. It will cul-
                                                rankings of excellent and superior.    can be sent to ItsJust4Kids,Inc.,       minate in a public showcase held at
                                                Don’t miss a wonderful evening -       P.O. Box 2346, Key West,Fl. 33045.      a local venue. Whether you want to
                                                support our students and the arts.     Email: ItsJust4Kids@aol                 brush up or you’re interested in de-
                                                Tickets are available at MacArthur            IMPROV COMEDY--In                veloping new acting skills, register
                                                Music and at the door prior to the     The Groove Lounge at The Bottle-        by email at newtheater@rocketmail.
                                                performance.                           cap, 1128 Simonton Street, May 22       com or call (305) 294-6813. Tuition is
                                                       LOCAL OIL SPILL WEB-            at 8pm. The Improvables, a funny        $120, payable to PTKW (non-profit)
                                                SITE IS UP--www.KeysSpill.             little division of The People’s         on the first day of class.
                                                com is now live! In an effort to be    Theater of Key West, will present              HEALTHY AGING CLASS-
                                                proactive in protecting our Florida    a hilarious showcase of Improv          ES OFFERED BY KEYS AHEC--
                                                                                       Comedy Games. $5 cover charge            CONTINUED on next page



                                                                                           Piners: KWTN Now at
                                                                                              the Flea Market
                                                                                                  If you live on Big Pine Key, you can now pick up
                                                                                             a copy of Key West The Newspaper at booth A17 at the
                                                                                             Big Pine Key Flea Market.
www.kwtn.com                                                                                                       Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2

                                THE CommUNITy
FROM previous page                      ducts boating courses throughout            -OVEREATERS ANONY-
Enhance Fitness Class- New class        the year. Info: 1-888-470-5566       MOUS--on Tuesdays at 6pm ‘til 7
at Keys Senior Plaza in Key West               VOLUNTEERS NEEDED-            and Saturdays 10-11am, at United
and runs Mondays, Wednesdays,           -AIDS HELP, INC. needs volun-        Methodist Church (Old Stone).
and Fridays from 2-3pm. Living          teers to help with transportation,   600 Eaton Street. Info: Mary at
Healthy Workshops- New class at         office work, special events, etc.    305-294-6931.
Keys Senior Plaza from 1-3:30pm.        Call 296-6196.                              USS MOHAWK NEEDS
Also, the Living Healthy program               LA LECHE LEAGUE—              VOLUNTEERS--The most inter-
The classes are for adults 55 and       Free monthly meeting for preg-       esting volunteer work in Key West
greater. Info: (305) 743-7111x206.      nant and breastfeeding moms;         is at the USS Mohawk Memorial
Free.                                   mother to mother support and         Museum on the water at the foot
       VOLUNTEERS NEEDED                current info. Non-denominational,    of Southard St. at the Truman
AT KEY WEST TROPICAL FOR-               non-profit. Held 4:30-5:30pm on      Waterfront. Very flexible, 3-hour
EST & BOTANICAL GARDEN’S                the second Thurs. of each month at   or more schedules. Many jobs
VISITOR CENTER--Become a                the Key West Library, 700 Fleming    available. Meet interesting people
greeter and use your talents to help    St. Info: Eva 295-8597.              from all over the world. More info:
the garden grow. Two 3-hour shifts             VOLUNTEERS NEEDED-            (305) 896-3600. USSMohawk@
per day available to do your part       -The local unit of the American      bellsouth.net.
to help Key West’s original “green      Cancer Society seeks volunteer              DONATIONS NEEDED
team.” If you can’t commit to a reg-    drivers to provide transportation    AT ST. MARY’S STAR OF THE
ular schedule but are interested in     for cancer patients to treatments    SEA OUTREACH MISSION--
helping as a fill-in, that would also   and licensed cosmetologists,         Please deliver any unused food
be appreciated. Training provided.      or hairdressers, to help cancer      and other basic survival items
More info: (305) 296-1504.              patients feel good about their ap-   to the mission location at 5640
       GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE--          pearance while undergoing cancer     MacDonald Avenue on Stock
To find out when the bloodmobile        treatment. Info: 292-2333 x 112.     Island, Monday through Friday.
will be at a location near you, call
your Community Blood Center at
(305) 294-7668.
       REEF RELIEF--Join Reef
Relief for only $15 and get many
membership perks in addition to
helping helping raise awareness
about protecting coral reefs. www.
reefrelief.org or (305) 294-3100.
       WANT TO BE A LITER-
ACY VOLUNTEER? More than
100 students waiting to be tutored.
You do not have to speak another
language to be a tutor. Info: Mary
at (305) 294-4352.
       GRANTS AVAILABLE
TO WRITERS, MUSICIANS,
ACTORS, ARTISTS--Contact the
Florida Keys Council of the Arts,
(305) 295-4369.
       BOATING COURSES--The
U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary con-
Key West THE NEWSPAPER May 14, 2010 Page 2   www.kwtn.com

				
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