Documents
Resources
Learning Center
Upload
Plans & pricing Sign in
Sign Out

EMPATHY

VIEWS: 22 PAGES: 21

									COMMUNICATION
   Communication

 I Messages
(This is how it is for me.)
           Vs.

You Messages
(You are sooo annoying.)
“YOU” Messages Can Be Painful and
  Do Not Enhance Communication


   You are always late.
   Why did you do that?
   You drive me crazy
   You are acting like a baby.
   You shouldn’t have said that!
    Effects of “YOU” Messages

   Puts people on
    defense – makes them
    resistant to change
   Puts people down
   Makes people feel
    unimportant
   Creates anger
       Effects of “I” Message
 It doesn’t blame or anger the other person.
 It places the focus on “me”.
 It places the responsibility for modifying
  the behavior on the other person.
         “ I “ Message Example

 When  you tap on your desk with your
 pencil, I feel upset because I get distracted
 and have difficulty teaching.

 When I try to help you, and you don’t say
 anything, I feel confused, because I don’t
 know how you feel about my help.
     Component of “I” message
1.   The other person’s specific behavior
2.   The resulting feelings you experienced
3.   What new behaviors would you expect
     from the other person (optional)
4.   The impact of the other person’s
     behavior on you
     Components of “I Messages”
1.   The situation
     What is happening?

Example: The people you
   live with do not give you
   your phone messages.
  Components of “I Messages”
2. Describe the person’s
  behavior in specific but
  nonjudgmental terms.

Example: When you do
 not give me my
 telephone messages…
  Components of “I Messages”
3. Point out the specific
  ways that person’
  behavior affects
  you…

Example: I don’t have
 the information I
 need.
Components of “I Messages”
4. Tell the person how
  you feel about the
  behavior that “owns
  your emotions.”

Example: Then I feel
 frustrated.
  Components of “I Messages”
5. Tell the person what
  you want him or her
  to do…

Example: So, I would
  appreciate it if you
  would write down my
  messages.
  ACTIVE
LISTENING
 Also called
 Empathic
Responding
             Active Listening

1.   Put your own needs aside
2.   Provide empathy and acceptance
3.   Help the person clarify the problem and
     feelings
4.   Do not offer solutions
 How Can We Listen Actively?
 Non-verbal:
       •   Posture
       •   Gesture
       •   Eye contact
       •   Nodding
       •   Smiling
       •   Minimal encouragers
 How Can We Listen Actively?
 Verbal:
        Voice tone
        Parroting

        Clarification

        Paraphrasing

        Reflecting

        Probing

        Open-ended questions
              Empathy
   Communicate a sense of
    understanding of the other
    person’s subjective world.


   Act as “if” you were in their
    shoes
               Empathy
 Use words that express
 emotion:
Examples:
 concerned
 angry
 afraid
 overwhelmed
 frustrated
 jealous
 confused
 happy
                  Empathy
“I have to work to help support my family,
   I’m trying to do well in school, and I’d like
   to go out with my friends, but it isn’t easy.”

What could YOU say to this person?
                Empathy
Possibilities:
 1. Well, just keep at it. You
 will be fine
 2. I work and go to school
 too. If I can do it you can do
 it, too.
 3. You sound overwhelmed.
 4. It sounds impossible.
                Empathy
Correct answer:
You sound overwhelmed.

Why?
Because you are trying to get into the other
 person’s real feelings. You are attempting
 to let them know you truly understand and
 empathize.

								
To top