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					 The
 Two     The Two Things
Things
 The
 Two              The Two Things
Things




         1. For every subject, there are really only
            two things you really need to know.

         2. Everything else is the application of
            those two things, or just not important.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Medicine
Things




         1. Do no harm.

         2. To do good, you must risk doing harm.
 The
 Two                         Boxing
Things




         1. Hit.

         2. Don’t get hit.
 The
 Two                       Plumbing
Things




         1. Shit don’t run uphill.

         2. Payday is Thursday.
 The             Michael Cord’s Two Things
 Two                To Talk About Now
Things




         1. MMAP (Medical Monitoring for Addictions & Pain).

         2. Women’s Health Network.
 The
 Two               Product Design
Things




         1. To have sales, product design must be
            market-driven.

         2. Market research is usually as bad as the
            sales forecasts.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    IKEA Products
Things




         1. The instructions are a general guide, and
            should not be read literally.

         2. Extra bits are included deliberately so as
            to entertain the customer.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                   Economics
Things




         1. All value is subjective.

         2. Persuasion is often better than coercion.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two      Being an Executive Assistant
Things




         1. The boss is always right.

         2. The boss is always wrong.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        History
Things




         1. Everything has antecedents.

         2. Sources lie, but they’re all we have.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                 World Conquest
Things




         1. Divide and conquer.

         2. Never invade Russia in the winter.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two              Piloting an Airplane
Things




         1. Airspeed is life.

         2. Think ahead.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                      Star Trek
Things




         1. Don’t beam down in a red shirt.

         2. You can always talk evil computers into
            destroying themselves.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    Consulting
Things




         1. Make sure your client has everything they
            want.

         2. Make sure your client needs something.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                      Kittens
Things




         1. Chase tail.

         2. Repeat.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Giraffes
Things




         1. Giraffes can go longer without water than
            camels.

         2. But they like to see the menu first.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                 Public Relations
Things




         1. Perception is reality.

         2. Perception is rarely reality.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two           Chemical Engineering
Things




         1. What goes in =
             what comes out + what gets consumed.

         2. What comes out should be more desirable
            than what goes in.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                      Casinos
Things




         1. The House always wins.

         2. The customers will always blame the
            employees for the house always winning.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                           Tax
Things




         1. Whatever you have, some must be taken.

         2. It will be taken several times through
            several different methods.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    Child Welfare
Things




         1. If they don't get it when the kids are taken
            away, they ain't gonna get it .

         2. Err in favour of the child .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                     Capitalism
Things




         1. Way of the western world in preference to
            socialism, communism.

         2. Pulled out of the shit by socialism when
            facing collapse.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                          Media
Things




         1. Controlled.

         2. If lies said enough times, people believe it.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                           Beer
Things




         1. Rarely a bad-tasting one.

         2. If bad, OK after a couple.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Parenting
Things




         1. I will love you unconditionally until I die.

         2. Because I’m your mother, that’s why.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Banking
Things




         1. Accept deposits.

         2. Penalize early withdrawals.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two      Telephone Customer Service
Things




         1. Your call is important to us.

         2. The next available consultant will be with
            you in 45 minutes. We apologise for the
            delay. Your call is important to us.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two        Teaching High School Students
Things




         1. Learn to raise your voice without yelling.

         2. Genuinely like teenagers.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                Human Resources
Things




         1. People aren’t numbers.

         2. Turn people into numbers.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two               Project Management
Things




         1. You’re implementing someone else’s idea.

         2. You can’t polish a turd.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two        Piloting an Airplane in an Emergency
Things




         1. There are 3 things you usually cannot use
            in an emergency:
               - The sky above you
               - The runway behind you
               - Fuel on the ground

         2. Minimize all three.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Writing
Things




         1. Don’t write because you want to say
            something.

         2. Write because you have something to say.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                         Nursing
Things




         1. Have the ability to put yourself “in the
            bed.” What would you need if you were
            the patient?

         2. Listen – to the patient, and to your gut.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Research
Things




         1. If you haven’t reprocessed the data at
            least 7 times, it’s not real science.

         2. You should have read more literature
            before you started.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two             Nursing (for new grads)
Things




         1. Those “older ward-trained nurses” have
            usually been to university too, and have
            many more years experience in actually
            nursing sick people than you do.

         2. Follow best practice, and try not to kill
            anyone due to your know-it-all attitude.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                     Translation
Things




         1. Meaning to meaning, not word to work.

         2. Knowledge of your first language is very
            important.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two               Being a Receptionist
Things




         1. They’re in a meeting.

         2. Don’t get busted on Facebook.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                     Relationships
Things




         1. Your partner isn’t doing it on purpose to
            piss you off.

         2. Your partner is a part of your life, not your
            whole life.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    Chocolate
Things




         1. Anytime.

         2. Anywhere.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two               Disciplining Children
Things




         1. My house, my rules.

         2. If you want to live by your own rules, buy
            your own house.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Travel
Things




         1. Patience.

         2. Flexibility.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    Entertaining
Things




         1. Do as much as humanly possible the day
            before, so you can enjoy your guests.

         2. Never run out of booze.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                    Internet Porn
Things




         1. Clear browser history.

         2. Delete cookies.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two               Being a Salesperson
Things




         1. The relationship always comes before the
            money.

         2. You will spend the whole time wishing the
            money would come before the
            relationship.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                      Law
Things




         1. Precedent.

         2. It depends.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Research
Things




         1. Association does not prove causation.

         2. A sample of under 100 respondents is
            called a Focus Group, and won’t tell the
            truth without an offer of food and wine.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Engineering
Things




         1.    2 + 2 = 4 + 0.33 (allowing a margin of
              error).

         2. You can’t pull with fluids,
            or push with string.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two              Life in the Workplace
Things




         1. Hoarded cheese, chocolate or good
            Scotch can solve many ills.

         2. Your colleagues and your friends are your
            only protection when things get rough.
            Relationships are worth fighting for.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two       The 2 Core Messages of Advertising
Things




         1. “You’re deficient.”

         2. “If you buy this, it will fix that.”
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       School
Things




         1. Sit down.

         2. Shut up. Nobody cares.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                            Life
Things




         1. Life works on the 80/20 rule.

         2. This rule is about 80% correct.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two         2 Things a Fiction Writer Needs
Things




         1. Empathy.

         2. A sense of humour.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                          Writing
Things




         1. Honesty is all that matters.

         2. Apply bum glue liberally.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                         Writing
Things




         1. Write what you know.

         2. Be as short and simple as possible.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                         Sales
Things




         1. Know existing customers.

         2. Recruit more customers.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two             Binary Systems
Things




         1. 0.

         2. 1.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                  Being a Housewife
Things




         1. If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

         2. No matter how hard you think motherhood
            is going to be... you end up wishing it was
            that easy.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                      Filmmaking
Things




         1. Money makes the industry and the films.

         2. Intelligence and talent mean nothing next
             to cost projections.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                 Being a Salesperson
Things




         1. That dirty feeling is normal.

         2. The dirt won’t come off.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                          Theatre
Things




         1. Don’t forget your lines.

         2. Don’t run into the furniture.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                Dental lab technology
Things




         1. Real teeth are better than fake teeth.

         2. When buying fake teeth, you get what you
            pay for.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                I.T. Customer Support
Things




         1. Always give them a chance to vent.

         2. What they’re telling you isn’t the issue.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                   Mountain Biking
Things




         1. Wear a helmet.

         2. Look in front of you. Not down or behind.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two        Costing / Estimating / Scheduling
Things




         1. Find values based on reasonable effort,
            responsible costing and rational
            planning.

         2. Double these and add 20%.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Buddhism
Things




         1. Before enlightenment, carry water, chop
            wood.

         2. After enlightenment, carry water, chop
            wood.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two        Two Things That Sunk the Titanic
Things




         1. The “90% Factor” (90% of an iceberg is
            below the waterline and out of sight).

         2. An assumption (unsinkable).
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two      Two Things Never to Say to a Woman
Things




         1. “When’s the baby due?”

         2. “You look tired.”
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two        Needed to Get the Perfect Red Lip
Things            (Glamour Magazine)



         1. A thin, sharp lip brush.

         2. A lip liner in the same hue as your lip colour.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two         To Advance to Baseball Playoffs
Things




         1. Put pressure on your opponent so that he
            makes a mistake (throws a hittable pitch,
            walks the leadoff batter, fails to turn a double
            play, etc.).

         2. Exploit that mistake to the maximum.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Innovation
Things




         1. Innovation is inversely proportional to
            organizational strength.

         2. Organizational strength increases with time.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                Industrial Automation
Things




         1. Electricity.

         2. Control.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Marketing
Things




         1.   Identify who you are trying to reach
               (target audience) .

         2. Don't just reach them, grab them by the balls
             (market penetration with compelling message) .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                 Information Security
Things




         1.   People are gullible.

         2. Standard: deny. Exception: allow.
            (the "simple security principle") .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Physics
Things




         1.   Energy is conserved.

         2. Photons (and everything else) behave like both
            waves and particles.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                     Neuroscience
Things




         1. Neurons strengthen or weaken signal strength
            between connected synapse .

         2. If you think you've found the part of the brain
            that controls _________,
            you're probably wrong .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Economics
Things




         1.   Incentives matter.

         2.   There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                        Women
Things




         1. When complaining, they don’t want your advice,
            they want your sympathy .

         2. Don’t you dare tell them you can sum them up
            with just Two Things .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two                       Parenting
Things




         1. There’s no such thing as too much affection.

         2. It’s not so much what you say,
            as it is what you do .
 The
 Two
Things
 The
 Two     The Two Things About The Two Things
Things




          1. People rarely agree about what the Two
             Things are.

          2. This is doubly true for anyone who
             works in computers.
 The
 Two
Things

				
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posted:8/29/2011
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