July 2006 - East Farleigh Cruising Club by yaofenjin


									   EAST FARLEIGH
Affiliated to the Royal Yachting Association

            BULLETIN NO.74
               July 2006
            Tel: 01622-721973 Mobile 07879-462658
   B B S
   DIESEL                                          REPAIRS
                                CRANEAGE & STORAGE
                             B.S.S. WORK UNDERTAKEN
 D.J.E. PAINE                                                                      E. SEDGE

                         STATION HILL, EAST FARLEIGH
                              MAIDSTONE, KENT
                                  ME15 0JG
                TEL/FAX 01622-721973 - MOBILE 07879 - 462658
                          DavePaine@blueyo nder.com

TENDERFOOT         Birchwood 33, Twin Ford 120hp Diesels                             £39,750
WAVE CREST         Sealine Ambassador 285, Twin Volvo 130 diesels                    £38,750
LOUISA             Project 31, Twin Ford 120Hp diesel                                £18,500
CHEIFTAIN          32ft Live aboard, BMC Diesel                                      £18,000
HARMONIC           Project 31, Twin deisel                                           £14,000
RIMAC              Freeman 26, Twin Perkins 4/107 diesels, 4 berths, Hard top        £12,750
POLARIS            26ft GRP, BMC Diesel                                              £8,500
ANOUSHA            Splinter 21 sailing boat, 3 berths, Trailer, Mariner outboard     £2.500

   All boat safety scheme parts are kept in stock as well as anodes and paints.
  BSS work, engineering work as well as servicing engines, drive rebuilds/repairs

                WANTED - BOATS FOR SALE
EFCC COMMITTEE MEMBERS 2005/06                                             CONTENTS
    Ian Wilkins                                          Commodores Notes                 …………..   2
    Lady Glencora                                        Secretary’s Notes                …………..   2
                                                         Rear Commodore Cruising          …………..   3
      John Mackevitt                                     Vice Commodore/Head Gardener …………..       5
      Sleeping Tiger                                     Social Secretary’s Report        …………..   7
                                                         Fun Day                          …………..   8
                                                         Membership News                  …………..   10
     Valerie Sharp                    Odyssey
                                                         May Day up River cruise          …………..   11
HON.TREASURER                                            Strood First Timers Cruise       …………..   13
     Alan Apps                                           Ladies Night                     ………….    14
     A Kind of Magic                                     The Annual Fishing Competition …………..     15
REAR COMMODORE CRUISING                                  New Boat Perukay for the Fosters …………..   16
Down Graham Newman                                       First Cruise to Burnham          …………..   17
River Fleighty     Mob                                   July Treasure Hunt               …………..   18
            email                                        Gala Dinner Menu                 …………..   19
Up    Katy Turner                                        2005 AGM Minutes                 …………..   21
River Mistura II                                         AGM Nominations return form …………..        23
                                                         Event return Form                …………..   24
    Di Ruscoe
    Misty II
     Mike Woolmer                                                   EDITORS NOTES

     Olympic Dream       Mob
                                                                 his is a fairly full issue of the bulletin
ASSISTANT SOCIAL SECRETARY                                       and we still have a pile of summer
      Anthea Apps
                                                                 cruises to come. Thank you all for
      A Kind of Magic
                                                         your write ups, and keep them coming so that
BULLETIN EDITOR                                          we have a second big issue this year. I don’t
     Alan Apps                                           mind having to squeeze my note in this little
                                                         space here

     John Mackevitt                                                ttached to the bulletin are the AGM
     Sleeping Tiger
                                                                   minutes from last year and a
COMMITTEE                                                          nomination form for the committee
Derek Beal        Piccola
                                                          for the coming year. The AGM is on Sept
Rose Biggs        Fairdo
                                                          23rd but we don’t have another issue of the
Peter Brooker     Shamara
                                                          bulletin before that date and Valerie would
                                                          like to have the nomination form returned
Alan Maw          Nikisuda
                                                          ASAP so that she can prepare things for the
Ivan Morettes     Zara II
                                                          evening, .
John Ruscoe       Misty II
Jennifer Venables Sherwood Lady                                                 Alan Apps       Editor
Sheila Wilkins Lady Glencora

                                  THE E FC C WEBSITE
                  www.eastfarleighcrusingclub.co.uk                                       .
The web site is now up and running. The two boats on the West Country Cruise took a lap top with them
and have logged their progress along the coast onto the web site. It is likely to be more up to date than
this bulletin. Have a peep and see if you are missing anything!!

                                         Editor Alan Apps

 Hi All
 Hope you are all well as I write this it is hard to believe my year is almost at an end, it will
 soon be time to hand over the burgee to John. We still have some super events left however
 and while this great weather is here lets make the most of it.
 This year has been excellent for both social and boating activities and I think its a
 fitting tribute to our 25th year. The Fun Day was great and it was so nice to see so
 many people attend a social event and having a great time, the river bus put a great
 end to a wonderful day, a good time was had by all. The effort put in by the team has
 been superb and I offer my heart warm thanks and congratulations for all their hard
 I look forward to seeing you at the next club event.
  Kind Regards
 Ian Wilkins (Lady Glencora)

                      Secretary’s Notes
                Hello again, I cannot believe how time flies! Since the last Bulletin, Chris and
I have been away touring Scotland, and it was beautiful, we had fabulous weather, we got
back just in time for Ladies night. What a lovely evening that was except for the
gatecrashers!! Tonbridge women I am sure are better looking than the lot that turned up at
the Riverside Restaurant. (I dread to think what will happen next year). Seriously though
it was a lovely evening and the added touch of a token box of chocolates for everyone
attending from our flag officers, these were very well received. Thank you. May I also
thank Anthea for stepping in at the 11 hour on the collation of the whole evening, very well

We are fast running out of our boating calendar, the AGM will soon be upon us (Sep 23rd).
You will find last years minutes and a Committee Nomination form in this Bulletin, please
put the date in your diary, it is an important and necessary part of EFCC business and your
attendance would be appreciated, this is everyone’s chance to voice their opinions and put
ideas forward and of course vote in the next committee. I will send out the agenda and
financial report late August, by way of a calling notice. Note :- you will need to bring your
own refreshments to the AGM! There will not be a bar! But, a small buffet will be
provided at the end of business.

Safe and happy boating!

      Valerie Sharp
                                      Hon. Secretary

Well, after all the planning and arrangement           up the Thames for the week whilst ‘Lady
making our cruising season eventually got              Glencora’ and ‘Fleighty’ did the Swale with an
underway at Easter albeit to a late change of          overnight stay at Queenborough.
destination at West India Dock. Twelve
boats attended and I believe a good
time was had by all. Two group meals
were enjoyed at the Lotus Floating
Chinese Restaurant and the Tower
Carvery. My thanks to Frank Manning
for his assistance in arranging these
meals as nothing was sorted out in
advance on this cruise.
An enjoyable time, on Sunday morning
at Greenwich market, was had by all
who went there.
Next came our cruise to Burnham yacht
harbour. Although nine boats were            The only picture of the ‘Heybridge’ cruise. Two men and a dog
scheduled for the cruise only four
actually got there, A group evening meal was         Settled fine weather as we got into the Month of
enjoyed in Burnham Yacht Harbours                    June meant we were hoping it would last for
Swallowtail restaurant where the Crew of ‘Hot        the Brightlingsea cruise, 13 boats down for this
Sauce’ joined us by car. The food was very nice one. The weather gods were certainly looking
but the service slow, due probably to the fact it    on us for this trip, we ended up with 9 club
was under new ownership and it was their first       boats setting off Saturday morning in light
night! Due to a strong wind forecast for             variable winds and blazing sunshine and
Monday we had to cut short the weekend and           temperatures in the high 20’s, This weather
return to the Medway on Sunday Morning.              lasted the whole weekend and a very pleasant
                                                     time was enjoyed by all who went with
Although not attending, I am told that the First
                                                     sunbathing and socialising on the boats abound
Time tidal cruise to Strood Yacht Club was a         and an excellent meal in the Colne yacht club
great success and a group BBQ was enjoyed by
                                                     who looked after us very well on Saturday
all before the heavens opened up at about 9pm.
This type of cruise is clearly what some of our
non tidal based members want as there was I          If the rest of our cruising programme is as
believe 13 boats attending, although at one          successful as this one, I for one will be very
stage I had 16 on the list, My thanks to Alan &      happy, I just hope one of the participating
Anthea Apps for leading this cruise.                 members takes time out to do a write up for the
                                                     bulletin. I know quite a few photographs were
Next came our scheduled cruise to Heybridge
                                                     taken with Alan in mind and cruise write ups
and Bradwell with 9 boats booked to go. This
                                                     help him fill the pages !
had reduced to 7 by the beginning of the week,
But with strong winds and rain forecast by           Now as I am writing these notes we are
Friday this was further reduced to 3. Not to be      preparing for our ‘Go West’ West Country
deterred ‘Lady Glencora’ Fleighty’ & ‘No             Cruise, still only two boats taking part ‘Hot
Doubt’ met up at Strood/Rochester on Saturday Sauce’ and ‘Fleighty’. For this holiday cruise
afternoon in the hope that the Bradwell part         to be successful we need to be blessed with two
could still be done on the Sunday/Monday, The        weeks of fine weather, with light winds, so we
Heybridge bit having been called off Friday          are keeping our fingers crossed. I had hoped
Evening. A meal was enjoyed in Rochester on          for more boats on this cruise but from
Saturday evening, but the Navtex greeted us on comments made to me maybe it was just too far
Sunday morning confirming strong winds and           to go for most of our members. Maybe next
rain for the Monday, So’ No Doubt’ went off          year for The Coastal cruises we need to stick to

the East Coast, Belgium/Holland or The              Novices cruise to Medway bridge marina on the
Normandy Coast! If any of you have a                9th September with a meal and caberet in
preference let the committee know.                  Sharkies Restaurant (Inner Dowsing) The meal
                                                    and caberet is optional, So if you just want to
Whilst we are on the holiday cruise the Annual      come along for the cruise let me know. We
Admirals cruise takes place on the 9 July if any
                                                    conclude our Cruising season with the mens
of you wish to take part full details are available
                                                    cruise on the 30th September which will be to
from Rochester cruising club, Presuming of
                                                    either Ramsgate or London depending on the
course this bulletin is sent out before that date.
                                                    weather, I understand our womenfolk are
Then comes the Cruise to Queenborough on the planning a little outing of their own over this
22nd July with meal in the Flying Dutchman. At
                                                    weekend but have been assured they will not turn
Present I have 10 boats down for this one.
                                   th               up in Ramsgate or London! In light of what
Round the Island is next on the 5 August with
                                                    happened at the ladies night Dinner I hope they
lunch in the Ferry House inn at Harty Ferry, I
                                                    don’t find out where we are and gatecrash
have a trot boat booked to take us ashore and       dressed as men !
return us to our boats after lunch, 17 boats are
booked on this cruise at the moment. We then        If you fancy any of the remaining cruises this
have the two week holiday cruise to the non tidal season then let me know there is still room on all
Thames starting on the 12th August with 8 boats the cruises for more boats so come and join us,
to date.                                            Please remember between July 1st and July 16th I
                                                    will only be able to be contacted on my mobile
Then comes an old favourite the August bank
                                                    number, I hope you all enjoy the remaining
holiday cruise to Ramsgate with a group meal        months of the cruising season wherever you
booked in the Waterfront restaurant on the
                                                    spend it.
Saturday evening for those who wish to join it,
At the moment I have 14 boats booked on this        Kind Regards
one, We then have another First Time Tidal
                                                     Graham Newman ‘Fleighty’
                  The Brightlingsea Cruise in Pictures

                Getting there                                      Moored up

                 Relaxed                                             Eating
                                WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR?

                               VICE COMMODORE
                            HEAD GARDENERS REPORT
                                   MAY 2006
The Bank Holiday before the working party, there's me half dead with Venetian flu. Spent the Friday and
Saturday in bed; the next two days I got up but was not in full health so not back to work yet. Tuesday
evening I received a phone call from Pete Brooker to say that the piece of revetment I suggested he
supervise he would not be able to do as there were no posts. So, I thanked him for his call and started to
panic .....
My first phone call in preparing for the working party was to John and Helen Norcott on Seagee saying I
know its short notice but what were the chances of them bringing a machine. Sorry, not this time but will
next time. So, thank you and on to Jim and Sue Lawrence formerly on IsNis, who I had spoken to before.
Yes, he would bring the machine but at the moment he wasn't well but if he was better by Friday he
would let me know.
I then got on to Joe and Gill Hares for the poles. Joe said leave it with him. I did not feel quite so much of
a failure then. Thank you Joe. The Friday of the working party Joe phoned me up to tell me he had
acquired about thirty posts but he would be doing a lot of work to get them out of the wood and on to site.
Well done Joe. Jim then phoned to say no he was not going to make it.
Annette was now in the same state that I was in the previous weekend so we said our goodbyes and I set
off to the land on my own. Already there were Alan and Anthea Apps on A Kind of Magic, Fred and
Cheryl Grafton on Summertime Blues, and Mike and Rita Woolmer on Olympic Dream. After I had
arrived came John and Di Ruscoe Misty II, John Moon and Beverley on Santana, then Katy Turner on
Mistura with Jim. Later on in the dark came Pete and Pauline on Shamara.
When I arrived I was invited to join the rest of them aboard Summertime Blues for drinks, a pastime I
aspire to be quite good at when along came Pauline and Gill Hares wanting to know why I had not been
answering my mobile phone. The fact that it was on my boat had nothing to do with it. Anyhow, Joe had
arrived at Bow Bridge Marina with the posts, so off we went, Gill, Peter, Alan and I to assist in the off
loading of 31 posts, which we put by Pete's mooring; I guess the time then was 10 ish pm.
Saturday morning I got up not feeling too bright but started both engines and along with Keith Bray, John
Ruscoe and Alan Apps, set off to pick up the posts. As we were loading said posts when Alan and Di
Maw on Nikisuda came alongside and took some of them up to the land.
Back at the land it was soon busy with activity, Fred Grafton mowing, Mike Woolmer doing food
preparations. Katy Turner had kindly made me some egg sandwiches which were very nice. The gazebos
were put up, the revetment was being carried out, the stream was being cleared, holes were filled and
lumps taken off. By 1600 hours most of us took cover from the rain, all except Mike and Rita, who
suffered the rain to keep us all fed. Well done once again Mike. Mike also did his 20p quiz and Anthea's
team won a bottle of wine. Twenty one feet of revetment was completed and the land looked good.

       A relaxed evening after a hard days work             Mike cooks whatever the weather - and gets wet

Boats attending:
Sleeping Tiger           Kathleen             Kalypso               Misty II          Santana
Sherwood Lady            Mistura II           Summertime Blues      Larkony R         A Kind of Magic
Olympic Dream            Shamara              Zara II               Nikisuda          Sunset Dancer
Seagee                   White Wind
Crews without boats:
Mike Lawrence from Robanda                                     John Wrankmore from Hassle of Hoo
Colin Brown and son from Mischief Maker                        Keith Bray from Tilbud
Mike Turner with girlfriend Alicia and friend Neo              Reg Turner

                             WORKING PARTY 3/4 JUNE 2006
Although this was mostly a land clear up for the Fun Day, the "no machine" rule had to be overturned as
some of our previous revetment tried to say goodbye to the land. Jim Lawrence and his digger proved
extremely useful (and Jim's son Tony), and the land mower did well again, beautifully driven by Fred
Grafton. Mike Woolmer did well as Head Chef, also Rita, so thanks to everyone who did their bit. The
sun shone and all went well and the land was prepared for the Fun Day on the next weekend.
Thank you to Anthea for collecting names of boats and people. There was a record 24 boats:
A Kind of Magic        Anrika                Becca Lou            Blue Echo              Kalypso
Larkony R              Lynbar                Mistura              Misty II               Molly Two
Nikisuda               Olympic Dream         Orka                 Piccola                Samari
Shamara                Silver Moon           Sleeping Tiger       Summertime Blues       Sunset Dancer
Tilbud                 Welkhome              Windward             Zara II,
and on foot: Nick Aish (Morning Tide) Ken Atmore (Barracuda) Mike Bell (formerly Sea Fox)
Ian Wilkins (Lady Glencora).

          Jim being extremely useful                               Fred mowing beautifully

           Everyone doing their bit                               Relaxing with the Head Chef

Thank you all.

Greetings Pop pickers. How’s it going? Mine seems to be O.K. (boat that is).
What have I got to report?
April. Lifting in dinner. Sold 43 tickets. Managed to squeeze in one extra. A very good night. We
packed out the Riverside. The food and service were very good. David, the governor, was on his
usual form, with jokes after dinner. I guess we will be going back there next year. It was good for
me, and a couple of others, because we moored up right outside. No drink driving. We could have
easily got a few more out there so remember for next time. Don’t forget, seat numbers are limited
to 42.
May. Ladies day at the Riverside. Again, I understand a very good night. The evening was
crashed by six men dressed up as W.I. members. Descriptions have been circulated, but one of the
guys was not even recognised by his own wife. As I am sure you are aware the evening is not
organised by me. For next year ladies you will need to contact Valerie Sharp. Again there will be a
maximum number of 42 seats available.
June 3rd Tidy the land for Fun Day. An excellent turn out, 23 boats, probably one of the best I
have seen. Well done everybody.
June 10th. Fun Day. Hey folks what can I say? A fabulous day all around. Many accolades received.
88 Roast dinners served. Disco on Kentish Lady was a quiet affair only 40 on board, might have
been my fault because I thought I had over-sold it and put the block on final tickets. Thanks to
Anthea for diligently looking after the money side. Thanks to Rita, Rose & Bill Biggs and Frank
Manning for watching over the food side. Thanks to Jo Hares for coconuts, Rose for Strawberries,
Val for her cake stall, Valerie Sharp for her apple pies, Janet from Welkhome for the celebration
cake and for so much more that she did. Thanks to everybody else who helped and not received a
mention. I am planning for next year, I’ve done most of it already, Be there or be square.
June 24th. Fishing competition on the land. Results t.b.a.

Diary notes :
September 16th. Tea time at Wetherspoons. Meet down on the river, by the Fremlins Centre, at
                Maidstone 3.p.m. eat at 5.p.m. You pay on the night, according to what you eat
                and drink.
October 7th. Lifting out Barn Dance. East Farleigh W.I. Hall. 7 for 7-30 – 11 p.m.
                 Pilgrims Progress lead the dancing. Sausage & chips supper. £7.50 per head.
November 18 th. Gala Dinner. Oakwood House. 7 for 7-30. Carriages 1.00 a.m.
                 £30 per head. Price t.b.c.

Dec 16th Xmas party. East Farleigh W.I. Hall. 7 for 7-30 to 11-30 p.m.
            Bring own food and drinks. Three Generations Group and
            Domination           Sounds Disco. £5 per head.
              Get your bookings into Anthea Apps. See page 24
Fill in the missing words : ( my motto).                 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -.

So come on, join in, the word is they are queuing up to join our club because of what we do
both socially and cruise wise..

      Mike W.          (Olympic Dream).

                   Fun Day Report by your Official Four Footed Roving Reporter
Well, here I am, the ‘new gal’, on my very first assignment as Official Roving Reporter for the EFCC Fun
Day 2006. I’ve been having extra tuition to improve my skills, and now that the confusion over my name
has cleared up (I’m NOT ‘ Bella Come Here’, just Bella!!), I can give my full attention to the matter in
paws and get on with my report.

What a start aye? To be reporting on the 25th Anniversary Fun Day, and what fun all the humans and us
canines had. For a start, I made friends with a load of other girls, and we hung out together – Arden from
Piccola, who does the important job of looking after his human, Derek, then there were Gertrude and
China from Lady Glencora and of course Cassie aboard Watermann. I did meet loads of other four foots,
but these girls are my best mates!

Sorry, I digress. Better get on with this description of the aforesaid event. I arrived at the venue (the Club
Land) with Mum & Dad, aboard Misty II on the Friday evening. It had been a warm and sunny day and
there were already 19 boats moored up so we were lucky to get a spot where I could get off easily. Fred
had been busy with the mower, the grass was nicely cut, everyone was in good spirits, looking forward to
the events of next day. By bedtime, another two boats had arrived so it certainly looked quite full. Mum
persuaded Dad that Misty should be decorated with bunting before the morning, so that kept them amused
for half an hour while I sat and watched the rabbits which I would have liked to chase!

I woke Mum & Dad up with a quick kiss and we all went for an early walk before things got going. It was
very warm and sunny. Mum & Dad took me up to the pill box. I watched the skilful way things were
taken and trundled out in wheel barrows so that big tent things called gazebos could be erected under the
direction of Keith( Tilbud) and my very bossy Mum.

Throughout the morning more boats arrived and stalls were set up. Mike from Olympic Dream, was the
man in charge and he had everything well organised, so that at 12 oclock he appeared in a clowns outfit
and made everyone laugh. The day was officially opened by Ian, (China & Gertrude’s Dad) who is
something called a Commodore! Lots of humans had arrived by this time and were already looking at the
stalls where they could try wine tasting, buy cakes, strawberries and cream, books and take part in a raffle
and tom bola. The children enjoyed the paddling pool, and also trying to hit Dad with blocks of wood,
pretending they wanted to win a coconut at the coconut shy. This made him a bit grumpy!

Soon the smell of cooking got my nose on the twitch and someone shouted that hot dogs were ready (I
didn’t need them to tell me. All us dogs were VERY hot as the sun was shining and we were certainly
ready for a snack!!).

The activities continued with It’s a knock Out arranged by China and Gertrude’s Dad & Mum. Fancy
Dress then followed – I, of course had my silver ‘Official Roving Reporter’ sash and looked quite fetching.
Mum and Dad were REALLY surprised to win the prize for the best dressed boat. Then there was a silly
thing called wellie throwing , sort of putting the boot in!

By the end of the afternoon, I was a bit of a tired gal, so I had a rest on Misty while Mum & Dad enjoyed a
roast beef dinner before Mum went off and had a trip on the river boat Kentish Lady, dancing and things.
She said it was a good way to end a lovely day and that everyone enjoyed themselves.

So this is my first Official Report. What do you think? Reckon I’ll try again next year, as I’m sure we’ll
be going to Fun Day 2007. Any ideas anyone? Mike did a good job so I’m told. He needs a pat on the
back and a treat like I get when I do well!!

Love to you all.

Bella (C.H.)
      Hi there everyone. I hope do you are enjoying the glorious summer weather we are
     experiencing at the moment, and what better place to be than on the river. It was great to
   see several of our new (and nearly new) members at recent events, as well as the ‘old (and not
 so old) familiar faces’. Joining in is what being a member is all about and its good to see people
 taking an active part in Club activities.
Since the April edition of the Bulletin I am pleased to welcome the following
New Members:-
Tony & Pat Slade, Boat Sea Imp: Birchwood 33: Little Venice
Roy Ludbrook, Boat: Specter II: Seamaster 23: Allington
Herbert & Olive Redshaw, Boat: Isetta: Hardy Pilot 20: Borstal

Year Book Changes
Please delete from your records new member Paul Johnson who was accepted at the March meeting
but has not taken up membership.
Jimmy, Sue and Tony Lawrence have recently purchased a Broom 37 Becca Lou,

Alf and Chris Mitchell have moved .
David and Gay De Boorman have moved
Dave & Janet Foster (New members introduced in the April bulletin) have upgraded their boat to a
Princess 30DS, called Perukay with twin diesels, shaft drive and a broken windscreen
They are likely to change the name but see the article on page 16 for further details. They have sold
Wild Rose to Nick and June Grainger who have sold Draco Dragon. Dave and Janet would like to
convey thanks to Alan and Di for their help. What a great example of what belonging to the Club is all
Mike and Judy Bell Have sadly sold Sea Fox after many happy years, and are
 now cruising the Canals aboard their narrow boat Maggie Anne.
  Ron Wotton has bought another boat.It is an Elysian 27ft with shaft drive and a single diesel
   engine. Named SIRON
      Finally I would like to wish you all happy holidays and good cruising.
                 Di Ruscoe (Misty II)        Membership Secretary

DORMITORY    =      DIRTY ROOM                      ANIMOSITY                   =   IS NO AMITY
PRESBYTERIAN =      BEST IN PRAYER                  THE MORSE CODE `            =   HERE COME DOTS
ASTRONOMER =        MOON STARER                     SNOOZE ALARMS               =   ALAS NO MORE Z 'S
DESPERATION =       A ROPE ENDS IT                  A DECIMAL POINT             =   IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EYES     =      THEY SEE                        THE EARTHQUAKES             =   THAT QUEER SHAKE
GEORGE BUSH =       HE BUGS GORE                    ELEVEN PLUS TWO             =   TWELVE PLUS ONE
SLOT MACHINES=      CASH LOST IN ME                 MOTHER-IN-LAW               =   WOMAN HITLER

We were tempted by Katy Turners article in the        waiting platform while the crews prepared the
April bulletin; encouraging members to join the       lock, unfortunately I did not tie Shamara as tight
May Day cruise.                                                                 as I should have at the
After an early night on Friday tucked up cosily in
our boat, we woke up to a chilly Saturday morning
with grey skies and spitting with rain, however the
forecast was a promise of 15º later.
At 10.20 the rain stopped and the three boats on
the cruise, Mistrura ll (Katie and Jim), Shamara
(Pauline and Peter) and Sherwood Lady (Jennifer
and Geoff) met at Hampstead Lock, we just had
to wait a short time for a small boat, Music
Maker to come out. We were all through the
lock at 11.15, assisted by Diana Ruscoe who
                                                                  Safely moored
helped us together with her lovely new dog                                       in the lock
Bella. Mistura ll approached the lifting bridge at  bow and the
Yalding first and Katie kindly did all the work for force of the water made the rope slip,
us, thank you Katie.                                fortunately it did hold, but I will always check
                                                    next time.
We then had a pleasant cruise, passing The Anchor
pub, thankful for a cool, quiet day so we didn’t    At the lock I spoke to a couple of ramblers, they
have to dodge the youths who occasionally jump were doing a 12 mile circular walk from Pembry,
off the bridge! Next we went past The Teapot        this I thought sounded very nice and something I
Café, Twyford Bridge marina and the lovely          would like to do at a later date. We all were
converted Oast house, which is opposite the         through Oak Weir lock at 1.05.
Environment Agency moorings. A short while          At 1.15 we moored at the meadows, soon after it
later we negotiated Stoneham disused lock, it was
                                                    was a nice surprise to be offered a glass of wine
a joy to see all the bluebells and primroses in the
                                                    from Jim off of Mistrua ll, thank you Jim.
woods and by the riverbank.
                                                    The sun was now shining and we all relaxed in our
We arrived at Sluice Weir Lock at 11.45, the crew
                                                    chairs on the riverbank, commenting how quiet it
of Shamara plus two environmental agency
                                                    was for a bank holiday, as we had most of the
employees were preparing the lock, we were
                                                    meadows to ourselves.
all through
                                                    After lunch of snacks and corned beef sandwiches,
                                                    which we all shared, we all decided to go for a
                                                    walk along the footpath to Five Oak Green. We
                                                    stopped in the village for a drink at the Kings
                                                    Head; it was pleasant all sitting outside in the
                                                    sunshine. Then Pauline and myself bought a few
                                                    plants from outside a bungalow in the village,
                                                    carefully counting out our money and placing it in
                                                    the honesty box. After stopping at the village shop,
                                                    we made our way back via the footpaths; it was
                                                    fun to see families’ still using the ‘hop pickers’
                            p - Sluice Wei          sheds to make their cups of tea. When we got
              On our wa y u
                            by 12.15 and enjoyed a  back we all had a little rest on our boats, some
pleasant cruise enjoying the countryside and lush reading and I think some may have had a little
green fields.                                       snooze as it all went very quiet!
At 12.30 we arrived at Oak Weir Lock, Peter and       Misty II arrived at 7.15pm, it was a lovely surprise
Pauline on Shamara came alongside us on the           to see their boat come round the corner and we all

greeted Di, John and Bella. John had to work        were soon at the pub. We sat outside sipping our
during the day on Saturday but they decided to join beer in the sunshine, deciding what to have from
us for the rest of the weekend, which was nice.     the extensive menu. Geoff had the two course meal
                                                    for £9.95, for this he chose pate and toast for a
As Saturday evening was a bit chilly we all ate in
                                                    starter, which we shared, and roast beef. I chose a
our boats, we just finished eating and I was
                                                    chicken Cesar salad for £6.95. Both meals were
washing up when Geoff said that Peter and Pauline                delicious. It was lovely sitting outside
had invited everyone on their
                                                                 in the pub garden, watching the large
                                                                 bream swim in the River Bourne. It
                                                                  was very warm when the sun came
                                                                  out, and the temperature for the day
                                                                  was approx 16º.
                                                                         After a pleasant walk back we saw
                                                                         Di and John relaxing on the
                                                                         riverbank, we all had a coffee and
                                                                          cake together and decided to go
                                                                          back down river at 4o’clock. The
                                                                           weather forecast was for rain
                                                                           overnight on Sunday, clearing on
                                                                           Monday during the morning, we all
                                                                           thought that this was the better
                                                                             option, as it’s more pleasurable
                                                     ow s                    operating the locks in the dry. We
                                       d at the Mead
                     Peac efully moore                         had leisurely cruise back and arrived at
                           boat for a drink. We           Hampstead Lock to be greeted by Janet and Peter
popped along later and thoroughly enjoyed the             from Welkome, thank you both for your help. We
evening chatting, having wine and nibbles. Thank were safely back in our mooring at 6.30pm
you Pauline and Peter.
                                                          After supper we joined Diana and John on their
I woke early on Sunday morning to the sound of            boat, we had a few drinks and chatted for a while,
rain and Peter starting his boat. Due to the rain,        it was cosy and my feet were lovely and warm as
the threat of the river rising, and the height of their Bella sat on them all the evening. Thank you Di,
boat Peter and Pauline decided to head back, I’m          John and Bella.
afraid that I wasn’t able to wave ‘good-bye’ as I
was still tucked up in bed, it was around 7.30am.         On Monday we woke up to rain but this soon
                                                          cleared and it turned out to be a lovely day. Geoff
Geoff then made us both a cup of tea, and as it was
                                                          cleaned the boat during the morning, after lunch
so dull outside we decided to stay in bed and listen
                                                          we packed up and headed home via Loose, where
to Radio Kent. After a few hours the sun came out
                                                          we went to a National Gardens Scheme, gardens
and the rain dried up, how lovely. While we were
having a late breakfast Di and John took Bella for a open for charity. We had never been to one of
                                                          these before, it did seem unusual to be sitting in a
walk, and Katie and Jim were relaxing on the
                                                          strangers garden, on their bench drinking tea and
                                                          eating cake which we purchased from them, but it
At 12 o’clock Geoff and myself decided to go for a was all very nice. The garden was beautiful and
walk, and incorporate a Sunday pub lunch, as              they were raising money for a good cause, this
Geoff had been looking forward to this. On our            rounded off a great weekend.
way we had a chat to Katie and Jim, they told us
they would soon be heading back as Katie was              We went to bed that night pleased with ourselves
                                                          at having joined a successful up river cruise.
Morris Dancing the next day, we said our
                                                          Thank you Katie for organizing this. It was a
goodbyes and carried on. Di had suggested the
                                                          memorable and very enjoyable Bank Holiday.
Man of Kent at Little Mill so we decided to walk
there, this was a pleasant walk along the towpath, Jennifer Venables – Sherwood Lady
past the lock, and over the metal bridge then we

  Thirteen boats came down river for this cruise. Alan Apps was the cruise leader and we all gathered
  at Allington Lock for a lunchtime lockout. Lol & Trish were also in the lock queue taking their boat
  to Medway Port for a lift out.
  We had a gentle trip down with Jo (Sunset Dancer) rendering assistance to Iolanthe who are not club
  members but suffered a loss of power and needed a tow.
  Mooring up was interesting with an offshore wind and a strong tide running. Ian, our commodore
  was there to help but after several brave attempts Misty Blue gave up and found a mooring spot with
  more space to manoeuvre.
  A number of crews went into Rochester to eat at Weatherspoons, and the rest of us took advantage of
  SYC’s hospitable loan of their BBQ to cook our own food. We just finished eating and the heavens
  opened with a thunderstorm lasting a couple of hours.
  Ray & Annette (Misty Blue) had gone to a concert in Rochester Cathedral and had to walk back in
  the rain -they were a little wet to say the least!!
  Sunday morning Bernie took Ivan up to the bar whilst the rest of us decorated Zara to enable us to
  celebrate Ivans birthday. On his return we had a birthday cake, drinks etc then watched the mental
  challenge offered by ‘putting Ivans mugs back in their rack’ (This could be a fun day challenge).
  The return trip in the sunshine was achieved by all on their own engines despite the occasional
  plastic bag being picked up. Even our new non member Iolanthe came back under their own steam..
  Thanks to Ian for organizing the trip and Alan for taking charge.

  Katy (Mistura)

                              A very social BBQ at Strood, before the thunderstorm.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman
replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the
pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man
wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

       LADIES NIGHT 2006
Thirty three ladies (Club members and friends) attended the Riverside Restaurant at Wateringbury for
this years event and it was nice to see so many of our new members joining in the event. The meal was
as usual superb and everyone had a good time.
The evening was interrupted by some ladies who according to mien host were from Tonbridge W.I. -
however they came in making a lot of noise, demanding to join in as they were ‘Ladies and in the
club’. They looked remarkably like some of the husbands and one was the spitting image of Mrs
Manning (Snr). Just as well Alan A wasn’t there he would have wanted his usual kiss from her.
Having minced about for about fifteen minutes they marched off to eat elsewhere leaving us ladies with
aching sides from so much laughter.
After dinner we had
a celebration as it
was May’s birthday
(Molly II’s mum), as
at all true ladies
events there was no
mention of age
although David did
suggest ‘23’
Thanks to Jayne for
the speech and to
Anthea & Valerie
for organizing the
evening. I am sure
that everyone is
looking forward to                     Tonbridge W I interrupt the graceful ladies evening
next years meal as
much as I am.
                   Katy Turner (Mistura)

                                                                           Mike Bell found this
                                                                           picture in a 2006 Canal
                                                                           Boat Gazette.
                                                                           It shows ‘Early spring on
                                                                           the Medway’ What it does
                                                                           not mention is that the
                                                                           picture is quite a few years
                                                                           old and shows Chris and
                                                                           Christine Andrews on their
                                                                           first boat about 25 years

                           THE ANNUAL FISHING COMPETITION
                                   2006 - June 28th
             Our fishing competition
this year was held on Saturday 28 th
June, and as usual it was organised
very effectively by Joe Hares. It was
a beautiful day, and was well
attended by many boats, some with
two or more fishermen with several
rods each.
As usual the event was run over two
sessions with the entry money being
returned as cash prizes to the
winners. Prizes were awarded on the
day for the biggest fish, the biggest
catch in either fishing session, the
biggest catch by a junior and the
smallest catch. The winner also gets
a trophy at the AGM award
                                                                 The weighing in ceremony

                                                 The first prize was won by Garry from White Wind, who
                                                 caught the largest fish, a 2lb 5oz bream. Second prize went
                                                 to Jim on Stevant, who had a total catch of 7lb. Jim was
                                                 accompanied by Ron, who used to own Silverdale, and who
                                                 had travelled from Boston to join the competition for the
                                                 The Ladies’ prize went to Karen, also from White Wind,
                                                 who managed to bag a whopping 1oz fish, and Jack Hares
                                                 from Sunset Dancer won the juvenile prize of a catch of 1lb
                                                 8oz. Janet, yet again from White Wind, won the booby
        The prize giving ceremony
                                                 prize for no catch at all. Her prize was a book called How
to Fish! Well done everyone!
Thank you Joe for running the event again this year and I am sure everyone who competed looks
forward to              next years.

Alan Apps

               The one I got

                                                                           Note :- Richard & Ann
               The Boat Bits                                               have redesigned the shop
                       Chandlery                         Facsimile
                                                                           to provide far more space
   01634 844114
                          Proprietors : R & A Borley
                                                       01634 409672        and a wider variety of
                                                                           products. Please pay a visit
                                                                           to Medway Bridge Marina
        Stockists of chandlery from most major suppliers
                                                                           and see the new style
18 Medway Bridge Marina, Manor Lane, Rochester, Kent, ME1 3HS.                   Boat Bits Shop

                     The New Boat Perukay (to be renamed)
Being boat owners for all of 11 months Dave wanted to up-grade, bigger boat, faster engines, so in
early June he found “the one” a Princess 30DS, twin diesels on shafts. She was lying at Walton-on-
Thames so we went and viewed her and after of week of the hard sell from Dave I succumbed and we
bought her.
Now we had the problem of bringing her down to the Medway. We had no experience when it came to
the River Thames or even the sea, apart from the water skiing we did many years ago, so the prospect
was quite daunting. We thought of putting her on a low loader but that was very expensive. Dave Paine
from Farleigh Boats said he would go with Dave to bring her down but he was too busy to go for a
couple of weeks and we had to move her from her mooring by the 30 th June so we were up the
proverbial creek.
Then fate played a hand. Di Rusco phoned us about another boat we had seen for sale at Strood. I
explained that we had now purchased a boat and mentioned our predicament at getting her home, Di
Ruscoe told us about Alan and Di Maw in Nikisuda who were just finishing their 2 week holiday on the
Thames. Di contacted them and they kindly agreed to be our escort for our maiden voyage.
We met up at Walton and cruised to Teddington where we spent our first night. Day 2 - 5.00 a.m. wake
up and off we set destination Limehouse. A perfect June morning calm, bright, mist on the water.
Took lots of photos, thoroughly enjoyable day. Moored up at Limehouse around 9.00 a.m. and sp ent
the day relaxing and exploring Canary Wharf. Spent comfortable night.
Day 3 - Another 5.00 a.m. wake up, again perfect weather the Thames was like glass. Cruised down,
no river traffic to speak of which was great as I was worried about this part of the trip, I don’t like
rough water, but all was calm and peaceful. Although we had our escort who were keeping in touch
over the radio to make sure we were O.K. and the speed was comfortable we did use the GPS and charts
just for the experience and to prove we could do it.
We entered the Medway, nearly home, we got to the
Rochester Bridge, home nearly in sight, then it
We came under the Bridge and wanted to moor at the
Rochester Pier Public Moorings to wait for the tide
which was still rising.
Nikisuda moored and we came in behind. There was a
small tatty dingy tied up at the end of the pier and
Dave was going to clip it so he put the engine in
reverse. That was it. Wind and tide took over. We
ran sideways into a large moored boat and her anchor
went straight through our windscreen. We managed
                                                           Nikisuda leads us through the Thames Barrier
to extricate ourselves with apologies to the owner of
the boat we hit, and moored up.
Alan and Di to the rescue with hot sweet tea, hoover and generator. We left them about and hour later
to finish our journey on our own up to Allington much relieved that the incident wasn’t more serious
that a broken windscreen and dented pride.
Apart from the accident it was a smashing experience, no seriously, it was great and we look forward to
cruising the Thames in the future.
We would like to say a BIG, BIG, THANKYOU to Alan and Di Maw on Nikisuda for all their help
and for putting up with the novices.
Dave and Jan Foster (Perukay - new name to follow)

                                             By :- Nick Aish & Jenny Temple on Morning Tide.
FRIDAY 28 APRIL 2006                                    was new territory for us and quite challenging,
Nick and I, on Morning Tide, started our cruise to      especially when the depth gauge shows the water
Burnham at lunchtime on Friday.                         getting very shallow! We moored at Burnham
We had heard the day before that the other boats of     Yacht harbour around 12:30, an interesting and
our speed had dropped out of the cruise but we          adventurous journey for Morning Tide, now all we
decided to go anyway, even though we would be by        had to do was get back tomorrow!.
far the slowest boat.                                The weather remained sunny and with small white
Luckily the weather was kind, the day was sunny      clouds and still a bit windy. We re-fuelled and
with light clouds and felt warm as we locked down washed the salt spray off of Morning Tide’s
at Allington. Nick and Julia on Eagle, locked out    windscreen and windows and afterwards took a
with us, they were stopping at Rochester overnight walk into Burnham. A pretty town, we visited
and catching us up the following morning. We         shops and looked around taking photographs; there
headed on to Queenborough, there was a bit of a      are house boats along the quay and interesting old
wind and the going was a little bumpy but good       cinema, all very picturesque. Nick bought some
fun.                                                 postcards to send to his children and we headed
                                                     back to get ready for our evening meal.
We moored over night on the lighter at
Queenborough; it was lovely to lie in bed listening Back at marina we met Frank and Sandra who even
to the sounds of the water against the underneath of
the boat, very peaceful and relaxing. Not so lovely
when Nick got up at 1:30 am as the tide had turned
and Morning Tide was rubbing and squeaking
against the thick fender ropes on the lighter, he
woke me up to tell me what he was doing, just in
case he fell in!
We were up early and left Queenborough at 06:30
am bound for Burnham on Crouch. We heard over
radio the George and Pat on Mystron had to drop
out of the cruise due to propeller trouble, so there
would be just four boats heading for Burnham.                       Dinner in Burnham on Crouch
Morning Tide was starting out on it’s own for the       though they couldn’t make the cruise had driven to
first part of the cruise, the others, Duga, Fleighty    Burnham on Crouch and joined us all for dinner.
and Eagle, were coming down from Rochester.
                                                 We had a lovely meal at the marina restaurant with
Heading out in the early morning air was wonderful
and exciting. We went towards Queenborough Spit  jolly company. The waitresses were very amiable
                                                 and pleasant throughout and joked with us. The
and Garrison Point; we saw the wreck of the
                                                 only drawback, we had to wait for ages for the bill
Montgomery sticking out of the water. As we went
                                                 and we were all getting tired and were anticipating
along the coast we noticed the wind generators out
                                                 our early start in the morning.
to sea, silhouetted against the sky and the Second
World War forts looking like strange science     SUNDAY 30 APRIL
                                                 We set off from Burnham yacht club at 8:20
fiction monsters standing on their legs in the sea.
We were in radio contact with the Duga, Fleighty following Duga, Fleighty and Eagle through the
and Eagle and they caught up with us at 8:15 at  narrow channel. There were lots of large, shiny
Blacktail spit.                                  black seals lying on Foulness Sand lazily watching
                                                 the boats going past. We had dropped well behind
We followed behind the other boats on to Burnham the others of our party and were concerned to find
on Crouch, logging the buoys as we went and      ourselves in quite shallow water in the narrow
through the narrow channel into Burnham. This    channel by Foulness Sands, even though aiming for

                                                          the time we were in radio contact which was
                                                          We followed the others down along Essex coast -
                                                          the Swin – the sea was calmer and the sun began to
                                                          shine. We reached Blacktail Spit at 11:50 and
                                                          were very pleased to see the Medway again. The
                                                          sea was now very calm, weather very pleasant, and
                                                          cruising very enjoyable. The faster boats went
                                                          ahead as we were on familiar coastline now and it
                                                          had been difficult for them to go slowly. Morning
                                                          Tide headed up the Medway in time to catch the
                                                           tide, getting under Aylesford Bridge and into
          There are a few yachts at Burnham                Allington Lock and back to Allington Marina, safe
                                                           and sound.
the correct buoy. Fortunately a boat passed us port In hind sight we realised that ideally we should not
side heading out into Whitaker channel so we used have joined a cruise with only fast boats as we
them as a guide and followed their route.           simply could not keep up, even though the others
                                                    had tried to slow down. Also, we have realised
Nick and I found the sea quite rough coming out of
                                                    that we need to get a GPS up and running on
the Whitaker Channel rounding Whittaker Spit but
                                                    Morning Tide as relying on charts and compass
Morning Tide rode the waves well. Heading out
                                                    was not adequate. However, we are very pleased
of the Whitaker Channel we got on wrong bearing we took part in the cruise to Burnham on Crouch
at South Whitaker buoy, Eagle noticed we hadn’t
                                                    and even though we are very inexperienced at sea
turned and radioed Graham, our cruise leader, to
                                                    cruising we enjoyed our adventure. Thank you to
point this out. However, we had realised ourselves
                                                    the other cruise members for your help. We
at the same time, altered course 180 degrees and
                                                    appreciate your tolerance and have learnt loads.
saw the others in the distance who had fanned out
so we were able to see them easier to follow. All
                                                    Nick Aish and Jenny Temple (Morning Tide)

                             JULY TREASURE HUNT
 Katy, our up river cruise leader, decided that this year’s Treasure hunt would be limited to the river between
 Allington and Yalding, due to the EA restricting traffic passing through Eldridge Lock. This gave all the
 participants the opportunity to take it very easy!
 We all assembled on the land at Teston early on Saturday morning, and set off, with our clue sheets, at about
 9.30. There were six boats, and we set off up river to Yalding, by which time we hoped to have all the clues for
 that end answered! We returned to Teston and John on Anrika picked up Katy, who had remained to instruct
 any latecomers. (She refused to help John with the clues though!)
 We passed down through Teston and Farleigh locks, answering clues as we went, and stopped at Maidstone to
 visit the market, which is sadly depleted these days, not many stalls at all.
 Hayden and Eileen on Orca carried on down to Allington but as we had time on our hands, the crews of Olymic
 Dream, Anrika and A Kind of Magic had a very pleasant lunch in the Tapas bar, with Sangria, beer and a very
 nice little Shiraz as accompaniment. When we left the Tapas Bar we followed our social secretary Mike to
 Weatherspoons to confirm our TeaTime date for September 16 th and found that the place had had a makeover
 and was looking very smart, here we joined Peter and Pauline from Shamara, who had braved the football
 crowds, in a quick libation.
 We continued the treasure hunt on to Allington,where Windward passed their answer sheets to Katy, then
 returned to the club land picking up clues that we missed on the first pass.
 Alan and I on A Kind of Magic tied with John on Anrika for the most clues answered correctly, but I had to
 forgo our half of the very nice bottle of red wine due to the fact that I had already had too much! Oh, what a
 nice day it was!
                                                                                                Anthea Apps

                         Oakwood House
      EFCC Gala Dinner Menu for 18th November 2006
                 £30 per head, 7.00 for 7.30, Carriages at 1 a.m.
                              Celery and Stilton Soup
                (Delicious hot soup served with a dash of port wine)
                            Salmon and Prawn Gateaux
                Served on a bed of torn leaves with a citrus dressing
                          Fanned Melon with Berry Fruits
                         Topped with a warm honey syrup

                                 Main Courses:
                             Traditional Roast Turkey
         Served with chipolata, bacon, chestnut stuffing and cranberry sauce
                             Seared fillet of Sea Bass
With a mushroom risotto and cloaked in a light soubise sauce with julienne vegetables
              Grilled Minute Steak in a Whiskey Cream Mustard Sauce
                        Resting on a bed of spinach and brie
                               Vegetable Wellington
                          Served with a fresh cream sauce
                       All of our main courses are served with
      Roast Potatoes, Brussel Sprouts, Baby Carrots and Honey Roast Parsnips.

                                Christmas Pudding
                         Served with a creamy rum custard
                                Baileys Cheesecake
                                With a toffee sauce
                                  Wild Berry Mousse
   Served in a tuille basket with white chocolate and sugar glazed flaked almonds
                          Selection of Cheese and Biscuits
                        Served with celery, apple and grapes.

                                  Followed By
                        Fresh Filter Coffee with Mince Pies

  We ended up with a spare side of a page - so this is now purely for fun
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable. When
she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after
you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

A man stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?
" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The man left. !
A few days later the same man stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The
barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The man left.
A week later the same man stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The
barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and half." The man left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that man and see where he goes. He
keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
! A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, looking embarrassed. The barber asked, "So where does that man
go when he leaves?" Bill said quietly....… "Your house."

                Disorder in the Court                        LAWYER: The youngest one, the twenty-year-old,
                                                             how old is he?
 These are from a book called Disorder in the                WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
 American Courts, and are things people said in court, ________________________________________
                                                       LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was
 word for word, taken down and now published by
 court reporters who had the torment of staying calm   taken?
                                                       WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
 while these exchanges were actually taking place.     ______________________________________
                                                       LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby)
 LAWYER: Are you sexually active?
                                                       was August 8th?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________                     WITNESS: Yes.
 LAWYER: What is your date of birth?                   LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: July 18th.                                   WITNESS: Uh.…
 LAWYER: What year?
                                                       LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
 WITNESS: Every year.
 _____________________________________                 did you check for a pulse?
 LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of WITNESS: No.
 the impact?                                           LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.                    WITNESS: No.
 ______________________________________                LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?
 LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with
                                                       WITNESS: No.
 you?                                                  LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was
 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
                                                       alive when you began the autopsy?
 remember which.
                                                       WITNESS: No.
 LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?
                                                       LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years.
 ______________________________________                WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
 LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband         in a jar.
 said to you that morning?                             LAWYER: But could the patient have still been alive,
 WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"                nevertheless?
 LAWYER: And why did that upset you?                   WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
 WITNESS: My name is Susan.                            alive and practicing law
 LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
 person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
 the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

             Return form for Gala Dinner - 18 Nov. 2006.
Name………………………...….                      Boat Name……………………...……
No of people attending…………………@ £30 per person
Cheque enclosed for…………….
Menu (see full details on page 19) Please write no. required next to each dish.
Soup…………                 Turkey…………               Christmas Pud………
Salmon………                Sea Bass……….             Cheesecake………….
Melon……….                 Steak…………..             Berry Mousse……….
                         Veggie…………               Cheese………………

              Return for Weatherspoons - 16th Sep. 2006

Pay on the night, but please let Anthea know if you are coming so that we can
organise tables. No of people attending……(or phone Anthea)

                        Barn Dance - 7 Oct. 2006
Name……………………                  Boat Name…………………..
No of people attending……………………@ £7.50 per person
Cheque enlosed for…………………..
(Please let us know if you want a veggie option)

                       Xmas Party - 16th Dec. 2006

Name…………………….. Boat Name…………………….
No of people attending……………………….@ £5 per person
Cheque enclosed for………………………
(Bring own food and drinks)

                       Please return this form a.s.a.p. to :-
                                    Mrs A Apps


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