Playing-Straight

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					  Playing Straight

         Or

Jordan´s Big TV Break

         by

    Txema Perazzo
                                               Page 1 of 122




FADE IN:

TITLES OVER

MONTAGE

INT. JORDAN’S APARTMENT. MORNING

JORDAN, early thirties, movie star looks, wakes up. On his
post-war apartment bedroom walls there are framed posters
of Broadway musicals, Snoopy and the Muppet Show. Wearing
pajamas, he leaps out of bed, prepares cereal and juice in
the open kitchen, turns on CNN, then changes channels to
the Cartoon Network.


INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT. SAME TIME

PABLO, late twenties, more attractive than handsome, wakes
up. On his pre-war studio walls there are different maps of
the world. One of them shows Argentina at its center.
Wearing boxer shorts, PABLO, definitely not a morning
person, puts the kettle on the stove.


EXT. JORDAN’S BUILDING.

In the building lobby, the DOORMAN holds the door for
JORDAN, perfectly groomed, in a sports jacket. A cab is
waiting for him.


INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT.

PABLO reads the Village Voice drinking Argentine mate from
a gourd with a metal straw. Alternative rock is playing on
the radio. He circles an ad for a hair color product test.


EXT. TBNY (LOCAL TV STUDIO).

JORDAN greets the DOORMAN and enters the building.
                                               Page 2 of 122




EXT. PABLO’S BUILDING.

In jeans and a sweater and without a shave (or a
discernible haircut), PABLO carries an old bicycle down the
stairs, exits his building and rides to

AN OFFICE BUILDING,

where he joins a long line of people. Most of them have
unusual hair dos or colors. The COORDINATOR rejects them
but retains PABLO and a few others.


INT. TV STUDIO. LATER

A low-budget children’s show is being taped. JORDAN, the
host, is in medieval clothing, holding a skull in one hand
and making ample gestures with the other. Children sitting
around him are alert, attentive and responsive.

                       JORDAN
          So, have I got what it takes to
          play Hamlet?

                      CHILDREN
          Methinks not!


EXT. PARK AVENUE OFFICE BUILDING. SAME TIME

PABLO waves goodbye to the other participants. They all
have the same shocking highlights in their hair. PABLO
rides off.


EXT. UPPER EAST SIDE STREET. AFTERNOON

PABLO, walking a dozen dogs on leashes, waits at a
pedestrian crossing. When the lights change, he struggles
to make them cross the street at the same time.


INT. TV STUDIO. LATER
                                                 Page 3 of 122


The director makes the cut sign, the technical staff
disperse, the set lights go off. Someone calls JORDAN. He
asks for time and continues interacting with the kids.
Several moms, slightly older than JORDAN, approach them,
shake his hand and compliment him on his work.


EXT/INT.   R.G.’S (ARGENTINE GRILL). SAME TIME

PABLO locks his bike outside the restaurant and goes in.
He puts on a waiter’s apron and sets the tables. He studies
the elaborated list of specials from the board and shortens
each item by erasing a few words when nobody’s looking. He
chats with the cooks and waiters, who tease him and laugh
about his hair.


EXT. TV STUDIO. EVENING

JORDAN takes a cab to

EXT/INT.   R.G.’S,

where tango music is playing.

TITLES END

JORDAN is escorted to the bar by the HEADWAITER. PABLO
approaches.

                         PABLO
             Good evening sir, my name is
             Pablo...
                  (Revlon commercial)
             ...And I’m worth it!

                          JORDAN
                   (noticing his hair)
             My God! Is Halloween early this
             year?

                         PABLO
             I’ll spare you the specials. I
             know exactly the kind of meat you
             like.
                                               Page 4 of 122


                      JORDAN
          Come on, Pablo. You can do it!


                      PABLO
          It must be my new hair... How do
          YOU memorize?

                      JORDAN
          Oh, innate talent... cue cards...

                       PABLO
                 (looking up)
          Well, I can’t read mine in this
          light.

At a nearby table, FATHER, fortysomething, is staring at
PABLO. His two CHILDREN seem to have recognized JORDAN. An
OLDER COUPLE at another table is making impatient gestures
at the HEADWAITER.

                      PABLO
                (to FATHER)
          I’ll be right with you, sir.

FATHER makes an understanding gesture. PABLO seems
surprised that he’s not upset.

                      PABLO
                (to the COUPLE)
          You too.

                      JORDAN
          How hard can it be? Didn’t you
          grow up on this food?

                      PABLO
          Yes, and then came fusion...

                      JORDAN
                (lowering his voice)
          So, are we getting together later?


                      PABLO
          My place? Please, Jordan?
                                               Page 5 of 122


               (with a heavy American
               accent)
          Micasa sucasa.

                      JORDAN
          Oh come on! Wouldn’t you rather
          wake up closer to the park
          tomorrow morning?

                      PABLO
          You know my visa is not valid
          North of Fourteenth...

The HEADWAITER makes an impatient gesture.

                      PABLO
          Sorry, gotta go. Fridays are
          bad...

                      JORDAN
          I told you it made no sense for me
          to come!

                      PABLO
                (as he goes away)
          Yeah, why don’t I visit YOU at
          work instead?

                         JORDAN
                (sour)
          Very funny.

PABLO waits on the older couple. FATHER from the family
table addresses JORDAN.

                      FATHER
          Excuse me, aren’t you on that
          children’s show...?

                      JORDAN
          Why I’m not sure.
                (to the kids)
          Am I?
                      THE KIDS
          Methinks not!

                         JORDAN
                                               Page 6 of 122


          You have a very nice family.

Another MAN IN HIS FORTIES joins FATHER at the table.
                      FATHER
          Thanks!


INT. JORDAN'S BUILDING LOBBY. NIGHT

PABLO enters with his bike, greets the DOORMAN and nods to
signal the storage room.

                      PABLO
          La dejamos acá adentro?

                      DOORMAN
          O.K.

                      PABLO
          Gracias.

DOORMAN takes the bike. About to store it, he notices PABLO
walking towards the elevators.

                      DOORMAN
          Wait, déjeme decirle a Jordan...

                      PABLO
          Don’t bother, Carlos. You’ll wake
          him up.


INT. JORDAN'S BEDROOM. NIGHT

JORDAN’s asleep; the TV is on. PABLO goes to the bathroom.
Reaching for the toothbrush, he realizes with a smile that
Jordan has already put some paste on it. Back in the room,
he silently undresses and climbs into bed with Jordan, who
turns and kisses him.

                      JORDAN
          Hola. I’m sorry about before.

                      PABLO
          Bad idea. My fault for insisting.
          Got fired too.
                                     Page 7 of 122


            JORDAN
Because I got premium service?

            PABLO
      (unconcerned)
No, I guess it was my hair. Too
un-Argentine.

            JORDAN
So, no more Argentine meat?

            PABLO
Oh no! I made sure we all
remained friends. Don’t worry.

            JORDAN
Your job situation is what
worries me.

            PABLO
Hey, I’m still overemployed.

            JORDAN
Precisely. Have you been getting
enough sleep?

            PABLO
Oh, I will survive...
      (turns off the TV)
How was your day?

            JORDAN
Great! But those moms... they’re
intense!

            PABLO
I bet you don’t find dads so
annoying. Did you stop at the
sauna?
            JORDAN
How did you know?

            PABLO
Oh, I said I’d be late, you had no
plans... Meet anyone hot?

            JORDAN
                                               Page 8 of 122


          It was O.K.

                      PABLO
          Good! At least one of us had some
          fun today!

PABLO turns off the light and they cuddle.


EXT. CENTRAL PARK. AFTERNOON (LATE FALL)

PABLO, in jeans and a T-shirt, rides his bike along the
loop while JORDAN, in sports gear, rollerblades. They’re
going against the flow, checking out guys. Runners
complain.

                      PABLO
          Well, if they looked at the signs
          they’d see we’re right.

JORDAN notices the sign: PABLO is right.

                      JORDAN
                (looking behind them)
          Couldn’t we check out backsides
          every now and then?

                      PABLO
          What’s the matter? Exercise bunny
          lost his carrot?

                      JORDAN
          We’re making everyone mad!

                      PABLO
          Oh come on... Aren’t you remotely
          interested in faces? That’s what
          you see most of the time anyway...

A FATHER runs by pushing his kid in an exercise stroller.
JORDAN and PABLO stare. PABLO sighs.

                      PABLO
          What exactly is the dad mystique?
          That unmistakable... je ne sais
          quoi. Take your brother, for
          example. Tremendo cuerpazo!
                                     Page 9 of 122



            JORDAN
      (surprised, amused)
You’re attracted to Keith?

            PABLO
Isn’t it weird? How we want
BECAUSE we can’t have?

            JORDAN
But how can you tell between
simple infatuation and ill-fated
true love?

            PABLO
Infatuation is not about them,
it’s about you.

            JORDAN
Well, so is love!

            PABLO
Infatuation goes away when you get
to know him. Love is what stays.
Take the guy you were with last
night. I bet he’s stuck on you.

            JORDAN
Because he doesn’t know me?
Thanks! He really tried though.

            PABLO
But you don’t talk, I forgot.

            JORDAN
Well, I have a future reputation
to protect!

            PABLO
You can be so sweet and yet such a
cold fish sometimes.

            JORDAN
Don’t get me started.

            PABLO
                                                Page 10 of 122


          Don’t you like to meet people? I
          know I do.

                      JORDAN
          I don’t need to meet other people.
          I have you. I wouldn’t even have
          sex on the side if you showed more
          interest.

                      PABLO
          Hey, I am here, aren’t I? But I
          also happen to like adventure
          sports. You know, a harmless game
          of seduction every once in a
          while.

                      JORDAN
          It wouldn’t surprise me if you
          dropped me like an old shoe one of
          these days.

                      PABLO
          And give up celebrating the
          mystery of our relationship? That
          would be insane!

                      JORDAN
          So you think you’re above romantic
          obsession?

                      PABLO
          Possession is more like it. It
          turns you into somebody else. If I
          fell, would you nail a stake in my
          heart before I hurt you?

                      JORDAN
          That’s so sweet! Your wife is a
          very lucky girl.

JORDAN holds the bike from behind. PABLO    looks at his
watch.

                      PABLO
          Shit!

                      JORDAN
                                               Page 11 of 122


          See, that’s not so sweet.

                      PABLO
                (braking)
          I was supposed to meet Betsy
          before work! We’re rehearsing for
          the INS interview. Gotta run.

                      JORDAN
                (annoyed)
          You’re working today too?

                      PABLO
          Didn’t I tell you? Call me.

JORDAN lets go of the bike, PABLO rides off.

                      JORDAN
                (yelling)
          Remember we’re babysitting Matt!


EXT. CENTRAL PARK. SAME AFTERNOON

Outside the park, waiting for the traffic light to change,
JORDAN, still on his rollerblades, glances at FRANK, an
athletic man in his forties, who stands beside him with
LAURA, a lively woman in her thirties, both in running
gear. LAURA notices JORDAN. She has a Midwestern accent.

                      LAURA
          Jordan? Jordan Stearns?

                      JORDAN
          Laura? Wow! It’s been ages...

                      LAURA
          I know!
They hug and look into each other’s eyes a moment too long.
LAURA looks away, JORDAN looks at FRANK.

                      LAURA
          Sorry, Frank, this is Jordan. We
          grew up together.

FRANK and JORDAN shake hands.
                                               Page 12 of 122


                      FRANK
          Good to meet you.
                      JORDAN
          Likewise.
                (to LAURA)
          What are you doing here?

                      LAURA
          I just got transferred. Frank’s my
          only friend here.

                      JORDAN
          Well that’s got to change!
                (correcting himself)
          I mean, no offense, Frank, but...

                        FRANK
          None taken.

                      LAURA
          You know, Frank, we were in school
          plays together.

                      JORDAN
          Oh please, let’s keep that a
          secret.

The light changes. FRANK is ready to cross.

                      LAURA
          Would you like to join us for
          brunch?




                      JORDAN
                (looking at FRANK)
          I don’t know... I wouldn’t want
          to...

                      FRANK
          Oh, no problem at all.

                      LAURA
          We’re going to Olive’s. Is that
          all right?
                                               Page 13 of 122



                      FRANK
          Vegetarian again? I thought we
          had reached an agreement!

                      LAURA
          Oh, were you serious?

                      JORDAN
          Is it that bad?

                      FRANK
          Why don’t the two of you go?
          You’ll probably spend all
          afternoon catching up anyway.

                      LAURA
          Are you sure? Maybe we could--

                      FRANK
          -- I’m sure. Have fun. Nice
          meeting you, Jordan!


INT. OLIVE’S. DAY

JORDAN and LAURA are having brunch. LAURA is on her cell
phone.

                      LAURA
                (businesslike)
          One more week, Rosie... No. I
          always keep my promises ... You’ll
          hear from me soon. Now relax!
          ...Bye.
               (turns off and puts
               away her cell phone)
          I’m sorry, where were we?

                      JORDAN
          You were telling me how running
          into you will change my life
          forever.

                      LAURA
          You don’t believe me.
                                     Page 14 of 122


            JORDAN
It just sounds too good to be
true, that’s all.

            LAURA
We meet again after fifteen years.
You’re in a show. I’m in show
business. Now if that’s not
fate... You have to show me your
work, Jordan. That was Rosie I was
just talking to! You know how
she’s all for supporting new
talent.

            JORDAN
National TV? But I’m not ready!

            LAURA
You have this incredibly good guy
thing going. I’m sure you’ve heard
this before. Speaking of which --
anybody special in your life?

            JORDAN
Oh, well, you know me, I take my
time... How long have you and
Frank...

            LAURA
Oh, Frank? No, he’s my assistant.
Sweet guy, great running
partner... Married last year.

            JORDAN
Give it time...

            LAURA
He’s not my type.

             JORDAN
Is he gay?

            LAURA
No! Is being straight all it takes
to make a man my type?

             JORDAN
                                               Page 15 of 122


          I didn’t mean that. Anyone not
          into you would have to be gay!

                      LAURA
          Oh. That’s better.

                      JORDAN
          I guess I expected you to be
          married. I dreamed you were.

                      LAURA
          Really?

                      JORDAN
          Yes. In this dream I was aware
          that you were unhappily married. I
          saw you again in a crowd and tried
          to look for you and tell you that
          you had done the right thing...

                      LAURA
          You mean breaking up with you?

                      JORDAN
          Yeah.

The WAITER fills the water glasses and the awkward pause.

                      LAURA
          Well I’m still happily unmarried.
          Whoever could put up with my
          schedule would be entitled to
          major baggage. Who needs that?

                       JORDAN
          Yeah, I noticed you have this...
          busy energy.

                      LAURA
          Well, blame it on New York. Maybe
          I’m trying to make up for my
          Minnesota complex...

                      JORDAN
          Really?

                      LAURA
                                              Page 16 of 122


          So you believe I should have a
          Minnesota complex, huh?

                      JORDAN
          You tricked me into that one...

JORDAN takes out his wallet and grabs the check.

                      LAURA
          Let me see your wallet. Do you
          mind?

JORDAN hands LAURA his wallet.

                      JORDAN
                (lying)
          No.

                      LAURA
          You can learn a lot about people
          by just...

INSERT – A picture of a four year old boy.

                         LAURA
          You married?

                      JORDAN
          That’s my nephew, Matt.

                      LAURA
          Wow, Keith’s son? How is he?

INT. WHAT’S COOKING (KITCHEN STORE). DAY

PABLO yawns and drinks more coffee. He’s slowly pricing
merchandise. DANIEL, 40, no visible edge, and his older and
severe-looking wife MARTHA walk into the store. MARTHA
takes a knife out of a Chinese set. While showing her a
different set of knives, DANIEL notices PABLO.

                      MARTHA
          But what’s wrong with these
          Chinese ones?

                      DANIEL
                (absentmindedly)
                                               Page 17 of 122


          What do I know?

                      MARTHA
          I’ll find out.

She waves at employees who ignore or avoid her and finally
catches PABLO’s eye.

                       MARTHA
          Excuse me.

PABLO approaches, notices DANIEL.

                      PABLO
          How can I help you, ma’am?

                      MARTHA
          What makes this knife so much
          better than this other one?

By accident, she drops one of the knives.

                      MARTHA
          Oh, I'm sorry. I got it.

MARTHA bends faster than PABLO and gets the knife. PABLO
eyes DANIEL, who gives him a sheepish smile and mouths the
words ―Cool hair!‖.

                      PABLO
                (recovering from his
                surprise, efficiently)
          Well, it’s a question of
          endurance. Forty years from now,
          would you like to cut your
          golden...
               (looking at DANIEL)
          ...anniversary cake with this baby
          or with a third generation cheapo?

The phone rings and PABLO gives his knife to MARTHA, who’s
left holding a knife in each hand.

                      PABLO
          Excuse me. I have to get that.
                                               Page 18 of 122


Outraged, MARTHA drops both knives on the counter and turns
to leave, taking DANIEL by the hand. He reluctantly follows
her to the exit. MANAGER, younger than PABLO, sees what
happens and approaches them.

                      PABLO
                (on the phone)
          What’s Cooking, this is Pablo, how
          can I help you?


INT. JORDAN’S APARTMENT. DAY

JORDAN is on the phone, while LAURA, fascinated, watches
tapes of his show.

                      JORDAN
          Hi there! I may be a little late.
          Can you make it to Keith’s by
          yourself?

                      PABLO
          Oh?

Behind PABLO’s back, in the background, DANIEL is talking
to the MANAGER. MARTHA is holding the door.


                      JORDAN
          I ran into an old friend and we
          just lost track of time...

                      PABLO
                (slightly concerned)
          That’s nice! What’s his name?

DANIEL and MARTHA exit.

                      JORDAN
          Laura.

                      PABLO
                (relieved, playful)
          Well, I can make it with Keith, I
          mean, to Keith’s by myself. Be as
          late as you want!
                                              Page 19 of 122


The MANAGER approaches.

                      JORDAN
          Uh-oh... I’d better wrap up soon
          then.

                      PABLO
          See you there.
                (hangs up. To the MANAGER)
          Am I fired?

                      MANAGER
          You must have done something
          right. They’ll go for the Swedish
          set. They’re calling to schedule
          the delivery.


INT. KEITH’S GARDEN APARTMENT. LATER THAT AFTERNOON

KEITH, a former jock in his mid-thirties, wearing jeans and
an untucked T-shirt, is standing on a chair, adjusting the
height of the lamp over the kitchen table. His crotch is at
the level of PABLO’s eyes. PABLO is standing near the light
switch, stealing glimpses. In the living room, MATT watches
cartoons.
                      PABLO
          ... Once I get the final papers I
          can go back to graphic design,
          so...

                      KEITH
          Good! Jordan can tide you over in
          the meantime, right? Turn it on.

                      PABLO
                (turns on the light)
          I’d rather he didn’t.

                      KEITH
          Oh, I understand. How’s that?

                      PABLO
          Maybe a little higher. You know,
          it’s tempting sometimes. He’s
          become a local celebrity.
                                                Page 20 of 122


                       KEITH
          Really? Wow!
                (raising the lamp)
          How’s that?

                      PABLO
          Good. I even registered a domain
          name for him.

                        KEITH
          What is it?

                      PABLO
          Uncle Jordan Dot Com. The name of
          the TV show we developed in our
          heads.

KEITH gets off the chair and sits with PABLO.

                        KEITH
          Cute!

                      PABLO
          So, how do you like working at
          home?

                      KEITH
          More than I thought, thank God. I
          have a lot of work too!

                      PABLO
          But tonight’s definitely off,
          right? Hot first date?

                       KEITH
          Well, there never seems to be a
          second date.

                      PABLO
          Don’t they sympathize? When you
          tell them what Donna did to you?

                      KEITH
          Not the ones I like!

                        PABLO
          Women...
                                               Page 21 of 122


                (as an afterthought)
          You’ll always be welcome in our
          team.

They laugh.

                      KEITH
          Sometimes I think I should have
          been more of a guy, you know?
          Maybe I made it too easy for her
          to leave.

                      PABLO
          But how could she expect Matt to
          understand?

                      KEITH
          Well, he was a bit of a surprise
          for us.

                      PABLO
          Oh. Well then maybe it’s just as
          well that she’s not raising him.
          Sometimes things just take care of
          themselves.

                      KEITH
          Who knows... What about you two?
          Have you ever thought about a
          family? Jordan would make a
          terrific father.

                      PABLO
          Yeah, but not me. I’m still too
          busy raising myself.

The doorbell rings. MATT runs towards the door, excitedly.

                      MATT
          Uncle Jordan?

MATT opens the door, JORDAN greets him.

                      PABLO
          Hi there.

                      KEITH
                                              Page 22 of 122


          Hey Jordan. We were just
          discussing parenthood.

                       JORDAN
          Oh! Whose?

                      PABLO
          I’ve considered passing on my
          genes anonymously, but that’s as
          far as I would go. I’m not even
          good with dogs...

                      JORDAN
          That’s because you have to deal
          with a dozen at a time!

                      PABLO
          I’ve seen you deal with a dozen
          kids at a time! I’m sure you give
          them a special snack.

                      KEITH
          And you, Jordan? Have you ever
          considered raising a family?

                      PABLO
          He can’t! It's like priests and
          celibacy. You see, being a father
          conflicts with our plan to make
          him America’s uncle!

                      JORDAN
          Well, I am Matt’s uncle first and
          foremost!

JORDAN picks MATT up and holds him.

                      MATT
          Will I see you in Thanksgiving,
          Uncle Jordan?

                      JORDAN
          Of course, Matt.

                      MATT
                (to PABLO, less
                enthusiastic)
                                               Page 23 of 122


          Will you be there too?

                      PABLO
          Sure! Don’t you remember two years
          ago?

                      JORDAN
          Pablo, he was only two!

                      PABLO
                (to KEITH)
          See what I mean?

The doorbell   rings.

                      MATT
                (to PABLO)
          Your hair is WEIRD!

                      PABLO
          Shall we change it back?

                      MATT
          No, let’s paint it green!

MATT starts pulling PABLO’s hand towards his room.

                      KEITH
          O.K., Matt, you can play with
          Pablo’s hair after your bath.

                      PABLO
          Somebody rescue me!

MATT and PABLO exit. JORDAN is looking out the window
towards the street. CHLOE, a blond seventeen-year-old girl,
is waiting outside. She notices JORDAN and waves to him
enthusiastically. JORDAN timidly waves in response. KEITH
approaches JORDAN.

                      JORDAN
          Hey, isn’t that the babysitter? I
          thought you needed us tonight...

                       KEITH
                 (low, embarrassed)
                                               Page 24 of 122


          Chloe and I are going out. There’s
          this concert no one will take her
          too.

                      JORDAN
          So now you are babysitting! Do her
          parents know? How old is she
          anyway?

                      KEITH
          She’s wise beyond her years.

                      JORDAN
          So are you, I hope.

 INT. KEITH’S BATHROOM. EVENING

MATT is in the tub playing with his toys while JORDAN
washes his hair.

                      JORDAN
          Hey, that’s a neat boat.

                      MATT
          Chloe gave it to me.

                         JORDAN
          That’s nice.

                      MATT
          Are you and Pablo best friends?

                         JORDAN
          Yes.

                      MATT
          The best friends in the whole
          world?

                         JORDAN
                   (curious)
          Yes...

                      MATT
          Can you be best friends with a
          girl too?
                                              Page 25 of 122


                      JORDAN
          Of course you can.

                      MATT
          Then Chloe is my best friend.

                      JORDAN
          So, what shall I read you at
          bedtime? Would you like to hear
          one of Betsy’s stories?

                       MATT
          Can we play with Pablo’s hair
          first?
                       JORDAN
                 (calling out)
          Pablo! Your turn!


INT. KEITH’S LIVING ROOM. LATER

JORDAN walks out of the bedroom where MATT, now in his
pajamas, has fallen asleep. In the living room, where KEITH
has set up his drawing board, PABLO, in his natural hair
color again, is sitting on the couch watching "Love is a
many-splendored thing" on TV. William Holden has just lit
Jennifer Jones’ cigarette with his.

                      PABLO
          This is where it all begins...

JORDAN lies down and rests his head on PABLO’s lap, a
vacant expression on his face. PABLO plays with JORDAN’s
hair.

                      PABLO
          You know, this movie had a
          different ending. A real one.

                      JORDAN
          Wasn't love nipped in the bud by
          death the perfect ending?

                      PABLO
          Oh no. That’s too easy. See, he
          survives but is confined to a
          wheelchair, and she has to take
                                                Page 26 of 122


          him all the way down to the beach
          every time she feels like a swim.

                      JORDAN
          And don’t forget their favorite
          spot, way up that hill...

                      PABLO
          Someone should remake all these
          movies...

                      JORDAN
          Oh, but they do...
                      PABLO
          I mean a real remake. Not just a
          raunchier one.

                      JORDAN
          No wonder we’re all so confused
          about love and sex.
               (points at the kissing
               couple on the screen).
          If this is where we get our tips...

                      PABLO
          Hey, not all movies are bad. I
          find porn pretty educational.

                      JORDAN
          That’s different. Sex is not
          something you learn from your
          parents.

                      PABLO
          Oh, and love is?


EXT. STADIUM. NIGHT

A loud crowd of teenagers, mostly girls, surround CHLOE and
KEITH, the oldest person in sight. They scream and sing
along, raise their handmade signs with declarations of love
and dance to the music of the boy band of the week.

                      CHLOE
                (raising her voice
                above the noise)
                                              Page 27 of 122


          Your brother is way cooler than
          these guys.
                (bashfully)
          Is he like, seeing anyone?


EXT. KEITH'S TOWNHOUSE STEPS. NIGHT

                      KEITH
          Thanks again, guys.

                      PABLO
          Anytime.

PABLO and JORDAN get in a cab.

INT. TAXICAB. NIGHT

                      PABLO
          Poor Keith. I wouldn’t want to be
          in his Nikes.

                      JORDAN
          He’s out of control.

                      PABLO
          Oh, give him a break. He’s
          entitled to some fun.

                      JORDAN
          Maybe, but by the time they get
          over it, Matt will have lost a
          friend... I wish I could do
          something about it.

                      PABLO
          Take him to your show. He’s
          mellower now. He’ll behave.

                      JORDAN
          Yeah. That should cheer him up. I
          hope.
                (looking outside)
          People should get a license for
          parenthood.
                                               Page 28 of 122


                      PABLO
          Well, most drunk drivers are
          licensed!

                      JORDAN
          I mean people should enter
          parenthood more consciously.

                      PABLO
          Nobody enters parenthood more
          consciously than gay parents. But
          do they make it any easier for
          them?

                      JORDAN
          That’s different. Parenting is
          like ballroom dancing. It’s for
          straight people.

                      PABLO
          You obviously missed Rosie’s
          primetime interview.

                      JORDAN
          Gay parenting, gay marriage, it’s
          all a parody.

                      PABLO
          So you wouldn’t marry me?

                      JORDAN
          But what would Betsy say?

                      PABLO
          You know what I mean.

                      JORDAN
          Only so you could stay here
          without breaking the law.

                      PABLO
          That’s so sweet! You too will make
          a girl very happy one day.

JORDAN smiles absentmindedly.
                                               Page 29 of 122


INT. BETSY’S STUDIO APARTMENT. AFTERNOON

PABLO and BETSY are sitting at her computer. In her late
twenties, BETSY is wearing a white shirt and khaki
overalls. Her apartment is filled with portraits of friends
and original pictures of the city. The coffeepot’s on the
stove. On the table there are notes, Pablo’s family
photographs and a map of Argentina.


                      BETSY
          And this is us in Paris.

On the computer screen: BETSY and PABLO hugging in front of
the Eiffel Tower.
                      PABLO
          But I’m not supposed to leave the
          country before the interview...

                      BETSY
          You’re right.
                (clicks on the mouse)
          Niagara Falls O.K.?

Same picture and pose, but the Eiffel Tower background has
changed...

                      PABLO
          Neat! Though I’d rather have
          honeymooned in Paris...

                      BETSY
          It amazes me that Jordan puts up
          with your being stuck here. He
          used to love to travel.

                      PABLO
          He’s running out of patience. Not
          just with our compulsory National
          Park trail, but with the whole
          thing, you know, my endless string
          of assorted occupations...

                      BETSY
          What exactly have you been up to
          lately?
                                               Page 30 of 122


                      PABLO
          Well, if I count getting paid to
          surf the net, I have three legal
          part time jobs now.

                      BETSY
          Can’t you... consolidate?

                      PABLO
          Don't worry. With a permanent
          green card they’ll take our
          collaboration more seriously and
          then I can quit everything else!

                      BETSY
          I wouldn’t count on that. Even I
          couldn’t live on children’s books
          alone. It’s kind of slow right
          now.

                      PABLO
          And your photography? When are you
          gonna get serious?

BETSY lights a cigarette.

                      BETSY
          I know, this time I’m really
          considering it. Will you manage,
          though? If we don’t get any more
          book deals?

                      PABLO
          I barely make the rent now, but
          something should come up.

                      BETSY
          Your pad is the money pit.

                      PABLO
          I need my own place. That’s non-
          negotiable.

                      BETSY
          Maybe you should give up this open
          relationship shit and move in with
          Jordan once and for all.
                                               Page 31 of 122



BETSY gets coffee and serves it. They move to the table.

                      PABLO
          You can be so square sometimes.

                      BETSY
          Well? Isn’t he The One?

                      PABLO
          The One. Nice concept!
                (considers cohabitation)
          No, that wouldn’t work for either
          of us. Living together shouldn’t
          be about money. Besides, isn’t
          this my lawful residence?

                      BETSY
          Pretty lawful, isn’t it?

PABLO turns his attention to the photographs and papers
scattered on the table.

                      PABLO
          O.K., let’s focus here. What’s my
          mother’s maiden name again?

                       BETSY
          Oops! I don’t know MY mother’s
          maiden name.

                      PABLO
          Betsy, the clock is ticking. If we
          don’t take this seriously...

                      BETSY
          I know, you lose your green card,
          I lose my money...

                      PABLO
          Correction: I get deported, you
          get arrested...

                      BETSY
          I still don’t think I would
          approach it like that.
                                               Page 32 of 122


                      PABLO
          Fine, let’s try it your way.

                       BETSY
          We just have to emit this married
          couple vibe. It’s in the details.
          Very subtle.

                      PABLO
          How should I act then?

                      BETSY
          Bitter. You should be bitter.
          Remember, married people don’t get
          any.

                      PABLO
          Oh, that’s not much of a stretch
          for us! We should be able to pull
          that off...

                      BETSY
          Hey, how about a rehearsal dinner?

                      PABLO
          What?

                      BETSY
          If we actually pretend to be a
          couple it might come more easily.

                      PABLO
          But everybody we know knows we’re
          not! Except maybe...

PABLO picks up the phone and dials a number.

                      PABLO
          Jordan Stearns please?

INT. TV STUDIO.

JORDAN comes to the phone. In the background, LAURA seems
to be giving instructions to a couple of technicians; the
director is listening.

                      JORDAN
                                     Page 33 of 122


Yes?
            PABLO
Jordan, hi. Are you busy?

            JORDAN
I may have a minute or two.

            PABLO
Listen, the interview is in three
days, I’m freaking out.

            JORDAN
Why? You’ve been preparing, right?

            PABLO
Well, we have different
approaches. Betsy favors method
acting.

            JORDAN
Will you remind her I’m not paying
her the balance if she screws up?

            PABLO
She must have a lady chain gang
wish. But she also came up a good
idea: rehearsing in front of
strangers. What do you think?

            JORDAN
Sounds... fresh?

            PABLO
You’re having dinner with that old
friend of yours, right?

              JORDAN
        (cautious)
Yes?

            PABLO
Well, she doesn’t know us.

              JORDAN
But –

              PABLO
                                                Page 34 of 122


           -- If you introduced us to her as
           a married couple, we could get
           some practice...

The director is waving to JORDAN to hang up, people are
waiting.

                       JORDAN
           Oh, I don’t know... Listen, I
           gotta go.

                       PABLO
           Please, Jordan, help us out. Bring
           her to R.G.’S at eight.

                       JORDAN
           No, Pablo, wait. Laura...

PABLO hangs up. JORDAN swears.


EXT. WOMAN’S CLOTHING STORE. DAY

PABLO shows BETSY an outfit in the window. BETSY makes a
face. They go in. When they walk out, she’s wearing it
under her old leather jacket.


INT. DEPARTMENT STORE'S MAKE-UP STANDS.

BETSY, wearing her new feminine clothes, has gotten into
the makeover concept, and has just discovered make-up.


INT.   R.G.’S. NIGHT

JORDAN, LAURA, PABLO and BETSY, her look now more stylish,
are having dinner. Assorted grilled meats.

                       PABLO
                (to LAURA, helping
                himself to some meat)
           So what exactly is a vegan?

                       LAURA
           Someone who doesn’t eat, use or
           wear any animal products.
                                               Page 35 of 122



                      BETSY
          A vegetarian plus, huh?

                      LAURA
          Sort of, yeah.

                      JORDAN
          I feel awful for you.

                      LAURA
          Don’t. Every restaurant has at
          least one dish I can eat!

                      PABLO
          How do you like your empanada?

                      LAURA
          It’s pretty good!

                      PABLO
          You are lucky they still have them
          on the menu. Most people only come
          here for the meat.

PABLO greets old friends at a distance.

                      BETSY
                (to LAURA)
          Pablo used to work here.

                      LAURA
          Oh.

                      JORDAN
          Well, Laura, this was pretty
          adventurous of you.

                      LAURA
          That’s what I love about New York,
          these cultural trips around the
          block...
                      PABLO
          So, do you know where Argentina
          is?

                      JORDAN
                                     Page 36 of 122


Pablo! Of course she does!

            PABLO
Well, Rosie O´Donnell once said
she couldn’t place it "continent-
wise". In that game show.

            BETSY
Oh, yeah. How embarrassing!

            JORDAN
So now you’re trashing Rosie?

            PABLO
I embrace contradiction.

            BETSY
She should have known. Isn’t she
sort of a Broadway queen?
     (to PABLO)
Can you say that about a woman?

            PABLO
How would I know?

            JORDAN
      (overlapping)
I missed the connection.

            PABLO
Soccer put us on the map for
straight people. Since Americans
think it’s a girl sport, you’re
only left with Andrew Lloyd Webber
for some basic geography!

               LAURA
-- Well in case I’m still being
quizzed, Argentina is the
southernmost country in this
continent. And don’t knock Rosie
in front of her friends!

            PABLO
Excuse me! And the colors of the
Argentine flag are?
                                                 Page 37 of 122


                        LAURA
            Hey, just a minute now!

LAURA’s phone rings. She gets up and takes the call at a
distance from the table.

                        LAURA
                 (less assertive than
                 in her previous call)
            Hi! Yes, I got the fresh face I
            promised you... Only locally.
            Enormous appeal, I think. I’ll
            drop by with the tapes tomorrow. I
            told you I would deliver. O.K.
            Bye.

LAURA hangs up and goes to the

RESTROOM.

When she comes out of her stall, BETSY is washing her
hands.

                        BETSY
            You know, I totally relate to that
            vegan thing. Who needs meat? Does
            a fish need a bicycle?

                        LAURA
                  (not getting it)
            That’s what I say!

LAURA exits.

                        BETSY
                 (echoing her own
                 remark with disgust at her
                 own awkwardness)
            Does a fish need a bicycle?

LAURA returns to the table.
                      PABLO
          So you’re gonna be working
          together?

                        JORDAN
                  (to LAURA)
                                               Page 38 of 122


          Can I tell them? O.K.: Laura’s
          negotiating a segment in Rosie’s
          Thanksgiving special.

                      PABLO
          That’s big news! You didn’t think
          I meant what I said about her, did
          you?

                      LAURA
          But Jordan’s got to relax a little
          bit. You know, it’s just TV!

                      JORDAN
          Easy for you to say...

                      PABLO
          He’ll be great.

                      JORDAN
          Thanks! It’s nice to hear you say
          that. By the way, Laura, do you
          think Matt could be in the
          audience when we tape?

                      LAURA
          That angel? Sure! I can pick him
          up myself if you like.

                      PABLO
          Have you met him?

                      LAURA
          I’ve seen pictures. He looks
          adorable.

BETSY returns to the table.

                      PABLO
          Don’t they all?

                      JORDAN
          So Betsy, are you working on a new
          book?

                      BETSY
          Not this evening, no.
                                               Page 39 of 122



BETSY, JORDAN and PABLO share a laugh; LAURA is left out.

                      BETSY
          I write children’s books on
          commission. Jordan thinks I just
          churn them out. Actually demand is
          kind of low lately.

                      PABLO
          If it doesn’t pick up, we’re in
          trouble. I illustrate them.

                      BETSY
                (to JORDAN)
          Would you believe they pay him
          twice as much? Stay in TV, images
          are literally worth a thousand
          words...

                      LAURA
                (softly, to PABLO)
          Oh, so that’s how you met...

                      BETSY and PABLO
                (echoing her tone)
          Yeah...

                      LAURA
          And you’ve been married...

                      BETSY
          ...For almost two years.

                      LAURA
          And these stories... do you write
          them with someone special in mind?

                      BETSY
                (alarmed)
          What do you mean?

                      LAURA
          You know! Kids of your own...

                      BETSY
                (relieved)
                                               Page 40 of 122


          Oh! Well, most people assume--

PABLO kicks BETSY under the table.

                      PABLO
          -- Maybe in a couple of years,
          right Hon?

                      BETSY
          Yes, no need to rush... What about
          you, Laura?

                      LAURA
          Well, the way work is going who
          knows when I’ll have time for it,
          but maybe I would do the husband
          thing first...

                      BETSY
          Why of course!
                (to PABLO and JORDAN)
          You gotta have a daddy!

Awkward silence.

                      JORDAN
                (to LAURA, to fill it)
          By the way, how’s your dad these
          days? And your mom?

                      LAURA
          A little upset, if you must know.
          I’m not coming home for
          Thanksgiving.

                      BETSY and PABLO
          Oh...

                      LAURA
          It’s such a busy week. The network
          depends on me, and Minnesota’s
          just too far.

                      JORDAN
          I’m sure they’ll understand.

                      PABLO
                                               Page 41 of 122


          So what are your plans?

                      LAURA
          I don’t know really. I got a
          couple of invites but I’m not that
          excited about either. You’re going
          to your parents’, right, Jordan?

                      JORDAN
          Yep. Like every year!

                      LAURA
          You’re so lucky they moved out
          East. Say hello to them for me,
          will you?

                      JORDAN
          Well...
                (hesitating,
                looking at PABLO)
          Why don’t you join us? We’d love
          to have you.

PABLO gives JORDAN a severe look.

                      LAURA
          Really? That would be great!
                (to BETSY and PABLO)
          Will you guys be there too?

                      PABLO
                (hesitantly, looking
                at JORDAN)
          Oh, no. You see, for us --

                      BETSY
          -- We’d be delighted.

PABLO kicks BETSY under the table.

                      BETSY
          I make a mean pumpkin pie.

                      JORDAN
                (resigned)
          It’s settled then!
                                               Page 42 of 122



EXT.   COMMERCIAL STREET. NIGHT

BETSY and LAURA are walking side by side, window-shopping.
JORDAN and PABLO are walking behind them.

                       LAURA
           I love your outfit.

                       BETSY
           This old thing? Thanks!

                       LAURA
           So what do you do for fun in this
           city?

                       BETSY
           Well... photography is one of my
           hobbies so I walk around town a
           lot. I also go to the gym... I
           love swimming.

                       LAURA
           The pool in my gym sucks.

                       BETSY
           You should give my gym a try.

                          LAURA
           Where is it?

                       BETSY
           Broadway and Seventy-seventh.

                       LAURA
           That’s right near me!

                       BETSY
           Then we’re neighbors. I knew I’d
           seen you somewhere before.

PABLO and JORDAN observe the interaction and whisper to
each other, a few steps back.

                       JORDAN
           You saw how it happened, she
           practically invited herself!
                                               Page 43 of 122



                      PABLO
          I can’t believe you’re still not
          out to her.

                      JORDAN
          How could I come out and not blow
          your cover?

                      PABLO
          Can’t you be gay and have straight
          friends? Think of a better excuse!

LAURA and BETSY stop and turn towards PABLO and JORDAN.

                      LAURA
          How about a hansom cab ride?


EXT. CENTRAL PARK. NIGHT

LAURA, JORDAN, BETSY and PABLO on a hansom cab. LAURA, the
only one enjoying the ride, is pointing at the moon. JORDAN
and BETSY play along, while PABLO, noticing their attention
is focused on LAURA, rolls his eyes.


INT. JORDAN’S BEDROOM. LATE NIGHT

PABLO is lying in bed fully clothed, drinking beer and
watching a Spanish channel. He hears noises and turns off
the TV.

                      PABLO
          Romeo? Is that you?

JORDAN walks in.

                      JORDAN
          You know I hate it when you lie on
          the bed in your street clothes.

PABLO gets up and moves to an armchair. JORDAN changes into
his pajamas, then goes to the bathroom and mechanically
picks up his toothbrush. He notices it has no paste and
puts some on it.
                                     Page 44 of 122


            JORDAN
That dinner was the stupidest
idea. What was I thinking!

            PABLO
I thought we were good.

            JORDAN
At least you tried. Wasn’t Betsy
sort of flirting with Laura?

            PABLO
It must have been the wine. Did
Laura mention it?

            JORDAN
I don’t think she noticed.

            PABLO
I forget she’s from Minnesota.
Will your parents mind keeping the
secret? About our marriage?

            JORDAN
      (after a long pause)
Well I’ve been meaning to tell you
since we saw Keith. You see... you
are not invited this Thanksgiving.

            PABLO
What? Aren’t things better since
you came out to them?

            JORDAN
For me, yes, but... I told my
mother you made me very happy.

            PABLO
And that’s bad.

            JORDAN
See, now in her head all we do is
have sex.

            PABLO
Well at least she thinks you’ve
settled down...
                                               Page 45 of 122



                      JORDAN
          She says she doesn’t know how to
          act around you now, so she won’t
          see you until she figures it
          out...

                      PABLO
          Can’t you just tell her our
          relationship is not about sex?

                      JORDAN
          Then what am I supposed to be
          doing with you? She’ll say I might
          as well have married, and I’ll be
          back at square one.

                      PABLO
          Well if you can’t think of a reply
          for that, you’ve never left square
          one!

JORDAN does not answer, PABLO stands up.

                      PABLO
          Your choices are as limited as
          your mother’s. You want us to be a
          married couple!

                      JORDAN
                (surprised to agree)
          You know what? Sometimes I do.

                       PABLO
          Well it’s just not a choice. We’ve
          tried monogamy. It just doesn’t
          work for us.

                      JORDAN
          You’re right, it doesn’t work for
          us, not for you and me.

                      PABLO
          Well good luck! I think I’m gonna
          leave you and Mr. Right some space
          here. Wherever you may find him!
                                               Page 46 of 122


PABLO stomps out.


INT. THE SWIMMING POOL AT BETSY’S GYM. DAY

A glorious sun shines through the windows into the pool.
BETSY, standing by the edge of the pool in her swimsuit,
has her gaze fixated on LAURA, who is swimming by. A
masculine woman approaches her and startles her with her
greeting.

                      WOMAN
          Hey, there, Betsy! Who’s the new
          chick?


INT. THE SHOWERS AT BETSY’S GYM. LATER

BETSY is taking a shower next to LAURA, trying hard not to
look at her body while LAURA chatters away excitedly.
Behind them, the same WOMAN looks on, puzzled.

                      LAURA
          ...one of those outfits that you
          absolutely can’t do without, you
          know? I mean, just trying it on
          was almost sexual. You know how it
          is, you work hard all week, you
          finally take an afternoon off and
          think hey, I’ve earned it, right?

                      BETSY
          Right...

INT. WHAT’S COOKING. AFTERNOON

PABLO is behind the counter, greeting a departing customer.

                      PABLO
          Thank you. Come again!

The phone rings, PABLO picks up.

                      PABLO
          What’s Cooking, this is Pablo, how
          can I help you? Hello?
                                               Page 47 of 122



INT. PRIVATE OFFICE. DAY

DANIEL is sitting at his desk, peering out through the
glass partition towards the general working area of the
floor. There are pictures of his family beside his
computer. Despite the confidence in his voice, his
fidgeting lets on he’s new at this.

                       DANIEL
                 (whispering into the phone)
          How about returning customer
          calls?

                      PABLO
          Excuse me, who is this?

The MANAGER walks up to the counter and tries to listen in.
PABLO senses he’s there and behaves accordingly.

                      DANIEL
          I think you know who I am... and
          the item I’m looking for.

                      PABLO
                (with deadpan efficiency)
          Oh yes, sir, that knife set,
          right? I’m sorry but we’re sold
          out right now...

                      DANIEL
          I can’t stop thinking about you. I
          just have to... suck your cock.

DANIEL puts Martha’s portrait face down.

                      PABLO
          I can imagine, it is such a
          popular item...

                      DANIEL
          I want you so bad.

                      PABLO
          I know... But good things come to
          those who wait...
                                               Page 48 of 122


                      DANIEL
          I have to see you tonight. I’ll be
          at the West Side Baths between 7
          and 9.

                      PABLO
          Thanks for calling. We appreciate
          your business.


INT. INS WAITING ROOM. AFTERNOON

PABLO in a suit and BETSY in her (only) new dress are
sitting with a few other couples. In most cases, the
extreme contrast between partners in terms of size, age and
background is grotesque.


INT. INS OFFICE. LATER

PABLO and BETSY are sitting at a lazy OFFICER’s desk. Her
office is full of plants. She’s reviewing the paperwork and
talking on the phone.

                       OFFICER
          No, ma’am. You’ll be deported if
          you do. Yes I’m serious.
                (to BETSY and PABLO)
          God, I shouldn’t even be answering
          calls today.
                (on the phone)
          Yes, you go ahead and do that.
          Nine to three Monday through
          Thursday. Have a nice day.
                (hangs up)
          Excuse me, Mr. Pérez.

                         PABLO
          López.

                      OFFICER
          Mr. López. So this employer won’t
          hire you until you have your
          permanent card? That’s illegal!

                         PABLO
                                               Page 49 of 122


          I know, but they had a bad
          experience before. They didn’t
          want any more trouble.

                      OFFICER
          Must be worth the wait...
                (to BETSY)
          Are you excited about this?

                      BETSY
          I’m thrilled. You see, regular
          hours would be great for him. For
          us. I work at home, and this full-
          time job...

                       OFFICER
          ...Will help keep him out of your
          hair, right?
                (looks at her watch)
          All righty then. You should be
          hearing from us soon.

                      BETSY
          How soon?

                      OFFICER
          A month or so. It was a pleasure
          to meet you both. You make a
          lovely couple.

BETSY exits.

                      PABLO
                (looking out at the
                crowded hallway)
          Shall I call the next couple for
          you?

                      OFFICER
          No, thanks.
               (picks up a can and
               waters her plants)
          It’s almost time to go. Would you
          be a doll and close the door
          behind you?
                                               Page 50 of 122


EXT. INS BUILDING. AFTERNOON

PABLO and BETSY walk towards his bike.

                      PABLO
                (concerned)
          Do you think that’s bad? Did we
          just blow it?

                      BETSY
                (irritated)
          Because she called you a doll? She
          doesn’t care!

                      PABLO
          Well, she did like my Niagara
          Falls story...

                      BETSY
          Did she even ask to see my work?
          No!

                      PABLO
          I tell you, these bureaucrats have
          no taste for art!

                      BETSY
          All these preparations...

                      PABLO
          How can you complain? Don’t you
          see she’s brought us one step
          closer to divorce?

                      BETSY
          Hooray! Then we can marry the
          person we really love...

                      PABLO
          You’re in a mood! Buy yourself
          some clothes, you’ll feel better.
          Listen to me. Don’t I sound just
          like a husband?

PABLO unlocks his bike. BETSY looks at her reflection in a
window.
                                     Page 51 of 122


            BETSY
Laura loved this outfit.


            PABLO
Well, I’ll never make you wear it
again. O.K., maybe once, for that
random interview.

            BETSY
You don’t get it, Pablo. I want to
wear it again. For her. On
Thanksgiving Day.

             PABLO
Thank God we’ve been uninvited...
Where’s this predatory impulse
coming from?

            BETSY
Why can’t I come out to her...

            PABLO
Come out to her, maybe. But come
on to her, forget it! The woman’s
straight!

            BETSY
I have my doubts. She’s pals with
Rosie. What’s that about? There’s
more to her than meets the eye.

            PABLO
You mean there should be! I’m sure
she doesn’t even know about Rosie.
Most of her audience didn’t...

            BETSY
You don’t like her, do you?

            PABLO
It’s obvious the poor girl has a
crush on Jordan.

            BETSY
You think? I see absolutely
nothing between those two.
                                     Page 52 of 122



            PABLO
Do we have to talk about this now?
You do have a masochistic streak.

            BETSY
What?

            PABLO
Instead of thinking about the
money you stand to get a month
from now you choose to focus--

            BETSY
-- What money?

            PABLO
My dowry of course! Do you have
doubts about that too?

            BETSY
Well, you got me into this mess
and now you and Jordan are sort of
breaking up...

            PABLO
What are you talking about? First
of all, you’ll get your money from
me. As soon as we get another book
I –-

            BETSY
-- Well who knows if we ever will.
For some reason they’re not even
returning my calls.

            PABLO
So that’s what this crush is
really about. A distraction! Stop
worrying! I will pay you, with or
without Jordan’s help. Besides,
this news might be the perfect
excuse to make up!
      (gets on the bike)
I’m off to tell him right now.

            BETSY
                                                Page 53 of 122


           Are you sure?

                       PABLO
           There are two moments we’ve always
           looked forward to: a big TV break
           for him, a green card for me. This
           is his moment too.

                       BETSY
           O.K., desert me. I’ll shop alone.
           But keep me posted, all right?

                       PABLO
           Sure. Take it easy, O.K.?

PABLO rides off.



INT. JORDAN’S BUILDING. AFTERNOON

PABLO hands the bike to the DOORMAN and heads towards the
elevators. Entering

JORDAN’S APARTMENT,

PABLO hears noises. When he gets to the bedroom, he finds
LAURA in JORDAN’s arms, both fully clothed on the bed.
PABLO tiptoes back to the entrance. JORDAN hears the sound
of the entrance door closing and freezes.

                       JORDAN
           Will you excuse me for a second? I
           heard a noise...

LAURA sits up. JORDAN walks out to the

HALLWAY,

where PABLO is hitting the elevator button.

                       PABLO
           Close collaboration! How come she
           gets to lie on your bed in her
           street clothes?

                       JORDAN
                                               Page 54 of 122


          Let me explain.

                      PABLO
          Spare me. She looked pretty
          aggressive, you’re an attractive
          guy. Just call me when you get rid
          of her.

                      JORDAN
          No, Pablo. I started it.

PABLO’s cool gives way to growing anger.

                      PABLO
          Oh. So Laura is Dreamgirl?

JORDAN nods.

                      PABLO
          Were you planning on telling me?

                      JORDAN
          If there’s one woman I’ve ever
          felt—

                      PABLO
          -- Whoa, whoa. Memory lane, old
          time’s sake, too much wine,
          anything but this. Doesn’t she...
          know?

                      JORDAN
          What difference does it make,
          since you and I stopped having
          sex?

                       PABLO
          Is this your idea of putting the
          spark back in our relationship? Am
          I supposed to claim you in a fit
          of jealousy?

                      JORDAN
          I hadn’t felt like this in a long
          time. I thought you embraced
          contradiction.
                                               Page 55 of 122


                      PABLO
          That’s rich. So what’s the plan?
          Where do you see yourself in five
          years? Joining the ranks of
          married man who stop for a quickie
          at the sauna on the way to their
          family?

                      JORDAN
          Funny you should mention that.
          Unlike you, at least we both want
          one.

PABLO, furious, hits the elevator button again, gives up,
considers taking the stairs.


                      JORDAN
          It’s a long way down...

                      PABLO
                (deciding to stay and react)
          "We"? Did you say "we"?

                      JORDAN
          Not like that. I know she does,
          she knows I do.

                      PABLO
          Oh, so that’s what it’s all about?
          You know, maybe after you two mate
          she’ll eat you. She might even get
          off her cell phone for that.

                      JORDAN
          Now who’s being ridiculous.

                      PABLO
          This is absurd, Jordan. You don’t
          even believe this family shit
          yourself. You just heard the words
          national TV and your brain took a
          vacation!

                      JORDAN
          That may be a factor, I admit it.
          She’s driven, I like that.
                                               Page 56 of 122



PABLO looks disgusted.

                      JORDAN
          I’m not like you, Pablo. The show
          is the only thing I’m good at. A
          chance like this...

                      PABLO
          You’re creeping me out.

                      JORDAN
          Is it my fault that you’re stuck?
          That I’m not scattered? If I’m not
          gonna have sex make me get up in
          the morning, don’t take away my
          dreams too!

                      PABLO
          And I’m a burden, right? The
          bigger you’d get, the heavier I’d
          become.

                      JORDAN
          We knew something like this would
          happen sooner or later. What did
          you expect?

                      PABLO
          Tell me you are in love, lie to me
          if you have to. Show me something
          I can compete against. The One.

                      JORDAN
          You know there’s no One out there.

                      PABLO
          Then what am I losing you to?
                (looks away, then back at
                JORDAN)
          Was this your dream?

                      JORDAN
          A family, yes, it was a childhood
          dream --

                         PABLO
                                               Page 57 of 122


          -- A childish dream.

                      JORDAN
          I thought I’d given it up until I
          saw her again.

                      PABLO
          So she’s O.K. with you being a gay
          man, and you’re O.K. with her not
          being one. A perfect match. You
          both obviously hate sex just as
          much!

                      JORDAN
          So we may not be that sexual with
          each other. So what? You’ve more
          than prepared me!

The elevator arrives. PABLO marches in and presses the door
close button.

                      JORDAN
          I didn’t... How did the interview
          go?

The door closes.


EXT. EAST VILLAGE STREET. NIGHT

PABLO walks aimlessly. He sees a couple of men walk into a
bar.


INT. GAY BAR. LATER

At the counter, PABLO is down to his third beer. Greeted
mostly lasciviously by different acquaintances walking
past, he responds civilly. He looks at his watch. It’s
eight thirty.


INT. WHITE BRICK BUILDING. NIGHT

PABLO walks past a YOUNG MALE HUSTLER loitering by the
entrance into a small empty lobby. DANIEL steps out of the
                                                 Page 58 of 122


elevator as PABLO steps in. DANIEL turns around, PABLO
pulls him in by the lapels and kisses him, the doors close.


INT. CABIN AT THE BATHS. NIGHT

DANIEL is finishing getting dressed while PABLO, naked
under a towel, lies on the bed smoking a cigarette, staring
into space. DANIEL puts on his watch and looks at it.

                         DANIEL
          I’m fucked!

PABLO smiles to himself. DANIEL finishes dressing quickly
and pats one of PABLO’s legs.

                      DANIEL
          Thanks. I’ll call you.

DANIEL steps out and closes the door behind him.

                      PABLO
                (to himself)
          Thanks?


EXT. KEITH’S TOWNHOUSE STEPS. DAY

LAURA is at the doorway ringing the bell. KEITH opens up
and shows MATT out. KEITH hugs LAURA affectionately.

                         KEITH
          Hey you!

                         LAURA
          How are you!

KEITH can’t find the words and smiles instead.

                      LAURA
          You must be Matt!

LAURA kisses MATT.

                         MATT
          Who are you?
                                              Page 59 of 122


                      LAURA
          I’m Laura. An old friend of your
          dad’s.

                         MATT
          How old?

                      KEITH
          Come on, Matthew, be a gentleman.
          Laura has a surprise for you.

KEITH brings out a child seat that he and LAURA install in
her car during the conversation.

                      KEITH
          Thanks for doing this, Laura. I
          wish I could come too.

                      LAURA
          Oh, maybe next time. We should be
          done by six. Is that O.K.?

                      KEITH
          Yeah. Listen, would you like to
          ...have dinner with us?

                      LAURA
          Sure! I’d love to catch up. What
          do you say, Matt?

                      MATT
          Methinks not!

KEITH and LAURA smile.

                      LAURA
          Oh, you just wait and see the
          surprise we have for you.

MATT waves to KEITH, who waves back and re-enters the
house. LAURA gets in the car and starts it.

                      MATT
          Why can’t Dad come with us?

                      LAURA
          He’s got a lot to do, Matt.
                                              Page 60 of 122



                      MATT
          Dad doesn’t have a best friend.
          Are you gonna be his best friend
          now?

                      LAURA
          How would YOU like that?

                      MATT
          I asked first!



INT. SOHO LOFT. DAY

KEITH and JORDAN are carrying a few bags into the ample
space filled with mover’s boxes. KEITH takes a six-pack of
cold beer out of one of the bags.

                      KEITH
          So how come Pablo is not helping
          you?

                      JORDAN
          We’re not moving in together, if
          that’s what you imply.

                      KEITH
          Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.

                      JORDAN
          Don’t be. We never meant to.

                      KEITH
          I see.
                (changing the subject)
          Thank you for the other day. You
          made Matt’s year!

                      JORDAN
          I was happy to do something.

KEITH takes the beers to the fridge, opens one. He offers
another to JORDAN, who declines with a gesture, and puts
the rest away.
                                               Page 61 of 122


                      KEITH
          You were right, you know? About
          Chloe and me.

                      JORDAN
          I didn’t say anything.

                      KEITH
          You didn’t have to. It was crazy.

                      JORDAN
          So who’s babysitting Matt now?

                      KEITH
          Chloe of course.

                      JORDAN
          Wow! That sounds... grownup!

                      KEITH
          Thanks!

                      JORDAN
          I was talking about her. Getting
          over her crush on you like that...

                      KEITH
          Oh. Yeah.


INT. MIDTOWN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT. DAY

LAURA and PABLO are having lunch. He is wearing his (only)
suit and has all the charm on.

                      LAURA
          Thank you for responding on such
          short notice. I hear you’re very
          busy right now.

                      PABLO
          Oh, but so are you, right?

                      LAURA
          Well, I just had to make time for
          this. You may already have an idea
          what this is about...
                                               Page 62 of 122



                      PABLO
          Yes, but I’d like to hear you say
          it.

                      LAURA
          Well, the network wants a domain
          name for the web campaign. Jordan
          told me you developed something
          together.

PABLO did not expect this. LAURA notices.

                      LAURA
          Is there something wrong?

                      PABLO
                (adjusting to the news)
          No, no, go on.

                      LAURA
          The name was taken. We thought it
          might be yours.

                      PABLO
          Is this Jordan’s idea?

                      LAURA
          I didn’t tell him I’d be seeing
          you. He’s under a lot of pressure.
          The idea of an aggressive
          publicity campaign might make him
          more anxious.

                      PABLO
          This is big then.

                      LAURA
          Yes.

                      PABLO
          How much are we talking about?

                      LAURA
          Oh, maybe five digits.

PABLO has difficulty hiding his excitement.
                                               Page 63 of 122



                      PABLO
          I see. Well, I’m honored, but... I
          don’t think so.

                      LAURA
                (puzzled)
          What do you mean?

                      PABLO
          Well, the domain name was just the
          beginning, you see. I had already
          thought of logos, a whole website,
          interactive games,
          merchandising...

                      LAURA
          The network already has its own
          developers. Usually --

                      PABLO
          -- What if I worked for a
          percentage? That would make it
          almost risk-free for them.

                      LAURA
          They’d need to see your work.

                      PABLO
          Consider it done.

                      LAURA
          I’ll get back to you.

PABLO raises his glass. Less resolutely, LAURA raises hers.


INT. PABLO’S MIDTOWN OFFICE BUILDING. NIGHT

PABLO is the only person in the office, working after hours
in his cubicle, developing the website. He displays many
screens with designs.

TODD, a gay co-worker, approaches silently and looks over
PABLO’s shoulder at his work, and startles him.

                      PABLO
                                               Page 64 of 122


          Shit! You startled me!

PABLO rapidly closes the different screens.

                      TODD
          Working late?

                      PABLO
          Yeah, you know how it is. The new
          guy gets all the dirty work dumped
          on him.

                      TODD
          At this late hour, it can only be
          something dirty...

                      PABLO
          And what brings you here?

                      TODD
          I left my gym bag.

TODD grabs his gym bag and starts walking away.

          Keep up the good work...

                      PABLO
                (annoyed)
          Good night, Todd.


EXT. CENTRAL PARK. DAY

It’s a cold gray day. JORDAN and LAURA are running, in the
direction of other runners, which are very few.

                         JORDAN
          Isn’t this just our luck? When we
          finally get to do something fun...

                         LAURA
          I know.

                      JORDAN
          We spend all this time together
          but it’s non-stop—
                                               Page 65 of 122


                      LAURA
          --Work! The last break I took it
          was to take Matt to the set.

                      JORDAN
          Keith really appreciated it.

                      LAURA
          Oh did he? I had so much fun. Matt
          is wonderful.

                      JORDAN
          Maybe we could babysit him
          sometime. When Keith goes on a
          date. What do you say?

                      LAURA
                (perfunctorily)
          Yeah. That’d be fun.

JORDAN notices the sign that indicates the right direction
for runners and bikers. They cross a man running in the
opposite direction, JORDAN turns to look. It starts to
rain.

CUT TO

A BLACK SCREEN

Sounds of two men having sex gradually intensify. Suddenly
one of them climaxes and blurts out:

                         DANIEL
          I love you.

All sounds stop. The light goes on: PABLO has his hand on
the switch, and is lying on top of DANIEL.

                      PABLO
          What did you just say?

                      DANIEL
                (more tentatively)
          I love you.

                         PABLO
          Really? Wow.
                                               Page 66 of 122



DANIEL looks hurt.

                      PABLO
          I’ve always had a hard time saying
          those words. I admire people who
          can. Do you love me? Maybe you
          meant ―I love it‖. Because I love
          it too.

                      DANIEL
          I wasn’t asking for anything.

PABLO sits up.

                      PABLO
          Well that’s the tricky part. How
          do you know what you mean? How do
          you know what I hear?

                      DANIEL
          I was in the moment.

                      PABLO
          Then would you please not call it
          love?


INT. PABLO’S OFFICE. DAY

In his cubicle, PABLO is holding a phone card in his hand,
covering his ear with the other and speaking loudly in
Spanish on the phone. BETSY comes in. TODD is not missing a
thing. PABLO hangs up, kisses BETSY awkwardly. From his
cubicle, TODD reaches for BETSY’s hand.

                      PABLO
          Betsy, meet Todd. Todd, my wife Betsy.

                      TODD
          Hello!
                (scolding PABLO)
          You never told me...

                      PABLO
          Must have slipped my mind.
                                              Page 67 of 122


                      BETSY
          Happens to me all the time!

TODD and BETSY laugh.

                      PABLO
          That was my folks. They’re
          thrilled about the news.

                      TODD
          Oh my God, are you expecting?

                      BETSY
          Aren’t we all expecting, in one
          way or another?


EXT. NEAR CENTRAL PARK. AFTERNOON

PABLO and BETSY are walking towards the park. The streets
are bustling with tourists and shoppers.

                      BETSY
          The atmosphere’s pretty
          friendly...Todd seems nice.

                      PABLO
          He hates my guts.

                      BETSY
          Why do you say that?

                      PABLO
          He feels threatened.

                      BETSY
          That just proves how much you’re
          worth to them! You should try to
          get along.

                      PABLO
          Talking about worth...

PABLO stops, takes some money out of his pocket and hands
it to BETSY.

                        PABLO
                                               Page 68 of 122


          Will you be O.K.? You’re gracious
          enough to accept this three
          payments deal...

                      BETSY
          Don’t worry. Funny how the tables
          have turned, huh? The alien
          supporting the American...

                      PABLO
          Oh, but these are savings. I have
          a probationary contract. In any
          case, the big bucks depend on how
          well the show does.

They walk by a shop window where some TVs display a spot
about Rosie’s upcoming Thanksgiving Special featuring Uncle
Jordan. BETSY lights a cigarette.

                      BETSY
          So these are all your designs?

                      PABLO
          The bus ads too. And just wait for
          the merchandising!

                      BETSY
          Is Jordan gonna be famous then?
          Could he plug my books?

                      PABLO
          You’d have to ask him.

                      BETSY
          Is he still seeing Laura?

                      PABLO
          I was going to ask you.

                      BETSY
          Oh, Laura and I --

                      PABLO
          -- May I remind you there is no
          Laura and you?

                      BETSY
                                              Page 69 of 122


          Rosie should tell that girl that
          dating undersexed guys is the
          first clear sign of healthy
          lesbianism!

                      PABLO
          So you haven’t yet. Good.

                      BETSY
          I thought I’d lay low and she
          hasn’t called. I guess if they
          weren’t going out...

                      PABLO
          He would have called me, huh?

At the entrance of the park, PABLO buys nuts and starts
eating them.

                      PABLO
          Is TV their fetish or something?
          What else can they possibly offer
          each other?

                      BETSY
          Well, definitely not sex...I bet
          Jordan sneaks out on her big time
          anyway.

They get to the merry-go-round. It’s closed for the winter.

                      BETSY
          Are you still seeing that married
          guy?

                      PABLO
          I’ve seen him a couple of times,
          yeah.

                       BETSY
          How is it?

                      PABLO
          Going nowhere, but hot.

                       BETSY
                                               Page 70 of 122


          Is it hot because it’s going
          nowhere?
                      PABLO
                (after a long pause)
          Perhaps.

                      BETSY
          Do you think he likes cheating?

                      PABLO
          Maybe it’s not cheating. Maybe
          they’ve discussed it.

                       BETSY
          Sticking around is what counts in
          the long haul, isn’t it? Women, of
          course, have known this for
          centuries, which explains why
          there are no lesbian saunas. Not
          that I don’t regret it
          sometimes...

PABLO was in his own world.

                      PABLO
          What if there are bisexuals after
          all?

                       BETSY
          Excuse me?

                      PABLO
          I used to think they were just
          closet cases.

                      BETSY
          Married guy may very well be a
          closeted fag, but how do you
          explain Jordan?

                      PABLO
          The first closeted breeder?

                       PABLO and BETSY
          Nah...

                       BETSY
                                               Page 71 of 122


          A lot of bisexuals came out as
          gays because there was no big
          bisexual movement. Couldn’t he be
          one of them?

                      PABLO
          I always hated the idea of
          bisexuality. It makes straight
          people think we have a choice.

                      BETSY
          I don’t envy them, accused as
          traitors by both sides... Besides,
          how can it work between Laura and
          Jordan, you know, in practical
          terms?

                      PABLO
          Well, who knows what makes any
          relationship work? Sex is less
          threatening when love has nothing
          to do with it. And love is more
          stable when it doesn’t have to
          depend on your appetite.

                      BETSY
          Are you talking about them or
          about you?

                      PABLO
          I miss Jordan.

PABLO throws nuts to the pigeons.

                      BETSY
          But you just wait.

                      PABLO
          So I’m a waiter. So what? The last
          time I tried to do something I
          found him in bed with a woman. I
          sort of got discouraged after
          that.

                      BETSY
          Why don’t I just out him when I
          see Laura? Fashion tips are not
                                               Page 72 of 122


          the only thing that country girl
          needs...

                      PABLO
          Don’t even think about it. He has
          to come around by himself.

                      BETSY
          Maybe he thinks it’s your move.

                      PABLO
          He knows I wouldn’t compromise his
          career.

PABLO looks forlorn.

                      BETSY
          There’s something your devoted
          wife should be able to do. Like
          stop you from feeding those
          pigeons.
               (snatches PABLO’s bag,
               scares the birds away)
          Damnit, you’re too young to start
          feeding pigeons!


INT. BETSY’S STUDIO. DAY

BETSY is writing a story on her computer. She stops to look
at the time, picks up the phone and dials a number. When
the conversation starts, BETSY’s face brightens.

                      BETSY
          Hey Laura! Is this a good time..?
                (disappointed)
          Betsy. How have you been? Oh, I
          understand. Listen, remember our
          plans about going shopping
          together? I thought maybe...
                (surprised)
          Oh. Yeah, I can imagine. Do give
          me a call when you resurface,
          O.K.? Just to say you survived...
          Sure, bye.

BETSY hangs up.
                                               Page 73 of 122




INT. NETWORK STUDIO. AFTERNOON

Taping has ended. This show has more staff, a more
elaborate set, better lighting. JORDAN walks into a room
with his name on it. An ASSISTANT helps him remove his
make-up. LAURA enters.

                      JORDAN
                (tense)
          If you are going to tell me I
          could do it better, save yourself
          the trouble, I know.

                      LAURA
          What are you talking about?
                (to the ASSISTANT)
          Can you give us a minute?

The ASSISTANT leaves, LAURA closes the door.

                      JORDAN
          I don’t know why, but I just can’t
          seem to...

                      LAURA
          Jordan, relax, everyone thinks
          you’re doing just fine.

                      JORDAN
          There’s so much pressure, I...

                      LAURA
          I know. Listen, Jordan, about
          tonight...

                      JORDAN
          Are you canceling? The play’s
          closing next week, you know?

                      LAURA
          No, I don’t think I’ll be as late
          as that. But let’s just meet at
          the theatre, O.K.?

                      JORDAN
                                     Page 74 of 122


So we’re having a late dinner?

            LAURA
Actually, this is going to be
dinner for me... I'm sorry. How
about dessert after?

            JORDAN
All this hard work is going to pay
off in the end, right?

            LAURA
I guarantee it.

            JORDAN
And all these efforts you’re
making... You’re making them for
yourself too, right?

             LAURA
Of course.

            JORDAN
Because, you know, I wouldn’t want
you to be a martyr here.

             LAURA
You just don’t know how good you
are, do you?

             JORDAN
Oh, maybe I need to be reminded...
       (looking at his watch)
So what should I do for three
hours?

            LAURA
      (looking at her watch)
I should get going... Why don’t
you catch a movie?

            JORDAN
Yeah, maybe I will.

            LAURA
I’ll call you later then.
                                              Page 75 of 122


LAURA kisses him on the forehead and exits.

JORDAN stares at his reflection in the mirror, then
inspects his gums in a side magnifying mirror and finally
checks his hands for cuts.


EXT. WHITE BRICK BUILDING. LATE AFTERNOON

JORDAN, dressed up for the evening, walks by, stands at the
entrance of the building next to the same YOUNG MALE
HUSTLER, hesitates, looks at the time. A man walks in,
another walks out. They cruise him. JORDAN walks away. When
he gets to the corner, a bus crosses his path. In the
lateral ad space, a question in big colorful cartoonish
letters: ―HAVE YOU SEEN UNCLE JORDAN?‖


EXT. LAURA’S UPPER WEST SIDE BROWNSTONE. LATE AFTERNOON

BETSY is taking pictures of an old storefront. Across the
street, LAURA gets out of a cab and runs towards her
building. BETSY happens to see her in her viewfinder,
climbing the stairs. BETSY looks up from the camera to make
sure it is LAURA.


EXT. LAURA’S BROWNSTONE. LATER

BETSY is watching LAURA’s window. A MAN comes into the
building. A moment later, LAURA’s bedroom lights go on.

EXT. LAURA’S BROWNSTONE. LATER

BETSY sees LAURA and a MAN walk down the stairs to the
street. She hides from them behind a phone booth.



INT. BROADWAY MOVIE THEATRE. EVENING

JORDAN comes out to the hall and discards a big popcorn
bag, then exits. The movie was Lady and the Tramp.


INT. BROADWAY THEATRE. EVENING
                                              Page 76 of 122


JORDAN and LAURA have box seats. The orchestra lights go
down, the light from the stage reveals their faces when the
curtain goes up. JORDAN smiles, ready for comedy, and
reaches out to take LAURA’s hand. She looks tense but
JORDAN doesn’t notice.


INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT. EVENING

PABLO is getting ready for bed. He mechanically puts paste
on two toothbrushes, then grabs his own. The phone rings.

                       PABLO
          Hello?

EXT. DANIEL’S CAR.

DANIEL is in the driver’s seat. The back seat is crowded
with packages and shopping bags.

                      DANIEL
                (on his cell phone)
          I’m in the city. I have a couple
          of hours.

INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT.

                      PABLO
          How did you get this number?

EXT. DANIEL’S CAR.

                      DANIEL
                (getting out of the car)
          Oh, I followed you home once.
          Before we ever talked.

INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT.

                      PABLO
          Listen, I don’t think it’s a good
          idea. You’ve made this too
          personal and I just can’t get
          involved right now.

EXT. PABLO’S STREET.
                                               Page 77 of 122


                      DANIEL
                (walking up to
                PABLO’s building)
          Don't worry about me. I’m not as
          crazy as you think. I’m a family
          man. I just don’t see why we can't
          get together every now and then.

INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT.

                      PABLO
          It’s not you, it’s me.

PABLO looks at a picture on the fridge door, of JORDAN and
PABLO holding either leg of a male stripper and stuffing
his crotch with dollar bills, laughing.

                      PABLO
          I guess I’m more of a family man
          than you are, in my own crazy way.
          I just didn't know.

The buzzer rings.

                       PABLO
          Hang on a sec.
                 (on the intercom)
          Hello?


EXT. PABLO’S BUILDING DOORWAY.

                      DANIEL
          Just one last time, please?


INT. PABLO’S APARTMENT.

                      PABLO
                (after the shock)
          You wouldn’t happen to know where
          Argentina is, would you?


EXT. RESTAURANT ROW. SAME TIME
                                               Page 78 of 122


JORDAN and LAURA are walking out of a restaurant, not
touching.

                      JORDAN
          Maybe it’s the new production, but
          I just didn't enjoy it this time
          around...

                      LAURA
          I know! Back in high school it
          seemed so much funnier!

                      JORDAN
          I thought this would bring us back
          to those simpler times.

                      LAURA
          I know what you mean... Seeing you
          again was like going back in time.
          As if you could still see the girl
          I was...

                      JORDAN
          But I can! You sound so sad...

                      LAURA
          Well picking up where we left is
          just not an option, is it? But you
          think it still is. You seem so...
          spared, I don’t know. As if you
          hadn’t made any mistakes.

                      JORDAN
          That’s the magic of working with
          kids, you know? They make you go
          back to basics, where surprise is
          still possible...

                      LAURA
          You’re so lucky. You get paid to
          play...

                      JORDAN
          If I’m any good at it it’s because
          I love it, and they know it. I
          couldn’t go on if it weren’t real.
                                               Page 79 of 122


                      LAURA
          You’re one of them. I’ve watched
          you, you are in this wholly
          different place.

                      JORDAN
          I’d be lost without my work.

                      LAURA
          You’d make a terrific father, you
          know?

JORDAN’s face lights up.

                      JORDAN
          You think? You mean...

                      LAURA
                (alarmed)
          You know. One day.

They get to LAURA’s building. She kisses him on the cheek.
He kisses her back on the mouth but she doesn’t respond. He
pulls back and stands motionless.

                      JORDAN
          I don’t know what I’m doing here.
          We’ve spent all this time together
          and we never seem to... I
          thought...

                      LAURA
          Listen, Jordan, can’t you go to
          that uncomplicated place in your
          mind and just...

                      JORDAN
          I’m not a child, Laura. I wish you
          didn’t treat me like one.

                      LAURA
          We’re both tired, we’ve been under
          a lot of pressure. I just don’t
          think this is the time for us to
          discuss...

                      JORDAN
                                              Page 80 of 122


          It just never seems to be, does
          it?

JORDAN walks away.


INT. PABLO’S BEDROOM. NIGHT

PABLO and DANIEL are naked under the sheets. PABLO is
comforting DANIEL, who is sobbing on his shoulder.

                      DANIEL
          I wish I could stay.

                      PABLO
                (softly)
          Daniel, let me ask you something.
          Where do you see us in a month?
          Where do you see us next week,
          actually.

                      DANIEL
          But it feels so right...

                      PABLO
          In the moment maybe. Because it’s
          a glimpse of another life. You
          don’t wanna give up your life for
          this, do you? It’s just a game, a
          pastime.

DANIEL gets up and starts getting dressed.

                      DANIEL
          I could have sworn you were
          enjoying my company.

                      PABLO
          And I was! But I like it the way
          it is, and you want it to become
          something else...

PABLO gets up, puts on his shorts and walks towards the
kitchen. He opens the fridge and grabs a beer. DANIEL comes
out of the bedroom as he finishes getting dressed.

                      PABLO
                                              Page 81 of 122


          Want one?

                       DANIEL
          No thanks.

DANIEL notices the picture of PABLO, JORDAN and the male
stripper on the fridge door and takes a closer look.

                      DANIEL
          This is a great picture of you.

                       PABLO
          Thanks.

                      DANIEL
          Too bad you’re not alone. Is that
          him? Where is he now? How come
          you’re not together?

                      PABLO
          Well, you know... Successful
          people get big heads, lose their
          way... Maybe one day he’ll come
          around. Maybe not.

                      DANIEL
          And you’re planning to wait?


                      PABLO
          Yes. For a sign. Good things come
          to those who --

                      DANIEL
          -- Jerk. He doesn’t deserve you.

                      PABLO
          It’s not that simple. There’s
          business involved too. Right now,
          I sort of depend on his success.

                      DANIEL
          You sound like his pimp. No
          problem calling that love, huh?

                      PABLO
          Come on, you’re gonna be late.
                                              Page 82 of 122



PABLO walks towards the door. DANIEL follows him, then
stops.

                       DANIEL
          Wait, I think I left my keys on
          the counter.

While PABLO waits in the doorway, DANIEL sneaks PABLO and
JORDAN’s picture off the fridge door and into his pocket.


INT. BETSY’S STUDIO. NIGHT

BETSY is viewing the pictures she took on her computer.
After blowing up the images, it becomes apparent that the
man LAURA was with is KEITH. BETSY types an e-mail message
to PABLO, attaches the pictures, then picks up the phone
and dials.


INT. PABLO’S STUDIO. NIGHT

PABLO is online in a chatroom. The phone rings, he picks
up.

                       PABLO
          What?

                      BETSY
          Pablo, read your e-mail. There’s
          something you may want to see.

                       PABLO
          O.K. Wait.

PABLO gets the message from BETSY and opens a picture of
LAURA going up the stairs.

                       PABLO
          Jesus, Betsy, what are you, a
          stalker now?

                      BETSY
          I happened to be on her street, I
          swear. Keep looking.
                                              Page 83 of 122


PABLO does, and the story emerges. At the first clear
picture of KEITH, PABLO reacts.

                      PABLO
          That’s Jordan’s brother!

                      BETSY
          Well, whoever that may be, this
          was not delivery, O.K.?

                      PABLO
          Que lo parió!

                      BETSY
          I think it’s time, Pablo.

BETSY and PABLO will work each other up in a crescendo for
the rest of the exchange.

                      PABLO
          To make a scene?

                      BETSY
          To make a statement.

                      PABLO
          To make a move!

                      BETSY
          Are we just gonna grin and bear
          it? Say it with me.

                      BETSY and PABLO
          Methinks not!


EXT. LAURA’S FRONT STEPS. AFTERNOON.

JORDAN is talking into the buzzer. KEITH and MATT are
waiting in KEITH’s SUV.

                         JORDAN
          You’re not feeling well?
                (to MATT and KEITH)
          She says she’s not feeling well.

                         KEITH
                                                Page 84 of 122


          Let her rest. She’s worked so hard.

                         JORDAN
                (to LAURA on the buzzer)
          Keith and Matt are terribly
          disappointed. You should see their
          faces. We are not leaving without
          you.

EXT. A FEW YARDS AWAY. SAME TIME

Through a camera lens, LAURA and JORDAN are seen getting
into KEITH’s car. It’s BETSY’s camera. She is sitting in
the driver’s seat of a small car. PABLO is sitting next to
her, a pumpkin pie wrapped in a clear plastic bag on his
lap.

                      BETSY
                (starting the car)
          O.K., here we go. Bear with me on
          the road, alright? I haven’t
          driven in years.

                      PABLO
          And you rented this matchbox?


                      BETSY
          Isn´t smaller better?

                      PABLO
          For parking in the city, maybe...
          What was the last time you left
          Manhattan? There may be snow out
          there, you know?

                      BETSY
          We’ll be fine.


EXT. THE STEARNS’. LATER

KEITH’s car is parked in the snow-covered driveway of an
Upstate New York residence. JORDAN, KEITH and MATT are on
the porch steps. JORDAN’s mother HOPE opens the door. She
hugs JORDAN who, hands filled with bags, kisses her back.
FRED, JORDAN’s father, approaches, pats his shoulder and
                                              Page 85 of 122


grabs his bag. KEITH and MATT, standing behind him, greet
them as well.

In the car, LAURA takes a deep breath, checks her image in
the mirror and gets out.

                      JORDAN
          Mom, Dad. There’s a surprise for
          you!

LAURA walks towards the house.

                      HOPE
          Oh my word, it’s Laura!

HOPE hugs LAURA affectionately.

                      HOPE
          How have you been?

                      LAURA
          Good! So nice to see you again,
          Hope. Hi, Fred!


                      FRED
          Hello! Please, come in.

                      HOPE
                (in a whisper, to KEITH)
          Where’s Pablo?

KEITH shrugs his shoulders. They all go inside.

EXT. BETSY’S CAR. SAME TIME

The windows are foggy. When BETSY and PABLO talk, steam
comes out of their mouths.

                      BETSY
          You made me drive all this way to
          stay in the car?

                      PABLO
          Can’t we do it when they leave?

                      BETSY
                                               Page 86 of 122


          What if they spend the night?


INT. JORDAN’S PARENTS’ LIVING ROOM. EVENING

MATT is playing with his Lego bricks on the floor. JORDAN
is sitting on the couch, with a photograph album on his
lap. HOPE and LAURA are sitting on either side of him,
looking at it. KEITH and FRED are sitting opposite them in
separate armchairs. In one of the snapshots, the family is
singing around the piano.

                      HOPE
          On Christmas Day. Fred says it
          bothers the neighbors but I don’t
          care. It’s only once a year!

                      LAURA
          And you play them from memory?

                      KEITH
          Don’t lie now, mom!

                      MOTHER
          Well most of them... Look, Laura,
          there’s the boys in football
          practice.

While LAURA looks at the picture, JORDAN gently puts his
arm around her shoulder. HOPE cannot see this.

                      FRED
          You mean Keith! The entertainer
          here was in rehearsals...

FRED raises his head and looks at JORDAN. He notices his
display of affection towards LAURA and cannot believe his
eyes. She notices and tries to make conversation.

                      LAURA
          Oh, I remember... I never told you
          this, Jordan, but the girls used
          to hide behind the concession
          stand and spy on the guys taking
          showers after practice.

KEITH has also noticed JORDAN’s gesture and is shocked.
                                                Page 87 of 122



                       JORDAN
                (reminiscing,
                almost to himself)
           But from where did --

                       LAURA
           -- Keith had quite a following
           back then!

LAURA looks at KEITH as if asking for help. His is a
questioning gaze.

                       HOPE
           Well he’s available now...

                       KEITH   /     FRED

                       Mom!    /     Hope!


                       KEITH
           I’ll go check on the turkey.

                       HOPE
           You?
                 (to JORDAN too)
           Are you two playing some kind of
           game with me?

KEITH goes to the kitchen.

                       KEITH (O.S.)
           Laura, could you come take a look?
           I need a second opinion.

                       HOPE
           Go on, honey. He has no clue.

LAURA goes to the

KITCHEN,

where KEITH is bent over the open oven door, poking at the
turkey without really looking at it.

                       KEITH
                                               Page 88 of 122


          What was that? Old times´ sake?

LAURA inspects the turkey, pierces it with a knife, closes
the oven door.

                      LAURA
          Ask your brother.

                      KEITH
          You mean he just puts his arm
          around you now and then.

                      LAURA
          Well, we go way back! We’ve also
          been seeing a lot of each other...
          I may have given him the wrong
          idea.

                      KEITH
          No more than that.

                      LAURA
          O.K. If you must know...

                      KEITH
          I’ll be damned.

KEITH turns his back on LAURA. She turns him around and
puts her arms around his neck.

                      LAURA
          No, let me explain...

                      HOPE
                (opening the door)
          O.K., kids, quit fooling around
          and let the chef...

HOPE, surprised, represses her reaction. LAURA steps away
from KEITH and exits.

                      KEITH
                (to HOPE)
          You’re the boss...

KEITH follows LAURA back to the
                                               Page 89 of 122


LIVING ROOM and sits on the couch.

                      HOPE (O.S.)
          Honey, could you come here for a
          second? There’s something wrong
          with the temperature.

FRED walks into the KITCHEN,

where HOPE is standing with her arms crossed and a severe
expression on her face.

                      FRED
                (excitedly)
          I told you it was a phase! Did you
          see Jordan and Laura?

                      HOPE
          I also saw Keith and Laura.

In the living room, JORDAN picks up the remote and turns
the TV on.

                      JORDAN
          It’s about to start...

JORDAN walks towards the space in the couch next to LAURA.

                      LAURA
          Come sit next to me, Matt.

MATT sits next to LAURA, who hugs him. He’s having popcorn
from a large bowl. JORDAN sits next to MATT.

                      JORDAN
          Mom, Dad!

HOPE and FRED come back from the kitchen, turn the
armchairs on either side of the couch to face the TV and
sit down. While the show opens, they survey KEITH and
LAURA’s movements on the sly.


EXT. BETSY’S CAR. EVENING

It is snowing again. With her camera, BETSY is monitoring
                                               Page 90 of 122


the living room window. In her other hand, she’s holding a
flask. She takes a swig from it and offers it to PABLO.

                      PABLO
          Pretty soon you’ll be in no shape
          to drive. Supposing you ever were.

                      BETSY
          How are we supposed to keep warm?
          Body heat?

                      PABLO
          This is a mistake.

                      BETSY
          Couple freezes to death within
          sight of a smoking chimney. Now
          that’s a mistake.

                      PABLO
          O.K., let’s go.

BETSY opens her door.

                      PABLO
          What are you doing? I mean let’s
          go back.


INT. THE STEARNS’ LIVING ROOM. SAME TIME

On TV, JORDAN is singing a song with the kids. The family
is excited when they spot Matt among them.


INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE TV ROOM. SAME TIME

Same image; different TV: CHLOE, looking pale and sleep-
deprived, is sitting on the couch with three much younger
kids watching JORDAN´s appearance. DANIEL enters.

                      DANIEL
          Sweetie, could you help your
          mother in the kitchen? Dinner’s
          almost ready.

                        CHLOE
                                              Page 91 of 122


          But Dad, I’m watching!

                      DANIEL
          Aren’t you a little too old for
          this kind of show?

                      CHLOE
          How come they get to stay and
          watch?

                      DANIEL
          Your cousins already ate, at the
          kids table. I thought you’d
          appreciate the upgrade!

                      CHLOE
          I´m not that...
                (MARTHA stomps in, holding
                her new Swedish kitchen
                knife. She looks at the TV
                and then at spooked CHLOE)
          ...hungry.

                      MARTHA
                (matter-of-factly,
                to DANIEL)
          Newsflash. Your daughter is
          starving herself.

                      CHLOE
          Mother!

                      MARTHA
          Over this Jordan person, no less.
          Chloe?

                      DANIEL
          Chloe, what’s going on?

CHLOE gets up and reluctantly follows MARTHA to the
kitchen. DANIEL recognizes JORDAN, slowly sits down next to
the kids and starts watching the show. They stare at him,
puzzled.

                      MARTHA (O.S.)
          Honey?
                                              Page 92 of 122


                      DANIEL
          In a minute...


EXT. BETSY’S CAR. NIGHT

The snow has thickened. BETSY tries to back out but the car
is stuck.


INT. THE STEARNS’ DINING ROOM. LATER

MATT is asleep on the couch. Everybody else is sitting at
the dinner table.

                      HOPE
          I’m so happy for you, son. Will
          you be on again soon?

                      JORDAN
          Well, ask Laura!

                      LAURA
          It all depends on reviews and
          ratings. But Rosie’s support is
          crucial.

                      FRED
          So when will we know?

                      LAURA
          Well, just based on Rosie’s
          feedback, the network seems ready
          to launch an ad campaign.

                         JORDAN
          Even online!

                      FRED
          What’s the address?

                      LAURA
          Uncle Jordan Dot Com.

                      HOPE
          Cute. Whose idea was that?
                                               Page 93 of 122


                      KEITH
                (looking at JORDAN)
          Pablo’s.

                      LAURA
          I thought he was coming. Did he
          call?

HOPE and FRED exchange a puzzled look. KEITH interrogates
JORDAN with his gaze.

                      JORDAN
          He has a new job and he’s putting
          a lot of extra hours. You know how
          it is.

                      KEITH
          How is he doing these days? Seeing
          anyone?

                      LAURA
                (dismayed)
          Are he and Betsy no longer
          together?

                      KEITH
          Oh, of course, Betsy.

                      JORDAN
          They’re doing fine.


INT. THE STEARNS’. A MOMENT LATER

The doorbell rings. JORDAN opens the door.

                       JORDAN
                (with forced enthusiasm)
          Pablo! I’m so glad you could make
          it. Thought you were behind with
          your work...

                      PABLO
                (in a similar tone)
          I am, but Betsy insisted on
          sharing her recipe...
                                               Page 94 of 122


                      KEITH
          You’re just in time for dessert!

The diners have got up and approached to greet the guests.
While FRED gets BETSY’s coat, PABLO has an aside with HOPE.

                      PABLO
          Nice to see you again, Hope.

                      HOPE
          Good to see you too, what a
          pleasant surprise. You missed the
          turkey, but promise me you’ll take
          some leftovers home, all right?

                      PABLO
          Don’t I always?
               (handing HOPE the pie)
          It’s Betsy’s very own recipe.

                      HOPE
          Oh! Lovely! Hello, Betsy, nice to
          finally meet you... Let’s clear
          the table and we’ll have dessert
          in the living room.

                      LAURA
          I’ll help you.

                      BETSY
          Me too.

BETSY, slightly tipsy, smiles mischievously at PABLO, who
reacts with concern.

                      HOPE
          Darling, could you take Matt to
          the bedroom so we can sit on the
          couch?

The women go to the kitchen and FRED takes sleeping MATT to
the bedroom. KEITH, JORDAN and PABLO stand with their hands
in their pockets, sharing a long awkward silence.

                      KEITH
          So Pablo, I hear you finally got
          that job!
                                                 Page 95 of 122



                      PABLO
          And you finally got that date!

                      JORDAN
                (to KEITH)
          Are you seeing someone?

                      PABLO
          Here’s a crazy idea: let’s all go
          out together sometime.

HOPE returns and starts piling up more plates.

                      PABLO
          Let me help you.

                      HOPE
          You’re a dear. These two should be
          taking notes!

PABLO and HOPE go to the kitchen.

                      KEITH
          So what exactly do you intend to
          do this time around?

                      JORDAN
          What’s it to you?

                      KEITH
          You’ve hurt her before.

                      JORDAN
          I couldn’t offer her what she
          deserved...

                      KEITH
          What’s different now?

                      JORDAN
          My idea of love was very narrow.
          There’s always been something
          there. A connection.

                      KEITH
          Doesn’t she know? About you?
                                               Page 96 of 122



                      JORDAN
          You mean my criminal record?

                      KEITH
          So she doesn’t.

                      JORDAN
          She knows what I feel.

                         KEITH
          And that is?

                      JORDAN
          I’ve followed my heart, I’ve
          followed my dick, now I’m giving
          my head a chance.

                      KEITH
          What about Pablo?

                       JORDAN
          He’ll be all right. He doesn’t
          need me now.

                      KEITH
          But who do YOU need?

FRED comes back to the table.

                      FRED
                (to KEITH)
          Heavy sleeper, like his father...


INT. THE STEARN’S KITCHEN. SAME TIME

LAURA and BETSY unwrap the pie and make coffee.

                      LAURA
          Looks like a mean pumpkin pie! You
          are a homemaker after all!

                      BETSY
          Beats being a homewrecker...

LAURA’s expression becomes grave.
                                               Page 97 of 122



                      LAURA
                (whispering)
          Then it’s true? That Pablo is
          seeing someone else?

BETSY, surprised for a second, pretends to break down and
leans her head on LAURA’s shoulder. LAURA hugs her.

                      LAURA
          So that’s what you were calling
          about... I’m so self-involved,
          please forgive me.

HOPE gets in and sees them, is startled. Collecting
herself, she places the dishes in the sink.

                      LAURA
                (to HOPE)
          Keith was right about Pablo. He’s
          been cheating on Betsy.

                      HOPE
                (matter-of-factly)
          Please, whatever you’ve got going
          on... could you keep me out of it?


INT. THE STEARNS’ LIVING ROOM. LATER

Everybody is having dessert. The silence is only broken by
the sound of silverware.

                      LAURA
          It’s delicious, Betsy.

                      FRED
                (to PABLO)
          You’re lucky to have someone like
          Betsy around. Women who cook, in
          this day and age...

                      LAURA
          She’s pure gold. Pablo would be a
          fool not to see that.

BETSY, glowing at the compliment, looks at PABLO.
                                              Page 98 of 122



                      PABLO
                (looking at JORDAN)
          Oh, but I do. We’re all very
          fortunate. May we all see it
          before it’s too late.

PABLO raises his glass. The others follow.

                      FRED
          Congratulations, son! You do have
          a lot to be thankful for!

                      JORDAN
                (looking at LAURA)
          I guess I’m really lucky.

                      LAURA
          You deserved that break. Our
          meeting was fate.

                      PABLO
          You mean fatal...

                      BETSY
          Can you believe that? Pablo is always
          correcting my English too!

                      KEITH
                (looking at LAURA)
          To fate!

                      ALL
          To fate!


INT. THE STEARNS’ KITCHEN. LATER

LAURA is doing the dishes. BETSY is holding a glass of wine
and staring into space.
                      LAURA
          Do you know who she is?
          The other woman?

                      BETSY
          Well, that’s one of the problems.
          It’s a he.
                                                Page 99 of 122



                      LAURA
          Oh my.

                      BETSY
          I guess I should be more
          compassionate. I myself have
          experienced unusual feelings
          recently... Haven’t you?

                      LAURA
          No.

                      BETSY
          Oh, I figured you’d know what I’m
          talking about.

                      LAURA
          No, why?

                      BETSY
          You know, what with Jordan being
          bisexual and all.

                      LAURA
          What?
                (leaving the kitchen)
          Jordan?

KEITH enters.

                      BETSY
               (drunk, an outraged homemaker)
          I hope you’re happy. You may have
          ruined Jordan’s only chance to
          lead a normal life.

KEITH takes BETSY’s glass off her hand and puts it in the
sink.

                      KEITH
          You want him to be with Laura?

                      BETSY
          Of course not. He belongs with
          Pablo. (to LINDA) I just need you
          out of the way.
                                             Page 100 of 122



                      KEITH
          I need some air. You could use
          some as well!

KEITH exits.


INT. HALLWAY. LATER

JORDAN is coming out of the bathroom. LAURA blocks his way.

                      LAURA
          I’m just curious... Were you
          planning on telling me? Ever?

                      JORDAN
          Telling you what?

                      LAURA
          Come on, Jordan.

                      JORDAN
          Is that why you became so cold?
          What did Keith tell you?

                      LAURA
          He had nothing to do with it.

                      JORDAN
          Oh, I’m sure!


EXT. PORCH STEPS. A MOMENT LATER

KEITH is smoking and looking towards the street. JORDAN
comes out and stands behind him.

                      JORDAN
          You had no business doing that.

KEITH turns.

                      KEITH
          I had no idea you two were
          involved. One thing just led to
          another.
                                             Page 101 of 122



From the shocked expression on JORDAN’s face upon hearing
the truth, KEITH realizes he has said too much.

                      KEITH
          Isn’t that what –-

                      JORDAN
          -- And you accused me of
          deception? You bastard...

JORDAN attacks KEITH, they fall to the ground and have a
fight in the snow. In the

LIVING ROOM,

Upon hearing JORDAN’s curses and KEITH’s pleas, LAURA and
PABLO rush to the window. HOPE and BETSY come out of the
kitchen. FRED gets up from his armchair.

                      FRED
                (to LAURA and PABLO)
          What’s going on?

                      BETSY
          They’re fighting over Laura.

                      HOPE
                (casually)
          Oh. Wasn’t she with you?

FRED is shocked.

                      PABLO
                (to LAURA)
          So you’re just going to let them
          fight over you?

                      LAURA
          You’re a fine one to judge. What
          about your solemn vows?

                      PABLO
          Would I be here if I’d forgotten
          them?

                      LAURA
                                             Page 102 of 122


          Then what are you waiting for to
          make things right?

PABLO walks past BETSY out of the house. LAURA looks at
BETSY and is utterly confused.


EXT. THE STEARNS’ GARDEN. NIGHT

PABLO separates KEITH and JORDAN, KEITH goes back inside.
PABLO tries to examine a cut in JORDAN’s forehead.

                      JORDAN
          Don’t touch me.

JORDAN turns and walks towards the street.

                      PABLO
          Where are you going?

                      JORDAN
          For a walk. I want you all gone
          when I come back.

                      PABLO
          Jordan, it’s me, Pablo.
                (almost to himself;
                JORDAN is out of range)
          I love you.

PABLO returns to the house, where he hears agitated voices.
In the kitchen, MATT, in his pajamas, is choking. KEITH is
trying to help him. LAURA, HOPE, FRED and BETSY look on.

                      HOPE
          I’m calling 911!

                      BETSY
                (to PABLO)
          He woke up hungry. No one was
          looking...

                      LAURA
          A piece of dry fruit.

                      PABLO
                (to KEITH)
                                             Page 103 of 122


          Let me handle it.

                      KEITH
          Are you sure?

                      PABLO
          Once a waiter...

PABLO grabs MATT and performs a Heimlich maneuver on him.
He recovers.


EXT. PORCH STEPS. LATER

HOPE and FRED stand in the doorway. PABLO, BETSY, LAURA and
KEITH are leaving. KEITH is holding MATT.

                      KEITH
          Don’t worry, Dad. He must have
          taken the train.


                      FRED
          Drive safely now.

                      HOPE
          Is that sleepover still a good
          idea?

                      KEITH
          He’ll be all right, Mom.

KEITH, LAURA and MATT walk to KEITH’s car.

                      MATT
          Thank you Pablo!

PABLO waves goodbye.

                       PABLO
          Anytime! Have fun at your
          sleepover...
                (deliberately late)
          ... Matt!

                      BETSY
          Thank you, Hope.
                                               Page 104 of 122



                      HOPE
          No, thank you for that delicious pie.

                      FRED
          Now, about that car of yours...

FRED and BETSY walk to her car.

                      PABLO
          Thank you, Hope. It’s nice to know
          you still like me.

                      HOPE
          Listen honey, you saved my grandson’s
          life. You seem to be the only person
          who’s not involved with Laura. So you
          cheat on your wife. Big deal!


                      PABLO
               (smiling)
          Have a good night.

EXT. PABLO’S STREET. MORNING

PABLO gets the paper at the corner deli. Looking at the
local section, PABLO finds an article entitled ―Everybody’s
Uncle‖ and smiles proudly. He buys extra copies of the
paper and starts reading the article. As he walks away, he
fails to notice the headline of a tabloid on display. The
picture is the one of PABLO, JORDAN and the male stripper
that DANIEL stole at PABLO’s, and the headline says "Uncle
Jordan’s Night Out".


INT. LAURA’S LIVING ROOM. MORNING

KEITH comes back from his run and finds a fresh fax on the
machine. It’s a copy of the tabloid article outing JORDAN.
The fax has a handwritten "To: Laura, From: Frank, Re: I
told you so".


EXT. JORDAN’S SOHO STREET.
                                               Page 105 of 122


PABLO, a big smile on his face, is looking for the address
of JORDAN’s building.


INT. LAURA’S LIVING ROOM.

LAURA walks in wearing one of KEITH’s shirts, notices his
alarmed expression.

                      LAURA
          What is it baby?

KEITH shows LAURA the fax.

                      LAURA
          Oh shit. Where’s the phone?

LAURA picks up the phone.

                      KEITH
          Shouldn’t we check in on him?

                      LAURA
          He may not even know yet.
LAURA dials.

                      KEITH
          All the more reason to be gentle!

                      LAURA
          He’s not picking up. Why don’t you
          go? I’ll get Matt and watch him
          for you.

                      KEITH
          No, I’ll get Matt. I’ll bring him
          along.


INT. JORDAN’S LOFT. LATER

The buzzer rings. All JORDAN has done to the space since he
moved in is pile up all the boxes in one side and set up
the TV and VCR and an armchair. JORDAN is staring at his
TV. Rosie O’Donnell, a concerned look on his face, is
giving a press conference. JORDAN’s face is pale and his
expression is bitter.
                                             Page 106 of 122




EXT. JORDAN’S BUILDING ENTRANCE.

PABLO is ringing the bell.

                        JORDAN (O.S.)
          Yes.

                      PABLO
          Jordan, it’s me.

No reply. After a few seconds, a large falling object
crashes onto the sidewalk near PABLO. It’s JORDAN’s TV set.
PABLO looks up, alarmed, then rings again.

                      PABLO
          Jordan? Are you all right?

PABLO looks up again, a page of a tabloid has started
flying slowly down from JORDAN’s window. The wind blows it
away from PABLO, who chases it down the street, and is
almost run over by a taxi. PABLO finally grabs the page and
reads it in shock. He is paralyzed. KEITH and MATT get out
of the taxi, they walk quickly to JORDAN’s building without
seeing PABLO. PABLO doesn’t see them either. MATT notices
the mess.

                      MATT
          Look, a dead TV!

KEITH rings the intercom.


INT. JORDAN’S LOFT.

The intercom is ringing. JORDAN is still sitting on his
armchair. Everything’s the same, except the window is open
and the TV set is gone.

EXT. JORDAN’S STREET.

From a distance, PABLO hears MATT’s voice and sees KEITH
talking to a WOMAN who is leaving the building.

                        PABLO
          Hey Keith!
                                             Page 107 of 122



KEITH sees PABLO.
                      KEITH
                (menacingly)
          You stay away.

KEITH tells the woman something and points at PABLO. She
nods and lets KEITH and MATT in.

                      PABLO
                (to the WOMAN)
          Hold it!

The WOMAN closes the door and walks away.

INT. JORDAN’S LOFT.

The doorbell rings.

                      KEITH (O.S.)
          Jordan, we’re here, open up!
                      JORDAN
          "We"?
                (screaming)
          Did you say "we"?

                      MATT (O.S.)
                (very low)
          Hello Uncle Jordan!

JORDAN’s fury melts into a smile.


EXT. JORDAN’S STREET. SAME TIME

PABLO walks away.



INT. PABLO’S OFFICE. MORNING

PABLO, looking pale and disheveled, walks in and finds the
tabloid on his desk.

                      TODD
          And how’s our family man today?
                                               Page 108 of 122


PABLO leaves the office.


EXT. FLEA MARKET. LATER THAT MORNING

BETSY and PABLO are walking around the stands. With her
camera, BETSY takes random pictures of PABLO, who sips
coffee.

                      BETSY
          So you just left?

                      PABLO
          Yep. I went straight to the travel
          agency.

                      BETSY
          When are you flying?

                      PABLO
          Sunday.

                      BETSY
          Isn’t it all a bit sudden?

                      PABLO
          Suppose they didn’t care about the
          papers. How long do you think
          it’ll take before Todd started
          ratting about my moonlighting?

                      BETSY
          I say you go back like nothing
          happened. They know you’re good,
          they’ll let it slide.

                      PABLO
          It’s not just that. It’s this
          whole charade, the games I find
          myself playing to force myself to
          think I belong here. It’s a sign,
          don’t you see? I wouldn’t have
          seen that guy twice if I hadn’t
          felt so lonely. I know I’d never
          feel that lonely back home.

                      BETSY
                                     Page 109 of 122


Listen, you have to calm down.

            PABLO
      (not listening)
I'm missing my kid sister’s
graduation. Hell, I’m missing my
nieces growing up, my parents
growing old...

            BETSY
You think you wanna go back for
good because all this time you
couldn’t even visit. Go have a
summer vacation while we all
freeze if you like, your loved
ones must be dying to see you.
Just take a break. When you come
back --
            PABLO
-- I don’t belong here.

            BETSY
Think about your future. After all
this time and money, after all
you’ve struggled you can finally
call this your home --

            PABLO
-- Jordan was my home, Betsy. I
make no sense here by myself.

            BETSY
But what about me? You have to
stay and divorce me. It’s the
least you can do!

            PABLO
Just let me know if you ever need
me to. But seriously.

            BETSY
It wasn’t your fault. Why wouldn’t
Jordan understand if you just
explain...?

            PABLO
                                               Page 110 of 122


          Let me recap. The man dropped a TV
          set on me.

                      BETSY
          Talk about a big TV break!

                      PABLO
          And this before any explaining
          could be done. Before I knew I had
          anything to explain!

                      BETSY
          But in time --

                      PABLO
          -- His career is ruined. And I’m
          forever connected to that, can’t
          you see? I’m in the picture!

                      BETSY
          Hey, you lost a lot too!

                      PABLO
          Precisely. I’ll drop by on
          Saturday, O.K.? To say goodbye.

                      BETSY
          Come say hello. I don’t do
          goodbyes.


INT. JORDAN’S LOFT. EVENING

JORDAN is taking clothes out of the closet and putting them
in a box. The doorbell rings. JORDAN opens the door.

                      LAURA
          I guess this is my last chance to
          see your fabulous place.

                      JORDAN
          As you can see I never finished
          moving in. Turned out to be a good
          thing.

                      LAURA
          Do you really have to go?
                                               Page 111 of 122



                      JORDAN
          I could manage. But this place
          never quite agreed with me.

                      LAURA
          No wonder you never made it a
          home.

                      JORDAN
          Can I finish this box?

                      LAURA
          The movie’s at seven.

                      JORDAN
          We’d better get going then.

INT. ELEVATOR.

                      LAURA
          I’m glad you called.

                      JORDAN
          So am I.

JORDAN rubs her arm. They smile.


EXT. BETSY’S BUILDING. MORNING

It is an unseasonably warm winter day. JORDAN, in his
rollerblading gear, is about to ring BETSY’s buzzer when
she walks out.

                      BETSY
          Hi Jordan! I thought I'd sneak out
          to get the paper before you came.
          Beautiful day!

                      JORDAN
          Isn’t it? For December? This may
          be your last chance to enjoy the
          park.

                      BETSY
          Will you walk me to the store?
                                              Page 112 of 122



                      JORDAN
          Sure!

BETSY is anxiously looking around and will glance at her
watch a couple of times during the conversation when JORDAN
is not looking.

                      BETSY
          I heard about the show... I'm sorry.

                      JORDAN
          Well at least it was after those
          great reviews. Not that it
          matters, but it just shows what a
          joke the whole thing is.

                      BETSY
          Not to mention the double
          standard; look at Rosie: just a
          little damage control and she’s
          back on top... Do you think my
          coming out would boost my book
          sales?

                       JORDAN
          I guess lesbians appear less
          threatening.

                      BETSY
          Except when drunk!

They share a laugh.

                      JORDAN
          So how’s the wonderful world of
          publishing these days?

                      BETSY
          Well, it’s getting busier again,
          thank God... But I’m also working
          on a photo show. Just in case.

                      JORDAN
          Great!
                                               Page 113 of 122


They get to the corner, BETSY gets the paper and
cigarettes, they sit on a bench in the sun.

                      JORDAN
          I have to admit your call made me
          more than a little curious.

                      BETSY
          Well, I wasn’t comfortable
          discussing it on the phone.

                      JORDAN
          I suppose it’s this pending debt I
          have with you...

JORDAN reaches into his pouch for a check and hands it to
BETSY.

                      BETSY
          What are you doing? I didn’t let
          Pablo pay the balance. What makes
          you think I’m going to take your
          money?

                      JORDAN
          Well, I always pressured him to do
          this and I felt responsible...

                      BETSY
          You really shouldn’t. Having that
          goal really helped him get his act
          together. For a while he even had
          a normal schedule...

JORDAN smiles to himself and looks away.

                      JORDAN
                (remembering)
          You know, a few years ago, I was
          on a bus on my way to an
          interview. Sitting at the back was
          this incredibly handsome guy,
          sound asleep. I sat opposite him
          and noticed we were all looking at
          him with some sort of... impunity.
          You had to be working long nights
          to be that dead to the world in
                                     Page 114 of 122


the middle of the day... He was
slumbering away in his wrinkled
suit as if it were a pair of
pajamas, and every now and then he
would brush the shoulder of the
woman sitting next to him with his
head... Little by little people
got off. When my stop came I
realized I would never see the
color of his eyes or hear the
sound of his voice... So I stayed
on, just staring at him, until we
were the only two left. Before I
woke him up at the end of the line
I already knew I wanted to be the
only one to watch over him.

            BETSY
That was Pablo?

            JORDAN
No, Antonio Banderas. Of course
that was Pablo! How’s he been?

            BETSY
You haven’t seen him?

            JORDAN
Not recently. He’s obviously
better off without me...

            BETSY
Well you can see for yourself,
he’ll be here any minute.

             JORDAN
I don’t think I’ll stick around
then. It takes a lot of hate to do
what he did.

            BETSY
No, you’ve got it all wrong...

            JORDAN
I guess that’s what you were
calling about, huh? I’d better go.
                                               Page 115 of 122


          Thanks, Betsy. I’m sure you meant
          well.

JORDAN starts to rollerblade away.

                      BETSY
          But listen! There was a Third Man...


EXT. CENTRAL PARK. LATER

PABLO crosses the runners’ path on his bike into the park.
JORDAN takes the loop, rollerblading against the crowd.
They almost miss each other.

                       PABLO
          Hi Jordan!

                      JORDAN
          Hey! What are you doing North of
          Fourteenth?

                      PABLO
          I’m on my way to Betsy’s. To say
          goodbye.

                       JORDAN
          Oh?

PABLO dismounts and walks his bike.

                      PABLO
          I’m going home.

                       JORDAN
          What?

                      PABLO
          I meant to call you but I got the
          feeling you didn’t want to hear
          from me again.

They start walking down a lane.

                      JORDAN
          Funny. I said something like that
          a few minutes ago. But was it real
                                     Page 116 of 122


hate or real love that made you
sink me without stopping to count
the cost?

            PABLO
I’m sorry, but I really can’t take
the blame -–or the credit!

            JORDAN
You can tell me the truth. You
know, by outing me you may have
saved me from becoming a total
creep...

            PABLO
Well, my job is not yet done if
you think I did it.

            JORDAN
Well, what was I to think? I
mean... who else could I have
suspected?

            PABLO
Why Rosie of course. First my
country, then your career. She
felt threatened by your charisma.

            JORDAN
And your knowledge of geography!
No, really. How on earth could
that picture --

            PABLO
Someone stole it. Someone who had
a big crush on me. Or you, or both
of us.

            JORDAN
Nothing more.

            PABLO
Not really... Yet in a crazy way
we wouldn’t be talking right now
if it wasn’t for him...

            JORDAN
                                     Page 117 of 122


Hey, give Betsy some credit too...
She’d planned for us to meet.

            PABLO
Dear Betsy... So what’s life like
these days?

            JORDAN
Oh, you know, not quite memoir
material yet, but I do live one
day at a time... I wouldn’t have
made it anyway, I was too old...
I’m thinking of going back to
school and getting that teaching
degree once and for all. Then I’ll
embark on a crusade to put
Argentina on the map!

            PABLO
Skip the degree. Just tell Rosie.

            JORDAN
Are you really going?

               PABLO
Yep. Mañana.

            JORDAN
But Betsy said you were doing
great at work! Except for, you
know, that Uncle Jordan thing.

            PABLO
Work is not everything.

            JORDAN
So you’re still mad at me. Even
now that I’m a careerless old
shoe?

            PABLO
What about Laura?

            JORDAN
Do you really want to know?

               PABLO
                                               Page 118 of 122


          Well I can’t wait for all of us to
          get together again. After the
          triplets are born. Did Betsy tell
          you we were expecting?

                      JORDAN
          Yeah, right. Weren’t you leaving?


                      PABLO
          Yes. For a visit. I want to see
          what real life there is like these
          days.

                      JORDAN
          Can I come? After all, I’m free
          until September and I’ve got some
          miles saved...

                      PABLO
          Methinks not!

They laugh. JORDAN starts rollerblading and PABLO gets on
his bike and follows. They cross FRANK, who’s pushing a
baby in an exercise stroller. He doesn’t see them.

                      JORDAN
                (secretive)
          Hey! Did you see that guy? That
          was Frank!

                      PABLO
          Laura’s friend? I didn’t notice. I
          was looking at the baby.

                         JORDAN
          Yeah, right.

                       PABLO
          No, seriously!
                 (turning to look)
          Now there’s a dad for all seasons!
          Could parenthood have that effect
          on me?

                      JORDAN
          Let’s take a closer look!
                                             Page 119 of 122



PABLO and JORDAN turn around and catch up with FRANK. He
pulls the stroller aside and they start a conversation
about the baby.

                                                   FADE OUT:

THE END

				
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