C.A.S.E by yaofenjin

VIEWS: 8 PAGES: 4

									                                                                                                        Volume 3 • Issue 2 • Spring 2005




an adoptive family
                                           In C.A.S.E.       The Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc.

  support center                                Is Your Teen Wearing a Mask?
  Inside                                                  ould you like to know what is going on

                                                W
                                                                                                     Beneath the Mask
                                                          in your adopted teen’s mind? Do you        By Debbie Riley, M.S.
Six Hurdles for the Adopted                               wonder what they are thinking? How
Adolescent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
                                                they are really feeling? Do you think that identi-
Community Connections. . . . . 3                fying ways to deal with all of those feelings        I wrote Beneath
    Child Advocacy Award                        might make it more peaceful at home? Does            the Mask because
You Can Make A Difference. . . 3                being adopted complicate the process of adoles-      I discovered a
   Birdies for Charities                        cence? Wonder if counseling might help your          void of vital infor-
   Fourth Annual Golf Benefit                   son or daughter plot a course through the rocky      mation for both
   Tournament
                                                path to adulthood?                                   parents and therapists of adopted teens. As I
   United Way
                                                                                                     studied the adoption experience of hundreds
Spring/Summer Program                           A PUZZLE WITH A MISSING PIECE
Schedule. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4                                                        of teens within my therapy practice, there
                                                “Being adopted is like being a puzzle – except       appeared to be some commonalities among
The Center For Adoption                         there is a missing piece!” writes an adopted teen.   all the adolescents. The impetus behind my
Support and Education, Inc.                     “I am thankful I was adopted but…it’s so hard to     decision to organize and record my thoughts
BOARD OF DIRECTORS:                             live with the missing piece of the puzzle, it’s      and experiences came from the teenagers and
Kathleen O. Dugan, President                    never complete!” The puzzle as a metaphor for        parents with whom I have had the privilege
Mary A. Allman, Vice President                  describing how adoption feels to an adoptee is       and honor to work.
Cheryl Thomas, Treasurer                        reflected in the countless interviews we have
Dean H. Klein, Secretary                                                                             Dr. Meeks, my colleague and a nationally rec-
Steve Battista
                                                held at C.A.S.E. with adopted children and teens.
                                                                                                     ognized child and adolescent psychiatrist and I,
Kevin Battle
                                                The quest to define one’s identity is a challenge    wrote this book with the hope that by sharing
David Bulitt
Caren Camp                                      for adoptees who must determine who they are         our impressions, we can give parents and pro-
Veronica Caprara                                without the basic knowledge of where they came       fessionals a framework with which to deepen
Gail Goff                                       from. Helping them to chart this rocky journey is    your own appreciation of the significance of
Sally Koblinsky                                 one of the reasons I wrote Beneath the Mask:
Lee Sislen
                                                                                                     the adoption experience.
Francis X. Watkins
                                                Understanding Adopted Teens, the first book of
                                                                                                                              (continued on p. 2)
Debbie B. Riley, Executive Director             its kind.


                                                                        TODAY SHOW features nationally recognized
                                                                        adoption expert, Debbie Riley, M.S.
                                                                        Ms. Riley, Executive Director of C.A.S.E. and author of newly published
                                                                        “Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens” was a recent guest on the
                                                                        NBC’s TODAY SHOW, Weekend Edition. As a part of their month long series
                                                                        of “Raising Kids Today”, host Campbell Brown asked Ms. Riley about “How
                                                                        to Talk about Adoption with Children”. Ms. Riley, a nationally recognized
                                                                        and award winning pioneer in the field of adoption, recommended strategies
                                                                        for parents on how to talk to children about their adoption story.



Campbell Brown and Debbie Riley enjoy a backstage chat
after the live interview.
                                                                              C.A.S.E.                    www.adoptionsupport.org
Is Your Teen Wearing a Mask?
(continued from p. 1)

Excerpt from “Beneath the Mask:                      DIFFERENCE – Feeling different from peers is         parents do exist. Telling your teen about the simi-
Understanding Adopted Teens”                         the worse curse of adolescence. Adoptees may         larities you see between yourselves can be an
                                                     have a different appearance than their adoptive      invaluable exercise for adoptive parents. Teens are
SIX HURDLES FOR THE ADOPTED                          family, or may be a different race or cultural       amazed by their parents’ perceptions and feel a
ADOLESCENT                                           background and may feel different from peers         stronger sense of bonding as a result.
Although not all teens dwell on each of the sub-     who are being raised in biologically related fam-
jects described below, it is common for teens to                                                          LOYALTY – All adopted children ponder the exis-
                                                     ilies. Negative feelings about these differences
grapple with each area as they try to gain under-                                                         tence and character of their birthparents at some-
                                                     can affect a child’s sense of self-worth and
standing of their personal adoption experiences.                                                          time in their lives, no matter what the adoptive
                                                     security with his adoptive family. Parents may
                                                                                                          experience. Many experience guilt related to these
REASON FOR ADOPTION – Children are extremely         often minimize the power of the outside world’s
                                                                                                          thoughts and feelings. Fearing the disapproval of
curious about their adoption story, but they         bias, and so they have no idea of the depth of
                                                                                                          their parents, adopted teens may hide their feelings
seem to accept most of the answers they are          racism their child is experiencing.
                                                                                                          and struggle alone. Teens and parents must realize
given. Sometimes adoptive parents sweeten the        PERMANENCE – Adopted children are at risk            that thinking about birthparents does not mean
story or omit painful details. But, in adoles-       for developing maladaptive beliefs about the         they love their parents any less. “I am so afraid to
cence, the tone of questioning changes.              security of the relationship with their parents.     tell my mom that I think about my birth mom,” said
Adolescents demand fuller and more factual           They think, "I’ve lost one set of parents; I could   Amy, a 16-year-old. “In the past when I mention
answers, and often respond with anger. As more       lose another." This is especially true of those      this to her, she acted upset. I love her and don’t
critical thinkers, they refine their earlier vague   who have experienced multiple moves prior to         want to hurt her.”
questions into the very personal exploration of      adoption. Some adopted children go to great
the question, “Why did my birthmother and            lengths to test their parents’ commitment, often     Debbie Riley, M.S. is Executive Director of the Center
birthfather leave me?”                               without awareness of their own motivation.           for Adoption Support and Education, Inc. and had
MISSING OR DIFFICULT INFORMATION –                   Fear of separation may inhibit the adopted           been a practicing Marriage and Family therapist for
                                                     teen’s ability to achieve emancipation from par-     over 28 years, focusing on adolescent mental health,
Adopted children often have to face the reality
                                                                                                          treating teens in outpatient, impatient and community
that there is information they would like to know,   ents.
                                                                                                          mental health settings. Since 1993, she has focused
but it may be unobtainable. They may say, “I         IDENTITY – A major task of the adolescent is to      exclusively on the field of adoption, creating C.A.S.E.,
don’t know what my birthparents looked like. I       form an identity. Peers assume increasing            an innovative, nationally recognized adoptive family
don’t even have a picture of them.” And they                                                              support center.
                                                     importance in this process, but this does not
may ask questions like: “Why was I aban-             alter the fact that the identity core evolves from
doned?” or “Do I have any brothers or sisters?”      the family. It is not surprising that adolescence
Adolescents want definite information about why      is a time when heightened desire to search for
                                                                                                                         WANT TO READ MORE!!
and how they came to be relinquished as well as      birthparents surfaces. Adopted adolescents, in                   Order your book today! Call us at
concrete facts about the people who brought          their search for self, reactivate in the adoptive               301-593-9200 or visit the C.A.S.E.
them into this world.                                parents the powerful realization that the birth-             bookstore at www.adoptionsupport.org



 THANK YOU                   The Blazing Event
                             Blazing Event 2, the rock and roll fundraiser, was again           Electrical Company; JPI; Three Brothers Pizza and
 FOR HELPING                 a great success! Over 300 parents, friends and profes-             Wachovia! We also want to thank all those individuals
 US WITH THESE               sionals danced the night away to the music of Larry                and companies that donated auction items – over 100
 SUCCESSFUL                  and the Flames, featuring Dr. Bill Stixrud. This year’s            items were on display including a stay in the Bahamas.
                             theme, “remembering the movies of the 60s and 70s”,
 FUNDRAISERS:                gave Indian Spring Country Club the air of Hollywood               Fashion Show - C.A.S.E. hosted a champagne
                             that included our very own red carpet. C.A.S.E. thanks             luncheon and show featuring springtime fashions by
                             the following sponsors for their generous contributions            Chico’s and shoes from Zelaya of Bethesda; held at the
                             which ensured the event’s success: Bignell, Watkins                illustrious Kenwood Golf and Country Club, Bethesda,
                             and Hasser Architects; Ferris, Baker, Watts; Freestate             Maryland. Thank you!



 2       www.adoptionsupport.org
You Can Make a Difference
 Raising money to provide vital counseling, education and resources to children and adoptive families
                                                                                                         www.adoptionsupport.org

DO YOU LIKE GOLF?                                          This is where YOU come in. Pledge to                SAVE THE DATE!
Do you enjoy watching                                      donate 1 cent, 2 cents, 3 cents, nickel,            C.A.S.E.’s 4th Annual Golf Benefit
the PGA Tour golfers                                       dime or more for every birdie scored by             Tournament is scheduled for Friday,
in tournaments like the                                    the PGA TOUR golfers during the Booz                September 30, 2005 and will be played
Booz Allen Classic?                                        Allen Classic and support C.A.S.E. It's             at Indian Springs Country Club in Silver
Of course!                                                 fun, AND you could be a winner! All                 Springs, Maryland. Last year was a
                                                           pledges are entered into a drawing for              smashing success. Help us do it again
You would enjoy it even more knowing that                  fabulous prizes including a car!                    this year! Check our website for more
for every birdie shot in the tournament
                                                                                                               information on sponsorship opportunities.
YOU are doing something important. You’ll                  Visit our website and click on the link
                                                                                                               Contact Valerie at 301-593-9200 for
be helping adopted kids and their families                 under Special Events!
                                                                                                               more information.
receive the vital services they need from the
award-winning staff at The Center for                      DESIGNATE #2773
Adoption Support and Education, Inc.                       Support C.A.S.E. in both the United Way
(C.A.S.E.). C.A.S.E. provides important                    and combined Federal Campaigns! Tell
post-adoption counseling and educational                   your friends and family. These contribu-            DONATE YOUR CAR
services to families and the community.                    tions will help us continue to provide              If you want to get rid of that clunker sitting
The 2005 Booz Allen Classic Birdies for                    specialized services to all adoptive                in the driveway or know someone who
Charity DRIVE SUCCESS for Washington,                      families. Also, ask your employer if they           does, contact Daphne at (301) 593-9200.
Maryland, and Virginia Charities, June 6th                 offer an employee matching incentive                It is quick and easy. This tax deductible
– June 12th                                                program. That’s like doubling your gift             donation also includes boats, motorcycles
                                                           to C.A.S.E. It’s easy and it helps!                 and RVs.




                                                                      COMMUNITY
                                                             Connections                        Highlights: The highly respected and award winning staff
                                                        Madeleine Krebs (left),
                                                        recognized for her outstanding          at C.A.S.E. is in high demand and they have been busy
                                                        service with Board member               presenting workshops, discussions, and training sessions.
                                                        Mary Allman
                                                                                                These are a just a few of the highlights:
                                                                                                • Debbie Riley, “Beneath the Mask,” Kinship Center,
In the Spotlight 2005 Nancy Dworkin Award for                                                     Salinas, CA
Outstanding Service Youth in Child Advocacy                                                     • Ellen Singer, “What is Adoption” discussion with
                                                                                                  grades K-3, Hearst Elementary School, DC
Madeleine Krebs, LCSW-C, Clinical Coordinator for C.A.S.E., is the reci-
                                                                                                • Ellen Singer, “W.I.S.E. Up!,” Green Acres School,
pient of this years’ Nancy Dworkin Award for Outstanding Service Youth in
                                                                                                  Rockville, MD; “W.I.S.E. UP!,” at Catholic Charities,
Child Advocacy. Ms. Krebs has over 34 years of experience working with
                                                                                                  Ellicott City, MD
children, adolescents and their families. She has worked extensively with
foster and adopted children and has assisted in the development of treatment                    • LaVoyce Reid and Debbie Riley, “Beneath the Mask”,
programs for children who have experienced early trauma, grief and loss.                          Adoptive Family Preservation project, Richmond &
                                                                                                  Alexandria, VA
Her abounding energy and ability to work with kids at their level enhances
                                                                                                • Debbie Riley, “Supporting Adopted Children”, MD
her success. Colleagues describe her as a skilled clinician that always has
                                                                                                  Coalition for Children’s Mental Health, Columbia, MD
the child’s best interest at heart. Parents have described her as a lifesaver –
                                                                                                • Valerie Kunsman, at the National Children’s Mental
a therapist who goes beyond the call of duty to support and champion the
                                                                                                  Health Summit Day, sponsored by the Montgomery
rights of her most difficult clients. Please join us as we congratulate our
                                                                                                  County Department of Health and Human Services,
colleague for her well deserved honor!
                                                                                                  Gaithersburg, MD

                                                                                                                                                           3
              Spring/Summer 2005 Schedule - Groups and Workshops

        SILVER SPRING                                          SILVER SPRING and BETHESDA, MD and BURKE,VA
    Monday, June 6, 2005                                   THE KIDS ADOPTION NETWORK (K.A.N.) GROUPS ARE NOW FORMING.
    7:00-9:00 p.m.                                         Our 8-week program continues to bring together children from many adoptive backgrounds for
    BENEATH THE MASK: UNDERSTANDING                        fun activities in a safe place to learn and share. Both in Silver Spring and Bethesda, grades 2-7.
    ADOPTED TEENS                                          Contact Valerie for information and to register at 301-593-9200.
    Parents, please join C.A.S.E. Executive Director,
    and author, Debbie Riley in a discussion about the     K.A.N. TEEN GROUPS NOW FORMING FOR SUMMER
    “extra-layers” of challenges faced by adopted          Group discussion centers on the common concerns challenging adopted adolescents as
    teens. Using highlights from her book “Beneath         outlined in the six themes of adoption in the excerpt from Ms. Riley’s new book, Beneath the
    the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens”, she will       Mask. Issues addressed include: identity, birth parents, sexuality, relationships. Call Valerie
    share important ways parents can provide support       for information at 301-593-9200.
    and guidance to their teens. Learn the six most
    common hurdles for the adopted adolescent in               Silver Spring, Maryland
    their quest for identity. This valuable discussion         Teen Groups will be led by Debbie Riley, M.S., Executive Director of C.A.S.E.
    will include a book signing by Ms. Riley. $35 per
    person/family. Call Ayanna to pre-register                 Burke, Virginia
    301-593-9200.                                              Teen Groups will be led by LaVoyce Reid, LCSW.

    Thursday, June 9, 2005
    7:00-8:30 p.m.
    TALKING WITH CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION
                                                          For more information see
    Our most requested workshop!                          the C.A.S.E. website,
    Ellen Singer, LCSW-C will help parents establish      www.adoptionsupport.org.
    comfortable, effective communication within the
    family about adoption. Focusing primarily on ages
    3-12, you will learn how to share your child’s
    adoption story, even difficult information, and
    adapt it to their developmental stage.                    SPACE IS LIMITED, PLEASE
    $20 per person/family, child care for ages 3 and up       CALL TO PRE-REGISTER
    available - $10 per child. Contact Ayanna at 301-
    593-9200 to pre-register.                                 FOR ALL WORKSHOPS
                                                              AND GROUPS!




Visit C.A.S.E.’s Website!
                            www.adoptionsupport.org                                                                                                 NON-PROFIT
                                                                                                                                                       ORG.
                                                                                                                                                    U.S. Postage
                                                                                                                                                       PAID
                                                                                                                                                    Silver Spring, MD
                                                                                                                                                    PERMIT #1140



                                                                                                                                 ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED
The Center For Adoption Support and Education, Inc.
11120 New Hampshire Avenue
Suite 205
Silver Spring, MD 20904
Phone: 301-593-9200
Fax: 301-593-9203
Email: caseadopt@adoptionsupport.org

Member Child Welfare League of America



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