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					Diamond Dash

     by
Ryan Misuro
                                                 FADE IN:


INT. COMMODORE’S MANSION - DAY

MONICA, late 30s, thin, bodacious, teary blue eyes, stands
alone in the stately sitting room of a large townhouse.
Though she wears only a light designer dress she hunches as
if the weight of the world rests on her shoulders.

                    MONICA
          I just don't love you anymore.
          Thinking back, I'm not sure if I
          ever loved you. I was just
          infatuated. Just swept away in a
          whirlwind and after awhile I didn't
          know which way was even up. And
          then when I landed we were...

The COMMODORE, late 60's, warm and energetic, wearing a blue
sailor jacket and smoking a pipe, listens on with an
encouraging air about him. He offers a supportive...

                    COMMODORE
          ...married.

                    MONICA
          We were married! And I've really
          tried to make this work. God knows
          I've tried. But I've just reached
          a point where I feel like if we
          spend one more day together, I'm
          going to have to kill you.

The Commodore nods in matter-of-fact affirmation. REAGAN,
slender and sterile looking, early 40s with short cropped
hair and an expensive business suit, stands at attention
behind him.

                    MONICA
          We have to stop this. We can't go
          on pretending anymore. We need...

She takes a deep breath, as if harnessing some deep inner
resolve.

                    MONICA
          We need to get a divorce.

The last word hangs in the air as the Commodore stares back
at her expressionless for a moment. Finally...

                     COMMODORE
          I agree.
                                                            2.


                    MONICA
          What?

                    COMMODORE
          You're right. We should get a
          divorce. Here...

He walks over to a desk and opens a drawer, removing some
papers.

                    COMMODORE
          I've taken the liberty of having
          the papers drawn up.

He tries to hand her the papers, but she is too stupefied to
take them.

                    MONICA
          You had these ready?

                    COMMODORE
          I had them drawn up the day I
          proposed.

                    MONICA
          What?

                    COMMODORE
          You'll find your settlement is very
          generous.

                    MONICA
          But...

He points to a paragraph on the second page and reads it to
her.

                    COMMODORE
          ‘I've truly enjoyed our time
          together and I hope one day you can
          find someone that makes you happy
          forever.’

He pauses to offer her a broad smile.   He flips to the last
page and forces a pen into her hand.

                    COMMODORE
          If you just sign here and here?
          Oh, and right up here? And the
          date right here.

She casts a few confused glances at the Commodore, but signs
as instructed, Reagan towering over her from behind.
                                                         3.


As soon as she is done, Reagan takes the papers from her and
checks the signatures. Nodding to himself, he takes a notary
stamp out of his pocket and stamps the papers.

He gives the notarized documents back to the Commodore who
nods as he looks them over.

                       MONICA
          That's it?

                    COMMODORE
          Oh, no. Of course not.   Reagan,
          give her her copies.

Reagan reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a copy of
the divorce papers. He hands them to her. She closes her
hand around them off pure instinct.

                    COMMODORE
          It's been a wonderful year. If you
          leave a forwarding address I'll
          have your things shipped to you.

                    MONICA
          How... how can you be so casual
          about it?

                    COMMODORE
          Divorce is just a normal part of
          marriage. It's been real,
          Sugarpuss. I'll have a car meet
          you out front to take you wherever
          you like.

Reagan tries to take her by the shoulder to usher her out,
but she pulls away.

                    MONICA
          Didn't I ever mean anything to you?
          What about ‘Until death do us
          part’?

                    COMMODORE
          Seems kind of archaic, no?

Monica, more confused than ever, allows Reagan to finally
usher her out. After closing the door, he walks back to the
Commodore’s side.

The Commodore takes a thoughtful puff on his pipe.

                    COMMODORE
          It's time, Reagan. How quickly can
          we set it up?
                                                         4.


                    REAGAN
          A week? Maybe two. It all depends
          on how fast we can find
          contestants.

                    COMMODORE
          Let's try for this weekend. Make
          the necessary arrangements and I'd
          like you to attend to the scouting
          personally this time.

                    REAGAN
          It shall be done, Commodore.


INT. PARK FIELD - DAY

REGGIE, early 20's Hispanic American, boyish good looks and
in good shape, and NATALIE, early 20's Hispanic American,
slim and dark haired, are laying next to one another in the
park, holding each other close.

                    REGGIE
          I love you so much, Natalie.

                    NATALIE
          I love you so much, Reggie bear.

They rub noses, grinning wildly.

                       REAGAN (O.S.)
          Excuse me.

They look up to see Reagan standing there.

                    REAGAN
          I know this isn't any of my
          business, but are you married?

                       NATALIE
          No.

Reggie looks at her.

                    REGGIE
          But we will be someday.

They begin to smooch tenderly.

                    REAGAN
          Yes, that's excellent.       Then this
          is for you.
                                                         5.


He extends a nice looking envelope, but the two are too busy
kissing to notice.

He drops it on Reggie's lap.

                    REAGAN
          I'll just leave it right here then.
          Please take the time to read it.

They continue to kiss.

                    REAGAN
          When you get the chance.

They continue to kiss.

                   REAGAN
          Right. Well, I hope to see you
          soon. Carry on.


INT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

PETER early 50's, thinning salt and pepper hair, wearing a
wrinkled old suit that looks like it might have belonged to
someone else a little bigger than him, sits on a park bench.

                    PETER
          Netta, I love you. These last few
          months have been the most wonderful
          of my life. When I'm with you I
          feel like I'm flying. I know that
          nobody wants us to be together, but
          I can't help it. I'm madly,
          helplessly in love with you and I
          want to spend the rest of my life
          with you.

Netta, late 80's, but looking late 180's, small and frail,
stares back at him wildly through Barbara Bush bug eyes.

                    NETTA
          I love you too, Nathaniel.

                    PETER
          It's Peter. That's very important.
          You need to say 'I love you,
          Peter.'

Netta stares at him.

                    PETER
          I love you, Peter.
                                                               6.


                    NETTA
          Who's Peter?

                       PETER
          I am!

Netta starts singing.

                    NETTA
          I am woman, hear me roar. In
          numbers too big to ignore...

Peter throws his hands up in frustration.        He cups his head
in his hands and mutters to himself.

                    PETER
          Fifty million dollars.       She has
          fifty million dollars.

                       REAGAN (O.C.)
          Excuse me.

Peter looks up to see Reagan.

                    REAGAN
          I know this is none of my business,
          but did I hear you say you wanted
          to marry this woman?

                    PETER
          You're right, it's not any of your
          business.

                    REAGAN
          I just want to say that I think
          that's wonderful.

Peter squints back at him suspiciously.

                     REAGAN
          I'd like to help you both in your
          endeavors.

Reagan hands Peter an identical looking envelope.

                    PETER
          What's this about?

                    REAGAN
          Just read that very carefully and
          please consider it. I hope to see
          the both of you very soon.
                                                          7.


Peter watches befuddled as Reagan casually strolls off.   He
looks back down at the envelope.


INT. DELI - DAY

JONAH, early 30's, well fed, kind faced and always smiling,
and MRS. GREENBERG, mid 60's but weathered looking, with too
much makeup, are at a table for three in a busy deli.

                    JONAH
          I love you, Mom.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I love you too, Jonah baby.

                     JONAH
          And I know you're just gonna love
          Keely. Did I tell you she's a
          ballerina?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Where is she? What's keeping her?

                    JONAH
          She'll be here any second.    It's
          just five o'clock now.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          If she cared about you she would
          make sure to be early to meet your
          mother.

                    JONAH
          She does care about me. I’m really
          serious about her, Mom. I'm
          telling you, you're gonna love her.
          Oh, here she is!

KEELY, early 30's, African American, slim and attractive with
a respectable afro, approaches the table.

                    KEELY
          Hi Mrs. Greenberg!   I'm sorry I'm
          late.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          So long as the food comes fast,
          Sweetie. I'll have tuna salad and
          a thin slice of swiss cheese on
          rye...
                                                          8.


                    JONAH
          No, Mom, this is Keely. This is
          the girl I've been telling you
          about.

Mrs. Greenberg looks at Keely up and down dubiously.   Keely
looks at Jonah confused.

                    KEELY
          Is something wrong?

                      JONAH
          Mom?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh, so silly of me.

She shakes Keely's hand limply and motions to the empty
chair.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Sit down, Dear.

Keely sits.

                    KEELY
          Thanks. It's so nice to meet you.
          Jonah talks about you all the time.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh, well he talks about you too.
          He tells me you're a ballerina.

                      KEELY
          Yes.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          And do you dance for the New York
          City Ballet?

                    KEELY
          No, but I'd love to one day. I'm
          trying out for different companies
          now.

                      MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh.    So you're unemployed.

                    KEELY
          No, I'm auditioning.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Are you on unemployment?
                                                         9.


                       KEELY
          Excuse me?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Then you're unemployed.

Keely raises her finger and begins to retort, but is cut off
by Reagan approaching the table.

                    REAGAN
          Excuse me, I couldn't help but
          overhear. I think I have a
          proposition you may be interested
          in. Please read this carefully.

He hands an envelope to Jonah.

                    REAGAN
          I hope to see the three of you
          soon.

He turns and scurries off before any of them can utter
another word. Jonah looks down at the envelope. He opens it
and looks in.

                    KEELY
          What is it?

Jonah pulls out five hundred dollar bills and a note.

                    JONAH
          It’s five hundred dollars.   And an
          invitation.


EXT. COMMODORE’S MANSION - DAY

KANE, 28, post-skater attire and a soul patch, his face beset
by rapid fire tics, stands in front of a large brownstone.
He looks up and down the street. He whispers to himself.

                    KANE
          I hate this.

As his eyebrows begin to snap up and down, he looks down and
takes a deep breath.

SADIE, 27, dark hair, fair skinned and pretty, approaches.
She leans over, trying to look Kane in the eye.

                    SADIE
          Hello down there.

Kane's head snaps up.
                                                        10.


                    SADIE
          Hi, are you Kane?

                    KANE
          Yeah, are you Sadie?

                   SADIE
          Yes. It's nice to meet you
          finally.

                     KANE
          You too.

They exchange an awkward hug.

As they release, Kane's head snaps to the side quickly, then
resets.

                    SADIE
          Are you okay?

                    KANE
          Yeah. I just... I have Tourett's
          Syndrome.

                    SADIE
          Tourett's Syndrome?

                    KANE
          Sorry, I was embarrassed to put it
          on the personality profile.

                    SADIE
          So wait, does that mean that you
          yell out insults at people?

                    KANE
          No, it's not like that. I hum
          sometimes, or I'll, like... yelp.

                     SADIE
          Yelp?

                    KANE
          It's not bad, really. I just
          mostly have a lot of tics. Like
          the nose thing I'm doing right now.
          It's a lot of that. It's really
          not that bad. It's...

His head sags in defeat.
                                                   11.


                       KANE
          Sorry.     If you want to bail you can
          bail.

                    SADIE
          That's excellent.

                       KANE
          What?

                    SADIE
          No, listen, I have slight, just...
          just slight OCD.

                     KANE
          Oh.   Really?

                    SADIE
          Yes. It's not debilitating or
          anything I just like it when things
          are neat and in a certain order.
          Yay, I'm so happy there's something
          wrong with you too!

                    KANE
          Well, I don't know if there's
          something wrong with me.

                    SADIE
          No, I don't mean it like that. I
          mean it in a good way. And you're
          cute too!

                     KANE
          Oh.   Thanks, you're really pretty.

                    SADIE
          And you have a hot tattoo.

                    KANE
          You like tattoos?

                    SADIE
          I love tattoos. Yay. This is
          exciting now. Can we hold hands?

                       KANE
          Yeah!

He grabs her hand.

Kane looks over to the brownstone.
                                                       12.


                    KANE
          So do you know what this is all
          about?

                    SADIE
          No. Did you get the money in your
          account though?

                    KANE
          Yeah, it was there before I even
          opened the invite.

                    SADIE
          Me too.

                    KANE
          It wasn't from Soulmates.com, it
          was from a different address.

Sadie looks back over to him.

                    SADIE
          Well, let's go see what this is
          about.


INT. COMMODORE’S MANSION - DAY

The ornate wooden door swings open to reveal Reagan, dressed
in business suit.

                    REAGAN
          Ah, our first daters. We were
          beginning to think you weren't
          going to come. Come right in.
          You’re the last to arrive, we were
          just about to get started.

They step inside to the entrance foyer of an eccentrically
decorated townhouse.

Reagan leads them down a hall into a large sitting room.

Seated there on finely upholstered chairs are Natalie and
Reggie, Peter and Netta and Keely and Jonah with Mrs.
Greenberg at their side. All of the guests look up at the
pair curiously a they arrive.

                    REAGAN
          Everyone, our last couple has
          arrived.

Reggie looks at Kane in delighted surprise.
                                                        13.


                     REGGIE
          Jack!   What's up?

                   KANE
          Huh? It's Kane, Dude.   My name is
          Kane.

                     REGGIE
          Oh.   Uh... sorry.

                    KANE
          No worries, I get that a lot.

Reggie leans over and whispers something to Natalie who looks
at Kane.

                    SADIE
          What was that about?

                    KANE
          I guess he thought was someone
          else.

                    REAGAN
          Well then, I think we can get
          started. The Commodore should be
          here shortly.

                    KANE
          The Commodore?

                    REAGAN
          Yes, he's your host. But first,
          you all received the following
          correspondence, correct?

Reagan pulls a folded piece of paper from his inside jacket
pocket. Snapping it open, he reads.

                    REAGAN
          Dear Young Lovers, Your presence is
          humbly requested at 200 E 22nd St.,
          Saturday the 16th of April at
          11:00 AM. Enclosed, please find
          $500 cash. Should you attend this
          exclusive event, you will receive
          an additional thousand dollars in
          cash upon your entry. We look
          forward to seeing you then.

Reagan looks up from the paper and continues.
                                                       14.


                    REAGAN
          All of you received the $500 with
          the invitation, correct?

The confused audience nods lamely.

                       REAGAN
          Excellent.

                    JONAH
          What’s excellent?     What is this
          about?

                       COMMODORE (O.S.)
          Marriage.

                    REAGAN
          Ah, ladies and gentlemen, may I
          introduce the Commodore.

The Commodore stands in the entryway.

                    COMMODORE
          Thank you Reagan.

He enters and smiles welcomingly.

                    COMMODORE
          Friends, welcome. Thank you so
          much for coming this morning. I
          apologize for being late. I was
          just tending to some last minute
          arrangements.

                    KANE
          Arrangements for what?

                    COMMODORE
          For the Diamond Dash.

                       PETER
          Diamonds?

                    COMMODORE
          Diamond. Just one. An 8 carat
          antique diamond engagement ring.
          It's hidden somewhere in the city.

Everyone's eyes bug out at the mention of the diamond. The
Commodore makes his way to a side table and opens a drawer,
pulling out an envelope.
                                                       15.


                    COMMODORE
          Oh, forgive me. Where are my
          manners? I almost forgot, I owe
          you nice folks some money.

He pulls four folded stacks of hundred dollars bills out of
the envelope and tosses them on the table.

                    COMMODORE
          One thousand dollars. I thank you
          for holding up your end of the
          deal. You're free to take the
          money and have Reagan show you out.
          If you'd like to stay, I believe
          Rosarita has prepared a nice brunch
          for us in back.

The Commodore turns and disappears into a back room. Reagan
continues to stand at attention as the four couples stand in
a stunned silence.

Sadie looks at Kane for an answer.

                    SADIE
          Should we follow him?

                    KANE
          I'm not too sure he's for real?

                    KEELY
          Is it true? I mean... about the
          ring?

                    REAGAN
          The Commodore never lies when
          marriage is involved.

Peter approaches the table and picks up his stack of cash.
He counts it. He smells it. He rubs it against his face
like it is soft velvet.

                    PETER
          This is real. This is real money.

                    NATALIE
          What kind of guy gives you a
          thousand dollars just for coming to
          his place? He didn't even try to
          sell us anything.

                    PETER
          The type of loony old coot that
          would give you another thousand for
          having brunch with him.
                                                          16.


He takes Netta by the arm.

                    PETER
          Netta my Sweet, let's see what else
          Mr. Magoo has in his drawers.

He ushers Netta into the back room.

After a moment, Natalie and Reggie follow hand in hand.

                    KEELY
          Jonah, let's leave.

                    JONAH
          What do you think, Mom?     This guy's
          a scammer, right?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          If he's scamming us we may as well
          get something to eat out of it.

She walks towards the back.   Jonah turns to Keely.

                    JONAH
          Well, we may as well hear what else
          he has to say, right?

He hops to his Mother's side and takes her hand.   Keely
muffles her sigh of exasperation and, after a beat, follows
in resignation.

Kane looks at Sadie.

                    KANE
          What do you think? He’s gonna try
          and sell us something, right?

                    SADIE
          Well, it’s either this or a movie.
          Let’s try it. It will make a good
          first date story.

Kane smiles.   They join hands and follow the others.


INT. COMMODORE’S MANSION - DAY

The group eats a nicely laid out brunch at a large table.
The Commodore sits at the head of the table, a basket with
four eggs beside him.
                                                         17.


                    COMMODORE
          And then there was Veronica, my
          ninth wife. She was a
          contortionist.

Reggie responds in a tone that is too enthusiastic for
Natalie's taste.

                       REGGIE
          REALLY?

When he notices her glare, he checks himself.

                       REGGIE
          Really?

                    COMMODORE
          It sounds better than it was.
          Isn't that always the case?

                    KEELY
          How many times have you been
          married, Commodore?

                    COMMODORE
          Well, we are gathered here today,
          my friends, to celebrate the
          disillusion of my thirteenth
          marriage.

He holds his glass up.

                    COMMODORE
          Lucky thirteen!

He takes a big swig.

                    KEELY
          If your marriage just ended why are
          you celebrating?

                    NATALIE
          Yeah, didn't you like her?

                    COMMODORE
          Of course I liked her.

                    NATALIE
          But you don't love her anymore?

                    COMMODORE
          If I had loved her in the first
          place I never would have married
          her.
                                                18.


A confused silence grips the diners.

                    SADIE
          So, wait, why did you marry her if
          you didn't love her?

                    COMMODORE
          Because when you get to be my age
          you don't have the time or the
          patience to explain to people that
          the fairy tales they've been raised
          on are... well, fairy tales. It's
          easier to just go along with the
          delusion until they realize it for
          themselves.

                    NATALIE
          What delusion?

                    COMMODORE
          Marriage isn't about love. It’s
          not about being happy and joyful
          and complete. Well, maybe your
          first couple times. Once you get
          that out of your system marriage is
          more like going to the dentist.
          It's a necessary evil if you ever
          want to eat anything that tastes
          good again.

                     PETER
          You should write greeting cards,
          Commodore.

                    COMMODORE
          You joke, but make no mistake,
          marriage, especially when you have
          an ill formed concept of it going
          in, is a wild beast. It has no
          friends and takes no prisoners. If
          a married couple doesn't have the
          weapons and tools to properly
          defend themselves, the beast will
          devour them.

Reggie puts his arm around Natalie.

                    REGGIE
          We're in love. Love always wins.

                    COMMODORE
          Ah, see, the fairy tale. No, love
          does not always win, young man.
                    (MORE)
                                                         19.
                    COMMODORE (CONT'D)
          When it matters most, love only
          clouds your judgment. Trust me,
          when you're in love it's the worst
          time to think about marriage. Your
          head isn't straight. Every dumb
          idea makes perfect sense. The
          trick is, before you get married
          you've got to really learn to
          detest the person you're with.
          That's a good time to think about
          marrying them- once you hate them.
          All of a sudden every decision is
          crystal clear.

The Commodore wipes his mouth with his napkin.

                    COMMODORE
          And that brings me to why we're
          here today.

He snaps to Reagan who pulls four white cards from his
jacket.

                    COMMODORE
          Today, I'm going to try to show you
          nice young people some of what
          marriage is about besides the fairy
          tale.

                    KEELY
          Does this have to do with the ring?

                    COMMODORE
          It has everything to do with the
          ring. You four couples have been
          selected to compete for that ring,
          along with a hundred thousand
          dollar cash prize.

                    PETER
          A hundred thousand?

                    COMMODORE
          Cash. Payable to the first couple
          to finish the Diamond Dash.

                    KANE
          What is that? What's the Diamond
          Dash?

                    COMMODORE
                                                       20.


          The Diamond Dash is a scavenger
          hunt around the city designed to
          test the skills you will need to
          survive a marriage. At the end is
          the diamond ring. The catch is,
          in order to claim the prize, the
          winning couple must immediately
          propose and be married within a
          year.

There is another stunned silence.

                    KANE
          Uh, it's our first date.

                    COMMODORE
          I know. I wonder if that will give
          you an advantage. Oh, one more
          thing...

He picks up one of the eggs out of the basket.

                    COMMODORE
          You'll be required to carry one of
          these with you. This is your
          child. In order to win, you have
          to get to the finish line with an
          egg fully intact. I've signed them
          all to make sure there's no
          shenanigans.

Rosarita comes in with a large cake. She sets plates of it
before the guests, starting with the Commodore.

                    COMMODORE
          Thank you, Rosarita. Well my
          friends, that's it. All that’s
          left is for us to finish this
          wonderful looking dessert. If you
          choose not to run, no hard feelings
          and I thank you for your time.

He takes a big slice of the cake and heaps it onto his plate.

                    COMMODORE
          If you want to compete, the first
          clue will be handed out right after
          brunch.


INT. COMMODORE’S SITTING ROOM - DAY

Reggie and Natalie exchange a tender kiss.
                                                       21.


                    NATALIE
          I love you.

                    REGGIE
          We got this.

They turn to face Peter and Netta who stand nearby.

                    REGGIE
          Hey, are you two running.

                    PETER
          Sure are, Junior.

                    REGGIE
          You sure she can keep up? Maybe
          you better just go to the church
          for Bingo night.

                      PETER
          Funny.    You’re a funny guy.

Peter calls across the room to Keely, Jonah and Mrs.
Greenberg.

                    PETER
          Hey Jungle Fever.

They turn to face him, unamused.

                      PETER
          You in?

                    JONAH
          In it to win it, Harold and Maude.

                      KEELY
          We are?

                      MRS. GREENBERG
          You are?

Jonah responds to Mrs. Greenberg first.

                      JONAH
          Yes, Mom.    We’re gonna go for it.

He doesn’t wait for her to respond...

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          But in order to win you have to...

...before answering Keely.
                                                          22.


                      JONAH
            Yes. Keely, I love you. We’ve
            talked about this, right?

                      KEELY
            Well yeah, but I didn’t know if you
            really meant it.

                      JONAH
            Oh I mean it. I love you. I want
            to marry you. I want that ring.

                      KEELY
            I want that ring too.

They hug.

                      MRS. GREENBERG
            I think this whole thing is
            nonsense, not that anyone asked my
            opinion.

Sadie and Kane are against the back wall commiserating.

                      KANE
            What do you think?

                      SADIE
            I guess we’re gonna go to the
            movies.

                        KANE
            No, wait.    You don’t want to try?

                      SADIE
            If we win they make us get married.

                      KANE
            Yeah, IF we win, which we probably
            won’t. And if we do we can just
            give it to someone else.

Sadie looks to be considering it, despite her own best
instincts.

                      KANE
            Come on. It’ll be a good first
            date story.

Peter calls to them from across the room.

                      PETER
            Milkshake, you and Olive Oil in?
                                                         23.


Kane looks to Sadie. She grins and takes his hand again.
Kane calls over to Peter.

                    KANE
          Yeah, we’re in.

The Commodore surprises them all from the doorway.

                       COMMODORE
          Excellent!

He steps into the room.

                    COMMODORE
          Well, let’s get started then.
          Reagan, if you please?

Reagan walks around the room and passes each couple two
roses, a different color for each team, and an index card.
The Commodore takes an identical card from his jacket.

                    COMMODORE
          The first task, to begin
          immediately, is called ‘Problem
          Solving’.

He takes a pair of reading glasses from his pocket and puts
them on. He clears his throat and reads the card.

                    COMMODORE
          “When 18 fell, Julia followed
          Into ground sacred and hallowed
          Visit each with rose atop
          That this love might ne'er stop.”

Kane whispers something into Sadie's ear.   She looks at him
with doubt.

                    SADIE
          That's in New York?

Kane nods in assurance.

The Commodore turns his attention back to the couples.

                    COMMODORE
          Decipher this clue, complete the
          task and send a picture to the
          number below the clue on your card.
          Once you do this, we’ll send you
          instructions for the next task.
          Oh, and don’t forget your egg on
          the way out.
                    (MORE)
                                                         24.
                    COMMODORE (CONT'D)
          Always protect your egg. Ladies and
          Gentleman, the Diamond Dash has
          begun!

Natalie and Reggie read the clue over with furrowed brows.
They look at each other, baffled.

Peter approaches them.

                    PETER
          Do you guys know where you're
          going?

                    REGGIE
          We'll figure it out.

Peter chuckles to himself with condescension.

                    PETER
          Okay, you know what? I like you
          guys. You really seem like you
          have something. So I'll do you a
          favor. Listen...

He beckons them in closer and lowers his voice.

                    PETER
          On 18th St. there's a church. It's
          right on the corner of Broadway.
          Inside, they have all these crypts
          of the past Archbishops. That's
          where they're all entombed. My
          guess is we're supposed to put
          these roses on whichever one of
          them was the 18th archbishop of New
          York and his wife.

Reggie looks back at Peter skeptically.

                       REGGIE
          You think?

                    PETER
          That's where I'm headed. And
          that's it, by the way. That's all
          the help you're gonna get from me.
          From here on out, you're on your
          own. Now, if you'll excuse me, I
          have a race to win.

Peter turns and walks up to Netta.   Slowly, he helps her with
her walker out the door.
                                                           25.


EXT. COMMODORE’S MANSION - DAY

Outside on the sidewalk, Keely scrutinizes the clue.     Jonah
looks at his Mother for the answer.

                    JONAH
          I've got no clue.   Do you know,
          Mom?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I didn't understand any of that
          gibberish. Oh well, let's go home.

                    KEELY
          Um, excuse me. I know the answer.

Mrs. Greenberg snorts in disbelief.

                    KEELY
          It's Grant's Tomb. The eighteenth
          president. He's buried there with
          his wife Julia. It's up in
          Riverside Park. 125th Street. I
          think we have to put these roses on
          top of their headstones and take a
          picture of it.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          What, you're a presidential scholar
          now?

                    JONAH
          No, I think she's right.    Come on,
          let's get a cab.

Reggie hails a cab. He and Natalie get in.       He tells the
driver with conviction...

                    REGGIE
          18th Street and Broadway.

Peter and Netta slowly turn the corner to find a large black
sedan with tinted windows waiting for them. THORNTON, late
50’s with white hair and a dignified demeanor, waits by the
open door to help them in.

As soon as Thornton sits down in the driver's seat, Peter
sternly orders him from the back.

                    PETER
          Get us to Grant's Tomb, Thornton.
          As fast as you can.
                                                        26.


EXT. 21ST STREET - DAY

Kane and Sadie hurriedly walk down the street.

                    KANE
          I don't know why we can't just take
          a cab.

                    SADIE
          It's the plastic divider. It's
          always so filthy, I can't take it.

                    KANE
          So you think the subway is cleaner
          than a cab?

                    SADIE
          I can wear gloves on a subway.   I
          can protect myself.

                    KANE
          You do realize we need to beat
          everyone else to the end, right?

She spins and faces him.

                    SADIE
          Hey, Buster. Don't forget that
          this is a date. You're taking me
          out on a date and unless I'm wrong
          that means that we have to do what
          I want. And by the way you don't
          hear me complaining about you being
          a spaz. If I'm dealing with your
          crazy you should deal with mine,
          right?

Kane can only offer a stumbling...

                    KANE
          Well, err... I, uh...

                    SADIE
          Exactly. In fact, give me that
          egg, Twitchy McDonald. Better that
          I hold on to it.

She takes the egg and gently places it into her bag.   She
grabs him by the elbow and pulls him down the road.

                    SADIE
          Now come on!
                                                        27.


EXT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Keely runs up the stairs to the plaza in front of Grant's
Tomb. Jonah trails behind as he slowly helps his mother
along.

Keely turns back to them.

                     KEELY
          Come on!

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I should trip and break my hip!
          You'd be happy then, I'd bet.

                    JONAH
          Relax, Mom.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I'm sorry Jonah Baby.


INT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

The trio enters the large stone monument. Keely and Jonah
scan the floor, then look at each other, foreheads crinkled.

                    JONAH
          Where are the graves?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh well, let’s go.

                    JONAH
          No, come on Mom.

He grabs her by the arm and leads her to a railing in the
center of the room. As they look down, they see about
fifteen feet below them the crypts of President Grant and his
wife.

Keely looks to Jonah in realization.

                    KEELY
          We have to toss them. That’s why
          it said to put it on top- we can’t
          miss.

                    JONAH
          We'll each do one.

                     KEELY
          Okay.
                                                          28.


They each take a rose and position themselves above a crypt.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Maybe she should do both. She
          looks like she's built to throw
          things.

Keely glares up at her.

                    JONAH
          Mom, let us concentrate.    Okay,
          ready?

Keely eventually looks back to the crypt.

                     KEELY
          Ready.

                    JONAH
          Okay, one, two, three!

Both of their roses land on top of the crypts.    They jump up
and down and embrace one another. They kiss.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh, don't mind me. I'll just go
          down there and lay down in the
          grave next to Mrs. Grant.

Jonah releases Keely and turns to his mother.

                     JONAH
          Oh, Mom.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          You wouldn't have to worry about me
          any more.

                    JONAH
          No way, you know you're my number
          one girl!

He pulls her into a big bear hug.    Keely can barely muster
a...

                     KEELY
          What?

...before she is silenced by her own confusion.    She watches
them hug, speechless.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          You should give your mother roses
          sometime.
                                                       29.


                    JONAH
          Mom, next to you, roses would look
          like a pile of crap.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Watch your mouth!

                     JONAH
          What?   Crap's not a bad word.

Keely takes a picture of the crypts with her phone and sends
it off.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I didn't raise you to have a filthy
          mouth.

                    JONAH
          But crap's not a bad word.   It's
          like 'frick'.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          What's a frick?

                    JONAH
          You know, like this frickin' thing.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Watch your mouth!

                    JONAH
          It's not a bad word!

Keely looks up from her phone and calls over to the arguing
duo.

                       KEELY
          Hey, guys?

They look over to her.

                    KEELY
          I hate to interrupt you, but I'm
          going to Columbia University. You
          know, just in case you want to come
          with me.


EXT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Netta slowly makes her way up the stairs of Grant's Tomb in
her walker, taking each one carefully. Peter does what he
can to hurry her along.
                                                        30.


                    PETER
          Okay, there you go.    We're moving
          now.

                    NETTA
          It's a lovely day for a walk.

                    PETER
          It sure is. Hey let's see if you
          can do two at once. You're spry,
          Netta. I've seen it. That thyroid
          disorder gives you an elevated
          dexterity, I think.

Far ahead of them, across the plaza, Peter sees Keely rushing
out of the monument, followed by Jonah and his mother.

                     PETER
          Look, they're already leaving. Hey
          Netta, you want to go for a piggy
          back ride?

                    NETTA
          When I was a little girl, we had a
          pot bellied pig as a pet. His name
          was Orville and he would help me
          with my homework!

                    PETER
          That's excellent.   Here, let's go
          for a ride.

Peter swoops Netta up in his arms.

                     NETTA
          Whee!

                    PETER
          Yeah, this is fun, right?

He grabs the walker and rushes towards the tomb.


EXT. CORNER OF 18TH ST AND BROADWAY - DAY

Natalie and Reggie get out of the cab on the corner of 18th
and Broadway. They look around at the buildings.

                    REGGIE
          Do you see a church?

                     NATALIE
          No.   Should we ask someone?
                                                          31.


                      REGGIE
            No, let's just look down the
            street.

                      NATALIE
            Why don't we just ask someone?

She stops a small, HISPANIC WOMAN pushing a cart full of bags
of groceries down the street.

                      NATALIE
            Excuse me, do you know where
            there's a church somewhere around
            here?

                         HISPANIC WOMAN
            Que?

                      NATALIE
            A church! Do you know if there's a
            church around here?

Reggie grabs her by the arm and begins to tug her away.

                      REGGIE
            Come on, let's just look down here.

She pulls her arm away.

                      NATALIE
            Don't pull me!

                      REGGIE
            Well we need to hurry!

                      NATALIE
            But we don't know where we're
            going!

Reggie takes a breath and slowly approaches her.

                      REGGIE
            Okay, let's stop.

They hug.

                         NATALIE
            I'm sorry.

                      REGGIE
            I'm sorry too.

                      NATALIE
            Okay, let's think about this now.
                                                          32.


                     REGGIE
          You know, when I first heard it, I
          thought...

                       NATALIE
          What?

                    REGGIE
          I thought it might mean Grant's
          Tomb.

                    NATALIE
          Grant's Tomb?

                    REGGIE
          Because he's the 18th President and
          he's buried there with his wife.

                    NATALIE
          Well why didn't you say so?

                    REGGIE
          Because I wasn't sure. And then
          that other guy came along and he
          sounded pretty certain.

                    NATALIE
          Well if that guy thought that this
          was the right place, then where is
          he?

                       REGGIE
          Hey, yeah!

Natalie rolls her eyes.

                    NATALIE
          Come on, we need to go back uptown.


INT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Peter peeks down at the crypts from the overlook above.

                    PETER
          Why is nothing ever easy?

He looks up at Netta, standing next to him with her walker.

                    PETER
          That old coot is making us work for
          it, Netta. Think I can make it?
                                                          33.


                    NETTA
          I always said you could do anything
          you put your mind to, Nathaniel.

                    PETER
          It's Peter. You love me very
          deeply. Okay, ready?

He aims the rose carefully at the first crypt and releases
it. It lands on top.

                     NETTA
          Whee!   Oh, that looks like fun!

                    PETER
          That's one. And...

He quickly aims his second rose and releases.   It lands on
top of the other crypt.

                     NETTA
          Whee!

Netta takes the egg from her purse and turns to the crypts
below.

                     NETTA
          My turn.

Peter lunges for her too late.

                     PETER
          No!

Netta tosses the egg.   It shatters on top of President
Grant's crypt.

                     NETTA
          Whee!

Peter looks at Netta in furious disbelief.   He closes his
eyes and whispers to himself.

                    PETER
          Fifty million dollars.   She has
          fifty million dollars.


EXT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Peter ushers Netta as quickly as he can behind the monument.
                                                    34.


                    PETER
          Here comes the twitchy guy. We'll
          hide out and follow them and wait
          for a chance to get their egg.

                    NETTA
          When I was a girl it was my job to
          collect all the eggs from our
          chicken house.

                    PETER
          You grew up in Brooklyn, Netta.


INT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Kane and Sadie look down at the tombs from above.

                    KANE
          Look, we’re third.

                       SADIE
          Oh my God.

                       KANE
          What?

                    SADIE
          They’re not centered. Look at
          them. They all scattered around
          all off to the side. And someone
          threw their egg on it! How can
          they just leave it like that?

                    KANE
          Are you serious?

                    SADIE
          Doesn't that drive you crazy?

                       KANE
          No.

                    SADIE
          I'm gonna go see if we can find
          some way to go down and fix it.

                    KANE
          What? No! Listen, you need to
          drop these roses down there onto
          the crypts.

                       SADIE
          Me?
                                                        35.


                    KANE
          Yeah you. I get a little jerky
          when I get nervous, I think you
          have a better shot.

Sadie looks back over the edge.

                     SADIE
          Oh no.   I can't even look down
          there.

                      KANE
          Just try.

Sadie attempts to look down again but flinches when she sees
the randomly placed roses below. She looks away and extends
the rose blindly over the crypts.

                    KANE
          Wait, you're not even going to
          look?

                   SADIE
          I can't. Do you understand I
          can't? You do it!

Kane takes the roses reluctantly and approaches the overlook.
As he looks down, his shoulder begins to spasm increasingly
violently.

His neck jerks a few quick times and he let's out a
startling...

                      KANE
          Meh!

                    SADIE
          Are you okay?

                    KANE
          I told you it gets worse when I get
          nervous. I just need to calm
          myself down.

He steps back from the ledge and takes three deep, calming
breaths. He looks up again, a newfound resolve twinkling in
his eye, and boldly approaches the overlook again.

As he looks down he is able to resist for about half a second
before succumbing again to ever more violent neck jerks
choreographed perfectly to a series of more pronounced yelps
which echo throughout the empty hall.
                                                       36.


                         KANE
          Meh!    Meh!     Meh!

He steps back from the ledge again and begins to regain some
control.

                    SADIE
          Okay, is there anything I can do?
          Do you know any tricks to make it
          stop?

                    KANE
          Yeah, but it's embarrassing.

                    SADIE
          What is it?

                    KANE
          It relaxes me when people sing to
          me.

                         SADIE
          What?

                    KANE
          Yeah it reminds me of my father
          when I was a kid. He used to sing
          to me.

                    SADIE
          Oh, that's so sweet. Of course
          I'll sing to you. I have a
          terrible voice though.

                    KANE
          It's okay, you just have to know
          the songs from a Chorus Line.

                    SADIE
          A Chorus Line?

                    KANE
          Yeah my dad was in a traveling
          production of A Chorus Line. Do
          you know it?

                    SADIE
          In our high school musical I played
          Bebe. I wanted to be Cassie but
          Diane Palmeadow was.

                      KANE
          Oh.    Sorry.
                                                          37.


                        SADIE
          It's okay.      She does porn now.

                        KANE
          Oh.   Good.

                    SADIE
          So anything from A Chorus Line?

                        KANE
          Yeah.

                    SADIE
          Okay, uh... I don't know if I
          remember all the words.

                    KANE
          Just do your best.

Kane takes a few more deep breaths as Sadie begins to sing.

                    SADIE
          God, I hope I get it.
          I hope I get it.
          How many people does he need?

Kane sings the back line to himself.

                    KANE
          How many people does he need?

                    SADIE
          God, I hope I get it.
          I hope I get it.
          How many boys, how many girls?

Kane approaches the overlook again, this time much calmer.
He extends the rose over the edge and aims it at the crypts
below.

                    SADIE
          How many boys, how many...?
          Look at all the people!
          At all the people.
          How many people does he need?
          How many boys, how many girls?
          How many people does he...?

Kane drops the first rose.     It lands squarely in the center
of the first crypt.

                    SADIE
          Did you get it?
                                                          38.


                    KANE
          Yeah, you would like that one.

                     SADIE
          Yay!

                    KANE
          Keep singing.

                    SADIE
          Who am I anyway?
          Am I my resume?
          That is a picture of a person I
          don't know.

Kane aims the second rose, his arm perfectly still.

                     SADIE
          What does he want from me?
          What should I try to be?
          So many faces all around, and here
          we go.
          I need this job, oh God, I need
          this show.

He drops the second rose.    It lands on the edge of the crypt,
horribly off center.

                     SADIE
          Yes?

                     KANE
          Yes.

                     SADIE
          Yay!   You're so good at that!

She goes to look over.   He stops her.

                    KANE
          No, that one is way off center.
          You don't want to see that.

                    SADIE
          No I do not.

                    KANE
          I got the first one perfect though.
          You're a good singer.

                     SADIE
          Thanks.
                                                           39.


                    KANE
          Screw Dianne Palmeadow.

                    SADIE
          There's video of people doing that,
          actually.


EXT. RIVERSIDE PARK - DAY

Peter runs up the steep hill of Riverside Park, following
Kane and Sadie at a safe distance. He holds Netta in his
arms, her walker in front of him.

After some serious exertion, he stops to rest, huffing and
puffing. He looks up to Kane and Sadie and sees they are
getting further away.

                    PETER
          We need a better plan.

Just ahead of him on a path, he sees an ELDERLY MAN in a
wheelchair rolling by on a leisurely stroll.

                    PETER
          Ah!

He sweeps Netta up in his arms again and bolts up the hill
towards the elderly man.

He puts Netta down on a nearby bench and approaches him.

                    PETER
          Hello, Sir, lovely afternoon, no?

                    ELDERLY MAN
          Oh, it’s just beautiful... HEY!

He doesn’t get an opportunity to finish his sentence before
Peter sweeps him up out of his chair...

                    ELDERLY MAN
          What? Get off me you son of a...
          Put me down!

...and places him on the bench beside Netta.

                    NETTA
          Hello!

Peter then picks up Netta and puts her in the wheelchair.

                    NETTA
          Is this for me?
                                                       40.


                    PETER
          Yes, it's a gift.

                    NETTA
          Oh, isn't that nice.    Did you thank
          the nice man?

                       PETER
          Yes I did.

He quickly rolls her across the street and up the hill after
Kane and Sadie, now with much more ease.

                    ELDERLY MAN
          Get back here with my chair!


INT. LAB ROOM - DAY

Keely, Jonah and Mrs. Greenberg enter a cramped office in a
lab building. They are greeted by a studious looking
PROFESSOR, who wears a fine suit under a long, buttoned lab
coat.

                    PROFESSOR
          Welcome. Congratulations on
          completing the first task. You
          guys are the first ones here.

                    KEELY
          Oh, we're going to win.    It's in
          the bag.

                    PROFESSOR
          Good. Well, welcome to the second
          event: Honesty. Honesty is the
          cornerstone of any successful
          marriage. So what we're going to
          do is hook one of you up to this
          lie detector and the trick is that
          you have to give seven consecutive
          honest answers to questions you're
          asked. If you lie just once, you
          go back to the beginning. Got it?

                       KEELY
          Got it.

She turns to Jonah.

                    KEELY
          Do you want to do it?
                                                            41.


                          MRS. GREENBERG
             Oh, sure!     Accuse my son of being a
             liar!

                       KEELY
             I'm not accusing him of anything, I
             just know he's honest with me all
             the time.

                       MRS. GREENBERG
             And so what are you trying to hide?
             Why don't we hook you up to the
             machine?

Keely gives an exasperated look to Jonah, who makes no move
to speak up for her.

                          KEELY
             Fine!


INT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Reggie and Natalie peer over the overlook at the crypts
below. All the roses and the egg are still on the
headstones.

                       REGGIE
             We'll do it together.

He holds the first rose out over the opening. Natalie puts
her hand over his. They look each other in the eye.

                       NATALIE
             I love you.

                       REGGIE
             I love you too.

They turn their attention down to General Grant's crypt.

                       REGGIE
             Okay, ready? One, two, three!

They let go of the rose in unison.       It falls onto the top of
the crypt.

They jump for joy and hug.

                          NATALIE
             We did it!

They kiss.    They rub noses and look at each other adoringly.
                                                        42.


                    REGGIE
          Okay, one more. Ready?

                      NATALIE
          Yeah.

They both take hold of the second rose.

                    REGGIE
          I love you.

                    NATALIE
          I love you too.

                    REGGIE
          One, two, three!

They let go.   It misses and falls between the two crypts.

                    REGGIE
          Oh, you nudged it.

                    NATALIE
          No I didn't.

                    REGGIE
          You nudged it to the right, or else
          we would have had it.

                    NATALIE
          I didn't nudge it, you missed.

                    REGGIE
          You made me miss.

                    NATALIE
          Well what are we supposed to do
          now? How are we supposed to get
          another rose?

From outside the monument, they hear a call.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN (O.S.)
          Roses! Roses here! Every color of
          the rainbow!

They look at one another.

                      NATALIE
          Roses?

They hurry outside.
                                                       43.


EXT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

In the plaza outside the monument, ABRAHAM LINCOLN stands
behind a cart full of fresh roses. Natalie and Reggie rush
up to him.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          Roses here!

                    REGGIE
          Yes, do you have any yellow ones?

                     ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          We have yellow roses that are
          almost as beautiful as your little
          lady here.

Natalie blushes.

                      REGGIE
          How much?

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          Oh, I don't take money.

                      REGGIE
          What?

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          No Sir. You see, my daughter,
          she's got a bit of a problem.

                    REGGIE
          What's the problem?

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          She's a whore.

                    NATALIE
          Don't say that, it's your daughter!

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          No, it's true. It’s a medical
          condition. We've tried everything
          to help her, but nothing works.
          The only thing that kind of keeps
          her in check a little bit is if she
          can kind of ease the pressure a
          bit. And so the price for a rose
          is you have to kiss my daughter.

                    NATALIE
          That's disgusting!
                                                       44.


Abe calls over to a nearby bench.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          Doris, Baby, come over here.

DORIS, young and bodacious, struts up to the flower stand.
She looks Reggie up and down and licks her lips.

                    REGGIE
          I'll take a dozen!

                      NATALIE
          What?!

                    REGGIE
          Well, we may need more than one.
          You know, in case we miss again,
          and then I want to give you some...


INT. LAB ROOM - DAY

In the Lab Room, Keely is now hooked up to the machine.
Jonah and Mrs. Greenberg stand behind the Professor eagerly
as he adjusts some dials on the machine and looks over to
her.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay, state your full name please.

                    KEELY
          Keely Autrey

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          What kind of name is that? Keely?
          Isn’t it supposed to be ‘Kelly’?

                    PROFESSOR
          And when were you born, Keely?

                      KEELY
          May 22nd.

                      PROFESSOR
          The year?

                    KEELY
          Oh, hell no.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay, okay. How about where do you
          live?
                                                          45.


                    KEELY
          We live in Mill Basin.

                    PROFESSOR
          Mill Basin?

                    KEELY
          Yes.

                    PROFESSOR
          Not very many... that's a very
          Jewish neighborhood.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          So what if there are Jewish people
          there? Can't you just let us live?
          We're not hurting anyone.

                    PROFESSOR
          Please let her answer the question.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I'm not going to just sit here and
          let you ask anti-Semitic questions
          right in front of my face.

                    PROFESSOR
          It wasn't anti-Semitic, all I said
          was that was a big Jewish
          neighborhood. It is.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          So what's wrong with Jewish people
          living there?

                    JONAH
          Mom, just let Keely answer the
          questions, okay?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I think this is disgusting.

The Professor starts to reply, but Jonah waves him off.   He
turns back to Keely.

                    KEELY
          It's a diverse neighborhood.
          There's lots of different types of
          people there.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay, very good. I think we're
          ready to get started. Do you have
          any questions?
                                                          46.


                    KEELY
          No, let's do this.

The Professor leans forward.

                    PROFESSOR
          First question: Does your boyfriend
          satisfy you sexually?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          What is this trash? What kind of
          questions are these?

Keely shrugs and nods half heartedly.

                    PROFESSOR
          Yes or no please.

                    KEELY
          Sure.

The Professor looks at the machine for a moment, then up at
the Jonah. He shakes his head 'no'.

                    JONAH
          What?

                    KEELY
          No, I'm telling the truth.

The Professor looks at the machine.    He shakes his head again
to Jonah.

                    JONAH
          I don't satisfy you sexually?

                    KEELY
          Well, it's not like you don't
          satisfy me at all, just not all the
          time.

The Professor looks at the machine.

                    PROFESSOR
          That's true.

                    JONAH
          Most of the time?

                    KEELY
          Some of the time.
                                                47.


                    PROFESSOR
          That’s true too. How about this
          one: 'Do you ever think of other
          guys when you're with your
          boyfriend?'

Keely remains silent for a bit.

                    JONAH
          What? All the time or just some of
          the time?

                    KEELY
          Most of the time.

                    PROFESSOR
          True.

                    JONAH
          What the heck?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Okay, my turn. Why do you want to
          marry my son?

                    KEELY
          Because I love him.

                    PROFESSOR
          True.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Why can't you marry someone... more
          like you?

                    KEELY
          What, you mean a dancer?

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          You know what I mean.

                    KEELY
          Listen, Jonah and I are in love,
          Mrs. Greenberg. You can accept
          that or you can raise hell about
          it, but we’re in love and we are
          getting married.

                    PROFESSOR
          That's true.

                    KEELY
          And furthermore, there's not a damn
          thing you can do about it.
                                                        48.


                    PROFESSOR
          True. That’s six! One more and
          you're done.    Ready?

                     KEELY
          Yes.

                    PROFESSOR
          When you look at Jonah's mother
          here, what's the first word you
          think of?

Keely hesitates, then...

                    KEELY
          She's... lovely.

                     PROFESSOR
          Nope.   We go back to the beginning!


EXT. GRANT’S TOMB - DAY

Abraham Lincoln talks on the phone.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          The first daters are almost at the
          second challenge.

The Commodore speaks to Abe from a solarium filled with lush
plants. He wears rubber gloves and a smock.

                    COMMODORE
          What happened to the grifter and
          the old woman? We never heard from
          them.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          The woman threw their egg onto
          President Grant's crypt. Now
          they're following the first daters.
          Shall we disqualify them?

The Commodore picks up a large roach from a box full of live
roaches at his feet and holds it up to inspect it.

                    COMMODORE
          No. I love cheaters. There's
          something very honest about them.

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          The young kids just left.
                                                        49.


The Commodore drops the roach back into the box with the
others.

                    COMMODORE
          How were they?

                    ABRAHAM LINCOLN
          He bought two roses.


EXT. RIVERSIDE PARK - DAY

Reggie and Natalie climb the steep hill out of Riverside Park
on foot. Reggie carries a yellow rose.

                    NATALIE
          I can't believe you.

                    REGGIE
          I did it for you, Natalie! For you
          and for... Abraham Lincoln. Honest
          Abe, Babe, you can’t say no to him!

                    NATALIE
          Don’t even try!

Reggie extends the rose to her.

                    REGGIE
          Here! I love you. Excuse me for
          wanting to get you a rose.

Natalie shoves it away.

                    NATALIE
          Please.

                    REGGIE
          I'd kiss a Bush twin if it was what
          I had to do to make you happy!

She pushes him down the hill a step and marches ahead of him.

                    REGGIE
          What?


EXT. LAB BUILDING - DAY

Keely and exits the lab building, Jonah and Mrs. Greenberg
trailing behind.
                                                        50.


                      KEELY
          Come on.    It’s an address on 2nd
          Avenue.

                    JONAH
          Oh good, we can take a cab. Ya
          hear that, Mom? We don’t have to
          walk anymore!

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Just stop at a hospital on the way
          to whereever you’re going and drop
          me off.


EXT. 120TH ST - DAY

Peter huffs and puffs the chair up the steep hill of the
street, a safe distance behind Kane and Sadie.

                    PETER
          I thought Manhattan was supposed to
          be at sea level.

                    NETTA
          When I was a little girl, we lived
          in Coney Island, and every year our
          father would take us to ride the
          roller coaster.

                    PETER
          That's fascinating.

He parks near a stoop down the block and sits, placing his
head in hands. He tries to catch his breath.

                    NETTA
          Can we ride the roller coaster?

The wheelchair slowly begins to roll backwards down the hill.

                      NETTA
          Whee!

Peter sits oblivious on the stoop, rubbing his temples. He
takes a deep breath as the wheelchair begins to gain speed
and disappear down the hill.

                    PETER
          Alright, let's get going.   You
          ready, Netta?

He notices she is not where he left her.
                                                         51.


                       PETER
          Netta?

He sees he careening backwards at a good clip down the hill
behind him.

                       PETER
          Netta!

He bolts after her.


INT. LAB ROOM - DAY

Kane is hooked up to the lie detector. His elbow spasms grow
increasingly more violent as Sadie watches worried from
behind the Professor at the machine.

                    PROFESSOR
          Just relax.

Kane takes a few deep breaths and his tremors subside.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay. Now I'm just going to take
          some baseline readings here.
          Please state your name.

                       KANE
          Meh!

                       PROFESSOR
          I'm sorry?

                    SADIE
          You're making him nervous.   That's
          his nervous thing.

                    PROFESSOR
          I thought the elbow thing was his
          nervous thing.

                    SADIE
          It starts with that and it
          metastasizes into the mooing.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay Kane, just calm down. All you
          have to do is tell the truth. Do
          you want some water?

                    KANE
          No, I'm fine. I think I'm okay
          now.
                                                          52.


                    PROFESSOR
          Are you sure?

                       KANE
          Yeah.

He takes another deep, cleansing breath and nods to the
Professor.

                     PROFESSOR
          Okay, Kane, please tell me your
          date of...

                      KANE
          Meh!    Mmmmmeh!

                    PROFESSOR
          Have some water.

Kane takes a sip from the glass on the desk next to the
machine.

                       PROFESSOR
          Okay?

                       KANE
          Okay.

                       PROFESSOR
          Feel good?

                       KANE
          Feel good.

                       PROFESSOR
          Ready?

                       KANE
          Ready.

                   PROFESSOR
          Okay. Your name is Kane Scala,
          correct?

                       KANE
          Correct.

                      PROFESSOR
          Good.    And you live in Astoria?

                       KANE
          Correct.
                                                         53.


                    PROFESSOR
          And your date of birth is?

                    KANE
          January 16th, 198MEH!


INT. LAB ROOM - DAY

Sadie is now hooked up to the machine. She rearranges the
glass on the table as a slightly less twitchy Kane now stands
behind the Professor.

                    PROFESSOR
          Okay, state your name please?

                    SADIE
          Sadie Sampson.

She picks the glass up and tries the rub off a spot.

                    PROFESSOR
          And what's your date of birth?

                    SADIE
          December 2, 1982.

She places the glass back down and positions it specifically
on the desk. Her attention is drawn by the polygraph
machine.

                       PROFESSOR
          Very good.     And where do you live?

                    SADIE
          I'm sorry, can you just move the
          machine a bit?

                       PROFESSOR
          What?

It's just not aligned right to the edge of the table.   That
doesn't drive you crazy?

                     PROFESSOR
          Let's just proceed with the
          questions.

                    SADIE
          I'll get it.

She stands up and begins to reach for the machine.
                                                           54.


                    PROFESSOR
          Wait, no. Sadie, please just sit
          down and answer the questions.

Sadie sits down reluctantly, but her attention does not shift
from the base of the machine.

                   PROFESSOR
          Okay. Now, what is your address
          please?

Sadie only stares with determination at the base of the
machine.

                      PROFESSOR
          Sadie!

Sadie finally looks up.

                    SADIE
          It would really just take a second
          if you'll just let me.

                    PROFESSOR
          Oh for the love of God!   You're
          crazy, lady!

                    KANE
          Don't talk to her like that!

The Professor sighs with exasperation.   He holds out an
envelope.

                    PROFESSOR
          No more!   That’s it for you two.
          Here! Take a cab to the East Side
          and go to this address.

                      KANE
          Really?

                    PROFESSOR
          Yes, but you have to leave now!


EXT. BROADWAY - DAY

Kane holds his hand up to hail a cab on Broadway. One pulls
up immediately. Kane opens the door and looks at Sadie, who
hesitates.
                                                        55.


                    KANE
          What? We have to take the cab,
          here’s no other good way to get to
          the East Side.

Sadie takes a deep breath.

                     SADIE
          Okay.   Okay I can do this.

She puts one foot in the cab and takes it out again.   She
repeats this several times, counting along.

                    KANE
          What are you doing?

                    SADIE
          Look if you want me to get into
          this cab, this is what I need to
          do, okay?

                     KANE
          Sure.

Sadie continues to put her foot in the cab and take it out-
hokey pokey style.

                    KANE
          It's just a race is all.

                    SADIE
          Now I lost count!


INT. DOGGY DAY CARE - DAY

Jonah, Keely and Mrs. Greenberg stand in the large, clear,
matted center of the playroom of a Doggy Day Care. Along the
sides of the room are assorted toys and pictures of happy
canines.

They face a short SHRINER, mustachioed and fezzed, who speaks
to them with a mischievous smirk. At his feet, LITTLE TIMMY,
almost vibrating with energy, does his best to stand still.

                    SHRINER
          Hello, and welcome to your next
          challenge: Parenthood.

Jonah puts his arm around his mother's shoulder.

                    JONAH
          If this is about loving your mother
          we're gonna win easy.
                                                        56.


Keely rolls her eyes.

                    SHRINER
          No no no. In fact I'm going to
          have to ask this lovely young woman
          to step over here so she can't
          assist you in any way.

He takes Mrs. Greenberg by the arm and gently ushers her over
to his side. She blushes from the compliment and goes
willingly.

Returning to the center of the room, the Shriner motions to
Little Timmy.

                    SHRINER
          This here is Little Timmy.

                    KEELY
          Oh aren't you just the sweetest
          little thing!

Little Timmy issues a surly belch into Keely's face.

                    KEELY
          Uh, excuse you.

                    LITTLE TIMMY
          Are you black?

                       KEELY
          Yes.

                    LITTLE TIMMY
          We have black lady that cleans our
          house and a black guy that drives
          our car.

                    KEELY
          They're men and women, they're not
          black men and women.

                    LITTLE TIMMY
          I make them call me 'Sir'.

                       KEELY
          Okay then.

She stands up and takes a step back to Jonah.

                    KEELY
          I'mma whip that boy.
                                                         57.


                    SHRINER
          We've just fed Timmy three Pixie
          Sticks and a can of Mountain Dew.
          Your job is to keep him quiet for
          ten minutes.

                    JONAH
          Say what now?

                    SHRINER
          If he says anything, anything at
          all, the time starts over.

Keely and Jonah look at each other in unbridled panic.

                     SHRINER
          GO!

As if on cue, Timmy instantly starts running around in a
circle and screaming.

                    KEELY
          Oh, don't do that.

He takes off running serpentine to nowhere in particular.

Keely and Jonah look at each other frantically.


INT. LAB BUILDING - DAY

Natalie bolts down the hallway of the lab building to the
exit. Reggie follows, moping slowly behind. When she gets
to the door, Natalie turns to notice him way behind.

                     NATALIE
          Come on!   What’s wrong?

Reggie catches up and looks Natalie in the face, clearly
distressed.

                     REGGIE
          Really?

                    NATALIE
          Well, maybe you're not done growing
          yet.

                    REGGIE
          I'm 23... I think this is it.

                    NATALIE
          It's not tiny or anything, it's
          just...
                                                        58.


                     REGGIE
          Stop.   Stop talking.

                    NATALIE
          You have a nice body.    I mean, you
          better...

                    REGGIE
          What's that mean?

                    NATALIE
          No, I wasn't saying anything like
          that, I meant since you don't work
          and you're home all day you have
          time to work out.

                    REGGIE
          So I'm a deadbeat too?

                    NATALIE
          Reggie, stop this. We have to get
          to the East Side! You’re a stud,
          okay?

Reggie turns away unconvinced.

                    REGGIE
          No, I don’t believe you.

Natalie waves him off and motions to the closed door.

                     NATALIE
          Fine.

                     REGGIE
          What?

                    NATALIE
          Aren’t you going to get the door
          for me?

                    REGGIE
          Well wouldn’t you rather someone
          who can satisfy you hold the door
          for you?

                    NATALIE
          Really? So you’re mad, so you’re
          not even going to be a gentleman
          anymore?

                    REGGIE
          I don’t want you to think of me as
          a gentleman.
                    (MORE)
                                                        59.
                    REGGIE (CONT'D)
          Just think of me as a man.    Forget
          gentle, to you I’m a man.

                     NATALIE
          Okay! You’re a man!     You’re a man!
          Can we go?


EXT. 120TH ST - DAY

Peter exhaustedly pushes Netta back up the steep hill. He
stops a distance from the Reggie and Natalie on the street
and watches.

                     PETER
          It's the kids. Perfect.     We can
          tail them.

                    NETTA
          When I was a little girl, we would
          train the roosters to fight in the
          backyard.

                       PETER
          Really?     Is there any money in
          that?

He quickly waves the question off and takes his phone out.

                       PETER
          Forget it.

He barks into the phone.

                    PETER
          Thornton, we need you here post
          haste!


INT. CAB - DAY

Kane and Sadie ride across the city seated in back of a cab.
Sadie rifles through her large beach bag of a purse.

                    KANE
          How ya doin’?

                    SADIE
          I’ll be fine, I just... A-HA!

She whips out a small bottle of Windex and a paper towel.
She immediately begins to spray the divider between her and
the driver and wipe it down.
                                                         60.


                    KANE
          Are you serious?

                    SADIE
          Oh my gosh, it’s so dirty! How can
          you just sit there and stare at it?

                    KANE
          Just look out the window.

                    SADIE
          The windows are worse than the
          divider!

                    KANE
          Okay, okay.

Kane turns his attention to the envelope. He begins to
carelessly rip it open. As soon as he does, Sadie’s
attention snaps to him.

                    SADIE
          Oh my God, what are you doing?

                    KANE
          What, I'm opening it.

                    SADIE
          Can you let me do it?

                     KANE
          Why?

                    SADIE
          Because you're ripping it.

                     KANE
          So what?   It's an envelope.

                    SADIE
          Just let me do it.

                    KANE
          If I let you do it we're going to
          be here until next week. Just let
          me rip it open. Ready? One,
          two...

                     SADIE
          Wait!   Wait!

As he rips it open she flinches.
                                                        61.


                    SADIE
          I can't believe you just did that!

Kane takes a small note card out of the envelope.

                    KANE
          What's the big deal?

                    SADIE
          It's ripped. You ripped it.

                    KANE
          Forget about it.    Here, look...

He tosses the envelope out the window.   Sadie lunges for it
like he is dumping her baby.

                      SADIE
          Wait, no!    Oh, my GOD!

                    KANE
          Just relax, okay? It's gone. Put
          it out of your head. Let's focus
          on the next address, right?

Sadie sits back for a moment.

                      SADIE
          Right.

                     KANE
          Okay. So it says here we’re going
          to 1087...

                    SADIE
          No, wait. This isn't going to
          work. We have to go back.

                      KANE
          What?

                    SADIE
          We have to go back and fix that
          envelope.

She leans forward to the driver.

                    SADIE
          Could you stop please?

                      KANE
          What?    No, we've gotta go!
                                                        62.


                    SADIE
          Then you go.

                    KANE
          No, we have to stay together.
          We’re on a date!

As the cab pulls over Sadie bolts out and runs back up the
sidewalk the way they came.

                     SADIE
          I need to find that envelope.   You
          ripped it.

                    KANE
          No, wait, come back!

With a sigh, Kane pays the cabby and rushes out of the cab,
trailing Sadie.


INT. DOGGY DAY CARE - DAY

Natalie and Reggie enter to find Little Timmy bound tightly
to his chair with dog leashes over his chest, shoulders and
upper and lower legs. A rubber bone is fastened into his
mouth by a bandana, tied around his head.

Keely, Jonah and the Shriner stand over him approvingly.
They look up to the new couple unphased, the Shriner
carefully monitoring a stopwatch.

                    JONAH
          Trust me, he deserved it.


EXT. BROADWAY - DAY

Kane and Sadie scour the busy sidewalk for the envelope.
Kane struggles to avoid the pedestrians. Sadie is so
absorbed that she collides with them frequently.

A STRANGE HIPSTER approaches Kane like an old friend.

                    STRANGE HIPSTER
          Jack! What's up, man? Are you
          working today?

                    KANE
          It's Kane, man.   My name is Kane.

Sadie looks up at the exchange. The Hipster looks at Kane in
confusion. Kane continues slowly and clearly.
                                                        63.


                    KANE
          I'm not Jack.

He nods to him slightly. The Hipster eventually nods along.
He looks over at Sadie quickly, then back to Kane.

                    STRANGE HIPSTER
          Right. Sorry, I guess I thought
          you were someone else.

                    KANE
          Happens all the time.

                    STRANGE HIPSTER
          Soooo... are you working today?

                      KANE
          Dude!

                    STRANGE HIPSTER
          Okay, sorry! Jeez! Nice small
          business owner.

He walks off.

                    SADIE
          Okay, that guy definitely knew you.

                    KANE
          Yeah he's... a customer of mine.

                    SADIE
          You walk his dog?

                      KANE
          Huh?    Oh, yeah.

                    SADIE
          Why does he think your name is
          Jack?

Kane points to a stray scrap of paper in the middle of the
street.

                    KANE
          Is that it?

                      SADIE
          Where?

She takes a few rushed steps into moving traffic, oblivious
to the car that screeches to a halt inches from her. As the
driver gives a sustained honk, she stops in her tracks, still
looking into the street.
                                                       64.


                     SADIE
          Oh no, it's just part of a
          newspaper.

She returns to the sidewalk and a stunned Kane as the car
moves along. The driver shouts something inaudible, but
aggressive sounding as he passes.

                    KANE
          Maybe you should be a little more
          careful.

                    SADIE
          We need to find it!

                    KANE
          Okay, okay.

They both look around the sidewalk area.

                    KANE
          So how long have you been this way?

                    SADIE
          What, OCD? Since always.     When did
          you get all spazzy?

                    KANE
          I'm not spazzy, okay?

Sadie looks up to him, surprised by his tone.

                    SADIE
          Sorry, that's not what I meant.

                    KANE
          Yeah, only it's exactly what you
          meant.   That's the second time you
          called me a spaz.

Sadie frowns.

                    SADIE
          I'm sorry, Kane. I should know
          better than that.

                    KANE
          It's just that I've heard that my
          whole life, you know? It never
          stops. I hate it.

Sadie takes a few steps towards him and puts her arm on his.
                                                         65.


                    SADIE
          No, you shouldn't even have to
          explain yourself. I'm really
          sorry. I won't do it again.

There is a brief moment of silent attraction as they both
internally note the arm contact. After a beat, Kane points
down the street.

                    KANE
          Is that it?

Sadie turns to where he is pointing.    Her face lights up.
She barely has time to get out a...

                     SADIE
          YES!

...before she darts back into the moving traffic without
hesitation. Cars honk and screech to a halt. Kane winces as
he watches her.


INT. DOGGY DAY CARE - DAY

Reggie runs in place vigorously. Their hyped up kid, LITTLE
BRIAN, runs along with him, his legs moving as fast as they
can. Natalie looks on skeptically.

                    NATALIE
          This is never going to work.

Reggie shushes her and keeps running.

                    NATALIE
          Did you just shush me?

Reggie runs faster still, his red face wet with sweat.   He
does not break his gaze from Little Brian's eyes.

                    NATALIE
          I said don't shush me!

                    REGGIE
          Just shut up.

Natalie takes a threatening step towards Reggie.

                     NATALIE
          Shut up?

Little Brian stops running.
                                                          66.


                    LITTLE BRIAN
          Oo, you said a bad word.

Reggie stops running and puts his hands on his knees in
defeat.

                       NATALIE
          Nice job.

                    REGGIE
          Well it would have worked if you
          had kept your stupid mouth closed!

                       NATALIE
          Excuse me?     Do NOT talk to me like
          that.

                    REGGIE
          Just stop talking. For ten minuets
          don't crap on me, is that so hard?

                    NATALIE
          I wasn't crapping on you.

                    REGGIE
          You were saying it wasn't going to
          work.

                    NATALIE
          It didn't work!

                    REGGIE
          Why can't you just not say anything
          and see if it works?

                    NATALIE
          Because when I don't say anything I
          get to watch you run around like an
          idiot or we end up driving thirty
          blocks out of our way because some
          grifter told us to!

                    REGGIE
          That's crapping on me!


EXT. 2ND AVE - DAY

Peter, Thornton and Netta stand outside their towncar and
watch Kane and Sadie enter the Doggy Day Care from down the
street.
                                                         67.


                    PETER
          We can't just follow them around
          forever, we need to make our move.
          Thornton...

Thornton gives him a long look before answering.

                     THORNTON
          Yes?

                    PETER
          The first ones who come out of
          there I want you to run up to them
          and snatch the girl’s bag. Just
          grab her bag and keep running down
          the block. Got it?

                    THORNTON
          I'm not doing that.

                     PETER
          Why not?

                    THORNTON
          Because I'm not a criminal.

                    PETER
          It has to be you, you're the only
          one they won't recognize.


INT. DOGGY DAY CARE - DAY

The Shriner counts the final seconds off Keely and Jonah as
Timmy, exhausted, slumps in his bonds.

                    SHRINER
          58, 59, ten minuets.
          Congratulations.

                    JONAH
          That was a good plan.

                    KEELY
          I want that ring.

                     JONAH
          Me too.

Timmy can only look up helpless as they kiss over him.

                    JONAH
          Now let's untie him before child
          services comes.
                                                         68.


Kane and Sadie enter and survey the scene.

                    SADIE
          Well we got here safe; not that I
          would expect you to do the right
          thing and thank the envelope or
          anything.

                    KANE
          I'm not thanking your envelope.

Across the room, Natalie and Reggie continue to argue.

                    REGGIE
          Well if you have any ideas, I'd
          love to hear them!

Natalie throws up her hands and walks away smugly.

                    NATALIE
          Nope. I'm going to go over here
          and keep my stupid mouth closed
          just like you want.

                    REGGIE
          That's wonderful.

                    NATALIE
          Yeah, because I don't want to mess
          up any more of your ingenious
          plans. I'm just going to stand
          over here and marvel at your
          brilliance.


EXT. 2ND AVE - DAY

Peter and Thornton continue their conversation whilst
surveilling the Doggy Day Care.

                    THORNTON
          I ain't mugging no white woman.

They see Keely, Jonah and Mrs. Greenberg exit the Doggy Day
Care across the street.

                    PETER
          Wait, you're right. The black
          chick. It's perfect! The cops
          will never believe her.

Thornton glares at Peter, who eventually realizes what he
said and turns to face him.
                                                        69.


                     PETER
          I don't mean it like that.    But
          it's true.

                    THORNTON
          No.

                    PETER
          It's your job!

                    THORNTON
          No it's not.

                    PETER
          Well how am I supposed to do it?
          They'll recognize me.

He rummages through Netta's large bag frantically.

                    PETER
          Aha!

He pulls out a spare pair of panties.

He rifles through the bag some more and pulls out a long pill
container.

                    PETER
          Look.

He puts the pill container in the pocket of his jacket and
points it out so it looks like he has a gun.

                    PETER
          That'll work, right?

He pulls the panty over his head, then points his 'gun' at
Thornton.

                    PETER
          It's perfect. Stick 'em up, Chump!

A POLICE OFFICER, 45 and sturdy, runs up to the trio and
draws his gun on Peter.

                    POLICE OFFICER
          FREEZE!

                    PETER
          Oh, no, Officer, we were just
          fooling around.

                    POLICE OFFICER
          Take your hand out of your pocket!
                                                         70.


                    PETER
          No. I mean... Thornton, tell him
          we were just fooling around.

The Officer turns to Thornton.

                    THORNTON
          Officer, I've never seen this man
          before in my life. He told me to
          do what he says because the police
          never listen to black people.


INT. DOGGY DAY CARE - DAY

LITTLE BOBBY is hopping up and down in front of a wary
looking Kane and Sadie.

                        LITTLE BOBBY
          Hop.   Hop.     Hop.

                    SADIE
          Do you know a way to make him stop?

Kane's head snaps violently to the right.

                        KANE
          Meh!

                    SADIE
          Oh, not now. We need to calm him
          down. Are you okay?

Kane takes a few deep breaths and nods in affirmation.
Suddenly, his eyebrows go up.

                        KANE
          Oh!

He takes his bag off his back and removes his computer
tablet.

                    KANE
          Hey, Bobby, you want to watch TV?

Across the room, Natalie watches with a keen interest as
Reggie leads Little Brian in a set of push ups.

                    REGGIE
          16, 17, 18...

Little Brian struggles with the last one and collapses to the
ground. Through his heavy panting, he lets out a...
                                                        71.


                    LITTLE BRIAN
          This is hard.

Reggie stops his push ups and comes up to his knees.

                    REGGIE
          It certainly is.

He casts a glare over at Natalie, who continues to stare with
unbridled intrigue.

Reggie tries to contain his fury and looks away. Across the
room, he sees Little Bobby sitting nicely on Kane's lap,
staring into his computer screen.

Reggie slaps his head and pulls out his phone.

                    REGGIE
          Good job. You deserve a reward.
          Hey, you ever play Tetris?


EXT. LEXINGTON AVENUE - DAY

Keely rushes down the street as Jonah tries to help his
mother keep pace. Mrs. Greenberg shouts to her over her
gasping breaths.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          I don't know what kind of person
          ties up a little girl and shoves a
          dog bone in her mouth. I think
          there’s something wrong with the
          both of you!

                    KEELY
          Noted, Mrs. Greenberg.   I'll add it
          to the list.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Where are we going? Slow down.

                    JONAH
          It's gonna be about ten blocks,
          Mom. You can make it.

                     MRS. GREENBERG
          Why are you walking so fast? Is
          there a school letting out and you
          want first pick the best kid to
          practice your mothering skills with
          some more?
                                                       72.


                    JONAH
          Just come on.

Mrs. Greenberg stops abruptly and breathes heavily.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Oh, just give me a second to catch
          my breath. I'm not as athletic as
          she is.

                      KEELY
          Athletic.

                      MRS. GREENBERG
          Yes.    It's a compliment, Sweetie.

Keely turns to Jonah.

                    KEELY
          We need to send her home.

                      JONAH
          What?

                    KEELY
          Why is she here?

She turns to Mrs. Greenberg and raises her voice.

                    KEELY
          Why are you here, Mrs. Greenberg?
          We need you to go home so we can
          win this ring and we'll take you
          out for dinner tonight!

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Where did you find this woman,
          Jonah? Do you see how she talks to
          me?

Keely turns back to Jonah.

                    KEELY
          Let's just get her a cab and send
          her home and then we're home free.
          Come on!

Jonah looks at Keely thoughtfully for a moment, then looks
over to his mother.

                      JONAH
          Mom...
                                                       73.


In the tense pause, Keely smirks at Mrs. Greenberg, certain
that Jonah is about to send her on her way.

                    JONAH
          You've rested long enough.    Let's
          get moving.

Keely looks to the heavens in frustration.

                    JONAH
          We gotta go fast, okay?

                       MRS. GREENBERG
          Yes, Baby.     I'll try.

                       JONAH
          Atta girl.


EXT. 2ND AVE - DAY

Kane and Sadie rush out of the Doggy Day Care and make their
way down the street. From across the street, a voice yells
out.

                       VOICE (O.S.)
          Hi Jack!


Kane half waves without looking up and keeps moving. Sadie
looks at him in confusion. He turns to her urgently.

                    KANE
          What was the address again?    5th
          Avenue?

As they hurry past, they do not recognize Reagan in a UPS
outfit. He sits in the driver’s seat of his brown delivery
truck and talks on the phone.

                    REAGAN
          The mother-in-law is slowing Keely
          and Jonah down. The first daters
          are going to be the first to the
          next challenge.

The Commodore talks to Reagan from his writing desk, covered
with small ring boxes. A large Moose head is mounted on the
wall of his study behind him.

                    COMMODORE
          The kids are still in third?
                                                        74.


                    REAGAN
          They’re just about to finish the
          Parenthood challenge.

The Commodore curls the ribbon tied around a box with a pair
of scissors.

                     COMMODORE
          Good.   Any sign of our cheaters?

                    REAGAN
          We lost them after Grant’s Tomb.
          They probably gave up.


EXT. 2ND AVE - DAY

Nat and Reggie leave the Doggy Day Care and rush onto the
busy street.

                    REGGIE
          See what happens when you just give
          me a chance?

From down the street, Peter watches them leave.

                    PETER
          Okay, this is it. Thornton, all
          you have to do is honk the horn,
          okay? Wait until I get, like, five
          feet from them and honk the horn to
          distract them. That's it. Do you
          think you can handle that?

                      THORNTON
          Yes, Sir.

                   PETER
          Good. Honk it right before I grab
          the bag. Timing is everything.

Reggie marches down the street a step ahead of Natalie as she
nags him from behind.

                    NATALIE
          You only got that idea because you
          saw the other team doing it, bozo!

                    REGGIE
          I'm not a bozo!

From behind them, Peter runs up, panty over his head, and
grabs Natalie's bag.
                                                          75.


                    NATALIE
          Hey!

He turns to run back the way he came, but Natalie fiercely
jerks the bag back to her side. He stumbles back to her
awkwardly, not letting go.

                    NATALIE
          Oh no you do not!

She punches him in the face with her free hand. He goes down
to one knee. When she kicks him in the groin he finally
releases the bag and crumbles all the way to the sidewalk.

                    NATALIE
          What's wrong, punk?    You wanna know
          what's in here?

She reaches into her bag and grabs a Taser, points it at him,
and zaps him.

                    NATALIE
          That's what's in here. That's it.
          That's all that's in here for you!

She zaps him over and over as he writhes on the ground.

                    NATALIE
          What, you want more?   You want
          more?

She lowers the Taser and starts kicking him.

                    NATALIE
          Do! Not! Touch! My! Bag! Do
          you understand? This bag is more
          important to me than your life!

Peter is motionless on the ground.   Reggie finally chimes in
to corral Natalie.

                    REGGIE
          Would you come on?    We gotta move!

                    NATALIE
          This guy tried to take my bag no
          thanks to you!

                    REGGIE
          You don't need me for this idiot.
          Look, he's done. Let's go!
                                                        76.


She looks down at the heap of man before her and gives him a
final kick to the solar plexus. Turning her attention back
to Reggie, she stomps down the street.

                    REGGIE
          Is the egg okay?

                    NATALIE
          Oh now you care about our egg?

                       REGGIE
          Is it?

                       NATALIE
          It's fine.

Peter flops onto his back, his face a mask of pain. From
down the street, a friendly car horn honks. He closes his
eyes and looks as if he is about to cry.


INT. TOWNHOUSE - DAY

Kane and Sadie are lead through a historic looking townhouse
by a silent HATIAN MAID.

                    SADIE
          This is nice.

                     KANE
          Yeah they normally don’t let people
          like me in places like this.
          Unless I’m delivering food or
          something.

She leads them up a flight of stairs and out onto a large
terrace.

Set up on the well landscaped terrace are two chairs facing
one another, separated by a small table.

To the left of one chair is a clear plastic box filled with
earthworms. To the right, another box filled with plump
maggots. On the table directly in front of the chair is a
smaller box filled with large cockroaches.

From the back of each box a wire extends underneath the table
to a machine at the base of the other chair.

A mild looking GENTLEMAN with a British accent greets them
merrily.

                    GENTLEMAN
          Right then, come in, come in.
                                                           77.


Kane whispers to Sadie as they make their way over to the
table.

                    KANE
          I don't like the look of this.

                     GENTLEMAN
          Welcome to the next event:
          Sacrifice.

                    SADIE
          Are those cockroaches?

                    GENTLEMAN
          Indeed they are. Madagascar
          hissing cockroaches. One hundred
          of them, each no less than two
          inches in length. Nasty little
          buggers.

                    SADIE
          Oh no.

                    GENTLEMAN
          Now my lady, if you'll just take a
          seat over here...

He ushers her to the seat near the boxes. She pulls her arms
away from him in horror and points to the other seat.

                    SADIE
          No, can't I sit in that seat?

                    GENTLEMAN
          Oh, you don't want to sit in that
          seat.

                    SADIE
          That seat is worse than this seat?

                    GENTLEMAN
          Absolutely. Pity the poor bloke
          who's gotta sit in that seat.

He looks up to Kane and points to the chair in question.

                    GENTLEMAN
          That's your chair.

Kane's head snaps to the side a few times, but he controls
himself as the Gentleman seats Sadie in the bug seat.
Hesitantly, he sits down in the other chair.
                                                        78.


The Gentleman comes over and fastens two silver rings around
Kane's fingers on his right hand. A wire extends from the
rings down to the machine.

                    GENTLEMAN
          Right then, here's the good news.
          All you have to do it sit there.
          The bad news is, throughout the
          duration of this task, one of you
          is going to be in severe
          discomfort. It's just a matter of
          which one of you.

He turns to Sadie.

                    GENTLEMAN
          Now, in the back of each of these
          boxes is a button. The box for
          your right hand is filled with
          nightcrawlers. The box over there
          for your left hand? Those happy
          little boys are maggots. And you
          know about the cockroaches. Now,
          what's going to happen is, for one
          minute, we're going to pump your
          friend here through with
          electricity.

                     KANE
          What?   How much electricity?

                    GENTLEMAN
          A non-lethal amount.
          Statistically.

                    KANE
          So I'm just supposed to sit here
          and let you fry me for a minute?

                    GENTLEMAN
          No, I’m not going to fry you.

                      KANE
          Oh, good.

                      GENTLEMAN
          She is.

                      SADIE
          What?

                     GENTLEMAN
          The three buttons in the back of
          the boxes?
                     (MORE)
                                                     79.
                    GENTLEMAN (CONT'D)
          So long as you have all three
          pressed at once, the voltage will
          be cut off.

                    SADIE
          Well, wait. If I have to press
          these two with my hands, how am I
          supposed to press the roach button?
          With my foot?

                    GENTLEMAN
          Your foot? Don't be ridiculous.
          You're going to press that button
          with your head.

                       SADIE
          What!?

                       GENTLEMAN
          Or not.     Okay, ready?

                    KANE
          Wait! Shouldn't you take my
          medical history or something before
          you shock me?

The Gentleman looks off thoughtfully for a moment.

                    GENTLEMAN
          You know what? That's not a bad
          idea at all. We probably should
          take your medical history before we
          electrocute you. Hmm. We'll have
          to remember that for the next time.
          Anyway, ready?

                    KANE
          No, wait! Wait! Can't we have a
          second to think up a strategy?

                      GENTLEMAN
          Ah.   No.   Ready? One, two...

                    KANE
          But you don't understand! She's
          OCD! She can't get dirty!

                    GENTLEMAN
          Well then this should be fun.
          One...

Kane shouts over to Sadie.
                                                       80.


                    KANE
          Don't do anything you can't do.

                    GENTLEMAN
          Two...

                    KANE
          Let him fry m...

                    GENTLEMAN
          Three!

Kane's whole body tenses up.    His eyes bulge.

                    SADIE
          Oh my gosh! That looks like it
          hurts. Does it hurt?

Kane only vibrates in response.

Sadie turns to the Gentleman.

                    SADIE
          This is ridiculous!     Please stop
          it!

The Gentleman only looks back at Sadie. Reluctantly, she
looks back down at the earthworm box. Her face crinkles in
disgust.

                    SADIE
          Ew.

She looks back over too Kane, flopping around in his chair
like a beached fish.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Keeping her
eyes closed, she shoves her hand all at once into the worms.

                    SADIE
          Oh gross, oh gross, oh gross...

Sadie checks the position of the maggot box, taking care not
to look back at the worm box. She closes her eyes again and
plunges her other hand into the maggots.

                    SADIE
          No, no, no. This isn't happening.

She forces her eyes open and looks forward into the roach
box. Fighting back tears, she boldly closes her eyes and
plunges her head in.
                                                           81.


Sadie's hands plunge further into the boxes as she searches
for the buttons. Suddenly, Kane stops vibrating. He falls
limply into his seat, breathing heavily.

Sadie's torso begins to flop up and down as she endures her
own horror. Kane comes somewhat to his senses and calls out
to her.

                    KANE
          No, get out! I got it!

Sadie keeps all her appendages in the boxes.

                    KANE
          Holy cow, you're amazing!

                    GENTLEMAN
          58, 59, DONE!

Sadie whips out of the boxes and stands up straight as a
post, her arms at her side, her eyes still closed. She
starts to make odd humming sounds and hops up and down as
stray roaches crawl about her hair, face and neck.

Kane tries to bolt over to her, but is snagged by the wires
around his fingers. He rips them off and rushes to her side.

                    KANE
          Okay, okay. Just stand still.    I
          got you.

Sadie stops hopping, but keeps humming as Kane gently wipes
the roaches off of her. They go running about the terrace as
soon as they hit the ground.

                    KANE
          You're fine. They're all gone.

He brushes whatever mucus and residue off of her hands that
he can. He takes his sleeve and wipes off her face as she
finally stops humming.

                       KANE
          It's okay.

He holds her face and brushes her hair off her forehead.

                    KANE
          Open your eyes.

Sadie opens her teary eyes.   They look at each other for a
beat.
                                                           82.


                    KANE
          I can't believe you did that for
          me.


EXT. 5TH AVE - DAY

Peter, Netta and Thornton pull up outside the townhouse.

                    PETER
          Alright, this is it. No more
          nonsense. Here's what's gonna
          happen. We're gonna wait for the
          first ones to come out of that
          townhouse, we're gonna find a
          second when they're not ready and
          then we're just gonna grab whatever
          chick comes out and drive off. We
          get her egg, we get to be first to
          the finish line, everyone wins.

                    THORNTON
          I'm not kidnapping anyone.

                    PETER
          It's a game, Thornton! And you
          better start treating me with some
          respect. Like it or not, your boss
          and I are getting married. And
          with any luck she'll die of a
          coronary on the honeymoon and
          everything she owns is gonna belong
          to me. The house, the money, the
          car and you along with it.

                      THORNTON
          That so?

                    PETER
          That's so. So just drive. That's
          what she pays you for, right? Just
          drive like you're supposed to and
          mind your business.

Thornton turns to face the wheel.

                      THORNTON
          Yes, Sir.


EXT. 5TH AVE - DAY

Kane and Sadie exit the townhouse onto the street, visibly
shaken. Sadie's hands are still covered in dirt.
                                                       83.


Kane reads to her from a small card..

                    KANE
          ‘Final challenge: ‘Luck’ Find the
          ring at Bethesda Fountain. When in
          doubt, think outside the box.’

                    SADIE
          Okay, I need to just go wash my
          hands and my face.

                    KANE
          Absolutely. Look, there's a coffee
          shop on the corner. You go wash
          up. I'll go with you.

Peter watches the pair cross the street.

                    PETER
          Okay, excellent. Thornton, pull up
          outside of the coffee shop. Now,
          Netta, all I need for you to do is
          just say something to distract her
          for half a second. Please tell me
          you can handle that. You don't
          even have to move, just stand there
          say something to distract her.

                    NETTA
          Say something to distract her?

                    PETER
          Anything. Tell her about that time
          your brother ate the Sacagawea
          dollars. Just distract her.


EXT. TOWNHOUSE TERRACE - DAY

Mrs. Greenberg is horrified at what she sees.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          This is monstrous!

Keely and Jonah are in their respective chairs, about to get
electrocuted etc. They settle in with concentration,
ignoring her protests.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          Why do you want this man to
          electrocute you?

                    JONAH
          Mom, just hush up, okay?   Enough!
                                                           84.


He turns to Keely.

                    JONAH
          Okay, so I can probably hold out
          for, like fifteen sec...

His entire body jolts to attention as the minute begins.

                     KEELY
          Oh.   Are you okay?

Jonah struggles to respond.

                     JONAH
          No!   Do it!

                    KEELY
          But it hasn't been fifteen seconds.

Jonah's eyes bulge, but he can only get out a pained...

                    JONAH
          HERRGAFLAP!

                     KEELY
          Okay!

She looks into the worm box precariously. She takes a deep
breath, closes her eyes and shoves her hand in the worm box.

                     KEELY
          Ew.

She looks over to the maggot box, winces, and boldly shoves
her other hand in.

With severe reservation in her eyes, she puts her head down
and drives it upward into the cockroach box. They crawl all
about her face and hair.

Finally she is able to locate all three buttons and press
them at once.

Jonah suddenly stops vibrating and sags in his chair.

                    JONAH
          That's strong! You got it, Keely!
          I love you! You're beautiful in
          there. Just give me a few more
          seconds and I'll take the rest.
          Just a few more seconds! I love
          you so much!

He takes some frantic, deep breathes.
                                                          85.


                      JONAH
            Okay, ready? One, two, come out!

Keely pulls out of all three boxes at once. As soon as she
does, Jonah stiffens and resumes flopping about.

Roaches caught in Keely's hair struggle for freedom. She
wildly slaps her head with her worm and maggot crusted hands.

                      GENTLEMAN
            58, 59... done!

Jonah again falls back into his chair. When he sees Keely
still madly trying to clean herself off, he rushes to help
her.

                     JONAH
            No. Here, stand still.     Stand
            still!

Keely stands completely still.

Jonah fishes the final few cockroaches out from Keely's hair.
He wipes some of the dirt off of her forehead.

She opens his eyes and looks at him.     She smiles.

                      JONAH
            You kicked butt!

                      KEELY
            You did too! Did it hurt?

                      JONAH
            Yeah, I was being electrocuted.

                      KEELY
            Wow, I can't believe we just did
            that!

They hug.

                       MRS. GREENBERG
            Keep you hands off her. You don't
            know what kind of diseases you
            might get.

They release each other and look at Mrs. Greenberg with
contempt.

                      MRS. GREENBERG
            From the bugs, I mean.
                                                       86.


                    JONAH
          No, that's it. Mom, Keely and I
          are winning this race and we're
          getting married. You need to go
          find yourself a cab home. We've
          got a couple that we have to catch
          up to and we're a better team
          without you.

The Gentleman hands a small card to Jonah.

                    MRS. GREENBERG
          You're just getting grumpy because
          you're hungry. I say we forget
          this race and we all go out to
          Artie’s for the early bird.

Jonah takes Keely by the arm and ushers her past his mother
and back inside the townhouse.

                     JONAH
          No, Mom.   I'm not hungry. We're
          leaving.   We're running to

He looks down at the small card quickly.

                    JONAH
          Bethesda Fountain and we can't wait
          for you anymore.


INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Sadie exits the rest room and notices Kane waiting on line.

                    KANE
          How do you feel?

                    SADIE
          Much better. Thanks.

                    KANE
          No worries. I just ordered, so it
          should come in a second.

A CUTE GIRL taps Kane on the shoulder from behind.

                     CUTE GIRL
          Hi Jack.

Kane replies to her friendly, but cautious.

                     KANE
          Hey.
                                                         87.


                    CUTE GIRL
          You working today?

                    KANE
          No, I'm off today.

He pulls Sadie to his side.

                    KANE
          This is my friend Sadie.

                    CUTE GIRL
          Hi. I'll leave you alone. I just
          wanted to know if you were working.

                      KANE
          No.

                    CUTE GIRL
          Okay, see you later.

She departs.    Sadie watches her leave, then turns to Kane.

                    SADIE
          Why are you lying to me?

                      KANE
          What?

                    SADIE
          Is your name Jack?

Kane's head sags.

                    KANE
          No, it's really Kane, I swear.

                    SADIE
          Then why does everyone keep calling
          you Jack?

                    KANE
          Because... because that's the name
          I use when I'm at work.

                    SADIE
          You use an alias to walk people's
          dogs?

                    KANE
          Not exactly.

Kane takes a deep breath, then pulls her away from the crowd.
He whispers to her, looking her directly in the eye.
                                                         88.


                    KANE
          Listen, Sadie, I like you. Like, I
          really like you, so I'm just gonna
          tell you the truth.

                     SADIE
          Oh God, you're married or
          something?

                    KANE
          What? No! No, I swear! I'm
          single, my name is Kane and I run a
          small business. That's all true.

                    SADIE
          So what's your business?

Kane puts his head down to collect himself, then looks her
directly in the eyes again.

                    KANE
          I run a pot delivery service.

                    SADIE
          Pots like for flowers?

                    KANE
          Not 'pots', pot.

Sadie frowns.   Her reply is far too loud for the small store.

                    SADIE
          You're a drug dealer!?

                     KANE
          No!   Well, I mean, I guess. Sort
          of.   It's just pot, I swear.

                    SADIE
          And you lied to me.

                    KANE
          Well, it's not exactly the kind of
          thing you advertise, you know?

Sadie looks at him speechless.

                    KANE
          I'm so sorry. But look, I'm
          telling you the truth now because I
          like you. I really like you and I
          want to try this out and see where
          it goes.
                                                        89.


He tries to put his hand on her shoulder, but she pulls away.

                    SADIE
          Don't touch me.

                    KANE
          Just let me explain, okay?

                    SADIE
          No. Don't even bother. Why would
          I believe anything you said anyway?

She turns to leave, but he grabs her arm.

                    KANE
          No, please! Look, I got you a
          coffee, let's just sit down and
          talk about this, okay? Forget the
          race, I just want to sit and talk
          with you.

                    SADIE
          If you want to talk to someone,
          talk to Jack.

                      KANE
          No, wait!

He takes a step after her just as the BARRISTA calls to him.
She holds up two cups of coffee.

                    BARRISTA
          Your order is ready.

                    KANE
          Just sit down.

He points to an empty table and then goes to get his coffees,
flustered. He grabs the cups, but immediately let's them go.

                    KANE
          Ah, that's hot!

The Barrista points to a container on the counter next to
him.

                    BARRISTA
          The sleeves are right here.

As he fiddles with the sleeves, he does not notice as Sadie
exit the coffee shop.
                                                        90.


EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Sadie walks out of the coffee shop. As the door closes
behind her, she turns back, as if to consider going back
inside.

She frowns and takes a few steps towards the street, coming
face to face with Netta.

                    NETTA
          I'm distracting you!

                     SADIE
          What?

From behind, Peter comes up on Sadie and shoves her into the
back of the car.

                    SADIE
          Get off of me!

Kane exits the coffee shop just in time to see Peter usher
Netta back into the car, not taking as much care as he
should. He hears Sadie call for help from the back.

                    SADIE
          Kane, help!

Kane only has time to call out a confused...

                     KANE
          Sadie?

Before the car jets off.


INT. TOWNCAR - DAY

Peter rips Sadie’s bag away as she stops struggling frowns at
him in the back of the car.

                    NETTA
          Wasn’t that fun?

                    SADIE
          Stop it, you’re gonna make a mess.
          Everything is in a particular order
          in there.

                     PETER
          Aha!

He pulls out her egg and holds it up.
                                                        91.


                    PETER
          I'll take this, thank you very
          much.

                    SADIE
          That's what you want?    The egg?

                    PETER
          And I need you to tell me where the
          finish line is.

                    SADIE
          Why would I tell you that?

                    PETER
          Because that's where your boyfriend
          is going to go to find you.

                    SADIE
          He’s not my boyfriend.

                    PETER
          Oh, trouble in Paradise? What, you
          don’t like them all spazzy?

                    SADIE
          He’s not spazzy.    Don’t call him
          that.

                    PETER
          Tell me where the finish line is.

                    SADIE
          Give me my bag back.

                    PETER
          Tell me where the finish line is
          and I’ll give our bag back.

                    SADIE
          Give me my bag back and I'll tell
          you.

Peter reluctantly passes her the bag.   Sadie takes it and
rifles through for a moment.

She pulls out her Windex with such suddenness it causes Peter
to flinch.

                    PETER
          Hey, don't... oh.

She sprays the window, pulls out some paper towels and begins
to wipe it down.
                                                          92.


                    SADIE
          How can you look out these
          disgusting windows?

                    PETER
          Um, excuse me...

Sadie looks up at him, annoyed to have her concentration
diverted from the cleaning.

                    SADIE
          Bethesda Fountain.


INT. TOWNHOUSE TERRACE - DAY

Reggie and Natalie sit in their respective chairs on the
terrace and the Gentleman gleefully contemplates beginning
the current.

                    REGGIE
          You get it, right Nat?   You know
          what you have to do.

                    NATALIE
          Well, I think I know what to do,
          but then again me and my stupid
          mouth are always leading us astray.

                     REGGIE
          Don't be like that, this is
          HAGAGAGAG!

Reggie stiffens with the power of the voltage streaming
through him.

                    NATALIE
          Yeah, I think I'm just gonna sit
          here and shut up for a minute and
          see how that goes. What do you
          think about that Reggie?

                    REGGIE
          NABADABADA!

                    NATALIE
          Me too.


EXT. BETHESDA TERRACE - DAY

Peter rolls Sadie, tied to the wheelchair carrying Netta on
her lap, to Bethesda Terrace.
                                                        93.


                    SADIE
          I'm losing my grip.

                    PETER
          Just hold on.

                    SADIE
          Stop struggling, Netta!

                      NETTA
          Whee!

They arrive at the top of a huge stone staircase leading down
to the fountain.

                    PETER
          Are they kidding?   There's no ramp?

                      SADIE
          Untie me.    We're too unsteady.

                    PETER
          Just keep still and hold on to her.


EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

Kane races through Central Park. From behind him, Keely and
Jonah catch up. They exchange competitive glances Keely and
Jonah pass.

Kane hollers after them as they pull further ahead.

                    KANE
          Wait, that sketchy guy has Sadie!

Jonah can barely be heard calling back to him.

                    JONAH
          It’s our ring, Brother!

Kane stops running and tries to catch his breath.   A horse
drawn carriage passes. Kane flags him down.

                    KANE
          Hey, how fast can this thing go?


EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

Keely and Jonah rush forward through the park towards
Bethesda Fountain. Suddenly, they are overtaken by a horse
trotting furiously, pulling along a carriage with Kane in
back. Before fading off down the road, Kane yells.
                                                         94.


                    KANE
          I’ve gotta help Sadie!


EXT. BETHESDA TERRACE - DAY

Peter eases the chair down the staircase step by step.

                    SADIE
          We’re gonna tip over!

                    PETER
          Hold her still!

                    NETTA
          Whee!

Peter finally gets to the bottom of the stairs. He pushes
the chair quickly across the plaza until he stops abruptly at
another two steps leading down to the fountain.

                    PETER
          Son of a...

He eases the chair down the final two steps.

Peter wheels the chair to the foot of Bethesda Fountain. The
fountain is huge, filled hundreds of ring boxes floating in
its lowest base. A three tiered centerpiece depicting
cherubs and angels adorns the center.

The Commodore, Reagan, the Professor, Abe Lincoln, Doris and
the Shriner all watch eagerly from the background.

Peter runs to the front of the wheelchair and gently extracts
Netta from Sadie's grip.

                    PETER
          Come here, Netta my Darling.

Netta stands up.

                    NETTA
          Is it over?

                    PETER
          It's almost over.   Come here.

Once he has Netta he gives the wheelchair a powerful shove
with his foot. Sadie is sent wheeling down the plaza towards
the lake.

                    SADIE
          Hey!
                                                          95.


He spins to the fountain and begins to open ring boxes,
tossing the empty ones out onto the pavement.

Kane bolts down the steps from the terrace, followed close
behind by Jonah and Keely.

Sadie looks behind her warily, unable to stop the chair's
momentum as she creeps down the slope of the plaza towards an
open break in the wall the falls directly into the lake
beyond.

                       SADIE
          Hey, help!     Can someone help me
          please?

She spots Kane racing across the plaza towards them.

                      SADIE
          Kane!    Help me!

Jonah and Keely stop at the fountain and begin opening boxes
along side Peter. Kane races past them, towards Sadie.

The chair creeps precariously close to the edge.

                       SADIE
          Hurry!

Kane reaches the chair just in time.    He yanks it away from
the edge and begins to untie her.

                    SADIE
          No! There's no time. He took our
          egg! You've got to stop him.
          Don't let that jerk win. Just push
          me somewhere safe and stop him!

                       KANE
          Really?

                       SADIE
          Go!

Kane wheels Sadie back towards the fountain. He parks her a
safe distance behind and charges towards Peter.

Kane sneaks up behind Peter and sees the egg in his jacket
pocket. He slowly reaches for it.

Peter turns and swats his hand away.

Kane throws himself at Peter, trying to tackle him. Peter
grabs a hold of him and throws him to the ground. Kane lands
hard on the cobblestones.
                                                          96.


                    PETER
          Give it up, Spaz.   That ring is
          mine!

Reggie and Natalie half heartedly make their across the plaza
towards the fountain. When they arrive, they stop and watch
the scene instead of jumping in.

                    NATALIE
          Aren't you going to go find the
          ring?

                    REGGIE
          What am I gonna get wet for?    For
          you?

                    NATALIE
          So that's great. So we did all
          this for nothing?

                    REGGIE
          Actually, I think we learned lot.

Sadie calls over to them.

                    SADIE
          Excuse me! If you're not going to
          look for the ring can you be a
          gentleman and untie me?

Reggie moves towards her.

                    REGGIE
          I'm not gentle, I'll help you
          because I'm a man.

                    NATALIE
          Oh yeah, go ahead and help some
          other girl. You WISH you were a
          real man, Buddy!

Peter and Kane stare each other down, each circling the
other, waiting for their opening.

                    PETER
          That ring is mine, Tweaker.

Kane is a picture of concentration until he lets out a...

                    KANE
          Meh!

Peter seizes his opportunity and punches Kane in the face as
his neck jerks to the right.
                                                         97.


Kane, his back to the fountain, topples backwards. He trips
over the ledge and falls roughly into the fountain on his
back.

                    PETER
          I said that there ring is mine,
          Son!

Peter goes back to opening ring boxes.

In the fountain, a dazed Kane looks up at the centerpiece.
On the outstretched finger of a cherub on the second level,
he sees the ring. He says quietly to himself...

                    KANE
          Think outside the box.

Peter fights off Keely and Jonah for the few remaining nearby
boxes.

He shoves Keely into Jonah in the process, knocking them both
off balance. They tumble to the pavement.

                    KEELY
          Hey!

                    PETER
          Is that it? Any more of this
          spaz’s friends want to take me on?

                    SADIE
          I do.

Sadie tazes Peter at close range. He tenses up immediately.
She keeps her finger on the trigger as he staggers backwards
towards the fountain.

Finally she releases him.   He stands there dazed.

                    SADIE
          And don't call him a spaz.

She punches him in the face, knocking him backwards into the
fountain.

As Sadie rushes to help Kane, Jonah helps Keely up. It
doesn't take them long to get back to opening boxes.

Mrs. Greenberg slowly makes her way across the plaza. From
behind the fountain, the Commodore sees her. He leans over
to Reagan.

                    COMMODORE
          Excuse me for a moment.
                                                          98.


And makes his way over to her.

Sadie jumps into the fountain and pulls Kane to his feet.   As
they hug, Kane whispers to her.

Sadie casually looks up.    Her eyes bulge.

                    KANE
          You have to let me lift you up
          there. And we have to do it fast
          before anyone else notices what
          we're up to.

                     SADIE
          Can you do that?    Can you lift me
          without...

                    KANE
          Tweaking out and dropping you?

                    SADIE
          Yeah.

Kane looks up, then back to Sadie with reluctance.

                    SADIE
          One singular sensation
          Every little step he takes.
          One thrilling combination
          Every move that he makes.

Kane looks at her, exuberant confidence swelling in his eyes,
and begins to sing along.

                    KANE
          One smile and suddenly nobody else
          will do;
          You know you'll never be lonely
          with you know who.

Sadie continues to sing as Kane sweeps her up onto his
shoulders in one clean motion.

                    SADIE
          One moment in his presence
          And you can forget the rest.
          For the guy is second best
          To none, Son.

He slowly marches through the water towards the center.
Keely and Jonah stop opening boxes and look up at them.
                                                          99.


                    SADIE
          Oo! Sigh! Give him your attention.
          Do...I...really have to mention?
          He's the one!

As they reach the center Sadie grabs the edge and pulls
herself onto the second tier of the fountain.

The Commodore finally arrives at Mrs. Greenberg.

                    COMMODORE
          Madame, I would be honored if you’d
          allow me to escort you to the
          fountain.

He holds out his arm.   Mrs. Greenberg looks at him confused,
then takes it.

Reggie follows Sadie’s trajectory and finally sees the ring.

                    REGGIE
          Yeah, she's got it.    Look!

Natalie refuses to look.

Keely and Jonah look up at Sadie in horror.

                     KEELY
          No!   Stop them!

                    JONAH
          It's too late. It's over.

                     KEELY
          What?

                    JONAH
          They got it. Let's be good sports.

He shouts out to Sadie.

                    JONAH
          It's all yours, Kid!   Just be
          careful!

Sadie slowly reaches out for the ring around the cherub's
extended finger.

Her hand gets closer.

Closer.

She takes the ring off the cherub's finger.
                                                          100.


                     KANE
          Yeah!   Whoo-hoo!    You're amazing!

The gallery cheers wildly.

Keely pouts. When Jonah puts his arm around her and pulls
her close, she begins to clap as well.

Reggie claps. He notices Natalie staring at him accusingly.
He spreads his arms in a 'What did I do?' gesture.

Kane helps Sadie down from the fountain.

                    SADIE
          What about our egg?

Kane pulls the egg out of his pocket.

                    KANE
          I got it from him when I tried to
          tackle him.

                       SADIE
          We won?

                       KANE
          We won.

They look into each other's eyes and kiss.

The Commodore and Mrs Greenberg arrive at the fountain.

                       COMMODORE
          Excellent!     Excellent!

Reagan and Abe Lincoln help Kane and Sadie out of the
fountain. The Commodore approaches them.

                    COMMODORE
          Congratulations! You've won!

He gives Kane a stiff pat on the back.

                     COMMODORE
          Now, there is one small thing
          remaining.

Kane looks at the Commodore, then down at the ring. Finally
he turns his attention to Sadie, who bends over and whispers
in his ear.

                    SADIE
          We should give it to Keely and
          Jonah. They really want it.
                                                        101.


The crowd waits in a tense silence, all eyes on Kane.

He pulls his head back and looks deep into Sadie's eyes for a
beat. Subtly, he nods to himself.

Taking this as affirmation of her idea, Sadie's eyes flutter
down in a betraying motion of disappointment.

Kane takes a step back, but to Sadie's surprise goes down to
one knee and holds the ring out to her.

                    SADIE
          What are you doing?

                    KANE
          Sadie, I know this seems crazy, but
          we did things together today that I
          could never have done without you.
          I feel like I'm better with you. I
          know we just met...

He looks at his watch.

                    KANE
          ...six hours ago. And I know
          there’s some things we need to talk
          through, and maybe this has more to
          do with a temporary brain damage
          brought about by sustained
          electrocution, but... Sadie Scala,
          will you marry me?

                    SADIE
          Are you serious?

                    KANE
          Yes. And I'm not even twitching,
          because I'm not nervous.

Sadie looks at him in a baffled silence.   All eyes are on
her.

                    KANE
          We can have a long engagement.

Sadie grins.

                    SADIE
          Yes I'll marry you.

The crowd breaks into rapturous applause. Kane hops to his
feet, takes Sadie in his arms and gives her a tender kiss.

Keely frets, attempting to be happy for the winners.
                                                       102.


She turns to put her head on Jonah's shoulder, but he is not
there.

Looking next to her, she sees Jonah before her on one knee,
holding out a lovely, albeit smaller, diamond ring.

                    JONAH
          I'm sorry I couldn't win that ring
          for you, Keely, but I love you and
          I'd be very lucky if you would do
          me the honor of marrying me.

Keely is euphoric.

                    KEELY
          Oh my gosh! Yes!

She hops up and down in joy. Jonah slips the ring on her
finger and rises to his feet to kiss her.

Keely looks into his eyes.

                    KEELY
          You little sneak.

                    JONAH
          I’ve been carrying it around for a
          week.

                    KEELY
          What about your mother?

Jonah looks across the plaza at the Commodore as he presents
Mrs. Greenberg with red rose. She takes it, blushing.

                    JONAH
          She can worry about her own
          relationships.

Reggie makes eyes at Doris, who looks at him hungrily.
Natalie notices and smacks him in the chest. He looks back
at her angrily.

Kane and Sadie stop kissing for a second and look in each
other's eyes.

                    SADIE
          So what are we gonna do for our
          second date?

                                                FADE OUT.

				
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