the nose
The 11th Commandment able on the DC Watch website (www.dcwatch.org), Vultures, to manage the outside vendors and farmers
God, according to most sources, created the Evans promised to be a mayor “who will truly have been less successful.
Earth in just six days. On the seventh, she drove her fight for change.” He committed himself to “break- AsanyoneonCapitolHillcantellyou,EasternMar-
SUV in from Ward 9 and circled the city looking ing the culture of non-performance that permeates ket is a three legged stool: farmers, vendors and South
for parking near a house of worship. To her chagrin, many city departments.” He vowed to “set clear Hall merchants. If any of the legs weaken, the whole
the only option was to double park or block a hy- goals for this city and make managers and employ- structure collapses. Critically, business outside the
drant. In frustration, she transu stantiated into the ees accountable …” spanking new South Hall is clearly down. One ma-
Burning Bush and issued an 11th Commandment: While Evans never became mayor, he has had jor farmer has moved to Arlington rather than oper-
“Thou shalt not ticket churchgoers in the District of primary responsibility for overseeing the city’s fiscal ate on poorly managed Seventh Street SE. The crux
Columbia on Sundays!” agencies for nearly a decade as chair of the Com- of the problem, in The Nose’s opinion, is that run-
Absurd? Perhaps. However, the existence of an mittee on Finance and Revenue. During this pe- ning a market is really more about managing people
11th Commandment might offer an explanation riod, more than $50 million vanished right from than facilities.
for a common DC phenomenon. Every Sunday, the under his nose at the DC Office of Tax and Rev- This past fall, OPM promised to choose a new
streets surrounding local houses of worship morph enue. While “Solutions. Not Excuses” was Evans’ market management by June, when EMV’s contract
into gigantic parking lots. The faithful from Mary- mayoral campaign slogan, during the recent fiscal expires. The agency has yet to issue a request for
land and Virginia flock into the District, their ve- scandal, he happily accepted the excuses of Chief proposals much less accept a bid. With the arrival
hicles willy-nilly blocking driveways, fire hydrants, Financial Officer Natwar M. Gandhi and supported of Harris Teeter, a competitor easily accessible by
stores and other cars. The DC Department of Pub- his continued employment. Metro and convenient to parking, Eastern Market
lic Works and the Metropolitan Police Department, Recently, Evans again wrapped himself in the writ large is at a crossroads.
jointly charged with enforcing parking regulations, mantle of “change” by endorsing Barrack Obama. Let Triumvirate flex their collective muscle and
routinely ignore these egregious violations. Somewhat ironic for a politician who was an early appoint a new market manager lest the golden goose
What’s wrong with this picture? Those of us Clinton supporter and remains one of her precious cease laying her eggs.
who pay taxes, vote and park cars in the District of pledged delegates.
Columbia are often greeted by the sight of a ticket However, if Evans is serious about changing, Mea Culpa
on our windscreens. The Nose has a handful of suggestions: The thing that always bugs The Nose about the
The Nose suggests a little reciprocity. Let DC 1. Move his residence from swanky Georgetown Cassandras of his profession is how seldom they
ticket suburban churchgoers and dispatch the fines to Shaw; admit to their inaccuracies. How many op-ed con-
to the Virginia and Maryland Departments of 2. Swap committee chairmanships with Tommy tributors, for instance, predicted earlier this fall the
Motor Vehicles, where the monies can be credited Wells or David Catania; inevitable success of the Clinton machine? How
against similar infractions incurred by District resi- 3. Give up lobbying for a teaching position in the many later recanted?
dents in those jurisdictions. Or perhaps the city can District’s public schools; With the impending arrival of thousands of
provide tax incentives for these religious institutions 4. Spend more time in the Wilson Building; and suburban fans possessing only the vaguest notion of
to relocate closer to their parishioners, which in the 5. Turn off his Blackberry. the new baseball stadium’s location, disaster seemed
new era of $5 per gallon gas prices might not be so Evans might also change his behavior on the dais. a safe prediction some months ago. The klutzy trans-
revolutionary a notion. Perhaps public hearings are not the best place to portation planning conducted early on by the Sports
write checks for household expenses or read the and Entertainment Commission did nothing to
day’s newspaper. mollify The Nose’s dire premonitions.
A Candidate of Change If these alterations are too difficult, The Nose
Why are Americans hypnotized by the word The Nose admits to being less than a prophet.
suggests that Evans buck the current trend. Let him His prognosis regarding baseball traffic proved in-
“change”? We “change” our shoes, our neckties run as the candidate of consistency with the cam-
and, occasionally, our politicians. This year, Barack accurate. The media campaign to discourage fans
paign slogan, “More of the Same!” from driving seems, at first blush, to have achieved
Obama vaulted to the head of the Democratic pack
with the slogan, “Yes We Can.” Hillary Clinton more than a modicum of success. While many do
quickly followed suit. Now, DC has its very own lo- Killing the Golden Goose park illegally in adjacent neighborhoods, fans do not
cal candidate for change, Ward 2 Councilmember Since the tragic fire last spring, a Triumvirate of render all roads south of the freeway inaccessible.
Jack Evans. Mayor Blackberry, Dan The Man and Councilmem- So, hats off to the Nationals, Metro and the DC
Running as the “change candidate” is in fact a ber Walk-About have together done an excellent job Department of Transportation for this rare victory
comfortable, old role for Evans, a 17-year veteran building a temporary shelter for the Eastern Market over traffic.
of the council and former mayoral candidate. In merchants and repairing the fire damage. Howev-
a 1998 fundraising letter to supporters, still avail- er, the efforts of their myrmidons, the DC Office Got a tip or comment for The Nose? E-mail thenose@
of Property Mismanagement and Eastern Market hillrag.com. ■
154 ★ HillRag | June 2008
st?
To Bur
ub ble
tB
or Tha
gF
Waitin
Still Median Home Sales Prices
in Washington DC
$530,000 $535,000
$489,000
$168,000 $176,000
1995 2000 2005 2007 2008