body & spirit
How to Fireproof Your Marriage
by Rev. Kip Banks
here’s a hot new movie video that’s out just in time for Valentine’s Day. The movie is titled “Fireproof,” and it tells the story of a couple who has reached the end of the relationship rope and is in the process of getting a divorce. The husband in” Fireproof ” is a firefighter, and his high stress job spills over into his home life where the marriage is plagued with indifference, emotional affairs and internet porn. This movie is right on time because today divorce is an all too common reality in our society. The statistics say that one of every two married couples end up getting a divorce, and this statistic masks the reality that there are many other couples who -- although they would never consider divorce as an option -- are married and miserable. In the movie, the couple is able to make a remarkable turnaround and to “fireproof ” their marriage. The key to the couple’s success is that they commit to the biblical concept of sacrificially loving one another. Indeed, the Bible tells husbands to love their wives in the same manner that Jesus Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22). For example, Jesus gave his life for the church, and husbands should be willing to do same thing for their wives -- doing whatever it takes to keep their wife happy -- including taking out the trash and washing the dishes! This same law also applies to wives as they are encouraged to meet the needs of their husbands with sacrificial love. What are those specific needs that husbands and wives should work to meet from a biblical perspective? A detailed list, along with biblical references, follows. What Wives Need: • Personal affirmation and appreciation. Every wife needs her husband to praise her for her personal attributes and qualities. Husbands need to compliment their wives on their value as a wife, mother, etc. and to openly commend them in the presence of others as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. (Proverbs 31) • Romance. Every wife has a need for personal affection. Husbands need to shower their wives with timely and generous displays of affection. This includes cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies and these are not just to be extended during Valentine’s Day, but each and every day! (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13) • Intimate conversation. Wives need to have heart to heart conversations with their husbands. This means that husbands should work on listening to their wife’s thoughts with sensitivity, interest, and
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concern. (I Peter 3:7) Home support and stability. Wives need husbands to be supportive of the home. I know it’s an old fashioned concept, but women still need men to provide and to protect the family. (I Timothy 5) Family commitment. Finally, wives need husbands to offer leadership and to put the needs of the family before outside interests. This means that husbands shouldn’t play the game of working long hours in trying to get ahead, while ignoring the needs of their spouse and children. (Colossians 3:19-20) :
A wife can makes herself irresistible to her husband by sacrificially loving him to meet the following needs: • Admiration and respect. All men have a need for admiration and respect. A wife should work to understand and appreciate her husband’s value and achievements. She should honor her husband as the “King of the Household” and not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23,33) • Sexual fulfillment. The Bible encourages sex as the highest means of communication between a husband and a wife. Wives need to understand that their husbands need regular sexual fulfillment and they should work to have a sexual relationship that they both find satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-29) • Home support. Husbands need a home atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. A wife/ mother is the emotional hub of the family and she should work to ensure that her husband’s needs for peace and refuge are met. (Proverbs 9:13) • Attractiveness. Husbands need their wives to possess inner and outer beauty. Wives should wear their hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that their husbands finds attractive and tasteful. ( I Peter 3:1-5) • Lifelong companionship. Finally, husbands need their wives to develop mutual interests with them. Wives should work to discover those activities that her husband enjoys the most and seek to become proficient in them. If she does not enjoy them, she should encourage him to consider others activities that they can enjoy together. (Song of Solomon 8:1-2,6) Pastor Kip Banks is Senior Pastor of the East Washington Heights Baptist Church ★
Is Marriage the Choice for the Next Generation?
by Youth Health Messengers, Ophelia Egypt Program Center
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s February 14 comes closer, our thoughts begin to dwell on love, relationships, and even marriage. The declaration of such a union between spouses, whether for love, business, or tradition dates back to pre-colonial Africa. Today, marriage as an African American tradition
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may be twinkling out of existence. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), African Americans are more likely to be unmarried than Whites, Hispanics, American Indians or Alaskan natives. The report says that African Americans are more likely than Whites and Hispanics to be divorced. This month, the teens from Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, DC’s Ophelia Egypt Program Center shared their take on both the negative and positive sides of marriage. When asked if they saw marriage as a part of their future, each response was either a spirited “yes” or a determined “no.” One young lady envisions herself getting married one day, but does not take the topic lightly. “I know how I deserve to be treated and I will not settle for less,” she stated. Others said that they can’t picture themselves making that kind of commitment. One gentleman likened marriage to “buying a television with only one channel.” For all of the young people present, marriage and positive relationships are not the norm. One teen said, “My negative feelings toward marriage come from the way all relationships I’ve observed play out. It ends with the male getting kicked out, or cheating. Marriage is just like any other relationship. Just because she has a ring on her finger, doesn’t mean that they will treat each other better.” While trying to identify adults who have marriages or relationships that they admire, the majority had no response, but a few mentioned their grandparents and one or two mentioned an aunt or sibling. “My aunt and uncle have been together for twenty-two years and counting,” one teen stated. “They fight because all relationships have their problems, but they know how to get over it.” During the conversation, Ophelia Egypt’s program manager Dorinda Williams offered her marriage of thirteen years as one that could be added to the tally of stable African American relationships. Mrs. Williams made it clear that having a long-lasting and successful marriage hasn’t been, nor will it ever be, an easy task. However, she says you can only hope that your commitment will reward you with another year of love. Ward 7 Arts Collaborative, Inc. intern Aaliya Muhammad contributed to this article. ★
Annual Black History Month Celebration A Community Conversation with Dr. Michael Fauntroy “Telling it like it is. No spin…Just provocative political commentary” • Assistant Professor of Public Policy, George Mason University • Author: Home Rule or House Rule? Erosion of Local Governance in the District of Columbia & Republicans and the Black Vote • Native Washingtonian; www.michaelfauntroy.com When: Saturday February 21, 2009 Time: 12pm – 2pm Where: Washington Highlands Library – 115 Atlantic St., SW Contact: Sandy Allen (WED President) at 202.563.5132 or AllenPrpl@aol.com Lunch will be served
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