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copy from news city student/user

Nelson Mandela,South Africa's first black president is reported good caution – but
sources are safe to be dead after a car crash in the EasternCape Province today. Very
good crisip intro – needs commas – I think you get the world significance of this

Reports good caution – good to lean on the side of safetyfrom Johannesburg suggest
caution good (but there was later confirmation – have I got the final version – you
sent lots of versions that the news brought South Africa to a standstill,as blacks and
whites are grieving together source? as one political sloganising - avoid.Umhlobo
Wenene FM,a regional radio station confirmed the saddening comment – some I am
afraid may be pleased, others indifferent news.Apparently??? attribute to the source
Mandela sustained serious head and chest injuries during the crash earlier today.

Multitudes doesm‟t mean much – do you mean crowds? Simplest word please of
people are said to have gathered outside Regina Mundi Church in the populous
surburb of Soweto,as they come to grips with the saddening news. Repetition of
commentThe ANC women's league source? are said to be singing songs in memory of
Madiba. Not for uk audience, or explain tribal chief


The ANC this might confuse UK audience government has declared a seven day
national mourning news for the fallen icon and hero too positive – he is hated by
some of course – „terrorist‟ etc of apatheid surely not hero of apatheid, not good
spelling error of this word OUCH!.People from all walks of life around the world
have been echoing their grief and condolences. Queen Elizabeth???? Surely in UK
„The Queen‟ ,said that this was a sad day for mankind.The US president George Bush
said,it was a sad moment for South Africa. Another prominant vicar Desmond Tutu
paid tribute to a man he called a 'close personal friend'.

Very good but last para falls to pieces. Bad luck on Apatheid spelling error – this is
uncommon word, so must be positively checked I am afraid.

copy from news city student/user
Chanin Lloyd

Nelson Mandela has died today tenses – use simple past perfect, aged 84, non-
sequitor no connex 84 years and car smash after suffering fatal head and chest injuries
in a car accident near his birthtown. Birthtown? I never saw that before

His vehicle car? crashed between his birthtown of Mveso and Umtata in the Eastern
Cape. Do we need this – what does it add. Do uk people know these places.

South African President Thabo Mbeki has declared a national seven day period of
mourning. Good = news

Scenese sloppy of mass grief have been seen around???? the country. International
leaders have expressed the ???? their??? sadness at the death of the former leader.he
was still a leader, specifically a tribal chief or elder. Fact is former president.

Queen Elizabeth II stated that this what? was a sad day for mankind. Prime Minister,
Tony Blaire, very bad fatal error wrong spell of proper name of until recently PM of
the country. OUCH! said that Mr Mandela had been the peoples apostrophe Fatal
politician source for this phrase????and that we he??? be sorely missed.

In a tribute to the late leader he was a former leader a minute ago, former Archbishop
of Cpe wrong spell proper noun Town, and close personal friend of Mandela, Father
Desmon///// wrong spell Desmond Tutu has given his own sad personal tribute to the
late leader:

“My fellow South Africans, this is a day on which to grieve for our lost leader and
friend, but also to celebrate everything that he gave all members of this nation. He
was am man of courage, warmth, determination and humour.

“He has now joined so many great human beings who have been gathered up to God
and heaven will be a better place for this. But St Peter had better be ready because
Madiba will not rest quietly. Heaven will be a more colourful and livelier place with
his presence.

“I pray for all South Africans of all races, creeds and colours to unite to both mourn
and celebrate the life of a great man.” Quotes way, way too long. Discuss

Shows lot of promise but MUST get into habit of checking all names, and then you
will be OK. Maybe do less, but make sure it is all correct. Seems you don‟t really
know sentence mechanics.

copy from news city student/user
Joshua Duffy
Nelson Mandela died earlier today (for evening newspaper) in a serious car crash in
Johannesburg. Verbose – cut it down as I have done and it is perfect. Use simplest
possible tense „ Ockham‟s Razor‟

Whilst en route avoid French and latin terms (Evans)to Umtata with his wife, Nelson
Mandela hastense died ath sloppy the age of 84 from serious head and chest injuries
after a deadly car crash. He was rushed to hospital to undergo emergancy very bad
sloppy typo – you are not at school now! surgery but surgeons were unfortunaly
sloppy AND biased – some people will wish to see him dead (not me or obviously
you though) but some will – he has a lot of enemies unable to save Nelson Mondela's
life. It is not yet said if he died whilst undergoing surgery.poss legal danger of
innuendo – what are you getting at. We don‟t need this it is just a sort of „good idea‟
(ie bad idea) that has come in to your head.

Thousands how many of poeple are beginning to gather inside the Cathedral, some
singing but most are grief strucken. It is possible to ne grieving and singing,
especially in Africa – hence The Blues – asgain trying to be too clever.

As the news of his death spreads tenses gone all funny leaders from across the world
have been sharing their feelings feelings? Wehat‟ds that got to do with it. You‟d can‟t
know how they feel – just what they say/do Just report whgat they say, you have to
flipping psychoanalyse them. Queen Elizabeth said "It was a sad day for all mankind"

It has been announced that South Africia very sloppy typo will go into morning
OUCH! this is what happens when you use spell checkers for seven days following
the death of Mr.president? or ex-president. Not sure. But I think not Mr Nelson

Father Desmond, fatal name wrong – he is father Tutu or father Desmond Tutu the
former Archbishop of Cape Town and also a close friend of Nelson's cumbersome
sentence construction, passive voice has giventenses too complex his own personal
tribute to the late leader. He reminds sudden change to different tense – very poor
South Africans to "celebrate everything that he gave all members of this nation." He
was very sloppy typo many typos inthis the odd one is OK – but not good – only
asking for 250 words. But granted the simulator puts you under pressure. Better next
time as a man of "courage, warmth, determination."good quotes

This news tenses has shocked the world says who? and is sure not to be forgotten says
who. This is just comment from you and it is biased We will keep you updated when
further news comes in. tautology, since we are a newspaper. Brief was for news paper
in News City – shows you forgot about the audience entirely, which is a pity. But
some good points here. Shows promise – close but no cigar this time
copy from news city student/user
Kayleigh James
Nelson Mandela has died from head injuries following a road crash near Johanesburg
earlier today. A period of 7 seven (style) days national mourning has been declared by
president Thabo Mbkei .(he‟s kinda famous too)

World leaders have been making a series of statements marking the passing of the
former South African president (maybe something here about why he famous like
“marking the passing of the South African president noted for his terrible haircuts and
crazy shirts and leading SA out of Apartheid or whatever) . The Queen said: (note
punctuation of quotes) "This is a sad day for all of mankind".(how does she know –
has been on the facebook of everyone on the planet has she? – good quote though
well chosen – shows that quotes are for bollocks and drama and comment; facts in
your voice Britain's Prime Minister, Tony Blair and America's president George W
Bush also offered their condolences.good summary – well done not fall into obvious
trap of quoting Bushisms

The former Archbishop of Cape Town and close friend of Nelson Mandela, Father
Desmond Tutu very good, excellent summary (verbose – keep it short, simple)
described Mandela as "a man of courage, warmth, determination and humour....????
what‟s these dots – morse code? Did he actually start saying”beep, beep, beep,
beep,… (discuss ellipsis) he has now joined so many great human beings who have
been gathered up to God and heaven will be a better place for this..." (very good
selection of quotes) He also declared that all South African's OUCH – you were doing
so well then you got failed by a stray apostrophe – what a bummer! should both
mourn and celebrate the life of a great man.

Very bad luck – this was really excellent – better even than Leah‟s , but then you
screwed yourself with the apost . In the last sentence too. Its really a shame. Anyway
if you just sit down and learn how to punctuate then this is really very promising.
Well done, you‟ve failed this time.

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