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A Compilation Compilation Of Writings By Janine Bouyssounouse

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A Compilation Compilation Of Writings By Janine Bouyssounouse Powered By Docstoc
					         A

    Compilation

        Of

      Writings




         By
Janine Bouyssounouse
 This book is dedicated to the ones I love, both in
      the shadows and in the light of my life.

May your life be brighter and fuller than mine and
               mine has been full…




A Compilation of Writings                             2
                                Table of Contents
Introduction ....................................................................... 18
About The Author.............................................................. 19
Writing For Children ......................................................... 21
  THE RISING SUN ........................................................................ 22
  A HOUSE WITHOUT WALLS...................................................... 25
  FREDDIE'S PRIZE PIE ................................................................ 27
  THE WEDDING............................................................................ 30
  YOSEMITE .................................................................................. 34
  GETTING READY TO STRIP ...................................................... 39
  WRITE SALE ............................................................................... 40
  WHY DO I WRITE?...................................................................... 41
Poetry ................................................................................. 42
  FOREST ...................................................................................... 43
  LUCK ........................................................................................... 44
  MOUNTAIN SNOW...................................................................... 45
  MY GUYS .................................................................................... 46
  POETRY ...................................................................................... 47
  QUILTING LOVE ......................................................................... 48
  SCRAP QUILT............................................................................. 49
  YOUNG LOVE ............................................................................. 50
  GRANDPA................................................................................... 51
  FLOWERS IN THE SUN .............................................................. 53
  FRED ........................................................................................... 54
  A FRIEND .................................................................................... 55
  A HOUSE OF PIECES................................................................. 56
  THE LAKE ................................................................................... 57
  A POEM ON POETRY ................................................................. 58
  SUNBURNS................................................................................. 59
  A WALK IN THE WOODS ........................................................... 60
Flash Fiction ...................................................................... 61
  IT HAPPENED AGAIN................................................................. 62
  THE DEED IS DONE ................................................................... 63
  THE WOMAN............................................................................... 65
  THE PHONE CALL...................................................................... 66
  THE LEAK ................................................................................... 67
  THE PERPETUAL ONE NIGHT STAND ..................................... 68
  THE SMILE OF A LUCKY WOMAN ............................................ 69

A Compilation of Writings                                                                          3
  YES, DEAR.................................................................................. 70
  JUST ANOTHER GAME OF CARDS .......................................... 71
  IT WAS IN THE CLAUSE ............................................................ 72
  IT'S SO EASY.............................................................................. 73
  THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A CRIMINAL SCIENTIST ................. 74
  THE DAREDEVIL ........................................................................ 76
  THE WELL-MEANING FRIEND................................................... 77
  THE RADIO ANNOUNCER IN FULL SLING ............................... 79
  THE HEATED DEBATE............................................................... 80
  THE HIDDEN OBJECT................................................................ 81
  THE FOUR MARTINI LUNCH...................................................... 84
  IT'S TIME ..................................................................................... 86
  EXTENDER ATTACHMENT........................................................ 87
  WHO WAS THAT MAN? ............................................................. 88
  LOOK. WHAT'S THAT UP IN THE SKY? ................................... 89
  PROTECTION? WHERE DO I BEGIN?....................................... 90
  TELEPATHY, A NEW IDEA......................................................... 91
  THE VALENTINE'S DAY DINNERS ............................................ 92
  TOUGH LOVE ............................................................................. 93
  JUST ANOTHER ERRAND ......................................................... 94
  THE INNER MONSTER ............................................................... 95
  ARE YOU DONE YET? ............................................................... 96
  THREE MEN................................................................................ 97
  JIM'S SECRET WEAPON ........................................................... 98
  METAL IN THE SAND ................................................................. 99
  LITTLE JON .............................................................................. 101
  NUDGE, NUDGE, WINK, WINK ................................................ 102
  THE PHONE CALL 2................................................................. 103
  A WHOLE NEW LIFE ................................................................ 104
  SOME PEOPLE'S KIDS ............................................................ 105
  OOPS ........................................................................................ 106
  OUT OF TOWN OBSERVATIONS ............................................ 107
  FOOD IS OPTIONAL ................................................................. 108
  HAVE A NICE DAY, HONEY!.................................................... 110
  TAX MEANDERINGS ................................................................ 111
  A VISIT TO THE COUNTRY CLUB ........................................... 113
  INTERMISSION ......................................................................... 114
  POOR OLD TONY ..................................................................... 115
  A PIECE OF CAKE.................................................................... 116
  THE RIGHT WOMAN................................................................. 117

A Compilation of Writings                                                                         4
  JIM AND FRANK'S ADVENTURE............................................. 119
  WHAT'S NEXT? ........................................................................ 121
  THE STRANGE DREAM ........................................................... 122
  WHAT A BOTHER..................................................................... 124
  RESCUE .................................................................................... 125
  SUCCESS.................................................................................. 127
A COLORFUL NIGHT ....................................................... 130
  A COLORFUL NIGHT ................................................................ 130
  THE NEW AND IMPROVED WAY TO MOVE ON ..................... 131
  A FAMILY SUCH AS THEIRS ................................................... 133
  FOOD FOR THOUGHT.............................................................. 137
  HOW DARE YOU? .................................................................... 138
  MAKE UP .................................................................................. 139
  FLYING HIGH............................................................................ 140
  A MEETING, PLEASE ............................................................... 141
  FALSELY ACCUSED ................................................................ 142
  KICK THE BUCKET .................................................................. 144
  DO WE KNOW ABOUT WOMEN?............................................ 145
  THE LIES................................................................................... 146
  COMING OF AGE...................................................................... 147
  THE JOY RIDE .......................................................................... 148
  CRUELTY HAS ITS PRICE ....................................................... 149
  POSITIVE ACTION EQUALS HOPE ......................................... 151
  OH, THOSE MAGICAL YEARS................................................. 153
  ONE AND ONE.......................................................................... 154
  CARE FOR A MUFFIN? ............................................................ 155
  THOSE LITTLE REBELS .......................................................... 156
  THOSE DARN INSTRUCTIONS................................................ 157
  SIPPING BUDDIES ................................................................... 158
  THE SHORT STORY ................................................................. 159
  NIGHT TIME CONFESSION...................................................... 160
  BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER H .................................. 161
  LOOKING FOR GOOD FORTUNE ............................................ 162
  WHAT'S THE ANSWER? .......................................................... 163
  TEACH THE TEACHER ............................................................ 164
  THE BUTTON ............................................................................ 165
  THE BIRTHDAY KILLER........................................................... 166
  SHE'S A BARRACUDA............................................................. 167
  THE CHALLENGING STUDENT ............................................... 168
  GOOD OR BAD FORTUNE ....................................................... 170

A Compilation of Writings                                                                      5
  I WAS FRAMED ........................................................................ 171
  RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS ............................................... 173
  SHOTGUN MARRIAGE............................................................. 175
  IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY ..................................................... 176
  THE PATRIOTS MARCH ON .................................................... 177
  COOKIES ANYONE? ................................................................ 178
  SHE GETS IT DONE ................................................................. 179
  THE HUNT................................................................................. 181
  CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME ..................................................... 182
From Handwritten To Typed .......................................... 183
  THE HANDCUFFED BRIEFCASE............................................. 184
  MOHANAKY .............................................................................. 185
  ELSA AND THE BLUE LION..................................................... 187
  LIFE ........................................................................................... 189
  WHAT IS LOVE? ....................................................................... 190
  MEAN PEOPLE ......................................................................... 191
  SUNDAY AFTERNOON ............................................................ 192
  ONLINE TEACHING .................................................................. 193
  A TIME SOMEONE SAID NO .................................................... 194
  STANDING IN A DOORWAY .................................................... 195
  A YEAR AFTER MY DEATH ..................................................... 196
  A DAY MOON............................................................................ 197
  BATHING................................................................................... 198
  WHILE NO ONE WAS LOOKING.............................................. 199
  WHAT I DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT........................... 200
  A CEREMONY........................................................................... 201
  A WOUND ................................................................................. 202
  A WOMAN NAMED CREATURE .............................................. 203
  AN IMP CALLED CHADWICK .................................................. 204
  HAPPY THOUGHTS.................................................................. 205
  GOODMORNING SUNSHINE.................................................... 206
  THE INNER STRENGTH OF A SMILE ...................................... 207
  NIGHT IS FALLING AND YOU'RE NOT AT HOME .................. 208
  FLOAT AWAY ON A CLOUD.................................................... 209
  WHAT DO THE STARS HOLD?................................................ 210
  MR. KRUP AND HIS COMPLEX ASSISTANT .......................... 211
  SIX WEEKS TO LIVE ................................................................ 212
  A BRUISE.................................................................................. 215
  SURVIVING TWILIGHT ............................................................. 216
  A HOTEL LOBBY...................................................................... 217

A Compilation of Writings                                                                           6
  MEETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME .......................... 218
  AVENUES OF ESCAPE ............................................................ 220
  COBBLINGS ............................................................................. 221
  OYSTERS.................................................................................. 223
  MUSINGS OF A STALKING VICTIM......................................... 224
  ACCEPTABLE LOSSES ........................................................... 225
  A SILENCE................................................................................ 226
  SOMEONE IS CALLING YOUR NAME ..................................... 227
  IT WAS POSTMARKED POCATELLO ..................................... 228
  THE DELICACIES OF A RUINED EVENING ............................ 229
  THERE WERE SIGNS AND SIGNALS...................................... 230
  THE ATTIC DWELLER.............................................................. 231
  SILLY SONGS ........................................................................... 232
  COLORED PENS ...................................................................... 233
  MY FIRST PUBLISHED WRITING ............................................ 234
  THE ASSISTANT....................................................................... 235
  EDUVILLE ................................................................................. 236
  WHAT'S NEXT? ........................................................................ 237
  WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ............................................ 238
  SPECULATIVE FICTION........................................................... 239
  MY WRITING ............................................................................. 240
  NEWSWEEK TELLS ALL ......................................................... 241
  FIREWORKS ............................................................................. 242
  RISING EARLY TO BEGIN THE JOURNEY ............................. 243
  LIKE A BUTTERFLY ................................................................. 244
  A MAN OF MYSTERY ............................................................... 245
  ABANDONED HOUSES............................................................ 248
  WHEN I AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING................................... 249
  THE REPORT OF THE NIGHT .................................................. 250
  DRIVING TO REDWOODS ........................................................ 251
  VIGILANTE JUSTICE ................................................................ 252
  ICE SKATING ............................................................................ 253
  FREEDOM ................................................................................. 254
  SUNSETS .................................................................................. 255
  THE DRIVE TO WORK.............................................................. 256
  WITNESS TAMPERING ............................................................ 257
  KIDS AND CRIMES ................................................................... 258
  SAFETY..................................................................................... 259
  WHY DO PEOPLE ADD TO THE CRIMES? ............................. 260
  BACK PAIN BY REMOTE CONTROL....................................... 261

A Compilation of Writings                                                                      7
  HAPPY THOUGHT BOX ........................................................... 262
  VAN GO..................................................................................... 263
  HANDLING IT ............................................................................ 264
  AVERSION THERAPY .............................................................. 265
  GAMES AND OTHER THINGS ................................................. 266
  THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE ................................................ 267
  ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE ....................................................... 269
  SLEEP ....................................................................................... 272
  THIS IS WHERE I WENT WRONG ............................................ 274
  A BEST FRIEND........................................................................ 275
  4AM ........................................................................................... 276
  WHY NOT SOMEONE ELSE?................................................... 277
  MY CAR..................................................................................... 278
  TEACH ME A LESSON ............................................................. 279
  MY LACK OF INPUT ................................................................. 279
  WHY I PUT MYSELF IN HARM'S WAY..................................... 281
  MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE ..................................................... 283
  MY LIFE – MY BUSINESS ........................................................ 284
  WHAT WILL STOP THEM?....................................................... 285
  INDIRECT COMMUNICATION .................................................. 286
  I LIKE WHO I AM....................................................................... 287
  GETTING IT OUT OF ME .......................................................... 288
  TOO SCARED TO SLEEP......................................................... 289
  BEING A STALKING VICTIM .................................................... 290
  EASTER .................................................................................... 291
  THE FABRIC SPEAKS.............................................................. 295
  SORTING IT ALL OUT .............................................................. 296
  TAX TIME .................................................................................. 297
  SCARY THINGS IN THE NIGHT ............................................... 298
  LAUGHING................................................................................ 299
  WHAT'S IN A NAME? ............................................................... 300
  LETTERS................................................................................... 301
  SELF PUBLISHING ................................................................... 302
  STALKING INFORMATION....................................................... 303
  RESTRAINING ORDERS .......................................................... 304
  GETTING WORSE..................................................................... 305
  THE ALARM CLOCK ................................................................ 306
  SUPPLEMENTAL EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS...................... 307
  THE MONOTONE SOCIETY ..................................................... 309
  SOMETHING ODD .................................................................... 310

A Compilation of Writings                                                                          8
  STORED PROCEDURES .......................................................... 311
  THE MEDICALLY NECESSARY ANGLE.................................. 312
  MY JOB IS ILLEGAL?............................................................... 313
  HOW COULD A STUDY BE BAD? ........................................... 314
  CREATING SOMETHING.......................................................... 315
  EXPELLED – NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED ......................... 316
  WEBSITE UPDATES................................................................. 320
  MORNING COMMENTS ............................................................ 321
  TOUGH SELL ............................................................................ 323
  RELATIVE ................................................................................. 325
  CROWDS................................................................................... 329
  SOMETHING GOOD.................................................................. 332
  WHY ARE WE CONTINUING?.................................................. 334
  THERE WERE CRACKS IN THE FOUNDATION ...................... 336
  PROGRAMMING WORKSHEET IDEAS ................................... 339
  HANDICAPPED ROOMS .......................................................... 341
  ROAD SIGNS IN LIFE ............................................................... 344
  DRUG VICTIM VS DRUG ADDICT ............................................ 345
  ANGER FROM BEING CAUGHT .............................................. 346
  MONEY...................................................................................... 347
  MY NEW LIFE............................................................................ 348
  SAFE AT LAST? ....................................................................... 349
  WHY DO I WRITE TO PETER? ................................................. 350
  WHAT HAPPENED WITH BILL? .............................................. 351
  I JUST ASSUMED ..................................................................... 352
  THE GREAT OUTDOORS......................................................... 353
  THERE'S NO PLUG-IN.............................................................. 355
  YOU'RE ON A LEASH............................................................... 356
  LIVING PAST THE DISASTER.................................................. 357
  THINK BEFORE ACTING.......................................................... 358
  THE PROBLEM OF EXPOSURE .............................................. 359
  WE WANT TO TAKE THIS STUFF OUT ................................... 360
  LEAVE ME TO LAW ENFORCEMENT ..................................... 363
  AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FOCUS ............................................. 364
  NO MATTER HOW WRONG I AM, I'M RIGHT .......................... 365
  THE FIGHT FOR ME TO BE ME ............................................... 366
  WHY BEAT A DEAD HORSE?.................................................. 367
  PEOPLE OF FEW WORDS ....................................................... 368
  THE STUDY IS WORTHLESS................................................... 369
  FDA APPROVAL....................................................................... 370

A Compilation of Writings                                                                      9
  THE UNDERLYING CURRENT ................................................. 371
  IT'S ILLEGAL TO START AGAIN ............................................. 372
  LETTERS TO THE PAST .......................................................... 373
  NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO DID IT......... 374
  THE BIG SECRET ..................................................................... 375
  WHY DO I WRITE?.................................................................... 376
  NEW PUBLICATIONS ............................................................... 377
  NORMAL IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE ............................. 378
         WE'RE SORRY, WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEVER HAD A
  PSYCHOTIC BREAK................................................................. 379
  SETTLE DOWN ......................................................................... 380
  I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.................................. 381
  I DON'T WANT TO BE STUDIED .............................................. 382
  LEAVE HER OUT THERE 'TILL IT SNOWS ............................. 383
    THEY JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE PUTING HER TO SLEEP
  ................................................................................................... 384
  SHE PICKS AT IT TO MAKE IT LOOK WORSE ....................... 385
  LOOK WHAT'S INSIDE ............................................................. 386
  MRS. SMITH AND JOJO........................................................... 388
  WITHHOLDING MONEY ........................................................... 389
  LIVE FREE OR DIE ................................................................... 390
  WHAT DO I KNOW?.................................................................. 391
  SHOO-IN.................................................................................... 392
  IT'S OUTLAWED ....................................................................... 394
  SOCIAL INVESTIGATORS ....................................................... 395
  PROGRAMMING RESOURCES................................................ 397
  THE STUDY IS THE PROBLEM................................................ 398
  THE STUDY IS SUPPOSED TO BE HELPFUL......................... 399
  SHE THINKS WRITING THIS STUFF HELPS........................... 401
  IT'S 450 PAGES LONG!............................................................ 402
  WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOURSELF? ............................... 403
  KEEPSAKE QUILTING MISSES ME......................................... 404
  THE WAITING GAME................................................................ 405
  WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE? ......................................................... 406
  ACCEPTANCE – OR THE LACK OF IT .................................... 407
  WRITING PRACTICE ................................................................ 410
  WRITING IN SPURTS................................................................ 411
  ONE PAGE AT A TIME ............................................................. 412
  YOU DIDN'T TELL US HOW THEY GATHER EVIDENCE........ 413
  HEALTHCARE DECISIONS ...................................................... 414

A Compilation of Writings                                                                             10
  ALL HEALED ............................................................................ 415
        THEY JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO WORK ON YOUR
  COMPUTER .............................................................................. 416
  IT'S NOISY ................................................................................ 417
  PRINTABLE RESOURCES ....................................................... 418
  WE'RE PROFESSIONALS ........................................................ 419
  THE ELECTION......................................................................... 420
  A COMPILATION OF WRITING ................................................ 425
  A REASON TO SAY BAD THINGS ........................................... 428
  KISMET ..................................................................................... 431
  SEARCH STRINGS ................................................................... 432
  A PICNIC GROUND .................................................................. 433
  EGGS AND BACON IN A PAPER BAG OVER AN OPEN FIRE434
  MAKING CONTACT .................................................................. 435
  WHAT WAS THAT? .................................................................. 436
  PLANS FOR THE WEBSITE ..................................................... 438
  MY OWN BOOKS...................................................................... 439
  QUILTING PLANS ..................................................................... 440
  A NEW JOURNAL..................................................................... 441
  A NEW JOURNEY..................................................................... 443
  MORE COLORS ........................................................................ 444
  BRAVE FACE............................................................................ 445
  MY EARS ARE ON MY HEAD................................................... 446
  RESCUE .................................................................................... 447
  FAKE DREAMS......................................................................... 448
  RADIO HEAD MAMA ................................................................ 450
  WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THE STUDY IS VALID? .................. 452
  TLC............................................................................................ 453
  LAUGHTER HELPS THE BAD TIMES...................................... 454
  MISTAKES ................................................................................ 455
  LAST NIGHT ............................................................................. 456
  WHY AM I IN SOUTH DAKOTA? .............................................. 457
  DEDICATION............................................................................. 459
  EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.............................. 460
  WALKING.................................................................................. 461
  THE COMPUTER'S POINT OF VIEW........................................ 462
  THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR................................................ 463
  THE COIN TOSS ....................................................................... 464
  DITTO ........................................................................................ 465
  IS IT OVER? .............................................................................. 467

A Compilation of Writings                                                                         11
  NEW PENS................................................................................ 469
  PUZZLES................................................................................... 470
  IT'S JUST BREAKFAST............................................................ 472
  WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG? ........................................... 474
  I THINK SHE'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATED ................................. 476
  PRESCRIPTION ENVIRONMENT ............................................. 477
  IT'S OVER. WHY DOESN'T SHE HAVE THE MONEY? ........... 478
  EDUCATIONAL FIELD TRIPS .................................................. 479
  DO STALKERS WANT TO HELP THEIR VICTIMS? ................ 480
  HOW DID YOU JUGGLE THREE JOBS? ................................. 481
  CODED CROSSWORD PUZZLES ............................................ 482
  KINDNESS OF STRANGERS ................................................... 483
  PAPERWORK IS KING ............................................................. 484
  LUCKY THIRTEEN.................................................................... 485
  WRITERS WRITE ...................................................................... 486
  STALKING VICTIMS TELL THEIR STORIES ........................... 487
  WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN JOURNALING? ....................... 490
  SECONDARY STALKING VICTIMS.......................................... 491
     WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO HOLD ON WHEN ALL LOOKED
  LOST? ....................................................................................... 492
  CHANGING TITLES .................................................................. 493
  WHAT DOES "BACK TO SQUARE ONE" MEAN? .................. 494
  HUMAN SEXUALITY................................................................. 497
  HELPING A STALKING VICTIM ............................................... 499
  CONTEST ENTRIES – A PRESENT TO MYSELF .................... 501
  THE FOR LOOP ADDITION ...................................................... 502
  QUEST FOR PROGRAMMING EXERCISES ............................ 503
  NEW MOTIVATION ................................................................... 504
  PDF DOCUMENTS.................................................................... 505
  THE 600 PAGE MARK .............................................................. 506
  MATH GO FISH IS STILL OF INTEREST ................................. 507
  VECTORS IN C++ ..................................................................... 508
  A WRITING JOURNAL FOR HEALING .................................... 509
  WHY COMMIT A CRIME? ......................................................... 511
  RANDOM COMMENTS ............................................................. 512
  NEW CRAFT PROJECTS ......................................................... 514
  ASSISTED LIVING .................................................................... 515
  LITTLE WRITING JOURNALS .................................................. 516
  I THINK SHE FINALLY GOT THE IDEA.................................... 517
  HAS THE STUDY LEARNED ANYTHING?............................... 518

A Compilation of Writings                                                                       12
  ONLY SOME PEOPLE UPSET ME ........................................... 519
  BEING PAID FOR A LOST CAREER........................................ 520
  YOUR IDEALS ARE NOT MINE................................................ 521
  IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, THEN STAY AWAY .......................... 522
  SUBMISSION STRATEGY ........................................................ 523
  IT'S YOUR LIFE......................................................................... 524
  I'M SORRY YOU'RE STILL A STALKING VICTIM.................... 525
  ZEST AND GUSTO ................................................................... 526
  PREVENTION OF POSTING ..................................................... 527
  THE BASEMENT GATHERING................................................. 528
  TEAM EFFORT.......................................................................... 530
  THE NEW YEAR........................................................................ 532
  DAILY WRITING........................................................................ 533
  HE'S DEAD TO ME ................................................................... 534
  THE DUMPSTER....................................................................... 535
  A REBUTTAL TO THE STUDY ................................................. 536
  LOST MAN FOUND................................................................... 537
  SHE'S HEADING DOWN THE WRONG PATH ......................... 539
  THEY WANTED TO SEE HER IN THE REAL WORLD ............. 540
  IF SHE HAD JUST LISTENED TO US ...................................... 541
  SHE'S INTO FREE WILL........................................................... 542
  WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? ..................................... 543
  WHEN WILL THE CRITICS MOVE ON? ................................... 544
  SHE'S SO DEPENDENT ........................................................... 545
  YOU'VE FIRMLY ESTABLISHED YOURSELF AS A PIONEER546
    WHY DIDN'T THEY SHUT IT DOWN WHEN THEY FOUND OUT
  SHE WAS INNOCENT AND SANE? ......................................... 547
  DOUBLE SPACING................................................................... 549
  TRACKING DEVICES................................................................ 550
  THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO IMPROVE HER POSTURE.... 551
  ONGOING COUNSELING ......................................................... 552
  LONG STORY SHORT PUBLICATION ACCEPTANCE ........... 553
  8,760 HOURS IN A YEAR - USE THEM WELL......................... 554
  IS IT REALLY FOR MY OWN GOOD?...................................... 555
  WE SAID WE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN YOU ................................... 556
  ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOOK IT UP ONLINE .................... 557
  THEY'RE GOING TO USE THE SCHOOL AGAINST US.......... 558
  STARGATE ATLANTIS............................................................. 559
  TIME TO WAKE UP................................................................... 560
  SMEARS.................................................................................... 561

A Compilation of Writings                                                                    13
      THE PEOPLE DOING THIS NOW ARE THE PEOPLE WHO
  ORIGINALLY STARTED IT ....................................................... 562
  SHORT HUMOR ANTHOLOGY ................................................ 563
  COMPUTER SCIENCE WRITING PROMPTS ........................... 564
  WHAT TO STUDY ..................................................................... 565
  TIRED FINGERS ....................................................................... 566
  NEW INTEREST ........................................................................ 567
  ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES........................................................ 568
  THE CRUELTY OF A STUDY.................................................... 569
  TOTALLY MENTAL................................................................... 570
  SHE JUST WANTS US TO FEEL SORRY FOR HER ............... 571
  HOW HARD WILL THEY ATTACK? ......................................... 573
  MORE WORKSHEETS.............................................................. 574
  THE NEED TO BE CREATIVE .................................................. 575
  THE LAST NIGHT ..................................................................... 576
  SHE'S GOT MAJOR CONTROL ISSUES ................................. 577
  I HEARD THE LATCH ............................................................... 578
  NEW LAWYERS ON THE BLOCK ............................................ 579
  SCARY NIGHT .......................................................................... 580
  WHY US? .................................................................................. 581
  I DON'T KNOW WHICH STORY IS TRUE................................. 582
  NOT FEELING WELL ................................................................ 583
  IS THIS WHY WE'RE IN TROUBLE? ........................................ 584
  INTERACTIVE SIGHT WORD ACTIVITY .................................. 585
  WHY DO THEY DRUG ME SO MUCH? .................................... 586
  ADDING MORE PROGRAMMING EXERCISES ....................... 588
  THE DIFFICULTY OF ENDING A STUDY ................................. 589
  THE SWITCH STATEMENT ...................................................... 590
  LET'S RETHINK THIS WHOLE THING ..................................... 591
  FORCED CLOSURE OF EYELIDS ........................................... 592
  IF SHE WOULD JUST TAKE HER PRESCRIPTIONS .............. 593
    TWO BOTTLES OF WATER AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE
  WORLD ..................................................................................... 595
  IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S ALL ILLEGAL ............................... 596
  WE HAVE TO TAKE STEPS TO ENSURE HER SAFETY ........ 597
  WE THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY ILLEGAL IF IT HURT ............... 598
  DRUGGING ME IS ENDANGERING MY LIFE .......................... 599
  QUILTING WRITING PROMPTS ............................................... 600
  THEY HAVE TO SAY WE'VE BEEN EFFECTIVE..................... 601
  WE ONLY CAME TO VISIT ONCE A YEAR.............................. 602

A Compilation of Writings                                                                     14
  I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL SORRY FOR THEM? ...................... 603
  HOW TO PROVE THE LEGAL NECESSITY FOR DRUGGING 604
          WHY STUDY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE
  STUDIED? ................................................................................. 605
  DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET? ...................................... 606
  SHE HAS SUPPORTERS HERE, WE BETTER NOT GO IN..... 607
  YEAH, SHE'S A MIND READER ............................................... 608
  THEY SAID IT WAS TOO MUCH MONEY ................................ 609
  THEY SAID SHE WAS A LIAR.................................................. 610
  FINAL EXAMS........................................................................... 611
  COMPARE AND CONTRAST ................................................... 612
  WE'RE GOING TO LOOK INTO YOU ....................................... 613
  SHE'S FRUSTRATED WITH THE PROCESS ........................... 614
  JANUARY STATISTICS ............................................................ 615
  USING A SPREADSHEET FOR NOTES................................... 616
  PROFESSIONAL DOG CATCHERS ......................................... 617
  WHAT NOW? ............................................................................ 618
  IT'S ALL CHAD'S FAULT.......................................................... 619
  SHE WANTS TO BUY A HOUSE WITH THE MONEY .............. 620
  SHE GETS THE JOB DONE ..................................................... 621
  HOW SCARY IS IT? .................................................................. 622
  SHE'S JUST A WHINY BITCH .................................................. 623
  WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET ANY ANSWERS ........................ 624
  WHY ARE YOU HUNTING DOWN THIS WOMAN?.................. 628
     TWENTY YEARS OF DATA THAT'S NEVER BEEN UPDATED
  ................................................................................................... 629
  ONLINE BACKGAMMON.......................................................... 630
  WE KNOW THE DRUGS ARE BAD .......................................... 631
  TIME IS RUNNING OUT ............................................................ 632
  IT MUST BE SO FRUSTRATING FOR HER ............................. 633
  LOOKING FOR HOPE............................................................... 634
  ANGER MANAGEMENT ........................................................... 635
  HANDLING ANGER .................................................................. 636
  THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST GETTING TICKETS ...... 637
    THEY THOUGHT SHE NEEDED COUNSELING BECAUSE SHE
  WASN'T GETTING A JOB ........................................................ 638
  THE LATEST RUMOR............................................................... 639
  OLD AQUAINTANCES.............................................................. 640
  WOULD I BE ABLE?................................................................. 641



A Compilation of Writings                                                                             15
   SO THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY YOU NEVER RECEIVED?
  ................................................................................................... 642
  IT'S THE ONLY THING EVERYONE CAN AGREE ON ............ 643
  SIGHT WORD CROSSWORD PUZZLE SEARCH .................... 644
  BOOK REPORT FROM READING LOGS................................. 645
  THEY'RE NOT JUST DOING MAINTENANCE ......................... 646
  WHY CONTINUE SOMETHING ILLEGAL? .............................. 647
  THE NEGATIVE INCENTIVE..................................................... 648
  WHAT IS REALITY?.................................................................. 649
  WHAT KIND OF PRIVACY IS THIS? ........................................ 650
  THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THE AFFECTS ............................. 651
  ONLY 69 PAGES LEFT............................................................. 652
  DIVISIBILITY RULES IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL .................. 653
  IS STRESS GOOD OR BAD? ................................................... 654
  EQUATION WORKSHEETS...................................................... 655
  MATH CROSSWORD PUZZLES............................................... 656
  SIGHT WORD ACTIVITY PROGRESS...................................... 657
  SITE PROGRESS...................................................................... 658
  KEN KEN PUZZLES.................................................................. 659
  HOMOPHONE WORKSHEETS................................................. 660
  AN UPDATE .............................................................................. 661
Educational Writing ........................................................ 662
   WRITING A FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY USING THE FORMULA
  METHOD ................................................................................... 663
  TETACTRYS POETRY .............................................................. 668
  MATH BINGO ............................................................................ 675
  WRITING JOURNAL IDEAS...................................................... 678
  WRITING JOURNAL ................................................................. 680
  THE THREE RING BINDER CONCEPT .................................... 681
  HOMEWORK TRACKING TOOL .............................................. 687
  STUDY SKILLS FOR MATH TEST PREPARATION................. 688
  USING CARDS TO LEARN MATH............................................ 692
  500 DICE GAME........................................................................ 696
  9 HOLE GOLF ........................................................................... 699
  CANASTA ................................................................................. 701
  SPIRAL NOTEBOOK KEEPER WITH VELCRO CLOSURE..... 709
  BUTTON POUCH ...................................................................... 710
  SIMPLE SEWING KIT................................................................ 711
  ZIPPER POUCH ........................................................................ 713
  WIDE MOUTH TOTE BAG ........................................................ 715

A Compilation of Writings                                                                             16
  STITCH AND FLIP BABY QUILT .............................................. 718
  WORD BASICS ......................................................................... 720
  WORD – THE NEXT STEP........................................................ 723
  KEYBOARD COMMANDS ........................................................ 726
  WEB-BASED E-MAIL................................................................ 727
  SURFING THE WEB.................................................................. 731
  WEBQUESTS ............................................................................ 735
  CREATING A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION....................... 738
Puzzles And Worksheets................................................ 740
  FUN WITH ARCHIMEDES......................................................... 741
  CODED CROSSWORD PUZZLE #4.......................................... 743
  INSTRUMENT WORD SEARCH ............................................... 745
  ALGEBRA TERMS CROSSWORD PUZZLE ............................ 747
  CIRCLE CROSSWORD PUZZLE .............................................. 750
  DIVISIBILITY RULES ................................................................ 752
  CONSTRUCTION PRACTICE ................................................... 755
  PROTRACTOR PRACTICE....................................................... 756
  SUM OF TWO CUBES WORKSHEET ...................................... 757
  THE QUADRATIC EQUATION WORKSHEET.......................... 759
Other Writings ................................................................. 761
  DEAR GRANDPA...................................................................... 762
  REASON FOR EDONYOUROWN.COM.................................... 764
  STALKING VICTIM AWARENESS............................................ 769




A Compilation of Writings                                                                17
                            Introduction

This is a compilation of some of my writing. I am including different
styles and time frames for my writing. Most of these items are listed
on my website at www.edonyourown.com.

I want this book to stand out as examples of my writing as well as
give some of the background that goes with these pieces of writing.
The Notes From The Author sections for each piece of writing will
show information on why the pieces were written and in some cases
explain what the intent of the writing is from the author's point of view.

These writings have been edited from their original concepts. Most of
them are very close to the original creation, since I am not fond of
revisiting my writing at this time.

This compilation is current as of 06/01/09.




A Compilation of Writings                                               18
                            About The Author

I was born in New Orleans, Louisiana on December 5, 1966. I was
baby of the year because I was a plump baby and they were trying to
promote prenatal care and breast feeding to fight off the high number
of underweight babies born in the area at that time.

I grew up in Santa Monica, California and went to the public schools
there. I was active in Girl Scouts from first grade through twelfth
grade and went on to be a camp counselor for the three summers
after high school graduation. I was involved with the music program
playing the flute from fourth grade through twelfth grade and still
enjoy playing when I get the chance. I tutored algebra from eighth
grade through twelfth grade and did not charge for the service until
my senior year when I needed gas money.

I started budgeting my own finances in the seventh grade when I
announced to my parents I wanted my own phone. I told them I had a
friend who had her own line. My dad responded with the challenge
that I could pay for the monthly bills or the installation and I had to
find out how much each was before making the decision. I went to my
grandpa who worked for the phone company and he introduced me to
the wealth of knowledge gained from reading the phone book. I chose
the monthly bill and the phone was installed. My parents decided to
give me a portion of the family budget and I was to pay for all of my
expense other than food at home and a roof over my head out of the
seventy five dollars a month. This helped to give me a strong
foundation in what is needed versus what is wanted when money is
concerned. I got my own checking account in eleventh grade
because my mom was tired of writing my phone bill checks for me.

Arts and crafts were one of my favorite activities in Girl Scouts and I
liked the hand made tradition in my family. This has led me to make
things by hand for gifts for others throughout my life. I have a
scrapbook documenting the five generations of quilters on my mom's
side of the family, since they came to America in the late 1800's. I
have also made items for sale at craft shows and in a consignment
store. My crafts range in taste from Ukrainian Egg Dying, to quilting,


A Compilation of Writings                                             19
to crochet and a few other things in between, such as making fabric
boxes, recycled gift boxes, beading, macramé, paper maché and
some drawing.

I have a long lasting interest in computers and their use. I took my
first programming class in the eighth grade in the back of a Radio
Shack store on TRS80 machines which had no hard drive and no
floppy drive. Everything had to be typed from scratch every class. I
convinced my grandma to take the class with me, so that I would
have a ride to the other side of town. I helped her with her homework
so she wouldn't be too lost. Since then, I have dabbled in various
programming languages, obtained a BS in Information Systems
Management and worked as a Business Analyst at Intel for several
years. My current goal is to write educational software to mix my
interest in computers with my interest in education.

I wanted to be a teacher when I first began tutoring in the eighth
grade. It came easily to me. I was able to work with someone and
know what they needed to help them understand the concepts. I was
able to deliver multiple explanations for the same concept based on
the individual needs. This turned into a career as a teacher at a
charter school where I worked individually with at-risk high school
students and their families to help the students learn how they
learned. Several students told me I was the reason they graduated
from high school and some of them also said I was the reason they
went to college. There is no higher compliment.

I consider myself a life-long learner and I continue to take classes
and learn new skills and concepts on my own. A listing of details can
be found on my website at www.edonyourown.com under the link for
information about the webmaster.




A Compilation of Writings                                             20
                        Writing For Children

Writing for children began as an experiment to see if an auditory
learner could learn from a correspondence course. This was to see if
I could take online teaching classes to get my teaching credential in
the late 1990's. I haven't finished the course I started, but it did prove
I could learn in this way, so I could continue to pursue my teaching
career while I was still working at Intel.

The following writings are written from the guidelines for writing for
children as presented in the correspondence course from Institute for
Children's Literature.




A Compilation of Writings                                               21
                            THE RISING SUN

Brian laughed out loud as Tommy realized there was gum on his seat
and it was stuck to his pants. "I'll see you after school. As a sixth
grader, you should know not to laugh at other people's misfortunes."
Mrs. McNiel launched at Brian as she helped Tommy.

After school, Brian let his history book open to a random page, only to
find a note. It read, "Why did you do that to Tommy? Why don't you
try being nice to people for a change? Watch the rising sun." Brian
crumpled up the note and threw it in the bushes on his way home
from school.

The next morning, Brian came to class late, as usual. Mrs. McNiel
glared at him and waited during his daily ritual of tossing his lunch in
the closet, slamming his books on the table and scraping his chair on
the floor as he sat down. Brian looked up as Mrs. McNiel started to
erase the sun that was drawn on the lower right corner of the
blackboard.

At lunchtime, Brian opened his lunch bag to see another note. It read,
"Why do you always come to class late and make so much noise?
The teacher has to wait for you until you get settled before continuing.
It is so rude. You could be so nice, if you only tried, Watch the rising
sun." Brian decided he needed to know who was writing these notes.

After lunch, Brian walked in the door just as Mrs. McNiel asked Sue
to erase the board. The only thing on the board was another picture
of a sun, but this time it was a little higher on the board.

Brian offered to collect the papers in the afternoon. As he picked
them up he studied each and every one, including the paper
belonging to Mary, the new girl, to see if it matched the writing on the
note. But he couldn't tell, because the notes were printed and these
papers were written in cursive.

At the end of the day, Brian took his books out of his desk. A folded
piece of paper fell on the floor. He stuffed the note in his pocket and
ran out of class. He went to the bushes where he had thrown the first


A Compilation of Writings                                             22
note to find it was still there. He took the other two notes out of his
pocket and read them all. The last note read, "That was nice of you to
offer to pick up the papers in class today. Are you going to be on time
in school tomorrow? Watch the rising sun." Brian ran all the way
home.

The next morning, Brian heard the morning bell. He ran to class to
see if he could see who was writing the suns on the board. He was
too late, the sun was already on the board and it was just a little bit
higher than the last one.

When it was time for lunch, Brian ran out to the playground, to a tree
near the classroom, so he could keep a watch on the room. He
opened his lunch before he sat down. He reached in and pulled out
another note. It read, "I was really happy to see you arrive to class on
time this morning. I knew you could do it, if you tried. It sure would be
nice to walk home from school with you today. Watch the rising sun."
Brian tossed his lunch on the ground and threw his hands up in the
air.

Brian was back in the classroom before the lunch bell rang. But the
sun was already on the chalkboard and this time it was almost at the
top of the board. Brian went to his desk and put his head down on top
of his folded arms. Brian and his dad lived above his dad's store,
downtown. Brian didn't think anyone else lived downtown.

At the end of the day, Brian sat still at his desk and watched everyone
else pack up their books and he watched them all get their coats and
he watched them all leave. Brian put his head back down on his desk
again and sighed very loudly. The sound of chalk on the board jerked
his head up fast enough to give him whiplash. It was Mary, drawing
the sun in the upper right corner of the chalkboard.

Brian stared as Mary turned and walked over to him. She handed him
another note. Brian unfolded the piece of paper and read, "I live in the
basement of the Bakery Shop, downtown. I'm so glad you started
being nice in school, I was afraid to talk to you because you were so
mean to everyone. Kids made fun of my at the last school I went to
because I am hard of hearing and they think I speak funny. I was



A Compilation of Writings                                                 23
hoping we could be friends, now that we watched the sun rise
together."

That day was the first of many days Brian and Mary walked back and
forth to school together.



Notes From The Author: This story was written for a middle grade
writing contest and won third place. It is the first mystery I ever wrote.
I read the chapter in the textbook on how to write a mystery story for
children and then followed the steps to come up with this selection. It
is now posted on my website as a reading comprehension activity
with questions and answers about the story.




A Compilation of Writings                                               24
                  A HOUSE WITHOUT WALLS
In a shady corner of my backyard, stood a towering puzzle bark tree.
The bark was thin and peeled off in your hand in pieces looking like
jigsaw puzzle pieces. The base of the tree pushed up against the side
fence and the limbs stretched over the neighbor's vegetable garden.
Next to the tree was an old playhouse made out of smooth, weather
beaten plywood and two by fours. The wood on the playhouse was
worn where little hands were years before. Bridget, my friend since I
was five, and I couldn't see the side fence since the ivy was covering
it like a leafy, green fur coat.

We would lean up against the trunk of the tree, where we'd pulled off
the puzzle pieces of bark. We'd walk up th side of the playhouse,
using the playhouse window as a foot hold then climb on top of the
roof. From the roof, we'd grab one of the higher branches to steady
us as we climbed into the branches of the tree. Once we were in the
tree, we could climb about ten feet to find two branches for us to sit
on to survey the land around us. We saw Bridget's house on the next
block. We heard the neighbors in their back yards, as the tree
swayed back and forth when the wind blew.

When my little brother was big enough to climb up the tree with us, it
was no longer our own place. We decided to put a door on our tree
house. We didn't need walls or a roof because the tree provided
shade and the walls would have blocked our view of the
neighborhood. So we just needed a door with a lock on it.

The old playhouse was filled with musty smelling wood and there
were plenty of nails in the garage. We took the bus to a hardware
store to get a latch, hinges and a lock for the door to our tree house.
We made quite a ruckus with the pounding of hammers on nails to
make what looked like a piece of a short wooden fence. Next we got
out the saw and cut a hole big enough for us to climb through. We
nailed the hinges onto it, nailed the latch on and locked it.

We found a rope in the garage and tied it around our door. Bridget
climbed up, holding one end of the rope. She pulled while I pushed
and we finally got it up to where we wanted it. Once we got it there,


A Compilation of Writings                                               25
we nailed it to the branches and we had ourselves a tree house with
a locked door as an entrance. It was a little bit of a squeeze to get
through the opening, since it was on an angle and we measured the
size of the opening as if it were flat, but we didn't mind. It was still our
private tree house. No trespassers allowed...



Notes From The Author: This was an assignment for the children's
writing correspondence class. It was supposed to describe an event
from childhood. The story actually talks about a real series of events
and Bridget is a real person. The door is probably still up in the tree,
since we secured it well with nails. The key to the lock is long lost, so
the only way up is around the door. This story in on my website as a
reading comprehension activity with questions and answers about it
for students to practice.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 26
                       FREDDIE'S PRIZE PIE
"Stop! Bring the pie back." yelled Mother Rabbit. "Why does Freddie
insist on stealing my pies for the bake sale? Every bake sale is the
same story." Mother Rabbit asked anyone who would answer. Norton
the mouse shrugged his shoulders.

"I got it! I have the prize pie in my hands and nothing can stop me,"
whispered Freddie the Rabbit. "I will take the prize to my secret
hiding place." Freddie ran and ran. Finally he reached the old oak
tree. He hurried in the hole caused by a lightning storm many years
ago.

Freddie looked at his freshly stolen pie. "Now I'm safe in my secret
hiding place with my prize pie."

"Hellllooooo," said an out of sight familiar voice.

"Who's there? I recognize that voice. Who are you?" Freddie cried
out.

Mark the Robin peeked around the edge of the hole in the tree. "I
found you! I know where your secret hiding place is."

Freddie frowned. "You followed me, didn't you?"

"Yes, and I'm going to tell everyone where your secret hiding place
is."

"No!" Freddie exclaimed. "You can't do that."

Mark had an idea. "I won't tell if you bring back Mother Rabbit's pie.
Every time there is a bake sale, you steal one of the pies. It's not fair.
Kids are trying to raise money from the bake sale."

Freddie looked at his pie. "This is my prize pie. I can't give back my
prize pie."

"Why is it your prize pie?" Mark wanted to know.


A Compilation of Writings                                                27
"I always wanted to win a prize at the County Fair. But I never did."

Mark scratched his head. "I don't understand. What does stealing
pies have to do with not winning a prize?"

"Mother Rabbit told me to do something that I am good at. Then I'll
win a prize." Freddie started to explain. "I thought and thought and
thought some more. One thing I'm good at is walking quietly and
sneaking up on people. The County Fair doesn't have a prize for
that."

"But Freddie, why do you steal the pies from Mother Rabbit?"

Taking a deep breath, Freddie finally told Mark. "Mother Rabbit's pies
are the best in the county. One of her pies is a great prize for walking
quietly and sneaking up on her."

"Now I see, Freddie. You made up your own contest with the pie as
the prize."

"Yes."

"But Freddie, a contest has more than one person in it. Otherwise it
isn't a contest."

Freddie looked at his pie and sighed.

Mark had an idea. "Why don't we make up a contest for your special
skill and talent?"

Freddie didn't quite know what to say. He started to smile, but then
he frowned again. "What contest could we make up that involves
walking quietly and sneaking up on people?"

"How's this? We blindfold someone and have that person stand in the
middle of a large area. Everyone in the contest will try to sneak up on
the person with the blindfold. If the person in the blindfold points to
someone, then they are out of the contest. Everyone freezes until that



A Compilation of Writings                                               28
person has left the area. The person who taps the blindfolded person
first, wins the contest," said Mark the Robin in one long breath.

Freddie's eyes lit up. "Could we really make up a contest for the
County Fair like that?"

"I don't see why not. Why don't you take the pie back to Mother
Rabbit? Apologize to her. I know she'll be happy to get the pie back
for the bake sale. You can explain why you took the pie.

Guess who won the prize for Blind Man's Bluff at the next County
Fair?



Notes From The Author: This was the first assignment for the
correspondence course. The assignment was to write a story about a
picture in the textbook. The picture was of a rabbit next to a pie in a
kitchen window. This story sprang to my mind and I wrote it in a very
short time. The story exists on my website as a reading
comprehension activity with questions and answers to go along with
the story.




A Compilation of Writings                                              29
                            THE WEDDING
"Hurry up, Samantha!" Grandma shouted up the stairs. "We're going
to be late."

Samantha was looking at herself in her mom's full-length mirror. Yes,
the flowers were still in the right place in her French braid. It was hard
for her mom to braid her fine, brown hair, but it looked so nice.
Samantha was happy her grandma made her dress to look a little like
her Auntie's dress. Samantha got to pick out the bolt of fabric in the
store. Over the years, her grandma had made so many pretty skating
costumes. Her grandma could turn a long, flat piece of fabric into a
beautiful outfit in the blink of an eye. She could take scraps and turn
them into something spectacular.

Samantha had been waiting since she was three years old to be the
flower girl in her Auntie Angela's wedding. Seven years is a long time
to wait, but the day was finally here. So why was she scared?

"I'm going to leave you behind if you don't get down here right now!"
Samantha's grandma yelled with her hands on her hips and arms full
of last minute items such as the guest book and various decorations.
Samantha picked up her flower basket and ran downstairs to get into
her grandma's pick up truck.

"How long will it take us to get there?" Asked Samantha.

"Only forty-five minutes if there isn't much traffic."

Samantha slumped in the front seat and watched the scenery fly by.
She was kicking her feet and playing with the lace on her dress.

Samantha knew her job would be to fluff out her Auntie's train. It
would be as beautiful as a bouquet of flowers. Then it would be time
to sprinkle the flowers down the aisle. That was where the picture in
her head stopped.

Samantha felt the speed change as the truck turned off the freeway.
Samantha's stomach churned. What if she couldn't do it? What if she


A Compilation of Writings                                               30
froze up? The car stopped in the parking lot. Grandma got out of the
car, she began to gather all of the last minute things for the wedding.
Across the parking lot, Samantha could see her little brother with her
dad. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo. Her brother wasn't afraid
of being the ring bearer.

"Are you coming or what?" Asked grandma. "Bring the guest book
with you. We're running late." Samantha reached for the guest book
without looking for it, pulled it out and slammed the door shut behind
her.

"Where should I put the guest book?" Samantha said. She swung the
book by the corner as she looked around the church.

"Where is your flower basket? Did you leave it in the truck?"
Samantha had locked the door out of habit and her flower basket was
locked inside of the cab of the truck.

"I'm sorry. Can I have your keys to unlock the door?" Samantha held
her breath while she waited for the answer.

"The keys are in my purse. Don't forget to put them back when you
are done." Samantha dug through the purse and dashed out to the
truck, feeling relieved to be out of the way.

Samantha climbed into the cab. She decided to stay there as long as
possible. Maybe everyone would forget about her. She scrunched
down in the seat and watched all the people arrive in their suits and
dresses. The longer she watched, the more people arrived. Soon the
parking lot seemed completely full. Samantha's stomach churned and
groaned. She wasn't hungry, just scared. She wiped her sweaty
palms on the skirt of her dress.

A sound came from far off, it sounded like horse shoes slowly hitting
the pavement. Samantha sat up in the seat and looked all around.
Coming around the corner, into the parking lot, was a horse drawn
carriage. It was white and round, just like Cinderella's carriage. The
horses matched the carriage and they were so beautiful and proud.




A Compilation of Writings                                             31
Samantha popped out of the truck in a flash, grabbing her flower
basket. The door slammed shut.

"Are you the only one here to greet the bride?" asked Auntie.

Samantha was out of breath and put her hand up to her Auntie to
steady herself. "Everyone else is inside."

"They must be wondering where you are. Come with me. It will be
easier that way. I don't know how I will be able to walk down the aisle
if you don't go down first," said Auntie Angela.

Samantha's jaw dropped as she listened to her Auntie. Samantha
grabbed the outstretched hand.

As soon as the door opened, Samantha could see Grandma sigh and
queue the violinist to start the music. The wedding coordinator rushed
Samantha and the bride to their starting places.

"Wait a minute!" Samantha pulled her arm away from the wedding
coordinator's hand. She put the flower basket down on the floor and
ran around behind her Auntie. Samantha found the edge of the train
and shook it out a little. She helped it glide to the floor so that all of
the pretty lace patterns could be seen. Samantha scurried back to
pick up her basket.

"Now, I'm ready." Samantha snubbed her nose at the wedding
coordinator for forgetting the most important part. Samantha walked
confidently down the aisle sprinkling flowers and keeping her eyes
straight forward. At the end of the aisle, she took her place a little off
to the side.

Everyone stood up as Samantha's Auntie walked down the aisle with
Samantha's grandpa. Samantha really was happy to be part of her
Auntie's wedding.



Notes From The Author: This was written about a real wedding and
was written for an assignment for the children's writing

A Compilation of Writings                                                32
correspondence course. It was written around the 1999-2000 time
frame. I shared a house with the grandma in the story and knew her
children and grandchildren. We bought the house in Brentwood,
California as a venture to help each other financially. The funniest
part of the purchase was when I received a phone call asking if I
would be marrying this woman. The person didn't know she was a
woman and obviously never heard of two straight women going in
together on a business venture to become home owners.

This story is now a reading comprehension activity on my website
with questions and answers to go along with it.




A Compilation of Writings                                              33
                            YOSEMITE
"We’re here! We’re here!" Jane said as she bounced up and down in
her seat when she saw the entrance sign.

"We need to make a stop at the ranger’s station before we get going
on the trail." Dad cautioned.

The car pulled up in front of the ranger station and we all got out
stretching out legs and getting a look at Yosemite. Dad went inside to
have his talk with the ranger.

"There are so many trees and they are so big. It’s beautiful here. Why
didn’t we come visit here before?" Jane said to no one in particular as
she stared wide eyed at everything around her.

"Let’s go." Dad said as he waived his arm in the air to motion us to
come back to the car.

"Why can’t we stay here for a while and look around?" Complained
Mark.

"Yeah." Agreed Jane.

"We have to get going if we are going to get to the first camp before
nightfall." Dad explained.

We drove back out of the valley the way we came and turned into a
small parking lot near the exit and we pulled our packs out of the old
blue station wagon.

"Do we have all the food with us?" Dad asked in a hurried voice, as
he made sure all the doors to the car were locked.

"We’re only going for a few days. Why does it matter?" Jane asked as
she felt how heavy her backpack was.

"There have been reports of bears breaking into cars." Dad said
calmly.


A Compilation of Writings                                               34
"Bears!" Mom said anxiously.

"Are the bears going to get us?" Mark asked with wide-open eyes.

"They would only be after our food, not us." Explained Dad.

"I don’t understand. Wouldn’t the food be safer in the car, than in our
packs?" Jane asked.

"The ranger explained what to do with the food so the bears won’t get
it when we are out on the trail. There have been several cars and ice
chests that the bears have broken into to get food. I think the food is
safer with us out on the trail." Dad stated.

We began our trek into the Yosemite wilderness.

"Why are all the trees on the hill cut in half at the same height?" Jane
wanted to know.

"There was an avalanche here last winter and that was how high the
snow was as it came down the mountain." Dad answered.

"I don’t think I like Yosemite. They have bears and avalanches." Jane
complained.

"The hill looks ugly with all of those dead trees." Mark joined in.

"Just keep going and watch your step." Mom said in her warning
voice.

We finally arrived at camp and began setting up the tent, rolling out
the sleeping bags and getting dinner ready. After dinner, we cleaned
up extra well with the bears in mind.

"Dad, what are we going to do with the food?" Mark wanted to know.

"We are going to put all of the food into these two trash bags. Hurry
up, it’s getting dark. Don’t forget to bring the garbage. The bears can
smell garbage better than the unopened food." Dad said impatiently.

A Compilation of Writings                                             35
"Now what?" Asked Jane

"Get the rope out of your pack, Mark." Dad directed.

We all watched as dad tied a rock to one end of the rope and walked
around looking at different trees. He finally found one he liked and
threw the rock into the air. He missed and it came crashing to the
ground.

We all stood silently, afraid to say anything to disturb him. He tried
again and this time he hit his mark. He got the rope over a branch. He
jiggled the rope until the rock came down low enough for him to reach
it. He untied the rock and tied one of the bags of food to it. Then he
pulled the rope until the knot touched the branch.

He opened the second bag and put most of the rope inside of it. Then
with the rope that was outside of the bag, he tied the other bag in a
tight knot. Then he started looking around on the ground.

"This will work." Dad said to himself as he picked up a long, thick
stick.

He lifted the bag of food that was on the ground and the other bag
started to drop down a bit. He pushed the lower bag up using the
stick until the two bags were at the same height, high above our
heads and hopefully the bears’ heads, too. Then we went to bed.

We woke up when we heard noises outside of the tent.

"What is that?" Asked Mark, annoyed that something woke him up.

"I’ll look." Mom said bravely as she unzipped the tent door.

"John look!" Mom shook dad awake.

Mark and Jane looked outside and saw a momma bear and her two
medium sized cubs. The cubs looked about the same size as Jane
and Mark. The momma bear looked like she was bigger than dad.



A Compilation of Writings                                             36
"Mom, one of them is sniffing my backpack!" Jane exclaimed.

"The other two are trying to reach the bags of food!" Mark cried out.

"Be quiet. They should figure out that they can’t get the food and go
away." Dad said angrily.

We all sat in the tent and watched the bears to see what would
happen. The bear sniffing Jane’s backpack decided to go over to the
other bears. The momma bear started leaning on the tree. She
pushed harder and harder on the tree and we watched it sway back
and forth. One of the bags started to lower a bit.

"The bags aren’t the same weight. They are going to come down!"
Mom gasped.

Dad motioned for us to be quiet.

The bags stopped shifting, but now they were swinging back and
forth with the tree. Two of the bears were pushing on the tree now
and the third was circling below the bags.

"What was that noise?" Mark asked.

"I think it was the branch." Answered Jane.

The bags didn’t slide down, but the branch they were hanging on
broke and both bags crashed to the ground. The bears ripped open
the bags and ate all of the food. Once they were done, they
wandered off into the woods.

"Well, now you have seen bears up close and personal." Dad stated.

"Let’s get some sleep. We will have a long way to hike in the morning
and the sooner we get out, the sooner we get to eat." Mom said to
end the conversation.




A Compilation of Writings                                               37
Notes From The Author: This is based on an actual backpacking
trip in the Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite National Park in
California. Mark is my brother's name and I changed my name to
Jane in this story. The story was written while I was working on my
www.mindextend.com website. The idea was to have a "bite size"
story where each screen would show a little of the story and ask one
question with a button to show if the answer was correct or not. I
didn't get the javascript to work correctly, but I will one day have the
same concept happen and actually have it work. I think it is a good
way to help kids increase their reading comprehension skills.

The idea to write this story came from telling the story to someone at
work and having them not believe it was actually true. Bears are a
common sight in Yosemite and the ways they get to the food is also
famous, but this person had never been to Yosemite, had not heard
the tales and thought I was too fat to ever go backpacking in my life. I
guess the story was written more in protest to peoples' ignorance
than anything else. But I do like to think of it as having an educational
perspective as a reading comprehension story listed on my current
website.




A Compilation of Writings                                              38
                  GETTING READY TO STRIP
Imagine all of the colors sewn together in a beautiful quilt. Strip
piecing is a quick and easy way to build a quilt full of colors and
memories. Quilts can be made from treasured scraps of fabric used
in other projects or with new fabric or even a mix of new and old.
There are several steps to take to prepare for strip piecing.

Fabric should be clean and ironed. Newly purchased fabric can be
pre-washed or used right off of the bolt. The fabric should be folded
so that it will fit on the self-healing cutting mat and the fold should be
ironed flat to make cutting the fabric easier.

Once the fabric is prepared, then a self-healing mat should be placed
under the ironed fabric. Use a clear acrylic ruler several inches wide.
The ruler is placed on the fabric with the edge where the cut will be
made. A rotary cutter that looks like a pizza cutter is used to cut the
fabric. Run the rotary cutter along the edge of the ruler to cut the
fabric.

The width of the fabric strips is determined by the pattern to be made.
Cut the strips one half inch wider than the desired final width after
sewing. A quarter of an inch will be sewn off of each side of the strip
when it is part of the design. A common width for strips is two and a
half inches wide to end up as two inches wide in the finished quilt.

Cut strips in the different colors to be used in the quilt. Once they are
all cut, then they can be sewn together and cut again. Many patterns
can be made with this technique, such as the log cabin or rail fence.
Other patterns can be adapted to use this technique for faster
piecing.


Notes From The Author: This was a writing assignment for the
children's writing correspondence class. It was supposed to be
instructional in nature, since this is a big market in children's
magazines. It is now listed as a reading comprehension story on my
website.



A Compilation of Writings                                                39
                            WRITE SALE
It's magnificent. It's miraculous! It's just what you need to be the best
writer you can be. It gives you words when words leave you. It only
assists you when you need it and it never writes it all for you. It is
inspiration only and not plagiarism. Anything you need to write will
come from you through this magnificent pen that never needs new
ink. Can you afford to live without it?



Notes From The Author: This was written for an online contest for a
children's writing website. The idea was to sell a pen to writers in a
short word count. This was the result. I have it posted as a reading
comprehension activity on my website with questions and answers
about it.




A Compilation of Writings                                               40
                            WHY DO I WRITE?
Why do I write? It seems a simple enough question. Why would it be
hard to answer? The answer is different for each person, so I will
write my answer. No one else can write it for me. No one else knows
me the way I do. Why do I write? I write for the person who cares for
me. I write for the person who wants me to succeed. I write for the
person who cheers me on in my attempts. I write for the person who
consoles me in defeat. I write for the person who wants the best for
me. I write for the person who loves me. I write to bring sunny days. I
write to bring a smile to someone's face. I write to release feelings
that can't be expressed without criticism. I write to feel free.

I am happy when I write. I am happy to achieve goals. I am happy to
address the envelopes, put the stamps on them and drop them in the
slot at the post office. It is a wonderful feeling to have hope. Writing
brings hope and happiness to my life. Writing is the oasis in the
desert that can be my life. Writing fills the void of a caring, loving
partner. Writing makes me feel better about life and the people in it.
Writing is good for the soul. Writing is happiness in pen and paper.
Typing and writing by hand both work for different reasons and
different purposes. Writing is a piece of me that I choose to share
with others. The rest is for me. Enjoy and be happy in life. I write for
myself.



Notes From The Author: This is in response to an online writing
contest to write about why I write. It was interesting writing it and I
feel good about it when I look back on what I wrote that day with no
rewrites at all. This is now posted as a reading comprehension
activity on my website.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 41
                               Poetry
Poetry is something I have dabbled in over the years. The first poem I
ever wrote was for an eighth grade GATE English class with a man
named Jack Grapes. He taught me that anyone can write a poem.
There are many different styles of poetry and many different ways to
get thoughts onto paper. He had us do silly poems and poems that
didn't make any sense at all while we were writing them, but then
afterwards, they seemed to take a life of their own. One of the poems
I wrote at this time was published in a compilation of poetry from two
different classes at John Adams Junior High School. My mom said
she lost the book, but if I ever get to see a copy of it again, I will
surely get that poem and add it to my collection of poetry. All I
remember about it was that it had to do with a tunnel and seeing a
light at the end of it. It was a dark poem for the dark period of my life
when my grandma was going through chemotherapy and living at
home with us. The next time I wrote any poetry was for a freshman
English class at Humboldt State University in Arcata, California in the
first half of 1986.

I've never considered myself a poet, but when I look at the poetry I
have written, I guess I can call myself a poet in my own right. I don't
have to have hundreds of poems and thousands of publications with
my poetry to be a poet. I write it when I feel like it and I keep my
collection to show myself where I have been in life. I believe poetry
captures a state of mind at the time.




A Compilation of Writings                                              42
                               FOREST

                                  Green
                                Tall trees
                              Bushy ferns
                            Winding pathways
                       The domicile to many animals



Notes From The Author: This is one of several tetactrys poems
inspired by a description of them in a magazine from a childrens
writing organization The Society For Children's Writers And
Illustrators. I submitted this poem several times for publication and
the only place it was accepted was in the poetry section of my
website as well as in the description I wrote for how to write tectactrys
poetry. It was written in the early part of 2006 while I was living in
South Lake Tahoe. When I think of a forest, I think of the Sierras, the
redwoods and the rainforest in Washington state.




A Compilation of Writings                                              43
                                 LUCK

                                   Coins
                                 Fountain
                                Wishing well
                              Blowing candles
                   The pot of gold is nothing without you



Notes From The Author: This is a listing of things that came to mind
when I thought of the word luck. It is ultimately a love poem and love
comes to the lucky few in life. It should not be taken lightly and should
be treasured and cherished much more than riches. This poem is on
my website and was written in Lead, South Dakota in 2006 or 2007.




A Compilation of Writings                                             44
                            MOUNTAIN SNOW

                                   White
                                   Fluffy
                                Fun to throw
                             Snowmen in hats
                Sledding, sliding, boarding, skating, skiing



Notes From The Author: This poem was written for a contest entry
in By Line magazine in the first part of 2006 while I was living in
South Lake Tahoe, California. Unfortunately I was disqualified from
the contest because I included a cover page and that was not
allowed. I based the poem on things my students said about what
they did in the winter time. I had students who were quite proficient in
skiing, snowboarding and were not afraid to try new things like the
tricycles with skis on them.




A Compilation of Writings                                             45
                              MY GUYS

                                 Friends
                                  Happy
                            Dressed in jeans
                          Each wearing smiles
                  Warmth, caring, consideration and love



Notes From The Author: This poem came to me while living in
Lead, South Dakota in 2006 or 2007. There have been men in my life
who fit this description who have been helpful in working towards a
resolution to my stalking situation. I am grateful for them and felt they
were deserving of a poem dedicated to them.




A Compilation of Writings                                              46
                              POETRY

                                    Write
                                   Poems
                                Flowing ink
                               Filling pages
             Writing feelings and thoughts to share with you


Notes From The Author: This was written in Lead South Dakota in
2006 or 2007. I was getting into writing poetry at the time and I
thought it was odd that I never thought of myself as being a poet. So I
decided to go with that thought and put my ideas of poetry to page.




A Compilation of Writings                                            47
                            QUILTING LOVE

                                   Quilt
                                   Pretty
                                  Colorful
                             Warm and lovely
                   An object of beauty to share with you



Notes From The Author: I truly enjoy making quilts and I decided to
put that thought to paper. I was also writing a beginner quilting book
at the time and thought it would be nice to have a couple of quilting
poems in the beginning of the book. This was written in Lead South
Dakota in 2006.




A Compilation of Writings                                            48
                            SCRAP QUILT

                                Scraps
                                 Pieces
                                Of fabric
                             Sewn in rhythm
                 Making joy and mirth for my loving friend



Notes From The Author: This is the second quilting poem I made for
my beginning quilting book. I like the quilts with many different colors
and fabrics. I had a quilt when I was growing up that was made by my
great grandma and I remember being told the story of all of the
fabrics. Some of them were dresses and some were coats and some
of them were pairs of shorts that were all made by my great grandma.
This is the story that made me like the idea of making quilts.




A Compilation of Writings                                             49
                            YOUNG LOVE

                                   Smiles
                                  Kiss kiss
                                 Tickles, too
                             Hugs and wrestling
                   Roll in the hay and enjoy the good life



Notes From The Author: I was in a good mood one day and wishing
I had some male company, so this poem was the result. I guess I had
the farm life in my mind at the time as well. This was written in Lead,
South Dakota in 2006.




A Compilation of Writings                                            50
                              GRANDPA

                                   Wise
                                  Loving
                               Woodworker
                              Cribbage player
                    Traveler near and far for adventure



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in the first half of
2007 while in Lead, South Dakota. I wrote it when I heard my
grandpa was getting close to the end. I made him a hand made get
well card with this poem inside of it. I also sent along my description
for how to write tectactrys poetry so he would understand what kind
of poem it was. My brother thanked me for sending the
documentation. I guess that means my family didn't recognize it as a
poem without the explanation. My grandpa died a few weeks after I
sent him the poem. I'm glad he got to read it while he still recognized
people and understood who wrote it for him.




A Compilation of Writings                                             51
                            BE MY VALENTINE

Be my valentine for a minute.
Be my valentine for an hour.
Be my valentine for a day.
Be my valentine for a lifetime.

But how long is a lifetime?
Is a lifetime a minute, an hour, a day?
Or is a lifetime many minutes, hours and days
Strung together like Christmas lights?

Be my valentine.



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in the first part of
2006 while I was living in South Lake Tahoe, California. It was written
as a poetry contest entry for By Line magazine. It was written during
a difficult time period of my stalking situation and shows how much
danger I felt of my life being shortened by criminals.




A Compilation of Writings                                            52
                      FLOWERS IN THE SUN

Follow the light all day long.



Notes From The Author: This is an assignment from a poetry class I
took online in the first part of 2006 while living in South Lake Tahoe,
California. The assignment was to write a one line poem, which is a
type of poetry where the title is actually part of the poem itself. I
thought it was an interesting assignment.




A Compilation of Writings                                            53
                                FRED

I once knew a man named Fred.
He was a little touched in the head.
When I threw a ball,
He ate it all.
I once knew a man named Fred.



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in the first part of
1986 for a freshman English class at Humboldt State University in
Arcata, California. I was living in the dorms at the time and wrote it in
a Macintosh computer lab in one of the buildings on campus. It was
written in response to my boyfriend accusing me of cheating on him.
He is now my ex-husband and I never did cheat on him. But
whenever he accused me of it, I referred to the imaginary man named
Fred who must have been the person he thought I was spending time
with while I wasn't with Yves. This poem was once chosen to be in a
compilation of poems in a vanity publication. I never bought the book
because it was so expensive and I was short on funds at the time
while living in Tahoe.




A Compilation of Writings                                             54
                            A FRIEND

You bring smiles to my face.
You help melt away the worries.
You offer support and caring concern.
You give yourself to me.
You accept me for who I am.

You listen to what I say.
You don't complain because I talk too much.
You mean so much to me.
Thank you again for being in my life.
I am better off for knowing you.

You are my friend.



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in South Lake
Tahoe, California when I put up my first website www.mindextent.com
around 2003 or 2004 time frame. I wrote the poem about a man I
corresponded with via email for a couple of years. We met while
playing backgammon and enjoyed playing board games online and
exchanging emails. He was a comforting friend to have in my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                        55
                        A HOUSE OF PIECES

Pull out one piece - will it still stand?



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in the first part of
2006 while living in South Lake Tahoe, California. I wrote it as a one
line poem assignment for an online poetry class. It was written about
my cabin which was in disrepair and in the process of being
remodeled. It was fifty years old and had many idiosyncrasies that
made it a wonder to live there. I miss my house that was on a slant
and in various states of repair.




A Compilation of Writings                                            56
                            THE LAKE

                                 Blue
                                Choppy
                                 Cold
                                 Deep
                               Friendly
                                  Fun
                                Green
                                Happy
                                 High
                                 Pretty
                               Romantic
                                Tessie
                                  Wet

                             Lake Tahoe



Notes From The Author: This poem was written in the 2003-2004
timeframe while I was living in South Lake Tahoe, California. I wrote it
while I was building my website www.mindextend.com. I didn't have
much on the site at the time and I wanted a poem so the list of poems
didn't look so short. I wrote down a list of words to describe Lake
Tahoe and then alphabetized them to make this poem. One person
commented she didn't know a poem could be a list of words. I say a
poem is a poem if the author says it is.




A Compilation of Writings                                             57
                        A POEM ON POETRY

What pattern?
Which pattern to be used?
Shall it be iambic?
Should it be dactylic?
Does it really matter?

Poems are such frail things
They sway with the wind in the willows
They bow to no one
Yet yield to anyone who will partake
Why then do we struggle to put thought to pen?

Why indeed?
Why? Because it is in us
Because it must come out
Because it is in the wind and the trees
Because it is in our hearts and minds



Notes From The Author: This is a poem written for an online poetry
class in the first half of 2006 while I was living in South Lake Tahoe,
California. I was trying to follow a form of poetry discussed in class
and the teacher said everyone is allowed one poem on poetry.
Basically I didn't know what to write about, so I wrote about poetry.




A Compilation of Writings                                             58
                            SUNBURNS

It's a beautiful day.
Let's go to the river!
Don't forget the suntan lotion.

Time to lay out.
Do a little homework.
Take a dip in the cool river.
Lay out some more to dry off.

Time to take a shower.
Aaaahhhhgg!
That water hurts.
Sunburned again.



Notes From The Author: This is another poem written for a
freshman English class in the first half of 1986 while I was living in the
dorms at Humboldt State University in Arcata, California. The weather
was always overcast, rainy or foggy where we lived, so occasionally
we would drive a ways inland to find some sun. The poem was
written based on one of those trips to a sunny, grassy place near the
Salmon River. I liked the weather in Arcata. It is perfect for growing
redwood trees and is a beautiful place to be in any weather.




A Compilation of Writings                                              59
                     A WALK IN THE WOODS

Walk on the path in the woods, my dear.
Walk on the winding path in the woods, my dear.
Walk with me on the winding path in the woods, my dear.



Notes From The Author: This was another poem written for an
online poetry class in the first half of 2006 while I was living in South
Lake Tahoe, California. The assignment was clear to follow a pattern
of repetition and adding in more words for each line of the poem. I
think it turned out just fine for a very structured poetry assignment.




A Compilation of Writings                                               60
                            Flash Fiction
I read somewhere that Flash Fiction is an art form to reduce the
writing down to its basic elements, leaving out items which are
implied. The online flash exercise group I joined in the beginning of
2007 calls the flash fiction anything under 1000 words. There are
three different prompts to respond to each week. Participation can be
reading, critiquing others' writing and responding to the prompts. It is
a supportive group with interesting perspectives on the stories which
open up other possibilities for further revisions of current
submissions.

I was able to get some advice on where to find flash fiction
publications willing to publish new writers. I keep track of my
submissions on the Duotrope website which lists many publications
and if they pay or not. Many of the ezines don't pay, but they do offer
publishing credits that can lead to other paying jobs in the world of
writing.

Most of my writing tends to stay under 300 words. I like the short
stories that are quick to write and quick to read. It has been a
challenge for me to get my writing away from all of the description
encouraged in other forms of writing and distill it down to just the
basics which are necessary for the core story.

Some of my writing comes from my experience as a stalking victim. I
have found much to write about for several of the writing prompts. It is
a way for me to get the word out about how horrible the experience
has been. I'm not sure people in the group know that some of what I
write is based on factual events. It's not important for them to know. It
is only important for me to know and that hopefully my stories will
open peoples' minds to the greater understanding of the crime victim,
since I have found a lack of people who understand the plight of long
term crime victims, such as stalking victims.




A Compilation of Writings                                              61
                       IT HAPPENED AGAIN
Sally woke up feeling violated.

She remembered telling Spencer she wasn't in the mood, finishing
her drink and walking him to the door.

So what happened? How did it happen all of those other times?

She tried talking to him about it once and he laughed at her.

Should she go to the police? Would they believe her?

What happens if she tells Spencer she doesn't want to see him
anymore?

Can she get tested for drugs to see if there is something he is giving
her to knock her out so she doesn't remember what happened?
Would the doctor think she was crazy?

Sally opened the newspaper to a random page and there it was.

The use of date rape drugs is on the rise. Symptoms... Contacts...


Notes From The Author: This is the first story I wrote as part of an
online flash fiction writing group. I got into an argument with one of
the men in the group who did not understand that this was a story
about date rape drugs, not just date rape. There are many people out
there who do not understand what date rape drugs are and how they
leave the victim in a difficult place where they can't ID their
attacker(s).

In my particular stalking situation. I do know what it is like to wake up
from being drugged in my home, knowing something was done to my
body while I was passed out. So this topic is very important to me. It
is important for me to stand up for other victims who are unable to
stand up for themselves in their situations.



A Compilation of Writings                                              62
                            THE DEED IS DONE
"Oh, the blood!" cried Margaret. "What shall we do? It's all over the
place."

Mark staggered over to the couch and sank into it, ignoring Margaret.

"I didn’t know it would be so messy. How do we clean it up?"
continued Margaret as she walked over to Mark.

Mark turned to stare at her. "What did you expect? The deed is done.
Now we move forward."

"But we didn’t discuss what to do with all of the evidence. How do we
get rid of the body? How do we get the stain out of the carpet?"
Margaret started to pace with her hands on the sides of her face,
shaking her head back and forth.

Mark returned to staring at the wall with no response.

"How can you sit there? How can you not react? Why aren’t you
doing something? We have to get out of here and leave town."
Margaret grabbed her purse and jacket.

Mark turned to look at the pool of blood surrounding the gunshot
wound Margaret left in her husband’s skull.

"Aren’t you coming with me? Are you just going to stay with the
body?" Margaret dashed to the door only to hear the loud pounding of
the fist of a cop intent on coming in the door.

Mark watched as Margaret fainted and slumped against the door,
blocking the entrance for the police. He lit a cigarette and took a drag.
"Murder is not for the faint of heart."


Notes From The Author: This is a revised version of the original
story I turned in for the flash writing group. The group provides



A Compilation of Writings                                               63
feedback on each others' writing in order to improve overall skills in
this finely tuned form of writing.

As of 05/25/08, this will be published in The Shine Journal
http://www.theshinejournal.com/ in the August, 2008 online issue.
This is my ninth story to be accepted to date. It was pretty cool
because I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to send off
a few stories for possible publication. I received a response just a few
hours later and saw it in my email a couple of days later. I announced
it to my writing group and they congratulated me. It's funny that I
announced this on the day my second story to be accepted was sent
out via email from Flashshot magazine. I decided to send that out to
the group as well. I'm probably not supposed to do that, but I was just
so excited. I still need to send it to the Flash Fiction Newsletter for the
list of writing accomplishments from the recipients of the newsletter.
The author of that group started the online writing group I belong to.

I never thought of myself as a writer, but I ran out of ideas of what I
could do for a living while being victimized and having no career I
could go to that my stalkers wouldn't destroy. I resorted to writing
short fiction because that is about all I can get done between being
drugged and forced to pass out by my stalkers. It makes me happy to
find some sort of success in the middle of this disastrous stalking
mess. I heard they were going to stop the game again. This time they
were going to stop it because I wasn't safe because of it. Gee…
wasn't that the reason they stopped it the first time? I wonder why
they thought it was a good idea to start it up again after law
enforcement shut it down the first time. I guess they really are the
stupid stalking corporation. They get ordered to stop something for
reasons of safety and the fact that it is illegal to have that kind of
information out there on the internet in the first place and they just
ignore the orders and go right on destroying my life. Isn't it odd that
they go around telling people they are helping me, when all they are
really doing is making my life a living hell? I also think it is odd that so
many people go along with it, thinking it isn't harmful at all. Or maybe
they believe the lies that are part of the game and they fancy
themselves vigilantes. Either way, it is just wrong and I wish I could
just get on with trying to find a normal life while being accidentally
famous.



A Compilation of Writings                                                 64
                            THE WOMAN
“I’ll take a ham and cheese, please.”

“Would you like that on rye, sir?” The sandwich maker confident he
knew the answer, reached for the rye.

“No, I’ll take a French roll today.” The customer stared out the front
window with a smile on his face.

“But sir, you always have rye. What’s the special occasion?” The
sandwich maker looked up to see the customer.

The customer drank in the woman walking through the door. The
sandwich maker had his answer.



Notes From The Author: This is the first story I wrote for the group
that had no negative critiques made on it. The people in the group
liked it and so do I. Sometimes when I read the prompts, stories just
pop into my head without any effort at all. This was one of them.

This story was accepted on November 6, 2008 for the online ezine
Flashshot to be published (emailed) on December 11, 2008.
http://www.gwthomas.org/flashshotindex.htm




A Compilation of Writings                                                65
                            THE PHONE CALL
“Hi Mom. I just had to call you today. Something told me you needed
to hear from me.”

“Hello Sweetie. How are you today?”

“Mom is something wrong? You never call me Sweetie.”

“Oh the weather is just fine here. I wish you could see how beautiful it
is.”

“Mom, you're not making any sense. Is there someone with you?”

“I have to go now, dinner is starting to burn.”

The daughter hung up the phone and called 911.

“911 What is the emergency?”

“My mother is in trouble. I don’t know the phone number for the police
in Sea Castle. Can you send someone right away to 346 Newberry
Lane?”

The mom finally called after midnight. The police had arrived to find
her at gun point. They arrested the man and told the mom to thank
her daughter for saving her life.



Notes From The Author: I revised this story from its original form
based on comments from other readers in the group. It's not my
favorite, but I think it conveys a sense of knowing something is wrong
and using clues based on a long term relationship where some things
are always the same. I like the concept of asking for help indirectly.




A Compilation of Writings                                               66
                             THE LEAK
“There’s a leak in the roof, Bert.” Mathilda stood with her hands on
her hips.

“Put a pot under it. It’s not a big deal.” Bert turned the page in the
newspaper.

“The snow’s meltin’ and the roof’s leakin’.” Mathilda grabbed a pot
and put it under the leak.

“I heard you the first time, dear.” Bert folded his paper and went
outside for a walk.

After his walk, Bert came in the kitchen door to find the kitchen filled
with snow and ice. He noticed a corner of his wife’s apron sticking out
of the wet, slush.

“I guess she wasn’t foolin’ around about the leak in the roof.”



Notes From The Author: This story was liked by the group and was
in response to the prompt "No fooling. We've got real problems."
That's where I got the idea for the last line of the story. Someone
even suggested that I try to get it published in an ezine. So far it
hasn't been published.

This story is published in the short humor anthology People of Few
Words available on lulu.com - www.lulu.com/content/3174559




A Compilation of Writings                                                67
          THE PERPETUAL ONE NIGHT STAND
“I…love you?” Dirk couldn’t believe the words that fell from his lips.
He couldn’t possibly have said them. Dirk didn’t believe in loving one
woman. He was a true believer in one night stands.

She was asleep, so he might get away with her not hearing what he
said, even though she was sleeping with a smile on her face.

He wanted to get up and leave, but they were at his place. He now
saw the wisdom in sleeping at her place. Leaving in the middle of the
night seemed so much better than staying the whole night.

He made his decision to emotionally push her away. She would
surely not want to see him anymore. He would give her the cold
shoulder. Women hated when men did that. That would do the trick.

Dirk gave it more thought at dawn. One more night wouldn’t hurt
anything…



Notes From The Author: The prompt for this story had to do with an
emotional rollercoaster and I thought of the relationship without
commitments and how that can be quite a roller coaster when a man
doesn't know how much the woman actually means to him. I often
wonder how many men are out there who don't know how much a
woman means to them until it's too late. How to wake up a man from
this dazed state is the mystery I would like to unlock in life.




A Compilation of Writings                                            68
             THE SMILE OF A LUCKY WOMAN
"Isn’t today a great day, Marvin?" Flo jumped up and down and
hugged Marvin.

"Calm down. What is so great about today?" Marvin pushed Flo away
from him.

"Today is the day I found out the man I love, loves me. We are off to
see the countryside by train. I’ll just go get my stuff and I’m off."

Marvin looked on as his wife of twenty years walked off into the
sunset with nothing but a backpack and a smile.



Notes From The Author: One of the readers in the group said she
was still trying to figure out of Flo actually walked off with only a
backpack and no clothes. It's great to hear what other people have to
say because it puts a different perspective on the story and gives
more ideas of where things might go if rewritten or expanded or even
for other ideas for new stories. Writers and writing books talk about
joining a writing group. This online group is as close as I will get these
days, but I still feel the same sense of learning from other
perspectives that the writing books discuss as a positive for being in a
group. Another plus to being in a writing group is that everyone is in
the same boat and understands what it is like to be a writer.

This comes out in Flashshot on 05/27/08. The website for the daily
emailing of stories is at http://www.gwthomas.org/flashshotindex.htm
I am on my way in the writing world. I guess getting published is the
object of the game, so I am going in the right direction. I also do it for
the pleasure of it all, so there is that, too. It's funny that I always
thought of English as my worst subject in school. Maybe I wasn't so
bad at it after all. Or maybe I have improved. Who knows? I just like
getting better at it. Enjoy.




A Compilation of Writings                                                69
                              YES, DEAR
"Irv, I'm going to start a fabric store for quilters."

"Yes, dear."

"I've worked with a lady from the Small Business Association who
made projections that show a profit."

"Yes, dear."

"Based on our calculations, the initial investment can be returned in
two years and after that the real profits begin."

"Yes, dear."

"I just need to call our broker to sell some stock."

"Yes, dear."

KABOOM! She slammed the entire stack of fabric and notions
catalogs onto the table.

"I just told you you're retiring early and living off of my entrepreneurial
efforts. Do I have your permission?!"

"Hey, you don't need my permission, but I approve."



Notes From The Author: This story was written during the time I
was trying to get things started for the fabric store I wanted to own.
The last line of the story was the prompt for that day and it struck a
chord with me about what I was trying to do. The needing permission
part also hits home with being a stalking victim and having people in
my life who want to control what I am and am not allowed to do. In
real life I'm dealing with a bunch of control freaks. In this story, the
woman is only dealing with an apathetic husband.



A Compilation of Writings                                                70
            JUST ANOTHER GAME OF CARDS
The gambler shot the man across from him.

The gambler said to the next player, "How many cards do you want?"

The player next to the dead man said, "I'll play the cards I have."



Notes From The Author: This is one of my shortest stories and I
thought of it because of the famous shoot out over a game of cards in
Deadwood, South Dakota. The thought that not everyone knows
about this shoot out in the Wild West so long ago didn't cross my
mind when I submitted the story. The short story was shortened even
more based on comments from one of the readers.




A Compilation of Writings                                             71
                            IT WAS IN THE CLAUSE

It was stated in the clause known as the Santa clause that any
person shooting and killing Santa Claus would automatically become
the new Santa Claus.

Yes, it was cliché. Yes, it was ironic, but so it was.

The Christmas Robber who had robbed so many houses that night
alone, who was startled by Santa and thus shot Santa became the
new Santa and was compelled to undo his robbery wrongs for the
rest of his life, which was long since Santa lives until the next person
kills him.



Notes From The Author: This is the first story of mine to get
accepted for publication. It is due out in mid March in the online ezine
Clockwise Cat. The publication doesn't pay money for the items
published, but it is very cool to get a publication credit. I thanked the
editor for my first publication and she called me a publication virgin
and said the term sounded depraved. The prompt for this story
actually had to do with Santa getting shot by accident.

I'm in issue 8 at http://www.clockwisecat.blogspot.com/ or go to it
directly at http://clockwisecat.blogspot.com/2008/02/one-flash-fiction-
by-janine.html




A Compilation of Writings                                              72
                            IT'S SO EASY
It's so easy to hold you in my arms when you are gone.

All I have to do is feel all of the wonderful things the thought of you
brings to me.

I think, therefore I am?

No. I think, therefore YOU are.



Notes From The Author: One reader commented that this sounded
like poetry with its sense of beat. Another said it was short and clever.
It reminded me of my high school philosophy class as well as the
sense of feeling like someone is close when I think of them. The
actual prompt for this one was: "I close my eyes and you are with me,
ending my loneliness."

This comes out in Flashshot on 06/17/08. The website for the daily
emailing of stories is at http://www.gwthomas.org/flashshotindex.htm
This is pretty exciting getting my writing published. I will have to see
what else I can get published.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 73
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A CRIMINAL SCIENTIST
I don't have to listen to this stuff! I quit!

What is the point of being a criminal if I can't get anything done?

The police tell me I'm doing the wrong thing and if I want to save
myself some time behind bars; I better turn in the big guys.

How can I turn in the big guys when they are the ones paying my
salary?

The lawyers say I have no case to stand on in court.

My whole career is based on what they are calling criminal behavior.

It all started out so simple… All I had to do was determine why this
alien was here and acting all smart.

What could go wrong? All I had to do was drug it, operate on it and
monitor it.

Who knew it would start doing good things and people would get
upset and jealous about how good it was?

Who knew it would be sabotaged and tortured because of rumors?

Now I'm stuck with this tortured and terrorized alien disguising itself
as a human with all kinds of stuff inside of it to put me away for the
rest of my life.

Do I operate on it some more to take it out and risk getting caught or
do I let it go and find its own way to deal with its "body of evidence?"

I guess it really comes down to how much time I want behind bars.
There is no way of getting out of it now.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 74
Why not have others join in? Yeah, that's it… If there are too many of
us, they will never catch all of the bad guys. Yeah, my work can
continue even when I am behind bars.

Why did that stupid alien have to come across my path in the first
place?

Oh, was I supposed to be nice to it and make friends instead of
turning it into a science project?

Hmmm… hindsight is 20/20…



Notes From The Author: This story is inspired from things having to
do with my stalking situation. The way I have been treated sometimes
makes me feel like people think of me as an alien. Then there is the
website that had to do with part of this mess being located at seti at
home. SETI is the study for extraterrestrial intelligence. There were
quite a few threaded discussions on that site discussing the situation
on a daily basis and gathering public responses as well as the people
who were running the study. They called it an innovative way to do a
study. I call it a total invasion of my privacy and a violation of my
rights. But the threaded discussions were only part of the mess.
There were also the physical attacks that went along with everything
else. One day this will be resolved. I am confident of that.




A Compilation of Writings                                            75
                            THE DAREDEVIL
"Listen, you better be careful, and watch your step." Said the voice in
Sherman's head (VISH).

"Why be careful when life is more fun being a daredevil?" Sherman
said out loud to no one (SOLTNO).

"I warned you, didn't I?" VISH

"So what? If I did everything you wanted, life would be boring."
SOLTNO

"But what are you going to do now?" VISH

"Enjoy the moment. What else?" SOLTNO

"How are you enjoying the moment?" VISH

"The view is gorgeous on this freefall of all freefalls from the top of
the Empire State Building. Look, even the street looks pretty with all
the car lights and neon signs flashing by." SOLTNO

The VISH God paused as he watched the jumper splat on the
ground.

"I guess he was an optimist after all." VISH



Notes From The Author: A lot of the people in the group had trouble
with the VISH and SOLTNO tags I put on the end of the lines to tell
who was speaking. I decided to leave them in because they work with
the VISH GOD line near the end of the story. I don't believe all
comments are worth making changes over in these stories. Some
people just see things from a different perspective and if that is not
what the writer is going for, then the writer can make a decision to
change or not to change based on their creative ideas for the story.
Perhaps the writer wants things to be ambiguous or shocking.


A Compilation of Writings                                                 76
                 THE WELL-MEANING FRIEND
"So I heard you are an alcoholic. Do you want some help with that?"
Said the well-meaning friend (WMF).

"What are you talking about?" Said the stunned accused (SA).

"I heard you were swaying as you walked, slurring your words, having
trouble getting up in the morning and had a super high blood-alcohol
level." WMF

"Oh yeah? Where did you hear all of that?" SA

"I read it on the internet, so it must be true. It is just a listing of basic
facts. How could it be wrong?" WMF

"Hmmm… Did you ever think it could be that I am a victim of people
doing a study who come to where I sleep, pump vaporized alcohol
into my home, break into my home to do things to my body and then
hide their criminal activity behind the implied slander on this
website?" SA

"But how could anyone doing a study do all of that? You must be
delusional. If they really are doing all of that, it must be for your own
good." WMF

"Interesting perspective. Do victims with smart, well-dressed criminals
in their lives have anyone to turn to?" SA

"I don't know what you are talking about. I think I will join them in their
fight against your mental health issues." WMF

"So, you want to join the criminals in their fight to keep the world from
knowing the truth?" SA

"They say the pay is good, so why not?" WMF

So who is the stunned accused and who is the well-meaning friend?
Are we in the Twilight Zone?


A Compilation of Writings                                                       77
Notes From The Author: This story upset my brother. He felt I was
talking about the family in the story. It was actually more generic than
that, but it gave an interesting insight hearing him react that way. Yes,
this story is inspired from events from my stalking situation. So many
things have happened, the stories can be very different and all still
emanate from the same situation. I hope to make a big enough stand
so that this type of thing doesn't happen to others. At the very least, it
is important to me for people to be more aware of different
perspectives of situations and how there can be more than one
interpretation of a situation.

I always heard that debate teams have to prepare to argue both sides
of an issue because they don't know which side they will have to
argue until the day of the debate. I feel like people in general don't
think of multiple possibilities of reasons for situations. They just
gravitate to the most popular, instead of actually finding out what the
real truth of the matter is. It is sad to know that I have been tormented
for years because people didn't bother to ask for my side of the
situations. They just sat around making up their own reasons for why
things were the way they were. It is a tragedy for sure that a career, a
home, friends, money, reputation, credit rating can all be ruined and
destroyed over rumor mills.




A Compilation of Writings                                              78
       THE RADIO ANNOUNCER IN FULL SLING
Like a snipper, he lay waiting. When the front door opened, he pulled
the trigger on the high powered sling shot.

The scissors flew threw the air and pinned the intruder to the door
jamb by catching the edge of his jacket with the scissor tips stuck in
the wood.

Will the snipper ever snip again?

Will the intruder break free from the high powered scissor pinning?

Stay tuned as our combatants duke it out on prime time TV.



Notes From The Author: This story was actually inspired from a
typo in the writing prompt. Snipper was written, instead of sniper. I
was rolling with laughter to the point that I just had to write a story
based on the pictures in my head from the typo. People who read the
story were confused and thought I had made a typo, until one person
actually pulled up the original prompt and saw the typo and made a
comment on it. I thanked the person for understanding the reason for
the story to be written the way it was.

This story is published in the short humor anthology People of Few
Words available on lulu.com - www.lulu.com/content/3174559




A Compilation of Writings                                                79
                         THE HEATED DEBATE
"It's damn good he decided to meet for lunch… I'll get the bastard there."

For years, George Trunk had argued with his nemesis, Will Davidson. The battle was
fierce. They fought each other like no one else. It was time for the lunch and it would all
be decided once and for all.

Evolution or creation…




Notes From The Author: Someone didn't read the prompt, which is
actually my first sentence, so they didn't understand what I was
writing about at all. There are many people who argue over evolution
or creation and some even argue that there is room for the theory of
evolution within the idea of creation as God wanting living things to
grow and evolve over time as a natural part of life. I guess it was just
on my mind the day the prompt came through in email.




A Compilation of Writings                                                                 80
                       THE HIDDEN OBJECT
She always kept the object safe and close to her. Mama made her
repeat the promise over and over again during those last days. "I will
never show it to a living soul. I will never show it to a living soul."

She cried about Mama less now, not as much as she had before. She
was missing Mama now as she did each night when she removed her
scuffed shoes. She then carefully peeled the gray sock off her foot,
and waited for the familiar object to fall out. Nothing happened.
Panicked, she quickly turned her sock inside-out. It was gone.

There was no way to lose it. Something else must have happened. It
was always tucked away at the bottom of her foot, reminding her of
her promise to her mom.

She jumped at the sound of a knock at the door. No one visited her,
not since Mama died.

The man pushed past her as she opened the door. He walked around
the one room hovel, stood in the corner and motioned for her to close
the door.

"I believe I have what you're missing."

"Didn't your mother tell you what this object is?" He held it up for her
to see that he did indeed have it.

"Didn't she explain how to use it? I was in need of it and so I called
for it and here it is in my hand."

Her now trembling hands still clung to the doorknob. She
contemplated running for her life, but she had to know more.

"Tell me, sir. Did you know my Mama?"

"I would think that would be obvious by now. She and I were partners.
She asked me not to show myself to you, so I respected her wishes,
but things are different now. I need your assistance."


A Compilation of Writings                                                81
"Me? What can I do?"

"Call to it."

"What?"

"Concentrate on the object and call it to you as I did to get it away
from you."

She pulled her hands away from the doorknob to see it in her palms.

"You're a natural. It took my quite a while to get that good. I can see
your mother entrusted it to the right person."

"What is it?"

"It does not have a name, only a function. It allows the holder to hide
from this world and to slip into other dimensions parallel to this one.
Come let me show you." He put his hands around hers and they
shimmered into invisibility.

"Walk with me down the street."

She watched as people did not stir, did not see them, did not even
hear them.

"Now come with me to my home." She saw a beautiful land filled with
flowers, grassy hills, trees and a house near a stream.

"This is Starry Grove, your rightful home. You are the Queen of
Starland, as your mother was before you. I am just the one tending to
your duties until you were old enough to take your rightful place as
Queen. Your mother felt it was best to raise you in the other world to
help you appreciate the life of the commoner. She felt it would make
you a better ruler."

All the years of poverty were behind her now. As the ruler of a
magical land, she watched it flourish and prosper. She took a mate
late in life, had a daughter and went back to the other world. She left

A Compilation of Writings                                                 82
her trusted mate to rule the land while she raised her daughter as it
has been done for centuries, passing the scepter from mother to
daughter with a trusted mate to bridge the gap and bring the next
Queen to power.



Notes From The Author: The first two paragraphs of this story are
the actual prompt. It was from a contest where people have 24 hours
to come up with a story based on a prompt. One person commented
this was a good way of dealing with the prompt and my brother said
this was his favorite one of my stories yet. It is certainly the longest
one I wrote for the flash exercise group. I like it because I like the
fantasy fiction genre of writing. I like the idea that other worlds exist
outside of the one we know. There are many books and stories
written along this theme, including some very famous ones that have
been made into movies. It's the make believe that makes things more
fun when stepping away from reality for a break. Isn't that one of the
reasons for pleasure reading, the great escape?




A Compilation of Writings                                               83
                  THE FOUR MARTINI LUNCH
"Aren't you going to have one?" said Mr. Perkins.

"No, I don't drink." said Marvin.

"Well, I don't dink alone. If you plan on selling me something, then
you must have a martini." Mr. Perkins insisted.

"Alright, if you insist." acquiesced Marvin.

"Two martinis, please. We'll have the steak along with those martinis.
Four drinks is my limit, so cut me off when you've served all four." Mr.
Perkins said nonchalantly.

The martini sat on the table. I stared at it and lost all concentration on
my sales pitch. I knew I needed this sale and I knew he was a
drinker. I thought I could do it. I thought I could get out of ordering a
drink, but he insisted.

It's calling to me. It's only a bend of an arm away from my lips. The
memory of good times came to mind. The memory of the women, the
laughs, the simple way of talking to people that came with the
courage of the bottle. What would it hurt? How bad could one drink
be?

Memories from the last time I used that reasoning came rushing back
and the time behind bars was more than I wanted to revisit.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just remembered an urgent engagement I must attend
to. If this makes you decide against my products for your company,
then I will have to live with that. Please have this lunch on me." said
Marvin as he stood to leave.

I dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table and left. No matter what, I
wasn't going to be able to keep the job. At least this way I can find
another one.




A Compilation of Writings                                               84
Notes From The Author: People in the group really liked this one.
One person even noted that the word bars could have been from a
jail cell or from being a bartender behind the bars in different drink
joints he worked at in the past. That really opened up a new concept
for me as to a place this could go as a longer story. I reread this one
and it feels more like the start of a book, than just a flash fiction by
itself. Who knows what other life this story may or may not take on in
the future? For now, it stands as is.

One note about this story was that I didn't connect at all with the
prompt which is actually the title. I did want to write something, even if
it didn't turn out to be all that great. I wanted to make the commitment
to write and this is what happened. It turned out to be good, even
though I didn't feel it was all that good while I was writing it. It gives
me the feeling that it's good to go with any idea and see where it
takes me, since I am ending up with writing better than I originally
thought the ideas were when they formed in my mind.

This story will appear in the March 2009 issue of Long Story Short
www.longstoryshort.us. I received the acceptance on 01/05/09. It took
a couple of months to hear back from them, but it was worth the wait
for an acceptance. I'm pretty excited about it. I feel proud of the work
I did with this story. The writing group liked it and had a few
suggestions, some of which I used in revising the story. It just felt like
a strong story when I wrote it. It feels strange that I wrote it almost a
year ago and now it is getting published. They sent a sample media
release to send to newspapers and they will promote the story on
their site for ten dollars. I don't know if I will spend the ten dollars or
not, but the canned news release is interesting to read. I guess it
gives me an idea of what I should put in notes about myself. I guess I
am supposed to list places I've been published when I give my bio to
these places. I never thought about it. So I updated the bio I will send
out with future submissions.




A Compilation of Writings                                               85
                              IT'S TIME
"Okay honey. It's time." Said Jillian.

"Hmmmm? Time for what, dear?" Said Frank.

"I'm not going to take your forgetfulness as an excuse, honey." Said
Jillian.

"What? I can't hear you, dear. You're going to have to speak up."
Said Frank.

Jillian lit Frank's newspaper on fire with the cannon-shaped cigarette
lighter.

Frank stomped on the newspaper, leaving a scorch mark on the rug.
Then he watched as the water ran down his wife's leg, letting him
know the baby was on the way.



Notes From The Author: People generally took this story to be
humorous, which was the intent. This was the only story that came to
mind when I saw the prompt: "Okay honey, it's time." So I wrote it,
even though I thought it sounded cliché. Apparently the others in the
group didn't find it to be cliché at all. So this was an unexpected hit.




A Compilation of Writings                                              86
                   EXTENDER ATTACHMENT
"Listen pal, you better be careful. Watch your back." said the
stranger.

Fred ducked into a nearby store, purchased the extender attachment
and installed it.

Fred is now able to view his back at any time with his new extender
eyeballs attached to the back of his head.



Notes From The Author: This story had the first sentence as the
prompt for it. It also ended up being remarkably like a longer story
another person wrote to the same prompt. I guess we both took it
literally, instead of the way it was meant as a figure of speech. I think
figures of speech taken literally are usually good for a laugh.




A Compilation of Writings                                               87
                      WHO WAS THAT MAN?
He was doing 60 on an absolutely empty highway, when suddenly;
there was a car behind him with flashing lights, siren blaring.

The voice on the loud speaker told him to pull over.

George pulled to the side of the road and put on his seat belt.

"What can I do for you, officer?"

"Get out of the vehicle."

"Yes, sir."

George watched as the officer got into the driver's seat and drove off.

The next morning, the paper read: "Cop killer on the loose. He has a
uniform and has access to a squad car. Call local law enforcement
with any tips."



Notes From The Author: The prompt for this story was: "He was
doing 60 on an absolutely empty highway, when suddenly; there was
a car behind him with flashing lights, siren blaring." That led me all
the way to the ending of the story. Someone commented that I left out
too many details, but the person who has around a 100 flash stories
published said he liked it. People thought of the story as creepy. It
should be. Who wants a cop killer on the loose in a cop car? It's hard
to tell good guys from bad guys in that scenario.




A Compilation of Writings                                            88
         LOOK. WHAT'S THAT UP IN THE SKY?
"Oh no!"

"What is it, Jerry?"

"Look. Can't you see it, Larry?"

"See what? Are you on something?"

"It's right there in front of you."

"All I see is the tree swaying in the wind, Jerry. What's the big deal?"

Kaboom!!!! The tree house fell twenty feet and crashed into hundred's
of pieces.

"I tried to warn you, Larry. I didn't want it to be an unexpected
windfall." said Jerry to his recently crushed friend.



Notes From The Author: People liked this one. I thought it sounded
punny and cliché, but others enjoyed it. This is another example of
something I wasn't sure would play well doing much better than I
expected. The original prompt was: "An unexpected windfall." I
decided I liked something falling because of the wind, instead of the
more traditional sense of unexpected money.

This story is published in the short humor anthology People of Few
Words available on lulu.com - www.lulu.com/content/3174559




A Compilation of Writings                                              89
           PROTECTION? WHERE DO I BEGIN?
Officer Montgomery's job was to protect the one the President
wanted as an adviser.

He wondered how he was supposed to protect a famous public figure
all by himself.

"Follow me officer. I'll show you to where he is resting," said the
assistant.

"Come in. Come in. He wants to meet the person responsible for his
safety," the assistant urged.

Officer Montgomery stepped forward and shook the tentacle offered
to him.

And so began his life as protector of the alien called Zork.



Notes From The Author: This is a revision from the original story
and has been submitted to Flashshots ezine. I don't know if it will be
accepted or not, but it was suggested from one of the readers, so I
might as well give it a try. It doesn't cost anything to submit it and the
revisions didn't take long. That's one of the nice things about these
really short stories. They are easy to work with and take little time to
rethink them and rework them into a different style or word count.
Some of the publications have word count requirements that are
rather strict. It comes with this genre of writing. This was written on
2/9/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                90
                   TELEPATHY, A NEW IDEA
I knew they were searching for me, but I felt safe and secure in my
hidey hole.

I heard them walking near me. I heard them talking about me. I knew
they would destroy me if they found me. Hiding was my only option.

Living in a hidey hole can have its advantages after all. I can sleep
and wake whenever I want. I can eat and drink what I stashed away
years ago.

Yes, I knew they would be after me once they found out I was a
telepath with the ability to wake it up in others. I knew there would be
people who wanted to save me and want to destroy me all at the
same time.

Why can't they understand that a new form of communication is a
good thing and should help civilization advance?

I guess my ability to give the bad guys a conscience has them
scrambling to erase my existence. One of these days I will be
rescued by those who want my abilities to fight for good. It's just a
matter of time.

At least that is what I tell myself when my stash of supplies starts to
run low and I have to surface to scrounge for more.


Notes From The Author: The prompt for this story is the first line.
One person in the group said he though it was a good set up for a
longer story and he said the voice sounded ominous. I guess I just
liked getting it onto paper and I wasn't sure how it would play with the
group. I guess the things I think might not go over well are the ones
that work the best, so I will just keep going with what pops into my
mind at the time. This was written on 2/10/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 91
             THE VALENTINE'S DAY DINNERS
The facial slap was loud. You could hear it throughout the whole
damn restaurant.

Lolita dumped a full glass of ice water in Henry's lap and stormed out
of the restaurant.

Henry sat in the wet and waived away the waiter.

He told Lolita it was more romantic to have Valentine's Day dinner on
Saturday night, instead of Thursday.

She believed him and she was excited about a fancy night out on the
town.

It was untimely to have a close family friend walk up to him while
Lolita was walking back to the table from the restroom and start
kidding around about being in the dog house to have to take his wife
out for two Valentine's Day dinners.

The slap from Lolita was nothing compared to the divorce papers that
would be coming his way when his wife learned about the second
Valentine's Day dinner.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 2/17/08. The prompt
was the first line and I saw no other way to go with it other than what I
wrote.




A Compilation of Writings                                              92
                            TOUGH LOVE
"If you hate living here so much, then why don't you run away?"

"Because I'm not stupid. I don't have a place to go and I don't have
any money to get there."

The conversation repeated itself between the mother and daughter
whenever the mother got mad. The teenager was determined to stay
put and graduate from high school. College was her way to run away.

Flash forward twenty-five years…

"The only place you'll ever feel safe is in a cell."

The stalking victim daughter forgot to ask if her mom meant a jail cell,
a prison cell or a padded cell. The daughter packed her things,
tossed them into her car and left with not much of an idea where she
would go next.

Does "tough love" really play any part in this at all?



Notes From The Author: The was written on 02/19/08 from a writing
prompt from the flash fiction writing group online. This isn't much of a
story, more of what came to mind when I saw the prompt: "Yes
indeed you have a problem. If you can't live by our rules, you'll have
to leave." My story doesn't really fit the prompt all that well, unless
you think of it as the reverse. This is actually more autobiographical
than fiction. Other choice comments over the years include: "You'll
never have a good marriage because you're too honest." "I raised
you to be independent, but sometimes I think I raised you to be too
independent." At this point in my life, my mom is drinking quite a bit. I
don't know how heavily she was drinking in earlier years, but it seems
to be worse than it ever was. My decision not to drink and get drunk
came from cleaning up my mom's pee when she and my grandma
stayed up late one night getting drunk off of Vodka. I was around 14
years old and something told me to stay up that night.


A Compilation of Writings                                              93
                    JUST ANOTHER ERRAND
The man with the ski mask hiding his face pointed the shot gun. "Just
open the cash register and stand back," he said.

The clerk at the convenience store did as she was told. She opened
the register, took a giant step backwards into the back counter behind
her, knocking some of the packets of cigarettes out of their slots.

The man with the ski mask grabbed the bills from the tray. Then he
tossed the tray on the floor and grabbed the large bills underneath.

He pulled off the ski mask when he jumped into his car.

Speeding down the highway, he wondered if the money would cover
the next semester's fees for law school.



Notes From The Author: I used to work at the Stanford Bookstore
for Stanford University. I worked in receiving, accounting, textbooks,
cashiers, and I worked the merchandise floor at the main store as
well as the Track House. During my time working as office
manager/assistance textbook buyer, I found out that the biggest loss
to theft in the entire store was from the law textbook disappearing.
The second biggest loss was the business textbooks disappearing.
These little statistics often made me shake my head. How could such
a prestigious school known for its law and business schools be
producing criminals? It came to mind as I was responding to this flash
exercise prompt. It costs so much to go to the right school. How can
anyone afford to get the education that will bring in money later in
life? It's not easy. This was written on 02/23/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                              94
                       THE INNER MONSTER
"It's done! That's final!" said the angry instructor.

"But I know I can do better if you just give me time to redo that last
test." Said the student with this class standing in the way of
graduation.

"I'm sorry. There is nothing that can be done. You will have to repeat
the course." Said the instructor as he turned away from the student.

GRRRROOOOWWWWWLLLLLL……. CRUNCH……

With his back turned, the teacher never saw it coming. The student
was too frustrated for words, so he turned himself into his true
monster form and ate his teacher in one bite.



Notes From The Author: I couldn't think of anything that sounded
final, where there was no way of changing it, other than death, so I
went with the upset student trying to change things with the instructor.
I knew a student who wanted to sue his teacher for a D+, instead of
the C- that would have been a high enough grade. He decided later
not to sue because there was no precedence for it. The teacher had
offered more than the usual extra credit just for this student and then
regretted it later. It's interesting how being a little nice can backfire. I
guess that is just the way the world is these days. This was written on
02/24/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                95
                       ARE YOU DONE YET?
Jen couldn't stop laughing.

"Are you done yet?" asked Don.

"Are you sure you're not going to wet your pants or something?" Don
mused.

Jen knew she shouldn't laugh. The electricity cut when Don grabbed
the wet, frayed cord that was still plugged into the wall. The sight of
Dan's shoulder-length hair standing up like a halo around his head
was too much for Jen.



Notes From The Author: Word died right as I was adding this story.
Perhaps the software was making a comment on the quality of the
story. I wasn't feeling inspired by the prompt for the day for this piece,
but this is the story that came about because of someone laughing
without stopping. The stories I have had the least liking for are the
ones that others seem to find the most interesting, so I will be curious
to see what the group has to say about this story. This was written on
02/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               96
                            THREE MEN
She walked into the house and it buzzed with energy. It was as if the
room was alive with the thoughts of the three men.

She knew all three men wanted something from her. All of them
wanted something a little different, but all of them wanted her in their
life.

She wasn't sure if she could play mother to the youngest, tutor to the
middle and lover to the eldest without adding to the tension.

She chose to exit the scene, only to be drawn back into it again in a
new location.

This time, she played victim to the middle and the youngest and
eldest came to their own version of rescue.

Flash forward several years and the tutoring didn't work enough, the
middle one is in prison. The youngest is conquering his learning
disabilities and the eldest is still considering what to do. Perhaps he
will invite her to the symphony again. Maybe this time they will
actually get to see the symphony perform.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/01/08. These three
men do actually exist, a father and two sons about twenty years apart
in age. I have a vested interest in seeing to it that the littlest one gets
a handle on his learning disability and some things on my website
have been made with him in mind. I have let his dad know about the
website in an attempt to assist in the situation from afar. I really did
walk into that house with all three of them in the room together and
felt the entire room buzz with energy. I've never felt anything like that
before. I knew it was a disaster waiting to happen. I hope things will
work out to be a little better than that soon.




A Compilation of Writings                                                97
                     JIM'S SECRET WEAPON
"That's a bold face lie. You're nothing but a freaken liar!" Said Jim.

"Jill told me it was true, so I know it's true." Sneered Meg.

"I don't care who told you. I did not set fire to the school records in the
office." Yelled Jim.

"Then how did you get a passing grade in all of your classes when we
all know you didn't go to class?" Asked Meg.

"Now that is a totally different subject." Jim opened his special box,
pressed a couple of buttons and put it in his pocket.

"You are the greatest guy I've ever met. I'm going to go tell everyone
how wonderful you are." Said Meg.




Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/02/08. I decided to
use the prompt as the first line of the story. It seemed like a kid
scenario, so I went with it. I never know how these stories will be
received by the people in the writing group. Most people like most of
my stories. Sometimes I go off into the edges with what I write and
sometimes I just like it that way, even though some people say it's
hard to understand. Maybe I like having things a little hard to
understand at times. Sometimes I like to be detailed and specific and
sometimes I like to be very vague.




A Compilation of Writings                                                98
                        METAL IN THE SAND
"Hey guys, look over here, look what I found." Greg called out.

"What is it?" a friend yelled from down the beach.

The guys all stood in a circle around a metal object sticking out of the
sand.

Greg put his hand on it and to the guys' amazement he disappeared.

"What do we do now?!" Tom said to the others.

"Let's see what happens when we do it." They all touched the metal
at the same time and ended up next to Greg in a forest.

"Where are we?" Tom asked.

"We're in a jungle, but never mind that. Look up ahead. There is
another piece of metal like the first one!" Greg exclaimed.

"Should we try it again and see if it takes us back to the beach?" Tom
suggested.

"We've got nothing to lose. We're already lost." Greg led the way.

They disappeared again only to wind up in a different location with a
different piece of metal near them. They continued jumping from one
place to another, stopping to enjoy the sights, but never staying in
one place too long. Thieving became an easy way to make a living
with an easy get away built in.

One day, Greg got tired of this life with nowhere to call home. The
rest of the guys wanted to continue and told him he could stay behind
if he wanted to.

Greg watched as they all jumped to their next location. He grabbed
onto the metal a few minutes after them and wound up back at the
beach where their journey started.


A Compilation of Writings                                             99
Startled, he wondered if they all had control over their destinations
the whole time. He decided not to experiment anymore and instead
enjoyed a quiet life at home in his mansion built around the hunk of
metal in the sand.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/04/08. It's longer
than my usual flash story. I guess this idea came from the port keys
in Harry Potter, but I liked the idea of directing the destination, instead
of only being able to go to one location.




A Compilation of Writings                                              100
                            LITTLE JON
"Stand up against the doorway. I want to mark how tall you are now,
Steve." the mom fussed.

"My turn! My turn! I want to be measured!" Steve's little brother, Jon
exclaimed.

"There you are, Jon. You are only two inches shorter than your big
brother."

Steve stuck out his tongue at Jon.

"I promise you. I'll get even with you. You watch your back the next
time we measure up." Jon stuck his tongue out at the end of his
tirade.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/08/08. The prompt
read like it was supposed to be from a big tough guy, but I preferred it
as a little brother complaining about being shorter than his big
brother. I remember having the hash marks on the doorways with the
marks for the kids and how tall they were… How does anyone paint
over stuff like that? I don't know if it was more fun for the kids or the
adults. It just seemed like something that was supposed to happen.




A Compilation of Writings                                              101
                 NUDGE, NUDGE, WINK, WINK
It was approaching midnight and the lothario looked at his lovely date:
"Listen," he asked, "will you have breakfast with me tomorrow?"

"I'd love to."

"Great, shall I phone you or nudge you?" he said.

It was their favorite joke together. He actually used the line on her on
their first date. She figured it couldn't all be bad if he could make her
laugh.

I think it was written in Cosmo some years back that men found a
woman's laughter an aphrodisiac. Maybe it was that way for women
as well.

It's been twenty five years and the couple is still laughing together.
Can you measure their life in laughter?

The fact that the couple are actually Martians who take pleasure in
torturing the little human beings with their jokes doesn't actually
matter, does it?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/09/08. The last
story I wrote fell flat upon the audience of the other flash fiction
authors. So, here is a story with a better finish than the others. I'll just
have to see what they have to say about it. I post the commentaries
people send to me on my website in the flash fiction portfolio section.
I guess there is an underlying theme to what I write about these days,
anyways. The readers like it better when I stick to the themes that
come from my stalking disaster, anyway. So I guess I'll just go with it.




A Compilation of Writings                                                102
                        THE PHONE CALL 2
"You know how I like it." Hank said over the phone.

"Yes, but is it wise?" the seductress cautioned.

"No one is around and I don't have a meeting for an hour. My pants
are unzipped and I'm ready." said Hank.

"A little birdie told me to be careful because the Feds could have the
wire tapped." said the seductress.

"What kind of phone sex is this? I want the real deal." said Hank.

"There's been a real crack down on phone sex lately. People are
against orgasms by any means." said the seductress.

"You mean I have to go back to magazines?" said Hank.

"No, I think those are being shut down, too. I'm going to miss you.
You're one of my best guys." said the seductress.

"I have to go. Someone is knocking on the door." Hank whispered as
he hung up.

The Feds were at the door to arrest Hank for violating the attempted
orgasm section of the fornication law.

"These are hard times." said Hank as he was being cuffed.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/11/08. The last
story fell flat on the group. This story is very different from my usual
stories. The story about the governor of New York inspired it, along
with the prompt about the Feds having the phone tapped. I'm
interested in seeing what the group has to say about it.




A Compilation of Writings                                              103
                        A WHOLE NEW LIFE
"I’m in a hurry, Nan." Ron said

"Why are you in such a hurry, Ron? Your appointment isn’t for a
couple of hours." said Nan.

"I have an urgent appointment before that one. I can’t be late."

Ron stepped into the first appointment where he signed a contract to
be the first earthling to live on Mars. His second appointment was
with a gangster to arrange for a faked death so that his family would
get the insurance money.

Ron didn’t read the fine print on his Martian contract. The faked death
was unnecessary, since he was only being brought to Mars to be
studied and then dissected when he finished the Martian tests.

"These silly earthlings, they fall for the line about being the first ones
every time." Mock said.

"You’re right, Mock. It does make the transport of the subject of the
study so much easier this way. We used to lose over half of them on
the trip when they thought we were going to eat them. This way the
study is much more genuine." said Merp.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/20/08. Someone
commented on this one as having a moral saying Martians can't be
trusted. I guess there are some people who just can't be trusted.
Trust is very difficult as a stalking victim. Anyone I communicate with
can be used to hurt me. Some people are convinced that hurting me
is the right thing to do. Some people know what they are doing is
wrong and figure they won't be caught. Some people figure they are
in trouble already, why not get into more trouble. What's the
difference? I hope this ends soon. It's hard going on like this day after
day.



A Compilation of Writings                                               104
                      SOME PEOPLE'S KIDS
"Honest, Mom, I'm not lying. It's really true. Come look!" Hank pulled
at his mother's apron.

Outside the kitchen door was a metal sphere the size of a VW Bug
hovering over the swing set.

Hank's mom fainted on the spot. The shock was too much for her.

Hank and Fizzle spent the afternoon swinging and talking about their
parents and what they liked to do when their parents were too busy to
pay attention to them.




Notes From The Author: This was written 03/22/08. When I got to
the end of this story, I found myself working on scenarios on how
these two playmates would get together on a regular basis
throughout their whole lives. I envisioned college and work being fun
for them. I could see a whole book coming out of these two
playmates having a great time together. Fizzle would end up with all
sorts of special abilities that would be great to set up chapters about
the events surrounding these abilities. I found myself wondering if
they would get involved in a love relationship. I wondered what would
happen if Hank ever got a girlfriend. I think it would be a lot of fun. My
mind is buzzing a bit about it right now. I feel like I should be writing
down ideas and looking at the list to see how many would be in the
book and how many would be left out. Maybe I'm becoming more of a
writer. You never know, I might just get good at this.




A Compilation of Writings                                              105
                              OOPS
Flying on his dragon on the way to rescue the daily damsel in
distress, Harold found the sudden flip a bit daunting.

He awoke several hours later tangled in a tree with his dragon
grazing on local livestock in the nearby field.

Harold's dragon decided the best way to get Harold out of the tree
was to huff and puff and burn the tree down.

Being the damsel in distress rescuer, Harold watched from above as
his hapless dragon searched through the charred remains of the tree
that saved him from his fall only hours earlier.



Notes From The Author: This was written 03/27/08. I decided I
would respond to the prompt of an early morning commute. My only
problem was that I had no idea what to write about. I thought of the
Dragonriders of Pern and came up with something that would never
appear in those wonderful books. So it was a forced story, rather than
my usual which just spring to mind. It will be interesting to see what
the people in the writing group have to say about it.




A Compilation of Writings                                            106
              OUT OF TOWN OBSERVATIONS
"Mmmm… This stuff is good. What do they call it again?" Hip asked
Jod.

"I think they call it roasted peanuts. They have those long things in
some type of wheat based product. I think they call those hot dogs."
said Jod.

"I wonder if the dogs mind being eaten." said Hip.

"I think they are not the same as the furry beasts that seem to run this
place." said Jod.

"Now why do the furry beasts exercise their men by having them hit
the sphere and run around the square?" asked Hip.

Jod replied, "I think it is so they can keep track of them during their
time outside. Notice the fencing to keep them contained. The furry
beasts have their hands full training their men with this practice they
call catch."

"I guess the furry beasts have a long way to go training these men
before we are ready to take them to Bazor. Let's check back in
another hundred earth turns to see their progress."

Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/01/08. The prompt
was to write about a baseball game. I wasn't feeling in the baseball
mood, so I decided to look at it from an out of this world point of view.
Who's in charge with pets anyways? I always thought the pets were
the ones in charge, so there it is… I'm trying to keep up my practice
writing while I learn about Adobe Flash and hopefully end up with
some educational movie/programs.

This story is published in the short humor anthology People of Few
Words available on lulu.com - www.lulu.com/content/3174559




A Compilation of Writings                                             107
                            FOOD IS OPTIONAL
The joke goes: Food is Optional. The problem is it isn’t always a joke.

My mom was coming to visit for the first time since I separated from
my husband. I couldn't let her see the empty cupboards. I didn't want
her to know how broke I was.

As fate would have it, it was the first time credit cards were allowed to
be used to buy groceries. I overflowed the shopping cart and had
everything put away before she arrived.

That was fifteen years ago. Now that my life has taken an even worse
turn, my electric bill brought my savings account to a negative
balance because I needed that money to buy gas to get to work. I
keep food in the car to eat on the way to and from work. That ran out
just as my paycheck was deposited into the bank.

One day things will be much improved. I know it and I can feel it in my
bones. One day my life as a stalking victim will be done and my life
as a survivor of stalking will begin.

Could you spread the word? I want to make sure my stalkers know
I'm ready to be done with them.




Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/04/08. This is a sad
commentary on where my life is right now. As one person put it, I'm
educated and intelligent, so why can't I get a better paying job in one
of the industries I'm trained in? It's too bad I have already tried this
route and was stopped by people doing this study/game about my
life. They have even tried to explain to people that I was a mental
health patient and wasn't quite ready to go back to work in order to
leave me homeless and starving. They tried telling other people that I
was a millionaire and didn't need a job at all. People have told all
sorts of lies to keep me from earning a decent living at any pay at all.
Someone remarked they were a little shocked they were protecting


A Compilation of Writings                                             108
my right to be a temp. I prefer to look at it as protecting my right to
earn a living and feed myself. I wonder if it falls under the life, liberty
and pursuit of happiness portion of the constitution. I didn't take
constitutional law, so I'm not 100% sure. Maybe someone else can
figure that part out before I am homeless and starving.

Being a stalking victim is very difficult. People keep trying to tell me
that I was a stalking victim in California, but I'm not a stalking victim in
South Dakota. People seem to be a little confused. All the stalking
websites say stalkers will travel great distances to continue stalking
their victims. I have seen one of my stalkers from Tahoe in South
Dakota. I have been attacked worse than I was in California while I
have been in South Dakota. I have asked these people to leave me
alone and they refuse. They tell horrible lies to anyone they can find,
including everyone in my life.

The sad part of this is that health care workers are being pulled into
this disaster by the idea that this is a legitimate study while is allowed
by the law. How can drugging someone against their will, gaining
access to that person's home and performing "medical procedures"
on that person without their permission be legal? This concept is
beyond me. Then add onto this that my personal information (fact and
fiction) has been spread around to hundreds of people who continue
to spread it to even more people and this is obviously illegal.

The main point of this disaster seems to be to ruin my life and make it
so that I am discredited as a witness to these crimes. This is a bit
preposterous at this point in time. My life was ruined when I left
Tahoe. The information I have about this disaster is already in the
hands of law enforcement and prosecutors. I am not needed in the
court room to get a human rights violation conviction, so why would I
be needed in the court room for the other trials? Most of the crimes
happen while I am passed out from being drugged against my will, so
there has to be another way to gather evidence that does not include
my testimony of what happened while I was drugged. So why do
people continue in this waste of time which results in their prison
sentences being lengthened?




A Compilation of Writings                                                109
                  HAVE A NICE DAY, HONEY!
"Oh great! That first sip of morning coffee." Jim said to Kelly.

"Is that a crack about my ability to make coffee?" Kelly snapped back.

The look on Jim's face said the jig was up. She knew he hated her
coffee and was just being polite. He thought she probably already
knew what he did to substitute for that cup of coffee as well.

"Now that you mention it, I don't like your coffee. I have been trying to
be polite about it as you are my wife. As you probably already know, I
leave here in the morning with plenty of time to have a second cup of
coffee. This is after fooling around with my mistress, Cary. Her coffee
is much better and my day is off to a good start."

Kelly spoke slowly, "Thank you very much for your honesty. Now I
don't have to get a private eye to find out the truth I already
suspected. I expect you out of the house by the time I get back from
work today. My lawyer will contact you with the details of the divorce."

Kelly walked out the front door and yelled back at Jim, "Have a nice
day, Honey!"




Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/06/2008. I'm not a
coffee drinker, so I had trouble responding to the prompt which
referred to how good a morning cup of coffee tastes. I used the
prompt for the first line of dialogue. This was one of those prompts
that I told myself I wanted to respond so that I could have that
experience of accomplishing something. I didn't feel all that inspired
by the prompt, but I think it is good to get something written down as
part of the writing practice experience. I think that is what a lot of this
writing group is all about; just getting something down on paper (or
computer screen) and having people give feedback on it.




A Compilation of Writings                                                110
                         TAX MEANDERINGS
Tax time?

Is it that time again?

Which post offices are open until midnight?

Dig out the piles of paper needed.

Buy software.

Burn the midnight oil.

Hey, I'm supposed to get money back.

Why did I wait?

Oh yeah, I didn't have all my piles of paper.

Yeah, that's it.

It's not really called procrastination if not all the paperwork is here.

Well, maybe I could have started a little earlier, like two weeks earlier.

Hmmm… Maybe next year…

What shall I do with the money?

Hey, maybe I should self publish my first book.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Maybe then I'll have the money to pay the taxes for next year.




A Compilation of Writings                                                  111
Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/15/2008 – Tax Day!
This is a listing of thoughts that go through my head at tax time… I
am always filing at the end of the season because some of my
paperwork comes late in the mail. I don't feel guilty about filing late.
That's just the way it is. I know I'm not the only one who has to file
late because pf paperwork. It's not a big deal, except if things get
busy that time of the year and there doesn't seem like enough time to
get it done. Then it is a royal pain in the neck. Oh well. Life goes on.




A Compilation of Writings                                            112
              A VISIT TO THE COUNTRY CLUB
"Don't be such a jerk. Get it done, but do it my way." said Butch.

Jon did as he was told. He always did as he was told. His big brother
was always in charge of everything, even this bank job.

Jon did things just the way his big brother wanted them to be done.
When the cops arrived, Jon was taken into custody along with Butch.

The funny thing was that Jon got to go free as he was the informant.
Butch got his stay at the country club called prison. They have free
room and board there, you know.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/18/08. Sometimes I
just like to write something to amuse myself. The writing prompt for
this story is the first line of dialog. I guess this was just on my mind
today. It makes me chuckle when I read it, so that is good enough for
me. Of course, I have thought of my stalkers thinking that going to
prison is like going to a country club, since they give no care what so
ever about leaving their evidence all over the place and showing off
their criminal behavior for everyone to see. They just can't seem to
get it through their heads that no matter how many times they say all
of these crimes are for my own good, they are still crimes and will be
treated as such. One day I won't have to be afraid of sleeping in my
own place because there won't be any more anesthesia and people
breaking in to touch my body once I am passed out. It will happen
one day.




A Compilation of Writings                                            113
                            INTERMISSION
"What's your pleasure, Darling? Shall we eat first, or?" Rob had that
look in his eye.

The raise of the eye brows and those bedroom eyes was Meg's
response.

There were a couple of hours of pleasure seeking in various locations
in the house.

Panting and sweating, Meg said, "I do believe eating is an
intermission activity, my dear. Cheese and grapes?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/20/08. I could have
gone so many different directions with this. I decided to keep it left up
to the imagination. It was a fun prompt, though. The first line of
dialogue is the prompt. I immediately had ideas spring to mind when I
read it and this is what came out. I do enjoy it when the writing comes
easily. Some days are better than others. Hopefully there will be more
easy writing days ahead.

This will be published in Flashshots online ezine on 09/27/08. This is
the twelfth story accepted for publication.




A Compilation of Writings                                            114
                            POOR OLD TONY
"You can bet your boots we're gonna miss him. He was a real good
time Charlie." Reg said to the bar full of people.

"Lift your glasses to Tony. May he rest in peace, since his life was
war." Reg lifted his mug in tribute.

"Tony's not dead, you old fool!" shouted the bar maid.

"But he didn't show up for drinks, so he must be dead." said Reg.

"Don't you read the papers? He won the lottery and took off to
Jamaica." Reg dropped his mug of beer as he heard her voice. Tony
was his best friend and he didn't even tell him.

The following week Reg read a postcard. "Don't think I forgot you,
you old fool. I always said I would send you a post card if I ever
struck it rich. It's boring without you. Your ticket to join me will be
there in a few days. From your old pal, Tony. P.S. Don't tell the bar
maid I invited you instead of her."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/29/08. The writing
group liked this story. The first line of dialog was the writing prompt. I
had trouble coming up with a good way to end it, but one of the
people said they liked the P.S. part of the story, so I think it was a
good ending.

This story is published in the short humor anthology People of Few
Words available on lulu.com - www.lulu.com/content/3174559




A Compilation of Writings                                                 115
                            A PIECE OF CAKE
"Listen," he growled. "The way I got this heist set up ain't nothing can
go wrong. It's gonna be a piece of cake…"

Harold looked at his old friend with puzzlement. "But I thought we
were gonna get that ol' lady's pie when she puts it on the window sill."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/04/08. I saw the
prompt, which is the first line of this story and all I could see was two
kids who were up to no good and one of them a little more clueless
than the other. I was planning to write more, but when I got to the end
of the second line, I decided that was the whole story. It's a grand
total of 50 words. I think I can find some places that publish super
short stories.

I just found out yesterday that two more of my stories will be
published. They are coming out in a few weeks on the daily email
listing called Flashshot. On 05/27/08, THE SMILE OF A LUCKY
WOMAN comes out and on 06/17/08, IT'S SO EASY gets sent. This
makes a grand total of three stories published. I think I can get more
published if I spent more time submitting them to the different
publications.

This will be published in Flashshot online ezine on 9/11/08. What a
way to commemorate the seventh anniversary of 9-11, which was my
first day of teaching my first small group instruction math classes for a
charter school. So now I have my eleventh publication success on
that date as well… yeah! It's time to have good things happen…




A Compilation of Writings                                             116
                        THE RIGHT WOMAN
"Okay, I wrote it in. I'll see you on Friday." Marv couldn't believe he
had finally agreed to meet with her.

She wanted more than a work relationship and he knew it. He wasn't
sure it was such a good idea. But waiting for the right woman was not
getting him anywhere.

He agreed to meet her at a casual restaurant they both knew. She
was on time and he was ten minutes late.

"Hi. I'm so glad you decided to show up. I wasn't sure you would after
not accepting so many of my offers." Diana sat with a big smile as he
slid into the booth.

"Have you ordered?" Marv took in the changed look of the after hours
Diana. He was starting to change his mind about this being a bad
idea.

"Nope. I was waiting for you. I didn't want to order for you and have
you no like it." Diane winked at him as she finished.

Her hand slipped over to his thigh and she leaned in close to whisper
in his ear. "The choice is all yours. This can be dinner or anything you
desire."

Marv took a deep breath at that statement. It's not often a guy hears
that. He leaned over to her. "Do you want the home court advantage
or do you want to know for sure I'm single?"

She kissed Marv's cheek. "The choice is still yours."

Marv ended up following Diane back to her place. By the next
morning, he was wondering why he waited so long to go out with her.
He asked, "What about a workplace romance? Won't that get
messy?"




A Compilation of Writings                                                 117
"Oh, I've been working on another job and plan to turn in my
resignation on Monday. There won't be a problem."

She was too good to be true. He wondered what he was missing. "So
what is your new job?"

"Oh, I've decided to become a porn star. Is that a problem?"

On the drive home, Marv decided the gossip from her new job was far
worse than the gossip from dating a coworker. He let the porn star go
her way and he went back to looking for just the right woman.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/11/08. The prompt
for this story was the first line of dialogue. It just struck me as a line
from some guy trying not to go on a date with a female coworker, so
that is what I wrote. The ending fell into place with thoughts of things
that have happened in this stalking disaster. People have spread the
rumor that I am a porn star because of a fake porn site with pictures
and movies I did not authorize and most of them from what I hear are
of people committing crimes while I am drugged against my will. What
does a person do when dealing with this? People will believe what
they will, but at the end of it, the criminals kept the evidence on
themselves. They will be brought to justice. Some people think I've
been drinking because my attackers have been drugging me with
vaporized alcohol. I'm sure the alcohol content is way too high for any
person to actually consume orally. I do believe that is why the
vaporized alcohol machines have been outlawed in many states. I'm
sure someone will learn the truth soon. The rumors still linger. How
many times must I live with rumors brought on by my stalkers doing
things to me and saying things about me? I don't know this answer.
The answer could be my entire life. I would like to be with people who
know the truth and know who I am. Perhaps this will happen soon.
Perhaps the healthcare stalkers will go away soon. Perhaps they will
finally realize that drugging someone against their will is illegal. I was
shocked to find out we went backwards to people putting drugs into
my drinks at restaurants. I thought that was squelched as a great big
no no. The comment was about the need to control me and that was
why it was necessary to commit a crime against me. People like that
can sit behind bars since they don't know how to follow the law.

A Compilation of Writings                                             118
               JIM AND FRANK'S ADVENTURE
"We're standing right at the map coordinates. Are you sure this is
where we should start to dig?" Frank asked Jim.

"We flew half way around the world. We hauled this equipment deep
into the jungle. We did all this based on this treasure map. Maybe we
should just drop everything and go home." Jim said sarcastically.

"Well, if you really think that would be best. I trust your judgment,
Jim." Frank said.

Jim took Frank's shovel and began to dig. He decided getting rich
with someone who was this faithful wasn't the worst thing in the
world.

"Could you give me a hand, Frank? It will take both of us to haul out
the chest of gold." said Jim.

Two days later, the two men used logs to roll the chest out of the
jungle. "Hey Jim. Do you think we could take a boat home? I always
wanted to take a boat ride." asked Frank.

"With these riches, we can go any way you want, Frank." said Jim.

"Okay. I want to get wings and fly. That is my secret wish I never
thought I would tell anyone." Frank said.

Jim immediately regretted giving the job of decision making to Frank.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/13/08. Today was
an interesting day. People actually decided that committing crimes
was a good idea. I was gassed at work, in the car and at the library. It
makes for an interesting concept when health care workers convince
others that drugging people against their will is legal. What happens
next? Do they pick people at random to come to their homes and
drug others the way they have me? I can't wait to find out how badly I
will be drugged when I crawl into bed. Will there be needles as well? I
have so many marks on my body from the needles and cutting


A Compilation of Writings                                               119
devices these people use. it isn't too funny at all. I wonder what the
lawyers for these health care workers say about their illegal activity. I
wonder if they even bother to talk to lawyers. I guess since their
policy is to drug first and ask questions later, perhaps that goes for
their lawyers as well.

It's funny how some people have actually said these attacks on my
body by gas, needle and other devices aren't supposed to happen
any more. I find it interesting that with all of the communication that
does go on with this ridiculous excuse for a study, why can't anyone
stay current on what is legal and what is not legal? How many people
need to get arrested before they get the picture? Should I ask them
what legal ground they think they have to stand on? Maybe they just
don't care.

Who knows what will happen next? These people doing these
simultaneous cruel studies don't even know about each other. So
how is this to stop? Don't they think I matter? Don't they think my
opinion counts? Don't they think they will be caught? Don't they think
the numerous people behind bars adds up after a while? I guess
overdosing me with anesthesia is good health care policy. They
should recheck their medical books. Opps, I forgot, they have people
who have not been trained in how dangerous anesthesia is doing the
gassing. Oh well, I guess they will find out at their trials just how
dangerous what they are doing is. Let's hope I survive that long. Let's
hope I can outlast the criminals and end up having a happy ending to
this disaster.

Hey, there's a question. What criteria do they use to end these
studies? Oh yeah… I forgot. They never have any intention of
stopping their illegal behavior. They just like making money off of my
pain and suffering. Too bad for them. One day I will live past this
horrendous disaster some people call health care. I still think that
forced health care is cruel. Why do they think there are patient's
rights in the first place if they are going to ignore them? Don't they
need my permission to drug me? Don't they need my permission to
have me part of a clinical study? I guess the reality of that answer
passes them by as they are too busy committing the next crimes.




A Compilation of Writings                                             120
                            WHAT'S NEXT?
"What's next for you, Paul?" Jake asked.

"Well, I decided that I needed a change. I fought in a war. I painted a
few portraits that sold well. I won some swimming medals. I think it is
time for a new adventure. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to move in
with me." Paul replied.

Jake said, "Don't you think you're moving a bit fast? You've only been
going out for fifteen years. Maybe you should wait another five or so
just to be sure she's the one."

Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/17/08. The writing
prompt was the word "Next." What's next is a good question all
around. I wrote a long letter to an old friend last night and this
morning. I dropped it in the mail at the post office as I do with almost
all of my mail. It's actually the recommended method for stalking
victims. They are also recommended to get PO Boxes. I guess
stalkers like to tamper with the mail. I was having a difficult evening
and felt like venting to a friend in the space of eight pages. It felt good
to write it out and send it off to a trusted person in my life. It feels
good to write things out in this document as well. I like the feeling of
freedom that comes with writing about anything that might help move
things forward. I feel like my life is an adventure that is a bit too
adventurous. The problem is that I don't really have much of a way to
stop the adventure. This E Ticket ride is way over. How do I flag
down the operator so I can get off the ride? Yes, I grew up in
Southern California and I actually used E Tickets at Disney Land. I
like Knott's Berry Farm and I went to Medieval Times for my twenty
first birthday. I also saved my then boyfriend's life that evening. He
said I cracked a few ribs, but I figured alive with cracked ribs was
better than dead with no cracked ribs. He was choking on a piece of
chicken and I used my arms to push it out of him with the air left in his
lungs. I played the first aide classes and CPR classes in my head as
it happened. I guess all those years of Girl Scouts paid off after all.
Yeah, I married the guy and divorced him and I still have his last
name. Oh well…
My 10th publication credit… Published in Flashshots 08/25/08


A Compilation of Writings                                               121
                      THE STRANGE DREAM
Ira woke up from a strange dream. He shook it off and went to work.

Later, there was something about the feel of the oil on his hand that
reminded him of his dream. He continued to work on the car.

Ira thought about the dream again when he was stirring honey into
his tea at dinner.

In the middle of the night, Ira was shaken awake by his wife. He woke
up shouting, "Watch it. That SOB is slick as a snake."

Ira wondered if he should explain his dream of wrestling with an oil
covered man in a wrestling ring in front of thousands of people. He
decided to go back to sleep, since explaining the dream to his wife
didn't sound like a good idea.

The next evening, Ira decided to slip into one of those other kinds of
bars he normally didn't go near. After a couple of beers by himself at
the bar, a guy sat down next to him.

Ira nearly jumped out of his skin as he realized this was the guy in his
dream.

Dirk turned to Ira and said, "I never go into places like this, but
something pulled me here tonight. Do you ever have really strange
dreams?"

Dirk and Ira decided to leave the bar and go get something to eat
across town. They talked until the place closed down for the night.
They had each made a new friend.

Dirk and Ira still meet every Friday night at that same diner and every
once in a while, they go on a hunting trip together. Some dreams are
enough to change lives.




A Compilation of Writings                                              122
Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/18/08. The quote in
the middle of the story was the prompt. I was sent off in this direction
from the prompt. It just felt like oil wrestling to me and off I was on this
path for the story. I realize most oil wrestling is done by women, but I
guess I have men on the brain. These two men seemed like they
needed a nudge, that's all. So I gave it to them. It's good to have
friends in life, in whatever form they take. Friends in my life have
done everything from add to the disaster by buying into the lies and
adding to them to actually helping to resolve things by finding ways to
help with providing evidence and assisting with bad guy catching. I
guess it takes something like this to see who really stands behind you
in the truly tough times. My definition of the word friend has changed
drastically throughout this disaster. I have a new outlook on people
and their motivations in life. I have found it very important to look
deep into people for their true agendas in each situation. It is scary to
find out how many people will commit crimes against a stranger just
because someone paid them. I guess people value money more than
they value someone's safety. This is a true shame that so many
people are so easily persuaded to do harm to a person.

I heard a comment one day, "I hear she's this really nice person."
People are defending my right to live my life as I see fit, even though
they have never met me. Some people see it clearly that the drugging
and hunting and hurting is just plain wrong, weather I am a nice
person or not. Then there are those who know I'm a really nice
person who is willing to fight for my right to life, liberty and the pursuit
of happiness as guaranteed in the constitution. It's really too bad the
health care workers don't understand that the constitution applies to
all of us, not just some of us. Perhaps if they spent more time
learning about the law, they might not break it so much.

I watched a video explaining patients' rights and all about the health
care privacy issues. I thought to myself how strange it was there
needed to be a video explaining why it is important to respect a
patient's privacy and why it is important to listen to patents, since they
do have a say in their own health care. Isn't this a little obvious?
Didn't all of these health care workers get into their profession out of
a desire to help people? So why would they say things like, drugging
someone against their will is for their own good? How is it for
someone's own good to violate their rights?

A Compilation of Writings                                               123
                            WHAT A BOTHER
"Shall we uncouple, my dear?" said Harold with his nose in the
newspaper.

"Why would you ever mention such an ugly proposition?" said
Eunice.

"I have known every parlor maid we have ever had. I was thinking it
might be a burdon to you for others to know of it." answered Harold.

"But dear, I thought we had the perfect arrangement. I have known
every stable boy and butler we have ever employed. I rather thought
you preferred it this way." said Eunice.

Harold turned the page of the newspaper and replied, "Perhaps you
are right, my dear. You always know best."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/27/08. Uncouple
was the word that prompted the writing prompt for this story. The
word made me think of a British couple. So this story is my attempt at
British humor. I'm interested in what the writing group has to say
about it.

I found out my ninth story was accepted for publication today. The
Deed Is Done will come out in the August, 2008 issue of The Shine!
Journal. http://www.theshinejournal.com/ is the website for the
publication. It's a non paying market, but for now building my list of
publication credits will help to get paying publication credits down the
line. At least this is my current theory. Right now I'm just thrilled to get
something into print, online or hard copy.

I sent a note about it to the writing group and they congratulated me.
One of the people said he knows the editor very well and was happy
for me to be published there. It feels good. It feels really good.




A Compilation of Writings                                                124
                              RESCUE
"I need to be rescued." Jill said to Frank.

"But you are so independent and doing so well on your own. Why do
you need to be rescued?" said Frank.

"I'm not safe. I need to be rescued." Jill said to Jon.

"I don't understand. You never need help." said Jon.

I'm being attacked in my home while I sleep. People are drugging me
and hurting me. I need to be rescued." Jill said to Paul.

"You're a very strong woman. I'm not clear on what the problem is."
said Paul.

"Doesn't anyone know what the word rescue means? Why can't I find
help?" Jill said to Bill.

"But these people you say are attacking you tell us they are helping
you." said Bill.

"If I am obviously not being helped by them and I do not want them to
drug me or touch my body, then how could they be helpful? These
people are committing crimes, not being helpful. Did I spell it out well
enough yet?" Jill said to Mitch.

"Oh, you want a safe place to sleep? You want to be allowed to live
your life the way you want to live it? You want that whole life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness thing the constitution talks about? Oh,
now I know what you mean by you need to be rescued." said Mitch.

Jill finally got through to the people who were supposed to be helping
her. She finally found a way to be safe from her health care stalkers.
The people who had the whole world fooled into believing they were
being helpful by committing crimes were finally stopped. She was
finally safe.



A Compilation of Writings                                              125
Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/30/08. I never know
how my writing group will take my stories that are a little more
autobiographical than the fiction tales. Most of the time they don't
have much of a comment to make on them because the sub context
is lost on people who are not directly involved. Then there are the
ones who understand exactly what I am talking about and they don't
like to read what I am saying and they get upset. So people might
wonder why I write these snips from this stalking disaster at all. I write
them to make it seem more like it will be over soon. I write about this
mess to make it go away. I write about this mess as a message to
other victims to hold on and not to give up. I write about this mess to
let people know how hard it has been for me to make it through on a
day to day basis. I want people to know how much I have been hurt
by a study turned into a game, turned into harassment in the
workplace, turned into criminal activity. I want this to stop and I never
want it to happen ever again to anyone else on this planet.

I need people to understand that just because someone says
someone is delusional, doesn't mean it is true. The things that have
been done to me belong in fiction, not reality. So people just think
they are lies or they try to cover up their own illegal behavior by
saying what I say must not be true. Why would anyone do this to
someone? There is a question people think I want answered. I
believe the answer is already clear. This has been done to me to line
peoples' pockets with money at the expense of me finding happiness
and being safe. But then, that is for the courts to decide, now isn't it?




A Compilation of Writings                                              126
                             SUCCESS
Sifting through a 36-inch high stack of papers, files, books, notes, she
found an official looking unopened letter, postmarked six months
earlier.

"I don't remember getting this." Sally said to no one.

Sally opened the letter from her correspondence school. She was
shocked to find a letter congratulating her on her third place prize for
her middle grade mystery story. There was a check for $250 that
came with the letter and the certificate.

"I won? But that was the first mystery I ever wrote and I just wanted
to say I had entered a writing contest. I didn't expect to win." Sally
continued to talk to the empty room.

She sifted through the pile some more to find the newsletter from the
school. There it was. Her name was listed as the third place winner.
There was even a brief description of her story. She printed off a
fresh copy of the winning story and took it to the copy store. She
made copies for her family and the guy who wanted to critique her
work, when she only wanted to share it with him. She felt it was
important for him to know she could succeed without his input. She
could do it on her own, with her own talent.

Sally found Alan and gave him a copy of her award letter, certificate,
article in the newsletter and the original story. He looked like he
wanted to give her a hug. It's too bad he never followed through with
his interest in her as more than a coworker. She gave him every
opportunity. She even had him as the only person she showed her
writing to. He never got the idea. Some men never get the concept.

Years later, Sally had other successes in the writing world. They are
there for Alan to see if he chooses. Maybe one day he will do what he
should have done years earlier.




A Compilation of Writings                                             127
Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/03/08. This is more
autobiographical than fiction. There really was a guy I used to show
my writing to, but I never wanted to hear a word he had to say in
criticism. I felt he should know that it was enough that I wanted to
share my writing with him. He was the only one, other than my
instructor I showed my writing to at that time. He didn't get the
significance of this at all. It did feel good to show him I won third place
on a story I didn't allow him to critique. I wanted to make my mark on
this world without his assistance. He just couldn't understand my
need for independence.

I find it odd that they asked him to come visit when I was living in
Long Beach and he again came to South Dakota. I find it odd they
had him talk to a potential employer and he told that employer that I
didn't know much about SAP. I would say I know more about it than
he does. I would also say that conversation will not look good on his
list of accomplishments. He doesn't quite understand concepts like
this. Preventing someone from getting a job by saying negative things
about them, especially when they are not true is not good. It's too bad
he fell into the trap of the negatively targeted study and then game. At
least he never drugged me or raped me. I have that consolation.

Now a days all sorts of people look at my writing. I am in a writing
group where people pick my stories to pieces. I pay attention
sometimes, but other times I feel these people are way off base.
Sometimes they don't even understand the piece of writing has an
even larger context that it fits into and by missing this concept, they
pick it apart for the wrong reasons. I believe writing is very personal. I
believe some criticism is unwarranted. I believe some critique is really
personal attack and that is just not right. It's demeaning and belittling
and unnecessary.

That sounds a lot like this study/game. Someone stood out in the hall
outside my door last night and said snidely, "They say she's some
kind of brainiac or something." The fact that Rand was the first to
declare me intelligent when I was six years old makes this comment
seem very strange. These people who pride themselves on being
experts can't even read their own data. They can't tell lies from facts.
They can't see more than one reason for something to happen. They
can't even look at my educational website and understand that they

A Compilation of Writings                                              128
are way off base with what they have been saying about me. They
even believe the porn site was started and updated by me, instead of
my stalkers, who they enjoy so much. I'm not sure what they think
they are experts in, since they most certainly are not experts in the
study of me. They seem to be more tied up in all of the lies and
misrepresentations and all of the false diagnoses.

It's really too bad so many people have to be arrested and convicted
because they can't see past the ends of their noses. Why on earth
would it be legal to destroy property to drug someone in their car,
home, tent or even a motel room? Why would anyone think that was
legal? The courts aren't too happy about it. People have been
ordered to stop, but they still continue. People have been told to pay
me money because of the damage to my body and life and way of
living, but they don't pay the money. So what are these people feeling
so expert about? Is it the expert way they manipulate people into
thinking what they are doing is legal? Is that their expertise?

I am still victimized every single day. Some days they make me feel ill
with their drugs. Some days they cause pain to my body. Some days
they prevent me from breathing normally. Some days they do all
three. Then on special days, they break and enter to do things to my
body, other than the needles they poke through the floor. I have scars
from head to toe from these people performing illegal medical
procedures. I didn't sign any consent forms for this abuse. I didn't
agree to this treatment. It's illegal. There are a few people who are
trained to take these things out of me and care for me who I would
sign paperwork to say it was okay for them to do what they have
done, but that is a very short list of people. I've already named these
people. It's funny. Rand employees are not on that list. I wonder why
they think they have the right to touch my body. I wonder why they
think they have the right to drug me. I wonder why they think they
have the right to operate my body by remote control. It seems like
they are throwing temper tantrums because their robot toy is being
taken away from them. That's what it looks like to me. They got upset
that things they set up in my body were destroyed and taken out, so
they came along and put more in me. I guess they didn't understand
who it was who took things out and destroyed others. They will have
plenty of time to contemplate this when they go to jail or prison.



A Compilation of Writings                                           129
                        A COLORFUL NIGHT

The high school prom was a real disaster. Shelly and Greg got there
late and were not allowed into the gym. Too many people made
counterfeit tickets to the prom to go for free. The gym had reached
maximum capacity early in the evening. People with real tickets
began to gather outside the building.

The police officer called in to handle the crowd announced people
would be let in as people came out of the building so that they would
be able to enjoy their prom. This wasn't good enough for Shelly and
Greg.

Shelly and Greg had heard the rumors going around school that
people wouldn't get into their own prom. They pulled out paint ball
guns from the trunk of the car and slipped into the gym through a
back door. They unloaded their guns at the crowd inside. Yellow, blue
and green paint was everywhere. Dresses were ruined. Rented tuxes
were going to be very expensive.

Shelly and Greg left the guns in the dumpster and quietly rejoined the
crowd outside the gym as people started to pour out of the doors by
the officer. As promised, the people standing outside got to go inside
when the maximum capacity allowed. The people with the real tickets
enjoyed a more decorated prom than they expected. People avoided
the chairs until the paint was dry and they all had a good time.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/10/08. I wasn't
feeling inspired by the prompt to write about a prom where people
weren't allowed to go inside. It was based on a real news story, but
this is what came to mind. Paint balls at a prom as a way to get back
at criminals seemed like it fit the situation of the high school mentality
involved.




A Compilation of Writings                                              130
   THE NEW AND IMPROVED WAY TO MOVE ON
When Cyrus reached 80 years, he decided his time would soon be
up, so he constructed a handsome, hand carved coffin in his
basement… No one knew about the secrets it contained.

He included all sorts of things to amuse himself while awaiting his
arrival in his new world. He had magnetic cards to play on the sheet
of metal he installed inside the lining of the lid. He had his favorite
books in Reader's Digest form to save space. He had puzzle books
and pencils, so that the ink wouldn't run out mid-puzzle. He even
packed snacks in case he got hungry or thirsty.

When Cyrus's time was up, he was convinced that all he would have
to do is wait a while in his coffin, then come out again and he would
be renewed as a younger man and the world would be a better place
to start all over again. He never discussed this with anyone outside of
his friend the gofer who was always running around while he worked
on the coffin.

He decided one fine day that it was a perfect day to start his rebirth in
his handsomely decorated, fully fortified coffin. He would be there for
a long time and he couldn't wait to get started on his new life.

Three months later, Cyrus opened up the coffin to a new day. He
looked in the mirror and it was just what he expected. He looked like
a twenty year old again. He took his death certificate, his will leaving
his belongings and fortune to his grandson, who conveniently had the
very same name. He had all of his documentation for his new
younger age. He sold the house, picked up and found a new place to
find love, have children and start on a new career by going back to
school.

The gofer was the only one who knew his secret. Perhaps he would
have a pet mouse as a confidant in his new life. It might be easier to
explain talking to a pet mouse, than to a gofer living in his basement.




A Compilation of Writings                                             131
Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/15/08. I read the
prompt, which is the first paragraph of this story and I started to
wonder why someone would put things into a coffin, unless they
believed there was an afterlife or else there was something else
special about the coffin. There just had to be a belief there was
something else to happen once they were inside the coffin. This story
is what happened. I was thinking of the coffin transporting to another
world, but I decided staying on this planet at a younger age was a
better plan.

I like writing from prompts. My seventh grade teacher called it
expository writing. I thought it was the best thing ever. I always hated
coming up with my own ideas for stories. I wanted to write to
something someone else had thought up and then make it my own. It
was kind of like those essay tests I did well on. I mastered the art of
BS in high school and was able to pass essay tests more easily than
multiple choice tests. I was too good at thinking more than one of the
answers could be correct, so it was more of a multiple guess test than
anything else. Maybe I was a writer in disguise as a math student. I
enjoy it now, so that is all that matters. I do what I like to do and try
my best not to let anyone stand in my way. It's too bad my stalkers
never understood that and put all of their efforts into standing in my
way. But then that is what law enforcement and the lawyers are
around to handle. I do my best to stay out of their way and try to
move on with my life. Some days it is easier than others. I like the
days when life seems to move forward, instead of backwards.




A Compilation of Writings                                            132
                  A FAMILY SUCH AS THEIRS
The family was assembled after the funeral for their mother. "Kids,"
the father said to the four adults. "I have to tell you this now… I am
not the biological father to any of you…"

There was silence. Fred finally turned to the man he knew as his dad
for thirty years and said, "Excuse me?"

"I don't have any swimmers. I never did." his dad went on to say.

Sally asked the obvious. "So who is our biological father, if there is
just one? And how many times did he sleep with mom? Did you have
an open marriage as they say? Are you nuts telling us this on the day
we mourn the death of our mom?" Sally was always long-winded. A
trait her dad by marriage secretly liked about her. He figured she
would never find a man to put up with her and she would always stay
at home with him.

"Now, now. I am sure you all have many questions. Shall we all go
out to eat? I'll explain everything there." The puzzled group decided
to go along with this insanity and hear what he had to say.

After they all ordered food, their dad went on to explain, "Your mother
and I always wanted to have children, but we both knew it wouldn't be
possible in the normal way. So we found a young chap to help. He
was quite willing to keep the secret as well as do the deed, so to
speak."

"Okay, this is just disgusting. Do you even know where our biological
father is?" Paul blurted out.

Yes, actually. I send him a yearly update as requested. He has
pictures of you growing up and I send a nice letter once a year. He
lives in the next town over. His name is…"

Bob interrupted, "Are you kidding? The next town over? Do we
already know him?"



A Compilation of Writings                                             133
"Well, you might have run into him every once in a while. He's the
grocery delivery man for the area. You know, Groceries Are Us." their
dad went on to explain.

"You mean Grocery Al? That's our biological father?" Fred said.

"Yes. He's quite proud of all of you." their dad said.

"Does he know you are telling us this? Does he want us to know?
Does he even want anything to do with us?" Sally said.

"The agreement was always to let the secret out if either your mother
or I died. We felt that was the best plan." their dad said.

"Why now?" Paul wanted to know.

"Well, I have to leave and I thought it would be nice for you to know
that you still have a dad to turn to once I am gone." their dad said.

Bob had to ask, "So where is it that you have to go to now that mom
is gone? Do you have another woman?"

"It's more like another life, rather than another woman, Bob." their
dad said.

Sally asked, "So what is this new life you are leaving us for?"

He replied, "Well, you see, I am from another planet and my time on
this one is done. I must return for my next assignment. You are all my
legacy and I will treasure my time here with you."

Paul chimed in, "So you're not our real dad. You're an alien and
Grocery Al is our real dad. Is that right?"

"Why yes, it is. Any questions?" their alien dad said.

"I suppose taking you to a shrink isn't going to fix this." Bob said.

"Well, taking me to a shrink will only bring up more questions. I will be
gone in the next hour. So there really won't be any time for the shrink

A Compilation of Writings                                               134
to watch me disappear and still make his diagnoses. It's a little
pointless." said the alien.

Sally said, "So if we sit here long enough, you will just fade into
nothing?"

The alien dad said, "That's pretty much it. I will fade into another
plane of reality and then move back to my planet by the speed of
thought. Grocery Al will be happy to fill you in on any of the details. I
wrote him detailed information in those yearly letters so he could help
once I was gone."

So Paul, Bob, Fred and Sally all sat at the restaurant. They continued
to ask their alien dad question after question. Then he faded away
while no one else was looking and left them with the bill and Grocery
Al as their dad.

Years later, the four gathered on Father's Day to wish Grocery Al a
happy Father's Day. It had become more of a joke than a loving
tradition. He confirmed everything the alien said. And on this Father's
Day Grocery Al gave them all the gift of their own copies of the years
of letters from the alien.

In those letters were the directions to contact him if they ever needed
anything. They all looked at each other and decided not to discuss it
any further. The next year, they gathered again and Grocery Al asked
them the all important question. "Did you call him?"

None of them would look him in the eye. They had all secretly
contacted him, one by one. They all made special trips to his world
and came back in the blink of an eye. They were all traveling on their
own and all had alternate lives back on their alien dad's planet. All
was as it should be for a family such as theirs.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/15/08. Someone
made a comment about one of my other stories. He said it felt like I
had stopped the story where I did, just to get it over with and end it,
rather than following it to its own conclusion. I thought about that

A Compilation of Writings                                             135
while writing this story. I did want the story to be shorter than it ended
up being. But it wasn't the right time to stop. It wasn't the right ending,
so I kept going. The thought then came to me about the story
possibly being too long. There is a thousand-word limit for this writing
group for any one story. I got close. I made it all the way to 925. I had
75 words to spare to make it under the limit. Actually, I think this is
the longest story I have ever written. Hmmm… I'll just have to see if
this is a trend or if this story just felt longer. I still enjoy the very short
ones. It feels like they are neat little packages of fun. I often write
more about them than what I actually write in the stories themselves.
That's okay. It's all writing practice, right?

One of my music teachers once said (okay so it was many times),
"Perfect Practice Makes Perfect." The idea was that practicing bad
habits wasn't going to make you any better at playing your
instrument. If you slouched when you played or didn't keep your
diaphragm firm or didn't practice the correct notes, it just wasn't doing
any good at all. I don't know if my writing is perfect practice or not, but
I do show improvement, so with his philosophy in mind, I must be
doing something right. Did music have an important roll in my life
growing up? Yep, it sure did. I spent nine years playing music in the
school program and five of those years also taking private lessons. It
must have done some good because I can still play and I can still
remember most of my scales. I would like to get the rest back. I would
also like to finally get good at playing the guitar and the piano. One
day it will happen. Writing it down is a good start. Now I just need a
place to practice. Oh yeah, could it also be without drugs, please? It
would be really great if people were all done drugging me against my
will. That would be fantastic. Maybe if I hope hard enough, it will
actually happen. You never know. Safety could be just around the
corner.




A Compilation of Writings                                                   136
                       FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The paperback in the bargain bin had a lurid cover. He bought it for
75 cents. On page 13 he discovered a toll free phone number
carefully written in calligraphy. The number was called and an
incredible adventure began…

Gus had never made one of those calls. The woman on the other end
spoke so seductively that he forgot where he was and went with what
came naturally.

He was rudely brought back to the real world when he was arrested
for indecent exposure. George made the call from his cell phone in a
food court at a local mall.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/18/08. The prompt
for this one is the first paragraph. This was the only story that came to
mind. One person in my writing group said this guy was a really
dummy. I don't write many stories like this, but I do have fun with the
ones I do write. It just felt cute and funny to me. I guess I think of
some people as being totally caught up in what they are doing that
they forget the rest of the world exists. Maybe I like that kind of
concentration, but want to warn of the dangers of not paying attention
to what's going on in the world around you. Who knows? Maybe I
was just in the mood.

Yesterday another one of my stories was sent out via email for the
Flashshot online ezine. Three people in my writing group saw it and
sent me emails congratulating me on my publication credit and to tell
me they liked it or at least said it was interesting. I like it a lot. It gives
me good feelings since I wrote it about someone I know. I wonder if
he blushes when I say it's about him. I hope he at least appreciates
that he means enough to me to write a nice story about him. Oh well.
It's good to send out good thoughts about a person anyway. You
never know. That person just might need good thoughts that day. I
don't think anyone could ever have too many good thoughts about
them sent their way. But, that's just my opinion… ☺



A Compilation of Writings                                                   137
                            HOW DARE YOU?
"Is that a threat? How dare you threaten me?" Jack said to Jill.

"I was just saying. I won't have time for you if I have to do it myself."
said Jill.

"You will have time for me because I will do it. It's my job." Jack said.

An hour or so later, Jack came back from doing his job.

"Are you done?" asked Jill.

"Here is your pail of water from up the hill. Now can we get busy in
the bedroom?" said Jack.

"I just wanted you all hot and sweaty dear. I like you better that way."
said Jill as she dragged Jack into the bedroom.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/20/08. The prompt
is the first quote in the story. I wasn't in the mood for a violent threat,
so I decided to go with the playful end of things. This is the story that
came of it. I didn't come up with the fairy tale take off until I was
thinking of a one syllable guy name and when I typed Jack, I thought
of Jack and Jill. They are both one syllable names. It worked… I
heard that flash fiction should have short names to help with the
whole speedy aspect of it, to make it a faster, tighter read. The guy
who said it has a bunch of stuff published, so I figure I would give it a
try. I don't like all of his ideas, but this one sounded okay and here it
gave me a whole story… That isn't bad.

Now if the one syllable word DONE could be applied to the stalking
situation, that would be fantastic. Someone over the weekend was
surprised to find out the study was the problem. How many times
have I said the study/game is the problem with the lies and
misrepresented truths and the cruelty and the people being trained on
how to harm me with drugs and remote control devices? These
people even said they read this document. I guess they only read part
of it.


A Compilation of Writings                                               138
                               MAKE UP
"That's it. I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving!" Joe said.

"These are tears of joy, so don't bother coming back." Mary said.

"You can count on it. I'm taking the cat, too." said Joe.

"You can have all of the snacks you want. I'm sure the trip back to the
home planet will leave you hungry." said Mary.

"The high command knows you're staying for love of a human." Joe
said.

"Let them know their plan succeeded. I've been assimilated and you
have failed." Mary said.

Joe put the cat down and pondered.

"Can we do that thing they call make up sex and forget this silly
conversation?" said Joe.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/23/08. I wasn't
thrilled with the prompt for this story. I took part of it and used it as the
first line of the story. I tossed in a little alien life and came up with this
short piece that I'm not sure I like yet. I wasn't sure where to end the
story. I felt like going on with it, but heard the nagging voices of
criticism saying it was too long. So I left the ending up to the reader's
imagination. I like the concept of the story, though. Hopefully others
will see merit in it as well. Enjoy.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 139
                            FLYING HIGH
"Wow! It's a great day. Let's go out and fly a kite." said Bob to Bill.

"But we don't have a kite." said Bill.

"Making the kite will be part of the great day. It's an adventure." said
Bob.

Chopsticks, bamboo skewers, tape, newspaper and dental floss for
string were used to make this homemade kite.

"Wow, I've never seen the garbage look so good." said Bill.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/06/08. Recycling for
fun and entertainment works in this story. The prompt started with the
first line, but left the part after the word and blank for each writer to
finish their own way. It just seemed like a line for a kid to say to a kid
to me, so that's how I finished it. The tag line about the garbage
seemed like a great way to end the vignette. I could have gone on to
tell the tale of the garbage kite and all of the adventures that went
along with it, but I didn't want a long story today. I only wanted to get
something onto paper and out to the group to see what they had to
say. I can go back and add to the story later if I want to stretch it out
to something more full.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 140
                        A MEETING, PLEASE
"Mr. Rant, could we have a meeting?" Mr. Jones said.

"The secretaries run things around here. If my gal says yes, then it's
a go." said Mr. Rant.

"I know what you mean. My gal makes all the decisions about who I
see." said Mr. Jones.

"Hey, Jones, do you ever wonder why we bother to show up?" said
Mr. Rant.

"My gal says I have to show up. Or it would look like she was running
things." said Mr. Jones.

Back in the office… "Those guys would be nowhere if it weren't for
us. Do you think they will ever figure it out?" said gal 1 to gal 2.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/07/08. The prompt
for this story was one I didn't really want to write about, so I decided
to go for the cliché and not worry about anything else. The prompt
referred to their gal's taking care of scheduling everything. From my
experience, the gals do more than just schedule. They run things for
the boss and/or the department. It's a wonder how things do get
done. The lucky bosses recognize the contribution of their gal and
show their appreciation in the way of pay raises. The others
eventually lose their gals and wonder why they left. I prefer to take
care of things myself. My stalking disaster has left me in the place of
not being able to take care of it myself since it is so massive and
involves so many crimes committed by so many people. If the people
I rely on don't come through, then things will not go well.




A Compilation of Writings                                              141
                        FALSELY ACCUSED
"We have to find some dirt on this woman." said Bob.

"Everyone says she's a criminal. There must be evidence." said Joel.

"Hey, what about a wire tap?" said Bob.

"Great idea… All we have to do is tell Homeland Security she's a
terrorist." said Joel.

"Come on, it can't be that easy." said Bob.

"Yeah it is. Just say she said something terrorist sounding." said Joel.

"Oh, I know. She went to a foreign country near the time a bomb blew
up." said Bob.

"Yeah, that'll do it." said Joel.

After years of invasive 24/7 surveillance by Homeland Security, the
woman was found to be falsely accused. When the list of accusations
was tracked down, it amounted to a large stalking ring. People with
axes to grind decided to destroy a woman's life and used the Patriot
Act to help do it. Law enforcement and lawyers did what they could to
help the victim get back on her feet. The criminals were brought to
justice.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/10/08. The prompt
was to write a story about how things have changed due to 9/11. This
story is based on a small part of my stalking disaster. I blame the
people who took advantage of the circumstances, rather than the
people acting on a potential Homeland Security issue. So many
people involved knew I wasn't a terrorist. So many people knew I was
a good, hard-working person and a great teacher. I actually feel guilty
so much time was spent on figuring out if I was a criminal or not, but
then I have to look back at it and realize this is the only way that
things are getting resolved. People are doing the right thing. Because


A Compilation of Writings                                            142
of the investigations by law enforcement and the research done by
lawyers, there is evidence of my innocence and of my being
victimized by participants in a study/game. I am alive today because
of action taken by law enforcement and lawyers. It is sad it has taken
lawyers to keep me employed in a low paying job, but that is the only
way I have been able to feed myself and I am eternally grateful.

It still bothers me that people have died over this disaster. Several
large organizations are implicated in this mess. Hundreds of people
have been arrested and the convictions are coming through. The
lawsuits have so much criminal behavior to point to that they are sure
to all go through successfully. How sad is it that so many people were
involved and convinced to commit crimes against me? I hope this
disaster can be used as a teaching point in many different
classrooms as an example of what not to do. I hope I am saving other
people from the same fate. I hope I am giving confidence to stalking
victims to try harder to get assistance from law enforcement to end
their stalking disasters. I hope law enforcement knows more about
stalking to be of more assistance. I hope health care will finally
understand how bad stalking is and how to help victims cope while
law enforcement helps to resolve the issue.

I hope people realize that drugs are not a good solution to a victim's
situation. Victims need to be bright and alert to help find the evidence
to help law enforcement. They say burglary victims have a
heightened sense of their surroundings. I think that goes double for
stalking victims. It is a natural defense. How many times have I
heard, saw or felt something that alerted me to danger? There are too
many to count. Drugging a victim can place the victim in more danger
than they were in originally because it takes away that first clue to get
out of the way of the impending attack.

Unfortunately, in my case, it is actually health care who is attacking
me with their drugs. If they only realized I had a right to refuse
medication and services and did what they were supposed to do, a lot
of this disaster could have been avoided. I could have had the attacks
from health care workers stopped and the study would have also
been stopped because it was the right thing to do. Law enforcement
and the lawyers are the ones who have to save the day.



A Compilation of Writings                                            143
                            KICK THE BUCKET
"Esther! I think I'm kickin' the bucket soon," said George.

"Again?" said Esther.

"This time it's for real, Esther. I think you better prepare," said
George.

"Okay, George. I have the will for you to sign. I also have the towels
to soak up the water from the bucket. Which is it?" said Esther.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/13/08. The prompt
had to do with signing a last will and testament and needing it soon. I
didn't like the topic, so I decided to write something tongue in cheek
instead. I can imagine an old couple still enjoying life with the jokes of
the old, laughing at death, instead of longing for it. I just like the
lighter side of things to brighten the days. Enjoy.

On November 6, 2008, this story was accepted for publication in
Flashshot online ezine to be emailed on January 12, 2009.
http://www.gwthomas.org/flashshotindex.htm




A Compilation of Writings                                              144
              DO WE KNOW ABOUT WOMEN?
"Let me spell it out. So far as I'm concerned, you are off your rocker,"
said Paul.

"But hear me out," said Brad.

"No, I've heard enough of this. No you are not going to go to Venus,"
Said Paul.

"But I have to try out the book. It's from Earth and I know they know
all about women," said Brad.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/14/08. The first line
is the prompt, except everyone got to fill in the part after the word
"are." So every story from every person is different. I like to take
normal things and turn them around to look at them from a different
perspective. Normal is so boring… I hope you like it. If you don't,
don't bother sending me the negativity. I'm not in the mood.




A Compilation of Writings                                            145
                               THE LIES
"What you are planning is a disaster in the making, Tony."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Kate."

"Tony, telling those lies is wrong. I don't care if you don't like her."

You're overreacting, Kate. It's not like anyone is going to see the lies
on the website."

The lies spread like wildfire all over the school and throughout the
community. The girl ended up moving out of the area. She never got
past the lies that never stopped.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/10/08. I read the
writing prompt about planning a disaster and this is what came out.
My life is a disaster because of lies on the internet and people
committing crimes based on those lies. If you think lies don't hurt
people, think again. Someone once said if she heard something she
told everyone. She never allowed for finding out if what she was
spreading to everyone was true or not. It's very sad.




A Compilation of Writings                                                  146
                            COMING OF AGE
"When you told me these terrible things were going to happen, I
thought you were kidding," said Mary.

"Now, now, it isn't all that terrible to have antennae and ESP when
you think about who your dad is," said Mary's mom.

"But I thought that story about my dad being from another planet was
a joke," said Mary.

"Oh no. It's all true. He'll be here for your birthday. Now that you have
come of age, he'll be taking you for training on your new abilities on
the weekends. It will be fun," said Mary's mom.

Mary fainted.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/11/08. The first line
was the prompt for this story. It just felt like a human/alien coming of
age story when I read the prompt, so I went with it. I like going with
my first ideas on these prompts. I usually get good responses from
the writing group on my first impressions of stories for these prompts.
It's nice to take a break from the rest of the world for a while and write
these flash fiction tales. Some of the responses from the writing
group open my eyes to different possibilities and some of them tell
me how the mainstream is thinking these days. Instead of updating a
website, someone thought it would be better to call it a blog, since
that is easier for people to understand someone updating on the
internet. I guess I feel like a dinosaur actually using HTML to update
my own website, rather than just having a blog, but it's the way I like it
and it's my site, so this is the way it will be… I like doing things my
own way. I have a real problem with people telling me how to live my
life. Perhaps this has something to do with a study by a giant
research corporation who wants to run my life for me as a video
game on the internet. How sad so many people are ruining their lives
by participating in the criminal activity started by this research
corporation.


A Compilation of Writings                                             147
                            THE JOY RIDE
"Look! Call 911! That car just hit the tree," yelled Steve.

Steve saw a glow of light from inside the car.

"Greetings, Steve," said the glowing light as it floated out of the car.

"What's going on? How do you know my name?" said Steve.

"Shhh… don't tell anyone you saw me. My dad doesn't want to know
about another joy ride gone bad. I'll be in touch." said the glowing
light as it floated into the atmosphere.

Steve stood in shock as the emergency response crew arrived. He
was questioned, but had no information on where the driver of the car
was. The other three people in the car were all dead.

A few days later… "Hey, Steve! Do you want to go for a joy ride? I'll
find the car," said the glowing ball of light.

Steve politely declined.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/13/08. I read the
prompt for this one with the missing driver and three dead
passengers and I didn't really know what to write. Then I decided the
driver had to be from some other plane of reality or another planet.
One of the people in the group decided this was an all-knowing spirit
because it knew Steve's name. I told him I would think about
including it.

I'm writing this with my leg in pain. I wrote the story with my leg in
pain. The pain is from things implanted inside of my leg being
triggered by remote control. It's not fun being a stalking victim. It's not
fun at all. I hope this horror never happens to anyone else on this
entire planet. The funny thing is, they wanted to market this as a
service. Why would people want the service of destroying a person's
life and causing pain and suffering? Would people really pay for this
service? I guess the answer is yes.


A Compilation of Writings                                               148
                    CRUELTY HAS ITS PRICE
"You're right. I have a problem. Unfortunately, it's you," said May.

"Me? What did I do?" said Frank.

"Oh gosh, you only destroyed my career. Your rumor about my being
a sexual predator really put a damper on teaching," said May.

"If you think it's all that bad, why don't you call the cops? I'm sure they
want to talk to you," said Frank.

"I bet they do. I'm sure you put in a report with them saying I was
stalking you," said May.

"How do you know that?" said Frank.

"I know a great many things you don't know, dearest," said May.

"You can't get anyone to believe you. People say you're crazy," said
Frank.

"You will be handled, Frank," said May.

After all of the investigations were over, the prosecution handled, the
law suits won, Frank is behind bars and May is living happily ever
after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has
its price.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/15/08. This is very
autobiographical. I read the prompt, which is close to the first line of
the story and thought it sounded like my stalking disaster. So I wrote
about something from South Lake Tahoe, California. The dead man
actually reported me as a stalker and as a sexual predator. He
reported this to law enforcement, students, multiple school districts,
CPS and anyone else he could find. He did everything he could to
destroy my teaching career. He even worked on a fake porn site to


A Compilation of Writings                                              149
show what a bad person I was. He drugged me, did things to me on
camera and told everyone I did those things willingly and that I was
the one updating the website. It was sad that this played in taking the
already harmful study to a new level of cruelty.

People heard that students cried when I left Tahoe. What they didn't
hear was that they were so sad to see me go because they thought I
was such a good teacher and some of them thought of me as their
friend. People take the tiniest things and say that means I am a bad
person because people cried from what I did, instead of crying
because of their own negative participation and the loss of a caring
teacher.

This disaster is tragic to say the least. The horror of having to live
through it for years after things were already resolved with the
research corporation as well as law enforcement is hard to deal with
on a daily basis. I do the best I can to make it from day to day with
people following me around, taking pictures of me to post on the
internet, lying about me, drugging me and physically harming me.
How sad this was all supposed to be over and so many people have
joined in because they don't understand it isn't any of their business.

I don't understand why people feel the need to take the law into their
own hands. Law enforcement and the legal system exist to keep
people from being harmed or falsely accused. There are steps to
follow to determine if claims of wrongdoing are fact or fiction. These
steps do not involve people drugging the suspect against her will,
installing remote control devices into her body or spreading horrible
lies about her. How does any of that help an investigation by law
enforcement that has already concluded years ago?

People say I'm stressed and that is their reason for drugging me.
How preposterous. They even say that I should be unemployed and
penniless because I am stressed. Can you see this as helpful? How
is poverty supposed to help with stress? It's beyond me. And these
are even trained professionals who think the answer to stress is
poverty. I think they need more time in school to get it right. Maybe
they need better textbooks to help avoid health care vigilanteism.




A Compilation of Writings                                            150
             POSITIVE ACTION EQUALS HOPE
"Positive action? You want to see positive action? I'll show you
positive action," said Amy.

"Hey, take it easy. I was just saying that problems don't go away by
themselves," said Jim.

"Positive Action!" said Amy as she lit a fire under the lawyers and law
enforcement to handle the problem.

A few weeks later… "So how about that whole disaster the stalkers
made of your life?" said Jim.

"Law enforcement is arresting people. Lawyers are prosecuting
people. I'm giving out as much information as I can to get people on
the right page. Things are moving right along," said Amy.

"So, have any of your problems caused by the stalking been
resolved?" said Jim.

"No. I'm living in my car and the money for food is down to a critical
level. All I have to do is survive until all of this work done by law
enforcement and the lawyers yields a result that actually makes my
life better. I can only do so much," said Amy.

"So, your actual problems have not gone away at all, even with all of
that positive action?" said Jim.

"I still have hope that people will start doing the right things. Hope is
as positive as I can get right now," said Amy.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/17/08. Some days
are harder than other days. I know that several court actions have
taken place to get money to me, since my ability to earn a living is
pretty much done due to the horrible rumors and people hunting me
down causing physical harm. Unfortunately, people have done


A Compilation of Writings                                               151
everything they can think of to keep that money from me. Why are
people harming the victim? Someone actually complained to me that
it was too much money and people were having trouble paying the
money. Why on earth complain to the victim? I wasn't the one who
decided on the amount of the money. I am the one who doesn't have
a safe place to be day or night. I am the one who needs the money to
buy a safe place to live and be able to not be in the traditional work
place due to the work place harassment and the actual crimes
committed against me in multiple workplaces. I'm the wrong person to
complain to about how much money people owe.

Someone else said that the money people have paid into holding
accounts which is currently being withheld from me should be enough
money for me. I shouldn't need to sue anyone else or any other
organization. Well, I have none of the money and the people who are
withholding the money from me seem to have a need for a court
order to follow court orders. The lawyers are left with no other
alternative, but to continue with the law suits. It's not like only one
person or one group has harmed me. There are many and each of
them is refusing to settle outside of court and each of them is finding
out why they should have settled outside of court. There is a very
large amount of evidence to support the law suits and the
prosecution.

Someone told me one day that this is a very famous case. I imagine it
is. How many cities withhold court ordered payments from a victim?
How many corporations agree to pay millions in pain and suffering
and then don't? How many people get convicted of human rights
violations while doing their job for a research corporation? How many
people have their lives turned into games on the internet without their
permission, resulting in physical harm? How many people are
accused of horrible crimes for years after the investigations are
already done, resulting in near impossible ability to earn and income
due to the horrible accusations which have already been proven
false? I would think this is quite a famous case in legal circles. I wish
the people causing all the trouble would catch on and stop causing
problems for me.




A Compilation of Writings                                             152
                 OH, THOSE MAGICAL YEARS
"Mommy, what does terrify mean?" said Jan.

"It means to scare someone. Why do you ask?" said Jan's Mom.

"Because Tommy told me I terrified him and I didn't know what he
meant."

"JAN!!!" Jan's mom screamed before fainting after looking at her
daughter.

"Mrs. Nelson fainted, too. Mommy, wake up. I promise to use the
magic wand correctly. I didn't mean to turn my head into a fish head.
Would a teddy bear be better?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/19/08. The prompt
for this story was the things that terrify you the most. I wasn't in the
mood to write something serious, so this is what came out… Yes, I do
enjoy the Scientific/Fantasy sorts of stories and the idea of magic has
always intrigued me. It makes it easier to make a story off the wall.
I'm writing this while my lower legs are in pain. I wish I had a magic
wand to turn off the pain right now. Wouldn't that be nice? Oh well,
life goes on as I try to ignore it all together.

I wasn't going to log onto the internet today, but a very painful
morning made me decide I needed a distraction from it all. I've been
working on writing beginning programming packets. I do one concept
per packet with a few extra little things thrown in with them. They
have been more popular than I thought they would be with them
being so new. I finally got the notes to a place where I can toss in a
more interesting program to challenge the people using the packets.
It's a small game I learned in school years ago with 21 matches.
Each player can take 1, 2 or 3 matches from the pile and the person
who takes the last match, loses. It should be interesting.




A Compilation of Writings                                            153
                            ONE AND ONE
"Watcha doin', Freddy?" said Sam.

"I'm figuring somethin' out. Don't bug me."

Okay, I was just wondering what the writing and erasing was all
about."

"Sam, at school they say that one and one is two."

"Yeah. So what?"

"I have a new baby cousin, so when Aunt Peg and Uncle Trip got
together, they made three. Do you think one and one is really three
instead of two?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/30/08. The prompt
spoke about figuring things out and I didn't want to do the obvious. I
liked the idea of figuring out a math problem. The math problem is an
old one. One and one makes two, except when baby makes three.
My brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby, so maybe that was
on my mind when I wrote this one. I just picture a couple of five year
olds having this conversation.

The writing group liked this story. They seemed to think I did well on
the dialogue in it. I guess it sounds like two kids talking. That was the
idea. I try to toss in kid stories along with the others so I can come up
with more ideas for reading comprehension stories for my educational
website. One day I will start pulling those together. Who knows,
maybe today is that day. No time like the present they say…




A Compilation of Writings                                            154
                      CARE FOR A MUFFIN?
"I had no idea this meeting was going to change the course of my
life," said Dirk.

"What do you mean? It was just a staff meeting. What's the big deal?"
said Jeff.

"Well, there were no bagels left when I got there. I had to settle for a
bran muffin instead."

"I'm still not following, Dirk."

"I found a diamond in the middle of the muffin. Don't you see how this
changes my life, Jeff?"

"Uh, no. I don't, but that's a huge diamond."

"It's right here in the paper. There's a million dollar reward for finding
the stolen diamond from last week's heist. I'll send you a post card
from the Bahamas."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/30/08. I like this
one because I can see the criminals tossing the evidence on the run
and the batter seeming like a good place for it at the time. They just
didn't make it back to pick it up again. That's all. The first line is the
prompt. I enjoyed writing it, so hopefully people will enjoy reading it.

It turns out the writing group liked this one. One person suggested I
look at cartooning since I am so short and direct with my writing.
That's a new one. I wouldn't have the first idea of where to start… Oh
yeah, I'm sitting in a library, aren't I? It's an idea. At least it's
something to ponder.




A Compilation of Writings                                               155
                     THOSE LITTLE REBELS
"What are you going trick or treating as, Harry?" asked Will.

"I'm going as an accountant. How about you?"

"I'm going as a policeman. Do you think our parents will be upset?"
asked Will.

"My mom is pretty open to it, but maybe we should change at the
party," said Harry.

At the entrance to the party, all the Martian parents were dropping off
their little ones dressed as flowers and trees.

Inside the building, all the little ones were changing into their human
costumes and flooding out the back door to go trick or treating in the
human-loving suburb.

Not all Martians have accepted the humans as equals yet. Equality
for all is still in the process on Mars.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. I guess
equality was on my mind. The prompt was one word: Halloween. All I
could think of was some Martians wanting to dress up like human
beings. I liked the idea of someone wanting to dress up as an
accountant. It's a little more nondescript compared to a policeman,
but maybe a Martian would find it exciting. I mean they do have their
own little toys to play with and their own language of numbers and
finance. How else would the economy stay afloat if we didn't have
people tallying all of the numbers?




A Compilation of Writings                                             156
                THOSE DARN INSTRUCTIONS
Mary sat at the volunteer seat to welcome the day's voters.

A few hours went by and still no one came to vote.

At the end of the day, she locked up the building and went home very
sad.

"Hi Honey, I'm home. I was at the polling station all day and not a
single person showed up to vote. What do you think of that?"

Marvin looked over his newspaper at his wife. "Perhaps it's because
today is Monday and people don't vote until Tuesday."

"Hmmm… The note was very clear. It said all volunteers should
report to their polling stations on Monday to get ready for the voters. It
didn't say anything about Tuesday. I'll just have to speak to these
people about their instructions. They should be more clearly written."

Marvin buried his head back in the paper and said, "Yes, Dear."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. This story
falls into the clueless category. I have a fondness for the clueless
stories. I don't know why. I guess I always liked it when people took
things literally and didn't read into the meaning of what was behind
the words and ended up somewhere they weren't ever supposed to
go. I have also played the dumb one with people and told them I
followed the instructions to the letter when they are missing vital
information. This tends to irritate the people who wanted me to read
more meaning into what I was reading. Sometimes they fail to see
that I am just attempting humor and thought it was a good way to
point out that key items were missing from the document. Yes, I have
spent time writing technical documentation and I have had to make it
step by step perfect because I have had some very harsh critics
along the way in my life. One mistake and back to the drawing board.



A Compilation of Writings                                             157
                            SIPPING BUDDIES
"That first cup of coffee in the morning is almost better than sex,"
Tom said to his cup of coffee.

"Did I hear you right?" said the woman from the bedroom.

"Uh… I didn't know you were up yet. Would you like a cup, darling?"

"No. I think I would rather give you a reason to stay in bed all day and
forget that coffee, darling."

The cup off coffee sits neglected on the kitchen counter, wondering
where his sipping buddy went.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/12/08. The prompt
for this one is partially in the first line of text. I just thought a woman
should be hearing a man saying this statement. It just sounded like a
guy thing to say and a woman would have something to respond with
and so I went with this one. It made me chuckle. Hopefully others will
like it, too.




A Compilation of Writings                                               158
                            THE SHORT STORY
"I keep looking for an open door. If I find it, I'm gonna push my way
through. I've got the balls for it, despite my limitations," said Sally to
no one.

"Sally!" called Mrs. Nelson.

"What?"

"The ball room is at this end of the hall."

"Thank you, Mrs. Nelson. I wish I were taller, so I could read the
signs on the doors. These balls keep falling all over the place."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/12/08. The first line
is almost what the prompt was for this story. I know it was supposed
to be a strong, fighting woman story, but I wasn't in the mood. I'm not
feeling too strong today or much like fighting. So it became a little kid
story with a little girl carrying a lot of balls, looking for the ball room to
put them all away. I thought it was cute.




A Compilation of Writings                                                  159
                   NIGHT TIME CONFESSION
"Hey Monica, check this out. You're mom isn't missing. The
newspaper says she's been arrested and is being held in jail,
incommunicado," said Jake.

Monica snatched the paper. "What's happening? It doesn't say why
she was arrested."

"Don't worry, honey. I'm going to call to see if a bail has been set."

"Jake! What did they say?"

"They said she wrote a confession letter and hung herself with strips
of her clothing in the middle of the night."

"This has to be the twilight zone. I'm going down there right now."

The next day the paper had the details. Monica's mom confessed to
drugging children in order to molest them in their beds once they
were passed out.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/15/08. The prompt
for this story is close to the first line of the story. I shortened it a bit. I
had a hard time deciding how to finish the story. I wanted it to be
short and I wanted it to be shocking to go along with the prompt for
the story. This is what came to mind. So far the people in the group
like it. One guy wants me to shorten it a bit and to send it into
Flashshot magazine. That's where the majority of my stories show up
on my list of publication credits. They only accept stories under 100
words and those are the ones I seem to like to write the best. So it
fits. I'm working on finding other places to submit my work as well. I
try to see where people in the group get their stuff published, in case
that is a good place for my stories, too. It seems hard to find the right
magazines to choose.




A Compilation of Writings                                                   160
         BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER H
"Today class, we are on the letter H. I've chosen some words for us
to discuss. Honnie, could you please read them out loud?"

"Hookers, hobos and hustlers."

"Thank you, Honnie. Now does anyone know what these words mean
and can you tell us what they have in common?"

Len raised his hand and blurted out, "I know. Hookers give pleasure
for money. Hobos beg for money and Hustlers get money by lying.
Getting money is what they have in common."

"Thank you, Len. You are correct. Now why is this important?"

Brath answered, "When we get to Earth, we are supposed to blend in
and if we are out of money, we can assume one of these roles to get
some. It is a very easy way to get integrated into the society."

"I am so impressed with this class of recruits. I'm sure our invasion
will be a complete success. Once everyone is in place, we will start
taking over the government and our new home will be secured."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/18/08. The three
words in the second quote are the prompt for this story. I just
imagined a class learning about words that start with the letter H, but
they weren't the kind of words for little kids, so I made them aliens so
they would be preparing for assimilation. The title is a tribute to
Sesame Street and the Electric Company, two shows I watched a lot
growing up. Yeah, I still think television can be educational. Just look
at my story about aliens. Don't you think I learned a lot from
television? I also learned about anorexia nervosa from television.
That's why I know the study is full of false diagnoses that are
professionally embarrassing to the people participating.




A Compilation of Writings                                            161
              LOOKING FOR GOOD FORTUNE
"It may take some chustzpah, but she'll do it; nothing backward about
that lady, nothing at all."

"What do you mean, Herb?"

"Didn't you hear, Sally? She was in a train wreck and was the only
survivor."

"That's amazing, but why the comment about her not being
backward."

"They decided to blame her for the whole thing since she was the
only survivor. They locked her up for being crazy and everything,"
said Herb.

"I don't understand. Why would they do such a thing to a victim?" said
Sally.

"I guess they don't have enough crazy people. I guess they decided
to start locking up sane people, too. Law enforcement and lawyers
had to step in to get it fixed."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"She has to start her life over and find another career since the
rumors ruined her other career," said Herb.

"It sounds like she's lucky people were ready to do the right thing,"
said Sally.

"Yep, she's one tough cookie and she's looking for the good fortune
to turn things around."

Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/21/08. The prompt
was the first line. I don't know how it will go over in the writing group.




A Compilation of Writings                                               162
                     WHAT'S THE ANSWER?
"The answer is 48."

"Thank you, Johnny, but that is incorrect."

"But it has to be correct, Ms. Watson."

"Why is that, Johnny?"

"Because I used the calculator."

"If the calculator is used incorrectly, then the answer may be
incorrect."

Johnny leaned over to Margo. "Hey, Margo. The teacher doesn't
know how to use a calculator. I just press the plus key to get the next
answer. She'll never know the difference."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. I felt the
need to write this one because of memories of students telling me
they knew they got the right answer because the calculator said so.
The prompt had to do with being skeptical about answers from a
computer and always keeping an eye on the idea that computers are
only as good as the data put into them. Hmmm…. That reminds me
of a certain illegal study filled with a bunch of lies. These lies seem to
make people forget what they know, like patients have the rights to
refuse medication and they have the right to refuse medical services
and they have the right to be told their diagnoses and they have the
right to get a second opinion and they have the right and
responsibility to participate in their own health care. Patient care
involves the patient. It does not happen as if the patient does not
matter. It doesn't happen against the will of the patient. It doesn't
happen in secret so that the patient is not allowed to know what is
happening. It also does not include people in the health care world
lying to the patient. I worry about the state of health care.



A Compilation of Writings                                              163
                      TEACH THE TEACHER
"You have a chance to do something meaningful here, Meg."

"Do you really think so, Mr. Perkins?"

"Yes, Meg. I do."

"But helping little kids to read doesn't seem like all that big of a deal."

"Imagine what the world would be like if people graduated from
school and didn't know how to read. It all starts here."

"Alright, Mr. Perkins. If you say so."

A few minutes later…

"Mr. Perkins, I don't think this is working."

"Why? What's happening?"

"I gave each of the kids a book and asked each of them to read it to
me and they just gave me blank stares. Maybe these kids didn't come
equipped with their reading computer chips installed in their brains."

Mr. Perkins shook his head and gave a lot of thought about the
computer generation.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. Sometimes
people are told to do things and they don't even understand how to
do them. Sometimes people think they know what is going on and
sometimes they have no idea what is going on. Why would people
think it was okay to do a study without my permission that involved
prescription drugs? Why would anyone do that?




A Compilation of Writings                                               164
                            THE BUTTON
"We ain't gonna need no car for this one, Spike. Just bring the
burglary tools and meet me under the clock at Main and Elm."

"But Puck, how we gonna get away?"

"I met up with these dudes who'll pick us up when we're done. I just
have to press this red button on this box when we're done. It sends a
signal."

"Okay. Let's do it."

After Spike and Puck robbed the liquor store, Puck pressed the red
button.

"Hey. Why didn't you know the button would bring the police?"

"Because, I didn't ever learn to read. I didn't know it said, 'Press
button to call the police in case of emergency.' Okay?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. The first line
of this story was part of the prompt. I guess I wanted to show how
important education is to the challenging students out there. Even
criminals need to know how to read. Maybe if we educated more of
the students before they became criminals, there wouldn't be as
much of a problem. Maybe if more people actually understood what is
legal and what is illegal, there wouldn't be so many crimes.
Unfortunately there are doctors and nurses who have fallen into the
pit of criminal behavior because of an illegal study. Unfortunately I
don't have too much sympathy for them, since they should know
patient rights and they should know that contacting employers to
slander an employee isn't such a good idea. Maybe one day people
will even know that it is illegal to harm another person. I can hope.




A Compilation of Writings                                              165
                     THE BIRTHDAY KILLER
"He just turned 61 today. What a shame."

"Do you think the killer meant the knife in the chest as a birthday
present?" said Dillon to his partner Joe.

"Well, there is a bow on it and a card. That's all I need is a birthday
killer on my beat."

"The card says, 'Happy Birthday to the man who ruined my life,' and
it's signed 'your dearest admirer.' How's that for a present?"

"Maybe he was being stalked before he died," said Joe.

"Come on. Are there really such things as stalkers? I thought only
movie stars got stalked."

"With a note like that, it would be foolish to overlook it. I bet there are
other people who know who this dearest admirer is."

Two days later, the two detectives finished talking to fifteen people
who knew the victim. All of them felt he was being stalked. None of
them knew what to do about it.

The suspect promptly admitted to being the dearest admirer. He even
admitted to being the killer. He then asked to be taken to the psych
ward since he was obviously a danger to others.

The prosecutors looked at the suspect's suggestion to go to the
psych ward as a way to get away with murder. The jury agreed. The
stalker was convicted and sentenced to death.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/05/08. The prompt
for this story had to do with someone dying violently at age 61. So
since it was my birthday, I decided to make it a birthday killer.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 166
                       SHE'S A BARRACUDA
"Be careful of her. She's a barracuda. She makes promises, but she
never delivers," said Frank.

"Oh come on. She can't be all that bad. I'm going to ask her out," said
Matt.

Matt approaches the barracuda, "So, wanna go swimming with me?"

"There's a new one. I've never heard that one before. Most ask if I
want to go spawn with them."

"Ummmm… So you know you're known as a barracuda, huh?"

"Yes, I do. But I always deliver on my promises. Care to give me a
whirl?"

"Um… Uh… Yeah. Sure. Let's go back to my place."

The next morning… "I figured out why you have the reputation you
have."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"No one wants to share you. You're fantastic."

"Like I said, I always deliver on my promises. What other promises do
you desire?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/07/08. The prompt
for this one is the first line of the story and struck me as funny; since I
had a group of programmers I once called barracudas. If a woman
has a reputation of being a barracuda, then she is a strong woman. I
think strong women are a better find than people tend to let on, so
that's why this story happened.



A Compilation of Writings                                               167
                THE CHALLENGING STUDENT
"You don't leave me much choice, do you? I'll do it, but with the
loudest possible protest."

"And how are you protesting participation in extra curricular activities
today?" said the teacher.

Bang! Bang! Bang! "I'll be in the band, but I only want to play the bass
drum."

"Of course you want to play percussion. I would expect nothing else,
Harold."

"Well, that's no fun if you already knew I was going to pick it. I'll play
the flute instead."

"Now there is a choice I didn't expect. Are you able to make a sound
when blowing across a coke bottle?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"That is the same way you play the flute, so you will have no problem.
Just don't pass out while practicing."

"What are you talking about, teach? What do you mean pass out?"

"Many beginners blow too hard and become light headed."

"Ah, so the flute is a dangerous instrument. I definitely want it now."

"As you wish. I do want you to look at this as a challenge."

A few weeks later… "Hey teach."

"Yes, Harold?"

"I do get light headed. My arms hurt and the notes come out all funny
sounding. Can I go back to the bass drum?"


A Compilation of Writings                                               168
"I see. The flute is too difficult for you. I understand."

"Never mind. I'll show you I can do it."

A few months later… "Are you ready for the end of year concert,
Harold?"

"Yep. I practiced every single day and I can play all of the high notes.
My parents hate the flute. It's great."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/10/08. The first line
is the prompt for this story. I didn't feel very inspired by it, but I
wanted to do something. I played the flute from 4th through 12th grade
and I can still play today. I remember my mom holding the phone up
to me practicing with the wife of the music teacher on the other end
asking if this is what I was supposed to sound like. I remember the
music teacher telling a friend of mine she could play the flute if she
could make a sound with a coke bottle. My mom said she played the
saxophone when she was in school and complained about how
heavy it was to lug to and from school, so that is why I chose the
flute. It was the lightest instrument. I still enjoy playing when I get a
chance, but it doesn't work too well in apartments. The neighbors
complain.

Music is something I have always enjoyed. I didn't get exposed to
anything other than classic music until I started driving. I know that
sounds strange, but that was the way it was. I love going to listen to
people play live. I like most types of music, but going to a live
symphony orchestra with all of the different instruments is my
favorite. I've been looking for a guy to take me to the symphony for
most of my life. I got to go when I was in junior high school. I got to go
to an outside concert in Tahoe with a boyfriend. That was a treat. I
don't know if stalking victims get to go to the symphony or not. I'll
have to look up the rules for what stalking victims get to do.




A Compilation of Writings                                             169
                    GOOD OR BAD FORTUNE
"This has got to be my screw up day. Everything I have touched has
turned to …"

"What Harry? Has turned to what?"

"I don't want to tell you, Sara."

"But, why?"

"I'm afraid you'll leave me if I tell you."

"I love you. I won't leave you."

"Okay, brace yourself. Believe it or not, everything I touch turns to
silver, so we can never have sex again."

"So your life has turned into a fairy tale. Our money problems are
solved. And you are worried I will leave you because we can't have
sex when we're not having it in the first place."

"Okay, so I didn't look at it that way."

"Well, I guess I can tell you about my secret Latin lover now. You
won't mind if he comes to visit, right?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/12/08. The first line
is the prompt for this story. The actual prompt left the blank at the
end, just like I did. I know what I was supposed to fill in, but it seemed
more fun to fill it in with something else. The prompt reminded me of
the Midas touch, so I went with it. I don't like the story very much, but
it felt good to get something written and submitted to the group. No
one replied to the last story, so it will be interesting to see if anyone
responds to this one.




A Compilation of Writings                                               170
                            I WAS FRAMED
"I was framed!"

"Of course you were. You do have proof you were framed, right?"

"Yes I do. You just have to subpoena the records from the company
who is accusing me of stealing their corporate secrets."

"And what would this do to help your case?"

"It would show that I can't be accused of stealing corporate secrets
that were implanted into my body. They were a gift. I didn't steal
anything."

"Okay, I'll admit this is a new one. They are accusing you of stealing
what they planted into your body illegally, right?"

"Yes, your honor, that's correct."

"Alright Mr. Green, I will make sure your lawyer has the subpoena
and we will meet again in a week."

A week later…

"Well, Mr. Green, it does look like there is evidence galore that you
are an innocent victim and the people trying to frame you are actually
the criminals. You're off the hook, but I expect you to be very
cooperative with nailing this case against the corporation."

"You've got it, your honor. I will start documenting what I know
immediately."

Two years later…

"Mr. Green, thanks to you an entire criminal corporation has been
brought to its knees and you are now a millionaire. That is, once we
wring the money from their hands. Your lawyer will be in contact."



A Compilation of Writings                                              171
"So, until then, I'm penniless?"

"Yep. That's the legal system. Have a nice life."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 01/02/09. The prompt
for this story was about a guy being railroaded, which in my mind is
another term for being framed, so that is what I wrote about, instead
of using the railroading term. One person in the group thought it was
interesting and another said he had never heard of a flash fiction
story jumping forward into the future like I did in this one. I've seen
others do it and I don't have a problem doing it. Most of my stories
cover a small snippet of time and this one covers three small snippets
of time. I think fiction is what the writer makes of it and no matter what
people say about it, it is still a creative creation by the author. One
person did say the dialog sounded like a real case. I've been told
before that I have really good dialog, so I guess sounding like it is real
is the trick to that.

It's supposed to snow today. It's days like this that I wish I had a
place to call home. I'll hang out different places and see if I can get
more writing done and more things posted to my website. Maybe I'll
get some of the other things on my to do list for my site done. I'll have
to see if this headache goes away or not. I'll have to see how I feel
later. At least I got something written today. I'm still working on
getting something written every single day, weather it is a letter or a
story or something in my writing journal. I think it is a good way to
keep moving forward. Maybe I'll get some reading done today. Enjoy
the story.




A Compilation of Writings                                             172
                RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
"I don't know if a new car is such a good idea, Fred."

"But I really want one."

"Yes, but something flashy like that would draw attention to us."

"No mom, it wouldn't. I would be real careful. I would tell them I found
it in a junk yard and fixed it up myself."

"No one will believe you found a new car in a junk yard. Be
reasonable."

"What is the use of having money if we can't spend it?"

"Because everyone else is tapped out. They call it Tap City around
here. They talk about it as a joke to cheer themselves up."

"But we have enough to help them. Why don't we just do that?"

"Because people would take advantage of our generosity and want
us to give more than we are able to give."

"We could do it as anonymous donations to other people who help,
like the churches. We could call it random acts of kindness."

"It would feel good to help these people."

"Come on . . . I can say I needed the car to get to my job to support
the family and someone donated it. I'll drop off the money at the
charities all over town in it."

"Well, alright. You talked me into it. I hope it makes a difference."

Headline in The Daily News: Random Acts of Kindness Bring Hope

Headline in The Sun Times: Anonymous Donations Fill Hungry
Bellies


A Compilation of Writings                                               173
Headline in The Junk You Won't Believe: Where Did The Money
Come From? Is It Stolen?


Notes From The Author: This was written on 01/04/09. The prompt
had to do with wanting a new car when there wasn't enough money
to pay rent. Tap City was mentioned in the prompt. I guess I didn't
want to speak from the poor point of view. I wanted to speak from the
point of people helping others and making a difference in the poverty
situation that so many people suffer from these days in our economic
downturn. I was happy to read there is a plan for economic stimulus
coming with the new president. There is even talk of increasing
benefits to the unemployed that may include insurance. Who knows
what will actually pass, but I think people need hope right now, so it is
good to hear what people are trying to do to help. I hope more jobs
are generated somehow so more people can earn a living. That's
very important for building back our country in tough times. People
need to feel like they can support themselves. It means more than
some people understand. People who have never been forced out of
work don't always get the concept. I watched so many people lose
work during the dot com bomb in Silicon Valley in California. Some
people don't even know what it is. An entire sector of workers were
suddenly out of work. They were highly trained and couldn't find work
because many of them were without bachelors degrees and there
was such a flood of workers, the employers had to make a cut
somewhere. It was hard to watch the layoffs over and over again in
the tech sector, and then to watch it in the education world was even
more difficult since education has always been considered a safe
career. But when the families lost their jobs in California, many of
them moved out of the area, causing lay offs in the world of
education. It happened in Tahoe when they started Indian gaming in
California. The casinos were suddenly empty. People stopped
traveling to them because there were casinos closer to home. Many
people moved to Las Vegas to find work. They even closed an
elementary school. There was a strong hatred of the alternative
education school I worked at. We were accused of stealing students.




A Compilation of Writings                                             174
                       SHOTGUN MARRIAGE
"The worst mistake I ever made was marrying you, Frank."

"But Betty, it was a shotgun wedding. We didn't have a choice."

"I had a choice."

"That wasn't a choice. Our son is a wonderful boy."

"That's not the choice I meant."

Betty hauled out her daddy's shotgun and pointed it at Frank. "I
should have let Daddy shoot you."

Frank hit the floor and Betty's daddy came in to take care of the body.
"That's my girl, Betty. I raised you right."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 01/06/09. The first line
was the prompt for the story. I decided to take a twist on the shotgun
wedding concept for this story. It just felt like a better way to handle
the prompt than one of the more traditional squabble stories. Having
Betty being daddy's little girl was to make the reality of the shotgun
wedding come to light. The term came up for a real reason.




A Compilation of Writings                                            175
                   IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY
"I promise you this won't hurt at all."

"I don't believe you."

"What is there not to trust? You look beautiful."

"Oh my, these earrings do look lovely. Thank you."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 01/09/09. The prompt
was something like the first line, but I didn't like the reference to a
virgin's first time, so I went off on an ear piercing tangent instead. It
will be interesting to see what the online writing group has to say
about it. Most of the time they don't have too many critiques anymore.
One of the guys took apart one of my recent stories the others liked.
He just didn't like it, I guess. He said it needed work. I'm still excited
about the short story anthology that went into print yesterday. I am
looking forward to getting a copy for myself to see my writing in a
book. I think it's cool I got five stories published in it, when others got
only one. I think it is because my stories are so short. That's fine with
me. I like the short ones. This story is one of my shortest, if not the
shortest. Enjoy.

The online writing group really didn't like this one… They all missed
what I was trying to do. Oh well. I guess I will have to try again at a
later time. On to the next story…




A Compilation of Writings                                              176
                  THE PATRIOTS MARCH ON
"She's a snob, always putting on airs and using them fancy foreign
words to impress us."

"But, mom, she's a foreign exchange student. Those words are her
native tongue."

"Well, she should learn when she's in this house, she better speak
English."

"She does the best she can with what she knows in English, mom. Be
nice to her."

"I think I'll just report her to the police. She might be a spy and we
wouldn't even know it."

"Mom, she had to go through screening to be here in the first place."

"Well, they obviously didn't do a good enough job to let a foreigner
into the country."

"Do what you have to do, mom. You'll find out in the end you were
wrong."

"I'm doing what any patriot should do."

A few weeks later the papers showed a front page story of how
overzealous patriots were targeting innocent people. This resulted in
wasting the taxpayer's money investigating people who never did
anything that even looked suspicious.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 01/11/09. Sometimes I
just have to make a comment on life as I see it.




A Compilation of Writings                                                177
                        COOKIES ANYONE?
"All ready to go, Harold?"

"In a minute, Marge."

"I've got everything packed for the picnic. I want to get a good place
at the park."

"It's hours early for the show. Give me a minute."

"What is taking you so long?"

"I'm just getting rid of my lunch."

"Are you telling me my cooking is so bad you lost your cookies?"

"If they were cookies, that would be another story. Let's go. I'm
famished."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/24/09. This was
written in a motel somewhere between South Dakota and California.
It was a breath of fresh air to be back online and writing stories again.
It really hurt things to not be able to do that for so long.




A Compilation of Writings                                             178
                            SHE GETS IT DONE
She looked around and said, "Anybody else?"

The people in the town stared in shock at the body in the street and
all the blood. A woman gunslinger was a thing to behold. She was
here to save the day.

"Please Annie, could you be our sheriff? You just gunned down our
old one and he was corrupt," said the store owner.

"I wasn't planning on sticking around. I'm just passing through," said
Annie.

"You would have a place to live and free food at the saloon. We could
really use the help," said the store owner.

"Are you expecting more trouble because of the sheriff?"

"That's the idea."

A lone man rode in from the far end of town.

"That's what we were afraid of…" The people scattered into the
buildings in town.

"Annie. Is that you?" said the gunslinger.

"Yeah, Harry. Are you here to avenge the sheriff's death?"

"Nope. I was hoping he was handled by now. I had enough of him the
last time through here."

"Good. I was hoping I wasn't going to have to shoot my best friend,"
said Annie.

"If that is your handiwork, then they must want you to stay."

"Yep. Care to join me?"


A Compilation of Writings                                           179
"I would rather spread the word and get someone else in here. Let's
get out of here. Leave this mess."

"And here I thought you would know by now. I do what I want."

"So I'll see you next time," waved the gunslinger on his way out of
town.

"Not if I see you first."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/26/09. I wrote this
story on route from South Dakota to California in one of the motels
along the way. It was great to get back to writing stories again. The
group liked this story. They said it was well written, but it should have
been funnier or scarier. He was just joking, but it was nice to hear
from him. I like being able to just pick things up again in that group
like nothing happened and I wasn't gone for a while. Where was I???
I was committed to a state hospital for 75 days because people didn't
believe I was a stalking victim. They thought I was delusional. It was
even scarier to be cut off from everything and be told not to talk about
this mess than going through the mess. I learned a lot about the
mental health world and how it doesn't really serve the people and
this place was more for milking the state for money. I found out that
independent doesn't mean independent. These people are all just in it
for the ride. There was very little actual concern for the real problems
left behind by a study gone wrong. Someone outside of that place
who had actually heard of how bad stalking is mentioned post
traumatic stress syndrome. That's the first thing that might sound like
it fits. What I have been through has been very traumatic. I am still
hoping someone will actually care about the trauma I've been through
and have something helpful to say about that, rather than insulting
me by telling me it never really happened. Imagine being told reality
isn't reality and then being told that is called treatment. Now I have to
figure out how to get my life back on track. It won't be easy, but at
least I know why my legs were hurting. That makes me feel better.




A Compilation of Writings                                             180
                             THE HUNT
"Hey George. The bad news is grandpa just died. The good news is
he left us a treasure hunt. Are you in?"

"Shouldn't we be planning a funeral or something?"

"Mom's doing that. Our job is to find the hidden assets. The first clue
is to go look where we spent our elementary school days."

"That's an awfully vague clue, Charlie."

"Well, there is more to it than that. He wrote stories that lead us to the
clues."

"Do you get the idea this is kind of a joke? What would grandpa
consider an asset anyway?"

"Oh, your thinking of the toilet seat cribbage board."

A few days later…

"Well George, are you glad we did the treasure hunt?"

"Yeah, but I think it was grandpa's way of making us listen to his
stories after he's gone."

"Yeah, but the bag of gold nuggets sure is nice."


Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/01/09. It feels good
to get back to writing. I've missed being part of the writing group. It's
time to get my life back on track. I think the time has come to
recuperate from the mess of stalking and a study. My legs were
hurting me and now they are starting to feel better again. It was scary
when I couldn't stand for very long and it was uncomfortable to sit for
any length of time as well. Walking was slow and also uncomfortable.
Now it is time to get some strength back into my legs. I still have a
small limp for now.


A Compilation of Writings                                              181
                   CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME
In this day and age the honest man is the one who must watch out.
The cops are out to get them. It makes their days easier since there
are fewer honest people to catch than the overrun of the crooks.

Yes, it is chaos that reins supreme these days. It's so bad, the
zombies are the ones running the offices and public works. Everyone
else is busy being a bad guy or getting chased by the cops.

So what does the honest person do when they take their water bill in
to get it paid and the zombie behind the counter scoops out their
brains? It really is the end of life as we know it.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/02/09. One person
in the group said this read like an essay instead of a story. He said he
liked reading it anyway, but it started with the premise and then I went
on to prove my point. I guess I have teacher on the brain to do that.
Or maybe proving my point has become second nature to me. I've
been doing so much of it.

I am trying to get back on track with everything in my writing life. I
have been going through a rough time and everything feels like a
challenge right now. I just keep plugging along and work on
remembering to update my document with my new writing and keep
my website growing. I'll try to see if I can get back to making
educational resources, too. That may take a little longer. I'm just
taking it slowly right now. So enjoy my essay on zombies.




A Compilation of Writings                                            182
                  From Handwritten To Typed
Writers and writing books talk about the hand-written writing journal.
It's supposed to be the heart and foundation of good writing and how
a writer improves with daily writing. There is much emphasis on just
letting the writing happen and not worrying about grammar, spelling
or even if it sounds good or not. That is for later after the writing has
aged a bit and the writer goes back to something written days or
weeks earlier. It can also be said that over time, the daily writing
might suggest an overall topic that the writer wants to write. This is
the idea that everyone has a book inside of them waiting to come out
and looking through the daily writings can give some insight as to
what the topic for that book might be.

I use different things to give me ideas for what I write about in my
hand-written writing journal. I try to get to it every day, but that doesn't
always happen. Sometimes between my electronic flash exercises
and the hand-written journal, I get to most of the days in the week.
Sometimes I write down ideas for puzzles for the website. Other
times I use writing prompts from writing books I have. Then there are
times when I just have something to say and I write it.

In this section, I will attempt to get some of these writings typed out. I
don't think I will include all of them, especially since some of them are
just listings of ideas that are already incorporated in other works in
this compilation or on my website. Most of my writings have some
sort of title. I guess it is a theme or where I started before the writing
took me someplace else. I don't think I will be editing much of this
writing. I would like it more raw to get the feel of it as it flowed out of
my body.




A Compilation of Writings                                               183
               THE HANDCUFFED BRIEFCASE
A man in a business suit, briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, stands on
a quiet beach watching the sunrise. Only twenty-four hours earlier he
was on a mission to deliver the million dollars to his new boss. Once
he arrived in town and arrived at the rendezvous, he found out that
his new boss had been murdered only an hour before his arrival.

In all of the chaos of the moment with everyone trying to figure out
what happened, he decided his presence was not needed. He slipped
through the crowd, pulling down his sleeve over the handcuff.

As he walked down the busy city street, he thought through the
events leading up to his current situation. His new boss told him how
to get the money and how to find him for the delivery. It all seemed so
easy to get the cash from the teller. The paperwork was all in order.
The briefcase was waiting for him in the hotel room. He placed the
money inside and locked the handcuff on his left wrist. The car trip
was easy. The roads were easy to find and he even found a parking
place. He was starting a new life and it was all fresh.

So here he is with cash for all of his dreams and no one knowing how
he got it or why he was there. His new boss was the only one who
knew he was arriving with the cash and now he was dead.

A whole new outlook on life was what awaited him. He only had to
reach out and grab it.

Notes From The Author: This was a writing prompt from the Writers
Book Of Matches. I wrote it on the side of a high way in South Lake
Tahoe on 3/22/06. People came driving by slowly to see what I was
doing. They even parked next to me and looked in the car. I guess
they were working on one of their far fetched rumors that I was up to
no good. Wasn't it funny to watch them all try to figure out what I was
doing when all I was doing was writing a story to take a break from
the stalking disaster in my life. I was trying to take a step away from it
all, and people just couldn't help themselves. They just had to stick
their noses into my life, no matter what I did.



A Compilation of Writings                                              184
                            MOHANAKY
"Could you please recommend a book on how to be a good
babysitter?"

"Oh yes! I would be happy to recommend Mohanaky by Albert
Reynolds. It’s located on aisle three."

"I've never heard of it. Thank you."

Sylvia continues sorting her paperwork after yet another customer
asks for yet another book that is easily found on the correct shelf,
correctly identified by a sign clearly visible.

"Excuse me. I need help finding a book on fly fishing."

"Oh yes! I would be happy to recommend Mohanaky by Albert
Reynolds. It’s located on aisle three."

"Thank you very much."

Once again returning to yet another time wasting project after another
customer service job well done…

"May I ask why you recommended the same book to two different
customers for two different requests?"

Mary seemed to be a little annoyed, so Sylvia concentrated on how to
answer her supervisor.

"I've always found that people enjoy the hunt for that special book. I
just send them in a direction where they will stumble upon the correct
section on their way to finding the book I sent them to find." Sylvia
said with a bright smile.

"I see. That isn't quite what the training manual says to do, is it?"




A Compilation of Writings                                               185
"But not a single customer has ever come back to complain and they
have always found what they wanted in the first place, so my
assistance was useful."

"Does Mohanaky by Albert Reynolds even exist?"

"Well, no it doesn't, but that really isn't the point. They don't ever find
out it doesn't exist."



Notes From The Author: The prompt from the book of matches
book for this story was: A bookstore clerk decides to recommend the
same book to all customers, regardless of what they ask for. I was
practicing using dialogue to tell the story. This was also written on the
side of the road in Tahoe on 3/24/06. It felt good to get something on
paper and say I accomplished something when everything seemed to
be crumbling around me. It was hard to be so scared and have no
one understand that Jo-el Patterson was my stalker. So many people
thought he was helping and a good person. That has been a theme
throughout this mess. The very people who are hurting me are the
ones who keep telling people they are helping. I wish someone would
have told them that if they weren't helping in a way I wanted to be
helped, then they weren't helping at all, they were just making things
worse. I still struggle with this. One day people will understand they
should not hurt me anymore. My life has already been ruined.




A Compilation of Writings                                                186
                   ELSA AND THE BLUE LION
I don't think I saw that. That couldn't have been a blue lion. How
could there be a lion in this part of the country? How could it be blue?
Why was I the only one who saw it? What should I do?

I think ti would be nice to be brave and find out where it is going. I
don't really have to learn about geometry today. Miss Wicket just
turned to take care of Jimmy. That should take her mind off of
everyone else in the room for at least ten minutes and the rest of the
class loves to watch. No one will miss me. All I have to do is slip out
the side door without making any noise.

I'm off on a wonderful adventure. I've read so much about other
people's adventures. I want to have one of my own. Oh, I forgot how
dark ie gets in the Merp Woods. I wish I had a flashlight with me.

I should make sure I don't make any noise. I don't want to upset the
lion in any way. I hope it won't attack me. Do lions eat teenagers? Are
we a delicacy?

Oh, I hear footsteps…I better hide behind this hedge. Oh dear, his is
so much bigger than I thought he was. Uh Oh… He's coming right
towards me. What should I do?

"Elsa? Elsa of Shermont? Is that you?"

Oh my goodness. Now the lion is talking to me and it knows my name
and the town where I live.

"Elsa? Is that you?"

"Yes. What may I do for you?"

"Elsa, my country needs you to rescue it from Dormida. Won't you
please answer the call of your kinsmen?"

To be continued…



A Compilation of Writings                                            187
Notes From The Author: The prompt from the book of matches for
this story was: A young girl sees a blue lion walk past her bedroom
window and disappear into the nearby woods. This was written in
Tahoe on 3/30/06. It's strange typing up what I wrote so long ago. It
feels so different than what I have written more recently. Retyping this
story reminds me of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I guess
that is what came to mind when I read the prompt. I desperately
wanted to write about other places and other people so that I could
lose myself in a safe place. Somehow talking to a lion sounded so
much easier to do than to live through a man breaking into my house
and doing things to my body and having no one to protect me
because people were so busy hiding the crimes happening by saying
I was nuts. Imagine how hard it is to get people to help you when they
are told everything you say is a lie. How easy is it to hide crimes this
way? Just tell everyone that the victim is crazy and no one will help
the victim. It is so sad to think of how many people have fallen for this
same trap over and over again. It took people realizing they were
being lied to before I was able to get people to help deal with the
crimes happening to me. It's too bad so much had happened before
that time, that there was no way of going back to my old life. I look
forward to starting my new life without attacks every day of my life
and every night as well.




A Compilation of Writings                                            188
                                 LIFE
Do things always work out the way they are supposed to happen?
Are things meant to be a certain way? Do all things happen for a
reason? Is it always darkest before dawn?

The moon is out while there is still daylight. People are camping and
picnicking and enjoying the fourth of July holiday in the middle of the
week.

Life keeps moving forward. The world keeps spinning. Everyone
moves around each other, only crossing paths momentarily. A simple
not, a kind word, perhaps a smile is all it takes to make a world a
difference. Kindness in a cruel world is needed. It is not only needed,
but required. Life is hard enough without kindness. People need to
help each other stay on track, but with kindness and openness. Being
open can make or break things. Being open allows for answers to be
found. Answers and solutions are needed to make things right in the
world.



Notes From The Author: This was prompted by the book of matches
on 7/4/06. I was living in Long Beach, California with my brother and
sister-in-law at the time. Jo-el found me on the Fourth Of July in a
park somewhere in the Malibu Canyons. I had just realized that
someone had turned my cell phone into an activation device for the
tracking devices embedded in my body. People had been telling the
lie that I was doing it intentionally. People were telling the lie that I
was doing it to get attention. People were being turned away from
helping me. It was a difficult day. I threw my phone in the garbage
near a building where I knew people would want to get their hands on
it. I was hoping finger prints would lead to the person who actually did
it to my phone.




A Compilation of Writings                                            189
                            WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is a warm kiss on a cool day.

Love is a hug that takes your breath away with the love it contains.

Love is a warm fuzzy.

Love is an orgasm with the one you love.

Love is sitting on a bench wrapped in the arms of a love one who just
can't seem to part and lose your touch forever.

Love is a smile from across the room that leaves you feeling
complete and satisfied.

Love is having a companion for life.

Love is sharing your dreams and desires and having no fear of
reprisal.

Love is saying you're sorry in the desperate hope of being forgiven
for hurting the one you love.

Love is all of the wonders of the world wrapped up in a cookie.

Love is making dinner for people who you want in your life.

Love is sitting in front of a fire, either inside or out and never feeling
cold, even when there is no fire.



Notes From The Author: I liked this one the way I wrote it. I didn't
change anything while typing it. I guess this is my idea of romance
with the love of my life. I do believe in soul mates, so perhaps this will
bring mine to me. This was written on 11/28/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                                190
                            MEAN PEOPLE
Why are people so mean? Why do they choose to work at hurting
others? Why is it important to them to create misery? Do they feel
misery in their own lives and not know how to feel joy? Must they
destroy other people's joy because they have none? Is it so hard for
these people to learn to be kind? Is it so hard for them to smile other
than smirking at the havoc they have created in another's life? Why
must they torment? Why must they lie and deceive? Is it really all that
important to make themselves feel better by tricking someone? Can
tricking someone be a good thing? Who are these people and how
did they become this way? What horror happened to them to make
them the way they are? Why can't they use the bad to turn away from
it and make good? Why can't they make things better for others so
others don't have to suffer the way they did? Is it possible to right the
world and rid it of cruelty?



Notes From The Author: This is the writing to write out the
horribleness of my stalking situation. Writing it out by hand has a
cathartic effect. It pulls it out, so it doesn't fester. It is easier to deal
with when it is on paper. There is a feeling of release when I write
about the bad things people do and my incapability to understand
how people could be this way and do the things that they do. This
was written on 11/28/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                                       191
                      SUNDAY AFTERNOON
The contests were listed on the page of the magazine. The ideas
were flowing based on the contest topics. It was so much fun to write
for a topic, get it typed up and mailed into the magazine. I realized
later that I had not followed the directions correctly for my first
submissions, but I was still glad I wrote and submitted. It felt good to
fill up my book with what had been submitted, even if there were
mistakes along the way. I felt like it was okay to learn from my
mistakes and improve over time. This way I could look back on my
improvement and feel like I learned something and that I had an
achievement or actually several achievements all stacked together. I
kept a log of how much money, where were they sent, titles and a
place to write what happened with them.



Notes From The Author: For a while I used my Sundays in Tahoe
for working on my writing and submitting things to be published or
submitting them for contests. I also used this time to take online
classes and read books on writing. This was my personal time to
spend how I wanted to spend it and improving my writing was the
goal at that time. This was the beginning of 2006, right before I left
Tahoe. This was also my way to escape from the horrors of being a
stalking victim. I had a few precious hours to myself each week and I
spent them on creative writing pursuits. I felt good about what I was
doing. To find out later that people thought it was bad to improve my
writing and to take classes was far too disturbing. Who are they to
judge me? Why do they think they have any say at all? Who are they
to get in the way of me living my life? How could improving my writing
possibly be a bad thing? So much of this stalking disaster has made
no sense whatsoever. How can educated people think improving
writing skills is a bad thing? They might as well be saying education is
a bad thing. This was written on 11/27/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                             192
                            ONLINE TEACHING
What is online teaching? It is a meeting place for the collective mind
of the students and instructors involved in the endeavor. Typing out
what is said makes sure everyone can be heard or ignored due to not
caring for a certain person's style or wording. The student selects
how involved he or she is in the process. The instructor has a hard
time keeping up with a good class. The more discussion the better
and there is a lot more discussion in an online class than a face-to-
face class. This is because the people who need to ponder what they
say have a netter shot at participating in this type of atmosphere. Also
participation is mandatory which means to succeed the students must
reply to the topics and assignments, which means there is a much
higher success rate than with other forms of education, including self
education. The online forum allows for people to pose topics of their
choice and offers support and grace. Students and teachers in an
online community feel more connected, not less as people who have
never experienced it would think. The only people who don't like
online classes are the ones who did not have the right experience or
have not tried it yet. It is an art to be an online instructor and it is
much easier to be an online student than it is to be an online teacher.
The teacher has to respond to everyone, not just the talkative ones in
class. Class time is a nebulous concept. The online class time is
whenever people have the chance to be online. The threaded
discussion is a very nice way to allow full participation. The full
participation is what is needed for everyone to learn from each other
and to respond to each other, thus filling a void of people not being
heard in other forums.



Notes From The Author: I was looking at being an online instructor
again as a way to earn money while dealing with being drugged
against my will in my home as part of this stalking disaster. So, I
decided to write about my online teaching experiences to get things in
focus. This was written on 11/28/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                           193
                  A TIME SOMEONE SAID NO
No one says no unless they feel strongly about it. Why do people say
no when saying yes is so much more helpful and less hurtful. Can't
there be a way to say no in a less offensive way? Can't people all get
along? No is what small children hear most often. It is how they learn
their boundaries. Why can't things be easier, like letting the child
know a better alternative, instead of just saying no? The child might
not have found another alternative yet and needs guidance instead of
another no.

No walking on the grass. No shirt, no shoes, no service. How about
clothing is required? Why can't people walk on the grass in the first
place? Some places it's okay and other places it's not. Change no's
into yes's and find alternatives and make innocence the word of the
day.



Notes From The Author: There have been too many rules put into
place concerning my life that should never have been put there in the
first place. It is too bad that a study turned into a
dictatorship/punishment with the use of medication. It makes
absolutely no sense at all. Why must it be that I am tortured and
tormented by people who are supposed to be the helpful people in
this world? Why did people in the world of healthcare decide to
commit crimes against me? Several of them are behind bars now. My
hope is that I will find safety soon. This was written on 11/28/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                           194
                  STANDING IN A DOORWAY
You're standing in a doorway to the future and the past. Which way
will you turn? Is the doorway safe in an earthquake? Is it the right
place to hide? Is it safe to leave the doorway? Why do we stand still
when the only option is to move forward? Why do we even ponder
the choice? It seems an obvious choice to make, but still it tugs at us,
as if we stood at a crossroads of time and space and we actually had
a choice of which direction to go once we leave the safety of the
doorway. The doorway is the metaphor for being stuck in one spot in
life, for being stuck in a rut or in a potato field that is endless. Why be
stuck? Why get mired in ankle deep mud? Why not pull the scabs off
the injuries, feel the pain and let that pain carry us forward into the
future? Why not wear the quilted coat of scars collected over the
years? Show it off and feel protected.



Notes From The Author: Yes, this is another piece of writing
inspired from my stalking disaster. A battle of wills happened between
me and a person who did not know how much pain I have had in my
life. He didn't think I was as strong as I was. He didn't know how
much strength I draw from anger, pain and suffering. He foolishly
thought he knew me. I hardly ever let people really know me. I have
not had the luxury of having people I could trust that much in my life.
Consequently, this 35 year compilation of studies concerning my life
have huge inaccuracies throughout. The couldn't figure out who on
this planet knew me well enough to actually give them real data. It's
too bad they never heard the expression of getting it straight from the
horse's mouth. If they had only asked me some key questions along
the way that would have helped in discovering what was really going
on with the criminals in my life who were pretending to be helpful.
How much sooner could this have been resolved? How many crimes
could have been prevented? It's a shame things have come so far as
to leave me scarred from head to toe inside and out. What a waste.
This was written on 11/29/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               195
                   A YEAR AFTER MY DEATH
A year after my death there will be sadness in loss and many happy
memories. There will be will be people who will feel like there is a
hole in their life, but they will remember what it was like to hold me
and talk with me and love me. One day there will be a sunset or
sunrise that will bring back fond memories of laughter and playfulness
that filled my heart and looked for exits at every turn. Tears may or
may not appear, but soft thoughts will remain. Even the anger at the
injustices will be memories to sustain those left behind. Once a year
is gone, it will be easier to tell what accomplishments were truly
attained by a person with a heart of gold and a mind like a lead box
waiting to be opened when needed. A year after I am gone I will be
forgotten by those I did not touch and written and sung about in the
distant past by those who gave a damn while I was living. Music will
be a remembrance of fond times and love will be sweeter because I
was known by those who cared.



Notes From The Author: Communication through music has always
been in existence. People sing their love for one another. People
teach through music. Why not have other forms of communication
through music? It's a good concept. Music can lift the spirits of a
weary person. It can give hope to the ones who are feeling
downtrodden. It can mobilize forces to fight for a cause. Music is a
powerful medium for communication. This was written on 11/30/06 in
response to a writing prompt I found in The Writer's Book of Days.




A Compilation of Writings                                          196
                            A DAY MOON
The moon wasn't supposed to be there. It was an eerie feeling
walking down the street with the moon peering over my shoulder.
What does the moon know and why is it out today? Does it watch
me? Does it hear me? Does it save me? Should I worry or be scared
or should I ignore it? Should I give praise to it for being present?
Should I give thanks for gifts I don't know I have received? Should I
cry because it's there and what it represents? Should I laugh and
relish its company? Why does the moon watch over me? Maybe it's
my good luck charm or my guardian angel? Maybe it is there to
remind me to be good? Maybe it's there to remind me not to be bad?
Maybe it doesn't know why it's thereat all? Maybe it doesn't want to
be there, but something compels it to stay way past its time? Maybe
it's needed more and more as time goes on into the future? Is it a
friend or is it a foe? Why do we all gather together those days of
sunshine?



Notes From The Author: This piece of writing is full of sub context. It
discusses feelings I had at that time about the years of surveillance I
have been under due to being turned in as a possible terrorist threat
after 9-11 in order to cover for the illegal wire tap done by the study.
The people trying to find out if I was a terrorist ended up being my
witnesses to the tragedies of my life as a stalking victim. It's funny to
me that I trusted the people who wanted to find a reason to lock me
up more than I trusted the people who were doing a bad job of
studying me. They finally decided that I wasn't a potential terrorist
threat, but I had stumbled onto a group of terrorists who were busy
training as many people as possible on how to terrorize and torture
me. This has been a very surreal experience to be the center of such
a huge conspiracy to keep criminal acts secret by painting me as a
mental health patient. Having those people who have had me under
surveillance for years has ended up being the biggest help in my life.
They know I am a victim and they are doing something about it to
help save my life. I am eternally grateful to them. If I have a service to
offer them, I will (within reason, of course). This was written 11/30/06.



A Compilation of Writings                                              197
                               BATHING
Bathing, basking, loving, singing, smiling, breathing, vomiting,
longing, dreaming. Bathing is something to be savored, but what is a
person bathing in? Are they bathing in dirty bath water or are they
bathing in a moving stream? Are they bathing in sunlight as they
nude sunbathe? Are they with someone they love? Are they gently
washing each other with sponges and kisses? Are they laughing with
joy because the day is starting anew? Warmth and love are the things
for bathing. They are the tools of a life well lived. They are together,
walking hand in hand, down a moonlit beach, waiting for the water to
wash over their feet and ankles. They are lovers intertwined in the
sand, just finding out what it is they like about each other. What
comes next in this life? Where will they fly to next? Warmth and love
come with every bath and are wrapped around the bather and worn
like a badge of courage for those difficult days.



Notes From The Author: This stalking disaster has brought many
things into play. There have been men to dig up more information
about me as they intertwine themselves in my life. There have been
drugs in the bathwater. There have been attacks in the bathtub. Is
someone with me because they are paid to be with me? As long as
they are not there to hurt me, then so be it. I will take a paid
companion over a criminal any day. Maybe we will even fall in love
and if that happens, does it really matter if he is paid or not? Yes, my
life is bizarre to say the least. One day it will sort itself out and I will
have joy in my life. This was written on 11/30/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                                198
               WHILE NO ONE WAS LOOKING
Once while no one was looking… I stole a kiss, a first kiss, a warm
kiss. Maybe the kiss was given to me freely? Maybe it wasn't stolen
after all? Maybe it was a little scary and maybe it was all unknown
because it was so new? Warm and wet and with tongues. Oh no.
What is a girl to do when one so warm gives such a gift that leaves
her feeling woozy? The girl gratefully accepted another and another,
until her love cup is filled with warm feelings and a new day dawns
with love in it to fill the emptiness that was once there. The heart
collects such memories and keeps them safe and sound to be
relished years later and shared with a new loved one who needs so
much love; they take all the love and warmth and bathe in it. The love
never runs out. It is endless and even on those lonely, quiet days, it is
still there beating in that scarred and tattered muscle called the heart.
The heart is in body, mind and spirit. It gives freely, especially to
those who need it the most.



Notes From The Author: Yes, my first kiss was outside the band
room after school when no one was looking and it was a French kiss.
I never knew there were other kisses that led up to French kisses.
Yes, my first boyfriend was the tallest in the school and the only one
with a reputation. I helped to save his life when he overdosed on
Tylenol because he thought he got a girl pregnant. That man was
there for me during a difficult time in my life when my grandma was
going through chemotherapy and living at home. His father
threatened to send him to live in another state if we didn't break up,
so I broke up with him so he could grow up in California, where I
thought he stood a better chance for a better life. We didn't discuss
this until more than twenty years later, when there was no more
chance to rekindle the relationship. And yes, he was a black man. Am
I to be judged for believing that all men are created equal? I do
believe love is never ending. I do believe there is enough love for
those who need it most. I have it to give. This was written 11/30/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                             199
      WHAT I DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
It’s what I do in the middle of the night, when I wake up from a dream
and wander around looking for something to eat and drink. Sleep
comes easily when I am so lightly awakened. I try not to move too
fast as not to knock out the sleepiness that envelopes me. It's like
walking in a haze, thinking of what day it is, what comes next and
how I should spend the next day. Should I get up early or should I
sleep in? It all depends on what mood I'm in and how sleepy I feel
when I wake in the middle of the night, like so many sleep walkers in
the universe. Kiss, kiss to the lovers past and future, for if they were
here when I woke, they might have had some midnight delight, since
sleepy sex is so warm and sensual, having more cuddling and more
slow movement to make it far more enjoyable for being so much
more savory.


Notes From The Author: Some really bizarre things have happened
to me during this stalking disaster. People come and go in the middle
of the night where I live. Some are there to hurt me and some are
there to comfort and protect me. I am drugged every night, except for
those few nights I find a temporary escape that is out of range of their
remote control devices. Never mind, because once I find a safe
place, they come and find me to ruin it if I ever go back there again.
These stalkers of mine have raped me while I am drugged. This is
done so they think they can get away with it. Too bad for them they
aren't the only ones in play. They will continue to be arrested and
continue to be prosecuted and continue to be convicted. They just
line up to go to the legal slaughter they so eagerly await. They must
desire to be behind bars, since they know law enforcement and the
lawyers know of their deeds. Or else they just want to show off their
hatred for me. Maybe they think they won't get caught and so they
dare law enforcement to arrest them in the middle of the night as they
commit their crimes against me. This is the reason I tried staying up
for days on end. I didn't want to be victimized while I lay passed out
anymore. Staying awake was my only defense. This was written
12/1/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                            200
                            A CEREMONY
What is a ceremony? Is it a celebration? Is it a memorial to times
past? Is it an awakening, spiritual, visual, sexual maturity? Birthdays
celebrate birth and time passing. Celibacy, does that get celebrated?
They seem like the same word, so why doesn't celibacy get
celebrated? Do we celebrate purple pens? Yes, when it represents
freedom or a break from the monotony. Do we write to celebrate? Do
I celebrate being a writer? How do I celebrate the times of my life? Do
I cry, laugh, take a bath, buy a book, watch a movie, make something
to eat? Warmth and love should be celebrated. They should be
celebrated like there is no future, no diamond in the rough glass
pitcher filled with clean, safe water, juggling in glasses for the two,
glasses for a while room full of people. Why is there a room full of
people when there is no celebration? Or is it that the room full of
people is the celebration? Why live a life without a room full of
people? Why not celebrate life with loved ones?



Notes From The Author: Many people had access to where I lived.
They passed out the key to my apartment like it was candy. People
gathered in my apartment and had fun at my expense. To think these
people were set up by the health care people doing the study is
horrible to contemplate, but to know that the health care people
joined in was even worse. Who was in charge of protecting me? Who
was in charge of my safety? Who was in charge of making sure I was
going to live? If the health care people doing the study convinced
people they were there to help, then why don't I seem to be helped?
How long before the people who have been lied to catch on to the lies
of the health care people doing the study? This was written 12/2/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                           201
                             A WOUND
A wound… a broken arm, a broken heart, a bruise, a cut, a sore.
Those are some wounds. Is there an emotional or psychological
wound? These are the wounds that hurt the most and take the
longest to heal. What can doctors do to heal these wounds? No
much… These are the wounds that only time and yourself can heal.
Positive thinking is very helpful to see your way through to the end of
your pain. Understanding why you hurt is also very important. It's
important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and to be
okay with feeling loss, loneliness and sadness that these wounds
cause. It's important to understand that these wounds have to do with
other people. We inflict these wounds on ourselves because of other
people and other people hurl them at us, like all of the little insults of
life fastening in our inner selves.



Notes From The Author: One of my complaints of this stalking
disaster is that health care people have been forcing themselves
upon me. I have a right to refuse services and I have a right to refuse
medication. Yet these people deny these rights and give me no
alternative other than to rely on law enforcement and the legal system
to put a stop to their illegal behavior. They have crossed boundaries
and they know they have done it. They are part of the drug pushing
army of health care people who believe they know better how people
should live their lives and people should not have free will anymore.
They seek to take away all free will with their forced drugging. If I
don't stand up to them, then who will? This was written 12/3/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                              202
                A WOMAN NAMED CREATURE
A woman named creature was walking down the crooked path in the
woods. Her pacing was slow and she stopped to listen to the birds,
stream and the wind in the trees. She wondered what the say would
bring, since she woke up with one of her headaches that told her
something bad would happen. Her hackles were up as an odd breeze
hit her in the back. She turned to look headlong into the sudden
breeze. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of an imp she once
knew. It was only a glimpse, but she knew what she saw. She
remembered the incantation to bring the imp to stand in front of her,
but did she really want to have that particular imp stand in front of
her? She decided to wait and see what he would do next. She
returned to the path and continued meandering downhill towards
town. Perhaps he would make an appearance in one of the shops.
That would give her a chance to see what his intention was.



Notes From The Author: This story was written to add a mad lib
style story to my website. The initial prompt came from a book, but
the inspiration for the idea of the imp came from one of my stalkers,
Chad Hummason III. He hung out in the apartments above mine for
months. He was set up with tanks of gas, software, hardware,
syringes, drugs and capsules to put in the syringes, and he was given
help over the phone and in person by people working at Rand
Corporation headquartered in Santa Monica, where I grew up. Chad
did eventually make an appearance in person while I wasn't drugged.
He walked near me at the Walmart in Spearfish, South Dakota. There
was no reason for this person to be in South Dakota, other than to
continue to be one of my stalkers. He did unspeakable things to my
body while he was living above me and I did my best to help him feel
remorse for what cruelty he bestowed upon me. This was written
12/4/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                         203
                 AN IMP CALLED CHADWICK
I come from a small planet called Impdome and I live there with my
family. Every once in a while I like to take a trip to other planets to
see what's going on and what trouble I can find. I am an imp and my
name is Chadwick. I fly a standard planet hopping Gyro 5000. It flies
very smoothly and gets me to where I'm going. MY favorite planet to
visit is the one where Creature lives. It's called Radium. She is the
most beautiful woman in the whole galaxy and other galaxies, too. I
go there quite frequently, but I only show myself to her on special
occasions. I want to figure out how to get closer to her and be her
friend. I've made life difficult in the past and I really want to make it up
to her. I try to think of little things to please her until I can get up the
nerve to come up to her and ask her for a date.



Notes From The Author: This story fits with the previous story.
Chadwick is Chad Hummason III. He liked me and when I did not
respond to his advances with willing sex, he went off the deep end.
He scared me into dumping him as a college tutoring student while I
was still living in Tahoe. He joined up with the study group and
reeked havoc on my life. His goal was to ruin my teaching career and
what better way to ruin a teaching career than to start a fake porn site
about her? He joined forces with the now dead Jo-el Patterson to get
video of what they did to me in my home while I was drugged and
they put those images and video on the internet and told people I did
those things willingly, instead of unwillingly while being drugged
illegally. People were too afraid to actually talk to me openly about
the site, so I didn't have a chance to bring it to the police and have
them help me stop it. So things got worse and worse and now I live in
another state and have complete strangers attacking me because of
a rumor mill that just won't quit. And they have the nerve to call it a
study. I hope they all rot in prison for what they have done to my life
and my body. This was written 12/7/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                                204
                            HAPPY THOUGHTS
Happy thoughts about just about anything are the focus for today.
Birthday wishes, secret desires, things to learn, things to make, wish
lists to finally be fulfilled, dreams to come true, these are a few of my
favorite things… Movies are great. I got five new movies today, all on
discount. Three of tem are used, but I think they will be okay. I have a
good feeling about them. A nice guy kept asking me if I was finding
everything and to make sure to ask him any questions I had. I smiled
at him sideways. I like the sideways glance, it gives a stronger sense
of what I am thinking and leaves at least something to the
imagination. I have such strong body language and expressive eyes,
most people can tell when I wear the "bedroom eyes." He knew I was
interested. I waited for him to say goodbye when I left the store. I
knew he would. He couldn't possibly disappoint. He game me a good
feeling. I haven't had a feeling like that in a long time, it’s a happy
thought. Wouldn't it be nice to have a hug?



Notes From The Author: Being surrounded by people who hate me
and having no way of getting those who actually care about me close
enough to rescue me while I am awake and not drugged has been
quite a struggle. Being a rape victim has its own issues and finding
out what sex is like after rape is something I need to do. When I get
to do this is still an open question. People continue to stand in my
way of getting on with my life and recovering from being a stalking
victim. For some reason they have convinced themselves that
committing crimes against me is somehow beneficial to me. I think
they have been taking too many of their own drugs for too long.
These people have serious issues to think that committing continuous
crimes against a crime victim is somehow helpful to the crime victim.
One day things will get better than they are now. One day I will have
caring people in my life while I am not drugged. It will happen some
day. I hope it is sooner than later.




A Compilation of Writings                                             205
                  GOODMORNING SUNSHINE
This morning was gray. At first it looked like a snow sky. Then later it
looked like it had more texture to it, like there were separate cloud
formations to feel less like a storm and more like a warm blanket
keeping the warm air close to the ground. The wind blew today but it
didn't feel as cold as it did the last time it blew. Today looked like
winter. There have been so many sunny days in November and
December this year. I wonder how much snow there will be this
season and if it will fall mostly in January. People used to say
January was the biggest snow month in Tahoe. After six winters
there, I decided that five out of six had stuff on Halloween, but the
storms came and went on their own schedule. I don't think the
weather listened to what was supposed to happen. Weather is on its
own schedule.



Notes From The Author: I began to realize that winters in Lead,
South Dakota were going to be easier than winters in South Lake
Tahoe, California. The biggest problem with winter in South Dakota is
the wind picking up the dry snow and creating white out conditions
while driving. Other than that, Tahoe winters have more snow and the
snow is wetter than it is out here, so it is harder to shovel. This was
written in Lead, South Dakota on 12/15/06.




A Compilation of Writings                                             206
           THE INNER STRENGTH OF A SMILE
I want to write about a better place in life, a place where fairies dance
and dreams are reality. Where is this place in life? Right here, of
course. This place is inside each and every person, it is the place
where your fears lie and your dreams are born and you make your
own reality. It is your inner strength showing through in everything
you do. Do you smile? The smile starts way down deep inside and it's
up to your to push it out to be seen by all in everything you do. A
smile isn't just on your face, it's in your whole body. Dance with the
spirits inside of you, the ones who make you who you are. This smile
fills your whole being and emanates from within. The smile is who
you are, it tells the world who is walking down the street and who is
greeting each day with sunshine in their eyes and love in their heart.
Lift up your head and bring joy to those around you whenever
possible. Be the best person you can be for all to see.



Notes From The Author: During much of this stalking disaster, it has
been a fight to have emotions. Then there was a turn to a fight to stay
sane and happy. Finding joy in everything possible has been a
scavenger hunt to be sure. The relentless pursuit of happiness when
all around is horror is what keeps me moving forward. Even when I
was walking off the anger and the drugs in Long Beach, California, it
was still the push forward for a better life. I walked hundreds of miles
back and forth from Long Beach to Seal Beach on the beach bike
trail. I have very strong legs and I let them pump me through the
horrible times. Now my stalkers have sought ways to keep me from
walking long distances by hurting my back and making me stay close
to a toilet. They have resorted to hurting my feet and legs as well.
There was a cramp so bad in my foot, it took me quite a while to get it
rubbed out and it was done by remote control after devices were
installed in my body. The cruelty of technology misused by health
care is beyond the concept of what people are willing to accept, yet
they continue to find more people to be cruel to me by remote control.
It is a sad commentary on this world. This was written on 1/3/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                             207
  NIGHT IS FALLING AND YOU'RE NOT AT HOME
Uh Oh. I stayed out too long. I thought I had enough time to get back
to my brother's house in Long Beach. I guess the days are getting
shorter. I'm not in the mood to be home yet, so I guess it's okay that
I'm still out. I picked up a tuna sandwich at this nice little deli, so I'm
not hungry. Their sandwiches are so good, very filling. I have my
water bottle that I keep in my pocket. I refill it at every drinking
fountain along the path at the beach. It gets a little scary walking on
the city streets at night because there isn't much light and some
places have very few people out in the evening and then there are
the places that have way too many people out in the evening. I feel
better walking on the beach in the evening. It seems safer when I can
see more distance in front of me. I don't know where "safe" is
anymore. Sometimes it feels like "safe" is a nebulous concept that
isn't part of reality.



Notes From The Author: This is a reflection on the time I spent
living with my brother and sister-in-law in Long Beach over the
summer of 2006. There was a game about my life on the internet and
people were encouraged to track me with veterinary tracking devices
that had been planted inside my flesh. This brought some real
criminals into my life. The support services of the town were brought
in to help keep me safe. They brought in people from surrounding
areas as well. The final decision was to shut down the game and get
me out of the area. Now I live in South Dakota. The game was started
up again. The study was started up again and the rumor mills still
exist. People are still looking to make money off of my plight. People
are still being encouraged to commit crimes against me and people
are still coming into my home when I am passed out with drugs to do
things to my body. Law enforcement knows about it and so do the
lawyers. It has to be a matter of time before all of the criminals are
convicted and this mess stops. I will be safe some day. Someone
was convicted of human rights violations for what he did to me. This
was written on 1/6/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                               208
                  FLOAT AWAY ON A CLOUD
Go where there is no pain and there is only happiness. It's out there
somewhere, just waiting to be found. There are no drugs and there is
no hatred. There are friendly people, beautiful landscape and fresh
air to breathe. It's like cherry pie wrapped in a smile with warmth and
love running through it. Love is a place where you are safe. Love is a
place where you can rest your weary bones after a long, hard day's
work. Love is a strong hug that feels like it will last a life time. Love is
happiness and sadness, but the sadness is not so deep because it is
buffered by the happiness. Happiness softens the blows of a hard life.
There is happiness to be found even in the worst of times. A smile
begets a smile and so it is passed from one person to the next to
make this a better world.



Notes From The Author: This was obviously a bad say being a
stalking victim and being attacked in my apartment by gas and people
coming in to hurt me on an almost constant basis. This passage is
meant to convince myself that I will survive the worst of this and there
will be a happy ending in my future, even if I have to make it happen
myself. Some people have stated that I am a depressive personality,
but I state that if I can find something positive to write about while
being attacked almost non-stop, then how depressive can I be? Then
there is the concept that they said I was depressed and gave me
depressants. This would be a recipe for suicide if I were actually
depressed in the first place. So they have to live with attempts to get
me to commit suicide or show how unprofessional they were in their
diagnosis on multiple occasions because they didn't bother to talk to
me face-to-face. Can you imagine health care covert operatives
drugging people against their will just because they felt like it? That's
what I've been dealing with. They even gave me a pap smear in my
bed while I was drugged. Since they didn't ever give me the results of
the test, I say this was more of a rape, than an actual physical exam
meant to be on the level. You don't get to crawl inside a woman
without her permission, especially while she is drugged against her
will in her own bed. This was written on 3/19/07.



A Compilation of Writings                                               209
                WHAT DO THE STARS HOLD?
What is out there in the great unknown? Is there happiness, joy,
beauty? What wonderful things are on the horizon? Can I see the
glimmers of hope? Are there things yet to come that are so much
more wonderful than what has come to pass? Are there fruits hanging
low, just waiting to be picked and savored? Are there answers to long
asked for hopes and dreams? Is there a kiss just waiting to be
experienced in the head of the moment? Is there a glance from a
wonderful man? Is there a hand to be held? Can it be love lurking
about in the shade of a fruit tree or behind a hill or rock? Why can't
there be good things under rocks? Maybe my Prince Charming is
waiting in a place I haven't yet looked? Maybe today is the day good
things will come my way on the wings of love, laughter and lolly-
gagging.



Notes From The Author: This is an obvious show of loneliness.
There is love out there for me. I know it. I can feel it. All I have to do is
make it through this disaster and I will find it. Hopefully love will
rescue me. I am eternally an optimist and enjoy being that way. I
used to call Thom my Knight in Chinked Armor. It doesn't matter what
state my rescuer is in, rescue will be a good thing when it comes from
the ones I love, who actually love me back… kiss, kiss… This was
written on 3/21/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                                210
      MR. KRUP AND HIS COMPLEX ASSISTANT
"But Mr. Krup." Nancy went on.

"Now I told you, I want you to call me Donald. I don't call you Ms.
Brack because we are on a first name basis." Donald Krup tried his
hardest not to get too frustrated with Nancy, his complex assistant.

"Yes, Mr. Krup."

Donald shook his head. "What is it I can do for you today, Nancy?"

"Well, it's about this meeting."

"Which meeting is that, Nancy? We go to about twenty a week."

"Well, sir, the one where the managers aren't telling you the truth."
Nancy bit the tip of her ever present pen.

Donald snapped his head up. "Why do you think the managers aren't
telling the truth?"

"You can call it a sixth sense or woman's intuition, but something tells
me the situation is more out of control than the managers are letting
on." Nancy clutched her tattered notebook as she bit down on her
pen.



Notes From The Author: This was supposed to be the start of an
assignment for another correspondence course. I still haven't finished
the assignment, but I do like the idea of this story. I just can't get my
arms around it yet. I want to keep writing it, but something tells me it
is still playing out and it isn't time to finish it yet. It's like the characters
are on an alternate plane and they are still telling their story and I
have to wait my turn to write about it. This was written on 4/2/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                                    211
                        SIX WEEKS TO LIVE
"I'll make a to do list of everything I've always wanted to do." Sally
mused to herself seeing her six weeks to live as a gift of freedom,
rather than a death sentence. She figured if this was the end, then
she was going to have fun.

She began by liquidating all of her assets. She sold her house fully
furnished to a man down the street who told her he would buy if she
ever wanted to swell. She sold all of her stocks and bought a stack of
traveler's checks to go along with her debit card, linked to her
checking account where the rest of her money was.

She sat down and wrote good-bye letters to everyone she knew,
explaining what her plan was and what her time with these people
meant to her. She packed her personal belongings she would need
for her adventure into her Toyota Celica and she was off and running.

Her plan was to visit all 48 contiguous states and send letters of her
travels to her friend in the publishing business. Frank was once a
lover who moved out of the area, but continued to stay in touch. Sally
made her decision to end her trip at his doorstep and to give him the
rest of her money to cover burial costs.

She drove as far as she wanted and stopped where ever she wanted
along the way. She stayed in the cheapest motels along the way,
detailing each day and the amenities of each establishment in her
letters. Every day she deposited the previous night's letter at a near
by post office. She used the addresses of the motels she stayed at as
her return address.

Sally did tell Frank why she was on the trip and that her trip would be
ending at his doorstep, but she never asked his permission. Their
relationship had an unspoken agreement to love, honor and cherish
in the way they could under the circumstances. It was her most
cherished relationship as well as his. He told her he wondered why
he ever left her area in the first place in several of his letters over the
years, so Sally felt strong in her convictions to end the trip with him.



A Compilation of Writings                                                212
Every day of her trip, Sally felt stronger and stronger. She liked going
where ever she wanted with no schedule at all. It was like a perpetual
vacation she never had. Part way through her travels, she had the
thought that perhaps she wasn't as sick as the doctor had predicted.
She sent this thought in the letter for that day. She thought about it
more as she walked through a petrified forest the next day.

As her travels came to an end, she wrote the letters that would arrive
after she did. She was careful what she wrote in these letters. These
were the love letters she had put off writing. These were the words
she had never spoken to anyone in her life. She felt it was important
foe her to get them onto paper. Feelings seemed to have a sense of
importance in these days before the six weeks were finished.

When she finally arrived at Frank's house, she felt revived. She felt
like a new person. She had become accustomed to driving every day
and it didn't bother her or get her tired and she had stopped at a gas
station near by to freshen up before arriving.

Frank was waiting for her as he had been during her whole trip. He
welcomed her with open arms. Then he told her she needed to spend
the next couple of weeks compiling her letters to him into a life travels
book. He said he didn't want to be the one to write it for her. He had
already sold the idea to his boss and Frank had typed up the letters
he had already received to get her started.

Sally didn't quite know what to say. She listened as Frank told her
how he felt she was either misdiagnosed or that she cured herself.
He wanted her to stay with him indefinitely and refused the money
she had offered to him.

Sally began her new life as Frank's live in lover and a writer. Once
her life travels book was complete, there was another book to be
written and then another. She wrote love stories, fiction and creative
non fiction. She wrote for young and old readers.

Frank and Sally lived happily for many, many years, never marrying.




A Compilation of Writings                                             213
Notes From The Author: This was written on 4/4/07 in a café in
Deadwood, SD. I wanted to take a break from what was happening in
my apartment, so I went and had something to eat and sat down to
write. The prompt for this story came from the book of matches and
was: An introverted young woman with no family is diagnosed with
terminal cancer. She has only six weeks to live.

Reading through this after almost a year, it is clear to me what was
running through my mind at the time. I was trying to come up with
scenarios to find my own happy ending to this stalking disaster. I had
hope at that time that it would come soon and would involve some
kind of love interest. After all this time, I still hope it will end soon and
will involve some sort of love interest. I suppose that hasn't changed
at all. I just changed how I think it will actually end. It has gone so far
that there is no way of not having law enforcement and lawyers to
help resolve the situation. I have to trust they will do their best to get
me to safety. I don't have much else to rely on at this time.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 214
                            A BRUISE
I carried my bag of wet clothes from the car to the front door. The bag
was heavy, but not too heavy. I had it held in front of me with both
arms around it. There was time before the cars got to where I was. I
walked quickly, but it seemed like my feet were going slower than the
rest of my body and I fell forward in front of an oncoming car.

The car stopped in time and a man stepped out of a café to see if I
was okay. I told him I was perfectly okay as I hurled my bag onto the
sidewalk to try to get out of the street quickly. I waved to the car to
thank him for stopping and to let him know I was okay. The glass jar I
used for detergent was smashed all over my clean, wet clothes and I
noticed my palm hurt from breaking my fall. I'm sure it will bruise.



Notes From The Author: This actually happened in Lead, South
Dakota. My stalkers demonstrated their remote control abilities to
keep my feet from moving while the momentum in the rest of my body
knocked me to the ground. It’s not the first time it happened, but it
was the most public time it happened. The car on the street was
going slowly, but if the driver had not seen me fall, I could have been
run over slowly. There have been numerous attempts on my life.
Some of them people have said are just pranks and not real attempts
on my life. But what do you call drugging me in my car and closing
my eye lids by remote control while I am driving? I call it an attempt
on my life that could also hurt others in the process. There will be an
end to this and I will survive. I am too stubborn to die before I have
enjoyed the happiness that is to come my way. This was written
11/13/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                           215
                       SURVIVING TWILIGHT
Dawn broke over the day and I knew I had survived another night. My
neck and back hurt, so I knew it had been a bad night. It was also a
night of noises. There were opening and closing doors. There was
the sound of a cupboard opening. The sound of the wood covering
the opening to the attic came next as if the person was traveling from
my bathroom through the attic to get past the locked door.

But also in the night were the sounds of hope. There was the sound
of someone believing in better education to reduce the criminal
population. There was the sound of the police arresting someone as
they left the building. There was the sound of a man professing his
love for the woman of his dreams. There was the sound of silence as
the wave of love passed through the walls, bringing people together
in mind, body and soul.



Notes From The Author: This was also inspired by actual events.
Every once in a while I see or hear law enforcement taking care of
the criminals. Every once in a while I hear that law enforcement is
confirming what I have said and telling people not to commit crimes
against me anymore. I know there is hope for an end to this mess. I
wish I had a safe place to live and sleep, but that will come in time.
Sooner or later the criminals will be behind bars and there will be
safety. This was written on 11/13/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                            216
                            A HOTEL LOBBY
I was overcome by the grandeur as I walked in the revolving door.
The ceiling was two stories up and it was covered in ornate carvings
and paintings. The mark of an artist caring for his work showed
through. The furniture was arranged in groups so people could meet
and talk as if they were in their own living rooms. People were
walking everywhere as others were chatting in overstuffed chairs and
love seats. The clink of glasses could be heard in the distance as
people gathered in the bar off of the lobby. The front desk clerks were
well dressed and neat, waiting to serve anyone. I walked towards one
who smiled at me. His eyes showed he fancied me. My mind
wandered as I walked towards him. Would we flirt? Would I ask him
to dinner? Would I ask him to recommend a place to eat? Would we
make love in the room I purchased from him?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/13/07. This is a
break from the reality of life and I wrote in response to a writing
prompt in one of my writing books. This description is of someplace in
my mind and I haven't been there in person. Maybe it is from a movie
or maybe I just made it up while writing this. It could be a start of a
longer work of writing if I were in the mood. It is nice to take a
vacation from reality from time to time and writing can be the vacation
I can take under the circumstances.




A Compilation of Writings                                           217
      MEETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME
The day was a long one, filled with misunderstandings and a sense of
danger. Getting off of the bus miles away from anywhere I knew was
difficult. Talking to a stranger on his way to an appointment left me
wondering if people had missed the concept.

I got a map of the bus system in the area, some food and water was
the next step. A stop at the gas station restroom was a necessity.
Once I gauged were I was on the map and where I needed to go, it
was time to get the time. I judged it unsafe to stay at the bus stop for
the 45 minutes it would take for the bus. The walk to the next bus line
heading my direction was a few miles. I walked fast and my backpack
felt heavy. My hopes were raised along the way. There seemed to be
a beginning of an understanding. Life was going to get better. I didn't
know how, but it was going to happen. Things were turning to my
favor and people were helpful. I found my way to a major conversion
of bus lines and hopped a short ride to the other side of the complex,
missing the intended connection.

I was glad for the rest on the busses after so many blisters on my feet
had not had time to heal. I was finally heading in the right direction. I
knew where I was going and it would be better this time.

As I got close to my destination, the bus driver started to describe the
virtues of a stop along the way. He kept talking about it until I finally
decided to see for myself if it really was as wonderful as he described
it. It had been a hard day, but he made me laugh.

I was laughing out loud as I stepped off the bus. There was a man
crouched down in front of the McDonald's. He had a baseball cap on
and he nodded to me. I couldn't help myself. I stared at him. I looked
him right in the eyes. I was overcome with a feeling of warmth and
caring. There was a sense of knowing. It felt like he knew me from
another time and place. It was someone making sure I was okay after
such a hard day.

The thought of him filled me with hope and joy. I swung my lefs as I
ate and watched him talking to his friends. He was so animated. He


A Compilation of Writings                                             218
was in shock that I had looked him in the eyes. He asked his friends if
he looked better with the hat on or off and cleaned his teeth with a
straw. I had never watched a man preen himself for me. I was
intrigued.

He got up with his friends and they left together. I got up and joined
them outside. We talked and walked for a while. I noticed he was tall.
I couldn't tell how tall he was when I first saw him crouched down. I
didn't even come up to his shoulder.

He was almost bouncing with energy and I couldn't get enough of his
presence. It was like his whole being overwhelmed me and
concentrating on anything else became difficult. I began to wonder if
he could be the answer to my situation. Nothing else had ever felt so
sure. It just had to be.

My hope for him being the answer to my dilemma has not waned.
That hope and belief has carried me through many difficult days and
nights. Somehow I am assured and reassured by the feeling of his
presence surrounding me in my times of need. Kiss, kiss…



Notes From The Author: This is inspired by an actual even that took
place in the Los Angeles area. This is an actual person I met along
my misadventures in Southern California during the summer of 2006.
He is working on resolving this situation and I do still believe he has a
key roll in bringing happier times into my life. I credit him with keeping
me alive when I didn't have enough money for food. I still had hope.
So many things that have happened have gone on in the shadows or
in the background while I live out the drama that has become my life.
One day the shadows will meet the day of light and there will be a
happy ending to this saga of my life as a stalking victim. This was
written on 11/13/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                              219
                      AVENUES OF ESCAPE
Which way do I go to escape? Which road will take me to safety and
freedom? Will love come with me or meet me at the journey's end?
Will there be milk and cookies with escape or is it bread and water?
Will escape be found in writing about it? Will it come to me in a
dream? Will law enforcement bring it or will it be the lawyers?
Perhaps it is both. Does escape take the form of a new identity or do I
make my own new identity each and every day? Will escape come in
bits and pieces one day at a time or will it come in one fell swoop?
Will there be old or new friends or will it be a mixture of both?
Freedom is the ultimate escape, an escape from the controlling clutch
of criminals.



Notes From The Author: This is my attempt to ask the winds of fate
how I will get out of this seemingly never-ending career as a stalking
victim. One day I will be able to call myself a stalking survivor and
move on with my life in relative safety. I believe in it with every fiber of
my being. I just don't know when or how yet, that's all. This was
written on 11/13/07.




A Compilation of Writings                                               220
                            COBBLINGS
Home, hearth, crying, victimization, help, helpless, fighting for life,
drugging, break in, pictures on the internet, police, friends, judging
colors.

Family, Mark, Mom, Jerry, Mary, Aunt Terry, Uncle Graham, Lisa,
Kris, Julie, Marilee, Grandma, Aunt Cheryl, Uncle Terry, Elizabeth,
Andy, Dawn, Ben, Betrayal, unfeeling, liars, criminals, rapists, child
abusers.

Cruelty. How can it happen? How easily it is for them, how easily they
make it up, how easily they circle the wagons and drown in their
stupidity.

Fear of the unknown, fear of the known is scarier than the feeling of
fear of the unknown. The knowing it will happen is very frightening.
The knowledge they don't care is scary. The knowledge they mean to
hurt, they mean to harm; they mean to be as cruel as possible to
show their hatred. They have no consideration for my feelings,
concerns or life, liberty or happiness. They feel I have no rights at all.
They must be behind hars to stop them from their cruelty.

Illogical. It makes no sense at all to be this cruel. It makes no sense
not to look at the consequences for their actions. It makes no sense
for them to continue when they know it is illegal and they will be
prosecuted. Intelligent people hurting someone in the name of a
study to save their careers while they destroy them with the very
same career ruining move.

Disgust in people's indifference, disgust in the lack of knowledge of
right and wrong, disgust in law abiding citizens called into a life of
crime, disgust in how hard it is to find safety, disgust in how hard it is
to find people who get the concept, disgust in people who say theyr
are being cruel to be helpful, disgust in people believing lies just
because they heard someone say it, disgust in people not
understanding how to be kind to another human being in need of
assistance.



A Compilation of Writings                                                 221
What is their motivation? It's all gone now. It's all been proven illegal.
It's all leading to their destruction. Why continue when it only speeds
the legal process to their demise? Why do they have no sense of self
preservation when they know it is wrong? They know of my
innocence and sanity. It is all gone. There is no more motivation other
than outright cruelty and showing of outright hatred.

Work. Why is it so hard to work without a study? Why do people see
how much they hurt me and then continue? How can people involve
themselves in rumor mills disguised as a study which focuses on
running someone else's life for them? How could people think it is
okay to run another person's life? How can coworkers contact friends
and family to continue the cruelty? How can and educated and
intelligent person not find safe employment? What should be safe
turns unsafe at the blink of an eye, even under knowingly watchful
eyes? How can it be so hard to go to a job, do a job and go home?
Why?

Coworkers are cruel and they don't care, even the ones who say they
are there to help feed the cruelty known as a study. How can they
continue when they can see the evidence of wrong doing? How can
they add to the pain? What is pain and suffering? What is torture?
What is terrorism?



Notes From The Author: This is an exercise from a writing book
called Writing Open The Mind. Obviously the focus is on the stalking
disaster and how it has infiltrated every part of my life and how
frustrating it is that people can't tell the difference between right and
wrong. The study has caused years of workplace harassment. It is
next to impossible to get through a day of work without having
something bad happen due to the situation. This was written on
1/24/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                              222
                            OYSTERS
Sleepiness slithers an slides smoothly. The strange strain of the
straw. The mixture of the texture was tender. Crepuscular, diurnal
and nocturnal nocturnes. Glimmer tinkle tingle trickle crinkle. Zoom
boom kaboom and moo. Slam jamb jingle in the jungle. Somber
slumber and slam bam. Lush and plush pushing pleasure. Zing cling
zap zoink zonk. Honk honk rattle rattle crash beep beep. Splash in
the silence slushing slime. Ashes ashen aspen alder along.



Notes From The Author: This is another writing exercise from
Writing Open The Mind. It has to do with mixing words together that
have similar sounds and feelings to them when said out loud. This
was written on 1/24/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                         223
             MUSINGS OF A STALKING VICTIM
Sitting in front of someone's house, there is a place for the mailman
to pull up and deliver the mail on this long road to a lake. There isn't
much gas left in the car, so I stopped for a while. A logging truck just
passed by and people are using their spy glasses to take pictures of
me, thinking they are somehow helping to keep me from doing
something bad, not knowing they are helping to add to the pile of
evidence that shuts down corporations for supporting the illegal
study. They believe the lies and false accusations. They actually think
the study is scientific. Obviously they never learned the scientific
process. The company who started this mess even admitted to none
of it being scientific. Educated people thinking it would be fun to do
some human experimentation. They aren't very good at hiding their
evidence. They leave it all over the place. It's easy to find. All people
have to do is look where I tell them to look. There are other places to
look, too.


Notes From The Author: I sat in front of someone's house while I
wrote this. By the end of writing it, that person came home and
triggered something in my body by remote control. It is amazing how
this thing spreads. People actually believe operating devices in a
person's body against their will is legal and even a good idea. I don't
know what ever happened to people believing everyone is entitled to
their own life and what ever happened to people treating people like
human beings. This concept of do onto others as you would have
them do onto you is obviously lost. The concept of innocent until
proven guilty is obviously lost. The concept of the legal system
resolving the issue, instead of vigilante justice is also obviously lost. I
tell people they have turned themselves into vigilantes and they don't
even understand that being a vigilante is illegal. How am I to get to
safety when common people can't tell right from wrong? How am I to
get to safety when people can't tell fact from fiction? Why do people
think it is their job to do what law enforcement is supposed to do? I
even heard someone saying people were doing what the FBI should
have done in the first place. Can there be a more obvious thing going
wrong? This was written on 1/26/08.



A Compilation of Writings                                               224
                      ACCEPTABLE LOSSES
Is it acceptable to lose employees to the legal system? We have an
agenda. We will ruin this woman's life. If every one of our employees
winds up in prison, so be it. The goal is clear; we must drive the
woman insane. It is our only option. It's the only way to make this
legal problem go away. If we can get her locked up in a mental
institution, then we can say we were right all along. We can say she's
been lying about everything. We can manipulate the entire scenario
so that there will be no one to believe her and no one to help her. She
will have no choice but to come to us begging to be drugged so
heavily that none of this will be left in her mind to trouble her ever
again. She will be so happy to be heavily drugged. She'll be locked
up, drugged and we will be in control. It's so perfect. Why didn't we do
this sooner?



Notes From The Author: This is my view of the research
corporation's mind set when they set out to do wrong in South
Dakota. They also have multiple groups doing multiple things, no
knowing about each other and not knowing they are making fools of
themselves with false diagnoses based on fake symptoms created by
another group. It is an embarrassment to the profession that they
can't tell the difference between a real symptom and a faked one. It is
an embarrassment to the profession that they can't tell a real stalking
victim from someone with some kind of mental illness. They're
skating on thin ice and they don't even know how much they are
calling the entire profession into question. There is evidence of
wrongdoing and yet they still continue. It's a mockery of the legal
system that they think they can get away with so many crimes against
one person. I will do what it takes to get this resolved through the
legal system. This was written on 1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                            225
                             A SILENCE
The silence was something to be experienced. It was to be savored
and enjoyed from start to finish. There was no sound of tanks of gas.
There was no sound of people making holes. There was no sound of
saws opening up new access to me while I was drugged. There was
no sound of whispers of: "What do we do now?" "We have a problem.
I've been hired to stalk you." There was no chance conversation
overheard that let even more evidence slip through loose lips. There
were no more people who felt they had the right to scare someone
out of their wits. Not even the sound of a power drill drilling through
the wall, ceiling or floor to make it easier to gas me. The silence was
to be treasured and remembered as the say I found safety, the day I
found freedom from stalkers.



Notes From The Author: This is my wish for what will happen when
I find safety. Safety to me is freedom from people committing crimes
against me. It includes being able to live a life outside of hiding as
well, but for now hiding in a safe place sounds pretty nice. Taking a
break from the 24/7 stalking victim life would be so delightful. I
wouldn't want it to stop. At least until I felt like it was time to go out
and meet the world again. Maybe that time it would be different. This
was written on 1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               226
           SOMEONE IS CALLING YOUR NAME
I heard it. I heard someone call my name in the grocery store. But did
I really hear it? It's been so long. Did I recognize the voice? Was it
who I thought it was? Could it be another person who has a similar
voice? What should I do? Should I engage or would it be a trap?
Would I get lulled into a false sense of security? Would it really be
safe? Would my life get better or worse? Would it lead me down the
path to freedom or capture? I pondered how long it had been since I
heard someone calling out my name. It had been quite a while.
Somehow I ended up famous by accident, but only from a distance.
The cruelty of being forced to be alone and still surrounded by hateful
people washed over me. There are helpful people now. They are
growing in number and presence. Will I be free soon?



Notes From The Author: I really did hear my name called in the
grocery store in Lead, South Dakota. I also heard my name called
through the wall of my apartment. I have heard voices near me that I
recognize. People have been so close and yet I had no way of being
with them without people drugging me. I have been forced into
seclusion with stalkers as the only ones having access to me. It's
pretty scary. Law enforcement comes along as well, but never face-
to-face and sometimes that is okay. I've been tucked in after being
attacked. I have wrapped my arms around someone and then they
were dragged away. I know people have been close while I have
been drugged. One day I will be with caring people when I am alert
and awake. It will happen. It has to happen. This was written on
1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                           227
           IT WAS POSTMARKED POCATELLO
Should I open it? Of course I should. It's just a letter. But who could
know me from Pocatello? No one told me they were going to
Pocatello. I think I would have remembered that. Maybe it is a friend
or relative of someone I know. Why am I waiting? Why am I trying to
guess the answer when it is in my hands? Am I a mystery writer now?
Am I writing my own mystery? Why am I stalling? Am I afraid to open
the letter? Do I think it has bad news? What id it was sent to me by
mistake? What if it's one of those chain letters? What if there's money
inside?

The opened letter said, "I love you and I always will." There was no
signature. There was no return address, just the one sentence that
changed my life.



Notes From The Author: This was a prompt from The Writer's Book
of Days. I like it because it has a strange, but good ending. I like that
the person is curious and apprehensive all at the same time. I like the
person for allowing for the unexpected in her life and to embrace it as
a good thing. It feels like the start of a longer story. I can see more
letters coming from this person on a regular basis. Then I can see a
meeting between the two and a romance that burns up the pages. I
like writing about happy things to take my mind off of other things in
life. This was written on 1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             228
       THE DELICACIES OF A RUINED EVENING
The hors d'oeuvres were on the table, on the floor, smashed against
the paintings and hanging from the chandelier. What a mess this is.
It's all because of that Barron and his wild ideas. He was the one who
ruined the evening, sending guests every which way to run for cover.
The chase, the gunfire, the struggle, it happened so fast it is hard to
remember what happened first. Now everyone knows. Everyone
knows how the Barron got tangled up with the criminals and how he
ended up being caught. He didn't think funding the criminals would
come back to him. He thought he was safely hidden out of sight
during the crimes. He didn't think anyone would notice. He didn't
understand how investigations worked. He didn't know how they
connected the dots and came to him as the supplier of funding. All
that's left now are these delicacies.



Notes From The Author: This prompt came from The Writer's Book
of Days. My slant on things is clear. While I am in the middle of this,
everything turns to the stalking and everything surrounding it. One
day I will be able to write it right out of my life. Maybe that is what this
compilation of writings will help to do. I try whatever I think might be a
good thing in the long run. I originally wanted this to go to my family
so they could know me better, but now I think it is better to go to other
people so they can see who I really am and how I see things in this
disaster. I think it can help. This was written on 1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               229
           THERE WERE SIGNS AND SIGNALS
Everywhere I went, everywhere I looked; everything I listened to had
signs and signals. The red flags of life were popping up everywhere I
turned. They say all roads lead to Heaven. Where did these signs
and signals lead? Maybe my life has a purpose. Maybe my whole life
has been leading to this point in time. Maybe the signs and signals
are speaking to me. Maybe it is a whisper. Maybe it is a cry for help.
Maybe someone else is calling out to me. Maybe they need what I
have. Maybe I have something they don't know I have. Maybe I am
the answer to their problems. Maybe all of this mixed up mess can all
be pulled together to have some greater meaning. Maybe I'll see the
rainbow through the falling rain. My dad said to look away from the
sun to see the rainbow. Look, there it is.



Notes From The Author: The prompt came from The Writer's Book
of Days. This topic is much bigger than what is written here, but some
of it is better left unsaid. Some of this mess needs to get resolved
behind scenes. I can be the catalyst, but there are others who have to
drive it home. I have never had a lot of people I could rely on in my
life and now I rely on complete strangers and people from the distant
past to come to my aid. I can see it working. I can see progress. I
have to keep my faith in the people who need to get the job done.
This was written on 1/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                          230
                       THE ATTIC DWELLER
He laid still in the darkness of the attic. There was enough room for
him to sit up and change position, but he tried to stay quiet. He didn't
want the woman to know he was there. He had his tanks of gas all
ready. All he had to do was make a small hole in the ceiling, hook up
a tube and turn on the gas. She would be passed out in no time.
Then he could come into where she lived through the hole he cut in
the ceiling above the cupboard in the bathroom. It was perfect. He
could step onto the sink and the tub or toilet to get in and out of her
apartment. What he did while she was passed out varied. Sometimes
he injected her with capsules of drugs to be exploded later.
Sometimes he operated on her to take some devices out and implant
others. The tracking devices hurt her when he turned them on, but it
was her fault for going out of his sight. He was in control. Her life was
his. He was convinced.



Notes From The Author: Yes, there really have been attic dwellers.
Jo-el was an attic dweller in Tahoe. Here in Lead, South Dakota,
there have been multiple attic dwellers. It's a little hard to defend the
position of hiding out in an attic as helpful to someone's health when
illegal acts are being performed there. The capsules exploding in my
body are also real. The tracking devices are also real. There are also
devices that control my muscles. Human experimentation is illegal.
What defense do these people have in the court of law? None. This
was written on 1/27/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             231
                            SILLY SONGS
Silly songs are sung at summer camp. They cheer kids up and put
smiles on adults. The sillier the better, they're all fun. Clapping hands,
stomping feet and jiggling along is the way it's done. It's okay to be
crazy and loud, the crazier and louder the better. Singing those silly
songs brings back such happy memories. Feeling free to be me and
knowing I would be accepted for who I was, was so delightful. It was
a vacation from the rest of reality where acceptance was not
encouraged and judgment was the norm. So these two weeks every
summer were my favorite time of year. I never understood the
homesick kids. I would tell them that camp is the place you go to do
all the things you can't do at home. Enjoy the fun things and write a
letter home.



Notes From The Author: I started going to camp the summer after
fourth grade. I went to day camps before that. I was a counselor in
training for the summers after tenth and eleventh grade. I got to be
away for four and six weeks those summers. It was fantastic. I was a
camp counselor for three summers after high school graduation. I
was promoted to unit leader for the second and third summers. I
ended up with a job at an outdoor science school after the third
summer. It was half way between camp and school. It was the
science program for either fifth or sixth grade for the students. After
that I became an instructional assistant for a fourth grade class and
decided elementary school was not for me as a teacher because the
kids were too young to deal with their home situations and it broke my
heart to watch the troubles they were having in school because of
their home life. Later I found that high school was where I worked the
best because the students were old enough to take some initiative to
make their lives better and I worked with at-risk students where I
could make the biggest difference. I still like those camp songs. This
was written on 1/30/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                              232
                            COLORED PENS
I like writing in different colors of pens. I read about it in a writing
exercise book a couple of years ago. I think it adds to my creativity. I
think it helps to open up the possibilities of what comes next. It makes
the writing have more personality. It's as if the pages are calling to
the pens, asking them to spring to life of their own free will and color
in the lines and bring sunshine into the darkness. The blank page has
been colored now. It is no longer just a blank white piece of paper. It
is vivacious and luscious. The ink is one with the page and all is well
in this world. Who would want it any other way? Why would I ever go
back to only using one color of pen? It almost seems absurd to use
only one color.



Notes From The Author: I have my writing journals all written in with
different colors. I have lost some of my writing journals along the way,
but at least I can still write more. One reason for typing all of this
hand-written work out is to help keep it as a record of my
accomplishments and of my struggles. I am tired of losing things in
my life with all of the moves to get away from stalkers. I am tired of
things being taken from me because people are cruel. My brother
sent me my own stuff from his house for Christmas this year. I didn't
find a single gift buried in the boxes. I guess the gift was the postage
it cost to send my stuff over a year after I left there. Some of it is still
in the car. It was nice to get some of my clothes and sewing supplies.
I lost a lot in this disaster. One day I will replace more of the things
that are gone. Unfortunately some things cannot be replaced. The
pain cannot be taken away from happening. My back is a train wreck.
People can force me to breathe when I go swimming. People can
make me fall down flights of stairs. People can make me drive off the
road. One day things will be better and I will be safer than now. This
was written on 2/3/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                233
               MY FIRST PUBLISHED WRITING
This week I heard that a story submitted as a poem was accepted for
publication in the online magazine called Clockwise Cat. There is no
money involved and it isn't a print publication, but none of that
matters. It is just wonderful to know that someone liked what I wrote
and they wanted to put it in their publication. It comes out mid-March
and I can't wait to link it to my website.

It was the story about Santa getting shot by a robber. It seems like
such an odd topic, but it was one of the writing prompts from the flash
exercise online writing group. The robber then becomes Santa until
he is killed and a new Santa takes over. I guess a bad guy being
forced to do good appeals to me. I guess I hope all bad guys do
something good to know what it feels like. Maybe we'll be better off.



Notes From The Author: This is so exciting for me. I have won one
contest and this is the first story of mine to be published. I had that
one poem published in a book in eighth grade, but I don't have a copy
of it anymore and it was a vanity publication anyways. Everyone got
to have at least one poem in the book. I don’t think it ever gets old to
get published somewhere. I think my writing is improving and perhaps
more of my work will get published soon. This was written on 2/3/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                           234
                            THE ASSISTANT
He offered to be my assistant. It felt odd. I've never had an assistant
and he didn't seem to be the type of person to be an assistant. But I
thought it would be interesting to see how it played out. I told him I
needed assistance in coordinating safety. I need a safe place to be
and I need people called into action when I'm not safe. That seemed
to be the kind of assistant he was, the kind that was in charge of
something big and important. I can't see the man doing little things I
can do myself. I need assistance with the great big things, like saving
my life. That seemed like a good thing to have an assistant do. Will
he be successful where others have struggled with some success,
but not complete safety? Who knows? Will id prove out of his league
or is it right up his alley? I don't know. It’s time to find out.



Notes From The Author: Who is this masked man? Obviously it will
take a large coordinated effort by multiple law enforcement agencies
to find safety for me. It's a little ridiculous to need so many people
involved, but nothing else has worked. They used to say they were
out numbered in Southern California because there were over five
hundred people doing the study. Imagine all of those people running
around trying to find me, so that I couldn't have safety. It's just mind
boggling. How many people want harm to come to me? I don't think I
want to know. I do know there have been hundreds of arrests in
connection with this disaster and the convictions are piling up. More
and more people are behind bars now, so eventually I should be safe.
At least that's one theory. Then there is the other one that I will have
to live with body guards and I will never be safe. One way or another I
will find relative safety along the way. I should be able to have a safe
place to sleep. This was written on 2/3/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                           235
                              EDUVILLE
It will be a place for students to hone their skills in math and English.
They will have a chance to write, practice spelling and vocabulary
and then try out the math section which will be broken out to different
levels. There will be areas for basic arithmetic, algebra, geometry, trig
and possibly even calculus. Ids can learn something new or review
something old that is still difficult for them. There will be drill and kill,
worksheets, chances to practice higher level thinking as well as
problem solving. A variety of methods will be used to help people
learn the concepts. There will be a progress report printed or
printable to show parents and teachers what they want to see. Kids
will navigate by typing key words found in the site command list. This
will help integrate language skills with reading and writing, instead of
just clicking.



Notes From The Author: This is a small synopsis of what I would
like to see created online to help education. I have a rather long list of
things I want to be included with this. There needs to be online
access, as well as offline versions for computers not hooked up to the
internet. There also needs to be a companion workbook with
worksheets for those who don't have access to the internet, so they
can work on worksheets in class or at home. I would like to see
different levels of bandwidth available so that dial up folks can use
the less bulky version and the high speed access folks can have
more graphics. I want to merge the RPG world with education and
keep the chat out of it. I have seen the chat areas be a bad thing for
kids, so if this is for education, then chat will be out. There are too
many dangers at this time. I want it to be fun and an easy way to
learn. I also need it to be tied to standards so that educators can say
it works with what they are trying to accomplish. This was written on
2/3/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                236
                            WHAT'S NEXT?
What happens to a stalking victim? How does it end? Does she get to
live her life hassle free? Does she get to live a private life? Does she
get to have love in her life? Will there be happiness or only the next
attack right around the corner? Will she get to replace what she once
had? Will she get to follow her dreams? Will she be happy when
there are no more criminals? Will people finally figure out she is a
victim and help her in a way she wants to be helped? Will people be
kind and generous? Will people ever learn not to be cruel to others?
Will there ever be a way to call for help and have that call be
answered by the right people? Will the drugging stop? Will the
breaking and entering stop? Will enough people get put behind bars
to make a difference? Will people finally understand the bizarre
crimes being committed? Will the right win out over the wrong? Is
there life after stalking?



Notes From The Author: This is an obvious outlet of frustration and
fear of the possibility that it might never end. Sometimes it just has to
be put on paper to get it out. Then that fear needs to be put aside so
that confidence has room to root itself in the concept that this will end
and I will still be alive to enjoy life. I have to believe in the people who
will stop this. I will do what I can in the mean time, but I will trust them
to do their jobs. This was written on 2/3/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                237
              WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Are you waiting for the bad guys to go away? I don't think so. Are you
waiting for the bad guys to be behind bars? I don't think so. Are you
waiting for me to be ready? No, you know I'm ready. Do you need me
to play target more? I don't think so. Is there no one to take your
place? Are you worried everything will fall through if you stop? Are
you looking for the perfect place? Is any place perfect? Is there are
place to go that can be3 an interim place? Is it super hard to find a
place? Will I have a safe place to sleep soon? Will I have someone
with me soon? It's hard to do it alone. I know people are working on
solutions, but it's still hard. I'm strong. I will hold on as long as I have
to, but could it be sooner than later? I'm tired of being so scared. I'm
just tired of being so alone and victimized.



Notes From The Author: What can be said about this? I live a life of
strangeness. When my life was turned into a game on the internet,
everything turned inside out and there is no way to undo what has
been done. I just have to continue to live my life the best I can in the
middle of this disaster. I just have to have hope. I watched a religious
movie last night and according to the movie, God has a plan and is
working on making me a better person by me going trough this mess.
I have a hard time dealing with concepts like that. It's like saying God
wants me to help people by getting them put behind bars. I don't
understand that concept, but all I can do is move forward and work on
finding a solution. I know one will come to me. It's just a matter of
searching hard enough and being creative enough to find it. This was
written on 2/5/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                238
                      SPECULATIVE FICTION
Speculative fiction seems to be what people want to publish these
days. Stories about zombies and aliens seem to get published. I've
dabbled in this a little bit. I'm not altogether sure I really understand
what the definition is for speculative fiction, but it seems to be the
weird stuff that walks into Sci-Fi. I guess it is the type of fiction that
opens up the world to new possibilities, such as what life would be
like if we had aliens among us or if zombies walked the earth. I
subscribed to an e-zine called Flashshots and I get a story under 100
words every day. Some of them are similar to stories I've written. I
feel like I should be getting published more often soon. I feel like my
writing is getting better. I'm getting better responses from the group
online and people are saying I should submit stuff.



Notes From The Author: This is just a musing of what kind of
writings there are and where I might be heading in the pursuit to get
publishing credits. I have submitted writing to the Flashshots e-zine,
but I haven't heard if my writing was accepted or not. I had to
resubmit some of the writing because the editor couldn't find it in her
records, so who knows? Maybe I'll get something published in the
under 100 word category. Some days it feels like keeping it to under
100 words feels better. I like the mini stories. I'm getting better at
taking my writing down to only what is needed. I think once I can get
good at this, the rest of my writing will improve as well. At least that is
my current theory. This was written on 2/9/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               239
                            MY WRITING
I feel like I need to show my family what I'm doing with my writing. I
feel like they don't know I have talent. I feel like I should put together
a booklet of my writing and give background information on each
piece. I feel like I need to share my accomplishment. I need to show
people there is more to me than meets the eye. People have judged
me so harshly based on rumors and misunderstood actions. People
don't look very deep and they are too quick to hurt people with their
comments. I guess I would have a section for children's stories,
poems, flash fiction, from hand written to print and a section for
selected puzzles. It would be a keepsake and a memoir. It would
mark the importance of my writing from my perspective.



Notes From The Author: Obviously this is where I was writing down
my ideas about pulling together this very document. I think what I
have as an end result is pretty close to what I started out to do. I have
found this little project to be more interesting and lengthier than I
originally thought it would be. I had no idea I would be over 170
pages by now. I still have sections of my website that have never
been put into a printable format. I just wrote them as HTML
documents, so adding those sections to this document would help me
get them into pdf documents to have available on the website. I've
been meaning to put together a printable on the whole binder concept
I have in the study skills and organizational skills section of the
website. It helped me as a teacher and my students as well, so it's
important to make it more accessible to others. I guess this document
has grown into something I didn't know it would be and that is the
way everything goes. I'm proud of what I have written and the effort I
have put into pulling it all together into an annotated collection of
works. This was written on 2/9/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               240
                     NEWSWEEK TELLS ALL
I read an article in Newsweek this week that discussed how the
mental health industry has gone drug and happy crazy. People have
a normal range of emotions that includes a down cycle that helps us
spur on to further heights to change our state to one that is happier or
more successful. It is that negativeness that helps us to change.
When that is taken away, there is no urge to improve and one's life is
unmarked. I have been fighting for my right to have emotions when
people seek to destroy their very existence, leaving me a drugged
zombie. How is being among the walking dead a good thing? How is
being drugged all the time helpful? Now consider the fact that I have
no prescription for these drugs and they have no court order to
forcibly drug me and dictate my life. They actually know what they are
doing is illegal, but they do it anyways. What a shame.

Notes From The Author: The article discusses how even the doctor
in charge of overseeing a medical dictionary acknowledges that
clinical depression has a definition that could be misinterpreted.
There is a comment about the author being asked to help his college
students to explain to their parents that they don't need to be
drugged. I found it very enlightening to read such a mainstream
document discussing the very thing I have been dealing with on a
daily basis for quite some time now. I actually had a professional say
to me that there was nothing she could do to help me deal with being
a stalking victim unless I was willing to take drugs. That tells me she
doesn't know what she is doing. She also doesn't understand that
stalking is a matter for law enforcement. If they say I'm a stalking
victim and they have arrested people for hurting me, then that is the
end of it. I am a victim and drugs won't make the actual people
disappear. If you ask me, that lady needs the therapy, either that or a
better set of textbooks. But that is just my opinion. There was another
professional who asked if I wanted drugs to take the edge off. This is
a line used by drug pushers. I discussed the idea of other ways to
help someone than shoving drugs at them and he agreed with me.
He told me I should write a letter to the Los Angeles County
Department of Mental Health to ask them to change their drug first,
ask questions later policy. This was written on 2/10/08.



A Compilation of Writings                                            241
                            FIREWORKS
For several years I was in other countries for the fourth of July where
the holiday isn't celebrated. When I was finally in the US for the
holiday, I spent it with friends in South Lake Tahoe, CA. They say the
show is one of the best. We had a picnic lunch to get a place to sit
near the lake. It was a short walk from their house to the lake, since
there was no place to park. We played in the water and enjoyed the
evening. The radio had music to go along with the fireworks. There
was a barge out on the lake where the fireworks went off. There were
firemen as usual, but no issues. The show lasted quite a while and
the crowd was not disappointed.



Notes From The Author: This was a prompt from the book A
Writer's Book of Days. I wrote it on lunch at work. I ran out of time to
fill up the whole page of my writing journal. I usually shoot to fill up
one page as a minimum for each piece of writing. Sometimes the
writings go longer, but I do try to keep a minimum. I read in writing
books that having a goal of time or length to shoot for when doing
writing practice helps to stretch out your skills as a writer. I'm not sure
if it works or not, but I have had times where I had to reach to fill the
page and found myself looking for more ways to do that. So perhaps
it does improve my ability to find new ways to continue with the
writing. This was written on 2/11/08 or 2/12/08. I was so pressed for
time I forgot to date the entry when I wrote it.




A Compilation of Writings                                               242
       RISING EARLY TO BEGIN THE JOURNEY
We always left on family vacations early in the mornings. When I say
early, I mean early, like 3:00 am. It was always dark and always way
too early. I liked to crawl on top of the gear in the back of the station
wagon and go to sleep. Dad always packed it so the sleeping bags
were on top of the boxes of food, with a tarp on top of those. It
worked until it got hot, then it was only okay if all the windows were
open. There was no air conditioning other than opening the windows.
We always went camping, until our tent rotted after getting flooded at
the rain forest in Washington State. We slept in the car that night. The
summer after the canvas tent rotted, we switched over to back
packing. Those were my favorite family vacations. The fighting was
kept to a minimum and the car didn't break down like it did on the
desert trips. The mountains are my favorite vacation spot.



Notes From The Author: I had a lot more to write on this topic. This
was one of those times I felt limited by sticking to only one page. The
idea came from a writing prompt and it triggered memories galore. I
could write about for pages and pages. At least this entry in the
journal will give me ideas for other writings. I think that is part of the
reason why a writing journal is a good idea. It sparks other ideas and
keeps certain memories fresh. One writing book I read talked about
finding poems in daily writings. The author talked about going back
and looking at writing done a month earlier and reading through it for
other ideas that weren't obvious at the time of the journal entry.
Sometimes there is a theme running through the writing that the
author wasn't aware of at the time, but looking back at it after letting it
ferment for a while allows a different perspective. Perhaps that is part
of what these notes from the author sections are about for me. They
give me a chance to jot down what was going on at the time as well
as comment on what I wrote. It will help me later on, I'm sure of it. If
nothing else, it is a record of my thoughts throughout this time of my
life. This was written on 2/14/08. Happy Valentine's Day!




A Compilation of Writings                                               243
                            LIKE A BUTTERFLY
Like a butterfly, she magically flitted out of the trees and onto the soft
grass in the meadow. Her name was Pinkerina and she was a look-
out wish-granter. She only let a select few people ever see her. Only
the ones who needed their wishes granted most of all would ever see
her flitting around them. She could tell when someone was in
desperate need of wish-granting and never played tricks like her
distant relatives the genies. The genies were kept in bottles and only
allowed to grant three wishes per owner. That was to protect people
from their trickstering.

Pinkerina spotted her next wisher. She knew this person was in deep
need due to the color of her aura. Aura reading was one of the
advanced skills every look-out wish-granter must master before they
were issued their wish-granting license. This was to further separate
them from the genies.



Notes From The Author: I have a new idea starting writing book
called The Write Brain Workbook 366 exercises to liberate your
writing. The prompt for this piece was Like a butterfly, she
magically… To me this had fairies written all over it, but I decided I
didn't know enough about the fairy world to follow all of the
established fairy behaviors. It was much more fun to invent a new
creature and fit into the existing list of creatures in the fantasy writing
world. This is something that could be a much longer story filled with
the new world for Pinkerina to flit around and grant wishes. This was
written on 2/16/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                244
                        A MAN OF MYSTERY
Now my man of mystery isn't your average every day man of
mystery. I call him my knight in chinked armor. I've told him I love
him, but I'm not sure he believed me. He rescued me from a life
where I didn't think I had a right to be happy. I thought sex was all
about making the man happy and I just better like it that way because
no man was ever going to make my happiness a priority.

Then he walked into my life. I finally got him to come over to my place
on the pretense of studying for a test. I did have intention of studying
with him since he was doing better than I was in the class, but that
was secondary. I had a question for him. I wanted to know if he had
ever thought about kissing me. He said I was all the way over on the
other couch, so I moved next to him. We had an awkward first kiss.

The next time he came to visit, he asked me if I wasn't all that thrilled
about the first kiss. I decided I was on his wrong side. Over several
years and numerous visits, his kisses developed into passionate
kisses I couldn't resist. He never hid how much he likes being with
me and that meant the world to me.

His hugs are still my favorite out of any hugs I have ever had. His
hugs said he was at home in my arms. He held onto me like he never
ever wanted to let go of me. Being in his arms was a slice of heaven
for me.

Over time, he developed a habit of arriving as I was getting out of the
shower. He liked me greeting him at the door in a towel, so he could
hug me, kiss me and dry me off with the towel. This eliminated the
step of taking off my clothes. The wet towel was always left at the
door.

That first time he came to visit was an eye opener. He didn't want me
to satisfy him first. He wanted me to be all hot and bothered long
before I spent any time helping him along. I've never been the same
since. My entire life was changed that night.




A Compilation of Writings                                             245
My favorite time of all was when he came to visit around three o'clock
in the morning and snuggled into bed with me. He put his arm around
me and just lay still for a while. I felt like I had everything I could
possibly want in the world right there and then.

So why do I call him a man of mystery? I rarely understood what he
was talking about as he was saying it. I had to think about it
afterwards. He made me think and I liked that.

I made him a shirt one day. It was hanging in plain sight for weeks
before I finally asked him if he was ever going to notice it. He tried it
on and it was a perfect fit. He wanted to know how I knew what size
to make. So I told him I knew how his hugs were different from my ex-
husband as far as how far my arms reached. I made my ex-husband
a shirt once, so I made adjustments to the pattern based on the hug
radius. I messed up on the button holes, but I think he still
appreciated it.

One year he was having a difficult time around Christmas. I went to a
store and bought him a series of tins and a basket to put them in.
When I gave him the gift, I explained how each box represented
something he was concerned about and how all his troubles would be
solved because of these special tins. He was very touched by the gift.
I felt so good picking them out and explaining each part to him. That
was the gift he gave me. He let me into his life so I could know what
his worries were.

I didn't know how to get him to understand how much he meant to
me. He was always telling me I would find someone else and move
on with my life. He was determined to be my transitional man.

We both moved at the same time and we lost touch. I sent out mail to
find him. We got back in touch again, but we were in different states.
He was a short flight away one time and we met. Things had changed
and things had stayed the same. I was glad we had some time
together.

I still miss him. I think about him and wonder if I ever made it into his
fictional autobiography. It's just like hime to write his life as if it were
fiction. I decided he would be the only person I would want to write

A Compilation of Writings                                                 246
my life story if it were ever to be written by someone other than
myself. He will always be in my heart.



Notes From The Author: Yes, this is a real man and I really did
meet him in an H&R Block tax class after I separated from my ex-
husband. I felt like we had important things in common, like both of us
getting divorced after our dads died. He was a good listener and I
could tell him anything I wanted and not feel like he would judge me
negatively for any of it. That was a wonderful feeling to be accepted
for who I am, instead of people trying to change me into something I
never wanted to be. I really only like people who accept me for who I
am. I figure I do enough changing on my own. I don't need people
telling me there is something wrong with me and I should be a
different person. I like who I am and if others don't like who I am, then
they can take a long walk off a short pier. I don't have time for people
who don't like who I am. They can move on to someone else and
bother others. I don't want any part of it.

Yes, this man will remain nameless for the moment. He is very
special to me and if he ever needed anything from me that I could
offer, I would. I wish he were back in my life right now, especially
since he was shoved out of my life by the study. There was even a
vote by my family to decide if he should be allowed to come back into
my life or not. I told this to someone on the street and his comment
was that it was democratic. I turned to him and told him that no one
had a right to decide who was or wasn't in my life. That is my choice
and my choice alone. People who don't understand they are not in
charge of running other people's lives should stay away from me. I
don't take kindly to people running my life for me. I am quite capable
of running it myself.

This stalking disaster arose from people thinking they knew how to
live my life better than I knew how to live my life. I say that is
hogwash. These people need to get their own life and leave mine
alone. Don't they have a hobby other than ruining my life? Maybe
they will get one later on in their life when they are extracted from my
life. This was written on 2/17/08.



A Compilation of Writings                                            247
                      ABANDONED HOUSES
The mine shut down slowly over several years. The people left to find
other jobs. There was no one to buy their houses. They were all paid
off, but they ended up being abandoned. The houses broke down
with no one tending them. They were torn down. They are gone now,
but the plots are still there. The roads to the plots are starting to break
down and return to dirt roads and then back to the forest.

I wonder if people will move back and build new houses on the old
plots. I wonder if this is how ghost towns happen. Will the town
continue to die slowly or will it get revived? How sad it is to see a
town die bit by bit. Maybe someone will come through and see
potential. You never know. It could happen.



Notes From The Author: This is just a few thoughts about Lead SD.
It makes me sad to see the town in such a slump. I hope the new
scientific projects being brought into the mine will jump start the town
into renewal. I hope there will be jobs for locals on the projects. This
was written on 2/18/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               248
          WHEN I AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING
When I awoke the next morning it was clear I didn't dream it. It really
did happen. I really did roll over and wrap my arms around a
wonderful man. He was here with me. He's gone now, but he'll be
back. I held on so tight. I wanted him to be with me in the morning.
He looks out for bad things happening. He knows who the bad guys
are. He knows I could on him. He knows I trust him. He knows I will
do whatever I can to help him. He knows I look to him for protection
and comfort. He does his job as best he can and looks for the day
we'll be together day and night. I hear him calling to me in joy and in
comfort. He believes in my and what I can do, but he is wary of
people abusing what I have to offer. He works with others to find a
resolution. He knows what I need from him. He knows how much he
means to me. He knows how much I mean to him. He knows how
much I care.



Notes From The Author: I try to remind myself that I am not in this
stalking disaster alone. There are others who play a big part and
others who have been adversely affected by what has happened.
One day things will be resolved and one day life will get much better
when people realize that committing crimes against me or those who
are truly helping to find a resolution does not resolve the issue. I
believe there is a better life ahead of me and those involved with
resolving this issue. This was written on 2/20/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                            249
                 THE REPORT OF THE NIGHT
The report was that I finally had a good night's sleep. This is a
laughable report. How could being victimized by criminals all night
long be a good night's sleep? The out of whack interpretation of the
actual situation is an underlying current in this disaster. People look
at things like: went to sleep at such and such a time. Woke up and
such and such a time. They think that's all that is to it. Then there are
those who know anesthesia was put into the room to force me to be
unconscious all night long and when I finally got a break from the tank
of gas running out, I woke up and got out of there early. It was self
defense to dress and leave early. If I let them gas me again, I
wouldn't be able to make it to work. They like making my life
miserable and then somehow saying it is somehow my fault or
because of some illness.



Notes From The Author: Just a little ranting about the state of the
stalking situation and how people manipulate the facts, misrepresent
the facts and flat out lie about the facts. I once thought a title for an
autobiography, if I ever wrote it, would be My Life. Fact or Fiction?
People have fictionalized my life to the point that some people have
trouble separating fact from fiction. Some people report things that
happen, but fail to report why it happened, thus leaving people
without the information they need to make an informed decision about
the incident. It seem criminal to me the way my life has been
misrepresented to people in order to continue the disaster and justify
their actions against me. I would like to see some proof that these
people who say they are "helping" are actually achieving any success
in the help department. I don't see my life any better. I don't see how
being driven out of careers, prevented from earning a decent wage
and having trouble gaining any employment or keeping that
employment due to the slander is helpful at all. That is on top of the
work place harassment they call a study as well as the crimes
committed against me on a daily basis. This was written on 02/20/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                            250
                    DRIVING TO REDWOODS
The redwoods called to me often. Weekends were so easy to pile
camping gear or just clothing into the car, pick up food on the way
and head up highway 101. I would drive up the coast, watching the
scenery. The drive goes through beautiful country on the way to the
redwoods. Once the redwoods are in sight, a feeling of calm washes
over me. The car slows down on its own. The cool darkness made by
the sun being blocked by trees changes the feeling of the area. The
fog, mist and rain make sure the ground is wet and soft. The
undergrowth that grows in partial sunlight is everywhere. Paths in the
parks have puddles to dodge and streams sporadically placed as if
on purpose. The wonder of the beauty of the redwoods has always
fascinated me. The fog and rain never bothered me. It's what the
trees need, so I'll work with it. Happy memories of the forests fill me
up with joy.



Notes From The Author: I spent two school years living in Arcata,
California in Humboldt county. I learned a lot about things I never
thought I would encounter in my life. One thing to remember is to stay
on the paths when walking in the forest. There are people with guns
ready to protect their crops. Another thing is that not everyone cares
much about progress. They used to say when you arrived in that
sleepy little town that it was time to set the clocks back thirty years. It
was an interesting part of my life and the beauty of the location
touched me. For years after leaving the area, I returned to take a
break from the city life and to recharge myself with nature. It's almost
like the trees welcome the visitors and hold them in the limbs for
comfort. It's hard to believe all of that beauty is threatened by man
made life encroaching upon it. I should write more about the area and
it would be nice to visit it again if that is ever possible. This was
written on 02/20/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                               251
                        VIGILANTE JUSTICE
"She thinks she can get away with all the shit she did before just by
saying she's a stalking victim."

Now there's a sound bite. People actually think after years of
investigations by multiple branches of law enforcement and other
agencies, such as Child Protective Services that somehow they didn't
see the crimes I supposedly committed. Now just how stupid do these
people think law enforcement is? They really have no faith in law
enforcement if they think the only way to handle things is to turn
themselves into vigilantes and determine my guilt or innocence as
well as issue punishment without a trial. This is why we have the
constitution to protect the citizens from such unlawful and unjust
behavior. These people even think I don't deserve to have a decent
paying job; that I deserve to be homeless in the snow. Interesting.



Notes From The Author: Yes, this was sparked by a conversation I
heard. It fit the situation so well, it was too good to pass up the
opportunity to vent on the subject for a bit. Dealing with people who
don't understand the investigations into the numerous accusations
came up empty because there was no evidence, because I didn't
commit any of the crimes they said I did. This has been a vicious
rumor mill based on the concept that law enforcement doesn't know
how to do their job. Perhaps this bizarre idea that law enforcement
can't conduct an investigation to save their life comes from the
concept that their study abilities are sorely lacking. Maybe they just
assume everyone is as inept as they are. I can see them thinking that
people don't care about the truth and doing the right thing, since they
don't. It's easy to think everyone is like the people they know best,
themselves. Maybe it is too hard for them to face the fact that they
made mistakes. Who knows why these people continued after being
ordered to stop? Who knows why they didn't pay me the money they
agreed to pay me? They don't seem very ethical to me. This was
written on 02/21/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                           252
                            ICE SKATING
I took my first ice skating lessons with my Brownie troop in first grade.
My brother held onto the edge and went around on his own. The rest
of us were in the center in a line. We had several group lessons and
all earned our snowflake certificates.

I had one opportunity to skate on a frozen pond on a Christmas visit
to my cousins in Craig Colorado. That involved a trip to a second
hand store to buy a pair of boy's skates that were painted white.

My next opportunity to skate was when they built the indoor ice
skating rink in South Lake Tahoe. I was in a beginner class when
they opened up the place. It was a private lesson because I was the
only one who signed up for that class time. I had to take my final test
early because my work schedule changed, so I became the first
person to get a ribbon for finishing classes there.

The students at the charter school got to go skate for a special deal.
They offered special deals for kids without a lot of money. I was glad.

My feet hurt when skating until I was able to get a custom fit pair. My
feet are much wider than most skaters. It doesn't hurt my feet to
skate anymore now that I have my own pair of skates.



Notes From The Author: I finally found the ice skating arena in
Rapid City. It make me think of my times skating before, so I decided
to jot them down for the fun of it. Who knows, maybe a future story
will come out of it somehow. This was written on 02/22/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             253
                            FREEDOM
Freedom to do as I wish is what I want. The United States is
supposed to be a free country. We freed the slaves years ago, so
why am I not feeling free? Why do people feel they have the right to
decide if I should be drugged or not? Why do people feel they have
the right to give me pain whenever they feel like it? People think it is
okay to give me drugs to change my personality. I don't think this is
right. I don't think healthcare workers get to impose their opinions
upon people against their will. Why do doctors feel they can operate
on me in my home without my consent and without me letting them
into my apartment? It seems to me that filling my apartment with
unmeasured quantities of random anesthesia is illegal, along with the
rest of it.



Notes From The Author: Some days I just get tired of what is being
done to me, so I write about it in the hopes this will somehow change
the world. My plight is way out of the normal stalking situation. I hope
there aren't any other cases of healthcare stalking people and
breaking into their homes to operate on them. I really do hope I am
the only victim of this and there will never be any others. This is so
much to handle and it makes so little sense. I have had to rely on law
enforcement and lawyers to understand the new types of crimes
being committed, to collect the evidence and take care of the bad
guys. There have been so many hurdles to overcome to get to the
point where law enforcement and the lawyers knew what was going
on and knew how to handle it. But now people are getting arrested on
a regular basis and people are being convicted in the courts. At least
they get their day in court, unlike how these healthcare workers
turned vigilantes never allowed me to defend myself before deciding
on how they will punish me with drugs and cruelty. One day someone
made a comment about hand washing to me because they actually
believed I was ill from a virus or something from not washing my
hands. It is a bit odd having to deal with this when people are
triggering things in my body by remote control to make me seem ill or
to actually torture me and plant evidence of drugs in my body. I guess
they don't know the jig is up. This was written on 02/22/08.


A Compilation of Writings                                            254
                             SUNSETS
Sunsets are the time for romance and hopefulness. The end of the
day and the beginning of the night come together with beautiful
colors. The sky is painted with colors are clouds. The sun vanishes
reluctantly, wishing to linger for the beauty it brings. It always feels
like sunsets last longer than sunrises. Maybe because there is more
time without the sun blaring to make it hard to see.

Sitting in front of a campfire is the best way to watch a sunset.
Wrapped in a blanket with a lover holding onto each other and
discussing plans for the future together. Just the two lovers with no
one anywhere near. No worries and no one to disturb the quietness
of the sunset, the quietness of the love they share for each other.



Notes From The Author: The topic for this one floated my way while
I was eating at a Taco John restaurant. I wrote while eating my tacos.
It was taco Tuesday all week long, so there was a discount. I was
waiting to go to a movie for the evening. Friday night movies are a
favorite thing for me. It's a chance to escape for a while and enjoy
some entertainment. My favorite campfires were the ones on the
beach north of Arcata, California. I loved the sounds of the ocean and
the crackling of the fire and the warmth of friends.




A Compilation of Writings                                             255
                       THE DRIVE TO WORK
I was attacked on the way to work again. Someone turned on the
anesthesia in the car. I rolled down the window and when I rolled it up
again, that person pressed the breathe button. There is no good
reason for people to have remote control capability to force me to
take a breath. It can be used to force me to suck anesthesia,
suffocate me and make me drown. It identifies criminals.

Later, on the drive to work, people decided to operate the muscles
around my eyes. They like to close my eye lids and roll my eyes. This
is designed to make me crash my car. I view it as attempted murder.
People have also done it to me in the workplace to keep me from
doing my job.

Can you understand why people in healthcare would do such a thing
to a person? They are being put behind bars as soon as possible.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/25/08. Obviously
this is me venting. Things have gone from bad to worse recently and
this seems like the easiest way to vent my anger, since pounding the
bike path for multiple miles day after day from Long Beach to Seal
Beach and back again all day long is not currently an option. Those
walks worked out my anger and sweated out the drugs people were
giving me illegally, without my permission. Some days it is harder to
get through the day than others.




A Compilation of Writings                                           256
                      WITNESS TAMPERING
Why would so many people commit crimes against me for no reason?
They must think ruining me as a witness is very important. That must
be because I actually know the truth. If I didn't know the truth, then
what would be the point? Why not just say I was wrong and prove it?
I guess these people see witness tampering as their only way to get
out of a conviction. I found out that witness tampering has its own
punishment in prison for years. I read this in a newspaper article.

If you add up all of the different crimes people have committed
against me, there must be quite a few people with life sentences.
These people have been pretending that what they are doing to me is
helpful. I fail to see how committing crimes is helpful to anyone. I
don't know how they are going to have this strategy work in a court of
law. There is no excuse for this.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/25/08. Again this is
venting… The newspaper article actually discussed witness
tampering as trying to keep the witness from going to the police or
other authorities to report the crime happened. I have had a difficult
time getting people to even believe crimes have happened at all due
to the fact that people have been trying to explain to the world that I
am not a person who should be listened to and I have no real
information at all and no crimes have actually happened. All sorts of
stories have been made up to come up with reasons for what has
happened and to explain actual evidence of crimes as something
else, such as a symptom to yet another misdiagnosis. Law
enforcement has been told all sorts of stories that could prevent them
from doing their job, if they actually believed the stories. I have had
similar situations when trying to get assistance from the medical
world. Someone actually told me that anyone saying what I said
should automatically be given the same diagnosis. I asked him where
that left the people who really did have the issue I had. I answered it
by letting him know there was no place for a victim to go, if there was
an automatic diagnosis without actually checking into its validity.



A Compilation of Writings                                           257
                            KIDS AND CRIMES
A young girl walked near me and said, "There's that woman with all
the stuff inside her." When young kids know about my status as a
victim of the healthcare industry, then it is pretty well known. A little
kid stood near my window and told me I was being gassed because I
was being bad. I didn't ask her what she thought I was doing that was
so bad. A girl triggered a guttural noise in me and told her dad she
just couldn't help herself, she just had to do it. That means the parent
knew she had this capability. A young boy mimicked something I had
said at home. This means what I say in my apartment is being
broadcast and children have access to it. Maybe if I use enough foul
language, parents will keep their kids off the websites. Kids should
not be involved with this disaster.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/25/08. Some
people wonder how I ever found out about this mess at all, since
everyone was told to keep it a secret from me thus preventing me
from getting the mess resolved. My students in Tahoe were a great
source of indirect and direct information. Their parents also provided
a fair amount of information. Coworkers have also provided
information. Then there are the complete strangers who just like to
tell me stuff. Then of course there are the criminals who like to hang
their accomplishments over my head and laugh at how I cannot get to
safety and how they are in control. They just love to tell me all sorts of
things. You have to keep in mind with this group that they actually
thought I was incapable of understanding what they said and
incapable of piecing things together to form a whole story. Basically
they picked on the wrong person. I will stand up to them and I will
stand up to as many people as I have to in order to get this to stop
and to protect others from this ever happening again to anyone else. I
do not have any idea how to give up or give in. I don't see any
alternative but to fight for my freedom from this tyranny. People who
think they can take over someone's life and make decisions for them
without any checks and balances are the ones who need to think
twice before doing anything like this ever again. Laws must be
followed and these people have tried their best to get around them.


A Compilation of Writings                                             258
                               SAFETY
My main goal right now is to find safety. I wonder why healthcare
workers think drugging me illegally and breaking into my home to
physically attack me is a good idea. An operation or medical
procedure done without consent is illegal. Drugs administered without
consent is also illegal. So if being safe from all of this is my goal, why
would anyone stand in my way of finding safety? Why wouldn't
healthcare workers want to listen to my wishes?

Someone made the comment the other day that the drugs didn't calm
me down, they actually upset me more. Now why would it surprise
anyone that I would be upset about being victimized? Doesn't that
person know she is admitting that she is aware of me being drugged
against my will in the workplace? It's a little obvious people are not
doing the right thing.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/25/08. Yes, I had a
lot of venting to do today… One of the many frustrations in this
disaster is that people have openly told me they know about the
crimes happening to me and have chosen not to give this evidence to
law enforcement. Instead, these people have chosen to join the crime
spree. I puzzle at the oddness of this concept. The ethical decisions
people make these days shows me just how easy it would be to have
this same thing happen to someone else. It is very scary to think it is
okay for people to just do things to be cruel and leave the victim
nowhere to turn for help. Even when hundreds of people have been
arrested and people are being convicted as fast as the courts can go,
people still think they won't be caught and they won't be convicted. I
guess the word hasn't gotten around, or else these people are so
hateful that they would rather go to prison than to allow me peace, to
allow me to find safety, to allow me to live my life the way I want to
live it. So I see it as these people are stupid or just plain old hateful.
The study has already been proven not to be a good way to defend
the actions of these people. That happened months ago. I don't see
what these people think they have to stand on in court to back what
they are doing legally or with the medically soundness of what has
been done to my body, since it is not medically sound at all.


A Compilation of Writings                                              259
       WHY DO PEOPLE ADD TO THE CRIMES?
People continue to be duped into believing that triggering devices in
my body by remote control is legal and helpful. People continue to fall
into the trap of participating in drugging me against my will. Then
there are those who actually participate in harming me in my
apartment.

Someone said it would take them a few days to verify what I had said.
The police happily assured them I was speaking the truth and they
were after RAND. So why would people be told this and then turn
around and commit crimes of their own?

One of the websites was shut down and people were told they were
in trouble for participating. The comment came out tat people wanted
to know what was going on. They were already told what was going
on – I'm a victim of health care.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/28/08. Yep… A lot
of venting went on today… I try and try to get the law abiding citizens
who weren't involved in the first place not to participate. I try telling
them I am a stalking victim, this doesn't help. I try telling them about
the illegal study, this doesn't help. I try to let them know many people
are behind bars over this, this doesn't help. I try to tell them about the
human rights violation conviction, this doesn't help. I try to use logic
with them, this doesn't help. I try to use common sense with them,
this doesn't work. I try to appeal to them as human beings being cruel
to another human being, this doesn't help. I try to educate them on
the situation to let them know what is what and that they can verify
this information with law enforcement, this doesn't help. I have tried to
let them know how much their lives will change and how they are
placing their careers in jeopardy, this doesn't help. I try to tell them
they are being duped and lied to, this doesn't help. Basically I try
everything I can think of to try to get people to stay on the right side of
the law and work towards ending this disaster with me still alive. This
is pretty much what I do almost all the time. I will keep trying with the
hope that someday I will get through to enough people to make a
difference in my life and theirs.



A Compilation of Writings                                              260
            BACK PAIN BY REMOTE CONTROL
When I was in the ninth grade, I woke up to a loud pop in my neck
and a lot of pain. My ear was connected to my shoulder. It hurt too
much to move my head to any other position. I told my mom to bring
me to the doctor. He gave me a neck brace, but told me it would give
me a double chin. He told me I needed to build up my muscles. He
already told me to same thing about my scoliosis the year before. He
gave no reason for the pain or the popping noise I heard that woke
me up that day. It turned out that a clamp had been installed along
the muscle in my neck, next to my spine. It was clamped on by
remote control and the pop was most likely my vertebrae popping out
of place. The nerve was most likely pinched to give me the incredible
pain. In the last year, more of these devices were implanted in my
body.

Once people decided these were bad and people were getting in
trouble for using them on my, they were removed and replaced with
devices installed into my muscles, instead of just clamping to them.
These devices tighten my muscles, contract my vertebrae and cause
a lot of pain in my back. I view these devices as torture devices.
People know they cause pain and they turn them on with the intent to
cause pain. I'm not sure why these people think they are going to get
away with these crimes, since I'm under surveillance and the signals
used to turn on the devices can be tracked. That is how they used to
catch bad guys back in Long Beach, CA. They used to track the
signals of the people following me with tracking devices in my body.
It's all the same concept, just different devices.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/25/08. Venting
away… People have decided that law enforcement as a whole is less
than intelligent. I have arrived at this determination because people
just don't get that there is so much evidence that I am not even
needed as a witness in the courtroom at all in any of these trials. One
day I wish to head off at least some of these people before they
commit any crimes at all. I hope that people finally get the idea that
staying on the right side of the law is the only answer.



A Compilation of Writings                                           261
                      HAPPY THOUGHT BOX
It was a fabric box with yellow fabric on the outside and red fabric on
the inside. The seams and edges were sewn in a satin stitch. It was
stiff with a special interfacing used to iron the fabric to the outside and
inside of the box.

Inside the three inch cubed box was a very tiny letter and a pile of
happy thoughts. The letter explained that the happy thought box
should be used when a happy thought was needed. Just open the
box and pull one out. The happy thought on the little slip of paper
would put a smile on the face of the holder.

The happy thought box also came with an instruction to add new
happy thoughts as they came to mind. This way the happy thought
box is always new and fresh with the latest happy thoughts mixed in
with the old ones.



Notes From The Author: I actually made a happy thoughts box for a
friend. He said he liked it and thought it was well made. I think I
should turn the boxes I have for sale in a consignment store into
happy boxes to get them sold. I enjoy sewing and I learned how to
make fabric bowls a few years ago in Tahoe. I used what I learned
there along with some new thicker interfacing to make boxes. They
are a little harder than the fabric bowls, but I like them much better. I
like that I can make the boxes any dimension I want. It's just a matter
of making the lid a little larger than the bottom of the box so they fit
together when they are finished. They are quite unique. Keeping my
hands busy with arts and crafts is something I enjoy. I find it very
relaxing. This was written on 02/26/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                              262
                               VAN GO
The swirl of colors on the Van Gough were intriguing as the special
transport whizzed along the byway. There was a collector on the
other side of town waiting for the transport. George mused how much
money the collector must have to purchase the painting in 2121. They
used to sell for more than most people could pay, but now it might as
well be as much as a small country's net worth. Most art is only in the
special museums that keep the art in vacuum display cases. It was
about the only way to preserve them anymore and cost quite a bit to
recondition them when they started to dim with age. Most have
already been converted to holograms for public view while the
originals are kept tucked away in the Van Go room. The special
transport vans often shifted the location of these valuable treasures
for security reasons.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/27/08. It was from a
writing exercise in the Write Brain book. It was supposed to start with
"The swirl of colors…" and include Van Gough and Van Go and set it
in 2121. I found it hard to decide when to add in the last part. I think it
turned out a little awkward, but at least I completed the exercise.
Sometimes completion is good enough for the feeling of satisfaction.




A Compilation of Writings                                               263
                            HANDLING IT
People have commented in the past that I wasn't handling being a
victim very well. I'd like to see the proper etiquette for how a stalking
victim should act. I would also like to see the proper etiquette for how
a stalking victim should be handled.

Someone more recently asked for my advice on handling stress. My
response was to focus on something positive. Either focus on the
most positive thing or work on making something more positive. I
didn't add the other thing that works for me. I set a goal or list of goals
and march towards the goals with everything I do. I try to focus on the
task at hand, thus blocking out the negative aspects of stress and
using the energy to fuel more positive projects.

I use anger to fuel many positive ventures in my life. I don't like
roadblocks in the way of my living my life.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/28/08. I find it
interesting that people have finally decided that perhaps I'm not such
a bad person and that I do actually have coping skills. It was always
that way before people were contacted by the study. People
respected me and the work I did. Once they get contacted by the
study, everything changes. So I don't believe this study was an
unbiased study. If it were unbiased, then why do people completely
change how they talk and act with me? It even happens with
strangers. People do and say things they would never do or say to a
person they didn't know. It's been interesting seeing the same things
happen with people I've known for years as well as people I've only
known for a few weeks or a few minutes. And people still wonder how
I know what is going on with the study. I really had more hope for the
educated people of the world.




A Compilation of Writings                                              264
                       AVERSION THERAPY
One of the terms tossed out in connection with the study and my
stalking situation is aversion therapy. From what I've experienced, I
believe this to be a form of torture. I was never told by a doctor in a
doctor's office what diagnosis I have with the remedy of aversion
therapy. I've pointed out that if I don't know what I'm being averted
from, then how is aversion therapy supposed to work at all?

I see this as an outcropping of something I heard about years ago
called bio feedback, where the person received feedback when the
bad or unwanted behavior was performed, similar to the Pavlovian
response of the dog salivating when a bell rang.

I have been forced to be drugged and forced to endure pain because
my stalkers are displeased with something I've done. They also do
other things when they are upset. One person shouted at me from a
balcony that I must like being gassed because I won't shut up. This
was right before I heard him being arrested.

The latest attempt to shut me up has been an attack on my vocal
cords. Devices are triggered by remote control to give me a hoarse
voice. The attempt is to make me mute so I can't tell anyone about
the crimes happening. It makes me sound like I have a cold, so they
tell people I'm not taking care of myself. This of course flies in the
face of them saying they are taking care of me.

My unpaid and late paid bills show they have not told the truth about
my wealth or their paying of my bills. It feels like my stalkers are
punishing me with healthcare in an attempt to annihilate my
personality, which they don't like. Someone has to stand up to these
people and that person is me.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/28/08. One of the
strange things about this disaster is that things people did to me were
things I was blamed for. People stalk me, so I was accused of
stalking. People fill my body with vaporized alcohol, so I was accused
of being an alcoholic. It goes on and on like this…



A Compilation of Writings                                             265
                 GAMES AND OTHER THINGS
I remember playing the game 99 with my family. Whenever the family
gathered, we would play 9 after dinner. Every time a new person
joined the group, everyone would watch to see if they would
remember to draw a card when they played a card. People got so
concerned with which card to play and how to add up the total on the
pile, they would forget to draw and then they would be down to only
two cards for the rest of the round.

Talking while playing cards is something that worked. Sometimes it's
easier to enjoy shooting the breeze while playing a game. I always
enjoy doing more than one things at a time. I guess I feel more
satisfied when more happens. I also like rotating to different projects
for crafts. I often have multiple projects going at one time. So finishing
off several in a day becomes possible when so many are already
started.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 02/29/08 (Leap Year…
This means it's the year of the Summer Olympics and the year we
elect a new president.) They say writing every day is important. Some
days it's hard to feel inspired. Those days that you push yourself to
write are supposed to be the days you build skills, stamina and build
habits. This piece of writing doesn't excite me very much, but 99 was
something that happened almost every time the family got together,
so it sticks out in my mind.




A Compilation of Writings                                             266
                THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
I used to tell people about the worst day of my life. Since this disaster
I have had many worse, but for a while the worst day was the say of
my dad's memorial service. My dad had gotten ill suddenly when a
blood vessel burst in his brain. He later got worse and he was
declared a vegetable, so the decision was made to let him die. This
whole set of events took about six weeks. It lasted so long because
he was so healthy. The doctor said he had the cardiovascular system
of a teenager. I guess not smoking, not drinking and doing a lot of folk
dancing is what did that.

The person who gave the eulogy at my dad's memorial service was a
guy from his carpool for around thirty years. He spoke with my mom
to get prepared with some of the details he didn't know. He went on
and on about his accomplishments, his wife and his son. He had nice
things to say and I sat and listened. When he was done speaking
about my brother, he turned to look at him. My brother was sitting
between my mom and me. When he looked at my brother, he
glanced over to me and I thought I saw him jump out of his skin. He
hastily said, "and his daughter, Janine." That was my part of the
eulogy my mom helped him with. I was actually impressed he
remembered my name in such a situation.

The room was filled with Girl Scouts, family and folk dancers. Only
three people were there from work. As I stood in a line greeting
everyone, the folk dancers kept asking me if I was going to move to
LA and lead the dance troop as my father did. Over and over again I
got the same question. Between these questions and being forgotten
in my dad's eulogy, I found some humor in the situation and laughed.

Some people thought it was odd that I was laughing at my dad's
funeral. Amateur armchair psychologists might even say I had a
screw loose. I'm not even sure my family even noticed I was forgotten
in the eulogy. The guy who gave it noticed and he was very sorry and
didn't know what to say. I just saw it as confirmation that my dad
wasn't all that proud of me.




A Compilation of Writings                                            267
So when my dad's side of the family looked at me funny and I was
told I was so young for so many things to have happened to me, so
you think this was a clue that my dad's side of the family thought I
was nuts? Perhaps they knew about the ongoing study about me and
filled of few ears with some info. You know, misplaced unhelpfulness.
I wonder if they thought I might have done something to make my
dad die and that was why I was laughing. I know they didn't hear
what people were saying to me, so they couldn't have seen how I
could have been laughing about that.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/01/08. Not too
much can be said about this. I was 26 when my dad died. That six
weeks he spent in the hospital was the six weeks that convinced me
it was time to get a divorce. I was moved out on my own during that
time and soon after moving out, I spoke to a lawyer about how to get
a divorce. A few months after that, I finally took that H&R Block class
I wanted to take while I was married, but my husband thought it was a
bad idea because I might make a mistake. My husband didn't believe
in my much. He said he was ready to have kids after I lost some
weight. He wasn't really ready to have kids, he just figured I wouldn't
be able to lose the weight. He took me out to dinner during the time
my dad was in the hospital and said how awful it was and then
switched cars with me so I could pay for the break job on the older
car and stuck me with the bill. He sent me out on a date with a guy
from work. I think he was trying to get me to cheat on him or
something. That didn't work, but I did get to see Cliffhanger from the
first row at the movies. I was glad I took the tax class. I learned the
difference between a divorce settlement and alimony, so when I
heard my ex was calling the divorce settlement payments alimony, I
gave him a call to let him know he better fill out his taxes correctly.
That was the last conversation I ever had with my ex husband. I still
have his last name, though. Now keep in mind that part of this study
said the Bouyssounouse family were my blood relatives. And also
keep in mind that people in this study were convinced I was married
during the year of 2006. Unless they can produce some kind of
documentation to somehow dispute the fact that I have no memory of
getting married to my stalker, Jo-el Patterson, I'm going to have to
say that it never happened…

A Compilation of Writings                                           268
                    ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE
It has been suggested that I should look at this whole stalking
situation from a different perspective. My compilation of writings with
the notes from the author sections is all one-sided and slanted from
my perspective, so the concept is that I am not showing my
understanding of other people's perspectives.

Personally speaking, I have been inundated with everyone else's
perspective and my perspective has not really been expressed to the
larger number of people involved with this mess. Of course my writing
is from my perspective, especially the more personal entries.

I am well aware that people are shocked, scared and in disbelief
when they hear what I have to say. That is what my stalkers count on
and play up. People tend to not want to believe someone could be as
victimized as I have been. Then add in the army of mental health
people trying to get me to stop saying I'm a stalking victim and trying
to convince people to do things to "help" me. Here is the very
problem… The things these mental health people are saying to do to
"help" me are the very things I am trying to get to stop. I have a right
to refuse mental health services and I have a right to refuse
medication. These rights have been violated by the people who say
they are here to "help" me.

I have heard it said that it is all a matter of perspective and it depends
on which perspective you believe as to whose side you are on (Is
Janine sane or insane?).

I maintain that it is more a matter of legal versus illegal. The mental
health people who are saying something is wrong with me are forcing
their opinion and their treatments on me against my will. Their
treatments are illegal. The concept of sane or insane or even guilty or
innocent on my part flies out the window in the face of the crimes
being committed against me.

Basically, I've left this all up to law enforcement and the lawyers. I
keep posting things on my website as a way to get my perspective
out there. It was originally meant to help people understand who I am.


A Compilation of Writings                                              269
I want people to be able to see my perspective, since I haven't had
the opportunity to face most of these people and tell them directly
what I think of their forced health care.

I also want other people to know that their participation in this mess
can get them into trouble. There is a group of people who are fighting
very hard to make my life more safe and to stop the crimes. I am
eternally grateful to these people as I see them as the ones who are
saving my life. I hope none of them ever feels I don't appreciate the
lengths they are going to in order to make things right.

It has been brought to my attention that the people committing the
crimes against me actually know they are committing crimes. In other
words, there is no confusion on whether these are crimes or not.
They have been forging ahead not seeing any alternative to
committing crimes.

I see stopping the crimes as the only alternative and I'm not the only
one. This is why I do what I can to help law enforcement and the
lawyers. If they need something from me, I do my best to be there for
them.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/01/08. One of the
ways people have been moving things ahead in the direction of
hurting me is to spread rumors. One of the rumors was that I was
cruel to animals because I dropped a cat. This cat was dropped
because the person was using the cat as a way to brush against my
breast, instead of just petting the cat. This was inappropriate and I
dealt with it in such a way with non verbal communication that the
situation never arose again.

One of the rumors is that I am wanted by the FBI, Police, Sheriff,
Highway Patrol, CIA and any other law enforcement agency you can
think of. I have been investigated by more groups than I can count.
There have never been any charges pressed and I have never gone
to court to defend myself against a list of allegations because there is
no evidence of my wrongdoing.



A Compilation of Writings                                             270
There is a rumor that I am a child stalker. I was a teacher, who
worked one on one with students and their families in their homes
and out of a learning center. I also tutored in the student homes. I
made frequent calls to the independent study students to make sure
they were staying on track and when they missed meetings, it was
my job to make sure they rescheduled because if I did not meet with
the students, then they could not be enrolled in the school. There was
one student who I was said to be stalking. I never even went to this
student's home. This family always wanted to meet at the learning
center, so I always went with their wishes. I went out of my way to
make meetings so that the mother could attend, since she had a
difficult work schedule to work around. I had three jobs and worked
six or seven days a week, how did I have time to stalk anyone?

It has been said that I sexually molested a small child. I do not wish to
go into all of the details of this issue at this time due to other things
happening in the background. I will say that when I knew that was the
current topic at hand, I went to the FBI office in the area and told
them all about the evening in question. The FBI officer said it didn't
sound like I did anything wrong at all.

Since I have been under investigation by multiple organizations and I
have been very willing to tell law enforcement whatever could be
helpful in ending this disaster and I am still not being put behind bars
or sent into the court room to defend myself against questionable
evidence, I say that people should stop being vigilantes and insulting
law enforcement by saying they don't know how to do their job in
determining my guilt or innocence. If people have evidence that they
think shows I am guilty, then they should turn that over to law
enforcement so that the actual legal process can be followed, instead
of trying to determine my guilt and my punishment outside of the
guidelines put forth in the constitution. Innocent until proven guilty is
still the way things go in this country.

My career has been destroyed over a rumor mill. I would like to have
this stop. I would like people to stop committing crimes against me
with the thought that they have the right to punish me outside of the
legal system.




A Compilation of Writings                                             271
                               SLEEP
What is sleep? Sleep is what happens when it's time to rest the body
and mind. A drugged stupor does not substitute for actual sleep.
Being anesthetized also does not substitute for sleep.

There was a time in South Dakota when I wasn't working and I was
staying up 14, 48, 72, 96 hours at a time. Some people say that
means I had trouble sleeping of was an insomniac. Those are the
uneducated people who don't know the facts of the crimes happening
at the time.

During those days I was trying to run my stalkers out of their large
supply (about 20 industrial sized tanks) of anesthesia, build up a
tolerance to it and keep from being attacked while passed out in my
apartment, where I lived alone.

These attacks were from a large number of people who took turns.
The crimes committed were varied. The key to my apartment was
passed out and duplicated. I don't think anyone knows how many
keys are out there, but law enforcement has collected quite a few.

I'm not sure if I'm comfortable listing off the crimes that have been
happening in South Dakota. Some of the types of crimes have
stopped, since some people are behind bars now. The frequency of
crimes has increased, but the list of types of crimes has shortened. It
seems like people get the idea how much trouble they're in for
specific crimes, so those ones stop, but others continue.

A number of these crimes are of a sexual nature. The word rape has
been tossed out there. The legal definition of rape spans quite a few
of the different crimes. What is a pap smear done without
permission? What is a rectal exam done without permission? How
about inserting foreign objects into a person's body in sexual areas
without permission?

If people can start and stop the flow of menstrual fluids by remote
control, then think of how they installed the devices into my cervix?



A Compilation of Writings                                               272
There are different types of criminals attached to this disaster. A long
list of the criminals are associated with health care. Then there is a
short list from the emergency services world, then there are people I
know personally, then there are the complete strangers who have
nothing to do with this mess other than being coerced to commit
crimes by people already involved. The sad part is that this disaster is
so out of control that random drunks have access to the anesthesia
and access to where I live. How does a study get that out of control?

Some people thought the fake porn site was real and I was updating
it. Some people thought I was a porn star as my sole source of
income. Some people thought it would be cool to be in a video with a
porn star. Some people were scheduled to show up at certain times
for their turn to be porn stars with me. What do you think of in home
use of anesthesia now? Don't forget this anesthesia is administered
through the floors, walls and ceilings of places where I live, when the
pellets of anesthesia and spray cans of anesthesia are not being
used.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/02/08. People have
been manipulated to involving themselves in this study by being lied
to and having facts misrepresented to them. For instance, people did
not know the "experts" who were speaking to them were the actual
criminals coming into where I live to hurt me while using anesthesia.
Some people were told the devices in my back were to help with
posture and used as a brace to help my injured back, instead of being
the actual devices that caused the injury to my spine in the first place.
Some people are told that tracking devices implanted in my body are
necessary because I keep running away. Last time I checked, I was a
free person living in a free country, free to go anywhere I choose
without breaking the law. Some people think the capsules of drugs in
my body that can be triggered by remote control are there for
medically sound reasons and it is the only way to get me to take my
medicine. When you look at it from the perspective that these were
installed illegally, against my will and there is no court order for me to
be forcibly drugged and I have the right to refuse services and
medication, this whole concept falls apart.



A Compilation of Writings                                             273
              THIS IS WHERE I WENT WRONG
My grandma asked me one day if I was ever wrong about anything. I
told her I was wrong to believe my mom when she told me she
believed me that I had a stalker and that she would help me in any
way I needed, to get it resolved.

I moved away from Tahoe to stay with my family temporarily while I
got my life back on track. My stalker found me at my family's homes
and continued his attacks. I told my family what was happening and
they were cruel. My family doesn't believe I'm a stalking victim. They
think it is wrong to stand up for myself. They think it is wrong to stand
by what I know to be true.

My family thought it was a good idea to surprise visit their stalking
victim family member and try to bribe me into giving up my rights to
refuse medical services and to refuse medication. They wanted to run
my life and I said no.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/03/08. I just opened
up the writing book and picked the first writing prompt I saw and this
is what came out. One of the more painful conversations during this
disaster was when I asked my grandma if she thought I had done
anything wrong and she said she hoped I hadn't. It hurt to know she
doubted my innocence. It hurt when my brother and sister in law told
me I ruined their lives while I was staying with them. It hurt when
people who knew me as a hard worker and good person turned their
backs on me. It hurt when I found out my students believed some of
the rumors they heard. It hurt to leave the teaching profession. I don't
see how I can go back when people are so eager to spread such
horrible rumors about me at the drop of the hat. The whole thing
hurts. It's a pain I have to live with and still move forward to forge a
new life for myself.




A Compilation of Writings                                             274
                            A BEST FRIEND
A friend, my best friend, gave me a birthday gift in high school. It was
a huge box for a clothing gift. I ripped off the paper and opened the
box. Inside there was a different box with a different wrapping paper. I
opened that and inside was yet another box individually wrapped.
There were about six or seven boxes altogether, each wrapped
individually. At the center of all the boxes was a small pair of earrings.
I love wearing earrings, so it was the perfect gift. I felt special that she
took all that time to find and wrap all of the boxes. It was fun to open
all of them.

She is a very creative person and I miss having her in my life. We
had a lot of goof times at camp and driving around getting lost. I
taught her how to drive stick shift and she used my car to get her
license, since her mom wouldn't let her use the family car. She
passed and found a job out of the area where she found her
husband. Now she has two daughters and I think she still lives in
California.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/03/08. The writing
prompt was to write about opening a gift. This was the most
memorable opening of a present I could think of at the time. People
used to ask me why I was friends with this person. I looked at them
funny and wondered why they were asking such a question. We liked
each other and had a good time together. What else was needed?
We didn't hang out together at school and had different friends, but
we were together in Girl Scouts and spent time outside of school
together. We had a falling out a few years ago and I don't know how
to fix the situation because I don't know if the reason we stopped
communicating is still present or not. I don't have too many people
left in my life due to this stalking disaster, so the loss of good friends
hurts more. Someone once said "of course she lost her support
network." It made me wonder if all subjects of large studies lost their
support networks because of the horrible things said. How sad…




A Compilation of Writings                                               275
                                 4AM
4am is a popular time for my stalkers to wake me. There is some rule
or procedure that says someone is supposed to stay with me until I
wake up from the anesthesia. That must mean they know there is
danger involved with anesthetizing someone. They have this special
thing they do to me to wake me up. They use what call the stalker
stretch. They trigger a set of devices in my muscles that force me to
stretch as some people do naturally when they wake up.

I do ponder the 4am time table. I wonder if that gives them enough
time in the dark to slip away unnoticed. I wonder if it is just to change
tanks of anesthesia. I wonder if the real plan is to force me to be
passed out again and this time make me sleep through the alarm so I
can't get to work on time. I wonder if it is just to show me they are in
charge of my body and when I am allowed to be conscious.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/04/08. So I got up
and left for work earlier than expected. I had time to do some car
grocery shopping, since eating in the car is the easiest way for me to
eat breakfast, since I am gassed so much in the morning, leaving is
the only way to get to work. There is no time to make food to eat. I
also hang out at the library so I can actually get something done. If I
went straight home after work, they would just make me pass out
earlier. They have no regard for giving me enough time to eat or drink
or do anything I want to do in my apartment. All they do is try
everything they can think of to hurt me, make me pass out and do
things to my body. These people are not trying to make my life better
in any way shape or form, even though they tell people they are
helping. They have yet to produce anything that shows they have
helped me in any way. Safety from these healthcare criminals and
their recruited followers is what I seek.




A Compilation of Writings                                             276
                  WHY NOT SOMEONE ELSE?
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening to me. I wonder how
things would have been different if it happened to someone else. I
wonder if I might be the only one to help stop the cruelty. I wonder if it
happened to someone else, if the crimes would have gone unnoticed.
I wonder if someone else would have given in to the mental health
gang and just given in to the drugs and being coerced into being
locked up in a mental health facility. I wonder if someone else would
have given up and killed themselves. Some people have wondered
how I've stayed away from ending it all with suicide. I guess I still
have hope this will end well. I still have hope people will figure out the
truth. I still have hope people will learn right from wrong. The games
people play to try to trick people into being against me are involved
and drawn out. How will that coercion stand up in court?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/07/08. Some days
are harder than others… This was a hard day.




A Compilation of Writings                                              277
                               MY CAR
Some people have tried to convince people that having control over
my car is a good idea. There are several things people have done to
my car. I have been forced to pass out in my car with drugs released
into the car while I am driving. I had to pull to the side of the freeway
in Southern California. I've had to take naps in the car due to the
drugs.

People have put tracking and monitoring devices in my car. People
have put listening devices into my car. People have turned my
steering wheel by remote control. They like doing it when I'm looking
another direction, when I'm eating while driving and during bad
weather. They like to take control of my accelerator and my brake.
They have sped me up around curves to run me off the road. They
have pressed the brake to make me spin out on the ice. They have
kept my car at certain speeds, without allowing me to control the
speed myself.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/07/08. Leaving
evidence like this in my car is a little silly of my stalkers. I suppose a
mechanic could find these devices without too much trouble… I
wonder if it happened when I took my car into get the remote control
for the locks changed and when I got my oil change. I wonder if it
happened at other times as well, since people have the key to my
car, courtesy of my fake, dead husband who was one of my stalkers.




A Compilation of Writings                                               278
                       TEACH ME A LESSON
Some people think this whole disaster is an elaborate way to "teach
me a lesson." I'd like to know what lesson I'm supposed to be
learning. If I don't know what lesson I'm supposed to be learning, then
isn't this just cruelty being bestowed upon me? How am I supposed
to learn from being drugged against my will and having pain inflicted?
How is this supposed to be instructional? I went to school to learn
how to be a teacher and one of the classes taught the history of
education in the US. Teachers used to hit the Native Americans on
the hands to keep them from peaking with their hands. We don't think
this is a good idea to do this anymore. In fact, we encourage sign
language in our society. Perhaps these people didn't see the signs of
the times.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/07/08. A couple of
comments came up the other day: There are two sides to every story.
And we're only supposed to believe you? These comments give
much food for thought. Whether people believe what I have written
about this stalking disaster or not does not change the fact that forced
health care, forced drugging and forced infliction of pain are not legal.
I keep asking people where the consent forms are for the anesthesia
or anything else health care related. I keep asking where the court
orders are to force me to be drugged in my apartment or anywhere
else. Someone commented that I was completely sane so I could
stand trial for the crimes I have committed. It's nice to know people
finally know I am sane. I would like to know what crimes people think
I have committed and why they have not turned this information over
to law enforcement. I do think I have the right to hear the accusations
against me, if there is any merit to them to actually bring me up on
formal charges. If there isn't enough evidence to bring me up on
formal charges, then why are these people bothering with it at all.
Isn't it law enforcement's job to deal with it? Don't the lawyers take a
look at things and decide if it will get thrown out of court or not? Don't
judges look at the evidence to see if there is enough for an actual
trial? I'm not fully informed on the evidentiary hearing process, but I
think it falls along these lines…
                            MY LACK OF INPUT

A Compilation of Writings                                             279
This study about me, which is really multiple studies going on for
decades, seems to feel my input is invalid to the results of the
studies. They seem to think their words is final without input from me.
There was supposedly a book written on what happened and a guide
for how to live my life. From what I have learned, there are
inaccuracies in the document, such as the use of vitamins, exercise
and even eating potatoes. If this book is supposed to be a guide for
my benefit, then why don't I have a copy of it? How can these people
say they are helping me when they won't even show me the book that
is supposed to fix my life? The illegal drugging that has been going
on for years has never been explained to me by a doctor who can
explain what affliction I have and why forced drugging is the cure for
it. I have no medical records I can look at to substantiate the medical
necessity for forced drugging.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/10/08. This is more
venting. I have a right to have a copy of my medical records. Where
do I send the letter to request them? How can any of this be ethical
and legal if I am not involved in the process of healing? Isn't the
patient supposed to be part of the cure? Don't I have the right to
know my diagnosis? Don't I have a say in the treatment plan? Why
have these things been taken away from me? Why has my life been
turned into a game? If this is medically sound, then why is anyone
who is in the mood in charge of drugging me and operating the
devices in my body? If this is really a medical treatment, shouldn't it
me only highly trained medical doctors performing the treatment? Or
have those people already lost their licenses to practice, so the team
of people doing this is down to anyone they can convince to do it?




A Compilation of Writings                                           280
           WHY I PUT MYSELF IN HARM'S WAY
Someone asked why I put myself in harm's way. This is a difficult
question to answer since I wasn't the one who installed devices in my
body. I have tried to relocate to get myself out of harm's way, but I am
tracked and followed wherever I go. Tracking devices have been
installed in my body along with other devices that allow people to find
me in hotels, on the street, at work, in my car and at home.

Capsules of drugs have been put into my body so people can
explode them by remote control to drug me against my will. Devices
have been installed in my body to control my muscles and cause
pain. So how can I answer the question of why I put myself in arm's
way? I am unable to get out of harm's way because of what the
criminals have done to me. This is how a study gets out of control.
People are obsessed with controlling my life to the point of harming
me.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/10/08. Yes, this is
more venting. I suggested that these people are possibly sexual
deviants, since they have spent months trying to keep me from
having orgasms or trying to keep me from having any sexual urges at
all. I read somewhere that if someone engages in harmful sexual
activities for a period over six months, That classifies them as being a
sexual deviant. I guess my stalkers fit that description. I have no idea
why so many people would be so interested in my sex life and the
destruction of it. I'm a rape victim and a stalking victim. Why should I
persecuted any longer? These people actually think they have a say
in how I live my life? They actually think they have a right to choose
who I have sex with and even if I ever do have sex. I am unclear
where they get the idea this is any of their business. There is a list of
men who I care about who care about me. I have labeled them as
men I actually trust. People want to know if I plan to marry all of them.
They want to know if I will have sex with all of them. They want to
know what kind of sexual acts we will perform together. None of this
is any of their business. If I have more than one man I share my body
with, would I actually be the first woman on the planet to have more


A Compilation of Writings                                             281
than one lover at the same time? I don't think so. I don't care about
how many people these stalkers sleep with. I don't think it is any of
my business what they do with their time away from stalking me. I just
want the stalking to stop.

There was a man in my life who meant a lot to me and he was
shooed away from me. There was even a vote on whether he would
be allowed to be back in my life again. I view this as ridiculous. Why
on earth would people feel they have the right to vote on a person
being in my love life or not? This is beyond my comprehension.

One of the people on this list of men is someone who was supposed
to help me get to safety a long time ago. He was supposed to serve
as communication with law enforcement so that there would be an
easier way to resolve this issue. This man has been kept from me.
Our finding each other was even turned into one of the games. When
this person was supposed to provide protection and be linked to law
enforcement, why would anyone want to keep me away from him?
The people who think I am some sort of criminal should be happy that
I would be with law enforcement in case I commit a crime. The people
who say they are trying to help me should want me to be safe from
the criminals in my life. So who is there left to be against me being
with this man?

There are now several men who are working together to help get this
disaster resolved for me. I hope to be able to thank each and every
one of these men. I don't know if I will actually get that opportunity or
not, but that is my wish. If I want to sit down in a room with people
who care about me, what is wrong with that? Some of these men
don't even want to crawl into bed with me. Why does everyone seem
to feel their noses need to be in my personal business? I have had
enough of the nosy people of the world who seem to think my life is
something they should dictate. Since they can't listen to reason, then
the ones committing crimes will be put behind bars. I will work
towards this end, so that I can have a life again.




A Compilation of Writings                                             282
                   MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE
I keep placing one foot in front of the other in an effort to move
forward with my life. Some days I feel like I have accomplished a lot
and then other days I feel incapacitated with the drugs my stalkers
administer illegally. I feel like it is an effort to just get through the day.
The carious drugs make it impossible to sit for long periods of time to
get programming done or sewing done or hand crafts done or reading
done or long pieces of writing done. Some days I feel like flash fiction
or very short writing sessions is about all I can get out during this
ridiculous amount of gassing/drugging. Some people think I would
flunk drug tests left and right. But it all depends on what they are
testing for. Most prescriptions drugs don't show up in the average
drug test. Those tests are extra.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08 in my car in
Lead, SD. I parked my car to go home and I didn't want to go yet. I
stayed in the car with the door open, writing several pages of
thoughts. I just didn't want to go to my place to see if I would be
attacked again or not. Some days it is hard to go through the motions
of trying to live my life while being harmed every day and night. I do
my best, but some days I'm not as brave as other days.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 283
                    MY LIFE – MY BUSINESS
Billie Joel has a song called My Life. It played on the radio today. It
talks about having people keep their comments about my life to
themselves. It talks about letting me live my own life. It talks about
people being allowed to have their opinions, but they should keep
them to themselves.

The song makes me wonder if people will ever get the idea that my
life is not their concern. They are not in charge of running my life. I'm
speaking about the stalkers who feel compelled to drug me into
submission. They figure if they drug me enough I'll do whatever they
want. They want to drug my strong independent personality right out
of me. It's funny to think of it when so many people work to try to help
women to be strong and independent. Are women supposed to be
weak and dependent? Isn't that going backwards in the evolution of
women's rights?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. As you can
tell, I believe in women's rights, the women's movement and believing
that women can be strong and stand on their own, instead of only
depending on a man for everything they need or want. I don't knock
stay at home moms. I think they have a very hard job. I just feel that
they have a choice and if they want to do something outside of the
home, I think that should be an option. I have been criticized for being
pro choice. Some people don't understand that pro choice actually
means I believe a woman has a right to make a decision about her
own body. It does not mean I am pro abortion. If I had the choice of
having a child or aborting a child, I would be hard pressed to choose
abortion for myself. I'm not sure I could even do it if I was pregnant
from being raped. I have always wanted children and teaching was
my compromise when I realized Mr. Right wasn't going to come along
in my child bearing years. It's too bad I don't have my teaching career
anymore. It really helped me fill a void in my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 284
                    WHAT WILL STOP THEM?
I heard someone make the comment one day that these people have
been trying to tell me this stuff for years. Do you think they're just
going to stop? I heard someone else comment that I thought they
were going to stop harassing me if they gave me money and then she
laughed. It seems these messages pertain to my stalking situation. It
seems as if these people are saying that my stalkers know they're
harassing me and they have no intention of ever stopping what they
are doing. I have felt that nothing short of money and supplies being
cut off and people being put behind bars would stop this mess. So I
try my best to help people to develop strategies to find the suppliers
of drugs, etc. I help people come up with ideas to cut off their funding.
I help point out the criminals so they go to prison.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. This whole
experience has been beyond bizarre. There was a game about my
life which had a part in catching bad guys. So my job was to play
target. The only problem is that no one asked me if I wanted to play
target. I also don't have a choice because of the devices implanted in
my body. Every time they get taken out, more get put in again. I need
to find a safe place to sleep so that people won't put more of these
things inside of my body. I'll find it some day. I'm just not exactly sure
when. Maybe that is because others don't know exactly either.




A Compilation of Writings                                              285
                 INDIRECT COMMUNICATION
I was raised on independent communication. The idea of telling a
story with a moral in it to teach or communicate something has been
used a lot. Somewhere along the way people decided indirect
communication was the best way to get the point across. People
developed their pet peeve list of things they didn't like about me and
then decided to have as many people talk about these pet peeves as
possible while they were somewhere around me. The idea was that I
was supposed to learn something from hearing so many people
making the same comments over and over again. Keep in mind this
had been going on for years. At what point do people realize they are
harassing me? If you tell someone the same thing 500 times, is it
more effective than telling them once?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. I have been
talking to my stalkers when they come to gas me in my apartment. If
you looked at a video of it, it would look like I was talking to no one at
all. I talk loudly, so they can hear me in the other room. I try to tell
them to leave, so they aren't committing so many crimes and go to
prison for more years. I try to explain how what they are doing is
against my will, without my permission, so therefore it is not
acceptable and should be stopped. I try to explain as much as I can
about this disaster in a way they can understand so they will stop
their criminal behavior. Sometimes I am able to get some of them to
stop, but most of the time it doesn't matter how many times I tell them
to stop, they just continue. So I see them as showing me that telling
someone the same thing 500 times just isn't very effective in
changing another person who doesn't want to change. Maybe they
should revise their concept, since it doesn't even work on
themselves.




A Compilation of Writings                                              286
                            I LIKE WHO I AM
I've often wondered why people work so hard to change me if I like
who I am. Isn't it a good thing to like who you are? Isn't that the goal
in life to like who you are and like what you do in life? Now I do
wonder why so many people think they can force me to change who I
am. Isn't there some saying somewhere that says you can't change
someone else, you can only change yourself? I'm sure it has
something to do with psychology. I don't want other people to change
me. I change enough on my own. When I feel bored, I find a new
hobby or take a new class, or read a new book, or go to a new movie
or walk to a new place or drive to a new place or get some work done
ahead of time so I can reduce stress with hard to meet deadlines or
call someone up and talk or write a letter to someone.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. I have been
accused of doing nothing with my spare time. This is a bit odd, since
it seems like I am always doing something. I am a busy body. I like to
be busy and I like to accomplish things. I'm a goal oriented person. I
shoot for the goal and most of the time I pass it by with even greater
achievements than I was originally trying to achieve. I'm thinking
people didn't do their homework and then called themselves experts
on my life. I think this is how some of the rumors got spread so far
and wide. People acted on concepts that weren't proven until it was
too late. People didn't find out I was a good teacher working for a
good school until after my career was over. People didn't find out I
was innocent of the accusations hurled my direction until after law
enforcement finished doing the same thing and after I had been
attacked viciously because people believed the rumors and after I
had been kept from gaining employment as a punishment for
committing crimes I never committed. It's hard dealing with people
who take the law into their own hands. They don't understand that
law enforcement has already taken care of these details of finding no
evidence of non existent crimes. It makes me wonder why they think
law enforcement can’t do their jobs properly when they have been
lied to so much of the time.



A Compilation of Writings                                            287
                     GETTING IT OUT OF ME
I read a quote from an author that discussed this intense need to get
the words out and onto paper. I feel like I have words that have been
cooped up for way too long. I feel like I've held my tongue for too
long. I feel like what I have to say has gone unsaid for too long. I feel
like a wave of words is pushing to get out of me and onto this paper.
It's an overwhelming feeling. It tends to come in spurts. Sometimes I
feel like I could write for hours and still not be done. Other days I want
to rest. The writing books say to write every day. I've been getting
closer and closer to doing that. The writing books say the more you
write, the better you get at it and a lot of unusable stuff comes out on
the way to the usable stuff.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. This
document has been a freedom to me. It makes me feel less like
keeping my victim status a secret and more like telling the whole
world what has happened to me. All I know is that my story has to be
told and this document is helping me do just that. I feel so happy
when I upload a new update to the document. I proudly put it on my
website for all to see. People can make up their own minds, but at
least they will find out something from my perspective, instead of just
guessing how I feel about something. Someone mentioned along the
way that I had a terrible life in Tahoe. I'm not sure they actually asked
for my opinion on the topic. I think my life in Tahoe would have been
much better if it didn't come with stalkers in tow.




A Compilation of Writings                                             288
                     TOO SCARED TO SLEEP
Some people have said I have trouble sleeping, so they feel justified
in drugging me to force me to sleep. Some people like to say I have
trouble sleeping so they can fit it into a nice, neat fake diagnosis; that
they know is not real at the time they make it. Here's the problem with
this idea that I have trouble sleeping. The people who physically
attack me do it while I am passed out from the drugs they illegally
administer. These attacks have been every single night for quite
some time. They drug for part one and they do illegal medical
procedures for part two. Then there are others who drug, then rape.
All of this combines to making "going to sleep" a very scary
proposition. If I pass out, people hurt me, so why do it? Sleep is a
must, so I cross my fingers that law enforcement will catch the bad
guys with enough evidence so that they will be successfully
prosecuted to spend an extended amount of time behind bars.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. Well, this is
my life. I stay up for as long as I can, until I realize I need to get some
kind of rest and then I succumb to the drugs and wake up feeling
what has been done while I was passed out. It's a hard way to live my
life. I would like to take a break from living this way. I would like to
have a safe place to sleep so that I can get some real sleep, instead
of drugged sleep.




A Compilation of Writings                                              289
                  BEING A STALKING VICTIM
I write about being a stalking victim for many reasons. I want my side
of the story told in case I don't wake up from being attacked while I'm
passed out. I write to help other stalking victims to be strong. I write to
help people understand how horrible being a stalking victim is. I write
to help people come up with better ideas for how to help stalking
victims. I write to make sure people understand that the crime of
stalking is more of an umbrella crime that really is made up of many
more crimes that all add up to the entire experience and usually are
all encompassing of the victim's life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. The
idea is to destroy the victim's life in every way possible. Stalkers
individualize their crimes to the individual victim, although many
stalkers do stay in the same category of types of crimes.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 03/12/08. This is an
attempt to get things on paper and vent a little. I guess that is what
most of the sections about my stalking experience are doing.




A Compilation of Writings                                                290
                              EASTER
The stalker stretch woke me up in the middle of the night. I was tired
of people using remote control devices to control my body, so I got up
and began yelling at whoever was close enough to trigger the
devices. The landlord showed up saying I woke up the new tenants in
the back apartment. He thought I should go to the hospital. I asked
him why I would want to go to the hospital and he told me I should be
on meds or that my meds needed to be changed. He said I was
disturbing the peace.

He came around the building and through the back apartment into
mine. He tool me on a tour through the storefront under me and the
next door neighbor's basement. He told me he didn't care if I ended
up living under a bridge. Then I almost walked right into a police
officer walking around the corner. I told him I didn't know anyone was
staying in the back apartment until just then. I still don't know who
called the police.

I told the police I was a stalking victim. I told them about some of
what has been going on and my reason for not going to them directly
in the first place. The police in California had told me that it was over
their head and I should talk to the FBI. I gave them Chad's name and
Jo-el's name and also explained who Bob Brooke was.

They told me it was standard police procedure to have me talk to
someone because everything was so bizarre with this disaster. I told
them the Long Beach police did the same thing and they met my
brother, who said he was glad the police were involved. I explained to
them how hard it was to get help when the crimes sound so strange. I
think they understood.

Then they told me it was my choice to have a urinary analysis done
or not and that my pupils were fixed and my eyes looked glassy. They
basically told me that I looked as if I had been drugged. It must have
been strange for them to see me excited to hear that I actually
showed signs of being drugged. I hunt for any shred of evidence of
what happens in this disaster, so this was like hitting the lottery.



A Compilation of Writings                                             291
They wanted to know about the sore on my forehead. I explained
about how it got there and that there had been several on my face
and other places on my body, including quite a few on my ass. They
didn't want to see the scars on my back. I guess the one on my face
was enough for them. One of the officers took a long look at the
picture on the back of my badge for work. It has more than one sore
showing on it.

I got a ride to the sheriff's department in the next town over in a police
car with my slippers on. He said he wanted me to be comfortable.

When I got there, they had a glass of water for me because I didn't
feel like I had to pee. I sat in a visiting room where inmates visit with
people. There was a graffiti cube on the door. Not everyone knows
how to draw a cube and to see one on a door in the sheriff
department is very odd.

I peed and got to talk to someone in the mental health profession.
She decided not to tell me her official title. She asked questions and I
answered them. She obviously had erroneous information and was
surprised by my answers. I told her some of the tales of my
experiences with law enforcement in California.

She invited me to have a rest in a hospital and asked if I would feel
safe there. I explained that people in the health care profession were
doing this to me, so why would I feel safe with health care? I told her
some of my adventures with health care in California and how I was
unable to get proper medical care. I hoped this would help her
understand why there was no way I was going to do what she
suggested.

She tried to explain that if I took some drug and things were still
happening, that would prove they were really happening. Since I
already know people have been arrested and convicted in connection
with this, her suggestion was a pointless waste of time. So I
explained my viewpoint on drugs. I told her that drugs have side
effects and that they alter the mind and body. I asked her why I would
want to poison my body for an experiment. I told her I was done with
experiments. I also told her I felt bad that so many educated and
intelligent people were being dragged into this and were tossing their

A Compilation of Writings                                              292
careers out the door over getting involved. She looked like she
wanted to cry at that point.

I also explained that the people who started this up out here in South
Dakota knew what they were doing was wrong because it had been
shut down in California. I also explained to her that if the game about
my life was billed as a charity for me and people were told that my
money was going to medical expenses; that was embezzlement,
since I didn't authorize any medical expenses. I told her that my
brother told me it was assault to put these devices in and out of my
body.

The police drove me home and I spent most of the day Easter day
being drugged and passed out. One day this will all be in the past.



Notes From The Author: This was written 03/26/08. This was quite
the experience for me. It was so odd to see this woman confused
about the things she thought were facts and turned out to be rumors.
I have been fighting rumor mills backed by a study for a very long
time. My stalkers have worked so hard to convince people that what
they are doing to me is the right thing to do. They come up with
whatever angle sounds like it might convince more people to join in
and participate in the drugging and operating my body by remote
control. Some people only engage in the watching of what I eat,
where I go and having discussions for me to "learn" or to get more
information from me.

For me it is hard to see how I would ever participate in something that
might harm someone. It makes it hard for me to understand why
others do it. I guess they just assume that all the paperwork is all in
order. They assume that someone has a court order to do what they
are doing to me or they assume there is someone who has guardian
paperwork to back up their ability to make decisions about my life and
health care. I know some of the time scare tactics are used to make
people think that I am a very dangerous person and if they don't drug
me that I might hurt them.




A Compilation of Writings                                             293
They also somehow feel that law enforcement doesn't know anything
about investigations into criminal activity. I've been under
investigation for so long due to all of the false accusations, that it
would be hard to see law enforcement missing all of those crimes
people think I committed. People deciding on their own to punish me
with health care because they think I got out of being in prison for
some imaginary crime they were told happened are placing
themselves on the vigilante list. When people take the law into their
own hands and decide I am guilty without going through the correct
channels and then decide what my punishment for the crime they
think I did, it tears away at the fabric of our constitution. It's like they
don't believe in innocent until proven guilty. It's like they don't
understand that if there wasn't a trial for these crimes after all of
these investigations, then perhaps there wasn't any evidence of the
crimes to have a trial. I guess they think law enforcement just isn't
doing their job, so they will just do it for them. The problem is if they
have some damning evidence that law enforcement doesn't have,
then they are guilty of withholding evidence and keeping law
enforcement from investigating all of the information.

I did discuss one of the incidents in question with the FBI and they
told me it didn't sound like I did anything wrong. So, why would others
think that withholding this damning evidence for such a long time
would help to resolve this issue more quickly? It almost seems like
they wanted to drag it out as long as possible. It feels like they had no
intention of ever getting down to the actual truth and getting things
resolved. Why else would people withhold evidence about someone
else? Why not give it all to law enforcement all at one time and let
them sort it out with prosecutors to see if there is a case to be tried or
not? It seems logical to me to let them do their jobs. I tried to give as
much information as I could to help law enforcement deal with this,
even though it was hard to get people to listen to me and take a look
at the situation from the point that people were trying to frame me and
ruin my reputation and career.

This whole disaster has been extremely difficult and very scary. My
hope is that it will be resolved very soon. Maybe that conversation
with the confused lady will help get things on track? There is always
hope.



A Compilation of Writings                                                294
                       THE FABRIC SPEAKS
The different colored fabric was in a stack on the table. To anyone
else it would look like a mess, but to the quilter it looked like a
wonderful splash of color wanting to be sewn together and made into
a warm, cuddly quilt. A strip of this and a scrap of that called to the
quilter, "Pick me! Pick me!" The quilter tried to decide if she should
orchestrate the color and pattern choices or just let the fabric speak
for itself.

Many people have said they never thought of combining those colors,
but they really liked it. Was it the mark of a creative, artistic quilter or
was it just a quilter listening to the call of the fabric and going with the
flow? What is the secret of this reckless color combining? Can she
teach this method or is it better let to each quilter to find the voice of
the fabric? Maybe it is the quilting muse speaking to those who care
to listen.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/05/08. My quilts are
usually quite different from other people's more traditional quilts. I
have made quilts with traditional block settings and color choices, but
I enjoy the wild combination of blocks and colors with multiple borders
that mark a quilt as my own. My mother once said she didn't know
how to make quilts like the ones I make. I told her that each person
makes their own style of quilts. I assured her that I did not know how
to make the quilts she made. One day I would like to get an
embroidery machine to replace the one that was lost during this
disaster. One day things will be better and I will be able to make
many more quilts for many more people. It feels good to make a quilt
and send it off to the person who will have it for the rest of their life. I
make my quilts with love and they are made to last. No two quilts look
alike from the ones I have made over the years. I even have ones
that have the same concept, but the colors and blocks used are so
different that they don't even look alike. One day I will finish typing up
my beginning quilting book and self publish it.




A Compilation of Writings                                                295
                       SORTING IT ALL OUT
My brother hopes I sort it all out eventually. It has been a goal of mine
to sort out good guys from bad guys for some time now. I hope I have
helped law enforcement and lawyers sort it out, since so many people
are confused by the likes and misrepresentations of the actual facts.

It seems as if not every group is communicating, since some groups
don't even know what a win they have when they have it in their
hands. This is why I rely heavily on people doing their jobs. Even if
they don't understand everything, they can at least understand
enough to help the other groups get to the finish line. If the people
making the arrest don't know how bad the bad guy is, at least the
lawyers do so they can get him prosecuted. The crimes cross county
and state lines, so not every organization will know about all of the
other crimes still being investigated. I'm not as concerned with who is
in charge as long as steps are being taken to get it resolved correctly.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/05/08. What do you
do when so many different organizations are involved with so many
different crimes in so many different places? I decided my best
course of action was to stop and make a stand. This has frustrated
people who have made it clear they want me to leave South Dakota.
The people who told the lie that I was on vacation in South Dakota
with only $12 look like fools now that I have been here for a year and
a half. People who don't understand that I might have to relocate and
might not be able to give adequate notice to a job don't understand
how bad things have been and how much danger I am in on a daily
basis. Then there are the people who are trying to get me to go back
to living with my family. There are enough people who understand
why that won't be happening and I really should not have to explain
my position on this. Being in need of rescue is an understatement. My
rescue comes slowly, step by step, inch by inch.




A Compilation of Writings                                            296
                             TAX TIME
Tax time comes late in the season for me. My K-1's aren't due until
the end of March. This year they came in the middle of March, but I
didn't have the money to buy the software to get my taxes done. So
today is the day I start to work on them. I spent last night getting
software loaded and updated and today there is more updating to do.
I'm not good at waiting, so writing about it helps to get my writing
practice in as well as killing time for the slowness of a dial up
connection.

Last year at tax time my stalkers had me so severely drugged it was
hard to get my taxes done at all. They even had me passed out on
what they thought was the last day to file taxes on time. My stalkers
seek to hurt me and make look bad anyway possible. One day they
will be stopped.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/05/08. My
adventures in South Dakota have been difficult to say the least.
Money has been an issue, being drugged illegally has been an issue,
being physically attacked has been an issue, people having illegal
access to where I live has been an issue, slander and libelous
"studies" have been an issue. There are so many things that have
continued from the California crimes and so many things that have
mutated into new types of crimes. There are even crimes from years
ago that are just now coming to light out in the open to be resolved in
the courts. People have continued with the ridiculous pursuit of telling
the world I am not all there in an attempt to hide the evidence I have
of their crimes. Trying to make it seem like what I have to say hasn't
happened is a little futile at this point since there have been so many
arrests, convictions and so much evidence has been collected to
make those convictions happen. It makes me wonder why these
people continue their efforts that only make them look like guilty fools.
They don't look like they are performing their professional duties
when my health is at risk because of the enormous amount of drugs
in my body. I would think they would be concerned about my liver and
other bodily functions giving out because of what they have done to
me.


A Compilation of Writings                                             297
                SCARY THINGS IN THE NIGHT
My stalkers' favorite time of day is night time. They like to hang out
where I live and do things to my body be remote control as well as
coming into where I live. Last night I found a bra in my covers that
wasn't there when I went to sleep (or more accurately made to pass
out). Later there was a tissue with blood on it when I woke up. I guess
they made me spring a leak and decided a blood stain was a bad
idea.

At opne of the time my stalkers woke me up, I decided to eat the rest
of the leftovers from my treat to eating out the other day. This time my
stalkers decided to contract the muscles in my esophagus to make it
hurt when the food and water was going down. I cried out a meek
help several times and eventually someone figured out how to
release the muscles. It's one of the worst pains I've had. I hope they
are put behind bars for years to come.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/05/08. People have
been coming into the area from all over lately. There are court
proceedings going on concerning the mess of this stalking/study
disaster. These people seem to think it is fun to take their turns
hurting me while they are in town. This allows the law enforcement
and lawyers another shot at getting even more evidence and even
more arrests that lead to convictions. I keep thinking that one day
these people will get a clue and stop what they are doing to hurt me.
However, they all seem to be in a malaise with the delusion that no
one in law enforcement or the legal profession know or care about
the crimes committed in connection with this disaster. It only makes
them easier to catch and convict. I just have to continue to survive
and have faith in those who do actually care that they will some day
get this resolved and find somehow to make me safe somewhere. I
am confident this will eventually happen. It is just very hard to hold on
until it does happen. So I continue to write to help get it out of me.




A Compilation of Writings                                             298
                             LAUGHING
I always thought laughing was a good thing. I have a very distinctive
laugh. People often comment on it. Most people say it cheers them
up to hear my laugh. That makes me feel good to know I cheer
people and make their day brighter.

However, there are those people who don't like to hear me laugh. My
personal opinion on this is that they don't like me in general and since
it is so distinctive, it makes them think of me and they don't like to be
reminded I'm around them. That's only my opinion.

Since I know my laughter is part of this study/game, it does let me
know who is participating on the negative side of things. The study
does feel a bit like a witch hunt at times. It's just a huge pile of things
for people to nit pick and make my life miserable. I don't see any
good in it at all.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/06/08. It is so hard
to see and hear people saying they are trying to do the right thing,
when all they are doing is adding to the negativity of this disaster.
People say they are helping by victimizing me by drugging me and
operating my body by remote control. I was in extreme pain the other
day and people who did it thought it was a good thing. I just
concentrate all my energy on hoping someone will feel my pain and
come to my rescue. I figure I put out so much energy that someone is
bound to notice. I still have hope that one day people won't drug me
illegally, against my will anymore. I still have hope that one day
people won't trigger remote control devices in my body anymore. I
still have hope that people won't come into where I sleep and touch
my body without my permission. I still have hope. Who knows, maybe
I'll be rescued soon and I won't have to be afraid of being drugged in
my home anymore. It is a happy thought I keep thinking will come
true. Positive thinking has to count for something.




A Compilation of Writings                                                299
                        WHAT'S IN A NAME?
I have been called by many names in this disaster of a
stalking/study/game situation. I've been called a dog, a whale, a cat,
a tiger, a mountain lion, Jesus and Chickidoodle. I'm sure there are
other names which have been used by people on both sides of the
fence.

My favorite is Chickidoodle. I was going to have a fabric store called
Chickidoodle Fabrics, but my credit has been ruined by this disaster,
so I was unable to get the funding. I still like the name, though. I think
it might be a good title for a book. Other book titles I've played around
with are 1500 Easy Steps To Ruin A Life and My Life – Fact Or
Fiction? This disaster has destroyed my life and it has been done with
unsubstantiated lies. People have gone to the point of trying to
manufacture evidence in an attempt to frame me for any number of
false accusations. It's a good thing law enforcement has been
keeping an eye on things.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/07/08. I trust law
enforcement can distinguish between real evidence and fake
evidence. I don't trust the health care industry to know the difference
between an actual victim and someone who thinks they are a victim. I
don't trust them in this distinction because I have actually seen a
health care professional be told the truth by law enforcement and
then turn right around to me and lie to my face and call me delusional
when he knew very well I was speaking the truth. It is a sad day when
educated and intelligent health care professionals would rather lie
than do the right thing. I will do whatever I can to get this matter
rectified. I don't want this to happen to anyone else on this planet. I
hope there aren't other stalking victims with people in their lives not
believing they are victims. It is hard enough being a stalking victim
without having to deal with no support from people who should be
supportive. I have had difficulty getting people to help stop this
disaster because I have been fighting a sea of rumors. Rumors
should not be part of health care.




A Compilation of Writings                                             300
                              LETTERS
In January of 2007, I started writing letters to people. It was partly to
reconnect with people who were helpful in my life. It was partly to
keep me from feeling lonely. It was partly a way to get better at
communicating about being a stalking victim. It was also partly to
document parts of what was happening and how I was feeling about
it.

I was very scared while writing some of those letters and it showed.
Some of the people who have hurt me have scared me to the point of
leaving where I lived. I ended p taking paper and pen or a typing
device with me wherever I went. It was a kind of security blanket to
write to someone whenever I felt scared.

Now I'm more deadened to the fear and more resolved to help put
people behind bars. My writing feels more liberating now. I'm taking
that as a good sign.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/07/08. Some of
these people are people I used to work with and others are people I
knew from school and others are people I was romantically involved
with at some point in time. The one thing they all have in common is
that they did something nice for me at some point in time or many
times as the case may be. This stalking disaster has left me with the
feeling that there are hardly any people who can see through the lies
in the study and figure out fact from fiction. Even people who knew
me for years fell for the lies. Even if the lies made no sense with what
they knew as fact, people still went with it. Knowing the facts before
judging is something that means a lot to me. I gave that advice to a
friend of mine years ago when he was getting ready to become a
lawyer. He had made a judgment before knowing the facts or
background to the situation and it made him change how he viewed
things. I hope he is a better lawyer and person because he knows
how important it is to know the facts before making a judgment. I
think of him often and even write to him from time to time. I count on
his good thoughts to help things end well.


A Compilation of Writings                                              301
                            SELF PUBLISHING
I've given it thought and I've decided to self publish a book. I'm going
to call it The Chickidoodle Chronicles. It's going to be a collection of
short writings and notes from the author surrounding this stalking
disaster.

I'm going to go through my writings and look for the sections I think
will help give the picture and then start editing them or proofreading
them as I see fit.

My goal is to end up with a trade paperback under $20 retail that
does a good job of telling the story of a stalking victim piece by piece.
Each story stands on its own as well as combining into a full work of
writing. I've read that more and more books are being written in this
style, so I'm in line with a current trend.

One of the reasons to do this is for a huge sense of accomplishment
that is much needed in my life.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/07/08. It turns out
that I made so little money last year that I actually get a refund on my
taxes. This money will help me to self publish my book. I do have to
put up money up front for my book to be published this way, but I
think it is worth the risk of the money. It will take a while to make back
the money I will put into it to get it published, but if I end up selling
that many copies, then things will be going quite well indeed. The
plan is to make the book available in large markets so more people
will know it is available. I would also like to bring it to local places to
see if they will stock it in stores from a local author or if they will have
it on the shelves in libraries as a local author's book. It will be
interesting to see what kind of reaction I get. I'm assuming people
who know me will want to buy it. I would want to buy a book I knew
someone else wrote. So I figure someone will buy it. I won't consider
it a loss, even if not a whole lot of people buy it. It will be something I
can be proud of and look at as an achievement.



A Compilation of Writings                                                302
                    STALKING INFORMATION
Based on information found at www.ncvc.org the National Center for
Victims of Crime, the definition of stalking varies. "While legal
definitions of stalking vary from one jurisdiction to another, a good
working definition of stalking is a course of conduct directed at a
specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear." It
also states that 26% of victims lost time from work and 7% never
returned to work at all. Stalking is a felony on first offense in 15
states, a felony upon second offense or when involving aggravating
factors such as stalking the same victim as previous occasions in 34
states.

Seeing information like this and seeing that most stalkers do their
stalking in multiple ways brings things home to me and how important
it is to help people learn what stalking is all about and how it can be
stopped.

My stalking situation is quite unique and even though I have some
similarities with other stalking victims, I am still trying to make sure
my health care related stalking does not continue with anyone else.
People cannot go on thinking that forced health care is what is
acceptable. People can't go on to think that things are okay to do
based on hearing rumors.




Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/09/08. My fight will
go on. I will not stop my fight. My fight is not in vane. I will succeed in
getting people to listen and understand. I will fight my fight for safety
and justice. April is National Victim Awareness month. A poster in the
post office says, "Justice for Victims. Justice for All." The second
phrase is the last line of the pledge of allegiance for this country. The
law is on my side. There is evidence. People will be convicted. I will
find safety.




A Compilation of Writings                                               303
                     RESTRAINING ORDERS
It has been suggested that I get a restraining order against one of my
stalkers, since I know his name. I first found out about restraining
orders when I visited the Woman's Center in South Lake Tahoe. It
was explained that I would have to go into court with my stalker and
convince a judge that there was a need for a restraining order.
Knowing my stalker the way I did, this process sounded like it would
be more dangerous than not getting a restraining order. I knew this
man was capable of harming me and going into court that way would
anger him to do more damage. Then when I decided it might be a
good idea, I no longer knew where he lived, so there was no way to
go through the process at that time. Police wanted me to do it in Long
Beach, but he had already proven himself to be even more
dangerous than I first thought he was, so I decided against it.



Notes From The Author: This was written 04/16/08. There is also a
note I read on a stalking information website that stated that if there
was a restraining order and the police only warned the person the
first time they broke it, then the person would think there was nothing
to it and violate it without concern for the consequences. The website
stated that it is only a piece of paper and does not actually stop
bullets. It is a piece of paper that can be used against someone when
they break it, but I am passed out when people would be breaking the
restraining order, so what could I do to notify someone that it has
been broken. There are times when I feel like there is no way to
resolve this situation without being under 24/7 surveillance by law
enforcement so they can see when the crimes are happening, since I
am incapacitated at the time of the worst of the crimes. Sometimes it
can be helpful to be turned in as a terrorist suspect. It kind of gives
law enforcement a reason to have me under surveillance. There was
a day when I thought that if being under investigation is the only way
to get protection, then so be it.




A Compilation of Writings                                           304
                            GETTING WORSE
It has been suggested that the harder I work at getting things
resolved, the worse things are becoming. The thought that it is
always darkest before the dawn has come to mind more than once.
Knowing lawyers and law enforcement are doing their jobs to uphold
the law has brought me some comfort. I see this as progress. The
people who feel I should be anesthetized non stop are slowly but
surely being arrested and convicted.

I saw an article in the newspaper saying a local medical practitioner
with a title I've never heard of lost his license to practice medicine
because he was prescribing drugs in dosages that were so high,
there could be no way of showing it to be helpful. I believe people can
use that same thought process to show drugs have been put into my
system against my will in large enough dosages as to be harmful to
my health.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/16/08. People have
been collecting samples from me for a long time. There are hair
samples and samples of toilet water after I have used the toilet, that
have been analyzed for drugs. Since drugs have been found in my
system through multiple ways, but no one has seen me make a drug
buy or take drugs or figure out how I am getting these drugs myself, it
has turned more into a test of what have I been drugged with
recently. There is also the question of faulty test results from drugged
toilet paper and residual drugs left in the toilet bowl from previous
users of private and public toilets. Someone even suggested that
there was no reason for me to use a toilet all the way out on the end
of a pier other than to take drugs. I viewed it as just another place to
walk, since I was doing nothing but walking for days on end while
living in Long Beach. Someone made a comment at work in Tahoe
that if I had a hangover I should come into work. It was my problem if
I drank too much. It's too bad that person didn't know about vaporized
alcohol and its affects. I have experienced alcohol poisoning multiple
times and I didn't drink a drop of the stuff. Vaporized alcohol is very
dangerous, especially in large quantities.


A Compilation of Writings                                            305
                        THE ALARM CLOCK
My alarm clock seems to have a life of its own. The day I bought it
there was someone who accused me of being a follower. I thought
this was rather interesting coming from someone who was following
me. My clock soon became an activation device for devices planted
in my body. Apparently it made the game about my life more fun for
my stalkers to have devices turned on when I turned off my alarm in
the morning or whenever I needed to get up. This was also done with
multiple cell phones. Now my clock has turned itself into evidence
that my stalkers have been in my apartment. Twice now I have woken
up from being forced to pass out only to find that the time and time of
the alarm have both been changed on my clock. I assume this is to
keep me from getting to work on time. My stalkers like to make my life
miserable.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/18/08. It is pretty
obvious that my stalkers don't have any intention of helping me by
committing these crimes. They think doing little things like stealing my
facial tissue, stealing my lip balm and changing the time on my alarm
clock as so insignificant that no law enforcement person would even
bother dealing with it. The problem is that these crimes happen in a
place they should have no access to in the first place and they
happen after I have been drugged illegally. When you look at things
from this perspective, it makes it a little more obvious that these
people are criminals. These are not small crimes they are committing.
They are not small at all. They like to pretend that overdosing me on
anesthesia is a good way to make sure I get enough sleep. How
ridiculous is it to think that a drug overdose is a good thing.
Committing more crimes to cover up from the previous crimes just
isn't a good way to do things. Trying to make me look stupid and
public humiliate me along with all of the slander is just quite a bit too
much for anyone to deal with, especially for all of the years I have
been dealing with these criminals. I can't believe wide spread
harassment is viewed as a new and innovative way to do a study.
This is garbage.




A Compilation of Writings                                             306
           SUPPLEMENTAL EDUCATIONAL
                  MATERIALS
My cousin asked me what my next project was since I finished my
book manuscript and turned it into the publisher for evaluation. I feel
like I have put things of on my website for quite a while. So I have
been looking at the things people search for on my site that aren't
there yet. This has been a great source of ideas for me for the entire
time I have had this website. So far someone has already taken a
look at the sewing crossword and sewing word search I made
yesterday. People have been looking for that one for a few months.

The imaginary numbers crossword puzzle I created this morning is
also one people have been asking for over the past couple of months.
I had to make up a list of problems and then type the answers into the
puzzle. Then I had to match the answers back to the problems to type
those in the correct locations. I took a little longer than I expected.

I was intrigued by a request for a printable deck of math Go Fish
cards. Since I had never heard of math Go Fish, I thought about what
the deck would look like if I were to make it myself. I decided it would
be a set of question or problem cards and their matching set of
answer cards all in the same deck. I even made a set of backings if
someone wanted to glue them to the back of the front cards. If they
were printed on index card stock, then they could be laminated and
cut out for a more lasting set of cards. So far I only have the deck of
addition from zero through nine. I still need to make multiplication,
subtraction and possibly division. I will have to work on getting the
division sign. I know I have it; it will just take a bit.

It would be nice to also have a set of first year algebra cards. I think I
would break it down to easier and harder questions in separate
decks. It might be easier for teachers if I split it up. This could make
for a deck that could also be used for he math Q & A mixer activity
explained on a different page of the site.

I guess I'll have to take another look at the list of requests for the next
new things for the site. I always wanted to grow my site based on



A Compilation of Writings                                               307
user requests. It makes the site much more relevant to the current
needs of students and teachers.

I guess I still have rationalizing the denominator on the list of things
that need to be made for the site. There are multiple levels of difficulty
in that category, so I haven't decided if I want to do it all on one
worksheet with a page of descriptions and examples or break it up to
separate documents. I might end up doing both, since I'm writing for
college and high school use for an item like that. They work at
different paces and the college environment might like an overall
review sheet. At some point I will have to do something with logs and
functions. Actually, the functions would be easy in a crossword
puzzle.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/20/08. Sometimes it
is nice to gather thoughts about writing these educational materials. It
helps when I look at pacing of creating more materials. Eventually I
would like a full curriculum of supplementary educational materials on
the website. That will take a while, so for now going with what people
are currently requesting seems reasonable. At least people will want
to use what I have put up there while I work on other materials. I
never dreamed the divisibility rules worksheet would be so popular. I
also had no idea that the craft or camp song sections would be so
popular. I guess a lot of other people have the same interests as I do.
I suppose it helps that I have so many varied interests. I kind of run
into all kinds of things other people have an interest in. The camp
song page was really just something to replace the camp song book I
spent years compiling and lost during this stalking disaster. I still don't
have everything covered, but I do have most of it. I guess my
collection is a little bigger than most, since it is so popular. It's kind of
like one stop shopping. I have a much shorter list of card games I
know, than camp songs, so I guess I should finish up that page
sometime soon. I put a game up every once in a while. I guess that is
because the ones I have left on the list are the more complex ones
that take longer to explain and are harder to write about instead of
showing someone in person.




A Compilation of Writings                                                308
                   THE MONOTONE SOCIETY
Since I have been "punished" with drugs whenever I show any
emotion at all, I am left to believe that the healthcare world must want
everyone on the planet to have no emotion at all. No one is allowed
to be upset or else they will be forcibly drugged. No one is allowed to
be happy or else they will be forcibly drugged.

My healthcare stalkers who go where ever I go, drug me whenever
they are in the mood and operate my muscles by remote control
seem to think they have a legal right to do this to me. Either that or
they know what they are doing is illegal and are so addicted to
manipulating and controlling every single aspect of my life that they
are willing to risk going to prison just to have their turn to play with my
body. Some of them like to force me to pass out. Some of them like to
fill me up with drugs to make me feel ill. Some like to touch my body
without my permission. Some like to go through my belongings and
some like to take my belongings.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 4/23/08. Don't these
people sound like people you would want in your life? Don't you think
it would be just wonderful to have hundreds of people going around
talking to every single person you ever meet just to fill them with lies
about you? Don't you think it would be great to have people install
devices into your body in order to embarrass you and hurt you? One
of the things my stalkers like to do is make my hand hit the wall or
doorway or file cabinet as I walk by. My only guess is that they are
trying to break my hand so that I can't use it. They make my hands go
numb when I am doing something they don't like, such as writing or
doing arts and crafts. They must not be happy people since they can't
stand to see me doing anything that I actually enjoy doing. Their
entire goal seems to be make my life a living hell. The did say I didn't
know what pain and suffering was, so I guess they are trying to make
sure I learn what pain and suffering is all about. I wonder if they will
go to prison for what they have done to me. Hmmmm…. I think there
are people working on getting these people to go to prison. I guess I
will let those people do their jobs.



A Compilation of Writings                                              309
                            SOMETHING ODD
Something that seems odd to me about my stalking situation is that
along the way certain people have removed or destroyed some of the
devices planted in my body. Now this shows people are aware these
devices have actually been installed in my body and they know they
are a bad idea.

The strange part is that after these devices have been removed or
disabled other people come along and try to play with their favorite
toys only to find out they no longer work or are now missing. These
people get upset and make it their mission to reinstall the devices or
install newer versions of their devices so they have their favorite play
toys back again.

I guess this second group doesn't understand that if the previous
devices were destroyed or removed that at least one person knows
what is going on. Now perhaps someone might get their hand caught
in the cookie jar.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/23/08. Some
people are just control freaks and they want control over me so much,
that they are going out there and showing off their criminal abilities to
the whole world. Do they really think people will decide that having
health care in charge of remotely controlling a human being is a good
idea? Do they really think that someone should be able to press a
button and force someone to pee on command? Do they really think
that someone should have control over someone else's body
movements? These people have learned how to control the sphincter
muscles in my digestive track. For some reason these people think
they should be in charge of my digestive system to the point of
allowing my food to pass through too quickly for my body to absorb
the nutrients from the food or to leave it in my intestines for one place
too long so that I am not properly digesting the food and then they
can say, "She's full of shit." My stalkers like to make sayings like that
come true. They like the one that goes, "Bite your tongue." They have
a lot of fun with that one. They even sharpen my teeth so that it
causes real damage.


A Compilation of Writings                                             310
                     STORED PROCEDURES
There is software that is used to control the devices installed in my
body. My stalkers can record a set of muscle movements that I do in
the normal course of the day and then play back the recording (or
stored procedures) with the use of these devices in order to make
their remote control action look real and natural. Then they plan when
to use it ot best embarrass or harass me.

It's like the itch dots they install in places that would be embarrassing
to scratch in public so they can give me the incontrollable urge to
make me publicly embarrass myself. They enjoy letting out the gas
from the explosions of capsules in my digestive track in public places
so people laugh and get upset that I burped or farted. Then they go
and tell people how rude I am to do it on purpose and not excuse
myself. I will not excuse the behavior of my stalkers. If they are in the
mood to smell my farts, that's their problem.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/23/08. I do realize
this sounds ridiculous. It is too bad people have spent their time on
these ventures. Imagine if they did this to someone of importance.
Wouldn't that be an issue? I do think this behavior needs to be
stopped and people need to make sure this doesn't ever happen to
anyone else on the planet. It's like these people are practicing on me
to make sure they get it right before going on to do it to someone
else. I think this is a major concern. I will help people stop this. I
guess it is a good thing that people have a way to take inventory of
the devices in my body so they can tell what has been installed from
one day to the next. I would think that would help in a court of law. It
would seem to me that would be considered evidence of what has
been done to my body.




A Compilation of Writings                                             311
         THE MEDICALLY NECESSARY ANGLE
People involved with doing what they have done to my body have
tried to justify their actions by saying the things they have done to me
are medically necessary. I would like to know what the medical
necessity is of tightening my muscles so I have trouble getting my bra
hooked, or wiping myself after using the toilet. I would like to know
the medical necessity for making my hands go numb. I would like to
know the medical necessity of overdosing my on anesthesia in my
home, car, movie theaters, restaurants, work, or any time they are in
the mood. I would like to know what the medical necessity is for
making me forget things. I would like to know what the medical
necessity is for hitting my hands on objects. I would like to know what
the medical necessity is to cause me pain. I would like to know what
the medical necessity is for stopping my orgasms.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/23/08. People think
that the crimes they have committed against me are so embarrassing
that I will never tell anyone about them. Then they figure they have
lied to enough people that if I ever do get up the nerve to tell anyone
that whomever I tell won't believe me. You see, I have nothing else to
lose by telling people. Everything has already been taken away from
me short of my ability to be alive and inroads have been made in that
direction. Some one said I was in control of my own life. Well, how
can I be in control of my life when I am not in control of who has a key
to where I live and I am not in control of being drugged or not and I
am not in control of who gets to touch my body? I'm not even in
control of what job I do. I'm not in control of much of anything in my
life, since so many people have been convinced that being cruel to
me is such a good idea. People have access to these devices that
read the monitors installed in my body. They actually think they are
sanity meters. They actually think that the normal flux in moods and
adrenaline levels is not natural and I should be drugged in order to
always have the same adrenaline level at all times. The natural fight
or flight response is hooked to adrenaline. Oh yeah, they don't want
me to fight back and they don't want me to ever escape their grasp,
so why wouldn't they want to constantly control my adrenaline level?



A Compilation of Writings                                            312
                       MY JOB IS ILLEGAL?
"We don't like being told our jobs are illegal." There is a nice sound
bite. My response would be, "Then stop committing crimes." I'm still
not sure people understand that drugging someone against their will
is illegal. Coming into someone's home without their permission is
also illegal. So why are these people so shocked that they are being
told their jobs are illegal?

At one point in time someone asked why they should get different
jobs, since their jobs paid well. Just because a job pays well, doesn't
make it a good job. Don't criminals commit crimes to make money?
Don't drug dealers make a lot of money? Just because a job pays
well doesn't make it legal.

How many people have to be arrested in order for people to get the
idea? Perhaps they aren't telling each other they have been arrested.
Maybe they don't care.
Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/28/08. It's too bad
people decided to keep me from getting a high paying job when I was
back in California. I might have been able to move on with my life and
find a way to pay my bills and not have ruined credit and a foreclosed
home. Now I am happy if I can just make it from day to day still being
alive. One day things will be different. One day people will be stopped
from committing crimes. One day I will live in a safe place. One day
people will realize that interfering in my life in unwanted ways is a bad
idea.
I happened to notice something that said aversion therapy wasn't
covered by an insurance plan. I wondered if that meant it wasn't
proven to do any good at all. They actually listed electric shock
therapy as not being covered. I thought that was ruled inhumane.
Maybe I'm mistaken, but didn't people decide that was just cruelty
and didn't actually help the patient in any way? Maybe I'm ahead of
my time in this thought. Isn't the electric chair a way to kill someone?
So why would giving someone electric shocks be good? Or maybe it
is a question of degrees. Perhaps the electric shocks that start a
heart is one thing and electric shock to punish someone is something
else.



A Compilation of Writings                                             313
              HOW COULD A STUDY BE BAD?
The study is the harassment. For years people have been spreading
unfound rumors and calling it a study. I always thought studies were
supposed to be unbiased. Otherwise it's not very scientific. When
people go around telling everyone what a horrible person I am and
telling people I'm supposed to be drugged against my will, I fail to see
how this falls into the category of being a study.

Someone noticed a list of questions involved with this study had a
leading question as the first question. This tainted all the responses
people gave. Someone said the files were never supposed to be
public. Someone said it was never supposed to be nonstop
anesthesia. All of these things point to something that is way out of
control and should be stopped. I fail to see how spreading horrible
rumors was not meant to hurt me.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/28/08. Someone
said this was never meant to hurt me. It's hard to believe that
statement when so much has been done to intentionally hurt me. The
thought came to mind this morning that perhaps my life would be
better if people weren't following me all over the place trying to drug
me and do things to my body by remote control and trying to gain
access to where I sleep or lay passed out to do things to my body. I
tend to think my life would be much better if people weren't doing all
of these things. Imagine being able to go through a day without
people hurting me with words and actions. I try to imagine that life to
keep my spirits up on difficult days. When people are putting gas into
my home from above and below and the only way to get a breath of
oxygen is to hang my head out the window, I try to think of how nice
life will be when this is finished and I am in a safe place where people
don't drug me against my will anymore.




A Compilation of Writings                                            314
                     CREATING SOMETHING
I got a chance to do a little sewing yesterday. It felt good to create
something again. I had a new book and I wanted to try a piecing
technique I had never used before. It worked great. It's an easy way
to make hourglass quilt blocks. It involves sewing squares together,
cutting them apart and then sewing the joined triangles to make a
square with four quarter square triangles in it. It comes out looking
really nice.

I decided to make the quilt as a quilt as you go style. This means I am
doing the quilting on each quilt square before they are sewn together.
It is much easier to maneuver one square, the batting and the
backing, instead of trying to do the whole quilt. It allows me to put
more machine quilting on each square.

I just have to remember the measurements of the sashing that is
used to sew all of the squares together at the end. I remember it is a
different width for the top and the bottom, but I think I might try using
the same width for both sides. I think I can use one inch wide sashing
to allow for a quarter inch to be folded under on each side. It will
leave a half inch wide sashing in the finished quilt. I think of it as a
way to set off the squares and frame them.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 04/28/08. I'm so
excited that I actually got some work done on this quilt. I have eight
finished quilted squares and four more that are ready to be quilted. I
haven't decided how big I will make the quilt yet, but I am enjoying
doing it one square at a time. I want to square up the quilted squares
and get some of them sewn together with the double sashing to see
what it will look like. It's too bad people decided to start drugging me
and cramping up the muscles in my back when they were tired of
watching me work on something I enjoyed doing. Maybe I will be
allowed to live my life one day soon. Maybe I won't be at the mercy of
criminal health care workers soon. I like to think there will be a life
worth living when this mess is done. I just wish people would
understand that I want to have things done in a way that respects me
as a person, instead of just treating me like a lab rat.



A Compilation of Writings                                             315
     EXPELLED – NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED
I saw an interesting movie last night. It looked at how educated
people were ostracized for having an opinion that wasn't part of the
mainstream. The ideas presented pointed to freedom of thought only
if it was within the lines of the mainstream. They were talking about
Darwinism vs. Intelligent Design. The idea of having an open
discussion on the topic was shunned. From what I saw in the movie,
it looked like Intelligent Design could mean God or even aliens could
be the designers. It's an interesting concept to contemplate how we
cam to be on this planet.

I did have some feelings that looking at education from a different
perspective tends to fall into the same category. When I took my
teaching classes, I learned that education is a little on the inbred side
of things. All the textbooks quoted the same books and each other. I
learned a sound educational paper can't be written unless it quotes
previously done papers and publications. New ideas are not
encouraged in the world of education. I also learned education is
driven by economics and politics.

There are teachers who are faced with impossible requirements and
have to show proof they are meeting these requirements. Seeing the
business world as well as the education world from an employee's
perspective, I have a different perspective on things. I see struggling
teachers who don't have enough support to do their jobs.

Some teachers get their tech knowledge on their own and invest their
own funds to bring technology into the classroom. Some teachers
don't have the skills or confidence or time to get the technology into
the classroom. These people need easy to use, ready made
resources they can easily implement into their traditional style of
teaching which will represent bringing technology into the classroom
by finding these resources on the internet.

I have a vision for what I want to do with my website to support
teachers in the classroom as well as parents and independent study
students. I already have ready to use pdf documents as puzzles and
as instructional documents with practice for the ideas presented.


A Compilation of Writings                                             316
I've noticed that my crossword puzzles, word searches and craft
projects are gaining popularity. My camp song page is still very
popular and I should turn it into a song book format for people to print
and bring with them into the out of doors. I do want to support
scouting and the camp songs do just that.

Eventually I want a worksheet generator for teachers to use. I've
seen several of them and I want mine to be different from what is
currently out there. I want only one page documents with an answer
key. I want it to be different each time and I want the parameters to
be defined by the user to fit the targeted skill levels of the students.
Some students need more practice than others and a worksheet
generator with answers to check work can satisfy that need.

My math crossword puzzles help satisfy the need for reading across
the curriculum requirement as well as a different way to help students
learn terminology. So many students struggle with math, teachers
can use all the help they can get.

Teachers faced with a classroom filled with various skills levels can
use something that can be done outside of the class time to have
students work on their individual needs. Computers are how I
envision meeting this need. As more and more homes get access to
the internet, my resources can be used in the home as part of
homework, extra credit, or skill building to support what is going on in
the classroom.

I know there are parents who care about their children's education,
but don't know where to turn to get ideas and materials to help their
children. Teachers need to be able to point these people to resources
that can actually make a difference. My writing journal suggestions
and using cards to learn math are two things parents could easily do
with their children at home to support learning in the classroom.

Some parents look for easy ways to keep learning part of summer
activities so their children don't backslide as much as most students
do over the summer. Advanced classes have summer assignments,
but it is the lower end students who need it the most.



A Compilation of Writings                                              317
I support the idea of life long learning and tried to put that concept
into my students and their families. I believe I had partial success in
this area by convincing students to carry on their learning in the local
community college. My website is also a way to help people achieve
this goal with writing and exploring different ideas of how to occupy
their time with things such as the coded crossword puzzles and the
writing journal. Keeping the mind active can help in many ways.

It will take my years to achieve my final goals for my website and by
that time I will have other ideas for the site, so it will be endless. I
comfort myself in the thought that what few resources I have
available so far are being used by so many different people. I am
currently feeling a pull for more craft projects and more math
activities.

I can see my flash fiction making its way into reading comprehension
activities as well as cloze activities. I would pick and choose which
ones will be used, but it is nice to have more and more to choose
from due to my participation in an online flash fiction group, so I will
continue to write them as the ideas come to me.

Working on easily usable printable activities seems to be my current
focus for growing the site since I don't have enough time to
concentrate on my programming skills. I don't feel this is wasted time,
since these activities are reusable over time and fit many skill levels.

I would like to make some fill in the blank worksheets fro using sight
words. I have a concept for a program, but I could make the
worksheets easily now.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/05/08. It helps me
to put my ideas on paper and work with them as such. I get my
concerns on paper and by going through them, I end up coming up
with new ideas, such as the last one noted for fill in the blank
sentences with the sight words as the fillers. This would give practice
of using the words as well as prepare students to answer these types
of questions on standardized tests which are very much a part of the
education world. Teachers have to have their students prove they

A Compilation of Writings                                              318
learned something by scoring well on these tests. The idea of
teaching test taking skills isn't always implemented. The idea that
students will naturally do well on the tests just by learning the material
doesn't address the concept that a student ill prepared to take a test
will do worse than a well prepared student. Even making sure the
students have food before they take a test and are not nervous or
stressed during the testing time is crucial. Some schools provide
snacks on testing days and encourage teachers to explain why it is
so important for students to try their best on the tests.

I have seen positive reinforcement and encouragement significantly
increase testing scores, proving that the test score is not the only way
to find out if the material is being learned. Some students don't see a
need to put forth effort on tests because they see no point in them. If
they look at it as a report card for their school and teacher, they might
do well or do worse depending on their attitude towards the school
and teachers. It presents a difficult situation when the tests have no
benefit for the students.

My perspective is that tests are part of our life and encouraging
students to move onto higher learning and showing them that doing
well on tests can help get them scholarship money and entrance into
more schools can be an incentive. It is a hard struggle for the
students who have no one in their family who has ever been to
college and in some cases never finished high school. There is a
careful line between encouraging the student and not offending the
parent who may feel a lack of education is now an issue in their life.

My website is intended to help people help each other in improving
attitudes towards education and in improving the way people learn.
Some people just need a different way to access the information to
remove the roadblocks to academic success.




A Compilation of Writings                                             319
                            WEBSITE UPDATES
I completed a listing of my pdf documents listed all over the
educational side of my website, www.edonyourown.com. I was
shocked to find out I had over 100 of them. I decided it was a good
idea to have one place to access them for people who just want to
see what's out there, since I haven't been able to update my website
diary. I'm considering changing web hosts because the transition to
the new platform has left me with things not working properly. It was
not a clean transition at all.

I also decided to include a listing of publication credits and a listing of
other websites pointing to my website. I find out about these every
once in a while by looking at the statistics for the site to see what
sites are being used to access my site. There is a babysitting website
listing educational things to do while babysitting and my math
crossword puzzles made the list twice.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/18/08. I listed both
of these pages on the information about the webmaster page. That
seemed like a good place for them. Now that the listing of pdf files is
so long, it seems like it should be organized, but for now a listing is
good enough for me. I went in order of where I found them on the site
by going from top to bottom and finding every pdf link on the
educational side of things. There aren't many pdf files on the other
side that aren't already listed on the educational side anyways.

I still need to make pdfs for the card games and the camp songs. I
think the camp songs should stay in alphabetical order, but add a
reference to songs in different categories, like graces, rounds, quiet,
rowdy, etc… I think that would be helpful for people to find songs they
want. If people have heard the song, they usually just need the words
to jog their memories. I learned new songs at every camp I went to
and I only learned a few songs in Girl Scout meetings. It was much
more fun going to camp.

That's where I am for now. It just felt like a day to gather things
together. I'll go back to creating new pdfs now.



A Compilation of Writings                                               320
                      MORNING COMMENTS
"We came all this way to see her and she doesn't even want to talk to
us."

Did I ask them to come to visit me? Why would a single woman who
is a stalking victim be overly social in a hotel lobby? If they wanted to
start up a conversation, then why didn't they? Do they think I am in a
good mood after spending the night with people causing me pain and
blasting anesthesia into my hotel room all night and having to sleep
with the window open because of it?

"They said she had a nightmare."

This would be an example of people trying to hide the actual truth.
Either the tank of anesthesia ran out and I woke up from that or they
woke me up with their stupid stalker stretch or other things they were
doing in radio head to try to diagnose me by what I do in a drug
induced dream state. Nowhere in any of this does nightmare factor in,
unless you consider my entire existence a nightmare running from
one drug filled night to another, hoping I won't be in too much pain in
between. I guess people don't want it to get out that I am being
victimized by a study and that it ruined my life.

"She always slept real good when she was with us."

This comment I find a little scary and wish it had nothing to do with
me. I guess this means people kept passing the buck from one group
to another when I moved, which would be why they didn't like me
moving. Then there is the illegal surveillance they used to do that had
to be relocated when I moved. How many groups of people have
been involved with this multi decade disaster? How many people
know about the things installed in my body? How many people know
about the lies in the study? How many people in the study actually
believed what people said when they lied about me? Don't they know
the criminals are the ones disturbing my sleep? Don't they know how
much this study has ruined my life?




A Compilation of Writings                                             321
Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/23/08. I have
trouble with some of the comments that have been thrown my
direction over time. One of the ones that upset me quite a bit when I
was in Southern California after leaving Tahoe was, "Mother knows
best." I wanted to know who had been talking to my mother who was
one of the people on this planet who knows me the least. I can't tell
my mom about good things that happen to me because she thinks I'm
bragging. I can't tell her about work because it bores her. I can't ask
her advice because she knows nothing of my life. I can't tell her about
my personal life because she is judgmental. Why would anyone think
my mom knows me well? She wrote a letter to me a couple of months
ago that said she wished she could have input into my life. She told
me she raised me to be independent and that she thought she had
raised me to be too independent. When did that turn into me wanting
her input in my life?

I know people think I am an ungrateful daughter. I know people think I
am cruel when it comes to my family. I wonder how many of those
people think what my family has done to me is cruel? Law
enforcement knows what I am talking about… They tried to track
things down to the source of why they were called into action in the
first place. They wanted to know why this mess that ruined my life
happened at all. I guess it is all playing out in the courts. Maybe I will
be able to move on with my life soon, now that the legal system is
catching up with the health care world and finding out the details of
what has happened to me over these many years.




A Compilation of Writings                                              322
                            TOUGH SELL
"It's gonna be a very tough sell, but if you come up with the right
inducement, she'll do whatever you ask." This was the prompt for my
writing group and all I had to say about it felt too real to submit to the
group. This kind of comment falls into so many different areas. One
thought that comes to mind is when people were trying to convince
me to be on one side or team than another during the height of the
game in Southern California. This part of it all confused me. Some
people thought I would just go where the money was. No one has
produced any money to entice me this way anyways, so it seems
pointless. For me it has to do with my legal rights and who will stand
up for them. That's all there is to it.

There was never any choosing of sides for me. I saw there was a
group who did not have the information they needed to do their jobs
because another group was withholding it. I gave whatever
information I had and pointed to where they could get more. It feels
like I have never stopped this activity. I guess it doesn't ever end until
I find safety from this mess. Hopefully this will come soon. I'm doing
what I can to get there. Others are helping as well. Things are
improving and I can't say enough about how happy I am that things
are finally turning around for my safety.

Safety is the thing that is most important and unfortunately that also
takes money to do. The longer this mess continues the more money it
appears to take. I guess I will have to live in a remote location or on a
piece of land big enough that people can't trigger devices in my body
without being on my land. That all costs money. It's too bad it has to
be this way. Wouldn't it be nice if people just went about their lives
without tracking me down to play with my body and drug me? That's
how other people live.

I never intended to be so famous, but through the game/study people
have come to know me by sight. They read about horrible rumors and
sometimes they hear about updates on how many people have been
arrested and the 100% conviction rate the lawyers are enjoying due
to the enormous amount of evidence that has been gathered on an
almost daily basis.


A Compilation of Writings                                              323
People are talking about money coming my way more and more
these days. It hasn't generated any checks being deposited into my
account, other than my pay checks. Who knows? Maybe this time it
will actually happen. Two years ago people said I was supposed to
get ten million dollars for pain and suffering. I never got a dime of
that. Who knows what will happen this time around. People seem to
be a lot more knowledgeable about the situation this time around,
though, so it might happen. I'll just have to see.

At this point I wouldn't mind becoming a recluse to get away from all
of the mess for a while. I can see how famous people can find it all
daunting being surrounded by people with their focus on them all of
the time. Some like it and some don't. I don't seem to have a choice
right now until I find a safe place to hide out and have enough money
to stay hidden for a while. It all seems like it is just out of reach. If it
happens, then great. But I am still waiting for it to happen as of right
now. Who knows? Maybe things will all turn around soon. I just have
to hold on and cross my fingers I can last as long as it takes.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/24/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                                324
                             RELATIVE
Someone asked the question, "How long have you had that name?" I
guess some people think it strange that I kept my married name when
I got my divorce. My dad died around the time I started my divorce
and I didn't want to be reminded of his death by having his name
back. It was also hard to be a single woman with the last name Loos.

I became Janine Carol Bouyssounouse in July of 1990. We got
married in my parents' backyard. It's too bad I had that sinking feeling
as I walked down the aisle that I shouldn't do it. I decided to get my
divorce when I saw how my husband treated me while my dad was in
the hospital. I made my decision to not grow old with that man. I think
he was just looking for a way to make me start the divorce. I haven't
spoken to the man in around 14 years. I played match maker with
Bridget who I used to walk to kindergarten with in Santa Monica.
She's a Bouyssounouse now, too. I've met both of her sons and know
her husband from when I was with Yves.

There are many interesting things about having this last name. For
one, I am the only person with this last name who is not part of the
family. For some reason, people doing this study haven't been able to
figure out who my blood relatives are. They knew me when I was six
years old, so why would they not know my maiden name? Why do
people continue to think the Bouyssounouse family are my blood
relatives? I wasn't adopted. Valerie Ann Loos and John Charles Loos
are listed on my birth certificate.

It is nice to be the only person on the planet with my name. It makes
it a little easier to figure out who I really am. I was told once they had
a positive ID. I figured that meant they could stop thinking I was
pretending to be the biggest stalking victim in history and know I was
the real deal. Silly me, they were just looking for arrest warrants and
stuff like that.

I look my name up on the internet from time to time just to see what is
out there. I am always surprised at what I find. I am also always
surprised to find there are different things that appear and disappear
when I do searches for my name. The last time I searched for my


A Compilation of Writings                                               325
name, I was pleasantly surprised to find I was on the publication
schedule for two of my stories to be published in Flashshot magazine
for short fiction. They send out emails to a distribution list with micro
fiction of up to 100 words. I have quite a few stories that are that short
and one just came out in yesterday's email. I am still amazed with the
publication concept, since I didn't think I was much good at English
when I was growing up. There were always other people who
seemed so much better at it.

But I do have to remember that the smartest people I have ever run
into have been some of the people I grew up with in Santa Monica. I
left Santa Monica to find a lot of people who did not have as good of
an education as I did and who didn't seem to know as much about
general things as I did. It was the first time I actually felt smart. I just
knew things came easily to me and it didn't take much effort on my
part to stay afloat in my classes in high school. I wasn't looking for
straight A's anymore once I got tossed out of the smart kid program. I
figured I might as well piss off my parents, since all they cared about
were straight A's. It doesn't mean I didn't soak up information from
the classes. I listened in class, whether the teachers knew I did or
not. I guess they were confused by how much better I did on essay
tests than I did on multiple choice tests.

Oh well… At least I got the chance to visit all the different educational
tracks so I could experience first hand how students are treated in
different levels. The higher the level, the better you are treated. It's
not a shock that people leave school not feeling all that important and
not feeling empowered. I was amazed to see how many times I was
accused of cheating in high school. It happened in Biology, English,
Intermediate Algebra and Philosophy.

My friend Peter was there for two of the occasions. We usually sat
near each other because our last names were close in the alphabet.
It's too bad we didn't spend more time together outside of class. I
think we would have gotten along very well. I find myself thinking
about him more and more these days. I send him letters to let him
know what's happening in my life, since he didn't mind me contacting
him when he was getting ready for the Bar exam. I think he would be
interested in what is happening to me these days. He was very
curious about my response to being asked out to the prom by

A Compilation of Writings                                                326
someone who just wanted to get closer to a friend of mine. I think we
did look out for each other a little bit here and there over the years. I
will never forget the pencil breaking off inside him in second grade. I
still remember going whale watching with him when his mom was the
field trip mom instead of mine. She felt the need to look out for me on
the trip. I remember going to a birthday party at his house and being
fascinated by his dad's workshop. I learned the word splice that day. I
think his dad was interested by how curious I was about the whole
process of film editing. Peter had our class make a movie and it
played to the entertainer. We all got to draw on film and they were all
spliced together into a long film. We were in elementary school and it
was like magic to us. Once I saw it all strung together, I wished I had
done mine differently to show things like a cartoon would be done.

I don't know if Peter ever knew he was my first crush. I don't know if
he knew I defended him against another one of the Peters in our
class who was a very shallow person. I wonder if Peter knows I would
do anything I could to help him if he ever needed my help. There are
some people you meet in life and you just know they are people you
can count on in a time of crisis. Peter is one of those people. I always
knew he would know if it was ever truly important to help me. He's
just one of those kind souls in this world. He has a heart of gold. One
day we will meet up again and I will cherish the time we spend
together. I know how precious life is. Every moment counts in every
day and we make choices all the time that affect the rest of our lives.
Peter is a person who understands this concept.

I once promised him I would vote for him for president. I think he was
talking about class president. I was referring to president of the
United States. I'm sure he doesn't know I talked about that
conversation with my students when I was a teacher. I wanted them
to know that anyone could do something great with their lives if they
put their mind to it. I'm not sure he wants to be president now a days,
but I used to tell people that he was on the right track by starting out
as a lawyer. I made sure they knew it was important for the president
to know the laws very well and to know how to make logical
arguments. I tried so hard to get my students to understand logical
thought process. I wanted them to be able to think through to the right
choices in life. I wanted them to look down the road at how their
choices changed their lives. I think it worked for some of them. At

A Compilation of Writings                                             327
least we got past the idea that being a pizza delivery person wasn't
going to pay the bills very well. We did that one as a math class one
day with a group of middle school students who didn't believe me
getting a college education was a good idea. By the end of
calculating a months worth of expenses of living on their own as a
pizza delivery person, I think they started to grasp the concept. Kids
need to have things proved to them. They don't always take what
people say at face value, especially when you are trying to tell them
school can be a good thing. You get out of it what you want and a
better paying job is one of the things you can get.

I used to get upset when I realized people put such a value on a
piece of paper such as a bachelor's degree. I used to feel it was more
important to know what a person is capable of doing in the work
place, rather than that piece of paper, but that was the way it was.
The piece of paper was the foot in the door to get a job. I was told
that it shows a person can jump through the hoops of a burocracy. I
wish spelling was one of my stronger skills. I have a highly
marketable BS degree. It's a shame my stalkers stand in my way to
get good paying jobs. I was all set up to be a contractor business
analyst with a nationwide company with a good reputation. They told
the lady it was only a practice interview and they were looking for a
perfect job for me and not to actually do a search for me, since I was
a mental health patient. The lady was quite shocked to get a call from
me wanting to know the status of what she told me she would do to
find me a job within a week. Keeping me from earning a good wage is
not a good thing for a research corporation to do. I would think they
would be in a bit of trouble for that. Robert Half Technology is a pretty
well known company with a good reputation. They would have done
well to hire me, but I am a stalking victim and I was being hunted by
hundreds of people and drugged by my stalkers on a daily basis, so
perhaps it would have been difficult to move on with my life with that
dragging along behind me. Someone once said they would never
allow me to earn a good wage because that was part of my
punishment. They used to just try to keep me out of work all together
as part of my "time served." They are just a bunch of vigilantes as far
as I'm concerned. Oh well. They will find out what happens in the
end.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/28/08.

A Compilation of Writings                                             328
                              CROWDS
Hillary Clinton came to town today. Someone at work said she
wanted to go see her because she liked famous people. I drove by
the area where she was going to speak as people were getting ready
for the event. I thought about stopping and going to listen, but then I
thought it might be a bad idea to be in a crowd. There would be too
many possible problems.

When I think of doing something, I have to think how bad it would be
if my stalkers decided to make my life as miserable as possible. I
think of going for a hike and then I remember they can force me to
need to use a restroom when there is none. I remember how much
pain they can put me in with the remote control triggers in my
muscles. I think of how dangerous it would be to be in so much pain I
couldn't get back to where there are people.

Every time I pick a place to sleep, I have to think of how easy it would
be for people to get into where I am to drug me and perform illegal
medical procedures against my will. Life is just plain scary being a
stalking victim when the health care workers are the masterminds
behind the organized stalking. It's strange to hear them say they
aren't my stalkers and then I compare them to Jo-el and tell them
there isn't much difference between them, except that Jo-el had a
shoot out with law enforcement. Other than that, they pretty much do
the same things. Oh yeah, that's because the health care stalkers
trained Jo-el how to drug me and do medical procedures on me
illegally. How silly of me to forget. Didn't he sue them because he got
arrested for following their training? I did hear something about that.

Since Jo-el got so out of control, why did they bother continuing?
Why did they continue to train random people how to drug me and do
things to my body? Wasn't it already too much? Weren't they already
asked to stop? Didn't they already know my life was going down the
tubes because of the game/study? Didn't they already know criminals
were brought into my life by the game/study? Didn't they know
making me a target was a bad idea? How exactly is any of this
supposed to be helpful to me? Didn't they say they were helping me?
Why doesn't anyone think I look like my life is better due to all of their


A Compilation of Writings                                              329
help? Shouldn't I look helped? Shouldn't my life be so much better
because of all of their help? Perhaps their version of help isn't very
helpful? I do have the right to refuse services and they ignored that. I
do have the right to refuse medication and they ignored that. How is
denying my rights supposed to be helpful? How is forced health care
supposed to be helpful?

If they are being so helpful, then why can't I see my medical records?
If they think performing medical examinations on my body while I am
knocked out with anesthesia where I am living is such a fantastically
helpful thing to do, then why don't I get to see the results of the
examination? Don't I have the right to know my diagnosis? Don't I
have the right to discuss the results of the examination with a doctor?
Isn't that how health care is supposed to work? Why is being
uninformed about my own medical records considered helpful? It
seems rather like they are trying to hide their crimes, than being
helpful.

Why would people who are not doctors or nurses get to decide if I get
drugged against my will or not? How is this helpful? Isn't that illegal?
Why do people think it is such a good idea to drug me against my
will? Why do so many people think this is legal? Would they want
someone to do it to them? Do they think it would be such a good idea
for someone to knock a hole in their bedroom wall, floor or ceiling to
pump anesthesia into their bedroom so they won't know what is being
done to their body while they are passed out? That sounds more like
someone using a date rape drug to hide the crime of rape. It sure
doesn't sound like good health care.

Is it really so easy to lie about someone to get hundreds of people to
harm that person? I guess it is. It has been quite difficult for people to
understand that the game is harmful to me. It has been quite difficult
for people to understand that the study has ruined my life. What is it
they are studying anyway? What is the goal of the study? If I am the
one who is supposed to be helped by this study, then why don't I
know what their goal is? I of course have made up my own mind what
their goal is. I believe their goal is to exploit me to get money. They
make money off of my pain and suffering. That is all it looks like to
me. I don't see any benefit to me at all. Even when people say they
have to pay me money, I never see a dime of it. I guess they just

A Compilation of Writings                                              330
aren't very ethical. Why do they call themselves so helpful when they
can't even pay me money when they owe it to me? It's not like they
don't have the money to give.

Perhaps the study is just watching how cruel people can be to me ad
seeing just how miserable they can make me. They felt it important to
punish me for crimes I didn't commit. They felt it important to
overdose me and train others how to overdose me. They don't seem
to care if I ever find safety. In fact they seem bent on keeping me
from being safe from these harmful drugs and the harmful devices in
my body. Currently, they enjoy hurting me while I eat. They close
down parts of my digestive track and explode capsules of drugs in
me. It is painful, makes me feel ill and destroys my chances for
properly digesting the food I am eating. How on earth can anyone call
that helpful? It's just plain cruel.

So why do people continue? The game has been shut down multiple
times. The study has been found to have illegal processes as an
integral part of the study. People have been convicted for committing
crimes as a part of the game/study. Why don't people get it? Do they
really want people to do this type of thing to them? They must think it
is a great idea, so they must not mind if it was done to them. That's
not a threat, it is just a concept that people should think about what is
being done and think about what it would be like if it were done to
them. Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a while and see what
it would be like to be lied about to hundreds of people. See what it
would be like to be hunted. See what it would be like to have no place
safe to sleep. See what it would be like to have people talk about you
everywhere you go. See what it would be like to have people be cruel
to you when they don't even know you. It doesn't feel good. And they
say I have low self esteem. This plan to insult me non stop sure does
help with raising my self esteem – eh? I'm sure they have that in
some medical textbook somewhere that the best way to make
someone feel better about themselves is to insult them.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 05/28/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             331
                            SOMETHING GOOD
Somewhere buried in this disaster is something good. Somewhere
there is love. Somewhere there is kindness. Somewhere there is the
legal system doing its thing. Somewhere people are getting more
support to stop stalkers. Somewhere people are feeling empowered
to stand up for themselves. Somewhere people are learning in
different ways and understanding their own learning styles to make
learning easier. Somewhere people are starting to care more about
being helpful instead of hurtful. Somewhere people are feeling better
about a job well done. Somewhere people are feeling good about
arrests and convictions. Somewhere there is a light at the end of the
tunnel and it isn't a train. The sum will come out and dry up all of the
wetness on the ground. The puddles will be gone and the weather will
be just right, not too hot and not too cold. Things will be on the right
track someday soon.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/01/08. I decided
that there is still hope in the world, even though people are still
committing the same crimes. Maybe they don't even know that others
doing the same thing have gone to jail and prison. Maybe they do and
they think they won't be caught. Maybe they think there is no
evidence. Maybe they think no one knows how to gather the
evidence. Maybe they just don't care and are willing to take the risk
just to make sure my life is a living hell. People have already gone to
the trouble to prove my innocence. People have already gone to the
trouble of proving that I am not mentally impaired in any way. I'm a
little tired of people making things up and then pointing to them to say
they must be true because they are part of a study.

There are three intentional false diagnoses that I am aware of and
people point to those and they fall apart. The first one had all sorts of
things wrong with it. The person lied about who he was. He
threatened me. He violated HIPPA. And he didn't tell me about his
false diagnosis which is my right to know. The second one was
coerced into giving me an intentional false diagnosis because he was
still a student and his career was on the line. It was a do it or else
kind of thing. The third was done right in front of law enforcement. He


A Compilation of Writings                                             332
has full knowledge of giving me a false diagnosis and he even wrote
down that I refused services, which is my right. So they have all they
need to show I have not been receiving proper health care when I try
to go about it in the right way. I have every reason to give up on the
health care system. Someone even suggested that I experiment with
drugs to see if the crimes will stop or not. That is just a trap.

Now I know people who read this and don't know the actual facts
about the crimes being committed might think this sounds far off
base. Why would any ethical health care professional do what I have
said? Well, that makes perfect sense, except that they are trying to
hide the crimes they have already committed and trying to get me
locked away somewhere so that I can't tell the truth anymore. Things
have gone far enough that more and more people are finding out that
the study/game is full of lies and misrepresentations of the facts.
More and more people are finding the long arm of the law is longer
than they thought. People are finding out lawyers and law
enforcement know more than they thought they did in the first place.
They are also finding out that they have learned more recently. My
status as a victim is firmly established in the legal community. I would
like to move into the survivor category, rather than the victim category
if we can somehow find a safe place for me to reside where people
won't drug me where I sleep. Wouldn't that be grand? Following me
fifty miles for the sole purpose of drugging me where I sleep is quite a
bit in the stalking realm of crimes. Let's hope people learn not to do
this soon.




A Compilation of Writings                                            333
                 WHY ARE WE CONTINUING?
Why are we continuing are the words that wafted into my window this
morning. I hoped the words came from people still participating in this
study/game. Perhaps they could be people who thought the game
was a bad idea, but they thought the study was good. Perhaps they
could be people who think others made mistakes, but they could do it
better. Perhaps they could be misled professionals. Perhaps they
could be people who thought the rumors were true. Perhaps they
could be people who think they are helping by "resolving" the study
for the umpteenth time, not knowing it has already been resolved in
and out of court. Perhaps they could be people who don't know about
the arrests and convictions of other professionals who participated in
this illegal healthcare venture. If these is no proof whatsoever of
years of this study helping me in any way (remember they keep
saying they are helping me) or producing any useful data to help
anyone, why are they continuing?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/07/08. Some
people have their noses bent out of joint because they claim that
drugging me where I sleep, coming into the room where I sleep and
doing medical procedures that I do not agree to is somehow a good
thing. It's not. I have tried to explain to people that it has already been
tried. People have already tried taking things out of me and
dismantling remote control abilities. Not long after this, other people
come along and put them back into place or replace them with newer
versions of the old items. I need to be in a safe location where only
people I trust have access. That has to happen first, then I can work
with people I trust to disable these things and remove what can be
removed.

A person was concerned about operating on me quickly to get some
of the more difficult to remove items out of me because of my safety
and because people were losing their careers because of what has
been done. This person obviously did not have enough information to
make an informed decision about how to go about doing this. This
person wasn't given crucial information such as my being exposed to


A Compilation of Writings                                               334
massive quantities of anesthesia over a long period of time, thus
lessening their effectiveness, so my staying under anesthesia for a
crucial and delicate operation is not a guarantee and I need to have
time without this anesthesia before it might be an option. This person
also was not fully aware of people having remote control access to
the muscles in my body, which could be used during a crucial and
delicate operation to move me in such a way that I could possibly die
on the operating table. This would be why people need to sit down
and talk to the patient (me) face to face before performing any of
these medical procedures. Isn't that what normally happens with
other patients? I always thought doctors and surgeons spoke to
patients before operations to explain the procedures and any inherent
risks to the procedures so the patient could give informed consent.
Perhaps I am mistaken.

I do not wish to talk to these people face to face without people I trust
in the room. I do believe this makes sense at this time, since so many
people I should be able to trust have harmed me. I have made it
pretty clear who is on this short list of people I trust. No, not everyone
knows the names of the people on this list. I have found that some
people who have tried to help me by stopping some of the crimes
from happening have been targeted and harmed in various ways. I
know of someone who was asked to leave my life. I know of someone
who was drugged. I know of people who were accused of stalking me
when they were the people I wanted to spend time with and see. The
people who need to know who I trust, know. There are some people I
trust not to drug me against my will and without my permission. To
my knowledge, these people have not participated in drugging me. I
have asked law enforcement to participate in this list of people I trust,
since I need to know if they also trust this list of people. They may
have information I do not have due to their ongoing investigations.




A Compilation of Writings                                             335
   THERE WERE CRACKS IN THE FOUNDATION
There were cracks in the foundation of the study. What possessed
people of science to experiment with a child's body during a
tonsillectomy? I had years of ear infections, sore throats and vomiting
until the decision was made to have a tonsillectomy. My doctor was
quite reluctant to ask for me to have one since the operation was
falling out of favor as people were getting the operation who didn't
really need it. I built up a resistance to the entire penicillin family
before it was time to get the operation.

Apparently I came out of the operation with a few items I was not told
about at the young age of around seven. These items are still part of
my life today. It's a shame it was done in the first place. There was no
medical need for placing them in my body. Since then, other devices
and substances have been added to my body. Getting away from the
people who like to play with these devices and substances in my
body is a huge goal in my life. It dominates everything in my life.
Does this count as an obsession? I think not, since everyone in
concerned with their own safety. Most people have an easier time
being safe than I do.

I weigh the pros and cons of where to go, what to do, where I sleep,
where I eat, where I go to relax and just about anything that comes to
mind, including who I spend time with. So many people have been
dragged into this study and have been asked to have conversations
with me to get me to talk about things relating to the study. It gets old.
It's funny that I don't mind talking to the people who are trying to get
to the bottom of the legal issues, but I have a problem with the people
trying to get to the bottom of if I am sane or insane. Most of the time I
tolerate these conversations. Most of the time I use the opportunities
to give my side of this disaster since I have not been allowed to do so
for such a long time. People have just made judgment calls without
even clarifying what was said or why it was said. It's a little too late for
the healthcare people doing the study to do this. As the study has
already been hashed out in court.

Since there was no reason to install and play with these devices and
substances in my body in the first place, then why was it done? I


A Compilation of Writings                                               336
have maintained it was just to line peoples' pockets with money or to
be cruel to me, who knows what their actual motivation was, I guess
they will give it in court.

No one can produce any medical records to show me reasons for
forcing me to breath on command. No one can show me any medical
records to prove a need for a pee button. No one can show me any
medical records to prove a need to operate my body by remote
control. No one can show me any medical records to prove a need to
drug me illegally, against my will. Oh yeah, they have to show me
legal records from a court of law to do something like that. So I guess
there really are cracks in the foundation of this study.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/07/08. Sometimes it
just feels good to write out what is on my mind. I heard someone
make the comment above and it sparked what I wanted to write about
today. As many people are finding flooded basements and cracks in
their foundations as houses slide due to all of the heavy rain recently
in this area, the comment could have actually had nothing
whatsoever to do with my commentary. It doesn't really matter. I have
refrained from telling the people here in South Dakota that Southern
California has a cycle. First there are the fires, then there are the
mudslides when there is no vegetation to hold the hills in place after
the fires, then the houses slide down the hills. Sometimes the houses
end up on roads and sometimes they end up in the ocean and
sometimes they end up on top of other homes or in valleys. Oh yeah,
then with all of the rain, there is all that fuel for the next year's fires.
Don't forget about the drought. I think Malibu is one of the most
dangerous places to live because of all of this happening. But people
still like the view while they are not in the middle of these disasters. It
is not a place I would want to live.

So I wandered from the study to the weather. It's good to have
something else to talk about other than the study. There are many
topics to talk about other than the study, but when the study involves
every single part of my life, it all ends up being part of the same thing
anyway…



A Compilation of Writings                                               337
The topic of what would I do if I could do anything I wanted to do
comes up from time to time. That is a standard writing topic in English
classes. I suppose the mental health world likes it too. I think people
who actually care about my happiness also care about the answer. I
have a list of things I would like to be doing right now. I try to fit them
in when possible. I enjoy sewing and would like to spend more time
doing that. I like to make all sorts of things with sewing. I like to
practice my writing, so this counts for that. I like to play instruments. I
still enjoy playing the flute and one day I will get good at the guitar
and piano/keyboard. I like to learn more about programming so I can
work towards improving my educational website with more
educational programs. This is probably a life time goal of mine. I
enjoy making the educational supplementary material for my website.
I like watching as people find the resources over and over again. I
imagine them liking what I have done and actually using it for
educational purposes. I like to ice skate, swim, play volley ball, walk
and hike. I also enjoy doing Pilates, as it helps my years of back pain
and it just feels good. I like to read science fiction fantasy books. I like
to stick my nose in math books to see if I have more things to be
covered in my quest for having a fun workbook to go along with a
regular math class. I can do this from the standards, too. But when I
look at the different math books out there, I can see I have different
ways of presenting the material that might make more sense to the
people who feel like math is too hard to understand. Those are the
students I concentrated on as a teacher. Anyone who knows me
knows I like to go to the movies and watch DVDs. I have many
diverse things I like to do. I enjoy learning new things as I believe
everyone should aspire to be life long learners. What else can be said
when people decided that I was doing nothing but working when I
lived in Tahoe. People just assumed that I did nothing in my spare
time. I guess people didn't know I worked out of my home, took
classes online, worked on my writing, my website, played online
board games, talked to people on the phone and even cooked on
occasion. It was sad to find out people doing the study thought I had
no interests at all. Sewing alone offers so many different things to do.
Making clothing for myself and gifts for others is fun.




A Compilation of Writings                                               338
          PROGRAMMING WORKSHEET IDEAS
Make a pdf document explaining where to get Bloodshed Dev C++,
which is a free programming tool. The document would explain how
to download it and install it. Then it would go into explaining how to
write a first Hello World program. After writing the program, the
document would also go into how to turn it into a stand alone
executable so the person doing it will have something tangible right
away, like the zipper pouch to take home from a sewing class. The
executable can be shared with people to show off an accomplishment
and have a sense of pride in a job well done. That sense of pride
goes a long way to building self esteem and it helps to bring people
back over and over again. Learning is supposed to be fun and this
helps make it that way.

After the first Hello World pdf, then I would create other small
program pdf's. I would preface them with the concept that Bloodshed
Dev C++ is being referenced in the document and give the url so
people could start anywhere in the series of pdf's. The eventual idea
is to have a beginner's workbook for people to go slow with their skills
to include more people in the process. Pacing is individual, but it's
important to have a slow track option. Especially when people are
working outside of a classroom environment and doing it on their
own, which is always an option I consider when making my materials.
The website is called ed on your own for a reason.

The pdf's would have a little bit of instruction with a little practice
exercise to go with it. The person would be walked through the
program step by step with everything explained to them. There
should also be some more exercises to do on their own that are very
similar to the topic. I want to have working code answers included so
the person can feel like there is a support for them when they are
working on their own.

Some people learn by looking over real code and some people learn
by typing in code and watching it work. For those who just want to be
able to compare their version to someone else's, that option is
provided here as well. They can do the exercises and then compare
what they did to what the answer key in the document shows. The


A Compilation of Writings                                            339
answer key in the pdf will begin on a separate page, so that
instructors can keep answers separate if they choose. Some
instructors feel giving the answer key to the student is a bad idea. I
think beginners need to have something to have as a crutch when
they are learning, so I like having that option. There are always
options for an instructor to give a different assignment along the
same lines that is not included in the answer key to test the student
knowledge after completing the lesson.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/09/08. I woke up in
the middle of the night and my mind wandered onto this topic. I
decided to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. Then I just wanted to
type it up and post it after I wrote it. Writing it out like this gives me
time to roll it over in my head and see it more clearly. I modify my
ideas as I go through the writing process. It works for me.

I still have grand ideas for my website. I figure I will just take it one
step at a time and I will eventually get there. I like to have something
for everyone and helping more people to understand the world of
programming is one of my goals. I feel like I have taken so many
beginner programming classes over the years that I have an idea of
what I do and don't like and how teachers like to do things. I have
also looked at quite a few beginning programming books on the
market. I like many features I have seen in ones I have used, but it is
hard to find books that could easily be used with kids. Most of them
are targeted for adults. I want something bite size that works with
younger ages as well as adults. I want something that can be used in
pieces as people wish or as an entire beginner series on its own. I
really like flexibility of using my materials on their own or as a
supplement to an existing class or program. I see a need for both in
education in general. We have a shortage of programmers in the US
anyway, so why not try to get more people interested at a younger
age? I think C++ is a language that can be used for beginners and
then be broadened for seasoned veterans, since it is so extensible
and so widely used in the industry. I know Java is up there, too, but
jumping from C++ to Java is not too hard.




A Compilation of Writings                                              340
                     HANDICAPPED ROOMS
I've noticed that people like to set up places for me to stay ahead of
time. They know that handicapped rooms are left vacant until the
hotel fills up, just in case a handicapped person comes to stay. They
always want to have a room available for them. These are the rooms
they like to have set up ahead of time for me. That way they can
control the situation, since they are control freaks.

It's set up ahead of time with the front desk person, so that I am
assigned to a designated room. It is set up ahead of time with people
checked into the rooms ahead of time in order to fill the room with
anesthesia. It is set up ahead of time for a person to be allowed into
the room to do the dirty work of touching my body without my
permission.

They really don't think I notice patterns, when they are the ones who
say I am good at pattern recognition. They really think they are doing
a great job of pretending to be law enforcement when they are close
to me to keep an eye on things, like what I am eating at meals.
Apparently eating larger meals actually prevents them from doing
what they do, because the food in my body actually causes them
problems with their plans for what to do to me. They like to operate
on me when I have no food inside of me, so they give me diarrhea to
get it out and I guess that is harder when I eat more.

There are certain kinds of pain associated with what is done to me.
That pain goes along with phrases like, "I really like the idea - all new
equipment. It will all be over in a week." I guess they really don't know
how obvious they are being. They really don't know they leave
evidence of their visits. They really don't know they are not going to
get away with it. They really don't know that law enforcement is
paying attention and knows about the plans so they can be ready. I
guess that one isn't too hard, since I get attacked every single night
anyway. But maybe they were more prepared for this one. Maybe
there were more signs this time around. Maybe they are getting good
at pattern recognition.




A Compilation of Writings                                            341
Comments like, "It won't hurt a bit" really bother me quite a bit. It
means people know about it ahead of time. They agree with people
drugging me against my will. They agree with people breaking and
entering into my motel room. It is a very sad state of affairs when it
happens. It is also a very sad state of affairs when people pay to
have my food or drink drugged. They really believe it is odorless and
tasteless so there is no way for me to know it is being done. They
really have this belief that one part of the anesthesia step being put
into my drinks is not noticeable and I guess they think slipping me a
Mickey is legal. Or maybe they do know it isn't allowed, so that is why
they try to keep it a secret from me. So why bother telling me it won't
hurt a bit? Or do people really not know that it is all supposed to be
secret and I'm not supposed to know.

When I start to see what happened in California happen in South
Dakota, it means the California people are in town. You know, the
people who think it is their right to commit crimes against me all in the
name of a study. You know, the people who have put my life in
danger for years with these illegal drugging and illegal medical
procedures over and over again. I must be the joke of the
corporation. How many corporations have someone they go on
vacation to see so they can do things to my body to embarrass me
and sabotage my careers? I hope not many. I hope this is the only
corporation that engages in this behavior, so that when they are
stopped, there won't be any more of this nonsense.

Why would a corporation stake their reputation on committing crimes
against someone for their entire life? It just doesn't seem to make
sense to me. Why would they continue when so many people know
about it? Why would they continue when there are multiple
investigations into what they are doing? Why would they continue
when what they are doing has already been proven illegal in the court
of law, multiple times? Why would they line up to be arrested? Are
they really that out of the loop to not know that hundreds of people
have been arrested and are being convicted? Are they really that out
of the loop to not know the only way to catch them is to have me
under surveillance? Do they really not know they are committing their
crimes right in front of law enforcement? Maybe they thought if I went
to a different town I had never been in before in my life, that no one



A Compilation of Writings                                             342
would know what is going on, so they would be able to get away with
it in a new location. It's possible they thought this way.

But if things get worse every new place I go, then don't they think law
enforcement would pick up on the pattern that I do get attacked at
every new location? Maybe going to a new location makes it easier to
catch them because they are bolder in a new location. Or maybe it
was just a way for me to take a break from the hateful conversations,
such as, "We know you are a woman, a woman idiot." People like
hurling comments like this in my direction and make sure they are
saying it loud enough, just in case I have hearing loss. So I ended up
listening to a comment like, "I heard it is all winding down. They are
trying to get away with it and they aren't letting them." That comment
is at least more comforting.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/22/08. One never
knows what will happen on a trip. Comments like, "She never gets
out, so this is a rare treat" are even more comforting, especially when
law enforcement is around to hear it. One day this will all be over and
I will be safe from these health care criminals who don't understand
what they are doing is illegal and will be stopped once they are all
behind bars. Apparently that is what it will take to stop this, either that
or a really safe place to live, so they can't get near me. I hope I am
able to move forward and move past this soon. I really do want to get
on with the rest of my life. I want to be able to decide what I do with
my time and who touches my body and what drugs are and are not
going into my system. I wish these people would just get a clue that
taking away my rights is a really bad idea. Why can't they move on
with their lives? Why do they have to continue with the same bad idea
for years and years? Why don't they learn from their mistakes? Oh
yeah, they think they are being more secret now. That is how they are
trying to learn from their mistakes. They are trying to not let anyone
know about their crimes anymore. Hmmm… I don't think this plan is
working very well. A lot of people already know about what they are
doing.




A Compilation of Writings                                              343
                        ROAD SIGNS IN LIFE
I saw a sign that said there was a food mart, an ATM, a casino and
live bait all at one convenient location. It made me laugh. There is
something for everyone at this establishment. South Dakota
continues to amaze me.

The Indian Education Center had a fence around it. Is that to keep
people out or to keep people in? I wonder if I will need to have a
fence to keep criminals out of where I live when I find safety.

I still believe I'll find it someday. I know people are working hard to
find a solution. I can feel people working as a team and I know that
will make a big difference.

I hear the court fiasco is still quite the circus event. I'm sure lawyers
are still being amazed at what people are trying to legitimize.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/22/08. I took a trip
to Pierre, South Dakota. These were some musings while I was
there. Sometimes it helps to get a different view of things. The night I
spent there resulted in more things being put into my body overnight.
It is several weeks from the time I wrote this out by hand and I have
sores from people triggering the stuff they put in me that night. The
sores take a long time to heal because this stuff oozes out for quite
some time. It's just another part of being a stalking victim when
people involved with health care or health care research jump off the
deep end and forget all about the patient portion of patient care. It still
shocks me what people will do for money. Knowing people lined their
pockets with money for doing what they have done to me is difficult to
handle. People actually made money off of my suffering and they still
claim they are being helpful. What part of this is helpful? Is my life
better in any way? It seems to me the most helpful thing to do is to
shut them down and put them behind bars so they won't do this
anymore to me or anyone else.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 344
              DRUG VICTIM VS DRUG ADDICT
So if people spend the night drugging me illegally, does that make me
a drug addict? I don't think do. Should victims of date rape drugs be
arrested because they have drugs in them? I don't think so. How
easy is it to set someone up or frame someone for a crime? I guess it
all depends on how good law enforcement is at finding the truth of the
situation.

For a long time people kept saying I had a DUI on my record. Now
people would like to turn me in for having drugs in my system. You
have to ask the question of how these people know I have drugs in
my system, since they didn't see me take any. If they know people
were arrested for drugging me the night before, should they turn me
in to get a DUI? How do they explain their knowledge of the arrests
and what people were arrested for? Do they really think a drugging
victim should be arrested?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08. Some
strange things have happened along this adventure as a stalking
victim. People who I would have thought of as supportive have
stabbed me in the back on numerous occasions. It is amazing how
many people think it is a great idea to make my life a living hell. I am
still shocked whenever I think about it. I rely on few people and few
groups. Trusting people has become a luxury I don't really have. I can
trust someone one day and the next day I find they have turned
things against me and I am in a worse disaster than I was before I
trusted that person. Someone said one day that I always isolate
myself. What choice do I have? Trusting people hasn't really worked
out all that often. I just have to rely on people doing their jobs without
breaking the law. Lawyers and law enforcement and a few strong
supporters are going to have to make it happen.




A Compilation of Writings                                             345
               ANGER FROM BEING CAUGHT
For a long time people have showed me their anger for being caught
committing crimes. People have tried to set me up to be arrested by
committing crimes against me. Why do they show me their anger by
committing even more crimes against me? Why do they try to make
my life a living hell? Is there a real point? Do they have a reason for
being so cruel? Do they have a reason for operating devices in my
body by remote control? How does installing this capability into my
body and then using it show they are good people? How does it show
they have good intentions? How does it show they are helping? Isn't
that what they are trying to show? Aren't they trying to show the world
how wonderful they are by illegally installing illegal devices in my
body? Maybe I am missing the point.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08. I get upset
when I hear things like, "all new equipment… I think it's a good idea…
It will all be over in a week. Will she be able to handle it? Yeah, she's
tough." These types of comments show me people still don't grasp
the concept that these are crimes they are discussing and law
enforcement knows how to find the criminals. It's like they keep
banging their heads against the wall. Someone else made a
comment that reason goes out the door when anger is involved. Did
these intelligent, educated people get hot heads and forget all
reason? Is this why my logic is lost on them? They can't get over their
anger to see that committing crimes in front of law enforcement and
lawyers makes no sense at all? It seems so odd to think of people
this way. I guess I hope people can always see reason. I think it is
what makes us a civil society. Maybe that is the point all along. A
society that accepts the victimization of a person on such a grand
scale and can't see reason to stop it shows an uncivilized society. We
have laws to help people understand right from wrong. We have a
legal system to take care of those who refuse to stay within the law.




A Compilation of Writings                                            346
                               MONEY
I guess the legal system is working on making this money thing
happen. People were served with papers saying they had to pay me
money. They decided not to do that. I guess taking money from their
bank accounts and garnishing wages is just the next step. I guess I'll
get a check at some point for all this money that has been taken out
of checking accounts and paychecks. I figure I have to trust the
courts to take care of it for me, since people have not been taking
care of it on their own. I guess they already have a system in place
for deadbeat dads who don't pay court ordered child support. Did you
know some people actually thought I owed child support to someone?
It's a little hard if I never had any kids. I guess people are starting to
learn what it is like to have people after them for money. It isn't fun at
all.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08. It's a few
weeks after I wrote this. I still don't have any of the money. I am
assuming it is clogged up in red tape for getting the payments initially
started. I think once the payments start coming, there won't be a
problem. I just have to hold tight until it happens. It's too bad people
couldn't just do it on their own and I could have avoided some of this
poverty I have been dealing with for such a long time. It would have
been nice if I didn't have to lose my house to foreclosure. But that
would have meant Rand would have had to actually pay me the ten
million dollars they agreed to pay me. Oh well. I guess relying on
criminals to pay their debt to the one they wronged is a bit hard.




A Compilation of Writings                                             347
                            MY NEW LIFE
If this money is really going to get to me soon, how will I start my live
over? Will I have enough to buy a house? Will I have enough to buy a
new car? Will I have enough to get my teeth fixed? Will I have
enough to replace what I lost? Will I have enough to get to safety?
Will I have enough to compensate for what has happened? Will I
have enough so I don't have to work in a regular workplace? Will I be
able to work on what I want to do from the safety of my own home?
It's sad that it takes money to get my life back in order. Will I have
people in my new life who can be trusted? It will be so hard letting
people back into m life. I have some people I trust. I wonder if I can
get them to be in my life once I am not in so much danger.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08. It's hard to
think what life will be like if I ever get this money people have assured
me I will have. I won't actually believe it until I have the check in my
hands. Once I do, then I can make plans and get things moving. I
hope it comes soon. Things have been very difficult in this disaster.
It's hard to move on when safety in the workplace is an issue. It
makes it difficult to earn a living to support oneself.




A Compilation of Writings                                             348
                            SAFE AT LAST?
I wonder when I will be safe, if ever. Last night I was only attached a
little in comparison with all of the other times. There was even some
time when I didn't have much anesthesia in the room at all. I wonder
if this means I have a shot at being safe soon. I wonder if I will be
safe tonight. Did some people decide it wasn't worth it to drug me
illegally anymore? Are enough people behind bars to scare people
away from drugging and hurting me? What would it be like to do what
I wanted to do without being drugged or operated by remote control?
Do you think I would cry with happiness to finally be safe from the
drugging, the remote controlled devices in my body and from people
actually man-handling me, all the time calling it helpful secret
healthcare? People would be so upset if this happened to them, so
why are they doing it to me? So many people believe the horrible
things said about me. Why can't they believe the truth?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08. I can
imagine it is hard to live in a war zone. Unfortunately, I feel like I live
in my own mini war zone that surrounds me where ever I go. I know it
sounds ridiculous. I just wish it wasn't true. One day I will have a safe
place to live. I keep telling myself that. I hope it actually does come
true. I am still hopeful.




A Compilation of Writings                                               349
                 WHY DO I WRITE TO PETER?
Peter and I went to school together in Santa Monica. We sat next to
each other quite often because our names were next to each other in
the alphabet. He was always a person I felt I could count on in a time
of need. He is someone I trust to know faked evidence from reality.
He is someone I trust who I am and know what to do to help me when
I need it most. I trust him to do all he can to make things right.

Why do I trust him so much? I guess I always saw him as someone
who wanted to look out for me. I guess knowing I would always be
there for him if he ever needed me might help. Maybe it is just shared
experiences. Maybe it is a new understanding he has of me. Maybe
he feels I've already helped him. Maybe he wants to start his life over,
like I do. Maybe we could start over together.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/26/08, but I didn't
post it until 10/15/08. I wrote this out, but wondered if it would
embarrass Peter to post it publicly. I think it is okay now. I think it isn't
all that embarrassing after all. Maybe he would even want to read
how much I trust him and count on him. Maybe it helps people to
understand that there really are good people left in this world. There
really are people who know how to stand their ground and fight for
what is right. I'm glad Peter became a lawyer. He was once
embarrassed by taking a high paying job in the legal field out of
school because he had school loans to pay back. I told him there was
nothing wrong with taking a high paying job. I'm very proud that he
takes pride in overseeing the Pro Bono work done for his firm. Hey,
he even handles intellectual property. I think I've got some of that
hanging around here and there. He's a good man.




A Compilation of Writings                                                 350
               WHAT HAPPENED WITH BILL?
What happened to someone who cared about me years ago and
knows how much he cares about me now? He didn't write a letter of
recommendation for me to be a teacher and convinced another
teacher to do the same. This could only be because he heard the
rumors in the study. I was one of the top students in his classes, he
used my homework to grade the others and he used my papers for
ideas to change things in his work.

All these years later I turned to him to gather evidence in the form of
letters. He was supposed to pass this information on to people who
could help. I begged for his compassion to help me get over my
horrendous rape situation. He stopped reading my letters. He started
working with the people who were hurting me with their study. He
somehow believed they were helping. How could he not believe in me
in my time of need?


Notes From The Author: This was written on 06/28/08, but wasn't
posted until 10/15/08. Bill is the clearest example of how this study
and a giant research corporation can destroy relationships as well as
my hopes for happiness. Here is an intelligent man who knows me in
ways most people don't, who also cares for me. How could a
research corporation turn him against me? How could they do that?
How could they convince a person who knew me well enough to
know I had not had a psychotic break and knew I was very intelligent
to go along with their cruelty? I love the man and always will, so I
have made my peace with this. I would like to hear what he has to
say about it all in a face to face situation. Maybe one day I will get a
chance to talk to him face to face and have him explain what was to
believable about what the research corporation had to say. What
turned him away from being supportive? What turned him away from
me? How can he believe in me and still believe in the research
corporation? Has he realized they are criminals yet? Maybe he has.
Maybe he is working to end the disaster even as I write this. I still
have hope.




A Compilation of Writings                                             351
                            I JUST ASSUMED
"I just assumed…" said the man looking at me from only inches away.
There is so much to be added to a phrase like that. I wonder if he just
assumed that everything in the study was factual. I wonder if he just
assumed that drugging me against my will was legal. I wonder if he
just assumed that law enforcement was after me as a criminal. I
wonder if he just assumed that I lived in assisted living for mental
health patients. I wonder if he just assumed that my resume was
fake. I wonder if he just assumed someone was paying my bills. I
wonder if he just assumed I was guilty of one or more of the many
accusations hurled against me. I wonder if he just assumed I was
mentally deficient. I wonder if he just assumed that telepathy was
something to destroy. I wonder if he just assumed it was okay to be
cruel.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 07/31/08. Or could he
have assumed that people who said they gave me my money and
paid my bills actually did it. Who knows? All I know is that there have
been a lot of assumptions involved with this disaster. I read a comic
strip that talked about saying "Studies have shown…" in front of
anything that needs to be believed. It goes on to say that no one will
question anything said after that phrase. The other person in the
comic asks about critical thinking and the response was that critical
thinking is for losers. This is the crux of the whole problem. People
have not been using their own powers of thought. They have just
been following along doing things based on what others tell them to
do, giving no thought whatsoever about how legal it is or how it
couldn't be right to do it since it upsets me so much. Why can't people
see that if something is supposed to make my life better and it only
serves to upset me more and make me sick and cause pain, then it
just isn't a good idea? I saw a sign the other day that read, "It's not
just wrong, it's illegal." It seems to me this says a whole lot.




A Compilation of Writings                                           352
                     THE GREAT OUTDOORS
Recently I've been spending a great deal of time in the outdoors. I've
been cooking on a camp stove and making sandwiches at lunch time.
I have many memories of being in the outdoors growing up in
Southern California. I think shopping at A16 is a lot of fun. I've tasted
freeze dried ice cream on a backpacking trip on the John Muir Trail.
Girl Scout camp was the highlight of every summer since the summer
after fourth grade. I started camping as a baby. I used to drive to the
Redwoods to take a break from the San Francisco Bay Area. I always
felt better once I was surrounded by trees.

I had a dream of living in a cabin in the woods. Somehow magically,
all modern conveniences would be there and food would magically
appear in the kitchen. I got a little close to that with my house in
Tahoe. It was a fifty year old crooked cabin and I had about ten trees
on my property. It felt like a cabin in the woods. There was even a
stream that ran through my property when it rained. It made really
cool patterns in the snow. It was a slice of heaven.

The tragic part is that it was all lost because of a very bad man, a
study perpetuating a rumor mill and no one knowing the right way to
help.

One day I will have property again. There will be trees on the land
and I will be safe. I know there is a way to get through this and that
way will be found. There are people fighting to make this stalking
disaster end with me still alive. There are people who are working
hard to right the wrongs so that I can find a way to move on with my
life.

For now, I will continue to commune with nature. Maybe I'll come up
with a new plan while listening to the silence of the forest. Sometimes
being alone in the great outdoors can feel empowering. I used to
listen to the crashing waves at Patrick's Point north of Eureka, CA.
The overcast days felt like a blanket of warmth to me.




A Compilation of Writings                                             353
Notes From The Author: This was written on 07/31/08. I have seen
and heard a lot of things these past few weeks in the Black Hills
Forest. People come to find where I am when I am hanging out eating
or resting. Do they come to study me, ridicule me, trigger devices in
my body, to drug me or just insult me? Some actually come to see if I
am doing okay and don't mean any harm at all. Unfortunately those
people are in the minority. Yesterday a group came to visit from
another country. They came to the conclusion that there were things
that were not true in the study. Do you think they understood why I
am so angry about the study and game? I hoped they would be able
to do something to stop the study. They understood that the study
has been harmful to me and my ability to live my life.

It's a tired theme, but maybe it needs to be repeated. If the subject of
a study is adversely affected by the study, shouldn't the study be
stopped? If I don't want to be studied, shouldn't the study be
stopped? If no one has my permission to drug me, then why are they
doing it? Why is it so hard to get people to understand how illegal the
whole thing is? Why is it so hard to get the word out to people so they
don't fall into the pit of committing crimes against me because
someone told them to as part of a study?

How do I get this to end and keep even more people from causing
more problems in my life and then in turn in their own due to their
actions against me?

Doesn't a person have the right to decide who touches his or her
body? This seems so basic, yet I wake up periodically with new
remote control devices in my body for random people to play with and
harm me. I do think this is wrong and illegal. I'm not the only one who
feels this way. People are being arrested and convicted. People are
being investigated to see just how deep into this mess they have
ventured. If people know they are being investigated, then why do
they continue in this illegal behavior?




A Compilation of Writings                                             354
                       THERE'S NO PLUG-IN
I was sitting at a picnic ground and I heard a woman call out, "There's
no plug-in!" I'm assuming she was looking for an electrical outlet. I
realize some picnic spots are fully equipped. This one had pit toilets,
no water and no lighting. It's pretty safe to assume there was no
electricity at all at the site. These are the fanciest primitive picnic
areas I've ever seen, but you have to bring your own water and there
is no electricity. If you use the toilet at night, you might want to bring a
flashlight.

I'm guessing she has something that needed to be charged or didn't
work without electricity. BYOB Bring Your Own Batteries. I'm also
guessing this person was a city dweller who was not familiar with
camping or the great outdoors in general. I'm glad this person had the
experience of going without a plug-in for a short time. Maybe the
world will be changed.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/01/08. I'm betting
this person had something to do with the study/game and wanted to
charge her cell phone, laptop or both. There isn't much to say about
this. I just see that people are unprepared with everything they are
doing. They embarrass themselves with their lack of information
about what has gone on over the past two years in South Dakota and
they embarrass themselves with not knowing how much has already
happened in the courts. The more people understand about the
reality of the situation, my hope is they will know to stop their
participation. I can hope and dream that one day people will know
better than to drug someone against their will and touch their body
against their will. Operating remote control devices in someone's
body doesn't even sound healthy or safe or legal at all. I hope people
can grasp this concept so they don't have to go through what the
other people have gone through with being arrested, prosecuted and
incarcerated. I hope I can keep some people from hurting themselves
by getting involved on the wrong side of the law. I hope reading this
document will keep some people from doing the wrong thing without
thinking about the consequences.



A Compilation of Writings                                               355
YOU'RE ON A LEASH
Why did a research corporation decide to put me on a leash? "You're
on a leash," was the comment I heard on a visit to Mount Rushmore.
She said it out loud and in my direction. There was no mistaking it.
This curls up with the fact that a giant research corporation decided to
call me a dog and give me a "backyard" to play in that I kept
"escaping" from. Some people were confused and thought the study
was about me and a dog, so they asked to see me with a dog. It was
interesting to watch the difference between me and a dog and my
sister-in-law and a dog.

Once people found out a giant research corporation was actually
calling the subject of the study a dog, they started to lose respect.
What kind of research corporation degrades the subject of the largest
study in the history of the corporation and actually expects to be
respected for it? Maybe they should have given it thought before they
acted.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. I'm typing
this using battery power at a picnic ground just after dark. I have to
watch what I'm typing very carefully because there are bugs crawling
all over the screen and they tend to get mixed in with the text. Add to
that the moths attracted to the light of the screen and this is an
adventure in word processing.

This piece of writing harks back to the mess that went on in Long
Beach, California during the summer of 2006, before I ever set foot in
South Dakota. People out here can't figure out how I know so much
about the secret health care going on, but they don't understand how
long this has been going on. They don't understand how many times
the study has been done and redone before I even left California.
Someone said I was the single biggest source of information about
this mess. I was a little shocked to hear people being shocked about
this tidbit of information. It's my life. Shouldn't I know something of
what is happening in my life?



A Compilation of Writings                                            356
                 LIVING PAST THE DISASTER
"I got well by talking. Death could not get a word in edgewise, grew
discouraged, and traveled on." –Louise Erdrich from The Little Book
of Positive Quotations (ISBN 1-57749-158-0), page 66.

There is some concern about my surviving what has been done to my
body by the health care stalkers I have in my life. One concept is that
I am too stubborn to die. Another is that I am staying alive to fight this
fight so others will not have to endure it.

Some people worry I will have trouble fighting when I'm safe. I have a
long list of items I wish to do with my life, so I think I'll manage, but I
do need to find safety very soon.

People need to see the light. The worse they make my life, the worse
life gets for them. People need to focus on the things that will make
my life better, like helping me find safety, helping get this money
people are withholding and helping me be with my guys. No one
wants murder on their hands.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. Some
people say I am a doomsayer for saying my life has been threatened
by what has been done to me. I say trying to make me crash my car
through various means, drugging me to overdose and the physical
attacks on my body, which people call medical procedures to make it
sound legitimate, are all ways that my life has been placed in danger
by my stalkers. How many times have I had alcohol poisoning due to
the vaporized alcohol administered as my stalkers' version of illegal
anesthesia used illegally through ceilings, walls, floors, clothing,
exploding capsules, through the windows, through the ventilation in
my car, from hand held containers in homes and movie theaters? I've
lost track of the count. Since it never should have happened, one
time is way too many. How many times have I cringed in pain from
some of the devices triggered in my body by remote control? How
many of these devices have been pushed out of my body to the point
they leave raised bumps on my body?



A Compilation of Writings                                               357
                     THINK BEFORE ACTING
"What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do." –
Aristotle from The Little Book of Positive Quotations (ISBN 1-57749-
158-0) page 44.

What makes people choose to hurt me? They hear lies, they see
dollar signs attached and the go for it. All reason and conscience go
out the window.

Maybe it is my job to help people see reason again. Perhaps
someone will learn from this mess and be a better person for it.
Maybe that has already started.

Maybe things are starting to show improvement on some fronts
because enough people are behind bars who can't see the reason to
be kind to others.

Maybe there are people who are stopping to think before they act.
Maybe the legal world is finally getting through to people. Maybe law
enforcement found other ways to help avert the criminals.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. Things have
been getting better little by little, in ways I can notice and I hope
others can, too. I have to be careful when I say there has been any
type of victory on any level at all. When I say something is going well,
someone decides to attack even worse than in the past. The better
the lawyers and law enforcement do to point out how wrong and
illegal this is and the more people arrested and convicted,
unfortunately the worse the rest of the people act towards me. It's a
losing battle for them, since the law is on my side. I just have to
survive all of the drugging and physical attacks to finally get to safety.
It feels like a never ending journey through stalking victim Hades. It
wares very thin on my nerves, but then I look to the future and
continue on the best I can.




A Compilation of Writings                                              358
               THE PROBLEM OF EXPOSURE
The other day I heard someone say their problem is exposure. This
comment is a bit odd to me. They don't see their problem as what has
been done to me is harmful. They see their problem is in being
caught.

This makes me think they have known all along what they are doing
is wrong and illegal. Why else would they be working so hard to hide
what has been done?

I do believe the lawyers are aware that these people do in fact know
what they are doing is illegal. So what motivates people to continue to
hurt me when they know it is illegal and know others know about what
they have done? I think some know they are in trouble and believe it
doesn't matter if they hurt me more. I think it comes up in their trials
to show they can't be trusted to do right and should have longer
sentences.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. I know the
repeat attacks after people have been arrested the first time, helps
deny some people the opportunity of parole. The lawyers can show
how people are so single minded to harm me that legal
documentation stating they are not allowed to continue these
activities and arrest records don't mean anything to them. The
thought process for some people is if they aren't behind bars, then it
must be legal. If it weren't legal, then they would all be behind bars.
The wheels of justice turn slowly so that innocent people don't get
unfairly persecuted. Hmmmm… like I have been. People turned
themselves into vigilantes and played judge, jury and executioner to
me. They decided I was guilty without a trial and decided to punish
me without having a jury weigh in on the subject. There was never
anything anyone found to bring formal charges against me for any of
the accusations hurled in my direction. There was no reason to do
this to me, especially since it has been going on since I was a child in
elementary school. What crime did I commit as a child?




A Compilation of Writings                                            359
          WE WANT TO TAKE THIS STUFF OUT
More than once people have let me know all they want to do is take
this stuff out of me. The problem comes in what happens after they
say it. Each time I am subjected to being drugged against my will and
people touching my body without my permission. Most of the time I
get more stuff installed than was actually taken out.

My response is if they really wanted to be helpful, then they would do
so up front and discuss it with me and do what I gave permission for
them to do.

I'm tired of being treated as a non-person, like my opinion and my
rights don't matter. People know about consent forms. They know
patients are supposed to give their informed consent before doing
any procedure. So what is the problem? Why can't they grasp the
concept to stop the illegal drugging and stop touching my body
without my permission? This is why there is a list of people who I do
allow to assist me to avoid confusion.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. This was
written by hand a week ago, but it is still timely and still needs to be
read by the very people who are still doing this to me. More people
have been recruited to drug me and touch my body against my will.
Things were taken out last night. Not everything, just like all of the
other times. They only want to take out some things and leave a
whole lot of other things. They only want to take out what they think
will be used as evidence against them if someone else takes them
out of my body. I hope they got arrested along with all of the others
who have done the same thing over the years. These people know
what they are doing is wrong when they are doing it. They know
people are innocent until proven guilty and they know they are not
helping an investigation to find evidence against me. They are not
using their heads to think straight.

The other night people told me I was sane and that I was a registered
pedophile. I found this humorous to be told that I was convicted and


A Compilation of Writings                                              360
had already served time for this crime and all of it was done without
anyone having any record or the trial, the conviction, the time behind
bars or having my name on any registry of pedophiles. Why do
people tell such lies that are so easily researched and proven false?
Are they showing their stupidity or are they using scare tactics to get
people to be cruel to me, because they estimate that the average
person will act on any rumor they hear?

People do strange things when they don't stop to think about whether
they make sense or not. People say things like, "Why didn't anyone
tell me she said this was illegal?" Why wouldn't you check to see if
drugging someone against their will was legal? Why put drugs into
someone's body when you don't even know if it is legal? Why do it at
all? The majority of people who have drugged me against my will
have done so over hearing or reading rumors. They aren't even
trained in the medical field or even have a first aide card. This was
started by health care criminals who were looking for an easy mark to
do illegal medical experiments on… It has gone to corrupt law
enforcement agents of all kinds. It has gone to convince every day
folks to commit crimes against me, just because they heard a rumor.

I ask people if they can see a rumor mill hurting a person. My careers
have been ruined. I have lost property. My financial life is a disaster.
My credit has been ruined. I have been close to starvation. I have
been raped. I have been assaulted. I have been humiliated. I don't
have a safe place to sleep. All this is from rumors backed by a study
done by a gigantic research corporation who actually makes health
care policy. How sad it is when people don't use their own brains to
think through the rumors to their logical conclusion. I have been
stalked by a corporation and anyone else they can pull into the
picture.

How sad it is to destroy anything good because of rumors. The
rumors have been traced back to their sources. Most of them were
flat out made up. Some of them were misunderstandings that were
blown so far out of proportion, the original statements don't even
make sense with what they have gown into. Some of them were
intentionally mistyped statements. When they were verified, people
were horrified to find out what had happened to what they said.



A Compilation of Writings                                            361
The legal status of this is bleak for the people who participated. This
is not legal, nor has it ever been legal. What will happen to those who
participated? It all depends on their level of participation. How much
have their harmed me? Some people are already behind bars or
dead. Some people already owe money for their participation. Some
people are still wondering why medical records are supposed to be
private. I think this situation pretty much shows how people run wild
when they don't understand what is going on.

How easy is it to ruin someone's entire life? Pretty easy when the
things lied about are so horrible, people don't even care if they are
true, they just take action and begin the cruelty. They can't even think
about the legal process. They want to deliver their own punishment
as the vigilantes they are. I guess studying the constitution and what
it stands for and why we wanted to be our own country to end the
oppression of our mother country doesn't mean much. Maybe these
people were all absent on that day in school.

Someone said to me they were an expert on WWII. I wondered if they
understood the comparison to what the scientists did to people during
WWII to what has been done to me. People just thought they were
doing what was best for me and others. People were killed in WWII
because they were deemed a drain on society since they couldn't
provide for themselves. People have said I don't know what is best
for me. I wonder if those people ever thought about freedom and
what this country stands for and why we fought a war for freedom.

Why do control freaks think they have the right to run my life? I guess
they will learn about the legal system soon enough. I guess their day
in court is coming soon, since everyone has a right to a speedy trial.
One day they will have plenty of time to ponder what they have done
to my body and my reputation and my life. One day they will have the
chance to hear the arguments in court. One day they will get to hear
the guilty verdict. They will be shocked, but they will get the
opportunity to have their side of things argued in a court of law. That's
more than they ever wanted me to have.




A Compilation of Writings                                             362
           LEAVE ME TO LAW ENFORCEMENT
There are people involved with this mess who keep telling people I
am a horrible criminal. My question is if they are so concerned about
this and I want to be left to law enforcement for reasons of safety,
then what is the problem?

It seems to me these people are being counter productive. The so-
called evidence has already been put out there in a court of law and
has been shot down with surveillance data and people not standing
up to questioning about the details of the incidents in question.

If I'm going to commit a crime in front of law enforcement, then that
would make me just as stupid as my stalkers and I would be
prosecuted and locked up. What is the problem?

Why would I want to be with law enforcement if I actually was a
criminal? They have figured out the fake evidence and have declared
me a victim.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. Recently
people have been talking about how I need a new friend because
they know certain members of law enforcement have committed
crimes against me. The law abiding law enforcement will handle this.
Hearing people discuss it as if I were stupid while showing they don't
care at all that I have been victimized is a bit hard to take. People
wonder why this is so upsetting. I wonder why they even bother
talking about it at all. If they truly don't care, then why bother? People
think it is funny that I have been harmed and I think this is a very sad
commentary on today's society. Let's all laugh at the victim. That
sounds like a good idea. Let's all hurt the victim's feelings on top of
what she has already had to live through. That sounds like such a
good idea. And people don't know I have a sarcastic sense of humor.
Oh well… I guess life goes on for everyone who has a safe place to
sleep.




A Compilation of Writings                                               363
               AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FOCUS
One of the themes running through this disaster is that people don't
like that I have successfully transferred from one career to the next.
They think this shows me to be a bad person because I didn't pick
one things and stick to it.

Now why doesn't it show me as a highly versatile and flexible
intelligent woman? Why doesn't this transition I go through
periodically show how good I am at dealing with adversity? Why
doesn't it show how good I am at going to school while working full
time? Why doesn't it show how good I am at planning for the future?
Why doesn't it show I can get in touch with what is important to me
and take a risk to improve myself and my work life?

I'm tired of people only looking at one side of things – the negative
side. What happened to unbiased research?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. This study
makes me think of why unbiased research is so important. If all
people do is look at one side of things and don't even touch on the
other side of it, then what is the point? It will obviously be slanted and
unfair to the subject.

It would be one thing if all they did was study me from a distance and
kept it to themselves. The problem is they didn't do it from afar, they
were incredibly invasive and they were public about it. They violated
my rights by having private and most times incorrect information
posted on the internet for all to see. The only requirement for people
to view it was having an email account. And they actually call this
helpful. I fail to see how spreading lies on the internet about me as
being helpful. They couldn't even tell that a script filled with evidence
wasn't even written by me. The guy who wrote it just put my name on
it to cause problems. That man is now locked up. It's too bad I had to
suffer because of it.




A Compilation of Writings                                               364
     NO MATTER HOW WRONG I AM, I'M RIGHT
"Yes, I know how old you are and I know you take naps." What a
quote to catch. There are different groups of people involved with this
mess desperate to say they are right about what they have said and
then take a popularity poll to see if a bunch of other people agree with
them. Diagnosis by popularity poll is the stupidest idea I have ever
heard of, other than operating my body by remote control.

These people actually consider themselves experts by commenting
on a piece of the picture. If I rest from being overdosed, does that
make me a crazy person? No, it makes me a smart person for taking
time to allow my body to recover from the latest drugged assault. But
these so-called experts know their careers are on the line, so they
make even more stupid remarks to somehow make up for the stupid
ones they've already made. People who call someone delusional for
speaking the truth are showing their ignorance.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. What else
can be said? People who have never met me face to face, never had
a conversation with me about anything substantial get to decide my
fate of being drugged against my will? It sounds a little silly, doesn't
it? They spend all those years going to school and their school never
mentioned patient rights? Their school never mentioned consent
forms? Their school never mentioned drugging someone against their
will could result in prosecution? Why do they have malpractice
insurance anyway? Is it because they don't really know that patients
have the right to refuse services and medication? Or is it for those
mistakes any human could make in the operating room? It was
mentioned that people were losing their licenses to practice medicine.
I guess that means this isn't a secret. I guess the cat is out of the
bag. I guess this investigation into the crimes happening to me daily
is moving along pretty fast compared to what people think. Maybe
someone knows I am suffering in poverty because of this and is trying
to make a positive difference in my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                            365
                THE FIGHT FOR ME TO BE ME
"To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night
and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." – e.
e. cummings from The Little Book Of Positive Quotations (ISBN 1-
57749-158-0) page 33.

This is the battle I feel like I'm fighting. People want me to change
when I like who I am. People seek to destroy every part of my life in
an effort to convince me that their ideas are good ones.

Why would I want to be with people who are cruel? Why would I want
to be with people who work to hurt my body and crush career
possibilities over a bunch of lies? These people have denied my
rights and somehow they want me to see them as good guys. They
even try to convince me that law enforcement is out to hurt me
instead of doing their jobs. They have money that belongs to me and
they withhold it to continue to pain and suffering they inflict. How are
they thinking this helps?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. These
people will say that they tried to let me know law enforcement is bad
and I should have listened to them and looked to them for help. Who
did they tell about law enforcement hurting me? Who did they turn
these people in to? How exactly have they helped when the few law
enforcement folks who have committed crimes against me actually
got their supplies from the research people? I guess that's why they
didn't get turned in, huh? Not all law enforcement is out to get me.
Not all law enforcement drugs me and allows crimes to go
unpunished. Not all law enforcement is duped by my stalkers. Some
law enforcement actually listens to what they have to say and then
decides what the evidence shows. Some of those people have
testified against my stalkers. Some law enforcement people are
actually working very hard to resolve this, so I can be safe.




A Compilation of Writings                                            366
                 WHY BEAT A DEAD HORSE?
"A statement once let loose cannot be caught by four horses." –
Japanese proverb from The Little Book Of Positive Quotations (ISBN
1-57749-158-0) page 59.

Gossip and a fake porn site killed my teaching career. I feel like this
quote sums it up for me. A comment was made, "You scratch and we
scratch back." I believe it had to do with someone's attempt to keep
me from being a teacher. Now if these people understood anything
and were worth anything as researchers, they would know by now
that they already killed my teaching career. These people are
showing their cruelty and stupidity going around to anyone they can
find to keep me from being a teacher. What a waste of energy to beat
a dead horse. My life was ruined in Tahoe. When I left Tahoe to get
away from Jo-el, that was it. There was no going back. Why are these
people so dense? They really don't understand the situation at all. It's
very unprofessional of them.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/17/08. I can
imagine these people running around telling everyone in the world of
education that they profiled me and they just know I am a horrible
person and will harm children if they let me be a teacher. Now look at
this farce with the knowledge that these very same people know I am
a good person, a sane person and not a criminal. How sad is that?
People running around destroying their reputations, their careers by
spreading slander about me in the hopes I will be homeless and
poverty stricken for the rest of my life. How sad these very people
don't think through their actions to their logical conclusions. People
are innocent until proven guilty in this country. The word slander
exists for a reason. Lawyers are involved when slander happens for a
reason. How easy is it to prove how much my life has been ruined by
slander? They have stacks of court transcripts. They have stacks of
arrest records. They have stacks of surveillance data. There is all
kinds of proof that I have been slandered and it has destroyed my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                            367
                    PEOPLE OF FEW WORDS
I heard five of my flash fiction pieces will be in the anthology of
humorous flash fiction next year. That is very cool.

I was asked to check my work and send any changes to the folks
assembling the book. It will be a print on demand book available
through lulu.com. It has the words of 50 writers who got their work
posted on the UK site shorthumor.com.

I heard about the site from someone in my online writing group who
got her story on the site. I decided to send a few stories to see if they
liked them and they took all five. Now they will be in book form, which
I will be buying when it's available next year.

Now I just need to get my Chickidoodle Chronicles published to go
along with this other publication. Who knows what's next?


Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/18/08. I have to
reboot my computer on a regular basis because of new viruses. How
sad that I got this latest batch from looking at the statistics page on
my own website. I finally got a message that these files had been
removed from my account and that my password had been reset
because of it. I have changed my password several times since
because I keep forgetting what I set up as my new password. This all
adds up to more evidence of what has been happening with this
mess. One guy said anyone can read what you put on the internet. I
really wish that guy would actually read what I have written on the
internet, not just the garbage he's been fed. Even if he had been fed
some actual stuff I wrote, it most certainly doesn't show the whole
picture. How would he even know if it was real? I have this document
I post on my website that gives my perspective of this disaster. You
would think every single person involved with the study would be
required to read it if they were to do a proper study. But sadly most
people make comments to me, like, "I don't like to read." It's sad
because these people might have saved themselves from being in so
much trouble if they had actually read this document.



A Compilation of Writings                                             368
                  THE STUDY IS WORTHLESS
One of my favorite sound bites is, "The study is worthless." I heard it
just a few days ago and it was so nice to finally hear someone grasp
the concept.

I've been warning people about it to try to get them not to participate
or turn in people spreading it. I try telling them it's illegal and people
are getting arrested and convicted. They just don't listen.

I put together my compilation of writings with commentary and told
people where to find it. This document has information in it that helps
people see a different perspective of this situation and this helps
people make decisions about things. Some of the items are really
easy to validate and others take lawyers getting court orders and
others can be validated by law enforcement records for surveillance
and arrest records. The law is on my side.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/20/08. There are
people working on the legal aspects of this mess, both the criminal
cases and law suits. It just isn't right for a person to be treated the
way I have been treated. I have rights and people will stand up for
them in court. My goal is to have a safe place to live and a way to
move forward with my life. I obviously can't work in the normal
workplace anymore. Too many people have attacked me in the
workplace. I need to be able to work from home on the things that
matter to me personally. I have so many things I can't do anymore
because of this disaster. Let me do what I can still do. Allow me to
have a life. Allow me to live in peace. How hard is this? How addicted
are people to being cruel to me? When will it stop? I have relocated
to get away from it and it came with me. I was even told it goes
wherever I go and that it's like a bonus. I fail to see the bonus in
being victimized wherever I go throughout my life. I can go anywhere,
places I've been and places I've never been and everything is already
set up for my victimization. It's sad, but true.




A Compilation of Writings                                               369
                            FDA APPROVAL
I was wondering how long it would take people to start thinking of all
the different ways to show what has been to me is wrong. There are
so many ways. One way has to do with the Food and Drug
Administration. For what I know, these people govern what goes into
people's bodies. I would love to see the FDA approval for K-9
tracking devices lodged in human bodies. Then I want to see the FDA
approval for capsules of anesthesia lodged in the digestive track,
since anesthesia is not for ingestion, but to be breathed and then only
under trained professionals handling the whole process in an
operating room of some sort. Then I want to see the FDA approval for
the things used to contract the muscles in my body by remote control.
Some of these are used to close off my digestive track to turn me into
a balloon with the exploded capsules of anesthesia. The idea is to
burp or fart it out of me so I can be anesthetized at any time in any
place.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/21/08. It was funny
when people started discussing the FDA approval concept that they
suddenly thought that their involvement with drugging me against my
will and operating my body by remote control might not be such a
good idea. I guess they actually believed they wouldn't get in trouble
because they were just following the guidelines in a study. How could
a study be illegal? How could a giant research corporation forget
about a little thing like FDA approval? People have been looking for a
way to convince people what is being done is wrong, illegal and just
plain bad judgment. They were quite shocked that people finally
decided to stop when they realized there was no FDA approval for
this stuff in my body. I guess the study won't save them now. Why
would the FDA approve things that cause such damage to a person?
Why couldn't they look at how upset I was? Why couldn't they look at
the sores on my legs from the things placed in my body and then
triggered by remote control? Why can't people see the harm they are
helping to cause? There was even someone who made fun of my
cries of pain. How cruel is that?



A Compilation of Writings                                           370
                 THE UNDERLYING CURRENT
"Who cares if she's sane. That makes it all the worse." "Okay, but
we're just letting you know what's going to happen because you've
been registered as a pedophile."

These two priceless quotes were said within less than ten minutes of
each other. I would actually have to be convicted before I would be
registered as a pedophile. I already had a talk with the FBI about the
only incident I thought people would categorize in this area and the
FBI agent I spoke to said it didn't sound like I did anything wrong.

Now consider the fact that I had been put on a watch list as a
potential terrorist and investigated as such. If the people investigating
me actually thought I was truly dangerous, wouldn't they have locked
me up using the Patriot Act?

Now also consider the fact that some Rand employees wanted to
know the truth ad went to talk to the folks law enforcement spoke to
to find out that the things people were most concerned about in this
disaster weren't true. They even made a point of coming out to South
Dakota to let me know that I had been vindicated. Law enforcement
had already done the same activity, so everyone should know the
truth by now.

The fact that not everyone knows the truth after so many people went
to the trouble of finding it out shows how hateful this study/game is.
People are saying and writing things they know are false in an
attempt to harm me in any way they can imagine. It seems to me that
the lawyers are going to have quite an easy time in the court room
handling the various aspects of this disaster. I am happy to say that
my brother told me he never thought I did anything wrong. It's
comforting to know he is a strong supporter of my innocence.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/21/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             371
               IT'S ILLEGAL TO START AGAIN
"It's illegal to start again," is a phrase I hope refers to the study/game.
It has been started over a d over so many times I can't keep track. It's
usually the day after it finishes. They do or say something and come
up with some fake reason to start the whole thing over again. So if it's
finally illegal to start again, then someone besides me noticed it being
resolved and then started all over again in an effort to make my life a
living hell. Someone must be trying to make life better for me.

I hope these same people have tracked down the money that was
supposed to be given to me, since I still don't have it. I'm assuming it
was all diverted to one of the bank accounts I have no access to.
Someone said the recommendation was to cut a check. That's been
the recommendation for a couple of years now. So far now one has
managed to get it to me. I bet people have even asked to see copies
of uncashed checks. They don't exist.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/31/08. One day
things will be resolved. I do believe there are helpful people working
on this issue. One day I will have the money so I can buy a safe place
to live. It will be a place where people I don't want to have a key won't
have one. It will be a place where people won't attack me with drugs
and syringes and scalpels telling everyone they are being "helpful"
with these illegal activities. I will be safe one day. I do believe this will
happen.

On a sunnier note… I found out that three more of my stories are
being published in Flashshots, an online ezine. What's Next on
8/25/08, A Piece of Cake on 9/17/08 and Intermission on 9/27/08.
This makes twelve of my flash fiction stories to be published to date. I
am very proud of my accomplishments and getting these tiny stories
published feels fantastic. So even as a stalking victim, I can still revel
in my successes. It's really too bad these people studying me never
liked any of the things I did in my life and decided to destroy it. Oh
well. I will rebuild out of the ashes they have left for me.



A Compilation of Writings                                                372
                     LETTERS TO THE PAST
I mail a lot of letters. It helps to write to people I once spent time with
to let them know what's going on in my life these days. They are
probably shocked by me telling them I am a stalking victim, victimized
by a study turned into a game about my life. It's sad that these people
already knew something about the mess before they even got my
letters. It's sad because so many people have been sucked into this
disaster in the wrong way and have had a hard time figuring out how
to do the right thing.

Some of these people have known me for years and have no idea
why this was done in the first place. Others thought there must be a
good reason for it, so they thought it would be good to participate.
Others found out it was bad and tried to help stop it. Being involved in
this mess from any angle, changes people. They either become more
compassionate or more cruel.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/31/08. I see
normally law abiding people break the law because of a study/game.
It happens on such a regular basis it is just sickening to think of all
the people who can't figure out that drugging someone against their
will is illegal. There are some people who think the remote control
devices are fun to use on me. They like to hear the noises they can
make or watch what they can make my muscles do. Just today,
someone decided it would be fun to have me regurgitate some of my
lunch. The food popped into my mouth and I was left with the
decision to swallow it again or to go to the rest room and spit it out. I
was appalled someone thought it was a good idea to do it. I think it is
disgusting to play with a person's body this way. One day I will be
safe from this disgusting behavior and life will improve.




A Compilation of Writings                                               373
  NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO
                  DID IT
People think it's impossible to tell who sets off the devices in my
body. I think enough arrests have been made and enough has been
learned to allow for evidence gathering. Now people are trying to
collect some of the triggering devices in various locations. People
have been finding these and playing with my body, then leaving them
for the next person. I'm glad they're being collected now. Maybe
people will eventually get the idea that it's wrong to play with
someone's body by remote control. I can hope people will figure it out
soon enough.

As far as no one ever figuring it out, I think we're past that now. I think
enough people know the whole mess is illegal to make headway.
What I don't understand are the people who know it's illegal, who
know law enforcement and prosecutors know about it and yet they
still go ahead and commit the crimes. Then they are shocked when
they are sued, arrested and convicted. It doesn't make any sense.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/31/08. I use the
electricity and the internet at the local library after work. It's close and
it gives me time to devote to updating my website and then I walk
away and do other things. It provides a break from everything or
another way to catch people doing the wrong thing. It is so sad I have
been unsafe at the library on many occasions. I always thought of the
library as a safe place. I guess it is just my stalkers' wish to make no
place safe, to make me afraid of going anywhere, like terrorists want
to do to all Americans… Isn't that how the line in the movie went???




A Compilation of Writings                                                374
                            THE BIG SECRET
People think it is okay to do whatever they want to do as long as I
don't know about it. They also figure if I ever do figure out something,
they can just call me crazy and no one will believe me. How many
people can be involved with the big secret before it isn't a secret
anymore? There are hundreds of people at Rand who know about it
and there are thousands who know about the stuff on the internet.
People come to visit from other countries, so it's world wide. How
long will this go on before people figure out that this is illegal cruelty?
As long as there are people who think it is okay to drug me and cause
me pain and suffering, my life is in jeopardy, because most of these
people don't know how dangerous what they are doing is. The mental
anguish involved with not having a safe place to go is hard to handle.
I hope I find safety soon.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/31/08. People in
this mess read statements like, "The mental anguish involved with not
having a safe place to go is hard to handle," and they think it gives
them a reason to harm me more. They think it is an open door to say
there is something wrong with me and they should continue to drug
me and do other various things to me. They tell people this is part of
my treatment. The problem is that no one ever got my permission for
any of this, that and it is just plain illegal anyway. So I cross my
fingers when I write things like this in the hopes that people will be
stopped from harming me more for saying the truth. I'm tired of being
punished for knowing too much.




A Compilation of Writings                                              375
                            WHY DO I WRITE?
"Why do I write?" is a title for one of my reading comprehension
activities. I wrote it for a contest and decided to write questions and
answers to go along wit it to add to the English portion of my website.
It's not that my answer the question has completely changed. I just
think I have additional reasons for writing to add to the list I have on
my website.

Now I also write to help save my life. If I don't get people to stop what
they've been doing, then they will eventually succeed in ending my
life. My body is having difficulty dealing with all of the drugs and sore
muscles. I can't imagine my liver is doing all that well trying to filter
out all of this garbage. I'm having a hard time getting my legs to heal
from the stuff injected weeks ago. I can see the soreness on the tops
of my toes from stuff being exploded near the bones for added pain. I
shudder to think how my digestive track is doing with all of those
explosions.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 08/31/08. People who
have no idea what FDA approval is all about have been doing human
experimentation on my body. People who have no idea how
damaging and dangerous this stuff is have been in charge of
continuing the drugging and triggering of devices in my body. To think
there are actual people who think this is the way a person should be
treated. What has happened to the human race when they think
being cruel to a strong, smart, kind person is the way things should
be done? Why do health care workers think they are law
enforcement? Why do they feel vigilante justice is the way to go?
Why do they have no faith whatsoever in the legal process
established in this country. Innocent until proven guilty means nothing
to these people. They have been drugging me illegally for a long time
and they don't even understand what they have done is against the
law. What kind of professionals are these people?




A Compilation of Writings                                             376
                        NEW PUBLICATIONS
                             WHAT'S NEXT?
                            A PIECE OF CAKE
                             INTERMISSION

I just had three more stories announced to be published. Or should I
say I just found out and one had already been sent out. They are all
being published b Flashshots e-zine. They only publish stories up to
100 words. I like the really short ones, so I've had six accepted by
Flashshots so far. These are all cute and funny ones. The first is
about a man asking his girlfriend to move in with him after 15 years of
going out. The second is about two kids stealing a pie. The third is
about taking a cheese and grape break from some fun between the
sheets. Not everyone in the group got that one, but it got accepted for
publication, so I'm excited. This makes twelve of my stories accepted
so far.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/03/08. Seeing a link
to my site from the Flashshots website is what prompted me to take a
look at the site again. I try to check the listing of upcoming
publications on a regular basis, but I had gotten out of the habit for a
while. I found my name listed three times and one date had already
passed. I get all excited about it. It makes me want to sit down and
send out more stories to try to get them published. I get so shocked
whenever I get accepted. I don't know when that ever stops
happening. I've heard it is still exciting to writers, even after years of
being published. It's nice to be recognized by other writers by having
them choose your writing for their own publications. It means I've
reached the ones who do the writing. I think being recognized by a
group of peers as being a good writer is a high complement indeed.




A Compilation of Writings                                              377
       NORMAL IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE
"Normal is different for everyone," said the radio commercial for a
health insurance company. It made me laugh out loud to hear a
commercial say what I wish an entire research corporation could
hear. The idea that a research corporation could decide what is and
is not normal for me without even getting my opinion or view of
situations simply blows me away. It's like they only like to hear
themselves blow hot air and make up their own reasons for why I do
what I do, instead of talking to me. How much of this disaster could
have been avoided if these people just found out why I did what I did
or said what I said before doing all of the horrible rumor mill with their
versions of what they saw and heard? Many of these people found
out I was an interesting and intelligent person. It's too bad they waited
until my career was no more to do this. It's too bad they waited for me
to be chased from my home by a criminal they trained.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/03/08. It was so
hard for this corporation to accept that I was a victim because they
trained the people who were victimizing me. Who knows how many
people they trained? So many of them thought that going into where I
slept and drugging me and touching my body without consent forms
was a good idea because they had received training on how to do it
correctly. The idea was to make sure all of the people knew how to
do it so they would not be detected by me. This was how they were
supposed to preserve their great big corporate secret. This is why
they say they didn't commit crimes. They actually think it isn't a crime
if the victim can't identify the criminal in a line up. They think what
they did isn't a crime if I can't tell people what was done to me. They
are all crimes and they necessitate special handling by law
enforcement and prosecutors to catch and convict the criminals. This
is why I need 24/7 surveillance by law enforcement and why lawyers
have to be closely involved, so they can do their jobs well with real
information on how the crimes are committed. These are highly
specialized and hopefully rare crimes being committed against me.




A Compilation of Writings                                             378
  WE'RE SORRY, WE DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEVER
          HAD A PSYCHOTIC BREAK
"We're sorry. We didn't know you never had a psychotic break." What
am I supposed to do with an apology like this? This statement tells
me people actually think the way I've been treated is a-okay for actual
mental health patients. This means patient abuse is rampant in the
industry. It's horrible. Someone actually came within inches of me
and declared I have none of the symptoms. These various diagnoses
have been done without full information. Doctors need to understand
the difference between a victim and a mental health patient and they
need to learn that patients actually do have rights that need to be
respected. I know medical students learn about patient rights, so why
do they forget them when they are out of school? What has
happened to me never should have happened because my rights
should have been respected by these professionals.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/06/08. I'm
disgusted with the medical industry. I call it an industry because these
people are in the business to make money. Patient care seems to
come secondary. If they see an easy way to make money, they go for
it. The concern for my well being has been significantly lacking in the
large number of people involved from the health care industry in
multiple states. It has been obvious for quite some time that the way I
have been mishandled by people involved in the world of medicine
has upset me greatly. Why isn't that enough to stop these
professionals from continuing? Why would upsetting the patient be a
reason to continue longer? Why would patient distress, illness and
pain be reasons to continue, instead of stop? It seems people don't
like me stating that I am victim. I guess the people victimizing me
didn't think that continuing makes them look like the victimizers,
rather than the people trying to help. I have the right to refuse
services and I have the right to refuse medication. Too bad they
couldn't remember that from medical school.




A Compilation of Writings                                            379
                            SETTLE DOWN
"Settle down," is a comment I heard after letting people know they
should have known better than to do what they did to me. These
people are such control freaks they don't even realize it themselves.
Why should I settle down? I'm a victim who is still being victimized. I
still don't have the money from the court ordered wage garnishments.
I still don't have the money from an agreement for ten million dollars
for pain and suffering due to this study/game. There is still the money
in question for the fake charity. How can people call it a charity if the
charity recipient doesn't ever get the money from it? I still have
people drugging me on a daily basis. People are still touching my
body without my permission. What exactly is there to settle down
about? I'm still not safe.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/06/08.Now take into
account the fact that I am not wild and tossing things all over the
place and I am not placing myself or others in harms way with my
anger against the people who have harmed me. These people think
being upset about being a victim is a bad thing. I think people would
be nuts to be victimized as much as I have been and not be upset
about it. How ridiculous is it to expect a victim to take it all lying
down? How awful to expect a victim not to let people know they are
being victimized? I guess the people who want me to "settle down"
are the people victimizing me. Why else would they want me to stop
letting people know what is happening? People who have not harmed
me would cheer me on to call attention to the problem to get it
resolved. I bet there are victim support groups who are happy I am
still fighting for my rights and for this to end with me still alive and
having a way to move forward with my life. I guess it's pretty easy to
tell the criminals from the helpful people. How long until people get
the concept that making my life better (not more filled with drugs and
devices) is the only answer? Right now I need money to get a safe
place to live and a safe car to drive. What is so hard about the
concept? Keeping the money from me only makes things worse.




A Compilation of Writings                                             380
         I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT
I must be doing something right with my website when I see 215
downloads of my Divisibility Rules Worksheet in the first five days of
September, 2008. In the same time frame my Algebra Terms
Crossword Puzzle has been downloaded 43 times. My Coloring Book
Crayon Tote directions have been downloaded 34 times so far this
month.

The statistics for my website tell me I've hit a chord with the world of
education. People have found my site and they like the resources
available on it. I try to work on adding to all levels of students'
resources. I want to have something for everyone.

Even though my brother was no happy with my paleontology word
search, I did write it in honor of his being part of the Paleontological
Society when he was growing up. He and my dad would go out fossil
hunting on the weekends. My brother was quite good at it.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/06/08. My brother
still has one of the fossils he found when he was growing up. The
rock broke open on the fossil and they painted it with glue and water
to keep it from breaking away over the years. He actually got a poem
published in the organization newsletter. When it was time to make a
scrapbook for the wedding shower for my sister-in-law, the poem was
added to the scrapbook on more than one page, so now he has
several copies of it. I think he must have been the youngest member
of the club.

I'm glad I can fill the needs of students, teachers and parents with my
resources on my website. It gives me great joy to help people with
education, since I can no longer be a teacher due to the rumors
involved with this study/game. It doesn't really matter that I have been
vindicated and proved sane multiple times. The rumors still linger and
they make it impossible to go back to what I used to do for a living.




A Compilation of Writings                                             381
               I DON'T WANT TO BE STUDIED
Shouldn't I have the right to say no to being studied? What is a study
about someone who doesn't want to be studied all about anyway?
"Gee, she seems to be upset about being studied; how interesting." Is
that really what they sound like?

Someone said I was dangerous and that was why people were
drugging me illegally. This is just another scare tactic used to
convince people to commit crimes against me and make the study
sound legitimate. I ask where the court order is to have me drugged
against my will.

If I'm really all that dangerous, then why haven't I been arrested?
Why haven't I been convicted? One of the criteria for locking
someone away is they are a danger to others. There was a multiple
week competency hearing and I wasn't found to be a danger to
others, or to be mentally impaired in any way. I was found to be a
victim.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/11/08. People still
cling to the concept that there is something good about this study.
Someone even said that someone must have sat down and talked to
me about this. Really? Who? What is the name of the doctor I went to
see who explained aversion therapy to me and got my consent? Who
explained capsules of anesthesia in my digestive track and got my
consent? Who explained K-9 tracking devices implanted in my body
and got my consent? The list is so long. I have had people say I was
delusional for telling the truth, even when they knew I was telling the
truth. That seems more like malpractice than actually being helpful.
Which doctor was it who explained people coming into where I sleep,
drugging me and doing "medical practices" on me in my bed? Do
they still have the consent forms for that? Is daily anesthesia really
recommended by any health care organization on the planet?




A Compilation of Writings                                           382
       LEAVE HER OUT THERE 'TILL IT SNOWS
"I say leave her out there 'til it snows." I have trouble expressing the
hurt from a comment like this. For two years, I've been waiting for
people to do what they were supposed to do so I could move on with
my life. These past two years, I've been harmed more than the other
years of this disaster. Why do people want me to be poverty-stricken?
Money has been awarded to me by agreement and by court order,
yet I am still struggling to get by under harmful circumstances. I am
still being drugged illegally and people are intentionally keeping
money from me that is supposed to be mine.

I've been victimized for decades due to this study and keeping this
money from me is insult to injury. I can't be a teacher because of the
horrible rumors. I can't get a good paying job when I'm being
victimized by drugs and remote control devices on a daily basis. What
am I supposed to do?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/12/08. People are
actually voting on whether I am allowed to live a drug free life or not.
How is this up to the public? I have a right to determine what happens
to my own body. Why am I a slave to the uninformed and uneducated
opinions of people who say they are helping by doing things that
harm me? I need 24/7 law enforcement support because there are
that many criminals around the clock all trying to harm me with the
drugs and remote control devices. How sad is it that I have to live my
life with this knowledge of my circumstances? I try to put it out of my
mind and live a life the best I can, but this is severely handicapped by
the fact that people harm be where ever I go. It is as if people sit
around deciding how they can say anything I do is a bad thing. Then
they decide how they will harm me because they don't like what I do.
How is this living in freedom? Wasn't I born a free citizen of The
United States of America? Isn't this still a free country? Don't I still
have rights as a US citizen? Don't I have rights as a human being?




A Compilation of Writings                                            383
 THEY JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE PUTING HER
                TO SLEEP
"They just thought they were puting her to sleep." This quote could
refer to certain people involved not knowing the facts of the situation.
This has been what has been going on since day one. People do
things to harm me and tell lies to the people above them, thinking
their secret will never be known. It's a huge inside joke with these
people to do cruel things to me and then tell others that my being
upset is uncalled for, so they can get people to say okay to drugging
me illegally.

This is like when people lied about me having trouble sleeping. I was
staying awake to avoid the rape and other horrid crimes being
committed once the anesthesia took effect. My staying awake has to
do with self defense, not a sleeping problem. So my criminals, my
stalkers decided to say I had insomnia so more drugs should be
illegally administered.

Drugging me at night turned into drugging me 24/7. People were told
my defending myself from the attacks from the health care stalkers
meant I was violent and dangerous. Perhaps they should stop
touching my body without my permission so they won't get so many
bruises. My stalkers believe I should not be allowed to defend myself
against brutal attacks, leaving life-long damage.

They continue to drug me as a way to "control" me, to try to keep me
from defending myself. It hurts to think of how cruel this is, especially
when they are busy telling people that this illegal drugging and these
attacks while I'm drugged are helpful. Then they get mad when I tell
people they are criminals. Closing my eyes by remote control is not
kind or helpful. It is cruel and illegal.

Law enforcement and the lawyers will set things straight. I believe in
this as my way to stay alive.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/12/08.




A Compilation of Writings                                             384
    SHE PICKS AT IT TO MAKE IT LOOK WORSE
The comment, "She picks at it to make it look worse," refers to the
current chemical burn below my lip. There have been many such
chemical burns on my body from the stuff injected in me coming out.
Once it starts leaking and people trigger it, then I get a chemical burn.

I've learned that burns need to be debreeded. I had a bad friction
burn from sliding down a pole. I accidentally scrubbed it too hard with
a lufa sponge. This took the scabs off and the burse said I had
already done my own debreeding.

In the case of the burns I currently have, not only do the scabs need
to be taken off, but there are more chemicals inside that I want out of
the wound. The sores first bleed freely, then there is a clear to
yellowish substance that flows for a bit, then another scab forms.
Some stuff comes out each time in the blood and the second liquid.
Letting them bleed from time to time lets this bad stuff get out of my
body, so I can recover from what has been done to me.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/12/08. It isn't hard
to see this "helpfulness" is actually harmful. There is a reason why
what has been done to me is illegal. These people don't have any
legal ground to stand on in the courtroom. I am waiting for these
people to understand that continuing to do what they have done to
me for such a long time is making things worse for me and for
themselves. Why extend prison sentences? Why add more charges
to the already long list of charges? Why commit crimes? I'm sure
there are people fighting these legal battles in the courtroom who are
wondering the same thing? I hope things get resolved soon so I can
find a safe place to live and not have to be subjected to the
harassment associated with this study/game. Has anyone figured out
what the goal of the study is yet? The last time I checked, there were
no long term goals whatsoever. Perhaps their long term goals are
illegal and they are not sharing them.




A Compilation of Writings                                             385
                       LOOK WHAT'S INSIDE
"Wow! Look at this, Cindy," said Fred.

"What is it?" said Cindy.

"It's a magic ring," said Fred.

"How do you know it's a magic ring?" said Cindy.

"It's got special markings all around it and it's metal. Since when do
you find metal rings in cereal boxes?" said Fred.

"So what does it do?" said Cindy.

"I'm gonna put it on and see. Magic rings work best when you ear
them. Everyone knows that," said Fred.

"What if it's bad magic?" said Cindy.

"Then you'll help me take it off. Okay?" said Fred.

"Okay, but I don't think Mom is going to like this," said Cindy.

"Whatever… Hey, look! It shrunk down to fit my finger. It really is
magic," said Fred.

"Okay, so it's magic. Make it do something," said Cindy.

"I command you to put a hat on my head," said Fred.

"Hey, you have one of those silly hats with bells on it. What good is
that?" said Cindy.

"Well, at least I figured out how to make it work. That's more than
you've done," said Fred.

Fred pointed to a sheet of paper on the table near by.



A Compilation of Writings                                             386
"I command you to do my homework," said Fred.

"Look at the pen writing on the paper. It's going so fast," said Cindy.

"Yeah, but it's writing in another language in better handwriting than I
can do. The teacher will never accept it," said Fred.

"Try again," said Cindy.

"I command you to make me famous," said Fred.

Fred was on the front page of the local newspaper for setting his
house on fire. He kept saying it was the ring that did it, but no ring
could be found. He was put on probation and ordered to see a
counselor about his pyromania and delusions of a magical ring.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/13/08. It was from a
prompt in The Writer's Book of Matches pg 58 by Writer's Digest
Books. The prompt was about a kid finding a ring in a box of cereal. I
just wanted something fun put down on paper. I think I would change
the ending and make it a longer story if I revisited it another time. I
think The Cereal Box Ring would be a better title and there could be
many adventures over many chapters of a book. Who knows? Maybe
I'll do it sometime. Perhaps another day.




A Compilation of Writings                                                387
                      MRS. SMITH AND JOJO
"JoJo, where are you?" called Mrs. Smith.

A cute, fuzzy terrier jumped up into Mrs. Smith's lap, wagging his tail.

"You're such a good dog, JoJo. Mrs. Smith went on as she pet him.
JoJo curled up in Mrs. Smith's lap and licked her hand.

"What's this, JoJo?" Mrs. Smith said as she pulled out a bolt from
JoJo's fur.

JoJo took the bolt from Mrs. Smith's hand and ate it.

"Oh no, JoJo. Now I have to take you to the vet," said Mrs. Smith.

"It's okay. It's just a spare part. Sorry for letting it show," said JoJo the
robot dog.

The next day the newspaper had JoJo's picture in the paper for
calling 9-1-1 when his owner, Mrs. Smith, passed out on the floor of
her living room. The article went on to compare JoJo to the famed
Lassie, barking to the 9-1-1 operator on the phone.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/13/08. The prompt
for this story came from The Writer's Books of Matches page 131 by
Writer's Digest Books. The prompt for this was about a woman
finding out her prized terrier is actually a robot. I imagined the woman
blind so it would be hard for her to notice. I had fun with it and it was
like watching a movie in my head. I just wrote it down as it happened
in the movie in my head.




A Compilation of Writings                                                388
                      WITHHOLDING MONEY
How many different ways can people come up with to withhold my
money from me? They said I wasn't good at handling money, I'm a
mental health patient, someone else is in charge of my money, I'm
just looking for attention, I'm emotionally delayed so I'm not legally my
own guardian, I'm a criminal, a child stalker, a terrorist, a drug addict,
an alcoholic, a prostitute, a porn star, a child molester, a sexual
predator, and other various lies. None of which mean anything
because no one has legal authority over my money but me, myself
and I.

Then in order to delay things, people have been told they have to
take taxes out of the money, like a paycheck. People can't figure out
how to do this, so they just didn't give it to me. Then there are the
ones who put it into a bank account I have no access to and thought I
did have access.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/17/08. It's amazing
how many hoops I have to jump through with the help of really good
lawyers just to get to the money that was court ordered to be mine.
Why is it that people have such a difficult time doing the right thing? If
you get a court order to pay someone and wages have been
garnished, then you pay the person the money. It is just that simple.
There are no contingencies. There are no decisions to be made. The
checks go out to clear the holding accounts just like all of the other
holding accounts for court ordered payments. People depend on this
system working so they can pay rent and buy food. I know the feeling.
I have been left out of the loop to receive the money sitting in holding
accounts for me. This is in defiance of court orders. Why would
people do this? What could these people possibly gain by withholding
funds from me? Oh yeah… Some people have worked on ways to lie
to people to say that money really isn't mine; it is really for the study.
That way they can continue the study using my own money. This is
embezzlement. I have not authorized any of my money to pay for a
study or any form of health care. Is this clear enough for everyone?



A Compilation of Writings                                             389
                            LIVE FREE OR DIE
I saw a New Hampshire license plate and it said, "Live Free or Die."
That's quite a slogan for a state, but that's how we started this
country, right? We fought for our independence. We fought for a long
list of things in the Declaration of Independence, including life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness.

Now why can't I find freedom in a country started by the fight for it?
Drugging someone against their will is illegal, yet people continue to
do it on a daily and nightly basis. Some people actually think it's a
good idea to break the law. Some people say it's to keep me under
control. Now why is anyone in charge of keeping me under control? I
have rights and they get trampled every single day. Why are so many
people out to break the law? They have been told it's illegal, yet they
still continue. I guess stalking isn't as hard to prove as some think.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/21/08. Drugging me
against my will, operating my body by remote control and a gigantic
study/game are huge problems. The things people do to me by
remote control vary from day to day. Things go through fads.
Sometimes it's my eyes, sometimes it's my stomach, and recently, it
has been my throat and chest with coughing fits. Some of the time it
includes trying to make me gag and vomit. My muscles ache from it
being done so much. Someone said I knew it was being done by
remote control. How could I not know? This has been going on for
such a long time. Right this moment, things are being exploded in my
left foot. This usually means drugs are being released from tiny
capsules in my body. This is part of the drugging against my will.
There is also the periodic gassing with various forms of anesthesia.
People have gone to the lengths of installing the anesthesia in my
car, various workplaces, other public places, used canisters of it,
exploded capsules of it near me or in my clothing or in my digestive
track. There is an awful lot of effort being put into drugging me
against my will and lying about it. People need to understand how
destructive this is and just how illegal it is. Retaliating against me is
not a wise idea. Stopping would be the wisest idea.



A Compilation of Writings                                              390
                            WHAT DO I KNOW?
Why are people so concerned with what I know? I'm not being used
as a witness in the courtroom, so destroying me as a witness is
pointless. People seem to be quite concerned with what I know and
how I know it. Isn't it my body and my life? Why are people in favor of
secret healthcare? Doesn't a patient have a right to be part of patient
care? Why should this be a secret from me? Unless people know
what they are doing is illegal and the damages are worse because I
do know what is happening and I am suffering from this secret health
care disaster. So why bother continuing? Isn't the best idea to stop
the whole thing and allow me to have peace and time to recuperate
from the harm done to me? Why can't people see this is the best
idea? Is it too complex to comprehend?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 09/21/08. I heard
someone say in a convenience store, "I'm going to go to work and
staple peoples' lips together." The idea is loose lips sink ships. That's
only when the only advantage to winning a war is secrecy. Why
would people want to wage war on me and keep what they are doing
to my body, my reputation, my career and everything else affected by
this disaster a secret? I guess they really do know what they are
doing is wrong and illegal. I guess they really do know they are in
trouble. I guess they really do know that continuing is a really bad
idea, so that must be why they are trying so hard to keep it a huge
secret from me. Here is the problem. The loose lips have already
sunk the ship and these people don't seem to understand that the
ship is already sinking while they are still on it. Are they the captains
who go down with their ships? Even rats try to get off a sinking ship.
What is the problem? Why continue? I don't understand any of the
reasons for continuing to harm me with drugs and remote control
devices and slander.




A Compilation of Writings                                             391
                             SHOO-IN
My harshest critic in my online writing group said on of my stories
was a shoo-in for being published in Flashshot e-zine. I was so
shocked. He didn't even have anything negative to say about it.

I've decided that I must be getting better at writing if my harshest
critic had nothing negative to say and said it would get published.

They say the best way to get better at writing is to write. Well, I've
been doing my best to keep up with that concept. It's easier some
days than others. Sometimes it depends on what my stalkers are
doing on any given day. Sometimes they attack so much it's hard to
get anything done at all.

The other day the library sunk to a new low by having holes in the
floor to gas me from the floor. I guess gassing from above wasn't god
enough.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/11/08. It amazes
me that people can hear things like I was under investigation by the
FBI for being a terrorist for four years and they found nothing at all
illegal about anything I was doing during all of those four years and
still think I must be a criminal. People can't understand that concept
that this was all done and over with back in California. This was
supposed to be a new life without the study or the game. People out
here in South Dakota don't seem to understand the concept of rights.
They don't seem to understand that if a study is adversely affecting
the subject of the study, then the study should be shut down. They
don't understand that drugging someone against their will is illegal.
Someone even mentioned that they didn't know that law enforcement
knew as much as they did. Give me a break. This comment tells me
that people DO KNOW that they are committing crimes, they just
think law enforcement knows nothing, so they won't get caught. Law
enforcement was also in California tracking this all down and trying to
get it to stop. Do you think anyone in California spoke to anyone in
South Dakota in the law enfacement world? I wonder… I did write


A Compilation of Writings                                              392
letters to two of the law enforcement groups thanking them for their
assistance, but letting them know that there wasn't much support for
victims. This obviously let them know that I was still a victim and I did
not get the money agreed to be paid to me by Rand or the money
from the game (the fake charity). So, it stands to reason, that
someone in South Dakota heard from someone in California. I bet
there have even been California law enforcement called out to be in
South Dakota for court appearances or to help with understanding the
complexity of the situation. Hey, there were also lawyers involved in
California, too. I bet some lawyers in South Dakota know about this
little disaster. I bet any random lawyer in Rapid City knows about it.

So what is a stalking victim to do when people can't seem to grasp
the concept that harming me with drugs, remote control devices and
rumors is a bad idea? I guess that stalking victim just continues to
fight for her rights. I guess that stalking victim continues to educate
people on how stupid it is to continue to participate in illegal activities
after they have already been told that it is illegal. I no longer have
sympathy for people who participate in this disaster. They have all
been told it is illegal and they have all been told it is harmful to me. I
say let the lawyers eat them for lunch in the courtrooms. There is no
legal basis for doing what has been done to me.

Why would people want to study someone who doesn't want to be
studied? Why? Hmmm… I think I will go upset someone today by
being stupid and taking their picture to post it on the internet and say
lies about them to whomever I can find and physically harm them with
remote control devices. Yeah, that sounds like fun. Oh boy… That is
what these people look like to me. They look like a bunch of people
who don't know right from wrong and just can't stop committing
crimes.

Someone said that when I answer specific questions it makes Rand
stick out like a sore thumb. Well, aren't they at the root of this
disaster? They teamed up with my family to have all sorts of rumors
fly around about me and do all sorts of things to my body, illegally.
They have presented themselves as experts and they have
convinced people to commit crimes in the name of an illegal study.




A Compilation of Writings                                               393
                            IT'S OUTLAWED
Someone said the other day that this whole disaster is outlawed. The
study and the game are both illegal and since they feed off of each
other, that makes sense.

So why does it take so long for people to get the idea that continuing
to do the study and the game is a very bad idea? People just go
merrily along thinking that being cruel to me will make me disappear.
Some have even stated they wished I was dead. How comforting it is
to know that people involved in a study want the subject of the study
to die.

People actually wonder what is so bad about a study. With people
hating the subject of the study and working to make the life of the
subject of a study a living hell, it's hard to see why anyone would like
the idea of participating unless they enjoyed being cruel to someone.
Hmmm… maybe that's all this really is, huh?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/11/08. One of these
days people will understand what is happening. Unfortunately, these
people who cannot think for themselves will find that day way too late.
The people doing the study count on people not using their own
brains and just following along with the lies and rumors, without
thinking things through. They play on peoples' fears and tell them
horrible things about me and then misrepresent the actual facts, like
telling people I dropped out of college when my dad wanted to decide
what classes I could and could not take as electives. They left out the
part that I did continue going to school for years. I went to several
different schools and finally ended up with a BS in information
systems management from a private university. Then I went on to get
my teaching credential in the state of California. They leave out these
important details to make me look bad. That's what this study is all
about, making me look bad and making people harm me with cruelty
and physical harm to my body. One day people will wake up to how
cruel this is and they will wish they had thought about it before joining
in on the cruelty.


A Compilation of Writings                                             394
                    SOCIAL INVESTIGATORS
"They told us we were social investigators." There is a nice sound
bite. The people who try to get more people to participate in this
disaster make it sound like it is a good idea, otherwise why would
anyone participate?

What is a social investigator anyway? Why would an identified
stalking victim like hundreds of people following her around
everywhere she goes, commenting on what she's doing and taking
her picture and playing with her body by remote control? Oh yeah,
don't forget drugging her against her will.

What makes people think they are in charge of keeping track of me?
Why do people feel the need to get in my way? Why do people think
they are in charge of me earning a living or starving? Why do people
think they have a say in whether I have food to eat or not? That is
what this study has done – driven me to poverty. Why be involved
with such a thing?

Do people really think anyone would like hundreds of people chasing
them around everywhere they go? My life has been destroyed by this
"social investigation." Why don't people think the law enforcement
investigations are good enough? If there are law-breaking law
enforcement, John Q Public is the wrong group to handle it. If I'm a
criminal, John Q Public isn't the right group to handle that, either.

By spreading these lies and misrepresentations of the facts my life
has been endangered. Why would that make being a "social
investigator" a good idea? People are just getting themselves into
more and more trouble.

"She doesn't stop," was an interesting quote I heard a while back.
Why should I stop before I am safe? I obviously need the money
awarded to me in these legal battles to be safe. I need to buy safety,
since people can't keep themselves from drugging me and harming
my body by remote control and by touching my body and my
belongings. Hand over what I have a legal right to have.



A Compilation of Writings                                             395
Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/11/08. Believe it or
not, there are actual people who have decided that the money that
has been awarded to me in various courts should not be given to me.
This concept is so strange to me. This is the way our legal system
works. If it is decided through a court action that I am due money
because I have been harmed, then I have a right to that money.
There is nothing that says people can decide whether or not to give
the court ordered money to me because they do or don't like me.
People don't get to decide if I am worthy of having this money or not.
It was decided in court that I am due this money. That is the end of it.
That is they way it is. The legal battles have already been fought.
People don't get to second guess what has already been through the
courts. Appeals have already happened for some of the criminals and
they were lost. Those people are still behind bars.

Someone said, "They want a court order to follow a court order?"
Lawyers and judges don't get the concept of why people are not
following federal court orders. People have court orders to garnish
wages. The money has been collected. The checks have been
written to clear out the holding accounts, but amazingly enough, after
more than three months, I still don't have this court ordered money.
Now why would government employees defy court orders when they
are acting on behalf of the courts be being the middle-man for court
ordered payments? They don't seem to have a problem distributing
child support checks, but when it comes to giving a stalking victim the
money, they say NO. What is the point of discriminating against a
stalking victim? Aren't I enough of a victim already, without having
government employees further victimize me by keeping the money I
need to start my life over again away from me? This game of keep
away was started by Rand and they have infected South Dakota
people with the same sickness. The lawyers are going to walk all over
them in court. These cases get easier and easier to win when people
are doing such obviously wrong things, like keeping court ordered
money away from me.




A Compilation of Writings                                            396
                PROGRAMMING RESOURCES
I started some beginning computer programming documents a few
months ago. They use Bloodshed Dev C++, which is a free program
that makes writing C++ programs easier. Compiling and running the
programs automatically makes an executable files people can double
click l nth see the program run.

I have a handful of beginner programming worksheets showing
printing to the screen, getting input from the users and doing basic
calculations. I need to make the If Then document next. Thirteen
people downloaded the calculations document this month already
and we are only a third of the way through the month. They must be
ready for the next in the series.

I'm always amazed when people find my resources and then start
using them. I guess I know a thing or two about making educational
materials people want to use. I guess my time in the world of
education wasn't wasted time.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/11/08. I have been
attacked from every angle as a result of this stalking disaster with the
vigilante health care workers and the cruelty of the study that won't
stop. I am a good person and I am a good educator. My website is
about all I have left of being a teacher. So I am very happy when
people find my resources useful. I had no idea my divisibility rules
document was going to be so successful. 466 people have
downloaded it this month already. Over a thousand people
downloaded it in September. I have a vision for the future of my
website and I keep working towards it, bit by bit. I'm happy people like
the computer programming documents because I am doing them the
way I would be doing them if I were teaching the material face to
face. Having it written down and posted on my website makes it more
accessible to more people. Now other people can use the documents
on their own or they can be used in a classroom setting.




A Compilation of Writings                                            397
                THE STUDY IS THE PROBLEM
People seem to think law enforcement never did their job. Why else
would people still hound me because they think I'm a criminal? Law
enforcement, multiple groups of law enforcement, investigated me for
several years. I was not brought to trial because they didn't find
anything to warrant bringing me to trial. There were no crimes to be
prosecuted.

Some people thought a competency hearing was needed so I could
be proven sound enough to assist in my own defense so I could
stand trial for fictitious crimes. This went on for weeks. I'm sane and
this so-called evidence the study was said to have, was found to be
circumstantial or just plain wrong.

So the question remains why people think the study has some secret
evidence that did not present itself to law enforcement in years of
investigation and also did not show up in the competency hearing that
lasted for weeks. What is the point of continuing with this study if the
investigations found nothing, the study has been resolved multiple
times and I'm still not a criminal or crazy?

Some people go on the concept that this stuff placed in my body must
be there for a reason. I must be a bad person because this stuff is in
my body. Why on earth do people think a victim is a bad person? This
stuff was placed in my body illegally by people who had no good
intentions whatsoever.

So why should a victim be further victimized? Why should people
continue to follow me everywhere I go? Why should people continue
to do things to my body by remote control? Why should people
continue to harm me when I pass out from the illegal drugging? Why
should people continue to drug me against my will? Why should
people continue to get themselves arrested because of a study?

Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/13/08. Every day I
try my hardest to come up with anything that will help people
understand the study must be stopped and I must be set free.



A Compilation of Writings                                             398
     THE STUDY IS SUPPOSED TO BE HELPFUL
Everyone seems to think this study is supposed to be helpful. I put
forth the challenge to show how this study has been helpful at all.

Anytime the study comes out with the results saying I'm sane and
innocent, they toss it and start over again. Anytime one group stops
participating, it starts up with another group. Children have been
convinced to commit crimes. Law abiding adults have turned to a life
of crime because of the study.

People have been trained how to commit crimes properly. There are
even written procedures for people to show law enforcement when
they get arrested.

My teaching career has been destroyed. My ability to earn an income
has been hampered by the study. My ability to find a place to live has
been hampered because of the study. I am unable to find safety
because of the study. It's going to be hard to feed myself very soon
because of the study.

My body is harmed because of the study. My love life has been
through the meat grinder because of the study. What little relationship
I did have with my family is now destroyed because of the study.

I have to live in fear of what people will do to me next because of the
study. People have been arrested because of the study. People have
been convicted because of the study. People and organizations have
been sued because of the study.

I'm left with the task of pulling my life together and healing from the
emotional and physical damage caused by the study. I am having a
difficult time moving forward due to being driven into poverty because
of the study. People are actually withholding money from me because
of the study. People don't believe the court actions are legal because
of the study. Let's stop the study.




A Compilation of Writings                                             399
Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/13/08. So many
people have been harmed by this study. Someone asked why things
are so much worse in South Dakota than they were in California.
Everything was supposed to be stopped and shut down in California
before I left. It was all over and I was already supposed to have
money to move on with my life to compensate me for what people did
because of the study. This money never made it to me and the
research corporation decided to start a war against me because of
the money they were supposed to pay to me, but never did. They
decided I hadn't learned what pain and suffering were all about yet.
They decided to teach me all about pain and suffering out here in
South Dakota.

So I have been more harshly targeted because of the study. The
study and game that were not supposed to continue were started up
all over again here in South Dakota and people were not told
everything had already been resolved back in California. People tried
their hardest to convince law enforcement that I wasn't a victim and
they should not pay attention to anything said to the contrary. People
looked at what went well for me in California and did everything in
their power to destroy that in South Dakota.

People thought they had free rein to harm me out here in South
Dakota, because they thought law enforcement wasn't paying any
attention to the crimes. They thought they had control of what people
thought about me because they didn't allow people to see what was
really going on. People also decided to spread this disaster to more
people out here in South Dakota.

Downloads were made available for people to do things by remote
control to my body. I was drugged in numerous locations, even more
than when I was in California. This includes drugging drinks and food
as well as pumping the gas into the air in multiple locations. I have
been overdosed to near death with these drugs on multiple
occasions. I have been exposed to alcohol poisoning multiple times
because of the vaporized alcohol pumped into my car, hotel rooms
and apartments. Why continue the study?




A Compilation of Writings                                          400
      SHE THINKS WRITING THIS STUFF HELPS
"She thinks writing this stuff helps." My compilation of writing does
more to help me than it does to help anyone else. Some people say
writing is therapy. All I know is that as soon as I started to write
commentary for my existing writing portfolio to help my family better
understand me, I started to feel empowered.

Somehow getting it onto the electronic page and posting it on my
website made me feel so much better about this disaster. I got it out
there for the world to see. I finally had a way to show people the
study was bad. I could show the world my perspective, my point of
view, my version of what was happening.

At least it gives people something to think about, instead of only
reading the study that is filled with inaccuracies and
misrepresentations. Just letting people know this "medical
assistance" is being done against my will is a huge success. People
know this is illegal because I have voiced it.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/15/08. I hear
random comments along the way. I store them away and they usually
spark something for me to say. I can tell how out of touch people are
by what comments get dropped. I can tell how disjointed all of the
little versions of the study are because things have been resolved
with some groups and yet there are other groups going along as if
nothing was ever resolved. People also let me know that websites are
being shut down. They get all upset about it. They feel it is their right
to know about my personal life and my whereabouts at all times.
They feel it is their right to know about my medical information, both
fact and fiction. This is a violation of my privacy rights. I believe it is
called Health Information Personal Privacy Act (HIPPA) that protects
my medical information and makes it private by law. This study
violates that privacy in a huge way. I keep trying to educate people.
Maybe someday they will listen.




A Compilation of Writings                                              401
                      IT'S 450 PAGES LONG!
"It's 450 pages long!" Some people view reading my document as
daunting because they were told it was 450 pages long and who has
time to read that? They have time to read the study. They haven't
even bothered to open it up to see the table of contents. If they
merely glanced at the table of contents they would see the writings
are one or two pages for the most part. They could scan down the
table of contents and only read the pages that sound like they apply
to the situation.

My cousin said it helped her understand my stalking situation much
better. Some days I can only deal with it as one page of a piece of the
mess. Then there is the concept that some lawyers have flipped
through the pages and found some interesting tidbits they decided to
match up to surveillance info and their own research into this mess.
Why not read what the lawyers read?


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/15/08. Several
people who were obviously involved with the study have said they
had no interest in looking at my website or at my compilation of
writings. I find this interesting. What is the point of studying someone
if you are not going to look at what that person has spent months
creating? It just goes to show that this study is not much of a study. It
makes no sense at all for people who are interested in studying me to
not be interested in my website or my compilation of writing, unless
they are only into the study to be cruel to me and don't really care
about my wellbeing or the happily every after part of this disaster. It
makes sense that these people already know what they have done is
illegal and don't care to read about me telling them what they are
doing is illegal. Someone said they threw it all in my face. Many
people have liked to tease me about what they knew because of the
study. Many people like to make fun of me because of what they read
in the study. Many people like to spread rumors and be cruel because
of the study. Yes, I do take advantage of this stupidity. Why shouldn't
I? I am trying to help law enforcement and the lawyers end it.




A Compilation of Writings                                            402
        WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOURSELF?
"What will you do with yourself if you don't come here?" It was an
interesting question posed by someone who didn't understand that
the study was bad and actually thought I was somehow mentally
deficient.

Waiting around for this disaster to resolve itself has been painful and
difficult. Having to listen to people go on and on about thinking they
know what is what and thinking they know is best for me without even
discussing these decisions with me to allow me a chance to say
"NO!" has been tiring to say the least.

What makes people think they have the right to make decisions about
my life? What makes people think they have the right to drug me
against my will, when a court order is needed to make it legal? What
makes people think they have the right to withhold court ordered
money from me? Someone said me getting money for being harmed
from the study was unconstitutional. Are child support payments
unconstitutional, too?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/15/08. Getting
people to look at this situation from a distance and trying to give them
perspective so they will start using their own brains instead of just
listening to people doing the study has been like banging my head on
the wall. People are just hell bent on listening to the very people who
are harming me instead of using their own heads. There is nothing
that sounds like it would even be a little legal about this disaster. Why
on earth would it be legal for teenagers to be able to download the
capability to explode capsules of drugs in my body? What on earth
makes that sound like an accepted medical practice? Where are the
carefully kept medical records of all of the drugs released into my
body randomly by any number of random people? Isn't that
necessary to make it even sound like a real medical practice? Why
on earth would people want this to be legal? It's harmful, not helpful.




A Compilation of Writings                                             403
             KEEPSAKE QUILTING MISSES ME
My favorite quilting catalog is Keepsake Quilting. They just sent an e-
mail saying they missed me. I used to buy a few things here and
there that were on sale to give me some materials to use since I had
to start over again with all of my sewing/quilting supplies. It's amazing
what can be found by only shopping sale items. Sooner of later
everything goes on sale.

One day I would like to live in a safe house where no one will drug
me and I can go back to sewing and quilting, which I enjoy so much. I
have plenty of ideas rattling around in my head that I want to get
done. I love mixing the colors of fabric to see what happens.

Bright, cheery colors are my favorites. I like to see the colors scream
off the quilt. My quilts are far from quiet quilts. They are vibrant and
fun. They are not traditional in any way other than being handmade in
100% cotton.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/15/08. Quilting and
sewing in general are high on my wish list of activities I would like to
get back to when I have a safe place to live. People would actually
drug me quite heavily to get me to stop sewing. They drugged me
anytime I did anything I enjoyed. They drugged me any time I was
happy. They drugged me all the time. People wonder why I found it
unsafe to live in the apartments I have lived in here in South Dakota.
Let me count the ways they were unsafe. People thought non stop
anesthesia was a good way to live a life. Hopefully these people will
eventually be behind bars where they can't hurt me anymore. Many
of them are already behind bars. Each time they are stuck behind
bars, my life is just that much safer. Too bad there are so many other
people to fill their shoes in drugging me illegally any time they feel like
it. One day this will all be behind me and I will be able to move
forward in life. All of this court awarded money has to find its way to
me somehow. People can't hold it forever, especially since I am
suffering so much and can't really move forward without the money.




A Compilation of Writings                                              404
                        THE WAITING GAME
I've been waiting for a long time. I've been waiting for $10 million from
Rand for pain and suffering. I've been waiting for the money from the
game in California being shut down. I've been waiting for prosecution
of certain people so I will be safer. I've been waiting for people to
figure out the study and the game are both illegal. I've been waiting
for the garnished wages to be turned over to me. They've been
collected and now they need to be given to me.

I've been waiting for law suits to go through, since I still don't have
any of the money I was supposed to have by now. I've been waiting
for people to wake up and smell the coffee. One of these days people
are going to realize they have been harming an innocent sane person
for no reason at all. Shame on them for thinking anyone should be
treated the way I've been treated.

I've been waiting for the love I know is out there to be wrapped
around me, keeping me safe in warm arms filled with kindness.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. This morning
I heard someone say they did what they did to me all night long
because they thought I was into pain and suffering. Unfortunately this
was someone who was supposed to be protecting me and he instead
decided to cause extreme pain, preventing me from getting much rest
at all over night. It was a little obvious by my screaming pain and my
begging for them to stop harming me that I was not in the mood for
any of it to be happening. I'm not really sure how they expect to get
away with what they have been doing by saying they thought I liked it.
People being into harming me because of this study and the horrible
lies it perpetuates is how this has gotten much worse than it was back
in California. Apparently the agreement to pay me $10 million in pain
and suffering sparked renewed hatred from these people and they
have spread it to as many people as they possibly can. So many
people are getting prosecuted for going along with something that
doesn't sound helpful whatsoever.




A Compilation of Writings                                             405
                     WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE?
What will it be like to be safe from drugs and remote controls? What
will it be like to be safe from people touching my body without my
permission? What will it be like to not hear the horrible things people
say about me? What will it be like to be able to do what I want to do
with my life without hindrance? What will it be like when people stop
forcing me to pass out? What will it be like to have people in my life
who don't want to drug me? What will it be like to not have things
explode in my body? What will it be like to not have stuff oozing from
sores on my legs? What will it be like to be safe where I sleep? What
will it be like to have loving men in my life? What will it be like to be
able to work on creative things when the mood strikes? What will it be
like to watch a movie and have no anesthesia involved? What will it
be like to be free?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. A person
who should have known better said he hadn't heard that the study or
the game was illegal or that things had already been resolved back in
California. This was his excuse for harming me? This was his excuse
for continuing what people who are already behind bars taught him to
do? They say ignorance of the law is no excuse. There is no excuse
for what has been done to me, none at all. I am tired of hearing
excuses to be cruel, such as who cares – she's a porn star. No one is
saving you because you're wanted by law enforcement. If that were
actually true, then dereliction of duty is the concept to examine. I am
a US citizen on US soil being tortured by other US citizens. There is
no excuse.




A Compilation of Writings                                             406
          ACCEPTANCE – OR THE LACK OF IT
One of the problems with this disaster in my life is that people have
wanted to obliterate my personality. People don't like who I am
because they have never bothered to take their heads out of this
study. They are too filled with horror stories buried in this study.
Someone said I was actually a nice person. I agreed with him, but I
said I will fight for my rights. People in the study hate me because I
blew the whistle on their crimes. That doesn't make me a bad person.
That gives them motive to undermine everything in my life to make
me look bad so I won't be used as a credible witness against them.

It was a foolish undertaking on their part. They know I have the right
to refuse medication and they took that right away from me. They
know I have the right to refuse medical services and they took that
right away from me. I am who I am and there is no changing who I
am, short of killing me.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. There have
been numerous attempts on my life through this disaster. People
seem to overlook these things when they think about me being a
victim. They like to deny my victim status. They like to think of me as
an insignificant, useless, unwanted person who is better off dead.
How sad is this world when things have been reduced to this level?
Why is human life not valued anymore? Why is innocent until proven
guilty in a court of law meaningless to these people? Why must any
of this continue? People say there are here to witness me being in
pain. How ridiculous is this? There are already plenty of people who
have witnessed this. Why don't they concentrate on stopping the
pain, rather than sitting around and watching me suffer? I view their
point of view reprehensible. There is no point in doubting whether I
am in pain or not since there is a pain monitor that has been installed
in my body. It is a simple as looking at an electronic device. I say call
it done and over and get me to safety. Then all of these devices can
be removed and dealt with so I can go on with my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                             407
If people are still stupid enough to think Rand is the expert on how to
determine if I should be a free person or not, then they need an
attitude adjustment. I am sick and tired of people looking to Rand for
answers when they are the ones causing the problem. People give
them opportunity after opportunity to harm me in the name of being
helpful. It has already been proven in a court of law that what they
have done is nowhere close to being helpful.

I am sickened by the continuation of this disaster when people
already know I am sane and innocent of the horrid accusations. I do
not need to be reinvestigated when there is nothing I have done to
warrant it. I do not need to be restudied when there was no point in
the study in the first place.

I am done with being thought of as chattel and unworthy of being
treated as a human being. Why should people believe that what has
been done to me is my "treatment?" When was the doctor's
appointment when this horrid treatment was explained and I bought
into it? It doesn't show up on surveillance records, so when did it
happen? Who was the doctor who explained what was going to
happen and got my acceptance for it to happen? He or she doesn't
exist, surveillance also shows this.

My patience for law enforcement who doesn't know that drugging
someone against their will without a court order is illegal has run out. I
need law enforcement who knows the basics of the law. I need law
enforcement who knows that I am a victim and need to be heard. I
need law enforcement who knows right from wrong and knows that
torture is not acceptable. If people want to reinvestigate whether I am
a terrorist all over again, then they can do so with the understanding
that if they see crimes against the person they are investigating then
they must take action to stop those crimes. It doesn't matter what
false accusations law enforcement wants to reinvestigate. They are
all false and I don't even have a teaching job any more to investigate.

What on earth are they investigating? A poor victim who has no way
of committing any of the crimes suggested by this ridiculous study?
What new things have I been accused of – laying down on a picnic
bench – laying down on a tarp in a picnic ground – sleeping in a
camp ground – going to the library – sitting in my car with the door

A Compilation of Writings                                             408
open? The list of ridiculous accusations that don't even make sense
warrants what kind of investigation? Are they actually going to
investigate my claim to being a stalking victim and all of these
complaints about me are centered around me being a stalking victim?
That would be interesting to actually acknowledge my victim status
and actually do something to stop it. I am a stalking victim because of
a runaway study. The people doing the study have been harming me
for decades. It must stop. People need to recognize this and take
appropriate action to make it happen.

If law enforcement wants to investigate me for being an alcoholic or a
drug addict, then why don't they help get the money from the
agreement they made happen so I actually have money to do these
fictitious drug buys? At the very least, they will be looked at as heroes
for getting me to safety. Remember people are innocent until proven
guilty in a court of law. Law enforcement knows this. What kind of
investigation is it when all they do is watch me suffer? It doesn't make
them look like the good guys one single bit.

Any investigation into my wrong doing will come up dry, as it did in
California. I have been victimized horribly in South Dakota. If they
want to get upset at my crying out for help and yelling from pain
caused by my stalkers, then why don't they do something positive
about it, instead of standing around watching it happen and trying to
think of ways to quiet my screams. Why not stop what is causing the
pain in the first place? Isn't this the most logical response? Isn't that
what the good guys should be doing – getting to the root cause of the
problem? Or are they really into punishing victims who actually have
the audacity to claim to be a victim when they actually are victims?

The idea of being upset at the victim for being a victim is beyond my
concept of decency. What is the point of law enforcement anyway?
Aren't they supposed to stop crimes? Aren't they supposed to protect
peoples' rights? Don't they defend the constitution? How will they
defend their actions when they are called on the carpet for what they
have done as well as what they have not done? I am done with law
enforcement not knowing the law or their own jobs. I need to move
forward with my life, not wallow in training the people who should
have known what was going on in the first place.



A Compilation of Writings                                             409
                        WRITING PRACTICE
I'm happy people are using my writing prompt pages on my website. I
hope they turn them into a writing journal. I think they are an easy
way to encourage writing practice. People have an easier time writing
when they have a topic and each page of my writing prompts has a
topic at the top and lines to use for writing. I tried to mix up the types
of writing suggested by the prompts to give people chances to try
different types of writing. I tried to make the prompts universal
enough so they could be used by many different age groups.

I set up a table of contents for people to fill in themselves so they
could keep track of their writing. Each page has a place to write a
page number. The idea is that everyone can use the prompt pages in
any order and then record them in a binder to show a record of their
writing growth over time. They say writing is important for improving
writing. I believe in this and I try to make it easy for others to do.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. Responding
to writing prompts has helped me in more ways than I ever thought it
would. I was just looking for writing practice and to be able to apply
my growth to my educational supplements on my website. Instead, I
have found a way to channel my anger at being a victim and finding
little victim assistance. I also found a way to reconnect with people
again after fully isolating myself due to my stalking situation. I have
become stronger because I am more able to discuss the horrid things
that have happened, when I just crumbled when trying to explain the
situation to people who should have already known what was
happening. I now know that some people will never own up to
knowing about my victim status and I will work around that. I have
always believed in myself. I have only had myself to rely on for most
things in my adult life. So my frustration in needing to rely on others
for their law enforcement and legal support and not quite receiving
the results I was expecting gets aired out and I feel better for letting
the world know what has happened in the hopes it will never happen
ever again. Hey, it's already illegal. That's a start.



A Compilation of Writings                                              410
                        WRITING IN SPURTS
I don't know what it says about me to say I write in spurts, but that is
what I do. Sometimes I'm more in the mood and have more to say.
I'm supposed to write every day and I do try to do this. If you count
writing letters, then I'm pretty good at hitting the every day marker.
But in my writing journal, the dates of my writing are definitely
chunked in spurts of writing. Sometimes it's like a list of things are
sitting on my mind a d they finally spill out on paper one by one.
Sometimes I get to writing about one things and it leads to another
thing to write about.

Certainly being a stalking victim is no end of topics to write about,
since this disaster seems to be endless. Sometimes I feel the need to
tell the world about this cruelty so that others will be warned and take
appropriate action. One person said the pen is mightier than the
sword. I say they have been writing about me for long enough. It's my
turn to write my own story.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. I seem to
have spurts of time when I can get away from the victimization for a
while or just deal with ignoring it better than other times. I think this is
part of the reason I write in spurts. People spend so much time trying
to keep me from doing what I want with my life because they actually
think they have a right to direct my life. It makes it hard to get
anything done at all. I would love to see their court documentation
stating they get to run my life for me. It would be fun reading it and
speaking with the judge who signed it. Of course it doesn't exist, so
there is no point to what they have been doing to me for years. One
person I pegged as a health care worker knew I was right when I told
her she knew she couldn't do what she was doing without a court
order and she knew she didn't have one. She just had to sit down and
stop fighting. She knew she had no legal footing to stand on and
knows how things will go in the court room. That's pretty much how
things are now. People know they have done wrong.




A Compilation of Writings                                               411
                       ONE PAGE AT A TIME
They say every journey begins with the first step. Years ago I made
the commitment to myself to become a published writer. I didn't really
care where I was published; I just wanted to be published.

I've always liked making puzzles. I started making word searches for
my class in 5th grade. I find them simple to make. Now I have a
program that makes them interactive on my website. I thought I could
sell my puzzles to children's magazines. I haven't had any luck with
that yet, but I will keep trying. I tried to get some of my poetry
published, but I haven't had any luck with that, either.

I stumbled onto flash fiction in 2007. I read a writing book that said to
join a writing group. I looked for an online writing group because
stalking victims don't mingle much. Flash fiction sounded like
something I could handle between drugging attacks. Very soon after
joining, someone said I should submit my writing and I have twelve
stories published now. It's all one page at a time.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. I hope I will
be able to devote more time to working on my writing and my
website. I hope this time will be pain free soon. Right now it is very
painful with what my stalkers do to me all day and all night. I can
hardly get anything at all done and then there is the anesthesia that
seems to also be non stop. Some days I just hope to survive. My
body has taken quite a blow from this disaster. My teeth are in need
of repair from the drilling done with a dermal tool while I was drugged
with this illegal drugging scheme. My intestines have sores from
capsules exploding inside of me and people turning my insides into a
balloon to hold it in. I have scars from people implanting things inside
of me and then cutting me open to take them out, only to find they are
back again shortly afterwards. I wish people would understand the
need for me to be safe. I have to be safe from these criminals so I
can get this stuff removed and not have it reimplanted into my body
again at a later date.




A Compilation of Writings                                             412
      YOU DIDN'T TELL US HOW THEY GATHER
                    EVIDENCE
People found out one day how evidence against them was being
gathered and they actually got upset with me. I told them what they
were doing was illegal and they should turn people into the authorities
who brought it to them. It's not my responsibility to tell the criminals
how evidence is being gathered. Besides, I tried to explain some
things that have been going on since back in California and it didn't
stop people from harming me.

I've learned that these criminals are being told they will never get
caught, it's not like it's a big deal, it's like a parking ticket and they
won't lose in court. People have even been told no one has been
arrested and no one has been convicted. These people personally
know people who have been arrested and are waiting for their day in
court. But they think there is some way to get out of these
convictions. I wish they had listened to me months ago.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. I wish
people would stop getting themselves into trouble for being vigilantes.
People need to stop taking the law into their own hands and deciding
I am guilty and should be punished. Rand decided that
unemployment was my time served. How foolish of them to keep me
from earning a living. How foolish of them to decide I was guilty
without a trial. How foolish of them for not turning what they thought
was evidence into law enforcement so it could have been dealt with a
whole lot sooner and maybe my teaching career would still be intact.
This is the hardest fight I have ever fought and I will never stop
fighting until I am safe or dead. People say I never stop. I don't have
a choice. I need to get to this money to move forward with my life and
I have to deal with uninformed people who don't understand right
from wrong who think they have a right to keep this money from me. I
hope my money doesn't run out before it gets to me. I don't know
what else to do or where else to go.




A Compilation of Writings                                               413
                   HEALTHCARE DECISIONS
One of the things I have never understood about this mess is people
thinking they have the right to make medical decisions for me. I am
the one in charge of my body and I am the one who is in charge of
making my own medical decisions. I have never signed any paper
stating I have designated another person to make medical decisions
for me. So why have so many people felt they are in charge of
making medical decisions for me?

Why do people think they have the right to drug me against my will
and insert things into my body? They don't have any legal paperwork
whatsoever stating they have this legal authority. So why are they still
doing it? People know they can't do this without a court order and
they know they don't have one. I know people have tried to get this
power over me and they have failed because there is no reason for
the courts to order me to be drugged against my will.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/21/08. I feel the
only way to get this resolved is to help people understand what is
happening so it can be handled in the courts. I write letters and I add
to this document in the hopes that enough people will catch on to
being lied to that it will make a big enough difference to save my life. I
don't know how much more of this illegal drugging my body can
handle. I don't know how much pain I can handle. And there is the
pain right on queue. It is so easy to bait my stalkers. All law
enforcement has to do is hang around where I am and be ready to
collect the evidence and track down the criminals. It's that easy. So I
continue to try my hardest to educate people on the facts of the
situation which can be verified, so this will end sooner than later.
Time is of the essence. I am running out of time because I am
running out of money and have no income heading my way any time I
can count on. I have no idea when I will get the money I need to
move forward, get safe shelter and adequate quantities of good food.
It is a very scary place to be. I have to rely on others to do the right
thing and I haven't had much luck with that over the years.




A Compilation of Writings                                              414
                            ALL HEALED
Every once in a while during this course of this stalking disaster,
people let me know I'm all healed or all better. Some people wonder
why a comment like this is annoying. They don't stop to think about
the implication in it. It means there was something wrong in the first
place.

Since I never had this fictitious psychotic break in the first place and I
never had a personality disorder (just a unique, but normal
personality type), then the whole concept is insulting. It also gives
credit to the people who misdiagnosed me in the first place. It makes
it seem like committing crimes such as drugging me against my will
and performing illegal medical procedures is somehow a good thing.

I'm tired of people thinking it's okay to break the law if you say you're
an expert. It's wrong and people need to know it is wrong.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/23/08. This concept
of all healed is similar to the concept of me being a recovered drug
addict when I was never a drug addict in the first place. I had a
student tell me I was an inspiration for so many people because he
actually thought I was a recovered addict. My cousin's husband
thought there was nothing wrong with being called a recovered drug
addict. The thought that I was never a drug addict in the first place
never crossed his mind. I find this preposterous that someone would
just assume I was once a drug addict. I've never had the money or
the time to be a drug addict in my entire life. Besides, why destroy my
body and my brain? But these healthcare vigilantes think they have
the right to destroy my body and my brain with all of their illegal
drugging. It has never made any sense to me at all. These healthcare
people know how bad it is to give the incorrect medication to
someone and they know how bad it is to overdose someone, so it
makes it look like they are intentionally trying to harm me. The fact
that they are highly trained professionals actually works against them.
They should know better than to do what has been done to me. I
guess things won't go well for them in the court of law.


A Compilation of Writings                                              415
    THEY JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO WORK ON
               YOUR COMPUTER
I'm always curious about comments like, "They just don't want you to
work on your computer." Why would anyone think they have the right
to keep me from using my computer? Are they afraid I might actually
put something on my website that actually might get someone to start
thinking for themselves instead of having Rand do all the thinking?

I guess they are afraid people will find out they are frauds and
charlatans. I guess they are afraid I might actually post something to
my website that makes me seem intelligent and logical. This would
make them look bad since they made up so many stories about me
that can't be verified.

My statements are much easier to verify. My resume can be verified
and it's posted online. My record of being a good teacher can be
verified and I give evidence of it with my educational supplements.
My lack of a criminal record can be verified. There are even people
who will say I have a good personality and know how to get the job
done.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/23/08. Even as I
write this, people want me to stop using my computer by drugging me
at every chance they can find. They really must be afraid of the truth
getting out. This seems to show that what I am saying is true. Why
else would they try so hard to get me to stop posting my point of view
on this stalking disaster caused by a corrupt research corporation
doing an illegal study and game about my life on the internet? I think
their efforts lend to my theory that they know I know the truth.
Otherwise, why not just let my statements just lie there in
cyberspace? They have posted personal and private things about me
on the internet and passed them by word of mouth. This has resulted
in destroying my life. They have trained people how to harm me
physically. My body shows the signs of wear. These drug tests
continue to show high levels of drugs they have given to me, showing
they are harming my body even further with high levels of overdosing.



A Compilation of Writings                                           416
                             IT'S NOISY
Some people think this whole stalking disaster has to do with causing
brain damage to destroy the ability to communicate via telepathy;
something Carl Jung studied briefly and decided was an innate ability
of humans which isn't used much anymore.

I don't know why causing brain damage or torturing someone to keep
them from being normal and healthy is such a wonderful idea.

Someone remarked that it's noisy; so are busy streets, so are
construction sites, so are orchestras warming up for a performance.
Having people commit crimes against me and trying to get me to
leave the state of South Dakota hardly seem to be appropriate
responses at all. It reminds me of bullies who want to get their way,
so they are as mean as possible to someone to get that person to do
what the bullies want.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/23/08. Many people
do what they do to me because someone tells them to. The comment
of would you jump off a bridge if someone told you to which is said by
so many mothers comes to mind. People need to learn how to think
for themselves. There is nothing about this study that sounds logical,
scientific or legal. That is the way it comes out in the courts and I wish
people would use better judgment before committing these horrible
crimes against me. There isn't a defense against these crimes in the
courts. There is a pile of evidence showing how this study has
harmed my person and my livelihood as well as my financial life. I'm
tired of people thinking that my destroyed life is my fault when this
study clearly does things to hold me back from earning even a
meager living. Besides, the court battles have already started and
some of them have already been won. Why do people think they get
to drag this out for the rest of my life? Why do people think they have
a right to study me to death? "You're not going to die," was a
comment I heard today. I guess that person never heard of someone
dying from a drug overdose or getting run off the road. It's too bad
people trivialize my suffering to make it easier for them to contribute.


A Compilation of Writings                                             417
                    PRINTABLE RESOURCES
I have a listing of all of the printable resources on my website under
the information about the webmaster link at the bottom of my home
page. I've been adding a fair amount of printable resources recently,
five just today, so I decided to count them. I have 126 printable
resources on my website as of right now. These range in subjects to
cover English, Math, Computers and Sewing Crafts.

I know people find these printable resources helpful because they
continue to show up on my stats page as high traffic pages. I do my
best to do a round robin of making printable resources for the
different areas, so they are all growing gradually. I added a fair
amount to the computer and craft pages recently, so I should find
something new for the Math and English areas soon. The math
crossword puzzles, divisibility rules worksheet and the crayon
coloring book tote bag are some of the highest traffic pages.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/24/08. My hope is
to eventually have a robust selection of curriculum supplements with
my online and printable resources. I want independent study students
to have assistance at home as well as helping the in class teachers
with ready to use resources that are quick and easy. This is my way
to continue to support the world of education. It's my consolation
prize for losing my teaching career. I now have more time to devote
to updating my educational website. I'm very happy that others find
my resources helpful. It reminds me that I was once a very good
teacher and I still have useful information to give to the world of
education. It helps me to feel connected with the world I used to
enjoy.




A Compilation of Writings                                           418
                    WE'RE PROFESSIONALS
People want me to respect all of their years of education and all of
their degrees and all of their years of experience. I haven't seen
people involved in this study show any respect for my rights as a
person, as a US citizen, as a patient. I haven't seen people do what
their years of training taught them. Only trained anesthesiologists are
to administer anesthesia, but that is not the case in this study.

A patient has a right to refuse medical services and a right to refuse
medication. I have had these rights denied by people implanting
capsules of drugs in my body without my permission for anyone to
come along and release them into my body, including underage
teenagers. What is so professional about this? I'm not seeing any
professionalism to respect. I am seeing people go against years of
training and experience to commit crimes against me. What's the
point?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 10/28/08. This fight to
get people to understand what is legal and what is illegal is hard
going. Some people have spoken to lawyers to find out what has
been done to me is illegal. Unfortunately, this hasn't stopped them
from continuing with this illegal behavior. It is sad to say the least.
The fact that my body is being harmed in the process doesn't seem to
concern these professionals one bit. I'm not so sure I understand why
they are calling themselves professionals in the first place. One day I
will be safe from these people. One day I will get these devices out of
my body. One day people won't be able to walk near me and press a
button to cause me pain. They do seem to enjoy doing it. I guess they
will miss the opportunity. Oh well. They will have to learn to deal with
not having my body as their play toy anymore. I'm not sure why
playing with my body is one of their hobbies in the first place, but
since it is, my life is tragic.




A Compilation of Writings                                            419
                            THE ELECTION
So now we have out first African-American president. We also have a
Democratic majority in both the Senate and the House. What will
come next? Apparently a trip to the National Wax Museum is what
comes next. This is a tradition to have the president-elect visit
Keystone, SD where the National Presidential Wax Museum is
located just two miles from Mt Rushmore.

Now you have to remember Keystone is a very tiny town with all of
about 300 people. This town relies heavily on the tourism industry. In
fact there are parts of the town that just shut down during the winter
months. Skiing isn't big in that section of the hills – not enough snow
to support it. You have to go to the northern Black Hills for that.

I want to know where the president-elect is going to eat. Perhaps he'll
go back to Rapid City where there are more options. Or he could
have some really good pizza across the street from the museum. It's
a thought. Maybe the man eats on the run these days now that he
has such an important place in history to fill. He's the 44th president,
you know.



Notes To The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. One of the
things that was brought into this study disaster that has destroyed my
life was what political party I was affiliated with. I guess this is part of
painting a psychological profile of a person. The research corporation
is a conservative organization and finding out I was a registered
Democrat raised hairs on the backs of their necks. Finding out that I
actually believe a woman has the right to choose what happens with
her body is something an independent woman supports was too
much for them. While on that topic… I have always wondered why
the pro life people are the ones who blow up buildings and kill doctors
who perform abortions. It seems a little strange to kill and destroy to
say how supportive a group is for something called life.

So being the supporter of the underdog, as always. I am so very
happy that we broke the historical barrier in this country. There is no


A Compilation of Writings                                               420
going back now. We will soon inaugurate our first African-American
President of the United States. Keep in mind that we were the ones
who brought the Africans to America in the first place. We have such
a sordid past in this country. I'm ever so glad we are overcoming
such things as discrimination.

Of course this brings me back to the thought of why I have been
discriminated against due to this study disaster. I heard one medical
student say that telling everyone I had a certain diagnosis was
creating a labeling issue and labeling is bad. How about telling people
personal and private (and incorrect) medical information about me is
against health information personal privacy laws? Did that get
discussed in that medical student group's discussion? Did the thought
of health information privacy even get discussed? I have been
concerned with how widely this disaster has spread and how easily it
has spread through the medical community. Why don't these people
see great problems with the study and what people are asked to do
right off the bat? Why is it so hard for these trained and experienced
professionals to see that drugging someone against their will is
illegal? Why can't they see that telling an entire population of people
private and personal things about me, whether they are fact of fiction,
could possibly cause issues in the subject of the study's life?

I've decided that there must be something wrong with the textbooks
to allow such gross legal issues to creep into the medical world.
Surely there is some textbook that tells these people to take a step
back and look at the bigger picture. Surely buried in some textbook
somewhere there is some clause telling these people that if a study is
harming the subject of the study, then perhaps it shouldn't be
continued. Maybe there is some paragraph somewhere that tells
medical people they are not law enforcement. Certainly they discuss
their duties as mandated reporters for child abuse and how they must
work closely with law enforcement, child protection and prosecutors
when they find clear evidence of child abuse. Why not also discuss
how medical people are not supposed to take the law into their own
hands and turn themselves into vigilantes? Wouldn't it be a good idea
to toss that into some textbook somewhere or bring it up in a medical
classroom discussion? It might save people from destroying their
careers later on in life if they only knew that vigilanteism is illegal.



A Compilation of Writings                                            421
I was discussing the presidential election wasn't I? Well, I must say
that I was impressed to see a side by side profile of the two leading
candidates in Cosmo. I was impressed it was in the magazine and
then I was doubly impressed that it included a little note that our new
president-elect supports the idea of guaranteeing jobs for sexual
abuse victims. I don't remember the actual wording, but it caught my
eye. I have run into many people who don't understand what it is like
to be victimized in such a way that it is almost impossible to find a
job. Of course part of that has to do with the fact that this study told
people I was a criminal. They just thought I didn't remember it, so I
was categorized as a mental health patient.

One of the interesting things in this mess is that people would say
periodically that I never mention it. It turns out that people were
saying I had a psychotic break because they thought I didn't
remember committing the horrible crime of child molestation. Did any
of them ever ask me about it? Did any of them ever ask me to tell the
story of what happened that night? Perhaps that is why I didn't talk
about it? I did however discuss the night in question with the FBI
when I felt the research corporation had finally turned over this
supposed key piece of evidence they had withheld for years. I was
told by the FBI that it didn't sound like I did anything wrong. You see,
I was under investigation for being a terrorist suspect at the time this
evening happened. I have a feeling law enforcement already knew I
wasn't a child molester, since I was under surveillance at the time.

Here is the real problem, though. Even though I didn't commit the
crime of child molestation and then forget it. I am very upset that
people I have known for years think that I did commit the crime. I am
saddened that no one ever gave me a chance to explain what
happened that let me know what people were thinking about that
evening, even though I did nothing wrong. I have not wanted to
discuss the details of it here because I am so upset at how a child
was convinced that I did something wrong, when nothing wrong
happened at all. It is all due to this study and people trying to set me
up to see if the things in the study are actually true. This is why health
care should not be in the law enforcement business.

I will tell the story and not give names, but the people this story is
about will know exactly who they are and that saddens me. I

A Compilation of Writings                                                422
volunteered to baby sit overnight for some long term friends so they
could stay at a hotel for their anniversary. I have known these kids
since they were born and the parents for over fifteen years. I had the
whole evening planned with activities because I figured busy kids are
easier to manage than bored kids. We did the laundry together and
make a small quilt, where each kid worked on their own block and I
finished up while they were sleeping. I didn't think about the laundry
using up all the hot water, so when it was bath time and there was no
hot water, I told them to take sponge baths. Between the group of
them, they could handle bath time on their own, so I continued
working on the quilt. I heard the littlest one screaming and came into
the bathroom to see what was going on. The eldest was scrubbing
his face too hard. So I took the wash cloth and finished cleaning the
youngest one's face. He stopped crying and I was going to get up
and go back to my project, but the eldest one told me to wash his
penis.

At this point I turned to look at this kid. This had all the earmarks of a
set up. I was so saddened by it I didn't know what to say. Using
people I knew for years to try to set me up hurt more than you can
know. I decided to do as he asked me to do. I took the wash cloth
and took one swipe of his penis with the wash cloth. It wasn't even a
good washing job at all. I stood up, handed the eldest back the wash
cloth and returned to my project, trying to get over what kind of a set
up this was and who was behind it.

My assumption of what happened while I was not around is that
someone asked some sort of question like, "Did she touch his penis?"
and I'm sure the answer was "Yes." Since this was a set up and the
study had horrendous accusations buried inside of it. I am assuming
these people who did the setting up got upset and told the little one
that I did something terribly wrong, without even knowing the details
of the event at all or even asking me about it. This is how a study
goes off the deep end and destroys peoples' lives. Even though that
little boy was happy that whole evening and the next morning when I
was baby sitting, the next time I went to visit the family, he was shy
and didn't want to come close to me anymore. How much more did I
really need to see?




A Compilation of Writings                                               423
The pain of this little boy thinking he was harmed by me hurts. The
pain that people who knew me for years thinking I did something
wrong hurts. The pain of these people not even discussing it with me
hurts. The pain of people not getting to the bottom of it in time for a
child to be saved the pain of thinking someone did something bad
hurts.

So what do you do when multiple investigations say I am innocent of
this long list of accusations and a health care study says I'm guilty
because they haven't heard the outcome of the investigation? People
have even asked me to get a copy of the investigation so they can
read it.

The investigation wasn't spread all around all over the place, but the
study was. So people are continually told that I am a bad person and
the study has evidence of it, when law enforcement knows it's not
true. So I have had to get lawyers and law enforcement to stop the
health care vigilantes from breaking the law in so many different
ways, while fighting the law enforcement who doesn't know about the
investigations who think anything that comes out of the world of
health care must be completely true. It has been a very difficult battle
to say the least. The law is on my side, so the lawyers are having an
easy time winning in court on my behalf, but I still don't have any of
the court awarded money from this disaster and I am still attacked by
people believing in this criminal health care study on a daily and
nightly basis.

One of these days things will be better for me. One of these days the
lawyers will get that money for me so I can buy a safe place to live
where health care vigilantes can't hurt me anymore. But what of that
little boy and his family who mistakenly believe I did something
horribly wrong? I considered these people my adopted family. They
were my best friends. I spent so many holidays with them. They were
the place I could go to get a break from this disaster, until someone
involved with the study contacted them and ruined it all. This study
has destroyed so many things in my life; it’s hard to count them all.
When does it stop and when do I get to try to start my life again?




A Compilation of Writings                                            424
                A COMPILATION OF WRITING
I started a document early in 2008 called A Compilation Of Writing.
My original intent was to get an electronic form of my writings all in
one location and to write commentary about those writings to save
what I had done and to make an attempt to get my family to
understand me. My family has never really understood me. The
person with the closest personality was my dad and I didn't get along
with him. The person who I got along with the most was my youngest
cousin.

I didn't tell my family much about my life for many reasons. A major
one was sharing an accomplishment or achievement with them sent
them into the mindset that I was bragging again. So what was the
point of telling them much at all?

When I heard that people were getting information from my family
about me and looking to my family as experts on who I was as a
person, I got upset. My family knows precious little about who I am
and what I have done with my life. At one point someone asked me if
I thought my family didn't know me very well. I was so shocked by the
understatement my answer was loud and direct. No one who knows
me well thinks my family knows me well. But there is the rub. The
people who know me well have almost become extinct because of
the study.

Every time I have people in my life I enjoy spending time with, they
are dragged down into the pits of this disastrous study and it is no
longer fun to spend time with them since they are so focused on the
horrendous rumors deep in this study. It hurts every single time it
happens.

Now they do it with complete strangers. Now I have no way of adding
new people to my life because their heads are already filled with
disgusting lies before they even get to know me. Their only interest is
they heard there was money in getting information from me. I even
heard one person say they were never supportive of me. People
pretend to be supportive in the hopes that a fake friend will be able to
get information from me to complete the study for the billionth time.


A Compilation of Writings                                            425
So this has left me to go to people who know of my accomplishments
in the workplace and in my personal life. People who stand out as
people who did something positive for me, stand out because this
study has created so many negative people in my life. People hear
the list of accusations in the study and think I must be a horrendous
person, but they are told to be nice to me to get information.

There was actually one person who was shocked at just a partial
listing of things I have been accused of. He was shocked that one
person could be accused of so many different things. I would think
more people would be shocked at this list being impossibly long.
People who have had me under surveillance when I was actually
working, would say that I had no time to commit the crimes listed. It
was just impossible because of who I am and because of time and
resources and the lack of desire to commit crimes in the first place.

It is hard to think about how much I am relying on these people to
save my life. I have spent most of my life relying on myself almost all
of the time because so many people have let me down over the
years. Now all of my resources are exhausted and I have no choice
but to rely on others for support. I'm still waiting for people to do the
right thing. The lawyers shouldn't have to fight so hard to get people
to do the right thing, but that is the way it is.

How many people have tried to keep money that s rightfully mine
away from me? How many opportunities have been taken away from
me because of this study going overboard? How many crimes have
been committed against me because of rumors? How much pain,
emotional and physical, have I been in because of a study? I ask
again. If the subject of a study is adversely affected by a study,
should the study continue?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. There was a
person who I knew who would have been considered an expert in this
mess who said, "She's looking at the pencil." She was trying to
decide if I was staring at a tutoring student's crotch or paying
attention to my job of helping him with his math. This happened as a

A Compilation of Writings                                              426
direct result of this study. This same person exclaimed that she had
no idea how to help someone with a problem like this. Perhaps
talking to me directly, instead of engaging in the indirect banter that is
so familiar to this study, would have been a better approach. This
person did her best to help resolve the problem, but she found out too
late that she was working with one of my stalkers. I care about this
person and her family, yet I have no idea how to talk to her because I
am aware of things she did that I would never agree to.

I used to tell people there was no point in apologizing if they didn't
know what they were apologizing for. There are people who don't
know I am aware of more things than the study leads people to
believe. The study has been busy trying to convince people that I am
not aware of what goes on in the study. They have been trying to tell
people this is secret health care and the patient knows nothing about
it. Why anyone would think secret health care was a good idea is
beyond me, but they also call it free health care. I don't call my life
being destroyed free. If it was really free health care, then I would
have the right to refuse medication and the right to refuse medical
services as all patients do.

I have a right to know my own medical history. I have a right to have
a copy of my medical records. The people in the study have taken
many rights away from me, but if a giant research corporation is
going to call themselves health care policy makers, then they should
know health care law. They should know that I have rights as a US
citizen and as a human being as well as a patient. They call me a
subject of a study and think that trumps everything and takes away all
of my rights to leave me with no recourse. The lawyers are busy
explaining to them that isn't legal. If it were, then any criminal could
commit a crime and call it a study to get away with the crime. There
doesn't seem to be much to it at all, since they never got FDA
approval for the devices in my body and never officially registered the
study as a clinical study, which actually involves talking to me and
getting my consent before things are done. Imagine that?




A Compilation of Writings                                             427
              A REASON TO SAY BAD THINGS
I overheard a conversation that made me laugh. Rand has been
referred to as my mother in many of these conversations I am not
supposed to understand. The conversation I overheard said that if the
person didn't want his or her mother to day such bad things about
him or her, then maybe he or she shouldn't say so many bad things
about his or her mother. This was obviously a phone conversation so
I could not tell the actual sex of the person on the other end of the
conversation.

This sent me into laughter because if you take it and apply it to this
disaster the study has caused in my life, then it sounds like a giant
research corporation is intentionally trying to tell as many horrible
things they can think of and spreading things around on the internet
and in person because I said something about them they didn't like.

This is funny because it makes a giant research corporation look like
they are retaliating against the subject of the largest study ever done
in the history of the corporation.

Now why would a research corporation waste their time retaliating
against one person unless there was a reason? Could it be that I've
stumbled on some truth and that truth embarrasses them? Maybe
they should have given that some thought when they began this
mess years ago.

Now this corporation has been telling people rumors about me for
years. They tell anyone they can find. This is what they call a study.
They say they think I'm a bad person and set people to the task of
determining if I am a good person or a bad person, if I can be trusted
to live my own life and make my own decisions, even handle my own
money. Too bad they don't know much about the law. They could
have avoided quite a lot of embarrassment.

Someone asked me one day if I was trying to take down a
corporation. One corporation is already down. The corporation
formed to turn my life into a game on the internet was dissolved back
in California and the assets were distributed. It's curiously odd how a


A Compilation of Writings                                            428
corporation set up to be a charity for me didn't end up giving me any
of the money from the charity. It makes you think about things, since
the head of that corporation was also the head of the health
department at Rand.

Now I am not the one going into the courtroom and fighting the
battles there. I am the victim of daily abuse, both verbal and physical
due to a study gone out of control. I remain in this position of victim
until someone gets the money from the legal actions, that is rightfully
mine as determined by the courts, to be in my possession. It's not
known if I will still be victimized at that time, since people have
threatened to harass me and drug me for the rest of my life, whether I
have money or not. That's where the need for lifetime protection
comes into play. How sad this whole mess is.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. My brother
sent me an email with a piece of writing from somewhere talking
about someone being afraid of so many things and suddenly they
decided not to be afraid anymore and their life got so much better
after that conscious decision. My brother wants me to think that there
is nothing to be afraid of. Any brother would want that for their sister.
But my brother has not seen the reports made by law enforcement
documenting the crimes that have been committed against my
person. He does not know how much damage has been done to my
body from the drugs and so-called medical procedures. He wants me
to think, like Rand does that the study isn't happening and I am not
being drugged against my will and no one is touching my body
without my permission. But then there are those people who actually
have knowledge of the reality of the situation who are glad that I am
so in touch with reality.

People have spent time trying to convince me that I am not a victim
because the things that have been done to me were done as part of
the study. The research corporation actually provided training in how
to do these things to me. So, if I say I am a victim, then that makes
them criminals. The maddening part of this is, I am not the one who
determines if I am a victim or not. That is determined in a court of law
with trials ending in convictions for what people have done to me.

A Compilation of Writings                                             429
There are arrests and investigations that are leading to convictions.
That and the fact that I know things have happened against my will
are what determines my status as a victim.

One person even asked me if I had been declared a victim. I told him
yes. I was trying to find out what was happening with the court
ordered payments that I didn't have. I didn't want to embarrass
people by giving their names to this man. He said that was the way to
look up what was happening with the payments. I will leave it to the
lawyers for now. I know they are aware of the situation. I just need to
find a way to buy food, shelter and gas for the car while they are
battling it out in court. That is something that is very scary.

I know my brother doesn't want me to be afraid, but there are so
many things that have been done to me as a result of being drugged
against my will that are so scary. I never know how bad it will be each
time I am drugged. I never know how much I will be harmed. I never
know where they will add things to my body or where they will take
them out. Wouldn't it be scary to go into an operation when no one
explained anything to you? Wouldn't it be scary if you didn't get to
decide who could touch your body? Wouldn't it be scary if you knew
your body was being overdosed by strangers and you couldn’t get
them to stop placing your life in jeopardy? People should think about
how it is for me to think about why I am scared every single time I am
drugged against my will.

Imagine waking up knowing someone raped you while you were
passed out from being drugged. Date rape drugs are horrible things.
They hide the identity and even the crime from the victim to allow the
criminal to get away with the crime. If I weren't under surveillance,
then these criminals might get away with the crimes. They have been
doing just that for years. It is my responsibility to stand up for victims
who are not able to stand up for themselves. It is my responsibility to
be strong for them, so that they will stand up and fight. If enough
people fight crimes, then there is hope they will end. The reality is
crimes happen every day. But things will never get better if victims
don't stand up for their rights.




A Compilation of Writings                                              430
                               KISMET
What does kismet mean? I looked it up in the dictionary one day and I
didn't find the meaning I wanted to find. I was sad.

The meaning I've always had in my head for this word is the feeling of
love at first sight. It's the fantasy of many little girls to fall madly in
love with their Prince Charming at first sight. Isn't that what the fairly
tales with happy endings are all about?

This journey I've been on to end this disaster and start my life over
has had some other side stories spring to life. I've told some of them
in previous writings.

Love is as important to me as breathing. I have always searched for a
man who would love me as much as I loved him. It turns out I've
stumbled across a few men who say they love me, whether it is in the
romantic sense or just as a strong friend. Love is waiting for me. I'll
get there someday.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. One of the
sad parts of this disaster is that there are people who want to be with
me and protect me while they are in arms reach. One of the problems
with this is some of these people have been targeted. One man
ended up in the hospital more than once because of what my
criminals did to him to keep him from protecting me or even being
with me while I am not drugged. The very people I want to be with
and to feel safe with are the ones I have to work to protect. Now how
am I supposed to protect these people? I don't know. I just try
whatever I can think of and hope it helps. It's kind of how I help law
enforcement and lawyers get this disaster handled. I just keep trying
anything that comes to mind. Occasionally I come upon some things
that actually do help in the court room or out in the field with the
ongoing investigations and surveillance. Some people say I am smart
to think of these things. I feel like I am persistent and that wins out
most of the time. Okay, so I do have some smarts, too. Kiss kiss…



A Compilation of Writings                                              431
                            SEARCH STRINGS
I enjoy looking at the statistics page for my educational website
www.edonyourown.com. I find all sorts of things of interest. I can see
which pages of the website are most popular so I can add more
things like that and I can see what other web pages link to my site,
which adds to my wonder that people like things so much on my site
they actually link to them. I can also see which pages people save in
their favorites to go to directly from their web browsers.

The thing most interesting to me is the search strings. These are
things people type into search engines to find my site. I use them as
a source of ideas of what people want so I can work to meet that with
items on my site. I have come up with totally new ideas on the site
just by looking at this listing.

Sometimes I see people searching for my name or my website
address. This means someone wants to find what I am doing. I think
of this as a good thing because they will either find something they
want or they will learn who I really am by spending time going through
my site.

This week someone has been looking for my geometry terms
crossword puzzle and they are using my name as part of the search
criteria. Either these people know me or I am starting to get famous.
Either way people want to use my resources and either way it is cool.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/05/08. People
targeted my statistics page with viruses a while back. They knew I
enjoyed looked at them and they wanted to take that joy away. The
website host informed me that files were found on my site that were
bad and they were removed and they reset my password with the
assumption that someone logged into my site with my password to
place these files on the site. Basically this study gone wild has turned
into an attack on anything that I like or enjoy or that makes me happy.
Think of what it means to take everything away that brings joy.



A Compilation of Writings                                            432
                            A PICNIC GROUND
I'm sitting in a picnic ground right now. There is snow all around from
a recent blizzard. I shoveled a path to the restroom so I wouldn't get
cold and wet from the snow. I scooped up some snow in a container
and now it's water. Watching a change of state has always been
interesting.

The snow is starting to melt in rings around the trees. I think the dark
barked trees attract more heat from the sun, so the snow melts faster
there than anywhere else.

The snow has melted off of some of the tables and the sidewalk is
starting to show around the parking lot.

This is a place I can be while everyone else gets things resolved in
the courts. I can read and write surrounded by trees and not too
many people. I can have a little peace and quiet between remote
control attacks. It's a home away from home until I am safe. It's public
land I am very grateful to have available to me in my time of need.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. This is a
warm up to get back into the writing swing of things. I just wanted to
mark the time and place and what it looked like at the time. Someone
had made a run through of the circular parking lot with a snow plough
so I could get into the place. It was totally snowed in when the
blizzard hit the area.




A Compilation of Writings                                            433
  EGGS AND BACON IN A PAPER BAG OVER AN
               OPEN FIRE
My favorite thing to eat at Girl Scout Camp is eggs and bacon in a
paper bag over an open fire. I first tried it when I was a counselor in
training and it's a great way to kill time on cook's day off when I was a
camp counselor. It always gave the kids something to write home
about.

Use an ordinary paper bag for lunches. Line the bottom with a bacon
slice cut in half. This seals the bottom of the bag so the egg doesn't
all drip out of the bag. Break an egg and pour it on top of the strips of
bacon. Fold down the top of the bag and stick a stick through it. Then
hold it over an open fire. The bacon should sizzle, but not catch on
fire. Check every once in a while to see if it's cooked all the way. If
bags catch on fire, drop them into the fire and start over. When it's
done, rip the bag and eat out of the bag. Burn the bag when done. No
clean up!



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I was listing
things that would be in my life when this disaster was done and I
have the money awarded to me in court. I started listing foods I
wanted to eat and this title came up on the list, so I decided to jot it
down. The one piece of advice that goes with this outdoor activity is:
remain positive about it. If the adults are negative, the kids will pick
up on it and there will be no success. I found this out the hard way. I
had other counselors take care of the activity once and it was a total
failure. When I ran it, things went well. The adults have to be into it
and stay encouraging. I guess this goes with most advice for working
with kids, especially teenagers. Enjoy.




A Compilation of Writings                                             434
                            MAKING CONTACT
Contacting the right people at the right time has always been a part of
this disaster in my life. How do I explain it to people? How do I get
people to not participate? How do I get it to stop? Who can help me?
Who will listen? Who will understand? For years I've been trying to
get this stopped. For years I've dealt with workplace harassment. For
years people have been drugging me against my will and doing
things to my body without my permission.

It took people going off the deep end to get anyone to notice I needed
law enforcement and legal assistance. There were rumors that turned
into accusations that turned into legal investigations, but the study
never stopped turning out vigilantes, even when there were
investigations by law enforcement underway. My life has been in
danger because of a study that went overboard. Law enforcement
and lawyers had to act to arrest and prosecute people. People and
companies had to be sued. People are angry.

But why are people angry at the victim? Is it because they have
always known it was illegal and they figured they would never get
caught?

There was a time when I thought I could just start over and go back to
being a business analyst working for a placement agency. It's too bad
the research company decided to ruin that possibility. I could have
paid my bills. I could have moved on, but it turns out they were still
stuck on their erroneous assumption that I had committed a crime
and had no memory of it, instead of not committing a crime at all.

What fools they were to interfere with my work life for all of those
years. What fools they were for standing in my way. I guess they
never noticed how strong I am and how much I believe in myself. It
must not be much of a study if they didn't even know that.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. My anger at
this study ruining my life by preventing me from living my own life is
clear. What makes them think they know how to run my life?


A Compilation of Writings                                              435
                            WHAT WAS THAT?
One day when I still lived in South Lake Tahoe and I still had a house
and I still had a teaching career I loved, Jo-el Patterson asked me,
"What was that?" My response was, "My own little earthquake." What
were we discussing? We were discussing what happened when Jo-el
pressed a button to something in his pocket. When he pressed the
button, my body went into a short sequence of muscle spasms. The
remote control capabilities of people associated with the study have
been going on since I was a kid.

Jo-el decided to try one out on me to see if I knew anything about the
invasiveness of this study. He decided I knew nothing about it and he
could quietly go about his business of ruining my entire life. He was
contacted by every single group and individual or he contacted them.
He ran things so no one knew the full story. He lied to everyone.

His goal seemed clear. He wanted to destroy my entire life, get me
committed and become my guardian. Then he would check me out of
the mental health ward and take me to his home in Arizona where he
would slowly torture me to death. He wanted to own me. He wanted
to take possession of me. He held all the cards and he was running
the show.

How easy it was for him to tell the research corporation he was my
husband? They believed him with no supporting evidence
whatsoever. Just like they thought the Bouyssounouse family were
my blood relatives just because it was my last name. They couldn't
remember I kept my married name when I got my divorce all those
years ago. It makes their claim to having 35 years of data all that
more ridiculous.

I lucked out when some of law enforcement figured out they had been
lied to. Jo-el is gone forever, but the study still lives on, filled with the
lies, misunderstandings and incompetence.

So now I have new remote controlled devices in my body and new
people using them. The research corporation never learned their



A Compilation of Writings                                                436
lesson. They never figured out they don't have the right to run my life
for me.

At this very moment, my right hand is going numb by the use of
remote control devices implanted in my body. It makes me wonder
how these people ever thought making someone's hand go numb
would ever be looked at as a good thing. For years I've had to shake
out my hands to get things functioning again. Why can't I be left
alone? Why do they like to play with my body like a remote control
video game? What's the point?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. Jo-el
Patterson convinced so many people he was a good guy and that he
was helping get things resolved. In reality he was working angles
from all sides and working towards his own goals. He heard the
rumors and believed them to be true. He decided he was in charge of
punishing me. When people finally figured out he was a bad guy, I
believe my life was in even more danger. They found demurral on his
body at the autopsy. I guess that is how he disguised what he did to
my body for those videos on the fake porn site he enjoyed updating.

It hurts me so much to know so many people I knew believed it was
my porn site and not a crime. It hurts me so much to know so many
people who knew me believed I was a child molester. How many
people believed I was a child stalker? These are just some of the
things presented in this study for people to believe because they think
studies are infallible. People think studies are perfect and no one ever
tells lies in a study. Too bad I had to be the one who was lied about in
a study and too bad so many people decided to commit crimes
against me because of the lies in the study. What a waste of a
teaching career and a productive life and who knows how much time
they have taken off of my life with all of the drugging and other things
that have been done to me. I still have trouble accepting so many
people going along with the horrible things that have been done to
me. What is wrong with people these days?




A Compilation of Writings                                            437
                   PLANS FOR THE WEBSITE
I found a few pages in my writing journal with lists of things to put on
my website. My writing practice and my website building seem to be
intertwined. I think that's good because I'm trying to improve my
writing in order to make better quality educational resources on my
website.

At the moment, about all I can do is continue to create printable
resources to add to the website. Not that that is a bad thing. It's just
that I have all of these major programming ideas that require hours of
time concentrating while being on a computer/internet with resources
like books and electricity. A picnic ground doesn't really fit the bill.

But I can visualize things in my head so I can sketch out rough drafts
of craft directions and even some simple computer programs for my
programming worksheets to later be turned into electronic form for
posting on the site.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I have bit
plans. All I have to have is the resources to do them. Being a stalking
victim and having vigilantes take the law into their own hands and
decide I'm guilty without benefit of the legal process has destroyed
my life. Any attempts to get my life back on track have been thwarted
by the people involved with the study deciding how my life should be
without even having the decency to discuss their decisions with me.
They just decide if I am allowed to work or not. They just decide if I
will be drugged or not. They just decide if I will have people touching
my body without my permission or not. They can't even tell that what
they are doing is illegal. If they just pulled back from the situation just
a bit and looked at the bigger picture, they would realize that they
have treated me worse than actual convicted criminals are treated.
This is why people have rights that are upheld by the law. One of
these days people will get their acts together and do the right thing.
Until that time, I attempt to make it one day at a time.




A Compilation of Writings                                               438
                            MY OWN BOOKS
I have a growing list of books I want to have published. I have my
Chickidoodle Chronicles which will come out in more than one
volume. I want to work on completing my idea for a beginning
programming workbook based on the concept I started with my online
resources for using Bloodshed Dev C++. Those are like my rough
draft. The final book will have more exercises and I might change a
few things.

I also want to have a sewing, quilting and craft book. I don't know if I
want them split up into separate books or not. At the moment I'm
leaning towards having separate books. I want to have a series of
beginning books and easy projects.

Then I want to beef up each section of my website and make a
workbook to go along with each section. Some people prefer having
the pages they can turn and look at away from a computer.
Sometimes it is easier to use paper in a classroom situation, since
there aren't a whole lot of computerized classrooms.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I think I
could take some of the sections of my website and pull together some
more materials to make small workbooks, such as the sight word
section. I already have the start of what I want and I have an idea of
more things to add to the workbook. I can just put all the different lists
into one workbook to help those who are struggling readers. I will
have a different section for each word set and then a section with all
of them mixed together as a review. That way each section can be
introduced on its own and then have a review of the previous
sections. I want word searches and crossword puzzles as well as
some other activities along with the worksheets I already have
created on the site. It would be a good one to test in the educational
community to see if it was heading in the right direction.




A Compilation of Writings                                             439
                            QUILTING PLANS
I have a running list of ideas backing up for quilts I want to make. It's
hard to work on them at a picnic ground, so the ideas float around in
my head. It's better to put them on paper so I don't forget. That way
they don't keep replaying in my head over and over again.

I want to make an hourglass quilt starting with ten inch squares of
fabric, cutting them all into diagonals and swapping the top two
opposite pieces for the bottom of the stack so I can just sew them all
together as they sit in the stack for the blocks. My idea is to make a
quick easy quilt to get me flowing with sewing again. I suppose this
also falls into the written directions for the site. Any easy idea I find
goes on the site, so this one will make it very soon.

I also want to make a striped quilt. I like row quilts and I've made one,
but I like the bigger idea of sewing two stripes together end to end to
make a larger quilt. I think I will make it out of a different width for
every stripe. I might make both sides stripes.

Then I want to work on a table cloth with a set of squares turned on
point for a border around the print fabric for the center. I'll use thin
batting, so it works for the table or cuddling, whichever is most
needed.

Then I want to do more complex block designs once I feel all warmed
up on the easy ones I just finished. I like the idea of having machine
embroidered center squares in a star block for a kids quilt. I also like
a design with a lot of triangles since I don't do triangles very much. I
also want to do a simple appliqué quilt with just one design repeated
by using the inside out appliqué method.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/12/08. I have so
many ideas. I just need the time and resources to get them done.
One day people will do the right thing and get the money to me from
this disaster. Court orders have to be followed at some time.



A Compilation of Writings                                              440
                            A NEW JOURNAL
I feel like I should be brimming with new ideas for a new writing
journal. I have been writing for some time today to finish off my old
journal. I was just too excited about being so close to the end of the
previous one. It was my very first writing journal to ever be
completed.

I started my first writing journal over Christmas break in 2005, while I
was living in my little cabin in the woods in South Lake Tahoe. I had
promised myself I would work harder on starting an actual writing
career after working off and on with a children's writing course since
1999 in Orangevale, California.

I bought some writing books for my present to myself and one of
them suggested a daily writing journal and gave some suggestions of
what to write about. It was for story ideas and writing practice.

In this whole mess of moving to find safety, things have been left
behind or lost in the transition. That journal is in Long Beach or
auctioned off to someone with other belongings of mine that were
once in a storage unit.

So now I've submitted stories, poems and puzzles to various online
and print magazines. The only ones to be accepted to date have
been the flash fiction stories generated by writing prompts from my
online writing group. I have twelve of those published now.

In my writing journal, I try to fill at least one page per heading. Most of
them are just one page, but every once in a while I have a lot to write
and I just keep turning pages. That's one of the reasons I like to
number the pages myself and add to the table of contents myself.
The table of contents was an idea from the writing book. I liked it
because it sounded like I would appear to be organized.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I'm actually
very organized about some things and then completely disorganized


A Compilation of Writings                                              441
about other things. It depends on how much something means to me
or how much time I have to organize things. Sometimes it just doesn't
matter if things are organized or not. It's funny that the study says so
many different things. Some people would call me very organized and
others would call me a slob. I can be both. It all depends on what is
most important at that time. I am generally more organized
electronically than anywhere else. I usually know where I put things
electronically. I can usually find things in my office even if they are in
a pile on a desk, too. I just remember how long ago it was that it
happened and dig that deep in the pile. That was for my very busy job
as an independent study teacher. I was completely organized for a
portion of the job and then everything else fell where it fell. There was
no time to get it all organized.

For my sewing and crafts, I like things to be organized, except when I
am in the middle of something. When I am in the middle of
something, I like to have things out where I can see them to get ideas
of what I want to do next. It's like choosing which color to paint with
and looking at all of the choices all over the floor and any surface
available. Then it all goes away at the end so I know where to find
things the next time. So that fluctuates as time goes on and the
projects vary.

For school work, I stay as organized as time permits. I like to be
organized enough to keep track of things over time. I like to look at
my accomplishments on bad days so I can remember I have come a
long way. It helps with motivation.

So why am I talking about being organized? Well, it was where I
ended up on the topic I just typed and it is also part of this study.
People decided I was both a slob and an organizational freak and
couldn't handle anything out of place. Can you tell I think the study is
worthless? They never kept track of any of their findings and they
never kept track of any of the closed off issues where I had been
determined to be sane and innocent. Too bad my life had to be
trampled because they couldn't organize their own data. Maybe they
will figure out how to do the right thing and give me the money they
already agreed to give me over two years ago.




A Compilation of Writings                                             442
                            A NEW JOURNEY
Perhaps a new writing journal signals a new journey. I started my
previous journal while being attacked on a daily and nightly basis
everywhere I went by my stalkers in South Dakota. I started it about
three months after arriving in South Dakota.

Even though I'm still being attacked on a daily and nightly basis in
South Dakota, things have changed a little. Some of the criminals are
behind bars now. That is a huge step forward. Some of the lawsuits
have been won in court. That is also a huge step forward. People are
finally finding out how much danger I've been in all this time and are
working to prevent it from happening the best they can. This is
monumental.

I try to remember these giant leaps towards ending this mess as I
continue to get attacked. Maybe more people will be stopped and
safety is coming very soon.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I have to be
safe from these people soon. Someone has to come up with a way to
get this money to me so I can find a safe place to live. These people
don't have any self control whatsoever. As I have been typing this
page, people are setting things off in my left foot to make it itch like
crazy. It is an internal itch that I can't really reach. I don't have any
idea why these people think causing all of this pain and suffering is
any good to anyone. They seem to feel they have a right to harm me
as much as they feel like. It is quite annoying and hurtful. I wish they
would leave me alone. My life has already been destroyed. There
isn't anything left to destroy, except for my actual ability to survive
and live to see another day. It makes me wonder what their actual
goals are at this time. They are a very scary bunch of people who
can't tell when something is illegal and can't tell right from wrong. And
they just continue to set off this stuff in my foot. I guess they don't like
me writing about what they are doing to me. Oh well… It’s already out
there for the world to see, just like the study is.



A Compilation of Writings                                               443
                            MORE COLORS
I feel more creative with more colors. The writing journal I have colors
on the edges of the pages and I like that because I can get excited
about being in a different set of colored pages, but I also like writing
in different colored ink on the pages. I need to go buy more colors
because I'm down to two blues and a pink.

My quilts are very colorful, too. I like including many different colors in
each quilt to make it busy and vibrant. I am also learning to use
background fabrics in a way to make the beautiful colors pop out of
the quilt. I think my quilts change over time as I learn more and I'm
exposed to more.

I also like to keep an eye on what can be used for my website these
days. So I think of easy designs to use for beginner directions. I like
to cater to the beginners or people who don't have a lot of time on
their hands. That fits me to a T.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I think
variety is a good thing. Once my brother asked me if I had any other
hobbies than sewing. It seemed liked such an odd question for
someone in a family with a strong history of hand crafts including
sewing. I do so many different things with sewing that I don't see it as
just one thing I do. It's like a huge category with so many different
things to choose from. Consider liking to drive and then think of all the
places there are to drive to. Is it just one thing or is it so many
different little excursions that always keep you on the go?




A Compilation of Writings                                               444
                            BRAVE FACE
I flipped through the pages of my writing journal and I found lists of
things to write about which I never got around to writing. Brave face is
one of those things.

Brave face is what I put on every single time I try to go to sleep. I
know I'll be drugged against my will and I know I will more than likely
be touched against my will. I put on brave face to get through it with
my sanity. I try to pretend as hard as I can that I'm not afraid.

It's all in the glimmer of a hope that I'll be okay in the morning and
bad guys will be arrested. I don't like to have to put on brave face
ever. Sometimes I end up staying awake for most of the night or all of
it because the people waiting to touch my body against my will are
giving off such a scary feeling for me to feel that I'm too scared. So I
stay up and talk them to death in the hopes they will listen to reason.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I'm going to
try to get as much of this writing updated as possible. So I'll skip the
commentary on some of these. I've been using brave face since I
was still in South Lake Tahoe. The main difference now is that law
enforcement is more engaged in arresting the people who drug me
and do other things to my body.




A Compilation of Writings                                             445
                  MY EARS ARE ON MY HEAD
I've learned quite a lot about law enforcement and the health care
industry as well as a smattering of things about the world the lawyers
live in. One of the more interesting things I've learned along the way
is that the mental health world seems out of touch with reality.

I was once asked if I heard voices in my head. This seems like one of
the more stupid questions I have ever been asked. My ears are
attached to my head. Where else would I hear? Do they think my feet
are doing the hearing? And they actually think the answer to this
stupid question helps them understand if someone is sane or insane.
What are they printing in the textbooks that make professionals think
this determines psychosis?

Then there is the question of who the president is. So should I
answer with the official president or the president-elect? Or should I
play dumb to represent those who don't care about politics in this
country?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I am
embarrassed for the health care industry. Why would people in
charge of helping people heal be interested in punishing people with
drugs? Why would people who heal want to cause horrible pain to
someone by remote control? Why would healers want to drive
someone into poverty and have them be isolated from everyone in
their life because of horrible rumors that are spread around to
everyone in a clear HIPPA violation? Don't they know the rules for
their own industry? Don't they know that patients have rights? Don't
they know they need a court order to drug someone against their will?
Why on earth would health care people want to violate court orders
and commit crimes against someone they are studying? It makes no
sense at all. Why would someone say I am delusional when law
enforcement backs up what I say?




A Compilation of Writings                                            446
                               RESCUE
I used to beg people to rescue me. It's sad to have to beg people to
rescue a woman being drugged against her will, raped and tortured,
but that is what happened.

The problem was people couldn't figure out why I was begging to be
rescued. They either didn't know I was being drugged and raped and
tortured or they thought it was a movie and I was faking it or they
thought I was going through some sort of training to toughen me up
(as they talked about it in Southern California when they were looking
for excuses to be cruel to me).

Finally, after much talking and fuming and explaining and yelling, I got
some people to wake up out of their malaise. Some people actually
figured out the drugging was illegal, I was not writing a movie script
(That was Chad.) and I was not looking to be toughened up as most
victims are not. Finally things are going in the right direction. Rescue
should come soon.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. This is a
slow rescue where many lawyers and many law enforcement and
many others actually fight off masses of people who want to harm me
because they heard some rumor in a study. After so many people
have been convicted and so many court battles for money have been
won, I am out of work and almost out of money because there is still
a battle going on over where the money that is legally mine as
granted by the courts actually is. It's not in my possession. I'm waiting
for this money to get to me so I can find a safe place to live and move
on with my life. I struggle to get by every day with what little I have. It
seems so strange to know I am supposed to be a millionaire and yet
not have enough money for food and gas for the car. Why can't
people do the right thing? No one has paperwork stating they are in
charge of my money, so why would anyone hold it from me? It
certainly isn't helping me any to keep me impoverished. It isn't
helping anyone else, either. It looks pretty bad for the people who do
owe me money to have me not have it and suffer further on a daily
basis.


A Compilation of Writings                                               447
                            FAKE DREAMS
Fake dreams are what people use as a test. They drug me and then
suggest scenes of things that are supposed to set me up for failure
because they believe the garbage in the study that says I'm a bad
person.

I once had to figure out why I had started wetting my bed after years
of not wetting my bed. I had to look at my dreams to realize out of
nowhere a toilet was appearing and I was using it thinking I was
awake. The use of the pee button was also a factor. So I was able to
wake myself up and use the actual toilet and then the toilets
disappeared from my dreams and the problem never happened
again. This leads me to believe this study has never been looking
after my best interest. I was in elementary school at the time of the
toilet dreams.

Out here in South Dakota, people have been getting very upset at the
fake dreams because they want me to commit a crime in my dream to
show I have the potential to commit a crime. Their main focus is child
molestation. Since they are totally off base with the thought that I
actually molested a child, these dreams are not getting them
anywhere. Who ever heard of convicting someone based on a dream
anyway?

They gave up on the fake dreams a while ago because I was always
such a goodie two shoes in them. Then they came back and started
doing them again and called it a test. The last one I recall, they
actually tried to make it look like I was harming a baby. I'm sure the
quick flash to my hands being inside the blanket, instead of outside
the blanket while I was holding the baby was a clue to some people.

Law enforcement isn't interested in pre-crime. They aren't interested
in the study saying they think I might commit a crime, so I should be
locked up somewhere. I guess it has something to do with that whole
innocent until proven guilty in a court of law thing. They actually want
to deal with real criminals, not innocent people who have been
victimized by rumor mills, unless they are going to do something
about the people who have ruined the victim's life with the rumors.


A Compilation of Writings                                            448
Health care seems to think they have the right to drug me and play
with my body because they have a hunch I might commit a crime. I
guess they'll be locked up soon enough for drugging me against my
will.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. One day
people will understand that drugging me against my will is illegal. One
day people will realize that a rumor mill does not make evidence in a
court of law. One day people will realize that I didn't commit the
crimes I've been accused of committing. There are people who like to
be cruel to me and they don't care if I am innocent or not. There are
people who have made money off of exploiting me and embezzling
my money. I even heard someone say they were planning on getting
the money and dividing it up amongst all the people who were court
ordered to pay me money. How sad it is that people work to get
money that belongs to me just so they can continue being cruel to
me.

I don't know what I am going to do if this money doesn't come soon.
People don't understand how hard it is to make it through each day
with so many people harming me by remote control and physically
doing things to my body. They think it's no big deal. They think they
are justified in doing things to me because they think I am a bad
person and somehow got out of going to jail. They think they should
punish me for the rest of my life because they hate me. This is what a
study did to me.

Money was collected from people in June of 2008. It went into holding
accounts managed by the city of Rapid City. I was supposed to get
checks in the mail from clearing these holding accounts out in the
beginning of July of 2008. It is now the middle of November of 2008
and I still don't have this money. How hard is it to put checks in the
mail that have been court ordered to be mine? How hard is it to do
this job? Why make me suffer? The money was supposed to go to
quality of life. How's my quality of life without this money?




A Compilation of Writings                                           449
                        RADIO HEAD MAMA
Apparently I used to be nicknamed the Broken Radio Head. This
referred to my ability to send thoughts and feelings telepathically.
People keep thinking there have been discussions about this, but the
closest anyone ever came was to ask me if I believed in ESP and
then not wait for the answer after I finished laughing, telling me I was
a strong sender and telling me I was responsible for a meeting room
full of people's emotions, which is stupid.

So when people wonder if anyone ever sat down and had a
discussion with me about being the Broken Radio Head or telepathy
in general, the answer is no. No one ever bothered to have a serious
discussion with me on the topic, at least not one that valued my
intelligence.

Apparently I am such a strong telepath, probably due to trauma as an
infant; that I am able to wake up this ability in other people. I am both
a strong sender and a strong receiver. It's natural and there is nothing
wrong with it. Carl Jung said it was probably something humans
stopped using when they developed a more advanced language.

I am useful as Radio Head Mama, giving birth to other Radio Heads.

Some people view communicating via telepathy very useful. I believe
it helped me while I was a teacher. I believe it has been helpful during
this disaster to save my life by getting information to those who
needed it.

People have to work at keeping it. If they aren't interested, then it
fades away into nothingness. It’s like a skill that needs to be
practiced, so if people don't want it, it isn't a problem. Those who do,
work at it and it is easier to maintain.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I resent
people who think there is something psychologically wrong with me
because I have an ability they don't have. It looks more like jealousy


A Compilation of Writings                                             450
than people trying to be helpful. People who insult my intelligence
and tell me that there is something wrong with me when there is
nothing what so ever wrong with me are not worth my time.

Someone wondered why I would want to work with law enforcement
rather than work with a research corporation. What a silly question.
Why on earth would I want to work with people who deny me my
rights as a human being and think they own my body? Why would I
want to work with people who have worked to drive me into poverty?
These research people are a bunch of criminals. Why on earth would
I want to work with people who can't tell right from wrong and think
they can do whatever they want to my body without my permission?

At least the law abiding law enforcement folks treat me with more
respect than that. I believe I can make their jobs easier to find out
information they need to help with the war on terror. Why wouldn't
they want to have a form of communication that works without
electronics? It seems like a no brainer to me. Communication is a
good thing. Why wouldn't I want to work with people who also feel
communication is a good thing?

I wish these research people would get their acts together and look at
the reality of the situation. They have harmed me. Law enforcement
with lawyers are trying to save my life. So how hard is it to choose
who I want to help?

Now it would be nice if the research people would stop holding my
money from me and let me get on with my life. This is yet another
reason to not want to work with these people. They are embezzlers.
They believe in feeding off of me. They are cruel and I do not wish to
be bothered with them any more. I am a human being, not a research
corporation's property.




A Compilation of Writings                                               451
  WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THE STUDY IS VALID?
I want to know why so many people climbed onto the bandwagon
with this study. Why did so many people believe in this study so
blindly? Why couldn't people see the reality in front of their eyes?
Why did people think the study was infallible? Why didn't people heed
the warning to find out that drugging someone against their will is
illegal? Why did so many people let a corporation do the thinking for
them?

Someone said they were told all my compilation of writing was just a
bunch of questions and it wasn't worth the time to read it. Why
wouldn't that person find out for herself? Especially since she found
out for herself that this really is illegal and could result in jail time.

It makes me wonder why more people don't do their own thinking
these days. If I hear a rumor about someone, I go and talk to them to
find out if it's true or not. I don't just believe it because someone said
it.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I heard
someone say once that if they heard something they told everyone.
What a waste to not find out if it were true before spreading it all over
the planet. People have falsely accused me of a list of crimes and
have falsely diagnosed me with a list of illnesses. What's the point?
Law enforcement already investigated me and the diagnoses have
been proven false as well. Some of them weren't even made by
doctors. A competency hearing has already happened. I am
competent. The so-called evidence buried in the study has been
dragged out into court and I still haven't been arrested or formally
charged with anything, since I have committed no crime and there is
no actual evidence because of this fact. Why do people continue to
harm me? Why do people continue to drug me against my will? Why
do people think there is some treatment I should be receiving against
my will when no doctor every explained it to me and did any of the leg
work that goes with medical treatments?




A Compilation of Writings                                               452
                                  TLC
Tender loving care is shortened to TLC. I've been TLC deprived for a
very long time. I've been surrounded with people who send me
hateful feelings all day and all night. I've been surrounded with people
who stay within remote control range to do things to my body by
remote control to drug me and cause harm and play with my muscles
to see what robot things they can get me to do and to see if I notice
or not.

I need to be surrounded with love. I need hugs from caring people I
care about. I need to feel safe. I need to have joy and laughter in my
life. I need to be free to do things I want to do without fear of being
drugged or put in pain.

Someone made the comment that my stalkers drug me whenever I'm
happy. I want to be free to be as happy as I want to be and laugh as
loud as I want to anytime I want without harm. This includes being
drug free at all times.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. I told my
sister-in-law one day that I wanted to be drug free. I wanted no drugs
in my body at all. Do you think she listened to me voicing my rights
and my needs? I don't know. Maybe someone should ask her. I have
made my opinion of all of this very well known. These people who
think it is best to deny it is happening in an attempt to convince me I
am crazy are wasting their time. I am tired of people working so hard
to harm me and try to get me locked up somewhere. Why should I be
locked up when it is all of these other people who are committing
crimes against me? I'm not the one who committed all of these
crimes. I'm not the one who set out to destroy someone's work life as
well as their financial life as well as any and all relationships possible.
People need to wake up to the reality of how illegal things done to me
against my will are. People need to start staying within the lines of the
law. Stop harming me.




A Compilation of Writings                                              453
           LAUGHTER HELPS THE BAD TIMES
Over the past two years in South Dakota a few good things have
happened. I got to hear actual arrests happen and be close to
someone while reports were being written and some good people
took up the gauntlet to save my life. But there were times when I was
so scared and I didn't have much to hold onto to make me feel better
about anything.

During the difficult times there was a man who knew how to make me
smile and laugh. He did so in a way that took me a while to figure out
who he was at first and I don't think I wanted to know at first. The
mystery had a way of working out for the better for a while.

Once I finally figured out who he was, it only made sense that he was
my man of mystery from all those years ago coming to my rescue
once again, this time with laughter. My knight in chinked armor will
always be in my heart for all he has done.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/10/08. If I could
have this man back in my life again, it would be wonderful. I want to
feel his arms around me again. I miss his hugs and I miss everything
else about him as well. I want him to know how much he means to
me, even after all of these years. I met him in 1993 and now it is
fifteen years later. I still love him just as much as I did back then. If I
were to get my wish, I would get to see him in my life again. He
brightens my days. He brings me to life.




A Compilation of Writings                                                454
                              MISTAKES
People have made mistakes along the way in this study. They found
out they made mistakes and they continued anyway. It's hard for me
to understand how intelligent and educated people would want to
harm me and overdose me and have me under their control when
they know I've done nothing wrong.

Their treatment of me is illegal and it never should have happened,
even if I did commit a crime. Vigilante justice is illegal because it
violates my rights as a US citizen. People who take the law into their
own hands don't understand how wrong it is to deny someone the
right to defend themselves. People have the right to defend
themselves in a court of law with legal representation when there is a
reason to bring it to court in the first place. If there is no reason to
bring it to court, then the person is innocent because they have not
been proven guilty in a court of law. This is how our country works.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/11/08. Why didn't
this stop when things were shut down back in California? Why did
these people bring this disaster to the state of South Dakota and
even the state of Wyoming? What was the point? Why did they
decide not to honor their agreement to pay me ten million dollars in
pain and suffering? Why didn't they give me the money that was mine
from the fake charity that was shut down? Why did they want me to
suffer needlessly? Why did they want my house to foreclose? Why
did they want lawyers to come after me for credit card debt? Why did
they want to drive me into poverty? Why did they make me suffer in
the first place? Why did they do any of this to me for any part of my
entire life? The person who made the decision to do this to my body
in the first place killed himself instead of taking responsibility for it all.
Why not stop? People are in prison for the crimes they have
committed against me. Why not stop?




A Compilation of Writings                                                 455
                            LAST NIGHT
The devices implanted into my lower left leg were set off by remote
control last night. Some cause pain and some explode to release
drugs into my body. Some make me itch. My left foot itched so much
that I used my shoe to scratch it. I now have two holes on the bottom
of my foot which are leaking this stuff and my entire foot is swollen.

 Anesthesia was also let into the car. The drugs exploded in my body
plus the gas version of anesthesia are supposed to force me to pass
out. People came into my car while I was passed out as they do
almost every night.

Part way through the night there was a remote control attack on my
body. There was a pulsing in my upper left chest and my heart was
having trouble beating correctly. I don't have a heart condition, but
what they do to me can make it look like I do. As far as I'm concerned
it was an attempt on my life.

I woke up to electricity flowing through my body which is supposed to
immobilize me. Someone asked what the point was and there is no
point.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/11/08. This is just
one evening. I go through similar events every single evening. I have
these kinds of attacks during the days as well. It's time for people to
realize how wrong this is and put an end to it. Some people think my
life isn't worth saving. Some people think I'm a worthless human
being because they believe I did something horribly wrong. I wish
people would get their heads clear about harming another person and
the value of a human life. This is a state that believes strongly in
fighting against abortion, yet they don't value my life. It seems very
strange to me to value an unborn person's life and not value a person
who is already out there in the world. Do they think I have made no
positive contributions to this world? Do they think I have nothing to
add to society? Take a look at my educational web site and I have
some value to add to this world. People are using the documents I
create and finding value in them. That is worth something.


A Compilation of Writings                                           456
               WHY AM I IN SOUTH DAKOTA?
I've been asked many times why I left California and why I am in
South Dakota. Other people have made up stories to fit with their
slant with the study. It's a pretty sad story, really.

The game about my life was out of hand and brining criminals into my
life. It was decided to shut it down and I would relocate to start my life
over again without the game or study.

As I left California, I was followed by people who were upset about
my leaving the area as if they had a say in where I went or what I did.
People noticed what was happening and how people in cars were
trying to drop tracking devices out of their car windows to be on my
car so they could follow me. Keep in mind this was not law
enforcement doing this.

I was followed to every place I went. People knew I was looking for a
person to take me into hiding and into safety. I finally stopped at a
small town where I was supposed to meet up with this person, but
when I didn't see him coming to meet me after I saw him drive by, I
decided to take an offer for a job that paid room and board plus
$1000 a month. It was several states away and it would take all of my
money to get there, but I would be safe and have food and a place to
stay.

I left the next morning only to find I was still being followed. When I
got close I called to make sure they got the message I was on my
way. They said they would go plug in the refrigerator.

I was stopped by law enforcement to give me a warning since I was
barely going above the speed limit at the time and people had been
chasing me the whole way. I couldn't get them to stop following me,
no matter where I went or how fast I went.

I was close enough to the final destination that the law enforcement
agent gave me directions, since he asked where I was going. The
problem was my car was filled with listening devices due to my being
attacked the night before, like all the nights on this trip.


A Compilation of Writings                                                 457
When I got to the final location, I was told I couldn't stay because I
had been followed and I got a written warning. They didn't need any
trouble. I asked where I should go, trying not to show how close I was
to crying now that my only hope was gone and my money was all
gone as well.

They told me to go to Deadwood, South Dakota. I told them I only
had a ¼ tank of gas left and they said I could make it on a ¼ tank.

I cried as I left because I knew things had gone really wrong if a set
up for safety had been ruined. I knew I was supposed to have been
picked up by then to ring me to safety and that had not happened, so
I went to Deadwood in the hopes of finding this person.

I rolled into town with $12 and less than a ¼ tank of gas. I've been
doing whatever I can think of to survive and get rescued ever since.
They started the game and the study again out here and I've been
fighting for my life.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/11/08. Sometimes it
feels good to post my own version of a story that has been lied about
by so many people. I told a shorter version of the story without any of
the gory details to my brother and he started to laugh. Someone told
him is wasn't a funny story and he shouldn't laugh about it. Oh well…
When other people hear this story, which I have told out loud a few
times, they are shocked because it is so different than the story that I
decided to go to South Dakota for a vacation. I don't know where
anyone got that idea. Why would I go on vacation with only $12? No
one gave me the money I was supposed to have when an agreement
was made to give me ten million dollars for pain and suffering. I don't
know what money they thought I had to spend on a vacation. The
research corporation seems a little beyond understanding on things
like this. They were shocked when they found out I was going to live
here (as if I had a choice). So the game and study was geared to
make me leave the state of South Dakota. It is the silliest reason to
do a study I have ever heard.




A Compilation of Writings                                             458
                            DEDICATION
"The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his
goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly." – Cecil B. DeMille pg 59
of Book In A Month by Victoria Lynn Schmidt PhD. By Writers Digest
Books 978-1-58297-486-6.

I asked myself what my goal is for this point of my life and safety is
the word that comes to mind. I want to be safe from people who drug
me against my will. I want to be safe from people doing things to my
body without my permission.

To obtain this goal I have done things suggested by stalking
websites, such as telling everyone I am a stalking victim and helping
to educate people on what my stalkers do so they can help stop it. I
have worked with law enforcement and lawyers to help get this
resolved.

I work hard everyday to stay as positive as possible while being
harmed every day and every night. I try to go to places law
enforcement knows about so they have the best chance of catching
the criminals and I document as much as I feel I can at the time.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/11/08. I try to be as
big of a help to law enforcement and the lawyers as I can. I try to offer
suggestions for strategies and take their wants and needs into
consideration as much as I can. Sometimes people want me to do
things like spend money on food because I haven't had much to eat.
It seems all fine and dandy, except for the fact that I don't have much
money left. I feel like asking these people who want me to spend
money if they are going to guarantee the money awarded to me in
court will actually get to me before my money runs out, if they are so
interested in telling me how to spend what little money I do have.
People don't think about the consequences of their actions. Some
teenagers told me one day they wanted me to run out of money. I
don't understand why those teenagers want me to starve, but I guess
that's the way some kids are. The pain and suffering of others doesn't
mean much to them.


A Compilation of Writings                                            459
       EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
This is a piece of information people have been telling me for some
time now. It's very hard for me to apply this to my stalking situation.
To do it, I have to look at the other children who were involved in the
studies done by Rand. I have to look at how there were no checks
and balances for the safety of people being studied by Rand. I have
to look at how strong a person I am and how I've been successful at
almost everything I've really worked hard at doing.

When I look at all of that, then I think maybe it happened so I could
keep other kids from dealing with this all their lives. Who knows how
many more people could have been drugged against their will and
had their bodies touched without their permission? I guess it was just
my job to put an end to it all and being this criminal form of health
care into focus so it could be dealt with by the proper authorities. I
know I am here to help people. I try my hardest every single day.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/11/08. I don't like to
think I was chosen to live through this horror. I don't like to think this
was all that my life was going to be. I like to think of getting beyond
this disaster. I like to think about being in a safe house with a kitchen
full of food, hot and cold running water and a safe bed to sleep in. I
want to be able to take a shower or bath any time of day or night. I
want to sleep any time I want to and be away any time I want to. I
want to decide what I do with my days and nights. I want to have no
more drugs in my system. I want to be with people who I care about,
who care about me and who know how victimized I have been, so
they can be sensitive to my needs. I'm looking for a happily every
after for years to come. I want to heal the wounds this disaster has
left on my life. I want to be away from the vigilantes who can't control
their criminal behavior. They are really too much to deal with on a
daily basis. I need a break from the non stop crime spree started by a
study and a game about my life.




A Compilation of Writings                                              460
                             WALKING
I've always liked walking. I like walking on nature trails. I was a cabin
leader at an outdoor science school and I led teaching hikes. When I
was staying in Long Beach, I walked for miles and miles each and
every day. It was my way to walk off the anger and the drugs. It also
turned into a way to help law enforcement catch criminals.

Out here in South Dakota, people have given me crippling pain in my
back, legs and feet to keep me from walking. They have also taken to
forcing me to urinate and defecate to keep me from walking.

By letting people see me, they learned the study was a lie. They
learned it was hurting me, not helping me. They learned it was not
collecting good data and fake evidence and data was being
presented as real and conclusive, which wasn't true.

In Long Beach, people even went to the extreme of saying walking to
the end of a pier to use the restroom meant I was a drug addict. How
that proves anything is beyond me, but people are funny that way.
They just assume things and hurt me because of it.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/12/08. In the past
few months, the pain has become more intense. It is much harder to
handle and it is much crueler than what they used to do to me.
People will sit and press buttons on a device to trigger devices
implanted in my body and listen to me scream. They also like to
watch me squirm and scratch the terrible itching that is caused by
some of the smaller devices in my body. It is so hard to understand
why people think it is such a great idea to harm me. I just can't
fathom having a device to do things to someone else by remote
control. It bothers me to think about it. Some people think they should
be cruel to me because they believe the lies that I did something
wrong. If someone told me someone did something wrong, I would
leave it to law enforcement. Why harm someone who might have
committed a crime? Wouldn't it affect the trial against that person?



A Compilation of Writings                                              461
            THE COMPUTER'S POINT OF VIEW
"The sky was blue and the day was warm." The writer typed in the
first line of his story.

"I don't like this story. Type a different one." The computer screen
showed words the writer did not type.

Ignoring this, just in case he typed it and didn't realize it, the writer
continued, "Maggy was sunbathing on the beach when Butch walked
by."

"Make it nude sunbathing and I might get interested," typed the
computer.

"The writer shifted in his seat as he couldn't avoid the reality that his
computer was commenting on his writing. He decided to see what
would happen if he took the computer's advice, "Maggy was nude
sunbathing when Butch walked up to her and smacked her bare ass
with his hand, hard enough to leave a red mark."

"Okay, so now we're talking. Keep going with this story. I want to
know what happens next," typed his computer.

This exchange continued until the story was done. The writer sold the
story and happily continued his collaboration with the computer to
financial success.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/14/08. This came
from a writing prompt from the Writer's Book of Matches page 28.
The prompt is: The writer's computer begins to flash messages on its
screen, as if trying to communicate. I know the ending is abrupt, but I
was keeping myself to a one page limit and I ran out of room. I think
the basics are there and I could go back and make this story a little
more full at a later date. I like the idea, though.




A Compilation of Writings                                              462
                THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
"What would your wife say if she knew you were here?" asked Gloria.

"We have an arrangement," answered Jeff.

"An arrangement? Does that mean she knows about me?"

"It's not quite like that. We just don't discuss it. We agreed years ago
to stay happily married and if it required outside assistance we would
do it," explained Jeff.

Gloria was silent for a while. "But that sounds like you agreed to get a
marriage counselor."

"Did you want money for these marriage counseling sessions, Gloria?
I could arrange for it, since technically this is a sex surrogate session
and my marriage has never been better."

"This is a side of you I've never seen before, Jeff."

"Did you actually think I would divorce the mother of my children, run
off to another city with you and live happily ever after?"

"I have to admit the thought did cross my mind a few times. I thought
you loved me."

"But I do. I'm just married to someone else. Now come here and let
me show you what I mean."



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/14/08. The prompt
came from The Writer's Book of Matches page 177. The prompt is
the first quote. It always pays to be honest with the other woman. It
just makes things better if both people know what they are walking
into in the beginning.




A Compilation of Writings                                             463
                            THE COIN TOSS
"Heads, we get married. Tails, we break up. How's that?" said Carl.

"Is that all this relationship means to you?" said Marta.

"Come on Marta. How much fun have we had every time we break
up?"

"Well, there was the fight in the cable car and he got thrown off for
doing it in the last row."

"Marta, admit it. We have the best make up sex and things get batter
and better with each fight."

"Carl, are you suggesting a coin will decide when we get married?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm suggesting. We win either way."

"So you're not suggesting we see other people?"

"What for? You're the only woman for me."

"That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me, Carl."

"So are we getting a room or what?"

"It's my turn to pay, lover boy."

And so Carl and Marta saved the coin for another day when they
needed something to do.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/14/08. The prompt
came from The Writer's Book of Matches page 135. The prompt is
the first quote. I thought the prompt was cute, so I went with it. I can
just imagine these two people not caring when they got married and
who bothered to show up. I imagine them married on one of the
tosses of the coin by some judge somewhere.


A Compilation of Writings                                               464
                                 DITTO
"Nah, I don't love her. But she's, you know, good where it counts,"
said Bob.

"Bob, if I didn't know better, I'd say you are in love with Shelly," said
Ron.

"Bite your tongue, Ron. The next thing is you're be trying to convince
me to marry her."

"Why not?"

"I think it's better this way. There's no pressure on the relationship,"
said Bob.

"What's the difference, except that she'll be all the more happy
because you made a commitment?"

"Whatever. Shelly doesn't need that crap. She's in it for the sex just
like me."

"So why don't you ask her and then you'll know, Bob?"

"Why rock the boat?"

"Don't you ever want kids?"

"What for? She doesn't want them, either."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. It's your life and none of my business,"
said Ron.

Later that night, Bob was curled up around Shelly. They were both
hot and sweaty as usual. Bob could tell she was asleep and he
whispered, "I love you and I want to get married."

She curled up into him and said, "Ditto."



A Compilation of Writings                                               465
Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/14/08. The prompt
came from The Writer's Book of Matches page 68. The prompt is the
first quote. I guess romance was on my mind when I started writing
this day. I liked all of the prompts and let my mind wander. One day I
will be with someone I love who loves me. I know it will happen. It's
just a matter of time. I guess it was just heavy on my mind this day.

I work on getting some writing done as often as I can. I try to make it
every day. Sometimes it's in the form of letters and sometimes it is in
my writing journal and sometimes it is with my flash fiction. Then
there are the days I work on something for my website. I need to get
working on making more reading comprehension activities based on
some of my stories. Not all of them are appropriate, but some of them
would work. I think it is good to have the short stories with questions
about them to get the students to practice and make it seem like it is
achievable and for them to get a sense of success and build on that
success.

It always feels strange to write out the questions and answers based
on something I wrote myself. But I think it works well. Some people
are searching for my website based on high interest, low vocabulary.
My stories fall into that category. It is for students who have a low
reading vocabulary, but need to get into reading to get moving with
their progress in reading improvement. I'm glad I can help these
people. I did the same search when I was teaching. I had many
students who needed to do reading, but had low vocabulary. They
ones I found written by another teacher are the ones they liked the
best. She's a teacher in the Los Angeles area. I think I have a link to
her site on my lists of educational websites. Her stuff is good. The
stories touch on some sensitive topics that spark good conversations.

I hope other teachers find my materials helpful for them with their
students. That is my goal. At least the math teachers like the
divisibility rules worksheet I made. This will be the third month in a
row it's been downloaded more than a thousand times. That's just
mind blowing for a home grown website.




A Compilation of Writings                                                466
                            IS IT OVER?
People spend time trying to convince me they stopped doing the
study and that I've been released from the grips of the control freaks
who think they have a say in how I live my life. It's all a joke. How
many times have I been told it's all over and how many times has it
either started over or just continued because people think I'll go about
my normal activities if I think the study is over?

I no longer have any normal activities because the study has
decimated my entire life. I need the money so I can start a new life.
One day it will get to me. In the mean time I try to keep my spirits up
by reading and writing and working on my website. I wish I could also
be sewing, but that isn't really an option right now, even though I
have considered working on a crazy quilt one block at a time, or
making a small quilt by hand. I enjoy using the sewing machine too
much to get total enjoyment out of hand sewing. I like crochet better if
I'm going to do hand work, anyway.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/18/08. Sometimes I
just need to write off some steam. I was annoyed with the things that
happened yesterday and last night with people continuing on as if
there is nothing illegal about the study. People have convinced
themselves it is a good idea to force me to pass out by drugging me
by remote control. There is quite a lot of evidence to this, so there is
no point in people denying that it happens. Too many people know
about it and it has been brought into the courts quite a lot.

I asked last night if people ever studied me without these drugs to
see if I actually needed them, or were they just going by what
someone else said. They had to stop and think about that one for a
while. I pointed out how unprofessional it was for people to not check
that what I was saying was true. I also said it was completely
unprofessional to engage in something where they have no idea if I
have already been overdosed or not. They have no idea what they
are releasing into my body and have no knowledge of the possible
side effects and the possible dangers with overdosing. How many


A Compilation of Writings                                            467
times has vaporized alcohol brought me to alcohol poisoning in South
Dakota? I say around ten times. Now if this doesn't signal danger to
me by the professionals, then what does?

I am unimpressed with people who can't even look up the simple
facts that a competency hearing has already happened, multiple
investigations have already concluded I am innocent, there is quite a
lot of evidence that I was a good teacher and destroying my teaching
career was cruelty on many levels, drugging someone against their
will is illegal, the study has been proven to be illegal, the game is
illegal, no one has authority over my money and it is not allowed to be
kept from me, no one else has authority to make medical decisions
for me and I am in charge of deciding who touches my body.

It seems simple to follow the law, but because of this study, people
think it is okay to break the law as long as it is called a study. People
just assume that all the details that go into doing a legitimate study
have been taken care of and they have not. There is no FDA
approval for the items in my body and the study was never officially
registered as a clinical study as it should be if it involves placing
anything into my body, which this study does.

I explained how dangerous the devices in my body are. I can be killed
by remote control. People have already made attempts to drive me
off the road. People have already made attempts to choke me.
People have already made attempts to drown me. I have had rectal
bleeding from capsules exploding in my digestive track on multiple
occasions. How can anyone say this study is safe? My legs and feet
are currently suffering from sores due to what was illegally implanted
into my body. I am afraid to go to sleep (be forced to pass out with
drugs) because so many horrible crimes have happened to me while I
have been forced to pass out with these drugs. Why can't people
understand that the use of these drugs is terrifying me and my fears
are justified by the crimes? How long will it take a dentist to fix the
damage done to my teeth by the dremel tool? What about the videos
of rape on the fake porn site? There is no fixing that. I'm hoping the
scars all over my body will eventually heal over and not show. What
about the scars of my destroyed life? There is no going back.




A Compilation of Writings                                              468
                             NEW PENS
I got a little cash and my pens have been running out. I debated
about the fifty cent colored pens and the dollar ten cent colored pens.
The more expensive pens have better flowing ink and more colors
and a better grip and they are retractable so there is no cap to lose.
But I decided I didn't have money to spend willy nilly.

So here I sit writing with the fifty cent pen wishing I had the dollar ten
cent pen instead. The colors are much more vibrant. They flow better
on the paper, so they take less effort to use and my hand doesn't get
tired so easily. Maybe I ended up with old pens and the ink is drier
than it should be. Maybe I should just type instead of using pens at
all, but that takes away from the joy of having a writing journal where I
can take it out anywhere and write silly stories like this one about
colored pens. Maybe I should go spend the money on the better pens
so stories like this don't get written.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/18/08. Sometimes it
is just fun to write about silly things like which pens are the better buy.
It seems odd to have decisions like this made by how concerned I am
on when the money will run out. One day that won't be an issue. One
day things will be okay. One day people will do the right thing and get
the court awarded money to me so I can spend the money on these
dollar ten cent pens and not have to be concerned about the extra
sixty cents per pen.

Why do people not accept telepathy anyway? We used to think using
hands to communicate was bad. Now some people recognize sign
language as a foreign language. I used it to satisfy my foreign
language requirement to become a teacher in California. We used to
think being bilingual was bad and now we can't survive without it.
People used to not like the telephone. Now we have people who just
can't live without it. People didn't like the internet either. Now people
use it all the time. I guess I just have to wait for people to evolve to
the understanding that communication is a good thing. Being
telepathic is a good thing, not something that should be eradicated.


A Compilation of Writings                                              469
                              PUZZLES
Between yesterday and today, I've created seven new puzzles for my
website, added one new reading comprehension story, wrote a new
flash fiction story and updated my compilation of writings. I enjoy
making the puzzles. I made three new coded crossword puzzles
where the words are given and need to be filled into the grid. I also
made a traditional style crossword puzzle as well. I tried to make the
clues not too hard, although some of the words are not used often, so
that makes it hard.

I also created three new word search puzzles. I made one for colors
because there was a request for one a long time ago and then I
decided to make two that fit the design shapes for puzzles. I made a
pet puzzle in the shape of a dog and a boat puzzle in the shape of a
sailboat.

I really enjoy these puzzles and making them. There are others on
my to do list, but these struck my fancy for this week. I like to go with
what feels right at the time.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/19/08. I made my
first word search in fifth grade. Mr. Brown encouraged me to do one
and after writing every single word on the board for people to copy
down, he helped me get copies made. I started using graph paper to
do them and moved into typing them on a computer as soon as we
got one at home. I found a teacher who gave extra credit for making
them in twelfth grade, so I made quite a few of them that year. I even
tried my hand at a different kind of puzzle because I was bored with
the word searches. I had a job working with a fourth grade class one
year and I would make word searches based on their weekly spelling
words. A few years ago I started an educational web page called
mindextend.com and I looked for a crossword puzzle making
program. I found one and made my first algebra crossword puzzle. It
became one of the most popular things on my website.




A Compilation of Writings                                              470
When I started working on edonyourown.com, I looked for that
crossword puzzle program again and it had been upgraded since I
first used it. I found the coded crossword puzzles which are similar to
one of my favorite types of word puzzles (the printables are better
than the online versions of these). I also found word searches
available to make. I quickly started filling those sections of the
website as fast as I could. I wanted to have a few available in the
different categories to start. Then people started to request certain
math ones. I haven't met all of the requests yet because some of
them I can't figure out the best way to do them because they require
special characters I am still trying to handle in this software.

On a whim I decided to turn all of my online puzzles into printable
puzzles as well. This turned out to be harder than I thought it would
be. Some of the formatting was more challenging than I ever thought
it would be. So there is some effort in the pdf versions of these
puzzles. I don't just use the ones the program generates. I modify the
exported files to fit what I want them to look like. I try my best to make
all of the puzzles fit on one page with the answers on the second
page. There are a few crossword puzzles that didn't work that way
and they have the clues on a second page. That's okay because they
are still popular. My math crossword puzzles are the most popular
ones on the site.

It seems like people have really been craving pdf versions of puzzles
that can be used in the classroom. As soon as I started posting them
for free, people flocked to them. People aren't really willing to pay for
them as they are, but maybe in the future I can package them into a
workbook format and that might sell. People still like book formats for
things to use in the classroom. I'm so glad my puzzles are being
used. I think the math teachers like having an extra way to help them
teach vocabulary to their students. It's a fun way to work with
educational resources. I like they have the option of working online or
printing it off to use on paper. Not everyone has a class full of
computers for the students to do the puzzles online as a class
project. Sometimes paper is what works.

I will continue to make more puzzles as I get to them. I like to make
the round robin and add to different sections at different times as the
mood strikes.

A Compilation of Writings                                              471
                      IT'S JUST BREAKFAST
"Look… I'm making eggs. There's no deeper meaning to anything I'm
doing here. It's breakfast. Plain and simple."

"But Henry, it's our first breakfast after spending the night together."

"Cindy. It doesn't mean anything, okay?"

"You’ve always sent me home all the other nights. Last night was
different."

"Did you see the snow? I couldn't send you home in that."

"See, Henry. You do care."

"Of course I care, Cindy. I'm not going to have you stranded in a
snow storm on my conscience."

"Always the romantic; right Henry?"

"Look outside. You're not going anywhere today, either."

"Anything you say, Henry. Could I wear one of your t-shirts and a pair
of sweatpants?"

"Of course. You can even take a shower after I fed you breakfast."

"And a movie a little later?"

"Fine Cindy. Drag it out of me. Would you like to move in with me?"

"But Henry, this is so sudden and unexpected. I'll tell you my answer
after I take a shower. Care to join me?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/20/08. The prompt
for this story came from The Writer's Book of Matches on page 57.


A Compilation of Writings                                              472
I've been in a romantic mood for the writing prompts from The
Writer's Book of Matches this week. I guess it's just on my mind. I can
see these two having the conversation with the guy being a little late
to the realization that he wants her around all the time and struggles
to admit it.

The pain from people triggering the devices installed in my body has
been getting worse lately. People seem to want to take their anger
out on me and cause me a lot of pain. I know people are still getting
arrested, but it is so hard to make it through all of the pain. I don't
know why people feel the need to harm me so much. They all found
out the study is full of lies. They were all told how much I have been
harmed because of the study and the game, so why make it worse?

I hope things will get resolved soon. The money that has been
awarded to me in court and has been withheld from me is sorely
needed. People are working on it, but really, how hard is it to transfer
the money already collected in the holding accounts into my account?
Who knows where the checks are? Why people couldn't have just
sent them to me in the first place is beyond me. They know how to
mail checks to other people, just not me. What a waste. It's getting
colder and colder and I need to be able to buy a house to live in,
since I have been attacked in every single place I have stayed. I
figure a house with land around it is my best shot at finding a safe
place to sleep.

Hopefully people will come to their senses and do the right thing very
soon. It would be truly helpful. I want to be safe from these criminals
who seek to harm me every single day and every single night. I feel
like I am lucky to still be alive after all they have done to me. I'm sure
there are some other people who feel the same way.




A Compilation of Writings                                              473
              WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG?
"I'm thirty-five and still single. You're twenty-six and divorced. So
what are we doing wrong?"

"Ted, that's an excellent question. Do you have any ideas?"

"Steph, my ideas end up in breakups."

"Well, at the risk of possibly breaking up, I say we start seeing more
of each other."

"Like, dating?"

"Yeah, Ted. Like dating."

"But I figured having you as my best friend was the only way to stay
in a relationship with a woman."

"Very funny, Ted. Do you want to go to a movie or not?"

"Do we have to kiss?"

"Let's take it one step at a time," said Steph.

"Okay, in the spirit of giving this my best shot, I'll be the man and pay
for dinner and a movie."

"And in the spirit of not being the typical woman, I won't keep you
waiting. Let's go."

"I'm liking this already, Steph."

"Yeah? Well you're going to like it even better when I take you home
with me tonight."

"Oh my. Maybe we should kiss in the movie."




A Compilation of Writings                                               474
"How about we start slow and you hold my hand on the way to
dinner?"



Notes From The Author: This was written on 11/20/08. The prompt
for this story is from The Writer's Book of Matches on page 88. This
one tickled me to write. I don't feel like I got the guy quite right, but I
like it as a solution to a situation. Why shouldn't best friends be in a
romantic relationship together? They might actually work at it harder
to make it last. Maybe I'm just the dreamer who wants all stories to
end with a happily ever after.




A Compilation of Writings                                                475
         I THINK SHE'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATED
So this disaster just keeps going. I'm supposed to be a millionaire
and people can't grasp the concept that I am not a prostitute, that I'm
not on disability, that I do have rights and that I am suffering because
people can't figure out how to get the money which is legally mine
into the mail to me or transferred into my bank account. So the
comment, "I think she's a little frustrated," sounds absurd.

Why is it that people can't grasp the concept that drugging someone
against their will is a bad idea? It's not just a bad idea, it's illegal. I
was in intensive care for about ten days getting wounds to heal that
were caused by people victimizing me. While I was there, there were
people who wanted to see me who I wanted to see and get me
transferred to home care and people stood in their way. This is all
because of an illegal study. Doesn't this show I'm a victim and
deserve to be compensated for the harm?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. The study is
illegal. The game that goes along with the study is illegal. It is illegal
to start the study over again. I have a legal right to the money that
has been awarded to me in the courts. I have not received a single
penny of the money I am supposed to have from this disaster. So I
continue to be victimized by abject poverty. Why can't people
understand that what has been done to me is wrong, no matter what
the illegal study says? People were erroneously told that I was on
disability, so they gave that excuse to slow down on getting the
money to me. They figured I had money, so they couldn't understand
why I was so upset about the money being kept from me. Now that
the health care world has shown themselves to be completely
incapable of following the law and couldn't keep from doing things
that they should never have done, now what? When will this money
be released to me? When will anyone do the right thing? When will I
be able to recuperate from this disaster in a house that I buy with the
money from this disaster? When will that happen?




A Compilation of Writings                                                476
               PRESCRIPTION ENVIRONMENT
Someone noticed I like to learn new things. This has been an
interesting learning experience being a stalking victim, stalked by
various types of people. I have learned quite a lot about how people
have fallen in with the criminals who started this disastrous study.
One of the terms I learned recently is "prescription environment."
Now this refers to the random amounts of anesthesia in a room or car
or area where I happen to be breathing. I refer to it as taking away my
right to breathe oxygen.

Now calling it a prescription environment and thinking that forcing me
to breathe random amounts of anesthesia doesn't sound legal or
medically sound. If it did, then there would be no specialized area of
expertise for anesthesiologists. They train on how to make sure
everything is measured and they make sure people sign consent
forms and they make sure the patient knows the risks of the use of
anesthesia.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. Of course I
have never signed a single consent form for the use of anesthesia,
since the only time it was legally used on me was when I was a minor
around the age of 7. So all of this anesthesia that has been used on
me outside of the medically acceptable areas of use in the medically
acceptable methods is flat out illegal. I have no idea why anyone
would think it would be acceptable to destroy property in order to fill a
room with anesthesia. It has happened so many times, it's hard to
keep track of it all. I leave that up to someone else to handle. My job
is to stay alive and stay sane during this rather difficult ordeal. By the
way… Why would anyone think I could not read or write if they have
seen this document or my website? Why would anyone be involved
with a study of this type without looking at what I have created? It
seems like idiocy if you ask me. Or I guess your could call it
incompetence. Some days I feel like I know more about some of
these rules than the people in the industry. It's strange how that
happens.



A Compilation of Writings                                              477
      IT'S OVER. WHY DOESN'T SHE HAVE THE
                     MONEY?
I guess some people involved with this disaster actually thought
people had the legal right to withhold money that is legally mine. My
thought is, it was mine and should have been turned over to me when
it was collected. There was no legal reason to withhold this money
from me.

Back in Long Beach, California, people figured out the giant research
corporation wasn't doing right by me because I wasn't getting any
money from the charity. Millions of dollars were collected through this
charity and I received none of it.

Millions of dollars have been awarded to me in court. I have received
none of it. I know there are people working on resolving the issue. I
know they will be successful. It's only a matter of time. The hard part
is getting through each day not knowing when the money will get to
me. I wish someone would just walk up and hand it to me so I didn't
have to stay in a shelter for my birthday.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. People have
actively worked to keep me from being employed. This has resulted
in abject poverty. People don't seem to care much at all that I have
none of the money awarded to me and none of the money people
agreed to give me. I have no idea what people think they are doing
withholding this money from me at this late date. How many times do
we have to go through the same scenario over and over again before
people get the idea they are getting themselves into even more
trouble by keeping me in poverty. Do people enjoy watching me
suffer? It seems to be that way. Why can't anyone just do the right
thing? Has the moral standard for people in this country fallen so low
that a woman should starve because people don't want to do the right
thing? How about that whole love thy neighbor thing? How about that
whole charity starts in the home thing? Oh well… I guess I don't
count. Hey, I taught math, doesn't that mean I do count?



A Compilation of Writings                                            478
                 EDUCATIONAL FIELD TRIPS
I have been on quite a few educational field trips during this disaster.
I learn as I go through each and every day. Sometimes I get bonus
days when I learn a whole lot of things. Some days are bonus days
when I find out there are even more people involved than I first
thought.

Some days are even bigger bonus days when I find out that people
already know it is wrong and just keep going anyway. These are the
people I have no sympathy for at all. Why bother continuing to get in
trouble? It makes no sense at all.

Learning about my rights bit by bit and then finding out how many
people just don't respect people's rights is very interesting. It always
makes me wonder what they would think if someone took away their
rights. I wonder how they would feel. I wonder who they would turn to
for help since there are so many people so eager to violate people's
rights.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/03/08. Who have I
had to turn to in this disaster? For the most part, the people who have
been helping are people I have never met and don't even know their
names. Then there are some people who do know me who have
been trying to help. I do all that I can to give as much information as
possible to as many people as possible in order to get people
educated on the situation to the point that they understand right from
wrong. So much of the study is based on false information. Why is it
so hard for people to take their heads out of the study and use their
own eyes to see that so much of it is wrong? How many times have I
been asked if I can read and write when there is so much evidence
that I can read and write? How can people doing a study be that far
off from reality and still continue with what they are doing? Someone
noticed that I could obviously represent myself, since I was so well
spoken. Some people noticed that my website took a lot of effort and
knowledge to assemble it. How about the others?



A Compilation of Writings                                             479
 DO STALKERS WANT TO HELP THEIR VICTIMS?
I looked at the statistics page for my website today and noticed an
interesting search string. "Do stalkers want to help their victims?" The
idea behind this question is to answer, "No," so that anyone could say
they are trying to help and get out of being called a stalker. This has
been a constant theme in this disaster of a study.

I have touched on this before in two ways. If someone is saying they
are helping, but they are helping in a way I don't want to be helped,
then is it really helping? The other way I look at it is to ask these
people to produce anything that shows they are actually helping me.
There are arrest records, convictions and law suits won for some to
point at to show what they have done to help. Some people found out
the study was bad and tried to stop it and help me directly. Most of
the people involved have only crimes to point at to say they have
been "helpful." I don't consider remote controlled devices in my body
to be helpful at all.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/04/08. What is
helpful about destroying my career as a teacher? What is helpful
about preventing me from earning a living? What is helpful about
slandering me in multiple states? What is helpful about committing so
many crimes in so many locations that I don't have many places
where I feel safe? Fortunately, things are starting to improve in some
areas. I am very thankful for that. People know I am a victim and that
makes a big difference. People are working to deal with the criminals.
People are working to get this money to me. There is hope. There are
helpful people out there who are making inroads to make my life
safer. Hopefully I will be in a safe location soon and not have to worry
about keeping warm and keeping fed and keeping away from the
criminals. Why is retaliation such a goal for the people involved in the
study? Since this study originated in the health care section of the
world, does that really mean that a significant number of health care
workers believe in using health care as a weapon? It's a scary
thought.




A Compilation of Writings                                            480
         HOW DID YOU JUGGLE THREE JOBS?
Some people wonder how working three teaching jobs was doable.
One of my jobs was only two nights a week and I did all of my prep
and grading on those two nights. I had new tests and quizzes every
week and I liked having the student grades posted the night of the
test of quiz.

My other two jobs were one-on-one appointments with tutoring being
mostly in the evenings and independent study being mostly in the day
time. The extra work for the independent study students was filled in
wherever I had a gap in my schedule.

It was hectic, but the job satisfaction from helping students learn to
teach themselves and learn how they learned made it worth while.
The independent study job was emotionally draining, but tutoring and
the college job helped to balance it out. I could get that feel good
feeling of success more often with tutoring and the college to sustain
the long periods between successes for independent study students.
It worked.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/04/08. Someone
said I should try to go back to teaching if I loved it so much. I tried to
explain that even though I didn't do anything wrong, the rumors of
things I did were enough to destroy my career once and I didn't think
it was fair to the students to have my career ruined twice. Too many
students had their teacher disappear due to this stalking situation
already. I don't want any more students to be left in the lurch for the
same reason all over again. It was bad for them and very painful for
me. I don't want to go through that ordeal ever again. I would prefer
to stick to working on my educational website in order to help other
people. Since so many people have found my materials helpful, I
think I have found a new place to make a difference in the world of
education. I would like to work from home and continue to expand my
website offerings. Maybe I can help even more people than I did
when I was still teaching. It's worth a try.



A Compilation of Writings                                              481
              CODED CROSSWORD PUZZLES
Someone searched for directions for how to do coded crossword
puzzles. The ones on my website look very confusing in the online
version because there is no word list. I have yet to remedy that. I
have another idea that might work now that I have an upgrade to the
program, but I haven't implemented it yet.

So the easiest way to solve these puzzles right now is to print off the
pdf versions and do it with a pencil. The first step is to find the
shortest list of words. If there are two eight letter words, then work
with the possible words to hang off of those. Pretty soon it will be
apparent that each of those words can only go in one spot.

Once the easiest list of words is done, look for words connected to
those two. Try for the words that only have one choice, like a five
letter word ending in the letter M. Once that word is in place, keep
working one section at a time. It takes a while, but keeping the mind
sharp is a good thing.

One thing to note is that the numbers in the squares refer to a
specific letter. So if you get stuck, you can look for a number that you
know corresponds to a specific letter and then fill that in where you
find that number in the grid. The number 7 could be the letter T and
everywhere the number 7 appears, fill in the letter T.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/04/08. These
puzzles are some of my favorite kinds of puzzles. I used to work them
in puzzle magazines when I was growing up. When I found the
crossword puzzle program could make them, I was thrilled. I solved
them myself for fun to make sure they could be done. I like that I can
just make ones up and solve them as I go. It's like having a never
ending puzzle magazine. I post the ones I make, so others can enjoy
them, too.




A Compilation of Writings                                            482
                  KINDNESS OF STRANGERS
It's been the kindness of strangers or the lack of it that has made the
biggest difference for me during this disaster. Most of the people
involved these days are complete strangers. The other day someone
even said they didn't know me so it was hard to gauge what was
normal for me. So why can't more people figure that out?

For instance, why would anyone ever think I was suicidal? I'm not
sure why that was ever an issue. Anyone who knows me knows I
believe in myself and my abilities. So why was this ever an issue? It's
because strangers believe what they are told about strangers and
most of the time they never bother to find out the truth.

Now some strangers know the truth and they are finding out how
cruel this study really is. They are finding out I've been trying to help
people instead of being nuts. Too bad it didn't happen sooner.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/08/08. One of these
days this disaster will run its course and the majority of people will
stop participating in the study. That will leave only the hardened
criminals who found out about it and decided to join in the cruelty and
have no interest in the study at all. They once said there was no end
to the bad guys and the decision was made for me to relocate and
the game that made this popular was shut down. It's really too bad
people wanted me to be in danger and started up the game and the
study all over again. Because I am back to where I was in California
with criminals with existing rap sheets doing what the people in the
study were doing. All of them should know by now how illegal it is. So
bad guys will be caught and I will do my best to stay out of their way. I
was once told that I helped more bad guys get caught then anyone
else. I guess it is a good thing to get these bad guys caught, I just
don't like being the bait. Because of a study, I don't have a choice in
the matter. One day people will do the right thing. I will have the
money from these law suits and I will be able to move on with my life
as a hermit, hiding from the criminals. At least I won't have to worry
about money for food and shelter.



A Compilation of Writings                                              483
                       PAPERWORK IS KING
There are so many procedures and papers to fill out in this world for
so many different jobs. It's funny how two years ago a bank filled out
special forms and gave me copies to explain a long hold on a large
check. Just a couple of days ago a check for much less money was
put on hold and there was no paperwork at all. I find that interesting.

I actually got someone to admit that the hold does get released as
soon as the check clears because the hold id just to make sure it
clears. I was told the other bank refused to verify funds over the
phone. That is very interesting. Most banks have this as an
automated function and in this day and age checks can clear
electronically in seconds. The money can be transferred in a matter
of minutes or at least when the nightly download happens. Is this part
of the financial crisis? Do the banks really need these extra days to
stay afloat? Times must be hard.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/11/08. In my life as
a stalking victim being victimized by a gigantic study, there aren't too
many coincidences. There are actually people involved with this study
who think the laws don't matter. There are people who think they can
do anything they want and no one will care. There are people who
think victimizing someone and calling it medical procedures and
medical treatments gets them off the hook somehow. How can they
miss the concept so completely? How can they go about their daily
lives and think all of the happenings in the courts just don't matter?
The study is illegal. Starting the study over again is illegal. The game
that was used to gather information for the study is illegal. The
devices are not FDA approved. The study was never properly
registered as a clinical study with safeguards in place for my safety.
So why do people continue? What's the point? Doctors are losing
their right to practice medicine. So why continue? People are being
sent to prison. So why continue? How do people think this is
happening and yet it won't happen to them? I can't understand this
thought process. It just doesn't make sense.



A Compilation of Writings                                            484
                            LUCKY THIRTEEN
Today my thirteenth story got published. It came out in Flashshot
online e-zine. They send out a new story every day. All of them are
no more than 100 words. Many of my stories fit in that category. This
one is about a man ordering a sandwich while he is mesmerized by a
woman entering the sandwich shop. My favorite line is, "The
customer drank in the woman walking through the door."

One of the people in my online writing group had a goal of getting 100
stories published. He met his goal this year. He was very excited
about it. I was thrilled to get one story accepted and now my
thirteenth one came out on e-mail today. All thirteen of my publication
credits happened in 2008.

I am determined to get my life heading in the right direction. I am
determined to survive this criminal study so I can live my own life
without people destroying everything they can in my life and my body.
I will move forward.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/11/08. It still strikes
me as funny that there are people who think I'm suicidal because of a
bunch of lies in a study. I was so impressed when someone finally
asked me what my coping mechanisms were, after someone actually
told me that coping mechanisms weren't working without even asking
me what mine were. I believe this huge gap between the study and
reality comes from people doing the study not ready to comprehend
the concept that the study and the people participating are the actual
problem. The whole study is about cruelty and how to destroy my life.
People take away my rights and call it health care. People cause pain
and call it therapy. People drug me illegally and call it helpful. People
lie about me and say they are just doing their job. The whole thing
sounds ridiculous to me, so why is it so hard for the highly educated
an extremely intelligent people to figure out right from wrong? Maybe
the medical schools and nursing schools need to have classes in
medical law as graduation requirements. Maybe that would help.



A Compilation of Writings                                             485
                            WRITERS WRITE
It seems like such an odd thing to say the obvious that writers, write,
but I recently signed up for an e-mail writing course and it said writers
write. The idea is writing is supposed to happen during the course. I
guess they want to make it clear that the goal of the course is to get
people to write, instead of just thinking about writing. It also says that
the goal is to make writing fun.

I guess it's not supposed to seem like work or drudgery, since that
might squelch the quality of the writing. I am only taking the free,
introductory portion of the class, so I wonder if I get the full measure
of the pleasure of writing when I don't pay for the full ride.

I think it's good to explore different ideas, so maybe I'll get some good
ideas from this course. Or maybe it will just give me something else
to write about abd that's a good thing, since writers write.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/12/08. Sometimes
pointing out the obvious is a good idea. Some people waltz right over
the obvious facts at times. Perhaps an illegal study is an example of
that. Why would a study filled with obvious lies go on for such a long
time? My answer is because it was fueled with cruelty and hatred
towards me for blowing the corporate whistle on a giant research
corporation. They are just upset that their way of life cannot continue,
so they are taking out their anger on me with false information in the
study that other people think is somehow legitimate. If it is legitimate,
then where is the FDA approval? If it is legitimate, then where is the
official registration of the clinical study? If it is legitimate, then where
is the stack of consent forms I signed? Oh yeah, they don't have FDA
approval, the study was never properly registered or monitored for my
safety and I never gave them permission to do this to me. Hmmm… I
guess it is important to state the obvious, since people have decided
not to look for the supporting details of why this was being done to
me in the first place. Why would anyone want to drive someone out of
a state as a goal of a study? How is this helpful? Why would anyone
want to force me into poverty as part of a study? Why is keeping me
from paying my bills a good thing for health care to do?


A Compilation of Writings                                               486
      STALKING VICTIMS TELL THEIR STORIES
I noticed on my website statistics page that someone used the search
string "stalking victims tell their stories" to get to my site. I decided to
search at Google and saw my site came up third on the list. It was the
link directly to my Stalking Victim Awareness page on my site.

I checked out one of the links written by a police officer. It was an
excerpt from a book he wrote called "Stopping a Stalker." He says it's
hard to feel sympathy for the victim because it is hard to know what it
is like to be stalked. He likened it to driving through a riot area being
shot at by people in the buildings.

The book also goes on to describe how stalkers are obsessed with
their victim and gather personal information about their victim to be in
control of them. They want information about work, friends, family and
anything else they can find.

This leads me to the problem of being studied against my will. The
study made the same moves described by other stalking victims. The
study contacted employers, coworkers, friends, family members and
tracked my every move. Through the study, other people gained
personal and private and false information about me. Through the
study, I have been drugged against my will, which is illegal. Because
of the study, people can do things to my body by remote control.
What better for control freaks than to play with a woman's body by
remote control? The study is set up to attract and create stalkers.

So why would people engage in a study want to take on predatory
behavior? Why would these people want to follow me everywhere I
go, tell people to say certain things to me and drug me against my
will? I am a stalking victim because of a study. There have been
numerous web sites set up to gather information on me and spread
lies. Why would anyone want to scare me this way with a predatory
study? How can acting like stalkers be helpful to a stalking victim?




A Compilation of Writings                                               487
Notes from the Author: This was written on 12/12/08. I am still
unsure why people would want to continue participating in this study.
Numerous criminals with existing rap sheets have seen this as a
great way to victimize me, yet the people doing the study don't see
the similarity of what they are doing and what these hardened
criminals are doing. It bothers me that it seems to obvious to me and
yet it escapes the understanding of these health care workers who
want to continue the study.

There is no safe guard to prevent people from overdosing me with
these drugs. There is no tracking of how much of these drugs are
already in my system at the time the health care workers want to do
their scheduled drugging. They seem to have no issue with
mishandling anesthesia without proper licensing. They seem to have
no issue with violating my rights. They don't care about my right to
refuse medication and refuse medical services. They are crazed with
controlling me.

Most of them know now that what they are doing is illegal, so the
continuation of this study now looks like a series of retaliatory attacks
on me because they are getting into trouble for what they have done.
This makes it easier for law enforcement and the lawyers to handle
the people doing the study in the legal system. The longer this
continues and the more danger I am placed in through this study, the
more time these people will serve in prison.

Why would intelligent, educated people want to toss away their
careers and show no regard for a person's rights? It doesn't make
any sense. And since so many people have hopped onto this illegal
study band wagon from the health care industry, it makes me wonder
why these people don't have the knowledge of how wrong this is from
their training. These people go through years of training to become
health care workers. Why should so many of them want to partake in
illegal medical procedures and violating a patient's rights?

I heard a comment one day that the patient should not be allowed to
be part of the health care decisions. A patient shouldn't be allowed to
make their own health care decisions. There are very specific cases
where someone has designated someone else to make medical
decisions for them. I have not designated anyone and no court has

A Compilation of Writings                                             488
designated someone for me. So why on earth would people think it is
okay to do this to anyone?

If someone made a hole in a wall, floor or ceiling in a person's home
and put gas into the room to force the person to pass out, then came
into the room and did things to that person's body why would anyone
think of this as acceptable? Do we really want something like this to
be legal? Do we really want random people gaining access to drugs
like this to do whatever they want to someone once there are passed
out in their home?

I can only see this as criminal behavior. A fake porn site was done
with the use of these methods. People drugged me, gained access to
my home, did things to my body, took pictures and video, then posted
it on a website. They told people about it and told them it was my
porn site that I was doing willingly and that I was the one posting
these pictures and videos. It was a plan to destroy my teaching
career.

Why on earth would a study want to continue on the path of
criminals? Why would posting pictures of me on websites and telling
lies about me make me feel better about being a stalking victim? I
desperately want this study to stop and no one seems to listen. I tell
people it is illegal and they just continue on their way. I tell people
how it has destroyed my life and they appear to not care at all. The
mantra seems to be: "Drug her. Hurt her. Do it again."

It bothers me greatly to know that many of these people feel that
continuing this study with the illegal drugging is helpful. I have no idea
who it is helpful to because it is not helpful at all to me. I want it
stopped and I want to stay away from these people. They have made
me want to be even more of a recluse than I wanted to be when the
worst of the criminals were harming me daily. Everyone everywhere I
go knows about it. I have no privacy and I have no life. These people
even want to perpetuate my poverty, even though law suits have
been won and some of the money has been collected. How is this
helpful? This tendency towards embracing this type of study appears
to be industry wide and needs to be stopped.




A Compilation of Writings                                             489
    WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN JOURNALING?
Why do I write in my writing journal? Today I went to several websites
looking for a list of journaling prompts. I hadn't given it any thought,
but journaling prompts are different from creative writing prompts.
The journaling prompts are more introspective and meant for
personal growth.

So why am I doing it? First, I want to improve my writing and actually
engaging in writing is one way of doing that. Second, I have a
gigantic need to write out my feelings from being a stalking victim.

This reason towers over everything else. I write to put it out of my
mind. Once it's on paper, I can close the book and leave it there. I
also write about being a stalking victim to inform and educate. I want
people to know how horrible stalking is and I want to keep people
from falling into the pit of participating in an illegal study. My writings
contradict much of what is in the study, so it works for evidence as
well.

These are all good reasons to write in a journal.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/12/08. This prompt
came from a journaling prompt website. I collected quite a list and
can see how they are so different from creative writing prompts. I
think I like a mixture of both kinds. I like to be introspective, but I like
the escapism feel of writing fiction. It's like entering a different world,
where I am not a stalking victim. It's like taking a break from it all. I
believe some psychiatrists use writing as a way to help some of their
patients. I believe it helps victims in a special way. It serves as a
release that can't always be replaced. Sometimes writing it instead of
saying it out loud is an easier way of dealing with the painful feelings
and memories. I told the police about it in a thank you note to them
last year. I don't know if they used it or not, but I felt good about
telling them writing prompts might help victims.




A Compilation of Writings                                                490
             SECONDARY STALKING VICTIMS
I started using this phrase a couple of years ago to help describe the
people in my life who were directly harmed because of the study
about me. One person in particular is a love interest who was driven
out of my life. This harmed both of us.

One of the pathetic excuses they used for doing this was the fact that
he was married at the time. The close minded criminals failed to note
that while he was married, he was also separated, just as I was at the
time I met him.

Another one of their pathetic excuses was the people in the study
mistakenly thought I was a prostitute and this man was my John. This
is just plain stupidity on their part. They don't even know the definition
of prostitution. This was a long standing relationship and no money
exchanged hands to pay for sex. In fact no money changed hands at
all during all of the years I knew him.

Both of these pathetic excuses show the cruelty and incompetence of
the people doing this study. This man and I meant a lot to each other
and to push him out of my life is not something I would call helpful.
This cruel study actually still considers itself helpful. These people are
criminals and just plain hateful.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/12/08. While I was
looking at the links that came up from searching for stalking victims
telling their stories, I saw this term being used. I had never heard it
before I started using it, so it was surprising to see it written by
someone else on the internet. Did I start it? I don't know, but it does
fit the bill. I wish I could heal the hurt caused to some of the people
who have actually supported me in positive ways during this disaster.
I can't undo the overdosing that happened and I can't undo the lies
they were told and in some cases believed. I have tried to get the
truth out there the best I can to help this problem and I mail letters to
help people know I care. I do what I can to mend things.



A Compilation of Writings                                              491
  WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO HOLD ON WHEN ALL
              LOOKED LOST?
There have been many times during this stalking disaster when I
didn't know how I would get through each day. I have a list of things
that made me continue and make it through each and every day.
What I focus on changes depending on how scared I am and what
stage of the disaster it is at the time.

I used to cling to my career and helping others as part of my jobs. I
cling to the idea of continuing to help education through my website. I
want to help give other victims strength to continue. I want to see this
all the way to a corrupt corporation being demolished. I want people
to be more educated about stalking, basic healthcare law and
showing compassion to a victim. I want people to know that one
person can make a difference.

I want to get to the happily ever after for years and years part of this
mess. I want to share my love with those who love me and whom I
love.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/13/08. This prompt
came from one of the journaling prompt sites I found yesterday. I find
it easiest to write when I have a topic to write about. That's why I like
the creative writing prompts as well as the journaling prompts. Many
of my topics come from things I run across in everyday life. I use
sound bites, signs, license plates and even my moods. Sometimes
sitting quietly for a while allows topics to pop into my head. The topic
for this page is important because people started a rumor that I was
suicidal. Anyone who knows me knows that's ridiculous. So why did a
study done by so called experts believe I was suicidal? Why did this
study believe I was married to Jo-el Patterson? Why did this study
think I couldn’t remember a crime that never happened when I have a
good memory of the evening in question and there is evidence to
back up my statement of what happened that evening? I don't feel
they are as expert as they claim to be.




A Compilation of Writings                                              492
                            CHANGING TITLES
I've been working on turning some of my flash fiction stories into
reading comprehension activities for the English section of the
website. Most of the stories don't work for kids. I try to have stories
that are acceptable for all ages. I did use one story about aliens
visiting earth, but I avoid the gory ones or ones with death and other
dark themes. Some of the stories have adult material in them. Some
of the stories are okay for older students, but I don't want to make a
distinction for age groups right now.

One title needed to be changed. The Challenging Student seemed
okay for an adult crowd, but felt wrong for kids. I changed the title to
The Musical Challenge. I felt it was less insulting for kids to read that
way. One day it would be nice to get feedback from kids who have
actually tried the activities to see if they like them or not. Teacher and
parent feedback would be great, too.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/13/08. One day
things will really get rolling on my website and I will be back to adding
new materials every day. I started out doing that almost two years
ago, then it went to updating at least one thing each week. Now, I
work on it when I get a chance. So some days a lot gets added or
updated and some days nothing gets updated at all. I'm working on
keeping up with my writing group with the three writing prompts a
week. I respond to most of them. Sometimes it is a challenge to come
up with a story that fits the writing prompt. I am glad I include the
writing prompt along with the stories on my flash fiction portfolio page.
I think sometimes it is hard to see where the story came from when
the prompt is missing. Some people judge on a story and don't think
there is anything that prompts it at all. Some people think the stories
tell if a person is crazy or not. I believe I am a creative person and my
stories come from that. It's hard to say Stephen King is a bad person
because of the fiction he writes. But with this study, anything is
possible. Some people even thought I was not able to read or write
because the study incorrectly stated that I was emotionally delayed.



A Compilation of Writings                                              493
  WHAT DOES "BACK TO SQUARE ONE" MEAN?
Going "back to square one" means starting over. I believe it is a
reference to a game, either a board game or hopscotch. I don't know
which, but I have enjoyed both over the years. I picked this topic off of
a list of writing prompts gathered on the internet and listed on my site.

The phrase brings back memories from this study disaster because
the study starts over so many times. Each time I have to go and
explain what has already been explained 500 million times before.

I spent time in a hospital getting wounds healed on my legs from
damage done from this study. People tried to do a patient transfer to
move me to a safer location, since criminals were hunting me down in
the hospital. The patient transfer was denied. This represents false
imprisonment, since I could have checked myself out anytime I
wanted to, since I am only allowed to be held against my will if I am a
danger to myself or others, which is not the case.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/18/08. This prompt
came from a list of prompts I have listed on my website
www.edonyourown.com. I made the list years ago from prompts I
found in random places. The idea was to give one of my struggling
students something to write about every single day. Through many
different strategies, she eventually learned how to read and write.
She made it all the way through elementary school without people
taking the time to help her learn to read. I think there are some
people who just get written off educationally and people just think it
isn't possible to get anywhere with them. This student wasn't even
technically mine because of the rules of the school, but since I was
with the family every single week for the other students, it wasn't
much trouble to fit her into the schedule as well.

I rounded up workbooks at an educational store so that she would
have books at her level. Her family got her a subscription to a book
club and started letting her use the word processor. This made
interesting reading since she was randomly choosing words from the
spell check lists for the misspelled words. Over time this improved.
From her handwritten work, misspelled words became spelling words.


A Compilation of Writings                                            494
I decided it was best to work on getting her to be able to spell her
verbal vocabulary to help overall. This is a technique I would use with
any struggling reader. Most people have a better verbal than written
vocabulary anyway. There are many words children learn how to say,
but do not know how to spell. I think it is best to build on what the
student already does know. At least there is a foundation to build on
this way.

The wrongs done by this study are enormous. Doctors are losing their
rights to practice medicine over this disaster. It makes no sense to
me why these people are practicing predatory behaviors in fallowing
me all over the place and triggering capsules of drugs in my body
when it is a clear violation of my rights.

One of the terms tossed at me is aversion therapy, which I have
written about in this document already. I looked it up on the internet
this morning and was appalled at the mention of forcing this on
children who people believed were sex offenders or had deviant
sexual behavior. The people involved with this study have made it
quite clear that they are conservative people. This does not give them
the right to do what they have done to me over the years.

One thought is that these people were offended by my choice of a
first boyfriend, since he was of African American decent. I was told
when I was a child that all men were created equal. I guess this does
not apply to boyfriends. The two of us were torn apart due to parental
pressures. This never happened with any of his other girlfriends, so I
assume my parents were involved with this. I knew my family was
prejudice as soon as they met him. I saw my family as hypocrites.
They had a 'not in my backyard' attitude about the whole thing. It was
fine to talk about equality, but not to bring it into the house.

Things started happening after this time I spent with this new
boyfriend. We only dated for a few months and never had sex. But
things were done to my body. I was drugged. I was tossed out of the
smart kid program, which also could have been due to the fact that I
wanted to be a teacher instead of a doctor or lawyer which were the
only acceptable professions for the students in this group. I ended up
with a neck brace after one of the devices was installed in my neck
and turned on by remote control. I woke up to screaming pain. I was

A Compilation of Writings                                           495
only fourteen at the time. I'm sure people at school had a thought that
I was being abused at home. Not too many people walk into school
with a neck brace and the story of waking up in pain and the doctor
stating that I should build up my muscles.

I think the medical industry needs an overhaul. People are too into
secret health care and that is just not right. Because of this study that
has been going on almost my entire life, people assume that FDA
approval has been obtained and that the study was properly
registered as a clinical study and that safeguards were put into place
to ensure I would not be harmed. None of this is true. People
assumed that I had be evaluated and this was the treatment
recommended and that I had given my permission for the installation
of capsules of drugs into my body to be exploded by random people
at random times. None of that is true, either.

I have no idea why intelligent educated people would do such things
to someone. My mother stood outside my window one day very drunk
and said "Serves you right to starve. Serves you right to be raped."
Why would a mother say such a thing, drunk or sober? She also
knew about the drugging against my will and thought filling my body
with drugs illegally was a good thing.

Some people were upset that I refused to seek psychological
assistance for a crime I did not commit. So they forced their drugs
upon me and set out to make my life a living hell. They convince
people to be rude and outright cruel to me and to drug me against my
will in the name of it being a treatment of some kind. It is all a cover
up for committing crimes against me. Why would anyone think it is a
good idea to drug someone against their will? What on earth sounds
legal about it? There is the matter that patient rights state that
patients have the right to refuse medication as well as medical
treatment. By installing these capsules of drugs into my body and
giving the controls to anyone the study has taken my rights away
from me. People wonder why they are in trouble for participating. It
seems clear to me. Why is it not clear to them? Why would people
make things worse for themselves by retaliating against me when
they are in trouble already?




A Compilation of Writings                                             496
                        HUMAN SEXUALITY
I have been sexually tortured. Criminals have installed devices in
various places between my legs that cause pain and in some cases
bleeding. The saddest part of this is some people actually think this is
sound healthcare.

While reading about aversion therapy I noticed it has been used as a
"treatment" for homosexuality. One of the lies in the study is that I'm a
lesbian or perhaps bisexual. I am heterosexual and am not, nor have
I ever been a prostitute or sex offender or child molester.

People have actually spent considerable time working to control my
body so it is impossible for me to have an orgasm. This is a sex
offense, yet people call it good healthcare. People should be
prosecuted for what has been done to me.

Cruelty disguised as healthcare must be stopped. People continue to
harm me and say it is because they don't believe I'm a victim.
Someone even said I've never been raped. The fact that I have been
raped multiple times due to the use of the drugs given out freely by
these healthcare criminals somehow give them the feeling that these
are somehow not crimes.

People have seen the porn site created by my stalkers and have
decided on their own that it is mine and that I have access to it and
that I am responsible for updating it. I'm sure the people who called it
"gas face" had some kind of idea that I was drugged during the
scenes and that it was done against my will. I'm sure the people who
had me under surveillance in Tahoe who did not know about the
website at the time would recognize the footage.

There is a real disconnect between healthcare and law enforcement.
It will take lawyers, judges and law enforcement to untangle this mess
and get me to safety.




A Compilation of Writings                                             497
Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/18/08. The
healthcare criminals have been hard at work convincing as many
people as possible to commit crimes against me every single day and
every single night. They are violating my rights to healthcare privacy
as well as proliferating criminal behavior. They have even convinced
some members of law enforcement to commit crimes against me.
Some of the people in the study are fond of saying they don't believe
what I have to say. I respond to them telling them that it doesn't really
matter if they believe me or not because it is all illegal in the first
place. Some people say I am a pathological liar. This is proved false
by any one of the facts I say being proven to be correct. Pathological
liars lie about everything. I don't.

A long time ago there was a group of people who said they had to
know if what I was saying was true or not. I am eternally grateful to
this group of people who had level heads and were determined to
know if there were actual crimes happening over years of my life or if
I was a nut case. This group actually might have been willing to deal
with me being a nut case and would probably have helped if that was
the actual case. However they did find out that what I was saying was
true. There is all kinds of evidence supporting what I have said in law
enforcement reports and medical records. I often wonder how
medical records get created for someone who has never been a
patient in a particular healthcare establishment.

People think it is awful that I would rather work with law enforcement
than with a research corporation. I told them that I have a better
chance of my rights being upheld by law enforcement than with a
research corporation. At least there are checks and balances with law
enforcement. I don't seem to find too many checks and balances for
the healthcare world. Why on earth would so many different people
from healthcare jump on board with this obviously illegal study? They
all have HIPPA training and they all know about patient rights. Why
violate them?

Someone made the comment that they were already screwed, so
they didn't care what happened to me. My comment was that he was
just like all the others, retaliating against me because he got into
trouble. That is a standard in this mess. It's predictable.



A Compilation of Writings                                             498
                HELPING A STALKING VICTIM
The question of how to help a stalking victim has come up several
times. Telling the victim they are not a victim is not even on the list of
what to do to help a victim. Unfortunately some people have chosen
to deny me my victim status in the effort to conceal crimes committed
against me. People have flat out lied to my face somehow thinking
this was helpful.

Trying to discredit me as a witness by trying to convince the world
that I am somehow not mentally stable, so therefore I should not be
listened to and none of the crimes I report should be investigated is
very wrong. Then there are the people who know I'm a victim, but
also are misguided in their belief that I am also mentally deficient.
Both of these groups of people are wrong.

I am a corporate whistleblower and I am being retaliated against as
such. Standing in my way is not helpful.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/18/08. Perpetuating
this misery as a means to shut me up and get me to stop telling the
world of the injustices in my life is not going to result in something
good for anyone. What this study has failed to notice is that I am an
incredibly strong willed woman. I am incredibly independent. I have
been self sufficient for decades. I have helped many people in my life
and continue to do so. I have a long standing good record in the
business world and in the education world. The fact that the study is
only interested in perpetuating the lies in the study and not interested
in finding out the truth is laughable. These people call themselves
experts and they can't even come to terms with the reality of what
they are doing is criminal and will be handled through the legal
system. These so called experts seem to be completely out of touch
with reality. How long does it take to verify my resume? It's only a few
phone calls to verify my time of employment and my resume is
posted online so anyone looking up my name on the internet can
locate it. So I have made as much information available to the
general public as I can so that people can find out for themselves the
study is full of lies. So why can't these so-called experts seem to do
any of the leg work whatsoever? It seems pretty ridiculous to continue


A Compilation of Writings                                              499
with this criminal behavior when they know they are already under
investigation and they know other healthcare individuals and
organizations have bit the dust so to speak. The law suits that have
already been won are pretty well known in the area. So why
continue?

In 2007, a man was convicted of human rights violations for doing his
job through a giant research corporation. So why would anyone want
to continue in his footsteps. I have noticed that there are medical
records in existence that make it seem like the medical procedures
administered in my apartments, my car, my tent, hotels and motels
are made to seem like they are legal procedures. Why can't they note
that there are no consent forms? These people hear me talk about
the things done to me and they are in shock because the things I tell
them fly in the face of the study. Some people are upset because I
know about the study. Why should there be a secret study that
negatively impacts my life? Why should there be a secret study about
me at all?

How cruel is it to undermine every single thing a person does in their
life? How cruel is it to talk to every single employer and discuss real
and fake medical information for the purpose of perpetuating the
workplace harassment in the name of the study? This is a rumor mill
designed to destroy my life and my body. It is labeled a study to give
it credibility. People are convinced to participate because they falsely
believe that healthcare is always right and always good. It is a shame
to see so many people not use their heads to come to their own
conclusions and to help fight back. How many people in my life have
gotten themselves involved instead of helping me to stop this criminal
behavior? It has taken complete strangers to find out what was being
done was wrong. The very people who knew me best turned their
backs on me as soon as they heard about the study. I even had an
old friend refer to the study in an email and mark an event in my life
she thought changed my life for the worse, when in fact it was one of
the best things I ever did in my entire life. She was affected by the
study. It is very sad to know so many people who are involved who
could have helped to stop it.




A Compilation of Writings                                            500
   CONTEST ENTRIES – A PRESENT TO MYSELF
I spent the morning entering writing contest today. I used money for
my birthday to pay the entrance fees. So the contest entries were my
present to myself. I sent in nine stories to five contests. A couple of
the contest allowed multiple entries, so I sent the maximum allowed.

Part of the prize for winning the contests is publication. One of the
contests even publishes runner-up stories as well. That increases my
chances of being published as a result of my entries.

I won one contest back in 2000 for one of my children's stories, "The
Rising Sun." It was the first mystery story I ever wrote. I just read the
chapter on how to write a mystery story in my textbook for children's
writing, wrote the story and submitted it.

I just wanted to say I entered a contest. I was shocked to find out I
won third prize for a story I didn't even edit. I made copies of the
story, the certificate and the mention in the newsletter to everyone in
my family. I was very proud of my accomplishment. I hope my family
was, too.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/20/08. I pulled out
some of the flash fiction stories I hadn't looked at in a while and
revised them a bit for some of the contest entries. Then there were
others that I liked the story the way it was, so I just entered them as I
wrote them for the writing group. I looked for ones I had not sent in for
possible publication yet and ones that got positive comments from the
writing group. The group has several published writers in it, so I think
the reviews they give are a good judge of how I am doing with my
writing from a writer's perspective. It's easier to deal with the negative
comments when it's just an e-mail, instead of a face to face
conversation where I can see the body language that goes along with
the negative comments. I'm heading in the right direction as a writer.




A Compilation of Writings                                              501
                   THE FOR LOOP ADDITION
I've been watching the popularity of my Bloodshed Dev C++
documents go up. I decided I better get the For Loop represented in
the group, so I finished that off this morning and posted it on the C++
web page on my site. I still want to include the switch statement in the
group as well to make it feel like a more robust beginner C++ course.
It was a couple of months ago when I added the While and Do While
Loops. They have been quite popular. Hopefully the For Loop will
also be as popular.

The If Statement document is not very popular at all. I wonder if it is
due to the way it was done or if people just aren't ready to use it yet.
The intention is for these documents to be used as stand alone class
documents or as an addition to an already existing course for a
different approach. I wanted them to appeal to true beginners as a
way to get excited about programming.

I enjoy making the documents walk through the process without
getting bogged down with heavy details. The idea is to get people to
type the code in and watch it run. The excitement of making a
computer do something just by typing in some words and compiling
them is supposed to carry the people on to wanting to learn more. I
think giving too much heavy explanation can turn people of before
they get hooked on the coolness of programming.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/21/08. I remember
being bored in computer classes while they waded through the
history which I didn't care about at the time. I wanted to do the cool
stuff. So that is my intention. I want to appeal to who I was when I
was beginning. I have picked up many different computer
programming books over the years and Things get very complicated
very quickly. There are some I like better than others, but I didn't see
anything to bring the kids into the arena. My hope is these documents
might reach a younger crowd and get them to want to learn more. I'm
pretty sure the adult crowd could handle the documents. I just wish I
had some feedback on how beginners are doing with them.




A Compilation of Writings                                             502
       QUEST FOR PROGRAMMING EXERCISES
I decided to spend time working on adding to exercises I have for my
C++ programming section of the site. I searched for C++
programming exercises and the list was way too hard for the
beginning level I am targeting.

I decided to use a high low guessing fame I wrote a while back as
one of the programming exercise packets. I looked at what I had
originally and modified it to work with the function driven model I'm
following with my programming packets.

The result is a much easier game for beginners to write. It's easier
than the Take 123 game I have on the site already. I think it's
achievable for kids. I listed the description and some hints, then
walked through creating each of the functions to run the game. There
is a little bit of explanation to go with each step, just like the intro to
programming packets. I like it. I want to make more the same way.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/21/08. I want to be
original in my approach, but I am wracking my brain to think of
different scenarios that haven't been done. I think I will just work on
the ones that have been done and just use my approach to setting
them up. I think that is enough. I want to do something with the
concept I ran into yesterday of reading a list of data input by the user
and then doing something with that data. I think I see a mean,
median, mode scenario coming up. That would tie into a math
requirement as well. I think learning how to program mean, median
and mode would help drill it into kids so they could pass the tests that
all seem to have it included. I think the test people just like that they
are three m's. I think they think it sounds like the three r's. And I also
need to do a packet on the switch statement. I like that one because
it opens up the scenario for a menu driven screen in an easier way
than the if else statements. I also like my choice in C++. I do believe it
is a very strong language and is very practical. I want to replace
some of the books that I have lost during this disaster. I just feel
naked without my reference books.




A Compilation of Writings                                               503
                            NEW MOTIVATION
Yesterday I added two more C++ programming packets to my
website and already people have accessed both of them several
times in the first twenty-four hours since I posted them. That makes
me feel like I'm on the right track and should spend a little more time
on adding to my list of documents.

I like adding to sections where people seem to be hungry for more.
My random function document is about to hit 100 for the number of
downloads this month. The Hello Bloodshed Dev document is over
90. The Do While Loop is over 80. The While Loop document is next
with over 40 downloads this month. Both the Print Function and the
Display Input documents are also over the 40 mark.

That's quite a few documents to be accessed that much in less than
one month time. I've obviously hit a nerve, especially since some of
those documents were only created a couple of months ago. To be
that popular in such a short period of time is very telling.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/22/08. So some
people involved with this study would say that what I just posted here
would be considered bragging. They would say all sorts of negative
statements about me being proud of my accomplishments. This is
one of the reasons I see the study as completely cruel. I am a good
person with fantastic accomplishments. Why shouldn't I be proud of
my accomplishments? Why is it bad to take pride in a job well done?
Why is it bad to be good at something? If I have discovered a niche
that needs to be filled and people are responding to the fact that I am
filling it, then that is a good thing and it should be encouraged, not
discouraged because people like to say bad things about me. I
overheard some teachers talking about my compilation of writing one
morning at a hotel I stayed at. They were talking about my ideas for
approaching my programming packets. One of the teachers said he
had been teaching programming for ten years and he never came up
with the ideas I had. The other teachers wanted to know if I was right
in saying that the US imports programmers from other countries
because there is a shortage of programmers. He said I was right. So
trying to get more people interested is a good thing.


A Compilation of Writings                                            504
                            PDF DOCUMENTS
I knew having my materials in PDF format would be a good thing,
since it is so widely used and they are ready to use resources that
don't need additional formatting. Some people view formatting a
document to be very daunting. Some people just need to be able to
grab something quick that looks professional and is useful.

So far I have found six of my PDF documents listed on PDF search
engines. In other words, people are spending time looking for PDF
documents because they are so popular and useful. There are two
more of my documents listed on other sites linking to my site.

My goal was to help people with educational resources to make the
jobs of teaching and learning work more easily. I found methods that
worked with challenging students, so it stands to reason they would
work with just about anyone. I am so glad I am meeting my goal.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/22/08. I originally
wanted to sell these documents as a way to support myself as a
stalking victim. That didn't work. I couldn't even get my own family to
buy one of everything just to say they were helping, so I decided to
post them for free. I wanted people to be able to use them and have
an opportunity to help people with education again. As soon as I
started posting my PDF documents for free, my site instantly started
getting more popular. I started with getting my puzzles available in
print format and then went about making the rest of my site into
printable format. It took a while and now some of my documents are
only available in PDF format, such as my programming resources. I
think these just work better in that format anyway, since it is
sometimes easier to get the formatting correct in a word processor
than on a website and formatting makes a lot of difference for
programming education. The use of white space and indenting is
ingrained in writing programs that are more easily read and modified.
My coded crossword puzzles are still more user friendly in PDF form
than in the online version because I still haven't unraveled the
mystery of how to get the word lists to show in the online versions.


A Compilation of Writings                                           505
                       THE 600 PAGE MARK
I just hit the 600 page mark for my compilation of writings. I guess this
establishes me as a writer. I think it also establishes me as an
educational writer, even though I haven't included all of my over 120
educational resources in my compilation of writings.

There were people who were feeling overwhelmed when my
document was 450 pages, now they say only people with high speed
access to the internet can get to it now, but the library has high speed
internet available for free. So there is no restriction for anyone who
wants to look at my document and it is downloaded more than 50
times every month, so someone has access.

I think it's interesting how often lawyers look at it vs. the people doing
the study. Why on earth would people be confused about my ability to
read and write if they just did any tiny bit of research at all? This study
is pure stupidity, especially since I was told by someone in the study
that they had no interest in looking at my website at all. This begs the
question of what they are studying, since they have no interest in
looking at something I spent considerable time creating. I guess they
just like playing with the robot and don't really care about my well
being whatsoever.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/22/08. In case it
wasn't obvious, I am proud of my website and I am proud of my new
writing career. I am tired of people pointing at every single thing I do
and saying there is something wrong with it. This study is nothing
more than hate mongering as well as proliferating criminal behavior.
These people in charge of behavior modification have a lot to learn
about what is acceptable behavior since they think healthcare should
be administered from the crawl space of a house. These people
should be prosecuted and many of them are. Some of them are
already behind bars. People need to know what has been done to me
is horrible and should never be done to anyone else on this planet.
There is nothing to back the theory that what has been done to me is
the least little bit helpful to me as they continue to tell people in their
defense.



A Compilation of Writings                                               506
         MATH GO FISH IS STILL OF INTEREST
Someone several months ago found my website by searching for
Math Go Fish. I found the search string so interesting and I had never
heard of Math Go Fish, so I took a stab at it. I made up my own set of
game rules and included the rules for the regular Go Fish game.
Then I made four sets of game cards to go with the instructions. I
made one each for addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.
These sets of cards are downloaded several times each month. I was
hoping to do ones with algebra concepts, too, but I haven't gotten
there yet.

I did suggest these cards could be used with my Math QA Mixer
activity and that document has been looked at multiple times as well.
I'm glad my website has the feature of looking up what search strings
are being used to access my website. I have found quite a few ideas
of what I should add to my site this way.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/22/08. I enjoy being
a person who has a mixture of education and technology in my
background. I think it really helps me pull from both for so many
different things I do for my website. I think it makes for a much
stronger and more robust website. I post my monthly statistics on my
website and I think those speak for themselves as far as how much
people appreciate what I have to offer to the world of education. This
website is all I have left of my teaching career, since an illegal study
destroyed my teaching career. This is my partial compensation for the
loss of a career. I now have time to offer my methods, techniques and
creativity to more people in the world of education. Most people who
write educational documentation are former educators anyway, so I fit
right in with them. I just don't have the same reason for being a
former educator. At least I showed up and tried my best and had
many successes. Now it is time for others to show up, try and have
many successes with the help of my website. At least I hope this is
what will happen. Maybe my workbooks will be forthcoming soon. I
want to get these materials in people's hands as soon as possible
and paper format is one way to do that. Sometimes it is easier to grab
a book off the shelf than to log onto the internet.



A Compilation of Writings                                            507
                            VECTORS IN C++
I wanted to turn my writing prompt program into a programming
packet for my website. This involved rewriting the program I wrote
two years ago to use the function format of my other programming
packets. This was a bit of a challenge as I had never passed a vector
from a function and my reference books are not available right now. It
took some trial and error to get it to compile, but once I got past using
a function to load the vector with data, the rest went pretty fast.

I included a universal askYesNo function that can be used anywhere.
All that has to be done is to pass the function a question looking for a
yes or no answer and it takes care of looping until a y or an n are
entered. Then it passes back the answer character. I asked for it to
be used in the exercise at the end of the packet to emphasize code
reusability.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/22/08. One of the
comments someone made about the people doing the study was that
I was talking over their heads and they didn't understand what I was
saying. This resulted in them thinking I was crazy, instead of actually
looking into the fact that I just had a larger vocabulary and basis of
experiences than they did. Considering the people who started this
disaster declared me a genius at age six, you would have thought
they would have taken the time to find out if I did actually know what I
was talking about, instead of deciding I didn't know how to properly
use the English language. I still think it is hilarious that they thought
talking about my fabric stash was me talking about a drug stash. Find
any quilter and they know what a fabric stash is. Then there were
people who said I had too much fabric. Find any quilter and they will
take issue on that topic. I have already compared it to the painter's
palette. The different fabrics are part of the inspiration pool. Many
people pull out fabric from other projects and mix and match until they
see a combination they like for their next project. It is much more cost
effective to use up already purchased fabric than to buy brand new
for every single project. There is always fabric left over from every
single project. That is just the way it is.


A Compilation of Writings                                             508
           A WRITING JOURNAL FOR HEALING
I was looking at my stats page and came across my document for
writing journal ideas. While I was looking on the internet for journal
writing prompts, I found a writing journal for sake which was a blank
book with thoughts about journal writing on the back cover.

I feel, like many, that a journal can be a source for healing. Growing
up as a person liking math and feeling English was a personal failure
for me gives me an odd perspective on the subject of writing. I've
decided that most of my English issues stem from not getting glasses
at a young enough age and having a lack of confidence in my own
writing.

Once I turned report writing into a formula process, I was able to
excel at it. I viewed how-to's as an extension of my tutoring abilities
grown since the eighth grade. The creative writing was okay for me
as long as someone gave me a topic. I liked expository writing and
writing exercises that "took the creativity out of the experience."

As long as I was writing per a set of directions, then it felt like it wasn't
creative and therefore safe and acceptable. So my writing
experiences have been centered around pretending that I wasn't
creative at all. I didn't feel creative at all playing the flute because all I
did was play the notes someone else wrote, but I enjoyed listening to
the music as I played. Music has a healing affect for most people.

My experience with keeping a journal during this stalking disaster has
shown me many things. It has showed me how good it feels to put my
feelings on paper and feel the flow of the pens in different colors. It
has brought me inner strength in dealing with this ongoing violation of
my rights. It has spurred on my desire to help other victims. It has
strengthened my resolve that educating people will bring us to a
better world (If people knew what they were doing was wrong,
perhaps not as many people would have harmed me.).

I has also brought me to a place where I want to find easy ways for
others to have a positive experience with journal writing. This has led
me to the idea of having a spiral bound journal with a partially filled in


A Compilation of Writings                                                 509
table of contents. I would put in some pages on journal writing,
creative writing and daily writing practice. I would include a long list of
writing prompts and then leave the rest of the book as blank lined
pages with page numbers at the bottom.

The idea would be for the owner of the journal to start their own
journey and fill in the pages with whatever writing they wanted. They
would be able to fill in their own section of the table of contents with
date written, title or topic and page numbers for each entry. It follows
guidelines I've learned and used as well as leaving room for
individual expression.

I would want to have it available for a reasonable price and would
encourage victims and other people who wish to know more about
themselves to use it to see if it makes a difference for them. It feels
more helpful than many of the other suggestions people have given
me. I don't think people know how hurtful some of their suggestions
are, since they don't understand the extent of the victimization I have
survived.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/25/08. It is
important for me to get my ideas on paper for future reference and so
that the world still knows I am a force to be reckoned with. I am a
fighter. I will survive this ordeal with my sanity intact because I am a
fighter. I don't lay down, roll over and just accept what is happening. I
have my own way of fighting back. People do not understand the
lengths I will go to to get this mess resolved. It doesn't matter to me
how many companies or organizations bit the dust over this, since
only the ones committing crimes or other harmful acts are the ones
who will go down for what they have done. When the question of
what I would do if confronted with my attackers came up, I responded
with wanting law enforcement and the lawyers to deal with them. I
wanted nothing to do with these distasteful people. My form of
helping this end is to get as much help as possible to law
enforcement and the lawyers so they can do their jobs to help me find
safety and an end to these destructive behaviors exhibited by my
stalkers. I will eventually get to a relatively safe place. It will happen.




A Compilation of Writings                                               510
                     WHY COMMIT A CRIME?
I ask myself often why people choose to commit crimes against me. It
boggles my mind why anyone would commit the same crimes over
and over again. Since hundreds of people have been arrested and
quite a few of these have been convicted and people do know about
this, why would anyone else join in the same criminal activity?

One day people are going to realize the study is illegal and s are all of
the "medical treatments" that go along with it. Some people are
starting to realize there are lies in the study. Some people are starting
to realize the study did not follow proper procedures to ensure my
safety and my rights were not trampled in the process of performing
the study.

Some people go around saying they don't believe me. Believing me
has nothing to do with it. It's illegal and it is not allowed to be done
whether people believe me or not. Some people don't even believe
law enforcement and the lawyers and are quite surprised when they
get convicted. They think it's okay because it's called a study. Too
bad they didn't listen to the lawyers who told them to stop what they
were doing to me.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/25/08. I guess this
is what deep investigations are like. A lot of evidence must be
gathered and people have to be sure they have the right people
because they only want to take the actual criminals to court. They
don't want to arrest the wrong people. They don't want to indict the
wrong people. They don't want to convict the wrong people, so they
work really hard at collecting as much evidence as possible to make it
an airtight case. Some people think if they are not behind bars, then it
must be legal. Even when some people are told they are under
investigation, they still continue with their illegal behavior. It seems
rather odd to commit crimes while under investigation. Someone said
there should be a law against this and they were told there are.
Someone said the law is the law and stopped committing crimes
against me. At least some people have good sense.




A Compilation of Writings                                              511
                       RANDOM COMMENTS
I heard someone say Merry Hallucinations yesterday. It was one of
the more odd comments I have heard in my life. I wonder who he was
saying it to. Why would someone wish hallucinations on someone?

I can only hope this person was not associated with healthcare. It
would be nice to know people in healthcare aren't wishing ill
happenings on someone. I've seen some really horrible things come
from healthcare, including people trying to scare me, intimidate me,
lie to me, intentionally misdiagnose me and use healthcare as
punishment.

Someone said drugging me while using my computer wasn't meant to
be a punishment. It was just that these people didn't want me to use
my computer so much. Why is it their business in the first place? Why
should keeping me from participating in an online writing group,
working on an educational website and relaxing be considered things
I shouldn't do?

A little girl not old enough for kindergarten stood outside my window
one day and said I was being gassed because I was bad. That sure
does sound like it was pretty wide spread knowledge that I was being
drugged against my will as a form of punishment for something I did
or people thought I did wrong, which would be denying me my
constitutional right to due process.

Yes, people deciding I'm guilty without a trial and punishing me as
vigilantes do is denying me my right to due process. For some
reason, people in healthcare thought I was accusing law enforcement
of denying me my right to due process. Law enforcement investigated
me and found nothing to have the prosecutors take action on… They
witnessed me being victimized. It's the people who have been
drugging me against my will who are denying me my right to due
process. Healthcare seems to have a problem with respecting the
rights of people which are guaranteed by the constitution and other
legal documents. Perhaps a healthcare law class should be included
in medical training.



A Compilation of Writings                                         512
Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/25/08. I have been
disgusted with what people consider healthcare in this country. I do
hope these people get investigated for what they are doing with
patients. There are actual people who think healthcare should be
administered through the walls, floors and ceilings. I would love to
see the textbook outlining those procedures. Why on earth would
anyone think what has been done to me is approved by any
healthcare body? What makes these procedures even sound like
good medical practices?

I was watching some movie a bit ago and the people playing
government employees out to catch bad guys were discussing how
they can't intervene until they see a crime happen. They also
discussed the difference between the guy they were after killing
people being illegal, but if they were to kill that guy, then that would
be legal since they were the "bad guy catchers" as I like to call them.
The movie was a comedy, but it showed the point pretty well.

Certain people have certain things they can do for their jobs. People
crossing the lines and doing what they are not supposed to do is a
problem waiting to happen. Someone made the comment one day
that the healthcare group was going to do what the FBI should have
done in the first place. I do believe they were talking about keeping
money from me. I guess they don't know much about how things are
done by the FBI. One thing I like about law enforcement is that they
have a whole lot of rules and laws they have to follow and they have
lawyers to watch out to make sure they aren't violating any of these
rules or laws.

It's the healthcare people who I don't trust have people looking over
their shoulder. It was way too hard to get people to look into my
claims of what was happening to me. Once people actually decided
to check out what I was saying, they found out I was telling the truth
and I was pretty good at pointing to places where to find evidence
and even coming up with strategies for bad guy catching as well as
for use in the courtroom. I say this is because I am so close to the
situation and have lived through so much of it. Some people point to
the fact that I'm a genius. It doesn't really matter as long as the job
gets done.



A Compilation of Writings                                             513
                     NEW CRAFT PROJECTS
On the off chance people got sewing machines for the holiday
season, I decided to post two more beginner sewing projects: and
hourglass quilt and a double-sided micro fleece blanket.

The hourglass quilt is an easy way to start making quilts. The block
design is simple and the inside-out finishing technique takes the
worry about doing the binding of the quilt.

The micro fleece blanket is an idea I used to make a gift for my
brother a few years ago. It looks great and it is very warm. It doesn't
take long to make, so it is great for beginners to have a finished
project in very little time.

I enjoy making directions for beginner projects to bring new people
into the world of sewing. It's even better when they make it into the
world of quilting. Sewing opens up so much for people. It's both
creative as well as practical.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/26/08. My brother
once asked me if sewing was my only hobby. It seemed like such an
odd question to me since sewing encompasses so much. To me, it's
more than just a hobby. It's a creative outlet and an automatic feel
good for a sense of accomplishment and that wonderful feeling when
someone opens up a hand made gift. I like making hand made gifts. I
didn't get to make any this year, but I hope that won't be the case for
next year. I want to make so many different things. My mind is
brimming with ideas that want to spill out onto the fabric. I think I write
directions to projects partially to get these ideas out onto paper so I
don't have to worry about forgetting the ideas that come to mind.
Then I can just go back through the project sheets and relive the
ideas around that project. I get it into my head what I want to make
and what I want it to look like and I want to dive into the fabric right
there and then. It's hard not to do it. It's hard not to let the creativity
out to roam and romp in the sewing room.




A Compilation of Writings                                               514
                            ASSISTED LIVING
It's interesting that people are coming up with reasons for having
medical records when I never checked into their facilities by saying
victimizing me in my home was called assisted living. This is an
interesting way to label criminal behavior b healthcare professionals.
Too bad they never bothered to get any consent forms signed to back
up their claims that they were actually performing legal medical
procedures. Too bad they don't understand drugging someone
against their will is illegal. Too bad ignorance of the law is no excuse.

How sad it is people passed around keys to where I lived and
chuckled to themselves because they knew no one will ever find this
so called assisted living legal. People were scheduled to rape me due
to passing around these keys and the free access to these drugs.
Healthcare explains this how? Healthcare takes responsibility for this
how? I really want to know how they explain their actions.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/27/08. Perhaps the
answer is they don't explain their actions with anything that is even
remotely sounding like sound medical procedures. Perhaps this is
why there is a 100% conviction rate. Perhaps this is why it is so easy
for the lawyers to win the law suits. Perhaps juries don't find this in
the least bit funny or helpful. Perhaps people don't want this to
happen to them. Perhaps they don't think healthcare should be on
such a loose leash. Perhaps healthcare has overstepped their
boundaries to the point that some people will be losing their careers
and perhaps their freedom as well. Perhaps this will serve as a
warning to anyone else considering harming people the way I have
been harmed. Perhaps I have saved other people from living through
the horror I have lived through and continue to live through each and
every day and night. I live in hope that I have helped others and
prevented this from spreading any further than it already has. I hope
people listen and learn when they finally find out the truth. It's too bad
they didn't listen to me when I told them I was being victimized,
instead of just writing me off as a mental health patient who didn't
know what victimization was. I hope this ends and I am still living.


A Compilation of Writings                                              515
                 LITTLE WRITING JOURNALS
I went to a bookstore today and found tiny writing journals that are
supposed to be famed to be the kind Hemmingway used. They sell
them in two packs. More than one writing book has said to spread
around writing materials all over the house and always have them
with you. I can see someone carrying around a tiny journal in a breast
pocket or in a purse, always at the ready to jot down thoughts as they
come to mind.

It's amazing to see blank books for sake, but they are the tools of the
trade. If I got a blank one, I think I might paste in pictures to write
about or newspaper funnies to comment on. One book said to keep
newspaper articles that spark ideas.

I guess I like writing out my thoughts when the spirit moves me. The
research corporation not understanding how much I've been
physically and emotionally harmed on top of financially harmed and
hanging around trying to get me to like them does provide fuel to a lot
of my writing.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. I heard
someone say, "Today is the last day." Is this the reason so many
people are clustering trying to persuade me that the giant research
corporation is a good thing? Show me what they have done that is
good. Show me what they have done to abide by wishes. Show me
how they have respected my rights. Show me how they have helped
to stop the study. Show me how they have listened to what I had to
say. Show me where the money they owe me is. Show me how they
resolved the embezzlement by repaying the money. Show me how
they have done anything to make my life better. It's a little hard to get
me to think this corporation is so wonderful when I am looking at my
ruined life that is that way because of their illegal study. It's hard to
look at these people trying to fake being nice when they just want me
to stop trying to destroy their company.




A Compilation of Writings                                             516
          I THINK SHE FINALLY GOT THE IDEA
I overheard this comment at breakfast today and it irked me. What
idea is the giant research corporation and their minions trying to get
across to me this time? They've only failed at changing me to be their
favorite toy. They've failed at trying to get me to understand how what
they've done is supposed to be helpful.

People who don't even know me actually sit around commenting on
how they think I've changed. If they think I'm the person they want me
to be they are sadly mistaken. I'm not into being the wet noodle who
accepts everything they want me to do. I am a strong, independent
woman who goes her own way however possible. They used to harp
on how I was just a follower. They have always wanted me to do
whatever they want, like I'm their slave. They don't believe in
individuality. They believe in the robot society where we are all the
same. How boring.


Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. Why not
accept that I am a unique individual just like everyone else? Yes, I am
just like everyone else. I am a human being with rights I expect to be
respected. Every single person on this planet is an individual and that
should be cherished. I resist all ideas that I should be part of a herd of
followers. I don't ever wish to be part of a herd of followers. I do not
wish to do what a giant research corporation wants me to do. I want
to do what I want to do, just like everyone else. Who wants hundreds
of people following them around everywhere they go telling them
what to do? Who wants that? Who wants people drugging them
against their will? Who wants that to be legal? Who wants to be
treated like a remote control robot? Who wants people harming them
in every single place they go? What is wrong with this giant research
corporation? Why can't they respect my rights to be an independent
woman doing her own thing with her own life? You would think a
research corporation would like a strong, independent woman in this
world, instead of a doormat which is what they want me to be. They
think of me as a failure because I was in the smart kid program and
didn't become a lawyer or a doctor. Oh well.



A Compilation of Writings                                             517
        HAS THE STUDY LEARNED ANYTHING?
I often wonder what this giant study has learned in 38 years. They
haven't learned who I am of what I'm all about. They don't even know
my accomplishments. They don't understand how harmful it is to take
all of the people in my life and turn them against me with the lies in
the study. They can't figure out who the good guys are. They can't
figure out they owe me money. They can't figure out giving my money
to other people and using it to pay their salaries is a bad idea that will
backfire. They can't figure out I don't want to be studied or exploited.
They can't figure out that some people have caught on to the idea
that anything I do is considered to be bad and nothing positive is ever
considered as possibilities for what I do. They can't figure out how to
take responsibility for their own actions. They can't figure out that my
family hardly knows me, that is if they've figured out who they even
are.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. I'm
unimpressed with this corporation. Can you tell? If they can't even
look at the basics of what is going on in South Dakota, then why even
show up? Have these people who are in town to visit even read this
document? Have they even seen my website? Do they even know
how cruel they are to me? Do they know how disrespectful this study
is? Do they know how hurtful it is that they are trying to convince me
they are good people when I only see destruction? I have challenged
them to show me what they have done that is good and they have
come up with nothing. They can't point to anything good because
anytime something good is ever done; they trash it and move forward
with more cruelty. The fact that the corporation knew I didn't commit a
crime quite a while ago and still continued having people think I did
commit a crime is irresponsible to say the least. The fact that the
corporation knew I was not a mental health patient and they
continued to push this lie which has led to much pain and suffering
does not show their shining star quality. Why are they bothering with
trying to get me to see them as good people when they have nothing
to back it up with? At least show up with the money they owe.



A Compilation of Writings                                              518
              ONLY SOME PEOPLE UPSET ME
Someone made the comment one day that only certain people upset
me. What kind of study do you think people end up with if the people
studying me are the ones who upset me? Do you think the study
ends up being objective? Probably not. I want the study to stop and
they continue it because I'm pissed about the study and they
somehow reason that studying me more will make me happier when
the study is what is upsetting me in the first place. I'm not impressed.

Someone made a comment that the study people wouldn't listen to
me, so I turned to writing my views in my compilation of writings.
They actually said writing out my anger at the study was a bad thing. I
think turning my anger to writing is a positive way to deal with the
situation, but the giant research corporation decided to say it is bad,
since their goal is to crush anything I do in my life. If it makes me
happy, they seek to destroy it. And they have the nerve to call it a
study.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. Yes, the
systematic destruction of everything in my life is what these people
call a study. It is interesting that this corporation is known as a
healthcare policy making corporation. I wouldn't want to spread that
around when they are being accused of harming someone they
studied for decades. My goal is to keep this study from affecting other
people. I don't want any more people negatively impacted by this
corporation. Since the corporation refuses to follow the law and many
of their employees have been arrested and convicted and they still
continue, there seems little choice but to fight to shut it down. The
people who are trying to convince me there is some redeeming
quality about this corporation don't understand the magnitude of the
problem. It overshadows everything else. A corporation hunted me
down and tried to kill me. Why should they be in charge of making
healthcare policy? I am a corporate whistleblower and that is why I
have been harmed so much more in South Dakota than in California.




A Compilation of Writings                                            519
            BEING PAID FOR A LOST CAREER
People are starting to get the concept that the study ruined my
teaching career and the research corporation was supposed to
compensate me for it. Instead they chose to take out a vendetta on
me. They decided to teach me what pain and suffering and rape was
all about. That is how things got completely out of hand in South
Dakota. That is how I ended up more harmed in South Dakota than in
California, even though they were undermining my life for a longer
period of time in California.

People are finding out the truth of how cruel a research corporation
has been to me for almost my entire life. People are starting to find
out why I don't want to be studied. People are finding out why the
study is bad. People are finding out how trying to live someone's life
for them is a really bad idea. Each person gets to live their own life.
This is America, land of the free, home of the brave. When will they
get it?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. Someone
commented that the research corporation wasn't going to stop
because they have been trying to tell me things for years. Go ahead
and pound your heads against the wall some more… You didn't need
that corporation anyway. If this stuff they have been trying to tell me
all my life is so gosh darn important and they say they have been
helping me all of my life, then why is my life such a disaster? If these
people are truly helpful then my life should be great, right? My life
should be a bowl of cherries with whipped cream on top. So if I have
ended up living in my car for 4 ½ months because of a study, then
how on earth are they going to convince anyone they ever meant to
be helpful? Why destroy a successful teaching career in the first
place? Why cause workplace harassment for years and years? Why
bother me with stuff I obviously don't wish to listen to? Why hound me
for years with the same stuff over and over again? Do they really like
being called stalkers?




A Compilation of Writings                                            520
                YOUR IDEALS ARE NOT MINE
I don't like people who feel the need to inflict their ideologies upon
me. Some people could say I was trying to do that with my students,
but helping teenagers find positive choices and reaching for the stars
is a good thing. Trying to get kids to go to college and trying to get
them to stay out of jail by not breaking the law are supposed to be
good things.

The research corporation chose to criticize everything I did. They
chose to sabotage anything I enjoyed. They did not want me to have
children or enjoy my job or even be able to hand out with friends
without being criticized. With all of that negativity surrounding me,
how was I supposed to have a happy, productive life? People need to
have positive people in their lives who don't drag them down. Since
everyone in my life gets contacted by the study and starts treating me
badly because of it, why add people to my life? Why not be by myself
since I'm positive about myself and few other people seem to be
because of the study.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. Peter used
to ask me why I did things when we were growing up in Santa
Monica. I didn't mind him asking me because he really wanted to
know why I wasn't doing the same thing as the rest of the group we
grew up with was doing. I told him some of the reasons then and
more of the reasons in the past two years. I didn't mind his questions
because I knew he cared. I do mind the research corporation's study
because I find it invasive and cruel. Peter did not try to run my life for
me and make decisions for me. The corporation has tried to make
every single decision for me, including if I am allowed to enjoy self
pleasure. This is a pretty invasive study. Why would anyone think
operating my body by remote control was a good idea? Would
anyone think overdosing me with vaporized alcohol and other forms
of anesthesia causing extreme problems such as alcohol poisoning
be a good idea? How can they defend their actions in a court of law?




A Compilation of Writings                                               521
     IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, THEN STAY AWAY
Why would hundreds of people want to tell me how to live my life? If
they don't like me that much, then stay away. Who needs people
swarming around them in criticism?

Now there are some people who want to see me with their own eyes
to find out if the study is really filled with lies. Looki-loos can be
tolerated as long as they are not tossing negativity at me, including
the remote control drugging and the online hatred and the verbal
slander.

Finding someone on this planet who doesn't know about this mess is
hard to do. It's just a matter of finding people who are positive, rather
than negative. People who don't even know me or aren't even
educated in the field deciding to drug me when they are in the mood
isn't helping me at all. It isn't helping them either. Why get involved
with committing crimes against someone? What's the point? Why
even bother? It doesn't make me a happier person. Wasn't that the
point?



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/28/08. Yes, this
study says its goal is to make me a happier person and get me to
leave the state of South Dakota. Well, they are banging their heads
against the wall. The study does not make me happy. The illegal
drugging does not make me happy. Forcing me to leave a location
also does not make me happy. What kind of a study is this?

So the question pops into my head as to why people didn't give me
the ten million dollars for pain and suffering over two years ago.
People said they didn't give it to me because they thought I had a
psychotic break. That still isn't a reason to let my house foreclose and
let my good credit be destroyed. No one else has ever been legally
put in charge of my money, so this is embezzlement. It is added
cruelty on top of the fact that I never had a psychotic break in the first
place.



A Compilation of Writings                                              522
                    SUBMISSION STRATEGY
Yesterday was a big day for my writing career. I got a packet of
information in the mail and I went to work. I prepared examples of
cover letters I've used in the past and two different versions of my
biography and changed the format on two stories to meet the
submission guidelines laid out by the submission service people. I
finally got it all printed and forms filled out and to the post office.

It was very satisfying to get it all into the mail the same day I received
my packet in the mail. They had tight deadlines to meet for this first
round of submissions. I think I'll have more time next time around. I
think I'll have a better idea of stories to submit as well. I'll have to see
what the results are from this first round.

The stories are going to be sent to twenty-five different publications to
see if they will be accepted. I like the help in finding markets to submit
to as well as the help with the cover letters. I'm just excited about it
overall.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/30/08. I feel about
as excited as I did when I heard about my first story acceptance
earlier this year. Yes, in one year's time, I've had my first story
published in an online magazine and I've sent off stories to a group of
people who specialize in helping writers get published. I've often
thought about sending in my stories to them to see if they would
accept me as a client. About every other month they send out notices
that they are looking for new authors. I guess with all that has
happened recently, I felt like I didn't have anything to lose. It was free
to send in the stories to see if they would accept me and then it was
my choice if I wanted to continue to the fee service they were
offering. It was a risk free process. I was kind of excited to have them
write back and ask for more stories from me. Then I got the letter
saying they accepted me and wanted to help me get published
elsewhere. It is all very exciting. It's nice to be recognized as
someone who can write when I've been working so hard to improve
my writing over the past three years. This is success to me. Getting
published in print is the next goal.



A Compilation of Writings                                                 523
                            IT'S YOUR LIFE
I love when I hear comments like this, "It's your life." How exciting
there is someone on this planet who understands the concept of
people getting the opportunity to live their own lives unfettered by
others telling them how to live it and standing in their way of making
their own choices.

How rude of a study to think they have the right to choose how I live
my life. That doesn't even sound like a study. Don't they realize they
are tainting their own results? How bizarre. I would think that a giant
research corporation would know how to do a study with all of the
proper oversights in place, but alas they do not know how to do this,
so now there is a massive out of control crime spree going on in the
state of South Dakota.

Someone said there would be no more drugging. This individual was
obviously out of touch with how out of control this is. Too bad. It did
sound like a nice idea to never be drugged against my will ever again.
Too bad he didn't have a big enough magic wand to wave around
and make it actually happen.

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/30/08. What is
there to say? People have thought it was great fun to play with my
body, to drug me against my will and to lie about me to everyone they
can find. Recently people have been finding out little facts like, "They
raped her," and "They dislocated her jaw." It is interesting to hear
people actually get some real information, but why did they take
action on the lies they heard before? Why would people decide to
participate in committing crimes against a person they don't even
know because they heard rumors? It doesn't make any sense to me
at all. The rumor that I had a psychotic break and did not remember
committing a crime that never happened is so stupid I don't even
know how to respond. The rumor that I was a prostitute is even more
stupid because it is based on an overheard conversation and not on
the facts. These people don't even understand that money has to
change hands for it to be prostitution. Too bad a research corporation
doesn't know the first thing about how to report a supposed crime so
they could have found out there was no crime at all.


A Compilation of Writings                                            524
  I'M SORRY YOU'RE STILL A STALKING VICTIM
I started playing board games online again and ran into some people
I enjoyed playing with the last time I played. One said he was sorry to
hear I was still a stalking victim. This has been an interesting concept
that I have heard in this disaster. It seems that some of my stalkers
have actually admitted to knowing I'm a stalking victim, but have
circulated the rumor (lie) that it's over and now I'm just a mental
health patient who only thinks she's a stalking victim.

Considering the fact that these people follow me everywhere I go,
drug me against my will (as evidenced in numerous drug tests), touch
my body against my will (calling it medical procedures) as well as lie
about me and post text and photos of me online it unflattering poses,
it's hard not to see these people as my stalkers, even though they
claim to be helping me through their predatory behavior. Isn't it
interesting the people stalking me say I'm not a victim?

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/30/08. There was
even a person I write several letters to telling him of what my stalkers
were doing to me on an ongoing basis who also thought I was no
longer a stalking victim. What about the people who were told I would
be back in two years? They must be wondering why I didn't return to
my foreclosed home. Perhaps they did not understand just how
victimized I was. This is easy to see happening since it was my
stalkers who were telling them the lies that I would be back in two
years after I had recovered from my psychotic break that never
happened. Too bad none of these people know anything about
HIPPA. Maybe they could have helped me while I was still in Tahoe
by actually helping to stop the study and the rumor mills going around
about me. Maybe someone could have actually asked me why a
teacher would have a porn site so that I could find the URL and go to
law enforcement with it. That would have been nice to actually stop
the disaster before I lost my entire career and my two pieces of
property in a resort town. Oh well. I guess it's more egg on the face of
the research corporation who told the lie that I would be back in two
years, who also did not ask why a teacher would have a porn site.




A Compilation of Writings                                            525
                            ZEST AND GUSTO
Ray Bradbury in Zen in the Art of Writing discusses a writer's need to
write with zest and gusto. He goes on to mention how important daily
writing is. I had no access to my writing journal or ability to update my
website while I was in the hospital. Ray Bradbury says a writer's
writing suffers if daily writing is not done. I wonder if my writing
suffered while I was getting the open sores on my legs healed. My
stalkers are responsible for those wounds on my legs. So I guess I
can blame them if my writing suffered at all.

I can say that the week and a half it took to get the wounds to close
did provide me with zest and gusto that was carefully hidden. I built
up a store of experiences to write about once I was released from
healthcare prison. Yes, I was kept against my will instead of being
transferred to a safer location, so I do think the title of healthcare
prison applies very well to the situation.



Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/30/08. I have not
written about all of my experiences in healthcare prison yet. I have
only scratched the surface. The fact that I was in the hospital at all
due to a study is preposterous. Why would people want to stuff me
full of capsules of exploding drugs in the first place? What on earth
makes people think this is good healthcare? The fact that this was
done by gaining illegal access to where I was sleeping doesn't seem
to bother any of the healthcare participants in the least. The fact that
the hospital didn't see a reason to remove the reason for the sores is
just disgusting. They actually call themselves a place of healing. I can
say that is not true. They had people there who were told this was
illegal. So why didn't they abide by my request to have the stuff
removed from my legs with my permission? They seemed only able
to handle lying to my face and ignoring the problem. I was so happy
to finally not have to deal with diarrhea for a while only to have
abdominal cramping from out of nowhere and severe diarrhea after
over a week of staying with them. They always tried to explain away
what was happening, instead of owning up to reality. It’s very sad.



A Compilation of Writings                                             526
                   PREVENTION OF POSTING
It seems that with the sudden surge of interest in my compilation of
writings (thirty-eight downloads in twenty-four hours) there comes a
passion to prevent me from writing and updating my document. This
of course means my document is affecting people. People are sitting
up and taking notice.

Now some people understand they have no idea what a stalker is.
They believe the lied that were started in California by a dead fake
husband who had no idea what my home school independent study
teaching job was all about and convinced some of my students to lie
and say I was stalking them.

When a different law enforcement group questioned these students
again, they all recanted their statements. They were quite upset when
I left town and left teaching, since I was the best teacher most of
them had ever had. It's so sad that people have no concept of how
someone can be a victim of lies and rumors, to the point of law
enforcement being called because of their fears. Ooh, how scary I am
as a former very good teacher writing about being a victim. Look at
them shake in their boots. Hear them say, "There she is."

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/31/08. So why don't
people understand that following me all over the place because they
think a rumor might be true constitutes stalking me? Why is this so
difficult for them to comprehend? Why would people want to follow
someone all over the place if they really do think they are a criminal?
I must not be all that scary if they aren't afraid to parade their children
around me. I must not be all that scary if they would rather follow me
all around then letting law enforcement do it. Did these people forget
that I am already followed around all over the place by law
enforcement because I am a perpetual victim? I guess they forgot
about that group of people watching all of the comings and goings of
people out to harm me with drugs and other actions against me, like
forced poverty. I wonder how many lawyers have witnessed the
crimes. People are being arrested and convicted, so the word is out.




A Compilation of Writings                                               527
                 THE BASEMENT GATHERING
Just as there are attic dwellers in this world of victimization, there are
also basement gatherings. Tanks of anesthesia are gathered in
various basements and holes are made the floor above to distribute
these gasses into the room where I am.

It is amazing to me that these people leave these holes and tanks of
gas lying around as solid evidence of victimizing me. Of course they
try to convince people that this brand of victimization is called a
prescription environment.

Why does anyone think random amounts of anesthesia in a room is a
prescription? What's the dosage? Who is the anesthesiologist? And
why does anyone think this sounds legal?

Do people really want this done to them? Do people really want to be
drugged against their will by vigilante healthcare workers who
decided because of a study someone was guilty and should be
punished?

Notes From The Author: This was written on 12/31/08. Can you
actually believe people think this is sound healthcare? It's
preposterous. Intelligent and educated people thinking it should be
legal to victimize someone based on rumors. It's a topic I have
distaste for since it is at the root of this victimization continuing on
indefinitely. People have threatened me with drugging me against my
will for the rest of my life and harassing me for the rest of my life. All
this is because they don't know what they are talking about. They
cling to the lies like me being a prostitute when no money changed
hands, like the lie that I am a stalker when I stalked no on