Piranha Pedicure by liaoqinmei


									InTouch - Issue 50

 Piranha Pedicure
Last month I was invited to a                  to see her again but just as important,     her usual effervescent self . The man
house warming party in London.                 her new apartment was at One Hyde           sitting to my right was Russian but in
                                               Park. The most prestigious , and expen-     spite of this he seemed quite charming
Normally I would decline such                  sive, apartment block in the world! A       and was busy flirting with the young
an invitation – after all, who                 penthouse there recently sold for over      smiling blonde lady sitting the other
would want to leave the Spring                 £130,000,000. So of course I wanted a       side of him, so I attempted to introduce
time, lovely sleepy Cyprus                     peek at Suzie’s new home.                   myself to the stick thin lady on my left,
mountains for the grime and                                                                who sat staring ahead without initially
                                                                                           replying. After a long pause she grunted
rush of London – but the invita-                                                           an acknowledgement, still just staring
tion was from Suzie, a friend of                                                           straight ahead. I don’t give up easily so I
many many years, so off I went.                                                            attempted again to open a conversation
                                                                                           with her by asking “What do you think
I first met Suzie in 1964. She was one of                                                  of the apartment?” “Haven’t bothered
the many ‘Soho girls’, who frequented                                                      to look round “ she said, still refusing
the same Soho coffee bars and clubs as                                                     to make eye contact. “OK then, how do
me. Suzie stood out from the crowd with                                                    you know Suzie?” “I don’t, I came with
her stunning good looks and (even by                                                       a friend” Again no eye contact and not
1960’s standards) outrageous clothes and       My own modest little London home            a hint of anything approaching pleas-
outrageous behaviour. It was Suzie with        is just the other side of Hyde Park,        antry. I tried again, “And what do you
one of her friends (not me!) who made          so it was just a pleasant stroll across     do?” I asked, in as pleasant a tone as I
it their quest to sleep with all the Rolling   the park to visit Suzie’s luxurious pad.    could, as this haughty miserable clothes
Stones – none of whom they had ever            Wow! Sheer luxury, the apartments           horse was rapidly beginning to annoy
met. First on their list was Brian Jones       are attached to the Mandarin Oriental       me with her disdainful attitude. “I don’t
, we all fancied Brian especially me, in       hotel in Knightsbridge – just opposite      define myself in those common terms”
my immature imagination, he belonged           Harvey Nichols. Being attached to the       she said ,before muttering something
to me! He lived in Soho, so he was easy        hotel means the apartments all benefit      about being a Buddhist clothes designer.
to meet and of course they succeeded. I        from hotel facilities, security – valet     Buddhist clothes designer?? I didn’t dare
hated them both at the time as I was so        service – superb food – swimming            ask, but is that a clothes designer whose
jealous. “He’s great” they enthused after      pool and so many other services and of      religion is Buddhism, or does she design
bedding him, “but he’s not Mick Jagger         course splendid London views.               clothes for Buddhists? Thankfully, just
(I should explain; Mick had a much             Suzie’s idea of a house warming was an      at that moment the food arrived, huge
talked about reputation amongst the            elegant, full dress dinner party. Person-   platters of assorted roast meats artfully
girls based more on his stage persona          ally I didn’t know a soul there – other     arranged around a central display of col-
than actual anecdotal evidence). Via           than Suzie – although I recognised          ourfull assorted vegetables. The platters
Brian they met Keith Richards, again           some of them as minor celebrities hav-      were places in the middle of the tables
they declared him “great – but no Mick         ing seen their photo’s in newspapers/       for guest to help themselves.
Jagger”. Finally they achieved their ulti-     magazines etc.                              Still trying to be friendly I said “Would
mate aim and Mick fell for their charms.       I have certain views regarding dinner       you like some meat?” offering a plate to
Their verdict: “O.K. but not the Mick          parties. I feel if you accept an invita-    her. “No” she snarled, “I don’t eat meat
Jagger of our dreams!”                         tion then you must be prepared to do        and I’m not hungry” She pushed back
                                               your part and be as entertaining as is      her chair, stood up and stalked out of
                                               possible so that the party is enjoyable     the room. It takes a lot to shock me -
                                               for all. If you are not prepared to do      but even I was a bit taken aback by this
                                               this, then you should stay home, curl       woman’s behaviour. She was the rudest
                                               up on a sofa and watch television or        person I have ever sat next to at some-
                                               do something else similarly as bor-         thing like this, a sallow faced curmudg-
                                               ing. I find it perplexing when people       eoness with no interest in anyone or
                                               accept dinner invitations and then sit      anything other than herself. The man on
                                               there with a face like a cold and wet       her left had also been ignored by her and
                                               Wednesday on a winters day in Aiya          he now turned to me and commented
Anyway, enough reminiscing. I accept-          Nappa. It wasn’t a large gathering ,        “glad she’s gone – what a misery!”
ed Suzie’s invitation because I wanted         only about 12 people, and Suzie was         This was someone I could converse
24 | InTouch Magazine
                                                                                                                     InTouch - Jul 2011

with, handsome, mid 50’s and beauti-         Just as we got close to their house there     they described as the most unusual
fully spoken. I’d never met him before       was a squeal of brakes and a jaguar           beauty fad experience in London.
but I recognised him as a TV news            car crashed into the side window of a         They took us to a shop where we put
reader. The rest of the evening passed in    photographic shop. We didn’t witness          our feet in a fish tank and allowed the
a blur, we laughed ,we drunk, we drunk       the actual crash and it’s difficult to work   little fishes to nibble on the skin on the
and we laughed. At the end of the            out how the driver picked up enough           soles of our feet. Suzie described it as a
evening he even took me to my home           speed in the narrow little cul de sac to      ‘piranha pedicure’! It’s a tingly, ticklish
in his swish Bentley but he didn’t come      take out a shop front. We could see           not unpleasant sensation. Modesty
in, just gave me a chaste kiss on the        who the driver was and I can tell you         described it as ‘orgasmic’ – Hmm, but
cheek and drove off – shame!                 he is very much a public face but I’m         then I’m much older than she is!
Next day Suzie was on the phone even         not going to say who it was as by the         Now I am aware they have similar fish
before I got up, wanting to know all         time you read this he will have probably      tanks in Cyprus and when I return
the – non existent – details. Of course      taken out a super injunction. All I can       home I will certainly try it again –
I exaggerated just a little bit, actually    say is that the car went Wham, straight       maybe Modesty has something after
quite a lot, but Suzie wouldn’t have         into the shop, no one was injured but         all. I certainly want to experience it
believed me if I’d told her the truth, she   the shop was wrecked . Because of the         again and all I could think of was the
thinks everyone is like her – and I have     crowd we couldn’t get to Sir Stirling         headlines in the papers back in the late
a vivid imagination!.                        Moss’s house so we carried on our way         90’s when Sarah Ferguson was photo-
                                             to Fortnum and Masons.                        graphed having her toes nibbled by her
                                             After lunch we met up with Suzie’s two        then current boyfriend – now I know
                                             nieces, Modesty and Faith, two lovely         why she was enjoying it so much!
                                             girls who insisted on taking us to what       Visiting London and meeting up with
                                                                                           extroverts like Suzie is so exhilarating
                                                                                           but I was so pleased when the plane
                                                                                           touched down at Paphos and I was
                                                                                           on my way home again. Back to my
                                                                                           beloved mountains and my animals – I
                                                                                           mean my dogs and cats - not the locals.

We arranged to meet and go shopping
together. We walked along Piccadilly
and turned in to Shepherds Market on
our way to see another friend of Suzie’s,
another Susie, wife of Sir Stirling Moss.

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                                                                                                                 InTouch Magazine | 25

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