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12 FREAKED OUT ABOUT
YOUR FUTURE
24 THE PARTY HABIT THAT CAN
PUT YOU IN DANGER
27 COLLEGE SURVIVAL GUIDE
9 15 WAYS TO SAVE MONEY
16 EMMA WATSON: WHAT YOU
DIDNT KNOW
20 A NEW KIND OF DATE RAPE
26 SHOULD I JOIN A SORORITY
2 • march 2010 • freshmen 15
8 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
9 15 WAYS TO SAVE MONEY
10 COLLEGE DISASTERS
15 FREEBIES!
32 HORSCOPE
23 DO’S AND DON’TS OF A
FIRST DATE
23 THE DIRTY TRUTH ABOUT
COLLEGE DATING
freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 5
Vice President/Publisher Jayne Jamison
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freshmen15.com hearst magazine digital media
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t
yet? I’m abou
your flu shot t everyon e
Ha ve you gotten this n ews abou
ll r
to get min e! A making me worried not only fot u
getting sick is r you guys. Did you hear abo e
fo d th
m yself but colleges aroun
all the H 1N1 outbreaks in state New York has
hool in up it
country? A sc es of it, and they’re tracking ng Since you don’t have a lot of cash flow in college, you prices than your local bookstores. In some cases, you may
reported 2 1 cas where students were shari now. need to learn how to be thrifty with your money. Here save more than 50% by purchasing books online. Added
back to a party e friends are regretting that
are some tips for surviving on a college budget . bonus: you bypass the whole standing in line thing.
cups. B et thos rt
ber to be sma
1. Walk or ride your bike to classes. By doing this, 9. Be smart about credit. If you use a credit card, make sure
rtant to remem a widespread
you won’t have to spend as much money on gas or car you have cash to pay off the balance every month as not to
o
It’s really impcially with such maintenance. You also won’t have to shell out a bunch of accrue interest. If you get into debt during college, those
pe
and safe, es und. What a re you doing to eon e money each semester for campus parking fees. credit card woes will be with you long after graduation.
virus going a ro g the flu? Ha ve you or som
prevent catchinit? Let me know!
2. Get good grades. Having good grades can save you 10. Get a free checking and savings account. Look around
money on car insurance. Check with your insurance your community for banks that cater to students. Make
you know had company to see what grades they require for the discount. sure there are no attached fees for ATM withdrawals,
online banking, funds transfer, etc.
XO XO
3. Look for free or cheap entertainment. Stop spending
ridiculous amounts of money at your local movie theater. 11. Don’t shop for groceries when hungry. You’ll end up spending
-A. Many campuses host free movie nights throughout the way more than you originally intended. Make a list and stick to it!
school year. Instead of going out to clubs every weekend
where you have to spend money on cover charges and 12. Carpool. Going home for the weekend or for a holiday?
beverages, save your cash by attending art openings or Carpool with other students from your hometown. Gas
free student concerts. Stay away from shopping malls when doesn’t seem that expensive when you split the cost.
you are bored; you’ll be too tempted to make purchases.
13. Don’t forget about financial aid. Remember to research
Instead, keep yourself busy by going for a long walk, playing
scholarships and grants. When taking out student loans, be
sports, having a picnic with your friends, etc.
sure to compare lenders in order to receive the best deal.
4. Don’t pay for a fitness club membership. Most campuses have
14. Skip the Starbucks. Rewarding yourself with an iced
fitness centers that are free to students. If your campus doesn’t,
latte or a gourmet blueberry muffin every once in a while
buy some hand weights and take up running, biking, swimming, etc.
is fine. However, if you are hitting up Starbucks for your
5. Use coupons. For every item that you purchase, check to daily caffeine fix, then you are putting a serious hurtin’ on
see if you can use a coupon for it. This includes groceries, your wallet (not to mention your waistline). A $4 drink at
clothing, electronics, etc. If purchasing items online, you Starbucks purchased once a day will cost you about $120 a
should first visit sites such as www.ultimatecoupons.com month or around $1,460 a year! Resist the caffeine craving
or www.couponchief.com to check for online coupon and put that money in your pocket. Cha-ching!
codes. In addition to discounts, some sites, such as www.
15. Rent movies. The cost of going to a theater to watch a
ebates.com, offer cash back and will mail you a check based
movie is crazy expensive. If you attend an evening movie, you
on your purchases. If your mom is a coupon clipper, have
will spend about $9.25 on a ticket. Add about $10 if you want
her send some in your next care package.
a small soda and popcorn. That’s about $20 for one movie
6. Get free Internet access. Many campuses offer free night out. If you like to see a movie every weekend, you’ll end
wireless access. If you have a desktop, some colleges provide up spending about $80 per month. Solution? Stay home and
their students with free or discounted dial-up accounts. If save money. You can get an unlimited Netflix plan for as low
you need faster service, head to your campus computer lab. as $8.99 per month or find a Redbox and rent a DVD for $1.
Get your popcorn and soda at a dollar store and settle in for
7. Purchase a laundry rack. Using a laundry rack instead an inexpensive evening on the couch.
of a clothes dryer will cut your laundry costs in half. Plus,
your clothes will last longer and look better. Your college years can be a financially rough time. With
a little planning and a lot of willpower, you can survive
8. Buy your textbooks online. Websites, such as www. on a college budget.
half.com and www.amazon.com, offer cheaper textbook
freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 9
class dismissed when a cute boy I knew came over into it. My skirt flew up, exposing notice. He kept looking over at us
“My English teacher has a really hot son to me, tapping me on the shoulder. my pretty, pink, lacy thong! His face and smiling. We thought that that
who just so happens to also be a student I turned around and smiled at him, was beat red, and he hasn’t made eye meant he liked us. Later on during
at my school. I walked into her class and when he asked me, ‘Are you wearing contact with me since then. So much the car ride home we realized that
saw him sitting there one day, so I figured a thong?’ I was. He then proceeded for making a good impression!” when you take pictures on my phone
he was waiting for his mom to get there. to say, ‘Because your pants are see- it says “Camera Operating” in big
I decided to be bold and say, “My you’re through.’ I was so embarrassed. I ran his parents overheard me bold letters on the front screen! We
looking pretty sexy today, honey.” He to my locker in the gym and put my realized that he was smiling because
“I was over at my boyfriend’s when his
looked really embarrassed, said thanks, big sweatshirt over my butt. I’ll never he saw that we were taking pictures
parents were gone, so I decided to
and left the room really quickly. That’s make that mistake again!” of him! It was so embarrassing!”
surprise him. He was in the bathroom
when I realized his mom was sitting at her when I got there, so I snuck into his
computer, staring at me with her mouth major flop room. I was wearing my cheerleading i pooped my pants
wide open! I haven’t been able to look her “I was at a track meet with my best uniform and nothing else. When he “One day, my best friends and I were
directly in the eye ever since.” friend and my crush when I got really walked in, I started cheering and told at the mall. My stomach had been
hungry. I went to the snack bar and him that I didn’t have any underwear hurting all day and when we were
party pooper got a hot dog with ketchup, just the on under my skirt. His parents had in the dressing room, I suddenly I
“I was at a party at my friend’s house way I like it. As I was walking back up just walked in and heard everything!” pooped my pants! I had put on a pair
and really had to use the bathroom. I the bleachers, my flip flop got caught of jeans to wear instead of mine and
guess I was in a rush because I forgot on the edge of a stair and I fell, getting we tanned in a parking lot when I walked out, the alarm went off.
to lock the bathroom door. When I was ketchup all over myself! As I got up, I I then had to explain to the officers
“One day, two of my friends and I
in the middle of doing my business, my realized that my best friend and my why I walked out and they let me go
decided to go tanning but couldn’t
friend’s hot brother walked in with his crush were both laughing at me.” because they felt bad for me.”
find anywhere to do it. We went to
little brother, staring at me in horror. the roof of a parking garage because
He then said sorry and slammed the hanging loose cars rarely went there. We took off i made him bleed
door. I can no longer face him, and I “I was getting ready to go to a party our shirts and shorts and were laying “I was dating this really cute guy that
try to avoid him as much as possible.” and couldn’t decide what to wear. My there in our bras and underwear, I had been crushing on and I had
of my coat was my favorite lip gloss, and text mix-up
in the other pocket there was a tampon. “I texted my best friend and said, ‘Oh favorite dress is a little big in the front, when a car pulled up. We jumped up never kissed anyone before, so I was
wiped out but I don’t exactly have the biggest as fast as we could, ran to the corner ecstaticwhen he leaned over one night
My friend came up and asked for the lip my gosh, did you see how cute Justin
“I was walking into the cafeteria with gloss, so I told my boyfriend that it was looked today?’ I got a text back that breasts, so I decided to stuff my bra of the lot, and put on our clothes as for a kiss. I went for it and suddenly
my crush while I was on my crutches. It in the pocket … but he reached into the said, ‘Umm thanks,’ and it was from with some toilet paper. When I got the fast as we could. The guy in the car I heard him whimper. He drew back
was my first day with them, so I hadn’t wrong pocket! It was embarrassing when Justin! Apparently I accidentally sent party, I realized my bra was uneven so I took out his phone and pretended and held his lip. My braces had cut
quite mastered them yet. I wasn’t he held the tampon in his hand!” immediately ran to the bathroom to fix that he was on it while he kept looking him and he was bleeding!”
the text to him instead of my friend.
watching where I was going, so I put it. I took out some of the toilet paper, over at us. It was so embarrassing!”
The next day at school he came up to
my crutch down on a French fry and word slip and when I came out of the bathroom, i prank-called his dad
me in front of all his friends and said,
completely wiped out. Not only did I saw my crush laughing at me. It turns i tripped...four times!
“When I was reading out loud in ‘So how gorgeous do I look today?’ and “I threw a sleepover party one night and
my crush start laughing at me because out I had toilet paper hanging out of
biology class, instead of saying ‘Helps everyone started laughing. I haven’t “One night I was at a college football we decided to prank-call people. I took
I fell, he handed me the tampon that my bra! Ever since then people have
the organism grow,” I said orgasm. talked to him since!” game with my boyfriend and a bunch the phone and called my best friend,
had fallen out of my purse!” called me Mrs. Stuffet; it was horrible!”
Everyone, including the teacher, burst of other friends from school. I was Joe. He picked up, and I pretended to
out laughing! I was so red and could ‘snot funny wearing the most ADORABLE three- be a telemarketer for a condom survey
gassy gal he threw up on me and-a-half-inch heels. When my best company. The person on the phone
hardly finish reading the excerpt.” “I was at my boyfriend’s house one day,
“I was sitting in class and had to fart really “I was at Disneyland with my ex, who friend and I were walking down the started freaking out because it wasn’t
and we were making out and goofing
badly, so I asked the teacher if I could go countdown to embarrassment has a weak stomach. He says that he stairs to get some drinks, my heel my friend Joe, it was his dad!”
off in his backyard. He made me laugh
to the bathroom, but she said no and made wants to go on Screamin’ California got caught on one of the steps and I
so hard that when I did, a huge booger
me go back to my seat. I was sitting next to “It was New Year’s Eve, and this guy with the upside-down flip and the tripped down the stairs in front of my
flew out of my nose and landed on his
my crush and decided to let it out slowly, who I just started talking to came turns. Earlier that day he had a chilly boyfriend, my friends, and a bunch of
cheek! He yelled, ‘Gross!’ and flicked it
but it came out really squeaky and loud. over to my house to celebrate. In dog. So the ride starts, and right as we college students! I tripped three more
off. He got up and said, ‘I think it’s time
My crush heard it and asked me what it celebration of midnight, we started do the flip he throws up on me! Then times before I got to the bottom of
for you to go.’ I was so embarrassed that
was. I said it was the chair. He believed it. to make out on my couch with the I throw up, and in the picture we were the stairs! I wanted to die”
I couldn’t even look at him for a week!”
But then I think he smelled it and asked me lights out and TV on. All of a sudden, both throwing up. It was horrible!”
what I ate for lunch. He was so disgusted I heard a gasp and mild shriek. He a hot guy thinks i’m stalking him
and got up and told all his friends. Ugh!” jumped off of me so fast that he hit translucent trauma Go to www.freshmen15.
pretty in pink “My best friend and I were hanging
me on the nose. I looked up and saw “On the day back to school from winter com/disatsers to share
my mother in her nightgown staring break, I decided to look really cute. “One day at school, I saw my crush out at a tennis court and we saw this your most shocking and
tampon trouble walking down the hall, and I got really cute guy. We were too chicken
at us in horror. To make things worse, I wore my new leggings and a cute embarrassing college
“One day I was hanging out with my friend I got a bloody nose from when he so excited to see him that I didn’t to talk to him, so we took pictures disatsers!
new shirt. During lunch, I bent over
and my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I accidentally hit me! What a New notice the garbage can in front of me. of him on my phone. We pretended
to get my lunch money out of my bag
had switched coats, and in one pocket Year’s.” Needless to say, I totally knocked like we were texting so he wouldn’t
10 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 11
“It takes time to amass wealth.” The worst thing you can can be terrifying. Many women today purposely avoid getting
do is bury your head in the sand. “Many women avoid serious with a guy because they think it results in nesting,
taking control of money matters because they feel they marrying, and losing control. Yet chicks also hear so much
don’t have enough to save for the future,” says Kessel. This about how rare it is to find a quality guy that, paradoxically,
can lead to living off credit, which makes things worse. they feel they must constantly be on the lookout.
“No matter what your income is, you can start building on But meeting guys doesn’t endanger your freedom, even
it. Plus, it’s empowering to know our financial situation,” if you do find The One. “Dating is an important part of
WOMEN ARE MORE STRESSED THAN EVER
ABOUT WORK, MONEY, AND GUYS, SO WE GOT he says. Suck it up and make a budget, then fill in the being young because it gives you crucial experience and
ADVICE ON HOW TO COPE. deficits by picking up waitressing shifts or selling things relationship skills,” says relationship expert Pepper Schwartz,
on eBay. “Everyone worries about finances, but if you’re PhD, author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex
For many Freshmen15 readers, those first few years out of
proactive now, when the amounts seem inconsequential, Is Wrong. If you try to squash your love life, not only could
college and/or away from their parents’ home are marked
you’ll accrue that wealth eventually,” says Kessel. a great man pass you by, but once you are ready to date, it
by confusion over what they’re “supposed” to do next.
may be difficult to break the avoidance habit.
“It’s more stressful than ever to transition from being a
In the meantime, living decently on a paycheck with not nearly
student to being on your own,” says Georgia Witkin, PhD,
enough zeros is possible. “For the most part, you can have Getting serious doesn’t require ditching your other goals.
author of The Female Stress Survival Guide.
anything you want on a small salary,” says Kessel. “You just When a man is really right for you, he’ll want you to
can’t have everything.” Choose where you funnel your extra achieve everything you’re capable of, even if it means
The bad economy is a factor, but it’s also because there are
cash (say, clothes or trips), and save on other stuff (by living slowtracking your relationship. Most guys your age aren’t
so many more choices than ever before,” she adds. “The
with roommates or getting a more affordable car). exactly dying to get hitched, and if you do fall in love, your
potential to do anything often translates into pressure to
career-mindedness works for him too. So relax, have
accomplish everything.” That leaves young women feeling
future freak-out #3 fun, and let love be the one area where you give yourself
overwhelmed by their prospects for money, work, and love
permission to have it all.
— major freak-outs with no easy fix. So we got expert advice “What if I meet The One before I’m ready?”
about how to assuage these increasingly common anxieties... Despite such pragmatic worries, there’s something intoxicating BY ZOE RUDERMAN
and how to start making headway in three fear-inducing areas. about having a wide-open future. So the idea of settling down
future freak-out #1
“I have no idea what I want to do for a living.”
In college, you know exactly what’s expected of you in every
class, every semester, every major. But when that structure
goes away and you have to fill your own days, your freedom
can feel more like a free fall. The thing to remember to stay
sane is that being unsure about your career can be to your
benefit. “This is a time to explore, and you’re at a place where
you have that opportunity without a lot of obligations,” says
career coach Nicholas Lore, author of Now What?
keeps you active and structured, two states that make
you move forward and feel productive.
You can start to narrow your focus on what you want to do by
considering two things, says Lore: what you love, like criminal
It’s rare for someone’s first field to be the same one they
justice or literature (even if it’s not what you studied — that’s
retire from, so don’t feel like being hired is a lifetime
the joy of just starting out), and any little thing you’re good at,
commitment. If you hate it, consider it a networking
like writing e-mails or planning events. Then research roles in
experience, then use what you’ve learned to choose
your field of interest that maximize your talents — if you like
something else. Just don’t write anything off because it’s
teaching but aren’t big on group settings, a career in online
not your total dream setup — everyone does grunt work
education could hone your skills; if you’re a techie and love
as they work their way up the ladder. “But if you enjoy
being social, electronics PR could be great.
even the menial tasks that come with paying your dues, it’s
a good sign that you’re on the right path,” explains Lore.
Ask your parents and friends if they know anyone you could
talk to in these or similar fields. Follow up with those people
future freak-out #2
to get a sense of whether the day-to-day responsibilities of
different jobs in that industry might be a good fit...oh, and “I’ll never make enough money!”
whether they know of any open entry-level positions. When college loans, credit-card debt, living costs, and mini-
incomes mean you can’t even spring for dinner out, the
If you can’t find something in your field, which happens prospect of someday owning a house and having a lifestyle like
in today’s economy, take a gig you enjoy that pays the your parents do seems impossible. “But look, your parents
bills while you keep looking — that’s not failing; that’s didn’t suddenly have good-paying jobs and lots of money,”
demonstrating a willingness to do what it takes. Plus, it explains Brent Kessel, author of It’s Not About the Money.
12 • march 2010 • freshmen 15
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Starting March 1st, log onto
freshmen15.com/freebies. If you’re
20% off
free pink purchase of
20% off birthday is in March you can win one of
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$25 or more form of ID (with birthdate) and collect
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of prizes, winners will be posted online.
freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 15
Since the first Harry Potter novel was published in 1997, While Watson has committed her formative years to this
millions upon millions have dreamt of being transported Leavesden Studios set, she doesn’t seem to resent that
to Potterworld. But what they probably don’t know is she’s had to trade slumber parties, nightclubs, and football
that, in reality, it’s only a few miles northwest of central games for rehearsal, filming, and premieres. Although
London — part of a former WWII aircraft factory turned now that she’s finally an adult, the 19-year-old has started
movie set called Leavesden Studios. This is where Emma to steer her own ship (or, in Watson’s case, the Prius
Watson, known around these parts as Hermione Granger, she bought last year). She recently moved out of the
sits, like most days, perched in her trailer, squeezing in a family home and into a London duplex she shares with a
lunch of french fries, as she waits for a shot to be set up roommate (its proximity to Potterworld was a deciding
in a converted hangar. factor in the choice of location). She’s picked up an interest
in high fashion (and a new fan in Karl Lagerfeld, who
For Watson, the series of soundstages, dressing rooms, recently photographed her for a magazine--see photos
and art departments — a.k.a. Potterworld — has been here). And, most interestingly (at least to celebrity rags),
both a place of work, and, in many ways, a second home she’s considering leaving the U.K. this fall to start school
for the last decade. She was handpicked at age 9 to play at an Ivy League in the U.S. She’s even suggested that her
one of contemporary fiction’s most beloved characters, acting career may end when Potter does.
and since then, she’s been acting opposite
Watson’s life is suddenly falling off-script — but it’s
Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) and Rupert Grint (Ron definitely not falling apart. What little naïveté she does
Weasley) on a grueling, all-consuming filming timetable to possess revolves mostly around her own sense of celebrity.
unleash the eight installments for an exceedingly hungry, Sure, she acknowledges paparazzi outside of a restaurant,
Potter-obsessed public. (To date, the five films that have but she is completely unaware of the perks. She once
already been released have grossed more than $4 billion asked me if it would be possible to get her a ticket to
worldwide. The sixth chapter, Harry Potter and the Half- a fashion show in Paris — little did she know that the
Blood Prince, out this summer, is expected to bring that designer’s PR would have picked her up in a helicopter
number far higher.) The films that have made Watson famous if they had known she wanted to attend. I’ve waited for
are not mere child’s play. They can be quite dark, unsettling a table with her at her favorite Mexican dive in Covent
affairs, which, for Watson’s character, has meant following the Garden, London. I’ve taken her to concerts in Brooklyn
progression of a goody-goody little girl with muggle parents clubs that were carpeted in empty beer cans. And once
(muggle means “unmagical,” for any Potter neophyte left out we played pool in a London pub frequented by big hairy
there) into an over-achieving, articulate young woman who gay men in leather chaps. She seems to be just as happy
punches villains yet still works a pink ball gown. outside of Potterworld as she is working in the center
of it. As expected, her schedule is ridiculous: Days are
16 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 17
meticulously planned, call times are often before sunrise, 15: I think you should absolutely devote some 15: Do you plan on acting in the future?
and she’s Hermione for entire days that turn into entire studies to your painting. I keep looking at this big EW: There’s not, like, a burning passion in me that I have
weeks. Unlike most English girls, Watson had never been picture that you did of your stepbrother, which to act and I don’t care what I do. Until something comes
to a traditional football match. So, the day after my visit is hung above your couch. along that I feel as strongly about as I did Hermione — like,
to Potterworld, we took in a Chelsea vs. Manchester City EW: I guess I’m a little shy about my art, but I love painting I felt that it was life or death — I don’t want to act again.
game. Afterward, we went back to her apartment, which is people and expressions and faces. I’ve always done art,
on the top two floors of a row house. Despite the fact that though not a lot of people know it. 15: How would you describe your personal style?
Watson hosted a dinner party the night before, the place EW: I’m young, so I’m still experimenting. But I think [my
was tidy. She proceeded to make tea and jammed toast 15: Which artists style] is quite British
as we sat down to talk about Potter, Hogwarts and all. have influenced and very much about
you? individuality.
15: Which sport do you prefer, quidditch or soccer? EW: For this
EW: Quidditch. There’s more going on, and it’s juicy! I’m particular piece, I’d 15: Do you like to
really competitive. Field hockey is my strongest sport, and say Jenny Saville. take fashion risks?
if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. Most of her stuff is EW: There’s nothing
quite gruesome, but interesting about
15: Which holiday do you enjoy more, Valentine’s I love her painting looking perfect —
Day or Halloween? technique. I like anything to do with the body . . . I love you lose the point. You want what you’re wearing to say
EW: I find Valentine’s Day quite stressful; there are such Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, and Francis Bacon. You and I something about you, about who you are.
high expectations. So I’d go with Halloween—it’s more went to the Bacon exhibit at Tate Britain last year, and I
fun. I like dressing up—once I was a pumpkin! thought it was so moving. 15: What do you have to say about your upcoming
fashion line?
15: Would you rather relax on the beach or go 15: So that’s a requirement when you hit the Ivy EW: I was excited by the idea of using fashion as a tool to
skiing in the mountains? League — time in the studio? alleviate poverty and knew it was something I could help make
EW: Skiing. I can’t lie still long. I must do something! EW: It’s really important to me to do that. Since I haven’t been a difference with. I think young people like me are becoming
in school since July, I’ve only now realized how much I miss it. increasingly aware of the humanitarian and environmental
15: Now that you’ve made a little bit of money, I don’t make time for it now, and you really have to sit yourself issues surrounding fast fashion and want to make good
are you spending it all on fashion? down and think about it and do it. As much as I could, when choices, but there aren’t that many options out there.
EW: I don’t really buy designer stuff. I have a few nice I wasn’t filming, I would go to school. When filming, I would
things, but I don’t really have the occasion to wear couture send all of my work back to be marked by my teachers. As I
too often. When I’m in a situation where I do need to got older, though, it was harder to slip in and out.
dress up, I’m typically lent something — which means I
have to give it back at midnight, like Cinderella.
15: We’ve spoken about you possibly coming to
America for university. What’s so appealing about
going to an Ivy League school?
EW: I never thought that I would want to go to America for
university. As a child, I aspired to go to Oxbridge, because
that’s where my parents went. When my dad talks about his
time there, he says it was the most incredible experience.
15: So what made you entertain the idea of the States?
EW: Well, I did a Shakespeare course at RADA [Royal
Academy of Dramatic Art] last summer, and three quarters
of the students were from abroad, mainly the United
States. I started talking to them about what they were
doing at their schools, and I respected the approach. Here,
I feel the specification is very narrow, whereas in America,
you’re encouraged to be broad and choose many different
subjects. For someone who has missed as much school
as I have, I want to go back and discover what else there
is. I always loved school — I was a proper, proper nerd.
I just want that back again.
15: What are you going to study?
EW: History, English . . . I want to keep learning French,
maybe some politics. I want to continue studying art.
18 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 freshmen 15 • march 2010 • page 3
She went to his room but after a few minutes said she needed
to go. He pinned her on the bed and, according to Shari,
CASUAL HOOKUPS, MIXED SIGNALS, AND ALCOHOL PLAY A PART IN A CONFUSING FORM OF SEXUAL
ASSAULT. HERE, EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT SOME PEOPLE CALL GRAY RAPE. sexually assaulted her. She struggled with him and managed
to escape. Shari reported the incident to police but didn’t
By Laura Sessions Stepp press charges. Later, she started working on a documentary
about rape and, in the process of interviewing rape victims,
Alicia* has been out of college for three And it’s a surprisingly common occurrence.
discovered that a lot of them felt they had contributed
years, and by most measures, she’s The U.S. Department of Justice estimates
somewhat to what happened.
doing great: She has a good job as a that 1 in 5 college women will be raped
consultant, a high-rise condo, and a at some point during a five-year college Because they thought they were (or should be) in control of their
boyfriend her friends envy. But in one career; that about 9 out of 10 times, bodies and desires, says Shari, “they’d say things like ‘I should have
disquieting way, she has not been able the victim will know her assailant; and done this’ or ‘I shouldn’t have been in that situation.’ But they’d also
to leave her college self behind. She is that half of all victims will not call what • 25% of men surveyed say, ‘If the guy had had respect for me, he would have backed off.’ ”
haunted by the memory of something happened rape. Sixty-two percent of believed that rape was In gray-rape cases, it’s even easier than in more clear-cut date
that occurred one night years ago — a female rape victims in general say they acceptable if: the women rapes for women to blame themselves: “If only I hadn’t gone
sexual encounter and an unanswered were assaulted by someone they knew, asks the man out; if the man to that party, this wouldn’t have happened” or “If I hadn’t
question: Was I raped? which includes dates, acquaintances, and pays for the date, or the worn such a revealing top and come on to that hot guy...”
random hookups. woman goes back to the
This is what happened: Alicia had asked Laura Taylor, who just graduated from Cornell University,
Many experts feel that gray rape is in man’s room after the date.
another student, Kevin, to be her understands why a woman in this predicament might second-
“platonic date” at a college sorority formal. fact often a consequence of today’s
• 84% of male students guess herself. When she was a sophomore, she met a fellow
The two of them went out for dinner first hookup culture: lots of partying and
who had committed acts student at a frat party. They drank, they flirted, and then
with friends and then to the dance. She flirting, plenty of alcohol, and ironically,
that clearly met the legal he invited her to his apartment. There, they kissed for a
remembers that they got drunk but not the idea that women can be just as bold
definition of rape said while, and things got more heated until Laura realized that
what she would call sloppy wasted. and adventurous about sex as men are.
what they had done was he was taking off her underwear and entering her. She was
How can something so potentially
After the dance, they went to Kevin’s definitely not rape. drunk, but she says she was aware enough to say no. When
empowering become so damaging?
room and, eventually, started making he ignored her, she froze — a common response, much like
Cosmo investigates.
out. She told him flat out that she • 75% of male and 55% Alicia’s — and he continued to have sex with her.
didn’t want it to proceed to sex, and BLURRED BOUNDARIES of female students in an After he finished, she put on her clothes. He made her
he said okay. But in a few minutes, he occurrence of date rape had hug him before she left. “I knew something was off, but I
had pushed her down on the couch A generation ago, it was easier for been drinking or using drugs. wouldn’t have called it rape,” she recalls. That’s what her
and positioned himself on top of her. men and women to understand what roommate called it a day later, however, insisting that Laura
constituted rape because the social • Only a quarter to a call the sexual-assault hotline. Even after the hotline counselor Another senior at GW expressed his confusion like this:
“No. Stop,” she said softly — too softly, rules were clearer. Men were supposed third of women whose assured her that what had occurred was rape, Laura couldn’t “Sometimes I’ll feel like a girl isn’t sure, but then she’ll say
she later told herself. When he ignored to be the ones coming on to women, sexual assaults met the stop asking herself questions like “Why didn’t I scream?” yes and I’ll think she’s just being coy. If you regret it or she
her and entered her anyway, she tensed and women were said to be looking for legal definition of rape “Why didn’t I take him on?” (She’s almost 6 feet tall.) Laura regrets it, does that make it assault?”
up and tried to go numb until it was over. relationships, not casual sex. considered themselves didn’t press charges against her assailant. But then there are guys who will admit that they find the
He fell asleep afterward, and she left for
But those boundaries and rules have rape victims. whole hookup culture secretly freeing. Like one who says that
her dorm, “having this dirty feeling of
not knowing what to do or who to tell been loosening up for decades, and now “SHE WANTED IT” today’s larger gray area simply “allows guys to be assholes” by
lots of women feel it’s perfectly okay • Many women do not hiding behind the “she wanted it, she went after me” excuse.
or whether it was my fault.” While it felt The odd thing about the current equal-opportunity hookup
to go out looking for a hookup or to report or characterize
like rape to her — she had not wanted to culture is that a lot of guys may feel as uncomfortable and
be the aggressor, which may turn out their victimization as a THE ALCOHOL FACTOR
have sex with Kevin — she was not sure confused as their dates do when things end up in bed.
fine for them — unless the signals get crime for reasons such as
if that’s what anyone else would call it.
mixed or misread. embarrassment, because Anthony Moniello, 24, a radio personality for ESPN, says, All of these complicated scenarios are made even more so
“It fell into a gray area,” she said recently. they do not want to define “I’ve had girls tell me ‘I don’t have sex on the first night.’ And by drinking, which is almost always part of the mix. Heavy
“Maybe I wasn’t forceful enough in Shari Rosen, a media recruiter in New someone who assaulted I say, ‘That’s fine, I respect that. Mind if I play with you a little drinking is a major factor in sexual assaults, and young
saying I didn’t want it.” Even today, she York City, found that out on a business them as a rapist, or because bit?’ A girl will say no, she doesn’t mind, then she’ll get so women’s drinking habits have risen almost to the level of
is reluctant to call it rape because she trip to Los Angeles. She and a coworker they do not know the legal hot, she’ll say, ‘Let’s do it.’ That’s the scariest part. Is it then men’s. This makes them more vulnerable to guys who are
thinks of herself as a strong and sexually met a man in the bar of the hotel where definition of rape. Many my responsibility to say no?” pushing for sex.
independent woman, not a victim. they were staying. They ended up going women blame themselves.
One male student at George Washington University, a senior, In one study of college women by the Harvard School of
with the man to a party, and then he
Alicia’s “gray area” experience is something
For more information on date recounted to the student newspaper that he had woken up Public Health, nearly 3 out of 4 rape victims were intoxicated
that is becoming so common, it has earned and Shari returned to the hotel. On the naked and drunk next to a girl he didn’t know. His friends when the assault occurred, a pattern that appears to continue
rape go to www.my-dating-
its own moniker: gray rape. It refers to sex way in, he kissed her deeply. They had later told him that the girl had bought him drinks the night as women move through their 20s.
advice.com/date-rape.html
that falls somewhere between consent and a few more drinks at the hotel bar, and before and volunteered to take him home. He ended up “Women’s self-esteem at that age is tied into how they are
denial and is even more confusing than then he asked if she wanted to go to his feeling taken advantage of — that he wouldn’t have hooked experienced by men, and part of dealing with that social
date rape because often both parties are hotel room to see some family photos. up with her if he hadn’t been so wasted. anxiety is to drink it away or drug it away,” says New York
unsure of who wanted what.
20 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 *Pseudonyms are used for those quoted with first names only. freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 21
Last year, a 20-year-old female midshipman at the Trauma Treatment and Recovery Center in Columbia,
U.S. Naval Academy reported that the academy’s star Maryland, who works with sexual-assault victims.
quarterback, Lamar S. Owens Jr., raped her. She filed
So how do you avoid being a victim without giving up the right
charges and, in a July 2006 court-martial of Owens, said
to be sexually independent and assertive? Many psychologists
that she had been drinking and could recall very little
feel that the first step is to acknowledge the dangers inherent
beyond waking up in her bed in the middle of the night
in the free-and-easy hookup approach to dating and sex.
to find Owens having sex with her.
“We all have vulnerabilities, and we all can be taken advantage
Owens testified that she had invited him to her room
of,” says Ludwig. “Though you’re successful at school, sports,
during an instant message conversation, and that after a
whatever, you must see yourself — as a woman — as
few caresses, they began to have sex. After two minutes,
vulnerable. If you don’t, you’re at greater risk.”
he reportedly said, she stopped responding, and he left
DO wear flats. DON’T get ahead of yourself.
her room. The young woman testified that she could Sarah Belanger, 28, a communications specialist who works
Although heels can be super sexy, you never It’s OK to get excited before you go out with someone
not remember sending the messages to Owens and that in Boston, has been trying to find a middle ground in her
know where a first date will lead you. I’ve been on new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds,
someone had closed the instant-message window on her own life. “If you make the choice to leave the bar with
first dates that ended with a lovely walk around if your expectations are low, then a good date will be
computer, so they weren’t retrievable. the guy, then you are also creating the opportunity for
town (hello, blisters!) or a visit to a neighborhood a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie.
something to go wrong,” she says. “I think that is the
A toxicologist for the defense reportedly said that the young playground (tripping all over myself!). Flats will let
point that needs to be driven home to everyone who
woman’s blood-alcohol level showed that she was legally you feel open to anything the night may bring. DON’T drink and date.
participates in the hookup culture. Yes, you can practice
intoxicated, which means she may not have been able to One glass of wine is fine. Two or more could lead to
safe sex. Yes, you can have casual sex without strings. But DO call a friend for a pep talk.
give consent. Nonetheless, the rape charge against Owens sudden, instant and otherwise immediate death of a
this behavior carries a risk.” If you’re suffering from first-date jitters, ring a friend
was dropped because the five officers on the military jury potential relationship. My friend Katherine is a smart
believed that evidence indicated he had been invited to her And if something bad does happen, says Laura, seek help for a few words of encouragement before you meet
and beautiful girl, but whenever she has a few drinks,
room. During his testimony, Owens reportedly said it was immediately, and don’t blame yourself. “It was incredibly the guy. Before my first dates, you’d always find me in
she starts swearing like a sailor. If she were not a
a case not of rape but of “sex going bad.” empowering for me to say ‘I’m a survivor of rape.’” a cab on the phone with my mom, with her telling me
little tipsy, she would never talk so trashy. Guys are
the guy would be crazy not to adore me. Even though
instantly turned off by her behavior, and she often
PAINFUL AFTEREFFECTS AVOIDING THE GRAY AREA she had to say that (she is my mom), a few positive
wonders why first dates never turn into seconds.
words made me walk into my date with confidence.
The psychological effects of what a victim did or didn’t do 1. Recognize Male Mind Games: Beware of statements that
can last for years. “I still panic when a guy is on top of me make him sound as if he is only thinking of you, such as “I DO order a big-girl meal. DON’T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
and positions his body so that I feel restricted, even if we are just want to get you off.” Also, be wary of those designed Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night? My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She
just making out,” says Alicia. “I have punched a guy because to make you feel guilty, like “You’re going to give me blue had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt.
he had innocently placed himself on me the wrong way.” balls if you don’t....” (He can always relieve himself later.) DO break the dating rules. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload
If you want to call him, call—he’ll appreciate it. If all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants
Some young women stop working or doing their 2. Don’t Get Smashed: You won’t be clearheaded enough you want to make the first move, do it—why not! to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying
schoolwork, adopt unhealthy eating patterns, turn to drugs, to be sure of how far you really want things to go or boss or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a
or attempt suicide. Others may start quickly seeking out confident enough to follow through with your decision. DO discuss issues that are important to you. second date, Isabel should’ve asked more questions
new sex partners. “They think that this is the way they Why wait to find out that the two of you don’t see and done more listening than talking.
3. Be Straightforward and Clear: Telling a partner what you
can prove that the assault didn’t affect them,” explains eye to eye on something you feel passionately about?
want — and don’t want — to do is more likely to protect you
Catherine Busch, PhD, clinical director of the Specialized On that note, DON’T psychoanalyze your date.
than assuming you can show him. He may not get the hint. DO act interested in what he is saying.
A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if
4. Know Your Rights: Under No one wants to go on a first date with the human
I had trouble getting close to men because of my
the law, a guy has to get a equivalent of a dead-fish handshake. If you don’t
relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate,
clear verbal or nonverbal like where the date is headed, end it early. But if
considering we’d just met.
yes from you to have sex. you are tired, hung over or depressed about the
Just because you consent to economic apocalypse, don’t let it affect your time
DON’T question his height.
one sexual activity (making together. Talk. Ask questions. Make eye contact.
If he’s 5’10” on his driver’s license, and in his heart,
out, even with few clothes suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for
DO wear sexy underwear.
on) does not mean you have something to make fun of later.
Even if you don’t shed your clothes, your non-Hanes
given permission for any
undies will give you confidence. Plus, if you do end up
other. Also, silence doesn’t DON’T talk about your ex.
stripping down to your skivvies, you DON’T want
always equal consent, nor No good can come of this! You’ll seem either bitter, heartless
to end up wearing granny panties a la Bridget Jones.
does being too drunk to or still hung-up—and any one of these is a huge turnoff.
know what you’re doing.
DO be open to unexpected date ideas.
A homemade meal, PBR and Guitar Hero might be a DON’T let him take you to a second location
better way to get to know each other than the standard if you don’t like him.
restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar,
ask someone to take you out for filets, cocktails and and another, when really I just want to go home and
the theater in this economy? read. It’s better for both of you if you just speak up.
freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 23
Think about it: Games like Asshole let your fellow players for participating in a drinking game. In another, “one-fifth
decide who should drink and how often. Others like Three of men surveyed admitted to taking sexual advantage of a
Man rely on the roll of the dice to control how blitzed you fellow player after a game, and 19 percent said they had slept
get. Then there are games with made-up rules, which put with someone who was too drunk to give consent,” explains
your blood-alcohol level at the mercy of the person inventing Tom Johnson, PhD, professor of psychology at Indiana State
them. The real danger isn’t that you’re drinking— it’s that University and a specialist on drinking games. In the same
how hammered you get is in the hands of people who may study, 22 percent of female students said they were groped
not even know your name, much less care what happens after a drinking game, and 15 percent reported having sex
to you after the game is over, says Dr. Pinsky. when they were too inebriated to rebuff a guy’s advances.
Melissa, 28, recalls one especially out-of-control game: “It We’re not implying that every dude at the beer-pong table
was called Upside-Down Margarita, and I’m pretty sure is laying this kind of date-rape trap. But when you mix
It’s no secret that kicking back with some new rules were created right there at the party. A some guys’ shady motives with your own alcohol-clouded
friends over a couple rounds of beer bunch of people convinced me to sit in a swivel chair with judgment, you may put yourself in a bad sexual situation
pong or quarters can be a blast. Thing is, my head back and mouth open while my friends poured — for example, flashing your boobs to a group of guys or,
if you look past the playful competition margarita ingredients down my throat — as much as they worse, getting tricked into going to bed with someone
and fun social scene that these and wanted — and then spun me around and around. you wouldn’t otherwise sleep with.
other drinking games inspire, you’ll find “At first, I thought it would be harmless fun. But almost Sharon, 25, fesses up: “One night, my friends and I were
some real threats to your well-being. immediately, I began throwing up like crazy. I realized playing I Never with some guys we met at a party, and
“Because the games encourage you to I needed to get home, but then I injured myself pretty each time it was our turn, we also had to take off an item
consume larger amounts of alcohol in badly after tripping on the stairs to my apartment. It was of clothing,” she says. “My inhibitions were down, and
shorter periods of time than in other social my last drinking game ever.” soon I had my shirt and bra off. To this day, knowing that
settings, they increase the risk of injury,” I exposed myself topless like that really creeps me out.”
explains Henry Wechsler, PhD, director You’re Not on Even Ground with the Guys
You May Be Humiliated or Hazed
of college alcohol studies at the Harvard “My roommate and I were doing a Power Hour — when you
School of Public Health. An even scarier down a shot of beer every minute for 60 minutes — with four A big part of any game is the underlying competition, and
drawback: Your sexual-assault odds soar. guys we knew from our dorm,” recalls Amy, 21. “After 10 drinking games are no exception. Combine that with the
minutes, they were barely feeling it. But we were so plastered, typical guy’s ultracompetitive nature — as well as the
Adding to the danger is the fact that we could hardly stand up without our heads spinning.” mega quantities of booze he’ll likely consume during each
drinking games are more popular than round — and what starts out as a harmless contest can
ever. Surveys of college students have When guys and girls play drinking games for the same take a nasty turn. Also, many games are about forming
found that up to 80 percent play them so much, you approach binge-drinking territory — defined as five drinks length of time, everyone ends up downing just about the hierarchical teams, further upping the intensity of the
at some point — due in part to the one after the other for men, four for women, explains Wechsler. (One drink same level of booze, research shows. Yet, as Amy learned, competition. The result: One or a group of players may
increasing numbers of bars and clubs equals a 12-ounce bottle of beer, 5- ounce glass of wine, or a 1.5-ounce shot that similar quantity hits chicks a lot harder. Blame female gang up on others at the table simply to embarrass them
that now sponsor game nights and glass of liquor.) Recent research bears this out: An Indiana State University body chemistry. “Women are affected more strongly by or make them feel weak.
even hold tournaments. So before you study found that when women played drinking games, they chugged binge- alcohol because they have less water in their bodies, so
dive in, read our report on the sneaky level amounts of booze. But when they were drinking in other situations, like alcohol doesn’t get diluted,” explains Marc A. Schuckit, “Fueled by large amounts of alcohol and the win-lose aspect
yet serious consequences. at a mellow dinner party or even a bar, their intake was significantly lower. MD, director of the Alcohol Research Center at the VA of the game itself, a lot of players may unthinkingly act
San Diego Healthcare System. in dominating ways, even toward a date or friend whom
When You Play Drinking Games, Break down the rules of certain games and you can see why it’s practically they’ve never acted out of line with before,” says Johnson.
You Can Binge Drink Without impossible to avoid bingeing. Take one called the 100-Minute Club. The point Body weight plays a big role too. Let’s say you weigh 110 “It may take the form of hazing — for example, forcing
Realizing It is to drink a shot glass filled with beer every minute for 100 minutes...or 100 pounds, and a man you’re competing against clocks in at you to keep drinking until you’re severely intoxicated or
shots of beer in under two hours. Since one bottle of beer contains eight 150. If you each down five of the same drinks over three pass out. Or they could make you do something foolish
“During spring break, my friends and hours, his blood-alcohol level will be at 0.07 — tipsy but or humiliating, such as revealing private information.”
shot glasses’ worth of liquid, you become a member of the binge-drinking club
I took part in a chug-off contest: just under the definition of legally intoxicated. Meanwhile,
after about half an hour (not to mention that you might earn yourself a trip
Whoever downed the most beer in yours will be nearly twice that, at 0.13, which means obvious That’s what happened to Sarah, 23, after she agreed to play
to the ER). “Flooding your system like that may trigger an alcohol overdose,
two minutes won,” recalls Jessie,* 22. loss of muscle control, slurred speech, and drastically Asshole with a coed bunch of pals. “In this game, the top-level
which can cause brain damage or be fatal,” says Drew Pinsky, MD, alcohol
“We figured that since it wasn’t hard slowed reaction time, explains Brian Borsari, PhD, assistant person, the ‘president,’ can make up any rule,” she recalls.
and addiction specialist and nationally syndicated talk-show host.
liquor, we’d only get buzzed. But after professor at the Center for Alcohol and Addiction Studies
sucking down four brews, I became at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. “So the guy who was president made a rule that I had to
How Much You Consume Is Out of Your Control
dizzy and started shaking. No wonder tell everyone about my most shameful hookup . Thanks
— I drank more in those few minutes When you’re at a bar, you generally order your own drinks — and watch Bottom line: This is one time when you don’t want to to the two beers I’d just chugged, I spilled all. Suddenly,
than I usually consume in a night.” someone else pour them. So you’re pretty much in control of what and how keep up with the guys. It’s best to limit your intake to no the president and his buddies started shouting about what
much you’re guzzling. “With drinking games, however, how much you down more than one drink an hour. a slut I was. I felt frightened and ashamed. I realize now
As Jessie realized, the typical drinking is placed in the hands of others or is determined by luck,” says Wechsler. that they set out to target me all along.”
game stealthily delivers large “This prevents you from knowing when to start cutting back, increasing your Your Gamemates May Have Ulterior Motives
quantities of alcohol to your system. odds of ending up judgment-impaired in an unsafe situation.” As sinister as it sounds, data from two studies found that
In many cases, you end up imbibing 44 percent of guys listed having sex as an important reason
24 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 *Names have been changed. * For more information about the dangers of binge drinking go to www.freshmen15.com/real-life/binge-drinking freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 25
By Stacey Colino
If you’re heading off to college for the first time, we’re about Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube also can serve as the
to deliver a spoiler: The parties are that fun. The boys are birthplace of evil and damaging rumors. For example,
that cute. The freedom is that cool. But amid all the giant “friends” can upload humiliating pictures or videos of you in
pluses are a few pitfalls. “For decades, freshmen have faced an inebriated state or some other unflattering condition. Says
challenges like homesickness and hellish roommates, but Dr. Wider, “Nowadays, you constantly have to be worried
things have changed,” says Jennifer Wider, MD, author about who’s watching. And the emotional fallout from being
of The Doctor’s Complete College Girl’s Health Guide. the victim of an Internet smear campaign is horrifying — it
“Today’s college students can add cyberbullying, intense can lead to depression, anxiety, and wanting to drop out
drinking pressure, and campus crime to their list of worries.” of school. There have even been some cases of suicide.”
All schools have a different method of selecting girls for a To arm you with the info you need to sail through, Cosmo
sorority depending on the intensity of their Greek system. has identified the seven most nerve-racking things about HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
But typically there will be a “rush week” which gives college and asked experts whether these fears are founded For starters, try to avoid embarrassing yourself in public places.
and, if so, how to navigate them. Before you hook up with a guy on a fraternity pool table or lift up
prospective sorority gals the chance to visit the different
your shirt for beads at a Mardi Gras–themed party, remember
houses, meet the members, and get to know the basics of THE FEAR: becoming the subject of cyberslander these fateful words: It will end up online.
each sorority (what they stand for, their role on campus,
THE REALITY: It can happen. Just ask Megan (not her real name),
etc). Once rush is over, sororities discuss whom they’d like a 19-year-old college student in New York who logged on to Juicy More disheartening is the fact that removing distressing images and
to invite to join the house, and if a girl receives multiple Campus (a nasty Website that currently allows students at 63 colleges vile statements (regardless of whether they’re true or fabricated)
offers she can weigh the options of which one to join. and universities to post anonymous messages about their classmates) from the Internet is difficult. “Much of what is posted is likely
and saw she was being called a slut who “loves cock” and “has a big protected under the First Amendment,” says Gregory Eells, PhD,
butt.” “I was shocked and mortified to read these things,” Megan says. director of the counseling service at Cornell University. One cleanup
The benefits of getting involved in a sorority can be
particularly significant at a big school since it’s an easier
way to make friends within a smaller community. When it
comes time to select a major or if you have questions about
college life, you have a built-in resource of older girls you
can go to for advice or mentoring. Sororities are known
to have a thriving social scene and many are focused on
philanthropic events, so it’s a great opportunity to meet
others with like-minded interests, not to mention your
social calendar will always be full!
The drawbacks of joining a sorority are that it can be a huge
time and money commitment, so if you are considering
Greek life as part of your college experience be sure to ask
each house what they anticipate the expenses will be beyond
dues (the amount of money you pay to be a part of the
sorority) so that you know what you’re getting into before
you join. The social perks of being involved in a sorority
can also contribute to some of the drawbacks. It can be
difficult to meet other people or do activities outside your
sorority because your entire social life will revolve around
the house. But if that’s the type of college experience you’re
looking for then nothing else can compare!
26 • march 2010 • freshmen 15
method you can try is a Website called Reputation Defender is 7 pounds, not 15. A larger concern is eating disorders. To
(reputationdefender.com). For a fee, Reputation Defender will some degree, college life lends itself to anorexia, bulimia,
locate and attempt to remove negative information about you and binge eating (the most pervasive of the three) “because
(taking down an item can cost between $29.95 and $200 each college students are living alone for the first time, and
per hour, depending on the extent of the job). feelings of stress and anxiety can be overwhelming,” says
Dr. Wider. “This puts them at risk for eating disorders —
THE FEAR: Getting sick they use food to cope and exhibit control.”
THE REALITY: Living in close proximity to other
students means sharing clothes, class notes...and germs.
According to Dr. Wider, most students won’t come down
with a serious illness. But since colleges are breeding
grounds for disease, getting sick is a valid concern. • Meeting your BF Fs: Because
you’re on your own for the
Cases in point: In 2006, there were nearly 1,500 cases first time, the friends you
make in college become like a
of mumps in Iowa, many at colleges. Last year, there
was a whooping-cough outbreak at Bob Jones University,
in South Carolina. Meanwhile, the Centers for Disease According to a recent study, more than 97,000 students surrogate family. And those
Control and Prevention has concluded that freshmen between ages 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related bonds tend to be lasting ones.
have the highest rate of meningitis (a potentially deadly sexual assault each year, though experts speculate that
bacterial infection that can affect the brain) of any age- many more incidents go unreported. • NOT HAVING A CURFEW!!
group besides children under 2 and that about 4 million Now that Mom and Dad aren’ t
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
waiting up, you can come home
teens contract an STD each year.
When going to a party with friends, always follow the buddy
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF: system, suggests Bogle. In other words, make a pact with a friend pretty much whenever you
“Don’t share eating utensils, toothbrushes, razors, towels, to keep an eye on each other and leave together at the end of
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
want...if at all.
To prevent weight gain, use a smaller-size plate in the cafeteria
or drinks,” Dr. Wider advises. In addition to practicing safe the night. If you decide to hook up with a guy, “go to your place,
to avoid taking too much. Snack on fresh fruit and healthy
sex, consider getting the meningococcal vaccine, the strep- not his, because there’s a home-court advantage — you’ll be
prepackaged foods, such as low-fat yogurt and nutrition bars, which • Getting a fresh start: College
pneumonia vaccine, and an annual flu shot. within screaming range of your friends if you need help,” Bogle
have calorie info on the label. Skip dessert if you plan to have a few is a clean slate — no one will
says. To avoid being slipped a date-rape drug, never leave your
THE FEAR: Falling victim to a campus crime drink unattended and stay away from party punch bowls.
drinks, and base your meals around whole grains, lean proteins, know you had a nose job or
and vegetables. If you suspect you have an unhealthy relationship were considered part of the
THE REALITY: After last year’s Virginia Tech shootings,
THE FEAR: Going broke
with food, visit your school’s psychological-services center.
nerd herd in high school. Plus,
in which a student killed 32 people, college kids have
begun wondering if any of their classmates could pose a THE REALITY: College students are among the hardest THE FEAR: Not having a boyfriend with so many students with
threat. “Statistically, the person down the hall is unlikely hit by the recession. “The average amount of student-loan diverse interests, you’ ll easily
THE REALITY: The recent surge of friends-with- benefits
to become homicidal,” says Kathleen Bogle, PhD, assistant debt accumulated by graduation is nearly $20,000,” notes
relationships seems to have marked the death of dating, be able to find people who are
professor of criminal justice at LaSalle University, in Tamara Draut, author of Strapped: Why America’s 20- and
and now lots of women feel hooking up is their one and your type.
Philadelphia, and author of Hooking Up. But such mental 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead. What’s more, 44 percent of
only option. “Many guys define college as a time to party
undergrads with a credit card carry an outstanding balance.
illnesses as schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety and and experiment, which means they don’t necessarily want • Enjo ying more free time:
bipolar disorders do usually first manifest themselves in
the late teens and early 20s, which helps explain why a HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF:
to settle down into a relationship,” Bogle says. Because you have more control
seemingly average person can suddenly begin to exhibit Choose the best college at the best price; log on to scholarships. over your schedule, you may be
The problem is, women don’t always find the hookup
bizarre or violent behavior. com, which lists 2.7 million scholarships; and commit to
experience to be particularly satisfying. In fact, a able to sleep in a few mornings
graduating in four years or less, says Jean Chatzky, author
national study on college women found that 44 percent a week and have Fridays off
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF: of Pay It Down! From Debt to Wealth on $10 a Day. Most
of respondents felt disappointed after hooking up and entirely.
If you suspect another student is emotionally unbalanced or capable important, limit yourself to one credit card, and use it sparingly.
23 percent felt exploited. Unfortunately, with women
of hurting himself or others, alert your RA, the office of student
life, or security. “Say, ‘I’m worried about this person because he To manage day-to-day finances, find a part-time job with perks
outnumbering men on many college campuses these days, • Taking interesting classes: A
or she has all the signs of depression or mental instability,’ ” says — clothing stores offer employee discounts and restaurants
it may be getting statistically more difficult to find a guy
few core requirements aside,
who has boyfriend potential.
Susan Lipkins, PhD, author of Preventing Hazing. provide free meals. Save gas money by biking or walking to you can choose courses that
class, and shop for things like furniture and electronics on
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF: appeal to you and avoid ones
THE FEAR: Being sexually assaulted freecycle.org, which gives away unwanted items.
Beware of guys who party hard, flirt incessantly, and hook
THE REALITY: When it comes to the terrifying prospect up with different girls all the time — these are signs that a
THE FEAR: Gaining the freshmen 15
of being date-raped, it’s surprising to learn that you may dude isn’t ready to settle down. “Women frequently make the
be more vulnerable in a crowded social setting than out THE REALITY: Thanks to all-you-can-eat buffet-style mistake of thinking a player will treat them differently than he
with a guy alone. Party rape “is the new term for date rape cafeterias, excessive boozing, and midnight snacks, like pizza, does other girls, but that’s rarely the case — past behavior is
since you’re not actually on a date,” says Bogle. It entails most freshman pack on a few extra pounds. But a recent the greatest indicator of future actions,” says Eells.
becoming too drunk to refuse — or consent to — sex. study at Rutgers University found that average weight gain
28 • march 2010 • freshmen 15 freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 29
Remember your first day of your life, he could be hiding stuff too.
high school? What if that hot econ major has anger
The new guys seemed so cute, and your issues or a closet cocaine addiction?
Meet guys and have fun, but stick
love life seemed so full of possibilities.
But soon you knew all their names, with your friends at parties so you
who was cool, and who was weird. can watch out for one another. And
And now you’ve dated everyone you don’t make it a contest!
wanted to, or you don’t click with the
guys at your school, or you’re tired TRUTH #2: things get way more
of the high school drama — and you intense
can’t wait for college. You’ve heard “I told this guy everything about me, so
the basics about college dating: more when he broke up with me a month later,
types of guys, more freedom, and it hurt that much worse.”
more mature relationships (hopefully). —JENNY, 21, SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY
But with close living quarters, no Relationships move faster in college,
parents, and stressful classes, things physically and emotionally. Basically,
get intense, and college has its own three months of college dating (where
soap operas. Read on for the inside you can have breakfast, lunch, dinner,
dirt you’d have no way of knowing and late-night pizza with a guy if you
until you’re on campus — and need want) is like a year of high school the same building as guys creates
to know if you already are. dating (when you’re living with your interesting new situations (and vocab
parents’ restrictions). New college words!). There’s sexile (when your
TRUTH #1: hookups outnumber couples tend to rush from the getting- roommate hooks up with someone
boyfriends to-know-you stage to the practically- in your room and you’re shut out)
“The atmosphere is so charged with living-together one. It’s like they’re and dormcest (dating people who
opportunities to hook up. Girls on my addicted to their new freedom. And live in your dorm). Dorm gossip can
floor define a night’s success by how the more intense it gets, the more it devastate your reputation more than
many people we kiss.” hurts when it ends. So hold off before high school gossip — you live with the
—LISA, 19, BOSTON COLLEGE stocking your guy’s shower caddy with people who know your business! Then
With so many different types of guys your Venus razor. Not only can you there’s the walk of shame: your trek
around, it’s tempting to sample them lose yourself if you spend all your home the morning after hooking up
all! Why not, right? Hookups can be time with a guy, you also lose the time with a guy and sleeping in his room
fun, but a lot of times they’re mini you’d spend meeting other guys and (it’s actually against the rules at some
bombs that explode in one of two potential lifelong friends. Be sure to campuses to stay over!). It’s seen as
ways: into a relationship (rare!), or make room in your busy love life for a rite of passage, but doing it a lot
into misunderstanding, hurt, or just the rest of your college experience. won’t make you feel great about
thin air. At the typical beer-soaked yourself (the word shame isn’t there
party (even if you’re sober), you can’t TRUTH #3: there’s a new dating by accident!). We know you’ll pass
always tell which guys want a one- vocabulary college dating tests! Just watch out
night thing and which ones truly like “After some awkward mornings and for the trick questions, okay?
you. If you’ve been drinking, there’s ‘walks of shame,’ you realize you have
not always a trusted friend there to to start setting new boundaries.”
stop you from going too far with a —SARA, 20, UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA
guy you just met. Just like there might Love it or hate it: Dorms can be
be things you’re not telling him about cesspools of debauchery! Living in
freshmen 15 • march 2010 • 31
March 21-April 19 April 20-May 20 May 21-June 20
Big projects at school mean you’re crazy Taurus girls usually avoid confrontation, Watch your back! A jealous girl will start
busy trying to meet due dates. The sun but Mercury will create huge drama for a nasty rumor about you, and on March
will bring you more free time on the you from March 9 to March 30. You will 23 Mercury will tempt you to lash back
22nd. The only problem is that both your argue a lot with your BFF and pick fights by starting an even more scandalous
friends and your guy want time alone with your guy. Take time to hang out rumor about her. Think twice: your crush
with you. Your solution? Hit parties that alone in your room, and you’ll figure out is watching you carefully. Show him you
everyone can go to! how to sort through the weird tension. don’t care what people say.
June 21-July 22 July 23-August 22
Venus will start to heat things up On March 10 and March 15, the sun will
between you and your crush this month! give you an extra boost of Leo courage to
You will spend lots of time hanging out experiment with a brand-new look! Don’t
in a group in the beginning of March, but be afraid to take big fashion risks, because
plan an extra special date for just you and they will pay off! You’ll love your new
him on the 21st. You’ll be calling him your YOU-AT-A-GLANCE style, and so will your friends — be ready
boyfriend soon! for them to raid your closet!
Strengths:
Creative, loyal, perceptive
Weaknesses:
August 23-September22 Procrastinating, unfocused September 23-October 22
On March 11, Pluto will help you catch Social You: When you miss a great party around the
your guy in a lie. For weeks your friends 11th, you’ll be bummed to hear friends’
have told you to dump him, and now
You’re the center of attention stories of all the cute guys they met. The
you’re finally ready! He’ll tell you it’s just when chatty Mercury helps good news is that you’ll go the next time
a misunderstanding, but you need to ditch you curb your timid streak at a they all hang out. Get excited! Venus will
this loser now. A new and hotter guy will bring you a major makeout session with
soon be on your radar!
glitzy party one of them on the 24th!
Must-do For 2010:
Uranus the explorer urges you
to grab every chance to travel.
October 23-November 21 You’ll forge several lifelong November 22-December 21
connections
Cliquey girls are going to stir up serious You didn’t party much last month, but on
trouble for you and will convince your Best Matches: the 9th, Mars gives you a reason to wear
BFF that you did something that you that dress you’ve been saving for a special
totally didn’t. On the 3rd, the universe
Gemini, Leo, Sagitarious night. You’ll look amazing, and gyus will
will help you to stand up to these Lucky Days: notice! Don’t be surprised when you
beeyotches and make things right again receive friend requests from new cuties
with you and your besties. March 9, 15, 21 the next day.
December 22-January 19 January 20-February 18 February 19-March 20
You’ve attended tons of parties lately, Neptune will push you to take a romantic
You’ll complain about feeling bored early
but when Jupiter and Venus link, you’ll be risk on March 7th: You’ll fall for a guy
in the month, but it won’t last. The sun
in the mood for something low-key. Have with a bad rep. You’ll be surprised by just
will prompt you to throw a party around
a girls night on the 4th for you and your how much you like him, but don’t get too
the 19th. Make it a huge blowout, and
closest friends. The gossip, snacks, and attatched — he’s haning out with other
tell your guy friends to bring their cute
movies are exactly what you need! When girls. Move on, or be prepared to deal with
friends. You’ll have a blast — and talk to
you spill about your new crush, you’ll get fights that lead to major hurt feelings!
someone with BF potential!
great advice!
32 • march 2010 • freshmen 15
