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					                    COLDWATER

                      "Pilot"

                         by
                     Kim Duran




Hypomania Content
537 Rialto Avenue
Venice, CA 90291
310-581-3406
                       Coldwater
                        “Pilot”


                        ACT ONE

EXT. SAN FERNANDO VALLEY - UPSCALE NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

WE’RE FLYING LOW

Along the streets of a wealthy but not super-rich
neighborhood south of Ventura Boulevard in the San Fernando
Valley. Tended lawns. Graceful trees. No two homes alike.
It’s quiet - everyone already settled in their private little
slice of suburbia for the evening.

We fly past a restored Spanish, a mid-century modern and an
outdated Tudor as we hear the wistful voice of KELSEY, 21, a
young woman with a passion for all things real estate.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          A chipped tile... A squeaky floor
          board... A stolen garden hose...

We reach a stately traditional and take A RIGHT TURN at the
flagstone pathway and push toward the front door, and the

WROUGHT IRON KNOCKER

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Every house has a story. But some
          are more interesting than others.

A WHITE FLASH

We’ve penetrated the inner sanctum of

INT. STATELY TRADITIONAL - THE CHADNEYS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT

SUPER: THREE YEARS AGO...

THROUGH THE CHADNEY’S OPEN BEDROOM WINDOW--

We see the Mediterranean house next door. In silhouette
behind a sheer blind, a HUSBAND and WIFE are in a heated
argument.

                    WIFE (O.C.)
          Don’t deny it, you bastard!

                    HUSBAND (O.C.)
          There’s nothing to deny!
                                                            2.



                    WIFE (O.C.)
          So, I suppose her underwear just
          accidentally fell off in your car?!

PULL BACK from the open window to the interior   of the
Chadney’s bedroom to see THE CHADNEYS, huddled   close as they
spy on their arguing neighbors. DAMON, 35 and    hot. ASHLEY,
blonde, beautiful. The Barbie and Ken of real    estate. They
speak in hushed tones, loving this.

                    DAMON
              (re: the arguing couple)
          I see a four bedroom Mediterranean
          coming on the market very soon.

                    ASHLEY
          I bet we sell it in a day.

Damon traces Ashley’s cheek with his finger, his lips inches
from her face.

                    DAMON
          What do you think?   A million-four?

                    ASHLEY
          A million-six. They just put in
          Terrazzo floors and French doors.

Damon pulls Ashley tight.

                    DAMON
          I love it when you talk French
          doors.

They kiss passionately.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Just a few years ago the real
          estate market was hot...

Damon throws Ashley on the bed and mounts her.

                     KELSEY (O.C.)
          Very.   Very. Hot.

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - BULLPEN AREA - MORNING (SAME YEAR)

A busy, swank real estate office.    Ringing phones.   AGENTS
rushing around.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Interest rates were at record lows
          and houses sold for record highs.
                                                           3.



Realty magnate BARRY COLDWATER, a self-indulgent snake, and
his older brother, LARRY, ineffectively moral, both 50’s,
emerge from their cushy corner office.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          A new milestone, folks!

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          We just topped 250 million dollars
          in sales!

A collective cheer from everyone in the office.

Strutting down the aisle - BRUCE WILDING, Vince Vaughn-type,
likeable, a little twisted, not the smoothest, most tactful
guy in the world. Heading his way, MEG DAWSON, 28, oddly
pretty but neglected, the kind of girl who only got noticed
in junior high for her pigtails and braces.

                    BRUCE
          Closing escrow on the Craftsman,
          then catching a plane to Cabo.

                    MEG
          Writing up my third offer this
          week, then home to see them break
          ground on my new pool.

They high-five as they pass. Bruce turns back, steals an
eyeful of Meg’s perfectly round ass.

INT. TRADITIONAL HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY (SAME YEAR)

During an open house, SADIE BROMSTAD, 33, sassy Southern
Belle from Georgia, is handing out business cards to
PROSPECTIVE BUYERS.

                    SADIE
          Just FYI, we’ve already gotten
          three offers, so if ya’ll are
          serious, you might want to hurry.

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

The BUYER COUPLE hurries out to their car.

                    SADIE
          Have your agents call me. Sadie
          Bromstad, Coldwater Realty!

SADIE’S POV - across the street, another realtor, CORY
WAINWRIGHT, 24, successful too soon.
                                                            4.


He carries a box of his things to the front door of his new
house as a MOVING VAN pulls up.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Agents were even purchasing new
          homes of their own.

Sadie calls to Cory.

                       SADIE
          Hey, Cory!     Congrats, hon’!

                       CORY
          Thanks!

FOLLOW Cory as he unlocks the door and enters.

INT. CORY’S NEW STUDIO CITY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Cory sets down the box. Looks around. It’s all his.
Smiles. Tosses the keys and catches them mid-air.

                       CORY
          Sweet.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          If ever there was a Golden Age of
          Real Estate, this was it.

He opens a window to the sound of BIRDS CHIRPING.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          And then... the bubble burst.

A WHITE FLASH

THE SAME HOUSE - THREE YEARS LATER

SUPER: THIS MORNING...

MOVERS carry the last of Cory’s furnishings out the front
door. Packing materials are strewn about.

ON CORY

Biting his lip. Twitching. Trying hard to hand over the
same set of keys to the new owners, an ASIAN COUPLE. Can’t
do it. The ASIAN MAN has to snag them from him.

                    CORY
          Fine, but just know that the pantry
          door sticks when it rains!

He storms out like an angry teen.
                                                              5.



INT. SMALL SPANISH HOUSE - FOYER - SAME DAY

SADIE - on the heels of TWO GAY MALE BUYERS as they head for
the front door to leave.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Houses no longer sell themselves.
          And agents have to throw in all
          sorts of “extras.”

                    SADIE
          A $50,000 drop in price in one of
          the Valley’s most desirable
          neighborhoods...
              (with obvious seduction)
          Now what do we need to do to make a
          sale here, gentlemen.

The men exchange an incredulous look.

                    GAY BUYER
          How stupid are you?

Sadie shrinks in embarrassment.    What just possessed her?

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          Lost commissions have hit everyone
          where it hurts...

HARD CUT TO

ASHLEY - her legs up in stirrups

A LARGE SYRINGE, like a turkey baster, on a tray of
instruments at her feet. She wears a hospital gown and is
laying on an exam table at

INT. FERTILITY CLINIC - EXAM ROOM - DAY

Diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems line the
walls. Damon paces, on the phone.

                    DAMON
          What do you mean they’re backing
          out? It’s a foreclosure, they’re
          getting it for a song, Frank.
          Hello?

                    ASHLEY
          Um, honey, another time?

A NURSE hands Damon a clear cup with an orange lid.
                                                           6.



                    NURSE
          If you’ll just enter that room now
          and provide your specimen.

Damon looks at the cup.

                    DAMON
          What is this costing again?
          Fifteen thousand?

INT. “JERK-OFF” ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

EXTREME CLOSE-UP ON DAMON’S FACE

As he tries to provide his specimen with PORN playing on a TV
in the b.g. It’s not happening.

                    DAMON
              (with growing frustration)
          Come on, come on...

RESUME - EXAM ROOM - MINUTES LATER

Damon, defeated, re-enters with his empty specimen cup and
dashes for the exit.

                      ASHLEY
          Damon...?    Damon!

CLINIC HALLWAY

Damon sprints for the exit.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Bruce with the FUNERAL DIRECTOR shopping among expensive
CASKETS.

                    FUNERAL DIRECTOR
          Perhaps this one would suit your
          mother, sir.

Bruce bristles at the expensive price tag.

BRUCE’S POV

A WOODEN CRATE being wheeled in on a dolly by a DELIVERY MAN.

                    BRUCE
              (eyeing crate)
          I think I’m going to need some more
          creative options.
                                                           7.



EXT. PARKING LOT - STRIP MALL / INT. MEG’S CAR - DAY

Meg is driving while talking on her cell.

                      MEG
                (into phone)
            The market’s horrible. I don’t
            have enough money to finish the
            pool. It looks like there’s a
            giant sinkhole in my backyard. I
            can’t even afford car insurance
            right now and--

BANG!    She slams into a parked car.

                        MEG
            Oh, God.    I’ll call you back.

She backs up, views the damage to the other car.

A BIG DENT - in the side of a black BMW X5.    Even worse, she
sees

ASHLEY

Walking toward the BMW. Realizing it’s Ashley’s car she just
hit, she peels out and flees the scene. Ashley sees the
damage, reacts in anger. She picks up PIECES OF A BROKEN
HEADLIGHT and PLASTIC TURN SIGNAL as we hear Meg’s car
peeling out in the background.

                      KELSEY (O.C.)
            Maybe worst of all, agents are
            acting in ways they never imagined.

A WHITE FLASH TO

A LIVING ROOM WALL - SOME UNKNOWN POINT IN THE FUTURE

Larry Coldwater enters, showing a house to an UNSEEN PERSON.

                        LARRY COLDWATER
            A diamond   in the rough in a highly
            desirable   neighborhood. Impervious
            to market   conditions. I’m putting
            it in the   MLS on Monday.

CAMERA shifts to the wall where LARRY’S SHADOW is cast.   The
UNSEEN PERSON steps up behind Larry, wielding a HAMMER.

WHACK!   Larry drops like a stone.

ON A HARDWOOD FLOOR
                                                         8.



As Larry’s body is dragged out of the shadows and across the
floor by the assailant - leaving a TRAIL OF BLOOD.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          So there you have it. Kelsey Eaton
          picks the worst time in history to
          study to get her real estate
          license.

WE’RE NOW--

INT. POPULAR STEAKHOUSE RESTAURANT CHAIN - NIGHT

KELSEY EATON, sweet, likable, is on a blind date with a GUY,
25.

                    KELSEY
          Now what is it that you do again?

                    “KELSEY’S DATE”
          I’m a restaurant host.
              (awkward)
          Here. At this restaurant. I’m not
          actually your date. He called and
          said he couldn’t make it. I
          figured you might be the one
          waiting for him so I walked over.
          And you started talking-- And
          talking-- But, hey--
              (finger pistols)
          Onion blossom on the house.

He exits and Kelsey slumps, humiliated.


                     END OF ACT ONE
                                                            9.


                        ACT TWO


INT. COLDWATER REALTY - BULLPEN AREA - PRESENT DAY

As opposed to the earlier hustle and bustle, the office
appears deserted. Kelsey, who’s the RECEPTIONIST, sits
reading a real estate textbook as Bruce saunters up.

                    BRUCE
          Did I miss it?

                    KELSEY
          No, they’re still in the conference
          room.

Bruce snatches her textbook away as if doing her a favor.

                    BRUCE
          Don’t waste your time, babe.
          Plastics. Now there’s an industry
          poised to make a comeback. Trust
          me, this whole “green” trend will
          be played out by Christmas.

He hands her book back like he’s just given her invaluable
advice. She politely nods. Bruce slips in the door to;

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Where Barry is delivering his weekly real estate “sermon” to
Damon, Ashley, Cory, Sadie, Meg, Larry and other AGENTS.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Buying a home is still the American
          dream.

                    AGENTS
              (repeating)
          Buying a home is still the American
          dream.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Flipping homes are still possible
          for investors.

                    AGENTS
          Flipping homes are still possible
          for investors.

Damon reaches for Ashley’s hand.   She pulls it away.
                                                          10.



                    BARRY COLDWATER
          And we will do whatever it takes to
          keep selling houses.

                    AGENTS
          And we will do whatever it takes to
          keep selling houses.

The soon-to-be-dead Larry Coldwater chimes in.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Within the law.

The agents look up.   Seriously?   Barry gives a small nod.

                    AGENTS
              (half-hearted)
          Within the law.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          May interest rates be with you.

                    AGENTS
          And also with you.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Let me hear you say...

                    ALL
          WORK HARDER! SELL SMARTER!

The pep rally ends and the room clears except for the
Coldwater brothers. Barry closes the door.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Within the law? It’s a down
          market, Larry.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Which we’re partly responsible for.
          All those risky loans we talked our
          clients into. Half the
          foreclosures in the Valley are our
          fault.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
              (great news)
          I know. One market closes, another
          opens.
                                                         11.



                    LARRY   COLDWATER
          That’s not what   I mean. Just
          yesterday I got   another threatening
          phone call. We    went too far.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          There are worse things.

                       LARRY COLDWATER
          Than jail?

Barry lights a cigar.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Regrets from the man living in more
          square footage than Oprah.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Don’t you realize how serious
          matters are?

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          We’ve both seen enough recessions
          to know that people will be back to
          living beyond their means in no
          time. The McMansion is long from
          dead.
              (inspired)
          In fact, that’s a great topic for
          next week’s speech.

As Barry jots some notes, Kelsey pokes her head in.   She’s
nervous, fidgeting.

                    KELSEY
              (to Larry)
          Excuse me, Mr. Coldwater? You said
          only to interrupt in an emergency
          and there seems to be-- Well, you
          were very clear--

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          What is it, Kelsey?

                    KELSEY
          They called from your house.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          He’ll need more.

                     KELSEY
          Oh.   The really, really big one.
                                                        12.



                      LARRY COLDWATER
          Yes?

                    KELSEY
          The Italian marble came in the
          wrong color. They want to know
          what to do.

Larry in a dilemma.   Barry loving it.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
              (blushing embarrassment)
          We’ll have to pick this up later.

He rushes out.

BULLPEN - HALLWAY LEADING TO OFFICES

Damon chases after Ashley as the other agents watch.

                    DAMON
          Come on, sugar, I said I was sorry.

She turns to confront him. In the b.g. is a self-
aggrandizing FRAMED POSTER of Damon and Ashley, back to back,
million-dollar grins with the headline: “#1 IN THE VALLEY!”

                    ASHLEY
          You left me on a cold steel table
          with my legs spread from here to
          Santa Monica!

                    CORY
              (to Bruce)
          Uh-oh. Trouble in #1-land.

                    ASHLEY
          Don’t you want children with me?
          Or are you just going let our DNA
          go to waste?

                    DAMON
          More than anyone, I recognize the
          responsibility people like us have
          to breed. Now, I promise, next
          month, we’ll try again. Kiss,
          kiss?

                    ASHLEY
              (satisfied)
          Okay. Kiss, kiss.

Ashley notices everyone staring.
                                                        13.



                      ASHLEY
          What?!

                    BRUCE
          We’re clearly awestruck by superior
          genes in action. Here, smile.

He takes a picture of them with his cell phone.

                    BRUCE
          Now I can treasure it always.

                    DAMON
              (all he can think of)
          Sick-o.

The Chadneys exit.

                     CORY
          How are you ever going to recover
          from that?

                      BRUCE
          A beer.    Let’s go.

                    CORY
          It’s 11 a.m., Bruce.

Bruce doesn’t see the problem.

                    CORY
          I can’t, I have to pick up my check
          from the escrow company.

                    BRUCE
          Just as well, I have houses to
          sell.
              (laughs)

They split up and Cory makes a call on his cell.

                    CORY
          Hey, sweetie.

INTERCUT WITH

INT. LACY’S APARTMENT - SAME TIME

Cory’s fragile actress-girlfriend, LACY, disheveled like she
just came from a Rave, is stretched out on the couch.
                                                        14.



                       LACY
                 (slurred)
          Hey.

                    CORY
          Did you get the role?

Sounds of CRYING come thru the phone.

                    CORY
          I’m sorry, baby, but you’ll get the
          next one.

                    LACY
          No, I won’t. I suck.

Cory is now

OUTSIDE - crossing to his car.

                    CORY
          Come on, you know what they say.
          It takes twelve years to become an
          overnight success in this town.

                    LACY
              (still crying)
          I’m not gonna work for twelve
          years??

                    CORY
          Forget what I said.
              (low voice)
          Hey, you’re not, you know,
          drinking, are you?

                       LACY
          Noooo...

Reveal on the coffee table: a syringe, a spoon, lighter, bag
of dope, etc.

                    CORY
          Okay, good girl. I’ll stop by in
          about an hour. I love you.

BACK TO - BULLPEN - RECEPTION

Kelsey calls to Sadie.

                    KELSEY
          Sadie, you have a buyer in your
          office.
                                                          15.



                    SADIE
          For real? Because if I walk in and
          find another of Bruce’s blow-up
          dolls...

                    KELSEY
          For real. He asked for you. Hey,
          do you think I could sit in and
          take some notes and...

Sadie is literally running to her office.

INT. SADIE’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Sadie enters to see the back of someone seated in her chair.
She gathers herself.

                     SADIE
          Hi.   Sadie Bromstad.   Can I--

A GOOD-LOOKING GUY spins around, smiling.   This is MICHAEL.

                       MICHAEL
          Hey, baby.

She crosses to him and decks him right across the face.

                    MICHAEL
              (reeling)
          Is this how you treat all your
          buyers?

Sadie quickly closes the door but not before Kelsey witnessed
the face slap.

                    SADIE
          Buyer? What are you talking about?
          And how did you find me?!

He’s not going to answer that.

                    MICHAEL
          What matters is that I’m moving to
          L.A. To win back the love of my
          life.

She wields her hand out again.    He stops her.

                    MICHAEL
          Whoa, whoa! Look-- I know this is
          a shock.
                                                        16.



                    SADIE
          I want you out.

                     MICHAEL
          I remember when you just wanted me.
          Bad.
               (softly)
          Remember? The midnight swims in
          Maui... Those six days in Cairo...
          Disneyland...

Michael moves within inches of her. Sadie struggles to hold
it together as memories of this hot, steamy relationship come
flooding back.

                    SADIE
              (barely a whisper)
          You’re really moving here?

                       MICHAEL
          I am.

                    SADIE
          And you want to buy a house?

                       MICHAEL
          Our house.

                    SADIE
          Then you’ll need an agent.

                    MICHAEL
          Pretty one. 5 feet, 6. Stunning
          green eyes. Likes to eat breakfast
          along the River Seine.

Sadie breaks away for the door.

                    SADIE
              (yelling out door)
          Anyone want a client looking for a
          three-million dollar house?

A STAMPEDE OF REALTORS enters, including Bruce, Meg and the
Chadneys!

They besiege Michael, all speaking at once and pulling him in
different directions.

                    BRUCE
          Hey, fella, I know this fantastic
          Greek revival. Just reduced
          200,000!
                                                        17.



                    DAMON / ASHLEY
          Damon and Ashley Chadney. / We sell
          more houses than anyone. / That’s
          why we’re #1 in the Valley!

                    MEG
          Don’t listen to these losers.   I
          can show you a canyon remodel
          that’s not even listed yet!

Michael manages to free himself from the onslaught and rushes
from the office. The others pursue. Sadie smiles with
satisfaction.

INT. ESCROW COMPANY - OFFICE - DAY

Cory stares in shock at a CHECK as he sits in front of the
ESCROW OFFICER.

                    CORY
          Twenty five hundred dollars?    There
          must be a mistake.

                    ESCROW OFFICER
          No mistake.

                    CORY
          That’s my entire profit from the
          sale of my house?

                    ESCROW OFFICER
          I mailed you an estimated closing
          statement yesterday.

                    CORY
          I was already moving out, I didn’t
          get it.

                    ESCROW OFFICER
          You didn’t give me your forwarding
          address.

                    CORY
          I don’t have one, okay? I was
          waiting for this check so I could
          put a deposit down on an apartment.
          This check was supposed to last me
          a few months until I make another
          sale. There’s got to be more!

                    ESCROW OFFICER
          There were two liens against your
          house, Mr. Wainwright.
                    (MORE)
                                                           18.

                    ESCROW OFFICER (CONT'D)
          Creditors get paid before you do.
          You’re an agent, you know that.

Cory slumps in his chair.       Screwed.

EXT. CHADNEY’S HOUSE - STREET - LATER

Ashley exits her car, talking on her Bluetooth to a client.

                    ASHLEY
          You think about it and let us know
          but remember that we sell more
          houses than anyone. That’s why
          we’re #1 in the Valley...

She enters the house just as Damon pulls up to the curb. At
the same time, we hear A SIREN as an AMBULANCE rounds the
corner and pulls up to the Chadney’s neighbor’s house just
down the street.

Damon is distracted from the ambulance as he spots the DENT
in Ashley’s car.   What the hell?

INT. CHADNEY LIVING ROOM - MINUTES LATER

Damon enters, a LEATHER SATCHEL slung over his shoulder.

                        DAMON
          Ash?   Ash!

Ashley is at the window, looking at the ambulance at the
neighbor’s house.

                    ASHLEY
          I know, isn’t it great? Old man
          Kaminsky may be taking his last
          breath as we speak. That house
          will be my newest listing by
          month’s end. It’s the only five-
          bedroom on this street. Of course
          it will need an extensive airing
          out...

                        DAMON
          Not that.      What happened to the
          car?!

                    ASHLEY
          Oh, yeah. Infuriating isn’t it? I
          noticed it earlier. Hit ‘n’ run.
          You want some lunch?
                                                        19.



                    DAMON
          Well how much is that gonna cost
          us?!

                    ASHLEY
          I don’t know, we have insurance.

                    DAMON
          Yes, but with a rather large
          deductible.

                   ASHLEY
          So. It’s not like we don’t have
          savings. Right?

Damon - with a secret look of guilt.

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAMON’S FLASHBACK - NIGHT - MONTHS AGO

EXTREME CLOSE-UP ON DAMON’S FACE (as we saw in beginning)

                    DAMON
              (with growing frustration)
          Come on, come on...

Pull back to see that this time, he’s at the computer,
gambling online, playing Blackjack. The cards flip on screen
to reveal he’s busted.

                     DAMON
          Dammit!   Gah!

We see on screen that he’s lost some $10,000.

He buries his head in his hands.

INT. DRUG DEALER’S LIVING ROOM - DAMON’S FLASHBACK - NEW DAY

Damon is packing little plastic bags filled with a powdery
substance into his leather satchel as a DRUG DEALER looks on.

                    DEALER
          Easy money, man, you’ll see. I’ll
          give you a few of my contacts to
          get you started.

RESUME - CHADNEY LIVING ROOM - END FLASHBACK

                    ASHLEY
          So call the insurance guy, would
          you? And say I was in the car when
          it happened.
                    (MORE)
                                                       20.

                    ASHLEY (CONT'D)
          I heard you can get money for
          therapeutic massage that way.

Ashley exits as Damon clings to his leather satchel.


                     END OF ACT TWO
                                                        21.


                        ACT THREE

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - RECEPTION - LATER

Bruce and Meg round the corner to Kelsey at reception, still
looking for Michael.

                    BRUCE
          Where’s that buyer?    Did the
          Chadneys get him?

                    KELSEY
          No, they left awhile ago. I’ll
          tell you where he went if you’ll
          let me help at one of your open
          houses today.

Bruce spins around to Meg.

                    BRUCE
          You’ve got an open house?   Where?

                    MEG
          South of the boulevard. On
          Longridge. Where’s yours?

                     BRUCE
              (dubious)
          Oh, uh, couple miles from there.
          On Roblar.

                    MEG
          Oh, well, good luck.

                     BRUCE
          Mm.   You too.

They disperse, and Kelsey strikes out again.

INT. SADIE’S CAR - SAME TIME

Sadie is driving. She senses something is not quite right
and starts to make a u-turn.

                    SADIE
          I’m taking you back, Michael.

Michael pops up in the back seat.

                    MICHAEL
              (hopeful)
          You are??
                                                           22.



                    SADIE
          Not like that, you idiot. I’m
          taking you back to the office.

                    MICHAEL
          Come on, I deserve another chance.

                    SADIE
          I’ve had two years to think about
          what you deserve, and trust me, you
          don’t want it.

                    MICHAEL
          Just show me a house or two. Take
          the commission. I know for a fact
          you need it.

                    SADIE
          I’d rather file bankruptcy.

Time to switch tactics.

                    MICHAEL
          Do they know who you are?

Sadie slams on the brakes.     Michael’s head slams into the
rear of the seat.

                     MICHAEL
          Ow!

She stares at him, knowing he’s got her where he wants her.

EXT. CHADNEY’S STREET - SHORTLY LATER

Ashley is still peeking out the window at the ambulance at

THE KAMINSKY HOUSE

NEIGHBORS have gathered, including a 300-lb. woman, BIG
MAGGIE.

OLD MAN KAMINSKY, 150, is wheeled out on a gurney by
PARAMEDICS, ashen with an oxygen mask. He’s followed by his
daughter, RUTH, 60.

Ashley rushes across the street and up to Ruth.

                    ASHLEY
          Ruth! Hi, hi. Gosh, is your
          father okay?
                                                       23.



                    RUTH
          Yes, he’s fine, thanks.

                     ASHLEY
          Are you sure? He doesn’t look all
          that good.

                    RUTH
          He’s very strong.

                    ASHLEY
          Still. I mean, we all gotta go
          sometime.

Ruth gives her a stern look.    Big Maggie looks on.

                    ASHLEY
          Like you said he’s very strong.
          Still living after all these
          decades.
              (sotto)
          No one’s won the pool yet.

As he’s loaded in the ambulance, Ruth calls to him.

                    RUTH
              (loud and slow)
          Don’t worry, Poppy.    I’ll meet you
          at the hospital.

                    OLD MAN KAMINSKY
              (through oxygen mask)
          Let me die!

                    RUTH
          You’ll be fine, Poppy.

                    ASHLEY
          Here, Ruth, take my card. If you
          need anything... I can water the
          lawn, collect mail... list your
          father’s house should, God forbid,
          anything happen.

                       RUTH
          Excuse me?

                    ASHLEY
          Well this magnificent house is your
          inheritance.
                    (MORE)
                                                           24.

                    ASHLEY (CONT'D)
          And as long-time neighbors of your
          father, Damon and I would be happy
          to step in as your agents should,
          God forbid, anything happen.

                    RUTH
          You said that already.

                    ASHLEY
          Did I?

Ruth stares at the card in Ashley’s outstretched hand.     She
refuses to take it.

                    RUTH
          We already have a friend in the
          family who’s a realtor.

                    ASHLEY
              (through gritted teeth)
          But does he sell more houses than
          anyone else because that’s what
          makes us #1 in the...

                    RUTH
          He’s known my father some 30 years.
          Brings over cabbage and kielbasa
          every Sunday night.

                    ASHLEY
              (epiphany)
          That explains that smell.
              (still offering card)
          Well, just in case.

                    RUTH
          I already have three of your cards.
          You don’t need to slip any more
          under the door.

The ambulance doors close. Ruth crosses to her car leaving
Big Maggie staring down Ashley.

                    BIG MAGGIE
          Will you stop at nothing?

EXT. CORY’S EX-STUDIO CITY HOME - FRONT DOOR - DAY

Cory knocks on his former front door.   The Asian couple
answers.

                    CORY
          I’m sorry to bother you, but I
          forgot to ask about the mailbox.
                                                25.



                      ASIAN MAN
          Mailbox?

                    CORY
          Is it okay if I take it? My
          grandfather made it himself.

No response.

                     CORY
          There’s no value to it. Other than
          sentimental.
              (beat)
          It was a gift.
              (beat)
          The last thing he ever made before
          he died.

                    ASIAN MAN
          You should have itemized it in the
          contract.

                    ASIAN WOMAN
          You didn’t.

                    ASIAN MAN
          And you’re an agent.

                      ASIAN WOMAN
          Tsk, tsk.

                     CORY
          I know I’m an agent! Look, I’ll
          admit I made some mistakes! I
          trusted my boss and took out a loan
          on a house I couldn’t afford. I
          fell in love with an addict. Who’s
          also an actress. Bad combination!
          I forgot to write down the word
          “mailbox” on a contract! I’m
          learning. “Don’t make mistakes!
          Ever!” Okay? I got it.
              (beat)
          Just give me the mailbox.

                      ASIAN MAN
          No.

                    ASIAN WOMAN
          We don’t like you.

They shut the door.   Cory takes this in.
                                                           26.



HARD CUT TO

POP! THE METAL MAILBOX (affixed to the front of house) is
pried off with a TIRE IRON.

Cory runs with it down the driveway to his car, gets in and
peels out.

EXT. STUDIO CITY RESIDENTIAL STREET - INTERSECTION - DAY

CLOSE ON - A COLDWATER REALTY OPEN HOUSE sign with the name
“MEG PARKER.” It’s just been placed at the corner. Meg is
driving off.

EXT. 50’S RANCH STYLE HOUSE - DAY

Meg drives up to the location of her open house. The smashed
headlight still unfixed. Speaking of things in need of
repair: The house is a FIXER. Strewn across the porch and
lawn - a rusty wheelbarrow, buckets, garden equipment etc.
Clearly, the sellers did not tidy up. Meg places more OPEN
HOUSE SIGNS on the sidewalk, in front of the driveway, etc.
She also plants two RED FLAGS.

INT. 50’S RANCH STYLE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MINUTES LATER

More clutter. Meg, carrying a platter of cookies, is let in
by the owner, STELLA, a woman who cares as much for her
appearance as the rest of the house. Stella tries to swipe a
cookie but Meg won’t let her.

                     MEG
          No, no.   For buyers.

Stella takes one anyway.   Meg looks around.

                    MEG
          You do know that today is your open
          house, right?

                     STELLA
          Yeah.

                    MEG
          And would it be too much trouble to
          tidy up a bit?

Stella takes a drag of her cigarette.

                     STELLA
          Yeah.
                                                             27.



                      MEG
            Do you want me to sell your house?

                      STELLA
            That’s what I hired you to do.

Meg nods.   It’s a lost cause.

BACK TO - STUDIO CITY RESIDENTIAL STREET - INTERSECTION

ON MEG’S SIGN

As a BLACK AUDI cruises by.   Slows to a stop.   Backs up.

The door opens.   BRUCE emerges.

He looks around to make sure no one is looking, then takes
MEG’S SIGN and tosses it in his back seat. He then replaces
it with his own open house sign with his name: BRUCE WILDING

CLOSE ON - MEG’S OTHER SIGNS - including the RED FLAGS - as
one by one they are swiped by Bruce: Plunk, plunk, plunk.
Like the Grinch stealing Christmas decorations.

INT. CAPE COD STYLE HOUSE - BRUCE’S OPEN HOUSE - LATER

A small but tastefully done home.   Bruce is welcoming BUYERS.

                      BRUCE
            Welcome, first weekend on the
            market. Prime location. Here’s a
            one-sheet. If you could sign in...

BACK TO - 50’S RANCH STYLE HOUSE - MINUTES LATER

Meg has been tidying up like crazy. She keeps glancing out
the window to see if any buyers are coming up the walkway.
There’s only a cat.

INTERCUT

BRUCE - opens a wine cooler to show buyers.

MEG - hides kitchen clutter under the sink.

BRUCE - opens the sliding glass door to show the backyard.

MEG - kicks shoes and misc. objects under the couch.   Looks
again to walkway. Now there’s two cats.

BRUCE - hands out a business card, shakes hands.
                                                            28.



MEG - ties draperies back to let in more light.      Notices that
her signs are gone. Gives a puzzled look.

OUTSIDE

Meg rushes to the curb.      Where are her signs?!

MEG’S POV

Down the block, another open house in progress. Walks toward
it. Faster and faster until she sees the name on the signs:
BRUCE WILDER. Then, she spots her signs in his car. SFX:
TIGER GROWL

Meg charges up the walkway.

BACK TO - CAPE COD STYLE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Bruce with a buyer.

                      BRUCE
            Regardless of the market, this
            house is priced to sell--

The door flies open.

                      MEG
            A couple miles from here?!

                         BRUCE
            Hey, Meg--

                      MEG
            You said your open house was a
            couple miles from here!

                      BRUCE
                (to buyer)
            Pardon me for just a sec.

He ushers Meg down the hall.

                      MEG
            Why’d you take down my signs?!

Bruce shoves her into

A BEDROOM

And closes the door behind them.
                                                            29.



                    MEG
          You jerk! For three hours I’ve
          been cleaning that rat hole and not
          one single buyer! It’s a fixer! I
          need those signs! This place is
          turn key!

Only one way to shut her up...

                    MEG
          I haven’t sold a house in four
          months! I need that sale!

...He kisses her.   Hard.   Long.   Deep.   And she doesn’t say
another word.

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - DAY

Larry Coldwater is crossing the bullpen.

                    KELSEY
          Line three, Mr. Coldwater.

                       LARRY COLDWATER
          Thank you.

Before Kelsey transfers the call, she hears a distinctive
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK coming through the phone.

INT. BARRY AND LARRY’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Larry picks up the phone.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Larry Coldwater.

                    THREATENING MAN (V.O.)
              (sinister, altered voice)
          You cost me a three hundred
          thousand dollar loss on my house.

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Who is this?

                    THREATENING MAN (V.O.)
          I’m in ruin because of you!

                    LARRY COLDWATER
          Listen, you, I’ve notified the
          police and this call is being
          recorded as we speak.
                                                            30.



Larry throws open the door, covers the phone and yells to
Kelsey.

                      LARRY COLDWATER
            Record this!

A dumbfounded Kelsey doesn’t know what to do so she picks up
the line on her headset and begins typing the conversation on
a computer.

INTERCUT

INT. HOME OFFICE - SAME MOMENT

Shot from behind, we see;

THREATENING MAN talking on his cell phone through a voice
scrambler.

                      THREATENING MAN
            I’m not afraid, but you should be.

The man hangs up.   A WOMAN pokes her head in the office.

                      WOMAN
            Can we see the pool house again?

REVEAL BARRY COLDWATER

As the threatening man.

                      BARRY COLDWATER
            Oh, sure, sure. Let’s go now.

He exits.


                     END OF ACT THREE
                                                                31.


                         ACT FOUR

EXT. LACY’S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - DAY

Cory knocks on his girlfriend’s door.        It’s answered by
Lacy’s bitchy roommate, DEBBIE, 20’s.

                    CORY
          Hey, Debbie.

                    DEBBIE
          On the couch.

She walks away, leaves the door open.

INSIDE THE APARTMENT

Cory finds Lacy in a stupor, spread out on the couch.

                    CORY
          Lacy?
              (to Debbie)
          What’s going on?     Is she--

                    DEBBIE
          What do you think?

Cory tries to sit her up.    She can’t even open her eyes.

                    CORY
          Lacy, come on, baby.      Lacy--

                    LACY
              (suddenly in his face)
          It’s over between us, you ass!
          Besides, the baby’s not yours.

                    CORY
              (freaked out)
          What?

Debbie giggles.

                    CORY
          Why are you laughing?

                    DEBBIE
          She’s reciting her lines.       That was
          for her audition today.

Cory is relieved.   Sort of.

                    CORY
          Lacy, it’s me, Cory.
                                                        32.



                    LACY
          Mm, did I get the part?   Did they
          call?

                    DEBBIE
          Yeah, Lacy, you got the part.   You
          rehearse with George Clooney
          tomorrow!

                    CORY
          Why are you telling her that?

                     DEBBIE
          Kicks.

                    CORY
          It’s okay, Lace, you had a relapse.
          I’m gonna get you some help.

                     DEBBIE
          Enabler.

                    CORY
          Oh, trying to help makes me an
          enabler?   What’s your plan? Let
          her o.d.? I’m gonna pack her
          things. She’s going to rehab.

Lacy snuggles back down on the couch.

                    LACY
              (smiling)
          George Clooney...

INT. THREE MILLION DOLLAR HOME - KITCHEN - DAY

Sadie, all-business, shows Michael around the gourmet
kitchen.

                    SADIE
          Viking appliances.   Wine cooler.
          Sub-zero.

                    MICHAEL
          I wasn’t in love with her you know.

                    SADIE
          Italian marble floors. Custom
          cherry cabinetry. Butler’s pantry.

                    MICHAEL
          No one could ever compare to you.
                                                            33.



She crosses off, he follows.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM SUITE

She charges in, he’s on her heels.

                     MICHAEL
           It was a mistake!

She’s heard enough.

                     SADIE
           Nothing you say is going to make a
           difference. I can’t be manipulated
           anymore! I’m not the same girl!

A beat.   Michael looks around the bedroom suite and spots a

JEWELRY BOX on the dresser

He pulls out a DIAMOND NECKLACE.   Dangles it at Sadie.

                     MICHAEL
           Well, that’s fairly obvious. Two
           years ago, this jewelry box would
           have been emptied and there’d be no
           further trace of-- what were you
           calling yourself again? Sadie
           Bromstad?

She stares at him.    If looks could kill.

INT. CAPE COD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/HALL/BEDROOM - SAME TIME

The front door opens and Kelsey enters.      A BUYER is looking
over the one-sheet.

                     BUYER
           Are you the agent?

                     KELSEY
           Me? No, not yet. But I do work at
           the real estate agency. I just
           came by on my lunch break.

She doesn’t see Bruce.

                     KELSEY
           Can I help you?

                     BUYER
           I was wondering when the electrical
           was last updated.
                                                          34.



On Kelsey, an unsure look.

INT. BEDROOM - SAME TIME

BRUCE AND MEG

Fully making out. Lip-locked in the awkward newness of it
all. Like two bison that only mate once a year. One wrong
move and someone gets hurt. Finally, Meg pulls back, stares
into Bruce’s eyes. He stares back. What is this? Why this
passion? Did you know? Eh, why fight it?

With one sweeping motion, Bruce yanks back all the covers on
the bed and throws Meg down. She reaches up and pulls him
down on top of her.

The door opens and Kelsey’s eyes go wide. She quickly pulls
it shut, turns and comes face to face with the buyer.

                    BUYER
          Did you find him?

                    KELSEY
          Um.... The pool!

                    BUYER
          What?

                    KELSEY
          You have to see the pool!

                    BUYER
          There is no pool.
              (not buying it)
          What are you hiding, lady?

A stand-off.

                    KELSEY
          It’s nothing. Just termites.

The buyer lurches for the door, and Kelsey just panics and
flees.

POV - FROM INSIDE THE BEDROOM - The buyer looks on with
interest.

INT. REHAB CENTER - CHECK IN - DAY

Cory is at the check-in counter. Lacy is sitting in a chair,
her suitcase at her feet. Her head rests against a wall.
The CLINIC DIRECTOR hands Cory a clipboard.
                                                        35.



                    CLINIC DIRECTOR
          I’ll need her signature here.

                       CORY
          Okay.

Cory takes the clipboard to Lacy, tries to get her to sign.
It’s very difficult. The clinic director is watching.

                    CLINIC DIRECTOR
          You know, sir, as the director of
          this clinic, I have to be certain
          she’s here of her own free will.

Cory whispers to Lacy.

                    CORY
          Lacy, see that woman over there?

                       LACY
          Mmm.

                    CORY
          She’s the director--

                       LACY
          Director??

                    CORY
              (gets idea)
          Yes. She’s the “director.” Can
          you sit up straight and say this
          line?
              (slowly)
          I’m here of my own free will.

                    LACY
              (slurred)
          I’m here of my own free will.

Her head drops against the wall again. The director isn’t
fooled, but lets it slide because she sees that Lacy needs
treatment. Cory returns with the signed form.

                    CLINIC DIRECTOR
          I’ll also need another form of
          payment for the deposit.

                       CORY
          Why?

                    CLINIC DIRECTOR
          Her credit card’s been declined.
                                                        36.



                    CORY
          How much do you need?

The director looks at Lacy again and back at Cory.

                     CLINIC DIRECTOR
          First, we have to put her in detox.
          Then she can enter the program.
              (then)
          Twenty five hundred dollars.

Cory’s face drains.   That’s all the money he has.

RESUME - CAPE COD STYLE HOUSE - BEDROOM

Meg and Bruce hurriedly redress, untangling their entwined
clothing.

                    BRUCE
          Those are mine.

                      MEG
              (duh)
          I know.

Uncomfortable is an understatement.

                      BRUCE
          So...

                      MEG
          Yeah.

                      BRUCE
          Um...

                      MEG
          Don’t.

                      BRUCE
          ‘kay.

LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Bruce enters to find the buyer exiting.

                    BRUCE
          Did you have any questions?

He looks at Bruce with a knowing smirk.
                                                          37.



                    BUYER
          No. This place is too much. I’ll
          wait for the market to drop some
          more.

                    MEG (O.C.)
          Maybe I can show you something.

Meg arrives. The buyer looks interested, of course.    He’ll
just bet she can show him something.

                    MEG
          There’s an excellent buy down the
          street. Two hundred thousand less.
          Follow me, I’m going there now.

Bruce looks on, impressed how she just stole his buyer as
payback. He likes her.

INT. LACY’S APARTMENT - THE NEXT MORNING

Debbie, in pj’s, yawning, crosses from her bedroom into

LACY’S BEDROOM

She starts rummaging through Lacy’s closet.    But then sees

A MASS MOVING

Under the sheets of Lacy’s bed.

                    DEBBIE
              (screams)
          Ahhh!!

The sheets are thrown back to reveal that

CORY - has slept there overnight.

                    DEBBIE
          Oh, my God! You stayed here last
          night? You can’t stay here! I
          don’t even want Lacy staying here.

                    CORY
          Well, she won’t be for a while.
          Look, just let me stay for a few
          days.

                    DEBBIE
          Can you pay rent?
                                                       38.



                    CORY
          Not exactly.

                    DEBBIE
          Why do I keep getting stuck with
          the deadbeats? No money, no stay.

                    CORY
          Come on, I used every last dollar I
          had for Lacy’s rehab. My credit’s
          screwed. I can’t get an apartment.
          I won’t have any money till I get
          another commission check.

                    DEBBIE
          You and Lacy really are perfect for
          each other. Nothing but excuses.
          No!

                      CORY
          Fine!

                      DEBBIE
          Good!

                      CORY
          GREAT!!

He throws the bedding against the wall.

EXT. LACY’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Stepping up to the door, with his satchel secured in hand,
making a “house call” is Damon. He raises his hand to knock
but the door is flung open with Cory making a hasty exit.

                      DAMON
          Oh.

                      CORY
          Damon.    What are you doing here?

                    DAMON
              (fumbling)
          I got a name from--   Someone.   For--
          A real estate lead.

                    CORY
          No one here is buying real estate,
          trust me!

Cory charges past him.
                                                           39.



                    DAMON
              (calling after him)
          Obviously a mistake. A huge
          mistake. I was never here! Got
          that? Never!

HARD CUT TO

CORY’S GRANDFATHER’S MAILBOX

Very angrily being hammered into position on a TREE.   PULL
BACK to reveal that we are at;

EXT. STUDIO CITY PARK - DAY

                    CORY
          There! Home sweet home.
              (then to someone unseen)
          What are you looking at?

A SQUIRREL stares at him and chitters.

                    CORY
          Yeah, I know, there goes the
          neighborhood.

Cory slumps, resting his back against the tree, pissed at the
world, himself. How did he get to this point?

EXT. / INT. KAMINSKY HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - LATER

Ashley, carrying a BAKED APPLE PIE, knocks on the door to no
answer. She peeks in the window, tries the door. Unlocked.

FOYER

Ashley enters with her pie.

                    ASHLEY
          Mr. Kaminsky? I heard you were
          home from the hospital! Mr.
          Kaminsky? Ruth?

KAMINSKY’S BEDROOM

Ashley finds the old man in bed, hooked to a RESPIRATOR.
Barely conscious.

                    ASHLEY
          Mr. Kaminsky? I brought pie! And
          also a couple of business cards.
                                                         40.



She sets the pie and cards down, takes a chair.   He’s not
happy to see her.

                    ASHLEY
          Now Mr. Kaminsky, I know you have a
          realtor friend, but, really,
          there’s a good reason why Damon and
          I sell more houses than anyone
          else. And when the time comes...

Rather than listen to her yammer on, and more than ready to
leave this Earth, Kaminsky musters his last bit of strength
to reach back and pull the ELECTRICAL CORD from the wall.
The RESPIRATOR DEFLATES. Kaminsky GURGLES. And EXPIRES.
All the while Ashley prattles on, oblivious;

SERIES OF DISSOLVES

                    ASHLEY
          ...comprehensive marketing plan.

                    ASHLEY
          ...it’ll help get your daughter top
          dollar...

                    ASHLEY
          ...don’t worry about the crappy
          housing market, we have ways around
          that...

                    ASHLEY
          We can have a contract drawn up by
          tomorrow. What do you say? Mr.
          Kaminsky? Mr. Kaminsky?

Ashley sees the CORD resting in his cold, dead hand.

                     ASHLEY
          Mr. Kaminsky?!
              (then)
          Huh. I wonder who won the pool.

SOUND OF FRONT DOOR CLOSING.   Someone’s home.

                      ASHLEY
          Crap.

Ruth is approaching the bedroom with a sack of medications.

Ashley opens the window and has but moments to DIVE OUT. As
she does, she knocks the CORD out of the old man’s hand so it
doesn’t look like suicide, but maybe murder?
                                                           41.



EXT. KAMINSKY HOUSE - SECONDS LATER

Ashley comes running from the side of the house without her
pie. She darts across the street as BIG MAGGIE (THE 300-lb.
woman who was there the previous day) watches with interest.

A SCREAM FROM RUTH - coming from Kaminsky’s open bedroom
window.

                     BIG MAGGIE
            Ruth?

Big Maggie rush-waddles to the Kaminsky home.

KAMINSKY’S BEDROOM

Big Maggie arrives to find Ruth crying over her father’s
body. Big Maggie frowns, what a shame. But her attention is
drawn to the dresser and the

APPLE PIE

Maggie’s eyes grow wide and she moves toward it.


                     END OF ACT FOUR
                                                            42.


                        ACT FIVE

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - BATHROOM - NEXT DAY

Cory is shaving at the sink.   Over the intercom, a page.

                    KELSEY (V.O.)
          Larry, reception, please.

Cory hears someone enter and dashes into a stall, not wanting
to be seen shaving. It’s Damon with a brown paper bag. He
removes a cheesy fake mustache and beret, models them in the
mirror. Cory, peeking, finds it odd. Damon re-stuffs the
goods in the bag and exits as we hear another page.

                     KELSEY (V.O.)
          Larry, reception. Larry,
          reception.

LOUNGE AREA - MOMENTS LATER

A buyer, DAVID, is waiting for Larry as Kelsey approaches.

                    KELSEY
          Sir, Mr. Coldwater isn’t answering
          the page or his cell phone. Maybe
          I can help you though.

                    DAVID
          Are you an agent?

                    KELSEY
          Well, no, not yet--
              (always the optimist)
          but I’m studying to be one.

                    DAVID
          Then keep studying and send me a
          pro. Someone who knows where the
          bargains are, exceptional
          negotiating skills, trustworthy.
          Send me the agent you’d most want
          to help you find your next home.

                    KELSEY
          From this office?
              (catching herself)
          I mean, I know the one.

MOMENTS LATER-- CORY shows up.

                    CORY
          Hi. Cory Wainwright. I’d be happy
          to show you some properties.
                                                        43.



                      DAVID
          Let’s go.

Cory mouths “thanks” to Kelsey. She smiles broadly in return
and answers the ringing phone line.

                    KELSEY
          Coldwater Realty.

Through the phone, the CLICK-CLICK-CLICK she heard earlier.

INT. BARRY’S CAR

Barry on his cell phone.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Kelsey, I need you to look up a
          listing in the MLS.

                    KELSEY
          Sure, Mr. Coldwater.

INT. / EXT. MID-CENTURY MODERN HOUSE - DAY

Cory unlocks the realtor lock box and withdraws a house key.

FOYER

Cory and David enter. The house is vacant and is partially
under construction for some upgrades.

                      DAVID
          Nice.    Very open.

                    CORY
          The owners started doing some
          remodeling, but then separated, so
          they decided to sell it as-is.

David notices a distasteful smell.

                    DAVID
              (sniffs)
          I think I know another reason why
          they’re selling. Mold. But I’d
          probably be tearing down a lot of
          these walls anyway.

                    CORY
          Would you like to see the rest?

MINUTES LATER
                                                           44.



They return from the tour, then round the corner to the den
with a view of the expansive yard.

                     DAVID
           I’m going to make a phone call.

David crosses for the sliding door.

                      CORY
           Sure.   I’ll check back on you.

As David exits, Cory dashes back down the hall to

MASTER BATHROOM

He slides open the shower door. What luck, a bar of soap.
Cory starts the water and begins stripping quickly.

BACKYARD

A shower-fresh Cory re-buttons his shirt and joins David.

                     CORY
           So what do you think?

                      DAVID
           A lot of potential.
               (then)
           Let’s write up an offer.

Cory can hardly believe it! A smile spreads across his
relieved face. His financial nightmare is over.

EXT. KAMINSKY HOUSE / INT. CHADNEY HOUSE - EARLY EVENING

Caterers are entering, flowers are being delivered as a wake
is held.

ASHLEY POV - looking out the window at the Kaminsky house.

The front door opens.     RUTH is letting in VISITORS.

A POLICE CRUISER pulls onto the street, intentions unknown.

Damon enters and Ashley quickly shuts the drapes.

                     DAMON
           Hey, hon’, why’d you park in the
           garage? You never park there.

                        ASHLEY
           No reason.
                                                         45.



                    DAMON
          I haven’t seen much of you the past
          couple of days. What have you been
          up to?

                      ASHLEY
          Nothing.    You?

                      DAMON
          Same.

No one’s confessing to anything.

STERN KNOCKING ON THE FRONT DOOR

They both leap before catching themselves.

Damon opens the door to a GROUP OF NEIGHBORS with stoic faces
including Big Maggie. Ashley shrinks back.

                    DAMON
          What’s going on?

                    BIG MAGGIE
          Not sure if you’re aware but Mr.
          Kaminsky passed on yesterday.

                      DAMON
          Oh.

                    ASHLEY
          We had absolutely no idea
          whatsoever! None.

Beat.

                    BIG MAGGIE
          You won the pool, Damon!

AD-LIBBED CONGRATS.   Relief for Ashley and Damon.

                    DAMON
          Hey, great. How much did I win?
          Didn’t we each put in a thousand?

                    BIG MAGGIE
          You’ve got eighteen-grand coming.

                      DAMON
          Alright!

Damon grins ear to ear.   This will bail him out a little.
                                                        46.



                    ASHLEY
          Oh, honey! That’s enough for
          another in-vitro!

Damon forces a smile.

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - BRUCE’S OFFICE - SAME NIGHT

Bruce is at his computer when Meg appears in the doorway.

                    BRUCE
          Back for more? You naughty thing.

                    MEG
          Just so we’re clear, what happened
          is just between us, okay?

                    BRUCE
          You got it.

                    MEG
          I can trust you on that?

                    BRUCE
          Babe, I’m nothing if not honorable.

INT. “SOUTHBAR” - NEIGHBORHOOD BAR - LATER

Bruce and Cory sit at the trendy bar. We spot SADIE at a
table alone in the back drinking hard liquor.

                    CORY
          ...during the open house?!

                    BRUCE
          ...while I had three buyers in the
          living room.

                    CORY
          Was she...?

                    BRUCE
          Hot property.

                     CORY
          Nice. I’m buying you a beer.
              (then)
          Right after I get my commission
          check.
                                                              47.



                       BRUCE
             Yeah, congrats, I heard they
             accepted the offer. So did you get
             a place?

                       CORY
             Yeah. Not far from here. Great
             view of the park.
                 (changing subject)
             What do you suppose her story is?

Cory indicates Sadie in the back.

                       BRUCE
             Trying to forget something she’s
             done. I know the look.

Sadie drops a bill on the table and starts to exit, crossing
by Bruce and Cory. Bruce stops her.

                       BRUCE
             Weight of the world on your
             shoulders, sister?

                        SADIE
             Oh, no.   I’m fine.

                       BRUCE
             Where’s money man?

                          SADIE
             My friend?     You probably won’t see
             him again.

                        BRUCE
             Why?   D’ya knock him off?

He laughs.    She doesn’t.     He still won’t let her pass.

                       SADIE
             Do you mind?

                       BRUCE
             You are quite the lady of mystery,
             Georgia. Sit and chat a spell.

She leans over seductively and whispers in his ear.

                        SADIE
                 (sexy)
             I’m CIA. And if you don’t let me
             pass, I’m authorized to remove your
             testicles through your nostril.
                                                           48.



He lets her pass.

                    BRUCE
          Fine.
              (calling after her)
          But you’re not CIA. CIA never says
          they’re CIA.
              (to Cory)
          She’s not CIA. I’m pretty sure.

EXT. / INT. MID-CENTURY MODERN HOUSE - LATER

Cory parks on the street. Opens his trunk, removes a small
SUITCASE, looks around to make sure he’s not drawing
attention then sneaks up to the lock box.

FOYER

Cory enters and flips on some OVERHEAD LIGHTS.   He smells the
bad smell. What is that? It seems worse.

He rolls his suitcase down the hallway.

BEDROOM

Cory removes an AIR MATTRESS and PUMP and starts to inflate
his bed for the night at the “Vacant House Hotel.”

DISSOLVE TO

THE NEXT MORNING

Cory’s phone alarm wakes him up.   He starts the shower.

INT. HALLWAY/FOYER/KITCHEN - SHORTLY LATER

Cory, dressed for work, wheels his suitcase down the hall
toward the foyer and kitchen. He revolts at the smell.

                    CORY
              (covering mouth/nose)
          God! What is that?!

He grabs a t-shirt out of his bag and covers his face.     It’s
clearly gotten worse.

KITCHEN

Cory looks around with his face still covered.   Where is it
coming from?

ON A HANDLE
                                                          49.



Of a BUILT-IN PANTRY as Cory pulls on it.   The pantry slides
out of the wall and the

DECOMPOSING BODY OF A MAN DRESSED IN A BUSINESS SUIT

Falls onto the floor.   Cory reels.

EXT. MID-CENTURY MODERN HOUSE - STREET - MINUTES LATER

A CAR

Rounding the corner with a SCREECH. It parks, and Bruce
jumps out. Cory is by the curb with his suitcase.

                    BRUCE
          Is this some joke?

                     CORY
          No, dude. I’m telling you, there’s
          a majorly dead guy in the kitchen.
          And I’m pretty sure it’s Larry
          Coldwater.

                   BRUCE
          Jesus! No wonder no one’s seen
          him. You call the cops?

                      CORY
          Not yet.

                      BRUCE
          How come?

He looks Bruce squarely in the eyes.

                    CORY
          Because you’re going to help me
          move the body.

                      BRUCE
          What?

                    CORY
              (breaking)
          This is the house I sold, man! The
          guy will back out for sure if he
          knows someone was murdered here!
          It’ll be all over the news.
          There’ll be no keeping it from him.

Cory loads his suitcase in the trunk of his car.
                                                  50.



                    BRUCE
          Are you living out of your car?

                    CORY
          No.
              (points to the house)
          I’m living out of other people’s
          houses! That’s why I need this
          sale.

                    BRUCE
          So no apartment?

                    CORY
              (embarrassed)
          No. Look, don’t say anything.     I’m
          sorry I dragged you into this.

Bruce paces.

                    BRUCE
          Larry Coldwater. Jesus. You know,
          if we move this body, we’re messing
          with evidence.

                    CORY
          I’m pretty sure the maggots are
          doing the same thing. Look, I move
          him with or without you.

                    BRUCE
          Maggots, eh? Is it wrong that I
          really want to see that?

Cory gives him a look like, “yes.”

                    BRUCE
              (agreeing)
          I know. It started with a
          fascination with dead birds and
          grew from there. You sure you want
          to do this? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure
          I do.

                    CORY
          Every time I’ve done the right
          thing lately, it’s come back to
          bite me in the ass. So yeah.
          Yeah, I do.

                    BRUCE
          Okay, buddy.
                                                        51.



They look toward the house.   A big job at hand.

Bruce locks arms with Cory.

                    CORY
          That’s sort of gay.

                    BRUCE
              (dropping it)
          Okay.

EXT. COLDWATER REALTY - PARKING LOT - LATER

Ashley exits her parked car. On the way toward the building,
she notices the smashed headlight of Meg’s car. Very
interesting.

MINUTES LATER

Damon is now with Ashley. He matches the BROKEN PIECES Ashley
had collected that day in the parking lot to the headlight.
A match.

                    DAMON
          She is going to pay for everything!
          Including the deductible!

ON MEG

Exiting the building. Walking toward her car, she sees the
Chadneys. Stops dead. Busted.

                    ASHLEY
          There she is.

Meg runs back inside as Ashley and Damon give chase.

                     DAMON
          Get her!

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - BULLPEN AREA - MOMENTS LATER

Meg rushes in, Damon and Ashley hot on her heels.

                    MEG
          I’m sure I don’t know what you’re
          talking about!

                    ASHLEY
          You lying little bitch.

                    DAMON
          You’re paying for this!
                                                        52.



KELSEY, on a phone call, gets some news, screams in shock.

                    KELSEY
              (screams)
          Oh, my lord!

This sidelines the drama with Meg/Ashley/Damon as everyone
reacts to the scream. Sadie comes rushing out of her office.

                    SADIE
          Who screamed?

                    DAMON
          Kelsey, you’re as white as a ghost.

                    KELSEY
          I just heard some shocking news.

                    DAMON
          What?

After a beat;

                    KELSEY
          My sister and I got four of the six
          Lotto numbers last night. We won
          five hundred bucks!

                    ASHLEY
          Oh, for heaven’s sake.   We thought
          someone had died.

Barry emerges from his office, pale and stunned.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          Someone did.

                    DAMON
          Who?

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          My brother. Larry.
              (with furrowed brow)
          There was an anonymous tip. The
          police just found his body stuffed
          inside a fireplace in a Georgian
          revival on Halkirk.

As the shock registers;
                            53.



          ASHLEY
Oh, my God!
    (then, to Damon)
That’s our listing.


          END OF ACT FIVE
                                                        54.


                          ACT SIX

INT. COLDWATER REALTY - CONFERENCE ROOM - NEXT DAY

Another gathering for real estate church with our agents. A
somber mood. Hands held, heads hung low - although Bruce is
secretly checking sports scores on his cell phone.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          ...and so here we are as united in
          grief as we are bound by our
          commitment to save the McMansion.
          I know Larry wouldn’t have it any
          other way. In his name we say...

                    ALL
              (subdued)
          Work harder. Sell smarter.

Kelsey enters.

                    KELSEY
          Excuse me, Mr. Coldwater?    The
          police are here.

All eyes turn to see DETECTIVE JOHN BREWER, 50s, unflappable,
great patience, enter the room. He flashes his badge.

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          Detective Brewer, LAPD.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
              (cool head)
          Barry Coldwater, Detective.   Is
          this about the murder of my
          brother?

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          Mr. Coldwater, rest assured we’ve
          got our best men on the case. I’m
          here because another very serious
          crime has taken place. And I need
          to make an arrest.

QUICK SHOTS of instant fear on the faces of:

SADIE (the jewel thief)

MEG (the hit-and-run driver)

ASHLEY (the accidental killer)

CORY AND BRUCE (the body movers)
                                                        55.



DAMON (the drug dealer)

Each assuming they’re busted.   Then;

A MAD STAMPEDE by all SIX AGENTS for the exit!

Barry smiles slightly. This could take the heat off him.
But he catches Det. Brewer’s glare.

                    BARRY COLDWATER
          I’m as surprised as you.

BULLPEN

THE FLEEING SIX rush from the building, passing two stone-
faced OFFICERS. Det. Brewer exits the conference room
calmly.

                    OFFICER
          Should we pursue, chief?

He thinks it through for a beat.

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          No. But put a tail on our main
          suspect and do your homework on the
          others. I have a feeling it’s
          going to be a busy week.

SLOW DISSOLVE TO

A NEW DAY AND;

A POLISHED, EXPENSIVE MAHOGANY CASKET

A PHOTO OF LARRY next to the casket and MOURNERS gathered
for;

EXT. FOREST LAWN - BURBANK - LARRY’S FUNERAL - DAY

Barry is front and center by the casket with other presumed
COLDWATER FAMILY MEMBERS while the other realtors are
gathered nearby. Bruce dabs at his eyes.

                    BRUCE
              (broken up)
          He was like a father to me.

Meg and Cory exchange a puzzled look.

                    CORY
          Really?
                                                        56.



                    BRUCE
              (hushed)
          Nah. It just felt like someone
          should say it.

                    MEG
          I remember the last time I saw him.
          He winked at me and wished me good
          luck at my open house.

                     BRUCE
          I remember the last time I saw him
          too.
               (violent shiver)

                    CORY
              (changing subject quickly)
          Nice view, eh?

We see a SHOT OF LARRY’S BURIAL PLOT high on a grassy green
hill overlooking the Valley.

                    DAMON
              (affirming)
          Even in death, it’s about location.

                    ASHLEY
          Sly devil. He’s got a panoramic of
          all the homes he sold to
          unqualified buyers over the years.
              (pointing)
          Poor little Cory’s house is right
          down that way.

Cory - insulted.

                    DAMON
          Former house, sweetheart. I can
          only hope we find as much success
          as Larry from the young and
          foolish.

                    CORY
              (under breath)
          Keep it up, mustache man.

Cory glares at Damon like, “I know something.”

                    MEG
          If that kind of success gets you
          killed, no thanks.
                                                           57.



                    ASHLEY
          Oh, please, success never kills
          anyone. Poor decisions do.

                    KELSEY
              (happy to interrupt)
          Excuse me, everyone, they’re
          starting.

                    BRUCE
              (whispering to group)
          There’s gonna be food afterwards
          right?

As the PREACHER begins the service, we hear the voice of
Kelsey, once again talking about her favorite subject.

                    KELSEY (O.C.)
          ...So, you know, no one knows how
          much further the market will fall
          but California is among the states
          with the highest rate of
          foreclosure. Some call it a
          correction, some a recession, some
          Armageddon...

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Kelsey has been talking to an unseen person on the other side
of a desk.

                    KELSEY
          I just hope that some day I get to
          make my first real estate sale. I
          think that’d be exciting.

REVEAL that she’s speaking to Detective Brewer at his desk in
his office, staring back at her with steely-eyes.

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          Do you talk a lot when you’re
          nervous?

Kelsey nods her head yes.

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          Well-- my turn now. Okay?

Kelsey nods her head again.

                    DETECTIVE BREWER
          You’re not in any trouble.
                                                 58.



Kelsey sighs in relief.

                      DETECTIVE BREWER
            In fact, you and I are going to
            keep chatting, okay? But let’s
            shift topics. Let’s talk about the
            people you work with.

On Kelsey, looking scared;

TO BLACK.


                        END OF SHOW

				
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