Koh Samui Hash House Harriers (PDF)

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					                                    Koh Samui Hash House Harriers

                                    “A Drinking Club With A Running Problem”
                                                                               Founded : February 1997

                           MISMANAGEMENT FOR THE YEAR 2003/2004

Grand Master His Arseholiness;      Camel Cunt (Peter) Tel. 09-726-5728 
Joint Master;                       Joe Job (Joe) Tel. 09-816-7261      
On Sec.;                            Position Vacant - see the GM.
Hash Cash;                          Camel Cunt
Hash Web;                           Floppy Dick (Bernd) Tel. 077-418524 
Religious Adviser                   Teacher (Keith) Tel. 077-230424     
Trail Master;                       Cap’n Squall (John) Tel. 06-270-7005
Hash Law;                           Vaseline                            
Appoinments;                        Illegal Sex; Little Orphan Fanny
Hash Piss;                          Teacher
Hash Music                          Helix Too (Mike) Tel. 09-253-9650   
Hash Quack;                         Big Rhoid (Roy) Tel. 09-970-7882
Haberdash;                          Bell End (Spider) Tel. 09-649-4777  
Other Contacts;                     Forskin (Danny) Tel. 01-892-1992    
                                    I’m Cummin (Carmen) Tel. 09-591-2918
                                    Virgin Cracker (Jocken) Tel. 09-871-1437
                                    Corkscrew (Graeme) Tel. 01-797-5262 

       Hash Shit;     Festering Bollocks    Run No. 163            5th April 2003
       Hash Crash;    Mrs. Corkscrew        Run No. 162            22nd March 2003

                     HARE LINE.....HARE LINE .... HARE LINE .... HARE LINE.... HARE LINE

     RUN NO.         DATE                  HARE                           WHERE
     165             26TH APRIL            RAT PACK                       KRABI - OUTSTATION
     166             3RD MAY               CAP’N SQUALL                   ESCAPE YOUR ENEMIES PT.2??
     167             17TH MAY              DOLLEY SOLLEY/LUCY(???)        DUANG BAR
     168             31ST MAY              VIRGIN CRACKER                 T.B.A.
     169             14TH JUNE             BUM SNIFFER                    KOH TAO??
     170             28TH JUNE             I’M CUMMIN                     SOMEWHERE WITH ELEPHANTS?


                          FREE PICK UP FOR TRANSPORT TO RUN SITE;
                     MEET; RED FOX LAMAI (BLUE LUGS EMPORIUM) 3.30 P
                TRADEWINDS, CHAWENG (CALL CAP’N SQUALL-06-270-7005) 3.30 P.M.

                     YOUR ADVERT                                          YOUR ADVERT
                        HERE                                                 HERE
                     SEE THE G.M.                                         SEE THE G.M.
            When you’re down...........

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest
guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany
doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.

                                            Three old guys out walking.
                                            First one says.
                                            "Windy isn't it? "
                                            Second one says,
                                            "No its Thursday!"
                                            Third one says.
                                             "So am I. Lets go get a beer.

 After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as
 they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told
 him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told
 him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
 would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go
 home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
 ear and count to 10.
 The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world,
 but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to
 help me."
 "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
 So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up
 to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed
 the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
 This procedure also works in Birmingham, Newcastle and anywhere in Wales.
Run No.163 Justice is finally served on the Tree-Felling Geordie!!!!!!
Arriving at the Red Fox at the appointed hour, your guest scribe, Red Mullet, from the Royal
Southside Hash Hong Kong, discarded his face mask and greeted the assembled cream of The
KSH3. Editors note: on being asked by Thai immigration authorities on arrival in Bangkok where he
was going and what he was doing in Thailand, Red Mullet announced he was going to run with The
Koh Samui Hash, the Immigration Authorities quickly went into a huddle and announced that as
they had been trying to think of ways to eradicate that bunch of “undesirables” known as ”KSH3”,
what better way than allowing a SARS carrying Gweilo from HK to infect and destroy them
… result, The Mullet is allowed in!!!!!
As a RS2H3 Hasher, RM was amazed to find the venerable Hash Master, Camel C*nt, acting as
Hash Cash, Hash Stash, and just about every other official ……a one man hash…Hmmmmmm
That's new….don't tell Perfumed Poofter otherwise he will disband the Southside Committee and
vote himself in for another term….Ahhhgh.
Somewhat late the pack departed for the run site with Fox directing Bluelugs's bike to the site
which was closer to Nathon than Lamai.
At the run site, the Hare, Festering Bollocks, appeared nervous and concerned that the pack
would not approve of the trail….since when has that been the concern of the hare?????
The GM advised that the trail would be marked with copious amounts of paper, every 2 inches…or
so….time would tell.
Off we set at a gentle trot that wouldn't disgrace a Sunday School Nature Ramble, to find the
trail leading off to the left; ah ah, its going to be clockwise then, a check, the pack divides into a
number of “packlets”, searching hither and thither, until Joe Job and Red Mullet discover a trail
and set off through the grass.
The Next check was a bit harder, your Scribe gamely rushed about looking for trail….alone…..trail
is called but nobody calls the Mullet back … bastards…..never mind, those that were last shall be
first sayeth the good book of hashing.
Another check, this time RM and CC guess right and after skirting a few local dogs we find
trail…leading to a pointless bloody loop, which serves only to bring the pack together.
Off up the road to another check, same again, another back check with the trail off to the
right…..a swift canter through the trees with a couple of pachyderms following up the rear to
another check and another back check……lacking a bit of imagination, this hare……uh huh another
check and guess what another bloody back check, this time up the hill…..sweat, sweat, pant pant,
by now the pooyings are suffering at the back.
Eventually trail is found up and over the hill…..judging by the amount of paper we were
approaching a land fill site….the hash is in danger of being cited for littering.
Festering Bollocks saves his only cunning ploy for this part of the trail, pushing manfully through
the thorn bushes the pack follow a river of paper down hill to what resembles a giant gerbil's nest
of shredded paper…..what is this??????….a check, a new hash marking or had the hare just
stuffed up and reached a dead end…..yep it was the latter, no choice but to back track up the hill
through the same thorn bushes, dripping with blood and festooned with strips of skin, and look
for trail on the right.
Various mutinous mutterings are heard mostly concerning what they are going to do with the hare
after awarding him Hash Shit.
But the hare isn't finished yet, another bloody back check before we get down to the coconut
grove and the run in, preceded by the hare on his moped with two of the back marking pooyings on
the back….the last insult to the pack……
There was a circle……..then mercifully night fell and then came…
                      *** FUTURE EVENTS *** OUTSTATION RUNS *** HASH CALENDER ***

We now have around 12+ hashers who are up for the outstation, plus around 4-5 from Songkhla and 4-6 from
Krabi and Phuket, so looks like a good turn out. We will be establishing transport plans this weekend but to
date; Teacher will be taking the piss truck over on Thursday with Horn Loser anyone who fancies heading over
a day early have a word with Teacher. Forskin and Corkscrew and any other vehicles will be catching the
1.00pm ferry from Nathon on Friday. Easy night around Krabi town on Friday with the run, hared by the Rat
Pack on Saturday to be followed by food after the circle.
Accommodation; en suite fan rooms start at around 300 B. and air con 400.

Run No.166 Hare; Cap'n Squall this is a re-run of the infamous 'Escape your enemies' debacle for which he
obtained Hash Shit last time around any bets on a repeat performance? Especially since the rainy pre SW
Monsoon period is approaching!!!!

 th        st
4 May & 1 June - SADAO H3.
Run no.s 3&4 for the newly formed Sadoa border hash.
Well worth a trip and perfect for combining a bit of fun
with your border run - also worth taking in the Songkhla H3
And making a weekend of it!!!!
Ethel the Speed Demon
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and
getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually
joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.
"STOP!", he shouted in a firm voice. Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled
out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have
you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very
sizable erection in his hand.
Oh, Good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again!”

   Run Directions Run No.164 - 19th April - Hares; Cork Screw & Doormat Choeng Mon
   From Chaweng, take the coast road north to Choeng Mon village, past the Boat House and White House
   hotels after ½ km take the paved road right turn sign posted Tong Sai Bay (HHH sign).
   After 100 mtr. Turn right on a dirt track (HHH Sign) and proceed to the end this is the A site.
   The run is A to B and Corkscrew will be laying a BBQ or some kind of grub at the end hot dogs
   maybe…….watch out Doormat!!!!

   The Piss Truck will remain on station at the B site for food, so that all and sundry may imbibe the holy hash
   amber nectar at the bargain price of 40 B. per tinnie all flavours; Heineken (shite) Carslberg (gnats piss) and
   Chang the real beer May the Elephant be with you!!!!!

Shared By:
Description: The full name HASH HASH HOUSE HARRIERS, played by one person rabbits, prior to a line designed by the rabbit, in the park, field chalk or flour with a variety of marks left all the way, set the end. A group of dogs who play according to these markers is to find the end. Do not follow the sign that ran on the line, cunning rabbit will not make you so easy to find the end point! Sometimes a fork in the road there are several guidelines for the direction of the arrows, dogs have to separately find the right line, if it was found that the instructions wrong Road signs to inform his associates, but also to find the right way to inform! HASH reflects the community spirit of cooperation, dogs have to come together to find the rabbit's lair. But can not think to reach the terminal on OK, another important part of the game not play it! Irregularities in the course of the game who should be punished! Penalty for? Glass of beer!