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API OF PEORIA NEWSLETTER

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					                     API OF PEORIA NEWSLETTER
                     Attachment Parenting International, Peoria, IL Chapter
                     January 2005


”What is Attachment Parenting?”               “What is API of Peoria?”
                                              API of Peoria is a parenting group dedicated to
Attachment parenting is a philosophy          providing support, encouragement and
based in the practice of nurturing            education to parents in the spirit of
parenting methods that create strong          attachment. We encourage parents of all
emotional bonds, also known as secure         parenting philosophies to join us at our
attachment, between the infant and            functions.
parent(s). This style of parenting
encourages responsiveness to the infant       You can learn about API of Peoria’s parent
or child's emotional needs, and develops      organization, Attachment Parenting
trust that their emotional needs will be      International and view the Ideals of
met. As a result, this strong attachment      Attachment Parenting and of Attachment
helps the child develop secure, empathic,     Parenting the School-Age Child at:
peaceful, and enduring relationships.         www.attachmentparenting.org.


“How can I get involved?”
Just pick whatever parts of API of Peoria that you'd benefit from and do them! Participation
is open to the public and free. We have monthly meetings in Peoria, playdates, mom’s night
outs, family events and much more. Many of our parents also find our internet discussion
group to be an invaluable source of 24/7 support, advice and friendship. Check the "Calendar
of Events" section or our website for activities scheduled for this month.


Featured Contents:                                                      For more information
Calendar of Events                  2 Quotables          11             about our group or
Meeting Preview / 7 Bonding Tips 3-4 Birth Story       12-15            any of this
Poem – Table Manners                4 Dear APIPeoria      16            newsletter’s content,
AP in a Detached World           5-6 Easy Recipes        17             contact our API of
Dreams, Wishes and Zucchinis        7 Ice Cream in a Bag 17             Peoria group leaders
Xvxry Pxrson Is Important           7 Mentors Program 18
                                                                        at our shared e-mail
“Look!”                           8-9 API Peoria Info 18-20
                                                                        address:
Parenting Song Lyrics            9-10 Classifieds     21-25
                                                                        APIofPeoria@yahoo.
A letter from a baby to her mom    11
                                                                        com




                                              1
                 API of Peoria Calendar of Events
              JANUARY                                              FEBRUARY
Saturday, January 8th - Monthly Meeting                   Saturday, February 12th: 10-11:30 - Monthly
POTLUCK! - Overview of Attachment                         Meeting – Preparation for Childbirth.
Parenting. What it is, what it isn't, why we do it!
Bring a breakfast or brunch dish to share, and your       Saturday, February 19th: midnight.
spouse, a friend, your parents – whoever you want and     Newsletter Submission Deadline. Send subs
enjoy the camaraderie of this special community of        to scobyjj@yahoo.com. Thank you!!!
parents.
9 -10 Potluck, 10-11:30 Meeting                           Wednesday, February 23rd: 6 p.m. – Mom’s
                                                          Night Out – Jonah’s in East Peoria.
Saturday, January 15th: midnight.
Newsletter Submission Deadline. Send subs                 Need parenting guidance?
to scobyjj@yahoo.com. Thank you!!!                        Remember you can contact the leaders of API
                                                          of Peoria anytime for anything…from a specific
Wednesday, January 26th: 6 p.m. – Mom’s                   parenting dilemma to just needing a little
Night Out – Alexander Street Steakhouse.                  recharging. Your leaders can be reached at
                                                          apiofpeoria@yahoo.com or via telephone at the
Community Events:                                         numbers listed on our website:
Children’s Programs at Peoria Public Library – Register
at 497-2142.                                              http://friends.peoria.lib.il.us/community/app
                                                          eoria.
Wednesdays, January 12th & February 9th, 10am:
Bouncing Babies Storytime
Mondays, January 3rd & February 7th, 10am: Tales
for Twos & Threes
Mondays, January 24th & February 28th, 10am:
Preschool Storytime
Fridays, January 14th & February 4th, 1-5pm: Craft
Days
Saturday January 8th, 10am: Roll Out of Bed
Storytime
Tuesdays, January 18th and February 22nd, 2:30
pm: Homeschool Book Club
January (discussing I Was a Rat by Phillipp Pullman) &
February (discussing The Janitor's Boy by Andrew
Clements)
Mondays, January 24th & February 28th 2:30pm:
Homeschool Storytime
Wednesday, February 2nd, 4pm: Groundhog's Day
Storytime                                                          Books and Crafts Playdate
Thursday, February 10th, 4pm: Tooth Tales                     at Libbe Dawdy’s house in December
Please Join Us at a Meeting!
                                      Attachment Parenting International of Peoria holds monthly meetings **open and
                                      free to the public**, with different topics related to attachment parenting.
                                      We meet at 10am on the second Saturday of each month, (except for July and
                                      August = summer hiatus) at the Universalist Unitarian Church on Hamilton and
                                      Knoxville next to Methodist Hospital in Peoria.
                                      Please join us and bring your spouse, your children, a friend, your mom,
                                      whomever you want!

                                                                   you don't want to release this little person that you've
Meeting Preview                                                    labored so hard to bring into the world, into the nursery--
Our February meeting topic is Preparation for                      and you don't have to. Your wombmate can now become
Childbirth. (And great plans are in the works – you                your roommate. We advise healthy mothers and healthy
won’t want to miss it!)                                            babies to remain together throughout their hospital stay.
                                                                   Who cares for your baby after delivery depends upon
The following is an excerpt from the article “Bonding              your health, your baby's health, and your feelings. Some
with Your Newborn” by William Sears. The full article              babies make a stable transition from the womb to the
can be viewed on the API website:                                  outside world without any complications; others need a
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/artbonding.shtml                few hours in the nursery for extra warmth, oxygen,
                                                                   suctioning, and other special attention until their vital
                                                                   systems stabilize.
7 Tips For Better Bonding
                                                                   Feelings after birth are as individual as feelings after
1. Delay routine procedures. Oftentimes the attending              lovemaking. Many mothers show the immediate glow of
nurse does routine procedures--giving the vitamin K shot           motherhood and the "birth high" excitement of a race
and putting eye ointment in baby's eyes--immediately               finished and won. It's love at first sight, and they can't
after birth and then presents baby to mother for bonding.          wait to get their hands on their baby and begin mothering
Ask the nurse to delay these procedures for an hour or so,         within a millisecond after birth.
allowing the family to enjoy this initial bonding period.
The eye ointment temporarily blurs baby's vision or                Others are relieved that the mammoth task of birth is over
causes her eyes to stay closed. She needs a clear first            and that baby is normal. Now they are more interested in
impression of you, and you need to see those eyes.                 sleeping and recovering than bonding and mothering. As
                                                                   one mother said following a lengthy and arduous labor,
2. Stay connected. Ask your birth attendant and nurses to          "Let me sleep for a few hours, take a shower, comb my
put baby on your abdomen and chest immediately after               hair, and then I'll start mothering." If these are your
birth, or after cutting the cord and suctioning your baby,         feelings, enjoy your rest--you've earned it. There is no
unless a medical complication requires temporary                   need to succumb to pressure bonding when neither your
separation.                                                        body nor mind is willing or able. In this case, father can
3. Let your baby breastfeed right after birth. Most                bond with baby while mother rests. The important thing is
babies are content simply to lick the nipple; others have a        somebody is bonding during this sensitive period of one
strong desire to suck at the breast immediately after birth.       to two hours of quiet alertness after birth. One of the
This nipple stimulation releases the hormone oxytocin,             saddest sights we see is a newly-born, one-hour-old baby
which increases the contractions of your uterus and                parked all alone in the nursery, busily bonding (with
lessens postpartum bleeding. Early sucking also                    wide-open, hungry eyes) with plastic sides of her bassinet.
stimulates the release of prolactin, the hormone that helps        Give your baby a significant presence--mother, father, or
your mothering abilities click in right from the start.            even grandma in a pinch.

4. Room in with your baby. Of course, bonding does not             5. Touch your baby. Besides enjoying the stimulation
end at the delivery bed--it is just the beginning! Making          your baby receives from the skin-to-skin contact of
visual, tactile, olfactory, auditory, and sucking connection       tummy-to-tummy and cheek-to-breast, gently stroke your
with your baby right after birth may make you feel that            baby, caressing his whole body. We have noticed that

                                                               2
                                                                    6. Gaze at your newborn. Your newborn can see you
Better Bonding (continued)                                          best with an eye-to-eye distance of eight to ten inches
                                                                    (twenty to twenty-five centimeters)--amazingly, about the
mothers and fathers often caress their babies differently.          usual nipple-to-eye distance during breastfeeding. Place
A new mother usually strokes her baby's entire body with            your baby in the face-to-face position, adjusting your
a gentle caress of her fingertips; the father, however, often       head and your baby's head in the same position so that
places an entire hand on his baby's head, as if symbolizing         your eyes meet. Enjoy this visual connection during the
his commitment to protect the life he has fathered.                 brief period of quiet alertness after birth, before baby falls
Besides being enjoyable, stroking the skin is medically             into a deep sleep. Staring into your baby's eyes may
beneficial to the newborn. The skin, the largest organ in           trigger a rush of beautiful mothering feelings.
the human body, is very rich with nerve endings. At the             7. Talk to your newborn. During the first hours and days
time when baby is making the transition to air breathing,           after birth, a natural baby-talk dialogue will develop
and the initial breathing patterns are very irregular,              between mother and infant. Voice-analysis studies have
stroking stimulates the newborn to breathe more                     shown a unique rhythm and comforting cadence to
rhythmically--the therapeutic value of a parent's touch.            mother's voice.


                                                Table Manners
                                               By Susan Morrison-Kilfoyle

                                                I came to take their order.
                                             The man sat opposite his wife.
                                                  She was hunched over,
                                                her shirt distended oddly.
                                               Then I spied two little feet
                                            sticking out from under the top.
                                                     The toes wiggled.
                                             I asked them what they'd like.
                                             The man was balding and fit.
                                         He wanted some water and some chips.
                                                   The wife was radiant.
                                                        She ordered
                                                         some pasta,
                                                         some salad,
                                                        some bread,
                                                        some queso,
                                                        some water,
                                                      some Diet Coke,
                                            and some fried-green tomatoes.
                                              At that, the curtain went up,
                                                     the veil was lifted.
                                               I saw the glistening nipple,
                                                    dripping with milk.
                                               I heard a small, high voice,
                                                 Self-possessed and sure.
                                                    " Quiche," she said.


                                                                3
Attachment Parenting in a
Detached World
by Jennifer Coburn

At first glance, I look like the average American mother.
I've got a well-stocked Loony Tunes diaper bag. I drive a
nice car. I even wear the pre-election Hillary Clinton
headband. One could easily assume I'm a modern day
June Cleaver who adheres to traditional parenting
philosophies and blindly obeys the experts.

But a closer look reveals clues that Wally and the Beav
don't live at my house. My banana stained dresses are all
designed expressly for nursing. My 15-month-old
daughter is welcome in our family bed. And since she
goes just about everywhere with me, Katie has seen and      Carrie Kerr sharing a peaceful moment with daughters
done things that most children her age have not exper-      Kate (left) and Natalie (right) while nursing baby Julius
ienced. Like most families, we go to the zoo, the park,
and puppet shows, but we also attend lectures, concerts, and business meetings.

While attachment parenting has offered wonderful benefits for Katie, my husband, and myself, it has also isolated us to
a certain extent. We have many of the same friends, and have made new ones through our attachment parenting group.
But attachment parenting has also made us acutely aware of the fact that we are living in a detached world. We are
truly a subculture in the United States.

When people ask me why Katie is such a well-behaved child, I often feel like answering that in my tribe we breastfeed
longer, sleep with our babies, and spend lots of time together. But I learned that the natives aren't always friendly and
accepting of the customs of my people.

Katie and I were at the San Diego Zoo when she decided it was time for an afternoon snack. She was standing as she
nursed and maneuvered her hand into my dress to play with the other nipple. Just then a double decker tour bus drove
by. Every head turned from the pygmy chimps to us, while I waited for the tour guide to announce, "And to the left, we
have the nursing human toddler..."

We live in a society that pays infinite lip service to the value of children, but invests little time, energy, and resources
into developing strong and healthy kids. When we see images of success, they are luxurious homes, fancy cars, boats,
Hawaiian vacations, sumptuous food. There are few pictures of families simply enjoying time together. While material
possessions can make life more comfortable for many people, family unity is the only thing that can make us all truly
happy and complete.

Attachment parenting has been a gift for my family, but attachment parenting in a detached world has presented me
with some challenges as well. Before I left the work force, I was employed at the largest pro-choice organization in the
world. I was also very active in the civil rights movement. The buzz words I've been hearing -- and using -- for the past
10 years are choice and tolerance. And yet, as embarrassed as I am to admit, I am sometimes terribly intolerant of
parenting choices I don't agree with. I find this somewhat ironic because it is this very intolerance from others that
isolates attached parents.

In the privacy of my own thoughts, I ask myself why it bothers me that attachment parenting is not the norm and
detached parenting is widely embraced by the culture. The answer is simple and somewhat selfish. I want a playground
full of well-adjusted, loving children for Katie to play with today, and a world full of kind, compassionate adults for her
future. And I believe attachment parenting is one of the most effective ways to achieve that goal.


                                                             4
                                                                   *"Children need to know they can count on you for
AP in a Detached World (continued)                                 consistent loving care, not cruel tricks that violate their
In this detached world, I often find myself frustrated,            trust." Naturally, my blood pressure reading was a little
offended, and heavy-hearted with mainstream                        high.
parenting. As a new parent, I picked up all of the                 I am always disappointed when people tell me that they
popular books ad magazines offered dire warnings                   slept in a crib, or they were fed formula, or they were
about co-sleeping and sneered at breastfeeding past six            raised by a nanny, and they "turned out okay." I
months, but now I've gotten pretty good at knowing                 respond that I was hoping to do a little better than okay
where to avoid. Still, detached parenting is so                    in the greatest responsibility I had. I get mixed reactions
pervasive, it can catch you off guard anywhere.                    to this. Dr. Michael Commons and his colleagues of
My husband and I went to a toy store to buy Katie a gift           Harvard Medical School recently reported that children
for her first birthday. A sales assistant offered, "This is        who sleep alone are more susceptible to post-traumatic
a great doll to keep your baby company in her crib," she           stress disorders and personality disorders, and that these
said. "It snores!" I thanked her, but said my husband did          conditions are virtually unheard of in countries where
that for free as we looked for another selection. The              co-sleeping is the norm. Violent crime is at an epidemic
aisles were filled with dolls that sing, talk, hum, vibrate,       high in our country. American teens are seeking
breathe. One even ticks as if it has a heart. More parents         fulfillment through gang membership, drugs,
are probably willing to buy products that simulate co-             promiscuity. More adults are on antidepressants than
sleeping than would ever consider bringing baby to bed.            ever before. Would attachment parenting offer a
Yet, in many cases, it is what would make the child feel           panacea to all of our social problems? Of course not.
most loved and secure. It may be free, but co-sleeping             But loving parents and a solid family would be a great
has greater value for our family than anything we                  start.
could've bought in that store.                                     The greatest resource for my family has been our
As I was driving to my attachment parenting group, I               attachment parenting group where we exchange ideas
heard a radio commercial where a mother asked her son              and information with like-minded people. Through the
where the boa constrictor was. "I dunno," he answered              group, I discovered a playgroup where no one gives a
apathetically. "When was the last time you saw him,"               second thought to nursing a toddler. One mother told
mom asked. "Uh, three days ago," said the adolescent               me about a morning program Katie and I could enjoy
boy. On and on the dialogue went with the boy                      together. One mother clips every article she sees about
repeating, "I dunno." Finally, the announcer offered a             attachment parenting and brings copies for the group.
"Get Away" super-saver airfare to rescue this frazzled             Another is a traveling library with a big box of books
parent. While I haven't completely lost my sense of                parents can borrow. When one parent is experiencing
humor, I also found myself annoyed and shouting to the             challenges with this parenting style, the others offer
radio, "If this is what your interactions with your son            advice, share their experiences, and just listen. The
are like, do not get on a plane and go anywhere!!!! He             group leader, who has two grown children, often
needs your time and attention. Forget the vacation tan.            reminds us of the tremendous payoff of our choice.
Reconnect with your son."                                          Belonging to an attachment parenting group has helped
Katie joined me on a visit to my doctor. The nurse came            my husband and I go from feeling completely isolated
in to take my blood pressure when she noticed Katie                to feeling as though we are part of a real community.
was nursing. "How old is that child?" she asked. When              Our tribe is small and scattered across the country, but
I told her, she confessed that her son nursed past a year          when we meet, it's as though the whole world parents
also and immediately began reciting a laundry list of              this way. At our group, I watch two-year-old Joycelyn
weaning techniques. She didn't stop for a moment to                lovingly redirected as she goes through a shoving
consider that Katie and I liked our nursing relationship.          phase. Six-year-old Madeline and her younger brother
She assumed that I wanted to stop nursing, but just                Gay run and laugh, and are never chided when they cry.
didn't know how. "Sometimes you've just got to give                A few months older than Katie, Natalie shares her cloth
them a jalepeno cocktail, " she suggested. "Hot peppers            ball; they play, chew and giggle for a short while. And
on your nipple and they'll never come back." This one              for just a few hours a month, we are simply parents in
saddened me. "But I want her to come back," I replied.             an attached world.



                                                               5
                                                     Dreams, Wishes and Zucchinis ~ A
                                                     Garden Variety of Stories
                                                     Jen McDaniel

                                                      Recently our family watched a National Geographic DVD about
                                                      the Grand Canyon. Grandma and Papa brought it back from their
                                                      trip, and left it with us for its educational qualities. During one
                                                      point, the DVD showed people swimming and playing in the mud
                                                      in a calm river bottom. Just as the scene cut, I commented that it
                                                      looked like one of the women lost her bikini top. Good thing she
                                                      was covered in mud! At another point, we watched boaters white
water rafting in the torrents of the Colorado River. Our daughter was immovably fascinated, our son roused to jumping
and leaping. In her new heroic awe of the Grand Canyon, our daughter vowed, “Someday I am going to take a boat
down the rapids, too! And if I get muddy when I am swimming, I hope I don’t lose my zucchini!” It was educational all
right!

Linda, a dear friend of mine had two sons, about 4 and 6 years old at the time. After they had cooked, carved and
consumed that year’s Thanksgiving turkey, they decided to prepare the wishbone. They cleaned it of any meat, washed
it, and dried it on top the microwave. For several days the bone hardened, as Linda encouraged the boys to think what
they might wish for. For days the boys looked through Christmas toy catalogs dreaming about their wishful
acquisitions. Train sets, dump trucks, a farm set! Oh the things they could wish for… Finally the day came. The
wishbone was ready to be wished upon and split. It was a quick battle and the younger son won the larger half of the
bone. Linda looked on quizzically at her winning son as he burst into tears. “What’s wrong, honey? You won! What
did you wish for?” He could only explain his tragedy through tears. “I wanted to win so bad, I forgot to wish for the toy
I wanted. I accidentally wished that I would get the bigger half of the wishbone.” And his wish came true.

At a library youth group, the children’s librarian read a book about a dog and his lazy life with his family. Full of fun
illustrations, the book led the children through the dog’s day. Nibbling kibbles, chasing the cat and digging in the dirt
all day, the dog finally laid down in his dog bed. The librarian asked the children what the dog was doing, expecting ten
charming little voices to sing out, “Sleeping!” But for some cosmically unbalanced reason, there was silence until one
little three-year-old blond haired angel leapt up and screamed, “HE DIED!” The End.



Xvxry Pxrson Is Important
You are a kxy person. Xvxn though my typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry
wxll - - xxcxpt for onx kxy. You would think that will all thx othxr kxys
functioning propxrly, onx kxy not working would hardly bx noticxd; but just onx
kxy out of what sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffxct.

You may say to yoursxlf – Wxll, I’m only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I
don’t do my part. But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx bxcausx to bx xffxctivx an
organization nxxds activx participation by xvxry onx to thx bxst of his or hxr
ability.

So thx nxxt timx you think you arx not important, rxmxmbxr my old typxwritxr.
You arx a kxy pxrson.




                                                           6
                                                                   digital display with unconcerned surprise, and roll over
"LOOK!" By Jennifer McDaniel                                       for another hour of untroubled sleep. What was it like
22 OCT 2001                                                        before kids, when my biggest inspiration to get up in the
Six and a half short hours after laying our weary bodies           morning was the smell of coffee and omelets, as my
to bed, my husband and I hear a 'click' resound                    husband, an early bird, prepared a romantic 11 am
throughout the house that awakens us with a chill start.           breakfast for two. I barely remember.
Neither one of us wants to admit it, but we know                   My husband had forgone those days of early rising. He
something is happening in the house this brisk blue                too, is exhausted from the routine of dinner, clean up,
Sunday morning. But we are both too tired to fully                 read books, dress Barney, fix broken toy, scrape off
awaken and address it.                                             crayon, suggest bath, calm tantrum, drag upstairs for
I know that 'click'. It is the sound of a door being pushed        bath, debate on bubbles, suggest toweling off, calm
hesitantly open. The actual click is emitted from the              second tantrum, run around house naked (toddler, not
smooth metal bolt in the door lock releasing its tension           parents), capture and torture by putting on jammies, read
against the doorframe. A short squeak follows, as the              books, tuck in bed, remove jammies to pee again, capture
hundred-year-old wooden door swings slowly open about              again....
12 inches.                                                         You've been through the routine. Living with toddlers
I think I hear a breath of air in the form of a quick sigh,        means early rising. And more, it means that at this stage
and then the undeniable sound of feet shuffling across the         of emotional development, that the parents are involved
painted hallway floor. I groan in dread; my husband                with every activity that goes on in their toddler's day. It
murmurs, "Oh, no." in a monotone, reserved voice. At               seems ironic that providing constant attention breeds
this point, I dreamily confirm that there is something             independence. But it does.
entering our bedroom.                                              Our toddler constantly seeks out approval and
In my worst nightmares, I have dreamt that a faceless              observation from us. This is a new thing. She used to
blackened body creaks and groans across my softly                  play for literally hours, making up her own games,
carpeted bedroom floor. Its mission, I am not sure, but its        reading upside down books, playing with toys and
intentions are clear. It is evil. It is bad. It may do             kitchen gadgets. But at the tender age of two and a half,
something to me that is horrible, or take something from           she is experiencing a developmental stage wherein she is
me that is vital.                                                  passionately driven to share every experience she has
                                                                   with someone she loves. (I added that part about it being
In my state of half-wake, I hear the footsteps. They close         someone she loves to flatter myself. She'll share
in as I hear, feel, smell breath on my face. It is close. It       with any one willing to listen. )
clambers up on my bed. Drifting in and out of dream
sleep, I am jerked into reality as it touches my feet and          During her day, she must exclaim, "Daddy look!" about a
moves over my legs. I sense it near me through my                  gazillion times. Sometimes she sees so many things to
closed eyes.                                                       share, she doesn't have time to describe them all and ends
                                                                   up repeating, "Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
Then it speaks: Hi Mama! Go downstairs? Watch Winnie               Look!" In the car, she can cry “Look!” once per every
the Pooh?                                                          other rotation of the car tires. Make no mistake. We as
                                                                   parents and official observers of her life experiences
My husband wakes enough to erupt snorkeled laughter,               must actually see what she is pointing out. A mere, "Uh-
and announces firmly, "Honey, Mama and Daddy are                   huh. Yes, honey." Will not do. We must confirm, "Yes, I
asleep. Go back to bed."                                           see a cow, too!" with qualifying enthusiasm or she will
As if! To this little two year old, the day has begun. The         know and repeat her admonition until we do.
sun is officially up (though part is still bobbing under the       Mostly this is a fun game, flattering to know you mean
horizon). There are movies to watch, Malto Meal to eat,            so much to your child's well being. But at ungodly hours
laps to run, and toys to be played with. Most of all, there        in the morning it is not so fun. “Mama come with me,
are two sleeping parents to disturb.                               too” is a phrase that changes in meaning during different
                                                                   parts of the day. When you are energetic and productive,
I have often wondered (ok, every morning at 7 o'clock) if          it translates to the parental mind, “You are a good parent.
I will ever sleep in again. I mean really sleep in. Like           Let me share my experiences with you.” But when you
how you awaken at nine in the morning, glance at the               are tired, it simply means, “I am sucking what little bit of

                                                               7
                                                                  phases, our toddler's mental, emotional or physical
"LOOK!" (continued)                                               capacities multiply phenomenally. I am amazed by the
                                                                  abilities of children.
sleep you had right out of your ear and flushing it down
the toilet along with my new dress shoes and my                   I look forward to the days when my little girl plays in her
Bouncing Tigger.” And you can do nothing but wake up              bedroom by herself upon awaking, instead of dragging us
and search for the plunger.                                       up with her. (Of course this will be the stage where she
                                                                  learns to bake a cake or medicate the dog by herself!)
I know that our toddler will outgrow this stage just as she       But who am I kidding? Have you ever cuddled with a
has every other. She will become a better person, a               fleece-footed, jammie-clad snuggle-bug with soft red hair
sharper individual, a more independent spirit, and a              and a sweet smile to match? Have you ever awoken to
loving reliable adult all because of our acceptance and           the fairy-rich tone of a little voice who loves you? Have
support during this phase. She has outgrown the stage of          you ever dozed in the melting golden sunrise as a little,
fearing loud noises, eating every found object, refusing          warm, pink body folds between you and your spouse and
to speak in public, poop smearing, and many more. Each            strokes your cheeks? It is all the experience in the world.
time I find myself concerned, asking the imaginary child          I am so content at these times I cannot speak. But if there
psychologist that resides in my mind if this is all normal.       were someone there to listen, I would say, "Look!"
It usually is. I can tell because toward the end of these

The following are two songs that I find to be particularly appealing as a parent. I hope you’ll follow
                the links and have a listen (and a look – the second also has a video).
                                              Enjoy! Jen
                  I am so touched each and every time that I hear the often-played song “Daughters”.
                        John Mayer is wise beyond his years – and he’s not even a parent yet!

  You can listen to this bittersweet ballad about parenting at: http://www.johnmayer.com/flash/index.html
           It should start playing by default. Performer / song writer: John Mayer; Album: Heavier Things

                   Daughters                                                So fathers, be good to your daughters
                      John Mayer                                                Daughters will love like you do
                                                                          Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
                     I know a girl                                        So mothers, be good to your daughters too
        She puts the color inside of my world
              But she’s just like a maze                                            Boys, you can break
    Where all of the walls all continually change                         You’ll find out how much they can take
               And I’ve done all I can                                              Boys will be strong
   To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands                                  And boys soldier on
               Now I’m starting to see                                  But boys would be gone without warmth from
         Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me                                   A woman’s good, good heart
          Fathers, be good to your daughters                                       On behalf of every man
            Daughters will love like you do                                       Looking out for every girl
      Girls become lovers who turn into mothers                          You are the god and the weight of her world
      So mothers, be good to your daughters too
                                                                            So fathers, be good to your daughters
                  Oh, you see that skin?                                        Daughters will love like you do
          It’s the same she’s been standing in                            Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
       Since the day she saw him walking away                             So mothers, be good to your daughters too
                     Now she’s left
             Cleaning up the mess he made




                                                              8
                           Billy Dean’s “Let Them Be Little”
Watch the endearing video of                                                 (let them sleep in the
               middle) at: http://www.cmt.com/artists/az/dean_billy/videos.jhtml

                                        Artist/Band: Billy Dean
                                  Lyrics for Song: Let Them Be Little
                                    From the Album: Other Songs

                          I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
                              You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
                           How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
                         Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

                                           So let them be little,
                                 'Cause they're only that way for a while.
                                    Give 'em hope, give them praise,
                                        Give them love every day.
                                       Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
                                       Let 'em sleep in the middle,
                                         Oh, but let them be little.

                              I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
                          I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
                          An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
                              Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

                                         Please, let them be little,
                                 'Cause they're only that way for a while.
                                    Give them hope, give them praise,
                                        Give them love every day.
                                       Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
                                       Let 'em sleep in the middle,
                                         Oh, but let them be little.

                                     The so innocent, precious soul:
                               You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

                                           So let them be little,
                                 'Cause they're only that way for a while.
                                    Give them hope, give 'em praise,
                                        Give them love every day.
                                       Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
                                      Let them sleep in the middle,
                                         Oh, but let them be little.

                                            Let them be little.




    Let them Be Little was performed at the Tennessee area Le Leche League Conference two years ago.




                                                     9
A letter from a baby to her mom
Author unknown


Hi Mom,

Sorry that I have kept you up all week. I know you are tired and truth be known so am I, but I just felt I needed you. A
lot is going on right now with me and I feel so much better when you pick me up, sing to me, rock me, and feed me. I
know it doesn't seem like I could be hungry when I cry every 20 minutes and guess what... I'm not, but when you pull
me close and try to feed me it feels so nice. I used to be with you all the time in your tummy and sometimes I feel cold
and lonely and I just need to feel close to you again.

I am sorry that the book on helping me sleep didn't work but I don't feel ready yet, I promise when I am bigger I'll sleep
better, maybe even through the night... then again I've heard about that whole potty thing and I bet that might keep me
up too. You really are doing a great job, Mom. I love you.

Oh, and don't worry about your milk. It's great! I know at times I confuse you by not eating one day and then eating
soooo much the next but it's just my mood, sorry to confuse things. I'm sure you know how I feel though, some days I
am more hungry than the next but it only takes a day and your milk becomes exactly what I need. Cool, huh? I know
sometimes I eat a lot, but I'm growing right now, I know the books don't say I should be having a growth spurt right
now, but I am not like all other kids, I am special... isn't that what you always tell me?

So please don't get too upset with me. Everything is just so overwhelming at times and I need you. You know what??? I
have ears, I just found them. I know it's only 3am but I wanted to tell you, I am so excited. I know I just woke you up
45 minutes ago to tell you my legs hurt but I am a growing kid and I think just seeing you makes me feel better. You
are so pretty Mom, especially at this hour!

I'll make you a deal...if you can be patient with me when I wake up at night (it'll only last a year or so, and I hear in the
big picture a year isn't really that long) and hold me, hug me and feed me my favorite yummy milk, then I'll stop
complaining about that stupid mobile you make me stare at for hours at a time.

P.S. I am not the only one waking people up...you keep on waking me up to put on that annoying snowsuit. No one
asked me if I wanted to go out in that crazy weather.

Your loving child, and again thanks for being so patient with me. I love you very much!


Quotables
Our kids slept in our bed, (and occasionally still do), and the experience is something we will treasure
for the rest of our lives."
-- Kelly Preston and John Travolta (from the back jacket cover of the book “Good Nights” by Dr. Jay Gordon:)


"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them
not when we feel like it, but when they do."
-- Nan Fairbrother



                                                             10
Genevieve Scoby’s Birth Story                                      I had done my homework, and more importantly, we were
By Jennifer Scoby                                                  ready to take the next step and greet our new baby. I
                                                                   longed to hold her outside of my body. Just to meet her.
Our due date arrived and my belly was as plump as I                And I ached for a natural, self-starting birth, both for the
could ever have imagined it could get! I woke to the               lack of conflict and for the confidence that it would bring
serene pre-sunrise glow, my favorite time of day, just like        in my body’s ability to do it. I visited the restroom. The
I had the day Sierra began her journey out of my body              paper I wiped with was slippery and pink. Something was
almost four years before. And just like that distant day,          happening!
things felt strange. Like last time, there was a notable
wetness. And like last time, it was nothing like a gush            I showered, got dressed, primped my face and hair and
that would convince me or anyone else that my water had            made myself eggs with chives, toast and some O.J., one of
broken, but it was nothing like anything I had felt during         my favorite breakfasts. I wanted to be fresh and ready
the rest of the pregnancy. I couldn't get away from the            inside and out. But there were still no contractions.
thought of how dearly I hoped that my water had not
broken this time.                                                  "Come on," I thought, "this is our official due date, my
                                                                   water may have broken again, let this labor get started for
With my first labor, I interpreted that wetness as water           real!" I decided to go for it and try nipple stimulation. I
breaking high or a slow leak. I walked all day,                    really didn't know what I was doing. I just sat down in
shopping, in my parent’s neighborhood, wherever I was.             our rocking chair and fiddled around with them, my mind
It was all I knew to do to encourage labor. I did not want         willing my body to take over. I thought about how ready I
to go to the hospital because I knew what waited for me            was to meet the baby waiting inside of me. It was still so
there, a certain artificial induction because things were          early in the morning. Eric and Sierra were still sleeping.
moving so “slowly.” And when we finally did go that                Were they ready for this? And then, "Oooh, is this a
evening and I announced to the staff that my water had             contraction? Or another of my many usual Braxton-
broken 12 hours earlier, my fears played out. I was met            Hicks? I tried more stimulation and waited.
with condescending remarks from our assigned nurse and
literal red-faced verbal aggression on the part of my              It sounds silly to me now, but I could barely stand the
OB. Doubting that I had made the right decision in                 uncertainty. Did my water break? Was I going into early
waiting, I allowed myself to be induced into what became           labor? I called my doula. While the phone was still
a very hard labor. My birth plan was read, scoffed at and          ringing I had what felt like a real contraction. I
ignored and though I verbalized moments earlier that I did         could barely talk when she answered. I squeaked out who
not want an episiotomy, baby was doing well, and I had             I was and what was happening. Julie Reams is so good at
only pushed for 20 minutes, my OB cut me anyway.                   keeping a nervous mom calm and centered. I got off the
I was confused and hurt and I felt anything but                    phone confident that even if my water had broken, I could
empowered.                                                         go on as I was with no worries.
I had nightmares about reliving that scene and feared that         By 9:30 a.m. I was excited to be having serious and
it was about to unfold again. A delayed labor, induction,          regular contractions! Between them I started a chart with
a downward spiral of medical intervention and loss of              the time and length of each, walked around the house, and
connection with my baby.                                           finished packing our labor bag with snacks for my
                                                                   husband, our doula or anyone else who might need them.
But, three plus years later, I was more confident and more
                                                                   Sierra packed some books and toys for the wait. We
knowledgeable than before. I had hired a doula, made yet
                                                                   hoped to have her be present at the labor and birth as
another, better birth plan and had discussed every item
                                                                   much as possible, in the care of my parents, my sister
with my new OB who was not only in sync with me and
                                                                   and brother.
my priorities, but guaranteed her own personal presence
at the birth despite who was "on call." I had pre-                 I squatted on the birth ball on our hardwood kitchen floor
registered with a more baby-friendly hospital, made sure           during each contraction to try to make them as efficient as
they had a copy of my plan on file and for good measure            possible. Sierra pulled out her big plastic ball and sat next
told them about the kind of experience I was expecting to          to me. What a moment in our lives. The two of us
have there.



                                                              11
                                                                 We called Julie and my OB on their mobile phones.
Genevieve Scoby’s Birth Story                                    Julie was out shopping with her boys but said she
(continued)                                                      would change her plans. Dr. Bochantin was at a family
                                                                 picnic but said she would join us as soon as possible. I
keeping each other company, walking down a path that             hated to interrupt these women on such a warm sunny
would bring a new member to our family. Sooner than I            day, but was comforted to have two more of my team
was ready my mom arrived to take Sierra so that we               members on their way.
would be free to let the ride take us where it would
without distraction. Eric and I were left to ourselves.          While we were in the small temporary room, I
I developed a rhythm of breathing deeply and calmly,             continued to drink juice as I had all morning. The nurse
relaxing every muscle consciously as my uterus                   returned to free me from the monitor and escort us to
hardened. The birth ball and the breathing, the control          our big LDR room but I could barely speak enough to
of charting and the loving encouragement of my                   ask for a vomiting basin before I "lost" my juice. She
husband saw me through the next two hours without                suggested that I stop drinking juice, but encouraged me
stress. But soon I realized that things were getting             that vomiting is a good sign of progress.
more intense and worried that my contractions might be
a little too efficient; that I would get too far along to        12:30. It was very difficult to walk just across the hall
move comfortably to the hospital if we didn't go then.           to our big LDR room. I got ten feet out of the door of
Julie agreed, though I don't think I communicated how            our temporary room and had to stop and hold onto the
intense things really were. She seemed to be                     nurse’s station counter to handle a contraction. Another
anticipating that things would take longer and asked us          birth ball was waiting for me as requested at the foot of
to call and tell her what was happening when we got to           the bed, draped in blankets. I made myself comfortable
the hospital. Deep down I knew that we would be                  (Oh, how I love birth balls!) and offered my arm atop
calling her with news of big progress.                           the bed for the heparin lock to be inserted as planned.
                                                                 A resident approached, sat and introduced himself and
It was 11:30 a.m. on May 26th. It was an                         offered his expertise as the nurse inserted the lock. I
absolutely gorgeous mild and sunny day. A perfect day            told him that I needed nothing more than to be left to
for having a baby - for anything! If only I could have           labor in peace. Julie arrived shortly after he left and it
labored by a stream in a meadow by a forest I would              was nice to have her at our bedside.
have! But reality check, I sat on the ball outside on our
weed infested stone walkway while Eric packed our                My breathing rhythm became noticeably more vigorous
things and then me into car and started the drive. As            to me. My eyes closed and head drooped, the sound of
careful as he was, every bump was torture. It was                my own deep blowing and inhaling was almost foreign
impossible for me to relax, my belly painfully hard as a         to me. It wasn't something I was consciously doing.
stone and the drive seemed to last forever. I was                The contractions were intensifying. Yet between them
desperate to get out of the car and surrender myself to          I felt just wonderful! Any tension or pain completely
my labor in the care of my team.                                 dissipated when my uterus relaxed, and I was
                                                                 energized, not fatigued. This was so much more
But I defiantly composed myself for the walk                     manageable without pitocin.
to maternity. Not ready to have anyone else intervene
in this journey, I set my mind to not allow myself to be         Dr. Bochantin arrived. The nurse who had greeted us
wheeled up in a chair. I strolled along with Eric                was replaced by another at their shift change. My
as normally as possible past the information desk and            parents, 20-year-old brother, 18-year-old sister,
down the halls, casually sipping from my juice box and           sister's serious boyfriend and our dear Sierra visited for
on arrival calmly telling the staff that I was in labor          a bit and then holed up in the waiting room with Eric's
and wanted to be checked. The nurse, who was                     mom and dad. My mom and Julie took a few photos of
assigned to us, escorted us into a temporary room where          me laboring.
she did a quick check for dilation. I was a 6 and my             A nurse asked if      she could take a reading with a
water had not broken. She strapped on an external                telemetric monitor.    She held the doorknob-sized sensor
monitor to get an idea of how things were going with             over my lower         abdomen before and during a
baby, and left the room.                                         contraction. Baby     was strong and handling the labor
                                                                 well. I got onto      the bed and tried some different



                                                            12
Genevieve Scoby’s Birth Story (continued)
positions, finding another upright squat-like posture to be the best. I found a comfy spot sitting just on the edge of the
bed, my hands clasped behind Eric's neck as he faced me and held me. Julie whispered encouraging words and rubbed
my lower back, which really helped. She also offered intermittent sips of water and ice far more often than I would
have thought to take for myself. She did the thinking for us so we could just hold each other.
I felt so completely supported. I had my husband and daughter and family nearby, a great doula, and my OB and sweet
supportive nurses at my beck and call. It was wonderful to be in control, in charge and to be having this baby. That's
how I felt between contractions. During contractions, all I could think about was trying to relax everything so baby
could come out and so I could minimize the pain.
But painful it became anyway. I was drooling like some animal onto Eric's shirt as I sucked in the air through my open
mouth and let it out. Tension continuously crept in and tried to take a hold of me and I vigilantly worked in my mind
to fight it off. My uterus was like a huge solid boulder beneath my skin pushing down harder and harder with nowhere
to go. Dr. Bochantin checked me and I was a nine. I let myself get excited about a ten following imminently after. It
did not. What followed just got harder and harder. I remember saying that two babies would be enough.
Dr. Bochantin suggested that if she broke my water for me the contractions might be more effective, moving me where
I wanted to go faster. Inside, I questioned going against nature, but couldn't think quite why that might not be OK. I
was at the end after all. Though I was still conversational between them, I longed for the explosive and painful
contractions to stop and to get to the point where I could turn my energy to pushing. I agreed to try it. I laid on my
back and a moment later, felt the warm gush that meant the deed had been done (a deed I later regretted).
I sat again on the edge of the bed and asked that Eric be brought a stool to sit on so he wouldn't have to bear so much of
the weight I was putting on his neck. He said he was fine though I didn't believe him. I continued to push the pain and
tension away the best I could for an hour of overwhelming contractions, still feeling alert, energized and amiable
between contractions.
I eagerly awaited the low pressure that would tell me to push. With every contraction I searched the feeling for that
urge. When I thought that maybe I felt something like that I asked Dr. Bochantin to check me and she found that I still
had a "lip" on my cervix...a tiny bit more work to do.
Shortly after her check, instead of having one contraction on top of another like I had for the last hour and a half I got
about a two minute reprieve of nothing and was able to just drift into a semi-conscious state still hanging onto Eric.
Then a wave of more tremendous contractions kicked in and finally that fantastically powerful compulsion to push my
baby into the world.
I had planned to squat deliver my baby using a squat bar which was dutifully provided to me, but found my arms and
legs to be made of jelly when I tried to assume that position. Instead, I situated my bottom on the edge of the bed with
my feet on a platform below. I had Eric on my left and a nurse on my right holding me upright at my elbows. Dr.
Bochantin got the full view below and Julie sat to her right, my left.
Sierra and the rest of my family peeked in an out as I uttered long deep guttural grunts and pushed. At one point, Sierra
whispered, “Look at my mom’s butt!” But no one counted or bellowed instructions at me like I had heard through the
walls from other rooms. The room was silent and waiting. Julie whispered words of encouragement, "Those are good
pushing sounds, I can see the baby," and took an occasional snapshot.
Suddenly I felt a surge of energy and inspiration and gave a mighty push from deep within. The baby went from sitting
behind my pelvic bone all the way to crowning. It was an amazing feeling to feel the baby move so far from within
me. But the crowning hurt! Despite having no pain assistance with my first birth, I didn't quite remember the intensity
of that pain. I said "that really burns - should it hurt so much?" and Julie said something like "well, yeah when you're
stretched like that it's gonna hurt!" But inside I was questioning whether I should be pushing so fast. Was it more
important to protect myself from tearing or to move the baby out of that position for her safety? I decided to follow my
body and to eliminate that stretching, burning and ripping feeling by pushing the baby out when I felt the next impulse.



                                                           13
                                                                 be to be in bed cuddled up with this new little person. I
Genevieve Scoby’s Birth Story                                    spent all of my time that afternoon and into the night
(continued)                                                      studying her face, talking to her, nursing, stroking,
At 3:30 I gave another push and her head slipped out,            cuddling; getting to know who she was. She was so
followed quickly by another push for her shoulders and           alert and content to just listen to my voice and watch
she was born; only ten minutes after that first urge to          me right back. The sun set over the city and I was too
push. Oh, what a release and a joy!                              energized to sleep. Baby hardly slept either. As per
                                                                 our plan, we insisted that all exams and measurements
But we quickly realized that our baby was bluish-                be done at our bedside if at all.
purple. And unresponsive. And not breathing. A nurse
ran out of the room. I looked down to the platform               Even the hearing test was done overnight during a
below my feet where Dr. Bochantin had laid our                   fleeting moment of new-baby sleep in my arms.
baby on a pad, the two of us still connected by the              Our young and sweet night shift nurse was astounded
umbilical cord. She lay there motionless, eyes closed            by how wide-eyed and aware baby seemed to be
and purple. I looked at Eric. I saw my sister with her           and suggested that it was likely due to the lack of an
hand over her mouth and heard my mom say, "Say a                 epidural or pain medication, something she had not yet
prayer, Gretchen." I talked to the baby. "Breathe                seen much of. As she completed her tasks of taking
baby. Breathe." But I wasn't afraid. Within me it was            care of us, she seemed to be watching us closely and
as if I knew the ending to this story. Maybe it was              later told me that she was so impressed with our natural
denial, maybe it was faith, maybe mother's intuition,            birth and bonding time and was taking mental notes
but I just knew that she would come through                      because she wanted to do the same things when she had
undamaged.                                                       children.
Dr. Bochantin was rubbing her. A nurse put a
tiny oxygen mask on her face. Finally our baby stirred
and became pink. I watched in a daze as the nurse
carried her to a warming table and checked her vitals.
This part is a blur, but somewhere in there I delivered
the placenta. My body began shaking from the trauma
of birth. Eric's warm hand on my arm instantly stopped
it. Someone brought me a warm blanket. Dr.
Bochantin dutifully began to stich my tears. No one
had brought me the baby! I spoke across the crowd,
past nurses and my family and announced that I needed
her!
And finally, she was placed in my arms, a warm, pink,
beautiful stranger who I already loved. I took her under
my gown to hold her to my skin. I offered my breast              Still awake, I watched the sun rise again over the
and she took it as if she'd been breastfeeding forever. A        downtown buildings out the window. A new day and a
nurse brought the warming unit over both of us, which            new chapter in our lives. The sun was high in the
felt wonderful and helped with my shaking. Sierra                sky that morning before we decided that our
climbed onto the bed to glimpse and say hello to her             baby would be called Genevieve Trinity (born on
new sister. Eric and Sierra and I sat quietly just               Trinity Sunday). Sierra had proposed the name
enjoying each other and our new family member in that            Genevieve months earlier and it did seem to fit her.
blissful moment.                                                 She is so proud to have named her little sister.
I heard my sister say she wouldn't be ready to have a            Today the baby who was then a warm pink beautiful
baby for a LONG time.                                            stranger to us is our bright-eyed, loving, inquisitive
I noticed again through the large picture window in our          and adventurous friend. It has been such a joy to
room what a beautiful day it was outside, but it was             mother her and I will always cherish the memory of the
even more beautiful inside and I was as happy as could           day she took her first breath and joined our family.



                                                            14
Dear API of Peoria
Dear API of Peoria,                                                Dear Protective,
I am at a loss. I am trying to keep my four-year-old               Yes - spanking or the threat thereof only shifts the
inside the house or in the gated backyard and he simply            child’s focus to the punishment itself. And, the focus
will not do it. In the past he has been allowed to play            then shifts away from...the misdeed itself, the problem
outside in the front as long as I knew he was going out.           with the behavior, how to behave and the motivation
I would find an activity to do on the porch or outside to          and eagerness to behave well.
monitor or check frequently. However, this is not
always possible and sometimes he must stay in. He has              This issue is exactly like any other limit. You need to
been going out without telling me or my husband and                find a consequence that makes sense to your boys and
we search frantically for him. Usually he is just out              affirms the lesson you are trying to teach. Your
front playing chalk or has gone to see if his friends are          younger son is too young to have a sense of street
home. This is not acceptable.                                      safety, so it's your job just to be a hawk with him. At
                                                                   four, your older son probably understands this a little
Today, he and my other son were in the backyard.                   better (he sounds very smart) but he may still lack real
They disappeared to the front and crossed the street to            comprehension of what could happen to him.
go to our friends’ house. His response? "I did not do
anything wrong! I looked both ways!" Little brother’s              I don't think you can look for a wham-bam message to
response? "I hold big brother’s hand!"                             be sent without an actual wham-bam or some other
                                                                   detrimental punishment. Teaching with positive
I am in protective mode, and I do not feel comfortable             discipline can be a slow process, but really, it's the only
leaving either of them alone outside even for a moment.            way to teach!
I have explained there are people in this world who do
bad things to little kids, they may take them away or              I'd suggest sitting down and having a discussion with
hurt them, and crossing the street is a BIG no, no                 your carefree four-year-old when he's in a more calm
without mom and dad. My little offender continued                  and attentive mood. Lay out your limits and the
with the "I did not do anything" excuse, and I finally             consequences. If he can't go out responsibly, he can't
said,” I would rather have to hurt you myself, than                go out at all. Maybe if he leaves the house or yard
someone else. If you go out that door without telling me           without you, he stays inside for the rest of the day. Be
again, I will spank your butt, and it will hurt, but not as        consistent and vigilant with this - I know you need your
bad as what someone else could do to you or your little            rest, so maybe you can get creative. Put high hook
brother. You are not allowed to go out that door without           locks along the top edge of your doors, but once you've
telling me or Daddy ever!"                                         set that limit, call it every time.

I am looking for an alternative that brings home the               I'll just throw out some ideas...
importance of this but makes better sense than “I would            • When he asks you first instead of sneaking out, tell
rather hurt you...”                                                      him how responsible that is! Notice every time.
                                                                   • Make a "Street Safety" badge or certificate and
God, I love my kids. And I need to keep them safe!                       award him with it when he's demonstrated mastery
They open every flippin' lock, and I think at the age of                 of your outdoor rules. Hang it where he can see it.
four a child should get it that this is what we expect and         • Read books or tell stories about kids and adults who
that we will enforce this rule.                                          are responsible with going outside.
What is your opinion?                                              • Play a game where every time he goes for the door
                                                                         or the gate, he has to put a ticket in the poor
Sincerely,                                                               decision cup. When he asks you first, he can take
Protective Mom                                                           one out of the poor decision cup and put it in the
(whose son told me “my butt will not hurt”)                              good decision bucket.
                                                                   Remember - we are smarter than our kids, lol! Too bad
                                                                   we don't have as much energy as they do!
                                                                   Good luck and peaceful parenting, API of Peoria



                                                              15
Easy Recipes
Bow Ties With Sausage & Sweet Peppers
Submitted by Jennifer Scoby
Start to Finish: 25 minutes
Makes 4
Ingredients:
8 ounces dried large bow-tie pasta
12 ounces uncooked spicy Italian sausage links
2 medium red sweet peppers, cut into 3/4-inch pieces
1/2-cup vegetable broth or beef broth
1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
1/4 cup snipped fresh Italian flat-leaf parsley
Directions:
1. Cook pasta according to package directions; drain. Return pasta to saucepan.
2. Meanwhile, cut the sausage into 1-inch pieces. In a large skillet cook sausage and sweet peppers over
medium-high heat until sausage is brown. Drain well.
3. Stir the broth and black pepper into skillet. Bring to boiling; reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, for 5 minutes.
Remove from heat. Pour over pasta; add parsley. Toss gently to coat. Transfer to a warm serving dish. Makes 4
servings.
Nutritional Information
Nutritional facts per serving
Calories: 397, total fat: 18g, saturated fat: 6g, cholesterol: 94mg, sodium: 713mg, carbohydrate:
38g, fiber: 3g, protein: 24g

Ideas for Spending Time Together
Ice Cream in a Bag                                              Mix the milk, vanilla and sugar together in one of the
                                                                quart size bags. Seal tightly, allowing as little air to
With so much ice and snow outside, there are lots of            remain in the bag as possible. Too much air left inside
opportunities to teach our children about the effects of        may force the bag open during shaking. Place this bag
cold temperature on liquids. Making ice cream at home is        inside the other quart size bag, again leaving as little air
a fun and engaging way to bring the lesson home. This           inside as possible and sealing well. By double bagging,
method takes only 5-10 minutes and the end result is            the risk of salt and ice leaking into the ice cream is
really yummy!                                                   minimized. Put the two bags inside the gallon size bag
                                                                and fill the bag with ice, then sprinkle salt on top. Again
From http://www.teachnet.com:                                   let all the air escape and seal the bag. Wrap the bag in the
                                                                towel or put your gloves on, and shake and massage the
Ingredients                                                     bag, making sure the ice surrounds the cream mixture.
1/2 cup milk (more fat content will be creamier)                Five to eight minutes is adequate time for the mixture to
1/2 teaspoon vanilla                                            freeze into ice cream.
1 tablespoon sugar
4 cups crushed ice                                              Tips
4 tablespoons salt                                              Freezer bags work best because they are thicker and less
2 quart size Zip-loc bags                                       likely to develop small holes, allowing the bags to leak.
1 gallon size Zip-loc freezer bag                               You can get away with using regular Zip-loc bags for the
a hand towel or gloves to keep fingers from freezing as         smaller quart sizes, because you are double bagging.
well!                                                           Especially if you plan to do this indoors, we strongly
                                                                recommend using gallon size freezer bags.



                                                           16
Ice Cream in a Bag (continued)
Coffee Can Ice Cream                                                  What does the salt do?
An alternative to the baggie method is to use coffee cans.
                                                                      Just like we use salt on icy roads in the winter, salt mixed
The recipe is the same, and may be doubled or tripled
                                                                      with ice in this case also causes the ice to melt. When salt
because the coffee can, can hold more liquid than the
                                                                      comes into contact with ice, the freezing point of the ice is
baggies. Put the mixture in a standard size coffee can and
                                                                      lowered. Water will normally freeze at 32 degrees F. A
seal with the plastic lid, then place that can inside a larger
                                                                      10% salt solution freezes at 20 degrees F, and a 20%
"economy size" can (usually available from the teachers'
                                                                      solution freezes at 2 degrees F. By lowering the
lounge or office). Pack the large can with ice and salt, and
                                                                      temperature at which ice is frozen, we are able to create
seal with the lid. Students can roll the can back and forth
                                                                      an environment in which the milk mixture can freeze at a
on the ground (outside - the condensation will drip) until
                                                                      temperature below 32 degrees F into ice cream.
the ice cream is set. The time required to set the mixture
will vary depending on the number of servings in the can.

The following are regular items that appear in every newsletter – there is loads of information
about our group in here – worth reading at least once! And following that is our Classifieds
section – please support our work from home community and your AP friends!


API of Peoria Mentors Program
API of Peoria’s Mentor Program offers FREE direct one-on-one support for any mom or dad. We hope this will be
especially nice for new parents with first time babies or for those who find that they need consistent help with their
current situation. After gaining a little information about your needs and position, a mentor will be assigned to you.
You’ll never have to wait a whole month to get personal support again!
Your mentor will check in with you to see how you are doing through phone calls, e-mails or home visits if you desire.
Your mentor will be able to help you with questions about sleeping, crying, babywearing, discipline, breastfeeding,
maintaining family balance and overall care taking needs – whatever they may be! If your mentor does not know
personally how to help you, be assured that they will find someone who can!
Don’t be shy! Sign up to receive a mentor of your very own! Contact Carrie Kerr at CarrieKerr@aol.com for
more information.

Does Your Doctor's Office Have “Mothering” Magazine?
                         Or “The Baby Book” by William and Martha Sears? Several of our
                         members have approached their physicians with that question and
                         offered to donate one or the other as a gift from our group! We think
                         this is a great use for our funds to get the word out about AP and help
                         local parents to feel validated in their instincts!
                         Remember to ask your doctors if they would like to have a free
                         subscription to Mothering or a copy of Dr. Sears The Baby Book in
                         their waiting rooms.
                         Let us know if they say yes and we'll get it for them! Leaders
                            address: apiofpeoria@yahoo.com




                                                                 17
Meals for Moms                                                    A lap of love. Miranda Brush nurturing both daughters,
                                                                  baby Ella and big girl Madelynn.
The early weeks of having a new baby are so special. It is
so important that parents take this time to enjoy and
nurture their baby, as well as rest. We are keeping a list
of expectant parents so that we may form a schedule of
meal delivery to you so you have one less thing to worry
about and can truly enjoy this time.
Please contact Maureen Leuba
at mleuba@insightbb.com with your name, due date,
food preferences/dislikes, and phone number.
Anyone who may be interested in being on the list to
prepare these meals, please let Maureen know with your
name and phone number. She will contact you when
we are able to organize a schedule and see if you are able
to help when that special time comes. Thanks!!!

API of Peoria E-Group
Whether you’re the type of person who is nearly as attached to their computer as they are to their kids or the type who
checks their e-box only once a month, the Attachment Parenting International of Peoria e-group can be an invaluable
resource and a fun meeting place. Jump on whenever you have a parenting question and hear back from like-minded
parents around the clock. Stay up-to-date on the latest API of Peoria events and API happenings and get connected with
other attachment parents in our area. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/APIofPeoria

API of Peoria Library
APPeoria has a wonderful selection of books (you may view the book/video list at this link:
http://friends.peoria.lib.il.us/community/appeoria/Library.html). You must be a contributing member (contact Janelle
at mbutzow@insightbb.com) to check out a book. Books may be checked out for one month only. Please plan on
returning your book at the next API of Peoria Monthly Meeting. Donations of books are welcome and appreciated.
Please check with Sharon Heritch if you have a book that you would like to donate.

API of Peoria Website
This newsletter is posted as a page on our website: http://friends.peoria.lib.il.us/community/appeoria/
Please visit for archived newsletters, a listing of attachment parenting ideals, useful links, meeting location information,
meeting topic pages, calendar of events and much more. Please refer anyone wanting to learn about our group to our
site!

Volunteers Needed
Volunteer Opportunities always exist! Volunteer to help distribute flyers and business cards, bring treats to a meeting,
host a play date, or even help plan a meeting. Maybe you have a new idea that we've never thought of before! Contact
a leader (see last page) if you would like to volunteer your time to API of Peoria, Il.




                                                             18
API of Peoria Meeting Ground Rules
When you come to a monthly meeting, please consider the following:
1. While children are welcome at meetings and there are plenty of toys for babies and toddlers, we currently do not
have hired child-care. We also do not have activities for older children. If you bring your children to a meeting, be
prepared to get up and attend to them regularly. If you bring older children, bring a quiet activity for them and
prepare them to sit quietly during the meeting.
2. No hitting, spanking, or verbal abuse of children at group functions.
3. No gossiping about group members and their situations outside of the group.
4. Please don't come to a meeting, or bring a sick child, within the first three days of the start of a respiratory illness, or
within twenty-four hours of the cessation of diarrhea or vomiting.
5. No group will espouse or maintain a political or religious affiliation.
If you have time:
Will you please consider helping clean up after a meeting? We need to put all the toys back, put the chairs and
tables the way they were, and vacuum the floor. Your help would be appreciated. Thanks

Photo All-Call
Moms and Dads – Please consider sharing any photos of your attached family or friends!
Please include the names of the individuals in the pictures you send and the ages of the
                                  children (written on the backs of the pictures unless in
                                  electronic format).

                                   Please send photos for the album to Jennifer Smith; 724
                                   N. Avon Curve; West Peoria, IL 61604. We cannot
                                   return your photos, so send a duplicate!




Newsletter Submission Invitation!
Reader submissions are what make this newsletter great!! Are you looking for an excuse to write your birth stories?
Have a great recipe to share? Read a good book lately? What are your latest favorite quotes? What are your recent
thoughts or discoveries about attachment parenting topics? Please share with the other readers of this newsletter.
Please send submissions to scobyjj@yahoo.com by November 20th to make the December issue.
Thank you!

There’s a new page on our website with the how’s, why’s and what’s of submitting to this newsletter along with all of
the submission deadlines for this and next year. Please check it out!

http://friends.peoria.lib.il.us/community/appeoria/FDocumentsandSettingsCaroleMyDocuments
JensawayfromhomefilesNewsletterSubmissionsInformation.pdf




                                                              19
                                            ~Classifieds~
                             Support our work-from-home community!
     Contributing API of Peoria members (contact apiofpeoria@yahoo.com) may place classified ads for free!
Non-contributing members may place an ad for $3.00 per month, which will be contributed to the API of Peoria group.
                                           (Our newest ads appear last)

                                ~Over the Shoulder Baby Holder~
                             Practice the Attachment Parenting Ideal of Babywearing!
              There are so many great reasons to use a sling whether you have a newborn or a toddler!

                              Please call Carrie Kerr for babywearing support and
                          to get your Over the Shoulder Baby Holder. (309) 745-5413.
                                          Slings make a great baby gift!

                                         ~Creative Memories~
                   “Where are your precious photos stored? Are they safe for future generations?

                 Call Jennifer Lane, Creative Memories Consultant, to schedule classes, shows,
                            and workshops or to purchase supplies! 217-865-3207"
                    Check out http://www.creative-memories.com/home.asp to see the wonderful
                                    products that Creative Memories has to offer.


                                                              ~Usborne Books~
                                   "It's a rewarding experience when a child opens a book and discovers the magic of
                                     reading." Libbe Dawdy- Independent Consultant http://www.ubah.com/D1797
                                                       Parties, fundraisers, book fairs, read-a-thons.

                                   If you didn't get an October new titles flyer and you want to see the delicious new
                                      titles, let me know! I am also running a contest. The first 3 people to book a
                                    home show before the end of December will receive an additional $25 in books
                                       for $5, along with the other fantastic hostess benefits! Call or email today!

                                                     For more information, contact Libbe at
                                                   MomLibbe@aol.com or (309) 383-3103.

Books made great gifts!




                                                        20
Classifieds (continued)
                                            ~Doula Birth Support~
                      Preparing for a birth and the amazing life-changing experience it should be?
If you or someone close to you is expecting, please feel free to contact doula (labor support person) Shanna Shipman.
   Shanna was formally trained through Doulas of North America (DONA) and has gained significant experience by
                                           attending several births to date.
 Shanna is passionate about the birth experience and the many ways in which she can nurture, inform, and support
Mom, Child, and Family members through the prenatal, birth, and postpartum experience! Please feel free to call and
                           discuss your ideas and needs for an ideal birth experience...

                                        Shanna Shipman (309) 353-1226.

                                               ~Discovery Toys~


                           Looking for new ways to stimulate learning in your children?
                      Discovery Toys has educational tools to help your child learn through play.
  Call me for an appointment or to get toys free by hosting a playdate or party! I'm also looking for some moms that
                 might want to make some extra money by sharing Discovery Toys with other moms.
                View the toys, books and software at http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/marciamattern.
                       Call me today to get the latest catalog or to get free toys for your family.
                                           Marcia Mattern 681-4691.

                         ~Organize Your Stuff & Simplify Your Life!~
Sharon Heritch can come to your house and help you figure out what to do with kitchen stuff, hallway closet stuff,
                            basement stuff, toy organization, and even bedroom closet stuff.
Clear out the clutter and start the holiday season feeling calm and clear. $25 for the first hour, $10 each additional hour.
                             I take notes of my suggestions for you to keep after our session.

                                 Call me at (309) 263-2346 to make an appointment.


                                 ~Lilies to Lilacs Hand-Made Soaps~
  Have you found that the soap you are using dries out your skin? Give my homemade, hand poured soap a try. It's
  made through a process called "cold process" preserving the naturally occurring glycerin in soap...sure to be extra
gentle and nourishing to your skin. I offer a variety of scents and the bars weigh 4.5-4.9 ounces each. They are $2.50
each or buy 6 bars for $10 and you get one free. If you would like to try out a bar of my soap, please send me an email
                                                      or call today!

                                                   Lilies to Lilacs
                                                    Amy Thaller
                                              athaller@insightbb.com
                                               685-7098 or 696-9657


                                                            21
Classifieds (continued)
                                      ~Cuddlebuns Cloth Diapers~
If you are tired of the high cost of diapers, consider CuddleBuns™ cloth diapers. These diapers are nothing like old-
fashioned thin cloth diapers. Custom-made CuddleBuns™ are the original single sized T-shirt diaper for babies 8-40
pounds. All CuddleBuns™ diapers are constructed with three full layers, an internal soaker of at least three layers
(hemp or burley knit terry, or sherpa) and come with an optional snap in 3 layer sherpa soaker. If you are interested in
saving lots of money over using paper diapers or have questions on converting to cloth, please feel free to call or email
me today! I will only be able to sew and sell CuddleBuns TM cloth diapers until the month of November. (My Cottage
License is expiring.) If you want to try one out now is the time!

Made to order CuddleBuns Diapers are priced as follows:
Traditional or Bikini cut with snap in toddler doubler are $14.50
Traditional or Bikini cut with out snap in toddler doubler are $12.50
Additional snap in doublers are $2.00

Instock CuddleBuns diapers are $10.00 each. Please email me or call to see what I have available.

Buy 6 Traditional or Bikini cut with snap in toddler doubler for $85 and get a dozen washies/ baby wipes for free.

                                                  Lilies to Lilacs
                                                   Amy Thaller
                                             athaller@insightbb.com
                                              685-7098 or 696-9657

                                            ~Tangles & Tushies~
    Children & Adults Haircuts, Styles, and Waxing.
   Ask about Chemical Services and In-home services.

     Gina is now selling Fuzzibunz cloth diapers and
   accessories. Ask Gina about the Fuzzibunz products!




                  Gina Beckwith
       (309) 696-7952, 1126 W. Purtscher Peoria                              A Happy customer
                                                                      (Genevieve Scoby after her first hair cut)


                                          ~Tons of Fun Daycare ~
                 Stefanie Straw                                 •   Full and Part-Time Care Available
          Licensed Child Care Provider                          •   Openings for one child under 2 ½ and one child over 2
                                                                    ½
              Mom to Sydney (22 months)                         •   Scheduled Activities, Outdoor Play Area
       API of Peoria Member since October 2003                  •   I accept the Government Subsidy Program
                                                                •   Located on California Avenue near Forrest Hill
                     309-686-1408


                                                           22
Classifieds (continued)
                                               ~Stampin’ Up!®~
Stampin’ Up!® is proud to offer the most beautiful, affordable, high-quality exclusive line of decorative stamp sets and
accessories for home décor, greeting cards, craft projects, and scrapbooking that you can buy. For samples check out:
www.stampinup.com. Let me show you how to make your projects and make them less time consuming and cost
efficient.
Sell-A-Bration is here. Now is a great time to place an order or have a show. From January 1 through Febraury 26
customers will receive a free Sell-A-Bration stamp set for every $50 they spend, hostesses will receive a set for a $300
show (2 for a $600 show, 3 for a $900 show). To see the 6 sets you can choose from just give me a call.

Relief from A to Z. For each alphabet set sold from now until February 28, Stampin' Up will donate $5 to Save the
Children for tsunami relief. Stampin' Up has already donated $250,000 and you can help too.

             Call or e-mail, Dawn Gersich, Independent Demonstrator to schedule a workshop,
              demonstration, show or to purchase supplies. 309-472-3852, dawn@gersich.com
                                            http://www.stampinup.com

                                   ~All natural spa-quality products~
        Are you looking for an opportunity to make money with your own home-based business?
                        Would you like a chance to achieve financial freedom?
New to Illinois, this complete line of skin, hair, and bath products are made with the finest all-natural ingredients. Our
entire line is spa-quality yet at very affordable prices. Allow women to indulge themselves by hosting a "spa
experience" in their own homes. Set the mood with candlelight and soft music while guests soak their feet in a warm
aromatherapy bath and pamper themselves with our many other luxurious spa treatments. The products practically sell
themselves and you earn great commissions and bonuses.

Like to know more? Learn about being a distributor, hosting a spa-class, or about our great products by going to
http://www.mysensaria.com/kristinakeehma or call Kristina Keehma at 815-458-0643.
                                  Get on the "natural" road to financial independence.

                                             ~Canvas Keepsakes~
                             Painted treasures personalized to your desired specifications.
            An irreplaceable keepsake with a special touch for the bedroom of a child or expected newborn.

                                      Contact Flo Olmsted at (309) 243-1656
                             to order your affordably-priced, one-of-a-kind canvas creation
                            that will add decorative flair and be cherished for years to come.

                                           ~Baby Swing For Sale~
                                           Graco 6 speed Spectator Swing,
                15 songs, adjustable position, mobile. Like new. 2004 edition. Folds up easily. $35.
                                   Call Carrie 745-5413, CarrieKerr@aol.com




                                                            23
Classifieds (continued)
                                       ~Reflections DJ Services~
   Reflections DJ Service is a family-run business that understands that music ambiance can make or break the best
 gathering. Whether you are planning a corporate party, prom, dance, or the wedding of your dreams, Reflections will
                                    work with you to make the most of your event.

                           We offer personal event planning with over 14 years experience,
                               professional video packages and a complimentary CD!

                       For more information contact Matt or Devri Deske at 688-2570.

                                      ~Natural Family Boutique~
                       “Meeting All of Your Natural Needs, through all the stages of your life”




Spa Products Aromatherapy oils, herbal pillows, natural bath products, sugar scrubs, herbal teas, natural soaps, yoga
kits, hand made moccasins, candles
Pregnancy, Birth, & Nursing Prenatal pampering, belly casting kits, natural childbirth aids, nursing bras, nursing
supplies, nursing necklaces, parenting books & videos
Baby Products Baby skin care, organic cotton layette, swaddling blankets, cloth diapers, hand made shoes, slings &
wraps, co-sleepers, baby sign language kits
Toys, Household Products& Handmade Jewelry HABA wooden toys, art supplies, jumping balls, organic cotton
toys, children’s books, storytelling CDs, organic cotton bedding, beeswax Candles, natural cleaning products, Hyland’s
homeopathic products, goddess/femininity Pendants, And SO MUCH MORE!

                                    Gina Beckwith~ www.GinasNFB.com
                      Thank you to our advertisers for supporting this newsletter and our group!

                                              Thanks for reading!
      If you would like this newsletter to come to your e-mail box every month, please e-mail
       scobyjj@yahoo.com or visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/APIofPeoriaNewsletters/
                                    and click “Join This Group”.

                 Please pass this along to anyone who you think might be interested!

                      API of Peoria Leaders: Carrie Kerr and Jennifer Scoby
                             (Shared leaders e-mail: apiofpeoria@yahoo.com)

                               Support Group Liason: Cinnamon Nieukirk
                                            (Nukemom2@Yahoo.com)

                                     Librarian: Sharon Chinn-Heritch
                                              (Andshar@mtco.com)

                                           Treasurer: Libbe Dawdy
                                              (MomLibbe@Aol.com)

                                                         24

				
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