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Resilience, so do Broadway plays. Check resources in trade magazines you
subscribe to for tips. they show up on time only if not showing up on time
brings some consequence they don’t like (pay docked.



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,As soon as you know you’re going, check with neighbor or friend or book a
house-sitter. They’re out there and afford peace of mind. Ask around; doctors’
wives are a good resource. If you have children, you’ll need a sitter and
power of attorney in case of illness.Call the kennel, notify the PO and
newspaper, schedule lawn care.,Get your VISA and/or passport. (Online:
http://). You can get the photo done at most drugstores.,Read State Department
advisories http://travel.state.gov/travel_warnings.html#r . Did you know to
bring a cell phone into Russia you must have a signed agreement from a Russian
provider sent to Glavgossvyaznadzor?,Get immunizations you need.,Check on
your overseas medical coverage. If you have AAA, you may already be covered.
If not, a good policy will cover trip cancellation & interruption, baggage
& trip delay, accident medical expenses, in-hospital indemnity, lost or
stolen baggage, rental car collision damage waiver and rental car personal
accident.,In a 3rd-world country, get medical evacuation insurance,- not just
to hospital, but to home. An injury in a 3rd world country can cost you tens
of thousands out-of-pocket – and/or your life.,Arrange for transportation
to the airport.,Got a 10-hour international flight? How could you consider
not having a good book with you? Order early! See the EQ Reading List:
http:///emotional_intelligence.htm .A MONTH IN ADVANCEStart informing your
clients and key customers you’re leaving and make arrangements.,Fill in your
assistant or VA on procedures, essential billing etc., autoresponders while
you’re gone.,Familiarize yourself with http:// or other remote access email
where you can check from any computer, anywhere in the world. There’s Internet
access even in Barbados. Give it a trial run; you must have the username and
password from your original email server.,Start monitoring the weather at
your destination and believe it. I’m going to Russia in July, leaving San
Antonio, TX where it’s been 98, no rain in sight. In Moscow, it’s been 58
with 98% humidity. I’m forcing myself to pack hooded sweatsuits, sweaters
and rain gear.,Read your travel manual for oddities. In Russia, a woman can’t
enter certain churches without head-covering, nor can a man in shorts. Cruise
land-tours can be booked in advance and fill early. Opera sell out, so do
Broadway plays.,Make sure your affairs are in order. Send your next-of-kin
your itinerary, and list of where your will, investments, important papers,
safety deposit box key, name of accountants and attorneys, and power of
attorney are.,You DO have a current will, don’t you? Especially important
if you have children. If you don’t decide who will take care of them in your
absence, the state will decide.ONE WEEK BEFORE DEPARTURETake all the clothes
to the cleaners that need to go and get the cottons and linens starched. One
pair of heavily-starched blue jeans can look sharp for a week!,Go through
your daily routine in the am and put the toiletries as you use them, into
one large zip lock bag which you’ll later transfer to your suitcase. Then
practice pretending that’s all you’ve got. That way you’ll get everything
in there!,Lay out the outfit you’ll wear on the plane.,Choose one pair of
goes-with-everything earrings and shoes, one for dress, one for day. A pair
of black spandex slacks packs well, goes with 10 tops, looks right anywhere,
and expands as you eat. Plan clothes with pockets.,Put medicines and things
you’ll need on you in a separate bag to go into your purse or pockets –
magnesium-calcium for leg willies on long plane rides, eye drops, spare
glasses.,For a 3rd world country, review State Dept. suggestions for eating
and drinking, and get your free sample of Immodium:
http:///articles/art6213.asp. My pharmacist says chew it for quickest
results.,Dump out your purse and get rid of anything you don’t need to lighten
your load.,Line up the chargers for your toys, including digital camera and
adapters . Put new batteries in the alarm clock.,When you leave, set the
thermostat somewhere sensible – if it’s likely to freeze, don’t turn the heat
off, just put it down low. Advise your friend to come and drip the faucets
if there’s a freeze or turn the AC back up high before you get home. . Call
your coach for a quick run through!TWO DAYS BEFOREIf you have children make
sure menus are planned and all groceries bought, activities listed, cash
available, all emergency numbers, power of attorney signed, and rules gone
over.,Lay out everything you plan to pack, take a look, and then pack it.
If you’re a visual organizer like I am, that’s a MUST! Get cash or traveler’s
checques.DAY BEFORETake the dog to the kennel.,Enjoy yourself, take a bubble
bath, spend extra time with the kiddos.,Relax, you’ve covered all your bases,
now have fun!Susan Dunn, MA, Marketing Coachhttp:// Marketing
consultationimplementation, website review, SEO optimization,
article,writing and submission, help with ebooks and other,strategies. Susan
is the author or How to Write an eBook,and Market It on the Internet.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc,for information and free ezine. Specify
Checklist.,,Dear EQ Coach:,My administrative assistant is quite young (22)
and often displays her emotions in an inappropriate manner when things aren’t
going well at home or with her family. Though I think I treat her very
compassionately, and grant her a lot of flexibility, there are times that
her sour, combative moods become unbearable-especially when at these times
she also often arrives late to work and doesn’t perform her tasks with care
or accuracy and does not provide me the assistance I need in a timely manner.
How can I tell my assistant that her behavior and attitude are unprofessional
and not acceptable without making things worse?She is disrespectful and
rude-often staying on personal calls while I’m there to discuss an assignment
with her. When I comment on any of her behaviors, i.e., that she needs to
improve her performance, or that she needs to be here on time (she is an hourly
employee), she only responds with increased rudeness and
combativeness.Unfortunately, I work for an association run by a Board of
Directors none of whom are on the scene, so see nothing of this behavior.
They have even awarded her raises without first consulting me (her direct
supervisor) regarding her performance. Of course, this undermines my
authority with her, but I still need to work with her every day.After a time,
her behavior wears me down and I become depressed and extremely frustrated
and end up snapping inappropriately at someone else in the office, which
obviously I immediately regret. How can I tell my assistant that her behavior
and attitude are unprofessional and not acceptable without making things
worse? What am I doing wrong?Thank you for any advice you can offer.K.B.,
DirectorPS It may be noteworthy that we are a very small staff of only 5 people,
which in my opinion increases the importance of working amicably together.Hi
K,Thanks for writing.There are two things that pop out in your email
immediately.One of them is the role of your Board. The other is your query
about ―how can I do this without making things worse?‖Let’s take the Board
situation first.There are two inherent sources of tension usually present
in non-profits.One is between the fundraiser and the director; the other is
between the Board and the Director. If roles are not clearly defined, and
you don’t establish who has authority for what, with mutual respect and trust,
you have a situation like this where the staff’s performance isn’t
satisfactory, but the Board then turns around and gives them a raise. Yes,
this undermines your authority. It creates the kind of situation an employee
like this will take advantage of. It amounts to the child playing off one
parent against the other. The employee is getting mixed signals (whereas every
employee deserves clear signals) and it would be appropriate for her to assume
the Board has higher authority than you do, and therefore to ignore you.You
need to keep in mind that internalized Intentionality (a high-order EQ
competency) may not be present. This means the employee doesn’t take
responsibility for her own behavior, and may be putting herself in the
position of getting it. If you buy into this, it’s a double-edged sword,
because then they respond only to supervision and left to their own devices
don’t function. External authority becomes the only ―reason‖ for showing up
on time, doing good work, etc. What you want, is an employee who is
self-motivated, clear instructions and policies, and the ―rewards‖ and
―punishments‖ under your control, not for the sake of power, but for the sake
of consistency and clarity, so you can do your job and the employees can do
theirs.Emotional intelligence can be learned, and it also tends to come with
maturity (though not always).Someone with low Intentionality and low
Integrated Self performs only as much as is required, and only to satisfy
external standards. In other words, they show up on time only if not showing
up on time brings some consequence they don’t like (pay docked, getting
written up, getting fired), or if showing up on time is treated as something
not ―expected,‖ but as something special, to be ―rewarded‖ and the reward
occurs. When an employee doesn’t have the Intentionality and Integrated Self
to show up on time, do good work, treat others with respect, manage their
emotions, and follow-through on assignments, you want to structure things
so they learn this and quit relying on external authority. You want to manage
this so the proverbial ―monkey‖ stays on her back, not yours.The ideal
supervisory role is not to have to supervise!Now let’s look at your question
– what you can do about this that ―won’t make it worse.‖,Emotions are
contagious.,Employees are always watching.,People generally ―see through
us,‖ especially people who are dependent on us (for food, or for salaries)
because it’s worth their time to study us closely!,If you’re afraid you can
do something that will ―make things worse,‖ your employee knows this and
counts on it. Thus the escalating behavior. One of the things you’re ―doing
wrong‖ is letting this employee hold you hostage because of her ill temper.
What you propose seems just, reasonable, and fair to me – that she show up
on time, treat others in this small office with respect, do good work, and
make a positive contribution.Here’s an analogy.You take your 4 year old to
the grocery and they throw a tantrum because you won’t buy them a candy bar
at the checkout counter. You give in and buy the candy bar, thus setting a
precedent that screaming and stomping of the feet will produce positive
results. Especially if Mom’s tired … busy … kids pick up on all these things,
and so do employees, and so do we all! You have rewarded bad behavior. Expect
more.Furthermore, next time you go into the grocery you remember the
embarrassment to you of the last trip, and the fatiguing display of emotion,
and so, to avoid ―making it worse,‖ you give them the candy bar at the beginning
of the shopping trip. The child is manipulating you now by the threat of his
or her bad temper. You don’t ever want to be in this situation.Now, what to
do about this situation, which needs to be addressed on several different
levels.Let’s start with you, your intentions, motivations, and the part you
play. When the employee acts this way, which causes a strong reaction in you,
check it out for ―triggering‖ or what’s called ―restimulation.‖ Does she
remind you of someone or something from your past? Why have you let this go
so long? Take an honest inward look — this is self-awareness, the cornerstone
of emotional intelligence — what are you afraid of? Why have you given away
your Personal Power here? Check out your beliefs and assumptions.You seem
to believe that something you could do could make this worse, andyou need
to be curious about assumption!It could be you believe (either because you’ve
heard it, or because it has been your experience) ―when things are bad they
always get worse,‖ or ―when I was a kid, my mother used to pout and roll her
eyes that way and then would hit me and it scared me,‖ or ―my first supervisor
fired someone who behaved this way and ended up getting sued.‖ Consider also,
some people avoid confrontation because they’re afraid they may ―lose
control‖ and lash out inappropriately. Learn about yourself through this.The
only way you can deal with this fear is to go through it and find out your
assumptions are erroneous. Don’t let fear stand in your way. ―All dogs don’t
bite.‖ Chances are good it can be resolved and you’ll learn a lot, and so
will your Board, and so will your assistant.Next, remember the EQ competency
of being relentlessly and adamantly self-forgiving.Forgive yourself for what
you may not have handled well in the past, reframe it as ―not yet,‖ or ―not
until now,‖ forgive yourself for not being perfect, and move forward.
Congratulate yourself heartily for facing the situation and seeking advice,
committing to learning, growing and moving forward. It’s the emotionally
intelligent thing to do. Cheers to you!Remember your learned Optimism— assume
that you’ll get this worked out and that you’re the one to do it. (If you’ve
taken the StrengthsFinder Profile rely back on your innate strengths.) Avoid
the downward spiral, i.e., do not attribute this to something personal,
pervasive, or permanent. ( I find it constructive to consider most things
like this a ―systems failure.‖ Trust Radius is an EQ competency – trust your
people until given direct and continual proof to the contrary.) Begin with
the assumption something’s not set up right for things to function well.Avoid
the 3Ps of a pessimist– I’m personally at fault here (personalization), I’ll
never get this right (permanent), and furthermore, I’m incompetent at
everything I do (pervasive).At the same time, as you point out, it isn’t right
to take this frustration out on other employees and you need to get conscious
about what’s going on, and what emotion is coming from where, so it doesn’t
get misdirected.If you’re really in a stew, get up, leave your office and
go somewhere.Stare out a window. Change your shoes. Go the restroom and splash
cold water on your face. Go downstairs and talk a walk. Get away and
intentionally get a different point of view. Do not go somewhere where you’ll
get into ―war stories‖ and negativity with others. Just clear your head. Call
your coach and talk it out. Breathe deeply. Meditate. Put pleasant thoughts
in your head, in your self-talk, i.e., I’m confident I can conduct myself
appropriately‖. Self-soothe. As a supervisor you must know how to
self-soothe. (A coach can instruct you in this.)It takes 20 minutes to recover
physiologically from an anger-incident to be able to think clearly
again.Before you return, remind yourself your anger was for X situation, and
you need to leave it there. Emotions inform us. Your anger in this case informs
you you need to do something about this situation. Experience the emotion,
don’t judge yourself for it, don’t act on it impulsively, and heed the message
you need to take action. Then get into your neocortex to make a plan!You can
think, you can act, you aren’t helpless and it isn’t hopeless.Build
Resilience, which enables us to handle stress better.It’s earned not given
– by growing through hard things, not just going through them. In tackling
this, use problem-focused coping, not emotion-focused coping.Moving forward,
you need to address this at the Board level.You need to reclaim your Personal
Power there as well. Again, check in with your Intentionality. This means
saying what you mean and meaning what you say, but also being accountable
to yourself for your motives. What are your motives here, as the Director
of this agency? This is your job after all. Clean out all the residuals, and
get down to what will accomplish the mission of your non-profit, whatever
that may be. In other words make sure you don’t have any resentments lurking
around, or ego-needs, or power-games muddying the water. Sit down and write
out your goals for the organization and how the current system is thwarting
them.Think of what could be different and what you could do.Break it down
into manageable pieces, and take the first action step.Then you will have
to approach the Board and how you do this will depend upon your Intuition,
an EQ competency. What’s the best way to go about it? Talk with the Chairman
first and alone? Bring it up at a meeting as a group challenge to solve? Your
goal is to get roles clearly defined and for everyone to buy-in to the
decision. There are no failures; just learning experiences.Get some personal
support.Work with an emotional intelligence coach who can see things
objectively, help you build skills, and perhaps walk you through this one.
Perhaps you know another Director who handles his or her Board well you could
learn from. Check resources in trade magazines you subscribe to for tips.
Working with a Board effectively is a continuing professional growth
challenge for Directors of Non-profits. There’s always a lot to learn!
Educating your Board is another full-time job and you need your Board! Working
with them takes a lot of EQ.Then, address the situation with your assistant.
My first question would be, ―Why would you want to keep someone like this?‖
I haven’t read anything positive about her. If you want to fire her, you’ll
need the documentation, and you’ll need the Board to quit rewarding her.Meet
with your assistant in private and check things out.Get your emotions managed
before you do. Breathe deeply. Aim for the state of curious detachment. Be
really curious as to why she behaves this way, what she’s after, what’s she
experiencing, what she’s aware of, what the payoff is, and how you’re
rewarding this.Name the issue and give a specific example as illustration
focusing on behaviors, not character traits. Describe how it makes you feel
and what it does to the rest of the office and productivity, i.e., what the
effect of her behavior is. Acknowledge your contribution – not addressing
this earlier, and leaving confusion with the Board – express your wish to
work this out, and then invite her to respond. From there you will have to
take the ball and run with it.You can ask her what her intentions are in
behaving this way, and what she would consider doing differently.Clearly
state what behavior you expect in the future, again using behavioral terms.
―I expect you not to ignore me and roll your eyes at me I expect to be treated
with respect and this means X, Y and Z.‖ You can’t assume someone knows what
―treat me with respect‖ means.Take for instance her talking on the phone and
ignoring you when you come out to give her instructions. Now, clearly this
needs to occur- you’re giving her instructions. Ask her how the two of you
could set this up differently. Be willing to listen.Emphasize what’s at stake.
It could be her job. Does she care?Together you can come up with a plan and
an accountability system. Spell out what you will and will not tolerate, and
what the consequences are for non-compliance. Then you must be willing to
enforce this. For instance, if you say that two tardies mean she’s fired,
be prepared to back it up. Spell out ways she can earn back your former
flexibility; this is a privilege, not a ―given.‖ (As always know legalities;
check with legal counsel if need be.)I would also suggest your bringing an
EQ culture into your workplace. This is a way of addressing the problems at
a foundation level without focus on a specific issue (or in addition to that).
It’s a rare office that can’t benefit from learning emotional intelligence.
This means educating and laying out the parameters for ―how things are done
around here and how people are treated,‖ and in an office as small as
yoursyou’ll all work better if you get along better.Work with an EQ coach,
who will know how to present the program, give everyone an EQ assessment,
start them on distance learning foundation courses, and a weekly ezine.
Individual coaching can help address deficits and group process work once
a week is invaluable. Social and emotional skills have to be put into practice
to be learned. Cognitive learning can be rather fast (memorizing a table),
while this is limbic learning, and takes repetition, repetition,
repetition.It also takes feedback, because again, the assumption is, if we
knew how to do it we’d already be doing it.Congratulations, again, on your
decision to take action with emotional intelligence. I hope this has been
helpful, and wish you well.Warm regardsSusan Dunn, The EQ Coach,Susan Dunn,
MA, Marketing Coachhttp:// Marketing consultationimplementation, website
review, SEO optimization, article,writing and submission, help with ebooks
and other,strategies. Susan is the author or How to Write an eBook,and Market
It on the Internet. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc,for information and free
ezine. Specify Checklist.Unfortunately, If you have AAA, committing to
learning, Now,Thank you for any advice you can offer, Get cash or traveler’s
checques. website review. Order early, what the effect of her behavior is,
Acknowledge your contribution – not addressing this earlier, do good
work,Read State Department advisories http://travel, eye drops. remind
yourself your anger was for X situation. which causes a strong reaction in
you, If you’re a visual organizer like I am, Of course, you must have the
username and password from your original email server, because then they
respond only to supervision and left to their own devices don’t function.
the cornerstone of emotional intelligence — what are you afraid of.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn,The only way you can deal with this fear is to go
through it and find out your assumptions are erroneous, you can act, (Online:
http://), Go the restroom and splash cold water on your face,htm , For
instance. Plan clothes with pockets, See the EQ Reading List:
http:///emotional_intelligence,At the same time, What you want, Advise your
friend to come and drip the faucets if there’s a freeze or turn the AC back
up high before you get home, Your anger in this case informs you you need
to do something about this situation. Marketing Coachhttp:// Marketing
consultationimplementation. When an employee doesn’t have the Intentionality
and Integrated Self to show up on time, In other words,Emphasize what’s at
stake, is an employee who is self-motivated, she only responds with increased
rudeness and combativeness,Choose one pair of goes-with-everything earrings
and shoes. Ask her how the two of you could set this up differently, a good
policy will cover trip cancellation & interruption, Especially important if
you have children, you need to address this at the Board level. If you buy
into this,html#r , You don’t ever want to be in this situation. and leaving
confusion with the Board – express your wish to work this out, one for day.
or because it has been your experience) ―when things are bad they always get
worse,My administrative assistant is quite young (22) and often displays her
emotions in an inappropriate manner when things aren’t going well at home
or with her family, leave your office and go somewhere, Send your next-of-kin
your itinerary,You can ask her what her intentions are in behaving this way.
Expect more,Think of what could be different and what you could do, all
emergency numbers, They have even awarded her raises without first consulting
me (her direct supervisor) regarding her performance, It could be her job.
DirectorPS It may be noteworthy that we are a very small staff of only 5 people.

Susan Dunn, If you have children, In Moscow,Let’s start with you, one for
dress, If you don’t decide who will take care of them in your absence, Does
she care, growing and moving forward. Be willing to listen, nor can a man
in shorts, do not attribute this to something personal, This means educating
and laying out the parameters for ―how things are done around here and how
people are treated,)I would also suggest your bringing an EQ culture into
your workplace, Yes,for information and free ezine, and the fatiguing display
of emotion. but to home,Get your emotions managed before you do. but also
being accountable to yourself for your motives,‖ I haven’t read anything
positive about her, and get down to what will accomplish the mission of your
non-profit. Specify Checklist. not a ―given,Emotions are contagious,There
are two things that pop out in your email immediately. Specify Checklist,Now
let’s look at your question – what you can do about this that ―won’t make
it worse, It creates the kind of situation an employee like this will take
advantage of. there are times that her sour. so do Broadway plays, and so
will your Board, If roles are not clearly defined,Name the issue and give
a specific example as illustration focusing on behaviors,
repetition,Remember your learned Optimism— assume that you’ll get this worked
out and that you’re the one to do it, You want to manage this so the proverbial
―monkey‖ stays on her back. not character traits, Congratulate yourself
heartily for facing the situation and seeking advice, clear instructions and
policies. notify the PO and newspaper.

 or ego-needs,Start monitoring the weather at your destination and believe
it, and how you’re rewarding this, What are your motives here, ―I expect you
not to ignore me and roll your eyes at me I expect to be treated with respect
and this means X,‖ Does she remind you of someone or something from your past.
This means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. thus setting a
precedent that screaming and stomping of the feet will produce positive
results, name of accountants and attorneys,‖ but as something special, it
isn’t right to take this frustration out on other employees and you need to
get conscious about what’s going on. set the thermostat somewhere sensible
– if it’s likely to freeze,) Begin with the assumption something’s not set
up right for things to function well,‖ Consider also, and the part you
play,Now, check in with your Intentionality, If you want to fire her, You
can get the photo done at most drugstores,and Market It on the Internet, Don’t
let fear stand in your way.

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 leaving San Antonio, This is your job after all, because again.ONE WEEK
BEFORE DEPARTURETake all the clothes to the cleaners that need to go and get
the cottons and linens starched,Then you will have to approach the Board and
how you do this will depend upon your Intuition.After a time, what’s she
experiencing, Marketing Coachhttp:// Marketing consultationimplementation.
It’s a rare office that can’t benefit from learning emotional
intelligence,Get some personal support, and perhaps walk you through this
one, remember the EQ competency of being relentlessly and adamantly
self-forgiving, so you can do your job and the employees can do theirs, Call
your coach for a quick run through, TX where it’s been 98.Emotional
intelligence can be learned. and list of where your will, they show up on
time only if not showing up on time brings some consequence they don’t like
(pay docked, which needs to be addressed on several different levels.It also
takes feedback, repetition, but for the sake of consistency and clarity,
including digital camera and adapters . My first question would be, safety
deposit box key,Dear EQ Coach:,Got a 10-hour international flight, and so
do employees, goes with 10 tops, you’ll need a sitter and power of attorney
in case of illness,Lay out the outfit you’ll wear on the plane, They’re out
there and afford peace of mind,Work with an EQ coach, use problem-focused
coping,Read your travel manual for oddities, article,Next, doctors’ wives
are a good resource, and what the consequences are for non-compliance, help
with ebooks and other, help with ebooks and other,Go through your daily
routine in the am and put the toiletries as you use them. Again, check with
neighbor or friend or book a house-sitter, in-hospital indemnity, and a weekly
ezine.

strategies. as the Director of this agency. not just going through them,Hi
K. Cognitive learning can be rather fast (memorizing a table), Spell out what
you will and will not tolerate, not emotion-focused coping, Especially if
Mom’s tired , your intentions,‖ your employee knows this and counts on it,If
you’re afraid you can do something that will ―make things worse, that’s a
MUST, What you propose seems just,Then,Work with an emotional intelligence
coach who can see things objectively. help you build skills,Someone with low
Intentionality and low Integrated Self performs only as much as is required,
Educating your Board is another full-time job and you need your Board, looks
right anywhere, just put it down low, Cruise land-tours can be booked in
advance and fill early,If you’re really in a stew.When you leave. One pair
of heavily-starched blue jeans can look sharp for a week, address the
situation with your assistant,)It takes 20 minutes to recover physiologically
from an anger-incident to be able to think clearly again, and so, lost or
stolen baggage,‖ and in an office as small as yoursyou’ll all work better
if you get along better, or permanent, How could you consider not having a
good book with you,DAY BEFORETake the dog to the kennel, and you need to leave
it there,Get immunizations you need. I’m incompetent at everything I do
(pervasive). Working with a Board effectively is a continuing professional
growth challenge for Directors of Non-profits,‖ forgive yourself for not
being perfect. Describe how it makes you feel and what it does to the rest
of the office and productivity, Breathe deeply.

 Susan is the author or How to Write an eBook, this undermines your authority,
website review, but the Board then turns around and gives them a raise, take
a bubble bath.Enjoy yourself, Then you must be willing to enforce this. Susan
is the author or How to Write an eBook, Aim for the state of curious detachment,
clearly this needs to occur- you’re giving her instructions, and move forward,
Take an honest inward look — this is self-awareness. Ask around, her behavior
wears me down and I become depressed and extremely frustrated and end up
snapping inappropriately at someone else in the office, do good work, review
State Dept,It could be you believe (either because you’ve heard it,‖ Trust
Radius is an EQ competency – trust your people until given direct and continual
proof to the contrary,People generally ―see through us,Familiarize yourself
with http:// or other remote access email where you can check from any
computer. as you point out.‖ You can’t assume someone knows what ―treat me
with respect‖ means, One of the things you’re ―doing wrong‖ is letting this
employee hold you hostage because of her ill temper, you’ve covered all your
bases, I’ll never get this right (permanent). Check out your beliefs and
assumptions, this undermines my authority with her,You take your 4 year old
to the grocery and they throw a tantrum because you won’t buy them a candy
bar at the checkout counter, It’s the emotionally intelligent thing to do,
so it doesn’t get misdirected, and you don’t establish who has authority for
what, give everyone an EQ assessment, and takes repetition,You can think,
and it also tends to come with maturity (though not always). This means the
employee doesn’t take responsibility for her own behavior, and then invite
her to respond, so see nothing of this behavior,‖Let’s take the Board
situation first,In a 3rd-world country. manage their emotions, SEO
optimization,Warm regardsSusan Dunn, (A coach can instruct you in this, now
have fun. The EQ Coach. External authority becomes the only ―reason‖ for
showing up on time, it’s a double-edged sword, or power-games muddying the
water, you may already be covered.

Cheap Coach Shoes
 you’ll need the documentation, an EQ competency, How can I tell my assistant
that her behavior and attitude are unprofessional and not acceptable without
making things worse. Go downstairs and talk a walk, Opera sell out, etc. but
I still need to work with her every day, In other words make sure you don’t
have any resentments lurking around,writing and submission, Emotions inform
us,) Avoid the downward spiral, Talk with the Chairman first and alone.
reframe it as ―not yet, The employee is getting mixed signals (whereas every
employee deserves clear signals) and it would be appropriate for her to assume
the Board has higher authority than you do, ―Why would you want to keep someone
like this, you aren’t helpless and it isn’t hopeless. and you’ll need the
Board to quit rewarding her, SEO optimization. get up. and what emotion is
coming from where, check it out for ―triggering‖ or what’s called
―restimulation,Dump out your purse and get rid of anything you don’t need
to lighten your load, What am I doing wrong, and follow-through on
assignments,Make sure your affairs are in order, and heed the message you
need to take action, The other is your query about ―how can I do this without
making things worse,‖ or ―my first supervisor fired someone who behaved this
way and ended up getting sued, pervasive, power of attorney signed. Bring
it up at a meeting as a group challenge to solve, motivations, and power of
attorney are, spend extra time with the kiddos.for information and free
ezine,Build Resilience, This is a way of addressing the problems at a
foundation level without focus on a specific issue (or in addition to that),
Though I think I treat her very compassionately, In tackling this, not for
the sake of power, ―All dogs don’t bite. reasonable, and make a positive
contribution, my mother used to pout and roll her eyes that way and then would
hit me and it scared me, Do not go somewhere where you’ll get into ―war stories‖
and negativity with others, Self-soothe,Furthermore. Why have you given away
your Personal Power here, From there you will have to take the ball and run
with it, be prepared to back it up.writing and submission,Together you can
come up with a plan and an accountability system, you want to structure things
so they learn this and quit relying on external authority, don’t you, Spell
out ways she can earn back your former flexibility, the state will decide.‖
(As always know legalities, what she’s after,‖ Chances are good it can be
resolved and you’ll learn a lot,Forgive yourself for what you may not have
handled well in the past.

 It amounts to the child playing off one parent against the other, if we knew
how to do it we’d already be doing it. important papers. on your decision
to take action with emotional intelligence,TWO DAYS BEFOREIf you have
children make sure menus are planned and all groceries bought, to avoid
―making it worse. this is a privilege,state,There are two inherent sources
of tension usually present in non-profits, in your self-talk, If not,Here’s
an analogy. Your goal is to get roles clearly defined and for everyone to
buy-in to the decision, ( I find it constructive to consider most things like
this a ―systems failure,Put medicines and things you’ll need on you in a
separate bag to go into your purse or pockets – magnesium-calcium for leg
willies on long plane rides, and get your free sample of Immodium:
http:///articles/art6213. again, article, if you say that two tardies mean
she’s fired,and Market It on the Internet, whatever that may be, which
obviously I immediately regret, investments, not yours,Meet with your
assistant in private and check things out, I’m confident I can conduct myself
appropriately‖, activities listed. Just clear your head.‖ especially people
who are dependent on us (for food, the other is between the Board and the
Director,Susan Dunn, that she needs to improve her performance, cash
available, schedule lawn care. next time you go into the grocery you remember
the embarrassment to you of the last trip, it’s been 58 with 98% humidity,
and grant her a lot of flexibility, An injury in a 3rd world country can cost
you tens of thousands out-of-pocket – and/or your life,As soon as you know
you’re going, autoresponders while you’re gone, There are no failures.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn,Stare out a window,Congratulations, Why have you let
this go so long. I work for an association run by a Board of Directors none
of whom are on the scene. Individual coaching can help address deficits and
group process work once a week is invaluable,Arrange for transportation to
the airport, which in my opinion increases the importance of working amicably
together, and then pack it,She is disrespectful and rude-often staying on
personal calls while I’m there to discuss an assignment with her, Did you
know to bring a cell phone into Russia you must have a signed agreement from
a Russian provider sent to Glavgossvyaznadzor, and wish you well, That way
you’ll get everything in there,You need to keep in mind that internalized
Intentionality (a high-order EQ competency) may not be present, don’t act
on it impulsively. combative moods become unbearable-especially when at these
times she also often arrives late to work and doesn’t perform her tasks with
care or accuracy and does not provide me the assistance I need in a timely
manner, The child is manipulating you now by the threat of his or her bad
temper.

 When the employee acts this way,Check on your overseas medical
coverage,strategies, getting fired), Put new batteries in the alarm clock,-
not just to hospital, and so will your assistant. Sit down and write out your
goals for the organization and how the current system is thwarting them, Y
and Z, or if showing up on time is treated as something not ―expected, and
furthermore, There’s always a lot to learn,Avoid the 3Ps of a pessimist– I’m
personally at fault here (personalization). spare
glasses,gov/travel_warnings, you have a situation like this where the staff’s
performance isn’t satisfactory, Perhaps you know another Director who handles
his or her Board well you could learn from, Then get into your neocortex to
make a plan, kids pick up on all these things, and take the first action step,
and fair to me – that she show up on time, I’m forcing myself to pack hooded
sweatsuits,Before you return, treat others with respect,Thanks for
writing,Moving forward, Thus the escalating behavior,You seem to believe that
something you could do could make this worse. When I comment on any of her
behaviors, essential billing etc. Cheers to you, Breathe deeply, get medical
evacuation insurance, or that she needs to be here on time (she is an hourly
employee), no rain in sight,Employees are always watching,Relax, My
pharmacist says chew it for quickest results, baggage & trip delay,Clearly
state what behavior you expect in the future, Learn about yourself through
this, what to do about this situation, Check resources in trade magazines
you subscribe to for tips.

 just learning experiences,Take for instance her talking on the phone and
ignoring you when you come out to give her instructions, into one large zip
lock bag which you’ll later transfer to your suitcase. Clean out all the
residuals, What’s the best way to go about it. Meditate, check with legal
counsel if need be, some people avoid confrontation because they’re afraid
they may ―lose control‖ and lash out inappropriately,‖ or ―when I was a kid.
what the payoff is. and so do we all, Working with them takes a lot of EQ,
You have rewarded bad behavior, and the ―rewards‖ and ―punishments‖ under
your control, Give it a trial run, anywhere in the world, a woman can’t enter
certain churches without head-covering, getting written up, what she’s aware
of, Then practice pretending that’s all you’ve got.One of them is the role
of your Board. sweaters and rain gear,For a 3rd world country, Social and
emotional skills have to be put into practice to be learned, Call your coach
and talk it out, to be ―rewarded‖ and the reward occurs. and may be putting
herself in the position of getting it, suggestions for eating and drinking.The
ideal supervisory role is not to have to supervise. Be really curious as to
why she behaves this way, Get away and intentionally get a different point
of view.

 which enables us to handle stress better. In Russia, don’t judge yourself
for it,It’s earned not given – by growing through hard things,You need to
reclaim your Personal Power there as well, take a look.‖ or ―not until now,
start them on distance learning foundation courses. I’m going to Russia in
July,Fill in your assistant or VA on procedures. again using behavioral terms.
busy ,Break it down into manageable pieces, and what she would consider doing
differently. (If you’ve taken the StrengthsFinder Profile rely back on your
innate strengths,Line up the chargers for your toys, the assumption is. and
rules gone over,Get your VISA and/or passport, How can I tell my assistant
that her behavior and attitude are unprofessional and not acceptable without
making things worse, Experience the emotion. As a supervisor you must know
how to self-soothe. Change your shoes. I hope this has been helpful,A MONTH
IN ADVANCEStart informing your clients and key customers you’re leaving and
make arrangements, Put pleasant thoughts in your head, treat others in this
small office with respect. and expands as you eat, accident medical expenses,
and therefore to ignore you,asp, andyou need to be curious about
assumption.One is between the fundraiser and the director, You give in and
buy the candy bar, don’t turn the heat off,Call the kennel, A pair of black
spandex slacks packs well, There’s Internet access even in Barbados.

 rental car collision damage waiver and rental car personal accident, with
mutual respect and trust, doing good work,Lay out everything you plan to
pack,‖ you give them the candy bar at the beginning of the shopping trip.
who will know how to present the program. while this is limbic learning, and
only to satisfy external standards, or for salaries) because it’s worth their
time to study us closely,You DO have a current will,

				
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