Empathy AMFA by MikeJenny


									Conflict Resolution
 What does empathy mean?
 Empathy is “feeling into”, seeing how it is
  through another's eyes.
 It involves experiencing the feelings of
  another without losing ones own identity.
 The emphatic person senses the other
 person’s bewilderment, anger, fear or love
 “as if” it were his own feeling, but he does
 not lose the “as if” nature of his own
 involvement. (Robert Bolton, People Skills, 1987)
 Some of the things that help you to feel
    empathy towards another person are:
   Trust
   Attentiveness
   Appropriate Responses
   Shared Experiences
   Respect
   Support
 Some of the things that make it difficult to
  feel empathy towards another person are:
 Inattentiveness
 Lack of interest
 Lack of respect
 The key elements of empathy as a skill are:
 We must separate our responses from those of
  the person we are empathizing.
 Retain objectivity and distance
 Be alert to cues about feelings offered to us by
  the other person.
 Communicate to people our feeling for them and
  our understanding of their situations.
 Some things a person can do to help in the
    communication process are:
   Stop talking. Always remember that if you are
    talking, than you are not listening.
   Ask questions
   Using “mms” and “ahs” to encourage them.
   Maintain good eye contact.
   Display attentive and welcoming body language.
 Some things a person can do to shut down
    the communication process are:
   Not really listen
   Not showing interest
   Not being attentive to the person speaking
   Poor eye contact
   Changing the topic
 When attempting to empathize with
    someone you must always be on the
    watch for empathy blockers. There are
    four main types:
   Domination
   Manipulation
   Disempowerment
   Denial
   Threatening: “Do it or else”
   Ordering: “Don’t ask me why, just do it because I
    said so”
   Criticizing: “You don’t work hard enough”;
    “You’re always complaining”
   Name-Calling: “Only an idiot would say that”;
    “You’re neurotic”
   Shoulding or oughting: “You shouldn’t be so
    angry”; “You ought to face facts”
 Withholding Relevant Information: “If you knew
  the “big picture” you would see it differently”
 Interrogating (micro-managing): “How many
  hours did this take you?” “What are you doing
 Praising to manipulate: “You are so good at
  report writing, I would like you do this one.”
   Diagnosing motives: “You are very possessive”; “You
    have always had a problem with time management”
   Untimely advice: “Why didn’t you do it this way?”
   Changing the topic: “Yes it is a worry…by the way, did I
    tell you I applied for a new job?”
   Persuading with logic: “There’s nothing to be upset
    about. It’s all quite reasonable…we just do this…than
    we do that…”
   Topping: “I crashed the car last week” and you follow
    with “When I smashed up my car…”
 Refusing to address the issue: “There is
  nothing to discuss as I cannot see any
 Reassuring: “Don’t be nervous”; “Don’t
  worry it will work out”; “You will be fine”
 Always remember that people in trouble
  want to be reassured and we want to give
  that reassurance.
 However the “there, everything will be
  alright” approach is not a help. It may
  actually be a disservice as everything may
  not be alright.
 The kind of reassurance that people in difficulty
  need is not meaningless comfort that the
  problem will take care of itself, but rather our
  statement of faith that they will be strong enough
  to work it out even if it is not alright.
 Let them know that you are available and would
  work with them in finding something that can
 Some of the consequences of using “empathy
    Blockers” are:
   Defensiveness, resistance and resentment.
   Blocks feelings
   Diminishes self-esteem
   Decreases the ability to solve problems
   Creates emotional barriers between people.
 People tend to fall into the trap of using
    empathy blockers in many situations,
   They might be under stress
   Feeling angry
   Frustrated
   Out of control
   Out of habit
 With awareness of our use of empathy
 blockers we can try to choose more
 effective methods of communication.
 When we use an empathy blocker, or shut
  down our communication when an
  empathy blocker is used on us, we are
  probably relying on a habitual and
  automatic way of behaving that we learned
  in childhood.
 In other words “We React”.
 However, when we pause a moment and
  choose a response that opens rather than
  closes communication, then we can
  “respond”. You may use phrases such as
  “I’m listening”, “this really seems important
  to you” or “let’s discuss it”.
 By choosing to respond, we are taking
  control of our behavior and opening the
  door to richer relationships.
 Once we are responding rather than
 reacting , there can be times when offering
 assurances or giving advice can be
 helpful. Those times come after you have
 listened and others know they have been
 heard, and after you have shown them
 respect and recognized how they are
 Reassurance and advice may then be
 given in a cautious, constructive and
 supportive manner that empowers them to
 do what they need to in order to move on.
 We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution
  Network for their generous donation of materials
  used in the creation of this presentation.
 Conflict Resolution Network
  PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057
  Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500
  Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148
  Email: crn@crnhq.org
  Website: www.crnhq.org
 This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to
  assist in the education of its Professional
  Standards Committee members.
 Permission to use this material is granted to any
  AMFA Local.
 This course was created using materials
  provided by The Conflict Resolution Network.
  Permission has been extended to use this
  material providing credit remains intact on all

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