Emotional Intelligence Self Control and Empathy

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					 Emotional Intelligence:
Self-Control and Empathy
 •Understand the concept of “Self-Control” as
 it relates to our lives.
 • Understand the concept of “Empathy” and
 its importance in relating to others.
             Everybody Up!
   Let’s hear our I-POSSESS song/ cheer!
          Describe Self-Control

   Self-control is the ability to control your
    impulses or urges to do something.
This is the most difficult of all areas
          for most people.
   It is something that you have to work at,
    especially when you are young.

   The period of adolescence is one of the toughest
    in your life.

   I hear adults say, “This is one of the happiest
    times of your life, and you should be enjoying it.”
    In some ways, that is true but it is also one of
    the most difficult times as well.
Being a teenager is tough…period.
   You are going through hormones,
    decisions, peers and the struggles they
    are having, you are having to be there for
    your friends, you are trying to find your
    own identity, you are trying to get some
    freedom at home and you are trying to
    figure out who you go with, where you will
    go with your life, what you will do, and on
    and on and on and on.
 The real problem for you and me,
as well, is the need to develop self-

   What it boils down to is being able to say to
    yourself that you will or will not do
   For example, you have the opportunity to
    take something without paying for it.
    What do you do?

   Or, you have the opportunity to do
    something that you know you can get
    away with and now you have to decide.
    What do you do?
 In fact, your whole life is filled with
choices about what to do and every
  one of them involves self-control.
   How many examples can you think of
    where you have choices, and every time
    you have to exercise self-control as to
    what you do?

   At your tables, brainstorm for 2 minutes
    as many examples as you can.
               Group Role Play
   The scene is your classroom on a day when
    you have a substitute teacher.
   One person plays the teacher. Everyone
    else go out to the courtyard and comes in.
   Use three different scenarios:
       Everyone comes in not using self-control
        (talking, being disrespectful, etc.)
       Everyone comes in using self-control.
       Part of the group does not use self-control.
        What do the others do?
   How would Teen Leaders, knowing what
    we know, behave with a substitute?

   Think of our meeting and greeting skills,
    for example.
    How do you develop self-control?
   Most people don’t understand that you
    can’t just wake up some morning and say,
    “Well, I think I’ll have self-control today.”
   It is not that easy!
   You get self-control over time and you
    have to work at it or it won’t happen.
   You will also fail during this time of
   The trick is NOT to get discouraged and
    A life without self-control is a life
               out of control.
   Learning to say no and yes at the right
    times is something that all of us have to
   When you don’t learn this, the
    consequences are bad.

   If you can’t control yourself, someone else
    will… and that’s not cool.
   I value my freedom, and I would do
    whatever it took to keep it.

   If you really want to be free, you have to
    learn self-control.
     What does empathy mean?
   Empathy is the ability to feel what others
   Empathy is the key to being human.

   For us to be part of the social community
    we have to be able to be in touch with
    other people and their feelings.
    How is empathy developed?
   Empathy is developed in people through
    their early learning experiences.

   We learn this through our own crying,
    hurting, sharing, being cared for and
    accepted, as well as having someone hold
    us and learning how to express our
   The difficult thing for many people is that
    when they go to school they are often
    made fun of and teased.

   When this happens, we can quickly end up
    feeling alone and uncared for.

   For many of us, school is a painful
    experience. We seem to be surrounded by
    people and sometimes by friends, but in
    reality, we can feel very alone.
   It is possible to learn how to express
    empathy during these early years of
    childhood and adolescence.
   One of the things we need to do is to
    learn to listen to others and learn how to
    understand someone’s feelings.
   Take time to try to understand and get in
    touch with what a person is feeling.
       Empathy is caring about and
       understanding what the other
            person is feeling.
   Can you see empathy?
   How can someone show empathy to someone else?
   How do you feel when someone shows you empathy?
   How do you feel when you show someone else empathy?
   What does empathy have to do with being a good leader?
   What does it do to a group when someone is upset and
    someone in the group makes mean or sarcastic remarks
    about that person or how the person is expressing
   When a group is able to express empathy to each other,
    how does this affect the group’s performance?
Empathy Stories
   We’ll listen to the stories.
   Discuss each one.
   Answer some questions:
       How did you feel?
       Did you connect with the character in the
       Have you ever felt that way?
       Have you ever known anyone that something
        like this happened to?