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   THE WEEK OF MAY 19, 2008

 Good Connections, 3:
 Through the Eyes
  of Your Heart

        Dr. John Townsend
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
        author of How People Grow

      Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv
 CCN                     Solutions: Good Connections, 3—Through the Eyes of Your Heart                     Page 2

I. Empathy
    We crave empathy, and God created us to need it

         When you don’t know what else to say, give empathy

         “Stop, drop, and connect”

    God is the model                                                                        For we do not have a high
                                                                                                priest who is unable to
                                                                                                   sympathize with our
         God entered our world: that’s empathy                                              weaknesses, but we have
                                                                                         one who has been tempted in
    Empathy: the ability to put your experience aside to enter someone                     every way, just as we are—
                                                                                                   yet was without sin.
      else’s                                                                                           —Hebrews 4:15

         Empathy is not natural: it’s spiritually and emotionally developed

    The purpose of empathy: To bring needy parts into connection so they get life

         Empathy is for loneliness or for pain, hurt, and brokenness

II. Aspects of empathy
    A developmental process

         1. Infants need to be empathized with

         2. As the infant matures they begin to develop a relationship with the mother
            —an objectified relationship

         3. As kids receive empathy, they begin to be capable of relationships

         4. The final stage: Altruism

    If you have a hard time giving empathy, it may not be your fault

    Sometimes empathy is all a person needs                                       The purposes of a man's heart are
                                                                                         deep waters, but a man of
    To pull off empathy, you must be able to value connection over a                 understanding draws them out.
                                                                                                   —Proverbs 20:5
       happy ending

         The cheerleader gets anxious because they often didn’t receive empathy

    You’re a better person when someone puts themselves on the shelf for you, and you’re a bigger
       person when you put yourself on the shelf for someone

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 CCN                        Solutions: Good Connections, 3—Through the Eyes of Your Heart                      Page 3

III. Steps of empathy
    1. Get it and keep it
                                                                                             What do you have that you did
         Remember what it’s like when someone reaches into you                                  not receive? And if you did
                                                                                            receive it, why do you boast as
    2. Eye contact                                                                                      though you did not?
                                                                                                         —1 Corinthians 4:7

         Empathy’s received through the eyes

    3. Move toward the negative

         Ask questions that move them toward the pain                                        Grief borne alone is doubled.
                                                                                                    Grief shared is halved.

    4. Imagine the person as vulnerable

         Everyone in the world at one time was hurt

    5. Check out your reality

         Ask people: “Do I get it?”

                                Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv
 CCN                     Solutions: Good Connections, 3—Through the Eyes of Your Heart      Page 4

                                Next week on Solutions:
                               “Thanks, I Deserve That!”

How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals
about Personal Growth
by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Loving People
by Dr. John Townsend

Solutions Leaders

“Ultimate Living” Solutions Tour

          Sponsored In Part By:

New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental
                         and spiritual health issues.

                                Contact Information
           Dr. John Townsend                                      Church Communication Network
        Cloud-Townsend Resources                                           PO Box 1718
       3176 Pullman Street, Suite 105                                Mountain View, CA 94042
       Costa Mesa, California 92626                                    Phone: 800-321-6781
           Phone: 800-676-4673                                          Fax: 650-745-0660
       Web: www.cloudtownsend.com                                  Email: ccninfo@ccnonline.net
                                                                         Web: www.ccn.tv

                             Visit CCN on the web at www.ccn.tv

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