Dr. Ruth's Rx Lists For Real Romance
Be Loving
Speak, don't shout. Request, don't demand. Listen, don't tune out. Keep talking. Be gentle. Be kind. Be faithful. Be honest. Compromise. Share jokes. Share tears. Share troubles. Show respect. Share laughter. Share pajamas. Make time for each other. Make time for sex. Compliment each other. Say thank you. Don't use up all the hot water. Hold hands.
Be Romantic
Go for a sleigh ride or a sunset cruise. Snuggle up by a fire. Reenact your first date. Massage each other's back. Take a long drive in the country. Help out at a soup kitchen together. Feed each other grapes. Go for a long walk by starlight. Have dinner at an intimate restaurant. Find the biggest stuffed animal you can and have it delivered. Play sensuous music. Share a bottle of champagne. Give each other a sponge bath in the kitchen. Wear your tux to the dinner cable.
Be Surprising
Take the kids to give your spouse a break.
Compose an erotic poem or letter. Clean the bathroom together naked. Arrange a surprise party. Send a singing telegram. Watch TV together without channel-surfing. Spend an evening at a karaoke bar. Visit a nude beach. Send a balloon bouquet to the office. Learn to belly dance (men too!). Play onion-ring toss with his member as the target.
Be naughty
Buy an item at a sex shop or browse a sex-toy catalog. Watch an X-rated video together. Visit a motel for two hours on a Sunday afternoon. Bring home edible underwear for dessert. Whip up some cream and lick it off each other. Put satin sheets on the bed. Setup a video camera in the bedroom for an evening and playact. Watch the video that you made. Set the alarm for4 a.m. and make love in the sunrise. Make up code words for sex things to use in public.
Be Spontaneous
Drop in at work with a picnic lunch. E-mail each other love notes. Send flowers just for fun. Put sexy Post-it notes where they'll get the most attention. Slow dance at home by candlelight. Read erotic literature aloud to each other. Sing an operatic aria. Attempt to paint or sculpt your lover in a provocative pose.
Be playful
Plan a trip together. Buy two tickets to the ball game and feed each other peanuts. Take a bubble bath together. Play a game of strip poker. Buy a new feather duster and use it on each other. Take dance lessons together. Feed each other a plate of spaghetti with sauce-naked. Play hide-and-go-seek. Go roller blading. Visit an amusement park and ride the carousel.
Go skinny dipping. Clean out each other's belly button.
Star In Your Own Sex Flick
On the heels of the videocassette player came the video camera, which now enables couples to star in their own versions of Deep Throat. Again, if filming your sexual escapades adds a fillip to your sex life, then I'm all for it. But I must advise certain precautions:
Don't pressure your lover into doing something that he or she doesn't want to. If one partner wants to film their lovemaking, and the other objects, that's the end of it - no filming. If you want to keep those tapes, remember that there is always a risk that they'll fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to watch the tapes a few times and then erase them. Now I know that some people actually take those tapes of themselves and sell them so that others can rent them at their favorite video store. My opinion of that? It's downright stupid. It's almost guaranteed that somebody is going to show those tapes to the one person who shouldn't see them. It could be your kids, your parents, your boss, or your biggest customer. And it might not happen this year or next year, but five years down the road, and then the consequences might be even worse. You may no longer be with the person in the film, and your new partner may not be so open minded. If you really want the extra thrill that comes from knowing that other people are watching you have sex, then videotape your lovemaking while fantasizing that the camera is connected to NBC and is broadcasting to millions of homes. But don't ever actually let such a tape leave the confines of your house.
Do Things Together
Go for walks
There's no better time to discuss something than when you're going for a stroll. You have privacy because there's only the two of you. There are few distractions - and if you have a cellular phone, don't take it (unless a real emergency is pending). By walking, you'll be expending energy - energy that might otherwise be used in fighting. You'll find that, if you discuss issues while being active instead of passive, you'll be much less likely to squabble over the little things.
Go out on dates
I know that, with children, it can be hard to find the time and the money to go on dates, but it really is important to have some large periods of time that you can devote to each other. If there aren't any grandparents around, try to find another couple with whom you can exchange baby-sitting duties. If you can't afford a fancy restaurant, go to McDonald's, order your Big Mac to go, and park somewhere quiet for an hour or so.
Get a lock for your bedroom door
I'm always surprised to find couples who don't have this little necessity. Your kids need to know that there are times when Mommy and Daddy want to be alone, whether it's just to talk or for other, more private reasons.
A hook-and-eye type lock costs only about a dollar, and it can be the best investment you'll ever make.
Turn down the volume
Some people seem to always need background noise, be it the TV or radio or a CD playing. Even if it's not loud enough to stop conversation, this noise is a distraction to conversation. Because time for communication is short as it is, both of you have to give each other your full attention if you want to really impart information. And, when you get in your car together, don't automatically switch on the radio. Drive time can be great conversation time, unless it gets drowned out by some DJ.
Organize and prioritize
With busy schedules, it's hard not to get scattered. You keep saying "We'll talk soon," and even though you share the same living space, soon becomes later, becomes never.
Yes, there are things that you have to do, but are they all more important than talking to each other? Make a list of what you have to do (dress the kids, walk the dog) and put conversation with your spouse as close to the top as you can. Let the machine pick it up or take it off the hook: Now I love telephones, and I'm on them for hours each day, but just because the telephone has a loud ring doesn't mean that it always gets first crack at our attention. Sometimes you just have to decide that you won't let the phone interrupt. If the two of you have finally found time to sit down and have a conversation, it makes no sense to interrupt those precious moments to talk to somebody else. There's nobody more important to you than your spouse, right?
Sex Guide for Dummies
1. Oral sex does not mean talking to each other
2. A condom is not needed for when you are doing it alone 3. Herpes is not the name of a Greek god. 4. On the same note, oral contraception goes beyond just saying 'NO' 5. For it not to be a crime, mutual consent is necessary 6. No woman would ever be desperate enough to sleep with you at first sight. If this happens be sure you pay her, otherwise you will suffer major physical pain 7. Abstinence is not a kinky position
8. Don't tell potential girlfriends that you have a severe Oedipus complex 9. A bad line to use is, "They took 80% off during my circumcision" 10. Speed is not a virtue.