Pet Humor
Why cats are better than babies
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: dcohen@paul.rutgers.edu (Dawn Myfanwy Cohen) Subject: Cat owners will agree... Date: Wed, 8 Mar 95 4:30:01 EST I've known a number of people who told me that they were really eager to have babies. Having a spouse or good job would be ok, too, but what they were really after was the babies. I never understood the attraction for a long time, but then it hit me. They must want babies like I wanted a cat. (Until recently I lived in a dormitory, where people of the furry persuasion are the subject of intense discrimination.) Though I now understand the feelings of those who have the unfulfilled cravings of the existence of another living creature in the house, I feel it my duty to point out the flaws in their reasoning. Top 10 reasons why kittens are better than babies: 10. Veterinarians have evening hours. 9. Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie theater with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you don't even't have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight. 8. Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months. 7. Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath this month. 6. You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how you are going to finance your kitten's college (or high school) education. 5. No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't want to breast feed your kitten. 4. No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten. 3. Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is. 2. No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear you just got a kitten. And the Number 1 reason: 1. You only have to change a litter box once a day.
Why babies are better than cats
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Re: Cat owners will agree... From: ianb@netcom.com (Ian Barkley-Yeung) Date: Thu, 30 Mar 95 4:30:03 EST Kittens, better than babies? Hah! Here now are the top eleven reasons why babies are better than kittens (and, as any five-year-old will tell you, more reasons makes my list better. Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!) 11) Babies are rarely known to shed on furniture. 10) No one's allergic to a baby. 9) Having a kitten in the car doesn't let you drive in the carpool lane. 8) An exercise program you can really stick with... that you have to stick with, whether you like it or not... 7) With a kitten, you don't get to watch otherwise normal adults making silly faces, jumping up and down, talking nonsense in a high pitched voice, and generally making fools of themselves. Hours of fun! 6) For an initial investment of a camera and few pieces of film, you can convince baby's grandparents to buy the kid all the cute but expensive clothes, toys, furniture, and major appliances s/he will ever need -- a good photographer can buy nothing but diapers for a year. Cats never buy their grandkittens anything. 5) Babies don't have fleas. Babies don't give you fleas. 4) Free pregnancy/labor horror story with each baby. Commensurate with other mothers! Scare newly-pregnant friends! Get your husband to do twice the housework for months! 3) Two words: Tax deduction 2) Childbirth -- the greatest crash diet ever! Lose 20 pounds in one day -- and keep it off, too!
And the number one reason babies are better than kittens: 1) Kittens never grow up to look at you and say "I love you, Daddy". [original to me] -Ian Barkley-Yeung Proud Parent of Stephen Skyler Barkley-Yeung -- cutest baby in history!