quotes - Download Now DOC by wulinqing


									                      Emanuel Plans to Rob Me!
                        (Anton’s Quote Book)

       For several years now, I have been compiling a database of the strange and stupid things
people say when they stop listening to themselves talk. For some reason, it has always been
called “Emanuel Plans to Rob Me!” – probably because I sat next to him in my T1 math class
and spent a little too much time bragging about my shiny new Palm IIIx, back when it was
worth more than $5 resale. Now, I finally present to you in its entirety my book of quotes,
organized in reverse chronological order – at the last possible moment, just like everything else
I do! Some of the quotes may be inside jokes, completely incomprehensible, or simply lack any
semblance of humor… but hey, who am I to decide that something should be omitted? I extend
my apologies to those whose propensity for sounding foolish may be overrepresented; the
frequency at which someone may appear in the quote catalog is mostly a function of the
company I keep and the classes I take. So… please enjoy, use it to remind yourself what truly
gifted high school graduates we all are, and don‟t take it personally! An electronic version of
the compilation is also available at:
(randomly, after sitting in a diner for a couple of minutes)
“Christ, I need some candy! Need some sugar! Be right back...”

“...yeah, she said that Yaelle... uh... Yared and Ele... (pause) wait, I think I just mixed their names together...”
        -Sonam/Anton G/Sonam

(someone knocking vigorously on the door)
“Emu, what are you doing?”
“It‟s Anton, he plays volleyball, he‟s waiting for me...” [Anton K]
“Anton plays volleyball?!” (begins to crack up)
        -Mr. O‟Keefe/Emanuel/Mr. O‟Keefe

“...but it sort of annoys me how she cheats on tests.”
“Yeah, I bet that gets you off... uh, puts you off! Gah!”
         -Shawn/Anton G

(after a lengthy explanation by Mr. O‟Keefe)
“Yes, but... you‟re arguing with me a point I haven‟t made...”

“Your clock is wrong.”
“That‟s the date!”

*talking about IB history exam*
“Do they grade you on spelling?”
“They might like you more if you‟re literate.”
       -Megan/Mr. Atkinson

(William playing with a painted Easter egg)
“I wonder if this is edible...”
(he breaks it somehow)
“Aaargh! What the... I didn‟t know it was an egg!”
“Then why did you ask if it was edible?”
“I thought it was chocolate!”
       -William D/Anton G/William D

“It feels so good to crack your back, even though it‟s giving me Alzheimer‟s…”
         -Anton G

“...it‟s not meese! I made that mistake, and my mother wouldn‟t let me hear the end of it. I mean, that makes
sense, doesn‟t it? The plural of goose is geese, why is the plural of moose, mooses? It should be meese!”
“It‟s moose, you idiot!”

“I‟ll have the „assorted fruit cake‟ please.”
“...the perpetrator used a combination of kindness and weapons to strike at his victims...”
         -News anchor, Channel 2 News

“Evian water tastes likes milk without the milk taste.”

“...so it would be a four dimensional sphere... a quere! Wait...”

(not exact quote)
“...the waves there aren‟t big enough.”
“They‟re big enough for mice to surf on them.”
(3 minutes later)
“...mice can‟t surf.”

(Ele stares at a book titled “Gotham” for several minutes)
“Does that actually say like, „got ham‟ or something?”

(watching “Booty Call” on VH1)
“...yeah, but you said that guys can‟t have an- (close-up on Shakira shaking her hips) oh...”

(after a lengthy pain/pleasure explanation of the utilitarian view on sadomasochism)
“I was just wondering what... uh... sado-machonism is?”

“I‟m shocked that you guys Kant remember your Kant...”
       -Mr. Walker

“You know, you can tell a lot about a person by his car...”
“Yeah, you don‟t have one.”

“...because America is a boiling pot of all the nationalities in the world...”

“I remember this one time we bought a goat, and we were going to cut it in half and sacrifice it and then eat it...
(long pause) I forgot what was funny about that...”

“Oto, did you read these books?”
“Yes.” (in an offended tone)
“Are you sure?”
         -Mr. Worrell/Oto/Mr. Worrell/Oto

“You know, Fanta has different flavors... green, purple, lemon...”
(after a physics test)
“What‟d you get for the frequency?”
“I got 9.8Hz...”
“I got .98Hz! DAMNIT!”

(runs in during the middle of another physics class; Mr. O‟Keefe‟s hair is somewhat disheveled)
“Mr. O‟Keefe!! I know the answer to that question!! 200km! (pause) Wait, what the hell did you do to your
hair? Oh, I know what you‟ve been doing...”

*during introductory astrophysics*
“...the earth is the closest star.”
(pause; I give him a look)
“What? It is.”

*during Mathias‟s philosophy oral*
“Isaac, do you think we [the human race] are a cancer?”
“Uh.... (pause) sure, why not.”
        -Mr. Walker/Isaac

“...there will be a little tension between what you are saying... there is a bit of oppositionality...”
         -Mr. Walker

“...so if you take a timeline of time...”

(pointing to diagram)
“What‟s that?”
“That‟s like a smoke detector, except it detects light and measures its wavelength.”
        -Mr. O‟Keefe

“...made in a way called „Anime‟ where they take real film and draw over it.”

“...and all these people got kicked out of UNIS/UN because they weren‟t dressed formally enough.”
“What?! When did this happen?”
“In my dream.”

“Gah, it‟s from Lois and Clark!”
“Oh, is that with that cute guy Dean Cain?”
“No, it‟s with Dean Cain.”
        -William B/Tara/William B

“...and the „d‟ represents the distance the boat can travel.”
“What‟s the capital „D‟ stand for?”
“That‟s not a „D,‟ it‟s a picture of a boat.”
        -Mr. O‟Keefe/Ajaya/Mr. O‟Keefe
(pointing to photo)
“This is what you‟ll see when you open Hotel Fiesta.”
“Isn‟t that a copyright violation?”
“No, that‟s a photo.”
        -Cyril/Anton G/Cyril

“Table tennis skill is negatively proportionate to social skills.”
“...negatively proportionate?”
        -Zaher/Anton G

“Surprisingly, no... I have incredible teeth... I drink coffee. That stains them, but is also corrosive enough to
destroy plaque. That‟s my philosophy.”

“It makes perfect sense, I couldn‟t possibly explain it...”
       -Anton G

“I haven‟t tried it for like a decade.”
“Oh, so you can do it?”
       -Anton G/Anna

“Whenever I see cheese cubes, I think of you...”
     -Aditi (to Lee)

“William says... no, not William, what is your name... yes William, reminds me...”
       -Mr. Ledenev

(talking about moss and its „leaf‟ structure)
“...actually, they‟re not like leaves... they‟re leave-like structures...”
        -Ms. Tseng

“...and if you look at the strategy word in Greek... (pause) strategy word in Greek... the Greek word for
        -Mr. Walker

“Oops, I forgot to write „inertial reference frame‟ [on the board].”
“Don‟t worry, I already wrote it...”
“Thank God for that...”
       -Mr. O‟Keefe/Ajaya/Rohit

“Imagine taking a bed-sheet... spread-sheet... bed-spread-sheet...”
      -Mr. O‟Keefe

“What is the difference between a strategy and a plan?”
“Strategy is more tricky.”
       -Mr. Walker/Tessa

“...or if you fission a helium nucleus.”
“Mr. O‟Keefe, is fission a verb?”
“I don‟t know...”
         -Mr. O‟Keefe/Shawn/Mr. O‟Keefe
(talking about music in “Beloved”)
“I used to play the flute...”
“You, played flute?!”
“Yeah... I could play... Mama Sheep...”
“Mama Sheep?”
“Uh... Ba Ba Black Sheep...”
        -Yussef/Mr. Worrel

“...anti-Semitic about what?”

“...that Mady drew on the blackboard.... that is, white board...”
“Who‟s white?”
“The blackboard.”
         -Mr. Ledenev/Mady/Nandini+Tara+Noa

(reading de Clerq‟s Xanga site)
“What‟s a libido?”
(reads dictionary.com definition)
“Ah, okay...”

(upon hearing above quote)
“Huh? What‟s a libido?”

“William! Calm down! Check out Nandini... She‟s focused on her program...”
       -Mr. Scutt

(talking about being a trekkie)
“Oh, you mean Star Trek?”

“...wow, I remember the last time that I went out, you guys had to be back at like 7... you guys are old.”
“I want to hit you, but I don‟t know why...”

“...is all headed towards a sort of technologisation of society...”
“Oh, that can‟t be a word...”
          -Mr. Walker/Edward

“Nice haircut Ashraf, did you just get it? Your hair was longer in math class...”

“...the force holding the nucleus...”
(writes) “Horse folding...”
         -Mr. O‟Keefe/Emanuel

(writing) “...‟to his own criticizism‟... wait a minute, I‟m missing a word here...”
        -Mr. Walker
“...souls of black folk...”
“...source of lactose?”
        -Mr. Worrel/Mady

“Zaher appears tired and very often has a pained expression on his face.”
       -Ms. Doyle, on Zaher‟s report card

“...iambic kentameter!”

“...and then you see Mr. Good Morn... you see Mr. director...”
        -Mr. Ledenev

“Prince Louis de Broglie had discovered...”
“Prince Louis?”
“Yeah, Prince Louis... about five or six names... de Broglie.”
       -Mr. O‟Keefe/William D/Mr. O‟Keefe

“Since you like girls, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror?”
“Hey, that‟s a good question...”
       -“Chasing Amy”/Jason

“...and what kind of memories does it link with?”
“Memories of the past.”
        -Ms. Ainger/Ken

(discussing the fact that Mr. Meyers is 30 years older than Mady)
“Wow, that‟s like a thirty decade difference...”

(talking about No Exit, by Sartre)
“...and all Estelle wants is sex, and she‟s fine as long as she gets it, and I respect that.”

(in the middle of math class)
“...I don‟t think I went to homeroom today...”

“...wait, you left out an option... there should also be a white/red...”
“I have it up here.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn‟t see... man, I thought I was on top of the game, but...”
“Rejected magenta!” *snaps fingers*
“Oh, that‟s my virgin crackwhore name...”
*ten seconds later Krishika is under the table in embarrassment*
        -Krishika/Mr. Ledenev/Krishika/Mady/Krishika

“God created humans as sexual beings, but he did not expect them to start to talk about sex in math class...”
      -Mr. Ledenev

“Why do you need three copies? So you can screw up three times until you get it right?”
“No, if I screw up three times I need four copies...”
(George makes gesture as if to suggest the previous statement was blatantly obvious; 3 second pause)

(Cyril singing)
“Hey, you can join B2K... you‟ll make it B3K.”
“Man, that was bad...”
“Yeah, you might as well call it bcdefghijk...”
        -William D/Cyril/Ajaya

“Ajaya, I‟ve read over your extended essay, and it‟s got a lot of psychology in it, so I think maybe you should
change your topic to psychology...”
       -Mr. Scutt, Computer Science teacher

(doing a probability problem; Mr. Ledenev writes “an urn contains 3 red balls and 5 black balls...”)
“How many balls?”
“...You can add them together.”
(changes „balls‟ to „marbles‟)
“You grab two balls randomly... what is the chance...”
       -Mady/Mr. Ledenev

“...and then there‟s also this phenomenon, I think they call it lap dancing...”
        -Mr. Walker

(discussing probability)
“Not having plus having equals one.”

(Smriti smells her Sartre book)
“This smells like paper...”

“...and you can‟t say that because that‟s a completely different kettle of fish.”
        -Mr. Walker

“In what sense does the other objectify you?”
“As an object?”
       -Mr. Walker/Tessa

“Does anyone remember Toni Morriso006E from Tut 2?”
“Mango Street!”
“Bluest Eye!”
       -Mr. Worrel/Joshua/class

(Yussef grumbling after getting his test back)
“You see Yussef, I don‟t want to hurt your feelings, but this is what I was talking about earlier... I love you
Yussef, but love hurts; what I am grading actually is the performance of the student...”
       -Mr. Ledenev

(talking about Mady‟s tan)
“You know, you look like my brother... in skin color!... Hey, don‟t go there!”
(talking about Soldier of Fortune)
“The problem is their heads don‟t come off...”

“...actually during the last prom I almost got fed ecstasy.”
“Wah, you almost got FedExed?”
        -Dasha/Anton G

“What city did Peking become?

(Bader asks for mints, I throw them to him, under-throw horribly)
“Bah, can‟t throw with my left hand, and I have peanuts in my right...”
“Huh? Your penis?!”
       -Anton G/Emily+Jeannine

(talking to Jason on phone; hands phone to Lee)
“Hey Lee, it‟s your boyfriend...”
“Ooh, Jason!”
(everyone laughs)
“Awww look, he‟s blushing...”
(everyone laughs again)
“Wait, what did you guys say?”

(talking on the phone)
“…a plan? Yeah, uh, we have a plan... our plan is to have fun!”

“You know how in real estate they say what the three most important things are?”
“Area, area, area!”
       -Mr. Cisek/Ajaya

“Woah, you almost dropped the Palm...”
“It didn‟t hit the ground.”
“It hit the bag.”
“Well, it didn‟t hit the ground!”
“The bag is connected to the ground!”
“So is the air!”
         -Anton G/Rocco/Anton G/Rocco/Ken/Rocco

“...well, I should have taken IBH then.”
        -Ken/Mr. Cisek

(slightly paraphrased)
“Ken, what are you going to study in college?”
“Well, I know it won‟t be English...”
“I‟m actually going to go for law...”
“You can see him too, can‟t you? Won‟t stop talking...”
        -Mr. Cisek/Anton G/Ken/Mr. Cisek
(in restaurant, pointing at a pickle, mocking Herrard‟s English)
“Hey Herrard, what‟s this called?”
“It... uh, I don‟t know, I just eat it...”

“Hey, I haven‟t seen you for a while...”
“That‟s because I moved [to Bahrain]!”

“...okay, so this is my last chance to impress you... upon you... impress upon you the notion...”
        -Mr. Cisek

“...because, I mean, you need the foundations... you can‟t build a skyscraper without first building a house.”
        -David SG

“You would have some flexilibity in what path you choose...”

(opening a german book)
“Can you read this for me? I want to hear you spit...”
       -Smriti, to Rocco

“There‟s eight syllables in each phrase...”

“...and you don‟t want to buy [condoms] in bulk because they can expire...”
“Unless you‟re really active...”
“You‟d have to have sex three times a day!”
“I‟m sure we could manage that...”
“Oh, fuck you!”
        -Krishika/Wayne/Krishika/Anton G/Krishika/Anton G

“History is like an arrow that goes backwards... that goes upstream...”
(later) “...it‟s the average of all human lives!”
         -William D

“...but it‟s two and a half hours long!”
“But it goes by real quack! Uh... quick... fast...”

(talking about Ajaya‟s pong game)
“Finally, I got two balls working!”
“It‟s about time...”
“How about three balls?”
“No, that would just be too weird....”
        -Ajaya/Anton G/William D/Ajaya
“Why shouldn‟t you ever tell a frog what book you‟re reading? because he always answers „read it!‟”
“Oh, that‟s an Ajaya joke...”
“Hey, that‟s a good one!”
       -Mr. Scutt/George/Ajaya

“Yo, your head‟s so fucking big, I can‟t see shit!”
       -Emanuel, to William D

(talking about Josh‟s initials being JEW)
“...but how many Jewish peoples‟ names end with a W?”
“You mean... how many Jewish peoples‟ last names begin with W?”
         -Lee/Anton G

“Hey, is this College of Partnership? Oh, College Partnership...”

“....and there are these stereotypes... you know, you have heavy drinkers in Russia, and bears walking in the
“Beers? Huh?”
“No, bears... bears.”
“Bears? Oh, you mean bear bears? I thought you meant people who looked like bears!”
         -Mr. Ledenev/Smriti

“You‟re not supposed to ask me how old I am, ask how young I am!”
“Okay, well how young are you?”
“My soul is young!”
“Yes, but how old‟s your body?”
       -Mr. Ledenev/Nandini/Mr. Ledenev/Nandini

(reading the whiteboard as Ledenev writes it)
“Cartesian... Rule.... I mean Equation! of the... s... slope... straight line! By Jean Paul... I mean Voltaire... I
mean Rene DesCartes!”
       -William D

“Mr. Walker, we‟re laughing at you... I mean, with you!!”

(talking about Missouri & Illinois)
“Isn‟t that west coast?”

“...so, what sort of engineering do you do?”
“Computer Engineering.”
“Yeah... but... what is that?”
“You know... typing...”

“...so suppose you are underage, and you are attempting to enter an alcohol establishment... now I know this has
never happened to you, but I‟m going to have to ask you to use your imagination here... now suppose I‟m the
         -Mr. Walker
(discussing Lenz‟s Law, with a wire loop in an electric field...)
“It‟s a magnetic eclipse!”

“...so then we get into this, which first, the consciousness or the nothingness?”

“...so he says that you‟re as free as the water is free... so Mathias, after this period, what are you going to do?”
“Go somewhere else...”
“Don‟t you have lunch after this?”
“So what will you do?”
“I‟m going to go home.”
“...and then what are you going to do?”
“I‟m going to watch TV...”
“But... uh...are you ever going to eat?”
“Uh... I already ate.”
“...and here you almost convinced me that you were free!”
        -Mr. Walker/Mathias

“...so you‟re floating around in the blob... and you sort of create this bubble around yourself so you can have
some space... and you use this nihilating... you have a nihilator gun that you... this sounds sort of stupid now
that I think about it...”
         -Mr. Walker

(talking about Greek letters)
“Anyone from Greece here?”
        -Mr. O‟Keefe/Emanuel

“...because you have something called a motional current...”
“Emotional current?”
        -Mr. O‟Keefe/Ken

(discussing a probability problem in math involving a park bench)
“Aren‟t park benches square?”

(discussing psychology in TOK)
“So, do you guys get to, you know, formulate your own opinions?”

(5 minutes after Friday English class begins, during an in-class commentary)
“Oh, are we supposed to start now?”

(reading King Lear w/ Cisek as Lear)
“Mr. Lear... uh, I mean, Mr. Cisek!”
“Now, when you take a rope...”
(he then writes „roup‟ on the blackboard...)
        -Mr. Ledenev

“Now, physics people help me here... there is an object here, and it is being acted upon by three forces...”
        -Mr. Ledenev/Mady/Mr. Ledenev/Mady

“What if a 200g model... what the hell is g?”
“Grams, you idiot.”
        -William D/George/William D

(regarding Sartre & alarm clocks)
“...so you guys should try this tomorrow... well actually you can‟t because you have a three-day weekend, and I
don‟t, not that I‟m bitter... but I‟ll try it...”
        -Mr. Walker

“What‟s „stile‟?”
“Stile is the thing you pass through... nowadays you call it a turnstile...”
(five second pause)
“Wait a minute... what‟s a „stile‟?”
“A turnstile! He just said that.”
“...what‟s a turnstile?”
        -Unknown/Mr. Cisek/Lee/Anton G/Rohit

“This story is essentially about „you reap what you sow‟... so you‟ve rept... no... you reap.... no, first you sow...
and then you reap your rewards.”
“What? What‟s reap, and what‟s sow?”
        -Mr. Cisek/Lee

(Lee comes into class late, does a roll to avoid detection)
“Hmmm, I forgot I had a bag on... I probably broke something doing that.”

“Hmm, why does it smell so strange?”
“It‟s Fabreeze... Krishika soaked my sweater in it, because someone borrowed it and came back smelling like
(fifteen second pause)
“Why does it smell like... peaches or something?”

(concerning a hinged plastic ruler)
“Hmm, that ruler is like a switchblade...”
“Yeah... how do they do it?”
(Krishika swings around ruler; hurts self)
       -Anton G/Krishika
(Joshua tries to open the door to the math class room; he fails; Mr. Ledenev comes over to the door)
“No, you have to turn it up, and push!” (does a pelvic thrust) “Up and push!”
       -Mr. Ledenev

(points to the word „cacti‟)
“What is this?”
“The plural of cactus!”
“So it‟s the same as cactuses?”
        -Mr. Ledenev/Mady/Mr. Ledenev

“Mr. Ledenev, do you celebrate thanksgiving?”
“Do you eat turkey?”
“No, we have other food...”
“Do they have Russian turkeys?”
“Only Turkish turkeys.”
        -Mady/Mr. Ledenev/Mady/Mr. Ledenev/Joshua/Mady/Mr. Ledenev

”You know, they are making the artificial intelligence in children‟s games better... when they start, it just shows
like „red, blue‟... but as they progress it gets more complicated...”
“Oh yeah? What level are you on now?”            -Ajaya/Mr. Scutt

“Can I have a paper please?”
“You have it, I gave it to you yesterday...”
“Oh...” -Cyril/Mr. Scutt/Cyril

“Theoretically, you‟ve been looking at this magazine, but you‟ve been chatting this whole time...”
      -Ms. Ellner

“And so you can see that...”
“But that doesn‟t work, they‟re not the same things.”
“True, but if you consider it under these specific conditions...”
“But they‟re not the same. You can‟t just compare apples and oranges...”
“Yes you can. They‟re both fruit and they‟re both round.”
“No, gah! That‟s not the point!”
“Yo… fruit‟s expensive!”
       -Mr. Wolle/Nandini/Mr. Wolle/Nandini/Lee/Nandini/Jason

“...and coffee has the effect of making women smarter...”
“...and it makes men dumb and impotent!”
“What does impotent mean?”

(upon hearing above)
“What‟s wrong with impotence? I mean... what‟s wrong with not knowing what impotent means?”

“...and so the size of vector A is greater than the size of vector B...”
“Size doesn‟t matter!”
“Just keep telling yourself that Will...”
        -Mr. Ledenev/William D/Danya
“I like imaginary numbers...”
“Because they play with your imaginary friends?”
         -William D/Krishika

“Well, you made a mistake, a booboo, and you get points off...”
“So... how many points do you take off for a small booboo?”
“It‟s a boobette!”
         -Mr. Ledenev/William D/Krishika

“...so you know, Haynes and Gap get their shirt from the same manufacturer...”
“What? No, Haynes makes underwear...”

(Cyril logs into collegeboard.com and types his password; he is then confronted with the security login check 5
seconds later)
“Fuck man, I forgot my password!”

(in chemistry)
“So, it conduces more better?”

“I mean, think of those infomercials asking you to send money to these kids in foreign countries... you never see
these kids bawling...”

“...so there was this great scene where she slaps him in the face and leaves with the children, and it was sort of
amusing in context but I can sort of see that it fell flat out of context... so anyway...”
         -Mr. Walker

(Shawn manually spins his pathetic electric motor)
“Well... it sort of works...”
“Shawn, it‟s backwards.”
        -Shawn/Anton G/Shawn

“Hey, who writes those stupid fucking captions that come with the pictures? ...Oh, that‟s you?”

(“Moby Dick/irony/Maddy” is written on board)
“You spelled my name wrong! It has one d, it‟s a four letter word!”
“Oh hey... and so is Moby, and so is Dick...”
      -Mady/Mr. Meyers

(Rohit is talking about karate/wood chopping)
“...yeah, you keep your wood to yourself there Rohit.”
(in physics)
“...so is that how the permeability of free space relates to the... permissibility of free space?”

(during a fire drill)
“If there was a fire and you were eating the apple in the stairwell it could endanger your life!”
Yeah, right.... and it‟s flammable too...”
        -Ms. Doyle/Ken

“Okay... so it‟s called a „split-ring commutator‟... and the name is sort of self-descriptive...”
       -Mr. O‟Keefe

"...I need some more tea."
"A martini?"
         -Smriti/Anton G

“Who wants to do Oswald? C‟mon, I need a fop to play Oswald... Ken!”
      -Mr. Cisek

“Look, the array is 10-9-8-7-6 etc.... and it‟s printing out 1098765... oh, wait a minute!”

“I just made one joke about rape and now she hates me!”
        -Rocco, re: Dalma

”I‟m not as stupid as I talk.”

(Anna forgets her cell phone at Ele‟s house; she then calls the phone, and Jenny, who is sleeping over at Ele‟s,
“Is the phone at Ele‟s house?”

(talking about Freud)
“...and then you get into the phallic phase...”
“What‟s phallic?”
        -Mr. Walker/Tessa

“It is not enough to observe... (is cut off)”
“Observe!” (class laughs)
“You have to absorb, not observe!”
         -Mr. Ledenev/Yussef/class/Yussef

“Sentences that end in periods - what are they called?”
       -Mr. Cisek/Lee

“It‟s 11:15, and Rocco still doesn‟t have his glove back...”
“It‟s 1:15, Anna...”
“...because when you‟re on top of a building, and you feel that urge to jump, it‟s all about your constituent
material parts wanting to go back to earth...”
        -Mr. Walker

(watching a color documentary on Freud, with an actor playing him as narrator)
“Mr. Walker, is that really him?”
“Uh, no, I think that‟s an actor...”
       -Tessa/Mr. Walker

(reading a website)
“Child pornography is illegal?”

“Cyril, why are you crossing your legs like that?”
“I‟m putting pressure on the part that hurts...”
        -William D/Cyril

(jokingly, in TOK)
“It‟s somewhat Apollonian.... it‟s the veil of maya...”
“Huh? Maya? What does that mean?”
“Veil of ignorance.”
(Maya lowers her head, saddened)
        -William D/Maya/William D

“So, you hear it‟s Krishika‟s birthday this weekend?”
(Mr. Banton kisses Krishika‟s hand; she blushes)
“Oh, stop!”
(Mr. Banton moves closer)
“You don‟t mean that, do you?”
       -Shawn/Krishika/Mr. Banton

”So, like Nietzsche, he thought art had gone to pot... I‟m sorry I shouldn‟t say that, I mean...”
        -Mr. Walker

(writing on the board)
“Mat... not a prehistoric mat, prehistoric man!”
        -Mr. Walker

“...you know there‟s a difference between noughty and naughty? Because noughty, it means zero, and naughty
means... uh... nothing.”
“Raefilowe, could you please slap William? I think he needs a good, hard one now, to get him back on track.”
        -William D/Mr. Walker

“For anyone who‟s seen the book or read the movie...”
       -Ms. Ainger

“So, supposing Ajaya and Nandini are nodes... Ajaya, I have to make you, then I have to reuse Nandini because
she‟s fertile...”
        -Mr. Scutt
“I will trade you my sandwich if I can give you the journal tomorrow...
“All I heard was Mr. Walker... my... which... something...”
(Birdy repeats herself)
“What kind of sandwich is it?”
“No deal.”
         -Birdy/Mr. Walker

(talking about working on an essay)
“...laughing all the way to the bank! ... Actually I don‟t know why I said that, that has no application here...”
        -Mr. Walker

“Lee, what time is it? Oh, I have a watch...”

(Sonam laughs at something)
“Sonam, c‟mon, you‟re disturbing the class... you‟re a candidate for being exiled into Williamland back there...”
*points to William D, sitting in the back, all alone*
       -Mr. O‟Keefe

"Which one is 26?"
"The one labeled 26..."
       -Shawn/Anton G

“...a series of equations, that from which we shall be able to extract the unknowns...”
         -Mr. O‟keefe

“...so you will get the rationale...”
“Did he just say Russian ale?”
        -Mr. Ledenev/William D

“...so I was watching your favorite show, and it was the 9:30 to 10 one, so it was the porn one, and there was
this guy, and he was pregnant, but then he wasn‟t pregnant so he was happy...”

“I was Gorbachev‟s man!”
       -Mr. Ledenev

(talking about seniors being immature for throwing grapes at each other)
“We‟re seniors, we‟re allowed to be immature.”
“I‟ve been a senior for the last 17 years...”
“Well, I‟ve been 3 & 3/8ths all my life.”
(Zaher makes gesture with fingers indicating a length of 3.325”...)

“I‟m proud to be a American.”
       -bumper sticker; note grammar

“Anna, did you just say „homy‟?”
“What? Homosexual?”
“As an anthropologist, I have to investigate...”
“Do you investigate to find answers?”
       -Ms. Ainger/Daniella

“You know, they found out that your penis is faster than a cable modem...”

“Wow, the clouds are moving pretty fast for America...”

“What does onomatopoeia mean?”
“It sounds the way it does...”
        -Mr. Meyers/Ken

(talking about a mouse tray)
“Mine doesn‟t come out... oh, I don‟t have it.”
(class laughs)
“Well it‟s true!”

“Mr. Ledenev... will this topic get any harder?”
“You said the hardest thing would be the „e‟s...”
“A, B, C, D, E...”

“And now Anton is helping me with the hard one (problem)...”
“Oh, lucky you.”
“It‟s a Russian connection…”
        -Mr. Ledenev/Unknown/Anton G/Nandini

“...because remember, in that play the chorus was almost fighting with the troops of what‟s-his-face...”
        -Mr. Walker

“...so matter is just pure stuffness.”
        -Mr. Walker

(talking about arm wrestling)
“Yeah, I do my sister with both hands...”

”Two wrongs make a right!”
“Two wrongs make a Ken.”
“That‟s what your parents said...”

“Okay, the homework‟s due on this Monday, a week from... last Monday...”
       -Mr. O‟Keefe
(looking at quotes)
“Who‟s Edward?”
       -Rohit/Anton G/Rohit

(Stefan fiddling with the cardboard tube from a paper towel roll)
“Yo... you can smoke this...”
(He puts the tubes to his mouth; think George...)
        -Stefan G

“B as in dog...”
        -Ms. Ainger/Jeannine

“If you go to France and you want toast, do you ask for french toast?”

“...math is logical...”
“Have you ever heard of mistakes?”

“Hurry up, slow down!”
       -Reshmi, to Mr. Clarke

“...so you can be inspirated”

(Ajaya holds his fist to his forehead)
“What are you doing?”
“You know, if you hold your wrist to your forehead like this, it looks really small.”

(Smriti throws a piece of paper; it lands in Stefan‟s hair)
“Argh, you bitch! Even my girlfriend isn‟t allowed to touch my hair...”
(he then spends the next 30 minutes fixing it)
        -Stefan G

(spinning the cover to my PalmPilot)
"Anton, I'm trying to find out the velocity of this, do you have a stopwatch?"
"Do you have a life?"
       -Rohit/Anton G

“Quanza starts the 26th this year!”
“Quanza starts the 26th every year...”

"We love Gupta"
"Well, maybe love is too strong a word..."
(Rocco pokes Ele)
“It‟s fun poking people.”
“It‟s also fun to hit people...”
“Hint hint...”
“I only hit guys...”
(Anton slaps forehead)
         -Rocco/Ele/Anton G/Rocco

"I hate dylexsic... aaargh, I mean dyslexic people. Hmm, that kind of backfired, didn't it..."
        -Anton G

”I know the mistakes I‟ve made, I can see them walking around on campus...”
       -former college admissions officer

(after being handed a menu labeled „Authentic Thai Restaurant‟)
“Is this a Thai restaurant?”

“Why are you talking about Emu like he‟s a gun? Guns don‟t kill people, people kill people!”

(having just written “...union of poetry & musi )” on the board)
“This is really worrying, because not only did I miss the „c,‟ I left a space here before the bracket to put the
        -Mr. Walker

“Do they do like, old school poetry?”
“You know, old school, like, romantic...”
       -Ken/Mr. Meyers/Ken

(looking at a picture of a tree and its roots) “Crap, crap, crap, crap...” (asks Mr. Walker) “Wait... is this the
tree‟s roots, or a reflection of the tree?”

(singing during math class) “I saw the sine...”

*Will shows Ajaya an article about Napster‟s pending acquisition by a porn company*
(innocently) “You know why, right?”

“Lee, are you like, a vegetarian? Or do you only like chicken?”
“No... I also like PLUMS!”
(Reshmi arrives, looks at Lee‟s food)
“Oh, that‟s a nice banana... (ten second pause) Hey, a plum! I also like plums...”

(Rocco pokes Smriti, she sways)
“Smriti... you are sooo high.”
       -Rocco (note: I STILL think he said “hot,” even if he meant to say “high”)
(discussing AC and DC current in physics)
“Hehe... AC/DC.... hey, I wonder if that‟s where they got their name from... oh yeah!”

(counting down to the end of a download)
“Five... Four... Three... Eight... Ten... Seventeen... What the hell!”

(after two minutes of eating pudding with the foil cover)
“Guess I might as well get a spoon...”

”You know, I want to learn Italian, it‟s really a beautiful language... (looks at Ken) hey Ken, I want to see you
speak Italian.”
“I speak a little...”
“Cappuccino, ayt!”

(during a discussion re: a column comparing art to science)
“He‟s not degrading art, he‟s just saying science is better.”

“In the past ten minutes I‟ve had more fucks then ever! Err, I mean... „fuck you‟s...”

“Remember when there were three Joshes here, and they were all so different? There was the fat one, the gay
one, and the Jew...”

(after reading a monologue clearly showing that Rhinoceros is a French play)
“Is this play Italian?”

“I slept on my arm last night and now it hurts here...” (points to arm)
“What, you stepped on your arm?!”

(class looks over a poem called “I know my soul” for 10 minutes)
“So Iman, can you please read the poem for us?”
“Which one, The Tired Worker?”
        -Mr. Meyers/Iman

(carefully reading over poem)
“It‟s a simile! No... a soliloquy! Wait, what are those fourteen-line things called?”
         -Rocco/Anton G

(during discussion of Middle East problem)
“We‟ve been discussing the problem in the middle east for so long... Tibet has been occupying China for
“So what aspects of society is Berenger not conforming to? Grooming, decorum, sobriety... (5 second pause;
tilts head) French society? Sobriety? Hmmm...”
         -Mr. Cisek

“On the whole, you‟re what I call a lumper...”
       -Mrs. Anger, to Ken

“...so imagine if you remove monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday, and every day is a friday. Then friday
would somehow lose some of its fridayness...”
         -Mr. Walker

“Look at this, doesn‟t this look like a hamburger?” *points at something labeled „near hat‟
“It looks like a near hat.”

“Right... so if you go to the Met... (points at blank whiteboard; 2 second pause) ...I‟m just gesturing here
because I had a diagram here earlier, in case you think I‟m losing my mind...”
       -Mr. Walker

“Can you diffract space-time?”

“This is a principle... but is this true?”
        -Rohit, re: Huygen‟s Principle

"I would say "crazy eastern europeans" but..."
"You are kind of outnumered..."
"Actually, Russia is in WESTERN Europe..."
       -Reshmi/Ele/Anton G

“It‟s hyptonizing.”

“Did you write this poem, Anna?”
(10 second pause; Julian looks at poem)
“...you didn‟t write this, Anna.”

“Slacking is harder than I thought!”

(note: Plato describes reason as „the human within the human‟)
“...so how would Plato describe consciousness?”
“The human outside the human?”
        -Mr. Walker/Tessa

(First day of school in T4, receiving study book)
“Eww, this is horrid, can we like design the ones next year? (pause) Oh wait...”
“Can we have you next semester, Mr. Banton?”
“You can have me anytime you like, baby.”
      -Yaelle/Mr. Banton

“...the canal in Panama...”
“The Suez canal?”

     -sign outside of a tunnel in Baltimore

“Oh, that‟s a digital camera? I thought digital cameras were silver...”

“Huh? What if my cell phone was made out of Hershey‟s?”
      -Anton G/Briahna

(Briahna snaps Jason on the wrist with rubber band; Jason winces)
“Hmm, it doesn‟t look like it hurts...”
(Briahna snaps herself on the leg)

“...think of Nazi Germany! I mean... I always use that example because in ethics it often comes in handy...”
         -Mr. Walker

(to me, drying hands) “Have you ever seen a Welsh garbage compactor in action, Ivan?...”
(steps in garbage bin, crushing it)
        -Mr. Evans

(later, again in the bathroom)
“Us Welsh garbage compactors are a dying breed...”
“What a shame...”
         -Mr. Evans/Anton G

“And next week we‟re gonna do Immanuel Kant...”
“Immanuel what?”
      -Mr. Walker/Tessa

“Is there like... human intervention that we can...”
“Cuban [intervention]?”

(swinging around stapler like switchblade)
“This is how I load MY weapon!
(staples himself)
        -William D
“...you should just try it on the calculator, it‟s much easier, ya friggin‟ bastard...”
“I‟m sorry, what was that Mady?”
“It‟s a lot faster.”
         -Mady/Mr. Ledenev/Mady

(at a urinal, before his English oral)
“I‟m so nervous, I‟m urinating too much.”

“...because you will multiply by 4 if it is deeeeriv.... differentiation...”
        -Mr. Ledenev

“My God, I can‟t believe I converted Kelvin to... Kelvin.”

“Are you ready for the econ test? Good luck, man.”
“Oh, I don‟t need luck... I need a miracle! You hear me, God?!”

“Come prepared for biking...”

“Pardon me, but I must retire to my domain.”
      -a waiter in Boston, to William B

“...and there was this ultra-rationalist philosopher named Hegel, and Kierkegaard really had a beef with him...”
        -Mr. Walker

“...because Jesus is very calm and lamb-like...”
        -Mr. Walker

”When we say “babies,” it means different things for men and women...”
“Babies are painful on the wallet for us... and you guys get all the props...”
        -Mr. Atkinson/Daniella/William D

“I‟m too young to deny the existence of God.”

“Yes... because it‟s outside the unit circle... Krishika, can you please explain why this answer does not fit the
“Yes... because it‟s in the unit square…”
        -Mr. Ledenev/Krishika

“Hmm? What is it Ezster?
“Well... you were just flapping your hands in an interesting way.”
“I was just trying to see if I could fly. I‟m not free!”
        -Mr. Walker/Eszter/Walker/Ezster
“So if we know that nothing happens by chance... this is the smallest piece of chalk I have ever attempted to
write with...”
        -Mr. Walker

“What are the similarities between these two poems?”
“They have three stanzas.”
“But that‟s obvious!”‟
“That what I mean, we‟re just looking at the page.”
“Well, they‟re both written in blue ink...”
       -Mr. Cisek/Class/Ken/Mr. Cisek/Ken

“There was this guy on the train was just like you, Mr. Ledenev - but he had bad shoes, and you have nice
shoes. He was like (Russian accent) “is this the C train?” and it was really funny...”

“Let‟s say I have an imaginary friend here, and I name him-“
“Let‟s just call him Bob...”
        -Mr. Walker/Zaher/Mr. Walker

(demonstrating something)
“...so if I push the meter stick against the wall...”
“No! Not against the blackboard!!!”
         -Mr. O‟Keefe/Ken

“What do we normally associate with the month of May?”
        -Ms. Doyle/Lee

(while discussing breasts as a symbol in Like Water for Chocolate)
“The thing is, with breasts... they‟re like Christmas presents; they‟re meant for the kids, but the fathers always
end up playing with them.”

“Well, you can love your mother, but you don‟t love your mother in that way... unless something...”

”You don‟t have to be a guy to be a feminist. My dad‟s a feminist, and he‟s a guy...”

(searching for a marker)
“Where is it... this is red... this is blue... this is what you will be experiencing when you get older...”
       -Mr. Ledenev

“...Newton, who was not known as much as a mathematician, but as a physicist...”
“Oh, is that that hairy guy?”
        -Mr. Ledenev/Mady

“Yo, Yared, wanna go play baseball after school?”
“Nah, sorry man, I‟ve got a bat, but no balls.”
“Knowledge is what we know...”
     -Daniella, in an essay

“If I see a hot girl on the street, and I‟m attracted to her, is she the mover and am I the moved?”

“...no... because I did the Miss Knox thing and my grades went bungee jumping without a rope...”

“I‟m not sexist; I‟m just keeping it real.”

“Socrates dies, that‟s it, game over man!”
“...isn‟t that the guy who turned gay and shot himself? Oh wait, that‟s a soap opera...”

“You know... dancing is sort of dubious with us [Quakers]... they sort of frown upon enjoying yourself...”
“What, you‟re not allowed to dance? but don‟t Gods dance?”
       -Mr. Scutt/Cyril

“You‟ve finished already? Hmmm... proofread then. I like fast girls, but not on exams.”
      -Mr. Banton

(while playing Mario Tennis; re: Mario)
“Aargh!! It‟s his... damn accent!”
“That‟s the worst excuse I‟ve ever heard, Bader.”
       -Bader/Stefan C

“What‟s your obsession with Canadians? Are you from Canadia?”

“I‟m not lazy, I‟m efficient!”

(Sonam continues drumming on table in front of O‟Keefe, oblivious)
“Sonam, Sonam... if you can‟t handle the candy, don‟t ask for it”
      -Mr. O‟Keefe

(Daniella babbling incoherently in a drunken manner; mentions coffee)
“You‟re gonna need more than caffeine...”
       -Mr. Banton

(Think Chris Farley: “you‟ll be living in a van down by the river!”)
“...and when they send your tests to be graded in Geneva...!”
        -Mr. Ledait

“Oh, that‟s Africa!”
“It‟s America!”
       -Ken (looking at picture of globe)/Anton G
“...New Hampshire...”
“Electrocute a hamster?!”
       -Anton G/Zaher

“Mr O‟Keefe, do you have an answer sheet? I just want to see if I got #2 right...”
“No, but I‟ll just use Kyoto‟s test...”
       -Shawn/Mr. O‟Keefe

“Can I make a suggestment?”

“Ladies first.”
(Max holds the door for some girl)
(to Nathalie)
“Not you...”

“...so the kids can get a taste for blood...”
“You mean they make them drink blood?”
         -Mr. Walker/Eszter

“You know your phone, it‟s like it was designed by crackheads, because look how pixie-ish it is.”
“It‟s not a phone, it‟s a calculator you crackhead!”

“...okay, this chapter covers header files...”
        -Mr. Scutt/Nandini

“Well what if you guess and the answer is eight?”
“Well then that‟s tough nookie because...”
       -Mr. Ledenev/Krishika

“That‟s the weirdest thing I‟ve ever seen - backwards letters but arranged the right way around. You should
work for the CIA.”
       -Mr. Walker, to Ezster

“...and what is at the center of the universe? It‟s at the beginning of every Shakespeare book...”
“The Earth.”
“A penguin?”

“...characters say things like „gold is shit‟...”
“Remember the duck that lays golden eggs?...”

”Umm, excuse me, that should be 8/7, not 1 & 1/7...”
“No, that wasn‟t an answer, it was a statement.”
       -Mr. Ledait/Megan

“I like Yared‟s explanation better... what is this, molecules...”
        -Stefan G

“Go Ollie! The count‟s 3-2, way to make it look like a ball...”

“You know Yussef, if you drink vinegar it cleans your system...”

“...and Nadina, what is the sex one? Sex one... next one?”
        -Mr. Afshinnekoo

“Do we have Music Seminar now?”
“You just missed it.”
       -Tessa/Anton G

“I‟m good at sccccccience, not chemmmmmistry!”

“A „U?‟ That looks more like a deformed V!”
“Ever heard of Latin, Gleb?”
“I‟m Lithuanian!”

“...because that‟s nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty.”
“That‟s right, Edward.”

“I got an A!”
“That‟s „A‟ for „absent,‟ Yussef.”
        -Yussef/Mr. Afshinnekoo

“What happened Monday?”
“I told you, we had nothing happen in history class... oh wait, he assigned that internal assessment...”
        -Anton G/Sonam

“...and then you take your brass plated penny and you take it to junior school and you sell it for five dollars and
you take their lunch money...”
        -Mr. Afshinnekoo

“There‟s more than one way to skin a cow.”
       -Mr. Evans
“Aren‟t you cold, Ezster?”
“You must be strange then.”
       -Mr. Evans/Ezster/Mr. Evans

”Well I think a teacher should generally want his students to do well!”
“Oh, you‟re wrong there...”
       -Daniella/Mr. Clarke

“...Sylvia Gordon...”
“...Soviet gunmen?!”
        -UNISUN speaker/Zaher

“What is romance?”
“...it‟s like sleeping with your older cousin.”
          -Mr. Stroup/Shahid

“Yo, you totally messed up my moment of blackness!”

“In order to fully appreciate life, you need to take chemistry.”
       -Mr. Afshinnekoo

“Yo, that girl‟s got a nice ass.”
“Dude, that girl‟s like five years old!”

“There are more sheep than people in New Zealand”
       -Mr. Evans

“...and we wore shorts in the cold!”
“But didn‟t you get sick?”
“NO! It was too cold for the germs to flourish!”
        -Mr. Evans/Unknown/Mr. Evans

“Those were the people that went down the rivers”
      -Mr. Evans

“No, stupid, it‟s isosceles! That guy‟s theorem!”

“Who‟s got the chicken-arms now?!”

“...I was sitting there, and a fly just flew into my mouth, and I ate it... It was kinda bitter, but tasted good...”
        -Emanuel; not exact quote

“...canals in England, Scotland... But not in Budapest!”
        -Mr. Evans

“I don‟t believe in consonants in [grammatical] roots!”
“For some reason Australians have been winning this competition for the past several years...”
       -Mr. O‟Keefe

“Oh, cool, I see a lot of blood here... blood... blood...”
       -Mr. Cisek

“Am I a car salesman?! DO I LOOK LIKE A CAR SALESMAN HERE?!”
       -Monsieur Ledait

“Hey, I can‟t hear your smile...”

”Hey, look at all the dude-guys!”
“One, two, three, five...”
“...and you‟re in math A?”
        -Anton G/Emanuel/Anton G

“Yo, did you get any sleep?”
“No, I was up ALL NIGHT! I was chatting, didn‟t know we had an exam today, thought it was tomorrow!”

“Hmmm... *KTCHT!! (staples himself)* ooh, ow. Don‟t play with stapler.”

“How hard was the history exam?”
“It was easy except for the exam part...”
        -Sonam/Zaher (he was serious)

“Do you mind if I choke your student?”
“No, not at all. We encourage that.”
       -Tara/Mr. Cecil

                                       Brought to you by: Anton Galkin


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