Page 12 Danegeld For the birds I used to How to sing like a canary live in Texas; you know the place Fried Chicken where everything is big—big hats, big barbeques, nature: Snow White, George of the Jungle, and big backyards. My backyard By Alison Malan Sleeping Beauty and Dr. Doolittle. Ah, the happened to be huge so my father filled it Reporter jealously that stirs when the audience sees By Katie Fisher with an assortment of creatures—bees, ducks, the relationship these characters have with and chickens. The bees the birds that happily perch on their fingers. Reporter were in a corner of our The communion with nature is said to balance the body, uniting all of life on earth. A simple way to be sure the balance isn’t yard, thought of in my mind So what better way to create a union than passing over Viewmont is to converse with as the place to avoid at any cost. The communion! The most “balanced” characters the fine friends with flight. Practice these calls ducks laid their eggs all over the yard, never to of the screen have had a keen connection with with pride. be found until they had gone rotten. The chickens though, were the best. As a kid, it was fun to chase after the chickens that got loose when the coop was left open. My brothers and I turned it • The Laughing Gull into a sort of competition, Olympic chicken chasing, in which we strove hah-hah-hah, hooh-hooh, hah-hah-hah (Monkey like.) to be the first to catch a chicken. After the first chicken was caught, we usually lost interest and went inside to stuff our faces with food or to read, oblivious to the • The Brant possible salmonella bacteria lingering on our fingers. A throaty cr-r-r-unk -Or- kurr-onk, krrr-onk (As high as your voice can go.) One hot summer afternoon, the coop caught on fire due to a neglected (Squeaking makes it more realistic.) heating lamp. My whole family was away at some event that I was privileged to opt out of because I was “sick.” I was lounging around in the kitchen when some lady started • Long tailed Duck pounding on the back door. I was a little tentative, but I opened the door to have her exclaim ow-owdle-ow -Or- owl-omelet (Suck in and sing out in high voice.) in my face, “Your chickens are on fire!” I ran outside to see that the coop was engulfed in flames, black smoke billowing up from the incinerating hay. Two other ladies were there with a • Mourning Dove hose putting it out. Coo-o-o, coo-o-o-coo-o-o-coo-o-o (A slower version of the sound Miraculously, the gate had been carelessly left open, which allowed all of the chickens to be well your car makes when the door is left open with the keys in away from the fire when it started. It was good that those women saw the fire; there could have been the ignition.) a lot more damage to the coop or even the chickens. It turns out the ladies were at a church next door baking something for a Relief Society activity. • Yellow-billed Cuckoo When my family and I moved to Utah, we didn’t bring the chickens. It was for the best though, because Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow everything was so different, except the Relief Society. They were still around, quite involved in every aspect of (Quickly – like you just smashed your our lives. I missed having chickens because there is something about a chicken’s unbelievably stupid thumbnail with a hammer.) demeanor that is endearing. • White-breasted Nuthatch Just this AH HA HAHA HA HA HA HA past year, (Like a forced high laugh after a lame joke.) my dad got some new chickens. I A “crappy” conversation must say it’s nice to have them back. By Alison Malan Reporter went to put an end to the exhausting gossip Battle of the wits: birds vs. Vikings something else beat me to it: a lime green, white and yellow splat of bird crap that My ears were burning landed on her leg. I couldn’t stop laughing and I couldn’t help but as I pointed out to her the karma of what promise myself over and happens when you talk crap about people, By Hannah Wing over again I wasn’t like this in junior you get crapped on. The rest of the high. The summer heat had nothing to summer our conversations Reporter do with the waves of annoyance that were filled with less of were coming over my body. It was other people’s business, It’s a little known fact that pigeons grieve just an ordinary day in June, I sat by thankfully. when their mates die or leave them. People, the side of the pool at Oakridge, being teenagers especially, do the same thing. Any 16 filled with information about the cutest year old girl, recently dumped by her boyfriend boys that were texting the 14 year old girl of five months, one week and three days, proves I nannied, the snotty girls that thought they this theory. She cries for weeks, writes nasty were better than the world, and whatever other notes to said dumper, and composes poems in the gossip that could be put into words. The minutes dark while listening to Dashboard Confessional. turned into hours, years maybe, and even my This is not the only way Viewmont students unrelated interjections couldn’t deter the stories are like birds. They’re proud as peacocks when that she was telling. As each story ended and I it comes to rivalry football games, flaunting inhaled with hope that there’d be no more but it their maroon and gold plumage. They are eagle was always in vain as the beginning of another eyed when looking for a date to the Christmas quickly started. I was losing my mind as she dance, spying their prey, and watching their started ragging on one of her girlfriends and as I every move, waiting for the precise moment to dive and go for the kill. And when questioned Walking on eggshells about their best friends, they sing like canaries. While recently comforting a friend whose world had been destroyed by an uninterested girl, the phrase “a chicken running with its a creature from coming into this world. Even head cut off” came to mind. After discussing By Taylor Witcher worse, it was a bird: a soaring, singing icon it further with him, and many other peers like Reporter of hope and purity. I burst into tears, as my him, it appeared that every teen thinks they are sympathetic mother explained to the phone what misunderstood in some way or another, and no I was six years old when I saw a robin’s had just happened. Due to the extremity of my one can be expected to understand. nest for the first time. My mom showed it to me; sobs, it got even worse. The soft blue egg slipped We’ve all had those days at the park, it was under our deck in Minnesota, perched through my little fingers, and the shell broke in enjoying a picnic, until a solitary seagull spots right above the center beam. Naturally, I was a hundred places, just as my heart had done. My our lunch. Tossing one bread crumb to the enthralled with the tiny basket containing pre- cries raised an octave and my face turned to the seagull is harmless, isn’t it? One innocent life. sky, as my hands still held the shape of the tiny seagull, walking around the picnic table, I remember once when my mom was talking life. Through her efforts a laugh escaped my magically becomes thirty birds of prey, attacking on the phone on the deck, I climbed downstairs mom’s mouth, and she set the phone down and anything edible. French fries have this same to take a closer look. Being a sweet, six-year-old ran to my side. magnetic effect on teens. If you give one fry girl, I wanted to show my mother everything With the help of her forgiving words and to a friend, those innocent-looking passers-by I thought was beautiful, so I took one of the the sped up healing of a child’s spirit, I got over suddenly become a flock of french-fry grabbing, eggs up to her. She stopped what she it. But to this day, I have never forgotten that burger-mooching, shake-stealing animals. And, was saying on the phone, little blue robin’s egg, and I still have issues with like a stray cat, if you give someone a french fry looked at me, touching eggs, even from the grocery store. one day, you better expect them to be back, and and a regretful hungry, every day for the rest of your high school flash of horror career. glanced past If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard her face. “Oh a driver exclaim, “Stupid quail, get out of the honey… road,” I could afford that snooty private college you’re not I’ve been dreaming about. And if I had another supposed to nickel for every time I’ve heard a driver exclaim touch bird in the Viewmont parking lot, “Stupid kid, get eggs, or the out of the road,” I could afford to feed all those mother will mooching teenagers at lunch. smell you I have always heard primates are the closest and won’t species to humans, but with more observation, take care of the similarities between birds and humans them anymore.” seem far more abundant. Don’t agree? Try bird I stared at her as my heart shattered. I had watching, or people watching, this weekend. doomed a life. I, Taylor Witcher, had stopped You’ll be surprised at how close we are to those creatures of flight. Four ways to let out your inner Bird Lover By Hannah Wing Tracy Aviary Layton Wild Bird Utah Museum of Farmington Bay Reporter Center Natural History From being able to feed and play Looking for some free fun? At with Amazon birds such as Brazilian Every Saturday the group leaves Come to the Museum’s Dumke Farmington bay not only can you Do you find your eyes parrots, to meeting and talking to the bird center at 10:00 a.m. to Gallery to see Rosalie Winard’s Wild enjoy bird watching, you can ride ineluctably drawn to the toucan as the bird trainers, or making fun bird go on a fascinating bird walk led Birds of the American Wetlands, your bike, walk your dog, and have a you eat your Fruit-Loops? Is the crafts, finding ways for you interact by a professional, Bill Fenimore. fifty two large-print pictures of birds picnic all in the same day. Tiki Room your favorite ride at with birds is the Tracy Aviary’s forte. An aditional class is also offered whose habitats are being destroyed Disneyland? Is your favorite oldies to strengthen your eye for bird worldwide. This exhibit will bring Hours: 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. seven band The Byrds? If so, you will be Hours: 9:00 am - 4:30 pm identification, finding habitats, and the endangered birds to life. days a week delighted to know that northern Utah Season: Every day except Christmas general bird watching know-how. Season: All year (Dogs allowed provides several ways for you to Location: 589 East 1300 South Hours: Mon-Sat: 9:30 am-5:30 pm September 25 - February 28) learn more about birds and see them Salt Lake City Season: Nov. 1 - Feb. 22. Location: 1390 East President’s in a variety of habitats. Some of your Price: Admission: $5 adults $4 Hours: Mon-Sat: 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Location: 1325 West Glover Lane Circle Salt Lake City options are: students (discounts for groups Season: All year Farmington Price: Free 10+, $1 off per ticket). Additional Location: 1860 North 1000 West Price: Ages 13+ $6 attractions vary in price. Layton The first Monday of every Price: Free month is free.