Emotional Cheating

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					Emotional Cheating

All acts of adultery or infidelity begin with emotional cheating. Although the act of
cheating or sex is not involved yet, the intent to cheat can be just as devastating as a sexual
affair. Nurturing romantic thoughts of another lover aside from your spouse is, in itself, the
best definition of emotional cheating. In the book “The Road Less Travelled” by Dr. M.
Scott-Peck the author explains this process as “cathexis”- the projection of love or deep
emotional feelings to another person.

Cathexis is the beginning of falling in love, which is innate in all human beings, married or
not, without exception. Since this psychological phenomenon is usually a subconscious
behavior, how do you know then if you are already guilty of emotional cheating?

How can you tell the difference between a brotherly love for your best friend and a
romantic attraction?

How do you categorize an infinite unconditional platonic love for your co worker versus
having an unconscious sexual desire?

Freud described the conscious and subconscious aspects of the mind to be synonymous
with an iceberg. The exposed part, the part of the glacier that you see on the surface is the
conscious part of the mind, whereas, beneath the surface lies a bigger and more complex
part which is the subconscious mind.

This is the part where you should be afraid of, not what’s on the surface. It’s very tricky.
Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us and the next thing you know you’re spooning with
your wife’s yoga instructor. Why do these things happen? It’s not because she seduced you
with her Bikram poses and it’s only your animalistic right to conquer women who lure
men. No, there’s more to that.

It’s because you are developing emotional feelings towards the person as you interact with
her, slowly, along the way.
So before any other emotional cheating develops everyone has to be aware of how to tell if
he or she is already on the brink of crossing the line.

When sexual fantasies about your friend become a habit and preoccupation it is a number
one sign of emotional cheating. Daydreaming is a normal defense mechanism when a
current relationship is threatened. It becomes an emotional cheating if it transforms itself
into a constant routine in your head, with the same third person over and over. Married
couples often daydream about other people aside from their partners. It’s normal. What

      Visit To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
determines the line is when it’s the same person, the person you’re constantly spending
time with.

If you find yourself anticipating and longing for the company of your friend more than
your spouse’s then you need to be afraid. You’re beginning to project inappropriate
feelings for someone else. And when in a group, you wish that everyone else leaves so
you’ll have more alone time with your “friend” that’s trouble right there. Also when he or
she goes to another room you take that opportunity to spend time alone with him or her.

Withdrawing from the spouse is also a sign of going to the other side of marriage-
infidelity. Although, on the outside people see you two physically living under one roof
24/7, sharing the same bills at home, watching your daughter’s ballet recital unfailingly
each year and sitting right next to each other at your parent’s golden wedding anniversary,
it doesn’t necessarily warrant you to be in a healthy marital relationship.

What counts is what’s going on inside you. If you harbor ill feelings toward your spouse
and are not letting these grudges and resentments go for countless years now, then that’s
also called emotional cheating. A marriage is supposed to be a holistic loving and open
relationship, inside and out.

You can also tell if you are forming an emotional affair for a friend when you become very
defensive when your spouse asks you about him or her. You think that your wife is being
paranoid when she points out a nice picture of you two in a corporate outing, or you snap
at your husband for asking where you have been when you were just out with your
“friend”. Being defensive, either by anger or reaction-formation (doing the exact opposite
of what you deeply feel) is an indicator that you’re trying to tell your spouse what you
should have been telling yourself.

According to a survey most cheating men opt to share their thoughts, feelings, and
problems with their mistresses instead of their spouses. This is because they know that
they will not be held liable for anything they say. Mistresses do not have the same power
as the wife. The same thing goes for cheating wives. They express their sexuality more
with their lovers than with their husbands. They have no inhibitions when in the presence
of the third party.

This is how emotional cheating also begins. When you find yourself sharing intimate
stories about yourself that you should have been telling your partner about, and if you
notice how sharing problems with your “friend” seems easier for you, then something is
wrong with your marriage. A marriage is supposedly a place of security for two people. It
should not feel like a burden to spend time with your partner.

It doesn’t even matter what you have to say, whether you tell your spouse about your drug
addictions when you were in med school, a weird-looking mole near your anus or even

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about how you witnessed a pile up on I-35 this morning on your way to work, as long as
you feel comfortable and non-threatened with communicating then everything should be

Gift giving can also be a sign of emotional cheating. If you find yourself spending more
gifts for your “friend” than your spouse, or if you give him or her gifts on days when
there’s no real special occasion whatsoever, for no reason at all, then you’re screwed.
Also, be careful with your gift selections.

Personal items such as a pair of underwear, sex toys, inappropriate adult magazines, erotic
candles, heart-shaped figurines, cuddly stuffed animals and expensive rings with diamonds
can be misinterpreted, even if it’s just for practical joke purposes. Joking about sex or love
isn’t really joking, there’s a level of truth in them. People use jokes so as not to feel
vulnerable about what they subconsciously really want to say.

Last, but not the least, is when you keep your friendship hidden from your spouse. This
stems from the paranoia that is associated with being caught in the emotional cheating.
There’s a saying, “Less talk, less mistakes” and this applies to an affair too. You’d rather
not talk about that special co-worker because it’s easier to skip that part than having to

And if you do explain, you also don’t want to have to watch your words or keep a straight,
innocent-looking poker face when your autonomic nervous system is kicking your ass by
pumping increasing blood supply to your sweaty face, trembling voice and spastic hands.

           To find out how to catch a cheating spouse or partner, visit

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