Workforce Investment Board of Southeast Missouri by MikeJenny


									Understanding and Using Basic
      Facilitation Skills

  Performance Objective

• Identify characteristics of manipulation, the
  set-up, and how to guard against it.
      Today’s Offender

• More than 70 percent of persons entering
  U.S. correctional facilities are high school
  dropouts, compared to a rate of 29 percent in
  the general population
• Almost 60 percent of incarcerate offenders
  are functionally illiterate or function at or
  below the fifth grade level
• School attendance has been linked to
  criminality, and dropping-out starts the
  offender on the downward path to failure

                                (Stinchcomb and Fox, 1999)
    Today’s Offender (continued)

• Another sociological aspect of today’s
  offender is vocational
 Poor work habits and lack of motivation
  appear to characterize the correctional

•    Bottom Line offenders live day-to-day or
     week-to-week with no concrete career goals
     in mind will learn to live by cunning and
     criminal behavior
   Sociopath Personality

• “pervasive pattern of disregard for and
  violating the rights of others”

They appear
• Selfish
• Irresponsible
• Impulsive
• Does not learn from experience
• Blames others
What is Manipulation

             • Influencing or
               attempting to influence
               the behavior or
               emotions of others for
               one’s own purposes:

             • OR

             • To manage or
               influence skillfully and
               often unfairly:
Positive manipulation?
 Information people talk about
 that is sometimes distressing
      to you or other staff?

• Family History
• Lifestyle
• Beliefs (political/religious/etc)
Common Characteristics of people
   who manipulate others.

  •   Immaturity
  •   Irresponsibility
  •   Self-centeredness
  •   Little regard for others
  •   Lack of guilt
    Common Characteristics
• Skilled at escaping consequences
• Perception of kindness as weakness
• Lack of insight into behavior
• Belief that criminal rewards outweigh
• Preys on others to meet needs
• Presents self as positive
• Needs immediate gratification
        Who to target?

• Body Language - they look for signs of
  insecurity, indecisiveness, nervousness, low
  self-esteem and weakness.

• How to protect yourself!
Neat in appearance
Pay attention to detail
Take pride in your job
Careful Observe

        • Listening for Information –
          manipulators love to hear
          gossip about people, the
          latest rumors, and
          especially personal
  Careful Observation           (cont.)

• Softening and testing – inmates get friendly,
  hoping that staff will talk about personal
  problems, their personal lives, rumors and so
• People in general – will personalize the
  problem and gain your sympathy

• The more friendly the interaction the more
  likely you will relax and drop your guard.
     Recognize the Set-Up

•   Watch body language
•   Listen for verbal cues
•   Observe actions
•   Listen to others
     Principal Tactics of
personalities used to ensure
   they get their way and
maintain a position of power
      over their victims
   Denial (Who…..Me?)

• This is when the aggressor refuses to admit
  that they have done something harmful or
  hurtful when they clearly have.
    Selective Inattention
            (Sometimes mistaken for denial)

• The aggressor “plays dumb,” or acts
  oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the
  aggressor actively ignores the warnings,
  pleas or wishes of others, and in general,
  refuses to pay attention to everything and
  anything that might distract them from
  pursuing their own agenda.

• Is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for
  engaging in an inappropriate or harmful
  behavior. Very effective especially when the
  explanation or justification the aggressor
  offers makes just enough sense that any
  reasonably conscientious person is likely to
  fall for it.

• A moving target is hard to hit. When we try
  to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a
  discussion focused on a single issue or
  behavior we don’t like, they are experts at
  knowing how to change the subject, dodge
  the issue or in some way throw us a curve.

• It is often hard to tell when a person is lying
  at the time he’s doing it.

• Manipulators often lie by withholding a
  significant amount of the truth from you or by
  distorting the truth. They are good at being
  vague when you ask them direct questions.
  This is an especially slick way of lying’
  omission. Keep this in mind when dealing
  with a suspected wolf in sheep’s clothing.
  Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable

• Threats can be subtle or they can be severe.
  Some threats may include refusing to allow
  family members to see the children, divorce,
  and even suicide. In many cases these are
  just empty threats because manipulators are
  bullies on the outside, but cowards on the
  inside. However, never take a threat lightly
  and always take the proper precautions to
  protect yourself.

• Manipulators are often skilled at using what
  they know to be the greater
  conscientiousness of their victims as a
  means of keeping them in a self-doubting,
  anxious, and submissive position. The more
  conscientious the potential victim, the more
  effective guilt is as a weapon. All a
  manipulator has to do is suggest to the
  conscientious person that they don’t care
  enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person
  immediately start to feel bad.

• Uses subtle sarcasm and put-down as a
  means of increasing fear and self doubt in
  others. They use this tactic to make others
  feel inadequate or unworthy.
     Playing the Victim

• Involves portraying oneself as an innocent
  victim of circumstances or someone else’s
  behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke
  compassion and thereby get something from
     Playing the Servant

• Common but difficult to recognize

• Pretending to be working hard on someone
  else’s behalf, concealing their own ambition,
  desire for power, and quest for a position of
  dominance over others.

• They are charming, praising, flattering or
  overly supporting others in order to get them
  to lower their defenses and surrender their
  trust and loyalty.
• They are aware that people who are to some
  extent emotionally needy and dependent
  want approval, reassurance, and a sense of
  being valued and needed more than
• Appearing to be attentive to these needs can
  be a manipulator’s ticket to incredible power
  over others
    Projecting the blame

• Are always looking for a way to shift the
  blame for their aggressive behavior.

• Not only are they skilled at finding
  scapegoats, they are experts at doing so in
  subtle, hard to detect ways.

• Unique kind of denial coupled with
  rationalization. When using this maneuver,
  the aggressor is attempting to assert that his
  abusive behavior isn’t really as harmful or
  irresponsible as someone else may be
  claiming. It is the aggressor’s attempt to
  make a molehill out of a mountain.
What Offenders/Clients Look For

  • Inappropriate level of friendliness or
  • Lack of experience or knowledge
  • Identifiable area of weakness (hot buttons)
  • Reputation of being soft or mellow
    Strategies for Avoiding
       • Know yourself, including your:

•   Buttons
•   Prejudices
•   Biases
•   Emotional state
Strategies to Avoid Manipulation

  • Utilize peers, supervisor, and mentors as
    sounding boards
  • Confront offender/clients
  • Say no and follow through
     Protecting Yourself

• When you recognize that you have been
  controlled or manipulated, distance yourself
  from the manipulator and his/her agendas
• You cannot change them – You can only
  change your reaction to their bizarre
• Have the self respect to stand up for yourself
  – don’t let the controller take away your
Protecting Yourself (cont)

   • Don’t blow off the opinion of your friends,
     family or co-workers. You may be under
     such control but you can’t see it for what it is.

   • Know that people like this rarely change

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