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Variable Pig 76 with corrections

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					Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                   Page 2

      VARIABLE PIG (LINCOLNSHIRE CURLY COAT)
                                       POLAR PIG 76
Well, it’s always nice to write the editorial when you’ve managed to get the zine out quickly.
Assuming there are no problems at Richard’s end, this issue should be out within 4 weeks of
last deadline. I’d like to say it’s been a trouble free issue, but I’ve had major e-mail problems
since mid-December. In fact, it wasn’t until early January that I was actually able to access my
Wanadoo mailbox at all. The problem appears to lie in my Outlook Express, which will not
connect to my e-mail server. I can now access e-mail either Webmail at my usual address or
via Hotmail (jim_reader@hotmail.com), but neither are ideal. My apologies if anyone’s orders
got graunched through these troubles, but now the Pig has been put to bed, I shall try to restore
normal service.

We had a very nice and relaxing Christmas and New Year. It started with the production of our
local English Church Christmas Play (The Four Wise Men), in which I played a wise man (no
danger of typecasting – my previous role was as a devil). This was combined with a popular
carol concert which was great fun, apart from the fact that both Jackie and I had stinking colds.
Jackie’s cold lasted for about 12 weeks, and we’re hoping it isn’t coming back; I was quite lucky
by comparison, although I didn’t feel lucky at the time. The next day, we drove back to England
for Christmas with my parents where we had a very nice time, no doubt aided by having some
healthy people around to look after Thomas and Hannah. We also visited a few friends and
relatives, before coming home for the New Year fireworks when we were active participants.

Since then, life has been fairly quiet. I finally won a Man of the Match award for our regular
Thursday night 5-a-side football game, and I’ve been in good goal scoring form all year. Having
almost no business travel through January and February has no doubt helped this, as I’ve been
staying back in the lab analysing shed loads of data. It’s been quite fun actually – a return to my
chemical roots. However, March will see me back on the road and April brings the European
Coating Show in Nürnberg, the highlight of my biannual business calendar and one week of
very hard work. Fortunately, I’ll have the Crets’ holiday soon after to help me recover. Socially,
we’ve been fairly active visiting friends, going to the cinema, and discovering a decent Indian
restaurant in Utrecht and so on. Jacqueline has become quite active in the International
Women’s Contact group, organising and setting up a number of events. We’ve also started to
explore the Dutch Youth Hostels, paying a visit to Nijverdal in the west of Holland that was very
nice. All this is in anticipation of organising a hostelling weekend in the summer for the Andover
YHA group, of which we’re still active members.

This issue sees two new 6 Nimmt! game starts and the opening of third waiting list; such is this
game’s popularity. We also welcome John Wilman and his new Preposterous Poetry game –
everyone is welcome to join in. “Sternenhimmel” is a nice, abstract, German board game about
placing stars in constellations. Players position stars of differing points values and black holes
into a constellation, and the player with the 1st and 2nd highest points scores receive payment for
the constellation. Black holes neutralise all linked stars and not all star values have to be
shown, which makes this quite a tactical game – also stars are only brought back into play
when constellations are finished, so a players resources also need managing. I think this game
will work well using a “Hare and Tortoise” style movement adaptation for postal play, where
players play in order with one player (who changes each turn) moving first and last on any given
turn. The game will require some degree of provisional order writing, but I don’t expect it to be
too complex, and the game should last 13 or 14 turns. Four players are requested.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                               Page 3

Just space enough to mention the results of the Y2K Subzine Poll 2000, listed in the table
below. Congratulations to Richard, Gordon, David and Neil and my continuing thanks to them
for their contributions to this zine. Congratulations also to Conrad, for a very well deserved win.

 97/98/99   2000   Subzine            Subzine Editor     Zine           No      Tot    100s   UH    Score
                                                                        vtrs    vts
 -/-/-      1      Calafia's Island   Conrad von         WIMM?          11      945    1      4     78.750
                                      Metzke
 -/-/-      2      TINAS              Allan Stagg         WIMM?         11      931     1     4     77.583
 8/4/3      3      Turbo              Nick Parish         GAME          7       575     0     3     71.875
 10/-/4     4      Ratadan            Rob Mulholland      Pigbutton     4       352     1     2     70.400
 1/1/1      5      The Blue Nose      John Colledge       BTTDA         9       681     0     1     68.100
                   Special
 2/3/2      6      On The Ball       Stephen Othen        BUM           8       601     0     0     66.778
 34/19/12   7      Budda Budda       Richard Smith        Variable Pig 4        277     0     0     55.400
                   Budda
 -/25/17    8      Luide Gitaren     Gordon Elcock        Variable Pig 3        215     0     0     53.750
                   Zijn Zinloos?
 -/21=/15   9      Pop Quiz          David Oya            Variable Pig 3        209     0     0     52.250
 37/23/-    10     Eye of the        Neil Rabbitts        Variable Pig 3        205     0     0     51.250
                   Storm
 -/-/13     11     "Hey, Jerry!      Jerry Spencer        BUM           5       299     0     2     49.833
                   What Went
                   Wrong?"
 26/12/8    12     Going             Martin Walker        BUM           9       495     0     0     49.500
                   Pear-shaped
 19/-/-     13     A League Of       John Harrington      Greatest      3       190     0     0     47.500
                   Our Own                                Hits
 -/-/9      14     Elephants         Kevin Lee            BTTDA         4       227     0     0     45.400
                   Never Forget
 -/-/-      15     Tanstaafl         Fiona Campbell       WIMM?         5       260     0     0     43.333
 25/13/18   16     Holgate's         Paul Holgate         Bloodstock    3       170     0     0     42.500
                   Happy Hour
 -/-/-      17     The Walker        John Walker          Hopscotch     4       207     0     0     41.400
                   Touch
                       UH = unique high votes; score = total marks/(number of voters + 1)

Time to go – just a small request to please get your orders on time if possible, as my life will be
very hectic around the deadline and I would like to avoid a long turn-round time if at all possible.
Early orders are very much appreciated. All the best

                                       CHANGES OF ADDRESS

Dean Talbot’s new e-mail address is helpdeanohelp@another.com
Peter T Davies address is 9 Barons Road, Shavington, Crewe, Cheshire, CW2 5EW
Jerry Spencer’s e-mail address is italia@gryphon33.fsnet.co.uk
Ginette Beavis’ new e-mail address is ginette@gtsystemsuk.co.uk
Keith William’s e-mail address is analog_uk@yahoo.co.uk
Robert Carter’s address (lost last time) is 1 Garratt Close Beddington Surrey CR0 4PW.
                   e-mail: robert.carter@lycos.com
Stephen Agar’s address is 47 Preston Drove, Brighton, BN1 6LA
                   e-mail: Stephen@armisticeday.com
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                               Page 4
                      BY QUITE POPULAR DEMAND - TURN 4
Player         European      TV Program       Description         Film         Something       Breed of
                Country                                                       Talked About       Dog
M Townsend     Switzerland     Simpsons          Smelly        Star Wars         Soccer         Setter      56

A Walding        Slovenia      6 O’clock          Slow         Sound of          Soccer         Scottie     55
                                 News                            Music
T Rabbitts       Scotland     Scrapheap            Silly       Star Wars        Shopping        Setter      47
                              Challenge
B Hudson         Slovakia      Songs of        Scintillating   Screamers          Sex         Schnauzer     46
                                Praise
J Reader          Spain       Simpsons            Shitty         Seven            Sex          Shiatsu      45

C von Metzke     Slovakia     Star Trek –         Sexy         Sleepless      Stock Market     Spaniel      45
                               Voyager                         In Seattle
B Gingell        Slovakia      Star Trek           Soft          Seven            Sex           Setter      44

A Stagg          Slovenia      Spender            Smart        Superman           Sex          Spaniel      43

J Wilman       Switzerland      Seinfeld           Shit        Something          Sex          Poodle       42
                                                               About Mary
R Arnold       San Marino     Sky At Night        Storm         Speed 2          Soccer       Shetland      41
                                                                                              Sheepdog
S Guest          Scotland       Seinfeld          Shitty         Shining          Shite        Shiatsu      38

P Sands          Scotland      Spin City          Swift          Seven           Soccer         Setter      38

D Oya          Switzerland      Spaced           Shabby        Star Wars          Sex          Shiatsu      36

J Ferguson     Switzerland      SMTV             Sweet           Silent         Schools         Setter      36
                                                                Running
D Cowie          Slovakia    Stars In Their       Small        Star Wars       Settlers of     Shiatsu      36
                                 Eyes                                           Cataan
A Diers          Sweden        Star Trek        Sarcastic        Seven          Sailing        Sausage      35
                                                                                                 Dog
J Carter         Slovenia      Star Trek         Sunny            Seven          Soccer        Spaniel      35
                                                               Brides for 7
R Smith          Slovenia     Starsky and        Smelly        Schindlers         Sex          Shiatsu      34
                                 Hutch                               List
B Martin       Switzerland    Sex In The         Serene         Sleepless        Sleep        Sheepdog      34
                                  City                          in Seattle
K Head           Sweden          Super           Smelly        Something          Sex          Sausage      32
                                Sunday                         About Mary                        Dog
P Honeybone    Switzerland       Soap             Sexy          Silence of        Sex           Saluki      30
                                                               the Lambs
G Elcock          Suomi       Supersonic       Superficial     Some Like      Soap Operas       Sukhoi      29
                                                                   It Hot
A Bardy           Spain         Sliders        Superlative        Small          Songs         Spitzer      28
                                                                 Soldiers
G Beavis         Sweden        Star Trek         Stupid        Superman          Soaps         Shiatsu      27

N Rabbitts     Switzerland      Some              Shitty       Spartacus      Shark Attacks   Schnauzer     25
                             Mothers do...
C Green          Scotland     Star Trek         Shortass         Seven            Sex          S. Haired    23
                                                                                                 Collie
MY               Sweden        Seinfeld           Sexy           Seven            Sex         St Bernard    29
CHOICES
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 5
The fourth turn’s letter was S

1) A European Country                     Switzerland (7 scores 0), Slovakia (4), Scotland (4), Slovenia (4),
                                          Sweden (3), Spain (2), Suomi (Finland) and San Marino (1)
2) A TV Program                           Star Trek (5 scores 0), Seinfeld (2), Simpsons (2), Spin City, Supersonic,
                                          Sex In The City, Sliders, Super Sunday, Some Mother Do ‘Ave ‘Em, Soap,
                                          Stars In Their Eyes, SMTV, Spaced, Starsky and Hutch, Spender,
                                          Scrapheap Challenge, Sky At Night, Songs of Praise, Six o’clock News,
                                          Star Trek-Voyager (all score 1)
3) A Descriptive Term                     Smelly (3), Shitty (3), Sexy (2), Swift, Soft, Shit, Shortass, Stupid,
                                          Sunny, Superlative, Superficial, Small, Sweet, Sarcastic, Serene,
                                          Shabby, Silly, Storm, Smart, Scintillating, Slow (all score 1)
4) A Film                                 Seven (5 scores 0), Star Wars (4), Something About Mary (2),
                                          Superman (2), Sleepless In Seattle (2), Spartacus, Sound of Music,
                                          Shining, Speed 2, Screamers, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,
                                          Small Soldiers, Some Like It Hot, Silence of the Lambs, Silent
                                          Running, Schindler's List (all score 1)
5) Something We Talk About                Sex (10 scores 0), Soccer (5), Soaps / Soap Operas (2),
                                          Sleep, Shark Attacks, Songs, Settlers of Cataan, Schools, Shite,
                                          Sailing, Shopping, Stock Market (all score 1)
6) A Breed of Dog                         Shiatsu (6 scores 0), Setter (5), Schnauzer (2), Spaniel (3),
                                          Sausage Dog (2), Short Haired Collie, Spitzer, Sukhoi, Saluki,
                                          Sheepdog, Shetland sheepdog, Scottie, Poodle (all score 1)
(Now, John knows that poodle doesn't start with an ess, but he can't spell the dog that does, and he is more than
capable of starting a hooley in favour of "Sammy", if you want a rumble and think you are hard enough. So there.)

Top score this round was 19 by Mike Townsend. Honourable mentions to Tamsin Rabbitts and Paul Sands who
both scored 16. The maximum score possible was 23

What a fun round that was – we all either think of sex or soccer or why there are so many European countries
whose names begin with S. How do you spell Shiatsu and why do the Japanese have so many odd names for dogs.
Lastly, why are there so many darn good films whose title begin with S – a good few of those would probably rank in
my top ten films of all time. Let’s take a vote – which is the best film of those listed above for a reader’s poll.

The next turn’s letter is P and the categories are
1) Something you study at University
2) A Fruit
3) A Verb
4) A Physical or Mathematical constant (i.e. fixed number such as the Avagadro number = 6.024 x 1023)
5) An English word with a silent letter (like the silent P in swimming pool)
6) A book of the Bible
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                          Page 6
                                                        Letters
Paul Sands -               Thanks for another good issue of Variable pig, as always a joy.
Axel Diers -               Thanks for the VP, but on the front cover page you forgot the New Guinea pig.
Adrian Walding -           Thanks for another good 'Pig'. Good to hear everything that has been happening in your
editorial, it's always worth the wait.
Richard Smith -            A well-deserved zine poll placing for VP I reckon, even though (sadly) there are less zines
around at the mo.
Peter T Davies -           I've just discovered your amazing zine following a link from John Harrington's "Mission from
God". I've spent several happy hours sitting in an armchair, perusing them and quietly chuckling to myself after
downloading and printing out the six most recent copies from the net, much to my family's amusement/pity. I was
especially impressed by your letters section of all things - it certainly suggests a great bunch of people.
It’s always nice to start with an ego boost. Actually, as writing editorials was one of the main reasons
I didn’t want to start zine editing, it is nice to know that some people enjoy them.
Allan Stagg -             Thanks for Pig (SOW), and especially for the entertaining report about Essen. It definitely
sounds like an experience that could be bad for your wealth.
Tony Bayley -             Glad see to my advice was heeded (for all of a few seconds) and it’s nice to know that a
good time was had by all that went with you to Essen. The game prices seem unbelievable and I can see why a
purchasing frenzy took over, I would have probably done the same thing. In fact I must make a greater effort to
attend this year (or next) but something always seems to scupper my plans these days no matter what I seem to
plan in advance.
Richard Smith -           I'm glad Essen was a hit and still a bit pissed off that I couldn't go due to work. The last six
months working on the National Statistics web site have been really hectic - I'm not used to doing overtime and it's
been impinging on my postal gaming activities too. Still the extra wonga is coming in handy - I've done the
equivalent of paying off all my credit cards (I took out a Virgin One account in June with everything bundled in, and
the balance is now about the same as my old mortgage was).
Axel Diers -              In this year we can meet perhaps on the "Spiel 01" in Essen. There is a PBM-stand on the
fair. We could say that we will meet there at X o'clock. That's only a thought but we should keep it in our mind and
can make special plans two weeks before the fair. Will there be a convention in the Netherlands this year??
One of the nice things about Essen was meeting up with Keith Thomasson for the first time, and
generally having the chance to play games with new people. I very much hope we’ll get the chance to
meet up this year, Axel.
PS I am not envious at all you realise. Oh no not me...A VIVID green is my natural skin tone,
trust me.... oh yes
really..........................................AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! weep weep
Yours, well and truly had (without Vaseline) over a barrel by Games shops in this country
Tony, the offer is still open, but not if you’re going to turn into the Incredible Hulk!
Peter T Davies -           I'm astounded to find myself the wrong side of 40, although with my boyish (good?) looks
I'm convinced I could easily pass for 39. My wonderful wife, Lynne, works at the same college as myself, where I
lecture and she manages the accounts (except for the payroll, shame really). Some of my hobbies include reading
science fiction novels; playing "German"-style board games with the family (despite the fact that I usually lose -
though this may be due to a "let's pick on dad" attitude that somehow seems to have affected my beloved
companions); and most sports. Tim and I are season ticket holders at Crewe Alexandra Football Club. For the
uninitiated, the "Alex", [note to the editor: Crewe finished *below* Aldershot FC in 1986/7], are currently the
strongest team in Division 1 (i.e., in 24th position, holding the other teams up). I'd certainly like to "subscribe" - tho'
I'm happy to get the zine over the net and print it out myself, to save on costs.
I can remember that Aldershot didn’t finish last, that sad year when they went bankrupt, but I
couldn’t have said who did finish last. I do recall my colleagues at work decorating my desk in black,
when they went under – they even got the flag lowered to half-mast. And now on to the informative
hobby section.
Jon Carter -             You asked what a "Finn class yacht" was, well the answer is a small 16 foot boat with quite
a big sail. The impressive thing is what this winner had to put himself through (it makes running 100m look a
doddle).
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                      Page 7
As an experiment, try lying (?) on a table as illustrated (you will probably need someone to hold your feet down),
your back should be parallel to the floor. The guys who race Finns weigh about 16 stone (100 Kg). You then need
something to do with your hands and brain (playing a computer game will do). The last thing is to get someone to
throw a glass of water over your face once a minute. You keep this up for about two hours. To make things a little
bit easier, you are allowed to get up every five minutes, walk two paces and get into the same position on another
table. Whilst doing all this, your aim is to become world champion of your chosen computer game.

foot
|___.
+------+|
| Table||+++O Head
||
Do people really do this for fun? How do people get into these sports in the first place? It’s a funny old
world, which is the perfect cue to bring on Conrad and the America’s report.
Conrad von Metzke - George Bush's inaugural speech? Oh, is that what it was? I thought it was just a
compendium of clichés and posturing....
I missed this, but a number of my Dutch colleagues were talking about how bad it was. Did anyone
else hear ‘Dubya’s’ inaugurals?
First - in a message from you just received, you asked about the power cuts in California. (It's now 2 p.m. Monday,
and no cuts yet....). Thus far we haven't had any at all - the only actual power cuts have been in the northern part of
the state, where the generating infrastructure is weaker. But there is a solid possibility that there will be "rotating
blackouts" in scattered places in days to come. It's complicated - on the one hand our supply capabilities have
lagged far behind demand increases, partly because demand has leapfrogged so dramatically and partly because a
variety of causes has blunted or prevented expansion of the facilities (e.g. a moratorium on building any new
nuclear generating stations. On another hand we have recently cut our own throats by carrying capitalism just a bit
far; in 1998 California "deregulated" the power industry. This isn't the same as "privatising." We have always had
the industry privatised. But government control has been strongly in place; in return for allowing the power industry
to operate as a monopoly, the government has controlled prices, dictated supply requirements, forced reduced
prices for the low-income users, and so forth. No longer. Now it's all market-based; and competition is legal to
dictate price levels. The problem is, the deregulation was pushed into law BEFORE any competitive infrastructure
had been put in place, or even contemplated - the idea was to encourage FUTURE competition by opening the
industry up to the PRESENT marketplace. And so, as of about three months ago, all the existing contracts with
power suppliers began to expire, and the new costs have escalated the prices to consumers as much as 300%.
This in turn meant that the California power suppliers had to pay for the energy they were supplying NOW, but
couldn't collect from customers for 60 to 90 days. And as they had no cash reserves, the suppliers have started
denying credit sales, and the supply is dwindling.... And even if they start TODAY to build new generating or
distribution plants, it takes a minimum of seven years to get one into operation. So now the energy suppliers are
begging for emergency loans or grants from the government, and commercial energy users are reducing their
operations because they can't afford a 300% price increase, and on and on and on and.... And now, the legislators
who originally pushed the deregulation measure into law have banded together to undo what they did in 1998, and
re-regulate the whole industry, but that can’t take effect until at least July.... And so now I have to turn my computer
off after every session, just in case there's a power outage. But so far - well, that and paying the bills - there's no
other change in San Diego. Not yet. But today's newspaper has ominous warnings about how today could be the
day, or tomorrow, or....
Well, that all sounds a lot of fun. More rampant privatisation and deregulation anyone. Perhaps we
could send over advisors from the English railways to help out.
Conrad von Metzke - Isn't this exciting? And here you thought that all we had to worry about any more was
famines in the Sahara and monsoons in Bangladesh. Silly man....
Actually, my main worries are usually work or family related, but t I think that’s quite common. It’s
also a lousy lead on to the family waffle zone.
Chris Haighton -          How are things in sunny Holland? Always interesting to reread the letters in Pig before
sending the next lot. Lynne's decision to keep the baby's sex a secret lasted a few weeks, but it is now safe to tell
you that there is another male Haighton on the way (probably Robert but not 100% certain yet). Lynne was
depressed for a little while at the thought of having 3 of us to clean up after, but I comforted her in my own inimitable
fashion by saying "don’t worry, the next one will be a girl". Three days later the screaming and ranting and swearing
she would never get pregnant again had nearly died down.... (Mind you, that's what she said last time...). Only one
month to go....
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                      Page 8
Which will come first – the Pig or the Baby? It was about 3 weeks ago Chris sent this, as I’m finishing
these letters just prior to finishing the zine, and I’ve still not heard the news. Messages of sympathy for
Lynne at the thought of sharing a house with three male Haightons should be sent to the usual address.
Meanwhile, our best wishes to you all and we look forward the big news when it comes.
Julie Hunt                Chris is fine – he is cruising around the furniture on his own and totally obsessed with
clocks. I’ve also never seen a baby eat as much as he does! Hard to believe that he will soon be a year old
It doesn’t seem so long ago that Thomas and Hannah were crawling around. Where does the time
go…?
Carolyn Horton             Hello and how are you and the family keeping. Life in Swindon is the same as ever - lots of
going out and so little time to do the chores. Adam is growing well - he has now reached the 50th percentile in
weight and height so he is now Mr Average and no longer underweight. He has developed some interesting habits
lately which include: · posing naked in front of the bathroom mirror - he is particularly impressed with the size of his
tummy (which he inherited from my side of the family) · kissing the bathroom mirror · removing nappies if you are
not able to get the "body" (all in one vest for the non-parents) on in time.
Is the posing naked in front of the mirror also inherited from you, Caroline?
                          Mike has now learnt how to clean up the little wet patches on the carpet which occur
if Adam wins the nappy fight · only reading books if he can sit on your lap · climbing onto/over anything in his way. (I
think this has something to do with Tumble Tots where he is encouraged to climb over the equipment) · opening all
cupboards and drawers which he knows he is not meant to · switching off the TV if he doesn't like the programme.
His favourites are currently Thunderbirds, Robot Wars and Star Trek. Surprisingly these are the programmes that
Mike wants before I get home from work. · generally being a monster but at least he is cute.
Allan Stagg -             Samuel has discovered Thunderbirds, which I still enjoy. I have taped all of them, and
watch them occasionally, and he sometimes sits in. Both James and Samuel have been avid fans of Pokemon for
the last year or so - watched the TV, bought the card game, seen the films, wear the T-shirts and pyjamas etc. Not
so much my cup of tea, but then again I suspect that when I was their age my parents were not that keen on
Scooby Doo and the Wacky Races.
Alison Tomkinson          Channel Four. Angel. You saw they got the message in the end, right? After attempting to
put it up against Thunderbirds? Trouble is, now it's showing at 11.15pm, I have serious doubts whether I should be
letting Rachel watch it. Hmm. On the other hand, some of the episodes that scared the willies out of me haven't
bothered her in the slightest.
It looks as though Thunderbirds is a clear winner among the kiddies of all ages at the moment. How
much of this is their Daddy’s influence I ask? Jackie has expressed similar views to Allan about the
cartoon programs – there not so harmful when compared to the garbage we probably used to watch.
That said, Scooby Doo was class. I can’t comment on Angel as we don’t receive Channel 4 (mores the
pity) but obviously it wasn’t great competition – maybe if Sarah Michelle Gellar was also starring, the
Dads might change their allegiance.
Chris Haighton -          Not a lot else to tell, a lovely Christmas gone, John about average at speaking, way ahead
at swimming and reading, way behind in feeding himself and not likely to potty train for some time. Poor lad already
seems likely to follow his dad down the (ahem) cerebral path rather than showing a likelihood to ever turn out in the
number 9 shirt for Newcastle.
We’re still battling to get Thomas reading, but he likes building things so maybe the cerebral path isn’t
for him. Will you share with John all your academic secrets?
Alison Tomkinson -       Stephanie's a child of her times. She automatically assumed that the camera Rachel got for
her birthday was a Digital Camera, and asked to look at the pictures while they were still on the camera. Did I ever
tell you about my niece who, after seeing some LP records at a friends house, told her Mum that so and so had
some "Really big CDs?"
I really envy their lack of fear when confronted with something new – no concern about the fact it cost
an arm and leg, they just charge straight on in. Growing up now, electronic equipment like video
recorders, mobile phones are commonplace, so such assumptions are natural.
David Cowie -            "Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be
running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music." www.popbitch.com
What can I say – anyone else out there watching “I Love the 70s / 80s” on Beeb 2?
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                         Page 9
Alison Tomkinson -        Things Kids say Department:
                          Stephanie: “Mummy, I feel strange.“
                          Me (sympathetic): “What kind of strange?”
                          Stephanie (after a thoughtful pause): “I feel like an armadillo.”
Yes!
                          Things Children make you say: "Why is my pot plant playing with a Yo-Yo?"
Fortunately, one day they’ll grow up?
Peter T Davies -           Our 17 year old son, Tim, should be studying for his A levels, but is presently madly in love
with Andrea, who attends the same church we do. He regularly spends 3 hours a day chatting to her over the net,
and just shakes his head and smiles sadly when we remind him that his mum never even had a phone when I was
going out with her. Fortunately our 15 year old daughter still thinks boys are stupid, an attitude I intend to foster until
she's 47, or at least, financially self-sufficient.
All this to come, but fortunately that should be a few years away – or maybe not, as Hannah already
thinks she loves Wesley. Then again, when Jacqueline said to Hannah “Isn’t Mel Gibson handsome?”,
she replied, “Yes, just like Daddy”. Her optician’s appointment is next week.
David Cowie             Did you see the Superbowl? I thought it was a great game, but I had decided (pretty much
at random) to support the Ravens. A very long night for Giants fans.
Mike Townsend           Apologies for late orders - no time for me to write - too knackered after Superbowl and
teething baby.
It sounds like Steve’s Super Bowl party was another great success. I missed the game, as I’ve not really
watched American Football for some time now, although I still enjoy our occasional games. Maybe
next year…
John Wilman -           I am determined to get at least my orders in promptly and efficiently, so here very abruptly
are my orders for the game " Sow".
That’s the kind of attitude I like – meanwhile, lurking the excuses department.
Alex Bardy -              Yeh, I know I'm cutting it fine, but I've still got loads going on at work, and finding the spare
time to get all my orders in (for 15+ different zines and countless games) is proving a bit difficult just now, sorry!
Jerry Spencer -           Post strike so orders delayed - here they are by email - look for stamps in envelope.
Kim Head                  Thanks for the Pig. Should be stamps enclosed. Hope you are well
Actually, both Alex’ and Jerry’s orders arrived ahead of the deadline as most did this time round – it
certainly helps. Thanks also to everyone for the stamps – much appreciated.
Ian Andrews               I hope you already have these as sent by AutoAOL; but here they are again as in checking
my "emails you have sent" file today, the computer appeared to have no knowledge of such a missive - as well as
apparently wiping some recent unread stuff such as Serendipity 111 that I hadn't even downloaded yet!! Any ideas
about this - I of course know nothing about computers... Hope you and
Jacqueline are well, not to mention Thomas and Hannah; and although I'm away from home I'll try to ring you to
make sure that this arrived!!!
Ian’s orders, on the other hand arrived very late, but fortunately En Garde is one of the last games I
finish. I also have immediate experience of e-mail problems.
David Cowie -             Had much Spam on your Hotmail account yet? I have one, not even under my name, and I
have had quite a bit, mostly coming from .ac.uk addresses, oddly enough. "Make teenage hardcore $$$$ at home
action in only 7 days!!!"
I’ve had almost no Spam, as for some reason it all gets sent to Jacqueline. I wonder how they select
their victims?
Jason Asker -              Hope the family have got over their colds. I seem to have had a permanent one since the
start of the year, with a hacking cough too!
Julie Hunt                 Hope you are well – things here are fine, except for one or two domestic hitches i.e. central
heating boiler and the telephone are both broken. I am huddled around the fire as I write.
Thanks for the thoughts – we’re just about recovered from our colds, although they hung around for far
too long. Hope all your problems have now cleared up.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                         Page 10
Adrian Walding -         After being unable to drive for 18 months now due to health reasons, DVLA have finally
given me back my licence and I get a new (ish) car tomorrow - a good way to start 2001 I think. It will probably take
me a few days to feel up to speed (literally?) again but it will mean I no longer have to wait at bus stops.
That’s great news – have fun with your new car and enjoy your freedom.
Alison Tomkinson - It's a Man Thing: A while ago, I caught Neil surreptitiously watching "Fred Dibnah's
Magnificent Monuments" on BBC2. "But it's about Tower Bridge!" he proffered, by way of justification. Well, that's all
right then.
Quote from a Birmingham hotel room: Neil (glancing out the window at the weather) "It looks horrible out there."
Response: "What do you expect? It is Birmingham."
I know the feeling – anyone out there want to sing Birmingham’s praises?
Allan Stagg -            And re: your comment (to Alison's letter) that both Thomas and Hannah like falling asleep
with books - I have been known to do the same thing. Of course, it is slightly more embarrassing when it happens in
the middle of the day, especially if you are at work at the time!
The stuff I usually have to read at work is pretty soporific.
Stephen Agar            I am writing to send you a copy of issue 1 of Armistice Day, my new Diplomacy zine. I
hope you won’t regard this as another useless piece of junk mail, but rather find it to be the sort of zine that you
might consider trading with.
Well, while I’m not a Diplomacy fan, I have to say that Steven puts together a well written,
beautifully put together zine. I’d have to recommend this mainly to the keen Dippy player, most of
whom have probably already seen this, but I’d also recommend to people generally interested in gaming.
Armistice Day costs 80p per issue in the UK and £1.50 overseas. I’ll leave the penultimate words to
Alison.
Alison Tomkinson -     Thank you to all those of you who suggested solutions to my Hot Dog roll and sausage
dilemma. Could you also factor into your equations the fact that Stephanie eats one roll and two sausages, Deborah
eats two sausages and half a roll, while Rachel will eat two rolls, but no sausages.

Questions Nobody Ever Tells You The Answer To: Oranges. Orange. Which came first? Is the fruit called an
Orange because that’s what colour it is, or is the colour called Orange because that's what colour Oranges are?
Isn't it also true that an Orange is the only fruit that is also a colour? Oh sure, you may refer to your peach silk shirt,
but deep down inside, you know it is really pinky orange.

Bored Now Department: How about some Travel Games? Here's a sicko variation on the old Pub Cricket, to employ
when travelling country roads. I call it "Roadkill Bingo." Not, I hasten to add, your own road kill, but those sad
squishy lumps you see on the verges. You score points according to what you can identify. So, say, a rabbit scores
1 point, and a hedgehog 2. Birds score 4 points, except for pheasants, which (being particularly stupid birds, bred to
be cannon fodder) only score 3. (Why did the pheasant cross
the road? It didn't. It got squished halfway.) Foxes maybe score five, and a badger 6, unless you can prove it was
dumped there by an irate farmer, annoyed that it hadn't been culled to protect his herd from TB. In which case,
score 8. Deer score 10, and a venison supper, if the kill looks fresh enough. Best stop there now.

Humbug, Bah Department: You know the thing that really pisses me off about Christmas?
Wrapping Paper. I don't mind buying the presents. I quite enjoy giving them. But it's having to spend all that time,
money and effort gift-wrapping the things, when you know all your handiworks will only end up shredded in landfill.
That really gets to me. For birthdays, I do my best to recycle, and a sheet rarely gets thrown out before it's been
used at least twice, but at Christmas, the sheer scale of the task defeats me.

And the last word this time to Adrian...
Adrian Walding -         Once again I was tempted to download the zine early from Richard's web site. Those who
have never done this may not realise that parts of VP are actually in full colour - at least the cover always is plus the
Guillotine cards. Maybe the Internet does give you something that you cannot get in real life after all.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                    Page 11

                                                  EN GARDE

                                       TURN 74 - JUNE 1632
PARIS - “Mandlefils Is A Bad Boy”
The summer is bringing more country boys out of the sticks and into the city. This month saw fellow rustics Justin
de Lead and Pierre Mandelfils finding their way to the Slumlord Flats. It was also a busy month for Honest Henri
with Richard Coeur de Lyon borrowing 900cr., Black Finnerack scrounging a further 200cr. and Arsorel Bow
sponging 400cr. Richard used some of the money to obtain membership of Hunters, although this wasn’t as
exclusive as he thought with Jacques d’Or pipping him to the membership book. Raoul failed to shake off his “all
work and no play” image, spending the opening weekend at the Brigade Offices, while Gosta de Hessien polished
his new Lt Colonel pips. It was a very bad month at the theatre, with only Jacques Bonhomme paying a visit to see
“Le Portrait du Dorien Grey”.

The first week saw most of the action that wasn’t spent on the regimental training grounds taking place in the clubs.
Jean Fraezich Stene took Hazel to Bothwells, where his awful joke about ‘Buffet The Vampire Slayer’ had
everyone cringing (-1sp). Black met up with Jacques d’Or and Wendy at Hunters, but things remained civilised.
The atmosphere was tenser at the Frog and Peach where May B Baby arrived with Gosta de Hessien and left with
Justin. Things were even worse in the seedier parts of Paris, where Pierre Mandelfils became the first patron ever
to be thrown at of Mme. LeGover’s esteemed establishment. Rumours abound about why, but so far no concrete
answers have emerged. Less excitement elsewhere as Raoul stayed in his office, while Richard transferred his,
donning the scarlet of the Cardinal Guards. Arsorel proved that the art of romance wasn’t dead, as he gently
serenaded Penny at her balcony; sadly, everyone else around felt that the art of singing was, but Penny didn’t care.

The second weekend saw two more visitors to Honest Henri, with Justin obtaining a 500cr loan and Dirk relieved to
find his credit rating restored for another 100cr. Dirk’s financial woes were relieved by the unexpected generosity of
Philippe de Berd. Both used the money to join the Frog and Peach, where Dirk entertained Anna the following
week. Gosta was another visitor. Black, Jacques d’Or and Wendy continued to carouse at Hunters and Jean
Fraezich let others tell the jokes at Bothwells. Arsorel introduced Penny to the charm and sophistication of Red
Philips.

Richard, not content with moving regiments, decided to also move house. He almost managed to break even on
his previous house in Belleville, before heading up market to La Chapelle. Jacques Bonhomme successfully
wooed Wanda with flowers and chocolates. Justin and Pierre decided to do their duty, signing up for the Picardy
Musketeers and Royal Marines respectively.

Week 3 was party week with a large turnout at the Stene’s place. Black who earned his soubriquet from the sable
clothes he wears without relief or ornament, splashed out for the big event. He arrived in a black carriage pulled by
coal black stallions with ebon plumes and trapping. His Nubian driver attracted the attention of Hazel, Penny, May,
Wendy and Natalie, but his scowling mien and ferocious laugh kept them at bay and scattered the crowded streets
outside. Black even bought his own iced Dublin Porter in a black lacquer cabinet. While Black felt good, others felt
intimidated or bemused. The host seems to be losing his capacity for alcohol, as his drunken stumbling eventually
led to a brawl with Jacques d’Or. Jacques Bonhomme’s leaving do for the 53rd was a much quieter affair, with
Dirk as the only notable attendee. Philippe de Berd took a break from training, to have a quiet drink at Bothwells
with Maria.

The month came to a close with Batard Paysan-Fils discussing the final details of next months tourney with His
Majesty, and being asked to cough up 500cr of prize money to boot. The enduring popularity of May continued, with
Pierre Mandelfils seeking her attentions, but she (unusually) remained loyal to Justin. Arsorel tried his luck at
military matters, but sadly for him, neither the CPC, QOC nor ALC were interested. Black and Elsie hoped to meet
up with Batard at Bothwells, but the latter was engaged so they settled for a glass or two at Hunters where they
were able to cringe at Jean’s awful jokes (-1sp). Jacques d’Or and Wendy were also suffering. No such problems
for Richard as he whiled away the last few days in the company of the best the Pigalle Sexodrome could offer.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 12

EGYPT - “A Grande Show”
Kees Hantell continued to lead the frontier troops in Egypt, where the summer heat led to a quiet month as people
baked in the heat. However, cunning guerrilla tactics by the Egyptian resistance prevented the Frontier Brigades
getting too complacent. Kees was determined to fight back and weeks of careful planning, plus some inspired
leadership by Gaston la Grande (MA+1) led to a rout of a major enemy unit. Kees received an MID 1 for his
planning, plus he located 250cr in ancient manuscripts in his spare time spent away from the weights. Gaston’s
heroism was reported back to the palace, but his reward was mere MID6; still, it eased some of the pain from his
wounded shoulder (-10% END). Philippe de Carr also contributed (MA+1) and came away with 150cr of
hieroglyphs.

THE HEALTHY
The approaching Royal Tourney brought many of Paris’ finest out practising with their swords or other contraptions.
Rapier seemed to be the weapon of choice with Raoul and Beau spending almost the entire month training, Dirk
and Jacques Bonhomme taking 2 weeks tuition and Justin finding the training grounds in the last week. Pistol
was also popular with Philippe Berd spending 3 weeks with his new guns, while Batard only needed 2 weeks to
rediscover his.

THE PIOUS
There were a fair few praying for good fortune next month, which led to a full collection plate most weekends for
Cardinal Sin. Batard, both Jacques and Arsorel were all regulars, while Justin and Pierre only missed the first
weekend. Dirk and Jean Fraezich Stene also paid three visits, where they were “entertained” by Justin’s
distinctive baritone voice and unusual taste in colours. A quiet chat with Cardinal Sin later in the month helped
improve his all round tone.

THE IMPIOUS
Talk of the town this month was “the handsome new stranger in town”, with both Pierre and Justin eager to claim
the title. May was certainly clear whom she favoured. However, the more salacious gossip concerned Anna and her
mysterious visitor on the first weekend.

MATTERS OF HONOUR
Philippe de Berd’s does not look like a classic duellist, but on present form he is currently unbeatable. This
month’s victim was Jean Fraezich Stene, who despite having a bigger weapon (cutlass), still came off the worse
against his opponents trusty rapier.

            -27                  -18     -18
JFS:    JB - X – X – S – X – X – X – X – X – Sur         [END 37, +1 pra (Cu)]
Seq 1
PdB:    Cl – K – X – X – X – X – L – X – L – X           [END 96, +1 EXP (Ra), +2 sp]

However, the duelling calendar still looks pretty busy for the coming months. Matters at the front prevented Kees
Hantell (STR 14, END 126, EXP 12) replying to Jacques Bonhomme’s (STR 13, END 143, EXP 09) challenge,
but a response is required as soon as Kees returns to Paris. Raoul de Planchet (STR 13, END 121, EXP 12) has
agreed to meet Dirk Bouffant (STR 15, END 195, EXP 14) on the first weekend with sabres. Dirk should also
respond to Black Finnerack’s challenge (STR 11, END 88, EXP 12).
Arsorel Bow (STR 13, END 143, EXP 10) should respond to Batard Paysan-Fils’ (STR 17, END 221, EXP 10)
challenge. Jacques Bonhomme can look forward to a response from Gaston la Grande (STR 14, END 126, EXP
11) while he should also reply to Yves Aigot de Dilfoyoux (STR 13, END 195, EXP 14) Arsorel also has to
respond to Richard Coeur de Lyon (STR 07, END 105, EXP 10) after the latter objected to his relationship with
May (seems like a common theme). Gosta de Hessien (STR 16, END 160, EXP 12) should also reply to the
popular Arsorel.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 13
This month saw the new boys; Gosta and Justin de Lead (STR 17, END 187, EXP 06) clash over May with Gosta
obliged to challenge. Pierre Mandelfils (STR 17, END 187, EXP 06) also got involved with May, which means that
Justin also has to send out a challenge. Jacques d’Or (STR 09, END 114, EXP 04) has to challenge Jean
Fraezich Stene (STR10, END 100, EXP 13) after their fight at Jean’s party.

APPLICATIONS AND INFLUENCE
A quiet month on the wheeling and dealing, although a quick trip to Honest Henri cleared Raoul’s debts and
secured the Brigade Major of the Horse Guards position for Jacques d’Or.

NEXT MONTH
The main event has to be the Royal Tourney that runs all month. The order of events is as follows –

Week 1            Rowing (Individual and 8 men from a Regiment), Rigging Race, Rafting (r) and Swimming
Week 2            Archery, Fencing (1st Hit duel rules), Pistol Shooting, Falconry
Week 3            Sprinting, Relay (4 men, regiment event), Cross Country Running
Week 4            Hot Air Ballooning, Horse Racing, Dressage, Jousting, Tossing The Caber, Tug of War (r)
Characters may enter up to 2 individual events and 1 regimental event. Event winners will gain 200cr and 5sp, 2nd
place gets 100cr and 2sp and 3rd place gets 50cr and 1sp. The King is sponsoring the Cross Country run (L9 favour
for the winner), Princess Marie Christine is sponsoring the Falconry (L6 favour), Crown Prince Louis will sponsor the
pistol event (L7 favour) and the Queen will sponsor the caber tossing (L8 favour). The King has also announced
that he will host a Summer Ball during the first week in August, where all medal winners will be invited. Status will
also be awarded for amusing press or actions during the events – of course, sabotage while publicly discouraged
might also earn status if sufficiently amusing.

With so much going on, the Ice Palais de Culture is taking a summer break, with no productions taking place next
month. However, the Gascon’s have thrown a spanner in the summer season of good will by rebelling; the 3rd
Brigade (27th Musketeers and 4th Arquebusiers) and the ALC (including Jacques Bonhomme) are needed to quell
the revolting peasants.

QUESTIONS
1) John – it takes 1 full week to buy and sell a house, so I had to adjust your orders.
2) John – a character is also only allowed to apply to a particular regiment once in a month.
3) Jerry – The campaign seasons are June – August, September – November, December – February and March –
May. Characters cannot toady at parties unless both characters specifically order this.
4) Anon – Liasing with another characters mistress does not earn status, but successful liaisons help towards
future courting of the mistress involved.
5) Jerry – The new theatre rules were printed last issue; the studio costs 50cr to watch.
6) Ian – I couldn’t see where all the status you indicated was coming from – please could you also check this, in
case I’m missing something.

                                                     DEBTS
Black now owes 550cr. due in October 1632, 110cr in November 1632 and 220cr. in December 1632
Dirk owes 330cr due in October 1632, 110cr due in November 1632 and 110cr due in December 1632
Batard owes 1100cr, which is due in November 1632 and 550cr due in December 1632
Gosta owes 660cr due in November 1632
Richard owes 990cr that is due in December 1632
Jacques Bonhomme owes 220cr that is due in December 1632
Arsorel owes 440cr that is due in December 1632
Justin owes 550cr that is due in December 1632
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                                        Page 14
                                                 NEW CHARACTERS

 Player                    STR   CON            END     EXP        MA       SL       Funds        Allow              History
 Robert Carter              16    10            160      12        02       06        500          100          2s wealthy Knight
 (Gosta de Hessien)
 Peter T Davies            17         11        187     06         05       06        250          50            2s wtd Knight
 (Justin de Lead)


                                                       THE CHARTS
 CHARACTER                                       sp    SL          Rnk/Rgt           Position       Club         Mistress     Cash
 Bn. Batard Paysan-Fils (Ian Andrews)            58    22           Field M.           M of W       Both          Natalie     52 *
 Baron Beau Jolais (Tamsin Rabbitts)             43    16           Brg/BoG               -         Both          Eloise      3659
 Raoul de Planchet (Duncan Rowlands)             27¹   14          BBrg/HG          Brig Comm.      HG               -        107*
 Jean Fraezich Stene (Roy Arnold)                42    13é          BBrg/1F         Brig Comm.      Both          Hazel       4024
 Philippe de Berd (Jeff Myhre)                   27    13           Col/PM                -         Both          Maria       3208
 Chev. Kees Hantell (A. Slattery)                Fr    13           BLG/Fro         Brig. Comm.     -                -        4200
 Gaston le Grande (Judy Ferguson)                Fr    13          Col/GDM                -         Both          Tanya       122
 Black Finnerack (Jerry Spencer)                 32    11          Maj/CPC            Aide FM       Hunt           Elsie      139*
 Jacques d’Or (Philip Honeybone)                 30    10é          Maj/DG           Brig Major     HG            Wendy       461
 Richard Coeur de Lyon (John Hopkins)            32    10           Maj/CG                -         Hunt             -        844*
 Jacques Bonhomme (Brad Martin)                  27    09é          Maj/ALC          Brig Major     BG            Wanda       34*
 Yves Dilfoyoux (Neil Rabbitts)                  26    08é          Cap/DG            Reg Adj       F&P             Jill      958
 Dirk Bouffant (Dean Talbot)                     18    06é          Maj/53F          Brig Major     F&P            Anna       79*
 Justin de Lead (Peter T Davies)                 14    06           Maj/PM                -         F&P            May        148*
 Gosta de Hessien (Robert Carter)                13    06          LCol/TGR               -         F&P              -        486*
 Pierre Mandelfils (Chris Green)                 12    06          Maj / RM               -         -                -        181
 Philippe de Carr (Ginette Beavis)               Fr    05           Maj/69A               -         RP             Gail       574
 Arsorel Bow (Tony Bayley)                       11    04             -/-                 -         RP            Penny       415*

                    ¹ Raoul de Planchet lost 2sp this month due to lack of female companionship



                                                REGIMENTAL TABLES
                R     R     K    C         D      Q     A     C         R      G      P      1     P       5      2     4     6       T
                N     F     M    G         G      O     L     P         M      D      M      3     L       3      7     A     9       G
                H     G                           C     C     C                M             F     L       F      M           A       R
 Colonel        -      -    -     -        -      -     -     N7     JFS       GG     PB     -      -      -      N3    -     N1     N9
 Lt Colonel    N5     N5         N3        -      -    N6     N6        -      -            N8     N3      N2     N4   N7     N4     GH
 Major 1       N8     N1    N3   N2        N6     N7   N6     N9      N4       N5     N1    N6     N4      N1     N6   N4     N5     N2
 Major 2       N4      -    N7   RC        JO     N8   JB     BF      PM       -       -            -      D      N8    -     PC
                                                                                                           B
 Captain 1     N5     N5    N5   N4        YD     -    N8     N7      N1       N4     N3    N7     N1      N8     N4   N7     N2     N2
 Captain 2     N4     N6    N5   N2        -      -    N5     N5      N2       N1     N6    N1     N6      N6      -   N4     N6     N1
 Captain 3      -     N5    N3    -        -      -    N1     N5        -      N1     N5     -      -      N3      -    -      -     N4
 Captain 4      -     N3    -     -        -      -     -     N4        -      N4      -     -      -              -    -      -      -
 Captain 5      -     N1    -     -        -      -     -     -         -      N5      -     -      -      -       -    -      -      -
 Captain 6      -     N5    -     -        -      -     -     -         -      -       -     -      -      -       -    -      -      -


Positions marked in BOLD are Brigade Majors; those in italics are Regimental Adjutants. N = npc, the number is the
                                             npc's military ability.

Batard Paysan-Fils is Field Marshall with Black Finnerack as his Aide. Kees Hantell is currently acting as
Commander of the Frontier Divisions. Beau Jolais is Commander of the Brigade of Guards, Raoul de Planchet
commands the Horse Guards Brigade and Jean Fraezich Stene commands the 1st Foot Brigade.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                      Page 15
                                                       GIRLS

 MARIA SAILOR                15 W*       WENDY BOTE CUMSIN 09 I*                 MANDY LIFEBOATS 11I
 GAIL FORCE                  07BWI* ELSIE GETSIT                      14*        ANNA REXIK                09
 NATALIE PAYSAN-FILS         19 BIM      TANYA HIDE                   16 I*      WANDA NEWMAN              10IB*
 MAY B BABY                  08 I        JILL O’TEEN                  11         TINA NOIR                 19 BIM
 ELOISE DEDJIM               15BWI       HAZEL NUTT                   09MI       PENNY TENSHARY            05B*
 JEAN SARTITE                08 B *      HELEN WHEELS                 18 W       BERYL LIUM                09B
     W = wealthy, I = influential, B = beautiful, N = noble, M = married, * = attached, italics = influence used


                                                      PRESS
To Raoul,
I feel it is my duty to challenge you to a duel merely to prove to the world your ignorance of art and culture in
general. It seems all members of your regiment, the Dragoon Buffoons, are similarly afflicted!
                                                                                                                    Dirk

To Colonel le Grande,
It seems that your incontinence has got the better of you again, and I have stepped in one of your puddles. It would
please me if you had my stockings washed, or alternatively to meet you on the Field of Mars at dawn WE1 - Rapiers
at the ready!
                                                                                                                  JB

To Colonel Stene,
I have heard wonderful stories of the heroism of your regiment and your inspired leadership. I have come to Paris
resolved to offer my service to King and Country through a commission in the Royal Marines, I hope this meets your
approval.
                                                                      Yours respectfully,
                                                                                                 Pierre Mandlefils.

To Dirk,
I name sabres as weapons, w/e 1.
                                                                                                      Black Finnerack

To Arsorel (or may I call you Arse),
When I’m fit, I’ll give May the shagging of the century. I shall do the same to you, but with a metal weapon of your
choice. Choose wisely now.
                                                                                                Richard Coeur de Lyon

To Batard + Jean,
It is bad enough the lanes are pitted with rocks without creatures such as yourself crawling our from under them. I
had not realised His majesty still maintains an institution for the mentally infirm and congenitally cowardly but it is
obviously so. I must have a word with the Minister of Health - yours! Consider yourself challenged.
                                                                                                       Black Finnerack

To Yves Dilfoyoux,
As Regimental Adjutant I expect you to ensure that the Dragoon Guards train intensively for the forthcoming
Games, particularly their horsemanship, swordplay and shooting. I will hold you personally responsible for their
excellent performance at the Games.
                                                                                                 Vt. Brig. Gen. RdP

To Gosta de Hessien,
Well thank you very much!!! There's me, a newcomer to the city, I make one honest mistake then you compound it
by stealing the delightful May from under my nose. Well for that I shall have to see about removing your nose from
that ugly face of yours, name time, place and weapons, oh and be sure to have a practitioner of medicine along to
help stop your bleeding.
                                                                                                       Arsorel Bow
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                    Page 16
To All of Paris,
To the esteemed gentry of Paris, my warmest wishes and greetings to you all!
I am newly arrived in this fine city of Paris, yet already have been charmed, not only by its magnificent sights and
architecture, but also by the many stories extolling the exploits of its heroic and gifted inhabitants. I have already
heard of the bravery of Kees Hantell, the literary skills of Yves Aigot de Dilfoyoux, the dramatic talents of Black
Finnerack, the card skills of Philippe de Berd, and the artistry of messrs. Raoul, Batard and Bonhomme, to say
nothing of the dashing wardrobe of Jacques d'Or. The generosity of Brevet Brigadier Jean Fraezich Stene has also
come to my attention, and I intend to accept the gracious open invitation to the soiree he will be hosting during the
third week of this month. I trust I shall make the acquaintance of many of you fine gentlemen at this gathering.
As this is my first visit to Paris, and I have never undertaken any similar venture beforehand, any information and/or
assistance that anyone can offer, that will aid my progress among the esteemed gentry of France will be most
greatly appreciated. After acquiring some female, eh, companionship, I intend to join one of France's many notable
regiments, and soon serve upon the battlefields, crushing our accursed foes. I will however stay within the city to
experience the delights of the Regimental Tourney. If Field Marshall, Baron Batard Paysan-Fils finds time to read
this letter in his undoubtedly busy schedule, then I should like to take this opportunity to congratulate him on his
excellent suggestions for this tournament. I am sure these ideas will stand the test of time, and issue many (though
undoubtedly, inferior) imitations during the years to come. I hope I might have the privilege of making your
acquaintance in the coming months, Baron Payson-Fils.
In the Tourney, I hope to represent my new squadron in the Tug of War, and Tossing the Caber (doubtless my
bloodline, which includes a Scots great-great grandmother will prove advantageous in the latter enterprise). I am
also hoping that my not inconsiderable strength might be evidenced in a bout of arm-wrestling, should the
organisers wish to include this among the many notable events occurring in this excellent competition.

Alas, I fear I must not monopolise the columns of this notable publication, so I look forward to making your
acquaintances in person in the coming days.
                                                                                     Vive le Roi!
                                                                                                       Justin D'Lead

To Jacques
I will look forward to meeting the first weekend on my return to France, with rapiers at the Champ de Mars
                                                                                                       Kees Hantell

To Arsorel Bow,
 Sir, one would think that you of all people would be able to tell the one from the other.... but obviously not! Your
suggestions would have given offence to any lady, let alone my expectant wife. As a prospective gentleman of
Paris, you must behave better - a lesson in manners at this stage in your career may not go amiss. Name the time,
place and your choice of weapon; I humbly request the Baron Beau Jolais and Major B. Finnerack to act for me in
this - your seconds should call upon them at the earliest opportunity. Your servant, Sir.
                                                                 Batard, le Baron du Porcherie, Marechal de France

To Jacques not-so Bonhomme,
Sir, your actions dishonour you, and I shall have an apology or satisfaction. Either publicly apologise, or name your
time, place and weapons.
                                                                                       Yves Aigot de “Steel”foyoux
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                       Page 17
                                    PREPOSTEROUS POETRY III
GAMESTART
So far, we only have Jim Reader and Adrian Walding signed up for this, but I hope that regular stalwarts Chris
Haighton, Steve Guest and David Cowie will also join in (of course, others are welcome). Rules were printed last
turn, and the first rhyming couplet is

                                           “In one long yellow string I wound
                                           Three times her little throat around”

Continuations should be no longer than 2 lines. John comments that is quite a famous poem, but there’s no harm in
starting off easy, as if he wants to make life more difficult later on, it wouldn’t be a problem. Please note that as I
(Jim Reader), will be playing, orders should be sent to John directly. His e-mail address is
jqwilman@lineone.net. I’ll also give John’s excellent zine, “The White Cat” a quick plug here – ask him for a
copy when you send your orders. You won’t regret it.



                                                     *****
                                 BREAKING AWAY - TURN FOUR
                               BREAKING AWAY - TURN FOUR

It’s a good round for both the Rhyming Cockneys and Wacky Racers as both teams get three riders in the first
sprint placings. Gary Glitter takes first place, but loses the yellow jersey to Waltzin’ Matilda who positively hurtled
by. Team Herbal Infusions didn’t score anything, but some good replacement cards may position them better for
the coming rounds.

   Square        New Card      Rider (s)
      52              5        Waltzin’ Matilda
      47              3        Dave Ducati
      44              3        Gladys Knight
      43              4        Anthill Mob, Tru Blu
      42              6        Gary Glitter, Muttley, Ayrton Senna
      41              9        Dick Dastardly
      37              3        Andy Asprilla, Creepy Coop
      34              3        Perry Como, Jay Kay, Barry McKenzie
      33              6        Suzi Suzuki, Ozzy Osbourne
      32              8        Victor Vespa, Bob Marley
      31             10        Keith Richard

Sad Bikers On Sanatogen (Blaise Hudson)                             Rhyming Cockneys (Richard Smith)
A. Dave Ducati (1)   3, 3, 3                                        A. Gary Glitter (10) 6, 9, 5, 5
B. Andy Asprilla     3, 3, 3                                        B. Aytron Senna (5)  6, 8, 8
C. Suzi Suzuki       7, 6, 6                                        C. Gladys Knight (3) 7, 6, 3
D. Victor Vespa      6, 8, 4                                        D. Perry Como        7, 5, 3
SCORE = 1                                                           SCORE = 18

Team Herbal Infusions Generate Happiness (Bob Pitman)               Wacky Racers (Philip Honeybone)
A. Keith Richard10, 6, 13, 10                                       A. Dick Dastardly (6)  4, 9, 1, 14
B. Jay Kay               3, 8, 10                                   B. Muttley (8)         6, 2, 3
C. Bob Marley            3, 16, 8                                   C. The Anthill Mob (4) 7, 4, 4
D. Ozzy Osbourne         3, 3, 6                                    D. The Creepy Coop     3, 3, 10
SCORE = 0                                                           SCORE = 18
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                        Page 18
Don't Tie my Kangaroo Down, Mate! (Brad Martin)
A. True Blu            4, 3, 4, 7
B. Waltzin Matilda (2) 11, 5, 3
C. Barry McKenzie      3, 3, 5
D. Dame Edna           dropped
SCORE = 2



                                                      *****
                                          CAFÉ INTERNATIONAL
TURN THREE

           fAF
          AFR1       fIT     ITA1     mIT      ITA2               CHI1             CHI2             ESP1
          mAF                 fIT
          AFR2      fGB      GB1                                                   GB2      fGB     ESP2      mES
           fCU               mGB                                                                     fES
          CUB                                                                                       RUS1
            1
                                                        Bar + 1
           CUB                                                                                      RUS2
            2

  mTU     TUR1      fFR      FRA1                                                 FRA2               IND1
          mTU                mFR                                                   fUS
  fTU     TUR2      fTU      DEU1     mDE     DEU2      mUS       USA1    fUS     USA2      mUS      IND2
          mTU                                                                     mUS

The cards were played as follows -

Alex Bardy plays mGB @ GB1; fGB @ GB2.ESP2                                           scores 3 + 3
Ginette Beavis plays mUSA @ DEU2.USA1; mDEU @ DEU1.DEU2                              scores 2 + 2
Bob Gingell plays mFRA @ FRA1.DEU1; fFRA @ FRA1.TUR1                                 scores 3 + 2 + 2
Brad Martin plays fAFR @ AFR1; mTUR @TUR1                                            scores 3 + 3

Players cards are as follows

Alex Bardy                 female: DEU, CHI, IND                    male: TUR                 score 19
Ginette Beavis             female: ESP, CUB, CHI, FRA, RUS          male:                     score 10
Bob Gingell                female: AFR, ESP, GB                     male: AFR, IND, FRA       score 22
Brad Martin                female: DEU, CHI                         male: CUB                 score 14

Next turns play orders is Ginette, Bob, Brad and Alex

Players may at any time seat customers at the bar. The score for such placement depends on the number of
customers already seated there. The scores, in order, are +1, +2, +3, +4, +5, -2, -4, -6, -8, -10, -12, -14, -16, -18
and -20. Thus if next turn, Alex and Ginette were to seat a customer at the bar, they would score 1 and 2 points
respectively.

Bob pointed out a couple of errors from last turn, but fortunately these don’t appear too serious. Bob and Alex
should only be playing with 4 customers, having completed 4 customer tables – this has been corrected this turn
and my apologies to Brad and Ginette for the slight advantage this gave to their opponents this turn. Bob’s
placement of fITA @ ITA1.GB1 was technically illegal as this created a table (GB1) with two females only. However,
I have chosen to let this stand as Alex, who still orders by regular post, placed onto this table restoring the balance.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                       Page 19
                                       CAFÉ INTERNATIONAL 2
Game Start

The Café opens it’s doors once again, with four new waiters to show eager customers to their tables. Serving you
tonight are Kev Lee, Mike Townsend, Ginette Beavis and Peter T Davies – enjoy your meal.


          AFR1               ITA1             ITA2                 CHI1           CHI2              ESP1

          AFR2               GB1                                                  GB2               ESP2

           CUB                                                                                      RUS1
            1
                                                         Bar + 1
           CUB                                                                                      RUS2
            2

          TUR1              FRA1                                                  FRA2              IND1

          TUR2              DEU1              DEU2                 USA1           USA2              IND2


Players cards are as follows

Ginette Beavis           female: JOK, ITA, CUB               male: CUB, TUR                           score 0
Mike Townsend            female: JOK, IND                    male: FRA, CHI, AFR                      score 0
Peter T Davies           female: GB                          male: CHI, TUR, JOK, AFR                 score 0
Kev Lee                  female:IND, IND                     male: CUB, JOK, ESP                      score 0

The first turns play order is Ginette, Mike, Peter and Kev. The jokers were a complete fluke. Players may at any
time seat customers at the bar. The score for such placement depends on the number of customers already seated
there. The scores, in order, are +1, +2, +3, +4, +5, -2, -4, -6, -8, -10, -12, -14, -16, -18 and -20. Thus if next turn,
Mike and Peter were to seat a customer at the bar, they would score 1 and 2 points respectively.

                                                     *****
                                                     .

                                          HARE AND TORTOISE
TURN FIVE

Le Lapin remained decidedly unagile as he continued to collect carrots; a policy aped by Philip. While those two
continued to stockpile carrots, Freda’s carrot collection was dwindling as she continued moving forward. Cody
Carrot hopped ahead, and then paused to nibble a lettuce, while Bare Bunny took a giant step forward for
bunnykind.

 PLAYER                    START              FINISH               CARROTS       LETTUCES              MOVE
 ???                         59                 59                    90             3                  4
 Philip Honeybone
    Cody Carrot                57               54                   87                2                   5
 Lee Batchelor
 Freda                         52               48                    7                2               1 and 6
 Judy Ferguson
 Le Lapin Agile                62               62                   72                3                   2
 Allan Stagg
 Bare Bunny                    51               43                   93                3                   3
 Brad Martin
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                       Page 20

                                         FAIR MEANS OR FOUL
TURN FOUR

It was a detective’s convention at the Castle this week, where Kev’s light-fingered thief provided the entertainment.
At least, visitors had something to watch, as there was bugger all on show. Allan stayed at the auction, picking up
Humphrey Bogart’s hat for a song.

                      Allan Stagg         Brad Martin           Kev Lee              Philip          Alex Bardy
                                                                                  Honeybone
 Cheques                11, 14, 23        5, 8, 17, 20         9, 16, 21           10, 15, 22       1, 12, 13, 24
 Thieves                   4, 9               1, 12              2, 11                3, 10              5, 8
 Location                Auction         Stately Home        Stately Home         Stately Home      Stately Home

                                               GAOL         Thief 2 (KL),

Next turns orders should include your actions (exhibit, inspector or thief at the Stately Home; bid instructions or thief
at the Auction) and your choice of location for the next round (which can be conditional on this turns events).

   4/2          5/3       3/2         4/2          4/2         2/1          3/2       4/2         4/2        3/2
   KL,                   BM, AS      AB, PH

Up at the auction are - Alfred Hitchcock’s Directors Chair (E 1960) and an Ivory Mask (A 1832).

Philip spotted an error last turn – two thieves were played at the auction last turn, so the cheque should have stayed
in the till – Alex therefore loses his recently gained cheque 4.
.

                                                     *****

                                                    WARLOCK
TURN TWENTY FOUR
Some fairly powerful counter-spells this turn. Fukthamo got lost in the dark as he waved his sword around chasing
Arithon, while he brought out a full blown Defence Screen to defend against the Superhero that came his way. This
turn, Fukthamo attacks with spells, while Arithon wowed the audience by pulling a full grown dragon out of his hat.
Fortunately, it behaved leaving only his opponent to worry about it’s sharp teeth and fiery breath.

ANTHRAX THE BLACK (Mike Townsend)                           discards Goblins

ARITHON (Blaise Hudson)                                     defends Magic Sword with Dark
                                                            attacks Dulux with Dragons
                                                            attacked by Dulux with Turn to Stone

FUKTHAMO RALMAJRITI (Richard Smith)                         defends Superhero with Defence Screen
                                                            attacks Arithon with Turn to Stone
                                                            attacked by Arithon with Dragons



                                                     *****
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                 Page 21
                                                MANEATER
TURN THREE

Blood in the water and red herrings everywhere, but another turn goes by without damage. Bob’s blue swimmer has
a close shave as the shark swims right by him, but the shark had it’s eyes on Sara’s yellow bikini. Kev’s yellow
swimmer meanwhile enjoyed favourable currents that took him closer to the shore. A nasty case of cramp leaves
Blaise’ red swimmer stranded in deep water

                    Game 1             Game 2             Game 3            Game 4             Game 5
 SHARK             Kev L   199      Blaise H  164     Adrian W   61       Bob P    123       Sara R   73

 RED           Blaise H      11*   Adrian W     50     Bob P      88     Sara R      62      Kev L      88
 SWIMMER
 GREEN         Adrian W       B      Bob P      B      Sara R     99      Kev L     134     EATEN       -
 SWIMMER
 BLUE           Bob P        152     Sara R    175      Kev L     175    Blaise H   165     Adrian W   177
 SWIMMER
 YELLOW         Sara R       223     Kev L     222    Blaise H    176   Adrian W    177      Bob P      B
 SWIMMER

                          * Blaise, your red swimmer has cramp and cannot move next turn.

Scores
Sara Reichert 3
Adrian Walding 1




                                                     *****
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 22

                                            MONTGOLFIÈRE I
Turn 1

A bit of a damp squib to start with as B.A. Loon went up and then went down again as a storm blew in. However, he
took Brad, Alex and Patrick Moore down with him, as they’d hooked on to his basket with grappling hooks.

 Height
 8
 7                                     B.A. Loon, Ginette, Blaise
 6                                     Patrick Moore, Alex, Brad

ACTIONS

Richard Smith (B.A. Loon)-       Ballast 15, Ballast 5
Ginette Beavis -                 Ballast 4, Tempest
Kev Lee (Patrick Moore) -        Ballast 5, Grappling Hook
Alex Bardy -                     Ballast 13, Grappling Hook
Brad Martin -                    Ballast 4, Grappling Hook
Blaise Hudson -                  Ballast 8, Ballast 2

Next turns orders should again include two cards, the second of which may be conditional on the results of the first
– please feel free to name your balloonist if you haven’t already done so.



                                                   *****
                                        SNOWBALL FIGHTING
TURN FOUR
Phase A

A flurry of movement around the garden this turn as Varga took shelter in the fallen snow under a tree, Mammoth
charged down the garden path, Chocolate Icy Balls charged the other way and Foxes Glacier Bear demurely
stepped away from the firing line. Melly gathered up a giant snowball while Ice E Cool went for smaller ammo.
Snow on t’Line continued to make Admiral Ahab even wetter, although the navy man’s aim wasn’t affected as he
picked off the charging Mammoth.

Phase B

Snow flew through the air in different sizes, shapes and styles. Foxes Glacier Bear bounced around, her arms
gracefully launching a successful two handed assault on Chocolate Icy Balls, who was gathering snow, and Melly.
Melly’s giant snowball was deposited onto Ice E Balls’ head from close range, although he took some revenge.
Mammoth took a pot shot at the static Ice Head Duck while Varga hit the Mammoth from long distance. Ahab’s
arms were getting heavy with the snow and his shot at Chocolate Icy Balls only hit because his target was bent
over gathering snow.

Phase C

Snow on t’Line landed the shot that sent Ahab back to kitchen for new clothes. Chocolate Icy Balls tried the
bouncing approach, quite successfully as Ice E and the Glacier Bear will testify, although Ice E returned the
compliment. Mammoth went on the move, gathering snowballs as he went – one down his neck from Varga, while
Melly rolled up another giant snowball.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                    Page 23

 Player                  Position              Ammunition            Hit Points             Victory Points
 Philip Honeybone        N6                    1dd                   3                      8
 Melly From
 Kidwelly
 Jacqueline Reader       O9                    2ss                   2                      8
 Fox Glacier Bear
 Neil Rabbitts (NMR)     G11                   0                     9                      6
 Ice Head Duck
 Bob Gingell             C3                    0                     5                      6
 Varga, Ice Warrior
 Lee Batchelor           M7                    0                     4                      6
 Ice E Cool
 Roy Arnold              I9                    2ss                   3                      6
 Snow on t’Line
 Kev Lee                 H8                    2ss                   4                      5
 Mighty Mammoth
 Richard Smith           K7                    0                     4                      5
 Chocolate Icy Balls
 David Cowie             J8                    0                     0                      4
 Admiral Ahab



                                                     *****
                                                   ROBORALLY
TURN THREE

This turns adjudication was made using an actual RoboRally set to help ensure I didn’t miss any additional shooting,
like Call me Ken (hair clip) shooting FNL (Twonky) last turn. Things started off quite aggressively this round, but
quietened down as the turn went on. However, a couple of collisions made one or two plans go awry; SHIVA
particularly suffered after his shunt from Minnie the Minx, which ultimately led him to his charging into a precipice.
Another casualty was Unaha-Closp who misjudged the conveyors and disappeared off board. Better news for RAB
Bot and K9UPU who both collected options, while Ludwig made a register copy. Meanwhile, Philippa is closing in
on the first flag.

PHASE ONE
 CARD          ROBOT                    MOVE                 OTHER
 760 (2F)      B4U                      A2E – C2E            Convey TO D2E
 640 (1F)      Philippa                 O6E – P6E            Convey to I8N
 630 (1F)      Call Me Ken              C12E – D12E          Shoot FNL
 540 (1F)      Marvin                   G10N – G9N           Convey to H9W
 500 (1F)      Unaha-Closp              H11E – I11E          Convey to H11E, shot by board laser
 450 (BU)      R2KD2K                   K10W – L10W          Shoot RAB Bot
 430 (BU)      K9UPU                    M7W – N7W            Convey to O7S
 380 (RT)      RAB Bot                  I10N – I10E          Shoot R2KD2K
 270 (LT)      FNL                      M12E – M12N
 260 (RT)      Minnie The Minx          I5E – I5S            Shoot S.H.I.V.A.
 230 (LT)      Ludwig                   E11S – E11E          Shoot Unaha-Closp
 160 (RT)      S.H.I.V.A.               I8S-I8W              Convey to I7N, Shoot Minnie
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                          Page 24
PHASE TWO
 CARD         ROBOT                    MOVE          OTHER
 740 (2F)     B4U                      D2E – F2E     Convey to F3E
 680 (2F)     Minnie The Minx          I5S – I7S     Shunt S.H.I.V.A. to I8N; Convey to J7S
 640 (1F)     Call Me Ken              D12E – E12E   Shoot Ludwig
 630 (1F)     Philippa                 P6E – Q6E
 600 (1F)     FNL                      M12N – M11N   Convey to N11W; Shoot Unaha-Closp
 570 (1F)     Ludwig                   E11E – F11E   Convey to F12E
 420 (RT)     S.H.I.V.A.               I8N – I8E     Convey to I7S
 410 (LT)     RAB Bot                  I10E – I10N
 350 (LT)     Marvin                   H9W – H9S     Convey to H8W
 300 (RT)     Unaha-Closp              H11E – H11S   Convey to G11W
 270 (LT)     K9UPU                    O7S – O7E     Convey to O6E; Shoot Philippa
 120 (RT)     R2KD2K                   L10W – L10N

PHASE THREE
 CARD      ROBOT                       MOVE          OTHER
 840 (3F)  S.H.I.V.A.                  I7S – I6S     Blocked by wall; Convey to I7W
 810 (3F)  B4U                         F3E – I3E
 720 (2F)  Call Me Ken                 E12E – G12E   Shunt Ludwig to H12E; Convey to G11E
 690 (2F)  R2KD2K                      L10N – L8N
 610 (1F)  Ludwig                      H12E – I12E
 550 (1F)  Unaha-Closp                 G11W – F11W   Convey tio F12W
 530 (1F)  RAB Bot                     I10N – I9N
 490 (1F)  K9UPU                       O6E – P6E     Shoot Philippa
 360 (RT)  FNL                         N11W – N11N   Convey to N10E
 310 (LT)  Marvin                      H8W – H8S     Convey to I8E
 090 (LT)  Minnie the Minx             J7S – J7E     Convey to K7E
 070 (LT)  Philippa                    Q6E – Q6N     Convey to I7E

PHASE FOUR
 CARD         ROBOT                    MOVE          OTHER
 820 (3F)     Minnie the Minx          K7E – N7E     Convey to O7N
 770 (2F)     Philippa                 Q6N – Q4N
 760 (2F)     R2KD2K                   L8N – L6N     Convey to K6N
 750 (2F)     FNL                      N10E – P10E   Convey to Q10N
 730 (2F)     B4U                      I3E – K3E
 590 (1F)     RAB Bot                  I9N – I9N     Blocked by wall
 510 (1F)     S.H.I.V.A.               I7W – I6W     Pit !!!!!!
 400 (RT)     Ludwig                   I12E – I12S
 250 (LT)     Call Me Ken              G11E – G11N   Convey to G10N
 210 (LT)     Marvin                   I8E – I8N     Convey to I7E; Shoot Minnie The Minx
 200 (RT)     K9UPU                    P6E – P6S
 060 (UT)     Unaha-Closp              F12W – F12E   Conveyed OFF BOARD !!!!!

PHASE FIVE
 CARD         ROBOT                    MOVE          OTHER
 800 (3F)     Marvin                   I7E – L7E     Convey to M7E
 790 (2F)     Minnie the Minx          O7N – O4N
 780 (2F)     Philippa                 Q4N – Q2N
 770 (2F)     R2KD2K                   K6N – K5N     Blocked by wall
 620 (1F)     RAB Bot                  I9N – I9N     Blocked by wall; Register @ checkpoint
 560 (1F)     B4U                      K3E – L3E     Register @ checkpoint
 190 (LT      Call Me Ken              G10N – G10W   Convey to G9N
 130 (LT)     K9UPU                    P6S – P6E     Register @ checkpoint
 030 (UT)     Ludwig                   I12S – I12N   Shoot RAB Bot
 010 (UT)     FNL                      Q10N – Q10S   Convey to Q9W
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                      Page 25
 Robot           Player               Position      Damage        Lives Lost      Checkpoints       Registered
 Philippa        Richard Smith          Q2N           2               0                0               A12
 Ludwig          Keith Williams        I12N           1               0                0               A12
 S.H.I.V.A.      Bob Pitman             A12           0               1                0               A12
 Minnie          Chris Green            O4N           2               0                0               A12
 FNL             Bob Gingell           Q10S           2*              0                0               M12
 RAB Bot         Neil Rabbitts          I9N           5               0                0                I9
 Unaha-Closp     David Cowie            A12           2               2                0               A12
 Marvin          Adrian Walding         L7E           0               1                0               A12
 Call Me Ken     Chris Haighton        G10W           0               1                0               A12
 K9UPU           Tony Bayley            P6E           0               0                0               P6
 R2KD2K          Alex Bardy             K5N           4               0                0               A12
 B4U             Lee Batchelor          L3E           0               0                0                L3

                    *FNL should also have taken 1 damage from Call Me Ken last turn (phase 5)
                                     RAB Bot and K9UPU both have options
                                        RAB Bot has one locked register



                                            *RAILWAY RIVALS
               RR Games XXIV - Underground Map - RR1655U - Turn 11

                                    LARD             METROPOLITAN           MIND THE GAP         WAT NO LOO
                                  Bob Pitman           David Oya             Richard Smith        Bob Gingell
 25) Charing Cross (35) –             10                                                              20
 Whitechapel (44)                   -2+3                                                            +2–3
 26) Paddington (65) –                20
 Stockwell (54)                       -3                                         +3
 27) Victoria (51) –                                                             10                   20
 Barking (43)                         +1                    +6                 -1–6+4                 -4
 28) Finsbury Park (23) –                                                        20                   10
 Cannon Street (33)                   +3                                       -3–3+4                +3–4
 29) Wembley Park (13) –              5                      9                   16
 Baker Street (16)                    +1                     -1
 30) Moorgate (24) –                                         9                    16                   5
 Hammersmith (63)                                            -6                  +6–5                 +5

 Total Last Turn                      184                   169                   250                 291
 Builds                               -2
                                      -3                                          +3
 Points from Races                     38                    17                    61                  54
 Total                                217                   186                   314                 345

The final set of races is as follows -
31) Euston (25) – Rayners Lane (12);                      32) Liverpool Street (42) – Elephant and Castle (45)
33) Acton Town (62) – Watford (11);                       34) Kensington (53) – Paddington (66)
35) Waterloo (36) – Richmond (56);                        36) Barnet (22) – Oxford Circus (32)
                Enter up to 4 races. Note that the Bus Boss scoring system will be used for this game.

                   RR Games XXV - Oregon Map - RR1656OR - Turn 11
The final set of races is as follows -
31) Idaho (63) – Klamath Falls (44);                       32) Coos Bay (34) – Ashland (42)
33) Astoria (11) – Salam (22);                             34) California (65) – Corvallis (26)
35) The Dalles (51) – Portland (15);                       36) Eugene (32) – Arlington / Condon (52)
                 Enter up to 4 races. Note that the standard scoring system will be used for this game.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 26
                                          GOT               PRAM              SLOB             WAGONS ROLL
                                         Kev Lee           David Oya      Richard Smith       Jacqueline Reader
 25) Ontario (61) – Roseburg                0                                  20                     10
 (35)                                  -5+2–1+4               +1         +5–2–1+5-3             +1–4–5+3
 26) Portland (13) – Corvallis             20                  5                5
 (25)
 27) California (66) – Baker / La                                                20                    10
 Grande (56)
 28) Portland (12) – Port Orford             10               20
 / Brookings (36)
 29) Bend (46) – Pendleton                  10                 0                20                     0
 (55)                                      +1-2               -1                +2
 30) Silver Lake / Lakeview                                   10                                      20
 (45) – Toledo / Reedsport (23)                               -1                                      +1

                                    PRAM and SLOB tied for second place in race 26

 Total Last Turn                             186             199                197                   188
 Points from Races                            39              34                 71                    36
 Total                                       225             233                268                   224



            RR Games XXVII - Indiana and Illinois Map - RR1696II – Turn 5
HOWDY Y’AWL           (Jim Reader)
5a) (M15) – L15 – K16,
5b) (K16) – J16 – I17 – H17,
5c) (J16) – J17 – J18 – I19 – H19 – G20.

BLAISE                (Blaise Hudson)
5a)   (Champaign) – N12 – N11,
5b)   (N11) – N10 – N9 – N8,
5c)   (N8) – N7 – N6 – A46 – Chicago.

GRIT                     (Bob Gingell)
5a)      (J26) – CAIRO; (J14) – Decatur,
5b)      (K11) – L10 – M10 – N9,
5c)      (N9) – Kankakee – B48 – C49 – Gary; (B54) – C55.

APPLE PIE             (Jason Asker)
5a)   (G20) – G21 – Belleville,
5b)   (Fort Wayne) – K51 – K52 – Muncie,
5c)   (Muncie) – K54 – J54 – I55 – Indianapolis; (South Bend) – G46

                                                       BANKS
HOWDY Y’AWL                57 – 2 – 7 – 1 + 1 + 1   = 49
BLAISE                     46 + 2 – 1 + 1 + 1       = 49
GRIT                       72 + 7 + 6 – 1 – 1 – 1   = 82
APPLE PIE                  67 + 1 + 1 + 1 – 1 – 1   = 68

Next turns die rolls are   6a) 3, 6b) 4 and 6c) 3

Please note that Jon Carter is the GM for this game and orders can be sent either direct to Jon, or I will forward
(sealed ) orders to him. I usually send my orders out with the zine to avoid any possibility of an advantage. Jon’s
address is 28 Furze View, CHORLEYWOOD, Hertfordshire, WD3 5HU. His e-mail address is j.n.carter@ic.ac.uk.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                     Page 27

                   RR Games XXVI - Sardinia Map - RR1695SN - Turn 7
This turn, there was an NMR from Neil Rabbitts so I have supplied orders for MAFIOSI.

SARD:           (L21) – Suni; (P32) – P31; (W24) - - - W23 – V22; (Iglesias) – K39 – K40 – K41 – K42;
                (K40) – Carbonia.
ASPIC:          (V20) - - - - - V21 - - - V22 – W23 - - - W24.
SPERM:          (M17) - - - M16 - - - - - M15 - - - M14 – M13.
MAFIOSI:        (Q30) - - - - - R30 - - - R31 – R32 – Sanluri – T33.

The third set of races are.
11) Golfo Arano (65) – Carbonia (15);                      13) Bonorva (43) – Palao (66)
14) Osilo (53) – Suni (42);                                15) Nurri (31) – Laconi (25)
16) Alghero (52) – Jerzu (33)l             17) Santadi (13) – Santuri (22) 18) Iglesias (16) – Oschiri (62)
                Enter up to 4 races, plus race 11 and build up to 12 points excluding known payments

                                     SPERM                  SARD              MAFIOSI               ASPIC
                                  Richard Smith       Philip Honeybone       Neil Rabbitts         Julie Hunt
 5) Orosei (36) – Sorso (55)                                                      10                   20
                                                                                  +5                   -5
 6) Olbia Terranova (64) –              10                                        10
 Villapatzu (32)                        -4                                        -4                   +8
 7) Terralba (23) – Porto          Offered JR to             5                    20                    5
 Torres (56)                          ASPIC                  +3                 -3–3                   +3
 8) Siniscola (61) – Bono                                                         20                   10
 (45)
 9) Bosa (41) – Oristano                20                    10
 (24)                                   -1                    -1                                     +1+1
 10) Arbatax (35) –                     20                    10
 Calasetta (14)                         +6                    -6
 11) Golfo Arano (65) –
 Carbonia (15)
                                                              No Entrants
 12) Ozieri (51) – Lanusei                                    10                                       10
 (34)
                              Race 6 featured a JR between SPERM and MAFIOSI
                         Race 7 featured a JR between SARD and ASPIC which came 2nd
                             Race 12 also featured a JR between SARD and ASPIC
 Total Last Turn                       90                 57               66                          86
 Builds                               - 12               - 11             - 12                        - 12
                                       +1               -1+7                                           -7
 Points from Races                     51                 31               55                          53
 Total                                130                 83              109                         120



               RR Games XXVIII - Washington Map - RR1697WS - Turn 7
Correction: SEA HAWKS should have paid 3 to JUNIOR and 1 to WASHINGTON last turn, instead of 4 to
WASHINGTON and 1 to JUNIOR as reported. Thus, WASHINGTON – 3, JUNIOR + 2 and SEA HAWKS + 1.

WASHINGTON: (A54) – B53 – B52 – B51; (B53) – C53; (N13) – Renton; (M13) – M12 – L11; (N13) –
            M14 –L14; (L25) – A64; (Moses Lake) – J23 – I24 – H24.
JUNIOR:    (K29) – Ritzville; (Spokane) – A72 – A73.
NWR:       (E21) – F21 – G22 - - - H22 – H23 – I24 – I25 – I26 – I27 – I28 – I29 –I30 – I31 – Pullman.
SEA HAWKS: (A61) - - - B60 – C60 – D60 – E61 – F60 – G61 – H61 – Oroville; (E61) – Omak.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                      Page 28
The second set of races is –
2) Forks (12) – Grand Coulee (53);                       8) North Port (54) – Clarkston (65)
9) Kelso (15) – Moses Lake (62);                         10) Seattle (26) – Bremerton (31)
11) Tacoma (32) – Canada (Sp2);                          12) Goldendale (43) – Port Angeles (11)
13) Everett (23) – Yakima (42);                          14) Spokane (56) – Oregon (Sp4)
                     Enter any 4 races and build up to 12 points excluding payments to others

                                  WASHINGTON              JUNIOR                   NWR           SEA HAWKS
                                   Alex Bardy          Carolyn Horton           Brad Martin      Steve Guest
 1) Renton (36) – Aberdeen                                                          15               15
 (13)
 2) Forks (12) – Grand                                                      Offers JR to         Offers XRP to
 Coulee (53)                                                                SEA HAWKS                NWR
 3) Bellingham (21) – Omak                                  10                                         20
 (52)                                                      -2+4                   +2+4               -4–4
 4) Auburn (35) – Indian                                     0                     15                  15
 Reservation (Sp5)                                                                 -1                 +1
 5) Seattle (24) – Ritzville           0                   10                                          20
 (63)                               +6–3–1               -6+3+1                    +1                  -1
 6) Sunnyside (45) –                  20                   10
 Pullman (64)
 7) Wenatchee (44) –                   20                                           10
 Canada (Sp 1)                        -9+7                   +9                     -7

 Total Last Turn                      75                     60                76                     33
 Builds                              - 13                   -3                - 15                   - 11
                                  -2–3+3–5                 +2+1            +3–3–1-1                 +5+1
 Correction                           -3                    +2                                       +1
 Points from Races                    40                     39                     39                62
 Total                                92                    101                     98                91



                  RR Games XXIX - Macedonia Map - RR1717MC - Turn 6
OLIVES                   a) (Kicevo) – P9 – P8 – KLENOVEC – O7 – N7,
(Jason Asker)            b) (N7) – M7 – L6 – K7 – J6,
Colour = Olive Black     c) (J6) – J5 – Struga; (D69) – E69; (Radusa) – C64; (E79) – E80; (Klenovec) – P6.
                         BANK: 60 + 3 + 3 (SAD) + 2 (ALE) = 68

SAD                      a) (R21) – R22; (B66) – B65 – C65; (Kremenica) – C16; (W19) - Katlanovo,
John Wilman              b) (R11) – R10; (F10) – F9,
Colour = Purple          c) (F9) – E9 – D8 – C8; (X18) – Y19 – Z19 – A69.
                         BANK: 31 – 3 (OLIVES) – 2 (ADAM) – 1 (ALE) = 25
        John, I had to adjust your orders as you cannot build through foreign countries.

ADAM                     a) (D16) – C16; (M15) – L15; (S24) - - - S25
(Mike Townsend)          b) (S25) - - - Stip; (L15) – L16,
Colour = Green           c) (Stip) – S27 – R27; (L16) – Prilep; (G8) - Ohrid.
                         BANK: 47 + 4 (ALE) – 3 (ALE) + 2 (SAD) = 50

ALE                      a) (J20) – J19 – K19 – K18,
Brad Martin              b) (K18) – Prilep – L16,
Colour = Blue            c) (L16) – L15 – L14; (Radusa) – C64; (C70) – Kumanova – D68 – E69.
                         BANK: 41 – 4 (ADAM) + 3 (ADAM) – 2 (OLIVES) + 1 (SAD) = 39

The first set of races are.
1) Resen (33) – Sopotnica / Krusevo (43);                   2) Valandovo / Gevgelija (66) – Ohrid (32)
3) Titov Veles (45) – Stip (61);                            4) Kicevo / Klenovec (25) – Bulgaria (Sp 4)
5) Katlanovo / Sveti Nikkole (51) – Radusa (16);            6) Krivo Palanka (53) – Tetovo (22)
7) Kumanovo (15) – Greece (Sp 5)
                        Enter up to 4 races and build up to 12 points excluding known payments
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                             Page 29

                   RR Games XXX - Taiwan Map – RR1766TW – Turn 3
TWT                        a) (Kukuan) – A56 – Z15 – Y15 – X14,
(Allan Stagg)              b) (X14) – X13 – W13 – SUNGPAIKENG – U12,
Colour = Red               c) (U12) – T11 – TOULIU – R10 – Q10 – P9 - Chiayi.
                           BANK: 29 + 6 + 6 = 41

PSSST                      a) (S60) – R59 – Q59 – P58; (T62) - Taoyuan,
(Paul Sands)               b) (P58) – HSINCHU – N57 – KUANYIN – L56,
Colour = Black             c) (L56) – K56 – J55 – MIAOLI; (J55) – J54 – TUNGHSIO; (J54) – I54.
                           BANK: 35 + 6 + 6 + 6 + 3 = 56

COP                        a) (Kukuan) – A56 – Z15 – Y15 – X14,
(Brad Martin)              b) (X14) – W14 – V13 - - - U13 – T12,
Colour = Blue              c) (T12) – S12 – R11 – Q11 – P10 – CHIAYI – N9.
                           BANK: 29 + 6 = 35

The fourth turn builds - 4a) 3, 4b) 6 and 4c) 3.


                   RR Games XXXI - Taiwan Map – RR1766TW – Turn 3
CHUFFER                    a) (S68) – R68 – Q69,
(Bob Pitman)               b) (I55) – H54 – G54 – TIEHCHAN SHAN,
Colour = Blue              c) (Q69) – Q70; (Tiehchan Shan) – F52.
                           BANK: 34

TACKY PLASTIC TOY          a) (B54) – A54 – Z14,
(Jason Asker)              b) (Z14) – Y15 – X14 – W14,
Colour = Yellow            c) (W14) – W13 – SUNGPAIKENG.
                           BANK: 22

FORMOSA                    a) (Kukuan) – A56 – Z15,
(Jon Carter)               b) (Z15) – Y15 – Y14 – X13,
Colour = Red               c) (X13) – W13 - SUNGPAIKENG
                           BANK: 29

The fourth turn builds - 4a) 5, 4b) 2 and 4c) 6.


                  RR Games XXXII – Estonia Map – RR1768EE – Turn 1
EESTI                     a) (Tallinn 63) – F65 – E66 – E67 – E68,
(Conrad von Metzke)       b) (E68) – KEHRA – D71 – AEGUIIDA – D73,
Colour = Brown            c) (D73) – C74 – B74; (C74) – TAPA.
                         BANK: 20 + 6 + 6 + 6 = 38

ESTONIA IS CARVED          a) (Narva) – E91,
(Alex Bardy)               b) (E92) – A90 – A89 – A88,
Colour = Red               c) (A88) – Y37 – Y36 – Y35.
                           BANK: 20

BWNW                       a) (Parnu) – K14 – K15 – K16 – L16,
(Herbert Frohn)            b) (L16) – M17 – N17 – O18 – P18 – Q19 – R19,
Colour = Yellow            c) (R19) – S20 – TURI – S22 – S23
                           BANK: 20 + 6 = 26
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                     Page 30
GOTHIC                     a) (Tartu) – M32 – N31,
(Jason Asker)              b) (N31) – O31 – P30 – Q30 – R29 – R28 – R27,
Colour = Black             c) (R27) – R26 – R25 – R24 – R23.
                           BANK: 20

BALTRACK                   a) (Tallinn 63) – E64 – D63 – C63 – KEILA,
Jacqueline Reader          b) (C63) – B63 – A64 – KOHILA – Z14 – Y15 – RAPLA,
Colour = Purple            c) (Rapla) – W15 – V15 – LELLE; (Tallinn 63) – Tallinn G65.
                           BANK: 20 + 6 + 6 + 6 + 6 = 44

The second set of die rolls are   2a) 6, b) 3 and c) 4.


              RR Games XXXIII – Estonia Map – RR????EE – Gamestart
Here we go for another RR game. This time, the companies on the start blocks are –

                                                JUDY FERGUSON
Company Acronym:           Estonian Engineering Kinship (EEK)
Colour:                    Blue
Start:                     Tallinn (3rd choice)

                                                  PAUL SANDS
Company Acronym:           All Passengers Acknowledged (APA)
Colour:                    Black
Start:                     Parnu (1st choice)

                                                STEVE GUEST
Company Acronym:           MOuntains Not Obvious, Plenty Of Lakes (MONOPOL)
Colour:                    Orange
Start:                     Narva (1st choice)

                                                   BOB PITMAN
Company Acronym:           Estonian National Express Modern Railways (ENEMR)
Colour:                    Green
Start:                     Tartu (4th choice)

Good luck everybody – the first set of die rolls are 1a) 4, 1b) 6 and 1c) 3.


                                                      *****
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                     Page 31
                                                 RAIL BARON

Turn Eight
Excellent and very well calculated orders from PLODDER doesn’t save them from having to sell; an experience also
shared by VIRGIN. It’s a great round for WWF while Jon continues to pile up the cash. The game is drawing to an
exciting finish for some.

Kevin Lee     Wild West Federation (WWF)                                            Cash 47.5K

36: (11)      1W Kansas City – Fort Worth         (CRI&P)                  1K to bank           + 13K
37: (6)       Fort Worth – 6N Fort Worth          (CRI&P)                  1K to bank
38: (8)       6N Fort Worth – 2E Des Moines       (CRI&P)                  1K to bank
39: (9)       2E Des Moines – 1E Pittsburgh       (CRI&P, B&O)             1K to bank
40: (9)       1E Pittsburgh – New York            (B&O, PA)                1K to bank, 10K ACME +16.5K


Chris Green      Portland, Louisville, Omaha, Denver & Detroit Express Railway      Cash 5.5K

36: (17)     Charleston – New York                (SAL, C&O, PA)           1K to Jon, 10K ACME + 10K
37: (9)      New York – Detroit                   (NYC)                    10K to Jon
38: (13)     Detroit – 2S St Louis                (C&O, B&O, MP)           1K to bank, 10K WWF
39: (9)      2S St Louis - Houston                (MP, T&P)                10K to WWF + FATCAT+17K
39 bonus (3)    Houston – 1NW Shreveport          (T&P, MP)
40: (12)     1NW Shreveport – 1E Cincinnati       (MP, B&O)                10K to WWF


Adrian Walding: Vacuous Inexperienced Railwaymen Growing In Naiveté                 Cash 16K

36: (11)      2S Rapid City – Rapid City          (C&NW)             10K to Jon           + 17.5K
37: (6)       Rapid City – 1S St Paul             (C&NW)             10K to Jon
38: (8)       1S St Paul – 1E Chicago             (C&NW, CMStP&P, B&O) 10K to Jon and WWF
39: (9)       1E Chicago - Baltimore              (B&O)              10K to WWF           + 17K
40: (9)       Baltimore – 1S Chicago              (PA)               10K to ACME


Jackie Reader: A Crap Main Engine                                                   Cash 37K

36: (11)     8E Los Angeles – San Diego           (AT&SF)                  1K to bank               + 20K
36 bonus (6)    San Diego – 3S Sacramento         (AT&SF)
37: (9)      3S Sacramento – 2S Portland          (AT&SF, SP)              1K to bank, 10K to WWF
38: (8)      2S Portland - Portland               (SP)                     10K to WWF            + 13K
38 bonus (5)    Portland – 5S Portland            (SP)
39: (12)     5S Portland – 3N Phoenix             (SP, WP, AT&SF)          10K to WWF, 1K to bank
40: (12)     3N Phoenix – 3SW Kansas City         (AT&SF)                  1K to bank


Bob Pitman:       Federal American Trans -Continental Amalgamated Tracks             Cash 79K
              I have altered my adjustment to Bob’s orders last turn by 1 point of track, so he starts from 4NE
              Knoxville rather than 2SW Washington on the N&W; no payments were affected

36: (11)      4NE Knoxville – Buffalo             (N&W, PA)                1K to bank, 10K ACME + 15.5K
37: (6)       Buffalo – 2S Columbus               (PA, N&W)                1K to bank, 10K to ACME
38: (8)       2S Columbus – 1NE Chattanooga       (N&W, SOU)               1K to bank
39: (9)       1NE Chattanooga – Chattanooga       (SOU)                    1K to bank            + 8K
40: (9)       Chattanooga – 1SW Washington        (SOU, N&W, SOU)          1K to bank
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                     Page 32
Jon Carter                                                                          Cash 80K

36: (17)     San Diego – 2N Denver                 (AT&SF, UP)              1K to bank, 10K ACME
37: (9)      2N Denver – 1N Des Moines             (UP, C&NW)               1K to bank
38: (13)     1N Des Moines – 1N Cincinnati         (C&NW, GM&O, NYC)        1K to bank
39: (9)      1N Cincinnati – Richmond              (NYC, C&O)               1K to bank, 10K PLODDER +28.5K
39 bonus (3)    Richmond – 3E Richmond             (C&O)
40: (12)     3E Richmond – 1W Albany               (C&O, NYC)               10K to PLODDER, 1K to bank


The turn 9 die rolls are as follows -

 Turn                          Die Roll                    Bonus                        Priority
 41                            6+4                         1                            FATCAT
 42                            3+3                         5                            Jon
 43                            1+3                         1                            WWF
 44                            6+2                         2                            PLODDER
 45                            6+2                         3                            VIRGIN


COMPANY          FIRST DESTINATION         PAYOUT          SECOND DESTINATION                PAYOUT
WWF              Las Vegas (SW)            28K             Portland (NW)                     13.5K
PLODDER          Buffalo (NE)              14K             San Francisco (SW)                28K
VIRGIN           San Francisco (SW)        28K             Detroit (NC)                      17K
ACME             Chicago (NC)              22K             Boston (NE)                       10K
FATCAT           New York (NE)             8.5K            Detroit (NC)                      6.5K
Jon              Boston (NE)               9.5K            Las Vegas (SW)                    30K

3rd destinations are
ACME             Los Angeles (SW)          32.5K
FATCAT           Butte (NW)                18K
Jon              Portland (NW)             13.5K

PLAYER       ARRIVALS              TRAIN           RAILROADS                                         CASH

WWF              10                 E                B&O, CRI&P, MP, SP                              127.5K
PLODDER          9                  S                SAL, NYNH&H, B&M, C&O                           - 19.5K
VIRGIN           8                  E                L&N, IC, SL&SF, CMStP&P                         - 9.5K
ACME             9                  S                ACL, PA, AT&SF, RF&P, WP                        96K
FATCAT           8                  E                CB&Q, SOU, NP, DRGW, T&P, N&W                   62K
Jon              11                 S                C&NW, NYC, GM&O, GN, UP                         113.5K
                                  Note that all lines, unless owned, will now cost 10K.

                                                   AUCTIONS
PLODDER will have to sell at least 2 times to recover a total debt of 36.5K (allowing for debts accumulated when
reaching destinations. PLODDER will offer his lines in the order – SAL, B&M, NYNH&H, C&O. If these fail to cover
the total debt, then PLODDER will exit the game bankrupt.

VIRGIN will also have to sell 2 lines – the first to cover a debt of 16.5K before he reached BALTIMORE and then
again to cover his current debt. VIRGIN will offer his lines in the order – IC, L&N, SL&SF, CMStP&P.

Companies not in debt should submit single bids for each line up for sale; the bank will buy any unsold lines for half
their original selling price. If any lines are bought by the bank, then line costs will be reduced to 5K lines owned by
other companies and 1K for own and bank owned lines.


                                                    *****
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 33
                       6 NIMMT ! – GAMES 3 & 4 - GAMESTART
Time to start some new games, given the success of the previous games. Once again, I’ve divided the players into
two games - Jacqueline Reader, Adrian Walding, Brad Martin, Blaise Hudson, Carolyn Horton and Richard Smith
for Game 3 and Ginette Beavis, Paul Sands, Axel Diers, Bob Pitman, Bob Gingell and Roy Arnold for game 4. Once
again, there will be four hands running in each game, and I will want a card placement for each hand, each turn.

I’m assuming that everyone knows how to play – please contact me if you need rules. Numbers in brackets refer to
the points value of the card. The aim of the game is to avoid playing the 6th card in the row and scoring points –
remember it’s the player with the fewest points that wins. Hands 1 and 2 are played with a full deck of cards; hands
3 and 4 are played with only 64 cards, so all cards are used.


Game 3                                                     Game 4


Hand 1                                                     Hand 1




     23       33 (5)       69         87                         16         31         46         81
      1         5           1          1                          1          1          1          1



Hand 2                                                     Hand 2




     9          8          53         72                       22 (5)       37         89         97
     1          1           1          1                         5           1          1          1



Hand 3                                                     Hand 3




     9        10 (3)     25 (2)       59                         1          48         49         58
     1          3          2           1                         1           1          1          1



Hand 4                                                     Hand 4




     14         19       33 (5)       47                         43       45 (2)       46         58
      1          1         5           1                          1         2           1          1
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                             Page 34
                                                        Reader's punishment for incorrect census
                                                        figures in the Presidential Bed Chamber. The
                                                        President also made the job of census-taking in
                                                        BLAST easier, with a strike causing an
                                                        estimated 4 million casualties.


                                                              Cockayne Escalates Air War
                                                        President Bough today announced that the USA
                                                        would be his first target from his new space
                                                        station. He explained that whilst he had nothing
                                                        against Mr Clinton or Mr Bush, especially given
                                                        their respective penchants for oral sex and
                Vol II; Issue 22                        booze, he thought that they deserved to be
                    Page 1                              nuked because of the ridiculous election. "Of
                                                        course, we don't have elections in Cockayne", he
                                                        continued, "though we do have plenty of
 Global Destruction? You're in Cloud                    erections".    At this point, a magnificent
                                                        cigar-shaped aircraft shot into the air.
           Cuckoo Land!
 Yet another superpower was extinguished last                      USA Take a Battering
 month, with Cloud Cuckoo Land falling victim to
 the last act of the ABISS, despite successful          The USA has been battered from all sides,
 defence against the first wave of attacks.             taking damage from the ex-Cloud Cuckoo Land
 Celebrations were suspended shortly after              (5 million), BLAST (16 million) and the Land of
 President Pencil Case announced rejoicing due          Cockayne       (11    million).        The    Clinton
 to hell freezing over. There was little time to        administration was, however, preoccupied by
 substantiate reports of flocks of pigs, the            suggestions that Monica has turned into a
 extinction of political correctness, two politicians   budgerigar (which according to the FBI is
 agreeing with each other, and most outlandishly,       unlikely, although she has been known to eat
 a politician answering a question with the truth.      hamburgers - the truth is out there...) and that
 Reports of missiles taking to the air were,            she comes from Newcastle (and anyway, it's
 however, confirmed, although their destinations        more that thing she does with her tongue...).
 are currently unclear. The Immortal Lucifer drew       Despite the general breakdown in almost all the
 comfort from this success, but was philosophical       world's systems, the fact that 94% of the
 about his earlier extinction, saying "You just can't   randomly selected US citizens in the bunker
 get a better quality of Demons anymore. I was          were either lawyers or have had successful
 sure that my Satanic Minions, who are                  nuisance lawsuits means that once those
 masquerading as insane Military commanders in          spreading these rumours are found, they are
 everyone else's armies, were able to read just         expected to be tried and (when money returns to
 well enough to tell apart orders to 'Nuke the          circulation) sued for billions of dollars. Despite all
 Human Scum' and those that said 'Nuke the              the distractions, the USA still managed to launch
 Boss'. It could be worse, at least I still have my     a Polaris missile.
 sense of humour. And don't forget I'll be seeing
 you all later." There followed a short period of
 booming, maniacal laughter.
                                                                Espionage Against BLAST

           Krakatoan Discipline                         As part of his investigations, President Clinton
                                                        acquired plans for smearing Monica (with
 President Ummagumma Reader said yesterday              chocolate sauce? - Ed) from BLAST - what
 that those who fiddle their census can't be            Clinton intends to do with this information is
 trusted and have to be punished.             The       being kept SECRET.       Sources close to Lord
 23-year-old, stunning blonde Krakatoan Minister        Such have been unable to obtain any comment -
 of the Interior is currently awaiting Ummagumma        all BLAST plans are currently TOP SECRET.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                          Page 35

                                                                          Editor
                                                           Neil Rabbitts,
                                                           xxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
                                                           xxxxxxxxxx
                                                           xxxxxxxxxxxx
                                                           xxxxxxxxx

                                                           Tel: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
                                                           email: eots.polarpig@bigfoot.com
                 Vol II; Issue 22
                     Page 2



                               The Markets                               Open       +/-       Close
      Krakatoa, East of Java (CJ Reader)                                  -12M     -           -12M
      Microsoft Empire (David Cowie)                                           Wiped Out
      The Land of Cockayne (Richard Smith)                                -28M     -           -28M
      Apollyonic Brotherhood of Irradiated Secular States (Bob Pitman)         Wiped Out
      Cloud Cuckoo Land (Tony Bayley)                                          Wiped Out
      Bigoted Lunatics Armed Swiftly Today (Jason Asker)                  -23M   -4M           -27M
      United States of America (Pete Cowling)                              -2M  -32M           -34M


                                               *****

                                        VARIABLE TITLE 99

Railway Rivals Franchise Turn 2

       Race                  IDIOT     FRANC   BONJOUR     FROG          NOTACLUE    Trains
                                                           LEGS
  4    15 Rouen – 65          11         2                    9(7)            7      IDIOT 2
       Toulon                                                                        FROGLEGS 1
  5    11 Paris – 36 Nancy    11                 16(14)       16(14)                 FROGLEGS 2
                                                                                     BONJOUR 1
                                                                                     (least franchises
                                                                                     rule invoked)
 11    66 Nice – S1           13                   2                         1(6)    IDIOT 2
       England                                                                       NOTACLUE 1
 13    23 Rennes – 56                   1(2)       6            3                    BONJOUR 2
       Lourdes                                                                       FRANC 1
 15    21 Brest – 53                     8         9            6                    BONJOUR 2
       Toulouse                                                                      FRANC 1
 16    24 Nantes – 16 Le                12        12                                 F/B may raise
       Havre
 17    14 Paris – 42          13                  15           15             9      B/FL may raise
       Mulhouse
 18    44 Lyon – 54                      8                      6             4      FRANC 2
       Bordeaux                                                                      FROGLEGS 1
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                       Page 36

 cont
        Race                      IDIOT     FRANC         BONJOUR         FROG       NOTACLUE       Trains
                                                                          LEGS
 19     62 Montpellier – S2         10             2                                      9         IDIOT 2
        Bel/Lux                                                                                     NOTACLUE 1
 20     32 Dunkerque – S3           14             2         16                           9         BONJOUR 2
        W.Germany                                                                                   IDIOT 1
 21     64 Marseille – 31           10                                       12           9         FROGLEGS 2
        Amiens                                                                                      IDIOT 1
 22     11 Paris – S5 Italy         12             2                         10           9         IDIOT 2
                                                                                                    FROGLEGS 1
 23     22 Cherbourg – 34           12             8         13                                     BONJOUR 2
        Reims                                                                                       IDIOT 1
 24     12 Paris – 56                              8          8              14                     FROGLEGS 2
        Lourdes                                                                                     B/F may raise
 25     42 Mulhouse – S1            10                       17                           9         BONJOUR 2
        England                                                                                     IDIOT 1
 26     23 Rennes – 54                             9         10               6                     BONJOUR 2
        Bordeaux                                                                                    FRANC 1
 27     43 Dijon – 63               15                                        5           9         IDIOT 2
        Marseille                                                                                   NOTACLUE 1
 28     31 Amiens – 61              12                       12               4           9         I/B may raise
        Grenoble



                   2 trains                               1 train                                      Spent
 IDIOT             2,4,8,9,11,19,22,27,(28 tied)          3,6,10,12,20,21,23,25                         184
 David Oya
 FRANC             (16 tied),18                           1,13,15,(24 tied),26                            32
 Brad Martin
 BONJOUR           3,7,10,12,13,14,15,(16                 5,8,(24 tied)                                  185
 Kevin Lee         tied),(17tied),20,23,25,26,(28 tied)
 FROGLEGS          1,5,6,(17 tied),21,24                  4,7,14,18,22                                   108
 Jason Asker
 NOTACLUE                                                 2,9,11,19,27                                    36
 Jim Reader


You now bid for up to 9 of the next lot. You may also raise a tied bid Note that you can’t drop a bid altogether,
only decline to raise it. The stingier bidders look a bit short on franchises, but can the big spenders join up all the
dots? We shall see.


         29.   66 Nice – 25 Orleans                          36.   15   Rouen – 46 St.Etienne
         30.   44 Lyon – 16 Le Havre                         37.   24   Nantes – 52 Limoges
         31.   21 Brest – 36 Nancy                           38.   13   Paris – S2 Bel/Lux
         32.   35 Metz – S6 Spain                            39.   64   Marseille – 41 Strasbourg
         33.   14 Paris – S4 Switzerland                     40.   51   Clermont Ferrand – S3 W.Germany
         34.   65 Toulon – 55 Bayonne                        41.   62   Montpellier – 33 Lille
         35.   45 Lyon – 53 Toulouse                         42.   26   La Rochelle – 32 Dunkerque


                                                       *****
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                         Page 37


                                Budda - Budda - Budda !
                                                          No. 22


Welcome to yet another Budda-Budda-Budda! Seventh place on the subzine poll on past glories as now it only runs
one fluffy little game. So without further ado LET'S CHOP!




                                          Guillotine!
TURN 5

A few rules adjudications needed here. For the second time Ginette ordered thinking her next turn's line was this
turn's line, so I played her action card to yield the most points on the correct line. This led to our first empty line. I
decided that executioners faced with an empty line still get a go, but all they can do is play a non-line-affecting
action card. We also had our first card-swap. In the FTF game this happens immediately. In the postal game I had
already indicated that this happens right at the end of all other thingummies.


Line 1: Executioner - Vlad the Imp-Hailer (Tony) - next turn Chris Green
Jim plays Information Exchange, which in the postal game means he swaps hands with his chosen victim, Ginette,
at the very end of the turn (and collects the Baron for 3). This is doubly successful as he lost two cards thanks to
Chris.




Green (Civic): Unpopular Judge
Purple (Nobs): Fast Noble
Grey (Unfortunates): Tragic Figure
Blue (Clergy): Bad Nun
Red (Military): Palace Guard, Colonel
Palace Guard: Each Palace Guard is worth a number of points equal to the number in your score pile.
Tragic Figure: Worth -1 point for every Grey noble in your score pile (including this one).
Fast Noble: Collect an additional noble from the front of the line after you collect this noble.
Unpopular Judge: This line's executioner may not play an action card when the unpopular judge is at the front.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                     Page 38
Tony's Cards:

1) Lack of Faith: If there are any blue nobles in line, move the one nearest the front of the line to the front.
2) Forward March: Move a palace guard to the front of the line
3) Stumble: Move a noble forward exactly 1 place in line.
4) Opinionated Guards: Rearrange the first 4 nobles in line any way you wish.
5) Pushed: Move a noble forward exactly 3 places in line.
6) Confusion: Choose a player. Randomly rearrange the line just before that player collects their next noble.

Line 2: Executioner - Jim Reader - next turn Vlad the Imp-Hailer (Tony)
Ginette plays was that my name? moving Robespierre to the front of the line, gaining her an extra action card
and releasing the remaining nobles on this line. Players who subsequently encounter the dead line on their go may
play an action card, but not a line-affecting one.

Jim's cards:

1) Civic Pride: Move a green noble forward up to two places in line.
2) Clothing Swap: Choose any noblein the line and replace it with the top noble from the noble deck.
3) Escape!: Two random nobles are discarded from the line and the remainder rearranged randomly
4) After You: Put the noble at the front of the line in another player's score pile (you get the next noble)
5) Scarlet Pimpernel: The line ends after you finish your turn. Remaining nobles in the line go free.
6) L'Idiot: Move a noble forward up to 2 places in line.
7) Double Feature: Collect an additional noble from the front of the line this turn
8) Milling in Line: Randomly Rearrange the first 5 nobles in the line.

Line 3: Executioner - Chop L'Head (Ginette Beavis) - next Jim Reader)
Chris plays the infighting card on Jim (lose 2 random action cards), and collects the Sherrif for 1.




Green (Civic): Sheriff, Rival Executioner
Purple (Nobs): Duke
Grey (Unfortunates): The Clown, Innocent Victim
Blue (Clergy): None
Red (Military): Palace Guard, Lieutenant
Palace Guard: Each Palace Guard is worth a number of points equal to the number in your score pile.
Rival Executioner: Collect the top noble from the noble deck after you collect this noble.
The Clown: When you collect this noble, place it in another player's score pile.
Innocent Victim: Choose an action card and discard it from your hand when you collect this noble.

Ginette's Cards:

1) Political Influence: Draw 3 additional action cards instead of taking a noble this turn
2) Indifferent Public: Play on yourself. All grey nobles are worth +1 point instead of the indicated value.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 39
3) Military Might: Move a Red noble forward up to 2 places in line.
4) Majesty: Mover a purple noble forward up to 2 places in line

Line 4: Executioner - Chris Green - next turn Chop L'Head (Ginette Beavis)
Vlad plays Church Support which gives him bonus points for clergy, and collects the Land Lord for 2.




Purple (Nobs): Lady, Coiffeur
Blue (Clergy): Bishop, Wealthy Priest, Archbishop, Heretic
Red (Military): Colonel
Lady: Draw an additional action card after you collect this noble.
General: Add another noble from the noble deck to the line after you collect this noble.

Chris's Cards:

1) Friend of the Queen: Move any one noble back up to 2 places in line.
2) Fainting Spell: Move a noble backwards up to 3 places in line.
3) Trip: Move a noble backwards exactly one place in line. You may play an addtional card this turn.
4) Double Feature: Collect an additional noble from the line.




                   In the basket.....
Jim Reader: King Louis XIV (purple, 5); Lord (purple, 2); Marie Antionette (purple, 5); Governor (green 4);
Unpopular Judge (green, 2); Baron (purple, 3). Action cards up - Tough Crowd (-2 points). TOTAL = 19.

Chop L'Head (Ginette Beavis): Royal Cartographer (purple, 1); Councilman (green, 3); Hero of the People (grey,
-3); Cardinal (blue, 5) Robespierre (purple, 3). Action cards up: Foreign Support (one extra action card when
collecting purple noble). TOTAL = 9.

Chris Green: Regent (purple, 4); Lieutenant (red, 2); Tax Collector (green, 2); Piss Boy (purple, 1); Sheriff (green,
1). Action cards up: Civic Support (one extra point for each green noble in score pile). TOTAL = 12.

Vlad the Imp-Hailer (Tony Bayley): Mayor (green, 3); Palace Guard (red, 1); Lady in Waiting (purple, 1); Land
Lord (green, 2). Action cards up: Church Support (one extra point for each blue noble in score pile). TOTAL = 7.
Variable Pig Lincolnshire Curly Coat                                                                   Page 40

        Polar Pig 76                                     Variable Title 99
        JIM (CJ) READER,                                 STEVE GUEST,
        WETHOUDER GERSSENLAAN 27,                        16 Burgan Close,
        3454BA DE MEERN,                                 Cowley,
        THE NETHERLANDS                                  OXFORD,
        (00 - 31 - 294 - 230303 home)                    OX4 3QR
        (00 - 31 - 30 - 2857161 work)                    (01865-452664 home)
        (00 - 31 - 30 - 2857111 fax)
        cj.reader@wanadoo.nl                             s.guest@rl.ac.uk

        Eye of the Storm 22                              Budda-Budda-Budda! 23
        NEIL RABBITTS,                                   RICHARD SMITH,
        xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx                                 106, BRACKLESHAM CLOSE
        xxxxxxxxxxxxxx                                   SHOLING,
        xxxxxxxxxxx                                      SOUTHAMPTON,
        xxxxxxxx                                         S019 8RX
        xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx                          (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
        eots.polarpig@bigfoot.com                        richard@sholing.force9.co.uk



Jim Reader is the Editor. Richard Smith does the printing (by hand) and distribution and maintains the Variable
Pig Website at: http://fp.sholing.f9.co.uk/ and the Variable Pig Mailing List - send a blank email to
piglist-subscribe@sholing.force9.co.uk to join.

Orders to subzine GM’s are best sent direct, although Jim will forward sealed orders. When posting to Jim please
write “Air Mail - Par Avion” on the envelope and allow 4 days. Variable Pig is still free, but relies on donations of
British stamps to offset production costs. The current circulation is 60.


                                           PIG WAITING LISTS
EN GARDE            - New players welcome
CAFÉ INTL. 2        - Game start inside
IT’S A RAID         - Brad Martin, David Cowie, Ginette Beavis, Roy Arnold and Richard Smith. 1
                      more wanted - please
RAILWAY RIVALS (EE) - Game start inside
JEEPNEY BOSS        - Roy Arnold, Kim Head (?), Brad Martin, Jon Carter, Alex Bardy and Jacqueline
                      Reader. List full – game start hopefully next issue.
MONGOLFIÉRE         - Bob Pitman, Neil Rabbitts, Philip Honeybone, Bob Gingell. 2 more wanted
6 NIMMT             - Game start inside. New list open.
ELFENGOLD           - Philip Honeybone, Ginette Beavis and Adrian Walding. 3 more wanted
SHANGHAI TRADER     - Bob Pitman, Brad Martin – 6 wanted (GM = Jim Reader_
PREP. POETRY        - Game start inside
STERNENHIMMEL       - 4 wanted. GM = Jim Reader


         THE DEADLINE FOR VARIABLE PIG (SWALLOW BELLIED MANGALITZA) is

                                    Friday 30th March 2001

				
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