Signs for predicting divorce John Gottman research

Document Sample
Signs for predicting divorce John Gottman research Powered By Docstoc
					                  Signs for predicting divorce
                                John Gottman

Sign 1. Harsh start up – the conversation begins with a negative or sarcastic tone.

Sign 2. The four-horsemen

      Criticism – is different form a complaint in that it is global and attributed to a
              flaw in the character of the other person.

      Contempt – behaviors that indicate a loathing for and lack of respect for the
           other for example: eye rolling, name-calling, sneering, hostile humor,

      Defensiveness – understandable in response to criticism and contempt, but it
            draws the conversation deeper into negativism. Defensiveness is
            really a way of blaming the partner, rather than taking responsibility.

      Stonewalling – one partner tunes out (more frequently males), thus making
            resolution impossible, and building more negativism in the

Sign 3. Emotional Flooding – feeling overwhelmed by your partners emotionality
       (stonewalling is a defense against flooding).

Sign 4. Body language – physiological reactions happen when one feels
      emotionally flooded. This leads to body cues that one is angry, or fleeing the
      situation, the body signals add fuel to the negative situation.

Sign 5. Failed repair attempts – as the couple continues to try to come to a
      common understanding one partner may offer a repair attempt – a
      suggestion of a way that they may be able to deal with the conflict. If this
      attempt is successful the conversation may move to a more productive level
      of discussion, if the attempt fails the partners may begin to give up hope.

Sign 6. Bad memories - with building resentment and negative memories, the past
      positive memories are rewritten into negative memories – so that nothing in
      the relationship is remembered as positive.

Shared By: