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					                                                                                  SANET MERRYS COLLAGE OF CANTALOPES
                                                                                                                                                                          INSIDE
                                                                                                                                                                               NEWS:
                                                                                                                                                                               Real facts and sto-
                                                                                                                                                                               ries now included!
                                                                                                                                                                               SPORTS:
                                                                                                                                                                               If it’s not basket-
                                                                                                                                                                               ball, it’s not news
                                                                                                        www.smcclolegian.com
Moo-aga, Cahlifohnia                                                                     Funday, April 1, 2011                                                                 Volume CVIII, Number 22



Third Batman to be filmed on campus                                                                                                                              Saint Mary’s
                                                                                                                                                                 College voted
Controversial filming to start as early as April 1st                                                                                                             #3 party school
                                                                                                                                                                            by Gladys Ferrydale
                                                                                                                                                                              Life of the Party

                                                                                                                                                                    For the fifth consecutive year, Saint
                                                                                                                                                                 Mary’s has appeared on the Princeton
                                                                                                                                                                 Review’s list of top 20 party schools,
                                                                                                                                                                 topping the lists of “don’t inhale,”
                                                                                                                                                                 “reefer madness,” “lots of hard liquor,”
                                                                                                                                                                 and “lots of beer.” Students were
                                                                                                                                                                 not surprised — one stated, “I never
                                                                                                                                                                 leave Saint Mary’s on the weekends,
                                                                                                                                                                 why would I want to? We party every
                                                                                                                                                                 night!” With the campus littered with
                                                                                                                                                                 red SOLO cups and broken handles,
                                                                                                                                                                 the evidence of a school that studies
                                                                                                                                                                 hard and parties harder is undeniable.
                                                                                                                                                                    Not every student is pleased with
                                                                                                                                                                 this rating, especially one student
                                                                                                                                                                 (who wishes to remain anonymous),
                                                                                                                                                                 who stated, “Saint Mary’s students
                                                                                                                                                                 have gone too far; people hear that
                                                                                                                                                                 I go to Saint Mary’s and automati-
                                                                                                                                                                 cally assume I’m a huge partier! We
                                                                                                                                                                 have a horrible reputation, and I’m
                                                                                                                                                                 tired of not being able to find parking
                                                                                                                                                                 Thursday-Friday because of all the UC
                                                                                                                                                                 Berkley and San Francisco State kids
                                                                                                                                                                 coming here to party.”
                                                                                                                                                                    Campus Police are fed up too, and
                                                                                                                                                                 have recently doubled their force in or-
                                                                                                                                                                 der to come down hard on party-goers.
                                                                                                                                                                 Mandatory drunk driving check-points
                                                                                                                                                                 on campus will come into effect as of
                                                                               Courtesy of judydickey.com, screenrant.com, emporer-penguin.com, and SOMEONE!!!   April 15th, as well as the power for
Batman: The Dark Knight Rises will be filmed at the College; one Brother ihopes to play the part of the penguin in the upcoming film.                            a Resident Advisor to conduct room
                                                                                                                                                                 checks without reason, warning, or
 by Owen “Mistake Master” Wilson     ‘sellout-opening-weekend’ kind.       for this production,” he said in a        biggest grossing movie of all time.         student’s presence. Another way the
          Loyal Kings Fan               Saint Mary’s found out last        statement, “and we think Saint            We jumped at the opportunity                school is attempting to combat this
                                     week that it will, in fact, play      Mary’s offers exactly what we’re          to let them film the next movie             “bad reputation” is by no longer of-
   Look out, Gaels – along with      a big role in the filming of the      looking for in terms of setting.”         here… if we can get our name                fering sodas or juices in the cafeteria,
the albino raccoon and the gener-    next Batman movie – The Dark             “This is a great honor to our          on the side of this cash cow, the           claiming students were taking large
al collection of deer and turkeys,   Knight Rising. According to the       school,” said Associate Dean              high schoolers will be dying to             amounts from the cafeteria for “chas-
the lovely halls of Saint Mary’s     film’s producer, Festus Weimen-       of Film Productions Anthony               come here!”                                 ers” and drink-mixing.
will soon be infested by bats.       schweimer, “At least half ” the       Wheeler. “I mean, did you guys              Information about the script                 The administration declined to
   And not the peaceful, fruit       movie will be filmed on campus.       see that last one they made? It
eating kind – the Christian Bale     “We looked at a lot of schools        was bloody brilliant, and it’s the          see PENGUINZ, p543                        see REDCUPS, p542


Saint Mary’s prepares for the (Rebecca) Black Plague
Rebecca Black tops 2011 Gaelapalooza performers list, along with O-Town, Vanessa Hudgens
                                     of March 26, the video had over       becca Black. We felt
      by Stewart Fupperstone         54 million views. Since then,         that she could re-
          YouTube Critic             Black was interviewed by Rolling      ally make the event
                                     Stone magazine, and performed         a success with her
   Campus Activities Board has       on ABC’s Good Morning America.        amazing new song
been hard at work planning this      Her tantalizing lyrics which go       and inspirational
year’s Gaelapalooza, and has an-     through the days of the week,         lyrics.”
nounced the first performer. You-    and the use of repetition in the         Gaelapalooza,
Tube sensation Rebecca Black is      song had listeners so in love with    an outdoor con-
slated to perform at Gaelapalooza    the song, that they purchased it      cert and barbeque,
on Saturday, May 11.                 for 99 cents in the iTunes store,     is later this spring
   Thirteen-year-old Rebecca         where it is currently the 28th most   on May 11. Other
Black from Anaheim Hills, Cali-      purchased song.                       performers include
fornia, was signed to ARK Music         Campus Activities Board is         boy band O-Town,
Factory in late 2010. On February    excited for Rebecca Black to come     Tay Zonday, known
10, 2011, the music video for her    and perform later this spring.        for his hit “Choc-
first single “Friday” was released   Reuben Greenwald, Advisor to          olate Rain,” and
onto YouTube by her label. After     the Campus Activities Board, says,    Vanessa Hudgens,
being featured on the television     “Rebecca Black is the next big        who starred in
                                                                                                                                                                          Courtesy of Youtube.com
show Tosh.0, Black’s music video     thing! I know talent when I see it    Disney Channel’s
launched her into stardom and as     and I couldn’t pass up booking Re-    High School Musical. Rebecca Black, doing her best to kill the music industry, will be performing at Gaelapalooza

OPINION                                                 DETOUR                                                              News                  pg. 1            Crimez                         pg. 2
                                                                                                                            Opinion               pg. 4            Complaint Corner               pg. 4
We hate everything you love                             No longer just photos!
                                                                                                                            Detour                pg. 6            Cool Movies                    pg. 6
                         pg. 667                                                                  pg. 974
                                                                                                                            Sports                pg. 7            Playa of the Week              pg. 7
542 I Funday, April 1, 2010
                                                                                  The Collegian


                                                               the dish
                                       SnapShot                                                                                                               REDCUPS:
                                                                                                                                                              Campus removes
                                                                                                                                                              juice from cafeteria
                                                                                                                                                              continued from page 0001
                                                                                                                                                              comment on whether or not they
                                                                                                                                                              believed the over 35 percent in-
                                                                                                                                                              crease in freshmen applications
                                                                                                                                                              for the 2011-2012 academic school
                                                                                                                                                              year was due in part to the partying
                                                                                                                                                              nature of the school. We’ll take
                                                                                                                                                              that as a “yes.”
     le
  collégien
  Saint Mary’s College of California


       2008 Winner
 Associate Collegiate Press
   BEST PAPER EVAR
            P.O. Box 4407
          Moraga, CA 94575
         223 Ferroggiaro Hall

      Telephone: 925.631.4279
         Fax: 925.631.4675
    E-mail: collegia@stmarys-ca.edu
   Website: www.smccollegian.com
                                                                                                                                                                                     Courtesy of bu.edu
                                                                                                                       Courtesy of godzillahaiku.tumblr.com
    LEO DICAPRIO
    OWEN WILSON                             Do yuo like correcting spelling errours? At
                                                                                                                                                              Gates open
   Masters of the Minions
                                            The Collegian, we are definutely in kneed                                                                         to madness
 V ‘BIG BUCKS’ RUDDI-                                                                                                                                         Students to explore a
         CLOUS                              of an edditing staf that can functionably                                                                         new world: catacombs
      Money Master
                                            work in a teamwork-esque enviornment                                                                                     by Virgilio Campagnone
                                                                                                                                                                                Star
           DR.BOX
         Mistake Sniper                     and bee willing to put up with long, run-                                                                            Facilities Services at Saint Mary’s
                                                                                                                                                              College of California has now of-
         SHAW SHAW                          on sentenses that may or not make any                                                                             ficially deemed the catacombs safe
                                                                                                                                                              for students to explore at their leisure.
          AdminProf
                                                         coherent cents.                                                                                         Enthusiastic Integral student An-
                                                                                                                                                              thony Gotti says he will take ad-
        MR.CLEAN                                                                                                                                              vantage of this opportunity the first


                                       Crime Beat
   Oregon’s great white hope                                                                                                                                  chance he gets. “I’ve been searching
                                                                                                                                                              for a new place for personal reflection
        ASH KETCHUM
                                                                                                                                                              and I feel this dark and dreary place
      Senior Yoga Instructor
                                                                                                                                                              might be the ideal location for me.
                                       Broken hopes      11:40 a.m.        It’s sad cause it’s true 13:01 a.m.   pears; referred to Collegian Office.         It will most certainly help with my
          NO, A SHARK
           Creep creep                 Incident: Crime Beat Fail           Incident: Not scoring points.         Too many trees 3:45 p.m.                     Edgar Allen Poe thesis assignment.”
                                       Synopsis: Student reads Collegian   Synopsis: Gaels basketball mojo       Incident: Creep creep!                          Some school administrators have
        TELLAPORTER                    to see if he made the crimebeat,    stolen in San Diego - recovered;      Synopsis: News Editor, Assistant             scoffed at the idea that students will
    BROCKNESS MONSTER                  finds he hasn’t, then breaks a      referred to Randy Bennett.            News Editor, and Chief Copy Edi-             simply be “hanging out” in previ-
    1st Amendment Enforcers            window to fulfill lifelong dream;                                         tor get lost at swamp; referred to           ously restricted areas underground.
                                       referred to Residence Life.         SOOOOOO BAD 6:00 p.m.                 Creep Committee.                             However, due to the power that
      MASTER OF WEBS                                                       Incident: Inexplicable event.                                                      Facilities Services possesses on this
      THE YANKEE FAN                   That’s why it’s funny 11:42 a.m.    Synopsis: Staff offers prizes but     It actually is.   2:23 a.m.                  campus, school administrators (in-
     Fighting Bipartasianship          Incident: Student handbook viola-   then forgets; referred to Staff       Incident: Dictionary fail.                   cluding the president) cannot over-
                                       tion.                               Writers.                              Synopsis: Collegian receives letter          rule the decision.
        THE QUIET ONE                  Synopsis: Cow found on third                                              that ‘functionable’ is not a word;              Facilities Services has assured the
         Done already?!                floor of Augustine; referred to     A smorgasbord of excellence           referred to Language Arts Depart-            Saint Mary’s community that they
                                       Animal Services.                    12:19 a.m.                            ment.                                        have removed the entire flea popula-
   FINALLY A SPORTS GUY                                                    Incident: Student handbook viola-                                                  tion from the catacombs and will be
   Holy hell, they do still exsist     You go here?      10:00 a.m.        tion.                                 Dirty             5:33 p.m.                  opening the underground space this
                                       Incident: Lack of knowledge         Synopsis: Cohabitation again.         Incident: Welfare check.                     coming Friday, April 1.
                                       Synopsis: Student believes every    And again. And again; referred to     Synopsis: Dirty dishes left in sink             Director of Pest Removal, Artie
                                       article in April Fools Edition;     Tiger Woods.                          for days, student goes insane; re-           Comoletti, says that he made as
                                       referred to Lafayette Elementary                                          ferred to Community Life.                    sure as possible that each individual
    The Collegian is the one           School.                             Oops!             7:40 a.m.                                                        flea was removed from the premises
 and only student-run publica-                                             Incident: Improper grammar.           Beep beep          1:12 a.m.                 by his own doing. “Removing each
 tion of Saint Mary’s College          Where’s Gorby? 11:25 a.m.           Synopsis: People using student’s      Incident: Fire alarm.                        individual flea was no easy task but I
 of California. When we aren’t         Incident: Improper behavior.        bald head as mirror in Ageno B;       Synopsis: Again?!                            must say that it was worth the effort;
 spending time editing articles,       Synopsis: Photographer forgets      referred to Hairdresser.                                                           the students will love it down here!”
 hunting down stories - or writ-       half of events; referred to SIL.                                          Spalding Abuse 12:19 a.m.                       Because of this new policy ad-
 ers - we enjoy long walks on                                              Don’t touch him! 8:19 p.m.            Incident: Damage to basketball               ministered on campus, the Board of
 the beach, Crocs, and the oc-         Place your bet$ 7:35 p.m.           Incident: Illegal touching            court.                                       Trustees has decided to no longer
 casional Mai-Tai.                     Incident: Entrepreneurship.         Synopsis: Saint Mary’s basketball     Synopsis: Damage to backboard                support the College. “We can’t sup-
    If you are interested in join-     Synopsis: Student found gambling    players’ personal space com-          during basketball game, ball                 port a school in which students are
 ing our merry band of editors,        in Mitty hall, makes more money     promised by Kent State players;       thrown repeatedly; referred to               freely allowed to engage in foul play,”
 stop by our office in the un-         than school; referred to Business   referred to Women’s Resource          Physical Plant.                              says Harland Kornfield, “I simply
 prouncable hall that starts with      Office.                             Center.                                                                            cannot remain supportive of this
 an F, sometime at reasonable                                                                                    Too many trees 12:19 a.m.                    unsafe institution.”
 hours, because otherwise one of       Rumble in the Jungle 10:28 p.m.     Wasps, wasps     12:19 a.m.           Incident: Its late.                             Saint Mary’s must now look else-
 us might be sleeping in here and      Incident: Earthquake!               Incident: We belong together.         Synopsis: News Editor, Co-Editor-            where for monetary support and is
 you don’t want to see us when         Synopsis: Students found in bun-    Synopsis: Co-Editor-in-Chief says     in-Chief, Assistant Opinion Editor,          unsure at press time whether or not
 we’re cranky.                         ker fleeing Japanese radiation;     “Mariah Carey” three times in         Chief Copy Editor stay too late, lose        sufficient funds will be available for
                                       referred to Common Sense.           bathroom, former News Editor ap-      minds; referred to Health Services.          the next academic term.
                                                                                                                                                                                     Funday, April 1, 2010 I   543
                                                                                                 The Collegian


                                                                                       newz
College finds solution to feral cat problem College
Campus will introduce feral dogs to combat feral cats at Saint Mary’s
          by Poeda Denver                lation goes unchecked, we will              then get spayed or neutered.              mane and downright cartoonish.
                                                                                                                                                                              legalizes
                                                                                                                                                                              marijuana
           Dog Whisperer                 soon be overrun with the fur-                 While dog people throughout             It has students wondering how
                                         balls. Searching for a solution for         the community are thrilled by             many Looney Toons the adminis-
   Whenever I leave Saint Mary’s         this problem, some faculty have             the opportunity to see man’s best         trations have been watching.
for a long time, there’s something       said that the school                                                                                    Along with the               Campus reacts to
about campus that I always forget:
the cats. I’ll be walking around
                                         should work to get rid
                                         of all the cats. Others
                                                                                                                                              cruel reality of this           complaints about
                                                                                                                                              plan, it seems that
campus on the first day of classes       have said that simply                                                                                the nature of the dogs          justice system
when suddenly something brown            spaying and neuter-                                                                                  has not been taken
and furry runs out of the bushes,        ing them will suffice.                                                                               into account. Feral                     by Hugh Wecklehoff
reminding me of the dozens of            There’s no need to                                                                                   cats are one thing;                      Cannabis Specialist
feral felines that call Saint Mary’s     remove them from                                                                                     they’re little and tend
College home.                            their homes.                                                                                         to avoid humans. But               In a stunning reversal of
   The cats have become an inside           However, a solu-                                                                                  unless Chihuahua’s              previous verdicts and presump-
joke for the Gael community.             tion has finally been                                                                                are going to be re-             tions, Public Safety’s Director of
Anyone who’s spent more than an          decided on by the                                                                                    leased, dogs are big-           Drugs and the Assistant Dean
hour on campus has seen one, and         school’s administra-                                                                                 ger, like to travel in          of Intoxicated Students today
they’re everywhere. There’s even         tors: feral dogs.                                                                                    packs and tend to               officially concluded that mari-
an urban legend involving dead              Ye s, b e g i n n i n g                                                                           interact with people a          juana should be legal on campus.
cats in the catacombs. In short,         this summer, doz-                                                                                    great deal more than            Yes, in reaction to the public
they permeate Saint Mary’s cul-          ens of feral dogs will                                                                               cats. What will Saint           outcry following a harrowing
ture. But are the feral campus cats      be released into the                                                                                 Mary’s do if roving             story of the sham justice system
to become something of the past?         school’s ecosystem                                                        Courtesy of patdollard.com packs of feral dogs             employed at Saint Mary’s, the
   In recent years there has been        to cut down on the                                                                                   get out of control and          faculty, the students and even the
widespread debate amongst the            cat population. Thus,                                                                 start becoming a nuisance to the               Christian Brothers have decided
faculty about what should be             the cat population will be curbed           friend on campus, not all people school? Bring in mountain lions?                        to enact new legislation and
done in regards to the cats. It’s        through natural selection – only            are thrilled with this solution. The Wait no, never mind. I don’t want                   promote the general well-being
no question that if the cat popu-        the strongest will survive, and             plan has been called cruel, inhu- to give anyone ideas.                                  of the school.
                                                                                                                                                                                 “We stand here today, encour-

Wanna Get Away? Best Spring Break Spots
                                                                                                                                                                              aged by the words and heroic
                                                                                                                                                                              bravery of a student who was
                                                                                                                                                                              tortured and wrongfully pros-
Forget Cabo San Lucas or the Caribbean - these are the real party places                                                                                                      ecuted, with spring in the air and
                                                                                                                                                                              smoke in our lungs,” said the
                                         saying, “This is just too nice for                                                          Just because we go to Saint
                                                                                                                                                                              Assistant Dean of Intoxicated
          by Sid Bottolsfold             spring break?” If so, then Alaska                                                         Mary’s doesn’t mean the home
           World Traveler                                                                                                                                                     Students this week following
                                         is certainly the best place for you!                                                      of the Broncos isn’t a great place
                                                                                                                                                                              the announcement. “Who knew
                                         With its frigid temperatures reach-                                                       to visit! At any rate, visiting the
                                                                                                                                                                              this stuff just grows that way?
   With spring break quickly             ing nearly 60 degrees below zero                                                          campus is a great opportunity to
                                                                                                                                                                              Why would anyone declare this
approaching, students at Saint           and often gloomy weather, this                                                            extend the olive branch of friend-
                                                                                                                                                                              illegal?” The declaration comes
Mary’s College may be wondering          spring break cold spot will have                                                          ship to our division rivals and
                                                                                                                                                                              just weeks before Gaelapalooza,
about the most fun place to spend a      you saying, “Cabo San what?”                                                              become best of friends!
                                                                                               Courtesy of math.stmarys-ca.edu                                                known as the East Bay’s ‘Week-
week of no schoolwork or classes.        Who knows, you may even have                   Wait… haven’t all of the other               1. Spokane, WA and Gonzaga
                                                                                                                                                                              end of Weed’. Excited students
It is often the case that tropical lo-   the opportunity to go wolverine             students gone home? Of course                 University
                                                                                                                                                                              welcomed the news with signa-
cales appear to be the most popular      hunting with such famed Alaskans            they have; but that doesn’t mean                                                         ture joints rolled in paper printed
places to frequent as these often        as Sarah Palin!                             you can’t enjoy spending an entire                                                       with the school colors.
serve as ways to escape the every-          4. The Overlook Hotel                    week in your residence hall by                                                              Sophomore Mike Hunt said,
day life of Moraga. Fortunately             “Redrum! Redrum!” If anyone              yourself! We are all familiar with                                                       “Wow, dude, just slow down,
for you, dear reader, your friends                                                   the campus and its various nu-                                                           seriously I’m way too baked to
at the Collegian have come up with                                                   ances, the most prominent of them                                                        go outside right now.” A fitting
a list of “hot” spring break locales                                                 being that there is no access to the                                                     reaction to the end of century
for you to spend your much needed                                                    cafeteria during the break. We                                                           long abuses by authority figures
week of rest and relaxation!                                                         couldn’t imagine a better time than                                                      looking to validate their thinning
   5. Alaska                                                                         walking to and from Safeway each                                                         hair and sterility. Integral major
     Have places like Cabo San                                                       day to purchase meals! After all,                            Courtesy of city-data.com   Joseph Left quoted Panphillius
                                                                                     why not use spring break to get in                                                       of Thebes. “Just smoke it bro,
                                                                                     great shape all by your lonesome!                That’s right, we said it! Not
                                                       Courtesy of unrealaudio.net                                                                                            and then smoke more,” the
                                                                                       2. Santa Clara University                   only is Spokane a beautiful city
                                                                                                                                                                              ancient Greek philosopher and
                                         has ever seen the film “The Shin-                                                         to visit - and it has absolutely SO
                                                                                                                                                                              favorite of the Pro-legalization
                                         ing” and found it simply delightful,                                                      many fantastical adventures and
                                                                                                                                                                              movement allegedly said in 350
                                         you have most certainly found                                                             magical places to explore - Gon-
                                                                                                                                                                              B.C.
                                         your ideal spring break spot! Iso-                                                        zaga University is a most excellent
                                                                                                                                                                                 This announcement comes on
                                         lation, frigidity, and a giant hedge                                                      school in its own right. We here at
                                                                                                                                                                              the heels of a report published
                                         maze abound in this famous hotel                                                          the Collegian believe it is our duty
                                                                                                                                                                              by the National Institutes of
                                         nestled deep within the icy moun-                                                         to end the bad blood between the
                                                                                                                                                                              Health; a government organiza-
          Courtesy of freakingnews.com   tains of Colorado.                                                                        Gaels and the Bulldogs. So let’s
                                                                                                                                                                              tion that administers medical
                                            3. Saint Mary’s College of                                                             join hands with our fellow WCC
                                                                                                                                                                              policies of the United States.
Lucas and the Caribbean left you         California                                          Courtesy of instruct.westvalley.edu   member and sing ‘Kumbaya’.
                                                                                                                                                                              The report confirmed that there
                                                                                                                                                                              is no negative effect of smoking
PENGUINZ: Brother Raphael to play the penguin in upcoming Batman film                                                                                                         marijuana or cannabis, and the
                                                                                                                                                                              active element in the plant may
continued from page 0001
                                                                                                                                                                              contain anti-oxidants that help
   and Saint Mary’s role in the          crowd.                                      enthusiasm. Sheila Killjoy, a                 publicity!”                                battle cancer.
film are scarce, but one source,           One source close to the Saint             sophomore philosophy major,                      A disgruntled security guard               “This is a major victory for
who wished to remain anony-              Mary’s Administration Staff says            gathered a group of students to               at the guard post at the front of          those of us who have been bent
mous, said that that the next film       that while the whole board ap-              protest on the chapel lawn. “We               his school scratched his head at           over and gagged by the disciplin-
“seeked to get away from the dark,       proves of the movie being filmed            didn’t pay money to come to                   the news. “You can barely get a            ary squad,” A junior who wished
ominous streets of Gothiam and           on campus, some of the Brothers             school only to have people pay                normal car around school on these          to remain anonymous observed.
give Batman a more peaceful,             “are really hoping the film crew            attention to stuff like this!” she            roads,” he said. “How in the world         “I only hope 4/20 this year is
remote and saintly place to beat         will be open to letting some of             said. “First people get excited               do they think they’ll find parking         legendary.” Yes, the world is a
up baddies and blow things up.”          the administration staff take roles.        about sports, and now this? What              for the freaking Batmobile?”               little safer today than yesterday,
   Rumors continue to fly about          Brother Raphael is particularly             happened to people paying atten-                 Students who are interested in          and our campus will be a little
the villains in the next flick, but      adamant that he wants them to               tion to my protests?” Another                 playing extra roles or getting a           greener tomorrow than today.
most say that the producers have         change the villain because he               student, who shied away when                  position on the set are encouraged
chosen the lesser-known character        wants to play the part as The               asked her name, said only “I                  to apply and should come by the
‘Bane’ to appeal to the super-           Penguin.”                                   paid good money to come to a                  Collegian Office on the second                  Happy April Fool’s!
nerdy crowd and Catwoman to                 Some of the students, however,           school where nothing happens.                 floor of Ferroggiaro at any time
appeal to the teenage hormone            did not view the news with much             Damn the school for trying to get             for a photo shoot.
                                                                        It’s April Fools Day, Fools!




1387
                                                                 spurts             Funday, April 1, 2009                                                                                 Go Gaels!


Senior Phil Benson declares for NBA draft Saint Mary’s
Expected to be selected as #2 pick behind Jimmer Freddette to cancel In-
        by Gerogey Porgey                                                                                                                                      tegral Pro-
        The Next Sports Star
                                                                                                                                                               gram
    Redshirt Senior Phil Benson
ended his career at Saint Mary’s                                                                                                                               Cites lack of inter-
as one of the top big men to
come out of the school. The 6’8’’                                                                                                                              est, Seminar may-
transfer from Canisius College
has dominated the WCC with his
                                                                                                                                                               be out as well
inside-outside threat of scoring
at will. The Arizona native had                                                                                                                                     by Plytadius Argonomis
a stellar final season for the                                                                                                                                         Senior Stick Editor
Gaels by averaging 0.6 points per
                                                                                                                                                                   Saint Mary’s announced last
game, 0.1 assists, 0.5 rebounds
                                                                                                                                                               week that it was cutting the Inte-
and 0.1 blocks, but none of the
                                                                                                                                                               gral major and is seriously consid-
stats reflect the show he puts on
                                                                                                                                                               ering doing away with its seminar
during warm-ups with his crowd-
                                                                                                                                                               program, citing “exceptionally
pleasing acrobatic windmill and
                                                                                                                                                               little interest in the programs”, ac-
360 dunks.
                                                                                                                                                               cording to Associate Dean of
    His most memorable action of
                                                                                                                                                               Timewasting Maria Yakayaka.
the season took place at Spokane
                                                                                                                                                                   “Over the past few years, so few
versus Gonzaga where he put
                                                                                                                                                               students have decided to become
the team on his back and led the
                                                                                                                                                               integral majors,” Yakayaka said.
Gaels to a 73-71 road victory.
                                                                                                                                                               “No one is seriously interested
His dominating defense against
                                                                                                                                                               in taking Greek or talking about
seven-foot Zag center Robert
                                                                                                                                                               studying the freaking stars, or
Sacre, proved he is among the
                                                                                                                                                               reading Don Quixote that slowly.
elite.
                                                                                                                                                               It’s just a waste of time and money
    Junior teammate Rob Jones
                                                                                                                                                               to keep pouring our focus into a
states that “all the time Phil
                                                                                                                                                               program that doesn’t produce re-
has put in hours practicing, he
                                                                                                                                                               sults or interest.”
has outstanding upside with
                                                                                                                                                                   Saint Mary’s has long held the
his athletic ability and court
                                                                                                                                                               Integral Major and the Seminar
awareness.” This upside was
                                                                                                                                                               program as pillars of the educa-
proven in his best performance
                                                                                                                                                               tional excellence of the program,
statistic-wise in a 121-52 victory                                                                                               Courtesy of philthyblog.com
                                                                                                                                                               but a serious decrease in partici-
over Chicago State where he           Graduating senior forward/center Phil Benson is seriously the best sport ever.
                                                                                                                                                               pation in the integral program is
scored a impressive 4 points and      fans up to date on his life and           Benson has often been                 more confidence and swagger to           cause for concern - however, the
grabbed 2 boards.                     basketball season, and on average      compared to Ohio State center,           move onto the next level.”               mathematics of the decrease
    Outside the court, Phil is        receives about a half-million hits     Jared Sullinger. Jones explains,           All eyes will now be focused           would only make sense if you took
described as a “class act” and uses   per week. The blog is not only         “Well, physically they are the           on June 23 in New York                   a Integral class and understood the
a lot of his time working on his      popular among the Saint Mary’s         same player, but Phil is a fifth         where Benson hopes to shake              Euclidian propositions. And since
online blog titled, “Philthyblog.”    community but among college            year senior coming off multiple          commissioner      David Sterns’          you obviously aren’t that cool, I’m
This is where he keeps his            basketball fans all over the world.    injuries, so I believe that he has       hand as a top 10 pick.                   not even going to bother explain-
                                                                                                                                                               ing it to you.
Collegian editors pleased by massive salary hikes                                                                                                                  Needless to say, some students
                                                                                                                                                               are rejoicing. “Finally!” said one
                                                                                                                                                               disgruntled Philosophy student.
Editorial staff makes plans retreat on moon, no longer accepting applications                                                                                  “Integral is just a hyped up ver-
                                      individuals, the financial assurance   tional sense, and rake in the dough   well as working on their tans. “I’ve        sion of the Philosophy major with
         by Sir Talks-A-Lot                                                                                                                                    more credit and just as little work.
       Spell-Checker-in-Chief         comes not a moment too soon, as        they always knew they deserved.       enjoyed exotic tanning locations
                                      belabored editors were heard just         In what is likely to become the    all across the globe, and it’s about        I mean, come on! Our major was
   In an historical moment last       last week holding group therapy        most extravagant executive staff re-  time I enjoyed one that was literally       the one that coined getting grades
week, the Collegian staff was         sessions to discuss the massive        treat in school history, the Collegianout of this world,” said Assistant          and college credit without any
informed that they would be                                                                                                             News Edi-              serious work, and yet they’re the
receiving much more financial                                                                                                           tor Jeannine           ones getting all the attention!”
endowment than years previous,                                                                                                          Abusharkh.                 Said a junior English major, “It
and that they will be permitted                                                                                                            In related          is impossible for me to pontificate
to direct all that money into their                                                                                                     news, the Col-         my gratification at the school’s
salaries. The alleged number is                                                                                                         legian would           obvious abundance of common
in the trillions, but exact figures                                                                                                     like to an-            sense. The integral major is noth-
have yet to be determined. “This                                                                                                        nounce that            ing more than an otiose waste of
is a momentous occasion. We                                                                                                             they will no           human breath. Now, excuse me,
are thrilled to be able to finally be                                                                                                   longer be ac-          I have to go compose a 12 pager
acknowledged for the important                                                                                                          cepting appli-         on why Hamlet was hot for his
work we do on campus. We look                                                                                                           cations for the        mother.”
forward to our moon landing                                                                                                             coming school              One alumni is furious, say-
retreat and are excited to spend                                                                                                        year, and will         ing in a letter to the college “If I
our money on lavish gifts for                                                                                                           instead keep           was forced to read all those damn
one another,” remarked Bryant                                                                                                           all positions          books, you best be making these
West, co-Editor-in-Chief. Even                                                                                                          to themselves.         young whipper snappers do it as
photographer Max Crowell,                                                                                                               Far from uti-          well!”
the replacement of legendary                                                                                                            lizing a hiring            Current Integral students could
photographer extraordinaire                                                                                                             freeze, the Col-       not be reached, as they all hang
Gorby Lingad, is jumping for                                                                                                            legian merely          out in mass and are never seen
joy, saying “I never thought that                                                                                                       decided they           without the others of their kind.
I would surpass Phil Knight in                                                                                                          will enact their           Announcements about the con-
net worth so quickly. Don’t get                                                                                                                                tinuation of the seminar program
                                                                                                               Ash Ketchum/COLLEGIAN selfish clause
me wrong, I always knew I’d be Collegian editors prepare for their impending retreat to the moon.                                       of the consti-         are expected sometime this week,
Oregon’s richest entrepreneur, I                                                                                                        tution, citing         but one source said “the seminar
just never dreamed it would happen amount of work for little pay they staff seeks to travel to the moon in the precepts regarding greed and                    program is as boring as a Jane
so soon.”                             experience. This unselfish bunch is the fall of 2011, and is looking for- self-inflation as motivation for this          Austin novel. Who wants to talk
   For a team of highly respected finally able to go green in the tradi- ward to collecting soil samples as new course of action.                              about books anymore?”
                                                                                    Saint Mary’s College of California
                                                                                                                                                                 INSIDE
                                                                                                                                                                      NEWS:
                                                                                                                                                                      Provost issues state-
                                                                                                                                                                      ment on Blueprint
                                                                                                                                                                      SPORTS:
                                                                                                                                                                      Gaels baseball
                                                                                   w w w . s m c c o l l e g i a n . c o m                                            sweeps New Orleans

  Moraga, California                                                               Tuesday, March 29, 2011                                                              Volume 108, Number 22


Community takes part in self-defense workshop                                                                                                                Panel discusses
                                                                                                                                                             peace in
Women’s Resource Center educates about violence prevention                                                                                                   Palestine, Israel
                                                                                                                            by Angela Sterling
                                                                                                                            Contributing Writer
                                                                                                                                                                   by Jeannine Abusharkh
                                                                                                                       This past Tuesday in the Wom-                Assistant News Editor
                                                                                                                    en’s Resource Center, Gillian
                                                                                                                    Cutshaw, the coordinator for               Thursday evening in the In-
                                                                                                                    sexual assault awareness, lead a         tercultural Center, a panel spoke
                                                                                                                    self-defense workshop for the Saint      about the Palestinian/Israeli
                                                                                                                    Mary’s College Community. The            conflict. The event began with
                                                                                                                    purpose of the workshop was to           the question, “How can bad
                                                                                                                    educate individuals about how            things happen in this region and
                                                                                                                    to properly defend themselves in         no one do anything about it?”
                                                                                                                    different situations, as well as to        Prior to the panel discussion,
                                                                                                                    ntroduce new violence prevention         a video was shown that spoke
                                                                                                                    techniques.                              about the history of the region
                                                                                                                       The first part of the workshop        and the conflict. In the 19th cen-
                                                                                                                    was about awareness. Participants        tury the region of Palestine was
                                                                                                                    discussed the myths and facts of         under Turkish rule. During the
                                                                                                                    sexual assaults, statistics, and how     same time anti-Semitism was
                                                                                                                    to be aware. Participants were also      growing in Europe. The Jewish
                                                                                                                    encouraged to be conscious of            political movement of Zionism
                                                                                                                    their own boundaries, limits, and        that sought to establish a Jewish
                                                                                                                    instincts.                               national homeland was broadly
                                                                                                                       In the second portion of the          accepted by Britain and France.
                                                                                                                    workshop, the topic of assertive-        The Zionist vision was to take
                                                                                                                    ness was introduced. Students            over an empty land waiting for
                                                                                                                    practiced this skill by being placed     them. This land was not empty
                                                                                                                    in a scenario in which they had to       at all but was home to 700,000
                                                                                                                                                             Palestinians. In order to establish
                                                                              Robert Freeman/COLLEGIAN                see WORKSHOP, p3
                                                                                                                                                             the Jewish state they would have
                                                                                                                                                             to expel the Palestinians living
Speech and Debate takes home trophy in final tournament                                                                                                      there. In the 1930s, violence
                                                                                                                                                             between Jews and Palestinians
Members take home individual awards, team places first at NCCFA championship                                                                                 escalated. The video spoke about
                                                                                                                                                             the complexities of the region
          by Ashley Hagin               walk out of the tournament with,     before competitions – she says,        and current event speaking events.
                                                                                                                                                             and many of the other uprises
            News Editor                 as it is the pride and knowledge     “One example of an assignment          Some may think it’s too much
                                                                                                                                                             and battles that occurred in the
                                        knowing that you were the best.”     we do is collect and highlight         work, but honestly when you find
                                                                                                                                                             20th century. Surrounding Mid-
   The Macken Speech and Debate            To prepare for competitions,      thirty news articles about a certain   your passion, it’s all worth it.”
                                                                                                                                                             dle Eastern countries, including
team brought home another trophy        the team spends about four to        topic. My topic was usually U.S.          The rewards of being on the
                                                                                                                    Macken Speech and Debate team            Syria and Egypt, opposed the
this month after finishing up their     five hours going over their top-     economy.” Kellogg prepares daily
                                                                                                                    go beyond winning trophies at            state of Israel. To protect them-
spring season at the National           ics, such as genocide in Darfur or   by reading the news each morning
                                                                                                                    tournaments. O’Connor said, “I           selves from the hostility, the Is-
Christian Colleges Forensics As-        Libyan conflict, said O’Connor.      to find out what is going on in the
                                                                                                                    firmly believe that I would not          raeli military grew into the most
sociation Championship.                 The week before competition, the     world. She says, “As a dedicated
                                                                                                                    be as nearly as informed today           powerful military of the Middle
   The team placed first in the         team spends six to seven hours in    debater, I set aside time each day,                                             East. The video continued to
Individual Events Sweepstakes           preparation. Diaz explained that     even weekends, to expand my                                                     describe the conflicts between
category at the tournament, hosted      team members turn in assignments     knowledge for arguments in round         see DEBATE, p3
                                                                                                                                                             the Palestinians and Israelis and
by Azusa Pacific University, with
                                                                                                                                                             the panel began to discuss their
every member earning individual
                                                                                                                                                             thoughts about the video and
speaker awards. Professor and
                                                                                                                                                             their connection to the conflict.
Macken coach Cathy Glenn re-
                                                                                                                                                               The panel consisted of five in-
marked that it was the team’s
                                                                                                                                                             dividuals from the Saint Mary’s
“strongest speaking performance.”
                                                                                                                                                             College community. Professor
   Senior Ana Diaz, team captain,
                                                                                                                                                             of Communication Aaron Sachs
placed sixth in Debate Speaking
                                                                                                                                                             believed the video to be one
out of 72, with freshman Kaitlin
                                                                                                                                                             sided and did not describe the
Kellogg placing eighth in Debate
                                                                                                                                                             role of the Palestinians in the
Speaking out of 56. Freshman
                                                                                                                                                             conflict. Saint Mary’s student
Maggie Powers placed first out of
29 in Extemporaneous Speaking,                                                                                                                               Maisa Morrar is a Palestinian
and freshman Noah O’Connor                                                                                                                                   American and she said, “The
placed sixth out of 47 in Impromp-                                                                                                                           video gave a good outline of
tu Speaking. O’Connor, freshman                                                                                                                              the conflict.” President Brother
Erika Reames and freshman Shan-                                                                                                                              Ronald Gallagher said, “with the
non Daley were all semi-finalists in                                                                                                                         video you don’t get a sense of the
Extemporaneous Speaking out of                                                                                                                               people who live there and how
29 contestants.                                                                                                                                              they live because the war is only
   Holding the first place title is,                                                                                                                         part of the struggle.”
according to Kellogg, “like a feel-                                                                                                                            The panel then spoke of their
ing I can’t even begin to describe.                                                                                                                          frustration and their thoughts
It’s as if all my hard work, die-hard                                                                                                                        about the conflict. Brother Ron-
passion and energy are held within                                                                                                                           ald was the president of Bethle-
a single, tangible object. It’s not                                                                                                Courtesy of Cathy Glenn
                                                                                                                                                             hem University in the 1990s and
so much the plastic hardware you        From left: Shannon Daley, Erika Reames, Kaitlin Kellogg, Noah O’Connor, Maggie Powers, and center Ana Diaz.            see PANEL, p3

   DETOUR                                                     OPINION                                                    News
                                                                                                                         Opinion
                                                                                                                                          pg. 1
                                                                                                                                          pg. 4
                                                                                                                                                             Campus Calendar
                                                                                                                                                             Political Cartoon
                                                                                                                                                                                       pg. 2
                                                                                                                                                                                       pg. 4
  Britney’s back                                              Abercrombie under fire for new bikini                      Detour           pg. 6              Movie Review              pg. 6
                                                                                                                         Sports           pg. 7              Player of the Week        pg. 7
                                          pg. 4                                                pg. 6
     2 I Tuesday, March 29, 2011



                                          T he
                                                                                              The Collegian


                                                                              inside page
                                                Snapshot                                                                                                                    Editorial



                                                                                                                                                                       Michael Bruer
                                                                                                                                                                       Thoughts on
                 The                                                                                                                                                   American
      Collegian                                                                                                                                                        culture
       Saint Mary’s College of California                                                                                                                                 The other day I had dinner at a
                                                                                                                                                                       Moroccan restaurant, Aicha, in San
            2008 Winner                                                                                                                                                Francisco and it got me thinking:
      Associate Collegiate Press                                                                                                                                       What are the distinctive factors, if
         10th Best of Show                                                                                                                                             any, of American society? For ex-
                 P.O. Box 4407                                                                                                                                         ample, if you were studying abroad,
               Moraga, CA 94575                                                                                                                                        in virtually any country in the world
              223 Ferroggiaro Hall                                                                                                                                     — for instance Germany — you
          Telephone: 925.631.4279
                                                                                                                                                                       would never go out looking for the
              Fax: 925.631.4675                                                                                                                                        quintessential American bistro that
        E-mail: smccollegian@gmail.com                                                                                                                                 reminds you of home. The closest
        Website: www.smccollegian.com                                                                                                                                  thing we have is McDonald’s, which
           MICHAEL BRUER                        From left: Hannah Thom, Martin Marquiz, Nick Monaco, and                                                               apparently is what many mistaken
            BRYANT WEST                                                                                                                                                foreigners believe is our staple food
            Editors-in-Chief
                                                Damaris Nielsen in attendance at last week’s ‘Lounge’                                                                  choice.
                                                                                                                                                                          I suppose the point is that the
           VICTORIA RUDD                        Provost Dobkin highlights Academic Blueprint                                                                           United States is made up of a variety
                                                                                                                                                                       of cultures, a fact which is easily rec-
            Business Manager                    Statement details Blueprint’s proposed goals, relative success                                                         ognizable in any major city across the
                                                                                                                                                                       nation. But what is the cost of such
        MATTHEW E. ZEIDAN                                by Hannah Kovach              ment; 2) Promote Learning and            grant writing have all increased.”     diversification? Are we sacrificing our
          Chief Copy Editor                                 Staff Writer               Teaching for Innovation, Creativity,     Additionally, “The proposed work       own identity with the inclusion of
                                                   On March 21, Provost Beth           and Collaboration; and 3) Build          of the Core Curriculum Commit-         so many cultural aspects? Or should
         SHAWNY ANDERSON
            Faculty Advisor                     Dobkin issued a statement en-          Leadership that Advances Social          tee will support faculty develop-      we view the variance of our cultural
                                                titled, ‘Student Success and the       Justice”.                                ment in American Diversity, Global     identity in a positive light, that our
             MAX CROWELL                        Academic Blueprint’. This state-          The school has already “raised        Perspectives, and writing across the   diversity makes our country uniquely
             Chief Photographer                 ment chronicled the ways the           the percentage of undergraduate          curriculum”.                           appealing?
                                                planned academic blueprint is          honors students at admission and            Overall, the Provost argued            In addition to this, I realized
             ASHLEY HAGIN                       being implemented on the Saint         with the entering class are likely to    that so far, the Blueprint has been    another major difference between
               News Editor                      Mary’s campus so far. She also dis-    lower the undergraduate student          reasonably successful in imple-        the United States and nearly every
                                                cussed “initiatives that individual    admit rate below 70%”. Addition-         menting its goals, and that Saint      other country in the world: our eating
        JEANNINE ABUSHARKH                      schools, academic programs and         ally, they have “an all-time high” re-   Mary’s is uniquely equipped to         habits, specifically for dinner. Anyone
          Assistant News Editor                 administrative units are taking to     tention rate for freshmen from fall      fulfill the goals stated in the Aca-   who pays attention to the national
                                                fulfill the direction established in   to spring semester, at 98.6 percent.     demic Blueprint. However, she          media will know that American
              JAMES BROCK                       the blueprint.”                           The Master of Arts in Leader-         also asserts that the Saint Mary’s     society is fast, and our dinners are
              KATIE PORTER                         The stated goals of the Academic    ship has “developed a new con-           community “must continue to learn      therefore rushed occasions, many
              Opinion Editors                                                          centration in Social Justice,” and       what works, stop what doesn’t, and
                                                Blueprint are: “1) Prepare Students                                                                                    times joined with another task to
            ANTHONY GOTTI                       for Ethical & Effective Engagement     “College support of student per-         showcase our achievements as a         increase the effectiveness of our
           THOMAS MORGAN                        in a Diverse and Global Environ-       formances, faculty research, and         community.”                            work day. But what about the fact



                                                Crime Beat
          Assistant Opinion Editors                                                                                                                                    that when we seek to enjoy each
                                                                                                                                                                       other’s company and benefit from
              ALEX KOZELA                                                                                                                                              a quality meal together, more often
               Detour Editor                                                                                                                                           than not we choose to eat that dinner
                                                3/19/11 12:21 a.m.                     lation.                                  card & other personal items stolen     out, rather than in the comfort of

n
           SUSIE FORESMAN                       Incident: Student handbook vio-        Synopsis: Underage possession            in Thille Hall; referred to Com-       our own home? In the words of my
          Assistant Detour Editor               lation.                                and consumption of alcohol Jus-          munity Life.                           Italian professor, “Italians live to eat,

r           GEORGE ROBLES
           Assistant Sports Editor
                                                Synopsis: Underage possession of
                                                alcohol – hidden in the closet in
                                                                                       tin Hall; referred to Community
                                                                                       Life.                                    3/20/11 11:33 p.m.
                                                                                                                                                                       and Americans eat to live.” It seems
                                                                                                                                                                       to me that these words are more real
                                                Aquinas Hall; referred to Com-                                                  Incident: Student handbook vio-        than I may have realized at the time,
           Applications available at            munity Life.                           3/19/11 2:15 a.m.                        lation.                                and are also widely applicable to
            223 Ferroggiaro Hall                                                       Incident: Student handbook vio-          Synopsis: Noise complaint – un-        many countries and cultures. The
                                                3/19/11 1:29 a.m.                      lation.                                  derage student in possession of        typical American does regard food
       The Collegian is the official newspa-    Incident: Student handbook vio-        Synopsis: Noise complaint –              alcohol in Aquinas Hall; referred      as simply another part of the day,
       per of the Associated Students of
       Saint Mary’s College. The Collegian
                                                lation.                                found underage student in pos-           to Community Life.                     sometimes a reason to break from a

:      is published weekly, except during       Synopsis: Possession of parapher-      session of alcohol in Mitty Hall;                                               hectic schedule, but otherwise on par
       examination periods and academic         nalia in Mitty Hall; referred to       referred to Community Life.              3/21/11          10:43 p.m.            with a smoke or water break.
       recesses. The Collegian reserves the     Community Life.                                                                 Incident: Student handbook vio-           Our dependence on fast food
       right to hold and edit all submitted
or     materials, solicited and unsolicited.                                           3/19/11 9:30 a.m.                        lation.                                is alarming, and after recently re-
                                                3/19/11 1:29 a.m.                      Incident: Attempted burglary.            Synopsis: Possession of para-          watching Morgan Spurlock’s Super
or     The Collegian’s Editorial Board is
       comprised of all oversight staff         Incident: Student handbook vio-        Synopsis: Tumbler lock broken            phernalia and marijuana in South       Size Me, I was reminded just how
       members. Other opinions expressed
       are not necessarily endorsed by The
                                                lation.                                and on the ground in Sodexo              Claeys; referred to Community          reliant we are, especially compared
       Collegian, its contributors and/or ad-   Synopsis: Underage possession          loading dock; referred to M.             Life.                                  to European countries. One woman
       vertisers. To place an advertisement     and consumption in Mitty Hall;         Carrol-Sodexo.                                                                  in the documentary, a French na-
       or inquire about a subscription, call    referred to Community Life.                                                     3/22/11            7:09 p.m.           tive, mentioned that the cup sizes
       The Collegian’s Business Department
                                                                                       3/19/11 11:30 a.m.                       Incident: Property damage.             at McDonald’s are outrageous. She
e
       at 925.631.4279 or visit www.smccol-
       legian.com/advertising.                  3/19/11            1:45 a.m.           Incident: Theft.                         Synopsis: Crack to windshield          remarked that in France, the largest
n                                               Incident: Student handbook vio-        Synopsis: Missing power strips           from baseball in baseball field        size barely equaled America’s small-
                                                lation.                                and Macintosh computer charger           parking lot; referred to Athletics     est. Similar to most problems of our
                                                Synopsis: Underage possession          in Soda Activity Center; referred        & Loss Prevention.                     society, change will only come about
                                                and consumption of alcohol Jus-        to Carol Firestone, Events &                                                    through cooperative action, and the
                                                tin Hall; referred to Community        Conferences.                             3/23/11 3:30 p.m.                      more we continue to purchase greasy,
                                                Life.                                                                           Incident: Information                  unhealthy, sugar-laden foods, the
                                                                                       3/19/11 6:03 p.m,                        Synopsis: Verbal threat in Park        longer they will be around and the
                                                3/19/11 1:54 a.m.                      Incident: Petty theft.                   Lafayette Apartments; referred to      worse for the wear we will all be, both
                                                Incident: Student handbook vio-        Synopsis: Purse with CA ID, debit        Community Life.                        in our physical and emotional health.
n
                                                                                                                                                                    Tuesday, March 29, 2011 I   3



                                                                       news
                                                                                     The Collegian




                                       PANEL: Speakers discuss a solution to an unending conflict
DEBATE:
Rewards go                             continued from page 1                                                                                                    Campus
beyond trophies                        saw firsthand the suffering, frus-
                                       tration, and struggle of students
                                                                            to unending
                                                                            conflict. Mor-                                                                      Calendar
continued from page 1                  living in the war zone. He said,     rar had a list
                                       “people are suffering greatly but    of ideas that                                                                        Movie Night: Tangled
on issues such as the Libyan
                                       there is no political help from      she thought                                                                             Tuesday, March 29
conflict, Somali piracy, and the
Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami            the international community.”        could bring                                                                           9:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.
if not for having to research and      He asked, “if the U.S. wrote the     peace, such                                                                              LeFevre Theater
participate in debate. All of this     same size check [to Palestine as     as getting rid                                                                      Contact Reuben Greenwald
information together allows me to      they write to Israel] each year,     o f H a m a s,                                                                                x4704
become more informed on situa-         then how much change would           unifying
tions around the globe today mak-      occur in the region?” Some pan-      Gaza and the                                                                           Music in the Quad
ing me a far better global citizen     elists think the only way to have    We s t B a n k ,                                                                      Wednesday, March 30
and a more active member of the        a resolution is to come up with      tearing down                                                                          12:40 p.m. – 2:10 p.m.
global community.” For Kellogg,        a middle ground. Sachs said,         walls, remov-                                                                       Contact Reuben Greenwald
debate is a creative outlet that al-   “There is no real incentive for      ing check-                                                                                    x4704
lows me to express my opinions         Israel to make peace,” since “the    p o i n t s, a n d
and challenge them at the same         power imbalance is so drastic.”      getting new
                                                                                                                                                                    Etiquette Dinner
time. My heart belongs in an en-       Brother Ronald agreed, saying,       l e a d e r s h i p.
                                                                                                                                                                  Wednesday, March 30
vironment where I can appreciate       “The economic imbalance is so        These pos-
                                       drastic with 50 percent of Pal-
                                                                                                                                                                  5:30 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
the skills of argumentation, ora-                                           sible changes
                                       estinians unemployed.” Many          could help                                                                               Hagerty Lounge
tory, and competition, and Speech                                                                                                                                 Contact Kelly Fisher
and Debate is just that.”              of the uprises against the Israeli   unify Pales-
                                       government have been unsuc-          tinians and                                                                                  x4704
   Diaz explained, “Our sponsor
John Macken always says that           cessful, and Morrar wonders          Cozzetto
                                       if “a revolution would ever be       said, “both                                                                                Coffeehouse
the skills you learn doing debate
will help you no matter what you       possible.” Saint Mary’s student      sides would                                                                           Wednesday, March 30
decide to do in life, and I honestly   Julie Cozzetto, who went on the      be able to                                                                            8:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.
believe that to be true.”              Bethlehem January Term immer-        understand                                                                               Hagerty Lounge
                                       sion said, “Palestinians are try-    one another                                                                         Contact Reuben Greenwald
                                       ing to be peaceful and get people    and realize:                                                                                  x4704
WORKSHOP: Defense                      informed because they would          I’m a person,
techniques practiced                   undermine their movement if          you’re a per-                                                                            Cultural Night
continued from page 1                  they used violence.” Morrar re-      son, we live                                                                           Thursday, March 31
                                                                                                                 Courtesy of Olivier Blaise via flickr.com
                                       sponded, “A lot of Palestinians      in the same                                                                           5:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m.
ask another person to stop doing       don’t want to be violent and are     place.” Sachs says, “Until they   and Brother Ronald suggested                             Soda Center
something. Key parts of assertive-     discouraged [from protesting].”      realize they are one community,   that we should be educated                         Contact Joan Iva Fawcett
ness that were discussed were body        The panel was asked, “What        it will be impossible to create   about what is going on by read-                             x8317
language, eye contact, and clear       can people do to bring peace to      peace”.                           ing international newspapers.
communication.                         the region?” The panelists agreed        A student ended the dia -     Cozzetto said, “You should go
   Finally, the couches were moved
                                                                                                                                                                    Friday Night Life
                                       that removing the extremists         logue with the question, “As      over there, you have to see for
to the side to make room for the                                                                                                                                      Friday, April 1
                                       from Israeli and Palestinian         a privileged American citizen,    yourself and formulate your own
physical aspect of the workshop.                                                                                                                                  8:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.
                                       government could be a solution       what can I do to help?” Morrar    opinions.”
Cutshaw demonstrated how to es-                                                                                                                                      Hagerty Lounge
cape from various grips and taught                                                                                                                              Contact Reuben Greenwald
various kicks and punches, how to                             We are always looking for new writers!                                                                      x4704
eye-gouge, and Cutshaw’s favorite:
                                                                                                                                                                 5K Run/Walk 4 Hunger
the knee-to-groin. Participants
practiced the moves on punching         Please join us on Mondays at 6pm in Dante 121                                                                                Sunday, April 3
bags, and when they mastered                                                                                                                                      9:30 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.
them, they were used to create dif-
ferent combination moves.
                                                     for storyboard meetings!                                                                                            Stadium
                                                                                                                                                                 Contact Ryan Lamberton
   For those who wanted to attend                                                                                                                                         x4975
but didn’t get a chance, there will                         Feel free to bring friends and story ideas.
be another workshop held in April.                              No prior experience is necessary.                                                                    Room Selection
For more information contact the                                                                                                                                     Monday, April 4
Woman’s Resource Center.
                                                                                                                                                                  11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
                                                                                                                                                                     Hagerty Lounge
                                                                                                                                                                 Contact Lauren Scranton
                                                                                                                                                                          x4235

                                                                                                                                                                 De La Salle Week BBQ
                                                                                                                                                                     Monday, April 4
                                                                                                                                                                  11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.
                                                                                                                                                                      Chapel Lawn
                                                                                                                                                                 Contact Rebecca Sallee
                                                                                                                                                                          x4366

                                                                                                                                                               Lasallian Five Core Dinner
                                                                                                                                                                     Monday, April 5
                                                                                                                                                                  6:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.
                                                                                                                                                                       Soda Center
                                                                                                                                                                  Contact Christine Oh
                                                                                                                                                                          x4354

                                                                                                                                                                 Planning an event?

                                                                                                                                                               Want it in The Collegian?

                                                                                                                                                             E-mail us with the details of your
                                                                                                                                                                           event at:
                                                                                                                                                                smccollegian@gmail.com
                                                                                                                                                               or call for more information:
                                                                                                                                                                       (925) 631-4279

                                                                                                                                                                    Sorry, but due to space
                                                                                                                                                                  limitations we cannot list
                                                                                                                                                                  individual club meetings.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011 I 4




                                                                    OpiniOn
                                                                                       The Collegian




‘Ashley’ Bi- At&T Takes Over the Mobile Phone Market
kini Reveals Acquisition of T-Mobile ensures corporate dominance of telecommunications
Too Much                                         by Thomas Cohen
                                statements, that this will increase makes it to Anti-Trust Court grasp over 43% of the wireless
                                               Assistant Opinion Editor
                                AT&T’s capabilities, and provide later this year, federal regulators telecom market share, making
           by Katie Porter                                                      overall better networking and wire-      will have the option to dismantle         AT&T significantly larger and
           Opinion Editor                 AT&T Inc. announced this week         less technology to more Ameri-           the transaction because of mo-            more powerful than any of its
                                        that it had entered into a definitive   cans, faster. But, I am unconvinced      nopolistic intentions. But because        competitors, conjuring images
   When you hear the name Ab-           agreement to purchase T-Mobile          this is actually good for consumers.     AT&T is currently the 7th largest         of behemoth technology compa-
ercrombie & Fitch, what do you          USA from Deutsche Telekom in            Not only will it consolidate the         American corporation, and stands          nies from fiction; ‘Skynet’ from
think of ? Overpriced polos and         a cash/stock transaction worth          duopoly of AT&T and Verizon, it          as the 2nd largest donator to U.S.        the Terminator series or ‘Buy N
ripped jeans? That moose label?         $39 Billion. The two companies          will also discourage competition         political campaigns, I doubt this         Large’ from Wall-E. Evidently,
Gigantic black and white bill-          are asserting that the merger will      among smaller carriers and third         will occur. Remember, it was only         nothing helpful to mankind comes
boards of half naked models?            optimize the mobile experience          party manufacturers. In the same         in 1982 that AT&T was originally          from anti-competitive tactics and
   Whatever image pops into your        for all customers, and extend the       sense, choosing your cell-phone          deemed too powerful for competi-          conglomerates that determine
head, there is no denying that          coverage of AT&T to 297 Million         carrier is now like voting. You get      tion and was split into multiple          what we use, what we buy and
the clothing company has been           people.                                 two choices, and they are basically      local and national corporations           how we live.
known to push the envelope, espe-         AT&T is currently the largest         the same. This corporate purchase        (United States v. AT&T). Since               Public Knowledge, an interest
cially in terms of youth sexuality.     provider of cellular telephony, and     is entirely fiscally motivated, and      then however, the remains of Bell         group and think tank, stated this
It received a lot of complaints in      this purchase cements its sheer         has little in interest for custom-       South, SBC Global and AT&T                week that the merger would cause
the early 2000’s that their adver-      mass and the control it exercises.      ers. Eventually, as the wireless         have succeeded in re-merging into         “higher prices, fewer choices, and
tisements, which famously feature       With this transaction, the 46.5         wars heat up, Verizon will buy           an all-powerful conglomerate that         less innovation.” All in response
a lot of skin but not nearly as         million T-Mobile customers will be      Sprint, strengthening the con-           had assets in 2010 greater than na-       to an American corporation that
much clothing, were too racy for        added to the AT&T payroll, further      glomerations’ power and further          tions such as Denmark and Israel          carries the slogan “Rethink Pos-
a store that markets to teenage         perpetuating AT&T’s domination          demonstrating the lack of choice         (268.4 Billion Dollars).                  sible”, yes possibly illegal, but
consumers.                              over the rest of the mobile market.     consumers have.                             When this deal goes through,           when you have enough money
   Thus, it is no surprise that           Yes, I have read the official            When this purchase inevitably         AT&T will have an omnipotent              and influence, think again.
Abercrombie & Fitch is once
again making noise, this time in
the form of a padded bikini tops
for girls. The “Ashley” bikini was
                                          100 Word Rants
posted on abercrombiekids.com              Skyrocketing gas prices are             I know you’re excited for the            The way some girls dress today            I understand that college stu-
earlier this week. When origi-          the least of the problems that are      baseball season to begin, but please     is getting a tad ridiculous. I’ve seen    dents love to party but sometimes
nally posted, the swimsuit top          shaking the world right now, but        do not talk to me about your fan-        pictures on Facebook of girls going       I just want to stay in on a Friday
was described as “push up.” How-        this one hits closest to home. At       tasy team anymore — I am sick of         out wearing a tight short skirt and       night and watch a movie and drink
ever, following public outrage, the     more than $65 a tank, it’s getting      it. Seriously, I like baseball just as   a bra. No sweater, no shirt, noth-        some tea. People have no volume
company has since dropped the           more and more expensive to leave        much as the average American ;           ing. A bra is an undergarment,            control on the weekends and
padded description, calling it a        campus. What’s a city-loving girl       however, I do not want to listen to      not the top you wear to a party. I        forget that some people just want
“stripped triangle” top although        to do? Brave the dodgy bart-ride?       how many stars you have drafted          understand the desire to look cute        to sleep after a long week. I find
the padding is still there.             Trudge around in search of ex-          onto some imaginary team that            and that you’re going to a party or       it impossible to have good nights
   Now what’s the big deal? So          citement in Moraga? Get caught          you spend hours a day obsessing          to a club, not out with your par-         sleep in my hall on the weekends.
what if some preteens want to           up on seminar reading? While            over. I don’t care about how many        ents, but the way some girls have         I usually drive to my mom’s house
feel better about their bodies,         weekend warriors will find a way        homeruns so-and-so hit last year         started to dress is crossing the line     in San Francisco if I want to rest
especially in our self-conscious        to get around without needing           and how they are going to get            in my opinion. I get the, “If you’ve      well. I wish people would be a little
American culture? The problem           another student loan, soon these        you into the playoffs. So please,        got it, flaunt it” mentality, but leave   courteous and not be so loud and
is that these padded bikinis are        rising prices will affect everything    do not expect me to even pretend         something to the imagination.             drunk on the weekends.
being sold to girls as young as         from spring break plans to study        to care like I am listening to you
seven-years-old. That’s right, your     abroad. All in favor of alternative     when you jibber-jabber about your                           -Krysta Worthen                     - Jeannine Abusharkh
second grader can now add a little      motors should start saving for the      fantasy team.
boost to their bust.                    gorgeous Tesla Roadster.
   Now, I’m no prude. Abercrom-                              -Tricia Savelli                         - James Brock
bie & Fitch can have as many
naked models in their advertising
as they want. I don’t think it’s a        Political Cartoon
good marketing strategy to not
show any of your clothes in your
ads, but it seems to be working for
them. This swim top, however, is
crossing the line. It’s one thing
to promote sexuality in already
hyper-sexualized teenagers, but
children that young should not
be sexualized.
   Sex and sexuality are subjects
that seven-year-olds are too young
to be introduced to. They’re sim-
ply not old enough to understand
what those concepts mean, or
what wearing a padded bra sig-
nals. Also, for girls younger than
nine or ten, there isn’t anything
for the swim top to push up. So
this bikini is effectually creating
breast for girls that are years away
from buying their first training
bra. As sociologist Gail Dines
said in an interview, this “sends
out really bad signals to adult men
about young girls being appropri-
ate sexual objects.”
   But this is a problem that is seen
throughout American culture, and
there are multiple stores that sell
products similar to Abercrombie
& Fitch’s Ashley bikini. For in-
stance, I used to work in a depart-
ment store that sold girl’s training
bras which were 95% padding.
Abercrombie & Fitch were just
the first store to get called out on                                                                                                                                   Courtesy of USBICEF Cartoons
this new form of stuffing.
                                                                                                                                                                     Tuesday, March 29, 2011 I 5




                                                                OpiniOn
                                                                                    The Collegian




         Should American Armed Forces Intervene in Libya?
Obama needs to demonstrate stronger leadership                                                      Other humanitarian crises require U.S. aid
                                     by Thomas Cohen                                                                                     by Tricia Savelli
                                   Assistant Opinion Editor                                                                                Staff Writer

   About three weeks ago I wrote here that      that while Europe and the rest of the world            I’m not saying the US should not               Apparently, the US only intervenes if
a no fly zone was desperately needed over       debate, the United States should act, but           have intervened in Libya. Not entirely.           it feels it will have a positive economic
Libya and that President Obama needed           instead the United States, the greatest mili-       If a country is blatantly slaughtering            impact. And what positive economic
to show strong and decisive leadership to                                                                                                             impact would intervening in civil-war
the world.                                                                                                                                            stricken Libya? Oil — and lots of it.
   Three weeks later, I’ve gotten one of                                                                                                                  Skeptics point out that Libya is not
those things.                                                                                                                                         the major exporter of oil to the US, but
   The forces of Libya’s terrorist dictator,                                                                                                          it is where Italy gets most of its oil, and
Muammar Gaddafi, have been stopped in                                                                                                                 therefore will have a large economic
their tracks by a no fly zone imposed by                                                                                                              impact on Europe and the US in turn.
Western nations about a week ago. The                                                                                                                     Another reason for US intervention
predominantly American, British, and                                                                                                                  is to “promote democracy,” in the
French no fly zone has targeted and de-                                                                                                               loosest sense of the term. “Promote”
stroyed much of Gaddafi’s air and ground                                                                                                              generally means supporting civil war
defenses, and now Western forces are ex-                                                                                                              and imposing military force until the
panding their attacks to enforce what some                                                                                                            democratic election take place, as seen
military officials are calling a “no drive                                                                                                            in Iraq, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and
zone.” U.S. warships alone fired more than                                                                                                            other countries. After ensuring the
120 cruise missiles in the first 48 hours of                                                                                                          democratic stability of the nation,
the no fly zone’s declaration.                                                                                                                        the US government can then continue
   Critics, say whatever you will, but the                                                                                                            trading with the country, benefiting
simple fact is: the no fly zone has already                                                                                                           the U.S. economically.
saved tens of thousands of real human                                                                                                                     Another major humanitarian crisis
lives.                                                                                                                                                that the US has not intervened in has
   However, the Obama Administration                                                                                                                  been occurring for years at its own
and, more specifically, President Obama                                                                                                               borders. According to the Washington
himself have not acted in the decisive                                                                                                                Post, anywhere from 350-500 people
manner I expect of the U.S. foreign policy.                                                                           Courtesy of 3.bp.blogspot.com
                                                                                                                                                      die every year attempting to cross the
While the Administration debated and                                                                                                                  Mexico-United States border. The
discussed before the United Nations and         tary power the world has ever known, is fol-        its citizens, of course any country               “borderlands” are littered with rem-
international community people in Libya         lowing the French in battle. What is going on?      with the power to intervene should                nants of these people, who are fleeing
were being slaughtered by Gaddafi’s thugs.         When the U.S. acts we should always wel-         intervene. However, I am saying that              a land of poverty and no opportunities
Despite our position as the world’s largest     come those who would stand beside us into a         US motives were questionable, in light            for the Oz that is America.
military superpower, when French and            Coalition of the Willing. However, while we         of the other humanitarian crises that                 But the US takes no steps to either
British planes scrambled to begin the air       can never have too many allies in the fight         the US did not get involved in.                   stabilize the Mexican economy to de-
assault President Obama declared U.S.           against tyranny and terror, waiting around for         For example, in Rwanda, Darfur,                crease the need to migrate, or secure
forces would remain in a support role.          Europe and the United Nations to act while          and other countries in Africa where               the border more fully to prevent these
Now Mr. Obama is literally throwing com-        innocent people die is simply unacceptable.         millions were murdered, raped, or                 dangerous and deathly crossings.
mand of the operation to NATO. And still        As the world’s sole remaining superpower,           imprisoned, the US either barely                      So, yes, the US should have inter-
the Administration has made no effort to        it is the United State’s moral imperative to        intervened, waited for the conflict               vened in Libya, just like it should have
target Gaddafi himself; in fact, it flat out    act unilaterally if required. In these cases we     to subside before intervening, or just            intervened in humanitarian crisis in
refuses to do so.                               must not hesitate to exercise swift, decisive,      avoided the contact all together.                 Latin America, Africa, and even in
   So why has the United States taken a         and overwhelming military force, regardless            Why, you might ask, would the                  its own states. The bottom line is, un-
backseat role in the fight against Muammar      of what the international community says.           United States Government do this?                 less there is a major economic benefit
Gaddafi, who—might I remind you—was                It is as Edmund Burke famously said, “all        Don’t they have the means? Don’t                  for the intervention, the US will not
almost certainly responsible for the mur-       that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that   they always come to the “aid” of                  intervene under the disguise to “help
der of hundreds of Americans in the 1988        good men do nothing.”                               struggling countries? Apparently not.             the citizens” like it did in Libya.
bombing of Pan Am Flight 103?                      I, for one, am embarrassed by the way
   Liberals would have you think it’s be-       the Obama Administration has handled the



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cause the United States cannot act unilater-    Libyan intervention. President Obama’s half-
ally in this type of military-humanitarian      hearted and lazy approach not only made
campaign—despite the clear fact that we         the United States look weak and indecisive
can. A similar no fly zone was enforced         abroad, but it cost human lives. U.S. planes,
over Iraq in the 1990’s with 100 aircraft—      not French and British ones, should be lead-
the USS Enterprise, now stationed off the       ing the no fly zone and American ordinance
coast of Libya, alone carries 70 combat         should be hammering Gaddafi’s compound
aircraft. U.S. airbases in Europe field hun-    into oblivion. President Obama, not David
dreds more. Our navy has more battlefleet       Cameron, not Nicolas Sarkozy, is the leader
tonnage than the next eleven combined.          of the free world; and it’s high time he started
These facts in mind, I’ve always believed       acting like it.


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           Detour
6 I Tuesday, March 29, 2011
                                                                                          The Collegian




Britney’s back, again                                                                                                         SMC band shines
Pop diva’s seventh album makes us dance Hipsters make great music                                                                        by Tom Cohen
                                                                                                                                          Staff Writer
                                                                                                                                                                        raw talent. An album that encom-
          by Jazo Moises                    is a catchy song and still has         sexy vibe that Britney is known                                                      passes vulnerable love songs, mys-
           Staff Writer
                                            the Britney vibe, there’s really       for. Hands down, the best song                                                       tifying drug-induced journeys,
                                            nothing special to distinguish         on this album has to be “I Wan-                                                      and scathing politicized social
                                            it from songs from other art-          na Go.” Its infectious chorus                                                        commentary. A journalist with
                                            ists. The same goes for “Big           and its heavy use of electronic                      Cosmo’s Academy                 less would have been turned off
                                                                                                                                         Weather for Hats               by their sheer ambition.
           Britney Spears                   Fat Bass,” which was produced          beats make it the perfect dance
            Femme Fatale                    by will.i.am. Most of the songs        anthem.                                        I first heard of Cosmo’s Acad-            Between allusions to Shake-
   It’s been two years since                on the album are very Britney-             By blending her original style         emy through a hipster. He in-             speare and fuzzed out lo-fidelity
Britney Spears has offered us               infused, but this one seems like       with the popular styles of today,          formed me, that yes, Saint Mary’s         beach jams, there is an all around
new music. We’ve been Into the              it belongs on a Black Eyed Peas        Britney Spears remains an icon-            had their very own rock-and-roll          good listen to be had if you own
Zone, experienced a Blackout,               CD.                                    ic figure in the music industry.           band, and yes, they were super fly.       a decent set of headphones. It
and gone to her Circus. Now it’s                Though there are some miss-        Though I feel that this album              When their first album was made           should be warned that a certain
time to meet the Femme Fatale.              es on the album, there are still       isn’t her best, Femme Fatale still         available on their Band Camp              mindset is necessary. This is not
Spears’ seventh studio album                several songs that are sure to         offers the fun sounds and the              website, I was among the first ap-        radio pop. This is Velvet Under-
mixes the classic Britney vibe              wow the listener. Her first sin-       infectious lyrics that will please         prehensive listeners. But despite         ground; this is Animal Collec-
with the influence of the music             gle “Hold it Against Me” sets          her oldest fans and her newest             the usual fears associated with           tive. The closest they come to
today.                                      an amazing tone for this album,        listeners.                                 “college bands,” their evident, if        pop music is on their charmingly
   However, I do feel that at               perfectly mixing classic Britney                                                  unpolished, talent manifests itself       catchy “Let’s Get High!” which is
times there is too much of this             with the sound of current dance           Grade: B                                in transcendental poetic depth            the second track on the LP, a jam
influence. The album starts off             music. “How I Roll” does the              Download: “I Wanna Go”                  and genuine musical genius.               worthy of road trips on summer
with the Ke$ha-written “Till                same thing. With a fun rhythm,                                                        The two students have asked           nights.
the World Ends.” Though it                  this song gives off the sleek and                                                 me not to reveal their “human                 And it is only uphill from
                                                                                                                              names” but have given explicit            there, from sensual trips like “Mir-
                                                                                                                              permission for their stage moni-          ror Babies” that drip with synths
                                                                                                                              kers. Thaddeus Flowe, the lyri-           and sex, to the Beatles’ inspired
                                                                                                                              cist, possesses a moonless dispo-         “Pools.” I truly hope this band
                                                                                                                              sition only offset by his heartfelt       makes it, and makes it big. Not
                                                                                                                              and comprehensive rhymes. And             only would this prove once and
                                                                                                                              John Blaze, the main musician, a          for all the caliber of this educa-
                                                                                                                              keyboardist of Olympic caliber,           tional institution, but it would
                                                                                                                              knows harmony and melody bet-             also validate the irrational idola-
                                                                                                                              ter than any man since McCart-            try I have developed for this band.
                                                                                                                              ney.                                          If you are interested, please
                                                                                                                                  Now to their debut LP: Weath-         download their album free of
                                                                                                                              er for Hats, which was indepen-           charge at www.cosmosacademy.
                                                                                                                              dently recorded and released, is a        bandcamp.com. I only hope that
                                                                                                                              monumental 28 minutes of sonic            they will play at Gaelapalooza.
                                                                                                                              achievement and lyrical inspira-
                                                                                                                              tion. Not since The Unicorns’               Grade: A-
                                                                                                                              debut has an album struck this              Download: “Pale Eyes,”
                                                                                                                              journalist with such profound and         “Pools” and “Your Song”
                                                                                         Photo courtesy of iamboigenius.com



Sucker Punch misses the mark
Director Zach Snyder underperforms despite flashy effects Are you ready for room selection?
         by Michael Bruer                   the incident by placing Baby Doll      Scott Glen plays the wise man
          Editor-in-Chief                   in a mental institution that prides    that explains their predicament
    After seeing Watchmen, and
hearing the rave reviews of 300,
                                            itself on mind-numbing loboto-
                                            mies. To cope with her impending
                                                                                   in Zen-like ways, providing the
                                                                                   brave group with weapons and
                                                                                                                                  “Like” us on facebook and be automatically
I came into Zack Snyder’s Sucker            procedure, Baby Doll creates a         instructions along the way. The 5                  entered to win one of the 1st 5 room
Punch with optimism, excited                fantasy world in her mind that be-     girls are on a mission to obtain 4                     selecion appointment times.
to see how he would do with                 comes the setting for the majority     objects that will help them escape                           www.facebook.com/SMCampusHousing
an original story. Unfortunately,           of the rest of the film. As the psy-   the facility/club. The ensuing
Snyder’s latest film was less than          chologist of the facility, Dr. Vera    action is visually appealing, but
satisfactory, and his first film not        Gorski (Carla Gugino) becomes          without proper character develop-                                         Room Selection
adapted from another movie or               the dance instructor in the fantasy    ment, one never feels any sense
comic book failed to include half-          world, where Baby Doll and the         of connection with the girls. With                                       Important dates
way decent character develop-               other girls are now performers in      each mission the focus of the au-
ment or an engaging plot line. Ul-          a gentlemen’s club. The other key      dience shifts from the characters’                 Date                           Event
timately the flashy visual effects          transformations include the or-        success (or lack thereof) to how                   3/16      LAST DAY to fill out online Room/Roommate
and over-the-top fight sequences            derly (Oscar Isaac) and the doctor     creative the filmmakers were with                            Selection Form for current Soph./Juniors.
could not salvage this movie from           (Jon Hamm) becoming the high-          their fight sequences.
its own undoing.                                                                                                                      3/18      Room Reservation Deposit Due for current First
                                            roller.                                    Overall the film suffers chiefly
                                                                                                                                                Year Students
    Sucker Punch tells the story                The muted colors of reality are    from a lack of basis in reality. We
of Baby Doll (Emily Browning),              instantly converted to the colorful    only come back to the real world
                                                                                                                                       3/23     Appointment Draw: Room Selection Appointments
who is sent to a mental facility af-        environment of the club, complete      at the closing moments of the sto-                           posted on SMCnet today.
ter a depressing series of events:          with sexy outfits, smoke-filled        ry, and by this point it can be hard
following the death of her moth-            lounge areas, and vintage roaring      to remember who was who. The                        3/25     LAST DAY to fill out a Proxy Card
er, her stepfather kills her young-         20’s era accoutrements. Viewers        acting is not poor by any fault of
er sister, framing Baby Doll in the         are then taken further down the        the actors, but rather the charac-                  4/4      Room Selection Day for current Freshmen
process. The stepfather covers up                        proverbial rabbit hole,   ters they are given are so flat and
                                                         as Baby Doll creates      one-dimensional that it reflects                    4/5      Room Selection Day for current Soph./Juniors
                                                         a war-torn world in       badly on the performances of the
                                                         which she and her         ensemble cast.                                      4/8      Room Reservation Deposit Due for current Soph./
                                                         four friends, Sweet           Generally speaking, the spe-                             Juniors
                                                         Pea (Abbie Cor-           cial effects in this film are exciting
                                                         nish), Rocket (Jena       and visually appeasing. Though
                                                         Malone),       Blondie    the merit of Sucker Punch is by
                                                                                                                                  Room
                                                         (Vanessa Hudgens),
                                                         and Amber (Jamie
                                                                                   no means based on its ability to
                                                                                   tell a rich story, the lack of plot is
                                                                                                                                  Selection
                                                                                                                                  April 4th, 5th 2011                          using
                                                         Chung), must battle       all too noticeable, and leaves you                                                    us Ho
                                                                                                                                                                     Camp 41
                                                                                                                                                                         x42
                                                         the evil forces of ro-    wishing you had never been suck-               Hagerty Lounge
                                                         bot warriors, samurai,    ered into it in the first place.
                                                         and zombie Nazis.             Grade: C
                   Photo courtesy of suckerpunchtrailer.net
                                                                  SportS
                                                                                                                                                                                  Tuesday, March 29, 2011 I         7
                                                                                          the Collegian




It’s not so sunny in Philly for Gaels                                                                                          Gaels split 2-2 on tough week
Saint Mary’s falls 14-4 to the Drexel Dragons Men’s tennis now sits at 8-7 overall
            by DJ Bowen
            Staff Writer

   The ends of halves doomed
the Saint Mary’s women’s lacrosse
team in their chance to build upon
their two-game winning streak this
weekend. Against Saint Joseph’s
on Saturday, the Gaels were held
scoreless for the final 17 minutes
of the game and fell short 8-7. In                                                                                                                                                         Courtesy of smcgaels.com
                                                                                                    Courtesy of smcgaels.com
Sunday’s action, the Gaels were                                                                                                                                          en route to the 4-2 victory.
                                       Junior Juliet Munroe had a goal in the Gaels 14-4 loss to Drexel.
overmatched by Drexel 14-4. Their                                                                                                          by Michael Bruer                  In their final game of the Spring
record now stands at 2-6 overall       fort during their games in Phila-          demonstrated the disparity in the                         Editor-in-Chief              Break Classic, the Gaels and Shock-
and 1-2 in Mountain Pacific Sports     delphia. Chong scored three times          action. Drexel shot twenty more                                                        ers only had singles play due to time
Federation play.                       against Saint Joseph’s and Walk            times (33-13), obtained a dozen                  In their last home game in            constraints. The Gaels earned their
   In chilly Philadelphia, the Gaels   added a goal. Another catalyst for         more ground balls (30-18), made              March, the Gaels secured a victory        two points on the day on the first
led 4-2 with ten minutes remaining     Saint Mary’s is Junior attacker Ju-        less turnovers (29-21), and were ag-         over UC Riverside 7-0 last Tuesday.       two courts. Lucas Tirelli ’11 earned
in the first half against the Hawks,   liet Munroe, who had eight goals           gressor by committing more fouls             After sweeping each of the doubles        a 6-3, 7-6 win over Guillermo Nicol
but three consecutive goals to close   entering the weekend and added a           (15-6). The win gave Drexel an im-           matches, the team carried that mo-        at the two spot to improve to 9-6 in
the half gave the home team the        pair in Saturday’s match.                  pressive 6-2 record.                         mentum over into singles play, never      singles action this season. Maxime
lead. Saint Mary’s retook the lead         Just as the score indicated, the           For the Gaels, Munroe tallied a          surrendering a single set. Of note        Olivan ’13 dropped the first set in
in the second half with 17 minutes     game was tightly contested. The            score and Walk chalked up an as-             were Junior Gavin Leon and sopho-         his match on court one, but battled
remaining. Sitting at 7-6, the Gaels   Hawks led in shots (26-24), saves          sist. Katie Worsdale played every            more Maxime Olivan, who won               back to defeat Vlad Marinescu 3-6,
just needed to maintain possession,    (10-9), and ground balls (29-25).          minute in goal for the Gaels over            their third-straight match together       6-1, 6-1. Wichita State stole the win
scoop up ground balls, and manage      The teams were even on turnovers           the weekend and tallied twenty as-           8-3 at the one spot in doubles play.      from Saint Mary’s 4-2, finishing the
the clock. Unfortunately, Saint Jo-    (19) and goals scored from free po-        sists, while allowing the 22 scores.             The Saint Mary’s Men’s tennis         classic in third place.
seph’s capitalized on some of the      sition opportunities (2).                      The Gaels stayed in the north-           team opened up the Boise State                Luckily for the Gaels, they re-
young Gaels’ mistakes and scored           In Sunday’s match, the usual           east to face Delaware on Tuesday             Spring Break Classic last Friday with     main a win above .500 despite
twice in the final seven minutes to    suspects showed up for the host            and will conclude next week’s ac-            a victory over Ball State 4-2, but they   their poor showing at the Classic.
pull out a late victory at home.       Dragons. Their top three scorers           tion with their second home game             could not sustain that momentum,          Saint Mary’s will return to action
   Sophomores Jillian Chong and        combined for ten of the 14 goals,          of the season. The conference                falling in succession to no. 57 Idaho     next weekend hosting two West
Mariah Walk led the Gaels with         including building a dominating            match-up against Stanford will               later that day 4-2 and Wichita State      Coast Conference opponents. The
14 goals each heading into the         8-2 lead at the end of the first half.     take place at 1pm at Saint Mary’s            on Saturday 4-2.                          Gaels will open up the weekend on
weekend and they kept up this ef-          The statistics on the game             Stadium.                                         In the match against Ball State,      Friday, April 1 against Santa Clara.
                                                                                                                               freshman Joakim Nostrom won his           The match against the Broncos is
BASEBALL: Hot streak continues to Sunday                                                                                       team-leading 10th singles match;
                                                                                                                               with a quick 6-2 7-5 win over Austin
                                                                                                                                                                         scheduled to begin at 3 p.m. from
                                                                                                                                                                         the Timothy Korth Tennis Complex.
continued from page 8                                                                                                          Sansone at the five spot. SMC went        The following day, SMC will host
   When it was time to call upon       weekend of strong pitching a               Channing singled to right center             on to win on courts three through six     Gonzaga at 12 p.m.
the bullpen, senior Dorsey Ek          complete game three hit shut-              bringing home Collins. Hayes
and freshman Thomas Cortese
were up to the task. Ek struck out
                                       out to earn his first victory on
                                       the season. He walked one and
                                                                                  followed with an RBI single to
                                                                                  make it 2-0. The Gaels added
                                                                                                                               SOFTBALL: Swept by Northwestern
the side in order in the seventh       struck out eight on the day.               a run in the third, three in the             continued from page 8
and then retired the Privateers in        The Privateer’s countered               fourth and one in the fifth to cap           in the 0-6 final.                         Saint Mary’s has not scored
order in the eighth. Cortese re-       with Garrett Manning (0-3) who             the scoring.                                    The Gaels are now on a                 a run in the past four games
lieved Ek in the ninth and retired     pitched five innings, allowed all             The Gaels will be back in                 five game losing streak after             but will look to turn their pre-
the side in order to end the game.     seven runs and a walk.                     action today when they take on               earlier losses this past week to          season around when they travel
   On Sunday, junior Kyle Barra-          The Gaels got the only run              the Stanford Cardinals at Sunken             Northwestern and were shut out            to Palo Alto to take on number
clough (1-3) continued SMC’s           they would need in the first.              Diamond Field at 5:30 PT.                    0-8 in both games. This means             13 Stanford at 6pm.
                                                                                                                               .
GOLF: Next contest at Braveheart Classic                                                                                                       player of the Week
continued from page 8


                                                                                                                                          Troy Channing
                                                                                  finished first individually with
                                                                                  rounds of 70-67-72 for a total of
                                                                                  209 (-7).
                                                                                     Junior Kevin Smith who was
                                                                                  playing in his first action of the
                                                                                  spring season finished tied for                                              Baseball
                                                                                  28th with rounds of 74-74-76
                                                                                  (+8) and sophomores Mac Mc-
                                                                                  Clung and Ben Geyer both fin-                     Junior catcher Troy
                                                                                  ished with an overall score of 228
                                                                                  (+12) to put them tied for 44th.                 Channing hit his 37th
                                                                                  Saint Mary’s will next travel to                   career homerun en
                                                       Courtesy of smcgaels.com   Beaumont, CA in the Braveheart                   route to a 14-0 victory
Senior Richard Conlin finished in 7th at the Barona Creek Golf                    Classic at Oak Valley Golf Club
                                                                                  on April 11th through the 12th.                  over New Orleans last
Club.
                                                                                                                                       Friday. He also
                                            Need a Tutor?                                                                           had a RBI in the 7-0
                                          Get one free at the                                                                         sweep on Sunday.
                                 Tutorial and Academic Skills Center
                                  Filippi Academic Hall, Room 190

                                          Want to work as a
                                                Tutor?
                                            Get a job at the                                                                                                                             Courtesy of smcgaels.com

                                 Tutorial and Academic Skills Center
                                      Email irp1@stmarys-ca.edu


SportS thiS                            Baseball:
                                       ~ Tues. @ Stanford
                                       ~ Thurs. @ Southern Utah
                                                                                  Women’s Tennis:
                                                                                  ~ Sat. v. Santa Clara, 12:00 p.m.
                                                                                                                               Cross Country:
                                                                                                                               ~ Fri. @ Johnny Mathis Invitational
                                                                                                                                                                         Softball:
                                                                                                                                                                         ~ Wed. @ Stanford
                                                                                                                                                                         ~ Sun. v. Bosie State, 12:00 p.m.

Week                                   ~ Fri. @ Southern Utah
                                       ~ Sat. @ Southern Utah
                                                                                  Men’s Tennis:
                                                                                  ~ Sat. v. Gonzaga, 12:00 p.m.
                                                                                                                               Women’s Lacrosse:
                                                                                                                               ~ Tues. @ Delaware
                                                                                                                               ~ Sun. v. Stanford, 1:00 p.m.
                                                                                                                                                                         Rowing:
                                                                                                                                                                         ~ Sat. @ San Diego Crew Classic
                                                              SportS
                                                                                  The Collegian




8                                                                                   Tuesday, March 29, 2011                                                                             Go Gaels!




Gaels blast past Privateers                                      Men’s golf
                                                                 places third
Saint Mary’s hits in 28 runs in three games to sweep New Orleans
                                                                 at Barona
                                                                                                                                                            Strong final round
                                                                                                                                                            lifts Gaels over
                                                                                                                                                            many WCC rivals
                                                                                                                                                                    by George Robles
                                                                                                                                                                   Assistant Sports Editor


                                                                                                                                                               The Saint Mary’s golf team
                                                                                                                                                            traveled to Lakeside, CA this
                                                                                                                                                            past week to play in the Bar-
                                                                                                                                                            ona Collegiate Cup where they
                                                                                                                                                            would finish third in the tour-
                                                                                                                                                            nament of 16 teams. The Gaels
                                                                                                                                                            shot a final round 376 (+14) to
                                                                                                                                                            finish in the tough rainy and
                                                                                                                                                            windy conditions in addition to
                                                                                                                                                            the lengthy 7,374 feet Barona
                                                                                                                                                            Creek Golf Course. They were
                                                                                                                                                            led by senior Richard Collin who
                                                                                                                                                            shot rounds of 70-72-74 (E) for
                                                                                                                                                            a total of 216 and finished at a
                                                                                                                                                            career best 7th place in the field
                                                                                                                                                            of 100.
                                                                                                                                                               The Gaels entered the final
                                                                                                                                                            round tied for sixth place with
                                                                                                                                                            University of New Mexico after
                                                                                                                                                            scores of 368 and 366 from the
                                                                                                                                                            first two days. Even though the
                                                                                                                                                            final day of 376 was the highest
                                                                                                                                                            of the three, it was good enough
                                                                                                                                                            to advance them three spots.
                                                                                                                            Max Crowell/ THE COLLEGIAN         Senior Henrik Holm also had
Junior catcher Troy Channing hit his 37th career homerun in a 14-0 win in the first game of a doubleheader against New Orleans on Friday.                   a solid tournament for Saint
                                                                                                                                                            Mary’s and shot rounds of 74-
                                      22 hits and 14 runs as they cruised     five runs in the bottom of the         in a 7-3 SMC victory.                  74-74 (+6) to finish with 222
         by Trisha Raymus             to a 14-0 victory.                      third. Sophomore Patrick Wisdom            The Privateers sent Zach Kelt      and tied for 20th finish. Holm’s
            Staff Writer                 Anderson dominated, throwing         singled and scored on junior Troy      (1-4) to the mound. He went five       tournament was highlighted by
                                      his second complete game shutout        Channing’s third homerun of the        innings, five hits, six runs, four     a spectacular hole-in-one on the
   Due to inclement weather, the      of the year to earn his fourth win      season. Freshman Danny Hayes           earned, with three walks and three     second day of the tournament
Saint Mary’s (9-11) baseball team     of the season. He controlled the        singled, advanced to second on         strikeouts.                            on the par-3 190 yard 11th hole
altered their schedule and location   game from the beginning, never al-      junior Chris Murphy’s bunt, and            The Gaels got on the board first   with a 4 iron. It was his first
by playing a double-header on         lowing a Privateer to reach second      scored on junior Toby DeMello’s        scoring a pair of runs on a hit and    career hole-in-one and was the
Friday against the New Orleans        base. He went 9.0 innings, allowed      double. Senior Michael Gastelum        fielding error in the first inning.    first time a Gael has had once
Privateerss (1-22) at Laney Col-      two hits, with two walks and struck     and junior Donald Collins both         They got all they would eventually     in a competitive tournament
lege in Oakland. They won both        out seven.                              added an RBI in the inning.            need in the third inning. With two     since 2008.
Friday games 14-0 and 7-3, and           The Privateers countered with            In the second game, The Gaels      men on base, sophomore Brenden            Host San Diego State domi-
on Sunday they finished off the       Tyler Sanders (0-5) who lasted four     sent sophomore Martin Agosta (2-       Kalfus collected a pair of RBIs by     nated the final round by shoot-
weekend sweep with a 7-0 victory.     innings, gave up 15 hits, eight runs,   3) to the mound, who had a quality     doubling down the left field line.     ing an impressive 357 to finish in
   In the first game, junior Mark     with one walk and a strikeout.          start in earning his second straight   He later scored on Wisdom’s single     first place at one under par. UC
Anderson (4-1) pitched a complete        SMC scored in five innings, but      decision. He threw six innings, sur-   to left field.                         Santa Barbra golfer Glen Scher
game two-hit shutout and the          the biggest outburst came when          rendering three runs on four hits
Gaels pounded out a season-high       they batted around and scored           and a career-high eight strikeouts     BASEBALL, p7                           GOLF, p7


Softball ends up scoreless in tought 0-4 week
Gaels lose fifth game in a row after tough games against Oregon State, UC Davis
                                      double in the bottom of the 7th
         by George Robles             inning by Oregon State handed
       Assistant Sports Editor        Saint Mary’s the heartbreaking
                                      0-1 loss.
   After rain pushed back play           Later that day the Gaels
over the weekend, the Gaelsdf         would again fall, this time to
(4-11) were matched up against        UC Davis, who also shut down
Oregon State and UC Davis             the Saint Mary’s offense. The
where their offense would             game started off with a slow
struggle and would fall 0-1 and       pace defensive struggle until the
0-6 respectively on the same day.     Aggies bats came alive when
   Despite solid pitching from        they scored two runs in the third
Junior Rebecca Lemmon, who            and fourth innings. This game
only allowed one run and had          tagged Junior pitcher Kimberly
three strikeouts, but the Gaels       Green with the loss and falls to
offense was shut down by the          0-3 on the season. The Aggies
Oregon State bullpen. At the          out hit the Gaels by a margin
plate Saint Mary’s was led by         of 12-6 and Saint Mary’s left
Rebecca Sabatini who went 3           runners on base in four of the
for 5 and Kayla Gonzales who          seven inning which would result
hit 2-5, but could not find an                                                                                                                                             Courtesy of smcgaels.com
answer to score a run. An RBI         SOFTBALL, p7                            Junior pitcher Jessica Lemmon allowed only five hits in the 1-0 loss to Oregon State on Sunday..

				
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