Alarms, Uniforms, Alcohol and Vacancies and Vacancies Capitalism by ps94506

VIEWS: 128 PAGES: 23

Issue 20                T   H   E   N   E   W   S   B   Y   Y   O   U              11 August 2010

FESPAD LURES LAURYN HILL                                                Capitalism or Socialism:
                                                                        Which Way to Go

Alarms, Uniforms, Alcohol
and Vacancies

                                                                        Workers not taking leave
Smartness at work

Idler’s corner

Concept of a Ssenga

The curse of the naked wallet
08                              05
Capitalism or Socialism:        Europeans dress most
Which way to go                 casually for work, Indians

07                              Chrisette Michelle
The Curse of the naked
                                Game Theory:
                                The king maker

09                              12
                                Workplace Discussion
Poetry: Portrait of a friend

                                Humor Central
I ’ m Afraid We ’ re
Gonna Have To Ask You           16
To Leave, Sir…                  FesPad Pictorial

                               Many more….
P a g e   4                                                                                                                                                W o r k Z i n e

Editor’s Word
The 20th Issue of the                                               D A N C E , A F R I C A , D A N C E
WorkZine!! How exciting!!
                                        Kigali Rwanda hosted the African Union sanctioned 7th                applause and ululations. People clapped and I think some
Packed with more than the usual,        FESPAD dance festival and it rocked the world. The seven day         fainted. One would be forgive for thinking that a rockstar of
this issue will blwo you away. There    event attracted world class musicians and stars like Hiphop and      epic proportions had arrived. The next day had Ms. Lauryn
                                        soul Diva Lauryn Hill, Zouk originators Cassav , Raggea legend       Hill in full diva mode giving an excellent performance. But
is a focus on FESPAD with a
                                        Natty Dread, Lingala Maestro Kofi Olomidde billboard charting        she was outshone by up and coming afro performers Mike
pictorial, a revamped humour            jazz artist Somi, internationally critically acclaimed saxophonist   E ,Sowande and Dj Invisble who roused the docile quiet
central, Akelly being humble, the       Isaiah Katumwa ,Afroflow kings Mike                                                    Kigali crowd .Daily workshops in salsa ,
                                        E , DjInvisible and Sowande, Nigerian                                                  Kinyarwanda and modern dance were held
idlers corner, job listings, events ,
                                        sensation DBanj, Sensational Burundi                                                   free of charge for the general public during
stuff for sale and so much more.        drummers , Rising starlet Dalia Uwe ,                                                  the course of the week. The best learners in
We should also take time off to         RnB stars chameleone, Alpha , Cindy,                                                   each category were awarded prizes at the
                                        Grace Nakimera, Duo Radio and Wea-                                                     end of the festival. A cultural village built at
cater for this our fragile world.       sel , tom close Lady Jojo and many                                                     Amahoro stadium was the scene of dance
Floods and bush fires are causing       more. The week long dance festival                                                     battles amongst the different country repre-
havoc worldwide. Record high            hosted by Rwanda Development                                                           sentatives. IT was a musical smackdown
                                        Board also included troupes from                                                       made in Africa. Rwanda also showcased her
temperatures are being recorded all     Angola , Uganda, France, Madagas-                                                      beauty in the aptly named “Rwanda Nziza”
over the globe. Take a moment off       car , China , Egypt , Democratic Re-                                                   which translates as Beautiful Rwanda. A one
and see what you can do for the         public of Congo, Namibia and Guinea                                                    day educative interactive point hitting eye
                                        Conakry. The festival was kicked off on                                                opening seminar on creative workshops was
earth.                                  24th July at Amahoro stadium with an                                                   cemented by a VIP gala which had jazz
                                        well choreographed 600 member                                                          magnets Somi and Isaiah blow off the roof till
                                        strong dance showcase of Rwandese culture. The performance           the wee hours of the morning. The week was rounded out
                                        included school children who were draped in bright colorful          by the “Concert in the Jungle ” held at the beautiful lakeside
Businge Abid Weere                      butterfly like costumes and was backed up by a 50 man strong         town of Gisenyi. Located at the Congo border, a number of
                                        line of drummers. Sidebar , here . The drummers rocked. When         guests could resist the allure of Goma across the water. The
                                        they hit those drums, they made the very earth shake. It             closing ceremony on the 31st July 2010 saw an electrifying
                                        seemed like the ground was moving in rhythm to the drumbeat.         performance by Zouk band Cassav . FESPAD 2010 deif-
                                        The clapping sounds eclipsed anything that the hiphop and RnB        nately lived up to its tag “Dance Africa Dance.” I just can’
                                        artists had presented. The drums were sourced from all over the      wait for the next edition in 2012. Till then , I wil be dancing to
 Cover Page                             country , testing them for strength, quality of sound and endur-     the rythym of Africa.
                                        ance. President Paul Kagame graced the event. Despite the
 Photograph by Amir Denke
                                        huge security presence, his arrival was a spectacle of note.
                                        When he walked in, the whole stadium busrt out into roaring          Businge Abid Weere

                                                           I n       t h e           n e w s

              •   Lauryn Hill performs in              the USA                           •    Women find men in red
                  Kigali at FESPAD as Ka-        •     Egyptian Police taken                  more appealing?
                  game returned for a final            to court over murder              •    Dog chews off Michigan
                  term in office                       and rape                               man's toe, saves his life
              •   Kenya votes for a new con-     •     Tiger Woods continues             •    Malaysian state OKs under-
                  stitution                            to struggle on come-                   age marriage for mothers
              •   Floods and bushfires devas-          back                              •    Popular Dutch military can't
                  tate the face of the earth     •     The first six months of                afford new recruits
              •   BP finally caps the gulf of          2010 have been the                •    Huge ice sheet breaks from
                  mexico oil spill                     hottest on record glob-                Greenland glacier
              •   Google android overtakes             ally, scientists have
                  blackberry as top seller in          said.
P a g e   5                                                                                                                    W o r k Z i n e

              E u r o p e a n s            d r e s s m o s t c a s u a l l y                          f o r       w o r k ,
                                             I n d i a n s s m a r t e s t

    Wearing shorts to work in Hungary might not merit a second          research company Ipsos.
    glance but in India you are likely to be deemed a slacker who
    won't make senior management, according to a global                 For while four out of 10 workers wore casual clothes to work, the
    Reuters/Ipsos poll on business attire.                              same amount -- four out of 10 -- said casual wear workers would
                                                                        never make it into senior management in their workplace.
    A survey of about 12,500 people in 24 countries found that
    Europeans are the most casual when it comes to work                 The poll found that 66 percent of workers said senior managers
    clothes with only 27 percent wearing a business suit or smart       that ran an organization should always be more dressed up than
    clothes to work.                                                    their employees.

    Hungary came bottom of the table with only 12 percent of            Indians particularly did not see casual dressers rising up the
    workers saying they wore a suit or smart dress to work.             ranks, with 64 percent saying they would not make senior man-
                                                                        agement and 58 percent describing casual dressers as slackers.
    Among Hungarian workers, 46 percent said it was appropri-
    ate to wear shorts to work while 56 percent approved of             India was followed by Saudi Arabia where 51 percent ruled out
    thong sandals or flip-flops at work.                                casual dressers making senior management with France coming
                                                                        third at 45 percent.
    Indians were found to be the smartest when it came to work
    attire with 58 percent donning a suit or other smart clothing       Swedes were the most relaxed when it came to bosses wearing
    for work. Only 21 percent said it was fine to wear shorts.          casual clothes. Only 27 percent said casual dressing would be a
                                                                        bar to entering senior management.
    Overall only 21 percent of workers said it was appropriate to
    wear thong sandals to work and just 24 percent approved of          (Editing by Belinda Goldsmith)
    wearing shorts to work.                                             ADOPTED from Reuters
    "It's clear that around the world dressing to your place in the
    hierarchy is more often the case than dressing to the ele-
    ments," said John Wright, a senior vice president at market

                                                        When one has their first listen to her mu-    Chrisette in a manner similar to a
                                                        sic you can’t help but feel like there is a   crush he had on Alicia Keys right up
                                                        complete mimicry of Jill Scot, except with    to the moment AK run a double
                                                        more simplicity and more balance added        standard by getting involved with an
                                                        to the bowl. It also is very easy for the     already married man . Artists like
                                                        listener to be turned off by her seeming      Chrisette, take a simple voice, make
    By Kalisa Micheal                                   naivety .Yet it is this same naivety that     it work with a simple background,
                                                        will draw you into her music with endear-     subtle bass guitar and make poor
                                                        ing thoughts only.                            guys like me literally go weak in the
                                                        In “If I have My Way”, which is the lead      knees.
                                                        single of the album, she takes sampling of    Where other artists will stick to
                                                        style to a new level. At one instant in the   keeping background beats to all
                                                        song, one could easily be fooled into         their songs, Chrisette Michelle was-
                                                        thinking that they are listening to a Tamia   n’t afraid to chip in an acoustic gui-
                                                        hit. This song made it to number 4 on Hot     tar on song introduction and then
                                                        R&B/Hip-Hop Songs.                            slowly build up the momentum into
                                                        “Mr. Radio” brings out our attachment to      a song that would give it the sup-
                                                        mainstream radio, this time focusing on       posed intensity that our local Afrigo
    “I seen his brother at the cloud                    love songs. I am sure that radio deejays      band and artists like Fela Kuti would
    Looking it's to fly                                 would be more inspired to let the music do    do in 15 minutes, but chrisette Mi-
    His sticks was pounding on the drums                more talking and not their sometimes my-      chelle does all of this in four and a
    When I caught his eye                               opic opinions take control. This song is a    half minutes.
    You know, my gosh, he looked at me                  true gem, with simplicity and the message     While this article’s focus was on her
    And he smiled at me                                 is crystal clear. For perhaps the most        debut album, she has had some
    And he played to me                                 sentimental of reasons, my favourite track    collaborations with the Game( LAX-
    And I imagined that he spoke to me”                 on this album is Golden. The lyrics in this   Let Us Live), Nas ( Hip Hop Is
    Imagine these lyrics being sang in a voice          are just too deep. I might be biased be-      Dead) doing three tracks with the
    similar to a blend of Ella Fitzgerald, Jill Scot,   cause this was the very first track of        latter.
    India Arie, Erykah Badu; except that it isn’t       Chrisette’s that I listened to. What made     One can only say that the sky is the limit
    them. It is Chrisette Michele (2009 Grammy          the moment more surreal was the person        for this daughter of deacon father and
    Award winner for Best Urban/ Alternative            who i shared that beautiful moment with.      choir director mother provided she
    performance 2009 for the song ‘BE OK’).             This one song made the writer crush on        keeps it simple and sticks to her style of
I s s u e    2 0                                                                                                                                   P a g e   6

            Hold my hand (which my homeboy                      O M A Y E o r                               drinks (aka waragi), prefers to have
            Sean Paul sings as: omayei), featuring                A l a r m s ,                             them at a bar, or kafunda or where ever
            Kerry Hilson is my alarm. An alarm to               U n i f o r m s ,                           but not home! Those of you who are
            awaken me from my sweet sleep for the             A l c o h o l a n d                           friends to alcoholic beverages know that
            curse of (not women), or                V a c a n c i e s                           when you reach a certain point, you just
            wake me for breakfast, or to take a                                                             must continue. It’s the rule. That lasts
            bath, or brush my teeth...whichever. It is                                                      until only 3-4am. Go home, power
            a rather 'sweet tune' to wake up to es-                                                         sleep, wake up at five, cold shower go
            pecially knowing that there are stacks of                                                       to work. Unfortunately the ‘god of the
            dead trees lying on your office                                                                 office’ (don’t tell him) doesn’t like my red
            desk...which (by the way I say this with                                                        eyes and drowsy look. So I opted for
            utmost anger) is not made of wood so I                                                          plan B. Sleep at ten (when I can) go
            can’t say lying on more dead trees.                                                             work with clear eyes…I’m not yet
                                                                                                            done… and on the way to work, buy a
             I used to have the song ‘I and identify’
                                                                                                            nice bottled drink to place gently
            by P.O.D as my alarm until I realised
                                                                                                            (remember metal desk) into the "vault".
            that the 'rude awakening' only made me
            as grumpy as a paraplegic to whom                                                                Problem with plan B is that the boss
            you’d suggest going on a jog with. And                                                          man don’t want me drinking at work.
            if you don’t have that much work waiting                                                        Apparently, it offends some of the col-
            for you eagerly like a nagging wife,                                                            leagues. HERES A QUESTION: Do you
            alarms can mess up beautiful dreams. I                                                          get offended when I drink water? So
            once had one where I was 'with' Amy                                                             why do you get offended by the spirit?
            Lee of Evanescence. We were just                                                                Am I pouring it down your throat? Do I
            about to 'become good friends' and then                                                         come and bother you when I take a
            ‘I and identity’. If it was 'omayei' playing                                                    swig or six? Huh? Huh? What? I wish I
            however, it wouldn’t be that bad (sorry                                                         could say that to their faces. That is the
            Amy)!                                                                                           problem of being the youngest in the
             For those of you that are blessed with
            the nokia alarm clock (call it what you                                                          In that vein, I have come up with plan
            want, am sticking to alarm clock), there                                                        C. Get a younger intern that’s lousy at
            are the preset clock alerts 1&2. These                                                          the job and shift the blame…
            people don’t want you waking up! If you
            do wake up you will get to work early,
            work hard and take their jobs. It is a                                                          We are looking for anyone between the
            conspiracy...its THEM (DADADADUM)!             here is a suggestion: be like Gayaza…have        age of 20 and 21 with no working ex-
            Think about it, who wakes up when              rainbow uniforms...coming to think of it, that   perience what so ever. Preferably an S2
            soothingish music is plaid? Wait, now I        school should be renamed to…something            dropout who smokes weed, drinks plen-
            am selling myself short here. No, I am         like…rainbow secondary school perhaps?!          tiful kasese and doesn’t sleep at night
            right and my thoughts wrong...ah what-         That will solve that problem...of work I         (you can sleep in the office at your
            ever!                                          mean. There was a time when all I needed         desk). Must be fluent in no language but
                                                           was my brain, jeans, t-shirt and cap. Mon-       MUST know the following words:
             So the week begins. It’s Monday morn-
                                                           day-Monday! I didn’t even have to comb my        Yes, no, please, sod, off (you are not
            ing and the rain is pouring (ya the song
                                                           hair! They understood me! I felt like a new-     required to know the meaning of the
            is Sunday morning, big whoop. Want to
                                                           born state. Now, am just like an independ-       word sod)…
            make something out of it?). I have to
                                                           ent state...wear what you want but wear
            wear 'smart clothes'. Not that I hate                                                           --
            them...I just…utterly…loathe them. It                                                           Jason Ntaro Sabiiti
            makes you wonder why you have to               Moving on.
            dress up so neatly when you go to work.
                                                           At the end of a work day I am supposed to
            Do I go to work to parade my well-
                                                           go home, drink tea, watch a little TV, eat
            pressed clothes and neatly combed
                                                           supper then sleep by 10pm(says the doc)
            hair? Or to produce quality work that will
                                                           so that I have at least 7hrs of sleep.
            help keep the office afloat? I mean, if
            they want us to dress a particular way,        Now, me who enjoys my blessed ‘spiritual’
P a g e   7                                                                                                                                       W o r k Z i n e

  Although a vacation can be a good chance to get away from the stresses of           Britain 77 percent
  work, only two-thirds of employees globally use all the holidays they are given
  by their organization, according to a joint Reuters/Ipsos.                          Spain 77 percent

  The survey of about 12,500 people in 24 countries found French employees            Saudi Arabia 76 percent
  were the most likely to take advantage of the days granted, with 89 percent         Germany 75 percent
  using up all of their days.
                                                                                      Belgium 74 percent
  They were followed by Argentineans with 80 percent using all their vacation
  days, then Hungarians at 78 percent and Britons at 77 percent.                      Turkey 74 percent
  But at the other end of the scale Japanese workers were the least likely to         Indonesia 70 percent
  use all their vacations days. Only 33 percent would take off all the time given.
                                                                                      Mexico 67 percent
  They were followed by 47 percent of workers in South Africa taking their full
  leave entitlement, 53 percent in South Korea and 57 percent in the United           Russia 67 percent
  States.                                                                             Italy 66 percent
  "There are lots of reasons why people don't use up vacation days but most           Poland 66 percent
  often it's because they feel obligated to their work and put it over other more
  important things, including their own health and welfare," said John Wright,        China 65 percent
  senior vice president of global market and opinion research firm Ipsos.
                                                                                      Sweden 63 percent
  "Workers should remember that there are graveyards full of indispensable
                                                                                      Brazil 59 percent
  people," he added.
  Wright said there appeared to be virtually no difference in terms of demo-          India 59 percent                   most
  graphics when it came to taking leave with about two-third of high and low
  income earners taking all the days available.
                                                                                      Canada 58 percent
                                                                                                                     l i k e ly t o
                                                                                United States 57 percent
  Slightly more younger people would take all their leave than people aged over
  50.                                                                           South Korea 53 percent                use all
  "But there was a slight (difference) as business owners and senior executive/
  decision leaders at 60 percent are the least likely to use up all of the holidays
                                                                                      Australia 47 percent           va c a t i o n ,
                                                                                      South Africa 47 percent
  granted them," he said.
                                                                                      Japan 33 percent
  Workers most likely to use all leave:
  France 89 percent
  Argentina 80 percent
                                                                                      (Writing by Belinda Goldsmith, Editing by Patricia Reaney)-Reuters
  Hungary 78 percent

   The gruesome week crawls to a perpetual                                                  women past the 'pause' trying to rejuvenate what once
   end.Over 80 hours of oozing corporate sweat
                                                             The Curse Of the               was.Anyway the crusade leader a.k.a the D.j spins his plates
   and toiling on end,the finale is here.The refresh-        Naked Wallet....               and the real business ensues: A pair dances like MTV crew
   ing uphoria of a FRIDAY night.As soon as the                                             is around,a bunch chants as though its kareoke night.A
   sun sets the ungodly addiction jets in.The symp-        By Isaac Tinga Mufumbiro         couple thrives on the moonlight, lone ones maximise the
   toms:a seemingly unquenchable thirst and                                                 group psychology('we' are here for a season)and contem-
   lust,seemingly super sized wallet,a low battery                                          plate street economics.Others its about munching burnt
   thanks to lost friends now found, and fresh                                               swine, clutching on females rears,sipping gallons of golden
   lungs after one week of abstinence.So as those                                            drink and the really deranged ones blowing herbs and cer-
   past their nuptials match to their quarters to                                            tain plants.Old hands launch ferocious attacks on their
   fulfill marital/domestic duties(those lucky bas-                                          prey,others its a time to showcase financial muscle to that
   tards) a suicidal bunch match to the watering                                             office receptionist in hope that she nods to the manifesto.
   spots to fulfill ancestral goals. At this crack h'se                                      So the hours pass away till morning, business cards
   its a collection of bottle hardened citizens apart                                        changed hands and monies paid for urban excitement,you
   from a handful still mesmerised by the cartoon                                            foxtrot to your sack, recite the drunkman's creed(swear to
   network.But on the whole its no place for mi-                                             quit) before the shut down steals you from harsh reality-
   nors,and the crowd is just that: a mediocre mo-                                           your wallet if not stolen,is nude.Just like it was last week-
   tor show is compensated by a full blown skin show i mean these ladies         end and the previous weekend and the weekend before the previous
   dressed in one inch jeans and oversized belts.There are ofcourse a few        one...curse!
   misplaced old geezers reliving their teen years and some what serene
P a g e   8                                                                                                                                W o r k Z i n e

              C a p i t a l i s m               o r       S o c i a l i s m :               W h i c h            W a y          t o      G o

          Capitalism has been in recent times said to be in the decline. I       that they can continue getting these free services.
          would beg to differ from this belief. Capitalism cannot and will not
          decline. It is practically entwined in humanity. Heck, in life.        Why should I make money only for it to all go to a lazy chap in
          Charles Darwin stated in his notes and later book on the Evolu-        Rakai with three wives and eight children and did I mention he has
          tion of Life that the species that survive are those that learn to     one and half acres of farmland. This fellow is actually more pros-
          adapt in changing environments. It is the strong and not the           perous than I am. He earns all my money when he sells his vege-
          weak that survive. It is the dynamic and not the static that get to    tables to a trader in Kampala. He however claims a pauper status
          live on. Dynamism is the centerfold of capitalism.                     and pays no taxes (the government doesn’t bother follow-up any-
                                                                                 way) but all the while earning from his farmland but not doing
          Since the beginning of life, man has been a                                                             enough to further his economic
          capitalist animal. Whatever beginning of lie                                                            status.
          one looks out to (theology or science) capi-
          talism is rooted in our history as man. It is                                                             The increased taxes I suffer (yes it
          thus not surprising that man left his hunter                                                              is suffer!) significantly reduce my
          gathering (read socialist) economy to start                                                               disposable income and thus my
          trading for scarce resources owned by                                                                     demand for certain goods dimin-
          other communities first through barter and                                                                ishes. Retailers and producers of
          later through the creation of money.                                                                      such goods suffer from reduction
                                                                                                                    in sales revenue thus they lay off
          The economies of the most prosperous                                                                      some staff to reduce their costs of
          empires and civilizations in history have not                                                             sales in order to make a profit.
          been socialist. They most definitely have been capitalist. From        The laid-off workers have no money thus gain pauper status fur-
          Roman Empire, the Holy Roman [Catholic] Empire, the British            ther increasing their demand for free services and thus the need
          Empire and todays United States of America. Oh, did I hear             for government to increase taxes on the few remaining income
          someone mention the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics! Well if       generating populace. This ultimately leads to economic failure due
          you do not know what that is, it is because it died a natural death    to the country’s inability to sustain the increasing spending.
          in 1988 when socialism finally succumbed to internal inefficien-
          cies leading to the breakup of USSR to smaller nations which           One of two things has to happen, the abandonment of the socialist
          can be seen to be still struggling to this day.                        stance or the change of government. The latter being what befell
                                                                                 the USSR. The governments of former Soviet States are now fully
          In Africa, the same can be said of former socialist nations. They      fledged capitalist economies. The Russian Federation has since
          to this day still struggle to get their economies moving. Chief        also made the switch to capitalism though its iron-hand on the
          among them are Uganda, Tanzania, Zambia and a host of other            economy is still very much visible.
          countries which deteriorated into anarchy thanks to their socialist
          tendencies.                                                            The proponents of socialism and soothsayers predicting the de-
                                                                                 mise of capitalism attest to the fact that the rise of China as a
          Socialism in its own right is genuinely appealing especially to        global economic power is vindication to their opinion. What the
          most Africans who find themselves on the wrong side of the dol-        country of China is doing however is having the government par-
          lar (they spend it rather than earn it). When socialism is sold to     ticipate indirectly through government owned enterprises and
          people it is said to solve their most basic needs. Like provision of   banks in the economy and using the profits earned to support and
          education, health services for free or much subsidized cost.           finance its free services projects in education, health care, trans-
          However, no one knows how these subsidies are to be paid for.          portation among others. This is what has been termed Govern-
                                                                                 ment Sponsored Capitalism. China realised that the archaic model
          It goes without saying that the governments will most definitely       of socialism was hell-bent to destroy it as a nation and strip the
          tax the “well to-do” to get the money needed to pay for these          political power from the ruling Communist Party.It changed strat-
          services. The increase of taxes on persons who earn income             egy and liberalized the economy (somewhat) by allowing western
          above a certain threshold is done worldwide and I am for it. How-      companies to invest in China. It also remained in the economy
          ever, I oppose taxation of persons solely so that income can be        through its vast network of State Owned enterprises. China cur-
          redistributed. This creates the very thing we do not want, people      rently has the biggest bank (per market capitalization) in the
          evading taxes by migrating to countries with cheaper or no taxes.      world. The achievement of this economic feat (and others) is not
          Persons who gain from the government services will and have            because China is socialist but rather because it has adopted capi-
          been known not to grow their economic status out of welfare so         talism.

                                                                                                                     By Rafayili
I s s u e   2 0                                                                                                                   P a g e   9

 OPITOX ART                                                                                   P O E T R Y :
                                                                                   P O R T R A I T O F A F R I E N D
 What do I know about art.
 A lot.                                                                          I can’t give solutions to all life’s problems, doubts, or fears,
 What did I know about art a few months back…… close to nothing.                 But I can listen to you, and together we’ll search for the answers.
 I knew that art was a hard subject many girls in my school failed, and          I can’t change your past with all its heartache and pain,
 that it was one of those high priced things guys in movies loved to             Nor the future with its untold stories,
 steal. Generally, I knew that art was wonderful, but only for the rich.         But I can be there now when you need me to care.
 The ones we could draw, were not worth hanging up.                              I can’t keep your feet from stumbling,
 So what changed my mind?? I learnt about art. I learnt about it the only        I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
 way someone can. I learnt to appreciate art. I learnt to look at it and see     Your joys, triumphs, successes and happiness are not mine:
 its story. I learnt to tell the difference between art of passion and art       Yet I can share in your laughter.
 that’s a joke. I learnt to fall in love with art, and at that point is when I   Your decisions in life are not mine to neither make nor judge:
 really learnt about art.                                                        I can only support you, encourage you,
 I’m not one of those people to go on and on about something that I              And help you when you ask.
 don’t think is worth it, so when I get down to talking about it, it is be-      I can’t prevent you from falling away from friendship,
 cause it really has touched me.                                                 From values, from me:
 I visited a young man, who was so full of life. He is a friend of mine. I       I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.
 wanted to know what it is that makes him such a great person. So ad-            I can’t give you boundaries which I’ve determined for you,
 mirable. I didn’t want to ask. But I found my answer when I looked at           But I can give you the room to change, to grow, room to be yourself.
 his art. He paints his soul on canvas. He creates a face for his feelings.      I can’t keep your hear t from breaking and hurting,
 An out for his passion. He gives you a glimpse of who he is. When he            But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them
 smiles, when he cries. When he mourns, and when he rejoices. He                 back in place.
 makes you feel that you know him.                                               I can’t tell you who you are,
 I had known him before, but I saw him in a different light. I looked at         I can only love you and be your friend!
 the hangings on the wall, and I saw zeal. I saw a never ending story of
 life, with all its ups and downs. I saw my people. I saw me.
 I wanted that. I wanted a way to escape the world.
 When he was at work, I watched him. Everything else around him                  Provided By Mpuuga Bitanywaine
 melted away, and he spoke the language of art. I wanted that, but I
 knew the gift comes for a few.
 So i took one of his pieces and hang it up by my bedside.
 Now I know what art is. As most scholars say, it is difficult to come up
 with a proper definition for Art, but for me, it is all there in one little
 To me it is ART. Not just a product of human creativity, but a true ex-
 pression of oneself, as put forward by a master at the game.

 Akelly Sara Warner <seems the writer is in love. The artist described
 above can be reached thru >
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                         G A M E            T H E O R Y :                T H E         K I N G         M A K E R

            Try to explain everything, where you          with a woman who is half your age,         rejections and an even longer string of af-
            came from where you are going to              a sexual freak who looks like an           fairs with women whose beauty was so
            and how and why but by the third              angel and whose thoughts revolve           unrealistic the rest of us could only dream
            woman you realize no one is listening.        around you. And all those lucky guys       about. No wonder she’s so lost and so
            You are talking to yourself and every-        who got the woman they loved, who          withdrawn from the world, hidden in her
            body has lost their patience, the             now like them is forty years old and       husband’s house and locked away from
            world’s attention span is short and all       infertile and probably toothless and       society because she is too burdened by the
            everybody is looking at is the glitter,       way past her prime whose breasts           shame of creating the greatest particle
            the lights and the drama of the mo-           are sagging and whose uterus is            physicist of his time. What a bitch!
            ment. The mechanics belong to the             toxic and whose blood pressure
            nerds that make it happen, the PHDs           worries the doctor, bet those fortu-       So, mate you have finally found us. We
            and the QBEs who agonize over the             nate guys really pity the then penni-      who understand your predicament, who
            principals that drive men mad in times        less clown whose love they stole.          see past the brilliant glow of your golden
            of economic depression and political          Sob, sob our heartfelt empathy goes        Swiss watch and the listen through the
            catastrophe when once again the               to you Mr. fancy words, how we feel        roaring sound of your V12 turbo charger,
            cerebral ideologues rise to promi-            for you having to put up with that         who see past the humongous hips of your
            nence and the going rate of knowl-            micro waist, micro miniskirt wearing       next ex girlfriend. Keep talking mate, let it
            edge momentarily counters material            brain dead ankole beauty when you          all out because the first step is admitting
            wealth; but never do they get the girl,       could have had her rapidly depreci-        you have a problem and yes it’s okay to
            at least not their first love, not the sec-   ating mother.                              cry.
            ond one and hardly the fifth one. The
            nerd you are has to settle for that su-       Oh how we feel for you and in equal
            per cute, light skinned muhima who            measure castigate that nefarious,          By Mark Abraham
            wants you for your car. But you are           obnoxious bitch that you call your
            forty now and even though you are at          first love who irreparably destroyed
            the top of society’s echelons and com-        your emotional existence, that bitch
            mand not just wealth but knowledge            whose rejection denied you the
            and acclaim, there are legal and ge-          amazing opportunity to witness her
            netic barriers between you and the            aging, to partake in her agonies and
            one that started it all like her matrimo-     to finance her abortions. If it weren’t
            nial contract to the one she chose and        for her you would be an average Joe
            the biological process called aging.          working nine to five for the man in a
                                                          dead end career but she had to go
            Were you a lesser man you could               and spoil it and make you a noctur-
            regret being ambitious but the world          nal math’s addict and the greatest
            needed you and you couldn’t say no            physicist of your time. Oh what an
            to its need, without you it would have        agonizing fate to be the one who
            crumbled – oh what a colossal mess            discovers the unknown elastic prop-
            earth would have been without your            erties of a little known steel alloy, to
            ground breaking research on increas-          be the one to have to tell the world
            ing the tolerance of steel to tensile         that their physics is out of date, that
            stress. Wait, how about the noble             a radical new approach to molecular
            prize who would they have given to?           engineering is necessary and hence
            What a great calamity that would have         propel the world into a new industrial
            been! And thanks to you steel struc-          age. But it all shouldn’t have been,
            tures are more durable, more extensi-         you could have had an amazing life
            ble and your great contribution to sci-       sleeping with the same woman from
            ence is only next to Einstein’s equa-         your twenty fifth year to your death
            tion of relativity. Big deal, big ap-         but she broke your heart and con-
            plause! And what an agony to sleep            demned you to a lengthy string of

         CONTACT US AT
    OR CALL +256712688903 OR
  +256787287861 OR +256791501490



         CHARGE AT
I s s u e   2 0                                                                                                     P a g e   1 2

                                 W o r k p l a c e               D i s c u s s i o n           :

 Recently my girlfriend was dismissed from her workplace after          she develops. If she did understand why she need it. but
 she was implicated in financial impropriety with some colleagues       the problem is you are already condemning her for the
 of hers. As a Christian I have always believed in having a woman       supposed act.
 who has good values. I was planning to marry this girl but given
 what has happened I don’t know what i should do. My senses
 are telling me I should run. I have confronted her about the alle-     Kwesiga Alex
 gations, and she has insisted that she is innocent. However all        If you have never done it, throw the first stone......
 the evidence is that she took that money. Even I myself can attest     on Thursday ·
 to it because there was a time she had much more money than            Gabriel Kihoria Issue number 1. The guy must decide
 usual yet I knew her salary very well. She even took a holiday to      whats important to him. His religion beliefs and friends or
 the UK early this year and bought me a nice watch. At the time I       his girlfriend. Its always important to put things into per-
 did not think about asking her where she got all the money from.       spectives so that you know where you lie. If he feels that
 You know what? I really suspect that she is guilty. Everyone in        his religion beliefs have a high priority then he should kick
 my church knows she was fired so it is embarrassing for me to be       that woman out of his life. They are just not compatible.
 seen with her. I have asked her to confess to the congregation         Issue Number 2. If she is guilty. Once a thief always a
 and beg God for forgiveness in front of everybody, but she has         thief. If she stole some and she gets another opportunity
 refused. She insists she is very innocent. What should I do?           she will steal more. She is just not an honest person and if
 MARTIN                                                                 you live with her the spectre of her getting caught with her
                                                                        fingers in the cookie jar will always be lurking around you.
 Micheal Mpagi The guy simply want to pass his and religious            Bugembe Michael well thank God that has happened
 dominance to the lady,its no because he cared much about his           before our even married but then no one is perfect and
 girlfriend being fraudulent.                                           you will never find a 100% perfact woman ,,if u feel u cant
 Alyce Kazinga "For all have sinned and fallen short of God's           handle it quit the relationship but if u still value your rela-
 glory." Condemning her wont do any good.                               tionship with her then try to be supportive and be there for
 Be supportive irrespective of it all and Love should prevail in the    her coz this might be the time she needs u more than u
 midst of all challenges,that is if u truly love her.                   can imagine so the choice is yours
 Wait for the final verdict from her work place as u pray about it      Bamuhaira Reuben The Bible puts it right that by running
 God will give u a revelation about it.                                 away from sinners is not the best way to turn them back to
 Yeko Baba Sorry Martin. But you don't want to end up with a chic       the good ways & God never wants a sinner to die but to
 who'll steal your 900m from under your bed.                            live, realize his sins and repent. God still loves man de-
 You can't force her to confess instead you can decide for yourself     spite the sin. I would call you an irresponsible x-tian if you
 how far you should take the relationship. I just hope you're not       spoil your relationship because of that.
 being quick to judge without clearly establishing the facts.           Keep her, be calm, comfort her but time keep reminding
 Patricia Akello Opoka Its obvious what you want to to do but u         her that she need to be righteous to prosper. You don't
 want our approval,be a man!!!                                          need to force her to confess.
 on Thursday · Report                                                   Fred Sentongo If u are a true christian, u nid to forgive
 Baka Hilda Walaga Martin, first of all, have u cut ur gal some         her first, then the rest will work out, running away when
 slack of put in a better way given her the benefit of doubt and lis-   she wasnt even punished is not heartly.
 tened to all she has to say?If so then put yourself in her shoes       Joshua Mmali That she may have 'stolen' the money, is
 and be very honest with yourself whether u wld tell the truth to ur    bad enough. That you are pushing her to confess before
 so religious galfriend if it were true. There's two sides to a coin    the WHOLE congregation, is ungodly enough! She needs
 and everything has a reason as to y it is the way it is.               your support as she deals with her job loss. She needs
 Secondly asking for forgiveness is not a matter of standing infront    your confidence to be able to share what she could have
 of a whole congregation and making yourself right before fellow        done with you (what you call confession). If she is re-
 huma beings who by the way might even be more sinful than you.         morseful, keep her; if she's not, think again!
 It starts fromt he heart wea one feels remorseful and desires to       Jacob Nsubuga It seems Martin is not ready for the hard
 make good what he has done wrongly. If its true she stole the          times ahead when the girlfriend is not working and what
 money, she will finally have some remorse and round up asking          he wants is an easy way to escape. Be man enough and
 for forgiveness whether in public or in private. Ur pushing is a       support your girlfriend.
 sign that u ve already crucified her and that my dear brother will
 only get her on the defensive.
 Marriage is a gift from God, he will guide you on that issue.
 Remember no one is perfect.
 Enoq Omwanawomwanawomuntu Etwino Stop being Judge-
 mental she probably is- give her a benefit of doubt.... Churches
 have the biggest hypocrites, do you know how many church ad-
 dicts or savedees are responsible for the un wanted or unplanned
 pregancies annually ? the numbers are alarming high btw Every
 one deserves forgiveness- forgive her ad watch the space on her
                                                                                                                                                                          W o r k Z i n e
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                                                           H u m o u r                    c e n t r a l

  Subject: The missing missy thing. Because we talked about people giving you                             them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very
  nonessential work when you already have things to do                                                    short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the
                                                                                                          first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy
  From: Shannon Walkley                                                                                   named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am                                                                        he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already
  To: David Thorne                                                                                        occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out
  Subject: Poster                                                                                         of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; result-
                                                                                                          ing in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with
  Hi                                                                                                      a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
  I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was          Attached poster as requested.
  wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photo-      Regards, David.
  copy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

                                                                                                          From: Shannon Walkley
                                                                                                          Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
                                                                                                          To: David Thorne
                                                                                                          Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

                                                                                                          yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the
  This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and           photo of Missy is so small?
  about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
  Thanks Shan.                                                                                            From: David Thorne
  From: David Thorne                                                                                      Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am                                                                        To: Shannon Walkley
  To: Shannon Walkley                                                                                     Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
  Subject: Re: Poster
                                                                                                          Dear Shannon,
  Dear Shannon,                                                                                           It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
  That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a          Regards, David.
  ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what           From: Shannon Walkley
  with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the     Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
  road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"                        To: David Thorne
  Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop every-     Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
  thing and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
  Regards, David.                                                                                         Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this
  From: Shannon Walkley                                                                                   and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am                                                                        bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
  To: David Thorne                                                                                        From: David Thorne
  Subject: Re: Re: Poster                                                                                 Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
                                                                                                          To: Shannon Walkley
  yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at        Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
  1pm today.
                                                                                                          Dear Shannon,
  From: David Thorne                                                                                      Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you under-
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am                                                                       stood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive
  To: Shannon Walkley                                                                                     criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster                                                                             Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to
                                                                                                          you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way
  Dear Shannon,                                                                                           home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water.
  I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping before-   I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
  hand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted            I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.Regards, David.
                                                                                                                                                                             W o r k Z i n e
P a g e    1 4

                                                          H u m o u r                     c e n t r a l

                                                                                                          put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to
                                                                                                          collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I
                                                                                                          failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office
                                                                                                          and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn
                                                                                                          to let go.
                                                                                                          I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
                                                                                                          Regards, David.

  From: Shannon Walkley
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
  To: David Thorne
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

  This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and
  delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.
  From: David Thorne
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
  To: Shannon Walkley
                                                                                                          From: Shannon Walkley
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
                                                                                                          Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
                                                                                                          To: David Thorne
                                                                                                          Subject: Re: Awww

                                                                                                          Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a
                                                                                                          photo of my cat.

                                                                                                          From: David Thorne
                                                                                                          Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
                                                                                                          To: Shannon Walkley
                                                                                                          Subject: Re: Re: Awww

                                                                                                          I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent
                                                                                                          ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I
                                                                                                          haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run
                                                                                                          over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly
                                                                                                          veterinarian bill.
                                                                                                          I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an
                                                                                                          accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had
                                                                                                          been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with
  From: Shannon Walkley
                                                                                                          wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
                                                                                                          and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it
  To: David Thorne
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
                                                                                                          Regards, David.

  yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone num-
  ber and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I
  have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
  From: David Thorne
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
  To: Shannon Walkley
  Subject: Awww

  Dear Shannon,
  I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off
  at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box
  in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have
                                                                                                                                                                W o r k Z i n e
P a g e    1 5

                                                        H u m o u r                   c e n t r a l

  From: Shannon Walkley
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm                                                       Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes
  To: David Thorne                                                                        and I still have to make photocopies of it.
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww                                                               From: David Thorne
                                                                                          Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
  Please just use the photo I gave you.                                                   To: Shannon Walkley
  From: David Thorne                                                                      Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
  To: Shannon Walkley
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

  From: Shannon Walkley
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm                                                       From: Shannon Walkley
  To: David Thorne                                                                        Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww                                                       To: David Thorne
                                                                                          Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
  I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that
  there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks   Fine. That will have to do.
  From: David Thorne
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
  To: Shannon Walkley
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

  From: Shannon Walkley
  Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
  To: David Thorne
  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
P a g e   1 6                      W o r k Z i n e

                Fespad pictorial
I s s u e   2 0
 I s s u e   2 0                                                                                                                                 P a g e   1 8

                            T h e         C o n c e p t                 o f         a      “ S s e n g a ”
    In the kiganda culture the word                      wanted to get to know the tricks as well. I                the ssenga’s to turn to.
    ssenga means aunty and usually the                   must say she did a great job educating                     I am however not comfortable with
    practice is that when a girl is getting              us on hygiene, obedience, sexual styles                    the fact that there is no one talking
    married, there is usually a ssenga to                et.c.                                                      to the men. There is no one telling
    guide her, as she enters the mar-                    I think it is something that should                        them that they need to step up to
    riage institution.                                   adopted across cultures. Some women                        their responsibilities in marriage and
    I recently attended a bridal shower of               have no idea about what is expected of                     most of all be faithful to their wives.
    friend and to my advantage, there                    them during marriage other than having                     No one is telling them that they
    was a ssenga who had been brought                    kids. Other’s think that when you get                      have to bathe at least once a day,
    to teach the bride to be about the                   married and later on have kids then life                   buy their wives presents, foot bills,
    glories of marriage and basically give               has basically stopped for you.                             participate in domestic chores and
    her the tricks of keeping a man and                  People say that they are sometimes dis-                    call them darling every once in a
    the art of satisfying her husband.                   gusting and I couldn’t agree more but yet                  while.
    I was excited because as far as I                    again, one should be able to call a spade                  The women are trained hard to re-
    know in the acholi culture, you are                  a spade. Secondly our mothers will defi-                   spect their husbands; please them,
    not really prepared for these things.                nitely be too shy to educate us on mat-                    keep clean for them, and respect
    You basically hit the ground running.                ters of marriage. Girls today are brought                  their in-laws. Who is telling the
    This was my opportunity to learn.                    up in a way that kind of blinds                    men?
    I think I paid more attention than the               them from reality. We are shielded by our                  By Amony Brenda
    bride did, partly because she was                    parents and not exposed to the harsh-
    speaking in Luganda and secondly I                   ness of marriage. Good thing is we have

                                                                          W h e n
Recent happenings that have defined the status quo in Uganda have un-                   Several Ugandans in the north are forcefully driven to a shamefully
derscored the sad reality of the scope of the suffering of the vast majority            hopeless life in concentration camps during the Kony war, while in the
of Uganda’s populace. We have progressively witnessed and experienced                   corridors of power, some greedy politicians are allegedly devising
senseless wars and inhuman atrocities, barbaric acts of terror, deadly                  schemes on how to “steal” their cherished land and profit from their mis-
natural disasters, epidemics, and a host of other heart                                                  ery. And what should we say about the numerous or-
wrenching catastrophes such as fatal road accidents,                                                     phaned kids lining our busy streets daily and begging for
deadly school infernos, etc. Today, it is not uncom-                                                     food and money? How about the apparent prejudices care-
mon for one to hear lamentations of injustices alleg-                                                    fully executed in places of work, during job interviews, and
edly engineered by some selfish employer against an                                                      in other institutions such as schools and hospitals? Why
honest employee, or the cry of a poor mother suffer-                                                     must my tribe or political affiliation be a determinant in
ing the painful sight of her dying child because the                                                     assuring my place for a given job, or in providing expedi-
local health center is grossly inadequately stocked                                                      tious help when needed? How is it that one can swindle
with essential medicines. Our country is plagued with                                                    public funds and yet be rubbing shoulders irreproachably
a variety of avoidable problems, and the average                                                         with His Excellency after such scandals? Why are innocent
Ugandan have had to painstakingly work his way                                                           civilians participating in lawful political gatherings being
against tremendous odds to provide for his family and                                                    randomly whipped, shot and murdered in cold blood? Has
earn a decent living. It is a far cry from the promised                                                  our character as a nation gone to the dogs? Are there no
unity, peace and prosperity; it is characteristic of the                                                 more respectable and sincerely patriotic authorities in
suffering nation. In retrospect, Uganda’s troubles are                                                   Uganda? Our roads may be deplorable, our health care
manifold: one morning, we wake up to news of hun-                                                        pathetic, our education quality wanting, our traditions and
dreds of lives lost in a land slide disaster, and on an-                                                 cultures eroding, our freedom and privacy infringed upon,
other day, we hear of twin bomb blasts killing scores of innocent people                but it is our firm resolve as a nation to pursue unity, peace and prosperity
watching a World Cup soccer match. Some ate rats as a “delicacy” be-                    that will doubtless take us a step closer to healing the nation’s wounds.
cause of famine caused by prolonged drought, while others lost homes                    Our leaders must refine their individual character and dedicate them-
and businesses in other parts of the country that experienced unprece-                  selves to a duty of selfless, patriotic service. Voters must dutifully kick
dented flooding. One could be mourning the loss of a beloved relation                   out non-performing, hypocritical politicians. With confident optimism, we
who perished in a preventable school fire today, and the next day going to              can harness the skill and ingenuity of our motherland, and advance to-
a funeral of a friend who died in a preventable road carnage. Somewhere                 ward a better day. Unless we recognize that we are all Ugandans who
in a national referral hospital, some helpless expecting mother is giving               need to prosper together, then our troubles are far from over.
birth on the stairs of the hospital, while in some village upcountry, some              Mark Omara,
child is dying from diarrhoea or malaria because available medicines have               Lira. E-mail:
expired in national stores. If it is not Ebola this year, then it is likely to be
swine flu next year -manageable epidemics that nevertheless kill dozens.
                                                                                                                                          W o r k Z i n e
P a g e   1 9

    No more facebook for Pastor Martin Sempa,                                                          gay is right or wrong. We are all entitled to a fit
    or as I like to call him, The Most Electrifying
                                                          I ’ m A f r a i d                            or two of righteous indignation when we en-
    Man In Sports Entertainment.
                                                         W e ’ r e G o n n a                           counter those whose sins are different from
                                                         H a v e T o A s k
                                                                                                       ours. My interest in Pastor Sempa comes from
    Why I call him that? Well, he is not exactly              Y o u T o
                                                                                                       the fact that when you autotune his voice and
    who he says he is, and if I call him that, then      L e a v e , S i r …
                                                                                                       loop it over a techno beat the result is funky
    he is not exactly who I say he is either. I rely
    on trivial little toys like this to amuse myself.
                                                                                                       But if he is entertaining at first, he quickly gets
    It was the ultimate defriend-ment. It’s bad
                                                                                                       old, and becomes pathetic and then disturbing
    enough when one put-upon ex-buddy locks                        By Ernest Bazanye                   and then you feel violated from just having
    you out of their account after what you said
                                                                                                       heard him. Pinky and The Brain is much better
    about their date’s hairstyle in that tagged pic-
                                                                                                       — It’s also evil and cartoonish, but it’s much
    ture, but for Pastor Doctor Sempa, it was the
                                                                                                       more palatable.
    entire social networking website that has           by making the dice move by them-
    chucked him. We logged on to read the star-                                                        When Busingye told us about the alleged ban-
    tling news last week that the doctor’s account                                                     ishment of the shepherd he didn’t particularly
    had been snuffed out. He would no longer be                                                        think he would miss the old man, but he was
    permitted to poke, like, post, comment or lol                                                      wondering what this meant for free speech in
    at anything.                                                                                       general. Busingye is that kind of man. He wor-
                                                                                                       ries about what things mean for free speech. In
    This news it turns out may not have been be
    entirely accurate. I just did a search and Mar-
    tin Sempa’s FB is still very much in situ, albeit                                                  Hate speech is not permitted on facebook,
    with only one friend. Yes, only one. The won-                                                      naturally. As a privately-owned party it can
    ders of mathematics. I am dicing and fencing                                                       decide what it will permit and deny, and you
    with the idea of sending a friend request right                                                    can’t bring your human rights wololo to a pri-
    now. I want to know what is going on, but not                                                      vate party, but given the size of this thing…
    badly enough to be dude’s friend…
                                                                                                       Facebook is huuuuge. And it’s all over the
    If he was or if he ever is kicked off FB it would                                                  internet. Every website you visit — the news,
    probably be something to do with violating the      selves. Pastor Martin is a vigorous and        youtube, prawns (you know I can’t write that
    company’s terms of service. When one joins,         driven and very focused opponent of            word in full for fear of attracting sprawms) blogs
    one is asked to abide by certain rules, includ-     whatever he claims homosexuality is—           – they always have the little ‘F’ logo floating
    ing those that demand one refrain from hate         he is so focused that the bio part, where      around somewhere. Even my yahoo mail is
    speech and incitement.                              Zukerburg invites users to “tell us a little   linked to FB, and though my gmail and twitter
                                                        about yourself”, he says, “Hates The           are not, I already have apps that force them to
    Pastor Mar’n is best known as a moral cru-
                                                        Homos!”                                        coexist with it in one consolidated stream.
    sader. Wait. That’s like saying that an earth-
    quake is best known for ruining Ludo games          I am not going to discuss whether being        I fear that in the end it’s going to look like this

I s s u e   2 0                                                                                                                         P a g e   2 0

                                                       IDLER’S CORNER
                                                               By Brian B. Coutinho
                                                            H i      p e o p l e !

        (eh, looks like MS Word has dropped off        (and I don’t mean like that sorry ex-      knows why it’s called the return key… that’s
        my list of most used programs… that’s          cuse of a security guard who’s trying      what google (you could use yahoo for a change
        weird... hmm… See, I read in word, flow-       to find a bomb under your clothes (I       you know, poor guys must be feeling left out) is
        ing text makes things so convenient with       really wanted to use the word “skirt”      for I guess…)) by accident that time, just I was
        a tiny monitor and all… (I said hi right?      there, but mbu that is sexist, what-       telling you to go with it so I decided to follow my
        Ah, yes I did, right there at the top of the   ever that means))))))) now there’s a       own advice (see, it really is a “do as I do” world,
        page) (lemme (excuse the strange                                                                   or at least, it should be, just doing my
        language, see this six hundred word                                                                small part (being the change I want to
        thing(*ahem* this is soo an excuse                                                                 see and all that yada))(ok, I think I just
        (this is called lampshade hanging                                                                  lost myself, so I’m going to hit “enter” (or
        whereby- eh, google oyee? Yes, you                                                                 “return”, whatever your bent) and hope
        know what to do))) guess, wondering                                                                that wherever I enter helps me find my-
        about the tiny monitor bit) um, I know                                                             self) (ooh, so many opportunities for
        I should still be in at least one set of                                                           entendres there!!))
        brackets… lemme (there it is again)                                                                (Eh, this is kinda weird huh? No, I’m not
        change paragraph, just to make it                                                                  really referring to anything in particular
        more legible, (I’m not really sure for                                                             that time, just trying to keep the flow
        who, but there you go)                                                                             flowing, the inspiration inspiring, the…
        (Still within a set of brackets huh?                                                               (you catch my drift don’t you?))
        Paragraph shifting ones this time :-))                                                             (interesting point, for once Abid (in other
        here’s an interesting (well, the word                                                              words (aka (AKA))) hasn’t (here’s an-
        “interesting” here really is relative you                                                          other interesting point, between the last
        know (ok, now someone’s bagging                                                                    word and the next(outside the brackets
        me, hold up for a sec)) well, where                                                                of course) I’ve attended a small party,
        was I? (you know, that is a totally                                                                had a good night’s sleep and started a
        redundant question come to think of it                                                             new day… lovely huh?(well, if you really
        (yes, I am typing this as I think it out,                                                          have to know I was typing in my idle
        meaning you are actually seeing one                                                                time… that time came to a very rude
        of the great minds(really) of this cen-                                                            ending, didn’t even had time to sign off,
        tury (well, year, no? week? Day? Ah                                                                that’s what I’m doing now, finishing off
        come on, give me the hour at least…                                                                sentences and the like)) been on my
        okay okay, one of the great minds of                                                               case (we’re back on Abid now in case
        this second (there amended, you happy          healthy bunch of brackets, wouldn’t        you’re wondering, just realized I was while read-
        now?) (you know, that just doesn’t make        you say? (more lampshade hanging           ing through (see, one of the signs of a great
        sense, now does it? I’m sticking to the        here, but I really am on a roll, so just   mind at work – can’t always keep up with your-
        original, well, close enough) you are          go with it, will ya?) (tee hee, I just     self. :-). )) like “your article, your article…” hmm,
        watching (reading really) one of the great     confused the word processor, start-        he’s learning. That makes me happy. ) ok, I’ve
        minds of this unspecified time period (that    ing to underline everything in             kinda lost track of brackets, so I’m just going to
        works, doesn’t it? (in my mind its really      green… cool!!)                             exit this particular one and get back to the point.
        something like “daen’t it?” (sound it out)     Another paragraph change (actually         (yes, I did have a point back then when I said
        but I figured no one would really get it       hit the “return” key (you know the         hi…) here goes…)
        and I really do live for my fans… all one      one, usually has the word “enter” on       Eh, I’m outta space! (Drat.)
        of them :-) ) (just so you know, I feel        it (wonder if anyone today actually

                                         C O O L          P H O N E              A C C E S S O R I E S
P a g e   2 1                                                                                                              W o r k Z i n e


                    A f r i c a n          m o v i e s ,         w h i t e         p r o t a g o n i s t s

                                                                      generation later. Who will American movie audiences identify
                                                                      with if there’s no reassuring white face as main character???

                                                The Constant Gar-
   dener (2005), International murder mystery featuring Ralph
   Fiennes as naive husband and Rachel Weisz as the beautiful
   wife, murdered, but why? Show Weisz’s character, playing with
   children in Kibera slums, or insisting on having her baby in a
   Nairobi hospital to illustrate her essential goodness. Show be-
   nevolent white man with a shady past, working in Somalia’s aid     Blood Diamond (2006), Leonardo DiCaprio, a Boer diamond
   camps to erase the black marks from his soul. Have Fiennes         smuggler with a wallet where his heart should be, finds his hu-
   stalked and (spoiler!) murdered in the harsh, bleak wasteland of   manity in the animalistic howls of Djimon Hounsou, victim of
   remotest Kenya and what do you have? Africa as beautiful           diamond-fuelled conflict. Throw in a child soldier, and Jennifer
   backdrop, landscapes as metaphors against which the good-          Connelly as sexy international reporter and love interest and
   ness and badness and essential humanity of rich, lily-white        you have a moral tale that would make Kanyeezie proud. (“I
   characters can be illustrated. Black Africans as complex char-     thought my Jesus Piece was so harmless ’til I seen a picture of
   acters with diverse motivations, interests, and histories? Try     a shorty armless”)
   another movie son.                                                 Like a bad optical illusion, once you start to see it you can’t un-
                                                                      see it. “African” movies, where Africa is nothing but a pretty
                                                                      backdrop, and African people are merely foils to the white pro-
                                                                      tagonists complex and compelling character development: Afri-
                                                                      can children for the white man to play soccer with showing his
                                                                      kindness, mysterious and sexy black women for him to fuck,
                                                                      showing his weakness, maybe a villager or 20 to rescue; after
                                                                      all, what is an action movie without a superhero?
                                                                      Out of Africa, A Good Man in Africa, Noah Wyle’s character in
                                                                      that season of E.R when he goes to Congo, the only exception
                                                                      I can think of is Hotel Rwanda. It’s not that these movies are
                                                                      bad necessarily,you can’t fault Blood Diamond for publicising
                                                                      the issue of conflict diamonds, and the producers of The Con-
                                                                      stant Gardener built a school in Kibera after filming there. But
                                                                      together these movies are notable because the highlight an
                                                                      absence of the alternative: African movies with African heroes.
                                                                      That’s what we need to see more of. I won’t even take on the
                                                                      issue of famous American actors playing African roles (Forrest
                                                                      Whitaker, Jennifer Hudson in the upcoming Winnie Mandela
   The Last King of Scotland. Want to make a movie about the          biopic), or Kenyans, South Africans and Nigerians playing
   most significant individual in Uganda’s history? Reviled, hated,   Rwandans, Ugandans, Congolese or whatever (as opposed to
   feared, even loved dictator who ruled with an iron fist wrapped    getting actors from the country in which the film is supposed to
   around a bloody hachet; rumoured cannibal, infamous polyga-        be set). I just want to see African movies in which an African
   mist, charismatic, anglophilic, barely educated military man who   character, falls in love, makes mistakes, has a change of heart,
   clawed his way to power and once there, thumbed his nose at        grows, succeeds, fails, develops! An African movie about an
   western dictates? Well why not make the story all about a fic-     African man or woman. Is that too much to ask?
   tional, puny Scottish doctor who gets sucked into Amin’s dan-
   gerous web! Oh and make sure he gets out alive, never mind
   the thousands of real Ugandans, murdered, exiled, forced to
   betray family and neighbours during Amin’s time. Don’t say
   anything about the impact of an insane, paranoid dictator on a
   nation, an impact that can be seen in contemporary Uganda a
I s s u e   2 0                                                                                                         P a g e   2 2

                                            M o n d a y           m a s s a c r e s

      We’ve heard this phrase over and                d u t t y        l o v e            what dreadlocks can do for a guy, learn-
      over again. In songs. Many songs                                                    ing how useful it is to be overly active
      actually. Dutty love. And like the                                                  and talkative, even when you don’t really
      faithful, we sing along. I took time off                                            have much to say. Just say ‘I do not
      to do some heavy investigations into                                                have much to say. But…’ and then
      the meaning of this phrase ‘dutty                                                   launch a monologue. Though you would-
      love’.                                                                              n’t call it a monologue; that word means
      To aid my investigations, I had to                                                  bad manners in Uganda. Ok, so watch
      choose between Sean Paul and                                                        Big Brother ya? Ok)
      Sean Kingston, both frequent users                                                  Our hero keeps moving menacingly to-
      of the phrase. Not a hard choice ac-                                                wards the leader. He gets to him and the
      tually.                                                                             fight that we’ve all been waiting for
      Dutty love is when brave, brawny,                                                   throughout this post begins. They fight.
      sweaty fighter shoots an entire vil-                                                And they fight. Punch. Blow. Kick. Lost
      lage in his quest to rescue damsel.                                                 tooth (it flies very very slowly out of the
      He shoots. Sweats. Reloads. Shoots.                                                 mouth of the leader, he makes an arghh
      Says some heavy fighter words. Like                                                 sound, and we see some small drops of
      “I kill you. Really, I kill you”. And then                                          blood fly in slow motion after the tooth.
      he runs off doing even more shoot-                                                  They both land at about the same time
      ing. Then he finally gets to the leader      the faceoff. These are the villagers   some distance off. The camera focuses
      of the weasels who have his damsel           that our hero didn’t kill during his   on them for a few minutes then we get
      captive. He aims to fire, and the gun        wild gun-totting on his way to meet    back to the fighters). More punches. Out
      jams. The beefy leader also aims a           the leader in this standoff they are   of nowhere, a round kick. Leader is
      gun at him and it too jams. So they          in now.                                down. Hero is standing over him.
      drop the guns. And they stare each           (Side Poll: Don’t you find it odd      “Where is she? Where is she?” he
      other deep in the eye ball. Eye balls        that villagers would go out of their   screams
      lock. Time stands still. The birds stop      way to go watch a fight between        “I don’t know”
      chirping. Other birds stop making out.       the two grown men in our story?        Hero raises his hand
      Dry leaves drop to the ground.               Don’t they have anything better to     “Ok ok ok. I’ll tell you. She’s in the room
      Our hero: “Give me the girl and all          do with their time? See, Big           at the back.”
      this will go away. No one else has to        Brother All Stars does have some       Hero punches him. It’s lights out. Hero
      get hurt”                                    upsides…if those villagers had it,     walks off to find the room at the back.
      Leader of pack that has girl cap-            they wouldn’t even give this face-     The villagers clear his path. He walks.
      tive: (He doesn’t have too big a vo-         off any attention. Only the village    Kicks the door open. Rushes towards the
      cabulary) muhahahahahaha                     livestock would be witness. The        room at the back. He is both excited and
      Our Hero: I said give me the girl and        happy villagers would be glued to      apprehensive; will she still love him in
      I won’t hurt any of you                      their TV sets, on Big Brother,         this state? He kicks open the door of the
      Leader of the pack that has the girl         watching how grown men and             room at the back. And there she is doing
      captive: I said muhahahaahah                 women go through the stages of         bad manners with someone else. That’s
      Our hero moves menacingly towards            courting, listening to the life-       dutty love.
      the leader. By now a small crowd of          changing things that these people
      villagers has started to gather, to see      pass onto us, seeing first hand        As told by Sean Paul to Sleek and wild
           ADS, EVENTS, AND                    BIRTHDAY SHOUTOUTS TO : Kyomugisha Agnes Twesigomwe 11 August, Hassan Ali Rimex 11 August
           EVERYTHING ELSE                      — Alex Brunner 12 August — Frank Kalabamu 12 August,Melinda Anyait 12 August,Victoria Yiga 13 Au-
                                            gust,George Marshall 13 August — Kukunda Ruth 13 August,Joshua Kabugo 13 August,Louis Tumukunde 14
August — Viola                 Nasuuna 14 August,Mwesigye Billie Brian 16 August, Hyena Frank Jr 16 August, Anthony Kawuma 16 August, Kansiime
Judith 17 August, Musabe Ann 18 August ,David Kyambadde 18 August, Pierre Musinguzi 18 August — Nyakato Moreen 18 August — Ray Opray 18 Au-
gust ,Umah Tete Peace 18 August, Raymond Besiga 18 August, Eunike Nanzala 19 August, Remmy Rehema 19 August, Wampso Drew Eli 19 August,
David Katimbo-Mugwanya 20 August, Kaptain Nesta Roy 20 August, Angela                   Kiconco 21 August, Atim Esther 21 August — Golooba Lwanga 21
August, Pius Abesiga 21 August, Owori Rachel 21 August — Patrick Muhereza               21 August. Amos Mpungu 23 August, Henry Murphy 23 August —
Ivy Njerenga 24 August, Godfrey Mawa 25 August, Charles Masanso 26 Au-                  gust, Estherlynn Mwangi 26 August,Lydia Ochienghs 26 August,
Diana Bwanika 27 August, Charity Kesiime 28 August, Duke Roger Mugume 28                August, Samm Kabagambe 29 August, Murari Phillip 29 August,
Vance Brown 30 August,Joshua Nkurunziza 30 August,Daphy Disiac 30 Au-                   gust — Justus Amanyire 30 August — Carlo Tess 31 August
Apollo Karugaba 30 August

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