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					                                           Fort Worth Chapter Newsletter
                                            Becky Long, Editor                    October 2010

                October Meeting: October 12, 2010 at 7:30 P.M.
              Richland Hills Church of Christ, 6300 N.E. Loop 820

        New Members                                                                 Upcoming Meetings
       We want to extend                      To those of you                   Oct. 12th – Panel Discussion –
      a very warm, loving,                 who are newly bereaved                       Handling the Holidays
 and understanding “Welcome”                and receiving our newsletter        Nov. 9th – Annual Remembrance
to our new friends who attended                    for the first time,                  Program at 7 P.M.
      the August meeting:                     we warmly invite you to           Dec. 14th – Discussion groups
           Jeff Abodeely                    The Compassionate Friends.
     for the loss of his brother          We are a self-help organization
                                              of parents, grandparents                  Birthday Table
      Jay Kahn & Ray Smith                        and adult siblings
    for the loss of their brother                                                         October birthdays
                                                who have experienced
                                                                                          will be celebrated
            Kathy Ware                        the death of a loved one.
                                                                                      at this month’s meeting.
       for the loss of her son                          We offer
                                                                                   If your child’s, grandchild’s,
                                             understanding and support
                                                                                       or sibling’s birthday is
                                          through our monthly meetings,
                                                                                              in October,
           Love Gifts                              a lending library,
                                                                                      please feel free to bring
                                                  support materials
                                                                                   a photo or memento of them
        Janet DuPertuis                    and loving telephone listeners.
                                                                                       for the birthday table.
         in memory of                          Please do not be afraid
     Grayson James Satarino                    to come to a gathering.
                                          Every other person in the room
       Teresa Baker Holley                                                               Refreshments
                                                    has lost a child,
          in memory of
                                                grandchild or sibling.
          Shawn Baker                                                           If you would be willing to bring
                                            They come because they feel
                                                                                refreshments to an upcoming
If you wish for your love gift to be     the need to be with someone else
                                                                                meeting, please locate the sign up
listed in a particular month’s                    who understands.
newsletter, it must be submitted by                                             sheet at this month’s meeting or
                                              We know it takes courage
the 15th of the previous month.                                                 call one of our hospitality
                                            to attend that first gathering,
                                                                                committee members. Many of
 Please send your Love Gifts to:             but those who do come find
                                                                                our members bring refreshments
          Steve Roberts                  an atmosphere of understanding
                                                                                during their loved one’s birth
       3240 Jetranger Rd.               from others who have experienced
                                                                                month, as a way of celebrating
        Hurst, TX 76053                     the grief that you have now.
                                                                                their birthday with the group.
                                              Nothing is asked of you.
                                              There are no dues or fees         Please note that drinks, cups,
                                           and you do not have to speak.        napkins, plates, and utensils are
         Save the Date
                                       There is a special feeling at meetings   always provided by our chapter.
The 2011 National Conference              of The Compassionate Friends.
will be July 15-17 in Minneapolis/
St. Paul, Minnesota!                     We meet the second Tuesday                    TCF Wristbands
                                              of every month.
                                                                                TCF wristbands may be purchased
                                                                                at chapter meetings for $3 each.
TCF Fort Worth Chapter                                                        TCF National Office
  Steering Committee                                                      The Compassionate Friends
                                           Need to Talk?
Chapter Leaders                         Listed below are parents,         P. O. Box 3696
Jeff & Marty Martin                     grandparents and siblings         Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
817-991-9121                                who have walked               Fax: 630-990-0246                       where you are today.            Toll-free: 877-969-0010
                                    If you are having a difficult day     9 A.M. - 5 P.M., CST, Mon.-Fri.
Treasurer                                                                 Email:
                                    and just want to talk, please call.
Steve Roberts                                                   
817-914-8689                                                              Website:
                                    Helen Dement
Hospitality                         817-431-6964                          The Compassionate Friends/USA
Marty Akeman
817-636-5645                        Auto
                                    Jeff & Marty                           Sponsor the National Office
Christine Anderson                  817-991-9121                                   for a Week
                                    Multiple Loss/                        The many services provided by
Lydia Moore
                                    Loss of a Grandchild                  the National Office are free to all
                                    Lydia                                 who need them. To support our
Newsletter                          817-829-3801                          many programs, TCF provides
Becky Long                          Drowning                              you the opportunity to "Sponsor
817-275-9297                        Debi                                  the National Office for a Week."        817-523-5037                          Up to four sponsors will be
                                                                          accepted for each week during
Librarian                           Long Term Illness                     the year at $150 each. Sponsors
Patty Gallagher                     Marty                                 will have their names and the
817-861-1491                        817-636-5645                          children in whose memory the
Committee Members                   Homicide/Only Child                   sponsorship is made on the
Crys Aigner                         Steve                                 "Sponsor the National Office for
Joy & Neil Brenckman                817-914-8689                          a Week" page on the national
                                       website. Visit this page for more
Lori Dean Carver
                                    Suicide                               details!
Charles & Genie Dean
Janet DuPertuis                     817-485-3772                            Create a Memorial Website
Cheryl Dean Lopez                   Siblings                              The Compassionate Friends is
Glinda Smith                        Cheryl                                pleased to offer you the
                                    817-624-7043                          opportunity through a partner-
                                              ship with for you to
  Regional Coordinators                                                   create a memorial website. When
                                                                          you enter through our portal, a
Joan and Bill Campbell                     Want to share?                 portion of the proceeds will go to
972-935-0673                           If you have read an article,       support TCF. We are currently              poem or book that has helped you      offering you a FREE 14 day trial
                                        along your grief journey,         and, for a limited time, you'll
                                         please share it with our         receive 25% off your first year
Fort Worth Chapter Website                  newsletter editor.            sponsorship of your site! For
                                    We also encourage you to submit       more information and to start     your own works of poetry or         creating your site, please visit the
                                        prose for our newsletter.         Create a Memorial Website tab
Thanks to Carrie Wallace of DFW
Personal Assistant for designing                                          under the Resources heading on
and maintaining our web page.                                             the national website.
        Chapter News
In October, we’ll have a panel
discussion on “Handling the
Holidays.” Our annual                        I Want My Brother                         Communication
Remembrance Program is in              My life is a mess right now.              If you’re fortunate enough to
November (see below). In               Everyone wants me to “talk about          have surviving children, when
December, we will have                 it,” but the only person in the           weas the last time you:
discussion groups.                     world I want to talk to is my
                                                                                 Told them how important they
    Remembrance Program                brother. I want my brother to
                                                                                 are to you?
                                       come wake me up to go get
Our annual remembrance                 something to eat. I want my               Thanked them for their patience
memorial will be held on               brother to throw rocks at my              with you during these dark
November 9th, at 7 P.M.,               window to let (sneak) him in              hours?
downstairs in the Family Life          when he is late. I want my
Center 2 of Richland Hills Church                                                Assured them, had it been one of
                                       brother to lie to my friends when         them who died, it would have
of Christ, with a potluck              they call because he is on the
afterwards. During the                                                           been just the same?
                                       other line. I want my brother to
ceremony, each child’s name is         play songs for me on his guitar. I        Explained to them that the reason
read, and their picture is             want my brother to make me                you struggle so hard to survive is
displayed from a projector as a        listen to the Misfits whenever I          because you want to enjoy life
candle is lit in their honor. We       give him a ride. I want my                with them again?
ask that you bring a dish to share,    brother to understand how much            Reassured them that there will be
and you may also want to bring         I love him and how much my                joy and some happiness in your
an 8x10 or smaller picture of your     heart hurts and how much I feel           family’s life again when you all
loved one to place their candle in     like dying because I wake up              have had the necessary time to
front of.                              every morning and he doesn’t. I           create your new life?
Please notify us if you want your      want my brother. Period.
child’s picture to be included in                                                Reminded them that it was OK
the memorial program. You may                            By Jaime Lynn Terenzi
                                                                                 for them to have fun and laugh
                                                          TCF, Camden County
mail a picture (no larger than a                                                 sometimes, even when they, or
5x7) to Genie Dean at 5032 Circle                                                we, are still grieving most of the
Ridge Drive West, Fort Worth, TX                                                 time?
76114. Mailed pictures will be                A Sibling’s Loss
                                                                                 If you haven’t lately, or even if
returned. You may also e-mail a                         I can sleep,             you have, do it again. Both you
picture to                    I can watch TV,             and they need that reassurance.
Please list the November                         I’ve sat in your room,
memorial in the subject line of                                                                        By Mary Cleckley
                                                I’ve gone to the beach.                                   TCF, Atlanta
your e-mail. Lori will reply to all               None of these things
e-mails that she receives, so if you                 bring you back,
do not receive a return e-mail         or at leastkeep your memory away.
from her, please e-mail the                                                         My Sister, My Friend
                                                 I go to you for advice
picture again. Pictures are due                   and you’re not there,          Within our hearts
by October 15th.                               I wonder why you left,            You will always be.
Please also notify Lori if you                 and there’s no answer.            Our minds will be filled
want to use the same picture as                I know there’s a reason           With sweet memories.
in last year’s memorial.                      and only you know why.
                                                                                 Your spirit and love
                                       It’s a difficult thing to lose someone
                                                                                 Will never be gone,
                                               and never get a chance
Thanks to George Hollis for                                                      For each life your touched
                                                    to say good-bye.
donating our chapter’s storage                                                   Will carry them on.
facility at Jay’s Self Storage, 8032                          By Don Martelli                         By Catherine Hall
                                                       TCF, Cumberland County                         TCF, Hinsdale, IL
White Settlement Road.
       Papa, Remember Yesterday?
That’s what he’d say to me,                                       A Season of Many Feelings
When a happy memory came to his mind.                               Fall is a season of many feelings.
Yesterday was anytime in the past…
A day, a week, or a month behind.                         Autumn is here once again, as it comes every year.
                                                               And with the leaves, my falling tears.
It didn’t matter to him; it was all yesterday…
Last night, last Easter, when Santa came.                       This time of year is the hardest of all…
A sweet rush of happy memories from better days.            My heart is still breaking, once again it is fall.
For him they were all the same.                              Memories once so vivid are seeming to fade.
His concept of time was different than ours,                My time spent with you seems some other age.
He wasn’t here that long.                                    This season reminds me of grief and of pain,
Just three years of changing seasons,                         But yet teaches hope and of joy once again.
I know why his memories were strong.                      For the trees are still living beneath their gray bark.
Now it’s my turn to remember the past,                                  And you, my sweet child,
To cherish the days gone by.                                              Are alive in my heart!
Like him, I will smile about yesterday.                                                             By Cindy Schake
For his sake and mine, I will try…                                                                  TCF, Butler, PA

Papa, remember yesterday.
                                        By Jim Beerman
                                    TCF, Cincinnati, OH

                                                                          When you need to…
          Unwanted Companions                                              Reach deep inside
                                                              and take one of your precious memories.
We have many unwanted companions                           Wipe away the cobwebs, lay it out in front of you
As we walk this road of grief.                             And let the sunshine and the sounds engulf you.
They gang up or come singly –                                        Revel in the experience of it…
Will there ever be relief?                                          Re-live each precious moment,
                                                                       be overwhelmed by them
Fear keeps stalking stealthily                                   And taste the wonderful sweet tears
It jumps upon us unaware                                                    that are their gift.
Or walks beside us with its presence                         When your needs have been almost satisfied
To let us know that it is there.                                      Pause for one more second
                                                                      Then gently fold it back up,
Sorrow is our constant shadow                                     give it a big hug, and a tender kiss
Pain is its closest friend.                                 And return the treasure to where you found it.
Tears abound by streams and oceans                             Then to make the experience complete,
It seems they’ll never end.                                              Find someone special
                                                                  and share the feelings with them…
Anger rears its ugly head                                     For surely something as wonderful as this
Some is defined, some not.                                               is meant to be shared.
We thrash about quite wildly                                        Don’t be afraid of using them –
In confusion we are caught.                                          that’s what memories are for
                                                                      You will never lose them…
Behind the dark clouds is some sun                           for as certain as the sun will rise tomorrow,
Though we’re beset with doubt.                                     Love once attained is never lost.
But we’ll tread this road with courage –
Some day it will come out.                                                                        By Steve Channing
                                                                                          TCF, Atlanta Area Chapters
                                          By Peggy Kind
                                    TCF, Santa Rosa, CA
                                                Life After Loss
   During those intensely painful            We don’t see each other as often           Ann Douglas is the author of Trying Again:
days after my daughter Laura was             these days – we’re both insanely busy      A Guide to Pregnancy After
stillborn five years ago, I remember         with work and family – but each time       Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Loss
                                                                                        (Taylor Publishing, 2000) and many other
feeling that I was at a crossroads in        we meet for lunch, it’s like we’ve         books on pregnancy and parenting. The
my life – that two separate paths lay        never been apart. That speaks to the       mother of four children, she is a frequent
before me: I could either let this           powerful bond that we developed            headliner on WebMD and CNN.clm and has
tragedy destroy my life and break            during the most nightmarish time of        also been featured in articles in Parenting,
my spirit, or I could find a way to          our lives.                                 Working Mother, and Good
make something positive come out of             Another perk: I’m less of a control     Housekeeping. She can be contacted via her
my daughter’s death.                         freak. After all, I’ve learned the hard    Web site at
   Fortunately for me, I inherited the       way that some things are out of your
stubborn gene from my parents, so            control – and some things can’t be
giving up on life really wasn’t a            fixed, no matter how desperately you
viable option for me. So, by default, I      want to put the pieces back together
gravitated toward the second                 again. As a card-carrying Type A,              The Cruelest Season
alternative: finding a way to make           it’s been healthy for me to learn to let        (continued from last month)
something good come out of this              go of things – well, at least a little!
most searing of losses.                         Along the same vein, I’ve come to          Newly bereaved people are very
   While I would never have wished           terms with my fear of death. Being         vulnerable to seasonal change, I
this on myself –the death of a baby is       forced to deal with the death of my        think. We miss the presence of our
too big a price to pay for any               child has forced me to confront my         loved ones and their participation
personal growth experience – I have          own mortality. As a result, I’m more       with us in the new season’s activities.
been forever changed by the                  at peace with the knowledge that life      Whether it is the briskness of
experience of losing Laura. In many          doesn’t last forever – and more            autumn, the holiday preparations
ways, I’m a better person than I was         inclined to make the most of today.        that go with wintertime, or the
before that fateful day five years ago          I’ve also learned how to put things     renewal brought by spring, a part of
when a tiny piece of my heart was            in perspective. A leaky ceiling, a         us angrily resents the change. We
forever broken.                              missed deadline, a squabble with my        resist the obvious insistence that we,
   For one thing, I’m more                   husband, or a minor fender bender          too, must move on…alone!
compassionate. I feel an immediate           no longer qualifies as a crisis for me.       And yet, kindly and gently, the
bond with any parent who has                 I now save the “crisis” label for the      same seasons also herald hope that
experienced the death of a baby as           real life-and-death situations.            there is order and stability in the
well as anyone else who is grieving             Finally, I’m better able to celebrate   chaos of our despair. God sees that
the death of someone significant in          the wonder in everyday life. Rather        the world goes on. We are not
their life, be it a spouse, a parent, or a   than looking forward to that magical       forever stuck in our earliest season of
close friend. My volunteer work              day when my mortgage is paid off, I        the despair we felt when our loved
with grieving parents and the articles       reach my goal weight, and I have a         ones died. Gently, the changing days
and books I’ve written on                    book or two on the best-seller list        and the demands of each seasonal
miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant          (hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?),       activity nudge us on, reminding us
death have allowed me to make a              I’m more inclined to delight in what’s     that there is still a place for us, that
difference in the lives of other             happening in the here and now: to          the earth’s rotation is for growth, too.
parents who’ve experienced the               savor the joy I feel when my                  Gradually, as we turn to new
tragedy of losing a much-wanted              youngest child, Ian, hugs my leg and       seasons of healing and hope, we can
baby. That means a lot to me.                says, “I really love you, Mom,” and        begin to trust the next season of
   In terms of other ways I’ve been          to enjoy the way my heart lifts when       change to make us stronger and
affected by the death of my daughter,        the telephone rings and there’s a          wiser. Maybe then it will not stir so
I’d say I’m more aware of what it            special friend on the other end of the     much of our pain.
feels like to be really connected to         line.                                         We’ve been given strength for this
someone heart-to-heart and soul-to-             Those are just a few of the gifts       task of moving on, and our strength
soul. I have a very special friend           that Laura gave to me during her           will be renewed. When the sadness
whose baby died shortly after mine           brief journey through my life. These       returns and tears testify to
did. The two of us spent a lot of time       gifts are her legacy to me.                remembered sorrow, we will be more
together in the weeks that followed,                                                    seasoned in our grief.
                                                                      By Ann Douglas                                By Joan Liljedahl
sharing our grief about the babies              Reprinted from We Need Not Walk Alone                            Silver Springs, MD
who would never come home.                                              Summer 2002
                                                                      Non-Profit Organization
                                                                      U.S. Postage Paid
                                                                      Permit #2321
                                                                      Fort Worth, Texas
            Fort Worth Chapter
                                                                            Dated Material
            2501 Millikin Drive
            Arlington, TX 76012


            October 2010

          Fort Worth Chapter
           October Meeting                       The mission of The Compassionate Friends is
                                             to assist families in the positive resolution of grief
Date: October 12, 2010                          following the death of a child of any age and
                                            to provide information to help others be supportive.
Program: Handling the Holidays –
                                               We offer friendship, understanding and hope
          Panel Discussion                    to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings.
Refreshments: Alma Hernandez                        There is no religious affiliation and
                                                   there are no membership dues or fees.
Check In: 7:00 P.M.
                                                   The secret of TCF’s success is simple:
Program Time: 7:30 P.M.                     As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved,
                                                   energy that has been directed inward
             Room 217                       begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal.
   Richland Hills Church of Christ              The vision of The Compassionate Friends is
         6300 N.E. Loop 820                       that everyone who needs us will find us
    Directions to the church can be found        and everyone who finds us will be helped.
     on the front page of the newsletter.

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