Fort Worth Chapter Newsletter
Becky Long, Editor October 2010
October Meeting: October 12, 2010 at 7:30 P.M.
Richland Hills Church of Christ, 6300 N.E. Loop 820
New Members Upcoming Meetings
We want to extend To those of you Oct. 12th – Panel Discussion –
a very warm, loving, who are newly bereaved Handling the Holidays
and understanding “Welcome” and receiving our newsletter Nov. 9th – Annual Remembrance
to our new friends who attended for the first time, Program at 7 P.M.
the August meeting: we warmly invite you to Dec. 14th – Discussion groups
Jeff Abodeely The Compassionate Friends.
for the loss of his brother We are a self-help organization
of parents, grandparents Birthday Table
Jay Kahn & Ray Smith and adult siblings
for the loss of their brother October birthdays
who have experienced
will be celebrated
Kathy Ware the death of a loved one.
at this month’s meeting.
for the loss of her son We offer
If your child’s, grandchild’s,
understanding and support
or sibling’s birthday is
through our monthly meetings,
Love Gifts a lending library,
please feel free to bring
a photo or memento of them
Janet DuPertuis and loving telephone listeners.
for the birthday table.
in memory of Please do not be afraid
Grayson James Satarino to come to a gathering.
Every other person in the room
Teresa Baker Holley Refreshments
has lost a child,
in memory of
grandchild or sibling.
Shawn Baker If you would be willing to bring
They come because they feel
refreshments to an upcoming
If you wish for your love gift to be the need to be with someone else
meeting, please locate the sign up
listed in a particular month’s who understands.
newsletter, it must be submitted by sheet at this month’s meeting or
We know it takes courage
the 15th of the previous month. call one of our hospitality
to attend that first gathering,
committee members. Many of
Please send your Love Gifts to: but those who do come find
our members bring refreshments
Steve Roberts an atmosphere of understanding
during their loved one’s birth
3240 Jetranger Rd. from others who have experienced
month, as a way of celebrating
Hurst, TX 76053 the grief that you have now.
their birthday with the group.
Nothing is asked of you.
There are no dues or fees Please note that drinks, cups,
and you do not have to speak. napkins, plates, and utensils are
Save the Date
There is a special feeling at meetings always provided by our chapter.
The 2011 National Conference of The Compassionate Friends.
will be July 15-17 in Minneapolis/
St. Paul, Minnesota! We meet the second Tuesday TCF Wristbands
of every month.
TCF wristbands may be purchased
at chapter meetings for $3 each.
TCF Fort Worth Chapter TCF National Office
Steering Committee The Compassionate Friends
Need to Talk?
Chapter Leaders Listed below are parents, P. O. Box 3696
Jeff & Marty Martin grandparents and siblings Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
817-991-9121 who have walked Fax: 630-990-0246
firstname.lastname@example.org where you are today. Toll-free: 877-969-0010
If you are having a difficult day 9 A.M. - 5 P.M., CST, Mon.-Fri.
and just want to talk, please call.
Steve Roberts email@example.com
Hospitality 817-431-6964 The Compassionate Friends/USA
Jeff & Marty Sponsor the National Office
Christine Anderson 817-991-9121 for a Week
Multiple Loss/ The many services provided by
Loss of a Grandchild the National Office are free to all
Lydia who need them. To support our
Newsletter 817-829-3801 many programs, TCF provides
Becky Long Drowning you the opportunity to "Sponsor
817-275-9297 Debi the National Office for a Week."
firstname.lastname@example.org 817-523-5037 Up to four sponsors will be
accepted for each week during
Librarian Long Term Illness the year at $150 each. Sponsors
Patty Gallagher Marty will have their names and the
817-861-1491 817-636-5645 children in whose memory the
Committee Members Homicide/Only Child sponsorship is made on the
Crys Aigner Steve "Sponsor the National Office for
Joy & Neil Brenckman 817-914-8689 a Week" page on the national
email@example.com website. Visit this page for more
Lori Dean Carver
Charles & Genie Dean
Janet DuPertuis 817-485-3772 Create a Memorial Website
Cheryl Dean Lopez Siblings The Compassionate Friends is
Glinda Smith Cheryl pleased to offer you the
817-624-7043 opportunity through a partner-
firstname.lastname@example.org ship with Legacy.com for you to
Regional Coordinators create a memorial website. When
you enter through our portal, a
Joan and Bill Campbell Want to share? portion of the proceeds will go to
972-935-0673 If you have read an article, support TCF. We are currently
email@example.com poem or book that has helped you offering you a FREE 14 day trial
along your grief journey, and, for a limited time, you'll
please share it with our receive 25% off your first year
Fort Worth Chapter Website newsletter editor. sponsorship of your site! For
We also encourage you to submit more information and to start
www.thecompassionatefriendsfw.com your own works of poetry or creating your site, please visit the
prose for our newsletter. Create a Memorial Website tab
Thanks to Carrie Wallace of DFW
Personal Assistant for designing under the Resources heading on
and maintaining our web page. the national website.
In October, we’ll have a panel
discussion on “Handling the
Holidays.” Our annual I Want My Brother Communication
Remembrance Program is in My life is a mess right now. If you’re fortunate enough to
November (see below). In Everyone wants me to “talk about have surviving children, when
December, we will have it,” but the only person in the weas the last time you:
discussion groups. world I want to talk to is my
Told them how important they
Remembrance Program brother. I want my brother to
are to you?
come wake me up to go get
Our annual remembrance something to eat. I want my Thanked them for their patience
memorial will be held on brother to throw rocks at my with you during these dark
November 9th, at 7 P.M., window to let (sneak) him in hours?
downstairs in the Family Life when he is late. I want my
Center 2 of Richland Hills Church Assured them, had it been one of
brother to lie to my friends when them who died, it would have
of Christ, with a potluck they call because he is on the
afterwards. During the been just the same?
other line. I want my brother to
ceremony, each child’s name is play songs for me on his guitar. I Explained to them that the reason
read, and their picture is want my brother to make me you struggle so hard to survive is
displayed from a projector as a listen to the Misfits whenever I because you want to enjoy life
candle is lit in their honor. We give him a ride. I want my with them again?
ask that you bring a dish to share, brother to understand how much Reassured them that there will be
and you may also want to bring I love him and how much my joy and some happiness in your
an 8x10 or smaller picture of your heart hurts and how much I feel family’s life again when you all
loved one to place their candle in like dying because I wake up have had the necessary time to
front of. every morning and he doesn’t. I create your new life?
Please notify us if you want your want my brother. Period.
child’s picture to be included in Reminded them that it was OK
the memorial program. You may By Jaime Lynn Terenzi
for them to have fun and laugh
TCF, Camden County
mail a picture (no larger than a sometimes, even when they, or
5x7) to Genie Dean at 5032 Circle we, are still grieving most of the
Ridge Drive West, Fort Worth, TX time?
76114. Mailed pictures will be A Sibling’s Loss
If you haven’t lately, or even if
returned. You may also e-mail a I can sleep, you have, do it again. Both you
picture to firstname.lastname@example.org. I can watch TV, and they need that reassurance.
Please list the November I’ve sat in your room,
memorial in the subject line of By Mary Cleckley
I’ve gone to the beach. TCF, Atlanta
your e-mail. Lori will reply to all None of these things
e-mails that she receives, so if you bring you back,
do not receive a return e-mail or at leastkeep your memory away.
from her, please e-mail the My Sister, My Friend
I go to you for advice
picture again. Pictures are due and you’re not there, Within our hearts
by October 15th. I wonder why you left, You will always be.
Please also notify Lori if you and there’s no answer. Our minds will be filled
want to use the same picture as I know there’s a reason With sweet memories.
in last year’s memorial. and only you know why.
Your spirit and love
It’s a difficult thing to lose someone
Will never be gone,
and never get a chance
Thanks to George Hollis for For each life your touched
to say good-bye.
donating our chapter’s storage Will carry them on.
facility at Jay’s Self Storage, 8032 By Don Martelli By Catherine Hall
TCF, Cumberland County TCF, Hinsdale, IL
White Settlement Road.
Papa, Remember Yesterday?
That’s what he’d say to me, A Season of Many Feelings
When a happy memory came to his mind. Fall is a season of many feelings.
Yesterday was anytime in the past…
A day, a week, or a month behind. Autumn is here once again, as it comes every year.
And with the leaves, my falling tears.
It didn’t matter to him; it was all yesterday…
Last night, last Easter, when Santa came. This time of year is the hardest of all…
A sweet rush of happy memories from better days. My heart is still breaking, once again it is fall.
For him they were all the same. Memories once so vivid are seeming to fade.
His concept of time was different than ours, My time spent with you seems some other age.
He wasn’t here that long. This season reminds me of grief and of pain,
Just three years of changing seasons, But yet teaches hope and of joy once again.
I know why his memories were strong. For the trees are still living beneath their gray bark.
Now it’s my turn to remember the past, And you, my sweet child,
To cherish the days gone by. Are alive in my heart!
Like him, I will smile about yesterday. By Cindy Schake
For his sake and mine, I will try… TCF, Butler, PA
Papa, remember yesterday.
By Jim Beerman
TCF, Cincinnati, OH
When you need to…
Unwanted Companions Reach deep inside
and take one of your precious memories.
We have many unwanted companions Wipe away the cobwebs, lay it out in front of you
As we walk this road of grief. And let the sunshine and the sounds engulf you.
They gang up or come singly – Revel in the experience of it…
Will there ever be relief? Re-live each precious moment,
be overwhelmed by them
Fear keeps stalking stealthily And taste the wonderful sweet tears
It jumps upon us unaware that are their gift.
Or walks beside us with its presence When your needs have been almost satisfied
To let us know that it is there. Pause for one more second
Then gently fold it back up,
Sorrow is our constant shadow give it a big hug, and a tender kiss
Pain is its closest friend. And return the treasure to where you found it.
Tears abound by streams and oceans Then to make the experience complete,
It seems they’ll never end. Find someone special
and share the feelings with them…
Anger rears its ugly head For surely something as wonderful as this
Some is defined, some not. is meant to be shared.
We thrash about quite wildly Don’t be afraid of using them –
In confusion we are caught. that’s what memories are for
You will never lose them…
Behind the dark clouds is some sun for as certain as the sun will rise tomorrow,
Though we’re beset with doubt. Love once attained is never lost.
But we’ll tread this road with courage –
Some day it will come out. By Steve Channing
TCF, Atlanta Area Chapters
By Peggy Kind
TCF, Santa Rosa, CA
Life After Loss
During those intensely painful We don’t see each other as often Ann Douglas is the author of Trying Again:
days after my daughter Laura was these days – we’re both insanely busy A Guide to Pregnancy After
stillborn five years ago, I remember with work and family – but each time Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Loss
(Taylor Publishing, 2000) and many other
feeling that I was at a crossroads in we meet for lunch, it’s like we’ve books on pregnancy and parenting. The
my life – that two separate paths lay never been apart. That speaks to the mother of four children, she is a frequent
before me: I could either let this powerful bond that we developed headliner on WebMD and CNN.clm and has
tragedy destroy my life and break during the most nightmarish time of also been featured in articles in Parenting,
my spirit, or I could find a way to our lives. Working Mother, and Good
make something positive come out of Another perk: I’m less of a control Housekeeping. She can be contacted via her
my daughter’s death. freak. After all, I’ve learned the hard Web site at www.having-a-baby.com.
Fortunately for me, I inherited the way that some things are out of your
stubborn gene from my parents, so control – and some things can’t be
giving up on life really wasn’t a fixed, no matter how desperately you
viable option for me. So, by default, I want to put the pieces back together
gravitated toward the second again. As a card-carrying Type A, The Cruelest Season
alternative: finding a way to make it’s been healthy for me to learn to let (continued from last month)
something good come out of this go of things – well, at least a little!
most searing of losses. Along the same vein, I’ve come to Newly bereaved people are very
While I would never have wished terms with my fear of death. Being vulnerable to seasonal change, I
this on myself –the death of a baby is forced to deal with the death of my think. We miss the presence of our
too big a price to pay for any child has forced me to confront my loved ones and their participation
personal growth experience – I have own mortality. As a result, I’m more with us in the new season’s activities.
been forever changed by the at peace with the knowledge that life Whether it is the briskness of
experience of losing Laura. In many doesn’t last forever – and more autumn, the holiday preparations
ways, I’m a better person than I was inclined to make the most of today. that go with wintertime, or the
before that fateful day five years ago I’ve also learned how to put things renewal brought by spring, a part of
when a tiny piece of my heart was in perspective. A leaky ceiling, a us angrily resents the change. We
forever broken. missed deadline, a squabble with my resist the obvious insistence that we,
For one thing, I’m more husband, or a minor fender bender too, must move on…alone!
compassionate. I feel an immediate no longer qualifies as a crisis for me. And yet, kindly and gently, the
bond with any parent who has I now save the “crisis” label for the same seasons also herald hope that
experienced the death of a baby as real life-and-death situations. there is order and stability in the
well as anyone else who is grieving Finally, I’m better able to celebrate chaos of our despair. God sees that
the death of someone significant in the wonder in everyday life. Rather the world goes on. We are not
their life, be it a spouse, a parent, or a than looking forward to that magical forever stuck in our earliest season of
close friend. My volunteer work day when my mortgage is paid off, I the despair we felt when our loved
with grieving parents and the articles reach my goal weight, and I have a ones died. Gently, the changing days
and books I’ve written on book or two on the best-seller list and the demands of each seasonal
miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant (hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?), activity nudge us on, reminding us
death have allowed me to make a I’m more inclined to delight in what’s that there is still a place for us, that
difference in the lives of other happening in the here and now: to the earth’s rotation is for growth, too.
parents who’ve experienced the savor the joy I feel when my Gradually, as we turn to new
tragedy of losing a much-wanted youngest child, Ian, hugs my leg and seasons of healing and hope, we can
baby. That means a lot to me. says, “I really love you, Mom,” and begin to trust the next season of
In terms of other ways I’ve been to enjoy the way my heart lifts when change to make us stronger and
affected by the death of my daughter, the telephone rings and there’s a wiser. Maybe then it will not stir so
I’d say I’m more aware of what it special friend on the other end of the much of our pain.
feels like to be really connected to line. We’ve been given strength for this
someone heart-to-heart and soul-to- Those are just a few of the gifts task of moving on, and our strength
soul. I have a very special friend that Laura gave to me during her will be renewed. When the sadness
whose baby died shortly after mine brief journey through my life. These returns and tears testify to
did. The two of us spent a lot of time gifts are her legacy to me. remembered sorrow, we will be more
together in the weeks that followed, seasoned in our grief.
By Ann Douglas By Joan Liljedahl
sharing our grief about the babies Reprinted from We Need Not Walk Alone Silver Springs, MD
who would never come home. Summer 2002
U.S. Postage Paid
Fort Worth, Texas
Fort Worth Chapter
2501 Millikin Drive
Arlington, TX 76012
ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED
Fort Worth Chapter
October Meeting The mission of The Compassionate Friends is
to assist families in the positive resolution of grief
Date: October 12, 2010 following the death of a child of any age and
to provide information to help others be supportive.
Program: Handling the Holidays –
We offer friendship, understanding and hope
Panel Discussion to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings.
Refreshments: Alma Hernandez There is no religious affiliation and
there are no membership dues or fees.
Check In: 7:00 P.M.
The secret of TCF’s success is simple:
Program Time: 7:30 P.M. As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved,
energy that has been directed inward
Room 217 begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal.
Richland Hills Church of Christ The vision of The Compassionate Friends is
6300 N.E. Loop 820 that everyone who needs us will find us
Directions to the church can be found and everyone who finds us will be helped.
on the front page of the newsletter.