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BAR ON A BAR ! MAKING LOVE TO OUR TONIC AND GIN WEEK 4 EDITION | 19 AUGUST 2009 Sydney’s Small Bars Problems in the planning LETTERS TOP 5 RANDOM Everybody Fight It’s A Fascist Hates Honi >03 Scenes >15 World After All >10 WEEK 4 EDITION | 19th August, 2009 04 09 > Michael Krasovitsky learnt how real journalists work > Will Atkinson is SPARTA! > News in Y-fronts > Sriram Srikumar is not very Roman sounding 09 05 > Will Atkinson will not be deducted ‘cause he knows > Alex Lee got outpunned the tutor > Dave Mack and Carmen Culina went walkabout > Dave Harmon is onto those Disney fascists 11 > Aleksandr Wansbrough talks to the Adams whose first name is Phillip 12 > Sriram Srikumar and Will Atkinson will have one beer and one appletini, please. 14 > is your Dad > Paul Mackay sets a new pun world record > Sriram Srikumar laughs for the heck of it > Giselle Kenny is taking it outside 20 > Vivienne Egan reviews the latest SUDS production > G.I Joe Smith-Davies > Steen Raskopoulos looks up Edinburgh’s kilt > Ryan W. Thompson’s suit bespoke 22 > Dave Wilton informs us of the informal simongreiner.blogspot.com 06 > Anna Leacock is re-Joycing in sexual liberation > Ben Jenkins cunningly linguisted a chimp EDITOR IN CHIEF Mark Di Stefano EDITORS Will “Resolute Protector” Atkinson, Katherine “Pure and Virginal” Connolly, Bronwyn “White Breasted” Cowell, Mark “War-like” Di Stefano, George “Farmer” Downing, Giselle “A Promise” Kenny, Michael “God-like” Krasovitsky, Alex “Protector of Mankind” Lee, Paul “Small” Mackay, Sriram “Eastern Prince” Srikumar REPORTERS Vivienne Egan, Michael Hing, Ben Jenkins, Anna Leacock, Dave Mack, Jacinta Mulders, Joe Smith-Davies, Alexsander Wansborough, David Wilton CONTRIBUTORS Claire Burke, James Colley, Carmen Culina, Dave Harmon, Aimee Laba, Abigail Lemon, Ryan W. Thompson, Steen Raskopolous, Daniel Richardson, Daniel Swain, Josh Wyndam-Kidd SPECIAL THANK YOU Luke Pigliacampo, designer and Honi’s architect for this week’s front cover GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing and Paul Mackay COMIC Simon Greiner CROSSWORD Ben Jenkins and Mark Sutton PUZZLES Tom William Clement ADVERTISING Publications.email@example.com/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015 DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Write of reply It’s concerning that the Honi editor that attended the August SRC meeting of Christ College Tasmania, and believe I would have heard had 16 students died in Melissa Brooks, Arts III reported on in last week’s Rumour Mill a College fire. Prior to this year’s first edition of Honi was unable to take accurate notes of the Honi’s ‘Rumour Mill’ of last week is Soit, we as editors made the decision to proceedings. Perhaps I am mistaken and perhaps this warped at best, and untrue at worst. publish letters exactly as they were sub- terrible event did happen. Perhaps a thou- With regards to the SRC meeting Honi mitted, and without reply. We take the I did miss the Board Directors Induction sand nuns also lived in the basement? writes of in the same column, my concerns letters we receive seriously, so our lack and the first meeting of the 2009-10 with Christine Kibble’s appointment of response to them has not been out of Board. I have not missed ‘several’ board meetings - there has only been one held for as SRC electoral officer are related to a situation last year where Kibble tried to SA <3 SRC disregard or laziness, but rather a greater respect than such submissions have been the term to which I was elected. Contrary censor an Honi article critical of a number Raffaele Fantasia, Arts III granted in the past. Letters to Honi have to what was printed, I have attended of student politicians who intended to traditionally been zinged by Editors, with both meetings of the Clubs and Societies stand as candidates in the upcoming SRC Your cheap shot regarding the existence of a vociferous one-liner hitting at the writer, Committee that have been held since my elections. ‘some socialist: who hates the SRC’ whilst or their grammar. This year’s editorial term began, as USU records show. tongue in cheek, is pretty offensive for a Finally, I find it bizarre that Honi saw fit to team belive this only discourages people number of reasons. First of all, it is easy Had Honi bothered to contact me prior substantiate their criticism of my missing from heated and argumentative letters. journalism. Too many people expect you to running the article, I would have been meetings by criticising me for attending to say that about a socialist, based on the happy to supply them with the explanation another meeting which as a councillor I Therefore, when the letters for this edition often inaccurate information people read I provided to the Board for missing am also expected to attend, held nearly came in, we collectively bit our tongues about socialists or Labor kids or whoever induction and the July Board Meeting, and three weeks after the original meetings I (and pens). We wanted to publish a slew in these pages. the supporting documentation that I have had missed. of corrections and clarifications, and also made available and which the Board stand up for our articles. But while having I am not going to defend the sometimes executive has found to be acceptable. the final say may put the record straight, indefensible behaviour of the people you It’s disappointing that Honi apparently Reverend to are referring too, but it is more broadly of- be hilarious, or at the very least be satis- fying, we feel as mentioned above, that it considers allowing people the right to respond to or comment on allegations so the Rescue fensive because it implies that if you hold leftist views and are critical of the ALP, would only discourage more letters being written. serious as those they brought against me Rev’d Canon Dr Ivan Head, you must be a socialist, and say you are a in last week’s article a ‘courtesy’. Honi Warden, St Paul’s College socialist, you must hate the SRC and you As writers, we know that pleasing every- may not be formally bound by the Media, must be a member of Socialist Alternative, one is an impossible task. We also know Entertainment and Arts Alliance (MEAA) I challenge your journalist to disclose his/ it’s pure fiction. that an angry reader is more likely to voice code of conduct, but it is accepted practice her sources for the published claim in Honi that complaint than a happy reader is to in the industry. Required in that code of that in 1992 a fire in St Michael’s College At our campus there are at least two other compliment. So with almost every copy of conduct is to ‘do your utmost to give a fair City Roads killed 16 students. I read this groups who claim to be ‘socialist’ plus Honi flying off the stacks each week, and opportunity for reply’ - widely interpreted and my first reaction was scepticism. a whole lot of people who abstain from all our complaints printed neatly next to to mean that when printing a damaging being in a group and organise collectively, this Editorial, we can only assume that report against any party, that they are Unlike the resurrection of Jesus from the some people in the groups also organise the vast majority of you enjoy our work. given the opportunity to respond to that dead, an event which I find believable on collectively with the people who aren’t in We hope that’s the case, but if not, please - allegation in that same report. At this very old evidence, I can find no evidence groups. point, I’d note that Lizzy was given the write and tell us. for a fire down the road 17 years ago that opportunity to respond to Honi’s report killed 16 students. It seemed inherently I am tired of having to read an Honi that on Snowball. Honi made no attempt claims to look at what goes on through ‘in- Mark Di Stefano unlikely. I followed a phone number on to contact me in relation to last week’s the linked website and spoke to a Fr Kevin dependent lens’ when really what we have article. who was there at the time and had lived is just another ‘lens’ supporting its own broadcast. No doubt you know t hat ‘Honi in St Michael’s for 38 years. He seemed petty political interests against another soit qui mal y pense’ means ‘Shame be to Equally disappointing is that the article amused by your article, but perhaps his petty interest. The rumour mill should him who thinks evil of it’. It is true. And I is littered with factual errors. I ran in take is conspiratorial and he is cover- rate any candidates this year not on their think you should be ashamed. Union Board elections held this year, not last year. Christine Kibble has not, in my ing up the truth. Fires in Colleges tend political clout but maybe against what ac- time at University, acted as the Electoral to seep into the consciousness of Heads of Colleges. I arrived at St Paul’s a little tivism in the student movement they have been doing for the past year. That would Ziiing! Officer for the Union Board elections. She has filled this position for the SRC. after 1992 and have never heard anything be a good place to start. John Sheehy, Arts/Law VII about this in local lore. In 1992 I was Head Snowballing Max Wilkie, regarding your letter 11 August, I noticed peculiar inconsistency Sibella Matthews, Law/EcoSoc II in your ramble: You say “do not write personal attacks in public”; and “In short: FYI I’m writing in relation to your recent article regarding Lizzy Watt and the inci- Edwina Burn, I hate you” in a free publi- cation, produced by the SRC of a public Ah Ivan Head, you got us! After a particu- dent on the night of Snowball. While there education institution with a potential larly interesting week of deflecting queries may have been some error of judgment readership of over 30,000. Arguments ad from varying positions of authority about by Lizzy on the night in question, I also hominem are tough to suppress, it seems. our “journalistic sources”, we at Honi believe it to be an error of judgement for Moron. Welcome to university. This week in From The Vault... need everyone to know that last week’s you to publish an article which can only “Mystery of St Michael’s” was an exercise in fictional storytelling. There were no be read as a personal attack when it was unnecessary to do so, and a propensity for iScared of sources, just a creative story about the your publication to engage in gossip that Robots church, ghosts and a seriously creepy- has no constructive merit. The Manning Bar may or may not incur a $5,000 or Rachel Molden, Arts II looking building. $10,000 fine. The law is quite specific on the responsible service of alcohol and if In reference to the week 3 Honi article In our efforts to produce a satirical long- the bar is found to have breached the law on robots I would like to say that you did form piece of storytelling, we decided it then I can only presume it will incur the not go far enough. The robot threat is out would be great to tell a ghost story – a fine. I do not know Lizzy personally, but there, the military robots you so casually Usyd ghost story. To make the most of for the readers of Honi it appears you are eluded to are just the beiginning. The US this exercise we thought it would be inter- blaming an individual when you are not military has just developed robots for field esting to play along with the claim that the fully familiar with the circumstances. And combat. These people are giving robots the feature was real. your attack is even more cowardly when power to make cognitive decisions. Soon those involved decided not to comment. enough the robots with laser eyes will be Thank you to everyone who played along seeking conselling for PTSD, then attack- or enjoyed. Thanks also to St Michael’s Indeed I hope you get through life without ing entire populations at large. Don’t get Church for being awesome. Unfortunately making an error of judgement and having me wrong, I love my iPhone, but can we we now go back to reporting on real events your integrity called into question. And stop there PLEASE! H.U.A.R (humansu- Published in Honi Soit, 1965 and real people by real journalists and real even if so, I hope it is not irresponsibly nitedagainstrobots.com) ghosts >03 Honi’s Guide to... News Wires Michael Krasovitsky, with this just in... The first ever news agency was estab- certain amount of coverage. Often, news lished in France in 1835, and was the agencies are important news providers Frank Hatley, from Georgia, Atlanta, original version of what we now know as in countries, conflicts or situations which spent 13 months in jail for non-pay- Agence France-Presse. It was established have extremely limited potential for media ment of child support, despite the by Charles-Louis Havas as a translating attention: for example, news agencies fact that that DNA tests subsequently company for the news, but soon began to were fundamental sources of information proved he did not father the child in cover news-worthy developments across during the secretive attempted disarma- question. At his trial, Hatley had re- France and Europe. Today, the news agency ments of Iraq’s supposed Weapons of ferred the judge to the ‘Billie Jean’ business is dominated by a handful of key Mass Destruction by Hans Blix’s US-led defence, claiming ‘the kid is not my 5 power players, notably the U.S Bloomberg, France’s Agence France-Presse, Germany’s Disarmament force in 2003. son’, but was rebuffed. Victims advo- cates groups are concerned that with 1965 - Rupert Murdoch y Deutsche Presse-Agentur, and the UK- Finally, news agencies also provide feature the death of pop superstar the impor- tant ‘Billie Jean’ defence will lose based, Canadian-owned Reuters. length explorations of current events, ) Ever come to end of a particularly excel- which go into more depth than their stand- credence in the eyes of law makers. lent article in your daily newspaper, only e to realise that it’s been written by some The relationship between the news finding wires and the news providers may appear ard “get the news out, and get the news out now” coverage. These features allow the During the Seretary of State’s recent trip n elusive and oddly named European such simple, but it is in fact incredibly compli- journalists of the agency significantly more to Africa, a Congolese University student as Agence France-Presse, Reuters or cated, and may take many forms. Firstly, room to explore the context surrounding asked Clinton what her husband thought - Deutsche Presse-Agentur? Or perhaps by news agencies may alert news providers, the event. about an international financial matter. h some unknown East Asian reporter, whose anglicised name, Xinhua News Agency such as newspapers, internet blogs, or Clinton responded “My husband is not secretary of State, I am. I am not going radio news, to certain going-ons, but not News wires, though incredibly efficient or Yonhap News, seems somewhat too provide them with any formal news. These in the rapid diffusion of current affairs, to be channelling my husband.” Repub- new-age for you? Well, behind these names tip-offs occur not only between news agen- have been criticised for providing a mo- lican leaders commented that Clinton are billion-dollar worldwide organisations, cies and news providers, but also in the nopolised version of current affairs, which should stop being such a stroppy hag, whose job it is to collate and diffuse the networks between these enormous agen- leaves little room for the emergence of new and that it was probably that time of the news across both borders and media types. cies: for example, the Australian Associ- sources. Furthermore, many news wires, month. These are the central news agencies of our ated Press has a binding relationship with particularly state-owned agencies such as world, our news wires. Agence France-Presse. China’s Xinhua News agency or the Infor- A 21 year old man in Belarus was mation Telegraph Agency of Russia have crushed to death by a massive falling News wires are, in many respects, the news Secondly, news agencies may cover a news been critiqued for offering a biased and statue of Lenin after he climbed it and ‘finders’. They are organisations of journal- event and then sell their news reports to politically driven version of the news. hung from its arm while drunk. This ists, photographers and media trackers eager-to-purchase news providers. This is brings the death toll of Lenin’s Com- that follow and report the news. They then the most common relationship between munist regime throughout Eastern sell their findings to media organisations news finders and providers. As an event Europe to 25,000,001. across the world, which use the informa- unfolds, newspapers and television stations tion and articles provided by the central buy coverage from an agency, which agrees news agencies to fill their papers. to follow a certain situation and provide a Sydney scores Revue launch Bond. Bush bonding. a High Court Alex Lee prevues the magic. Dave Mack and Carmen Culina go out back. justice Thursday night saw the launch party for “I’ve always had this idea that medicine the 2009 Revue Season, a night described and education students should hang out by some as “better than expected”. The more together at university, fall in love, get Abigail Lemon dissertates. night was hosted by Project 52 and drew married, move to the bush and end up with the usual bevy of revue cast members, a doctor and a teacher in one awesome hangers on and student paper editors, cir- package,” she said. cling the bar like vultures for free drinks. “If you’re a teacher and your partner is a The highlight of the night was the show graphic designer, you’ve pretty much got and tell element, where each revue did no hope in hell of moving to a remote com- a sketch and revealed their puntacular munity,” Ineke said. “I wanted to try and names, including A Collection of Short combine people from ‘in-demand’ profes- Storeys from Architecture and Science A new dawn for outback professionals? sions and hopefully send them off as pairs Revue presenting Jurassic Quark. Com- to work together in outback towns that merce, with Nightmare on Wall Street A number of Sydney Uni students from an need skilled professionals.” I have many leather-bound books started their sketch by apologizing for the assortment of faculties gathered to raise Justice Murray Gleeson, recently retired racist accents before it quickly became money and support for remote Australian In addition to health professionals, many Chief Justice of the High Court, will begin apparent that racist accents were the least communities with a night of drinks and outback towns across Australia are in dire teaching next month at Sydney Univer- of their worries. Science Revue peddled dancing at Manning Bar last Thursday need of teachers, veterinarians, engineers sity. Having complained in the past that out their secret weapon, Caitlan, who night. and even lawyers. universities neglected the teaching of in- bounced around on stage like an adorable terpreting statutes, Gleeson will be assist- Furby, whilst some first year law students About 150 students from the medical, vet- In July the Law Council of Australia made ing the University in developing a course displayed some amazing acting ability, erinary, nursing and education faculties in- note of the lawyer shortage in their ‘Rural of that nature. having to pretend to be in love with Daniel terested in practicing in remote communi- Regional and Remote Area Lawyers’ Lim. Arts announced that their show ties attended the ‘Bond for the Bush’ event, survey, which found 52% of the small Gleeson pointed out that his work at Murder on the Oriarts Express would be organised by the USU to raise awareness amount of lawyers in country towns felt Sydney would not be onerous (because he half sketch show, half murder mystery. about the critical need for skilled profes- they would leave a regional area in the next is a genius) and it was a way of keeping a The Med boys from Slumdog Medicare sionals to work in Outback Australia. five years. connection with the University. dressed up for the occasion in suits and scrubs, their song “It’s HIV” a comfort- Ineke Wever, a fourth-year med student The night raised over $1500 for the Aus- Michael Kirby, also a recently retired ing reminder that our future doctors have who works at Manning Bar, came up with tralian Indigenous Mentoring Experience High Court justice has accepted teaching been concentrating on studying and not the idea for the event with Union Board (AIME) as well as Sydney Uni’s Poche or course development positions at five perfecting comedy gold. Director Alex Houseman as a way to en- Centre for Indigenous Health. universities including Sydney. courage cross-faculty socialising for like- With a total of 8 revues this year, The Uni- minded students. versity of Sydney Union boasts the largest revues season in Australia. Tittilating cliterature Anna Leacock undresses the mystery of Period English wang. because it is extramarital, inter-class and closed on bedroom scenes. Perhaps society conventional’ sex, even whilst knowing explicit, controversially describing female prefers not to see sex so it doesn’t realise that sex really lies outside the sphere of enjoyment. We’ve moved on from thinking how absurd it is to censure certain forms convention? Maybe we have never thought some of these are taboo, but we’ve still got an act so inherently personal. Or perhaps for ourselves whether our awkwardness is our own ‘alternative’ forms of sex - usually because literature acts not as a mirror to perhaps an out-dated norm pressed onto in the form of behaviours within it - which society, but as a corset - showing an unre- us, rather than a limitation taken willingly we refuse to acknowledge. Peer condem- alistic image of society which people strug- after consideration. Sex is never shame- nation is so fierce and shaming that we are gle to fit into, and feel a misplaced sense of ful. It is totally illogical to place decorum afraid to openly acknowledge it and thus shame when they cannot. standards on something so natural. remove the taboo. Joyce’s sexual discreetness clearly did not Bringing ‘taboo’ sexual activities into the Richard Wronghole earns his nickname Once taboo words or ideas are fearlessly spring from any personal aversion to dif- open would be cathartic and cleansing placed in a public context in which they ferent forms of sex. If one looks at his love and would rid it of the shame to which Sex is probably the ultimate form of unre- demean nobody, we stop being shocked. letters to his wife Nora, they are filled with it currently clings. Shame is incredibly strained self-expression. So why do we try What’s more, we realise that in condemn- erotic and ‘unusual’ desires. Among other misplaced in the sexual act, and inhibits to regulate sexual behaviour through social ing their use, we were just strengthening things, he wishes to be punished by her, individuals’ development to maturity and stigma? Treatment of sex in books today an illogical social dictate without thinking describing his dream of her “with your individuality. Western society must mature is really not so very different to canonical for ourselves about whether it was appro- fat thighs far apart and your face deep red past its Christian roots and must reject works in the Modernist period. priate. We start to think about whether we with anger and a cane in your hand”, and social restraints on sex in order to achieve could even change its meaning to one more inciting her to defecate before sex. intellectual and emotional emancipation. In the 1950s obscenity trial of Lady Chat- appropriate. terley’s Lover, the Crown prosecuted Joyce must not have been the only man D H Lawrence for publishing an appar- It seems that sex is either described in with such desires. Somehow, what is made ently ‘obscene’ work of a tender love affair deadening clinical terms which reject its public in ‘cliterature’ is so very different between an aristocrat and her gamekeeper, inherent emotionality, or its description from the reality beneath. narrating their taboo relationship in inti- is denounced as obscene and gratuitous. We want your mate detail. In one scene, it describes how In conversations, it’s very rare to find sex Joyce’s love letters and Lady Chatterley’s LETTERS& ARTICLES Lady Chatterley “softly rubbed her cheek described in tender, appreciating terms. Lover reveal the existing, unacknowledged on his belly, and gathered his balls in her Lawrence wrote that in writing Lady Chat- sexual norms in society such as fetishes, So send ‘em in hand”. The prosecution believed the work terley, he tried to “make the sex relation consensual violence, the use of ‘offensive was a “vicious indulgence in sex.” Laugh- valid and precious, instead of shameful.” language’ and explicitness. Norms that we firstname.lastname@example.org able, or still the attitude today? Have opin- usually refuse to acknowledge in every- Submissions must include your ions really changed in our society regarding James Joyce was clearly constrained day discourse, leaving society in the dark name, year and faculty. ‘alternative’ forms of sex? in his descriptions of sex by his reader- shadow of historical religious binds. ship’s moral expectations. In Portrait of In Lady Chatterley, the sex is taboo the Artist as a Young Man, the curtain is Why are we still afraid of talking about ‘non- human language is a wonderful unique snowflake!? Well we’re gonna teach a chimp to do it! And guess what? We’re No. 2606 naming the chimp after you! How do you like them apples Chomsky?” Nim Chimpsky If Chomsky was worried that his life’s work would be disproven by a chimp with his Ben Jenkins stops monkeyin’ round to tell name, he shouldn’t have been. Although us about chimps. the boffins at Colombia did manage to teach Nim Chimpsky no less than 125 Is complex and nuanced communication signs, the results can be charitably de- an attribute unique to humans? Are we scribed as mixed. In fact you could go as somehow hardwired to pick up language, far to say that most of Nim’s communica- to seek out meaning, to make sense of tions sound, well, like a chimp who has signs and signifiers? Or is this trait simply been taught sign language. taught and learned? These questions can be answered with research, debate and painstaking schol- arship – or if you are Herbert Terrace of Colombia University, you could go out and buy a chimpanzee. If this sounds like the plot of a screwball comedy, that’s because it should be, and it would star Clint Eastwood and Jonathan Lipnicki and it would be terrific. However, what is actually being described is the makings of Project Nim. YOU DAMN, FILTHY APE! The execution of Project Nim was rela- tively simple; Step One – Buy Chimp. Step However, Terrace calls project Nim a Two – Name Chimp Nim Chimpsky as an success, citing an incredible 16 word insult to fellow linguist Noam Chomsky. sentence that he claims demonstrates a Step Three – Teach sign Language. Step complex use of language. The sentence in Four – Raise Nim Chimpsky as if it were question? “GIVE ORANGE ME GIVE EAT human. Step Five, kick back and wait for ORANGE ME EAT ORANGE GIVE ME the monkey to sign Hamlet. EAT ORANGE - ” and ending in a tantalis- ingly threatening “GIVE ME YOU.”. Sheer The central premise of Colombia’s study poetry. can be summarised like this; “Hey Noam Chomsky! You know how you reckon that Ancient Greece vs. Ancient Rome Sorting the wheat from the gaffe. The case for Romans is a great misconception. There’s really no point going into the reams of and technology, I hear you ask? Been on a road lately? Of course you have. Thank Finland’s Minister for Foreign Af- Greece great victories against Persia and between the Romans. Not to mention aqueducts fairs Alexander Stubb told Swed- Greek city-states beyond saying that the (“Actually, you’ll find water passages have ish language news broadcaster YLE Will Atkinson average first-year who ends skolling a long- a history long before the Romans ever...” that he does not plan to discuss neck with a frothy ‘Spar-taa!’ inadvertently Shut up, history nerd). the recent destruction of the Finn Trying to prove a historical moot point advertises the long-acknowledged Greek Church Aid clinic in Gaza by an Is- of long standing and extensive temporal talent for messing shit up, strategically. Not to mention, the Romans had swagger. raeli missile. Stubb said, “To be purview in three hundred words is a bit of Where Greece modestly went about with honest, why should I advertise Finn a stretch, as you can probably envisage. It Something as reliant on endurance in the city states & philosophers, Rome con- Chuurch Aid? It is a little bit like suffices me to say that the Ancient Greeks physical sphere as a marathon stands as quered the Western hemisphere, spawned ‘my Nokia was stolen, do you plan are to the ancient world what Bo Diddley a nice analogy for the lasting power of the philosopher kings and revelled in the kind to do something?’” Sure, it’s kind of was to rock ‘n’ roll – the originators. Greeks, in one form or another. From the of drama and suspense that not even excel- like that. Except instead of a stolen There’s no point in denying the influence Ptolemaic dynasties of Egyptian pharaohs lent HBO series or Hollywood blockbust- Nokia it’s an exploded health clinic. of the Romans and things they’ve done for to the Greek-speaking Byzantines, finally ers can do justice to. And you should do something, Al- us, to badly paraphrase Monty Python, but fading away in 1453, their influence spans exander! Geez. behind the glories of Rome lies, to a large from ancient times, though the birth of Greece is the smart kid that always showed extent, the sneaky cultural hand of the early-modern Europe, to the present day. some potential but peaked in high school. David Cameron has publicly rep- Greeks. Rome is the majestic empire which rimanded Tory frontbencher Alan stretched across millennia, with civilisa- Duncan, who whined that the af- So, what do we have? Philosophy. Political systems and theory that are still at the fore- The case for Rome tions as late as the 15th century tripping termath of the expenses scandal over themselves to have the honour of had forced MPs to live ‘on rations’. front of our contemporary thinking. Math- Sriram Srikumar being called Roman. Even today, America, Gaffeman overheard Duncan: ‘I ematics. Architecture. The beginnings of the closest we have to an empire, strives mean, the new wing of my castle was Western drama. The genesis of the literary If the original were the best, they wouldn’t to emulate the regal architecture, military going to be made of gold, but now I narrative and verse. An extensive system bother building a second version. In its discipline, political structure and sym- can hardly even afford my regular of religious belief and legend, providing scale, grandeur and longevity, the Romans bolism and even the very idea of empire caviar bath and my butler is making – incidentally – much of the foundations were the ancient world’s very necessary that came from Rome. Sure, Greece may me carry my own diamond encrust- of Roman belief. Organised sporting com- upgrade. Their capital city was home to have started some of these trends but the ed money clip!’ Tough times, Alan. petitions, and more – in short, without over one million people - it would take Romans made it look good. Not quite like the rations doled out question, a shopping list of the bases of over 1000 years before any other city during World War 2 in concentra- Western culture. in the world would get that big. Their Indeed, in our adoption of everything from tion camps. elite military discipline helped crush the political systems to language, we are all Any criticism of the military prowess of the “SPARTAAA” yelling testosterone chunks Romans now. Greeks in comparison to the world-beating that guarded Greece. What about science TA GOOUR.? m RUM@gma o il c 9 200 i hon Poor form from to be supporting Palestine!” Without the funding available through Union member- tion with a clear majority, despite his less- senior position in the SRC. This is yet more editors cannot edit Honi Soit for another 12 months. Law Revue ship, the Students for Palestine club will evidence of rumoured anti-Noah sentiment be unable, in their words, “to put on more from the internal ranks of NLS. In one corner we have a ticket currently The cast of Law School Musical will be events on campus.” The nascent Students Up against the NLS backed Russ? made up of Naomi Hart, Anusha Rutnam, hoping for an appreciative audience this for Palestine club claimed, much like the David Mack, Bridie Connellan, Diana week, but last Wednesday they proved to proposed WHIGSOC did when they too Tom Kaldor: who will no doubt seek to Tjoeng, Carmen Culina, Ben Jenkins, be less than exemplary audience members were rejected club status, that the Union’s outline the importance of his “independ- Henry Hawthorn, Joe Payten and Joe themselves at a Project 52 stand up night. Clubs and Societies Committee (C&S) had ence”, a status that becomes more nebu- Smith Davies. Rocking up halfway through the show provided “no explanation” for their deci- lous with every election. His involvement Also on the cards is a ticket comprised of without paying, the swarm of red hoods sion. Honi has heard, however, that Justin with Law Revue will be an asset however, Daniel Richardson, Ellen Smith, Steph stayed to watch a fellow cast member Simon, member of the Young Liberals and as he could well tap into the large cast and D’Souza, Daniel Swain, Michael Falk, perform a song, then all walked out loudly the then deputy chair of C&S believed the soon to be ‘impressed audience’. Brigit Morris, Nick Kraegan, Claire Burke, in the middle of Matt Watson’s stand up application was an attempt by the Socialist Timothy Vanderlaan: an unkown entity Anthony Faisandier and Alissa Nasti. routine. Alternative to secure more Union funding. from the Science faculty, and while not on Both tickets are strong and experienced, All-singing all-politicking board director This decision was apparently based on the Honi’s radar, Science has proven a breed- calling upon the usual base of Arts, Law Giorgia Rossi was asked to leave after fact that none of the ‘Students for Palestine’ ing ground for success in recent years, with and Meco students, with a hefty dose of loudly carrying on her conversation at the members were Palestinian, and the overall the current SRC President and this year’s debaters, Bull Editors and Honi reporters. bar through the first-time comedian’s set. membership was very similar to the Social- highest ranked Union Board Director both So if you’re seeing Law Revue this week, ist Alternative. from that faculty. Taking a different tack are a rumoured feel free to pay them the same courtesy and Patrick “Mas Poon” Masserani: a first year ticket from Writers Society, a group which walk out halfway through a sketch if you Arts/Law student from Paul’s College. apparently cropped up on Facebook a don’t know anyone in it. It’s only fair. Rise Senator! While Honi was impressed with his ability couple of weeks ago but has since been In an unusual show of disunity from to dole out drinks at Paul’s event, “Surreal taken down. No right of return faction-at-large NLS, (left wing of Young Sounds” earlier this year, a victory for the Labor) members Noah White, current SRC young candidate would seem unlikely. Hailing from the student politics end of Members of the proposed ‘Students for Unlikely, but not impossible - if Mass the ring comes a Labor Right ticket run President and Russell Schmidt, current Palestine’ club put up posters this week Poon can adopt previous college candidate by Philip Boncardo, which Honi hears SRC General Secretary both nominated protesting the Union’s rejection of their Duncan McKay’s vote-rigging strategy and includes Chris Massarani and Rachel Bar- themselves for Undergraduate Student application for club status. The posters not get caught he’ll be a shoe-in. tholomeusz. Finally there has been chat of Senator without seeking approval from the claim that their rejection has shown that both Mojo (2007) and Pulp (2008) coming factional powers that be. In an emergency “if you support anything from eating caucus called to decide which candidate 4 more years... back for another throw of the dice. chocolate to socialist revolution you can NLS would support, Russell won the posi- You wish. Unfortunately the current 10 get funding…the only exception seems Sydney Law Hoodies Online Crosswords No More Claire Burke laments the sacking of Fairfax’s Digital Puzzle Administrator Dave Mack is a law hoodrat. he can just decide that the whole Friday Converse. Wayfarers. Leather jackets. and ‘obiter dicta’ into everyday conversa- cryptic should revolve around a secret Havianas. Hoodies? tions. For example, “Have you seen the theme of 1970s horror films, online cross- latest Harry Potter yet?” word help is a beacon of hope for students The next step forward (or backwards) and retirees everywhere. for men’s fashion on campus is arguably “Yes, but I felt that it departed from a simple grey jumper that SULS was precedent in that, prima facie, there was I enjoy the traditional way of doing cross- spruiking last year but which have only a clear novus actus interveniens in the words as much as the next person: battling recently started to pop up around town director’s mens rea in abandoning the with the creases in the paper, cursing the now that people have actually summoned jus cogens norms of the book….Obiter The first domino in online censorship Sudoku for wasting precious scribbling up the courage to wear them. dicta.” “You’re an obita dick.” Hanging space, and sitting like a pretentious around the new law building at all times The Sydney Morning Herald has been a wanker at Manning, to let everyone know ‘SYDNEY LAW’, these hoodies proclaim is also a pretty good way to allow people reliable harbinger of bad news for several that I am infinitely more cerebral and in big, bold font like a pair of ostenta- to subliminally equate you with law – years. In its pages I have been alerted less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s one tious vanity plates. Traditionally, these and bad architecture. that the Twin Towers had been attacked, day, while their brains are rapidly turning jumpers are to be paired with jeans and a that Bear Stearns had collapsed, and that to mush. I don’t want to actually do the wry smile that exudes smugness. Additionally, carry your law textbooks Jackie-O had been seen to possess quick- crossword online, but I don’t think Fairfax around so they are clearly visible and not thinking maturity in the face of live broad- has the right to take away the only chance Like Moses parting the Red Sea, it seems hidden away in your bag. This basically casting. But never in my twenty-two years, we crossword snobs have to cheat and get the hoodies are designed to cut through extends Freud’s principle of penis envy did I think that Fairfax Media would be away with it. the throngs of students on Eastern and allows Arts students to marvel at so cruel as to announce the closure of its Avenue and leave them amazed by your the size of your Australian Constitutional online crossword puzzle service. Fairfax thinks it does. awesomeness. Law and Theory. I have nothing against law students. I What kind of newspaper can’t muster up One thing is certain. As of the 31st August, am one myself. I think SULS does great So, you’re a law student. Congratulations. the energy to update two symmetrical we will all have to change our understand- work. But this is simply too much. Now to learn the ancient art of modesty 15x15 grids each day? What happens to ing of the world we live in. The era of and discretion, because before you know those of us who get stuck on 25-across at freedom that was borne out of the collapse There is a procedure to these things. Em- it those pesky Med kids will come up 11.30am and then can’t do any of the other of the Soviet Union will be over, and it will blazoning your degree on your clothes in with T-shirts that proudly proclaim their ones? And why does Peter FitzSimons get be despite technology, not because of it. huge letters screams of both desperation IQs on the back and suddenly ‘SYDNEY so much column space? Disputes that would have taken only a few and hubris. Trust me: there are much LAW’ will become as ridiculous as a The rise of online news providers is obvi- seconds to solve will now linger into the easier and more subtle ways to let lesser ‘Gender Studies Major’ baseball cap. Ac- ously a growing problem for local news- following morning. Personal relationships university plebiscites know you achieved tually, I wanna get me one of those. papers. There is an understandable reluc- will become strained and fragile. Cross- a UAI of 99.6 (not that I actually did). tance to embrace online media, believing word writers everywhere will see it as the GOT A BEEF? the internet to be the path towards social revolution they have been waiting for, and Start by dropping words like ‘precedent’ email@example.com corruption and the devil. I understand this. seize your possessions for the State. However, in a world where ‘DA’ thinks Late Penalties Disney is brainwashing you Will Atkinson handed this in late, so we deducted 20% of his words. Dave Harmon is getting wildly out of wing. by the departments, is one that is seen to You Feel The Love Tonight’ – an anthem fall by the wayside with the system that of hetero-normative, socially-condoned already stands. love. Perhaps their greatest scorn, however, The villainous Scar is the only male lion is reserved for a system that has the ap- shown without a clear romantic inter- pearance, of organisation and set rules, est. He is drawn preening over his nails, yet allows markers to arbitrate on what dancing, and in what appears to be a deserves a penalty or not. Talking to neatly trimmed beard and heavy eyeshad- members of the History Student’s Society, More like Pride Cock ow for a lion: a clear signifier for the ho- I learned that many have experienced a mosexual deviant. One of only two British situation where their late essays - often A cursory examination of Disney’s 1994 voice actors in the piece (the other being Time’s up, Timmy four days or more beyond the due date - a nagging, foppish, effeminate nursemaid classic The Lion King shows it to be a trou- have been graded without penalty due to bling signifier of ingrained and heavily hornbill), his accent is used to put him at People familiar with Douglas Adam’s droll the quality of the work, often reaching high odds with traditional American linguistic hidden prejudices within the Walt Disney quote - “I love deadlines. I like the whoosh- distinctions. notions of masculinity, especially when company. ing sound as they fly by” - would probably compared to James Earl Jones. Scar is be a member of the vast legion of students Whilst not necessarily complaining, their the archetypal Richard III, his sexuality At a preliminary glance, the film fails the that at one point in their undergraduate views in retrospect are consistent with coded as deformity, a predator, a liar, a Bechdel-Wallace Test for having only career have handed in an assessment in tutors as to the issue of equity within the man of hidden associations and a clear three female characters, none of whom late, and had to face the marking penalties. system: it just appears they were lucky at and present threat to the ‘Circle of Life’ interact with each other in the course of In fact, a few people are guilty of multiple the time. (or, ‘Circle-of-life-through-the-sanctity- the film in any significant way. offences in this regard, and happily seem of-marriage-as-defined-in-the-bible-as- to reoffend every semester. This issue appears to be less of a problem between-a-man-and-a-woman’). The setting is a phallic, jutting outpost in in the University’s other faculties, who African pride lands (redolent with a sort It appears the case more and more that exact much higher penalties for late work. When Scar assumes the position of king of ‘Africanesque’ mysticism that helps the ill-defined nature of late penalties, and Students in Economics and Business note of Pride Rock, the skies darken, the crops give the film it’s flavour.) Society is patri- their often arbitrary application is demon- that their penalties are never set below ten wither and the people flee. This could archal and leadership passed from father strating the counterproductive nature of percent a day, and are most often set at a happen in America! is the coded message. to son. Every minority knows their place the current system. Instead of penalising Don’t let the homosexuals win! Don’t let and is happy to dance and sing for the the disorganised, or plain lazy, the light- the feminists win! Find our place in the amusement of its ruling caste. Mufasa ness of the penalty imposed and often, the path above! Know your place in the path raises his son on a doctrine of corn-fed marker’s unwillingness to subtract marks above! Think of the children! Even the truthisms and trickle-down Reaganomics from a well-written (albeit late) essay, sug- jerk, trendy, left-wing kids who shame (Let the lion eat the antelope today, and gests an unwritten and unmentioned ten- their parents by intermingling in the ghet- years later, maybe the antelope can enjoy dency to give the green light to a few extra toes and waste the manifest purity of their grass that grew from the Lion’s grave.) days of procrastination. genes by espousing half-baked Hawaiian In fact, by creating an Africa where the rich stay rich, the poor know their place philosophy! Eventually Simba is unable to New tutors, a few of whom I talked to, deny his purpose and returns to slay his and there’s not a single black person to be are actively reacting against a system evil, non-conforming uncle, impregnate seen, Disney has created its ideal Africa. they see becoming inequitable, in which his chosen bride and banish the second- marks don’t totally reflect the merit of the class citizens back to the third world they student. belong in. The movie ends with a montage it’s seven past three proving his virility and heterosexuality as What is the situation looking like at the his monkey priest hoists his young in the university? Students in the Arts Faculty penalty of 20%. The issue of self-organisa- air. All is once more right with the world! are privy to this disordered melange of ap- tion is evidently a greater focus for under- proaches to penalties, and some may have graduates of these disciplines, due to the Oh, and if you don’t agree with me on all experienced some creative approaches to difficulty in gaining Special Consideration, of this, you’re a fascist. marking themselves. and the the lingering thought that a piece of work five days late can’t be awarded a The English and SOPHI departments grade. stand as prime examples of a bureaucracy MORE laying down rules that are, on close obser- Jeremy’s iron FAsCisT As a personal aside, I must say that I’m se- CARTOOns vation, not strong enough to encourage a rially incapable of handing work in on time. Conversely, hyena society is matriarchial, culture amongst markers of paying atten- Like many students of Arts, the ability to ruled by a woman and coded with images tion to the real purpose of penalties. The strategically hand in work and exact marks PinKY & THE BRAin Repetitive reinforcement of death and instability. These outcasts website of the English Department notes from confused or uninterested markers is of the notion that any revolution will fail, despite are fit only to feast on bones, their society that the late penalty set for working days a skill I’ve been developing over my three the brilliance of party leaders due to the incom- corrupted by poverty, disease, famine and and weekends is a single mark. years at the University. petence, apathy and stupidity of the proletariat. inbreeding. The message: In a society ruled by women, even the land itself goes FERn GULLY A nature-loving, matriarchal tribe Whilst still a penalty, it becomes the case Am I in need of reform as well? Time will rotten. of magic-users is incapable of protecting their (and often a strategy) that a student can tell. home and must rely on a potent, white, Ameri- revise an assessment after the due date, Both Mufasa and Simba are coded as can male to protect them from a deviant, ef- improving to such an extent that it grades warriors, in fact the only figures mascu- feminate, ‘polluted’, possibly homosexual spirit higher than the work that would have line enough to fight for what is right (this called Hexxus and his greedy, lazy, stupid ex- been handed in on time. The late penalty, clusively Italian-American working-class allies. being of course, heterosexual masculine in effect, becomes redundant. New tutors rule). Scar takes over the pride lands by identified especially the issues of equity WiDGET Anti-scientific, ultra-christian text de- killing the father and banishing the son that come from such light penalties: first, We want your - the wives and daughters meanwhile are tailing how a blessed ‘child from the sky’ saves the notion of extra time without proper humanity from it’s own sins through a series of LETTERS& ARTICLES happy to fit into their genetically-coded deterrence constitutes an unfair advan- miracles while battling science-flavoured vil- tage, as well as the idea that markers So send ‘em in roles as providers, nursemaids and con- cubines for the king. When Nala decides lains ‘Mega Slank’, Ratchet and ‘Dr. Dante’ – the should grade assessments at the same latter an attempt to wed images of an infernal firstname.lastname@example.org that Scar must be stopped she does what afterlife with academia. Science-minstrel-figure time, to avoid issues of inconsistency in any good little girl does – goes to look for ‘Megabrain’ is useless and mocked for comic their marking. So too, the tutor’s notion Submissions must include your a man to fix the problem. When she finds effect. that self-organisation is an ‘academic, vo- name, year and faculty. a developmentally arrested boy she uses cational and life skill’, consistent with the DUCKTALEs Paddy O’Immigrant gets himself her femininity to turn him into a man expected attributes of graduates proposed some jew gold. and, over the celebratory sounds of ‘Can >10 The HCLUNIE O EX SIV Inimitable Phillip Adams Aleksandr Wansbrough talks to Phillip Adams about the left, God and Peter Singer. Phillip Adams, the famous left-wing fundamentalisms. But I think it’s been is can we push altruism harder and harder its citizens. However, we’ve returned to the atheist, is a remarkable man. Having more of a fad. Atheism thimbles away over and harder to diminish and erode the old days when Australians spoke in foreign made his money in advertising, he the centuries and occasionally puts its head tribal factionalism present in this world. accents. Jack Thompson has become helped start Australia’s film industry and over the battlements. excellent at a Texan accent and when launched the career of Bruce Beresford. You mention Peter Singer. What one sees Judy Garland on screen you can He hosts the ABC’s Late Night Live where Dawkins’ lot, who are spectacularly bad do you think of him and his bet she’s played by Judy Davis. It’s just a he has interviewed some of the world’s tempered about religion, are fooling Utilitarianism? disgrace to see overly famous, overpaid, greatest minds, and writes a weekly themselves because they’re motivated by Australian actors lining up on Oscar night column for The Australian. He is an Officer anger. They don’t understand what the Peter is a very didactic and very useful to win awards for playing Americans. And of the Order of Australia, won multiple religious impulses are and how powerful philosopher. He argues utilitarianism well praised for it. They should get their arses AFI Awards and been named one of the they are. And, I hate their war on decent but it discomforts people because of the back here. We wouldn’t accept it from nation’s Living Treasures by the National Australian painters if they all packed up Trust of Australia. More importantly, he’s and painted other people’s landscapes. also my godfather, writes Aleksandr Also, I don’t believe Wansbrough. one cent of our tax should go to the shooting Star Wars in Australia or to that How would you define the left? nonsensical hybrid - Baz Luhrman’s film Australia. The threadbare little world of the left consists of a half dozen Josephite nuns Over the years you have interviewed and what’s left over from the trade unions. many scientists. What do you think The left is defined by the right and that’s should be science’s role? got to change. One would have hoped that the global financial meltdown would have Last year I appeared on Compass and brought some rage back and that there coined the term “Faithiest”. Which means would be marches on campus. And for an I have faith in science. I defer to science instant we heard the vocabulary of words in the same way religious people defer to like socialisation, nationalisation not theologians. I can’t qualify the scientists’ invariably used as pejorative terms by the evidence, which means that I have to right. However it’s only been a frisson. trust them. I have known many scientists and they tend to be decent people. Those We on the left still wake up to think that who study physics or biology are the John Howard is Prime Minister and greatest minds. Not artists or novelists. that George Bush is in the White House The universe science presents us with is and I’m not entirely convinced he isn’t. Santa?! far more magnificent and mysterious than Unfortunately, it is a rather dull political that presented to us by religion. scene. I think the universities seem dull. I religious people trying to do the right thing. severity of his critique. His morality is so haven’t seen a good riot for ages. It’s always You think the help of the religious would be frightening because it is so simple. You never completed high school but a good sign if there are riots on campus. welcomed. If one wanted to create a united you are a prominent intellectual - front to fight the injustice against asylum Peter’s a bit of a saint. I often tell him he’ll with four honourary doctorates and What do you think of the attempt seekers, or for that matter the Indigenous end up like that monk who was killed in a Walkley Award . What place should by atheists like Dawkins, Hitchens, peoples of this country, often the people Italy during the Renaissance. Although education have in our society? Onfray, the so-called New Atheists, most willing to help claim to be motivated that monk was killed for burning paintings. to make atheism a political by their Christianity. I don’t think Peter is for burning paintings. It wasn’t by choice that I left school - it was movement? I’ll have to ask him what paintings he’d like expected that I get a job. I didn’t care about Now, Christians have been on both sides burnt. education because I never needed it. If I It’s been a long, delayed response of the fence when it comes to social issues. were your age now I can imagine queuing to Christian, Hindu and Islamic There were Christians who believed that Going from Peter Singer to the up at your university. That said, I have a Apartheid was the law of God and there Australian film industry is an large respect for those who are autodidacts. were ones who believed the opposite. incongruous shift, but given your A person who often sits near where Recently, theologians have discovered involvement in the creation of you’re sitting is Paul Keating. I think he’s hidden in their Holy Book some secret the Australian Film, Television tremendously intelligent but his education passages, probably written in vinegar, and Radio School, as well as the is nonexistent. That’s the philistine about saving the environment. Australian Film Commission, I must response though. Over the decades I ask - what is your view of our films have interviewed many professors who So, without God where do you get and the direction that our industry I admire. And I encourage the notion of your morality? will or should take? seeking the truth. I’m not entirely certain that’s necessarily what universities are for. Well we don’t really have a guidebook to Well, one often sees a small box come up I can guess that in many circumstances be elevated to the ranks of dogma. If you on the screen that “no animals suffered as universities don’t encourage that but rather read Dawkins or Singer, they provide an a result of this film” so Peter has become a want to churn out degrees. evolutionary account of where our morality film critic. Often one used to see in films, comes from. What we call ethics or morality in westerns, that they tripped horses with is hard-wired into us. We have empathetic, wire and one could see a horse go arse- altruistic and antithetic, aggressive over-tit. sentiments. I see the struggle in moral terms about pushing the feelings of altruism About the Australian film industry, there’s further and further and minimizing the a small enclave of Australian filmmakers impulse toward aggression. The question who are making films about Australia and >11 On any given Friday or Saturday night, The biggest concern with these large crowds Legally, a small bar is defined as one ‘with a can offer better control of their consumers hundreds of thousands of people pour is that they become difficult to control both maximum capacity of 120 people.’ Cultur- and the consumers’ drinking. into Sydney city to enjoy a night out. The inside and outside venues. At least half of ally, a small bar often seeks to cater to a pubs, clubs and bars that serve them form assaults in the city in 2007 were alcohol niche market or offer a genuinely different Despite all this, only three of the new small a powerful industry that’s been accused of related, with the city spending more than alternative. Be they to connoisseurs of a bar licenses have been granted in the past not doing enough to curtail violence, en- $7 million in dealing with violent crime. particular drink (Melbourne’s Gin Palace) twelve months. courage new entrants or cater to a diverse Clover Moore notes that there are ‘higher or venues committed to a particular activi- crowd. Regulating this industry involves levels of alcohol related crime in areas ty, specialised bars are the exception rather StuDENtS aND tHE DEMaND balancing many needs; creating a climate where extended-hour licensed premises than the rule in our city. Current proposed for SMall barS that encourages existing businesses to are concentrated.’ venues in Sydney include rooftop open-air innovate and new businesses to start up, cinema bars, tapas bars, themed clubs and Whether as a result of wishing to appear at reducing the rate of violent crime and The lack of specialised venues that cater so forth. the forefront of culture, or just wanting to building a vibrant culture that is worthy of to exclusive crowds is a second complaint. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// read a book or talk with friends in a more a global city. While the vibe at Purple Sneakers is unde- ‘We aren’t barbarians, but we don’t want intimate environment, the perception niably different to that at Kuletos and dif- to sit in a hole drinking chardonnay and remains strong that the student body pro- SYDNEY’S currENt ferent again to World Bar, most of the clubs reading a book’. vides a notable portion of the underlying DriNKiNg culturE that we go to offer a very similar package of //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// demand for small bars. goods: loud music and a variety of beer and With over 1900 licensed premises, many spirits. Interestingly though, some of the Over the weeks prior to putting this article of Sydney’s entertainment areas are satu- most successful bars don’t offer cavernous Small bars have unfortunately become together, Honi conducted a survey over rated with very little space for new venues spaces but rather a collection of small and somewhat of a cultural symbol, synony- Facebook to determine whether students to develop. The Big Three spots - Oxford intimate rooms across many levels that mous with scarves and pretentious litera- prefer small bars, and to identify which Street, George Street and Kings Cross each carry their own vibe. Venues such as ture. This is partly the result of the debate of these bars in particular are popular - are home to many of the city’s super the Ivy, Sugarmill and World Bar all fall surrounding small bars being focused in amongst Sydney University students. ‘SYDNEY HAS AN OUTSIDE-IN MENTALITY, MEANING THAT PEOPLE COME FROM AROUND SYDNEY IN clubs; multi-storeyed, one-size-fits-most into this category. “Sydney specialises in a ‘Sydney vs. Melbourne’ sterotypical di- The results generally corresponded to the establishments that bring in thousands destination venues”, argues Tom (name chotomy. The small bar representing the notion that small bars are the preferred of patrons a night. Other night spots like changed on request), a manager of a major cultured elite and the large bar reserved for drinking experience for students, with Glebe and Newtown’s King Street also offer hotel in the Cross. “It’s about having a big the masses. Jim Thorpe, head of the Aus- 64% of respondents noting their prefer- large bars that seek to pull in hundreds of night going out on the town.” tralian Hotel’s Association (AHA) noted ence, but revealed an interesting caveat in patrons every night. Many of these large with an inflammatory touch: ‘we aren’t the amount of people left over that didn’t bars are owned by mega hotel groups such tHE MiSSiNg PiEcE barbarians, but we don’t want to sit in a prefer small bars. It’s misleading, however, as Merivale (The Ivy, Tank, Slip Inn, Hotel hole drinking chardonnay and reading a to claim all students desire the intimate CBD) and Keystone (Bungalow 8, Cargo Despite the dozens of entertainment book.’ drinking scene. Bar, Sugarmill). centres and thousands of party goers, the ‘small bar’ has not yet flourished in Chris Lane, co-owner of Small Bar (the The question remains as to why students A common experience of the Sydneysider’s Sydney. first established under the new legislation), prefer small bars. Perhaps the idea of night out seems to be shouting over loud told Honi, ‘A small bar concept is a shift smaller venues standing as a direct reaction music and pushing through dense crowds. ‘Raise the Bar!’ is a campaign launched in mentality as much as a shift in legisla- to the culture of wholesale drinking that Clover Moore’s claim that Sydney’s enter- in 2007 that pushed for the inclusion of a tion’. Far from being exclusively the book larger establishments are seen to foster, to tainment districts feel like New Year’s Eve new license exclusively for smaller bars. A and chardonnay affair, small bars cater to a diversified drinking culture encouraging every night with excessively large, loud and version of this was legislated in mid-2008, a wide demographic and offer patrons an greater originality. dangerous crowds rings true to anyone costing $500 rather than the $15 000 opportunity to move away from the binge- who’s walked through the Cross in a sober for normal licenses. The hope was that it drinking and the ensuing violence that’s The nature of alcohol - related violence, too state. would make it more viable for small busi- been noted as characteristic of our bar - and the associated difficulties that people nesses to start up. culture. It is argued that a smaller venue often encounter on an evening out in Syd- >12 WHEN CLOVER MOORE’S NEW ALCOHOL LICENSING LAWS WERE INTRODUCED TO GREAT FANFARE IN 2007, AFICIONADOS OF SMALL BARS REJOICED. WILL ATKINSON AND SRIRAM SRIKUMAR EXPLORE THE REASONS WHY SYDNEY HASN’T SEEN A RISE IN THE NUMBER OF SMALL BARS WHEN ALCOHOL-RELATED VIOLENCE IS RAMPANT IN OUR DRINKING ESTABLISHMENTS AND OUR DRINKING CULTURE RUNS THE RISK OF BEING A ONE TRICK PONY. CAN WE GIVE THE SMALL VENUE A CHANCE? ney’s entertainment precincts - remains recently closed small bar in King’s Cross, be, was to have the ability to have a plate of everyone. In many cases, this is the more one of the clearest reasons for a change in Honi heard of the impact of a crackdown nachos and wait until things calmed down. economically sustainable option.’ Sydney’s drinking culture. by the City of Sydney Council to levels of As it appears, that option of addressing violence in the Cross. the threat of violence is no longer open to Violence, then, though endemic in larger The most popular bars survey participants //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// patrons. bars, is simply a factor that patrons are identified were the Different Drummer on Despite the shift in legislation, only willing to put up with in their pursuit of a Glebe Point Road, Madame Fling Flong’s three of the new small bar licenses Raise the Bar! revealed to Honi a similar good time. Indeed, this rings true with the and Kuletos on King St and well-known have been granted in the past twelve perception for owners of the difficulty of 36% of surveyed students, who much pre- local pubs, some not necessarily small, like months. obtaining a license for small venues: relying ferred the larger venues and perhaps even the Courthouse in Newtown and the Nag’s //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// on both a D.A. from the relevant council some of them who perceived venues such Head in Glebe. The geographical proxim- and a license from the state government, as Cargo as offering ‘small bar’ spaces. ity to Sydney University is an interesting Opened in 1984, Deans traded until 6am the process is costly, prone to delay and a point: revealing, in a sense, how small bars without incident, according to Drew major sticking point for potential owners. are ‘ghettoised’ in proximity to their cus- Bulner, the licensed premises inspector for Lane’s positive view of the new legislation The tragedy in the debate over Sydney’s tomer bases. the City of Sydney Council. A recent crack- is tempered by the time consuming nature drinking culture and the demand for small down in regulating licensing forced the en- of preparing an application for a license, bars is that the current legislation, licens- Furthermore, the definition of a small bar forcement of Deans’ original development with the need to fulfil criteria imposed by ing process and lobby groups create an varied quite considerably in the replies - application (D.A.) which identified a 12 Community Impact Statements and the atmosphere where a litmus test for the from people classifying places like Cargo am closing - contrary to what both owner like being a drawn-out process. demand – to see whether Sydneysiders Bar as ‘small’, to Burwood RSL, and ‘your and council had practised for 15 years. could sustain a culture of small venues – mum’ (she says hello). For those not clog- Understandably, the closing time enforced The increasing demand for diversify- isn’t available. Even though the culture ging our inboxes, the identification of parts by the council became uneconomical for a ing Sydney’s drinking culture with small of Melbourne, which strongly colours the of ‘multiplex’ style venues like Ivy and bar that received the bulk of its guests at bars is argued for as a bulwark against Sydney debate, took ten years to develop, it World Bar as small bars, could point to 9.30pm onward, and it subsequently had alcohol-related violence: the Raise the Bar! stands that the few examples of small bars EY INTO THE CITY FOR ENTERTAINMENT... THEY ARE NOT GOING TO TREK IN FOR A SMALL BAR’. the embrace of large complexes that offer a to close. movement reflected the point that it’s far in Sydney – some of which students might collection of small, intimate spaces. easier for small venues to responsibly serve be familiar – have been mostly successful. The negative experience of legislation and alcohol, and like the owners of Deans, ‘de- As a means of diversifying our sometimes The DifficulTies of sTarTing the licensing process for Deans is, however, creasing crowds helps ease the tension’. mundane drinking habits, and standing a small Bar not necessarily the norm. Chris Lane of as a method for combating alcohol related Small Bar, who applied under the new Tom, the manager of a major hotel in Kings violence and irresponsible service, small The running debate over relaxing licensing system, noted that it ‘pretty much opened Cross, understands this point in theory, but bars are a valuable idea and should be en- laws to create an atmosphere conducive to the door for us to start our business’, re- characterises the nature of Sydney drink- couraged to open alongside the large bars starting small bars has continued between flecting positively when asked about the ing as an ‘outside-in’ mentality. that we so dearly enjoy. organisations like Australian Hotels Asso- future he sees for small bars in Sydney. ciation (AHA) and small bar lobby groups ‘The City is an entertainment hub with it like Raise the Bar! Much of Deans’ frustration with its man- unlikely that suburbanites would travel in dated closing time of 1am, as a result of the for a big night. They are not going to trek The situation is characterised by a confu- crackdown, is the converse way in which into the city for a small bar, that isn’t ap- sion between the goal and impact of legis- such measures actually foster violence: pealing. They will travel as long as they get lation. Laws aimed at encouraging smaller seeing ‘loads of people’ on the streets of the a big, splashy experience. With that big bars and actions taken to prevent the rise Cross at 2am, is, as the owners said, a recipe splashy experience comes the assumption of violence have often acted counterpro- for disaster, when everyone is attempting that Sydneysiders just aren’t interested in ductive to each other. to find their way home and taxis are thin niche drinking offered by smaller venues.’ on the ground. Some argue that the beauty Talking to the previous owner of Dean’s, a of the small bar model, like Dean’s used to ‘Sydney venues try to be something for >13 Neglectful We Hacked Gangrene parents claim Into NME’s polling better TIM BAILEY they were Database than Malcolm “giving the Daniel Swain gets into the mind of a wanker Turnbull child space” Daniel Richardson polls well James Colley is a conspiratorialist With a Herald/Neilsen poll released yesterday showing that 82% of Austral- From spanking to chores to shootings, ians would rather have gangrene than the punishment of children has always Malcolm Turbull as their Prime Minister, Dear Diary, been an ethical hotspot. Shocking recent deep rifts within the Coalition’s ranks are reports uncovered by the United States’ now beginning to show. Today’s forecast: windy with the chance of a storm. Tim’s angry. National Adolescent Services Agency (NASA) has detailed the elaborate and Turnbull, a man always despised by the sickening lengths to which the parents of right wing of his party, is now having to My job is really trough. And despite generations past punished their children. placate those who see him as being too my friendly demeanour, I hate the moderate. Allegations are coming thick viewers – summer really mean. When A particularly harrowing and recently and fast that the Member for Wentworth I’m frustrated I ask them, “You know released report details 40 year old events has promised the Right a tougher stance Mt. Everest? Why don’t you climate!” which entailed a child found floating in a stance on social issues such as abortion Zing. Predicting the weather isnow capsule in the Pacific Ocean. The child, and gay marriage. According to one Coali- walk in the park. It’s a high-pressure who is identified as Neil A., claimed he tion source, “Turnbull has been playing system, with a great chance of clouded was on a “time-out” and had been sent tonsil Hockey with the left for too long, it’s judgement. Plus you’ve got to create away by his parents for leaving his room Smokin’ schnozza time he Broadbent himself over and got the right atmosphere. I try to do that by “all messy”. ready for some Brough treatment.” always having little kids around, which the mothers love – they seasons and The report goes on to detail Neil’s recount Initially, I wasn’t sure whether I would Said the the same source, “...six weeks ago daughters running about on TV having of his awful journey. Experts claim the enjoy this slim volume by Michael Cun- he wouldn’t even have a Peacock at their a great time, like this one sun, ray, who child must have experienced severe psy- ningham. On one hand it is a book about Bishop, now he wants to Tuckey it so far played twister with me. We were tide up chological torment evident in the way his AIDS, Virginia Woolf and lesbianism. up his Bushby that I’m wondering if he’s in knots. Or Hugh, he was a good buoy stories slipped into outlandish fantasy. Win, win, win. On the other hand it was got the Payne threshold to Holt out for but too talkative – I had to stop humid The traumatised child believed he had featured on Oprah’s Book club, and then long enough.” sentence. been to the moon with his best friend – made into a movie by the guy who directed who was described as some form of an- Billy Elliot. Then again, that film starred “It’s obvious that he wants to go Downer But I still do it, and I’m awesome. I’m thropomorphic bee. Meryl Streep and was only shown in inde- on us, ” said another Opposition source, so good at predicting the weather I’ve pendent theatres. I soon realised that this “the question now is whether we even made the technology obsleet. All hail However, in a bizarre twist – the testi- was a book so complex that I would have Truss him to do it...” Indeed speculation Tim Bailey, I rain over weather land as mony of his parents verified some of the read it first, then review it. is rife about who, if anyone, will replace the Prince of Precipitation, the King of claims of the child. They confirmed that Turnbull in the coming months. Names Conditions – I’m hectic like hectopas- young Neil was indeed sent on a “time- I suspected I would have enjoyed more under consideration apparently include cals, first at five. out” but claimed it was “at the order of had I read it in 1999 just shortly before it Joe Hockey, Tony Abbott and the much- the President of the United States”. John won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. Then I talked-about radio host Kyle Sandilands. But I never get any credit. It’s always, F. Kennedy was unavailable for comment could have said: ‘I imagine this book will One Opposition backbencher said that “Look at his hair! Look at his glasses! and the claim was dismissed. win the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction’ and sub- after the UteGate scandal, Sandilands’ Look at his tan!” Fuck. I’ve got to deal sequently had my prediction validated. ability to unearth improper dealings with that stuck-up Ron Wilson. The pro- John Glenn, an expert in cases of extreme It would have been a safe bet: one of the --“even if they were with twelve year old ducers have always seen our hostility child neglect, suggested that Neil’s story characters has AIDS. girls”-- is becoming increasingly appeal- as a storm in a teacup; they think they may not be an isolated incident, claiming ing to some prominent Liberals. “That’s sea level headed men at work. But icy a “they were sending [children] away left, Now sitting here, in 2009, typing on certainly one way to penetrate the youth cold front waiting to shower pain. At last right, and centre. We must have handled my iBook in a small cafe-cum-vintage vote…” added another, smiling sadly. year’s Christmas party I was so hot un- at least 12 cases of this nature”. clothes-outlet in Leichardt I can only view der the collar I warned him, “be careful this book detached from all that initial Sandilands isn’t the only unconventional or I’ll throw my temperatya.” I wanted Unfortunately, like many of these stories hysteria. I am of the unshakable opinion name being considered by an increasingly to shove the north pole so far up his arse there was no happy ending for poor Neil, that this book did not deserve to win the despondent Opposition, three members of even the Fremantle Doctor wouldn’t be who remained apologetic upon his return Pulitizer Prize for Fiction. It is, after all, the Right faction are allegedly caucusing able to help him. I remember Wilson and adamant that he’d “never do it again”. popular and stocked by Dymocks. Not that for returned Iranian President, Mahmoud saying something about dropping a Neil is believed to be still living in the one takes any notice of the shallow acco- Ahmadinejad to be put on a short list for BOM on me but I foget what happened United States and has expressed no desire lades of the conservative establishment. interview. While the federal Liberal Party after – I must have tripped Autumnthing to recant his incredible story. Clearly, the would be unlikely to admit an Iranian to like that because when I woke I felt a bit psychological scars of this event are tragi- The Hours is postmodern and so while so much as a fundraiser under normal winded. When they asked if I was drunk, cally permanent. I was reading it I couldn’t help thinking circumstances, as one Opposition source I told them isobar. I’ll get him. of all the other postmodern books I’ve put it, “desperate Pynes call for desperate The National Adolescent Services Agency read such as those by Pynchon, Mitchell, measures...” So I feel mostly fine but a little isolated. expressed deep regret at the tale, but have Calvino and Coetzee. It’s probably best Sometimes I feel a little depressed – I warned there has been suggestions that to leave those comparisons unexplained Views on Ahmadinejad within the Liber- once went to Fisher to borrow books such unbelievable punishments may be since it is unlikely that you have read all of als are as split as the party itself. Opinions about mental health but cyclones are on the rise again. A source who wished to those authors. are starkly divided between those who feel only available to students. Thank God remain anonymous hinted that the presi- the President’s electoral strategies, like Sandra Sully’s kickin’ about the office, dential order alluded to by Neil’s parents I felt the book fit comfortably into the voter fraud and police intimidation, are she breezes in like the hot north-west- may indeed have been real. The source ironic millennial queer fiction milieu of an “appealing option”, and those who feel erly she is. also suggested “there have been whispers recent years but could also be character- they are the party’s “only hope”. of another proclamation of this nature ised as a classic palimpsest-driven literary Besides if I left, I’d be hugely mist – so from the [Obama] administration”. epistemic thinkpiece. My iconoclastic I’ll stick around for a little longer, Bailey Needless to say, it is the responsibility of critical mind transcends genre anyway. out. the parents to put their children first to ensure that never again will such barbaric Did I mention it’s about AIDS? Paul Mackay acts occur. >14 Laughter Clubs PIMP YOUR RIDE Sriram Srikumar snickers. into a gang of people who’d lost all control HYPOTHESIS of their senses. Soon enough though, you Laughing clubs are not a local peculiarity. To take your nanna’s ‘89 Holden and calm down and start seeing the funny There are tens of thousands of clubs in over turn it into a fully sick babe-mobile. side of it. From that point on, there’s no 60 countries. They’re all based on a simple stopping. No matter how cynical you are, concept. The body cannot tell the differ- EQUIPMENT I challenge you to stand amongst all this ence between natural laughter and forced 1 x hand-me-down Holden, with 45,000 free flowing laughter and not crack up laughter, so forced laughter is just as good kilometres yourself. for the body and mind as spontaneous 2 x blue lights that you can use to illumi- laughter. Madan Kataria first formalised nate the road under your car The sessions are pretty informal with one and developed this concept into a yoga 1 x marginal ethnicity, whose identity of the members usually taking the lead and routine, with the first club forming in 1995 can only be expressed through the art guiding the group through various laugh- Mumbai, India. Laughing is said to have form that is the car ing exercises (chicken laugh, Aloha laugh, many health benefits from lowering blood 1 x disco ball, to be used in lieu of car clam laugh, high society, mad scientist....). pressure to oxygenating blood, improving light Members come and go during the session muscle flexion and stimulating the release Ready... set... LAUGH! 4 x pleather coach cover with around 10-20 people attending on of endorphins, the chemicals which cause 1 x 5mx5m fish tank full of exotic fish to Meet up regularly in a public space, stand the day that we visited. The laughing club us to feel happy. impress your lady friends in a circle and start laughing for no reason. are a known feature of Saturday morning Simple. Nuts. Honi couldn’t resist and in amongst the locals- they’ve been running So when laughing club participants laugh METHOD the name of duty I headed down to Camp- weekly since 2001. and claim to be the “healthiest, happiest, 1. Choose an era. Just as you may de- erdown Memorial Park on a Saturday most beautiful people in the whole wide cide to decorate your kitchen in say, a morning to experience Laughing yoga. I’ve spent 13 weeks with tutorial groups world” at the end of their exercises, it might French Classic style, or with a Period of 10-20 people and left at the end of the well be a self fulfilling prophecy. British motif, picking a historic influence I expected the whole thing to feel a little semester with zero connection to any one is absolutely central when pimping your silly and lame. I got over the “too cool” at- of them. After just one hour of laughing ride. While of course, 1990s Harlem titude pretty quickly and was sucked right with people who I’d usually never associate continues to dominate many pimping in to the spirit of things. I was warned with, I felt at ease and comfortable chatting attempts, other periods of choice are before we started that the laughing can feel away to them. Something about laughing, 1970s Disco New York and 1930s Jazz pretty ritualistic at first. Understatement. while unnatural and forced at first, really Era New Orleans. When everyone started walking around breaks the ice and seems to allow your and laughing on command, it was a surreal mind to build connections with people. 2. Pick up your materials. Many rides moment. It really felt like I’d wandered are pimped with the flashiest gadgets, most cutting-edge pyrotechnic materi- als and priciest lighting. In view of this, it’s important to try and outdo all of your Fight Scenes on Film fellow pimpers with the most expensive and most blingy additions. Get crea- > Wesley vs. Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride (1987) tive: why not add a judo floor instead of A masked man has clambered over a cliff in search of a beautiful woman, to find a Spaniard waiting to kill him. They the back seats, so that you can stay in chat. And then they fight. The swordplay is stunning. The scenery is resplendent in all its Styrofoam glory. But best shape? Or a moat around the driver’s of all is the how the two trade a flurry of blows without raising a sweat, though their suave and charming banter seat? These nuanced features will not raises plenty of eyebrows. These guys are unflappable! And the twist? Both of them are not left-handed! Diabolical. only impress your soon-to-be-wood Honourable mentions to Indigo Montoya vs. The Six Fingered Man and Wesley vs. Vesini in the Battle of Wits. women, they’ll actually add 3 to 4 inches to your penis. > Tyler Durden vs. Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999) 3. Organise a marketing campaign. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. So says Tyler Durden, to a mild mannered insomniac in a parking lot. In the What’s a pimped ride without at least fight that starts Fight Club, every punch lands and their impassioned rage at nothing in particular is palpable. Plus, 15 minutes of gossip alongside it? You this awesome scene becomes even more diabolical once the killer twist is revealed. Spoiler alert! There’s nothing want your new ride to be the belle of the like the old ‘the two main characters are actually two personas of one guy with split personality disorder’ punch line. ball, the talk of the town. To achieve this, Beats the hell out of ‘Then they woke up and it was all a dream’. Honourable mention to Edward Norton beating up start subtly dropping the fact that you’ve himself in his boss’s office to get himself fired. So hectic. Oh and FYI everyone: You are not special. You are not a recently pimped your ride into conver- beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. sation. Make sure these comments are classy, hidden, tantalising. For exam- > Jets vs. Sharks, West Side Story (1961) ple, if asked, “So, whachu get up to on Clicking, slicked back hair, dancing and simmering racial tension: Every time the Jets and the Sharks go ballet the weekend”, one might answer, “Well slipper clad toe to ballet slipper clad toe, their nimble antagonism makes for glorious fight scenes, backed by swing- good sir, I in fact was kept busy by my ing, smooth jazz of Leonard Bernstein. Every encounter is charged with song and passion, since when you’re a Jet, darling Leticia. She’s always ready to you’re a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette til your last dying day. Swell. go, she always want more. She’s insatia- ble! She’s a car.” > The Bride vs. 88 ninjas, Kill Bill Volume One (2004) Uma Thurman takes out 88 ninjas armed only with a sword, a yellow jumpsuit and some old fashioned rage. This CONCLUSION scene showcases Tarantino at his best, complete with outrageous amounts of blood spurting from the hacked-up As Shakespeare said, “the blingier the bodies of anonymous ninjas. Uma Thurman never loses her composure, except when she faces the last remaining pimp, the hotter the ho”. True to his ninja. She gives him a spanking because that’s what you get for fucking around with Yakuzas! Well, it is. place in the canon, Shakespeare’s com- ments are right on the money. As rides got pimped, this reporter could hardly > Nick DiMarco vs. Stingray, Undefeatable (1994) fend the women off. Kristie Jones is in a street fighting gang to earn money for her sister’s college education. When serial rapist, Sting- ray, kidnaps Kristie’s sister, she tracks him to a warehouse with the help of buff police officer, Nick DiMarco. Nick and Stingray fight and it’s so horrific that it’s a bit awesome. Not satisfied with hiding their ripped bods underneath shirts, they tear each others’ shirts off completely unnecessarily and grunt more than outrageously than Monica Seles. The fight ends when Stingray takes a meathook to the eye. He then gets lifted by the eye socket, by the meat hook, which was part of a some kind of pulley system. Kristie says scathingly, ‘We’ll keep an eye out for you, Sting- ray’. Nick adds, ‘Yeah. See ya.’ Get it? Because he got his eye poked out?! Amazing revenge banter. >15 PRESIDENT’S REPORT Report of the SRC President, Noah Whiteemail@example.com I was hoping that Semester As I mentioned in my report last week, the SRC managed to get major changes affordable student accommodation on campus. It was also one of the issues GUS’ KITCHEN two would be through that relate to making it easier for that I felt that resonated with students This week I have another guest earlier than students to balance their work and study the most. kitchen column. My good friend my semester commitments. This includes increasing Gus informs me that the inspiration one was but the maximum time a student is allowed Unfortunately it is also one of those for this dish comes from his long unfortunately to defer to two years (it is currently one issues for which there is no silver bullet term lover Trashbag Williams. it is busier if year). and something that with even the most anything for committed University administration is Pesto Sausage Penne the SRC. Because there is so much going International Students going to take a long time. This Eurasian pasta hit is quick on I thought I would give you a quick The SRC is currently, in conjunction with and cheap to prepare. It is very run-down of the things that I have been the National Union of Students running I now sit on the University’s student tasty – so much so that many have involved in, this semester. a campaign for international student accommodation task force, which has been known to over-eat this dish to welfare. The focus of this will be on been charged with finding a solution to the point of sickness. Like all good Academic Board Policy transport concessions for international the problem. The University has set a things, this dish is best eaten in The Academic Board is undergoing an students. target of increasing the amount of student moderation. extensive review of many of its most accommodation by over 6000 beds by important policies. This includes the For this campaign there are two major 2014, which is a huge task. The main 1 bottle of pesto sauce special consideration policy (and special events coming up. First the SRC has problem boils down to space; there is 6 sausages (best to use sausages arrangements), plagiarism policy, organised a forum and free BBQ on not much land for the University to build with spice, like Thai chicken sau- “students at risk” policy as well as a few the issue. The forum is at 12pm in New on. After a bit of pushing from the SRC sages) others. Law School Lecture Theatre 106 on this is a problem that the Uni has taken I packet of penne pasta Wednesday 19th August and will be an active role in and it is assessing all of Parmesan cheese (for topping) It is extremely important that the SRC attended by the Vice Chancellor. its options in terms of buying land within keeps an eye on how these policies are a reasonable distance from the Uni. Fry six sausages in a pan and then changed because, although you have On September 2nd the SRC will be cut them into bite-size chunks. most likely never heard of them, they are organising a rally that will start at Sydney The University will also be conducting While you are cooking your sau- policies, which will effect students on a University at 12pm. The aim of the rally a survey to assess the demand for sages, boil water and cook pasta day to day basis. is to present a petition to parliament affordable student housing and other till al dente. demanding that international students types of student housing and this will Major changes include making it more are given a fair go when it comes to feed into the University’s planned When pasta and sausages are flexible for students to organise alternate travel concession. construction. The SRC’s position is that cooked, put the pasta into a large assessments or extensions for minor the University should be aiming to be saucepan. Then include the full assessments and making sure that Student Accommodation able to provide every first year student jar of pesto sauce and the sausage faculties are timely with their responses When I ran for president in the elections who would like one, a bed in affordable chunks and then stir it all together to students so that appeals and alternate last year, one of the policies that I spoke student housing. thoroughly. exams don’t stretch into the next about a lot was to campaign for the semester. University to increase the amount of Serve straight away with parmesan cheese. EDUCATION REPORT Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryanfirstname.lastname@example.org fellow students. They are discriminated into issues surrounding international and domestic students. Students are against on the basis of race on a daily students. The looming state government engaging with this campaign who may basis as a direct result of the policies of elections mean that we could be looking never have attended a protest or stepped our government, universities and the rac- at a Liberal state government the next foot inside the SRC. We believe it has ism in our universities and our society. time around, which will shoot down the potential to be far more effective and International students are often coping any chance for progressive change in on a far larger scale than anything other with the financial pressures of exorbitant our state. Rallies held in response to the student campaign in past years. tuition fees, no transport concessions and racist attacks last semester proved that exploitive tenancy arrangements. there are large numbers of international The rumblings of discontent over these students spearheading the campaign. issues of basic equality are being felt This Wednesday there will be an infor- Due to only being allowed to work 20 throughout NSW universities. Get active mation session on International Students hours a week they are forced into cash As the SRC education officers we have and get involved. Come to the information and Transport Concessions with speakers in hand jobs which are often subject to been running a stall outside Carslaw and session on Wednesday and stick around including our very own Vice Chancellor poor working conditions. However, they speaking to students about all of these for a free BBQ and chat afterwards. Drop Michael Spence. Anyone who is inter- are unlikely to do anything about this issues. While the response has been by the stall outside Carslaw and sign our ested in ending the grossly unfair condi- workplace exploitation because of lack overwhelmingly positive, there is the petition. Come to the Education Action tions foisted upon international students of knowledge awareness of their rights occasional student who dismisses any Group which meets every Tuesday at should come along; and fear of the repercussions of breaking involvement with the campaign with; 1pm on the Front Lawns/ Chancellor’s their visa requirements. It is a vicious “But I’m not an international student.” Lawns. See you there! International Students and Transport cycle of exploitation and racism fueled There are others who question our Concessions by government policy which seeks to involvement with the campaign; “But treat these students as cash cows. And you’re not international students.” Both Wednesday 19th August (Week 4) it’s time it came to an end. these statements are ludicrous. Since when did we dismiss issues of gross 12pm New Law Building So why push for something like transport inequity and racism in our society simply concessions now? The issues faced by because we did not belong to the group Lecture Theatre 106 international students have been scruti- directly affected? nized by the media ever since the attacks Free BBQ on the Law Lawns afterwards on Indian students last semester. The campaign for transport concessions International students contribute millions is genuinely exciting and I think this of dollars to our state government yet The federal education minister, Julia stems from the fact that it is being driven are not afforded the same rights as their Gillard, has announced an inquiry by a grassroots force of both international >16 GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidtemail@example.com For those who haven’t been tuning in stroppy about the state of things. The (say that 20 times!) will take over your collective and the anti-racism collective week-to-week, a couple of weeks back whole student movement seems to have life. You have to recognise that the (to name just a few) which deal with I wrote about getting involved in repre- been slightly tainted by the supposedly movement is more than the sum of its issues specific to those campaigns. The sentation on campus and how important nonchalant attitude of students in the parts and everyone has their part to play; collectives are open spaces that open it is that a diverse group of people get naughties, but its something that is still you don’t have to fail University in order discussion up to all interested parties in involved in advocating the views of sorely needed. The student movement to care about the state of our society. order to set the direction for the overall students to the university. This week I has been at the cutting edge of political campaigns being run by activists on the want to write about the student move- developments in environmentalism, Whilst many of you would think that ground. ment and getting involved outside of the civic rights and the peace movement and the SRC and NUS run only education formal structures of the University. has pushed for everything from legalising focused campaigns, that would in fact, The student movement is built off the drugs to ending war. turn out to be false! There are a number collaboration of all the different collec- The SRC obviously has a role to play of groups on campus involved in po- tive of the SRC and they come together in facilitating engagement with the If you aren’t particularly radical and the litical struggles which don’t tend to focus for demonstrations and to raise public University, but its other major role is as idea of participating in the long march on education. There are autonomous awareness. If you have an interest in the leading on-campus organisation in toward socialism doesn’t tickle your women and queer collectives meaning coming to a collective meeting, please the student movement, both on campus fancy there are a whole raft of other they are only open to people who iden- do not hesitate to come to the SRC and and across the country. Students are the campaigns to participate in, for example tify as women or queer respectively that ask when and where the relevant collec- group of people in the community best the campaigns against the CPRS and the deal with issues specific to both groups tive meets and we will be able to point situated to push for social change; they campaign against the NT Intervention. of students. In addition, there are also you in the right direction. have time, they tend to use perception Another misconception is that getting non-autonomous collectives such as the altering drugs and generally like to be involved in on-campus activist activities environment collective, the education WOMEN’S REPORT Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingleyfirstname.lastname@example.org - This week written by Monique Ewen On the ferry, the mothers with their We talked of giving birth. The way it is controlled by masculine modes of have come from other women (though babies strapped to their stomachs make mis-represented in film. After she had knowledge.” other women may transmit them) and arrangements for the transferral of prams; her baby she was angry with all the films all of which have floated invisibly about folded up, carried onto the ferry. A wom- she had even seen with a birth scene. “As far as I’m concerned,” she said. “It’s her since she first perceived herself to an in earth coloured cloth says goodbye All we get, she said, is the image of the women’s business. It’s got nothing to do be female and therefore potentially a to her friends. They try to get a smile out screaming woman panting on the bed, with men. So why are most obstetricians mother.” (1976, Of Woman Born, NY; of the baby. Its head wrapped in a green and the man standing by, fists clenched men?” WW Norton & Co., p. 61-2) woollen beanie. The mother’s eyes are not knowing what to do. The room is beautiful and almond shaped, her lips all white and clean, and full of doctors “Women have been both mothers and pink and pretty, her teeth crooked. – it’s not like that, there’s blood all over daughters,” writes Adrienne Rich. “But everything. Her partner said it was hor- have written little on the subject; the The ferry pulls away from the wharf. rific. And it was, she said, it was bloody vast majority of literary and visual im- We begin talking, this mother and I. She and gross but what she felt in her heart ages of motherhood comes to us filtered is from the mountains. We talk about was beautiful. Nothing could feel more through a collective or individual male dancing: ferry drivers, public transport, natural. consciousness. As soon as a woman moving house, giving birth, smiling ba- knows that a child is growing in her bies. We catch the train together. I help “Adrienne Rich writes about mother- body, she falls under the power of theo- her with her pram. We say goodbye. I hood.” I said; “About how our ideas ries, ideals, archetypes, descriptions of never learnt her name. of mothering, birth, and babies are her new exitence, almost none of which ASK ABE SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry 9660 5222 or email@example.com Dear Abe, Dear LA, I am in a difficult financial position. I There are many things to consider here. Consider also that you may be able to get need to move out of my mother’s house If it is possible for you to get Youth emergency accommodation while you because she is an aggressive person. I Allowance it may be possible to move sort all of this out. Check out STUCCO, tried living with my father but his wife into a share house. This would be up to RentStart and a Health Care Card. doesn’t think that I belong there because $370 plus a possible $75 rent assistance they have a young family of their own. if you’re sharing a house. Abe. When I moved back in with my mother she became even more aggressive, as Your living conditions are probably This column offers students the she thought that by trying to live with an independence criteria you could opportunity to ask questions on my father I was betraying her. Now she consider. Basically Centrelink will anything that may affect their directs her anger at me and I have to accept that it is Unreasonable to Live “welfare”. This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink pay- spend all of my study time at the library. At Home if you or someone else in ment or as general as a question I’d like to move out of home but I just your home is subjected to physical, on the state of the world. If you don’t earn enough money. I think I can emotional or sexual violence. Talk to would like to ask Abe a question probably put up with living with mum an SRC caseworker about getting on a send an email to for a little longer, but it really is getting payment. firstname.lastname@example.org. into my head. Is there anything else I can do? LA >17 www.supra.usyd.edu.au The SUPRA SAAO Corner What is the Cross-Campus Dear SAAOs, Concessions Coalition? Help! I’ve been told that an assignment I handed in is not referenced properly and that the course coordinator is going to investigate me for International student education has become a multi-billion dollar “industry” in Australia, with plagiarism. hundreds of thousands of students coming from overseas to study here. But these students What should I do? are often misled, are subjected to violence and harassment, are targeted by employment and accommodation scams, and treated as merely a source of income by education providers. Our education system is disproportionately funded by the fees paid by mistreated international The first thing is to go and have a look at the students. This must end. University policies on academic honesty and plagiarism, and read through them. These Since re-forming in 2009, the Cross-Campus Concessions Coalition (CCCC) has agreed to documents are available online at http://www. putting forward the following demands: usyd.edu.au/policy and search for ‘plagiarism’. • Transport concessions for international students; You can also read SUPRA’s info sheet here http:// • Accessible, low-cost accommodation close to campuses; www.supra.usyd.edu.au/Adv/Fact_Sheets_and_ • Workplace rights and less restrictive working conditions under student visas; Links.html • A freeze on tuition fees and visa charges; The second thing to do is get in contact with the • Drop the charges against student protesters; no students in detention. SUPRA advice and advocacy service on 9351 3715 • No violence – no victim-blaming, no double standards, end police racism. or email@example.com and talk to one of the SAAOs about the situation. Plagiarism allegations can have a serious impact on your studies, The CCCC meets every Tuesday at 12pm at the SUPRA Office (in the Raglan Street depending on the outcome, so it is a good idea to Building). get some advice before you respond. Join SUPRA in Demanding a Fare Go for International Students on Wednesday September at 12pm outside Fisher Library. There will be a rally marching from Sydney Uni to join students from all over NSW, from both Universities and private colleges. Both International and Local students should attend this event to demand equal rights for international students, an end to racist exploitation of international students, safe affordable accommodation, a freeze on tuition fees and transport concessions for international students. We all need to support this cause because the poor treatment of international students comes from the fact that the Federal Government is not funding Higher Education properly, so universities use International student fees to fill the gap, without providing anywhere near the resources and support to help any of us succeed. If you would like more information on the CCCC and the rally on Septemeber 2nd please contact SUPRA. Rashmi Kumar SUPRA Co-President firstname.lastname@example.org 12 pm outside rar y Fisher Lib >18 Postgrad Pages Plagiarism and referencing Subscribe to SUPRA - All you need to know about referencing just it time for those first essays... it’s FREE! By becoming a SUPRA Subscriber What is Plagiarism? you will be able to: The University defines plagiarism as ‘presenting another A more comprehensive resource, maintained by the • Access our free, confidential person’s work as one’s own work by presenting, copying University of Queensland is available here http://www. student advice and advocacy or reproducing it without due acknowledgement of the library.uq.edu.au/infoskil/styles2.html This page offers service source” (Academic Board Resolutions: Academic Honesty links and ‘how to guides’ to numerous referencing • Participate in SUPRA events in Coursework, Amended 2006). That sounds clear approaches. and activities enough, but in reality it can sometimes be difficulty to work • Receive regular email updates out where your sources end and your original work begins. Standardised referencing and electronic publications As stated above, difference disciplines have different (eGrad) Why are references important? referencing standards. If you are not sure what referencing • Use the SUPRA Resource and Referencing the work of others in your work is a key part standards you should use, then ask your lecturer. A few Meeting Rooms of academic honesty, and is the main way to avoid an well-known referencing standards are: • Access discounted photocopy- accusation of plagiarism. Referencing sources ensures that ing, printing and faxing it is clear what work is yours, and what work is derived The American Psychological Association • Vote or run in the SUPRA from the work of others. It is not, in itself, a problem to The APA has comprehensive information available at Council elections base your work on the work of others - in most disciplines http://www.apastyle.org/index.aspx. An online tutorial • Actively participate in your rep- you are expected to demonstrate that you are familiar with guides you through how to present work and reference it resentative student association. the work of other people in the area. So referencing sources properly. The FAQ section at http://www.apastyle.org/ By becoming a SUPRA Supporter demonstrates that you have consulted other people’s work, learn/faqs/index.aspx answers more detailed questions, you will be able to: and lets people reading your work access sources that you such as how to reference work based on email or personal • Access all of the above benefits have referred to. communications, and how to reference works where no • Receive a SUPRA Supporter author is given. Welcome Pack (including SU- Referencing can also be a way to demonstrate that you have PRA highlighter and t-shirt) worked collaboratively with others. Collaborative work is, Harvard Style • Show that you appreciate the again, not in itself a problem, if it is referenced in such a Harvard style uses author-date references in the text, value of an independent stu- way that the contribution of those involved is clear. with a detailed reference list at the end of the work. An dent run organisation. introduction to Harvard style can be found here http:// Complete your subscription online How should you reference work? www.library.uq.edu.au/infoskil/styles2.html#harvard at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub- So what is the best approach to take in referencing work scribe then follow the links if you properly? SUPRA caseworkers would advise students that, Other approaches you may come across include the would like to become a SUPRA if in doubt, include a reference. Make sure that you use a Chicago Manual of Style, the Australian Guide Supporter. Alternatively you can consistent approach to referencing. If you are not sure how to Legal Citation (AGLC) and the Australian complete a form at our stalls or to go about doing this, then we would definitely encourage Government Publishing Style (AGPS, also referred to drop into the SUPRA office. you to consult with academic staff about how to include as AGIMO). references in your work before the work is submitted. If the assessment to be submitted uses work prepared In conclusion, learning to reference the work of others in by other students (such as graphs or tables involving the your own work is one of the most important skills taught results of calculations), or uses work presented in lecture by University study. It is essential to presenting a credible Raglan Street Building (G10) notes, definitely consult with the lecturer about how to argument, and demonstrates that you are able to draw on Darlington Campus reference, as this type of material can be hard to reference. the work of others in your work. If you are not sure how to University of Sydney NSW 2006 reference sources, then consult with academic staff in your Phone: (02) 9351 3715 Different disciplines have different approaches to discipline and have a look at some of the resources listed Fax: (02) 9351 6400 referencing source material. Most reference styles require above. Email: email@example.com at least a reference to the author and date of the publication Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au in the text and a full reference list at the end of the paper. A full reference list means including, for instance, the title of the article and title of the journal, for a journal article, or the title of the chapter and a book title, for the chapter of a book, as well as the author’s name and date of publication. Most University libraries maintain pages of links to online resources on referencing, The University of Sydney page can be found here http://www.library.usyd.edu.au/ subjects/readyref/citing.html but unfortunately, not all the links are current. The University Library also has an online guide to referencing at http://www.library.usyd.edu.au/ skills/ if you follow the link to ‘how to reference’. >19 Pon-yo! SUDS FILM FILM PREMIERE Jacinta Mulders would have made Sr Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra The Age of Stupid a better fish-girl than Ponyo. SUDS’ latest offering, Christopher Du- Sunday evening. The Andy Lee to Sat- The Age of Stupid offers viewers the chance rang’s Sr Mary Ignatius Explains It All urday evening’s Hamish Blake is part of to escape to the world of 2055 - a future For You is a weird polemic lambasting my usually uninteresting, routine, down- that isn’t quite what we’ve been promised, Catholic prescriptivism through black right mind-numbing fag end to a week. and definitely not what we want to see. comedy. Its success rests on the perform- However, last Sunday I attempted to Based on mainstream scientific projec- ance of Sr Mary (Catherine Holbeche), as break the insidious litany of the Sabbath tions of what the world will look like in it is largely her monologue explaining the by going on a man-date. Like all the great fifty years decades, there are no jet packs, whys and wherefores of Sin, Life, Death, dates of history there’s a strict procedure: no flying cars, and no drinking water for Heaven, Hell, Sin, Purgatory, Limbo and mate books tickets for him and actual most of the world. Essential viewing for Is that a condom? Sin. Holbeche is very cute as the peppy date to see GI Joe, date invents suit- anyone who cares about the survival of psycho nun helped by 7-year-old Thomas, ably garbled excuse (straightening her our planet, The Age of Stupid features the Cult Japanese film director, Hayao Miya- played endearingly and with surprising toenails) to avoid seeing GI Joe, mate Oscar-nominated Pete Postlethewaite as zaki, has a lot to live up to in his latest of- believability by Dominique Nesbitt. bumps into me, brings me out of a state of a man living alone in a devastated world, fering, Ponyo. Over the past twenty years, non-insane automatism with mention of watching archival footage and asking, Miyazaki’s whimsical offerings have The play itself is a little confusing. As an movie, go to cinema, realize we are seeing “why didn’t we stop climate change while cemented their unanimous appeal: break- audience, we are addressed by Sr Mary in GI Joe, reenact Willem Defoe’s death in we still had the chance?” ing out of the traditionally niche market her classroom, as though we are at some Platoon, see movie. This is the only cir- of anime enthusiasts, they have entered bizarre parent-teacher night cum conver- cumstance under which anyone whose It’s a powerful movie, with past audiences the film vocabularies of the wider cinema sion class, which takes an unexpectedly mum no longer buys their (Action Man) giving it standing ovations, and even -going public. sombre turn. If the first two thirds was underpants should see GI Joe. weeping at the future that we’re neatly like tripping on a video of my 13 years of creating for ourselves. It’s got green The true magic of Miyazaki’s inventions Catholic education in fast forward, the There really isn’t that much to say about cred: George Monbiot called it the thing lies in the sheer eccentricity and breadth of final segment is a really abrupt come- this movie. You’ve seen it all before. This to watch in 2009. It’s got film cred: the his imagination put eloquently on display. down: Sr Mary’s former students pay a movie is like Team America as directed by UK premiere holds the Guinness World Each story is so unquestionably epic in its surprise visit, ostensibly to put on the best Michael Bay except instead of puppets, Record for the largest simultaneous film visual proportions; you can’t help but be Christmas pageant I’ve ever seen (com- you’ve got Channing Tatum. premiere in history, and made world news swept away into the world of the director’s plete with pantomime horse), but it turns when the President of The Maldives used self contained creation. Couple that with out they want to shove the failure of her The opening could have been serviceable it to announce that his country would be human characters of fierce integrity called doctrine in her face. despite some comically bad Gallic accents, carbon-neutral within a decade. It’s got upon to affect balance in a troubled world if the rest of the film hadn’t proved it BIG cred: The global premiere later this of supernatural proportions, and you Here there was an opening for some bereft of any narrative significance. The year will be hosted in New York City, have all the makings of an anime classic. dynamic staging, utilising the contrast scenes that follow are more pointless than headlined by Kofi Annan and beamed It is not difficult to see why the Miyazaki between Mary’s lecture and the presence an interview with Joaquin Phoenix. Two out to 45 countries. Heck, it’s even got branding begs such high expectations. of many bodies on stage, but it ended up bit-part characters - one goodie (who indie cred, with Radiohead’s Thom Yorke Nor why Ponyo fails to meet them. being rather stagnant. There was also wears black: shock!), one baddie (who singing live. unreached potential in characterisation: wears white: horror!) - feature in a series Immediately apparent from the very Durang writes delightfully unhinged of underwhelming flashbacks, while the It’s an incredible movie, and it packs a glossy Disney-produced trailer is the fact characters, and Mary’s sweetness could main plot lumbers on. It plays out like a punch, but you’re left feeling hopeful. that Ponyo is being marketed towards a have been juxtaposed with moments of pre-school game of one-upmanship; Oh! Excitingly, the Australian premiere will younger audience. Miyazaki has already true insanity, which would have provided the goodies’ base is submerged beneath be beamed live and direct into Hoyt’s at shown his unquestionable talent in this more laughs and help engage interest over the Sahara. Ah! the baddies’ base is Atlan- Broadway Shopping Centre, with leaders category: in addition to My Neighbour such a long monologue. Mary would also tis. Big who cares. from Oxfam on hand to explain how you Totoro (1988), critically acclaimed Spirit- have been shown in stronger relief when can help the world avoid the bleak future ed Away (2001) and more recently, Howl’s the “normal” characters turn up, of whom If the plot could be called lacklustre, the portrayed in the movie. Alexander Dacre, Moving Castle (2004) both display char- Diane (Tina Moshkanbaryans) gives an performances are charcoal black. Sienna President of Oxfam Usyd, said that, “if we acteristic flair and originality. However, impassioned indictment of Sr Mary’s Miller essays a risible American accent as allow The Age of Stupid to come true there the intrinsic beauty of these works resides teaching style, forming the climax of the the villainess Ana Lewis, Damon Wayans is no one to blame but ourselves. This is in their ability to present an emotionally play. This monologue fell a little short of is even less bearable ogling a white chick the hour that we can and must effect a complex world of lost protagonists and a the mark: Tina plays deadpan very well, than he was playing one, and Dennis climate for change.” triumphant human spirit. For something but there was room for moments of truth Quaid’s turn as General Hawk, the Joes’ Miyazaki is so good at, it is surprising that which would have brought a stronger unflappable overseer, is an insult to So it’s not exactly your usual Wednesday this is precisely where Ponyo falls flat. emotional edge. manufacturers of auto-pilots everywhere. night. But I can guarantee that it’s worth Even Chris Ecceleston, who usually injects it. Although comprised of characteristically Houston Ash’s directorial debut shows a touch of Northern class into proceed- magnificent imagery, Ponyo is far too promise but needs to be more adventur- ings, is more Mr Freeze than Ernst Stavro WHAT: The Age of Stupid Australian saccharine and cute to hold the attention ous to really hit its mark. But despite these Blofeld. Bafflingly, most of the actors are Premiere of anyone over pre-school age from the criticisms, it is a really fun, deeply weird contracted to do the sequel. WHERE: Hoyts Broadway incredibly long 1 hour 40 minutes that play, which I recommend, especially if WHEN: 6.30pm-9pm, Wednesday this movie spans. In a weak twist on the you need to brush up on your dogma. But all things considered, GI Joe is not August 19 little mermaid, Ponyo tells the story of a completely irredeemable. The action se- WHO: The Age of Stupid & Oxfam little fish that meets a boy and resolves to 3/5 quences are mostly well-executed, if a little Australia turn human. That’s all there is to it; the clunky and generic. However, by far the WHY: Because you’ll learn how to save film lacks any of the inherent complexity Vivienne Egan most enjoyable aspect of the movie is the the planet. which so intensely underlaid Miyazaki’s script, which contains some of the worst previous works. I’m sure many children one-liners in history. A personal favorite 5/5 will delight in the pretty quirks of Miyaza- the witty riposte delivered by Heavy Duty, ki’s underwater world. But to anyone who the impassive quartermaster of the team, Josh Wyndham-Kidd knows what this director is capable of, on being informed the Joes they were Ponyo is almost teasing in its simplicity. going to France: “I like croissants”. End scene. End man-date. Return to watching Ponyo opens August 27th. Rove on Sunday evenings 1/5 Joseph Smith-Davies >20 Spiders: high in fibre The Land of The Scots Katherine Connolly examines some canny cuisine. Steen Raskopoulous sends his love from bonnie Scotland. Hola from Edinburgh, Darby’s show, remembering that in ‘99 Sisqo released his first Whether it be the history, the Comedy single, feeling gutted when Festival, the architecture, Stephen K Amos I didn’t get a chance to introducing me to someone as his ex lover, search the mazes for the hanging out with sketch comedy sensation keys in the hit TV show Pappy’s Fun Club, playing soccer with the ‘Amazing’ or seeing a biggest stars on the international comedy seagull swoop down and circuit, McLovin from Superbad comment- eat Axis of Awesome gui- ing on my skills, seeing a very orange tanned tarist Lee Naimo’s lunch woman break her ankle while wearing 100 (half a chicken), while inch heels and stacking it on cobbled pave- yelling “Don’t eat that, ment, learning that old Scottish men sound that’s another bird! Birds Japanese when speaking really quickly, shouldn’t eat birds!” one sleeping in a cupboard, eating home made thing is certain: Malteser muffins, missing my family and Spider senses tingling? friends, not missing my family and friends, Edinburgh is where it’s at, walking a lot, feeling disappointed at Rhys bitcholas. Scottie the hottie In previous editions of Gastronomist, eat caterpillar fungus soup, made from this column has brought to you what we a parasitic fungus that grows out of the thought was the interesting and unusual forehead of Thitarodes caterpillars. You of the food world. Little did we know, we’d could follow up your entrée with another just scraped the surface of kooky cuisine. Chinese delicacy, sweets made from bird Whatever Suits a wall, if the shoulder pads touch the Ryan W. Thompson wall, ditch the suit and run. Chest: You This week, Honi brings you a taste of the spit. Cave Swifts make nests by spitting should be able to easily button the suit disgusting delicacies of the world, which out a chemical compound which hardens with no material straining. This said, no The term ‘bespoke’, along with ‘Am- are enough to make all but the most hard- in their air – when combined with water, more than a fistful of room should exist at aretto Sour’ and ‘Climate Change’, was ened connoisseur’s stomach heave. the nests take on a gelatinous texture. the chest. Sleeve: Should reveal 60-100 among the most misunderstood and Heading south to the land of tequila and overused terms of 2008. The sometimes mm of shirt cuff and fall 125 mm above Hailing from Sardinia comes the Casu cheap prescription drugs, the intrepid shocking misconception of the term and the tip of your thumb. Pants: should fall Frazigu, or ‘rotten cheese’. This maggot- collector of tastes can sample the goods all it entails was rife this past year, and unhindered with a single break to the infested cheese has a powerfully pungent of Mexican street vendors. Large paper this writer feels it his responsibility, as a front of the pant, should be within 10 mm smell and a soft creamy texture. Once the cups of live bugs anyone? Of, if you prefer long-time-listener and first-time-caller to of the floor with your most likely worn maggots have gorged themselves on cheese your arthropods dead, try a grasshopper Honi Soit, to bring its true meaning out of pair of shoes. When seated, no hairy legs the closet, at least in suiting terms. should be seen over socks. fat, they along with their cheesy home are and worm taco, right after an appetiser of most commonly served at weddings and mosquito larvae. PATTERN: If you are- other important, ceremonial occasions. While our Melbournian neighbours to the South continue to set the standards in Short: Avoid double-breasted suits; If you think only exotic locations can give stick with shorter jackets in pinstripes terms of Australian bespoke fashion, Syd- Travelling away from the Mediterranean your stomach this kind of challenge you’re or dark solids. N.B. Realistically, double- ney belies its age with a generally poor to Cambodia, one can sup on large spiders, dead wrong. Should you be traversing showing in the department of suiting. breasted suits should be avoided at all similar in appearance to North American the Scottish highlands, you’ll find blood costs, lest one desires to emulate James tarantulas. Locals breed these large arach- sausage, which doesn’t need a whole lot Whether it be the Leichardt Boy’s High’s Packer’s sense of style. nids for eating, which they do after first more explaining – blood is cooked until it year 10 formal, one’s annual appearance Tall: Avoid pinstripes; they have a ten- deep-frying them. Their main appeal is congeals in the sausage skin. at the Downing Centre for jumping (un- dency to lengthen the torso and distort said to be their texture, which is crispy on successfully) the fence at Parklife or the the figure. beginnings of a career as a PWC foot sol- Fat: Embrace pinstripes, they are sure to the outside and chewy on the inside. Your Each one of these stomach turning meals dier, Sydney men seem to be missing the camouflage the gut. meal could, however, be messy as these is extraordinarily considered a delicacy by Thin: Choose bold patterns, thick lapels spiders dribble a greasy black juice while locals. Then again, we regularly eat a black point. Too often am I seeing what would best be described as young boys wear- and if all else fails torso padding; to gain being consumed. slimy paste made from the yeast leftover that V-shape we all desire to project. ing their father’s suits; baggy, saggy and from beer brewing, so we probably can’t generally unflattering, or even worse, a Should you prefer another type of crawl- point any fingers. too-short pant leg revealing a Nike ankle SHOES: Regardless of style, colour is the ing animal you could head to China and sock. single most crucial aspect of choosing footwear to match your newly purchased PRICE: Like things in life and fashion, bespoke item. If your suit is: MMM... the more expensive a suit is, gener- ally speaking of course, the better the Black: Black shoes, no exceptions. Pat- quality of fabric and the greater chance ent, scuffed, brogue, loafer or otherwise, of it being handmade rather than mass- this is not negotiable. produced. One can expect to spend any- Navy: Brown is preferable, though black where from $300 (facetious, perhaps) to is acceptable. $2,000 on an ‘off-the-rack’ garment, or Grey: Black. upwards of $15,000 for a one-of-a-kind White: You probably don’t need shoes Savile Row piece. because you are wearing a white suit and are therefore an idiot, though if Na- MATERIAL: There is only one option val commitments or a crazy best mate’s here, regardless of price tag. Wool, wool, wedding necessitate this, white would wool. Merino preferably. Locally made be the best option. suits can be expected to be of reason- able quality wool, a unique and pleasing And for God’s sake, please match your fact in a typically disadvantaged Austral- belt with your shoes. ian fashion market. If you buy a suit made of polyester, you will a) look like shit, b) smell like shit, and c) be shit. FIT/CUT: Though it pains me to say it, a well-fitted $25 suit from Vinnies beats an ‘Condemned to be Free’, Arts/Law III ill-fitting Zegna piece every time. Here’s a quick guide to the perfect-fitting suit you’ve always dreamed of. Shoulders: MUST hug you. Stand sideways against >21 G H O S T O F S T. M I C H A E L S BOOOOOOOOO! DON’T BELIEVE THE EDITORS. I AM STILL HERE... TRAPPED IN THIS TELEVISION... Ben Jenkins (BCJ) 1. Same as every kid - playing for the Benny “Motherfuckin” Davis (BMFD) 1. I saw the documentary ‘Wordplay’. school’s crossword team. 2. Easy. Marry the Cryptic, O love of 2. Kill Two Way, Shag Cryptic, Marry mine, kill the Two Way, that cheating Quick. Only because I think Cryptic harlot, and shag the Quick. Papercuts! would be really difficult to live with. 3. Grounds (5). Answer: Lands. Like 3. 2 Across - (8). Answer: Clueless. tracts of land, or landing a plane. Yay! 4. Our Meany. 4. My cryptic alter ego, Danny Vibes. THE WEEK //THREE THINGS WE’RE DOING THIS WEEK AHEAD 1. Being Renaissance men and women. 2. Ignoring the calls, texts and emails from Union Board Directors 3. Multi-bet: Australia to lose the Ashes ($5.25), and win the Bledisloe ($7.00) Vox Pops! Mark Sutton (MS) Scott Huntington (SH) Alex Lee speaks to the masters of the Honi Crossword . 1. Through procrastination and by not 1. I made my first cryptic in Year 8. 1. How did you get into crosswords? listening to lectures. 2. Kill the cryptic for being such an 2. Shag/Marry/Kill? Quick, Cryptic, Two Way. 2. Shag the two way (to make a three- infuriating and probably fat poindexter way), marry the cryptic, and I guess kill of a creature. Shag the two way and 3. Other than your own, what is your favourite crossword clue or theme? the quick. marry the quick because it wouldn’t talk 4. What is an anagram of your name? 3. Clue: Hirsute President, Answer: so much. Hairy Truman. 3. One in the Herald had footnotes. 4. Mark Morgan Sutton - Mr Kangaroo 4. Not Cunts Tonight! Nuts™ or Rank Mutants Groom. Taking the plunge David Wilton presents a beginner’s guide to the college informal However if you can’t get down to Vinnies season. So now that you look the part its out of giant Gatorade vats. This season’s or have a moderate level of self-respect, time to mosy on over to the dance-floor pick: fruity on the palate, with subtleties of you can still fall back on one of the pleth- and try your luck. Lets not lie, you’re not lemon and lime, the vodka-lemon-lime is ora of looks from the 2009 winter-spring here for the ambience. best served four at once. Seasonal special- college catalogue. As you will have noticed, ties: Kebabs or Chips. Split the bill or don’t, while strutting their stuff around Campus, There’s nothing worse than ‘getting your it’s your three dollars. college boys push the boundaries of artis- D-floor on’ only to find that the words to tic expression and avant-garde fashion. a certain song escape you. So instead of The John’s Informal is on 19 August. Westock The footy shorts and flanno combination mouthing along and ‘putting your hands is on 26 August. Drewtopia is on 9 Septem- Pout. And strut. is undoubtedly the greatest revolution in up for Detroit’ at exactly the right time, ber. Tickets available outside Manning from fashion since the pant. If you lack the steez you are forced to drift aimlessly around the about a week before. A string of Informals are fast approaching to pull off this progressive apparel why not dance-floor like a Sancta girl on the [insert in the coming weeks. If you are won over go for the more reserved trackies/jersey Rosebowl sport] field. Fresher error. by the horiffic chalked street art soon to be fusion, which brings all the kudos of the bombed around uni and decide to sacrifice gym or track and boldly exclaims “I am”. Collegians have a distinguished taste a Wednesday night to the college gods, in dance floor anthems, and the college here are some tips to help you fit in at a For those who like a bit of class in their billboard is a fickle beast, but with a little college party. classroom why not select your apparel from study you’ll have everyone convinced that the polo, jeans and thongs collection which you are that musical genius who DJ’s the Of course most of the informals are themed is so hot right now. Nothing says style like Marly on a Wednesday night. Just tune in We want your and dressing up is taken seriously. What’s expensive jeans and limited footwear. The to 2Day FM, which is like Fbi but heaps LETTERS& ARTICLES no shoes approach is slightly more tricky, more underground, and memorise the top the point of getting drunk if you can’t wear a silly hat? There is no easier way to look and while some have pulled it off in the 3. I wish I was joking. So send ‘em in out of place than not wearing a tie-dyed past, it is also easy to look a lot like a hobo/ douche. No outfit is complete without well The final step towards a refined collegiate firstname.lastname@example.org onesy and large fake afro to Westock. For the guys a tear-able shirt will not go astray, managed accessories, and while the tried cultural experience is correct choice of Submissions must include your name, year and faculty. and for the girls the good old mantra of ‘less and tested Wayfarers will serve you well, cuisine. Luckily at this point it is all smooth is more’ has never been more applicable. another favourite is that classic ‘biro and sailing. There are only three kinds of drink single sheet of paper’ look. Bags are so last at an informal, and two of them are served >22 //ACROSS 1) Crazy-Arse Burn (4) 5) Lure one in a club (4) 9) Japanese tipple in Visa Kit (4) *13, 41 [Special message from the crossword compiler!] (4,2,2,7,2,3,4,6) 14) Stanley’s wife lost her way on Abercrombie (4) 15) Edge of forbidden bearing. (4) 16) Smashed vase with energy to find ancient character. (4) 22) Smeared linseed in sluggishness. (8) 23) Agreed on hiding Rodian Bounty Hunter (6) 24) Brings in shakes, rip’s Tom. (7) 25) Half Gnomes with two hundred more greeting potatoes. (7) 27) Makes man see up your arse (6) 28) An olive jackal, a mat are all inside. (8) 31) Howard used a carrot initially in McCarthy’s Witch-hunt Locale (126.96.36.199) 34) Copy in the house (4) 37) “Oh, Man!” heard in Arabia! (4) 42) Promo without any right like, totally distrusts theories and ideologies and draws attention to conventions (2-2) 43) 60s television Jeannie in paradise (4) 44) Modern or Britain Manson Victim (4) //DOWN 2) He feels, without fluorine or sulphur, that’s he a slippery little fellow (3) 3) Friend with no question is all encompassing (3) 4) One in three turnip grass are a Missenden sanctuary (1.1.1) 5) One in benign extremes for waste (3) 6) Ms Tango changes within (7) 7) Possessive pronoun sits topless (3) BCJ/MS 8) Troublesome starts and meek endings to travel (4) 9) Spook right in and nimble (4) 10) Store clerk in Papua (3) 11) Done half of a Sudoku rival (3) 12) Collegia, do I err when I advocate political doctrines? (11) Clue: From a distance 17) Tummy muscle regular yet strange (8) 18) Entitled to native privileges cause the civilian’s cool! (11) 19) Appreciated and thundered. (7) 20) One of Jason’s lost top of cargo. Sounds like nothing… (8) 21) Crazy Cad tore British Officer. (7) 26) What’s up and straight on the horizon (7) 29) 29 Down to 5 Down (4) 30) Yearn for the pain (4) 32) United Nations love the Italian one. (3) 33) Heads at this moment to cash vendor (1.1.1) 35) Polish Flanders? (3) 36) 5 Down’s 29 Across 37) Regular of the inside (3) 38) Farrow lost in war (3) 39) Perform in the territory (3) 40) To show a maiden name? Sounds like a joint… (3) ANSWERS >23 Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney SRC Elections 2009 Want some work? Polling Booth Postal Voting Attendants Application Form Required The SRC is looking for about 20 POSTAL VOTING people to work on the polling If you wish to vote in the 2009 SRC elections but are unable to vote EITHER on polling days Wednesday 23rd or Thursday 24th booths for its elections this year. September at any of the advertised locations, OR on pre-polling day (on main campus) Tuesday 22nd September, then you may If you can work on apply for a postal vote. Wed 23rd Sept and/or Thurs 24th Sept, Fill in this form and send it to: and attend a training at 4pm Tues 22nd Sept, Electoral Officer Sydney University Students’ Representative Council we want to hear from you! PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. $19.70 per hour Please note: postal vote applications MUST BE RECEIVED AND There may also be an opportunity to undertake IN OUR PO BOX by Friday the 25th of August at 4.30pm or they additional work at the vote count will not be considered, no exceptions. Application forms are available from the SRC Front Office (level 1 Wentworth). You may use a photocopy of this form. For more info, call 9660 5222 or email email@example.com. Applications close 7th September Name of applicant: Student Card Number: Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009. Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone: 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au Faculty/Year: Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone Number: ( ) Email: Notice of 2009 Students’ Representative Council Mobile: Annual Election I hereby apply for a postal vote for the 2009 SRC elections. I declare that I am unable to attend a polling booth on any of the polling Nominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Elections for the year 2009 close on Tuesday 25th August 2009. Polling will be held on the 23rd and 24th days, OR on any of the pre-polling days, for the following reason: of September 2009. Pre-polling will also take place outside the SRC Offices Level 1 (please be specific. Vague or facetious reasons will not be accepted. the electoral Wentworth Building on Tuesday 22nd of September 2009 from officer must under section 20(a) of the election Regulation consider that the stated 10am - 3pm. All students who are duly enrolled for attendance at lectures are reason justifies the issuing of a postal vote.) eligible to vote. Members of the student body who have paid their affiliation fees to Council are eligible to nominate and be nominated, except National Union of Students national office bearers. Fulltime officebearers of the SRC may also nominate as NUS delegates. Nominations are called for the following elections/positions: (a) The election of the Representatives to the 82nd SRC (31 positions) (b) The election of the President of the 82nd SRC (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 82nd SRC (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for the 82nd SRC (7 positions) Signature: Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: www.src.usyd.edu.au/ Please send voting papers to the following address: elections, or picked up from SRC Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth Building). Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy statement and Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations at www.src.usyd.edu.au/ elections. For more information, call 02 9660 5222. State: Postcode: Signed Nomination forms and a printed copy of your online nomination must be received no later than 4.30pm on Tuesday 25th August, either in the locked box at I require a copy of the election edition of Honi Soit: YES / NO the SRC Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth), or at the following address: PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. For more information contact Nominations which have not been delivered either to the locked box in the SRC Christine Kibble, Electoral Officer 02 9660 5222 front office or to the post office box shown above and submitted online by the close of nominations will not be accepted regardless of when they were posted. The Regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available on-line at http://www. src.usyd.edu.au/sites/default/files/SRCconstitution_Aug07.doc.pdf or from the SRC Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth Building). Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009. Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009. Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au
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