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                                                                ON
                                                                   A   BAR
                                                                          !



MAKING LOVE TO OUR TONIC AND GIN
WEEK 4 EDITION | 19 AUGUST 2009




Sydney’s Small Bars
Problems in the planning


LETTERS                             TOP 5          RANDOM

Everybody                           Fight          It’s A Fascist
Hates Honi                    >03   Scenes   >15   World After All            >10
                                WEEK 4 EDITION | 19th August, 2009




                                                                                                    04                09
            > Michael Krasovitsky learnt how real journalists work                                                           > Will Atkinson is SPARTA!
                                            > News in Y-fronts                                                               > Sriram Srikumar is not very Roman sounding
                                                                                                                      09
                                                                                                    05                       > Will Atkinson will not be deducted ‘cause he knows
                                     > Alex Lee got outpunned                                                                the tutor
                 > Dave Mack and Carmen Culina went walkabout                                                                > Dave Harmon is onto those Disney fascists
                                                                                                                      11
                                                                                                                             > Aleksandr Wansbrough talks to the Adams whose
                                                                                                                             first name is Phillip
                                                                                                                      12
                                                                                                                             > Sriram Srikumar and Will Atkinson will have one
                                                                                                                             beer and one appletini, please.

                                                                                                                      14
                                                                                                                             > is your Dad
                                                                                                                             > Paul Mackay sets a new pun world record
                                                                                                                             > Sriram Srikumar laughs for the heck of it
                                                                                                                             > Giselle Kenny is taking it outside


                                                                                                                      20
                                                                                                                             > Vivienne Egan reviews the latest SUDS production
                                                                                                                             > G.I Joe Smith-Davies
                                                                                                                             > Steen Raskopoulos looks up Edinburgh’s kilt
                                                                                                                             > Ryan W. Thompson’s suit bespoke

                                                                                                                      22
                                                                                                                             > Dave Wilton informs us of the informal



                                                                   simongreiner.blogspot.com




                                                                                                     06
                       > Anna Leacock is re-Joycing in sexual liberation
                           > Ben Jenkins cunningly linguisted a chimp




                                                                     EDITOR IN CHIEF Mark Di Stefano
 EDITORS Will “Resolute Protector” Atkinson, Katherine “Pure and Virginal” Connolly, Bronwyn “White Breasted” Cowell, Mark “War-like” Di Stefano, George “Farmer” Downing,
          Giselle “A Promise” Kenny, Michael “God-like” Krasovitsky, Alex “Protector of Mankind” Lee, Paul “Small” Mackay, Sriram “Eastern Prince” Srikumar
       REPORTERS Vivienne Egan, Michael Hing, Ben Jenkins, Anna Leacock, Dave Mack, Jacinta Mulders, Joe Smith-Davies, Alexsander Wansborough, David Wilton
 CONTRIBUTORS Claire Burke, James Colley, Carmen Culina, Dave Harmon, Aimee Laba, Abigail Lemon, Ryan W. Thompson, Steen Raskopolous, Daniel Richardson, Daniel Swain,
                                                                             Josh Wyndam-Kidd
                                       SPECIAL THANK YOU Luke Pigliacampo, designer and Honi’s architect for this week’s front cover

             GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing and Paul Mackay COMIC Simon Greiner CROSSWORD Ben Jenkins and Mark Sutton PUZZLES Tom William Clement
                                        ADVERTISING Publications.manager@src.usyd.edu.au/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW
                                     PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space
and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is
written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All
expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or
                                                 information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions.
Write of reply                                 It’s concerning that the Honi editor
                                               that attended the August SRC meeting
                                                                                                 of Christ College Tasmania, and believe I
                                                                                                 would have heard had 16 students died in
Melissa Brooks, Arts III                       reported on in last week’s Rumour Mill            a College fire.
                                                                                                                                                 Prior to this year’s first edition of Honi
                                               was unable to take accurate notes of the
Honi’s ‘Rumour Mill’ of last week is                                                                                                             Soit, we as editors made the decision to
                                               proceedings.                                      Perhaps I am mistaken and perhaps this
warped at best, and untrue at worst.                                                                                                             publish letters exactly as they were sub-
                                                                                                 terrible event did happen. Perhaps a thou-
                                               With regards to the SRC meeting Honi                                                              mitted, and without reply. We take the
I did miss the Board Directors Induction                                                         sand nuns also lived in the basement?
                                               writes of in the same column, my concerns                                                         letters we receive seriously, so our lack
and the first meeting of the 2009-10           with Christine Kibble’s appointment                                                               of response to them has not been out of
Board. I have not missed ‘several’ board
meetings - there has only been one held for
                                               as SRC electoral officer are related to a
                                               situation last year where Kibble tried to
                                                                                                 SA <3 SRC                                       disregard or laziness, but rather a greater
                                                                                                                                                 respect than such submissions have been
the term to which I was elected. Contrary      censor an Honi article critical of a number       Raffaele Fantasia, Arts III                     granted in the past. Letters to Honi have
to what was printed, I have attended           of student politicians who intended to                                                            traditionally been zinged by Editors, with
both meetings of the Clubs and Societies       stand as candidates in the upcoming SRC           Your cheap shot regarding the existence of
                                                                                                                                                 a vociferous one-liner hitting at the writer,
Committee that have been held since my         elections.                                        ‘some socialist: who hates the SRC’ whilst
                                                                                                                                                 or their grammar. This year’s editorial
term began, as USU records show.                                                                 tongue in cheek, is pretty offensive for a
                                               Finally, I find it bizarre that Honi saw fit to                                                   team belive this only discourages people
                                                                                                 number of reasons. First of all, it is easy
Had Honi bothered to contact me prior          substantiate their criticism of my missing                                                        from heated and argumentative letters.
                                                                                                 journalism. Too many people expect you
to running the article, I would have been      meetings by criticising me for attending          to say that about a socialist, based on the
happy to supply them with the explanation      another meeting which as a councillor I                                                           Therefore, when the letters for this edition
                                                                                                 often inaccurate information people read
I provided to the Board for missing            am also expected to attend, held nearly                                                           came in, we collectively bit our tongues
                                                                                                 about socialists or Labor kids or whoever
induction and the July Board Meeting, and      three weeks after the original meetings I                                                         (and pens). We wanted to publish a slew
                                                                                                 in these pages.
the supporting documentation that I have       had missed.                                                                                       of corrections and clarifications, and
also made available and which the Board                                                                                                          stand up for our articles. But while having
                                                                                                 I am not going to defend the sometimes
executive has found to be acceptable.                                                                                                            the final say may put the record straight,
                                                                                                 indefensible behaviour of the people you
It’s disappointing that Honi apparently        Reverend to                                       are referring too, but it is more broadly of-
                                                                                                                                                 be hilarious, or at the very least be satis-
                                                                                                                                                 fying, we feel as mentioned above, that it
considers allowing people the right to
respond to or comment on allegations so        the Rescue                                        fensive because it implies that if you hold
                                                                                                 leftist views and are critical of the ALP,
                                                                                                                                                 would only discourage more letters being
                                                                                                                                                 written.
serious as those they brought against me       Rev’d Canon Dr Ivan Head,                         you must be a socialist, and say you are a
in last week’s article a ‘courtesy’. Honi      Warden, St Paul’s College                         socialist, you must hate the SRC and you
                                                                                                                                                 As writers, we know that pleasing every-
may not be formally bound by the Media,                                                          must be a member of Socialist Alternative,
                                                                                                                                                 one is an impossible task. We also know
Entertainment and Arts Alliance (MEAA)         I challenge your journalist to disclose his/      it’s pure fiction.
                                                                                                                                                 that an angry reader is more likely to voice
code of conduct, but it is accepted practice   her sources for the published claim in Honi                                                       that complaint than a happy reader is to
in the industry. Required in that code of      that in 1992 a fire in St Michael’s College       At our campus there are at least two other
                                                                                                                                                 compliment. So with almost every copy of
conduct is to ‘do your utmost to give a fair   City Roads killed 16 students. I read this        groups who claim to be ‘socialist’ plus
                                                                                                                                                 Honi flying off the stacks each week, and
opportunity for reply’ - widely interpreted    and my first reaction was scepticism.             a whole lot of people who abstain from
                                                                                                                                                 all our complaints printed neatly next to
to mean that when printing a damaging                                                            being in a group and organise collectively,
                                                                                                                                                 this Editorial, we can only assume that
report against any party, that they are        Unlike the resurrection of Jesus from the         some people in the groups also organise
                                                                                                                                                 the vast majority of you enjoy our work.
given the opportunity to respond to that       dead, an event which I find believable on         collectively with the people who aren’t in
                                                                                                                                                 We hope that’s the case, but if not, please -
allegation in that same report. At this        very old evidence, I can find no evidence         groups.
point, I’d note that Lizzy was given the                                                                                                         write and tell us.
                                               for a fire down the road 17 years ago that
opportunity to respond to Honi’s report        killed 16 students. It seemed inherently          I am tired of having to read an Honi that
on Snowball. Honi made no attempt                                                                claims to look at what goes on through ‘in-                               Mark Di Stefano
                                               unlikely. I followed a phone number on
to contact me in relation to last week’s       the linked website and spoke to a Fr Kevin        dependent lens’ when really what we have
article.                                       who was there at the time and had lived           is just another ‘lens’ supporting its own       broadcast. No doubt you know t hat ‘Honi
                                               in St Michael’s for 38 years. He seemed           petty political interests against another       soit qui mal y pense’ means ‘Shame be to
Equally disappointing is that the article
                                               amused by your article, but perhaps his           petty interest. The rumour mill should          him who thinks evil of it’. It is true. And I
is littered with factual errors. I ran in
                                               take is conspiratorial and he is cover-           rate any candidates this year not on their      think you should be ashamed.
Union Board elections held this year, not
last year. Christine Kibble has not, in my     ing up the truth. Fires in Colleges tend          political clout but maybe against what ac-
time at University, acted as the Electoral     to seep into the consciousness of Heads
                                               of Colleges. I arrived at St Paul’s a little
                                                                                                 tivism in the student movement they have
                                                                                                 been doing for the past year. That would
                                                                                                                                                 Ziiing!
Officer for the Union Board elections. She
has filled this position for the SRC.          after 1992 and have never heard anything          be a good place to start.                       John Sheehy, Arts/Law VII
                                               about this in local lore. In 1992 I was Head

                                                                                                 Snowballing                                     Max Wilkie, regarding your letter 11
                                                                                                                                                 August, I noticed peculiar inconsistency
                                                                                                 Sibella Matthews, Law/EcoSoc II                 in your ramble: You say “do not write
                                                                                                                                                 personal attacks in public”; and “In short:
                                                                 FYI                             I’m writing in relation to your recent
                                                                                                 article regarding Lizzy Watt and the inci-
                                                                                                                                                 Edwina Burn, I hate you” in a free publi-
                                                                                                                                                 cation, produced by the SRC of a public
                                               Ah Ivan Head, you got us! After a particu-        dent on the night of Snowball. While there      education institution with a potential
                                               larly interesting week of deflecting queries      may have been some error of judgment            readership of over 30,000. Arguments ad
                                               from varying positions of authority about         by Lizzy on the night in question, I also       hominem are tough to suppress, it seems.
                                               our “journalistic sources”, we at Honi            believe it to be an error of judgement for      Moron. Welcome to university.
This week in From The Vault...
                                               need everyone to know that last week’s            you to publish an article which can only
                                               “Mystery of St Michael’s” was an exercise
                                               in fictional storytelling. There were no
                                                                                                 be read as a personal attack when it was
                                                                                                 unnecessary to do so, and a propensity for
                                                                                                                                                 iScared of
                                               sources, just a creative story about the          your publication to engage in gossip that       Robots
                                               church, ghosts and a seriously creepy-            has no constructive merit. The Manning
                                                                                                 Bar may or may not incur a $5,000 or            Rachel Molden, Arts II
                                               looking building.
                                                                                                 $10,000 fine. The law is quite specific on
                                                                                                 the responsible service of alcohol and if       In reference to the week 3 Honi article
                                               In our efforts to produce a satirical long-
                                                                                                 the bar is found to have breached the law       on robots I would like to say that you did
                                               form piece of storytelling, we decided it
                                                                                                 then I can only presume it will incur the       not go far enough. The robot threat is out
                                               would be great to tell a ghost story – a
                                                                                                 fine. I do not know Lizzy personally, but       there, the military robots you so casually
                                               Usyd ghost story. To make the most of
                                                                                                 for the readers of Honi it appears you are      eluded to are just the beiginning. The US
                                               this exercise we thought it would be inter-
                                                                                                 blaming an individual when you are not          military has just developed robots for field
                                               esting to play along with the claim that the
                                                                                                 fully familiar with the circumstances. And      combat. These people are giving robots the
                                               feature was real.
                                                                                                 your attack is even more cowardly when          power to make cognitive decisions. Soon
                                                                                                 those involved decided not to comment.          enough the robots with laser eyes will be
                                               Thank you to everyone who played along
                                                                                                                                                 seeking conselling for PTSD, then attack-
                                               or enjoyed. Thanks also to St Michael’s
                                                                                                 Indeed I hope you get through life without      ing entire populations at large. Don’t get
                                               Church for being awesome. Unfortunately
                                                                                                 making an error of judgement and having         me wrong, I love my iPhone, but can we
                                               we now go back to reporting on real events
                                                                                                 your integrity called into question. And        stop there PLEASE! H.U.A.R (humansu-
Published in Honi Soit, 1965                   and real people by real journalists and real
                                                                                                 even if so, I hope it is not irresponsibly      nitedagainstrobots.com)
                                               ghosts

                                                                                                                                                                            >03
     Honi’s Guide to... News Wires
     Michael Krasovitsky, with this just in...

                                                     The first ever news agency was estab-          certain amount of coverage. Often, news
                                                     lished in France in 1835, and was the          agencies are important news providers          Frank Hatley, from Georgia, Atlanta,
                                                     original version of what we now know as        in countries, conflicts or situations which    spent 13 months in jail for non-pay-
                                                     Agence France-Presse. It was established       have extremely limited potential for media     ment of child support, despite the
                                                     by Charles-Louis Havas as a translating        attention: for example, news agencies          fact that that DNA tests subsequently
                                                     company for the news, but soon began to        were fundamental sources of information        proved he did not father the child in
                                                     cover news-worthy developments across          during the secretive attempted disarma-        question. At his trial, Hatley had re-
                                                     France and Europe. Today, the news agency      ments of Iraq’s supposed Weapons of            ferred the judge to the ‘Billie Jean’
                                                     business is dominated by a handful of key      Mass Destruction by Hans Blix’s US-led         defence, claiming ‘the kid is not my

5                                                    power players, notably the U.S Bloomberg,
                                                     France’s Agence France-Presse, Germany’s
                                                                                                    Disarmament force in 2003.                     son’, but was rebuffed. Victims advo-
                                                                                                                                                   cates groups are concerned that with
     1965 - Rupert Murdoch
y                                                    Deutsche Presse-Agentur, and the UK-           Finally, news agencies also provide feature    the death of pop superstar the impor-
                                                                                                                                                   tant ‘Billie Jean’ defence will lose
                                                     based, Canadian-owned Reuters.                 length explorations of current events,
 )   Ever come to end of a particularly excel-                                                      which go into more depth than their stand-     credence in the eyes of law makers.
     lent article in your daily newspaper, only
e    to realise that it’s been written by some
                                                     The relationship between the news finding
                                                     wires and the news providers may appear
                                                                                                    ard “get the news out, and get the news out
                                                                                                    now” coverage. These features allow the        During the Seretary of State’s recent trip
n    elusive and oddly named European such           simple, but it is in fact incredibly compli-   journalists of the agency significantly more   to Africa, a Congolese University student
     as Agence France-Presse, Reuters or             cated, and may take many forms. Firstly,       room to explore the context surrounding        asked Clinton what her husband thought
-    Deutsche Presse-Agentur? Or perhaps by          news agencies may alert news providers,        the event.                                     about an international financial matter.
h	   some unknown East Asian reporter, whose
     anglicised name, Xinhua News Agency
                                                     such as newspapers, internet blogs, or                                                        Clinton responded “My husband is not
                                                                                                                                                   secretary of State, I am. I am not going
                                                     radio news, to certain going-ons, but not      News wires, though incredibly efficient
     or Yonhap News, seems somewhat too              provide them with any formal news. These       in the rapid diffusion of current affairs,     to be channelling my husband.” Repub-
     new-age for you? Well, behind these names       tip-offs occur not only between news agen-     have been criticised for providing a mo-       lican leaders commented that Clinton
     are billion-dollar worldwide organisations,     cies and news providers, but also in the       nopolised version of current affairs, which    should stop being such a stroppy hag,
     whose job it is to collate and diffuse the      networks between these enormous agen-          leaves little room for the emergence of new    and that it was probably that time of the
     news across both borders and media types.       cies: for example, the Australian Associ-      sources. Furthermore, many news wires,         month.
     These are the central news agencies of our      ated Press has a binding relationship with     particularly state-owned agencies such as
     world, our news wires.                          Agence France-Presse.                          China’s Xinhua News agency or the Infor-       A 21 year old man in Belarus was
                                                                                                    mation Telegraph Agency of Russia have         crushed to death by a massive falling
     News wires are, in many respects, the news      Secondly, news agencies may cover a news       been critiqued for offering a biased and       statue of Lenin after he climbed it and
     ‘finders’. They are organisations of journal-   event and then sell their news reports to      politically driven version of the news.        hung from its arm while drunk. This
     ists, photographers and media trackers          eager-to-purchase news providers. This is                                                     brings the death toll of Lenin’s Com-
     that follow and report the news. They then      the most common relationship between                                                          munist regime throughout Eastern
     sell their findings to media organisations      news finders and providers. As an event                                                       Europe to 25,000,001.
     across the world, which use the informa-        unfolds, newspapers and television stations
     tion and articles provided by the central       buy coverage from an agency, which agrees
     news agencies to fill their papers.             to follow a certain situation and provide a
Sydney scores Revue launch Bond. Bush bonding.
a High Court  Alex Lee prevues the magic.              Dave Mack and Carmen Culina go out back.


justice
              Thursday night saw the launch party for                                         “I’ve always had this idea that medicine
              the 2009 Revue Season, a night described                                        and education students should hang out
                                               by some as “better than expected”. The                                                        more together at university, fall in love, get
Abigail Lemon dissertates.
                                               night was hosted by Project 52 and drew                                                       married, move to the bush and end up with
                                               the usual bevy of revue cast members,                                                         a doctor and a teacher in one awesome
                                               hangers on and student paper editors, cir-                                                    package,” she said.
                                               cling the bar like vultures for free drinks.
                                                                                                                                             “If you’re a teacher and your partner is a
                                               The highlight of the night was the show                                                       graphic designer, you’ve pretty much got
                                               and tell element, where each revue did                                                        no hope in hell of moving to a remote com-
                                               a sketch and revealed their puntacular                                                        munity,” Ineke said. “I wanted to try and
                                               names, including A Collection of Short                                                        combine people from ‘in-demand’ profes-
                                               Storeys from Architecture and Science          A new dawn for outback professionals?          sions and hopefully send them off as pairs
                                               Revue presenting Jurassic Quark. Com-                                                         to work together in outback towns that
                                               merce, with Nightmare on Wall Street           A number of Sydney Uni students from an        need skilled professionals.”
I have many leather-bound books
                                               started their sketch by apologizing for the    assortment of faculties gathered to raise
Justice Murray Gleeson, recently retired       racist accents before it quickly became        money and support for remote Australian        In addition to health professionals, many
Chief Justice of the High Court, will begin    apparent that racist accents were the least    communities with a night of drinks and         outback towns across Australia are in dire
teaching next month at Sydney Univer-          of their worries. Science Revue peddled        dancing at Manning Bar last Thursday           need of teachers, veterinarians, engineers
sity. Having complained in the past that       out their secret weapon, Caitlan, who          night.                                         and even lawyers.
universities neglected the teaching of in-     bounced around on stage like an adorable
terpreting statutes, Gleeson will be assist-   Furby, whilst some first year law students     About 150 students from the medical, vet-      In July the Law Council of Australia made
ing the University in developing a course      displayed some amazing acting ability,         erinary, nursing and education faculties in-   note of the lawyer shortage in their ‘Rural
of that nature.                                having to pretend to be in love with Daniel    terested in practicing in remote communi-      Regional and Remote Area Lawyers’
                                               Lim. Arts announced that their show            ties attended the ‘Bond for the Bush’ event,   survey, which found 52% of the small
Gleeson pointed out that his work at           Murder on the Oriarts Express would be         organised by the USU to raise awareness        amount of lawyers in country towns felt
Sydney would not be onerous (because he        half sketch show, half murder mystery.         about the critical need for skilled profes-    they would leave a regional area in the next
is a genius) and it was a way of keeping a     The Med boys from Slumdog Medicare             sionals to work in Outback Australia.          five years.
connection with the University.                dressed up for the occasion in suits and
                                               scrubs, their song “It’s HIV” a comfort-       Ineke Wever, a fourth-year med student         The night raised over $1500 for the Aus-
Michael Kirby, also a recently retired         ing reminder that our future doctors have      who works at Manning Bar, came up with         tralian Indigenous Mentoring Experience
High Court justice has accepted teaching       been concentrating on studying and not         the idea for the event with Union Board        (AIME) as well as Sydney Uni’s Poche
or course development positions at five        perfecting comedy gold.                        Director Alex Houseman as a way to en-         Centre for Indigenous Health.
universities including Sydney.                                                                courage cross-faculty socialising for like-
                                               With a total of 8 revues this year, The Uni-   minded students.
                                               versity of Sydney Union boasts the largest
                                               revues season in Australia.
Tittilating cliterature
Anna Leacock undresses the mystery of Period English wang.

                                                because it is extramarital, inter-class and    closed on bedroom scenes. Perhaps society        conventional’ sex, even whilst knowing
                                                explicit, controversially describing female    prefers not to see sex so it doesn’t realise     that sex really lies outside the sphere of
                                                enjoyment. We’ve moved on from thinking        how absurd it is to censure certain forms        convention? Maybe we have never thought
                                                some of these are taboo, but we’ve still got   an act so inherently personal. Or perhaps        for ourselves whether our awkwardness is
                                                our own ‘alternative’ forms of sex - usually   because literature acts not as a mirror to       perhaps an out-dated norm pressed onto
                                                in the form of behaviours within it - which    society, but as a corset - showing an unre-      us, rather than a limitation taken willingly
                                                we refuse to acknowledge. Peer condem-         alistic image of society which people strug-     after consideration. Sex is never shame-
                                                nation is so fierce and shaming that we are    gle to fit into, and feel a misplaced sense of   ful. It is totally illogical to place decorum
                                                afraid to openly acknowledge it and thus       shame when they cannot.                          standards on something so natural.
                                                remove the taboo.
                                                                                               Joyce’s sexual discreetness clearly did not      Bringing ‘taboo’ sexual activities into the
Richard Wronghole earns his nickname            Once taboo words or ideas are fearlessly       spring from any personal aversion to dif-        open would be cathartic and cleansing
                                                placed in a public context in which they       ferent forms of sex. If one looks at his love    and would rid it of the shame to which
Sex is probably the ultimate form of unre-      demean nobody, we stop being shocked.          letters to his wife Nora, they are filled with   it currently clings. Shame is incredibly
strained self-expression. So why do we try      What’s more, we realise that in condemn-       erotic and ‘unusual’ desires. Among other        misplaced in the sexual act, and inhibits
to regulate sexual behaviour through social     ing their use, we were just strengthening      things, he wishes to be punished by her,         individuals’ development to maturity and
stigma? Treatment of sex in books today         an illogical social dictate without thinking   describing his dream of her “with your           individuality. Western society must mature
is really not so very different to canonical    for ourselves about whether it was appro-      fat thighs far apart and your face deep red      past its Christian roots and must reject
works in the Modernist period.                  priate. We start to think about whether we     with anger and a cane in your hand”, and         social restraints on sex in order to achieve
                                                could even change its meaning to one more      inciting her to defecate before sex.             intellectual and emotional emancipation.
In the 1950s obscenity trial of Lady Chat-      appropriate.
terley’s Lover, the Crown prosecuted                                                           Joyce must not have been the only man
D H Lawrence for publishing an appar-           It seems that sex is either described in       with such desires. Somehow, what is made
ently ‘obscene’ work of a tender love affair    deadening clinical terms which reject its      public in ‘cliterature’ is so very different
between an aristocrat and her gamekeeper,       inherent emotionality, or its description      from the reality beneath.
narrating their taboo relationship in inti-     is denounced as obscene and gratuitous.                                                                      We want your
mate detail. In one scene, it describes how     In conversations, it’s very rare to find sex   Joyce’s love letters and Lady Chatterley’s
                                                                                                                                                        LETTERS& ARTICLES
Lady Chatterley “softly rubbed her cheek        described in tender, appreciating terms.       Lover reveal the existing, unacknowledged
on his belly, and gathered his balls in her     Lawrence wrote that in writing Lady Chat-      sexual norms in society such as fetishes,                    So send ‘em in
hand”. The prosecution believed the work        terley, he tried to “make the sex relation     consensual violence, the use of ‘offensive
was a “vicious indulgence in sex.” Laugh-       valid and precious, instead of shameful.”      language’ and explicitness. Norms that we
                                                                                                                                                       honi2009@gmail.com
able, or still the attitude today? Have opin-                                                  usually refuse to acknowledge in every-                      Submissions must include your
ions really changed in our society regarding    James Joyce was clearly constrained            day discourse, leaving society in the dark                      name, year and faculty.

‘alternative’ forms of sex?                     in his descriptions of sex by his reader-      shadow of historical religious binds.
                                                ship’s moral expectations. In Portrait of
In Lady Chatterley, the sex is taboo            the Artist as a Young Man, the curtain is      Why are we still afraid of talking about ‘non-


                                                                                                                                                human language is a wonderful unique
                                                                                                                                                snowflake!? Well we’re gonna teach a
                                                                                                                                                chimp to do it! And guess what? We’re
                                                                                                             No. 2606                           naming the chimp after you! How do you
                                                                                                                                                like them apples Chomsky?”

                                                                                               Nim Chimpsky                                     If Chomsky was worried that his life’s work
                                                                                                                                                would be disproven by a chimp with his
                                                                                               Ben Jenkins stops monkeyin’ round to tell        name, he shouldn’t have been. Although
                                                                                               us about chimps.                                 the boffins at Colombia did manage to
                                                                                                                                                teach Nim Chimpsky no less than 125
                                                                                               Is complex and nuanced communication             signs, the results can be charitably de-
                                                                                               an attribute unique to humans? Are we            scribed as mixed. In fact you could go as
                                                                                               somehow hardwired to pick up language,           far to say that most of Nim’s communica-
                                                                                               to seek out meaning, to make sense of            tions sound, well, like a chimp who has
                                                                                               signs and signifiers? Or is this trait simply    been taught sign language.
                                                                                               taught and learned?

                                                                                               These questions can be answered with
                                                                                               research, debate and painstaking schol-
                                                                                               arship – or if you are Herbert Terrace of
                                                                                               Colombia University, you could go out and
                                                                                               buy a chimpanzee.

                                                                                               If this sounds like the plot of a screwball
                                                                                               comedy, that’s because it should be, and it
                                                                                               would star Clint Eastwood and Jonathan
                                                                                               Lipnicki and it would be terrific. However,
                                                                                               what is actually being described is the
                                                                                               makings of Project Nim.
                                                                                                                                                YOU DAMN, FILTHY APE!
                                                                                               The execution of Project Nim was rela-
                                                                                               tively simple; Step One – Buy Chimp. Step        However, Terrace calls project Nim a
                                                                                               Two – Name Chimp Nim Chimpsky as an              success, citing an incredible 16 word
                                                                                               insult to fellow linguist Noam Chomsky.          sentence that he claims demonstrates a
                                                                                               Step Three – Teach sign Language. Step           complex use of language. The sentence in
                                                                                               Four – Raise Nim Chimpsky as if it were          question? “GIVE ORANGE ME GIVE EAT
                                                                                               human. Step Five, kick back and wait for         ORANGE ME EAT ORANGE GIVE ME
                                                                                               the monkey to sign Hamlet.                       EAT ORANGE - ” and ending in a tantalis-
                                                                                                                                                ingly threatening “GIVE ME YOU.”. Sheer
                                                                                               The central premise of Colombia’s study          poetry.
                                                                                               can be summarised like this; “Hey Noam
                                                                                               Chomsky! You know how you reckon that
                     Ancient Greece vs. Ancient Rome                                                                                             Sorting the wheat from the gaffe.

The case for                                     Romans is a great misconception. There’s
                                                 really no point going into the reams of
                                                                                                and technology, I hear you ask? Been on
                                                                                                a road lately? Of course you have. Thank      Finland’s Minister for Foreign Af-
Greece                                           great victories against Persia and between     the Romans. Not to mention aqueducts          fairs Alexander Stubb told Swed-
                                                 Greek city-states beyond saying that the       (“Actually, you’ll find water passages have   ish language news broadcaster YLE
Will Atkinson
                                                 average first-year who ends skolling a long-   a history long before the Romans ever...”     that he does not plan to discuss
                                                 neck with a frothy ‘Spar-taa!’ inadvertently   Shut up, history nerd).                       the recent destruction of the Finn
Trying to prove a historical moot point
                                                 advertises the long-acknowledged Greek                                                       Church Aid clinic in Gaza by an Is-
of long standing and extensive temporal
                                                 talent for messing shit up, strategically.     Not to mention, the Romans had swagger.       raeli missile. Stubb said, “To be
purview in three hundred words is a bit of
                                                                                                Where Greece modestly went about with         honest, why should I advertise Finn
a stretch, as you can probably envisage. It
                                                 Something as reliant on endurance in the       city states & philosophers, Rome con-         Chuurch Aid? It is a little bit like
suffices me to say that the Ancient Greeks
                                                 physical sphere as a marathon stands as        quered the Western hemisphere, spawned        ‘my Nokia was stolen, do you plan
are to the ancient world what Bo Diddley
                                                 a nice analogy for the lasting power of the    philosopher kings and revelled in the kind    to do something?’” Sure, it’s kind of
was to rock ‘n’ roll – the originators.
                                                 Greeks, in one form or another. From the       of drama and suspense that not even excel-    like that. Except instead of a stolen
There’s no point in denying the influence
                                                 Ptolemaic dynasties of Egyptian pharaohs       lent HBO series or Hollywood blockbust-       Nokia it’s an exploded health clinic.
of the Romans and things they’ve done for
                                                 to the Greek-speaking Byzantines, finally      ers can do justice to.                        And you should do something, Al-
us, to badly paraphrase Monty Python, but
                                                 fading away in 1453, their influence spans                                                   exander! Geez.
behind the glories of Rome lies, to a large
                                                 from ancient times, though the birth of        Greece is the smart kid that always showed
extent, the sneaky cultural hand of the
                                                 early-modern Europe, to the present day.       some potential but peaked in high school.     David Cameron has publicly rep-
Greeks.
                                                                                                Rome is the majestic empire which             rimanded Tory frontbencher Alan
                                                                                                stretched across millennia, with civilisa-    Duncan, who whined that the af-
So, what do we have? Philosophy. Political
systems and theory that are still at the fore-
                                                 The case for Rome                              tions as late as the 15th century tripping    termath of the expenses scandal
                                                                                                over themselves to have the honour of         had forced MPs to live ‘on rations’.
front of our contemporary thinking. Math-        Sriram Srikumar
                                                                                                being called Roman. Even today, America,      Gaffeman overheard Duncan: ‘I
ematics. Architecture. The beginnings of
                                                                                                the closest we have to an empire, strives     mean, the new wing of my castle was
Western drama. The genesis of the literary       If the original were the best, they wouldn’t
                                                                                                to emulate the regal architecture, military   going to be made of gold, but now I
narrative and verse. An extensive system         bother building a second version. In its
                                                                                                discipline, political structure and sym-      can hardly even afford my regular
of religious belief and legend, providing        scale, grandeur and longevity, the Romans
                                                                                                bolism and even the very idea of empire       caviar bath and my butler is making
– incidentally – much of the foundations         were the ancient world’s very necessary
                                                                                                that came from Rome. Sure, Greece may         me carry my own diamond encrust-
of Roman belief. Organised sporting com-         upgrade. Their capital city was home to
                                                                                                have started some of these trends but the     ed money clip!’ Tough times, Alan.
petitions, and more – in short, without          over one million people - it would take
                                                                                                Romans made it look good.                     Not quite like the rations doled out
question, a shopping list of the bases of        over 1000 years before any other city
                                                                                                                                              during World War 2 in concentra-
Western culture.                                 in the world would get that big. Their
                                                                                                Indeed, in our adoption of everything from    tion camps.
                                                 elite military discipline helped crush the
                                                                                                political systems to language, we are all
Any criticism of the military prowess of the     “SPARTAAA” yelling testosterone chunks
                                                                                                Romans now.
Greeks in comparison to the world-beating        that guarded Greece. What about science
                                                                                                                                                                    TA
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Poor form from                                to be supporting Palestine!” Without the
                                              funding available through Union member-
                                                                                               tion with a clear majority, despite his less-
                                                                                               senior position in the SRC. This is yet more
                                                                                                                                               editors cannot edit Honi Soit for another
                                                                                                                                               12 months.
Law Revue                                     ship, the Students for Palestine club will       evidence of rumoured anti-Noah sentiment
                                              be unable, in their words, “to put on more       from the internal ranks of NLS.                 In one corner we have a ticket currently
The cast of Law School Musical will be
                                              events on campus.” The nascent Students          Up against the NLS backed Russ?                 made up of Naomi Hart, Anusha Rutnam,
hoping for an appreciative audience this
                                              for Palestine club claimed, much like the                                                        David Mack, Bridie Connellan, Diana
week, but last Wednesday they proved to
                                              proposed WHIGSOC did when they too               Tom Kaldor: who will no doubt seek to           Tjoeng, Carmen Culina, Ben Jenkins,
be less than exemplary audience members
                                              were rejected club status, that the Union’s      outline the importance of his “independ-        Henry Hawthorn, Joe Payten and Joe
themselves at a Project 52 stand up night.
                                              Clubs and Societies Committee (C&S) had          ence”, a status that becomes more nebu-         Smith Davies.
Rocking up halfway through the show
                                              provided “no explanation” for their deci-        lous with every election. His involvement       Also on the cards is a ticket comprised of
without paying, the swarm of red hoods
                                              sion. Honi has heard, however, that Justin       with Law Revue will be an asset however,        Daniel Richardson, Ellen Smith, Steph
stayed to watch a fellow cast member
                                              Simon, member of the Young Liberals and          as he could well tap into the large cast and    D’Souza, Daniel Swain, Michael Falk,
perform a song, then all walked out loudly
                                              the then deputy chair of C&S believed the        soon to be ‘impressed audience’.                Brigit Morris, Nick Kraegan, Claire Burke,
in the middle of Matt Watson’s stand up
                                              application was an attempt by the Socialist      Timothy Vanderlaan: an unkown entity            Anthony Faisandier and Alissa Nasti.
routine.
                                              Alternative to secure more Union funding.        from the Science faculty, and while not on      Both tickets are strong and experienced,
All-singing all-politicking board director
                                              This decision was apparently based on the        Honi’s radar, Science has proven a breed-       calling upon the usual base of Arts, Law
Giorgia Rossi was asked to leave after
                                              fact that none of the ‘Students for Palestine’   ing ground for success in recent years, with    and Meco students, with a hefty dose of
loudly carrying on her conversation at the
                                              members were Palestinian, and the overall        the current SRC President and this year’s       debaters, Bull Editors and Honi reporters.
bar through the first-time comedian’s set.
                                              membership was very similar to the Social-       highest ranked Union Board Director both
So if you’re seeing Law Revue this week,
                                              ist Alternative.                                 from that faculty.                              Taking a different tack are a rumoured
feel free to pay them the same courtesy and
                                                                                               Patrick “Mas Poon” Masserani: a first year      ticket from Writers Society, a group which
walk out halfway through a sketch if you
                                                                                               Arts/Law student from Paul’s College.           apparently cropped up on Facebook a
don’t know anyone in it. It’s only fair.      Rise Senator!                                    While Honi was impressed with his ability       couple of weeks ago but has since been
                                              In an unusual show of disunity from              to dole out drinks at Paul’s event, “Surreal    taken down.
No right of return                            faction-at-large NLS, (left wing of Young        Sounds” earlier this year, a victory for the
                                              Labor) members Noah White, current SRC           young candidate would seem unlikely.            Hailing from the student politics end of
Members of the proposed ‘Students for                                                          Unlikely, but not impossible - if Mass          the ring comes a Labor Right ticket run
                                              President and Russell Schmidt, current
Palestine’ club put up posters this week                                                       Poon can adopt previous college candidate       by Philip Boncardo, which Honi hears
                                              SRC General Secretary both nominated
protesting the Union’s rejection of their                                                      Duncan McKay’s vote-rigging strategy and        includes Chris Massarani and Rachel Bar-
                                              themselves for Undergraduate Student
application for club status. The posters                                                       not get caught he’ll be a shoe-in.              tholomeusz. Finally there has been chat of
                                              Senator without seeking approval from the
claim that their rejection has shown that                                                                                                      both Mojo (2007) and Pulp (2008) coming
                                              factional powers that be. In an emergency
“if you support anything from eating
                                              caucus called to decide which candidate
                                                                                               4 more years...                                 back for another throw of the dice.
chocolate to socialist revolution you can
                                              NLS would support, Russell won the posi-         You wish. Unfortunately the current 10
get funding…the only exception seems
           Sydney Law Hoodies                                                            Online Crosswords No More
                                                                                         Claire Burke laments the sacking of Fairfax’s Digital Puzzle Administrator
           Dave Mack is a law hoodrat.
                                                                                                                                        he can just decide that the whole Friday
Converse. Wayfarers. Leather jackets.       and ‘obiter dicta’ into everyday conversa-                                                  cryptic should revolve around a secret
Havianas. Hoodies?                          tions. For example, “Have you seen the                                                      theme of 1970s horror films, online cross-
                                            latest Harry Potter yet?”                                                                   word help is a beacon of hope for students
The next step forward (or backwards)                                                                                                    and retirees everywhere.
for men’s fashion on campus is arguably     “Yes, but I felt that it departed from
a simple grey jumper that SULS was          precedent in that, prima facie, there was                                                   I enjoy the traditional way of doing cross-
spruiking last year but which have only     a clear novus actus interveniens in the                                                     words as much as the next person: battling
recently started to pop up around town      director’s mens rea in abandoning the                                                       with the creases in the paper, cursing the
now that people have actually summoned      jus cogens norms of the book….Obiter         The first domino in online censorship          Sudoku for wasting precious scribbling
up the courage to wear them.                dicta.” “You’re an obita dick.” Hanging                                                     space, and sitting like a pretentious
                                            around the new law building at all times     The Sydney Morning Herald has been a           wanker at Manning, to let everyone know
‘SYDNEY LAW’, these hoodies proclaim        is also a pretty good way to allow people    reliable harbinger of bad news for several     that I am infinitely more cerebral and
in big, bold font like a pair of ostenta-   to subliminally equate you with law –        years. In its pages I have been alerted        less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s one
tious vanity plates. Traditionally, these   and bad architecture.                        that the Twin Towers had been attacked,        day, while their brains are rapidly turning
jumpers are to be paired with jeans and a                                                that Bear Stearns had collapsed, and that      to mush. I don’t want to actually do the
wry smile that exudes smugness.             Additionally, carry your law textbooks       Jackie-O had been seen to possess quick-       crossword online, but I don’t think Fairfax
                                            around so they are clearly visible and not   thinking maturity in the face of live broad-   has the right to take away the only chance
Like Moses parting the Red Sea, it seems    hidden away in your bag. This basically      casting. But never in my twenty-two years,     we crossword snobs have to cheat and get
the hoodies are designed to cut through     extends Freud’s principle of penis envy      did I think that Fairfax Media would be        away with it.
the throngs of students on Eastern          and allows Arts students to marvel at        so cruel as to announce the closure of its
Avenue and leave them amazed by your        the size of your Australian Constitutional   online crossword puzzle service.               Fairfax thinks it does.
awesomeness.                                Law and Theory.
I have nothing against law students. I                                                   What kind of newspaper can’t muster up         One thing is certain. As of the 31st August,
am one myself. I think SULS does great      So, you’re a law student. Congratulations.   the energy to update two symmetrical           we will all have to change our understand-
work. But this is simply too much.          Now to learn the ancient art of modesty      15x15 grids each day? What happens to          ing of the world we live in. The era of
                                            and discretion, because before you know      those of us who get stuck on 25-across at      freedom that was borne out of the collapse
There is a procedure to these things. Em-   it those pesky Med kids will come up         11.30am and then can’t do any of the other     of the Soviet Union will be over, and it will
blazoning your degree on your clothes in    with T-shirts that proudly proclaim their    ones? And why does Peter FitzSimons get        be despite technology, not because of it.
huge letters screams of both desperation    IQs on the back and suddenly ‘SYDNEY         so much column space?                          Disputes that would have taken only a few
and hubris. Trust me: there are much        LAW’ will become as ridiculous as a          The rise of online news providers is obvi-     seconds to solve will now linger into the
easier and more subtle ways to let lesser   ‘Gender Studies Major’ baseball cap. Ac-     ously a growing problem for local news-        following morning. Personal relationships
university plebiscites know you achieved    tually, I wanna get me one of those.         papers. There is an understandable reluc-      will become strained and fragile. Cross-
a UAI of 99.6 (not that I actually did).                                                 tance to embrace online media, believing       word writers everywhere will see it as the
                                            GOT A BEEF?                                  the internet to be the path towards social     revolution they have been waiting for, and
Start by dropping words like ‘precedent’    honi2009@gmail.com                           corruption and the devil. I understand this.   seize your possessions for the State.
                                                                                         However, in a world where ‘DA’ thinks
Late Penalties                                                                                 Disney is brainwashing you
Will Atkinson handed this in late, so we deducted 20% of his words.                            Dave Harmon is getting wildly out of wing.

                                                by the departments, is one that is seen to                                                      You Feel The Love Tonight’ – an anthem
                                                fall by the wayside with the system that                                                        of hetero-normative, socially-condoned
                                                already stands.                                                                                 love.

                                                Perhaps their greatest scorn, however,                                                          The villainous Scar is the only male lion
                                                is reserved for a system that has the ap-                                                       shown without a clear romantic inter-
                                                pearance, of organisation and set rules,                                                        est. He is drawn preening over his nails,
                                                yet allows markers to arbitrate on what                                                         dancing, and in what appears to be a
                                                deserves a penalty or not. Talking to                                                           neatly trimmed beard and heavy eyeshad-
                                                members of the History Student’s Society,      More like Pride Cock                             ow for a lion: a clear signifier for the ho-
                                                I learned that many have experienced a                                                          mosexual deviant. One of only two British
                                                situation where their late essays - often      A cursory examination of Disney’s 1994           voice actors in the piece (the other being
Time’s up, Timmy                                four days or more beyond the due date -                                                         a nagging, foppish, effeminate nursemaid
                                                                                               classic The Lion King shows it to be a trou-
                                                have been graded without penalty due to        bling signifier of ingrained and heavily         hornbill), his accent is used to put him at
People familiar with Douglas Adam’s droll       the quality of the work, often reaching high                                                    odds with traditional American linguistic
                                                                                               hidden prejudices within the Walt Disney
quote - “I love deadlines. I like the whoosh-   distinctions.                                                                                   notions of masculinity, especially when
                                                                                               company.
ing sound as they fly by” - would probably                                                                                                      compared to James Earl Jones. Scar is
be a member of the vast legion of students      Whilst not necessarily complaining, their                                                       the archetypal Richard III, his sexuality
                                                                                               At a preliminary glance, the film fails the
that at one point in their undergraduate        views in retrospect are consistent with                                                         coded as deformity, a predator, a liar, a
                                                                                               Bechdel-Wallace Test for having only
career have handed in an assessment in          tutors as to the issue of equity within the                                                     man of hidden associations and a clear
                                                                                               three female characters, none of whom
late, and had to face the marking penalties.    system: it just appears they were lucky at                                                      and present threat to the ‘Circle of Life’
                                                                                               interact with each other in the course of
In fact, a few people are guilty of multiple    the time.                                                                                       (or, ‘Circle-of-life-through-the-sanctity-
                                                                                               the film in any significant way.
offences in this regard, and happily seem                                                                                                       of-marriage-as-defined-in-the-bible-as-
to reoffend every semester.                     This issue appears to be less of a problem                                                      between-a-man-and-a-woman’).
                                                                                               The setting is a phallic, jutting outpost in
                                                in the University’s other faculties, who       African pride lands (redolent with a sort
It appears the case more and more that          exact much higher penalties for late work.                                                      When Scar assumes the position of king
                                                                                               of ‘Africanesque’ mysticism that helps
the ill-defined nature of late penalties, and   Students in Economics and Business note                                                         of Pride Rock, the skies darken, the crops
                                                                                               give the film it’s flavour.) Society is patri-
their often arbitrary application is demon-     that their penalties are never set below ten                                                    wither and the people flee. This could
                                                                                               archal and leadership passed from father
strating the counterproductive nature of        percent a day, and are most often set at a                                                      happen in America! is the coded message.
                                                                                               to son. Every minority knows their place
the current system. Instead of penalising                                                                                                       Don’t let the homosexuals win! Don’t let
                                                                                               and is happy to dance and sing for the
the disorganised, or plain lazy, the light-                                                                                                     the feminists win! Find our place in the
                                                                                               amusement of its ruling caste. Mufasa
ness of the penalty imposed and often, the                                                                                                      path above! Know your place in the path
                                                                                               raises his son on a doctrine of corn-fed
marker’s unwillingness to subtract marks                                                                                                        above! Think of the children! Even the
                                                                                               truthisms and trickle-down Reaganomics
from a well-written (albeit late) essay, sug-                                                                                                   jerk, trendy, left-wing kids who shame
                                                                                               (Let the lion eat the antelope today, and
gests an unwritten and unmentioned ten-                                                                                                         their parents by intermingling in the ghet-
                                                                                               years later, maybe the antelope can enjoy
dency to give the green light to a few extra                                                                                                    toes and waste the manifest purity of their
                                                                                               grass that grew from the Lion’s grave.)
days of procrastination.                                                                                                                        genes by espousing half-baked Hawaiian
                                                                                               In fact, by creating an Africa where the
                                                                                               rich stay rich, the poor know their place        philosophy! Eventually Simba is unable to
New tutors, a few of whom I talked to,                                                                                                          deny his purpose and returns to slay his
                                                                                               and there’s not a single black person to be
are actively reacting against a system                                                                                                          evil, non-conforming uncle, impregnate
                                                                                               seen, Disney has created its ideal Africa.
they see becoming inequitable, in which                                                                                                         his chosen bride and banish the second-
marks don’t totally reflect the merit of the                                                                                                    class citizens back to the third world they
student.                                                                                                                                        belong in. The movie ends with a montage
                                                it’s seven past three
                                                                                                                                                proving his virility and heterosexuality as
What is the situation looking like at the                                                                                                       his monkey priest hoists his young in the
university? Students in the Arts Faculty        penalty of 20%. The issue of self-organisa-                                                     air. All is once more right with the world!
are privy to this disordered melange of ap-     tion is evidently a greater focus for under-
proaches to penalties, and some may have        graduates of these disciplines, due to the                                                      Oh, and if you don’t agree with me on all
experienced some creative approaches to         difficulty in gaining Special Consideration,                                                    of this, you’re a fascist.
marking themselves.                             and the the lingering thought that a piece
                                                of work five days late can’t be awarded a
The English and SOPHI departments               grade.
stand as prime examples of a bureaucracy
                                                                                                                                                MORE
laying down rules that are, on close obser-
                                                                                               Jeremy’s iron                                    FAsCisT
                                                As a personal aside, I must say that I’m se-                                                    CARTOOns
vation, not strong enough to encourage a        rially incapable of handing work in on time.   Conversely, hyena society is matriarchial,
culture amongst markers of paying atten-        Like many students of Arts, the ability to     ruled by a woman and coded with images
tion to the real purpose of penalties. The      strategically hand in work and exact marks                                                      PinKY & THE BRAin Repetitive reinforcement
                                                                                               of death and instability. These outcasts
website of the English Department notes         from confused or uninterested markers is                                                        of the notion that any revolution will fail, despite
                                                                                               are fit only to feast on bones, their society
that the late penalty set for working days      a skill I’ve been developing over my three                                                      the brilliance of party leaders due to the incom-
                                                                                               corrupted by poverty, disease, famine and
and weekends is a single mark.                  years at the University.                                                                        petence, apathy and stupidity of the proletariat.
                                                                                               inbreeding. The message: In a society
                                                                                               ruled by women, even the land itself goes        FERn GULLY A nature-loving, matriarchal tribe
Whilst still a penalty, it becomes the case     Am I in need of reform as well? Time will      rotten.                                          of magic-users is incapable of protecting their
(and often a strategy) that a student can       tell.
                                                                                                                                                home and must rely on a potent, white, Ameri-
revise an assessment after the due date,
                                                                                               Both Mufasa and Simba are coded as               can male to protect them from a deviant, ef-
improving to such an extent that it grades
                                                                                               warriors, in fact the only figures mascu-        feminate, ‘polluted’, possibly homosexual spirit
higher than the work that would have
                                                                                               line enough to fight for what is right (this     called Hexxus and his greedy, lazy, stupid ex-
been handed in on time. The late penalty,                                                                                                       clusively Italian-American working-class allies.
                                                                                               being of course, heterosexual masculine
in effect, becomes redundant. New tutors
                                                                                               rule). Scar takes over the pride lands by
identified especially the issues of equity                                                                                                      WiDGET Anti-scientific, ultra-christian text de-
                                                                                               killing the father and banishing the son
that come from such light penalties: first,                 We want your                       - the wives and daughters meanwhile are          tailing how a blessed ‘child from the sky’ saves
the notion of extra time without proper                                                                                                         humanity from it’s own sins through a series of
                                                       LETTERS& ARTICLES                       happy to fit into their genetically-coded
deterrence constitutes an unfair advan-                                                                                                         miracles while battling science-flavoured vil-
tage, as well as the idea that markers                      So send ‘em in                     roles as providers, nursemaids and con-
                                                                                               cubines for the king. When Nala decides
                                                                                                                                                lains ‘Mega Slank’, Ratchet and ‘Dr. Dante’ – the
should grade assessments at the same                                                                                                            latter an attempt to wed images of an infernal
                                                      honi2009@gmail.com                       that Scar must be stopped she does what          afterlife with academia. Science-minstrel-figure
time, to avoid issues of inconsistency in
                                                                                               any good little girl does – goes to look for     ‘Megabrain’ is useless and mocked for comic
their marking. So too, the tutor’s notion                  Submissions must include your       a man to fix the problem. When she finds         effect.
that self-organisation is an ‘academic, vo-                   name, year and faculty.
                                                                                               a developmentally arrested boy she uses
cational and life skill’, consistent with the                                                                                                   DUCKTALEs Paddy O’Immigrant gets himself
                                                                                               her femininity to turn him into a man
expected attributes of graduates proposed                                                                                                       some jew gold.
                                                                                               and, over the celebratory sounds of ‘Can

>10
The                                                                                                                                                                                   HCLUNIE
                                                                                                                                                                                        O
                                                                                                                                                                                      EX SIV


Inimitable
Phillip Adams
Aleksandr Wansbrough talks to Phillip Adams about the left, God and Peter Singer.

Phillip Adams, the famous left-wing              fundamentalisms. But I think it’s been           is can we push altruism harder and harder          its citizens. However, we’ve returned to the
atheist, is a remarkable man. Having             more of a fad. Atheism thimbles away over        and harder to diminish and erode the old           days when Australians spoke in foreign
made his money in advertising, he                the centuries and occasionally puts its head     tribal factionalism present in this world.         accents. Jack Thompson has become
helped start Australia’s film industry and       over the battlements.                                                                               excellent at a Texan accent and when
launched the career of Bruce Beresford.                                                           You mention Peter Singer. What                     one sees Judy Garland on screen you can
He hosts the ABC’s Late Night Live where         Dawkins’ lot, who are spectacularly bad          do you think of him and his                        bet she’s played by Judy Davis. It’s just a
he has interviewed some of the world’s           tempered about religion, are fooling             Utilitarianism?                                    disgrace to see overly famous, overpaid,
greatest minds, and writes a weekly              themselves because they’re motivated by                                                             Australian actors lining up on Oscar night
column for The Australian. He is an Officer      anger. They don’t understand what the            Peter is a very didactic and very useful           to win awards for playing Americans. And
of the Order of Australia, won multiple          religious impulses are and how powerful          philosopher. He argues utilitarianism well         praised for it. They should get their arses
AFI Awards and been named one of the             they are. And, I hate their war on decent        but it discomforts people because of the           back here. We wouldn’t accept it from
nation’s Living Treasures by the National                                                                                                            Australian painters if they all packed up
Trust of Australia. More importantly, he’s                                                                                                           and painted other people’s landscapes.
also my godfather, writes Aleksandr                                                                                                                  Also, I don’t believe
Wansbrough.                                                                                                                                          one cent of our tax should go to the
                                                                                                                                                     shooting Star Wars in Australia or to that
How would you define the left?                                                                                                                       nonsensical hybrid - Baz Luhrman’s film
                                                                                                                                                     Australia.
The threadbare little world of the left
consists of a half dozen Josephite nuns                                                                                                              Over the years you have interviewed
and what’s left over from the trade unions.                                                                                                          many scientists. What do you think
The left is defined by the right and that’s                                                                                                          should be science’s role?
got to change. One would have hoped that
the global financial meltdown would have                                                                                                             Last year I appeared on Compass and
brought some rage back and that there                                                                                                                coined the term “Faithiest”. Which means
would be marches on campus. And for an                                                                                                               I have faith in science. I defer to science
instant we heard the vocabulary of words                                                                                                             in the same way religious people defer to
like socialisation, nationalisation not                                                                                                              theologians. I can’t qualify the scientists’
invariably used as pejorative terms by the                                                                                                           evidence, which means that I have to
right. However it’s only been a frisson.                                                                                                             trust them. I have known many scientists
                                                                                                                                                     and they tend to be decent people. Those
We on the left still wake up to think that                                                                                                           who study physics or biology are the
John Howard is Prime Minister and                                                                                                                    greatest minds. Not artists or novelists.
that George Bush is in the White House                                                                                                               The universe science presents us with is
and I’m not entirely convinced he isn’t.         Santa?!                                                                                             far more magnificent and mysterious than
Unfortunately, it is a rather dull political                                                                                                         that presented to us by religion.
scene. I think the universities seem dull. I     religious people trying to do the right thing.   severity of his critique. His morality is so
haven’t seen a good riot for ages. It’s always   You think the help of the religious would be     frightening because it is so simple.               You never completed high school but
a good sign if there are riots on campus.        welcomed. If one wanted to create a united                                                          you are a prominent intellectual -
                                                 front to fight the injustice against asylum      Peter’s a bit of a saint. I often tell him he’ll   with four honourary doctorates and
What do you think of the attempt                 seekers, or for that matter the Indigenous       end up like that monk who was killed in            a Walkley Award . What place should
by atheists like Dawkins, Hitchens,              peoples of this country, often the people        Italy during the Renaissance. Although             education have in our society?
Onfray, the so-called New Atheists,              most willing to help claim to be motivated       that monk was killed for burning paintings.
to make atheism a political                      by their Christianity.                           I don’t think Peter is for burning paintings.      It wasn’t by choice that I left school - it was
movement?                                                                                         I’ll have to ask him what paintings he’d like      expected that I get a job. I didn’t care about
                                                 Now, Christians have been on both sides          burnt.                                             education because I never needed it. If I
It’s been a long, delayed response               of the fence when it comes to social issues.                                                        were your age now I can imagine queuing
to Christian, Hindu and Islamic                  There were Christians who believed that          Going from Peter Singer to the                     up at your university. That said, I have a
                                                 Apartheid was the law of God and there           Australian film industry is an                     large respect for those who are autodidacts.
                                                 were ones who believed the opposite.             incongruous shift, but given your                  A person who often sits near where
                                                 Recently, theologians have discovered            involvement in the creation of                     you’re sitting is Paul Keating. I think he’s
                                                 hidden in their Holy Book some secret            the Australian Film, Television                    tremendously intelligent but his education
                                                 passages, probably written in vinegar,           and Radio School, as well as the                   is nonexistent. That’s the philistine
                                                 about saving the environment.                    Australian Film Commission, I must                 response though. Over the decades I
                                                                                                  ask - what is your view of our films               have interviewed many professors who
                                                 So, without God where do you get                 and the direction that our industry                I admire. And I encourage the notion of
                                                 your morality?                                   will or should take?                               seeking the truth. I’m not entirely certain
                                                                                                                                                     that’s necessarily what universities are for.
                                                 Well we don’t really have a guidebook to         Well, one often sees a small box come up           I can guess that in many circumstances
                                                 be elevated to the ranks of dogma. If you        on the screen that “no animals suffered as         universities don’t encourage that but rather
                                                 read Dawkins or Singer, they provide an          a result of this film” so Peter has become a       want to churn out degrees.
                                                 evolutionary account of where our morality       film critic. Often one used to see in films,
                                                 comes from. What we call ethics or morality      in westerns, that they tripped horses with
                                                 is hard-wired into us. We have empathetic,       wire and one could see a horse go arse-
                                                 altruistic and antithetic, aggressive            over-tit.
                                                 sentiments. I see the struggle in moral
                                                 terms about pushing the feelings of altruism     About the Australian film industry, there’s
                                                 further and further and minimizing the           a small enclave of Australian filmmakers
                                                 impulse toward aggression. The question          who are making films about Australia and


                                                                                                                                                                                 >11
On any given Friday or Saturday night,         The biggest concern with these large crowds     Legally, a small bar is defined as one ‘with a                                                     can offer better control of their consumers
hundreds of thousands of people pour           is that they become difficult to control both   maximum capacity of 120 people.’ Cultur-                                                           and the consumers’ drinking.
into Sydney city to enjoy a night out. The     inside and outside venues. At least half of     ally, a small bar often seeks to cater to a
pubs, clubs and bars that serve them form      assaults in the city in 2007 were alcohol       niche market or offer a genuinely different                                                        Despite all this, only three of the new small
a powerful industry that’s been accused of     related, with the city spending more than       alternative. Be they to connoisseurs of a                                                          bar licenses have been granted in the past
not doing enough to curtail violence, en-      $7 million in dealing with violent crime.       particular drink (Melbourne’s Gin Palace)                                                          twelve months.
courage new entrants or cater to a diverse     Clover Moore notes that there are ‘higher       or venues committed to a particular activi-
crowd. Regulating this industry involves       levels of alcohol related crime in areas        ty, specialised bars are the exception rather                                                      StuDENtS aND tHE DEMaND
balancing many needs; creating a climate       where extended-hour licensed premises           than the rule in our city. Current proposed                                                        for SMall barS
that encourages existing businesses to         are concentrated.’                              venues in Sydney include rooftop open-air
innovate and new businesses to start up,                                                       cinema bars, tapas bars, themed clubs and                                                          Whether as a result of wishing to appear at
reducing the rate of violent crime and         The lack of specialised venues that cater       so forth.                                                                                          the forefront of culture, or just wanting to
building a vibrant culture that is worthy of   to exclusive crowds is a second complaint.      ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   read a book or talk with friends in a more
a global city.                                 While the vibe at Purple Sneakers is unde-      ‘We aren’t barbarians, but we don’t want                                                           intimate environment, the perception
                                               niably different to that at Kuletos and dif-    to sit in a hole drinking chardonnay and                                                           remains strong that the student body pro-
SYDNEY’S currENt                               ferent again to World Bar, most of the clubs    reading a book’.                                                                                   vides a notable portion of the underlying
DriNKiNg culturE                               that we go to offer a very similar package of   ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
                                                                                                                                                                                                  demand for small bars.
                                               goods: loud music and a variety of beer and
With over 1900 licensed premises, many         spirits. Interestingly though, some of the                                                                                                         Over the weeks prior to putting this article
of Sydney’s entertainment areas are satu-      most successful bars don’t offer cavernous      Small bars have unfortunately become                                                               together, Honi conducted a survey over
rated with very little space for new venues    spaces but rather a collection of small and     somewhat of a cultural symbol, synony-                                                             Facebook to determine whether students
to develop. The Big Three spots - Oxford       intimate rooms across many levels that          mous with scarves and pretentious litera-                                                          prefer small bars, and to identify which
Street, George Street and Kings Cross          each carry their own vibe. Venues such as       ture. This is partly the result of the debate                                                      of these bars in particular are popular
- are home to many of the city’s super         the Ivy, Sugarmill and World Bar all fall       surrounding small bars being focused in                                                            amongst Sydney University students.

‘SYDNEY HAS AN OUTSIDE-IN MENTALITY, MEANING THAT PEOPLE COME FROM AROUND SYDNEY IN
clubs; multi-storeyed, one-size-fits-most      into this category. “Sydney specialises in      a ‘Sydney vs. Melbourne’ sterotypical di-                                                          The results generally corresponded to the
establishments that bring in thousands         destination venues”, argues Tom (name           chotomy. The small bar representing the                                                            notion that small bars are the preferred
of patrons a night. Other night spots like     changed on request), a manager of a major       cultured elite and the large bar reserved for                                                      drinking experience for students, with
Glebe and Newtown’s King Street also offer     hotel in the Cross. “It’s about having a big    the masses. Jim Thorpe, head of the Aus-                                                           64% of respondents noting their prefer-
large bars that seek to pull in hundreds of    night going out on the town.”                   tralian Hotel’s Association (AHA) noted                                                            ence, but revealed an interesting caveat in
patrons every night. Many of these large                                                       with an inflammatory touch: ‘we aren’t                                                             the amount of people left over that didn’t
bars are owned by mega hotel groups such       tHE MiSSiNg PiEcE                               barbarians, but we don’t want to sit in a                                                          prefer small bars. It’s misleading, however,
as Merivale (The Ivy, Tank, Slip Inn, Hotel                                                    hole drinking chardonnay and reading a                                                             to claim all students desire the intimate
CBD) and Keystone (Bungalow 8, Cargo           Despite the dozens of entertainment             book.’                                                                                             drinking scene.
Bar, Sugarmill).                               centres and thousands of party goers,
                                               the ‘small bar’ has not yet flourished in       Chris Lane, co-owner of Small Bar (the                                                             The question remains as to why students
A common experience of the Sydneysider’s       Sydney.                                         first established under the new legislation),                                                      prefer small bars. Perhaps the idea of
night out seems to be shouting over loud                                                       told Honi, ‘A small bar concept is a shift                                                         smaller venues standing as a direct reaction
music and pushing through dense crowds.        ‘Raise the Bar!’ is a campaign launched         in mentality as much as a shift in legisla-                                                        to the culture of wholesale drinking that
Clover Moore’s claim that Sydney’s enter-      in 2007 that pushed for the inclusion of a      tion’. Far from being exclusively the book                                                         larger establishments are seen to foster, to
tainment districts feel like New Year’s Eve    new license exclusively for smaller bars. A     and chardonnay affair, small bars cater to                                                         a diversified drinking culture encouraging
every night with excessively large, loud and   version of this was legislated in mid-2008,     a wide demographic and offer patrons an                                                            greater originality.
dangerous crowds rings true to anyone          costing $500 rather than the $15 000            opportunity to move away from the binge-
who’s walked through the Cross in a sober      for normal licenses. The hope was that it       drinking and the ensuing violence that’s                                                           The nature of alcohol - related violence, too
state.                                         would make it more viable for small busi-       been noted as characteristic of our bar                                                            - and the associated difficulties that people
                                               nesses to start up.                             culture. It is argued that a smaller venue                                                         often encounter on an evening out in Syd-


>12
                                                                                                                                                                         WHEN CLOVER MOORE’S NEW ALCOHOL
                                                                                                                                                                  LICENSING LAWS WERE INTRODUCED TO GREAT
                                                                                                                                                                       FANFARE IN 2007, AFICIONADOS OF SMALL
                                                                                                                                                                  BARS REJOICED. WILL ATKINSON AND SRIRAM
                                                                                                                                                                        SRIKUMAR EXPLORE THE REASONS WHY
                                                                                                                                                                     SYDNEY HASN’T SEEN A RISE IN THE NUMBER
                                                                                                                                                                       OF SMALL BARS WHEN ALCOHOL-RELATED
                                                                                                                                                                        VIOLENCE IS RAMPANT IN OUR DRINKING
                                                                                                                                                                   ESTABLISHMENTS AND OUR DRINKING CULTURE
                                                                                                                                                                 RUNS THE RISK OF BEING A ONE TRICK PONY. CAN
                                                                                                                                                                          WE GIVE THE SMALL VENUE A CHANCE?


      ney’s entertainment precincts - remains         recently closed small bar in King’s Cross,                                                         be, was to have the ability to have a plate of   everyone. In many cases, this is the more
      one of the clearest reasons for a change in     Honi heard of the impact of a crackdown                                                            nachos and wait until things calmed down.        economically sustainable option.’
      Sydney’s drinking culture.                      by the City of Sydney Council to levels of                                                         As it appears, that option of addressing
                                                      violence in the Cross.                                                                             the threat of violence is no longer open to      Violence, then, though endemic in larger
      The most popular bars survey participants       ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
                                                                                                                                                         patrons.                                         bars, is simply a factor that patrons are
      identified were the Different Drummer on        Despite the shift in legislation, only                                                                                                              willing to put up with in their pursuit of a
      Glebe Point Road, Madame Fling Flong’s          three of the new small bar licenses                                                                Raise the Bar! revealed to Honi a similar        good time. Indeed, this rings true with the
      and Kuletos on King St and well-known           have been granted in the past twelve                                                               perception for owners of the difficulty of       36% of surveyed students, who much pre-
      local pubs, some not necessarily small, like    months.                                                                                            obtaining a license for small venues: relying    ferred the larger venues and perhaps even
      the Courthouse in Newtown and the Nag’s         ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
                                                                                                                                                         on both a D.A. from the relevant council         some of them who perceived venues such
      Head in Glebe. The geographical proxim-                                                                                                            and a license from the state government,         as Cargo as offering ‘small bar’ spaces.
      ity to Sydney University is an interesting      Opened in 1984, Deans traded until 6am                                                             the process is costly, prone to delay and a
      point: revealing, in a sense, how small bars    without incident, according to Drew                                                                major sticking point for potential owners.
      are ‘ghettoised’ in proximity to their cus-     Bulner, the licensed premises inspector for                                                        Lane’s positive view of the new legislation      The tragedy in the debate over Sydney’s
      tomer bases.                                    the City of Sydney Council. A recent crack-                                                        is tempered by the time consuming nature         drinking culture and the demand for small
                                                      down in regulating licensing forced the en-                                                        of preparing an application for a license,       bars is that the current legislation, licens-
      Furthermore, the definition of a small bar      forcement of Deans’ original development                                                           with the need to fulfil criteria imposed by      ing process and lobby groups create an
      varied quite considerably in the replies -      application (D.A.) which identified a 12                                                           Community Impact Statements and the              atmosphere where a litmus test for the
      from people classifying places like Cargo       am closing - contrary to what both owner                                                           like being a drawn-out process.                  demand – to see whether Sydneysiders
      Bar as ‘small’, to Burwood RSL, and ‘your       and council had practised for 15 years.                                                                                                             could sustain a culture of small venues –
      mum’ (she says hello). For those not clog-      Understandably, the closing time enforced                                                          The increasing demand for diversify-             isn’t available. Even though the culture
      ging our inboxes, the identification of parts   by the council became uneconomical for a                                                           ing Sydney’s drinking culture with small         of Melbourne, which strongly colours the
      of ‘multiplex’ style venues like Ivy and        bar that received the bulk of its guests at                                                        bars is argued for as a bulwark against          Sydney debate, took ten years to develop, it
      World Bar as small bars, could point to         9.30pm onward, and it subsequently had                                                             alcohol-related violence: the Raise the Bar!     stands that the few examples of small bars

EY INTO THE CITY FOR ENTERTAINMENT... THEY ARE NOT GOING TO TREK IN FOR A SMALL BAR’.
      the embrace of large complexes that offer a     to close.                                                                                          movement reflected the point that it’s far       in Sydney – some of which students might
      collection of small, intimate spaces.                                                                                                              easier for small venues to responsibly serve     be familiar – have been mostly successful.
                                                      The negative experience of legislation and                                                         alcohol, and like the owners of Deans, ‘de-      As a means of diversifying our sometimes
      The DifficulTies of sTarTing                    the licensing process for Deans is, however,                                                       creasing crowds helps ease the tension’.         mundane drinking habits, and standing
      a small Bar                                     not necessarily the norm. Chris Lane of                                                                                                             as a method for combating alcohol related
                                                      Small Bar, who applied under the new                                                               Tom, the manager of a major hotel in Kings       violence and irresponsible service, small
      The running debate over relaxing licensing      system, noted that it ‘pretty much opened                                                          Cross, understands this point in theory, but     bars are a valuable idea and should be en-
      laws to create an atmosphere conducive to       the door for us to start our business’, re-                                                        characterises the nature of Sydney drink-        couraged to open alongside the large bars
      starting small bars has continued between       flecting positively when asked about the                                                           ing as an ‘outside-in’ mentality.                that we so dearly enjoy.
      organisations like Australian Hotels Asso-      future he sees for small bars in Sydney.
      ciation (AHA) and small bar lobby groups                                                                                                           ‘The City is an entertainment hub with it
      like Raise the Bar!                             Much of Deans’ frustration with its man-                                                           unlikely that suburbanites would travel in
                                                      dated closing time of 1am, as a result of the                                                      for a big night. They are not going to trek
      The situation is characterised by a confu-      crackdown, is the converse way in which                                                            into the city for a small bar, that isn’t ap-
      sion between the goal and impact of legis-      such measures actually foster violence:                                                            pealing. They will travel as long as they get
      lation. Laws aimed at encouraging smaller       seeing ‘loads of people’ on the streets of the                                                     a big, splashy experience. With that big
      bars and actions taken to prevent the rise      Cross at 2am, is, as the owners said, a recipe                                                     splashy experience comes the assumption
      of violence have often acted counterpro-        for disaster, when everyone is attempting                                                          that Sydneysiders just aren’t interested in
      ductive to each other.                          to find their way home and taxis are thin                                                          niche drinking offered by smaller venues.’
                                                      on the ground. Some argue that the beauty
      Talking to the previous owner of Dean’s, a      of the small bar model, like Dean’s used to                                                        ‘Sydney venues try to be something for


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    >13
                                                Neglectful                                     We Hacked                                        Gangrene
                                                parents claim                                  Into NME’s                                       polling better
      TIM BAILEY                                they were                                      Database                                         than Malcolm
                                                “giving the                                    Daniel Swain gets into the mind of a
                                                                                               wanker                                           Turnbull
                                                child space”                                                                                    Daniel Richardson polls well

                                                James Colley is a conspiratorialist                                                             With a Herald/Neilsen poll released
                                                                                                                                                yesterday showing that 82% of Austral-
                                                From spanking to chores to shootings,                                                           ians would rather have gangrene than
                                                the punishment of children has always                                                           Malcolm Turbull as their Prime Minister,
Dear Diary,
                                                been an ethical hotspot. Shocking recent                                                        deep rifts within the Coalition’s ranks are
                                                reports uncovered by the United States’                                                         now beginning to show.
Today’s forecast: windy with the chance
of a storm. Tim’s angry.                        National Adolescent Services Agency
                                                (NASA) has detailed the elaborate and                                                           Turnbull, a man always despised by the
                                                sickening lengths to which the parents of                                                       right wing of his party, is now having to
My job is really trough. And despite
                                                generations past punished their children.                                                       placate those who see him as being too
my friendly demeanour, I hate the
                                                                                                                                                moderate. Allegations are coming thick
viewers – summer really mean. When
                                                A particularly harrowing and recently                                                           and fast that the Member for Wentworth
I’m frustrated I ask them, “You know
                                                released report details 40 year old events                                                      has promised the Right a tougher stance
Mt. Everest? Why don’t you climate!”
                                                which entailed a child found floating in a                                                      stance on social issues such as abortion
Zing. Predicting the weather isnow
                                                capsule in the Pacific Ocean. The child,                                                        and gay marriage. According to one Coali-
walk in the park. It’s a high-pressure
                                                who is identified as Neil A., claimed he                                                        tion source, “Turnbull has been playing
system, with a great chance of clouded
                                                was on a “time-out” and had been sent                                                           tonsil Hockey with the left for too long, it’s
judgement. Plus you’ve got to create
                                                away by his parents for leaving his room       Smokin’ schnozza                                 time he Broadbent himself over and got
the right atmosphere. I try to do that by
                                                “all messy”.                                                                                    ready for some Brough treatment.”
always having little kids around, which
the mothers love – they seasons and
                                                The report goes on to detail Neil’s recount    Initially, I wasn’t sure whether I would         Said the the same source, “...six weeks ago
daughters running about on TV having
                                                of his awful journey. Experts claim the        enjoy this slim volume by Michael Cun-           he wouldn’t even have a Peacock at their
a great time, like this one sun, ray, who
                                                child must have experienced severe psy-        ningham. On one hand it is a book about          Bishop, now he wants to Tuckey it so far
played twister with me. We were tide up
                                                chological torment evident in the way his      AIDS, Virginia Woolf and lesbianism.             up his Bushby that I’m wondering if he’s
in knots. Or Hugh, he was a good buoy
                                                stories slipped into outlandish fantasy.       Win, win, win. On the other hand it was          got the Payne threshold to Holt out for
but too talkative – I had to stop humid
                                                The traumatised child believed he had          featured on Oprah’s Book club, and then          long enough.”
sentence.
                                                been to the moon with his best friend –        made into a movie by the guy who directed
                                                who was described as some form of an-          Billy Elliot. Then again, that film starred      “It’s obvious that he wants to go Downer
But I still do it, and I’m awesome. I’m
                                                thropomorphic bee.                             Meryl Streep and was only shown in inde-         on us, ” said another Opposition source,
so good at predicting the weather I’ve
                                                                                               pendent theatres. I soon realised that this      “the question now is whether we even
made the technology obsleet. All hail
                                                However, in a bizarre twist – the testi-       was a book so complex that I would have          Truss him to do it...” Indeed speculation
Tim Bailey, I rain over weather land as
                                                mony of his parents verified some of the       read it first, then review it.                   is rife about who, if anyone, will replace
the Prince of Precipitation, the King of
                                                claims of the child. They confirmed that                                                        Turnbull in the coming months. Names
Conditions – I’m hectic like hectopas-
                                                young Neil was indeed sent on a “time-         I suspected I would have enjoyed more            under consideration apparently include
cals, first at five.
                                                out” but claimed it was “at the order of       had I read it in 1999 just shortly before it     Joe Hockey, Tony Abbott and the much-
                                                the President of the United States”. John      won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. Then I       talked-about radio host Kyle Sandilands.
But I never get any credit. It’s always,
                                                F. Kennedy was unavailable for comment         could have said: ‘I imagine this book will       One Opposition backbencher said that
“Look at his hair! Look at his glasses!
                                                and the claim was dismissed.                   win the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction’ and sub-     after the UteGate scandal, Sandilands’
Look at his tan!” Fuck. I’ve got to deal
                                                                                               sequently had my prediction validated.           ability to unearth improper dealings
with that stuck-up Ron Wilson. The pro-
                                                John Glenn, an expert in cases of extreme      It would have been a safe bet: one of the        --“even if they were with twelve year old
ducers have always seen our hostility
                                                child neglect, suggested that Neil’s story     characters has AIDS.                             girls”-- is becoming increasingly appeal-
as a storm in a teacup; they think they
                                                may not be an isolated incident, claiming                                                       ing to some prominent Liberals. “That’s
sea level headed men at work. But icy a
                                                “they were sending [children] away left,       Now sitting here, in 2009, typing on             certainly one way to penetrate the youth
cold front waiting to shower pain. At last
                                                right, and centre. We must have handled        my iBook in a small cafe-cum-vintage             vote…” added another, smiling sadly.
year’s Christmas party I was so hot un-
                                                at least 12 cases of this nature”.             clothes-outlet in Leichardt I can only view
der the collar I warned him, “be careful
                                                                                               this book detached from all that initial         Sandilands isn’t the only unconventional
or I’ll throw my temperatya.” I wanted
                                                Unfortunately, like many of these stories      hysteria. I am of the unshakable opinion         name being considered by an increasingly
to shove the north pole so far up his arse
                                                there was no happy ending for poor Neil,       that this book did not deserve to win the        despondent Opposition, three members of
even the Fremantle Doctor wouldn’t be
                                                who remained apologetic upon his return        Pulitizer Prize for Fiction. It is, after all,   the Right faction are allegedly caucusing
able to help him. I remember Wilson
                                                and adamant that he’d “never do it again”.     popular and stocked by Dymocks. Not that         for returned Iranian President, Mahmoud
saying something about dropping a
                                                Neil is believed to be still living in the     one takes any notice of the shallow acco-        Ahmadinejad to be put on a short list for
BOM on me but I foget what happened
                                                United States and has expressed no desire      lades of the conservative establishment.         interview. While the federal Liberal Party
after – I must have tripped Autumnthing
                                                to recant his incredible story. Clearly, the                                                    would be unlikely to admit an Iranian to
like that because when I woke I felt a bit
                                                psychological scars of this event are tragi-   The Hours is postmodern and so while             so much as a fundraiser under normal
winded. When they asked if I was drunk,
                                                cally permanent.                               I was reading it I couldn’t help thinking        circumstances, as one Opposition source
I told them isobar. I’ll get him.
                                                                                               of all the other postmodern books I’ve           put it, “desperate Pynes call for desperate
                                                The National Adolescent Services Agency        read such as those by Pynchon, Mitchell,         measures...”
So I feel mostly fine but a little isolated.
                                                expressed deep regret at the tale, but have    Calvino and Coetzee. It’s probably best
Sometimes I feel a little depressed – I
                                                warned there has been suggestions that         to leave those comparisons unexplained           Views on Ahmadinejad within the Liber-
once went to Fisher to borrow books
                                                such unbelievable punishments may be           since it is unlikely that you have read all of   als are as split as the party itself. Opinions
about mental health but cyclones are
                                                on the rise again. A source who wished to      those authors.                                   are starkly divided between those who feel
only available to students. Thank God
                                                remain anonymous hinted that the presi-                                                         the President’s electoral strategies, like
Sandra Sully’s kickin’ about the office,
                                                dential order alluded to by Neil’s parents     I felt the book fit comfortably into the         voter fraud and police intimidation, are
she breezes in like the hot north-west-
                                                may indeed have been real. The source          ironic millennial queer fiction milieu of        an “appealing option”, and those who feel
erly she is.
                                                also suggested “there have been whispers       recent years but could also be character-        they are the party’s “only hope”.
                                                of another proclamation of this nature         ised as a classic palimpsest-driven literary
Besides if I left, I’d be hugely mist – so
                                                from the [Obama] administration”.              epistemic thinkpiece. My iconoclastic
I’ll stick around for a little longer, Bailey
                                                Needless to say, it is the responsibility of   critical mind transcends genre anyway.
out.
                                                the parents to put their children first to
                                                ensure that never again will such barbaric     Did I mention it’s about AIDS?
Paul Mackay                                     acts occur.



>14
                                               Laughter Clubs
 PIMP YOUR RIDE                                Sriram Srikumar snickers.

                                                                                               into a gang of people who’d lost all control
HYPOTHESIS                                                                                     of their senses. Soon enough though, you        Laughing clubs are not a local peculiarity.
To take your nanna’s ‘89 Holden and                                                            calm down and start seeing the funny            There are tens of thousands of clubs in over
turn it into a fully sick babe-mobile.                                                         side of it. From that point on, there’s no      60 countries. They’re all based on a simple
                                                                                               stopping. No matter how cynical you are,        concept. The body cannot tell the differ-
EQUIPMENT                                                                                      I challenge you to stand amongst all this       ence between natural laughter and forced
1 x hand-me-down Holden, with 45,000                                                           free flowing laughter and not crack up          laughter, so forced laughter is just as good
kilometres                                                                                     yourself.                                       for the body and mind as spontaneous
2 x blue lights that you can use to illumi-                                                                                                    laughter. Madan Kataria first formalised
nate the road under your car                                                                   The sessions are pretty informal with one       and developed this concept into a yoga
1 x marginal ethnicity, whose identity                                                         of the members usually taking the lead and      routine, with the first club forming in 1995
can only be expressed through the art                                                          guiding the group through various laugh-        Mumbai, India. Laughing is said to have
form that is the car                                                                           ing exercises (chicken laugh, Aloha laugh,      many health benefits from lowering blood
1 x disco ball, to be used in lieu of car                                                      clam laugh, high society, mad scientist....).   pressure to oxygenating blood, improving
light                                                                                          Members come and go during the session          muscle flexion and stimulating the release
                                               Ready... set... LAUGH!
4 x pleather coach cover                                                                       with around 10-20 people attending on           of endorphins, the chemicals which cause
1 x 5mx5m fish tank full of exotic fish to     Meet up regularly in a public space, stand      the day that we visited. The laughing club      us to feel happy.
impress your lady friends                      in a circle and start laughing for no reason.   are a known feature of Saturday morning
                                               Simple. Nuts. Honi couldn’t resist and in       amongst the locals- they’ve been running        So when laughing club participants laugh
METHOD                                         the name of duty I headed down to Camp-         weekly since 2001.                              and claim to be the “healthiest, happiest,
1. Choose an era. Just as you may de-          erdown Memorial Park on a Saturday                                                              most beautiful people in the whole wide
cide to decorate your kitchen in say, a        morning to experience Laughing yoga.            I’ve spent 13 weeks with tutorial groups        world” at the end of their exercises, it might
French Classic style, or with a Period                                                         of 10-20 people and left at the end of the      well be a self fulfilling prophecy.
British motif, picking a historic influence    I expected the whole thing to feel a little     semester with zero connection to any one
is absolutely central when pimping your        silly and lame. I got over the “too cool” at-   of them. After just one hour of laughing
ride. While of course, 1990s Harlem            titude pretty quickly and was sucked right      with people who I’d usually never associate
continues to dominate many pimping             in to the spirit of things. I was warned        with, I felt at ease and comfortable chatting
attempts, other periods of choice are          before we started that the laughing can feel    away to them. Something about laughing,
1970s Disco New York and 1930s Jazz            pretty ritualistic at first. Understatement.    while unnatural and forced at first, really
Era New Orleans.                               When everyone started walking around            breaks the ice and seems to allow your
                                               and laughing on command, it was a surreal       mind to build connections with people.
2. Pick up your materials. Many rides          moment. It really felt like I’d wandered
are pimped with the flashiest gadgets,
most cutting-edge pyrotechnic materi-
als and priciest lighting. In view of this,
it’s important to try and outdo all of your                                                                                       Fight Scenes on Film
fellow pimpers with the most expensive
and most blingy additions. Get crea-                               > Wesley vs. Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride (1987)
tive: why not add a judo floor instead of                          A masked man has clambered over a cliff in search of a beautiful woman, to find a Spaniard waiting to kill him. They
the back seats, so that you can stay in                            chat. And then they fight. The swordplay is stunning. The scenery is resplendent in all its Styrofoam glory. But best
shape? Or a moat around the driver’s                               of all is the how the two trade a flurry of blows without raising a sweat, though their suave and charming banter
seat? These nuanced features will not                              raises plenty of eyebrows. These guys are unflappable! And the twist? Both of them are not left-handed! Diabolical.
only impress your soon-to-be-wood                                  Honourable mentions to Indigo Montoya vs. The Six Fingered Man and Wesley vs. Vesini in the Battle of Wits.
women, they’ll actually add 3 to 4 inches
to your penis.
                                                                   > Tyler Durden vs. Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)
3. Organise a marketing campaign.                                  I want you to hit me as hard as you can. So says Tyler Durden, to a mild mannered insomniac in a parking lot. In the
What’s a pimped ride without at least                              fight that starts Fight Club, every punch lands and their impassioned rage at nothing in particular is palpable. Plus,
15 minutes of gossip alongside it? You                             this awesome scene becomes even more diabolical once the killer twist is revealed. Spoiler alert! There’s nothing
want your new ride to be the belle of the                          like the old ‘the two main characters are actually two personas of one guy with split personality disorder’ punch line.
ball, the talk of the town. To achieve this,                       Beats the hell out of ‘Then they woke up and it was all a dream’. Honourable mention to Edward Norton beating up
start subtly dropping the fact that you’ve                         himself in his boss’s office to get himself fired. So hectic. Oh and FYI everyone: You are not special. You are not a
recently pimped your ride into conver-                             beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
sation. Make sure these comments are
classy, hidden, tantalising. For exam-
                                                                   > Jets vs. Sharks, West Side Story (1961)
ple, if asked, “So, whachu get up to on
                                                                   Clicking, slicked back hair, dancing and simmering racial tension: Every time the Jets and the Sharks go ballet
the weekend”, one might answer, “Well
                                                                   slipper clad toe to ballet slipper clad toe, their nimble antagonism makes for glorious fight scenes, backed by swing-
good sir, I in fact was kept busy by my
                                                                   ing, smooth jazz of Leonard Bernstein. Every encounter is charged with song and passion, since when you’re a Jet,
darling Leticia. She’s always ready to
                                                                   you’re a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette til your last dying day. Swell.
go, she always want more. She’s insatia-
ble! She’s a car.”
                                                                   > The Bride vs. 88 ninjas, Kill Bill Volume One (2004)
                                                                   Uma Thurman takes out 88 ninjas armed only with a sword, a yellow jumpsuit and some old fashioned rage. This
CONCLUSION                                                         scene showcases Tarantino at his best, complete with outrageous amounts of blood spurting from the hacked-up
As Shakespeare said, “the blingier the                             bodies of anonymous ninjas. Uma Thurman never loses her composure, except when she faces the last remaining
pimp, the hotter the ho”. True to his                              ninja. She gives him a spanking because that’s what you get for fucking around with Yakuzas! Well, it is.
place in the canon, Shakespeare’s com-
ments are right on the money. As rides
got pimped, this reporter could hardly                             > Nick DiMarco vs. Stingray, Undefeatable (1994)
fend the women off.                                                Kristie Jones is in a street fighting gang to earn money for her sister’s college education. When serial rapist, Sting-
                                                                   ray, kidnaps Kristie’s sister, she tracks him to a warehouse with the help of buff police officer, Nick DiMarco. Nick
                                                                   and Stingray fight and it’s so horrific that it’s a bit awesome. Not satisfied with hiding their ripped bods underneath
                                                                   shirts, they tear each others’ shirts off completely unnecessarily and grunt more than outrageously than Monica
                                                                   Seles. The fight ends when Stingray takes a meathook to the eye. He then gets lifted by the eye socket, by the meat
                                                                   hook, which was part of a some kind of pulley system. Kristie says scathingly, ‘We’ll keep an eye out for you, Sting-
                                                                   ray’. Nick adds, ‘Yeah. See ya.’ Get it? Because he got his eye poked out?! Amazing revenge banter.



                                                                                                                                                                           >15
PRESIDENT’S REPORT
Report of the SRC President, Noah White//president@src.usyd.eu.au

                          I was hoping
                          that Semester
                                              As I mentioned in my report last week,
                                              the SRC managed to get major changes
                                                                                             affordable student accommodation on
                                                                                             campus. It was also one of the issues
                                                                                                                                                 GUS’ KITCHEN
                          two would be        through that relate to making it easier for    that I felt that resonated with students        This week I have another guest
                          earlier   than      students to balance their work and study       the most.                                       kitchen column. My good friend
                          my semester         commitments. This includes increasing                                                          Gus informs me that the inspiration
                          one was but         the maximum time a student is allowed          Unfortunately it is also one of those           for this dish comes from his long
                          unfortunately       to defer to two years (it is currently one     issues for which there is no silver bullet      term lover Trashbag Williams.
                          it is busier if     year).                                         and something that with even the most
                          anything for                                                       committed University administration is          Pesto Sausage Penne
the SRC. Because there is so much going       International Students                         going to take a long time.                      This Eurasian pasta hit is quick
on I thought I would give you a quick         The SRC is currently, in conjunction with                                                      and cheap to prepare. It is very
run-down of the things that I have been       the National Union of Students running         I now sit on the University’s student           tasty – so much so that many have
involved in, this semester.                   a campaign for international student           accommodation task force, which has             been known to over-eat this dish to
                                              welfare. The focus of this will be on          been charged with finding a solution to         the point of sickness. Like all good
Academic Board Policy                         transport concessions for international        the problem. The University has set a           things, this dish is best eaten in
The Academic Board is undergoing an           students.                                      target of increasing the amount of student      moderation.
extensive review of many of its most                                                         accommodation by over 6000 beds by
important policies. This includes the         For this campaign there are two major          2014, which is a huge task. The main            1 bottle of pesto sauce
special consideration policy (and special     events coming up. First the SRC has            problem boils down to space; there is           6 sausages (best to use sausages
arrangements),      plagiarism     policy,    organised a forum and free BBQ on              not much land for the University to build       with spice, like Thai chicken sau-
“students at risk” policy as well as a few    the issue. The forum is at 12pm in New         on. After a bit of pushing from the SRC         sages)
others.                                       Law School Lecture Theatre 106 on              this is a problem that the Uni has taken        I packet of penne pasta
                                              Wednesday 19th August and will be              an active role in and it is assessing all of    Parmesan cheese (for topping)
It is extremely important that the SRC        attended by the Vice Chancellor.               its options in terms of buying land within
keeps an eye on how these policies are                                                       a reasonable distance from the Uni.             Fry six sausages in a pan and then
changed because, although you have            On September 2nd the SRC will be                                                               cut them into bite-size chunks.
most likely never heard of them, they are     organising a rally that will start at Sydney   The University will also be conducting          While you are cooking your sau-
policies, which will effect students on a     University at 12pm. The aim of the rally       a survey to assess the demand for               sages, boil water and cook pasta
day to day basis.                             is to present a petition to parliament         affordable student housing and other            till al dente.
                                              demanding that international students          types of student housing and this will
Major changes include making it more          are given a fair go when it comes to           feed into the University’s planned              When pasta and sausages are
flexible for students to organise alternate   travel concession.                             construction. The SRC’s position is that        cooked, put the pasta into a large
assessments or extensions for minor                                                          the University should be aiming to be           saucepan. Then include the full
assessments and making sure that              Student Accommodation                          able to provide every first year student        jar of pesto sauce and the sausage
faculties are timely with their responses     When I ran for president in the elections      who would like one, a bed in affordable         chunks and then stir it all together
to students so that appeals and alternate     last year, one of the policies that I spoke    student housing.                                thoroughly.
exams don’t stretch into the next             about a lot was to campaign for the
semester.                                     University to increase the amount of                                                           Serve straight away with parmesan
                                                                                                                                             cheese.


EDUCATION REPORT
Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryan//education.officers@src.usyd.eu.au
                                              fellow students. They are discriminated         into issues surrounding international         and domestic students. Students are
                                              against on the basis of race on a daily         students. The looming state government        engaging with this campaign who may
                                              basis as a direct result of the policies of     elections mean that we could be looking       never have attended a protest or stepped
                                              our government, universities and the rac-       at a Liberal state government the next        foot inside the SRC. We believe it has
                                              ism in our universities and our society.        time around, which will shoot down            the potential to be far more effective and
                                              International students are often coping         any chance for progressive change in          on a far larger scale than anything other
                                              with the financial pressures of exorbitant      our state. Rallies held in response to the    student campaign in past years.
                                              tuition fees, no transport concessions and      racist attacks last semester proved that
                                              exploitive tenancy arrangements.                there are large numbers of international      The rumblings of discontent over these
                                                                                              students spearheading the campaign.           issues of basic equality are being felt
This Wednesday there will be an infor-        Due to only being allowed to work 20                                                          throughout NSW universities. Get active
mation session on International Students      hours a week they are forced into cash          As the SRC education officers we have         and get involved. Come to the information
and Transport Concessions with speakers       in hand jobs which are often subject to         been running a stall outside Carslaw and      session on Wednesday and stick around
including our very own Vice Chancellor        poor working conditions. However, they          speaking to students about all of these       for a free BBQ and chat afterwards. Drop
Michael Spence. Anyone who is inter-          are unlikely to do anything about this          issues. While the response has been           by the stall outside Carslaw and sign our
ested in ending the grossly unfair condi-     workplace exploitation because of lack          overwhelmingly positive, there is the         petition. Come to the Education Action
tions foisted upon international students     of knowledge awareness of their rights          occasional student who dismisses any          Group which meets every Tuesday at
should come along;                            and fear of the repercussions of breaking       involvement with the campaign with;           1pm on the Front Lawns/ Chancellor’s
                                              their visa requirements. It is a vicious        “But I’m not an international student.”       Lawns. See you there!
International Students and Transport          cycle of exploitation and racism fueled         There are others who question our
Concessions                                   by government policy which seeks to             involvement with the campaign; “But
                                              treat these students as cash cows. And          you’re not international students.” Both
Wednesday 19th August (Week 4)                it’s time it came to an end.                    these statements are ludicrous. Since
                                                                                              when did we dismiss issues of gross
12pm New Law Building                         So why push for something like transport        inequity and racism in our society simply
                                              concessions now? The issues faced by            because we did not belong to the group
Lecture Theatre 106                           international students have been scruti-        directly affected?
                                              nized by the media ever since the attacks
Free BBQ on the Law Lawns afterwards          on Indian students last semester.               The campaign for transport concessions
International students contribute millions                                                    is genuinely exciting and I think this
of dollars to our state government yet        The federal education minister, Julia           stems from the fact that it is being driven
are not afforded the same rights as their     Gillard, has announced an inquiry               by a grassroots force of both international



>16
GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT
Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//gen.sec@src.usyd.eu.au

For those who haven’t been tuning in            stroppy about the state of things. The          (say that 20 times!) will take over your      collective and the anti-racism collective
week-to-week, a couple of weeks back            whole student movement seems to have            life. You have to recognise that the          (to name just a few) which deal with
I wrote about getting involved in repre-        been slightly tainted by the supposedly         movement is more than the sum of its          issues specific to those campaigns. The
sentation on campus and how important           nonchalant attitude of students in the          parts and everyone has their part to play;    collectives are open spaces that open
it is that a diverse group of people get        naughties, but its something that is still      you don’t have to fail University in order    discussion up to all interested parties in
involved in advocating the views of             sorely needed. The student movement             to care about the state of our society.       order to set the direction for the overall
students to the university. This week I         has been at the cutting edge of political                                                     campaigns being run by activists on the
want to write about the student move-           developments in environmentalism,               Whilst many of you would think that           ground.
ment and getting involved outside of the        civic rights and the peace movement and         the SRC and NUS run only education
formal structures of the University.            has pushed for everything from legalising       focused campaigns, that would in fact,        The student movement is built off the
                                                drugs to ending war.                            turn out to be false! There are a number      collaboration of all the different collec-
The SRC obviously has a role to play                                                            of groups on campus involved in po-           tive of the SRC and they come together
in facilitating engagement with the             If you aren’t particularly radical and the      litical struggles which don’t tend to focus   for demonstrations and to raise public
University, but its other major role is as      idea of participating in the long march         on education. There are autonomous            awareness. If you have an interest in
the leading on-campus organisation in           toward socialism doesn’t tickle your            women and queer collectives meaning           coming to a collective meeting, please
the student movement, both on campus            fancy there are a whole raft of other           they are only open to people who iden-        do not hesitate to come to the SRC and
and across the country. Students are the        campaigns to participate in, for example        tify as women or queer respectively that      ask when and where the relevant collec-
group of people in the community best           the campaigns against the CPRS and the          deal with issues specific to both groups      tive meets and we will be able to point
situated to push for social change; they        campaign against the NT Intervention.           of students. In addition, there are also      you in the right direction.
have time, they tend to use perception          Another misconception is that getting           non-autonomous collectives such as the
altering drugs and generally like to be         involved in on-campus activist activities       environment collective, the education




WOMEN’S REPORT
Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingley//womens.officers@src.usyd.eu.au

- This week written by Monique Ewen
 On the ferry, the mothers with their            We talked of giving birth. The way it is        controlled by masculine modes of             have come from other women (though
 babies strapped to their stomachs make          mis-represented in film. After she had          knowledge.”                                  other women may transmit them) and
 arrangements for the transferral of prams;      her baby she was angry with all the films                                                    all of which have floated invisibly about
 folded up, carried onto the ferry. A wom-       she had even seen with a birth scene.           “As far as I’m concerned,” she said. “It’s   her since she first perceived herself to
 an in earth coloured cloth says goodbye         All we get, she said, is the image of the       women’s business. It’s got nothing to do     be female and therefore potentially a
 to her friends. They try to get a smile out     screaming woman panting on the bed,             with men. So why are most obstetricians      mother.” (1976, Of Woman Born, NY;
 of the baby. Its head wrapped in a green        and the man standing by, fists clenched         men?”                                        WW Norton & Co., p. 61-2)
 woollen beanie. The mother’s eyes are           not knowing what to do. The room is
 beautiful and almond shaped, her lips           all white and clean, and full of doctors        “Women have been both mothers and
 pink and pretty, her teeth crooked.             – it’s not like that, there’s blood all over    daughters,” writes Adrienne Rich. “But
                                                 everything. Her partner said it was hor-        have written little on the subject; the
 The ferry pulls away from the wharf.            rific. And it was, she said, it was bloody      vast majority of literary and visual im-
 We begin talking, this mother and I. She        and gross but what she felt in her heart        ages of motherhood comes to us filtered
 is from the mountains. We talk about            was beautiful. Nothing could feel more          through a collective or individual male
 dancing: ferry drivers, public transport,       natural.                                        consciousness. As soon as a woman
 moving house, giving birth, smiling ba-                                                         knows that a child is growing in her
 bies. We catch the train together. I help       “Adrienne Rich writes about mother-             body, she falls under the power of theo-
 her with her pram. We say goodbye. I            hood.” I said; “About how our ideas             ries, ideals, archetypes, descriptions of
 never learnt her name.                          of mothering, birth, and babies are             her new exitence, almost none of which




ASK ABE
SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry
9660 5222 or help@src.usyd.edu.au
Dear Abe,                                       Dear LA,

I am in a difficult financial position. I       There are many things to consider here.         Consider also that you may be able to get
need to move out of my mother’s house           If it is possible for you to get Youth          emergency accommodation while you
because she is an aggressive person. I          Allowance it may be possible to move            sort all of this out. Check out STUCCO,
tried living with my father but his wife        into a share house. This would be up to         RentStart and a Health Care Card.
doesn’t think that I belong there because       $370 plus a possible $75 rent assistance
they have a young family of their own.          if you’re sharing a house.                      Abe.
When I moved back in with my mother
she became even more aggressive, as             Your living conditions are probably               This column offers students the
she thought that by trying to live with         an independence criteria you could                opportunity to ask questions on
my father I was betraying her. Now she          consider.    Basically Centrelink will            anything that may affect their
directs her anger at me and I have to           accept that it is Unreasonable to Live            “welfare”. This can be as personal
                                                                                                  as a question on a Centrelink pay-
spend all of my study time at the library.      At Home if you or someone else in                 ment or as general as a question
I’d like to move out of home but I just         your home is subjected to physical,               on the state of the world. If you
don’t earn enough money. I think I can          emotional or sexual violence. Talk to             would like to ask Abe a question
probably put up with living with mum            an SRC caseworker about getting on a              send an email to
for a little longer, but it really is getting   payment.                                          help@src.usyd.edu.au.
into my head. Is there anything else I
can do?

LA


                                                                                                                                                                        >17
      www.supra.usyd.edu.au
                                                          The SUPRA
SAAO Corner                                         What	is	the	Cross-Campus	
Dear SAAOs,                                         Concessions Coalition?
Help! I’ve been told that an assignment I handed
in is not referenced properly and that the
course coordinator is going to investigate me for   International student education has become a multi-billion dollar “industry” in Australia, with
plagiarism.                                         hundreds of thousands of students coming from overseas to study here. But these students
What should I do?
                                                    are often misled, are subjected to violence and harassment, are targeted by employment and
                                                    accommodation scams, and treated as merely a source of income by education providers. Our
                                                    education system is disproportionately funded by the fees paid by mistreated international
The first thing is to go and have a look at the     students. This must end.
University policies on academic honesty and
plagiarism, and read through them. These            Since re-forming in 2009, the Cross-Campus Concessions Coalition (CCCC) has agreed to
documents are available online at http://www.       putting forward the following demands:
usyd.edu.au/policy and search for ‘plagiarism’.     •	       Transport	concessions	for	international	students;
You can also read SUPRA’s info sheet here http://   •	       Accessible,	low-cost	accommodation	close	to	campuses;
www.supra.usyd.edu.au/Adv/Fact_Sheets_and_          •	       Workplace	rights	and	less	restrictive	working	conditions	under	student	visas;
Links.html                                          •	       A	freeze	on	tuition	fees	and	visa	charges;
The second thing to do is get in contact with the   •	       Drop	the	charges	against	student	protesters;	no	students	in	detention.
SUPRA advice and advocacy service on 9351 3715
                                                    •	       No	violence	–	no	victim-blaming,	no	double	standards,	end	police	racism.
or help@supra.usyd.edu.au and talk to one of the
SAAOs about the situation. Plagiarism allegations
can have a serious impact on your studies,          The CCCC meets every Tuesday at 12pm at the SUPRA Office (in the Raglan Street
depending on the outcome, so it is a good idea to   Building).
get some advice before you respond.
                                                    Join SUPRA in Demanding a Fare Go for International Students on Wednesday
                                                    September at 12pm outside Fisher Library. There will be a rally marching from Sydney
                                                    Uni	to	join	students	from	all	over	NSW,	from	both	Universities	and	private	colleges.

                                                    Both International and Local students should attend this event to demand equal rights for
                                                    international students, an end to racist exploitation of international students, safe affordable
                                                    accommodation,	a	freeze	on	tuition	fees	and	transport	concessions	for	international	students.

                                                    We	all	need	to	support	this	cause	because	the	poor	treatment	of	international	students	comes	
                                                    from the fact that the Federal Government is not funding Higher Education properly, so
                                                    universities	use	International	student	fees	to	fill	the	gap,	without	providing	anywhere	near	the	
                                                    resources and support to help any of us succeed.

                                                    If	you	would	like	more	information	on	the	CCCC	and	the	rally	on	Septemeber	2nd	please	contact	
                                                    SUPRA.

                                                    Rashmi Kumar
                                                    SUPRA Co-President
                                                    president@supra.usyd.edu.au




                               12 pm
                               outside
                                      rar y
                            Fisher Lib




>18
     Postgrad Pages
Plagiarism and referencing                                                                                                                         Subscribe to
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All you need to know about referencing just it time for those first essays...                                                                      it’s FREE!
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What is Plagiarism?                                                                                                                                you will be able to:
The	 University	 defines	 plagiarism	 as	 ‘presenting	 another	            A more comprehensive resource, maintained by the                        •	 Access	our	free,	confidential	
person’s	 work	 as	 one’s	 own	 work	 by	 presenting,	 copying	            University of Queensland is available here http://www.                     student advice and advocacy
or	 reproducing	 it	 without	 due	 acknowledgement	 of	 the	               library.uq.edu.au/infoskil/styles2.html	 This	 page	 offers	               service
source” (Academic Board Resolutions: Academic Honesty                      links	 and	 ‘how	 to	 guides’	 to	 numerous	 referencing	               •	 Participate in SUPRA events
in	 Coursework,	 Amended	 2006).	 That	 sounds	 clear	                     approaches.                                                                and activities
enough,	but	in	reality	it	can	sometimes	be	difficulty	to	work	                                                                                     •	 Receive regular email updates
out	where	your	sources	end	and	your	original	work	begins.                  Standardised referencing                                                   and electronic publications
                                                                           As stated above, difference disciplines have different                     (eGrad)
Why are references important?                                              referencing standards. If you are not sure what referencing             •	 Use the SUPRA Resource and
Referencing	the	work	of	others	in	your	work	is	a	key	part	                 standards	 you	 should	 use,	 then	 ask	 your	 lecturer.	 A	 few	          Meeting Rooms
of academic honesty, and is the main way to avoid an                       well-known	referencing	standards	are:                                   •	 Access discounted photocopy-
accusation of plagiarism. Referencing sources ensures that                                                                                            ing, printing and faxing
it	 is	 clear	 what	 work	 is	 yours,	 and	 what	 work	 is	 derived	       The American Psychological Association                                  •	 Vote or run in the SUPRA
from	 the	 work	 of	 others.	 It	 is	 not,	 in	 itself,	 a	 problem	 to	   The APA has comprehensive information available at                         Council elections
base	your	work	on	the	work	of	others	-	in	most	disciplines	                http://www.apastyle.org/index.aspx. An online tutorial                  •	 Actively participate in your rep-
you are expected to demonstrate that you are familiar with                 guides	you	through	how	to	present	work	and	reference	it	                   resentative student association.
the	work	of	other	people	in	the	area.	So	referencing	sources	              properly. The FAQ section at http://www.apastyle.org/                   By becoming a SUPRA Supporter
demonstrates	that	you	have	consulted	other	people’s	work,	                 learn/faqs/index.aspx answers more detailed questions,                  you will be able to:
and	lets	people	reading	your	work	access	sources	that	you	                 such	as	how	to	reference	work	based	on	email	or	personal	               •	 Access	all	of	the	above	benefits	
have referred to.                                                          communications,	 and	 how	 to	 reference	 works	 where	 no	             •	 Receive a SUPRA Supporter
                                                                           author is given.                                                           Welcome	Pack	(including	SU-
Referencing can also be a way to demonstrate that you have                                                                                            PRA highlighter and t-shirt)
worked	collaboratively	with	others.	Collaborative	work	is,	                Harvard Style                                                           •	 Show that you appreciate the
again, not in itself a problem, if it is referenced in such a              Harvard style uses author-date references in the text,                     value of an independent stu-
way that the contribution of those involved is clear.                      with	 a	 detailed	 reference	 list	 at	 the	 end	 of	 the	 work.	 An	      dent run organisation.
                                                                           introduction to Harvard style can be found here http://                 Complete your subscription online
How should you reference work?                                             www.library.uq.edu.au/infoskil/styles2.html#harvard                     at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub-
So	what	is	the	best	approach	to	take	in	referencing	work	                                                                                          scribe	then	follow	the	links	if	you	
properly?	SUPRA	caseworkers	would	advise	students	that,	                   Other approaches you may come across include the                        would	like	to	become	a	SUPRA	
if	in	doubt,	include	a	reference.	Make	sure	that	you	use	a	                Chicago Manual of Style, the Australian Guide                           Supporter. Alternatively you can
consistent approach to referencing. If you are not sure how                to Legal Citation (AGLC) and the Australian                             complete a form at our stalls or
to	go	about	doing	this,	then	we	would	definitely	encourage	                Government Publishing Style (AGPS, also referred to                     drop	into	the	SUPRA	office.
you to consult with academic staff about how to include                    as AGIMO).
references	 in	 your	 work	 before	 the	 work	 is	 submitted.	
If	 the	 assessment	 to	 be	 submitted	 uses	 work	 prepared	              In	conclusion,	learning	to	reference	the	work	of	others	in	
by other students (such as graphs or tables involving the                  your	own	work	is	one	of	the	most	important	skills	taught	
results	of	calculations),	or	uses	work	presented	in	lecture	               by University study. It is essential to presenting a credible
                                                                                                                                                   Raglan Street Building (G10)
notes,	 definitely	 consult	 with	 the	 lecturer	 about	 how	 to	          argument, and demonstrates that you are able to draw on
                                                                                                                                                   Darlington Campus
reference, as this type of material can be hard to reference.              the	work	of	others	in	your	work.	If	you	are	not	sure	how	to	
                                                                                                                                                   University of Sydney NSW 2006
                                                                           reference sources, then consult with academic staff in your
                                                                                                                                                   Phone: (02) 9351 3715
Different	 disciplines	 have	 different	 approaches	 to	                   discipline	and	have	a	look	at	some	of	the	resources	listed	
                                                                                                                                                   Fax: (02) 9351 6400
referencing source material. Most reference styles require                 above.
                                                                                                                                                   Email: admin@supra.usyd.edu.au
at least a reference to the author and date of the publication
                                                                                                                                                   Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au
in the text and a full reference list at the end of the paper.
A full reference list means including, for instance, the title
of the article and title of the journal, for a journal article, or
the	title	of	the	chapter	and	a	book	title,	for	the	chapter	of	a	
book,	as	well	as	the	author’s	name	and	date	of	publication.	

Most	University	libraries	maintain	pages	of	links	to	online	
resources on referencing, The University of Sydney page
can be found here http://www.library.usyd.edu.au/
subjects/readyref/citing.html but unfortunately, not all the
links	are	current.	The	University	Library	also	has	an	online	
guide to referencing at http://www.library.usyd.edu.au/
skills/	if	you	follow	the	link	to	‘how	to	reference’.

                                                                                                                                                                         >19
                                                                                                                                                         Pon-yo!
SUDS                                            FILM                                            FILM PREMIERE                                     Jacinta Mulders would have made
Sr Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You        GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra                       The Age of Stupid                                    a better fish-girl than Ponyo.

SUDS’ latest offering, Christopher Du-          Sunday evening. The Andy Lee to Sat-            The Age of Stupid offers viewers the chance
rang’s Sr Mary Ignatius Explains It All         urday evening’s Hamish Blake is part of         to escape to the world of 2055 - a future
For You is a weird polemic lambasting           my usually uninteresting, routine, down-        that isn’t quite what we’ve been promised,
Catholic prescriptivism through black           right mind-numbing fag end to a week.           and definitely not what we want to see.
comedy. Its success rests on the perform-       However, last Sunday I attempted to             Based on mainstream scientific projec-
ance of Sr Mary (Catherine Holbeche), as        break the insidious litany of the Sabbath       tions of what the world will look like in
it is largely her monologue explaining the      by going on a man-date. Like all the great      fifty years decades, there are no jet packs,
whys and wherefores of Sin, Life, Death,        dates of history there’s a strict procedure:    no flying cars, and no drinking water for
Heaven, Hell, Sin, Purgatory, Limbo and         mate books tickets for him and actual           most of the world. Essential viewing for       Is that a condom?
Sin. Holbeche is very cute as the peppy         date to see GI Joe, date invents suit-          anyone who cares about the survival of
psycho nun helped by 7-year-old Thomas,         ably garbled excuse (straightening her          our planet, The Age of Stupid features the     Cult Japanese film director, Hayao Miya-
played endearingly and with surprising          toenails) to avoid seeing GI Joe, mate          Oscar-nominated Pete Postlethewaite as         zaki, has a lot to live up to in his latest of-
believability by Dominique Nesbitt.             bumps into me, brings me out of a state of      a man living alone in a devastated world,      fering, Ponyo. Over the past twenty years,
                                                non-insane automatism with mention of           watching archival footage and asking,          Miyazaki’s whimsical offerings have
The play itself is a little confusing. As an    movie, go to cinema, realize we are seeing      “why didn’t we stop climate change while       cemented their unanimous appeal: break-
audience, we are addressed by Sr Mary in        GI Joe, reenact Willem Defoe’s death in         we still had the chance?”                      ing out of the traditionally niche market
her classroom, as though we are at some         Platoon, see movie. This is the only cir-                                                      of anime enthusiasts, they have entered
bizarre parent-teacher night cum conver-        cumstance under which anyone whose              It’s a powerful movie, with past audiences     the film vocabularies of the wider cinema
sion class, which takes an unexpectedly         mum no longer buys their (Action Man)           giving it standing ovations, and even          -going public.
sombre turn. If the first two thirds was        underpants should see GI Joe.                   weeping at the future that we’re neatly
like tripping on a video of my 13 years of                                                      creating for ourselves. It’s got green         The true magic of Miyazaki’s inventions
Catholic education in fast forward, the         There really isn’t that much to say about       cred: George Monbiot called it the thing       lies in the sheer eccentricity and breadth of
final segment is a really abrupt come-          this movie. You’ve seen it all before. This     to watch in 2009. It’s got film cred: the      his imagination put eloquently on display.
down: Sr Mary’s former students pay a           movie is like Team America as directed by       UK premiere holds the Guinness World           Each story is so unquestionably epic in its
surprise visit, ostensibly to put on the best   Michael Bay except instead of puppets,          Record for the largest simultaneous film       visual proportions; you can’t help but be
Christmas pageant I’ve ever seen (com-          you’ve got Channing Tatum.                      premiere in history, and made world news       swept away into the world of the director’s
plete with pantomime horse), but it turns                                                       when the President of The Maldives used        self contained creation. Couple that with
out they want to shove the failure of her       The opening could have been serviceable         it to announce that his country would be       human characters of fierce integrity called
doctrine in her face.                           despite some comically bad Gallic accents,      carbon-neutral within a decade. It’s got       upon to affect balance in a troubled world
                                                if the rest of the film hadn’t proved it        BIG cred: The global premiere later this       of supernatural proportions, and you
Here there was an opening for some              bereft of any narrative significance. The       year will be hosted in New York City,          have all the makings of an anime classic.
dynamic staging, utilising the contrast         scenes that follow are more pointless than      headlined by Kofi Annan and beamed             It is not difficult to see why the Miyazaki
between Mary’s lecture and the presence         an interview with Joaquin Phoenix. Two          out to 45 countries. Heck, it’s even got       branding begs such high expectations.
of many bodies on stage, but it ended up        bit-part characters - one goodie (who           indie cred, with Radiohead’s Thom Yorke        Nor why Ponyo fails to meet them.
being rather stagnant. There was also           wears black: shock!), one baddie (who           singing live.
unreached potential in characterisation:        wears white: horror!) - feature in a series                                                    Immediately apparent from the very
Durang writes delightfully unhinged             of underwhelming flashbacks, while the          It’s an incredible movie, and it packs a       glossy Disney-produced trailer is the fact
characters, and Mary’s sweetness could          main plot lumbers on. It plays out like a       punch, but you’re left feeling hopeful.        that Ponyo is being marketed towards a
have been juxtaposed with moments of            pre-school game of one-upmanship; Oh!           Excitingly, the Australian premiere will       younger audience. Miyazaki has already
true insanity, which would have provided        the goodies’ base is submerged beneath          be beamed live and direct into Hoyt’s at       shown his unquestionable talent in this
more laughs and help engage interest over       the Sahara. Ah! the baddies’ base is Atlan-     Broadway Shopping Centre, with leaders         category: in addition to My Neighbour
such a long monologue. Mary would also          tis. Big who cares.                             from Oxfam on hand to explain how you          Totoro (1988), critically acclaimed Spirit-
have been shown in stronger relief when                                                         can help the world avoid the bleak future      ed Away (2001) and more recently, Howl’s
the “normal” characters turn up, of whom        If the plot could be called lacklustre, the     portrayed in the movie. Alexander Dacre,       Moving Castle (2004) both display char-
Diane (Tina Moshkanbaryans) gives an            performances are charcoal black. Sienna         President of Oxfam Usyd, said that, “if we     acteristic flair and originality. However,
impassioned indictment of Sr Mary’s             Miller essays a risible American accent as      allow The Age of Stupid to come true there     the intrinsic beauty of these works resides
teaching style, forming the climax of the       the villainess Ana Lewis, Damon Wayans          is no one to blame but ourselves. This is      in their ability to present an emotionally
play. This monologue fell a little short of     is even less bearable ogling a white chick      the hour that we can and must effect a         complex world of lost protagonists and a
the mark: Tina plays deadpan very well,         than he was playing one, and Dennis             climate for change.”                           triumphant human spirit. For something
but there was room for moments of truth         Quaid’s turn as General Hawk, the Joes’                                                        Miyazaki is so good at, it is surprising that
which would have brought a stronger             unflappable overseer, is an insult to           So it’s not exactly your usual Wednesday       this is precisely where Ponyo falls flat.
emotional edge.                                 manufacturers of auto-pilots everywhere.        night. But I can guarantee that it’s worth
                                                Even Chris Ecceleston, who usually injects      it.                                            Although comprised of characteristically
Houston Ash’s directorial debut shows           a touch of Northern class into proceed-                                                        magnificent imagery, Ponyo is far too
promise but needs to be more adventur-          ings, is more Mr Freeze than Ernst Stavro       WHAT: The Age of Stupid Australian             saccharine and cute to hold the attention
ous to really hit its mark. But despite these   Blofeld. Bafflingly, most of the actors are     Premiere                                       of anyone over pre-school age from the
criticisms, it is a really fun, deeply weird    contracted to do the sequel.                    WHERE: Hoyts Broadway                          incredibly long 1 hour 40 minutes that
play, which I recommend, especially if                                                          WHEN:       6.30pm-9pm,    Wednesday           this movie spans. In a weak twist on the
you need to brush up on your dogma.             But all things considered, GI Joe is not        August 19                                      little mermaid, Ponyo tells the story of a
                                                completely irredeemable. The action se-         WHO: The Age of Stupid & Oxfam                 little fish that meets a boy and resolves to
3/5                                             quences are mostly well-executed, if a little   Australia                                      turn human. That’s all there is to it; the
                                                clunky and generic. However, by far the         WHY: Because you’ll learn how to save          film lacks any of the inherent complexity
Vivienne Egan                                   most enjoyable aspect of the movie is the       the planet.                                    which so intensely underlaid Miyazaki’s
                                                script, which contains some of the worst                                                       previous works. I’m sure many children
                                                one-liners in history. A personal favorite      5/5                                            will delight in the pretty quirks of Miyaza-
                                                the witty riposte delivered by Heavy Duty,                                                     ki’s underwater world. But to anyone who
                                                the impassive quartermaster of the team,        Josh Wyndham-Kidd                              knows what this director is capable of,
                                                on being informed the Joes they were                                                           Ponyo is almost teasing in its simplicity.
                                                going to France: “I like croissants”. End
                                                scene. End man-date. Return to watching                                                        Ponyo opens August 27th.
                                                Rove on Sunday evenings

                                                1/5

                                                Joseph Smith-Davies


>20
              Spiders: high in fibre                                                                    The Land of The Scots
                  Katherine Connolly examines some canny cuisine.                                      Steen Raskopoulous sends his love from bonnie Scotland.

                                                                                              Hola from Edinburgh,                            Darby’s show, remembering that
                                                                                                                                              in ‘99 Sisqo released his first
                                                                                              Whether it be the history, the Comedy           single, feeling gutted when
                                                                                              Festival, the architecture, Stephen K Amos      I didn’t get a chance to
                                                                                              introducing me to someone as his ex lover,      search the mazes for the
                                                                                              hanging out with sketch comedy sensation        keys in the hit TV show
                                                                                              Pappy’s Fun Club, playing soccer with the       ‘Amazing’ or seeing a
                                                                                              biggest stars on the international comedy       seagull swoop down and
                                                                                              circuit, McLovin from Superbad comment-         eat Axis of Awesome gui-
                                                                                              ing on my skills, seeing a very orange tanned   tarist Lee Naimo’s lunch
                                                                                              woman break her ankle while wearing 100         (half a chicken), while
                                                                                              inch heels and stacking it on cobbled pave-     yelling “Don’t eat that,
                                                                                              ment, learning that old Scottish men sound      that’s another bird! Birds
                                                                                              Japanese when speaking really quickly,          shouldn’t eat birds!” one
                                                                                              sleeping in a cupboard, eating home made        thing is certain:
                                                                                              Malteser muffins, missing my family and
Spider senses tingling?                                                                       friends, not missing my family and friends,     Edinburgh is where it’s at,
                                                                                              walking a lot, feeling disappointed at Rhys     bitcholas.                    Scottie the hottie
In previous editions of Gastronomist,          eat caterpillar fungus soup, made from
this column has brought to you what we         a parasitic fungus that grows out of the
thought was the interesting and unusual        forehead of Thitarodes caterpillars. You
of the food world. Little did we know, we’d    could follow up your entrée with another
just scraped the surface of kooky cuisine.     Chinese delicacy, sweets made from bird        Whatever Suits                                  a wall, if the shoulder pads touch the
                                                                                              Ryan W. Thompson                                wall, ditch the suit and run. Chest: You
This week, Honi brings you a taste of the      spit. Cave Swifts make nests by spitting                                                       should be able to easily button the suit
disgusting delicacies of the world, which      out a chemical compound which hardens                                                          with no material straining. This said, no
                                                                                              The term ‘bespoke’, along with ‘Am-
are enough to make all but the most hard-      in their air – when combined with water,                                                       more than a fistful of room should exist at
                                                                                              aretto Sour’ and ‘Climate Change’, was
ened connoisseur’s stomach heave.              the nests take on a gelatinous texture.                                                        the chest. Sleeve: Should reveal 60-100
                                                                                              among the most misunderstood and
                                               Heading south to the land of tequila and       overused terms of 2008. The sometimes           mm of shirt cuff and fall 125 mm above
Hailing from Sardinia comes the Casu           cheap prescription drugs, the intrepid         shocking misconception of the term and          the tip of your thumb. Pants: should fall
Frazigu, or ‘rotten cheese’. This maggot-      collector of tastes can sample the goods       all it entails was rife this past year, and     unhindered with a single break to the
infested cheese has a powerfully pungent       of Mexican street vendors. Large paper         this writer feels it his responsibility, as a   front of the pant, should be within 10 mm
smell and a soft creamy texture. Once the      cups of live bugs anyone? Of, if you prefer    long-time-listener and first-time-caller to     of the floor with your most likely worn
maggots have gorged themselves on cheese       your arthropods dead, try a grasshopper        Honi Soit, to bring its true meaning out of     pair of shoes. When seated, no hairy legs
                                                                                              the closet, at least in suiting terms.          should be seen over socks.
fat, they along with their cheesy home are     and worm taco, right after an appetiser of
most commonly served at weddings and           mosquito larvae.                                                                               PATTERN: If you are-
other important, ceremonial occasions.                                                        While our Melbournian neighbours to
                                                                                              the South continue to set the standards in      Short: Avoid double-breasted suits;
                                               If you think only exotic locations can give                                                    stick with shorter jackets in pinstripes
                                                                                              terms of Australian bespoke fashion, Syd-
Travelling away from the Mediterranean         your stomach this kind of challenge you’re                                                     or dark solids. N.B. Realistically, double-
                                                                                              ney belies its age with a generally poor
to Cambodia, one can sup on large spiders,     dead wrong. Should you be traversing           showing in the department of suiting.           breasted suits should be avoided at all
similar in appearance to North American        the Scottish highlands, you’ll find blood                                                      costs, lest one desires to emulate James
tarantulas. Locals breed these large arach-    sausage, which doesn’t need a whole lot        Whether it be the Leichardt Boy’s High’s        Packer’s sense of style.
nids for eating, which they do after first     more explaining – blood is cooked until it     year 10 formal, one’s annual appearance         Tall: Avoid pinstripes; they have a ten-
deep-frying them. Their main appeal is         congeals in the sausage skin.                  at the Downing Centre for jumping (un-          dency to lengthen the torso and distort
said to be their texture, which is crispy on                                                  successfully) the fence at Parklife or the      the figure.
                                                                                              beginnings of a career as a PWC foot sol-       Fat: Embrace pinstripes, they are sure to
the outside and chewy on the inside. Your      Each one of these stomach turning meals
                                                                                              dier, Sydney men seem to be missing the         camouflage the gut.
meal could, however, be messy as these         is extraordinarily considered a delicacy by                                                    Thin: Choose bold patterns, thick lapels
spiders dribble a greasy black juice while     locals. Then again, we regularly eat a black   point. Too often am I seeing what would
                                                                                              best be described as young boys wear-           and if all else fails torso padding; to gain
being consumed.                                slimy paste made from the yeast leftover                                                       that V-shape we all desire to project.
                                                                                              ing their father’s suits; baggy, saggy and
                                               from beer brewing, so we probably can’t
                                                                                              generally unflattering, or even worse, a
Should you prefer another type of crawl-       point any fingers.                             too-short pant leg revealing a Nike ankle       SHOES: Regardless of style, colour is the
ing animal you could head to China and                                                        sock.                                           single most crucial aspect of choosing
                                                                                                                                              footwear to match your newly purchased
                                                                                              PRICE: Like things in life and fashion,         bespoke item.
                                                                                                                                              If your suit is:
                                                                              MMM...
                                                                                              the more expensive a suit is, gener-
                                                                                              ally speaking of course, the better the         Black: Black shoes, no exceptions. Pat-
                                                                                              quality of fabric and the greater chance        ent, scuffed, brogue, loafer or otherwise,
                                                                                              of it being handmade rather than mass-          this is not negotiable.
                                                                                              produced. One can expect to spend any-          Navy: Brown is preferable, though black
                                                                                              where from $300 (facetious, perhaps) to         is acceptable.
                                                                                              $2,000 on an ‘off-the-rack’ garment, or         Grey: Black.
                                                                                              upwards of $15,000 for a one-of-a-kind          White: You probably don’t need shoes
                                                                                              Savile Row piece.                               because you are wearing a white suit
                                                                                                                                              and are therefore an idiot, though if Na-
                                                                                              MATERIAL: There is only one option              val commitments or a crazy best mate’s
                                                                                              here, regardless of price tag. Wool, wool,      wedding necessitate this, white would
                                                                                              wool. Merino preferably. Locally made           be the best option.
                                                                                              suits can be expected to be of reason-
                                                                                              able quality wool, a unique and pleasing        And for God’s sake, please match your
                                                                                              fact in a typically disadvantaged Austral-      belt with your shoes.
                                                                                              ian fashion market. If you buy a suit made
                                                                                              of polyester, you will a) look like shit, b)
                                                                                              smell like shit, and c) be shit.

                                                                                              FIT/CUT: Though it pains me to say it, a
                                                                                              well-fitted $25 suit from Vinnies beats an
         ‘Condemned to be Free’, Arts/Law III                                                 ill-fitting Zegna piece every time. Here’s
                                                                                              a quick guide to the perfect-fitting suit
                                                                                              you’ve always dreamed of. Shoulders:
                                                                                              MUST hug you. Stand sideways against

                                                                                                                                                                        >21
           G H O S T O F S T. M I C H A E L S

           BOOOOOOOOO!
           DON’T BELIEVE
           THE EDITORS. I
           AM STILL HERE...
           TRAPPED IN THIS
           TELEVISION...                                                                            Ben Jenkins (BCJ)
                                                                                                    1. Same as every kid - playing for the
                                                                                                                                                       Benny “Motherfuckin” Davis (BMFD)
                                                                                                                                                       1. I saw the documentary ‘Wordplay’.
                                                                                                    school’s crossword team.                           2. Easy. Marry the Cryptic, O love of
                                                                                                    2. Kill Two Way, Shag Cryptic, Marry               mine, kill the Two Way, that cheating
                                                                                                    Quick. Only because I think Cryptic                harlot, and shag the Quick. Papercuts!
                                                                                                    would be really difficult to live with.            3. Grounds (5). Answer: Lands. Like
                                                                                                    3. 2 Across - (8). Answer: Clueless.               tracts of land, or landing a plane. Yay!
                                                                                                    4. Our Meany.                                      4. My cryptic alter ego, Danny Vibes.

  THE

WEEK               //THREE THINGS WE’RE DOING THIS WEEK
AHEAD
                                           1. Being Renaissance men and women.
              2. Ignoring the calls, texts and emails from Union Board Directors
  3. Multi-bet: Australia to lose the Ashes ($5.25), and win the Bledisloe ($7.00)




Vox Pops!                                                                                           Mark Sutton (MS)                                   Scott Huntington (SH)
Alex Lee speaks to the masters of the Honi Crossword .
                                                                                                    1. Through procrastination and by not              1. I made my first cryptic in Year 8.
1. How did you get into crosswords?                                                                 listening to lectures.                             2. Kill the cryptic for being such an
2. Shag/Marry/Kill? Quick, Cryptic, Two Way.                                                        2. Shag the two way (to make a three-              infuriating and probably fat poindexter
                                                                                                    way), marry the cryptic, and I guess kill          of a creature. Shag the two way and
3. Other than your own, what is your favourite crossword clue or theme?                             the quick.                                         marry the quick because it wouldn’t talk
4. What is an anagram of your name?                                                                 3. Clue: Hirsute President, Answer:                so much.
                                                                                                    Hairy Truman.                                      3. One in the Herald had footnotes.
                                                                                                    4. Mark Morgan Sutton - Mr Kangaroo                4. Not Cunts Tonight!
                                                                                                    Nuts™ or Rank Mutants Groom.




Taking the plunge
David Wilton presents a beginner’s guide to the college informal

                                                 However if you can’t get down to Vinnies           season. So now that you look the part its         out of giant Gatorade vats. This season’s
                                                 or have a moderate level of self-respect,          time to mosy on over to the dance-floor           pick: fruity on the palate, with subtleties of
                                                 you can still fall back on one of the pleth-       and try your luck. Lets not lie, you’re not       lemon and lime, the vodka-lemon-lime is
                                                 ora of looks from the 2009 winter-spring           here for the ambience.                            best served four at once. Seasonal special-
                                                 college catalogue. As you will have noticed,                                                         ties: Kebabs or Chips. Split the bill or don’t,
                                                 while strutting their stuff around Campus,         There’s nothing worse than ‘getting your          it’s your three dollars.
                                                 college boys push the boundaries of artis-         D-floor on’ only to find that the words to
                                                 tic expression and avant-garde fashion.            a certain song escape you. So instead of          The John’s Informal is on 19 August. Westock
                                                 The footy shorts and flanno combination            mouthing along and ‘putting your hands            is on 26 August. Drewtopia is on 9 Septem-
Pout. And strut.                                 is undoubtedly the greatest revolution in          up for Detroit’ at exactly the right time,        ber. Tickets available outside Manning from
                                                 fashion since the pant. If you lack the steez      you are forced to drift aimlessly around the      about a week before.
A string of Informals are fast approaching       to pull off this progressive apparel why not       dance-floor like a Sancta girl on the [insert
in the coming weeks. If you are won over         go for the more reserved trackies/jersey           Rosebowl sport] field. Fresher error.
by the horiffic chalked street art soon to be    fusion, which brings all the kudos of the
bombed around uni and decide to sacrifice        gym or track and boldly exclaims “I am”.           Collegians have a distinguished taste
a Wednesday night to the college gods,                                                              in dance floor anthems, and the college
here are some tips to help you fit in at a       For those who like a bit of class in their         billboard is a fickle beast, but with a little
college party.                                   classroom why not select your apparel from         study you’ll have everyone convinced that
                                                 the polo, jeans and thongs collection which        you are that musical genius who DJ’s the
Of course most of the informals are themed       is so hot right now. Nothing says style like       Marly on a Wednesday night. Just tune in                        We want your
and dressing up is taken seriously. What’s       expensive jeans and limited footwear. The          to 2Day FM, which is like Fbi but heaps                   LETTERS& ARTICLES
                                                 no shoes approach is slightly more tricky,         more underground, and memorise the top
the point of getting drunk if you can’t wear
a silly hat? There is no easier way to look      and while some have pulled it off in the           3. I wish I was joking.                                        So send ‘em in
out of place than not wearing a tie-dyed         past, it is also easy to look a lot like a hobo/
                                                 douche. No outfit is complete without well         The final step towards a refined collegiate
                                                                                                                                                              honi2009@gmail.com
onesy and large fake afro to Westock. For
the guys a tear-able shirt will not go astray,   managed accessories, and while the tried           cultural experience is correct choice of                      Submissions must include your
                                                                                                                                                                     name, year and faculty.
and for the girls the good old mantra of ‘less   and tested Wayfarers will serve you well,          cuisine. Luckily at this point it is all smooth
is more’ has never been more applicable.         another favourite is that classic ‘biro and        sailing. There are only three kinds of drink
                                                 single sheet of paper’ look. Bags are so last      at an informal, and two of them are served



>22
//ACROSS
1) Crazy-Arse Burn (4)
5) Lure one in a club (4)
9) Japanese tipple in Visa Kit (4)
*13, 41 [Special message from the crossword compiler!] (4,2,2,7,2,3,4,6)
14) Stanley’s wife lost her way on Abercrombie (4)
15) Edge of forbidden bearing. (4)
16) Smashed vase with energy to find ancient character. (4)
22) Smeared linseed in sluggishness. (8)
23) Agreed on hiding Rodian Bounty Hunter (6)
24) Brings in shakes, rip’s Tom. (7)
25) Half Gnomes with two hundred more greeting potatoes. (7)
27) Makes man see up your arse (6)
28) An olive jackal, a mat are all inside. (8)
31) Howard used a carrot initially in McCarthy’s Witch-hunt Locale (1.1.1.1)
34) Copy in the house (4)
37) “Oh, Man!” heard in Arabia! (4)
42) Promo without any right like, totally distrusts theories and ideologies and draws
attention to conventions (2-2)
43) 60s television Jeannie in paradise (4)
44) Modern or Britain Manson Victim (4)

//DOWN
2) He feels, without fluorine or sulphur, that’s he a slippery little fellow (3)
3) Friend with no question is all encompassing (3)
4) One in three turnip grass are a Missenden sanctuary (1.1.1)
5) One in benign extremes for waste (3)
6) Ms Tango changes within (7)
7) Possessive pronoun sits topless (3)
                                                                                                                      BCJ/MS
8) Troublesome starts and meek endings to travel (4)
9) Spook right in and nimble (4)
10) Store clerk in Papua (3)
11) Done half of a Sudoku rival (3)
12) Collegia, do I err when I advocate political doctrines? (11)                        Clue: From a distance
17) Tummy muscle regular yet strange (8)
18) Entitled to native privileges cause the civilian’s cool! (11)
19) Appreciated and thundered. (7)
20) One of Jason’s lost top of cargo. Sounds like nothing… (8)
21) Crazy Cad tore British Officer. (7)
26) What’s up and straight on the horizon (7)
29) 29 Down to 5 Down (4)
30) Yearn for the pain (4)
32) United Nations love the Italian one. (3)
33) Heads at this moment to cash vendor (1.1.1)
35) Polish Flanders? (3)
36) 5 Down’s 29 Across
37) Regular of the inside (3)
38) Farrow lost in war (3)
39) Perform in the territory (3)
40) To show a maiden name? Sounds like a joint… (3)

ANSWERS




                                                                                                                >23
Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney                                           Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney




SRC Elections 2009                                                                                   Want some work?
                                                                                                     Polling Booth
Postal Voting
                                                                                                     Attendants
Application Form
                                                                                                     Required
                                                                                                            The SRC is looking for about 20
POSTAL VOTING                                                                                                people to work on the polling
If you wish to vote in the 2009 SRC elections but are unable to
vote EITHER on polling days Wednesday 23rd or Thursday 24th                                                 booths for its elections this year.
September at any of the advertised locations, OR on pre-polling
day (on main campus) Tuesday 22nd September, then you may                                                           If you can work on
apply for a postal vote.
                                                                                                         Wed 23rd Sept and/or Thurs 24th Sept,
Fill in this form and send it to:                                                                      and attend a training at 4pm Tues 22nd Sept,
         Electoral Officer
         Sydney University Students’ Representative Council
                                                                                                                we want to hear from you!
         PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007.
                                                                                                                                        $19.70 per hour
Please note: postal vote applications MUST BE RECEIVED AND                                                              There may also be an opportunity to undertake
IN OUR PO BOX by Friday the 25th of August at 4.30pm or they                                                                    additional work at the vote count
will not be considered, no exceptions.                                                                              Application forms are available from the SRC Front Office
                                                                                                                                       (level 1 Wentworth).
You may use a photocopy of this form.                                                                           For more info, call 9660 5222 or email elections@src.usyd.edu.au.
                                                                                                                                Applications close 7th September
Name of applicant:

Student Card Number:
                                                                                                                               Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009.
                                                                                                            Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone: 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au
Faculty/Year:

                                                                                                     Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney
Phone Number: (               )

Email:
                                                                                                     Notice of 2009
                                                                                                     Students’ Representative Council
Mobile:
                                                                                                     Annual Election
I hereby apply for a postal vote for the 2009 SRC elections. I declare
that I am unable to attend a polling booth on any of the polling                                    Nominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Elections for the year
                                                                                                    2009 close on Tuesday 25th August 2009. Polling will be held on the 23rd and 24th
days, OR on any of the pre-polling days, for the following reason:                                  of September 2009. Pre-polling will also take place outside the SRC Offices Level 1
(please be specific. Vague or facetious reasons will not be accepted. the electoral                 Wentworth Building on Tuesday 22nd of September 2009 from
officer must under section 20(a) of the election Regulation consider that the stated                10am - 3pm. All students who are duly enrolled for attendance at lectures are
reason justifies the issuing of a postal vote.)                                                     eligible to vote. Members of the student body who have paid their affiliation fees
                                                                                                    to Council are eligible to nominate and be nominated, except National Union
                                                                                                    of Students national office bearers. Fulltime officebearers of the SRC may also
                                                                                                    nominate as NUS delegates.

                                                                                                    Nominations are called for the following elections/positions:

                                                                                                    (a) The election of the Representatives to the 82nd SRC (31 positions)
                                                                                                    (b) The election of the President of the 82nd SRC
                                                                                                    (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 82nd SRC
                                                                                                    (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for the 82nd SRC (7
                                                                                                    positions)
Signature:
                                                                                                    Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: www.src.usyd.edu.au/
Please send voting papers to the following address:                                                 elections, or picked up from SRC Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth Building).
                                                                                                    Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy statement and
                                                                                                    Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations at www.src.usyd.edu.au/
                                                                                                    elections. For more information, call 02 9660 5222.
State:                                     Postcode:
                                                                                                    Signed Nomination forms and a printed copy of your online nomination must be
                                                                                                    received no later than 4.30pm on Tuesday 25th August, either in the locked box at
I require a copy of the election edition of Honi Soit:                         YES / NO
                                                                                                    the SRC Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth), or at the following address:
                                                                                                    PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007.

                     For more information contact                                                   Nominations which have not been delivered either to the locked box in the SRC
           Christine Kibble, Electoral Officer 02 9660 5222                                         front office or to the post office box shown above and submitted online by the close
                                                                                                    of nominations will not be accepted regardless of when they were posted.

                                                                                                    The Regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available on-line at http://www.
                                                                                                    src.usyd.edu.au/sites/default/files/SRCconstitution_Aug07.doc.pdf or from the SRC
                                                                                                    Front Office (Level 1, Wentworth Building).
                     Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009.                    Authorised by Christine Kibble, SRC Electoral Officer 2009.
   Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au   Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney
                                                                                                    Phone: 02 9660 5222 www.src.usyd.edu.au

				
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