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					                                             Issue 11, Summer 2002
   The Sad Muppet Society presents...



   THE NEWSLETTER

I T ’ S A B UG ’ S
L IFE




     THE SAD MUPPET
         SOCI ETY


     TYRANIDS: THE BIG BUG|BUBONIC MONKS|GAMESDAY IV
      KROOT PREVIEW|FAIRIES ON FOOT|CODEX: NECRONS
Page 2                                                                                                   I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                   EDITIORAL                                                          Contents
                                   (THE RAT’S RAMBLINGS)
                                                                                                      The Ramblings               2
                                                                                                      The Rats warbles on
                                   Welcome to summer in             along and jeer us in between      (yet again)
                                   Muppetville. Although we         spending all your money with      Upcoming Events             3
                                   probably ought to be outside     the various traders there.
                                   enjoying the fresh air and the   Then just after the next          Gamesday VI                 4
                                   weather (umm, sorry, this is     Newsletter is finished, we’re     The Sands of Glebe
                                   England isn’t it), we’ve got a   off to Birmingham for the big
                                   lot more indoor muppet           Games Workshop                    Kroot Preview               5
                                   madness planned over the         Gamesday, and that would          Muppet madness at the
 For those of you who don’t
                                   next few months.                 be where the Kroot come           BIG Gamesday this year
 already know me, I’m the
 really sad one. Yep, that’s       First off is Gamesday VI: The    in…                               BAD Challange               6
 right its all my fault. I’m the   Sands of Glebe, the forth of     For those of you wondering
                                   our six monthly Gamesday                                           What happened the last
 mug who started off the                                            what’s happened the Return
                                   thingies we run in                                                 time went to Bracknell...
 Newsletter, the Homepage,                                          of Klaw campaign (which will
 and the Column (for those of      conjunction with Genesis Sci-    follow our big fantasy game       The Kabal of the            7
 you who also read the             Fi Club. This time around        at Gamesday IV), I’ll             Nefarious Spleen
 Genesis Matrix). However in       we’ve got more of a mix for      hopefully be getting it off the   A little bit about Nick’s
 my typical style I refuse to      you than usual with a big        ground once we’ve finished        Dark Eldar army
 take any responsibility for       Warhammer Fantasy Battle         our Gamesday game (Kroot,
 anything else, what so ever.      plus a Warhammer 40000           just in case I haven’t            Fairies on Foot             8
 And then they put me in           Micro-Tournament planned.        mentioned it already) so          Our first ever full blown
 charge...                         Anyway, check page four for      keep your eyes open for the       battle report
                                   more information.                build up next time.
 Richard (the Rat) Kerry                                                                              The Harvest Begins          10
                                   In August (on the 3rd and        Richard Kerry
 Chief Muppet                                                                                         Codex: Necrons review
                                   4th to be precise), we’ve got    Chief Muppet
                                   our own Mr Pinto heading up                                        VOID 1.1                    11
                                   to Nottingham (there be          As always I’m on the look out
                                                                    for more articles for the         Yes, a game GW didn’t
                                   dragons there…) to take part
                                                                    Newsletter so if you’ve got       write!!!!!
                                   in the first Warhammer
                                   40000 heat of the 2002-          any new rules to test out,        The Living Rulebook         11
                                   2003 Grand Tournament. As        want to review something,         Check it out sports
                                   this won’t in anyway add to      write a story, or have any        fans!!!
                                   his standing in the SMS          other interesting article in
                                   league I have no                 mind, email me and you            Don’t Let The Big Bugs      12
                                   reservations about wishing       might see it in here next         Bite
                                   him the best of luck. Good       time. Newsletter Twelve is        Bug Muppet tells all
                                   Luck Matthew.                    due out on the 24th
                                                                    September so I need any           Watch Out                   13
                                   On slightly lower key, a mob     articles in by the 17th at the
                                   of us (myself included) will     latest.
                                   be entering Spiky Club’s                                           Blizzard                    14
                                   Starsmash III tournament at                                        Our first 40K scenario
 Front cover:                      Colours (at the Hexagon in                                         this month
 Nathan’s Malefactor munches       Reading) on the 14th and
                                   15th September. As its local                                       Wasteland Rescue            15
 on some of Dave’s Black
 Templars                          please feel free to coming                                         The other 40K scenario
                                                                                                      this month
                                                                                                      What the Heck is a          16
 Muppet
 Merchandise
                                   THE CLUB                                                           Bubonic Monk?
                                                                                                      Nick explains all
                                                                                                      Exarch Generals             18
                                   We’ve now got a club             earns you the title ‘Member
 If anyone wants one, we can       running, so what’s the deal?     Muppet’ and entitles you to a     Version two of a new
 get ‘Team: Muppet’ t-shirts                                        printed copy of this              Eldar HQ choice
                                   Well, as the main aim is just
 and polo shirts, with the         to cover our running costs,      Newsletter four times a year      The SMS League              19
 SMS logo on the front and         ‘The Meet’ on Tuesday nights     plus gets you into ‘The Meet’
                                                                                                      Who’s top and who’s
 the Team: Muppet logo             is going to cost you £2 if       at member’s rates. In
                                                                                                      not, find out here.
 across the back, as               you’re a member and £3 if        addition to this you can join
 modelled by various folk at       you’re not.                      Team: Muppet, for the glory       The Last Laugh              20
 the club.                                                          of, umm, Basingstoke...           Much silliness with
                                   So how do I become a                                               pictures
 These are £15 each and            member?                          So that’s it?
 available in various sizes.                                        Yep, it is. At least until we
 Speak to Other Muppet             Sorry, this is going to cost
                                   you more money. £5 per year      change our minds...
 (Dave James) for more info.
The NewsLetter                                                                                                           Page 3



 UPCOMING EVENTS

 As much as I can, I going to       BAD Wargamers and Spiky
 keep track of what’s going         Club can be found on their
 on when as far as                  websites (www.bad-
 Wargaming events in our            wargamers.org and www.
 area are concerned.                spikyclub.com respectively).
 I’ve also included the             If anyone knows of anything
 meeting dates for the local        else going on in the area or
 three clubs in the region as       any other local clubs, TELL
 well (ourselves, BAD, and          ME!!!!! And I’ll put them on                                  My new Dire Avengers taking
 Spiky). More details about         here.                                                         down a Macassian Warrior in
                                                                                                  close combat! Oh, what’s a
                                                                                                  Macassian I hear you cry,
 22nd June 2002            Conflict: Bristol                                                      well you’ll have to wait until
                           GW Event. See www.games-workshop.com for more info.                    next time to find out.
 7th July 2002             Gamesday IV: The Sands of Glebe
                           Yep, we’re back and this time it’s… furry. See page four for more
                           information.
 13-
 13-14th July 2002         Attack! 2002
                           Devizes & Distict Wargames Group annual con, held at The Corn
                           Exchange in Devizes. See www.geocities.com/ddwguk for more info
 14th July 2002            Chaos Wastes
                           GW Open Day. See www.games-workshop.com for more info.
 15-
 15-18th August 2002       Britcon
                           Loughborough. See www.bhgs.co.uk/Nationals/INTROPAGE.htm for
                           more info.
 14-
 14-15th September         Colours 2002
 2002                      The annual wargaming fair held at the Hexagon in Reading. For those     “and all the Tau are
                           interested, Spiky Club will be running a Warhammer 40000 tournament
                           entitled Starsmash III, tickets are £15 and that includes entry into
                                                                                                  going to burst into song
                           Colours on both days.                                                     at any moment…
 29th September 2002       Gamesday 2002                                                           Just how much do you
                           Games Workshops annual games fest featuring the Golden Demon
                           Awards and far more importantly, KROOT, a participation game run by         lot drink???”
                           us muppets.
 16-
 16-17th November          Warfare 2002
 2002                      Wargames Association of Reading annual event at the Rivermead
                           Leisure Centre in Reading.
 24th November 2002        Games Workshop Open Day



                                 2002 SMS Meetings “The Meet”
                             Glebe Hall, Church Street, Basingstoke
      18th June, 2nd July, 16th July, 30th July, 13th August, 27th August, 10th September,
                  24th September, 8th October, 22nd October, 5th November,
                        19th November, 3rd December, 17th December
                         Bracknell And District (BAD) Wargamers Meetings
         The John Bell Annex, Coopers Hill Community Centre, Crowthrone Road, Bracknell
                        30th June, 21st July, 25th August, 8th September,
         22nd September, 13th October, 3rd November, 17th November, 15th December
                                        Spiky Club Meetings
                     Reading Post Office Social Club, Richfield Avenue, Reading
                                          Every Thursday
Page 4                                                                                                              I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002




                                                                         The terror of the Southlands has arrived.
                                            Bringing death and destruction, Klaw’s evil alliance has swept over the cities of the free peoples
                                                  It is only at the steeps of the World Edge Mountains that a final stand can be made.
                                                     Here, on the Sands of Glebe the free must defend themselves from the wicked.
                                                                          Here the brave, must repel the powerful.
                                                                            Here the few, must defeat the horde.
 Summer is here, wouldn’t
 you rather be outside???
 I thought not, here’s the stuff                                              All the usual suspects will be     We’ll be starting at noon
 about the latest Gamesday.                                                   there including:                   (12:00) and running up until
 Order your bacon butties                                                                                        21:00 at Glebe Hall, Church
                                                                              • The invasion begins as
 early!
                                            THE SAD MUPPET                       the forces of darkness
                                                                                                                 Street, Basingstoke. And it
                                                                                                                 will cost you almost nothing
                                                                                 invade the Southlands in
                                                    SOCIETY                                                      to get in (£3 actually). Plus of
                                                                                 our main Warhammer
                                                                                                                 course those nice people
                                                                                 Fantasy participation
                                                                                                                 from Ten-Forward will be
                                                                                 game, entitled ‘The
                                                                                                                 there with drinks and
                                                                                 Return of Klaw’
                                                                                                                 snacks, and that sort of
                                                                              • Fancy some Warhammer             thing.
                                                                                 40000, well all the glory       Email Richard at
                                                                                 of victory can be yours in      muppet@genesis-sf.org.uk
                                                                                 our micro-tournament            or phone Smurf from
                                                                              • And upstairs there’ll be         Genesis Sci-Fi Club on
                                                                                 more computer madness           01252 549 480 for more
 “Manthing. Me’s hears                                                           (Unreal Tournament, Age         information.
                                                                                 of Empires, Worms and           Richard Kerry
     you’s on Albion.                                                            more)                           Major Muppet
   MINE. Go away.                                                             • Plus fancy a bit of world
                                                                                 domination? Well maybe
 Takes foul horses with’s                                                        Risk or Diplomacy will be
                                                                                 for you.
   you. You stays in de                                                       • Or do you want to explore
 fens and you’s die. This                  On Sunday the 7th July 2002
                                                                                 the Mummy’s Tomb, or
                                                                                 become a Super
                                           at Glebe Hall, the Sad
    island, MINE.”                         Muppet Society, Genesis Sci-
                                                                                 Munckin?
                                           Fi Club and the Scouts will        • “The Raffle”
 The last known words of Grey Seer Klaw    be holding Gamesday IV: The        • And there will be more (a
 to the Bretonnian lord, Brave Sir Robin   Sands of Glebe.                       lot more)




                                           For the Return of Klaw           For the Micro-Tournament you
                                           Participation Game you will      will need:
                                           need:                            • A FULLY painted 200 point
                                           • A FULLY painted legal              (yes, two hundred)
                                               1500 point Warhammer             Warhammer 40000 3rd
                                               Fantasy Battle 6th Edition       Edition Army; with 1-2
                                               Army                             Troop choices, 0-1 Elites,
                                           • Relevant rulebooks, dice,          0-1 Fast Attack no HQ,, no
                                                                                Heavy Support, no Special
                                               templates etc, etc
                                                                                Characters, and NO
                                                For most of the other           Assassins.
                                                activities you will only    • Relevant rulebooks, dice,
                                             require a sense of humour,         templates, chocolate, etc,
                                               or unnatural reflexes, or        etc
                                                    possibly both.
The NewsLetter                                                                                        Page 5



 KROOT!
 GAMESDAY 2002
 PREVIEW
 OK, I said was going to be
 silly. This year we’re going to
 Gamesday (the big Games-
 Workshop one at the
 National Indoor Arena) with a
 participation game, entitled
 (yep, you’ve already guessed
 it) KROOT.
 Now, if we had based this
 game simply on the classic
 movie Zulu, that would have
 been fine, maybe even
 slightly humorous. But no,
 someone mentioned that the
 theme at Gamesday this year
 is Chaos (to coincide with the
 Hordes Of Chaos and new
 Codex: Chaos books); and
 because of that, we’re going
 to be a little silly...
 You see, Tau representing
 the British army and Kroot as
 Zulus wasn’t enough. The
 Kroot just had to be Chaos
 Kroot. And because we can,
 we’ve decided they should
 really worship the little
 known minor Chaos god of
 Hen’sun. Oh yes, we don’t         soldiers will have Pulse         scenes on the film, well
 have mutants, we have             Rifles and Ion Canons            mostly).
 muppets, and lots of them!        (mounted on weapon’s             The Battlefield is going to be
 Despite this obvious              platforms), and the Kroot will   a 6’ x 4’ savannah
 silliness, we’re still running    also have stuff (OK, we          gameboard with a small Tau
 KROOT as an enactment of          haven’t finished writing up      settlement in the centre
 the Battle of Rorke’s Drift.      the scenarios yet but we’ll      (complete with laser fences,
 However our stand-in British      basically be following the key   plus bubble wrap barricades)
                                                                    and rolling hills on either
                                                                    side. However as this is for
   At the very edge of the Empire lies a world the                  Gamesday, we’re going to be
 Tau call Ya'Fraggl. Originally settled by Kroot two                putting a lot of time into this
                                                                    so it looks really good.
 centuries ago, this world is a dry inhospitable place.             As the summer rolls on you
   For them, every day is a struggle to survive. For                lucky folk may even get the
                                                                    opportunity to see bits of
    them, every genetic advantage must be pursued.                  project at the club (I’ll do a
                                                                    full guide next month,
   Approximately one Tau'cyr ago, an expedition                     complete with lots of
 landed here and established a small stead, sneaking                photos), as that’s where a lot
                                                                    of the planning (and possibly
 to bring the natives into fold, for the Greater Good.              construction) will be
                                                                    happening.
  However led by Vre Chard, the local garrison has                  Richard Kerry
                                                                    Major Muppet
  unearthed a dark secret. Despite Aun'La Witt's                    By the way, if anyone else
                                                                    wants to help please let me
  objections, the evidence is clear. There's something              know.
    evil on Ya'Fraggl, and the Tau are unwelcome
 visitors. And on the other side of those hills, Kroot
                warriors are gathering.
Page 6                                                                                                                 I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                       BA D C H A L L E N G E
                                       THE SEIGE              OF    BRACKNELL

                                       Back at Gamesday III,
                                       Gary from BAD
                                       Wargamers (from
                                       Bracknell) invited us
                                       along to a big ’attack
                                       the Imperials’ type
                                       battle. Originally penned
 What's this Team: Muppet              in for their March
 business? Well, while the             meeting, it was put back
 SMS is a fairly 'low power'           for various reasons to
 organisation (playing for fun         the 28th April. So on
 rather than seriously), Team:         Sunday morning (or
 Muppet is a team of would             Saturday After-Evening
 be tournament players.                Genesis Weekend Time
                                       as its also known),
 Reason behind doing this is           myself, Ross and Antony
 twofold. Firstly, I'll like to play   headed up to Bracknell
 some tournaments. Alright             to whoop some Imperial
 that might seem a little              backside.
 selfish, but the main reason
 to play in tournaments is to          Allied with our eldar, ork
 measure your own skill                and tau armies were
 against players you don't             another three eldar                   My eldar advance on the city, flanked by two other eldar armies
 normally play, and hopefully          armies, one ork army,
                                       and one dark eldar army; all          tau, and the dark eldar army          interested in taking slaves
 improve in leaps and bounds                                                 all vied for position.                than the city. And once Erik’s
 in the progress. And having           fielding 1500 points of
                                       troops. So in total the forces        On the eldar side things              rather intimidating armoured
 played a tournament player                                                                                        company started rounding in,
 in the not to distant past my         assaulting this Imperial city         where little better as my
                                                                                               eldar and           that flank on our assault fell
 skills need to be improved (a                                                                                     apart as the dark eldar and
 lot).                                                                                         Alistair's
                                                                                               eldar flew up       tau started switching sides,
 The second reason is purely                                                                   to the city         almost every turn.
 social, meet folk from                                                                        limits pretty       However, united as always,
 different clubs, drink, do                                                                    quickly,            and now out of the gunsights
 some more drinking, and                                                                       leaving our         of those Earthshakers (which
 possibly followed by a bit of                                                                 two foot            were busy blasting tau and
 drinking. And lastly, wouldn't                                                                bound allies        dark eldar), the four eldar
 it be nice to bring some                                                                      to follow up        armies managed to occupy
 trophies home at some                                                                         behind.             the centre and right hand
 point? Extremely unlikely at                                                                                      side of the city; unfortunately
 the moment but who knows                                                                      As the lead
                                                                                               eldar started       that still left us over four feet
 what the future might bring                                                                                       away from the actual
 (apart from an Eldar Farseer                 Two Ork armies are stalked by Dark Eldar         to break into
                                                                                               the city,           objective in the end of the
 perhaps).                                                                                                         game. Oh well.
                                                                             things on the other side of
                                       amounted to around 12000              the battlefield started to look       Richard Kerry
                                       points. Waiting for us was            a bit suspicious. Our dark            Major Muppet
                                       the combined might of                 eldar ’ally’ had ideas of his
                                       several Imperial Guard                own and became far more
                                       companies and a Space
                                       Wolves contingent. Oh,
                                       and four (count them,
                                       four) Earthshaker
                                       platforms about three
                                       feet behind the back on
                                       the battlefield.
                                       The alien alliance got the
                                       first turn and began its
                                       rush towards the city,
                                       however with the size of
                                       the battlefield any idea of
                                       a co-ordinated attack
                                       went out of the window
                                       pretty quickly, especially
                                       in the corner where the
                                       two ork armies, Tony’s                         Erik’s reinforcements approach the battlelines.
The NewsLetter                                                                                                                       Page 7


 T H E K A B E L O F T H E N E FA R I O U S S P L E E N
 OR HOW I PUT TOGETHER A TOURNAMENT ARMY THAT MIGHT
 NOT ALL DIE ON TURN ONE

 In this brief, but poignant,      ten warriors in just in case     seen as a useful unit but
 article I shall attempt to        we get shot down. 3 And          anything that can move 6”,
 exude knowledge of the Dark       bigger squads means more         Fleet of Foot and then
 Eldar and why I came up with      chance of surviving any          assault 12” must be worth it.
 my Tournament Army. Each          morale checks caused by          Plus the fact that when they
 unit will be covered in some      shooting and gives the           charge they will get four Str4
 form of depth and I’ll even       Sybarite a chance of             attacks each on initiative 5
 throw in a bit on how I expect    surviving as well. The           and you’re talking a cracking       There’s a lot more from Nick
 them to perform in battle. 1      agoniser is there for anything   unit. And let’s not forget the      elsewhere this issue. You
 I’ll then report back after the   of high toughness 4 and high     Beastmaster with his                can find out his Bubonic
 Tournaments and let you           armour. 5                        Agoniser. They are, however,        Monks on page 20 and read
 know exactly how each unit        Plenty of points left so a       very bad at being shot. Save        his review of Codex: Necrons
 did perform and whether           quick visit to Fast Attack.      of 6+ does not translate well       on page 10.
 they can hold their heads         Hmm. Nope. Nothing here          to the battlefield and they
 high. 2                           but us Chickens.                 will die if left in the open and
                                                                    sneezed upon.
 The Tournaments in question       So Heavy Support then. Now
 are: Conflict Bristol, three      here I always include two of     So that leaves the HQ. The
 battles in one day – June         my favourite units; The          Dark Eldar lords and retinue
 22nd and Attack!2002, four        Ravager and the Talos.           are feared throughout the
 battles in two days – July        Ravager is armed with two        40K Universe, and rightly so.
                                                                    9 My Lord is a Dracon. I
 13th/14th.                        Dark Lances and one
                                   Disintegrator. Marines hate      always equip him the same
 So we’re talking 1500 points                                       way, namely Agoniser,
 ready to face multiple            Disintegrators. 6 This vehicle
                                   will normally only last me two   Splinter Pistol, Combat Drugs
 tournaments in June and                                            (re-roll misses and +1A) and
 July. Hmm. So let’s talk          or three turns at the most
                                   before it gets popped but,       a Shadow Field. 10
 troops. I always start with
 them and then add the             hopefully, the Raiders are in    Attached to the Dracon will
 exciting bits on as we go         place by then and several        be his retinue. Four Incubi
 along. The missions I know        squads will have fallen victim   armed with Punishers and
 of in the tournaments are         to its guns.                     two Warriors armed with
 Cleanse, Take and Hold and        The Talos. Slow.                 Splinter Cannons; those
 Recon. So I need fast troops      Unpredictable. But a very,       eight shots give me some
 but also hard hitting units to    very accomplished fire           distance firepower in case          Notes:
 clean out the Take and Hold       magnet. Nearly always ends       my Lord takes a tumble from         1 Beyond dying heavily that is.
 objective.                        up at the front of the army      his Raider and has to walk          2 Either because they won or
                                   and nearly always dies first.    across the battlefield. Stick       because they were decapitated.
 So two Warrior Squads then.                                        them in a Raider armed with
 Fourteen Warriors in each,        Still it means everything else                                       3 As if this ever happens to Raiders.
                                   is being left alone.             a Disintegrator and you have        I’ve had them shot down by a nasty
 ten Splinter Rifles, one                                           a potent weapon, providing it       stare before; having said that I’ve
 Blaster, one Shredder and         Elites. Not much choice here     gets into combat and then
                                                                                                        also had one survive Meltagun fire
 two Dark Lances. These guys       due to points now but with                                           from 3” away and a flamer as well.
                                                                    manages to kill things. I have      4 Rearrange the words Lord and
 and gals can sit and shoot at     the new rules I’ve found a       had him walk through Sisters        Wraith
 big nasty horrible things or      whole new use for my             but fail to kill a single Flesh
 move up and get up close          Wyches. Where once they                                              5 Again – the words are Nought and
                                                                    Hound. 11                           Dread.
 and personal with anything        were in the army to go and
                                                                    So how will this army do? No        6 Actually it’s the players but what
 T3. And with fourteen             kill tanks, 7 now they are                                           the hell. Yes I am using this
 members they can survive          close combat specialists,        idea. Actually that’s a lie.        template and everything under it is
 shooting and Close Combat         able to hold up enemy            They’ve so far only fought          hit by a Strength 7 Ap2 weapon.
 hits for a good few turns –       squads for that thar HQ to       three battles in this               That’ll be 2+ to kill then. Are you
                                                                    configuration. They’ve won          crying?
 and leadership 8 certainly        come and whack. I take eight
                                                                    one, beating Sisters; Lost          7 Something they never seemed to
 helps.                            wyches, including a                                                  quite grasp. Head for the big thing
                                   Succubus armed with              one, completely wiped out by        standing still with the big gun and
 And now for the real up close                                      Khorne followers and drawn
                                   Agoniser and Combat Drugs                                            take it out with your Haywire
 and personal units. Two                                            one, against those pesky            Grenades. No don’t get shot down.
 Raider Squads. Maxed out          (always take re-roll misses).                                        Oh armour save of 6+. Oh dear.
                                   Wych Weapons are now a           Harlies. If they do well it’ll be
 with ten Warriors, including a                                     a bonus, if not well let’s hope     8 Just don’t tell the Raider squad
 Sybarite with Agoniser, one       must. And a likkle Raider                                            what their true role is to be.
                                   armed with a Disintegrator.      I learn something from the
 Blaster and one Splinter                                           experience, otherwise I might
                                                                                                        9 Mine is feared mainly by me as I
 Cannon. Never                     Need to ensure that this unit                                        never quite know what mood he’s in
                                   get into combat so generally     not make it back home               when we start.
 underestimate the power of                                         alive :-)
 four shots from the Cannon;       a Raider Squad will act as                                           10 Either lasts all game or is gone
                                   their shield. 8                                                      to one pistol shot from the most
 recently this one weapon                                           Nick Jenkin                         cross-eyed person on the battlefield.
 accounted for an Eversor          I also always take a full unit   Barmy Muppet
                                                                                                        11 Depends whether he’s had his
 Assassin. Each Raider armed       of Warp Beasts. For some                                             Weetabix.
 with a Dark Lance. I’ve put       reason these are not always
Page 8                                                                                                    I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                    FAIRIES ON FOOT
                                    SMS BATTLE REPORT, 26 MARCH 2002


                                     A small, green world of
                                     no consequence, except to
                                    the two groups of soldiers
                                    moving across its surface.
                                    Just after dawn, Captain
 Ross is our resident Ork
 player and computer geek.             Gonzales of the 9th
 This isn’t to say he’s our only
 Ork player or computer geek,
                                      Prateorian Rifles led a
 just that he’s more Orky and         mobile armoured patrol
 more geeky that anyone else
 at SMS.
                                       down a wide verdant                                   The combatants

                                     valley, straight towards a      advantage of his enemy’s         atmosphere. In the end, the
                                      Dark Eldar camp. At            weakness, David elected to       only successful shooting was
                                                                     bring as mobile a force as he    a splinter cannon taking out
                                      the camp, an unnamed           could muster.                    two guardsmen.
                                     haemonculus was cursing         Turn One                         The end of turn one and both
                                     the fact that the planet’s      To begin the game in a           sides were scratching their
                                                                     suitably menacing manner,        heads and looking at the
                                        atmospherics made            Captain Gonzales’ wall of        manuals for their heavy
                                      skimmers unworkable,           tanks advanced. The              weapons. David could just
                                                                     sentinels moved forward to       about win the game without
                                        and organising his           provide a distraction while      them, but Paul couldn’t and
                                                                                                      it was looking like close
                                    warriors into foot patrols.      the remaining Imperials hid
                                                                                                      combat might be his best
                                                                     in the woods. One Dark Eldar
                                                                     was annihilated by a shot        option.
                                    A rather unusual balance of      from a Sentinel’s lascannon,     Turn Two
                                    forces for this battle; each     the rest of the shooting was     The beginning of turn two
  “I find this unit to be           side had randomly picked a       unremarkable.                    and the Guard were really
    adequate for such               unit type which they were not    Paul began the Dark Eldar
                                                                     turn by moving forward
                                                                                                      getting into this new concept
                                                                                                      of taking the fight to the
                                    allowed to bring, leaving
         tasks.”                    Paul’s Dark Eldar with no        (instead of backward, which      enemy! The guardsmen
     Commissar Dominec Farranti     Fast Attack (ed - Paul being     might have been more             deployed from one of Dave’s
      on the 9th Pretorian Rifles   Paul decided this meant he       sensible). Two units, armed      three Chimeras, the
                                    couldn’t take anything even      with dark lances, stayed         Hellhound skidded into place
                                    slightly fast, so no Raiders),   back to fire but like their      for a sideways shot and the
                                    and David’s Imperial Guard       vehicles, their targeting was    Salamander attempted to
                                    with no elites. Taking           obviously suffering from the     Tank Shock a group of




                                                                               The set up
The NewsLetter                                                                                                               Page 9


                                                                                                               The Kabal of the
                                                                                                               Warped Mind
                                                                                                       The Kabal of the Warped
                                                                                                       Mind is Paul’s primary (and
                                                                                                       original) Warhammer 40000
                                                                                                       army and is normally led by
                                                                                                       the infamous Archon Cax’th.
                                                                                                       However with Paul’s normal
                                                                                                       ‘charge’ ethos they tend not
                                                                                                       to last very long. But watch
                                                                                                       out, sometimes this army
                                                                                                       can be really nasty.

                                                                                                               The 9th Pretorian
                                                                                                               Rifles
                                                                                                       The 9th Pretorian Rifles is
                                                                                                       one of David’s four 40K
                                                                                                       armies and the only one
                                                                                                       which isn’t dressed entirely
                                          The takedown                                                 in power armour. However
                                                                                                       Dave being Dave, it does
 warriors, but was stunned by     table.                            close combat.                      have tanks, lots of them.
 a hit from a dark lance (they    Then, something unheard of        Meanwhile, one of David’s          This lot are normally led by
 work better when you hit         happened. Paul got his            Chimeras hit a tree,               Colonel P Smallhouse but its
 automatically!) The              Scourges onto the table! He       becoming only the second           looks he took a well earned
 hellhound wiped out Paul’s       followed this amazing feat by     damaged vehicle all game.          break for this engagement.
 grotesques, and a flamer-        rolling three sixes in a row to   Turns 4 & 5
 armed Chimera started the        blow up a Chimera with a
 destruction of a unit of         splinter cannon, and shot         I think the notes I took on
 warriors which was efficiently   the advancing Guard squad         this sum it up quite well:
 completed by the squad           to pieces. This shooting          “Everyone ran away except
 inside. The sentinels, plus      phase could have turned the       the Haemonculus”
 the unit hiding in the woods,    battle around for Paul – if       At the end of Turn 4, most of
 did enough damage to send        only his newly-arrived            Paul’s army was off the table
 another unit of warriors         Scourges had remembered           and the only question was
 running. A lascannon shot        to shoot (they were probably      whether David could kill the
 then failed to wound a           still stunned at actually         Haemonculus to make it a
 warrior, just in case Dave       making it on in turn two)...      wipeout. After surviving the
 was starting to feel that        In close combat, the              shooting of everything left on
 everything was going his         Haemonculus succeeded in          the table, he was finally
 way.                             killing Captain Gonzales, but     taken out by a guardsman in
 In the assault phase, Captain    then failed to make a 3”          close combat. The
 Gonzales’ command squad          pursuit move (he really           guardsman in question was
 took a chance and attacked       should learn to tie his           armed with a plasma gun,
 the Haemonculus, even            shoelaces) to catch the rest      and knowing David’s record
 though he was in cover. The      of the command squad.             with plasma weapons, we
 Haemonculus chose his            Turn Three                        reckon he came up with a
 attacks against the Captain,                                       stunning new tactic:
 who took one wound but           Paul’s Scourges (the ones, if
                                  you remember, who hadn’t          “Here, hold this plasma gun”
 managed to save two more.
 A Guard unit led by a            done anything yet) were a bit              ***BOOM***
 Preacher picked on the lone,     more exposed than he might        All in all, a very different and
 retreating warrior and wiped     have liked, and the Guard         fun battle, matched only by
 him out, giving them the         took advantage of this. A unit    the epic standoff between a
 opportunity to advance even      of guardsmen with lasguns         Berserker and a Carnifex on
 further. By this time the        managed four 6’s to wound,        the next table.
 battle was very firmly taking    and Paul rolled three 2’s to
                                                                    Ross McNaughton
 place in Paul’s half of the      save. The two remaining
                                                                    Green Muppet
                                  scourges were wiped out in

 As the smoke cleared, the Guard breathed a sigh of relief as they saw not a
 single Dark Eldar standing. Gonzales’ heroism had cost him his life, but the
   armoured formation had proved its worth and the 9th Praetorian would be
   using it again. The Kabal of the Warped Mind would be taking no slaves
                                from this world.
Page 10                                                                                              I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                T H E H A RV E S T B E G I N S . . .
                                CODEX:NECRONS REVIEW

                                “Their Number is Legion,         The colour section is great.     survived so you still get your
                                Their Name is Death”             There are articles and           Lord, Immortals, Warriors,
                                It’s here! It’s here!            pictures on choosing your        Scarabs and Destroyers.
                                                                 army, building your warriors     Scarabs have now become a
                                The cry could probably be        and destroyers, Necron           fearless swarm rather than
                                heard for several miles as I     tactics and a superb             exploding bugs.
                                dived into the new Necron        selection of paint schemes.
                                Army Box and pulled out,                                          The big question is; What
 After the long wait they’re                                     No longer do you have to use     have they added then?
                                with some reverence, the         boltgun metal – although
 here; and Nick has already     new Necron Codex.                                                 Answer: Lots.
 got his grubby paws on them.                                    releasing the spray at the
                                As a Necron player of old I’ve   same time is a bit mad –         You can now have new units
 Ladies and gentlemen, I        been through White Dwarf/        now you can be creative and,     such as: Pariahs, Flayed
 present (cue deep voice) the   Internet and then Chapter        hopefully, we see lots of        Ones, Wraiths, Tomb
 Necrons…                       Approved, and this Codex,        different Necron armies          Spyders, Heavy Destroyers
                                this moment of becoming a        rising from the dust of their    and the massive, scary and
                                real army, has been eagerly      barren worlds. (Note to self –   downright impressively nasty
                                anticipated for a very long      Old Necron army is Boltgun       Monolith. A whole page is
                                time.                            Metal. Ah.)                      dedicated to this beastie.
                                Am I happy?                                                                 We also get new
                                                                                                            Wargear items and
                                Does a bear …. Er ….                                                        you can expect to
                                Scratch in the                                                              see lots and lots of
                                woods?                                                                      Resurrection Orbs.
                                So a quick review of                                                        All the units and the
                                the Codex itself then,                                                      Special rules are
                                I’ll leave the in-depth                                                     very well written,
                                discussion on units,                                                        including a
                                tactics etc until I’ve                                                      clarification of the
                                actually used the                                                           much used “We’ll
                                things, that way I                                                          Be Back” roll, and
                                avoid any of those                                                          don’t seem to leave
                                horrible, nasty knee-                                                       much room for
                                jerk reactions to stat                                                      player
                                lines.                                                                      interpretation,
                                This is one of those                                                        thank you GW for
                                super cool new 64                                                           that. Again we’ll
                                page Codexes er                                                             have to wait until we
                                Codecii er Codexi ….                                                        get into combat to
                                Books and, as such,                                                         really review these
                                features a plentitude                                                       rules.
                                of wondrous items to                                                        Also there are,
                                stare at for long                                                           you’ve probably
                                periods of time.                                                            heard, some special
                                The background is                                                           characters as well
                                superb. Suddenly the                                                        …. Something called
                                Necrontyr have history. They     So, what else do you get for     the C’Tan who are Gods.
                                have a background that is        your money? A whole new          Other than that they’re not
                                truly scary. They’ve lain        Scenario – Tomb Raid. Have       very special... Again good
                                dormant for millions of years    to play it to see how it pans    background and the special
                                and now the harvest is to        out. You also get some           rules, of which there are a
                                begin. The stories and           detailed notes on using          few, are well written and
                                artwork that make up this        Necrons in a campaign and a      presented.
                                background are well              Necron Terrain chart; both of
                                                                                                  So, in summary, here we
                                structured and beautiful to      which look good but I’ve yet
                                                                                                  have the book that Necron
                                look at, or drool over,          to use them so reserving
                                                                                                  players have been praying
                                whichever comes first.           judgement for now. And of
                                                                                                  for – at least this particular
                                This artwork, combined with      course lots and lots of
                                                                                                  Necron player has – and this
                                the stories, produces an         detailed stories, reports and
                                                                                                  Summer you can expect to
                                image of undead legions of       pretty pictures.
                                                                                                  come up against more and
                                Terminators – sorry couldn’t     Oh, and something called an      more metal monstrosities as
                                help it – marching across the    Army List and Necron             the Harvest begins anew.
                                barren landscapes,               Special Rules :-)
                                                                                                  Nick Jenkin
                                unstoppable, unfeeling,          All the previous units have      Metal Muppet
                                unliving and very, very shiny.
The NewsLetter                                                                                                                 Page 11



 VO I D 1 . 1 R E V I E W

 Warhammer 40000 3rd                 each faction plus a
 Edition seems to have it            short army list (that
 pretty much its own way             being the important bit).
 when it comes down to sci-fi        Each of the armies has quite                                  you
 skirmish games. The system          an impressive range of                                    have to
 is fast (really fast, especially    miniatures available already,                       roll to hit,
 when compared to the                and I-Kore are continuously                    then to wound,
 original ‘Rogue Trader’             adding new stuff to their                      and roll any         And for something
 edition), its supported by          range. Although not quite as                      cover saves       completely different, well
 arguably the best miniatures        good Games Workshop’s                                  (although    sort of...
 on the market (which just           latest figures, they are very                           normally
 seem to get better and              nice and include some of the                            they are
 better), and it has a highly        best 25mm scale models on                              strict
 enthusiastic player base.           the market.                      targeting priorities). And
 Breaking into this popular                                           much the same goes for
                                     The game itself differs from     close combat (although
 market is extremely difficult       the Warhammer model
 and has taken its fair share                                         combat in VOID is usually
                                     (sorry, no pun intended) in      resolved simultaneously).
 of causalities over the year;       that instead of players
 anyone out there played             completing their entire turn     There doesn’t seem to be too
 FASA’s VOR or Kry-O-Mek?            (in the case of 40K, move,       much to choose between
 Probably not.                       shoot assault), players take     Warhammer 40000 and
 So into the fray now comes          turns to ‘activate’ each unit    VOID in terms of playability. If
 VOID from the Scottish              which in turn may move,          anything, VOID is actually
 company I-Kore. OK, fair            hold, shoot or assault. This     better at representing small
 enough, VOID isn’t actually         means you are continuously       skirmish scale conflicts
 that new a game, having             reacting to your opponents       where Warhammer 40000’s
 been out for a little over two      actions making the game          speed gets in the way of
 years now, however the              much sharper.                    detail. And considering the
 system does appear to be                                             core rules are available for
                                     The other major difference       free (yes, nothing, zero, zip)
 coming of age with new              between Warhammer 40000
 miniatures and supplements                                           from I-Kore’s website (www.I-
                                     and VOID is that VOID uses       kore.com) its a very
 rolling out month after             ten-sided dice (D10s) rather
 month.                                                               impressive system.
                                     than the more common six
 The basic premise is that           sided dice (D6s). This makes     GGreat system and free, but
 there are four human                probabilities very easy to       still a few marks short of
 factions (Junkers, Viridians,       work out even if the dice look   Games Workshop’s
 VASA and Syntha) plus one           a little funny.                  production quality.
 alien race (the Koralon)            Despite these differences        Richard Kerry
 and… Well, you probably             many of the same gaming          Major Muppet
 don’t need to know anymore          principles apply to both
 than that. In the book there’s      systems; to shoot someone
 a little bit of background on



                                    B L O O D B OW L
                                    THE LIVING RULEBOOK

                                     basically fantasy American       Apart from the glee of getting
                                     football (with Elves, Dwarves    a free ruleset, this Living
                                     etc, etc). Anyway, those nice    Rulebook is also meant as an
                                     people at Fanatic (cough,        ongoing project, which
                                     Specialist Games) have           means the latest rules will
                                     totally updated the Blood        always be available. Damn
                                     Bowl website and in the          excellent idea. I might just
                                     process uploaded a               have to start painting up
                                     complete version of the          those old Skaven players I’ve
                                     rulebook with ALL the            got...
                                     updates added as and when        Richard Kerry
 In case any of you aren’t           they’re written, and (wait for   Chief Muppet
 already familiar with Blood         it) you can download the
 Bowl (and why not???), its          entire lot for nothing!
Page 12                                                                                               I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                 DON’T LET THE BIG BUGS BITE
                                 NATHAN WHITE’S TYRANID ARMY: HIVE ABOLETH

                                 The immense alien gestalt        Playing the Tyranids can be a    hear you cry – Yes, they are
                                 listened to the warp. The        labour of love sometimes.        a huge problem for the
                                 cancer would be found deep       Getting used to taking lots of   Tyranids to over come but
                                 in the heart of the body of      casualties takes some doing.     this is what the Genestealers
                                 stars – to deep to be            The Tyranids have a              rending claws and infiltrate
                                 exorcised. The swarm would       completely different under       ability are all about. The
                                 seed the very heart of the       lying concept to any other       Lictors secret deployment
 Nathan’s Malefactor article     galaxy. Striking straight at     army in 40K. Usually when        means that you can try and
 opposite was the first one in   the sources of opposition as     you play you try to make the     have Lictors placed to pop
 this month. I swear this man    a posed to being delayed at      most of cover, advance           out and charge the rear of
 does less work than me, on      the edge of the sea of stars     cautiously and deprive the       armoured vehicles. People
 the other hand, probably not.   like so many of it’s sister      enemy the opportunity to         usually use tanks as “mobile
                                 hives.                           snipe at you. These are          hard points” from which they
 Anyway, as well as his new                                       tactics that you MUST forget     support advancing troops. A
 Tyranid army army Nathan        The hive will feed soon.
                                                                  about – learn to charge          well placed Lictor strike can
 also collects Smurfs (sorry,    Reasons not to collect a ‘Nid    headlong – the Hive mind         remove the enemies
 Ultramarines), Pixies (good     army:                            doesn’t care about losses,       support, destroy flanking
 pixies) and Orks.               1. Lots of figures to paint      neither can you. Closing with    manoeuvres and generally
                                 2. Hardy any guns                the enemy is the most            ruin the opposing gamers
                                                                  important thing.                 day.
                                 3. It takes half an hour to
                                      put you army on the         Thankfully Tyranid controlled    Don’t try and shelter any “Big
                                      table – only to spend the   evolution has helped with        ‘Nids” you have in your force.
                                      rest of the game picking    this! Hormagaunts cover the      They need to progress across
                                      ‘gaunts & ‘gaunts out       ground well with their           the battlefield with the rest
                                      from under blast            bounding leap, Gargoyles         of your troops – the ‘Nids
                                      templates                   swoop in and Genestealers        guns generally being assault
                                                                  and Lictors are usually under    weapons means that
  Following the psychic          Reasons to collect a ‘Nid
                                                                  the opponents nose at the        advancing doesn’t affect
                                 army
                                                                  start of the battle!             what little ranged combat
    call of fellow hive          1. Lots of figures to paint                                       you may have. Get your big
                                                                  If you mill around advancing
                                      (for the masochists out                                      nasty biomorphic monsters
 minds the hive Aboleth               there)
                                                                  from cover to cover you will
                                                                                                   in the thick of it. Your main
                                                                  run out of game turns and
 had been drifting across        2. Lots of teeth                 the opposition will have         troops are cannon fodder,
                                                                                                   just there to stop your heavy
                                 3. Lots of claws                 taken the most advantage
 deep space for eons. The        4. The expression on your        from out gunning you. Deny       hitters being shot at for more
                                                                  them that advantage! Just        than two turns by reaching
                                      opponents face when you
  hunger compelling the               put a winged Hive Tyrant    about all of the ‘Nids have      your foe and forcing them
                                                                  more teeth than Tony Blair       into hand – to – hand
                                      on the table between
    Overmind to drive                 your Carnifex and your      and Janet Street-Porter put      combat. With the instinctive
                                                                  together (That’s a lot of        behaviour rules, it means
 onwards, as millions of              Malefactor!                                                  that you need to keep your
                                                                  teeth!), so get in there and
                                 5. ‘Nids make people             use them.                        synapse creatures up with
   bio-constructs slept,              nervous!
                                                                  “But what about tanks” I
                                                                                                   the horde or you can make
                                                                                                   all sorts of problems for your
  inert in the bellies of                                                                          self.
                                                                                                   Win or lose the Tyranids are
  thousands of womb-                                                                               a fun army to play. They have
                                                                                                   and continue to be a
           ships.                                                                                  challenging army to play
                                                                                                   with. The possibilities for
                                                                                                   modelling and conversions
                                                                                                   also appeal greatly to me. A
                                                                                                   ‘Nid army offers a chance to
                                                                                                   experiment with a totally
                                                                                                   different attitude to the
                                                                                                   games normal tactics.
                                                                                                   Go on! Get some ‘Nids and
                                                                                                   get charging!
                                                                                                   Nathan White
                                                                                                         Muppet
                                                                                                   Bug Muppet
The NewsLetter                                                                                                              Page 13



 W AT C H O U T
 SCRATCH BUILT ‘NID ABOUT

 Just recently I’ve finishing off   ration when it hit me –
 the painting of my Tyranid         Burrowing! No need to
 army. I felt quite pleased at      sculpt leggies and I
 the way it has come along          could imply size without
 but I couldn’t help but feel       the model needing it’s
 that it was missing some-          own trailer to bring it to
 thing. A-HA! I cried – heavy       the club. Now I was
 support! It seemed to me           cooking!
 that the ‘nid choices for          Looking myself like I was
 heavy support weren’t up to        digging a tunnel, I leapt
 much (with the exception of        headfirst into the bits
 the good old Carnifex). My         box, resurfacing some
 mind turned to the ‘Nid VDR        time later. I had in my
 which had been featured in         mitts lots of little spiky
 WD and then later in Chapter       bits. Over enthusiasm
 Approved. Nice – I thought!        subsiding, I remem-
 But how do I go about obtain-      bered that I needed a
 ing or making one of the           main body to attach all
 great big clawed thingys?          these lovely ickle pieces
 Buying them seemed out of          too. Using some Das
 the question as the only           modelling clay (available
 company that did make any          in most hobby stores) I
 (Armourcast in America), now       formed the main body, a
 appeared to be no longer           curving shape with a
 doing them. So this left me        flattened bottom to sit
 only one option – make the         on (cos’ that’s what you
 bleeder my self!                   do with bottoms) and a de-         like armour plates to the
                                                                       head it just needed a base.     If anyone wants to see the
 I wanted a Malefactor – but        pression at the front for the                                      rules for Nathan’s
 where to start? I knew it had      mouth. This was left to dry.       Using an old CD, some gen-
                                                                       eral purpose filler and some    Malefactor, check out
 to be big & ugly (no its not a     For quite awhile actually,                                         Chapter Aprroved: The
 self portrait) and have all        because Das dries very, very       old dry lumps of unused
                                                                       modelling clay (never throw     Second Book of
 sorts of nasty appendages          slowly.                                                            Astronomican.
 like scything talons and frag-                                        these away!), I put the
                                    Once the main body was             beastie onto his base, trying
 mentation spines (massive          ready I started on the mouth.
 spine fists). It also had to                                          to make it look like broken
                                    I didn’t want the mouth to         ground that it had surged up
 look like it could carry some      look to cluttered so I just put
 of its chums into close com-                                          through.
                                    a few strips of milliput across
 bat. I looked at the piccies of    the inside of the mouth and        A little bit of paint and the
 the Malefactor that have           shaped them into a few large       beastie would be ready to
 appeared in WD and decided         teeth. As the mouth could          unleash upon the unsuspect-
 that it wouldn’t really fit in     dry without me knocking it, I      ing galaxy! Modelling the wee
 my army (alright! I didn’t like    carried on. Next was the           critter has taught me several
 it!). So now I’ve got to design    chest plate – it’s a design        important things:
 one from scratch!                  feature that’s echoed              1) Plan – draw a sketch of
 I doodled & doodled, lots of       throughout the ‘Nid figure         what your intending to make.
 silly little designs that look     range and would help it fit in     2) Keep it simple – don’t
 more like Star Trek trans-         with the rest of my Bugs..         expect to be able to make a
 porter accidents then the          After that, I let it dry despite   hive tyrant on your first at-
 product of thousands of            the urge to continue.              tempt.
 years of Tyranid evolution! I      Next came the back and side
 stopped myself and said                                               3) Take your time – don’t
                                    ridges. The back ones seg-         rush as it’s much
 “kept it simple Numbnuts!          mented to look like the con-
 Your not one of the Perry                                             harder to correct mis-
                                    tinuation of the natural body      takes once the clay is
 twins”. I resigned myself to       armour theme. The side
 designing one that would                                              dry!
                                    ones were marked using sev-
 avoid multiple leg combina-        eral different tools to give       I am quite pleased with
 tions. The next batch of de-       the body some detail. Again        the outcome and mak-
 signs resembled snakes with        it was left to dry. The lips,      ing the Malefactor has
 toothpicks or more scarily,        head ridges and the eyes           proved to be very re-
 trifles intent on placing des-     were then added, with the          warding. Give it a try!
 sert spoons in unsuspecting        plastic nid parts pressed into     What’s next? How about
 orifices! Near the point of        the clay before it set. After      a Bio-Titan!
 giving, up I was re-reading        applying the last few details                                         The Armorcast Malefactor
                                                                       Nathan White
 the ‘Nid VDR for more inspi-
Page 14                                                                                                           I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                 BLIZZARD
                                 A WARHAMMER 40,000 SCENARIO




                                                                      BLIZZARD
 I’m afraid these two
 scenarios were shamelessly
 lifted from the Astronomi-con
 website (www.astronomi-con.
 com). For those of you who
 didn’t already know (which
                                          OVERVIEW
 included me before I found               Both sides are attempting to sweep the area clean of opposing troops. Roving forces
 the site), Astronomi-con is a            must be on the lookout to seek and destroy any enemies they encounter. To make
 BIG Canadian tournament                  things even more difficult, the snow is getting worse...
 held every year. This of
 course has almost zero                   SCENARIO SPECIAL RULES
 relevance apart from the fact            Blizzard uses the Random Games Length and Blizzard special rules.
 that they play Warhammer
 and have written some cool
 scenarios.                                                                       SET-UP
                                                                                  SET-
 Anyway, both of these use                1. Divide the board into four quarters. Both players roll a die; the player with the
                                             highest score may pick which quarter to deploy in. The other player’s deployment
 standard force organisations
                                             zone is the opposite corner.
 and look rather fun so let me
 know what you think.                     2. The player that scored the lowest now deploys a unit in his deployment zone. The
                                             players take turns deploying a unit at a time until both their entire forces are on the
                                             table. No units may be deployed with
                                             18” of the enemy. The players must
                                             deploy their units in the following        Armies deploy in
                                             order: Heavy Support first, followed       opposite quarters
                                             by Troops, Elites, HQ and finally Fast
                                             Attack units.
                                          3. Roll for who gets the first turn.
                                             Highest score may choose whether
                                             to go first or second.


                                                   MISSION OBJECTIVE                                    RESERVES
                                          Both forces are seeking to clear the                            None.
                                          area of all enemy forces, securing
                                          ground as they go.
                                                                                                     GAME LENGTH
                                          The player that occupies the most
                                          quarters of the board at the end of the         The game lasts for a random number of
                                          game wins. To claim a table quarter as                          turns.
                                          occupied, there must be no enemy
                                          units over half strength or mobile
                                          vehicle in the area. You must have a                       LINE OF RETREAT
                                          mobile vehicle, or at least one unit         Units forced to fall back will do so towards
                                          with over half strength in the area.         the nearest board edge of their deployment
                                                                                       zone using the normal Fall Back rules.




                                 Blizzard Special Rule
                                 All movement in a blizzard counts as being in difficult terrain. Vehicle that fail a Blizzard test
                                 cannot move for the turn as they’re spinning their wheels, tracks, etc. Skimmers which fail a
                                 blizzard test count as stunned for the turn and drift D6” in a random direction as the pilots
                                 scramble to control their craft. Accurate firing is limited to a range of 12”, beyond this, 6s are
                                 needed to hit regardless of the firer’s ballistic skill. Note that Ordnance and guess range weapons
                                 scatter double the distance on the scatter dice. Plasma weapons do not overheat.
The NewsLetter                                                                                                                Page 15



 WASTELAND RESCUE                                                                                      Want more scenarios for
                                                                                                       Warhammer 40000? Well,
 ANOTHER WARHAMMER 40,000 SCENARIO                                                                     from the same place as
                                                                                                       these we’ve also got:
                                                                                                       • Cleaning
                                                                                                       • Hill 0.25
                                                                                                       • King of the Mountain

                  WASTELAND RESCUE
                                                                                                       • Escalation
                                                                                                       • Midnight Patrol
                                                                                                       • Dawn Raid
                                                                                                       • Fire Sweep
                                                                                                       • Breakthrough
                                                                                                       • Station X
         OVERVIEW                                                                                      • Escalating Scouting Action
         You both a squad trapped behind enemy lines. These squads each have vital information         • Cache and Carry
         about the enemy. If they make it back to their deployment zone with at least one man
         alive, they will relay the information. Stop the enemy - save your own                        • Ork’s Drift
         SCENARIO SPECIAL RULES                                                                        • Fight or Flight
         Wasteland Rescue uses Random Game Length, Victory Points and Trapped Squad                    • Suicide Mission
         special rules
                                                                                                       • The Assassins
                                                    SET-UP
                                                    SET-
                                                                                                       • Convoy Raid
         1. Both players roll a die; the player with the highest score may pick which zone to
            deploy in. The other player deploys in the opposite deployment zone.                       • Sink the Baneblade
         2. The player that scored the lowest now deploys a unit in his deployment zone. The           • Curse of the Necron’s
            players take turns deploying a unit at a time until both their entire forces are on the      Tomb
            table. No units may be deployed with 18” of the enemy. The trapped squad is not
            deployed. The players must deploy their units in the following order: Heavy Support        • Strongpoint Assault
            first, followed by Troops, Elites, HQ and
            finally Fast Attack units.                            Deployment Zone 12”                  • Ghost Town
         3. Each player must now deploy his                                                            • Into Enemy Lines
            remaining unit at least 24” from the
            table edge of his own deployment zone.                                                     • All Your Base Belongs To
                                                                                                         Us
         4. Roll for who gets the first turn. Highest
            score may choose whether to go first or                                                    • Seize and Secure
            second.                                                 Deployment Zone 12”
                                                                                                       • Divide and Conquer
                   MISSION OBJECTIVE                                     RESERVES
                                                                                                       • Sand Storm
         An extra 300 Victory Points can be                                None.                       • Ash Waste Patrol
         earned by successfully retreating your
         caught unit into your deployment
                                                                                                       • Crash Site Recovery
                                                                     GAME LENGTH
         zone. The unit must have at least one                                                         • Battle at the Farm
         man left and be in your deployment               The game lasts for a random number of
         zone at the end of the game. It cannot                           turns.                       • Recon
         have left the table or be falling back.
         Use victory points to determine the                                                           • Search Party
         winner.                                                      LINE OF RETREAT                  • Starport Assault
                                                        Units forced to fall back will do so towards   • Resupply
                                                        the nearest board edge of their deployment
                                                        zone using the normal Fall Back rules.




Trapped Squad Special Rule
Before the battle begins, your opponent must choose one of your Troop choices to be the
unfortunate squad that was caught on the wrong side of the table.
Page 16                                                                                                               I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                        W H AT T H E H E C K I S
                                        A BUBONIC MONK?
                                        Once upon a Saturday …               conflict known as the
                                        The American Civil War. Five         American Civil War.
                                        years of hell. Of families split     From then on I just
                                        asunder. Of battles larger           carried on accumulating
                                        than many had seen before,           all sorts of books and
                                        in places such as Gettysburg,        models on the subject 1
                                        Antietam, Bull Run (twice)           and, eventually, found
 As well as his Bubonic                 and Chancellorsville. Of             out about wargaming
 Monks, Nick (who by the way            tactics that were outmoded           and off it went. Blues,      "Fire! I said Fire! not Go and hit them
 is totally potty) has Dark             even at the beginning. Of            greys, reds, greens and               with your big sticks!"
 Eldar (the Kabal of the                weapons that advanced far            all the other colours
 Nefarious Spleen), Necrons             more than those same                 that took part.
                                                                                                                  nice and simple 3
 (PX-0967) and Chaos (the               tactics did.                         Hang on! What the bleep has
                                                                             this got to do with the              Meanwhile the Space Marine
 Serpents of Ferrius) armies.           And it was not just between
                                                                             Bubonic Monks I hear you             codex showed me all these
 Quite, quite mad.                      the blues and the greys,                                                  beautiful colour schemes but
                                        there were far more exciting         cry. And by now you probably
                                                                             are. The Bubonic Monks               nothing came leaping out
                                        colours involved as well.                                                 and said oi and besides I
                                                                             came about because I was
                                        Hang on! What the bleep has          getting bored with historical        wanted my own and I was
                                        this got to do with the              wargaming. The battles               going to stamp my feet and
                                        Bubonic Monks I hear you             tended to be very similar.           make myself sick until I got
                                        cry. You are crying aren’t           Line up the troops, shoot at         my own way.
                                        you? Well pick up that cup of        each other and see if anyone         And then my likkle
                                        coffee, or tea if you’re that        survives 2.                          wandering eye fell on the
                                        way inclined, sit back and I                                              book “Uniforms of the
                                        will regale you with the tale        So time for something with
                                                                             no painting limits then; and,        American Civil War”. Ah ha! I
                                        that is the Birth of the                                                  could paint them all Blue or
                                        Bubonic Monks.                       one day in 1999, instead of
                                                                             walking passed Games                 Grey or (as was stated rather
                                        It is the late 1970s and             Workshop in Plymouth I went          heavy-handedly earlier) the
                                        flares are in, Abba are              in. £50+ later I came out            other colours as well.
                                        probably number 1 again
    “To all who would                   and the Muppets are all over
                                                                             again and the wife was so            So up stepped a brave and
                                                                                                                  noble warrior to become the
                                                                             happy that she started
  oppose us we say only                 the TV Screen. There were            crying. Warhammer 40K had            test painting bed. Storm blue
                                        even more cracking series            arrived. I had some Dark             became the main colour and
  this: Death is all that               on TV such as The                    Eldar and some Space                 Lightning blue attached itself
     you shall know.”                   Professionals, Blake’s 7 and
                                        even Doctor Who was still
                                                                             Marines.                             to various areas on the legs,
                 Jik’sen                                                     So now the important                 shoulder pads, chest eagles
                                        liked by the BBC, if not by                                               and helmets. Great, he looks
  Chapter Master of the Bubonic Monks   Mary Whitehouse.                     question on everyone’s lips,
                                                                             what colours to paint them           good. What about the gun?
                                        And me? I got to see The             in? I read through the               Black? Nah too simple. Red?
                                        Good, The Bad and the Ugly.          rulebook and got hold of the         Nah too difficult 4. How
                                        Now besides being one of             Dark Eldar Codex and went            about Blazing Orange then?
                                        the best films ever made it          with black for these guys;           Oh yeah. Bound to be easier
                                        also introduced me to this                                                than red. Ahem right. Took




                                                         "Now this is not what you need to see before you've eaten your breakfast"
The NewsLetter                                                                                                                                     Page 17




 an age but we got there and             It was then that I
 when the test figure was                remembered the
 finished he stood there very            name of the
 proud and said, “Well that’s            chapter and the
 me done then. What about                fact that I had
 the other twenty odd                    included the
 marines, assault loonies,               word Monks.
 terminators and so on.” to              So one name
 which my reply has been                 change later
 erased from history.                    from Death
 The Land Speeder got itself             Company to
 painted up and looked                   Brotherhood of
 snazzy. The Assault Marines             the Betrayed and
 came along and said “Can                brown it was then.
 we be blue to?” and lo and              Scorched brown with
 behold they were. (ed - Nick,           Bleached bone for the chest
 you are quite mad)                      eagles and I was away.
                                                                                                                       Notes
 So they went off to battle              So the Bubonic Monks were
                                                                                                                       1 Somehow I successfully
 and, er, got slaughtered.               now Blood Angels and had                                                      persuaded my parents to part with
                                         plenty of troops and assaulty           feature them in a future              money as it would help me with my
 Now this is a common                                                            article – assuming anyone’s
                                         peoples 7, but now came                                                       school work – still can’t work out
 feature of my armies and so I                                                   still out there after this one.       how it helped me but I’m sure it did
 was not unduly worried by               some Terminators. Not more
                                         blue troops. So back to the             Since those wonderful days            2 Actually probably the main reason
 this occurrence. What did                                                                                             for wanting something different was
 worry me was when I found               Uniform book and, after                 at the beginning they’ve              that too many people don’t like you
 the Blood Angels Codex and              much deliberation, several              been in a few battles, they’ve        taking slight liberties when painting
                                         pints of coffee and a long              even managed to win a                 troopers ie different colours for roll
 the Death Company models                                                                                              blankets – even the collars and
 started screaming at me 5. I            discussion with the wife on             couple now. They’ve just              cuffs need to be correct; now whilst
 quickly splashed out on 10              colour schemes 8, up                    procured a nice shiny new             I applaud anyone who wants to go
 of these spankingly nice                stepped the Confederate                 Dreadnought and have been             down that route I take umbrage
                                                                                                                       when they try and persuade me that
 figures. Right. Build time. Oh          Grey.                                   seen eyeing up the Land               I really need to do it to.
 dear. More assault marine               So the Terminators got their            Raider Crusader recently 10
                                                                                                                       3 Except for the day that I dropped
 arm sprues. Do I have to use            nice swanky Shadow grey.                Oh and the very latest from           the open pot onto the white carpet
 them? Quick flip through the            And then the Devastators 9              the camp of the Bubonic               but that story is best left alone me
                                                                                                                       thinks. The wife does talk to me still
 Citadel Catalogue and I                 got a nice shade of grey as             Monks? I liked the Death              and doesn’t mention this incident
 found the Chaos Close                   well. At which point I                  Company so much that the              too often.
 Combat Sprues. Quick bit of             suddenly discovered I’d                 whole chapter has now                 4 Well I was new to this and red just
 cutting and gluing and hey              accidentally come up with a             become Flesh Tearers. A               did not like covering big areas. Mind
 presto! Slightly different              paint plan.                             Furioso has just arrived,             you it still doesn’t.
 Death Company. Jump Packs                                                       another is on the cards and           5 Actually it worried the wife a lot
                                         Troops and Fast Attack were                                                   more and I did see my wallet
 were a necessity 6                      Storm Blue. Except the                  more Assault troops than I’d          making a run for the nearest high
 Paint scheme for the Death              Scouts but I’m leaving that             care to have at any party are         ground but I was undetered.
 Company? I was going to do              one for another day.                    busy arriving every day.              6 I was starting to get the hang of
                                                                                                                       this losing technique and my troops
 them as Louisiana Tiger                 Elites and Heavy Support                Good job I like painting blue         were just not mobile enough – now
 Zouaves but the stripy                  were Shadow Grey.                       and grey isn’t it?                    they can get right up close to the
 trousers would have had                                                         And as for that orange …..            enemy and then get slaughtered.
 people referring to them as             HQ were whatever they                                                         Still, with so much more movement
 the Andy Pandy Brigade and I            wanted to be; I wasn’t about            Nick Jenkin                           involved it all looks like I have some
                                         to argue with them and I’ll             Barmy Muppet                          idea about what’s going on.
 felt for their troubled psyche.                                                                                       7 Although I’m still trying to
                                                                                                                       persuade them that assaulting is
  “As for the Bubonic Monks? What can I tell you? There are no records before Gettidiborg. Nothing. They do            good, being assaulted is bad – a
                                                                                                                       concept that seems lost on my
 not exist. No chapter of that name has ever been founded. But they are here. Stallendor? Surely you remember the      Chaplain
 tales of Stallendor? Of how the Blood Angels were forced to retreat in the face of overwhelming numbers of Chaos      8 Discussion is probably a bit of a
    hordes? How they were nearly all wiped out? No? Ah ... but then you are young, are you not? For me these           strong word in retrospect – more a
                                                                                                                       case of me talking and the
     events are still fresh in my mind. Behind these useless eyes of mine I can still smell the death. See the blood   occasional grunt or nod from the
       running in mighty rivers.... but you did not come here to witness the ramblings of an old man, did you?         other end of the settee

  “So, let me repeat myself. The history of the Index Astartes bears no mention of the Bubonic Monks. They do          9 Devastators in a BA Army – you
                                                                                                                       just know they’ll prefer to hit people
 not exist. Where have they come from? Why are they here? Perhaps you should ask them yourself. Or maybe you           with their big sticks rather than
                                                value your mind too much.                                              shoot them with them but it’s
                                                                                                                       always funny
 “I can tell you one thing. One thing that may save your life. If the ones in brown should appear, this Brotherhood    10 But that will involve some sleight
                                                                                                                       of hand with the wallet and the wife
    of the Betrayed, then ......... pray. Pray to everything you hold dear. And who knows, maybe your life will be     and will take some planning.
                                                      spared. Maybe.”
Page 18                                                                                                     I ssue 11 , Summe r 2002


                                EXARCH GENERALS
                                VERSION TWO EXPERIMENTAL RULES

                                Sometimes the Eldar do not take to war led by one of the precious farseers or
                                their craftworld’s Avatar, but instead follow the banner of an Exarch General.
                                These individuals represent the highest order of warriors among their
                                people and are often former Young Kings who were not asked to
                                sacrifice themselves to Khaine. However sometimes an Exarch
                                General is not even true Exarch, but instead particularly gifted
                                military mind that has been chosen to take on the role and lead an
 Welcome to my second           army into battle. Either way, the title of ‘General’ is rarely awarded except to
 attempt at a new HQ choice     the greatest of eldar heroes, those who follow in the legendary footsteps of
 for my Eldar. Compared to      Eldanesh.
 the first version of Exarch-   Exarch Generals may be taken in an Eldar army as a Headquarters choice.
 Generals these are much
 more generalised characters.                            Points/Unit       WS     BS      S      T      W      I     A    Ld    Sv
 Rather than being a
 particularly mean Exarch       Exarch General                50            5      5      4      3      2      6     3    10    3+
 who’s been merely
 appointed General of a         Trappings: An Exarch-General may take the trappings of a single aspect into battle:
 warhost; these represent
                                        Dire Avenger (+0 pts)
 (hopefully) more rounded
                                        Fire Dragon (+5 pts): Meltabombs and plasma grenades
 characters who may have
                                        Howling Banshee (+10 pts): Banshee mask
 studied in many different
                                        Striking Scorpion (+15 pts): Mandiblaster, plasma grenades and haywire grenades
 shrines (or indeed none) and
                                        Swooping Hawk (+15 pts): Swooping hawk wings and plasma grenades.
 gained varying skills.
                                        Warp Spider (+15 pts): Warp jump generator
 Anyway, enjoy...
                                Weapons: An Exarch-General may take either one two-handed weapon, one two-handed weapon
                                plus one one-handed weapon, or two one-handed weapons.
                                        Two-
                                        Two-handed weapons: shuriken catapult (+1 pt), exarch’s death spinner (+12 pts),
                                        executor (+15 pts), fire pike (+20 pts), fusion gun (+6 pts), hawk’s talon (+16 pts), or
                                        lasblaster (+1pt).
                                        One-handed weapons: shuriken pistol (+1 pt), close combat weapon (+1 pt), power
                                        One-
                                        weapon (+10 pts), biting blade (+5 pts), dire sword (+20 pts), fire axe (power weapon, +1
                                        strength, +15pts), scorpion’s claw (+15 pts) or web of skulls (+20 pts).
                                In addition to these an exarch may take also power blades (+10 pts).
                                Please note the effects of differing close combat weapons may not be combined and the exarch
                                may only fire a single weapon in the shooting phase.
                                Warrior Powers: Exarch-General’s may train for many centuries in the differing shrines on a
                                craftworld and may take up to two of the following warrior powers:
                                        Acrobatic (+12 pts), Bounding Leap (+7 pts), Battle Fate (makes save invulnerable +30
                                        pts), Burning Fist (+30 pts), Crushing Blow (+15 pts), Defend (+18 points), Distract (+12
                                        points), Sustained Assault (+40 pts), Surprise Assault (+30 pts), Tank Hunter (+15 pts),
                                        War Shout (+20 pts), or Withdraw (+22 pts).
                                Bodyguard:
                                Bodyguard: Any Exarch General except those taking the trappings of the Swooping Hawk or Warp
                                Spider aspects, may be accompanied by up to 5 Warlocks (see separate entry in Codex: Eldar).
                                Transport: The Exarch General and Warlocks may be mounted in a Wave Serpent for +110 pts.

                                SPECIAL RULES
                                There can be only one: The position of ‘General’ is singular amongst the eldar. You may only ever
                                take more than one Exarch General in your army, even if using multiple detachments.
                                Independent Character: Unless accompanied by one or more Warlocks, an Exarch General is an
                                independent Character and follows the independent character special rules in the Warhammer
                                40,000 rulebook.
                                Fleet of Foot: Despite having a save of 3+, all Exarch Generals except Warp Spiders, may still use
                                the Fleet of Foot rule.


                                 At the head of the warhost, Exarch Pe’lac led the warriors. Not since Neath Leanan had walked
                                amongst the people had Rath-Torhan known such a leader. Trained within the Fire Dragon shrine,
                                  Pe’lac had proved himself to be a master of war, and when time was too short to awaken the
                                                Avatar, naturally the Circle had chosen Pe’lac to lead this assault.
The NewsLetter                                                                                                                   Page 19



 THE SMS                                                                         The Hall Of Fame 12/6/02

 L E AG U E 2 00 2                                   Player                       Won     Drawn Lost      Bonus   Played   Total Points

 Unfortunately the Other             outs in as      David Offen-James              8        0       1     2        9           18
 Muppet (Dave) has been              many battles
 rather tied up over the last        in the first    Matthew Pinto                  6        2       1     4        9           18
 few weeks so sorry guys, its        June
 me again.                           meeting.        Richard Kerry                  6        0       1     4        7           16
 Its been almost three               Further down
 months since the last full          Nathan          Richard Cox                    4        1       5     2        10          11
 league update (in the last          Yates, Nick
 Newsletter), so what’s been         Jenkin and      Nathan Yates                   3        1       3     3        7           10
 happening then?                     Ross are all
 Well the biggest news is that       floating        Nick Jenkin                    3        1       3     2        7            9
 we’ve got a new person at           around the
 the top of the leader board!!!      same points
                                                     Ross McNaughton                2        3       2     1        7            9
 After a very long time with         but all also
 yours truly at the top, Dave        have two
                                     games in        Nathan White                   2        0       6     2        8            6
 snatched the top spot a few
 weeks ago with a wipe out           hand over
                                     the leaders     Paul Russell                   2        0       7     0        9            4
 against Mr Yates. But that’s
 not all folks, at the same          which could
 time Matthew put in a wipe          push them       Antony Walls                   1        1       1     0        3            3
 out against our other Nathan        into
 while testing his new Eldar         contention      Nick Doran                     0        3       3     0        6            3
 army for the first Grand            over the
 Tournament heat, putting            summer.         Dave Driver                    1        0       1     0        2            2
 him on the same points as
 David with the same number                          Peter Hibbett                  0        0       4     0        4            0
 of games played.
 The biggest mover up the                                                                                  The league is a chance for
 table recently has been                                                                                   members to test each
 Richard Cox. Since the                                                                                    other’s metal.
 beginning of the league he’s                                                                              A win is worth 2 points, A
 moved from last (yes, the                                                                                 draw is worth 1 point, A loss
 infamous bottom slot that                                                                                 is worth 0 points. A Bonus of
 Peter Hibbett now has the                                                                                 1 point is earned, if you
 dubious honour of holding)                                                                                totally wipe out your enemy.
 all the way up to a very                                                                                  Note: A draw is any result
 respectable fourth position;                                                                              where the winning margin is
 mainly built from two wipe                                                                                10% or less of the starting
                                                                                                           values of the armies
 Alternative Bonus Point Conditions
                                                                                                           involved. If the chosen
 Also I’ve been toying with idea of alternative Bonus                                                      scenario uses differing sized
 point conditions for league games. You can always                                                         armies for attacker and
 revert to the wipe out rule in preference to these (as yet)                                               defender then use the total
 untried ideas, as they won’t suit all types of games, however,                                            of the defender.
 for Warhammer, and 40K I think they may be rather fun.                                                           Offen-
                                                                                                           David Offen-James
 Both players simply have to roll a D6 at the start of their battle,                                       Other Muppet
 and refer to the results table below. Note that the joy of this         Richard Cox’s Eldar march to:-
 system is that the loser of a battle may still achieve their                  an earlier defeat...
 objective so securing a bonus point. That should please
 Richard Cox at least!                                                   Overall, the league is
                                                                         beginning to hot up now so
 Dice Roll:                                                              watch out for a few changes
 1. Survive the battle with over 50% of your army intact. (Units         at the top over the next few
    falling back, or below half strength don’t count), damaged           months and remember, any
    vehicles are worth ½ points.                                         of the games at Gamesday IV
 2. Wipe Out your opponent totally!                                      can also count so the Micro-
                                                                         Tournament is likely to have
 3. Destroy your enemy’s most expensive unit.
                                                                         quite an affect on the
 4. Control your opponent’s original deployment zone.                    scoreboard. We’re half way
 5. Destroy all your enemy’s troop choice regiments.                     through the year and
 6. Break your opponents army to less than 25% of its original           anything can happen.
    models.                                                              Richard Kerry
                                                                         Major Muppet
  THE SAD MUPPET
                                              THE END
             S O C I E T Y
                                              AT LAST
        valde tristes sumus…
                                              Not so long ago some us used to
      (we’re very sad indeed…)
                                              make fun about Paul’s painting, err,
                                              not anymore. Here’s a picture of one
   Email: muppet@genesis-sf.org.uk
   Web: www.rkerry.fsnet.co.uk/sms            of Paul’s new Macassian
Yahoo Group: groups.yahoo.com/groups/         Mercenaries, and very scary he is too
              sadmuppets                      (the Macassian that is, not Paul).
    Phone: 0118 9820489 (David)
                                              Hopefully we should have more on
                                              this new race of technological horrors
          THE COMMITTEE                       next time. Until then, play nice.
       Chief Muppet Richard Kerry
                                              Richard Kerry
       Money Muppet Paul Russell
                                              Chief Muppet
       Other Muppet David James


       THE CONTRIBUTORS
 (in no particular order of importance or
              achievement)
Richard Kerry, David Offen-James, Paul
Russell, Nathan White, Nick Jenkin, Nick      T H E L A S T L AU G H                                       Nick Jenkin’s:
    Doran and Ross McNaughton                                                                              Ten easy ways to win with Dark Eldar
                                                                                                           1. Lock your opponent in the boot of his car
     No chickens were harmed in the
publication of this Newsletter (even by the                                                                2. Hide your opponents car keys before he
             Swedish Chef).                   Want to make it a little easier to win your                     gets in his car
                                              games!? Here are ten ways to distract your                   3. Tell him that Dark Eldar are invincible. He’ll
                                              opponent:                                                       consider you mad and will start taking it
                                              1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as               easy, mistakes can then be punished.
                                                 to what is the best course of action.                     4. Mishear the army points value and turn up
                                              2. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear                 with 3 times his value
                                                 a nose ring. Grunt a lot.                                 5. Grab all the terrain before he does and
                                              3. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you.                 refuse to give it back
                                                 Complain and insult your opponent if you get              6. Forget the dice and tell him that he has to
                                                 any bad rolls.                                               forfeit as you can make better flying
                                              4. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge'                  noises.
                                                 your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have              7. Lock the venue, turn off all the lights and
                                                 won the game through his forfeit.                            pretend you’re not in when he knocks
                                              5. Complain that you don't think you can trust               8. Ensure you play in the dark so that he
                                                 your hero.                                                   can’t breathe on your Raiders
                                                                                                                         9. Have a drink beforehand.
                                                                                                                         Things always look better after a
                                                                                                                         few drinks.
                                                                                                                         And the best way to win with the
                                                                                                                         Dark Eldar?
                                                                                                                         10. Turn up.

                                                                                                                           6. Ask politely if your
                                                                                                                               opponent wouldn't kill
                                                                                                                               your general. Explain that
                                                                                                                               its his birthday.
                                                                                                                           7. Ask if you can have TV
        OTHER THANKYOUS
                                                                                                                               rights to the game.
        Idea Muppet Rita Russell
(for coming up with really good ideas just                                                                                 8. Hide under the table at
       after we’ve done something)                                                                                             the start of the game.
        Chief Heckler: Ruth Russell                                                                                            Make your opponent
 (for getting us the hall for GD4 and proof
   reading this; plus loads of other stuff)
                                                                                                                               drag you out. Speak in a
                                                                                                                               nervous whisper. Confide
         Junior Heckler: Helen Gay
   (for being prettier than me or Dave)                                                                                        in him that you are
       An-
       An-Other Muppet: Sue James
                                                                                                                               scared of his troops.
                                                This is the new Forgeworld Warhound Titan, and although not very
   (for letting Dave come out to play in                                                                                   9. Ask if he has a license to
                 February)                       funny in itself, it is extremely mad. I mean, the legs have forty nine
                                                pieces in them alone, and the entire kit is two hundred and nine bits.         drive that steam tank.
       The Guys At GW Basingstoke
                         Basingstoke
         (for taking all our money)                             Mad. Quite potty. Who else wants one?                      10. Read him this list!