MY PINT WITH CONAN By Gregory Breen Gregory Breen 2016-185 Legion by ghkgkyyt

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									MY PINT WITH CONAN
        By
 Gregory Breen




        Gregory Breen
        2016-185 Legion Road North
        Etobicoke, ON
        M8Y 0A1
        647-350-7594
        breeng.films@gmail.com
                                                     FADE IN:

INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB - EVENING
The pub is tiny with a small bar and a few of tables. There
are about 10 people in there.
JOHN O’BRIEN (65) sits at the end of the bar. He is dressed
in a suit and grey fedora and gives off an air of James
Joyce.

The bartender,KAVANAGH (40) is dressed casually and has
large SCAR across his right check.
Kavanagh pulls a pint of stout and places it in front of
John.

                    JOHN
          Ah, well you may be a homicidal
          maniac, Sean, but ya pull the best
          pint in the new world.

                    KAVANAGH
          I’m sure you’d know, John.
CILLIAN DOYLE (32) a handsome businessman neatly dressed
enters and sits at the bar.

                    CILLIAN
          Jamison. A bottle. Make it two.
Kavanagh places a bottle next to Cillian with a glass.
                    KAVANAGH
          I think we’ll just start you with
          the one and go from there.
Cillian pours a shot and downs it. Then another and another.
John smiles, checks his pocket watch and nods to Cillian.

                                               FADE TO BLACK.

INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB - LATER

Cillian is still sitting at the bar. There is a bottle in
front of him, nearly empty. He is fiddling with his iphone.
John is still sitting at the other end of the bar.   Kavanagh
drops another pint off in front of John.


                                                 (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               2.


                       JOHN
             And another for my new friend down
             there.
                        KAVANAGH
             You think you’ve got trouble?
             Downing his own weight in Jamison,
             poor soul.
                       JOHN
             Could he help I wonder?

                       KAVANAGH
             Well he is a Doyle.
                       JOHN
             Really?

                        KAVANAGH
             Yep, Cillian Doyle.
                       JOHN
             Finally a "Dark Foreigner" comes
             into the pub.
                       KAVANAGH
             We’re in Canada, Conan, they’re all
             foreigners.

John digs into his inside pocket and takes out a NOTEBOOK
and PEN. He opens it. There are lists of names. He finds the
name O DUBHGHAILL next to it is written Doyle. He picks up
the two pints and goes to sit next to Cillian.

                       CILLIAN
             Can I help you.
Cillian downs another shot.
                       JOHN
             I’m delighted to say I think you
             can. Have a pint. I think you’ve
             had enough whiskey.
Cillian takes along slurp from the pint and the burps
loudly.

                       CILLIAN
             Now piss off.
                       JOHN
             It’s a woman?


                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               3.


                       CILLIAN
             No it’s an asshole!
                       JOHN
             I’m sure I can help you, if you
             help me, Cillian

                        CILLIAN
             Would it be the very definition of
             cliche to ask how you know my name?

                       JOHN
             No, not at all. I know all about
             you. I’m a leprechaun, I know all.
                       CILLIAN
             Really, so you were able to find
             out my name by magic?
                       JOHN
             No, Sean just told me...but I am
             really a leprechaun!

Cillian grabs hold of John’s sleeve.
                       CILLIAN
             There I caught you, can I have my
             pot of gold now?

                       JOHN
             Sorry but the pot of gold stuff is
             just bollocks.
Cillian lifts his pint.

                       CILLIAN
             A pity I really could use a new
             pot, and the gold that would be in
             it wouldn’t go unused either.

Cillian drinks.
                       JOHN
             It is a shame, but I can help you.
                       CILLIAN
             So what do leprechauns do?
                       JOHN
             Mostly we drink. Be we do help
             people sometimes.



                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                                4.

                       CILLIAN
             Excuse me...Darby O’Gill.

Cillian stands and nearly falls. He stumbles to the
washroom.

INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB - WASHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Cillian is standing by the urinal. John bangs the door open
and bounds in.
                       CILLIAN
             Jesus Christ! You scared the life
             outta me.

                       JOHN
             Darby O’Gill was the human, not the
             leprechaun. They weren’t real
             leprechauns anyway. I can show you.

Cillian goes from the urinal to the sink and washes his
hands.
                       CILLIAN
             You know what, show me. I really
             want to see this.

John holds up the glass Cillian was using.
                       CILLIAN (CONT’D)
             I thought I’d had enough.

John grabs Cillian by the hair and places the end of the
glass against Cillian’s eye. Cillian stumbles backwards.
Cillian’s P.O.V: John as a CELTIC WARRIOR about 30, dressed
in medieval armour with long red hair braided and tied at
the back. He holds a shield and broad sword.
                       JOHN
             The glass shows me as I should be.
Cillian takes the glass from his eye.

                       CILLIAN
             It’s strong stuff!
                       JOHN
             Nah, just an eye opener. Like a
             bottle of Jamison straight up.
Cillian and John sit on the floor and Cillian props himself
up on the wall.

                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               5.

                       CILLIAN
             I can say without doubt this is the
             creepiest and the coolest thing
             that’s ever happened to me.
                       JOHN
             I need you’re help, and then I’ll
             give you anything you want. Short
             of the gold in a pot of course.

                       CILLIAN
             How about that sword so I can chop
             somebody’s head off.
                        JOHN
             Hmm, no.
                       CILLIAN
             So you are...?
                       JOHN
             Well I’m actually Conan Mac Morna,
             a member of the ancient band of
             Celtic Warriors known as the
             Fianna.
                        CILLIAN
             Right!   Fionn Mac Cool and all
             that.
                       JOHN
             Him. We were a band of warriors ya
             know! Not just him!
                       CILLIAN
             Yeah, he was the leader though.
                       JOHN
             Fionn was the leader, politically.
             These things are all politics.
                       CILLIAN
             So the Fianna were all leprechauns?

                       JOHN
             We are the warriors of Olde Eire.
                       CILLIAN
             Not cobblers in green then?

                       JOHN
             Oh, that was all dreamed up by
             Disney and the makers of Lucky
             Charms. We tried to sue.

                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               6.


                       CILLIAN
             Of course. So you need me
             because...?
                       JOHN
             This is a prison and we want out.
             You’re the only man who can help
             us.
                       CILLIAN
             I can’t believe I’m even asking
             this, but why me?
                       JOHN
             Because your name is Doyle.
                       CILLIAN
             I’m not even going to ask!
Cillian rubs his eyes.
                       JOHN
             Let me show you.


INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB - MOMENTS LATER
Cillian steps out of the washroom the glass against his eye.
John walks behind him. Cillian sees a young couple as a
VAMPIRE and an ANGEL.
                       JOHN
             All because she fell in love with a
             vampire...and because she likes to
             go out with him on his nightly
             killing sprees.
                       CILLIAN
             Bastard cops!

Cillian sees a woman as a WITCH and a man as an ELF. He sees
a middle-aged couple who don’t change.
                       JOHN
             Well it is a pub.

He sees Kavanagh as an old man with a long white beard in a
blue robe.
                       JOHN (CONT’D)
             A wizard. He’s in here ’cause he
             killed Kennedy.


                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               7.


                         CILLIAN
             Kennedy?
                       JOHN
             Well it was a "magic bullet."

Cillian smiles.
                       JOHN
             I need to get out of here. I can’t
             remember the last time I saw the
             sun.
Cillian takes the glass away from his eye.
                       CILLIAN
             You’re vampire friend, wont want to
             get out for the same reason, I’m
             guessing?
                       JOHN
             No, I suppose not. I just want to
             go home. See those green hills
             again.
                       CILLIAN
             They are a very special shade of
             green, aren’t they.

                       JOHN
             Yes they are!
                       CILLIAN
             And you’ll help me with my problem?

                         JOHN
             Which is?
                       CILLIAN
             Check out the last text message.

Cillian hands John his iPhone.
John finds the message. There is a picture of a beautiful
woman in bed with a very smug guy.

John laughs.
                       CILLIAN (CONT’D)
             Hilarious. She’s my girlfriend and
             he’s my boss. She sent it to me by
             accident.


                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                                8.


                       JOHN
             Right, you’re name not being
             Loretta.
                       CILLIAN
             Her best friend.
John hands Cillian back his iPhone.
                       JOHN
             So what can I do?

Cillian whispers in John’s ear. John smiles.
                          JOHN (CONT’D)
             Done.


INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB WASHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Cillian is splashing water on his face. John pulls a LONG
BLACK SCULPTED WALKING STICK from under his coat and hands
it to Cillian.

                          JOHN
                     My shillelagh.
                       CILLIAN
             You couldn’t use this to escape
             yourself?
                        JOHN
             No. It was just a walking stick,
             until now.

Cillian grabs hold of the top of the stick. John uses the
long nail on his index finger to cut Cillian’s hand.
                       CILLIAN
             Ahh! You could have warned me.

                          JOHN
             I know.
The blood trickles from Cillian’s hand onto the stick and
there is a bright green glow. The name O DUBHGHAILL appears
on the stick.
                       JOHN (CONT’D)
             Now it is your shillelagh.




                                                    (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                               9.

                        CILLIAN
             What?

                       JOHN
             It’s a shillelagh again, go on,
             free us.
Cillian checks himself in the mirror and John hands him the
glass. Cillian places it over his eye and sees himself in a
long robe and hat through the glass. He falls down with
gasp.
                       JOHN (CONT’D)
             Now you are now a person of the
             magical persuasion.

                       CILLIAN
             A leprachuan?
                       JOHN
             Oh, good Lord no! More like a magic
             ant or a gnome, yeah I’d say a
             gnome.
                       CILLIAN
             I thought that pint tasted funny.

                       JOHN
             Welcome to the clan!
                       CILLIAN
             And I’m the first Doyle that came
             in here in all this time?
John helps Cillian up.
                       JOHN
             The first one who was that
             hammered!
                       CILLIAN
             Why a Doyle?
                        JOHN
             Why not?

INT. SEAN KAVANAGH’S PUB - MOMENTS LATER
Cillian comes out of the washroom and pushes the stick
through the door making a small hole. The hole gets bigger
and there is nothing only empty bright void outside.
All the convicts escape though the hole.

                                                   (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:                                              10.


                       CILLIAN
             Before you go, my reward!
John passes Cillian a newspaper.
                       JOHN
             Here’s tomorrow’s paper. Page 5.
Cillian’s boss and girlfriend are being arrested. The
headline reads: CRACKING A MAJOR DRUGS RING.

                        CILLIAN
             Tragic.
                       JOHN
             Remember no magic in front of the
             normals!

                       CILLIAN
             So what now?
                       JOHN
             hmm...I don’t know? A pint?

                        CILLIAN
             Why not!
Cillian and John turn back to the bar and sit.

                                                   FADE OUT.

								
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