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Emotional Cheating

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					Emotional Cheating

All acts of adultery or infidelity begin with emotional cheating. Although the act of cheating or
sex is not involved yet, the intent to cheat can be just as devastating as a sexual affair. Nurturing
romantic thoughts of another lover aside from your spouse is, in itself, the best definition of
emotional cheating. In the book “The Road Less Travelled” by Dr. M. Scott-Peck the author
explains this process as “cathexis”- the projection of love or deep emotional feelings to another
person.

Cathexis is the beginning of falling in love, which is innate in all human beings, married or not,
without exception. Since this psychological phenomenon is usually a subconscious behavior,
how do you know then if you are already guilty of emotional cheating?

How can you tell the difference between a brotherly love for your best friend and a romantic
attraction?

How do you categorize an infinite unconditional platonic love for your co worker versus having
an unconscious sexual desire?

Freud described the conscious and subconscious aspects of the mind to be synonymous with an
iceberg. The exposed part, the part of the glacier that you see on the surface is the conscious
part of the mind, whereas, beneath the surface lies a bigger and more complex part which is the
subconscious mind.

This is the part where you should be afraid of, not what’s on the surface. It’s very tricky.
Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us and the next thing you know you’re spooning with your
wife’s yoga instructor. Why do these things happen? It’s not because she seduced you with her
Bikram poses and it’s only your animalistic right to conquer women who lure men. No, there’s
more to that.

It’s because you are developing emotional feelings towards the person as you interact with her,
slowly, along the way.
So before any other emotional cheating develops everyone has to be aware of how to tell if he
or she is already on the brink of crossing the line.

When sexual fantasies about your friend become a habit and preoccupation it is a number one
sign of emotional cheating. Daydreaming is a normal defense mechanism when a current
relationship is threatened. It becomes an emotional cheating if it transforms itself into a constant
routine in your head, with the same third person over and over. Married couples often daydream
about other people aside from their partners. It’s normal. What determines the line is when it’s
the same person, the person you’re constantly spending time with.

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If you find yourself anticipating and longing for the company of your friend more than your
spouse’s then you need to be afraid. You’re beginning to project inappropriate feelings for
someone else. And when in a group, you wish that everyone else leaves so you’ll have more
alone time with your “friend” that’s trouble right there. Also when he or she goes to another
room you take that opportunity to spend time alone with him or her.

Withdrawing from the spouse is also a sign of going to the other side of marriage- infidelity.
Although, on the outside people see you two physically living under one roof 24/7, sharing the
same bills at home, watching your daughter’s ballet recital unfailingly each year and sitting
right next to each other at your parent’s golden wedding anniversary, it doesn’t necessarily
warrant you to be in a healthy marital relationship.

What counts is what’s going on inside you. If you harbor ill feelings toward your spouse and are
not letting these grudges and resentments go for countless years now, then that’s also called
emotional cheating. A marriage is supposed to be a holistic loving and open relationship, inside
and out.

You can also tell if you are forming an emotional affair for a friend when you become very
defensive when your spouse asks you about him or her. You think that your wife is being
paranoid when she points out a nice picture of you two in a corporate outing, or you snap at
your husband for asking where you have been when you were just out with your “friend”. Being
defensive, either by anger or reaction-formation (doing the exact opposite of what you deeply
feel) is an indicator that you’re trying to tell your spouse what you should have been telling
yourself.

According to a survey most cheating men opt to share their thoughts, feelings, and problems
with their mistresses instead of their spouses. This is because they know that they will not be
held liable for anything they say. Mistresses do not have the same power as the wife. The same
thing goes for cheating wives. They express their sexuality more with their lovers than with
their husbands. They have no inhibitions when in the presence of the third party.

This is how emotional cheating also begins. When you find yourself sharing intimate stories
about yourself that you should have been telling your partner about, and if you notice how
sharing problems with your “friend” seems easier for you, then something is wrong with your
marriage. A marriage is supposedly a place of security for two people. It should not feel like a
burden to spend time with your partner.

It doesn’t even matter what you have to say, whether you tell your spouse about your drug
addictions when you were in med school, a weird-looking mole near your anus or even about
how you witnessed a pile up on I-35 this morning on your way to work, as long as you feel
comfortable and non-threatened with communicating then everything should be A-okay.



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Gift giving can also be a sign of emotional cheating. If you find yourself spending more gifts
for your “friend” than your spouse, or if you give him or her gifts on days when there’s no real
special occasion whatsoever, for no reason at all, then you’re screwed. Also, be careful with
your gift selections.

Personal items such as a pair of underwear, sex toys, inappropriate adult magazines, erotic
candles, heart-shaped figurines, cuddly stuffed animals and expensive rings with diamonds can
be misinterpreted, even if it’s just for practical joke purposes. Joking about sex or love isn’t
really joking, there’s a level of truth in them. People use jokes so as not to feel vulnerable about
what they subconsciously really want to say.

Last, but not the least, is when you keep your friendship hidden from your spouse. This stems
from the paranoia that is associated with being caught in the emotional cheating. There’s a
saying, “Less talk, less mistakes” and this applies to an affair too. You’d rather not talk about
that special co-worker because it’s easier to skip that part than having to explain.

And if you do explain, you also don’t want to have to watch your words or keep a straight,
innocent-looking poker face when your autonomic nervous system is kicking your ass by
pumping increasing blood supply to your sweaty face, trembling voice and spastic hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                  

                                                  

                                                  

             To find out how to catch a cheating spouse or partner, visit 
                          www.BustACheatingPartner.com. 




         Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner 

				
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