11 Warning: Not to be used as a floatation or recruitment device. Come on in, only be likened to running the needle-threading concession pull up a next to the flea-market foghorn booth. The stadium also offers a bleacher confidence skills course as we navigate to and from offices By Steve Leavitt on our upper floors whose access gates are locked after There are hidden treasures in this 5 p.m. Negotiating those worldwonderful places about which gates after-hours demands the public may know very little. Olympian skills, requiring one Although our building under the to balance a cup of coffee in stands of the University of Arizona one hand, with books, bags, Football Stadium is not one of them, it puppies, compressed gas clearly has its own charm and glam- tanks and fine china in our. another hand, all while Of course there are the standard Photo by Melanie Lenart gingerly manipulating the key with the other hand to open or amenities that anyone would expect in such a building: the long and storied Behind the Woodshed relock the gate locks. history, spacious hallowed hallways, By Professor Steve Leavitt We have used this Houdini hot dogs and nachos available six days An irreverent, microanatomical magic trick to weed out many a year just a few feet from our view of life at the LTRR a student who clearly showed doorways, tall ceilings, the ultimate no signs of mastering these Stairmaster just a few feet above our accentuated by the wide assortment necessary academic and survival heads, a well-maintained grass field of mellifluous hair-trigger car alarms skills. for departmental picnics, one of the that can only be described in terms worlds largest carports, and the Finally, our hallways are open to of the shrieking one has come to outside air, and spawned the expres- breathtaking vistas from the skyboxes expect from a New Age, no-anesthe- to which we have no access. sion many generations ago, If you sia, flea-market dentistry kiosk. dont like the weather in your office, But there are other advantages of We are now additionally fortunate just step outside your door. Some which only the occupants of this to be home to the garbage compac- current LTRR faculty members building are commonly aware. tion device for this sector of campus, gamely endeavor to maintain a literal The level of sound magnification located right under the north end of open-door policy throughout the under the Tora Bora-like cavernous our enclave. The periodic loud year, but this seems almost as west side of the stadium beneath the banging of the heavy metal refuse incompatible as beluga caviar on a stands is truly remarkable. transport carts being mechanically flea-market snack bar menu. Such Rap music broadcast from passing unloaded is fascinating in its own policies are inevitably challenged to faculty vehicles is amplified to right, but there is added value when the limit in the summer when the heavenly levels, well beyond the it also occasionally sets off a trio of hallway is greater than 100 degrees mortal limitations of their expensive car alarms. Fahrenheit or in the winter when it is car stereos and massive bass canon The collateral cacophony of less than 40 degrees Fahrenheit. speakers. This is a fortuitous side thundering bass-enhanced music, At the risk of looking a gift horse effect of their hefty salaries and clanging trash carts, and car alarms, in the mouth, it just couldnt get any disposable money, allowing the less with the occasional screaming jet better unless, of course, the fortunate in the campus community take-off thrown in for good measure, University were to site a flea-market to enjoy the music systems about is especially conducive to concentrat- tire-burning franchise under the which they can only dream. This is ing on university affairs, and can West Stadium.