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Warning: Not to be used as a floatation or recruitment device.

Come on in,                                                                                       only be likened to running the
                                                                                                  needle-threading concession

pull up a
                                                                                                  next to the flea-market
                                                                                                  foghorn booth.
                                                                                                     The stadium also offers a
bleacher                                                                                          confidence skills course as we
                                                                                                  navigate to and from offices
By Steve Leavitt                                                                                  on our upper floors whose
                                                                                                  access gates are locked after
   There are hidden treasures in this                                                             5 p.m. Negotiating those
world—wonderful places about which                                                                gates after-hours demands
the public may know very little.                                                                  Olympian skills, requiring one
Although our building under the                                                                   to balance a cup of coffee in
stands of the University of Arizona                                                               one hand, with books, bags,
Football Stadium is not one of them, it                                                           puppies, compressed gas
clearly has its own charm and glam-                                                               tanks and fine china in
our.                                                                                              another hand, all while
   Of course there are the standard                                     Photo by Melanie Lenart   gingerly manipulating the key
                                                                                                  with the other hand to open or
amenities that anyone would expect in
such a building: the long and storied
                                            Behind the Woodshed                                   relock the gate locks.
history, spacious hallowed hallways,        By Professor Steve Leavitt                      We have used this Houdini
hot dogs and nachos available six days       An irreverent, microanatomical              magic trick to weed out many
a year just a few feet from our              view of life at the LTRR                    a student who clearly showed
doorways, tall ceilings, the ultimate                                                    no signs of mastering these
Stairmaster just a few feet above our     accentuated by the wide assortment     necessary academic and survival
heads, a well-maintained grass field      of mellifluous hair-trigger car alarms skills.
for departmental picnics, one of the      that can only be described in terms
world’s largest carports, and the                                                   Finally, our hallways are open to
                                          of the shrieking one has come to       outside air, and spawned the expres-
breathtaking vistas from the skyboxes     expect from a New Age, no-anesthe-
to which we have no access.                                                      sion many generations ago, “If you
                                          sia, flea-market dentistry kiosk.      don’t like the weather in your office,
   But there are other advantages of          We are now additionally fortunate           just step outside your door.” Some
which only the occupants of this          to be home to the garbage compac-               current LTRR faculty members
building are commonly aware.              tion device for this sector of campus,          gamely endeavor to maintain a literal
   The level of sound magnification       located right under the north end of            “open-door” policy throughout the
under the Tora Bora-like cavernous        our enclave. The periodic loud                  year, but this seems almost as
west side of the stadium beneath the      banging of the heavy metal refuse               incompatible as beluga caviar on a
stands is truly remarkable.               transport carts being mechanically              flea-market snack bar menu. Such
   Rap music broadcast from passing       unloaded is fascinating in its own              policies are inevitably challenged to
faculty vehicles is amplified to          right, but there is added value when            the limit in the summer when the
heavenly levels, well beyond the          it also occasionally sets off a trio of         hallway is greater than 100 degrees
mortal limitations of their expensive     car alarms.                                     Fahrenheit or in the winter when it is
car stereos and massive bass canon           The collateral cacophony of                  less than 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
speakers. This is a fortuitous side       thundering bass-enhanced music,                    At the risk of looking a gift horse
effect of their hefty salaries and        clanging trash carts, and car alarms,           in the mouth, it just couldn’t get any
disposable money, allowing the less       with the occasional screaming jet               better … unless, of course, the
fortunate in the campus community         take-off thrown in for good measure,            University were to site a flea-market
to enjoy the music systems about          is especially conducive to concentrat-          tire-burning franchise under the
which they can only dream. This is        ing on university affairs, and can              West Stadium.

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