Self Esteem Love and Relationships

How Does Self Esteem Affect Love And Relationships? Self Esteem, Love And Relationships    You are likely to partner with someone who has similar self esteem to your own. Low self esteem can cause you to miss out on potential partners. A lack of self worth is a big barrier to love. When it comes to social and romantic relationships, people tend to feel most comfortable around those who have a similar level of self esteem as their own. This means that on a subconscious level low self esteem attracts others with low self esteem, and high self esteem attracts others with high self esteem. However this is a very generalized statement, and will obviously not apply to every single relationship. For example, someone with low self esteem may be attracted to someone with high self esteem, because they enjoy the security or comfort that relationship could provide. Likewise, someone with high self esteem may be attracted to someone with low self esteem. Although this is usually less common than the previous example, it does happen, especially if the attraction was based heavily on how a person looked. When it comes to the long term success of such relationships where there has been a “mismatch” of self esteem, there are two possible outcomes. Self Esteem and Breakups The most common outcome of a mismatch of self esteem is for the relationship to end. Usually within one year, or at most, two years. This is typically enough time for the “infatuation” period to pass, whereby physical attractiveness beings to play less of a role than it did at the very start of the relationship. Breakups commonly occur due to insecurities, and possible self sabotaging behaviors, of the person with the low self esteem. For example, if the male in the relationship talks to lots of women, or has many female friends, then his partner (who has low self esteem) may become jealous. This can then lead to arguments, over-controlling behavior and resentment towards each other. Unless these issues are resolved and overcome, the relationship will end. Harmonizing Self Esteem The second outcome in a relationship where there has been a mismatch of self esteem, is for a type of “harmonizing” effect to occur. As the relationship progresses over time, both partners begin to adopt each others level of self esteem. Ultimately striking somewhat of a balance between the two. The most common form of harmonization, will occur as the person with the lower self esteem adopting their partners higher self esteem. In other words, being with their partner causes them to feel better about themselves, more confident and more valued as a person. These factors alone will naturally cause self esteem to rise. Of course the opposite to this may also occur. The person in the relationship with high self esteem, may slowly begin to adopt their partners low self esteem. For example, they may pick up various insecurities or worries their partner may have, thereby lowering their own self esteem. In this type of harmonizing relationship, the chances of long term success are far greater than those couples in a relationship whose self esteem is mismatched and inharmonious. The reasons for this are obvious. Less insecurities in a relationship lead to less suspicions, less paranoia and less arguments. Overall this makes the relationship happier, and relatively trouble free. Self Esteem And Finding Love One of the biggest barriers self esteem poses to a relationship, is the ending of a relationship before it has even begun. This is because with low self esteem often comes feelings of being unworthy or undeserving of love. As a result the person may feel that love is something that cannot be achieved, and that they will never experience it. Consequently this mental attitude may cause the person to never actively pursue a potential love, or alternatively, avoid love when it appears. All because they do not think they are good enough to be loved. Self Worth And Love A person who does not think they are good enough to be loved, very often has a low sense of self worth. This lack of self worth comes from a lack of self love, whereby they do not truly love and accept themselves and so cannot truly accept love and acceptance from others. A lack of self love also leads to a state of emotional impoverishment. This means that because you are unable to create the feelings of love and acceptance within you, you look to other people as a source of approval or disapproval, to create those feelings for you. Whilst this may sound like a valid way of creating love and acceptance, it has a major drawback. A lack of self love causes you to see people not for who they really are, but rather for what they can or cannot do for you. In this state, your ability to love will remain undeveloped. Because all you will have to give is not love, but rather your unfulfilled needs. Confused By Love People who lack love and acceptance for themselves, often become confused or suspicious of others who show signs of love towards them. This is extremely common, especially during teenage years. Often a girl will show signs of interest towards a boy, but because the boy lacks self love, his mind doubts or is uncertain of what the girl may be thinking (even if the signs are extremely obvious ). As a result he makes little or no effort to “win” the girl, and so misses an opportunity that could have lead to happiness. His lack of self love, ultimately lead to a lack of love from others. The Importance Of Self Esteem In Relationships As you can see throughout the numerous examples given in this article, self esteem plays a very big role in not only finding love, but also in maintaining love. If successful love is something you desire, then you should continue to actively improve your self esteem. This will benefit not only love in your life, but also every aspect of it. Consequences Of Self Esteem In Life The Role Of Self Esteem In Life    High self esteem produces successful personalities. Low self esteem produces personalities that limit your life. Your self esteem determines how much you will grow as a person. Your level of self esteem has a massive influence on virtually every aspect of your life. For example, your level of self esteem will determine how well you get on with people, how you operate at work, and how successful you are likely to become. Because self esteem plays such a big role in your life, it could therefore be argued that nothing is of more importance than developing and maintaining a healthy level of high self esteem. In this article you will find out why having high self esteem leads to success in life, and why low self esteem can lead to failure. Self Esteem And Your Personality One of the main reasons why self esteem is so important in life, is because your level of self esteem is strongly correlated with your personality characteristics. People with high self esteem are more likely to have personalities that bring them success in life, good relationships with other people, and most importantly, happiness and fulfillment in life. However people with low self esteem are likely to suffer from personalities that limit and restrict their life, thereby limiting the amount of success and happiness they experience. The affect of self esteem on your personality is an important thing to bear in mind, as it is often wrongly assumed that the only benefit of self esteem is in how it makes you feel. Whilst this is partially correct, it is also true that your level of self esteem affects how other people feel about you. So lets now have a look at the type of personalities that are commonly associated with either high or low self esteem. As you read each characteristic, make a quick mental note of whether it is true in your life. This will help you gauge your current level of self esteem, and the type of personality you currently have as a result of it. The High Self Esteem Personality Some of the personality traits associated with a high level of self esteem include:               Rationality Intuitiveness Creativity Independence Flexibility Ability To Manage Change Admitting To Mistakes Optimism Curiosity / Desire To Learn Accepting Criticism At Ease Under Pressure Belief In Your Abilities Calm And Relaxed Attitude Confidence When Dealing With People  Openess To New Ideas And Ways Of Thinking These characteristics will expand your life and allow you to grow and develop as a person. The Low Self Esteem Personality Some of the characteristics associated with low self esteem include :                  Irrationality Rigidity Defensiveness Self Doubt Pessimism Negativity Blindness To Reality Over Controlling Behavior Over Dependence On People Or Things Fear Of Or Hostility To Other People Fear Of The New Or Unfamiliar Rapid And Sudden Anger Inability To Accept Criticism Fear Of Looking Foolish Having A Closed Mind Inability To Accept New Ideas Inability To Manage Pressure Situations These traits will limit your growth and development in direct proportion to your level of self esteem. How Much Does Your Self Esteem Allow You To Grow? Now that you are familiar with some of the personality characteristics associated with high and low self esteem, perhaps you can now see why self esteem is so important in determining the type of success and happiness you achieve in life? Self esteem is like growing a plant in a pot. The plant will grow, but ultimately its growth is limited by the size of the pot. Once its roots fill up that pot the plant will no longer grow, and may even die. But as soon as you move that plant into another pot, its roots will expand and the plant will grow bigger and stronger than it ever was. Your level of self esteem is the pot in which you grow and develop as a person. Low self esteem will give you a small pot, in which your growth and life will be limited. High self esteem will give you a large pot, providing you with plenty of room to grow into a strong, powerful and confident person that will achieve their true potential in life. What sort of pot do you want your life to grow in? Self Esteem And Communication When you have room to grow and are able fully express yourself for who you are, you will automatically improve your communication with others. You will no longer be trying to impress people with what you say and as a result you will speak more openly, effectively and honestly. This is because with high self esteem you will believe that what you are saying has meaning and value, and so will confidently express your thoughts and opinions. However, with low self esteem communication is often muddy and ineffective. Rather than believing in what you say, you will instead be filled with uncertainty about your own thoughts and feelings, and anxiety about the listener’s response. As a result you will not express your true thoughts and feelings, but instead express what you think the other person wants to hear. Consequently you will live your life for other people, rather than living for yourself. The Role Of Self Esteem In Life High self esteem frees you as a person. It gives you room to grow, thereby allowing you mature and blossom so that the whole world can see the greatness that lays within you you. When your growth is no longer restrained by low self esteem, only then will you realize that you are truly worthy of happiness and success. But with low self esteem and a belief that good things are not possible for you, ultimately you will aspire for less, and in the end that is exactly what you will get. Subconscious Sabotage. Are You Sabotaging Your Life? Why Do People Self Sabotage?    Self sabotage can cause you to subconsciously destroy success or happiness. Examine your self talk for signs of self sabotage. Change your handwriting to stop self sabotage! Self sabotage is a term used to described things people either do or say, which ruins success or happiness they may be experiencing in their life. This sabotage may affect their current success/happiness, or possible future success/happiness. Generally speaking, there are two obvious ways self sabotage can manifest itself. The first occurs as reaching a “plateau” in life, whereby you achieve some level of life success/happiness, but can never seem to get any more than what you have. Even though you try your hardest to climb up the ladder, no matter what you do, you always seem to remain where you started. The second way self sabotage can manifest itself is by achieving a high level of success/happiness, and then suddenly loosing it within a short period of time. A good example of this can be found with many lottery winners. Despite winning millions, a large percentage people who win the lottery loose all their money within a few years. They are then right back where they started before they won the jackpot. An important point to remember about self sabotage is that it is not something which is done consciously, but rather subconsciously. This means that even though you may want to achieve success and happiness, because of some limiting beliefs you have acquired throughout your life ( most commonly during childhood) you subconsciously do not believe you are worthy or deserving of obtaining that success or happiness. As a result these limiting beliefs can prevent you from achieving more than your beliefs think you are worth, stop you achieving anything at all or destroy something once you have achieved it. Therefore the beliefs you have in your subconscious mind act like a “success thermostat”. They will constantly regulate what you achieve, and make sure you always have what they think you are worthy of. The most common areas of your life these beliefs regulate, and therefore the most common areas people self sabotage, include relationships, money, health and career success. Let’s have a look at a fictional example to demonstrate how and why a person sabotages their life. Example Of Self Sabotage As a child Mary was always told by her parents that compared to her sister she was not good looking, and would be lucky if she ever found a man later in life. When Mary grew up and went to school, she was never very popular and attracted little male attention. But later when Mary left school and started working, she blossomed into a fine attractive young woman. Her luscious blond hair and voluptuous figure, made her very popular with her male colleagues. As a result of this attention Mary had many offers from men, and soon started dating. However Mary had one major problem. All her relationships started out wonderful, but within a few months things would start to turn bad and soon the relationship ended. No matter what Mary did, she could never seem to hold onto a long term relationship. So what happened? Mary’s childhood and school years continually reinforced the belief that she was undesirable to men, and not attractive enough to be with them. These beliefs were accepted by Mary’s subconscious, and when she finally started dating, her subconscious beliefs caused her to sabotage any relationship she was in. Mary’s beliefs told her that she was not good enough to be in the relationship, and so caused her to sabotage it by being over controlling, demanding, obsessive, possessive and negative. In the end, Mary always got what she subconsciously believed she deserved. Causes Of Self Sabotage As you saw in the previous example, Mary’s self sabotage originated from a belief she acquired during her childhood, and which was subsequently reinforced during her school years. This left her with a subconscious belief that she was unattractive, undesirable and unworthy of male attention. Although this was a fictional example, this type of scenario is very common. However, in reality there are many different factors which may lead a person to sabotage their life. So let’s now have a look at some of the most common causes of self sabotage. Belief Systems Created During Childhood These are formed by the people you meet and the experiences you have with them. Typically these beliefs are created by your parents. These beliefs may then be reinforced during your school years, or replaced with different beliefs. The mind is very impressionable during childhood, so the majority of your beliefs will be formed during this period of your life. Associating Failure With Pleasure If throughout your life you have learnt to associate failure with pleasure, then you may subconsciously want to fail in life because of some perceived pleasure you may get from that failure. For example, if as a child you received lots of love and attention after you failed at something, this may have created a connection between failure and pleasure in your subconscious. Another way failure may become linked to pleasure, could involve receiving a reward after experiencing some kind of failure. For example, after a relationship ends you go on a holiday to take your mind off the pain. Associating Life Changes With Pain This type of self sabotage comes from associating pain with changes in your life. This causes you to sabotage things which may take your life in a new direction, such as a new job or a marriage. Things which may have caused people to associate change with pain usually involve frequent changes in location as a child, such as by moving house or moving school. Or alternatively, change brought on by the death of a close family member or pet. Low Self Worth Low self esteem is a major cause of self sabotage, and is most commonly formed during your childhood along with your beliefs systems. Low self esteem, and feelings of unworthiness, can cause you to subconsciously believe you are unworthy of any success or happiness in life. As a result, when you achieve success or happiness, your beliefs will limit what and how much you ultimately achieve. Identifying Self Sabotage Self sabotage can be found in all areas of life, and the reasons for it can be varied and complex. However in general, most self sabotage occurs due to beliefs that were acquired during childhood, and subsequently reinforced later in life. As stated earlier, the most commonly affected areas by self sabotage occur in relationships, health, money and career success. You will know that you are sabotaging your life when :    No matter how hard you try you can never seem to achieve more. You are close to achieving something, then it suddenly slips away. You experience some degree of good fortune, only to loose it shortly afterwards. If you notice any of the above in your life, you are most likely subconsciously sabotaging yourself due to some limiting beliefs you have acquired at some point in your life. If you want to learn more about self sabotage, I recommend you read the books “Success Secrets Of The Happy And Rich” and “Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind”. Both of these books you can download now for free in the free ebook section. The Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind is an extremely interesting book, because it talks about how we each have our own “financial blueprint”. This blueprint is a direct result of the beliefs you have acquired about money, and therefore determine how wealthy you become. The millionaire mind is a good book to read because it specifically talks about beliefs created during childhood, which is something that affects us all. How Bad Is Your Self Sabotage? Your belief systems (the majority of which were created in your early years of life) will largely determine the extent of your sabotage, and how worthy you subconsciously believe you are of success or happiness. For example, self sabotage does not have to completely destroy or end a relationship. It may be enough for it to continue and for the person to remain unhappy, with the thought of some happiness in the future when things “get better”. The trouble is, happiness in the future will always be in the future, and so it never comes. Ultimately this type of belief system leaves the person in a relationship they are unhappy in, because at the subconscious level that is what their mind thinks they should have. So never assume that a relationship or career has to fail completely for there to be self sabotage. Sabotage can occur in many different forms, one of which includes keeping you unhappy and unfulfilled in life. Low Self Esteem Self Sabotage Things that make you happy, or present you with an opportunity to be happy, are a good way to discover how highly you value yourself. This is because in people with low self esteem, happiness and success often act as a trigger that activates internal limiting dialogue. This is known as negative self talk. Sabotaging Self Talk Negative Self talk occurs as phrases such as “I don’t deserve this”, “it will never last”, “don’t worry about me” or anything else that puts you down or minimizes your importance. If you use negative self talk when success or happiness presents itself, this may indicate limiting beliefs systems you have acquired, and is a good sign that you will probably sabotage happiness or success when it appears. However the good news is that once you are aware of negative self talk, you can actively monitor your thoughts and change or replace the self talk to something much more positive and empowering. Eventually your negative self talk will be replaced entirely, and you will have created new belief systems that finally allow you to achieve your maximum potential in life. Change Your Handwriting, Stop Self Sabotage Another way to determine if you self sabotage is to look at your handwriting. To do this simply write the letter “y”. If your last stroke heads up to the baseline then turns away ( as shown in picture) you have a subconscious fear of success and are likely to self sabotage. If you would like more information about handwriting analysis, see “Success Secrets Of The Happy And Rich” in the free ebook page Eliminating Self Sabotage Overall just remember that whilst there are many different reasons and causes for self sabotage, they all originate from subconsciously acquired limiting belief systems. The best way to overcome these beliefs include monitoring self talk, examining your handwriting and carefully thinking about the beliefs you may have acquired as a child. This last point is perhaps the most important, as the majority of your belief systems were created by your parents, who obtained those beliefs from their parents. If you can identify the challenge you now wish to overcome in your life, and link it to something which may have created that limiting belief in the past, you will be in a very strong position to finally overcome the sabotage in your life. Does Having High Self Esteem Make Me Big Headed? Is Too Much Self Esteem Bad For You?    Low self concept can cause you to subconsciously sabotage your life. For lasting change you need to be a “subconscious satisfier”. You can never have too much self esteem! One common concern people have when they actively seek to improve their self esteem, is whether too much self esteem is a bad thing? They wonder whether you can like yourself so much, to the point where you appear pompous or arrogant to other people? These doubts and fears may then put people off from trying to improve their own self esteem, almost making them feel guilty for trying to like themselves more. However, rest assured that these doubts and fears about liking yourself too much stem from low self esteem. The truth is you can never like yourself too much, and if you want to be successful and happy in life, you need to be your own favorite person. In order to fully understand why this is the case, you first need to understand some of the components involved in self esteem. So let’s explore these now. Self Esteem, Expectations And Actions Accompanying self esteem are a set of expectations, that determine what you view as possible or appropriate for you. For example, with high self esteem you may regard anything as being possible. Or with low self esteem, you may regard only a limited amount of things as being possible for you. Whatever your expectations are, it is important to realize that these mental expectations will ultimately generate a series of actions, thereby turning them into realities. The realities these actions create, will then confirm and strengthen your original expectations about what you regard as being possible or impossible for you. To help you understand this concept better, let’s look at a quick example. If I think I can climb a mountain, that would be an expectation. It is a belief of something which I think I am capable of doing. This expectation will then lead to a series of actions, which in this case involves preparing for and eventually climbing up the mountain. By taking these actions I have therefore turned my expectations into reality, thereby confirming and strengthening my original beliefs about what I am capable of doing. As you can see from this example your self esteem is comprised of both physical and mental action, and therefore both components must be addressed when one is trying to improve their self esteem. Thinking you are capable of doing something is only half the battle. In order to confirm your beliefs, you must take action upon them to make them a reality. Without taking action, your beliefs will remain idol concepts and never become deeply rooted in your mind. In this sense, self esteem, high or low, tends to be a generator for a self fulfilling prophecy. Whereby you become more of what you think and feel you are. Self esteem is therefore strongly interlinked with your self concept. What Is Self Concept? Your self concept is what you consciously and subconsciously think you are. Self concept is your physical and psychological traits, your assets and liabilities, your possibilities and limitations and your strengths and weaknesses. Self concept is therefore initially built upon beliefs, but is ultimately created through the reinforcement of those beliefs by the actions you do or do not take. Below are some important areas which play a role in shaping your self concept. Relationships This includes relationships with friends, family, colleagues, sexual partners and people you meet in everyday life. Money And Possessions What you spend your money on is important in shaping your self concept. The things you own are a reflection of who you are. Health Your current level of health and fitness reflect how highly you value your body. Do you take care of yourself? Or are you unhealthy and out of shape? Work How well you think you can do something will influence your self concept. Are you confident in your abilities and skills? Or do you doubt your ability to complete a certain task? Self Image How well do you dress? Do you make an effort to look good? Are you happy with the way you look? Do you dislike certain parts of your body? As you saw in the examples above self concept includes your level of self esteem. However it is far more global in its reach, and encompasses every aspect of you as a person. The easiest way to think about self concept is as the very core of who you really are. It is a result of everything you have or have not experienced in life. The Dangers Of Having A Poor Self Concept One of the dangers that may occur with having a poor self concept, is self sabotage. This involves subconsciously engaging in actions which prevent or destroy success you may be experiencing now, or could experience sometime in the future. This self sabotage occurs because success clashes with the subconscious beliefs a person has about what they think is appropriate or possible for them. Their self concept simply cannot accommodate the new level of success, and unless their self concept changes, they will always find ways to self sabotage. What this means is that consciously you can think you want success or happiness, and try your hardest to achieve it, but if you have a poor self concept then subconsciously you will always be fighting against it. To read more about self sabotage, see this article : Self Esteem And Self Sabotage Be A Subconscious Satisfier In order to experience a real and lasting change in your life, you need to invest a lot of time and effort. The reason for this is because you are often trying to overcome years of limiting beliefs you have acquired throughout your life, and spent many years reinforcing with your actions. These limiting beliefs may have become ingrained so deeply within the mind, they may take years to reverse. Although generally you will find that these beliefs can be reversed a lot quicker. One thing you should be aware of however is to avoid the temptation to seek quick instant fixes. These will rarely work, and will cost you more time and more money in the long run. A good example of this can be found with people who attend motivational seminars. At the seminar these people feel alive, energised and ready to take on the world. However, a few days after the seminar most people return to their old ways of thinking and acting. Whilst they may have become consciously satisfied, thereby making them feel good in the moment, ultimately most were left subconsciously unsatisfied. As a result, most do not experience a true and lasting change in their lives. This is not to say that motivational talks and learning have no value. But rather that you should not expect to change your life simply by listening to or reading about something, without being willing to take action upon it. Information can only create new ideas in your mind. These ideas may then become beliefs, which you must turn into reality by reinforcing them with action. It is only when these beliefs become reality, will they become absorbed into your self concept. Is It Possible To Have Too Much Self Esteem? High self esteem is often confused with boasting or arrogance, and so some people may think that having a high level of self esteem is a bad thing. The danger that comes from this type of thinking is that if a person thinks high self esteem is bad, they are unlikely to fully pursue improving their own self esteem. Instead they will be left with doubt about their own value, worth and importance as a person. Ultimately this will lead to actions that reinforce these beliefs, and in the long run, further lower their self esteem. So if you think that a person can like themselves too much, get this idea out your mind right now. The truth is, it is no more possible to have too much self esteem, than it is possible to have too much health. If you are concerned about high self esteem making you appear boastful or arrogant, you can shed these fears right now because these traits do not reflect an abundance of self esteem, but rather a lack of self esteem. People with high self esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others, or prove their value by comparing themselves against other people. Their joy comes from being who they are, not from being better than someone else. So just remember what was said in a previous article. True self esteem can only come from within you, and once you start comparing yourself to other people, or other things, you are bound to find faults. No matter how bad you think your life is, everyone has good things in their life. So concentrate on your strengths, and in time they will expand and create new strengths. To further build up your self concept, go back and look at the main factors which play a role in shaping your self concept. Then decide what areas of your life you can improve on, and make an effort to actively improve them. Change starts with small steps, but in order to make that change you must take the first step. So pick something in your life you would like to improve or enhance, and just go for it. Why You Need Self Esteem To Survive The Survival Value Of Self Esteem    High self esteem enables you to function at your very best. High self esteem is needed for success, but doesn’t guarantee it. The ever changing global marketplace requires individuals with high self esteem. Having low self esteem does not necessarily mean you will be incapable of achieving success. Many people still have the drive, energy and talent to achieve great things despite feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. An example of this could include a highly productive workaholic, who is driven to prove their worth to a significant person in their life ( such as a mother or father) who told them they would never achieve much in life. However, whilst having strongly desired goals and a sense of purpose can certainly serve as a powerful motivator, having low self esteem will still mean that this individual will perform far less effectively, and less creatively, than they would if they had a high level of self esteem. Another major consequence of being driven by a desire to please others is that once your objective has been achieved, you are unlikely to experience any true joy from your accomplishment. If you started out with the aim of proving yourself to another person, then ultimately you leave the void within you unfulfilled and so nothing you do will ever be enough. Consider this last point carefully, especially if you are at school or are about to leave school. Many school leavers set out upon a career that will please their parents, and meet their expectations of them. However in the long run, choosing a job purely to please someone else can quickly result in a lack of job satisfaction, a lack of fulfilment and a craving for something more in life. Is High Self Esteem All You Need? If one error is to deny the importance of self esteem, then another is to claim too much importance for it. Of course, a healthy level of self esteem is necessary for your well being, but having high self esteem does not guarantee fulfillment or success in life. High self esteem should therefore not be seen as a substitute or replacement for your needs, but rather as something that will increase the likelihood your needs will be fulfilled. For example, with low self esteem you are unlikely to engage in actions that have the possibility of fulfilling your needs. This lack of action may then leave you feeling some degree of anxiety, frustration or despair. However with high self esteem and a confidence in yourself and your abilities, you are far more likely to do the things that will fulfill your needs, thereby increasing your chances of happiness and fulfillment in life. This is an extremely important point to recognize, as many people wrongly assume that by thinking positively, and feeling good about themselves, they will automatically attract success and happiness to their life. The truth is that what you attract into your life is a combination of both your mental attitude, and the physical actions you take. Physical action can come just as easily from a mind with high self esteem, as it can from a mind with low self esteem. The difference comes in the type of quality of those resulting actions, and the subsequent happiness and fulfillment they bring. The Economic Value Of Self Esteem In today’s global market economy industry is characterized by rapid change, accelerating scientific and technological breakthroughs and an increasingly competitive environment. These new developments naturally create demands for higher levels of training and education than were once required for previous generations. Accompanying these new developments also come new demands on our psychological resources. Typically these occur by calls for greater creativity, self management, personal responsibility and self direction. In other words, these demands call for an abundance of self esteem. So whereas self esteem was once viewed purely as an important psychological need, it is now rapidly becoming recognized as an important economic need. And since industries tend to get more competitive over time, this economic emphasis is likely to increase even more. Self Esteem In Life Today we are freer than any generation that has come before us. A hundred years ago people were persecuted for following the wrong religion, having a different skin color or for their sexual preferences. However today you are free to choose your own philosophy, religion, moral code and how you choose to live without fear of being lynched or burned at the stake. But as the number of choices and decisions we need to make on a daily basis increases, so does the importance and urgency of self esteem. By knowing yourself and recognizing your value and worth as a person will come independence, thereby allowing you to make the best possible choices that are right for you. And this is exactly what is needed to succeed in this rapidly changing and competitive world of ours. The 2 Components Of Self Esteem What Does Self Esteem Mean?    Self respect and self efficacy are the foundation of self esteem. Self esteem can go up or down. But it’s your average level that counts. Define your current level of self esteem, so you know what you need to improve. If you want to improve your level of self esteem you first need to understand exactly what self esteem is. So in this article, we shall be taking a look at the two interrelated components that make up self esteem. The first component is self efficacy. This involves having a basic confidence in yourself and your abilities, in the face of the many challenges life will throw at you. The second component of self esteem is self respect. This involves recognising that you are worthy and deserving of happiness and success in your life. When you put self efficacy and self respect together, you get self esteem. However, in order for your level of self esteem to be high, each component must also be at a high level. What Is Self Efficacy? Self efficacy means having confidence in the functioning of your mind. It means you are confident in your ability to learn and understand new information, and then think about that information and make decisions based upon it. In addition, self efficacy also means understanding the consequences of your actions, and recognizing what you must do to achieve your goals and desires in life. To summarize, self efficacy simply means having a basic level of self trust and self reliance. In other words, knowing you can count on yourself to do the right thing. What Is Self Respect? Having self respect means having a belief in your value and worth as a person. It means recognizing that you have a right to be successful and happy in life, and acting accordingly. With self respect comes an assertion of your thoughts, your wants and your needs. When you have self respect you look after yourself the best you can, and do not tolerate other people who try to put you down. In short, self respect means recognizing that happiness and fulfillment are your natural birthright. Are You Lacking Self Esteem? For you to have a high level of self esteem, you must also have a high level of self efficacy and self respect. If one component is missing, or underdeveloped, the consequences will be a lack of self esteem. For example, if you currently do not feel confident facing the challenges of life, or you lack a basic level of trust in yourself and your abilities, you will suffer from low self esteem. This is true no matter what other assests you may possess. Similarly, if you lack a basic level of self respect, feel unworthy of the love or respect of others, unworthy of happiness or fearful of asserting your wants, thoughts and needs, then you will also suffer from low self esteem. Therefore, to successfully build your self esteem you must adopt an attitude that you are capable of doing anything, and then recognizing that you can do it because you are worthy and deserving of it. Of course, this certainly does not mean you will achieve everything you set out to do the very first time, but it does mean that if you adopt this attitude your chances of success will dramatically increase. Averaging Self Esteem When trying to improve your self esteem do not be discouraged by periods when you feel down, or sense that your self esteem is lower than usual. This is entirely normal and self esteem will naturally fluctuate as you go from day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year. So when assessing your self esteem it is best to view it in terms of its average level. Ask yourself questions such as how you felt today? Or how you felt this week? This can prove to be an extremely beneficial way of looking at self esteem, as when people feel bad they tend to look at their whole life as being bad. This only serves to make tomorrow look worse, and so sets up a self perpetuating cycle of low self esteem. By recognizing that your level of self esteem fluctuates, you will better prepare yourself for the bad times, and also reduce how bad they seem. Why It Is Important To Define Self Esteem Now that you have been introduced to the two components of self esteem, in the next article we are going to be taking a more detailed look at exactly what self efficacy and self respect means in your life. This is an extremely important topic to cover because as I said previously, if you want to properly build up your self esteem you need to know exactly what it is. If you only have a vague idea about what self esteem is, then ultimately the means you adopt to build your self esteem will also be vague. The consequences of this will be both inefficient and ineffective action, resulting in wasted time and a lack of progress. So head on over to the next article, and you will see exactly what you should be aiming at developing and improving in your life. Breaking Down Self Esteem What Is Self Efficacy And Self Respect?    Self efficacy allows you to adapt to an ever changing world. Self respect allows you to achieve your dreams. Both self efficacy and self respect are needed for high self esteem. In the last article you learnt about the two main components of self esteem. Self efficacy, which means having a basic level of confidence in your actions, and self respect, which means recognizing your value and worth as a person. In this article we shall now explore these two components in greater detail, and find out why they are important in your life. Self Efficacy In the dictionary, efficacy is defined as being capable of producing a desired result or outcome. Having confidence in your basic efficacy therefore means having confidence in your ability to learn what you need to learn, and do what you need to do in order to achieve your goals. Self Efficacy Is Not… Self efficacy is not a belief that you will never make a mistake, or do everything perfectly the first time. Likewise it is not a belief that you will master every and any challenge life throws at you. If you expect to do everything perfectly the first time, you are bound to be disappointed. No matter how talented a person may be, everyone will make mistakes at some point in their life. And it is through these mistakes that real personal development will occur. However this does not mean to say that you should expect to fail the first time you try something, for true self efficacy means having a trust and confidence in yourself and your abilities. This means that you should adopt an attitude that you are capable of learning what you need to learn, and that you are committed to doing your very best to master the skills required to overcome any challenge. No one can ask any more of you if you always try your best, and you do this by trusting and believing in yourself. Is Your Knowledge Doubling? In a world in which the total human knowledge is doubling roughly every 10 years (some would argue even more rapidly since the creation of the Internet ), your security rests only in your ability to learn and adapt to rapid change. This is why self efficacy is so important. Because if you have confidence in your ability to think, learn and deal with the challenges life throws at you, then you stand an excellent chance of adapting to and succeeding in this very competitive and changing world. However if you lack self efficacy and give up when challenges come your way (because you doubt yourself and your abilities ) then you will most likely take a back seat whilst those around you speed forward. Remember, self efficacy does not mean you will never fail or experience problems. But it does mean that if and when these challenges do appear, your confidence and belief in your ability will see you through to the end. Another word to describe this would be persistence. Self Respect & Self Efficacy Just like self efficacy entails the expectation of success as natural, self respect entails the expectation of love, friendship and happiness as natural. However, it is important to note that although self efficacy and self respect are separated here for the sake of convenience, in reality they constantly overlap and intertwine with each other. Self Respect Is… Self respect is a strong belief in your own value and worth as a person. It is not a delusion that you are perfect or superior to everyone else, but rather a belief that your life and well being are worth acting to support, protect and nurture. With self respect comes a recognition that you are worthwhile and deserving of the respect of others, and that your happiness and personal fulfillment are important enough for you to work for. This is why self respect is such an important component of self esteem. As in order to live successfully, you need to pursue and achieve things that have value and meaning to you. Without a basic level of self respect you are unlikely to consider yourself worthy of these things, and so you will either not pursue your hopes, dreams and aspirations, or be unsatisfied and unable to experience happiness if you do get them. In addition to this if you lack self respect for yourself, you automatically allow others to treat you disrespectfully. When you allow people to treat you disrespectfully you then further lower your self esteem, which invites more disrespect, thereby lowering your self esteem again in a never ending cycle. Fortunately if you ever find yourself in this cycle, all you need to do is never tolerate anyone who either treats you disrespectfully, or talks to you in a disrespectful manner. Once you stand up for yourself you will automatically increase your self respect, and by doing so increase your self esteem. Self Esteem In Summary To summarize these two important components of self esteem, remember that true healthy self esteem comes from having confidence in your thoughts and actions, and knowing that eventually you will achieve your goal. With this expectation also comes the realization that sometimes you may fail, but knowing that your commitment and persistence will see you through in the end. In addition to this, true self esteem also comes from knowing that you are worthy and deserving of the goals you seek. If you do not feel worthy enough to have or achieve something, then you will not try your hardest to get it and so will set yourself up for failure. So remember, both self efficacy and self respect go hand in hand, and true self esteem cannot exist if they are absent. So from now on adopt an attitude that anything is possible, and recognize that it is possible because you deserve it and are good enough for it. A final word of caution. Do not delude yourself into thinking that you are deserving of something just because you want it. You must always work hard and to the very best of your ability to obtain the things you want in life. Looking Like You Have High Self Esteem What Does Self Esteem Look Like?    Your body language can convey high or low self esteem. Be willing to learn from everything that happens to you. Choices are neither good or bad, it’s what you learn from them that counts. The level of your self esteem is not set once and for all in childhood. It can grow as you mature, or it can deteriorate. There are people whose self esteem was higher at the age of 10 than 20, and the reverse is also true. So remember, self esteem will fluctuate throughout your lifetime, it can rise and it can fall. I know mine certainly has. My Self Esteem I can think back to times in my life when my self esteem reflected the choices I made in the face of various challenges. I can think of instances when I made choices I am proud of, and with that my self esteem rose. But at the same time I can also recall making choices I regret, that ultimately lowered my self esteem. With regard to choices that lowered my self esteem, I think of times when I was unwilling to see what I saw and know what I knew. I found it easier to “bury my head in the sand” and ignore the obvious reality around me. I think of times when I needed to examine my feelings, but instead I ignored them and “pretended” everything was OK. I think of times when I needed to walk away from a relationship, but instead I struggled to keep it going. Times when I needed to stand up for my deepest feelings and assert my deepest needs, but instead I remained quite and hid what was within me, never expressing my true self. Challenges And Choices Are Life We all face challenges in life, and sometimes we make choices we are proud of, and other times we make choices we regret. In my opinion the thing that really counts is not whether the choices you make are good or bad, but rather what you learn from them. Sometimes the things that seem really bad turn out to be a blessing in disguise, and end up improving your life in ways you never could have imagined. This has happened to me on many occasions. I remember when I broke up with my first proper girlfriend ( when I say broke up I mean she left me), I was really upset and felt like it was the worst possible thing that ever happened to me. It hurt me for a long time, but I got over her. Now I look back and am thankful for that experience, because I learnt a lot from it and feel it made me a stronger person. So now my attitude is that I no longer fear making mistakes or bad choices, as I know that each choice I make, good or bad, will still benefit me in the end. This does not mean I will experience no joy or pain from my choices, but rather that I am willing to accept whatever lesson I have to learn. Whether I like it or not. Body Language And Self Esteem One of the most obvious ways self esteem manifests itself is through your body language. For example, if you feel happy and confident you are likely to smile, stand tall and appear energetic. But if you feel unhappy and lack confidence, you are more likely to slouch, look towards the floor and appear drained of energy. Therefore the way you feel about yourself internally, is often reflected externally to the world and people around you. How people react to this image, will then either positively or negatively reinforce your self esteem. If you would like more information on using body language successfully see this article : Improving Body Language However for now, let’s have a quick look at some ways in which high self esteem manifests itself externally via your body language. Physical Manifestations Of High Self Esteem        Eyes that are alert, bright and lively. Shoulders that are relaxed, yet erect. Hands that are relaxed and not fidgeting nervously. Arms that hang in a relaxed, easy and natural way. A posture that is un-strained, erect and well balanced. A walk that tends to be purposeful, with your head up. A voice that can speak softly or loudly ( modulated) depending on the situation. The high self esteem body language can be summarized in 2 words, relaxed and confident. It is relaxed because you take your time doing or saying something, rather than rushing or going too slowly. Rushing your speech or actions are very common symptoms of low self esteem, and usually occur because the person feels under some kind of pressure. Generally this stems from a lack of self worth, whereby they do not feel worthy and deserving of the time and attention they are being given. The second manifestation of high self esteem body language is confidence. This can be expressed verbally, such as by talking in a commanding well articulated voice and meaning what you say. Or it can be expressed physically via the actions you take which appear natural and purposeful, rather than conveying nervousness such as by constantly playing with your hands. However it is important to note that your level of self esteem affects much more than just the way you look, it also affects the way you respond to the world and to the people around you. And as I said previously, how you act will then cause people to react to you in a way that will either positively or negatively reinforce your self esteem. Below are a few ways self esteem can be expressed via your actions and reactions to the world and people around you.           Directness, honesty and ease when talking about your shortcomings and accomplishments. Comfort in giving and receiving compliments, such as expressions of affection and appreciation. An attitude of openness and curiosity about new ideas, new possibilities and experiences of life. An openness to criticism and an ability to acknowledge mistakes. A recognition and acceptance of your flaws and weaknesses. Knowing that your self esteem is not tied to the image of being perfect. Feelings of anxiety or despair no longer seem overwhelming. Confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles and challenges. An ability to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously. An ability to be flexible in responding to situations and challenges. Notice that the themes of relaxation and confidence occur again and again. A relaxed attitude to life implies that you are not hiding from yourself or your feelings, and most importantly, that you are not at war with who you are. Take James Bond for example. Bond is known for being very confident, but he is also very relaxed. If someone criticises him, or he faces a seemingly impossible challenge, you don’t seem him panicking or getting stressed out. Rather you see a relaxed, calm and appropriate response. This last point is important because when you are calm and relaxed, you are most likely to make the best decision and get the best outcome. The second theme that appeared again was confidence. Confidence in yourself and your abilities will allow you to face up to any challenge that comes your way. Your life may have taken a sudden and unexpected turn for the worse, but your confidence and belief in yourself reassures you that you will eventually turn things around. So just remember what was said in a previous article. Self esteem is made up of self efficacy and self worth. Both of these components will give you high self esteem, and with that high self esteem will come a relaxed and confident attitude. So make sure that you always believe in yourself, and recognise that you are worthy of achieving the success or happiness you desire. It is only when you begin to believe in yourself, will you start to act in ways that cause other people and other things to react favourably towards you. This in turn will then positively reinforce your self esteem. However, should you lack these important mental beliefs, you are likely to act in ways that cause other people and other things to react in ways that negatively reinforce your self esteem. So the choice is yours. Do you want high self esteem? Or do you want continue living a life filled with low self esteem? Make your choice now, because it all begins with what goes on in your mind. How Self Esteem Affects The Growth Of Your Brain Self Esteem And Health Of The Mind    Fear can cause you to avoid beneficial new experiences. Low self esteem can cause your brain to atrophy. Make your brain healthy by exposing yourself to new things. When self esteem is low, people are often easily manipulated by fear. Such fears can include:        A A A A A A A fear fear fear fear fear fear fear of reality. about something done in the past. of other peoples expectations/views. of not being socially accepted. of looking foolish. of failure. of responsibility. All of these fears lead to low levels of self efficacy and self respect, whereby you begin to doubt your own ability to do something and may also feel that you are unworthy or undeserving of achieving it. As was discussed in a previous article, low levels of self efficacy and self respect ultimately lead to low levels of self esteem. Therefore in a state of low self esteem fear can result in people who live lives filled with more pain than joy. In addition to this, fear will reinforce low self esteem, making it worse and more debilitating over time. The effect of fear is often amplified further as typically people tend to deny, disown or repress their fears, thereby allowing fear to work in the background constantly chipping away at their life. So in a state of fear reality becomes the enemy of self esteem. If you fear the reality about yourself, and the world around you, ultimately you sabotage your basic belief in yourself and your sense of worth as a person. If you face the challenges of life in this fear driven state you will be disadvantaged from the very beginning, as the mind does not struggle for that which it regards as impossible or undesirable. The Opposite To Living In Fear If low self esteem dreads the new and unfamiliar, then high self esteem seeks new challenges and adventures. This desire for new and challenging experiences stems from a basic belief in oneself, and a recognition that you are worthy and deserving of it. These two opposite principles of motivation that come from low and high self esteem, serve as a good indicator to the health of your mind. This is because a healthy mind is one that is constantly exposed to new information and experiences. A healthy mind will allow you to think faster, understand things more easily, prevent certain brain diseases, and most importantly, make you feel good about your life and the person you are. An unhealthy mind however can lead to an inability to concentrate, a reduction in overall intelligence, brain diseases in latter life and depression. An easy way to remember this is to think of the brain as a muscle. It becomes stronger through use, and weaker through disuse. However it is important to remember that in order for the brain to remain strong and healthy, it must be constantly challenged with new information and activities. This is because when you first learn how to do something, it requires a lot of brain activity for you to learn how to do it. But once you get really good at something, the brain power required to do that activity decreases. So in order to keep your brain active, you need to do a variety of new and challenging things. Expanding Your Mind Now that you know a little bit about how to keep the brain healthy, can you see how high self esteem results in a healthy mind? If you are motivated by confidence in your abilities, and therefore desire new challenges and experiences, then your mind will constantly be exposed to new things that will keep it active and healthy. You can see this in elderly people. Those who keep themselves active in old age and perform a variety of tasks tend to be healthier, live longer and have a more positive outlook on life than elderly people who watch TV all day and have little to do. As you might have already guessed, by exposing yourself to new experiences and keeping your brain healthy, this acts as self reinforcing cycle positively impacting your self esteem. Whereby the healthier your brain is, the better you will feel about yourself. Shrinking Your Mind However, when a person is motivated by fear they tend to avoid new experiences and challenges, preferring to stay with the old and familiar. Typically these people don’t like to “rock the boat” and prefer to “play it safe” in life. This state of fear ultimately leads to a brain that is in decline. In other words, an unhealthy brain which is becoming weaker and weaker with each passing day. As with high self esteem, this will act as a self reinforcing cycle making you feel worse about yourself and your life. Here are some quick questions you can ask to determine whether your brain is in an actively growing state, or is in a state of decline. Remember to be honest and avoid the temptation to deny, disown or repress any fears these questions may cause in you.          When was the last time you learnt a new skill? Do prefer doing things you already know about/comfortable with? When was the last time you went somewhere you have never been before? Are you constantly challenged with new activities every day, or every week? Does your job provide you with a variety of things to do? Do you meet new people on a regular basis, or do only mix with certain people? Do you have any hobbies? Does your life follow the same daily routine? Do you mainly watch TV, play computer games or read? If after answering the questions above you feel that your brain is in a declining state, don’t worry! This can easily be reversed simply by using your brain! So lets get down to specifics and see what you can do to improve the health of your brain. However before we do that, let’s take a closer look at the brain so you can understand what happens when the brain is in an actively growing state. Growing The Brain With Self Esteem Inside your brain are specialised brain cells called neurons. These cells are responsible for transmitting information via electrical and chemical impulses. They allow you to think, and they allow you to learn. Each neuron is shaped like a tree. It has a long stem, a rounded head on top and “branch” like projections called dendrites that originate from the head. You have billions of these brain cells. The neuronal dendrites are what we are interested in, because they can serve as one indication to how healthy a neuron is and therefore how healthy your brain is. This is because when a neuron becomes stimulated ( i.e. exposed to new information, activities, experiences etc… ) it forms new and more complex dendrites. You can see an example of this in the picture below. As you can see, the stimulated neuron has lots of dendrites branching out from it. However the unstimulated neuron has very few. When I was studying neurology at university, I read about an experiment that was done on rats which showed the effect of external stimulation on brain activity and health. In this experiment one rat was placed in a cage with nothing inside of it. The other rat was placed in a cage which had various toys and an exercise wheel. When the experimenters looked at the rat’s brains after the experiment, they found that the rat which had the toys and exercise wheel had a brain that looked like the stimulated neuron in the picture above. And the rat that was put in the empty cage, had a brain that looked like the unstimulated neuron. Now apply this principle to yourself. Whilst you may not be locked up in an empty cage, think about how much new stimulation your brain is getting on a daily or weekly basis? Remember, it has to be new stimulation for the brain to be actively growing. What do you think your neurons look like? Start Growing Your Brain Right Now! Learning new information really does make your brain grow. By learning new things your neuronal dendrites will increase in number, and make more complex connections throughout your brain. If this information about the brain has been new to you, or unfamiliar, then just by reading this article you have already made your brain grow! Here are some other things you can do to exercise and make your brain grow right now: Use The Computer Mouse With The Other Hand. Have you ever noticed how you can navigate around the Internet using the mouse so easily? Probably not. This is because you are used to using the mouse with your dominant hand, and so do it without really thinking about it. This requires little brain power to do. But if you switch hands, your brain has to activate new muscles to move the mouse and so requires more brain power. Try it now and see how easy it is to navigate around this page using your other hand. Read This Article Out Loud Reading something out loud requires lots of brain power, and is very good exercise for the brain. It doesn’t matter how loud you read it, so its ok if you just mutter under your breath. Do Some Maths Doing simple maths problems is also excellent exercise for the brain. Answer these questions as quickly as you can in your head. 14+9=? 33+12=? 7+52=? 99+13=? 77+18=? 118-45= 21-7= 69-24= 99-17= 19-14= √24534.345 / 345.67 = ? (just kidding!) Split Your Brain Using you left hand pat yourself on the head, whilst at the same time rubbing your stomach in a circle with your right hand. Whilst doing this move your knees up and down one at a time, as if you were a solider marching and move your tongue from side to side in your mouth. Now repeat this, but this time use your right hand to pat your head, and leaf had to rub your stomach. This activity will test your ability to do several different things at once. How well can your brain multitask? Stop Living In Fear! If you want to improve your self esteem you need to stop living in fear, and letting it control and restrict the things you do in life. Otherwise your brain will end up looking like the rats brain who stayed in the empty cage! So to improve your self esteem, and the health of your brain, start doing new and challenging things. This doesn’t have to be anything dramatic like travelling across the world, it can be small things you do differently on a daily basis. For example, taking a different route home. Getting dressed with your eyes closed. Brushing your teeth with your weaker hand. Use your imagination, there are a million things you can do differently! Even thinking about new things to do differently is good brain exercise, because it improves your ability to think creatively! All of the suggestions in this article are things that you can do for free. However if you want to spend some money I recommend you get a Nintendo DS with a flashcart. The flashcart allows you to download the games free from the Internet, so all you have to buy is the Nintendo DS and the flashcart. There are lots of brain training and puzzle games on the DS which provide excellent exercise for the brain. I recommend Brain Challenge, and Professor Layton And The Curious Village to get you started. But whatever you do just make an effort to use your brain whenever possible, because a healthy actively growing brain provides a good foundation upon which high self esteem is built. As a side note, if you feel your brain has been damaged due to previous drug use, or you suffer from depression, get yourself some omega 3 and Lithium Orotate capsules. Both of these will repair any damage done to the brain, and reduce depression. In addition to this make sure you are eating some good fat. The brain is largely made up of fat, so low fat diets are bad news for the brain. For more information about lithium orotate listen to Food, Minerals, Mood and Health in the free audio section on this site. Wearing The Mask Of Self Esteem What Is Fake Self Esteem?    Without real self esteem you will never be happy in life. Fake self esteem comes from the need for external approval. True self esteem is what you think and feel, not what other people think. Sometimes you see people who appear to have everything, but yet they still experience times of anxiety or depression. They may project the appearance of high self esteem, but in reality it is just an illusion. A good example of this could include “celebrities”. From a “normal” person’s perspective they appear to have everything. Yet we still hear stories of celebrities becoming addicted to drugs, suffering from anorexia, depression or even committing suicide. This shows that without authentic self esteem, all the material goods in the world will never satisfy you. Instead you will be left with varying degrees of anxiety, insecurity and self doubt. A feeling like you don’t belong, like you are lacking something or that something is wrong with you. This state tends to be painful, and because it is painful people are strongly motivated to evade it, to deny their fears, rationalize their behavior and create the appearance of a self esteem they do not actually possess. This is known as fake self esteem. What is Fake Self Esteem? Fake self esteem is the illusion of self efficacy and self respect without the reality. It is like wearing a mask to cover a face you are ashamed of. By wearing the mask you experience a sense of security and comfort by hiding the real you. However the price for wearing the mask is that the real causes of the lack of self esteem will remain ignored. Where True Self Esteem Comes From True self esteem is an intimate experience, and can only truly come from inside of you. True self esteem is what you think and feel about yourself, not what someone else thinks and feels of you. For example, you could be loved by your family yet still not have any love for yourself. You could be admired by lots of people, yet still feel inadequate and unworthy inside. This is not to say that other people are not important in influencing your level of self esteem, of course, people play a large role in shaping your self esteem, but ultimately it is you who determines whether your self esteem is high or low. Where Fake Self Esteem Comes From If true self esteem comes from within you, then fake self esteem must come from outside of you. This means that instead of seeking self esteem through consciousness, responsibility and integrity, fake self esteem is sought through popularity, material goods or sexual experiences. In other words, fake self esteem comes from looking to external sources to make you feel valuable and worthwhile as a person. However when these sources disappear, so does the fake self esteem. And if fake self esteem is all you have, ultimately this will leave you with feelings of anxiety and depression. Is Fake Self Esteem Really That Bad? There is nothing wrong with pretending to have high self esteem, when you actually have low self esteem. In fact this is one method that can be used to improve your self esteem, and is often called “fake it, until you make it”. The idea behind this is that by acting like you have high self esteem, eventually you will develop high self esteem. This is what actors do when they play a character. By acting like the character, eventually they become the character, and this is the key to giving a convincing performance. So fake self esteem can be used for good, however it is important to recognize that fake self esteem is generated by external factors. If you are constantly seeking other people or other things to raise your self esteem and make you feel good, then as long as you rely on those external factors you will never develop a genuine level of true self esteem. Because when those things disappear, so will your self esteem. -Reposted Note: Original articles could be read at http://www.eruptingmind.com