Dealing with Difficult People

Document Sample
Dealing with Difficult People Powered By Docstoc
					Dealing with Difficult People

    I D E N T I F Y I N G , U N D E R S TA N D I N G
       A N D R E S O LV I N G WO R K P L A C E
  Michelle M. Soldo

   Soldo Consulting, P.C.
     Based on Published Book Titles
 How to Continue Doing your Job Well When You
  Work with People Who are Wrecking your Life.
 How to Work with People you Hate.
 Say No to Workplace Bullies.
 No Jerks Allowed.
 Love em or Lose em: Effectively Managing Bad
  Workplace Behavior.
     Difficult People in the Workplace:
            WHO ARE THEY?

1. Difficult Employees
2. Difficult Bosses
3. Difficult Customers
4. You and Me
             Where did it begin?


The Moral of the Story

   5 Key Concepts
          KEY CONCEPT #1

 Understanding and addressing difficult
 people/behavior is difficult.

 We won’t always do it well.
        KEY CONCEPT #2

 Difficult behavior will generally not go away
if we simply ignore it.

       KEY CONCEPT #4

If you don’t document it, it didn’t happen.


                   Establish reasonable behavioral
                (policies and procedures)
EFFECTIVELY    Document unreasonable behavior
ADDRESSED =    Provide supervisor coaching
               Provide relevant training
BEHAVIORAL     Utilize progressive discipline
EXPECTATIONS   Just cause discharge
                 Discharge for non-compliance with
                  reasonable behavioral expectations,
                  following coaching, training and
                  progressive discipline

People exhibit varying degrees of each pattern of
behavior at different times.
      1.        Passive Behavior
      2.        Aggressive Behavior
      3.        Passive/Aggressive Behavior
      4.        Assertive Behavior

People who exhibit passive behavior:
 Rarely express their real opinions, desires and needs.
 Often gives in to the desires and demands of others.
 Infrequently defend themselves.
 Are less engaged or not engaged and frustrate others.
 Becomes easy prey for assertive and aggressive
  personality types.
 Can become resentful and may use more leave time
  than others.

People who exhibit aggressive behavior:
 Often show little respect for the opinions and desires
  of others.
 Are determined to get their way on big and small
 Are not open to competing ideas.
 Behave in ways that may result in others feeling
  defensive, humiliated and exhausted.

People who exhibit passive/aggressive behavior:
 Use nonverbal behavior to express anger,
  resentment and other feelings they can’t express
 May appear in agreement with and enthusiastic
  about requests and ideas, but don’t follow through
  in a timely or useful way.
 May be viewed by others as unreliable or

People who exhibit assertive behavior:

 Are comfortable expressing their opinions and
 Will stand their ground when necessary, but are
  open to competing ideas.
 Are generally viewed as confident and
           Group Exercise

 Number behavior types (1 -4) in the order of:

(1)=Most Effective/Constr uctive ---------(4)= Least Effective/Destr uctive

                      ____ Passive
                      ____ Passive/Agg ressive
                      ____ Agg ressive
                      ____ Asser tive
          Group Exercise
 Number behavior types (1 -4) in the order of:

(1)=Most Effective/Constr uctive ---------(4)= Least Effective/Destr uctive

                      ____ Passive
                      ____ Passive/Agg ressive
                      ____ Agg ressive
                      ____ Asser tive

1. Hostile/Aggressive    9. Obstinate
2. Complainer            10. Self-Deprecating
3. Unresponsive/Silent   11. Self-Destructive
4. Super-Agreeable       12. Martyr
5. Terminally Negative   13. Sniper
6. Know-it-All Expert    14. Angry
7. Arrogant              15. Indecisive
8. Impatient
                   They are bullies who always need to
                      be in the right.
“HOSTILE/            They are abusive, abrupt,
AGGRESSIVE”           intimidating, arbitrary, arrogant, etc.
Behavioral           They appear self-confident and look
Type                  down on those more uncertain than
                     They fly off the handle in an instant.
                     They are happiest when they are
                      running the show.
                     They make direct attacks.
                Show no signs of intimidation . They
                   have a low tolerance for passivity.
The               Remain calm yet assertive. They love
“HOSTILE/          a fight and winning
AGGRESSIVE”       Stick to the facts. Responses like:“I
Behavioral         disagree with you for these
Type               reasons…” will disarm them.
                  If they continually interrupt, repeat
                   their name until they respond.
                  Get to the point quickly and repeat it
                   if necessary to focus or narrow the
                Repeat to them what they are angry
                   about to show you take them seriously.
The               In some cases, let them vent. They may
“HOSTILE/          become reasonable once the tantrum
AGGRESSIVE”        abates.
Behavioral        Admit your own fault
Type              Maintain eye contact
                  Get them to sit and do the same once
Constructive       they comply
Responses         Allow them to save face as they are
(cont.)            highly sensitive, but insist that you will
                   not tolerate a repeat outburst.
                  Document the behavior.
                  They find fault with everything,
                  creating an atmosphere of
                  general negativity.
“COMPLAINER”  They blame everyone else
Behavioral Type
                 They love making accusations
                  about colleagues.
Characteristics  They are the victim – they view
                  circumstances as “all about
                    Avoid solving problems for them.
                  They will resist as they enjoy the
                  cycle of passivity and blaming.
                 Take them seriously by asking for
The               quantified, written complaints.
Behavioral Type  Pay attention, as some of their
                  complaints arise out of real
                  problems or a perceived lack
Constructive      attention.
Responses        Remain neutral while asking
                  questions until all relevant facts are
                   Ask for specificity as, often, their
                    initial complaint is not the only
                    source of their grievance.
The                Their nit-picking is sometimes useful
“COMPLAINER”        to highlight unobserved or potential
Behavioral Type     problems others ignore or fail to
                   Suggest things they can look forward
 Constructive      Document their behavior.
                      They don’t express opinions when
                     asked, despite the fact that they have
                    When pushed to express an opinion
The                  they are noncommittal, leading some
“UNRESPONSIVE/ to believe they are disagreeable.
SILENT” Behavioral  They appear dismissive, bored, or
Type                 world-weary, due to their lack of
                     participation and silence during
 Characteristics     meetings.
                    They are aggressive when their
                     silence is meant to be deliberately
                     Pay attention, as some of their
                     complaints arise out of a perceived
                     lack of attention
                    Keep questions open-ended so as
The                  to force an explanation
SILENT” Behavioral  Maintain positive body language,
Type                 e.g. tilt your head forward, raise
                     eyebrows expectantly
 Constructive       Commenting on their silence
 Responses           forces them to express feelings,
                     e.g. “You seem annoyed, or
                    Explain at meetings that
                     everyone is expected to
The                 Keep smiling, even if met by
“UNRESPONSIVE/ glares, frowns or shrugs
SILENT” Behavioral
Type                In order to encourage future
                     participation, do not interrupt
                     or dismiss a point once they
 (cont.)             start talking
                   Smile frequently, are attentive and
                    eager to please
                   Frequently make promises and
The “SUPER-         volunteer help, but often fail to
AGREEABLE”          follow through
Behavioral Type
                   Fail to grasp the negative
                    consequences of their over-
Characteristics    Tell you what you want to hear,
                    leading you to question their
                   Avoid conflict, even if bullied
                   Because they hate conflict, don’t
                    blame them directly (unless
AGREEABLE”         Let them know it is safe to be
Behavioral Type     honest, and their opinion will not
                    jeopardize their relationship with
Constructive       Push them to support their
Responses           opinions and statements. Ask why
                    they agree or disagree with you.
                   Emphasize the importance of
                    deadlines and request that they put
                    all commitments in writing.
AGREEABLE”         Poll colleagues to ensure the
Behavioral Type     Super-Agreeable Type has not
                    taken on too many commitments.
                   Provide structured and
Constructive        straightforward assignments if
Responses           they continue to take on too much.
                   If they continue to turn in late or
                    unsatisfactory work, appeal to
                    their desire to please by letting
                    them know how disappointed you.
Behavioral Type    Don’t dwell on present mistakes.
                    Ask them to explain what they
                    might do differently next time.
Constructive       Recognize accomplishments,
Responses           which will help them focus on
(cont.)             providing results and not empty
                   They dismiss any idea.
                   They frequently appear angry and
“TERMINALLY-       They always find a reason why
                    something will go wrong.
Behavioral Type    They are convinced they have little
                    power over their own lives and
                    mistrust those that do.
                   They do not believe things can
Characteristics     improve.
                   They are perfectionists that point
                    out minute details you may have
                    overlooked in your general
                   Be wary and remain optimistic .
                      Negative people love to spread their
                      negativity to prove they are right.
The                  Avoid arguments, as they will only
“TERMINALLY-          rise to the occasion and paint an even
NEGATIVE”             worse picture.
Behavioral Type      Calmly focus on facts. Ask them to
                      back their sweeping generalizations.
                     Use them as a sounding board in
                      order to bring a useful dose of
Constructive          realism, but only if they are sticking
Responses             to facts
                     Remind them of past successes.
                     Document the behavior.
                   They are knowledgeable and highly
                      competent . They thrive on challenges
                      as it affords them an opportunity to
The “KNOW –           showcase their expertise.
IT- ALL              They are always right and constantly
EXPERT”               remind you of it.
Behavioral Type      They sometimes intentionally and
                      unintentionally, make others appear
                     They may behave in a pompous or
Characteristics       condescending way.
                     They may slow time-sensitive jobs
                      down by nit-picking, jeopardizing
                      timely completion in favor of
                   No shortcuts! The only way to beat
                    an expert is to “out-expert” them
The “KNOW –        Do not challenge their expertise
IT- ALL             directly because they’ll always have an
                    answer – try an alternative viewpoint
Behavioral Type
                    that won’t undermine them
                   Be attentive, actively listen, and
                    recognize their knowledge – they’ll
Constructive        be more likely to reciprocate
                   If they do mistake, raise an
                    innocuous question for clarification
The “KNOW –         since they pride themselves upon
IT- ALL             finding solutions and having the right
EXPERT”             answer.
Behavioral Type
                   Avoid correcting them in front of
                    others, which may lead to a public
                    argument you could lose.
Constructive       When offering a solution, make
Responses           them part of the decision-making
(cont.)             process, e.g. “What do you think
                    about…?” or “Should we try…?”
                   They believe their idea or way is the
                      best way and will assert that as truth.
                     Their self-importance makes others
                      feel insignificant.
                     They intimidate others through their
“ARROGANT”            sense of superiority.
Behavioral Type      They hate being ignored and will
                      draw attention to themselves.
                     They are critical and judgmental of
Characteristics       others.
                     They rarely listen and react to events
                      based on their personal perception
                      and not facts.
                     They rarely admit fault.
                   Document the behavior.
                   Arrange a private meeting . If you
                    put them down in front of others,
“ARROGANT”          they will never forgive you and
Behavioral Type     may try to get even.
                   Remind them that they are part of
                    a team and of the importance of
Constructive        cooperation.
                   Respond to arrogant behavior in a
                    warm, friendly manner. You don’t
                    want to appear arrogant yourself.
“ARROGANT”         Recognize their effort and
Behavioral Type     contribution = receiving
                    appreciation lends a sense of
                    confidence and instills a sense of
Constructive        teamwork.
                   They are pushy.
                   They make unreasonable demands,
                    causing others to feel harassed or
The                 to resist by purposely taking longer
“IMPATIENT”         to complete tasks.
Behavioral Type
                   They fail to work in the present.
                    They constantly think about the
                    next deadline and can’t enjoy their
Characteristics     current job or task.
                   They take on too many
                    commitments, are late, and miss
                   Don’t allow them to bully you into
                    working at their pace. Ask them
                    to slow down.
“IMPATIENT”        Assist them if they are anxious
Behavioral Type     about future assignments, by
                    suggesting changes to their
Constructive       Ask them for further clarification.
Responses           This will help you understand their
                    objective and may urge them to
                    slow down
                   They resist change.
                   They do not appear to listen to
                    other’s opinions.
“OBSTINATE”        They are slow to respond.
Behavioral Type    They get angry and/or stubborn
                    when rushed or pushed.
                   They avoid decisions and delay
Characteristics     projects must be completed.
                   Document the behavior.
                   Ensure that they understand any
                    changes, explain, explain, explain.
The                No surprises or sudden demands –
“OBSTINATE”         give them time to adjust to whatever
Behavioral Type     is changing.
                   Explain alternatives. Their
                    stubbornness may be a sign that they
Constructive        feel controlled and limited.
Responses          Ask them for input on issues instead
                    of simply issuing orders.
                    They are embarrassed when
                  singled out, whether for criticism
                  or praise.
The “SELF-
                 Despite their capability, they will
Behavioral Type   not volunteer for tasks or
                 They usually blame themselves.
Characteristics  They may appear defensive or
                 They don’t take their share of
                  team responsibility.
                   No surprises or sudden demands –
                  give them time to adjust to
                  whatever is changing.
The “SELF-
                 Communicate praise in a
Behavioral Type   meaningful manner, despite their
                  balking, to encourage positive
                  thinking on their part.
Constructive     Use examples to bolster praise.
Responses         This will temper their tendency to
                  doubt praise because of poor self-
                   They miss important deadlines.
                   They make and act on decisions
                    despite their knowledge of a
The “SELF-
                    negative result.
Behavioral Type    They are frequently unwell,
                    resulting in excessive absenteeism.
                   Substance abuse may be an issue.
                   Don’t ignore self-destructive
The “SELF-
                   Be aware of and document signs
DESTRUCTIVE”        of self-destructive behavior.
Behavioral Type    Never cover up for them or hide
                    their self-destructive behavior.
Constructive       Promptly and consistently
Responses           address self-destructive
                   They appear dissatisfied or
                   They often use speak in a whiny
The “MARTYR”        tone that irritates others.
Behavioral Type    They often complain.
                   They seemingly suffer many
Characteristics     mishaps and feel compelled to
                    share them with others.
                   Don’t volunteer them for extra
                    work. They will willingly take it
                    on, but complain about how much
                    work they have.
Behavioral Type    Talk to them about their view and
                    the expectation that in the
                    workplace, they are responsible for
Constructive        their own actions.
Responses          If they continue to complain, send
                    them up the chain-of-command.
                   The hate direct confrontations.
                   They criticize through sneaky,
                    sarcastic remarks or gestures, e.g.
                    rolling eyes, biting tone of voice.
The “SNIPER”       They are often poor team players
Behavioral Type     because they put others down.
                   They take pleasure in stirring up
                   They enjoy making others laugh
                    with their posturing as a means of
                    raising their self-esteem.
                   Document the behavior.
                   Call them out if they make a
                    potshot Repetition of the remark
                    may be embarrassing, and the
Behavioral Type     attention may hinder future
                    “Snipe”-like behavior.
                   Take all their remarks seriously.
Constructive        Show no signs of amusement.
Responses          If they deny making a remark, ask
                    others to verify that it was made.
                   Suggest a meeting and state that
                   you take all comments seriously –
                   they are less likely to resort to
                   humor and sarcasm, and more
                   likely to offer legitimate grounds
Behavioral Type
                   for grievance (if any exist).

                   They often appear tense or
                   They blow up easily.
The “ANGRY”        They lose emotional control and
Behavioral Type     may start shouting.

                   Do not confront, which will
                    exacerbate the situation – attempt to
                    defuse the anger instead
                   Do not try to shout over them when
The “ANGRY”         they are in the throes of a tantrum –
Behavioral Type     call their name, use hand signals, etc.
                   Sympathize with them and show
                    you’re paying attention, e.g. “I can see
                    you’re really upset. Maybe we can
Constructive        talk about it later?”
                   Remain calm – rising to their level
                    will only escalate the conflict
                   Don’t know what they really want
                   Lack confidence to make a
“INDECISIVE”       Need to discuss decisions with
Behavioral Type     others
                   Prefer oral information and don’t
                    want to be pinned to a written
                    agreement, which is binding
                   Put off any course of action until
                    it is too late
                   Document their behavior.
                   Don’t put them in charge of any
                    project involving critical deadlines.
The                Don’t intimidate or hurry them,
                    which will make them nervous,
Behavioral Type
                    causing a natural response to
                    postpone any decision.
                   Use praise, when warranted, to
                    engender confidence in their
                   Inform them of the importance of
                    prioritizing, thereby alleviating their
                    tendency to mull over unimportant
The                 matters.
“INDECISIVE”       Boost their confidence by assigning
Behavioral Type     them a minor task involving quick-

Our Goal and Objective:

 Effectively confront and
address difficult behavior

1. Denial
   Ignore the behavior and suffer the consequences.
2. Acceptance
   Weigh the pros and cons of the behavior and
    decide to learn to live with it.
   Take Advil and seek therapy.

3. Confrontation or Intervention
   Identify and address the behavior.
  Ineffective Confrontation/Intervention:

Respond to aggressive behavior with similar hostility
   Effective Confrontation/Intervention:

 Logically assess your options.
 Plan an assertive course of action. Use the “if I
  were in the person’s shoes” test to gauge the
  potential effectiveness of a planned response.
 Calmly and confidently execute the planned
  course of action.
 Methods of Confrontation/Intervention:

1. Public Confrontation/Intervention

2. Private Meeting/Intervention
             Effectiveness of “Public

 A public confrontation is rarely appropriate or
 A public confrontation may be appropriate:
   if the person has chosen to be difficult in a public
    arena; and
   the intervention is require to regain control.

 Even if appropriate, public confrontation may not be
  effective because it may not achieve the intended
  result, i.e. to regain control and command respect, not
  embarrass or punish.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #1:

 The public confrontation should be assertive,
 concise and brief.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #2:

Quickly and affirmatively move on after making
your point.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #3:

Don’t engage in further argument on the point in
     Method of Confrontation/Intervention
              “Private Meeting”

 A private meeting is appropriate in most

 Benefits of a private meeting:
  The  difficult person is less likely to feel or allege
   they are picked on.
  You avoid surprises or unexpected interventions
   from others.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #1:

Allow a cooling off period between the difficult
incident and the private meeting so emotions do
not interfere.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #3:

If you anticipate the person will abusive, request
that someone from HR or another supervisory
person attend the meeting.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #2:

Do not postpone the meeting for an extended
period of time. Meet within a couple of days, but
no longer than a week after the incident.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #4:

When you schedule the meeting:
 Briefly identify the purpose but don’t explain
  further. The time for discussion is at the meeting,
  not before the meeting
 Put the meeting request in writing if possible
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #5:

Prior to the meeting:
 Prepare an agenda to guide the discussion
 Prepare a meeting script or outline
 Clearly and concisely identify the inappropriate
 Identify policies, procedures and/or behavioral
  expectations violated.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
              Tip #5 (cont.):

Prior to the meeting (cont.)
 Identify future behavioral expectations to be
 Identify behavioral directives to be issued
 Allocate sufficient time for the meeting
 Select a private meeting location
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #6:

During the meeting:
 Follow your meeting agenda and outline/script.
 Calmly, concisely and briefly present your points.
 Actively listen. Your body language should convey
  the speaker has your full attention...
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
              Tip #6 (cont.):

During the meeting (cont.):
 Paraphrase and address only relevant counter-
  points and remarks.
 Take detailed notes.
 Identify future behavioral expectations and
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
                 Tip #7:

Following the meeting:
 Review and supplement meeting notes if appropriate.
 Write a follow-up letter outlining the discussion,
  behavioral expectations and directives.
 Document and provide periodic feedback regarding
  post-meeting behavior.
 Address behavior and behavioral changes in annual
  performance review.

1. Absenteeism          6. Too Slow/Low
2. Extended Lunch and       Productivity
   Coffee Breaks        7. Finger-Pointing
3. Personal             8. Day-Dreaming
   Calls/Emails         9. Dishonesty
4. Clock-Watching       10. High-Maintenance
5. Constant Mistakes    11. Informing
                        12. Entitlement
    Addressing: EXTENDED BREAKS

1 . Regularly distribute and review break policies
    and perfor mance expectations with staff.
2 . Use a log book or in -out board to hold staff
    accountable for their time.
3 . Document patter ns obser ved.
4 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
    prog ressively discipline ong oing and documented

1 . Regularly distribute and review electronic
    tele phone, email, and inter net use policies and
    perfor mance expectations with staff.
2 . Document patter ns obser ved.
3 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
    prog ressively discipline ong oing and
    documented inappropriate/excessive personal
    calls, emails and inter net use.
     Addressing: CLOCK-WATCHING

1 . Document and discuss obser vations with
2 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment)
    and prog ressively discipline ong oing
    documented clock-watching.

1 . Monitor, identify, and document er rors.
2 . Provide coaching and training if appropriate,
    and document it.
3 . Establish shor t -ter m and long -ter m perfor mance
    g oals, document it, and meet to review prog ress
4 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
    prog ressively discipline ong oing and documented
     Addressing: SLOW PROGRESS/

1 . Deter mine and document the reason for the
    employee’s pace and prog ress.
2 . Address issues identified, i.e. adjust
    workload, provide coaching and training,
    reassign, prog ressively discipline.
       Addressing: DAY-DREAMING

1 . Deleg ate interesting or challenging work to
    combat long-ter m fatigue and lack of
2 . In the case of boredom, inquire as to a
    depar tment change is war ranted
3 . Explain impact of er rors and failure to reach
    targets and, in some cases, let the employee
        Addressing: DISHONESTY

1 . Monitor frequency of expenses or
    disappearance of company materials and
    regularly distribute and review expense and
    materials use policies with staff
2 . Approach a suspect only when you have
    fir m, incontrover tible evidence.
3 . Practice the honesty you preach.

1 . Differentiate between the detrimental high -
    maintenance employee and those who are
    valuable long -ter m assets.
2 . Assign another senior super visor to them in
    order to shift time -burdens.
3 . Set boundaries and regular time for feedback.
4 . Eng ender tr ust in the team by encouraging the
    employee to rely on others for feedback or
     Addressing: FINGER-POINTING

1 . Ensure workload is at an appropriate level in
    order to discourag e passing the buck.
2 . Eng ender a culture that does not blame by
    explaining problems will be handled and staff
    will not be blamed.
3 . Advocate for personal accountability and
    shared responsibility.
         Addressing: INFORMANTS

1 . Foster collaboration and teamwork – in a
    culture where staff feel they are all in it
    together, infor ming is less likely
2 . Advocate for personal accountability and
    shared responsibility – infor mants will
    respond when they believe they have a
    personal stake in success
3 . Ensure that employees know that any
    disciplinar y action will be meted out fairly
       Addressing: ENTITLEMENT

1 . Steer away from personal criticism, but focus
    on par ticular instances where there was a
    neg ative outcome
2 . Document infractions so that you can be
    direct about them and sug gest ways to solve
     Characteristics of a Good Boss

1. Experience           6. Positive Attitude
2. Perspective          7. Flexibility
3. Vision               8. Fair
4. Creativity           9. Affirming
5. Balance (Power and   10. Good Mentor and
   Life)                   Leader
   Characteristics of a Difficult Boss

1. Inexperienced        6. Negative or
2. Narrow Perspective       Pessimistic Attitude
3. Lacks Vision         7. Inflexible
4. Lacks Creativity     8. Unfair
5. Lacks Balance        9. Not Affirming
  (Power and Life)      10. Poor Mentor and
       Types of Difficult Bosses

1.  Aggressive Boss
2. Hands-on Boss (Micro-Manager)
3. Hands-off Boss (Passive or Inattentive Manager)
4. Inexperienced and/or Weak Boss
                   Uses aggression and fear to
The            manage
“AGGRESSIVE”  May engage in temper tantrums
Boss           or angry outbursts
                   May give employees the silent
                    treatment or ostracize them
                   May not demonstrate
                    appropriate verbal and/or
                    physical boundaries
               1. Document the unprofessional
The               and/or offensive behavior
“AGGRESSIVE”      (who, what, when, where, why)
Boss           2. Address your concerns
                  privately, rather than publicly
                  Request a one-on-one meeting
Responses         Request a facilitated meeting
         The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
              Meeting Tip #1:

Seek advice from HR regarding whether a one-on
-one or facilitated meeting is appropriate.
             The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
                  Meeting Tip #2:

Prior to the meeting:
 Prepare an agenda to guide the discussion
 Prepare a meeting script or outline
   Clearly and concisely identify the inappropriate
   Identify policies, procedures and/or behavioral
    expectations violated
   Identify future behavioral expectations to be discussed

   Identify behavioral directives to be issued
            The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
             Meeting Tip #2 (cont.):

Prior to the meeting (cont.):
 Discuss specific behavior.
 Stick to the facts.
 Don’t make it personal.
           The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
                Meeting Tip #3:

During the meeting:
 Follow your meeting agenda and outline or script.
 Calmly, concisely and briefly present your points.
 If possible, help your boss save face.
           The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
            Meeting Tip #3 (cont.):

During the meeting (cont.):
 Use phrases like:
   You are probably unaware...” or

   “You may not have intended to.....”

 Actively listen.
 Propose a strategy for constructively moving
 Take detailed notes.
           The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
                Meeting Tip #4:

If your boss responds aggressively and/or
  negatively to your concerns:
 Firmly and calmly tell them their behavior is
  unfair and you don’t expect to be treated that way;
 If HR did not facilitate the meeting, ask for a
  facilitated meeting.
           The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
                Meeting Tip #5:

Following the meeting:
 Review and supplement meeting notes with detail.
 Write a follow-up letter to your boss with a copy
  to HR, outlining the discussion.
                   Provide too much oversight and
                   Are reluctant to delegate
                   If they do delegate, regardless of the
ON” Boss
                    amount of detail committed or the
                    times you check in, it is never right
Characteristics    Do not seek or accept input from
                In order to alleviate anxiety,
                 anticipate issues prior to submitting
                 finished work and take care to show
The “HANDS-      you’ve covered all the bases –this
ON” Boss         fosters future trust
                Address their behavior respectfully
                 and directly with phrases such as, “I
Constructive     would like you to trust my
Responses        performance so you have more time
                 to spend on other important issues.”
                Complete key assignments in
                 advance of deadlines and prior to
                 your boss becoming involved
                If you suspect your boss is holding
ON” Boss         you back for fear of competition,
                 discuss that issue with them and if
                 warranted, inform their boss of your
Constructive     concerns
                    May have too much on their own
                 May feel overwhelmed with
OFF” Boss
                 Their self-absorptions leaves their
                  team feeling rudderless and
                  Document specific areas where the
               boss’s involvement has adversely
               affected individual and/or team
The “HANDS- productivity and morale
OFF” Boss     Assess and document the direction
               required to improve team
               productivity and morale
Constructive  Discuss your concerns and
Responses      proposed solutions with the boss
               and document their response
              If necessary, seek HR intervention
                     Perceived as inexperienced or weak
                 because they were promoted too
The              quickly or show signs of insecurity in
“INEXPERIENCED   their role
OR WEAK” Boss   Demonstrated that they are
                 inexperienced and/or weak
                        Do not give direction
                        Do notunderstand
                         program/employee workload
                   Do  not provide support on critical
                    issues or lobby for necessary
The                 resources
“INEXPERIENCED     Avoid conflict
                   Are people pleasers and encourage
                    or do not address difficulties
Characteristics    Avoid taking necessary risks.

                  Communicate your feelings – a
                   gentle reminder, preferably in
The                writing, makes it more difficult
OR WEAK” Boss      for them to ignore problems
                  Try to establish an opportunity
                   to receive direction by
Constructive       requesting or initiating weekly or
                   monthly individual and/or team
                     Embrace the opportunity to build
                 skills that will be important when you
The              become a boss. Become a self-starter
“INEXPERIENCED   and decision-maker by setting goals
OR WEAK” Boss    and objectives and personally
                 evaluating your effectiveness.
                Attempt to solve conflicts on your
 Constructive    own, but send an email to your boss
 Responses       and others in your reporting chain in
 (cont.)         order to cover yourself