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Dealing with Difficult People
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES FOR
I D E N T I F Y I N G , U N D E R S TA N D I N G
A N D R E S O LV I N G WO R K P L A C E
CONFLICT
Presenter:
Michelle M. Soldo
Soldo Consulting, P.C.
651-238-3748
www.soldoconsulting.com
msoldo@soldoconsulting.com
ALTERNATIVE PRESENTATION TITLES
Based on Published Book Titles
How to Continue Doing your Job Well When You
Work with People Who are Wrecking your Life.
How to Work with People you Hate.
Say No to Workplace Bullies.
No Jerks Allowed.
Love em or Lose em: Effectively Managing Bad
Workplace Behavior.
Difficult People in the Workplace:
WHO ARE THEY?
1. Difficult Employees
2. Difficult Bosses
(Supervisors/Administrators)
3. Difficult Customers
4. You and Me
THE GENISUS OF DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR
Where did it begin?
The Moral of the Story
5 Key Concepts
KEY CONCEPT #1
Understanding and addressing difficult
people/behavior is difficult.
We won’t always do it well.
KEY CONCEPT #2
Difficult behavior will generally not go away
if we simply ignore it.
KEY CONCEPT #4
If you don’t document it, it didn’t happen.
BEHAVIOR CORRECTED =
BEHAVIORAL CHANGE
BEHAVIOR EFFECTIVELY
ADDRESSED =
BEHAVIORAL EXPECTATIONS
COMMUNICATED AND ENFORCED
Establish reasonable behavioral
(policies and procedures)
BEHAVIOR
EFFECTIVELY Document unreasonable behavior
ADDRESSED = Provide supervisor coaching
Provide relevant training
HOW ARE
BEHAVIORAL Utilize progressive discipline
EXPECTATIONS Just cause discharge
COMMUNICATED
Discharge for non-compliance with
AND ENFORCED?
reasonable behavioral expectations,
following coaching, training and
progressive discipline
4 PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR
People exhibit varying degrees of each pattern of
behavior at different times.
1. Passive Behavior
2. Aggressive Behavior
3. Passive/Aggressive Behavior
4. Assertive Behavior
CHARACTERISTICS OF PASSIVE BEHAVIOR
People who exhibit passive behavior:
Rarely express their real opinions, desires and needs.
Often gives in to the desires and demands of others.
Infrequently defend themselves.
Are less engaged or not engaged and frustrate others.
Becomes easy prey for assertive and aggressive
personality types.
Can become resentful and may use more leave time
than others.
CHARACTERISTICS OF AGGRESSIVE
BEHAVIOR
People who exhibit aggressive behavior:
Often show little respect for the opinions and desires
of others.
Are determined to get their way on big and small
issues.
Are not open to competing ideas.
Behave in ways that may result in others feeling
defensive, humiliated and exhausted.
CHARACTERISTICS OF
PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
People who exhibit passive/aggressive behavior:
Use nonverbal behavior to express anger,
resentment and other feelings they can’t express
verbally.
May appear in agreement with and enthusiastic
about requests and ideas, but don’t follow through
in a timely or useful way.
May be viewed by others as unreliable or
untrustworthy.
CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR
People who exhibit assertive behavior:
Are comfortable expressing their opinions and
needs.
Will stand their ground when necessary, but are
open to competing ideas.
Are generally viewed as confident and
knowledgeable.
Group Exercise
BEHAVIOR CONTINUUM
Number behavior types (1 -4) in the order of:
(1)=Most Effective/Constr uctive ---------(4)= Least Effective/Destr uctive
____ Passive
____ Passive/Agg ressive
____ Agg ressive
____ Asser tive
Group Exercise
RESPONSE TO BEHAVIOR
CONTINUUM
Number behavior types (1 -4) in the order of:
(1)=Most Effective/Constr uctive ---------(4)= Least Effective/Destr uctive
____ Passive
____ Passive/Agg ressive
____ Agg ressive
____ Asser tive
COMMON BEHAVIORAL TYPES
1. Hostile/Aggressive 9. Obstinate
2. Complainer 10. Self-Deprecating
3. Unresponsive/Silent 11. Self-Destructive
4. Super-Agreeable 12. Martyr
5. Terminally Negative 13. Sniper
6. Know-it-All Expert 14. Angry
7. Arrogant 15. Indecisive
8. Impatient
They are bullies who always need to
be in the right.
The
“HOSTILE/ They are abusive, abrupt,
AGGRESSIVE” intimidating, arbitrary, arrogant, etc.
Behavioral They appear self-confident and look
Type down on those more uncertain than
themselves.
They fly off the handle in an instant.
Characteristics
They are happiest when they are
running the show.
They make direct attacks.
Show no signs of intimidation . They
have a low tolerance for passivity.
The Remain calm yet assertive. They love
“HOSTILE/ a fight and winning
AGGRESSIVE” Stick to the facts. Responses like:“I
Behavioral disagree with you for these
Type reasons…” will disarm them.
If they continually interrupt, repeat
Constructive
their name until they respond.
Responses
Get to the point quickly and repeat it
if necessary to focus or narrow the
discussion.
Repeat to them what they are angry
about to show you take them seriously.
The In some cases, let them vent. They may
“HOSTILE/ become reasonable once the tantrum
AGGRESSIVE” abates.
Behavioral Admit your own fault
Type Maintain eye contact
Get them to sit and do the same once
Constructive they comply
Responses Allow them to save face as they are
(cont.) highly sensitive, but insist that you will
not tolerate a repeat outburst.
Document the behavior.
They find fault with everything,
creating an atmosphere of
The
general negativity.
“COMPLAINER” They blame everyone else
Behavioral Type
They love making accusations
about colleagues.
Characteristics They are the victim – they view
circumstances as “all about
them.”
Avoid solving problems for them.
They will resist as they enjoy the
cycle of passivity and blaming.
Take them seriously by asking for
The quantified, written complaints.
“COMPLAINER”
Behavioral Type Pay attention, as some of their
complaints arise out of real
problems or a perceived lack
Constructive attention.
Responses Remain neutral while asking
questions until all relevant facts are
gathered.
Ask for specificity as, often, their
initial complaint is not the only
source of their grievance.
The Their nit-picking is sometimes useful
“COMPLAINER” to highlight unobserved or potential
Behavioral Type problems others ignore or fail to
spot.
Suggest things they can look forward
to.
Constructive Document their behavior.
Responses
(cont.)
They don’t express opinions when
asked, despite the fact that they have
one.
When pushed to express an opinion
The they are noncommittal, leading some
“UNRESPONSIVE/ to believe they are disagreeable.
SILENT” Behavioral They appear dismissive, bored, or
Type world-weary, due to their lack of
participation and silence during
Characteristics meetings.
They are aggressive when their
silence is meant to be deliberately
unhelpful.
Pay attention, as some of their
complaints arise out of a perceived
lack of attention
Keep questions open-ended so as
The to force an explanation
“UNRESPONSIVE/
SILENT” Behavioral Maintain positive body language,
Type e.g. tilt your head forward, raise
eyebrows expectantly
Constructive Commenting on their silence
Responses forces them to express feelings,
e.g. “You seem annoyed, or
impatient.”
Explain at meetings that
everyone is expected to
participate
The Keep smiling, even if met by
“UNRESPONSIVE/ glares, frowns or shrugs
SILENT” Behavioral
Type In order to encourage future
participation, do not interrupt
Constructive
Responses
or dismiss a point once they
(cont.) start talking
Smile frequently, are attentive and
eager to please
Frequently make promises and
The “SUPER- volunteer help, but often fail to
AGREEABLE” follow through
Behavioral Type
Fail to grasp the negative
consequences of their over-
committing
Characteristics Tell you what you want to hear,
leading you to question their
sincerity
Avoid conflict, even if bullied
Because they hate conflict, don’t
blame them directly (unless
warranted).
The “SUPER-
AGREEABLE” Let them know it is safe to be
Behavioral Type honest, and their opinion will not
jeopardize their relationship with
you.
Constructive Push them to support their
Responses opinions and statements. Ask why
they agree or disagree with you.
Emphasize the importance of
deadlines and request that they put
all commitments in writing.
The “SUPER-
AGREEABLE” Poll colleagues to ensure the
Behavioral Type Super-Agreeable Type has not
taken on too many commitments.
Provide structured and
Constructive straightforward assignments if
Responses they continue to take on too much.
(cont.)
If they continue to turn in late or
unsatisfactory work, appeal to
their desire to please by letting
The “SUPER-
them know how disappointed you.
AGREEABLE”
Behavioral Type Don’t dwell on present mistakes.
Ask them to explain what they
might do differently next time.
Constructive Recognize accomplishments,
Responses which will help them focus on
(cont.) providing results and not empty
promises.
They dismiss any idea.
They frequently appear angry and
resentful.
The
“TERMINALLY- They always find a reason why
NEGATIVE”
something will go wrong.
Behavioral Type They are convinced they have little
power over their own lives and
mistrust those that do.
They do not believe things can
Characteristics improve.
They are perfectionists that point
out minute details you may have
overlooked in your general
enthusiasm.
Be wary and remain optimistic .
Negative people love to spread their
negativity to prove they are right.
The Avoid arguments, as they will only
“TERMINALLY- rise to the occasion and paint an even
NEGATIVE” worse picture.
Behavioral Type Calmly focus on facts. Ask them to
back their sweeping generalizations.
Use them as a sounding board in
order to bring a useful dose of
Constructive realism, but only if they are sticking
Responses to facts
Remind them of past successes.
Document the behavior.
They are knowledgeable and highly
competent . They thrive on challenges
as it affords them an opportunity to
The “KNOW – showcase their expertise.
IT- ALL They are always right and constantly
EXPERT” remind you of it.
Behavioral Type They sometimes intentionally and
unintentionally, make others appear
foolish.
They may behave in a pompous or
Characteristics condescending way.
They may slow time-sensitive jobs
down by nit-picking, jeopardizing
timely completion in favor of
perfection.
No shortcuts! The only way to beat
an expert is to “out-expert” them
The “KNOW – Do not challenge their expertise
IT- ALL directly because they’ll always have an
EXPERT”
answer – try an alternative viewpoint
Behavioral Type
that won’t undermine them
Be attentive, actively listen, and
recognize their knowledge – they’ll
Constructive be more likely to reciprocate
Responses
If they do mistake, raise an
innocuous question for clarification
The “KNOW – since they pride themselves upon
IT- ALL finding solutions and having the right
EXPERT” answer.
Behavioral Type
Avoid correcting them in front of
others, which may lead to a public
argument you could lose.
Constructive When offering a solution, make
Responses them part of the decision-making
(cont.) process, e.g. “What do you think
about…?” or “Should we try…?”
They believe their idea or way is the
best way and will assert that as truth.
Their self-importance makes others
feel insignificant.
The
They intimidate others through their
“ARROGANT” sense of superiority.
Behavioral Type They hate being ignored and will
draw attention to themselves.
They are critical and judgmental of
Characteristics others.
They rarely listen and react to events
based on their personal perception
and not facts.
They rarely admit fault.
Document the behavior.
Arrange a private meeting . If you
The
put them down in front of others,
“ARROGANT” they will never forgive you and
Behavioral Type may try to get even.
Remind them that they are part of
a team and of the importance of
Constructive cooperation.
Responses
Respond to arrogant behavior in a
warm, friendly manner. You don’t
want to appear arrogant yourself.
The
“ARROGANT” Recognize their effort and
Behavioral Type contribution = receiving
appreciation lends a sense of
confidence and instills a sense of
Constructive teamwork.
Responses
(cont.)
They are pushy.
They make unreasonable demands,
causing others to feel harassed or
The to resist by purposely taking longer
“IMPATIENT” to complete tasks.
Behavioral Type
They fail to work in the present.
They constantly think about the
next deadline and can’t enjoy their
Characteristics current job or task.
They take on too many
commitments, are late, and miss
deadlines.
Don’t allow them to bully you into
working at their pace. Ask them
to slow down.
The
“IMPATIENT” Assist them if they are anxious
Behavioral Type about future assignments, by
suggesting changes to their
timetable.
Constructive Ask them for further clarification.
Responses This will help you understand their
objective and may urge them to
slow down
They resist change.
They do not appear to listen to
The
other’s opinions.
“OBSTINATE” They are slow to respond.
Behavioral Type They get angry and/or stubborn
when rushed or pushed.
They avoid decisions and delay
Characteristics projects must be completed.
Document the behavior.
Ensure that they understand any
changes, explain, explain, explain.
The No surprises or sudden demands –
“OBSTINATE” give them time to adjust to whatever
Behavioral Type is changing.
Explain alternatives. Their
stubbornness may be a sign that they
Constructive feel controlled and limited.
Responses Ask them for input on issues instead
of simply issuing orders.
They are embarrassed when
singled out, whether for criticism
or praise.
The “SELF-
Despite their capability, they will
DEPRECATING”
Behavioral Type not volunteer for tasks or
assignments.
They usually blame themselves.
Characteristics They may appear defensive or
apologetic.
They don’t take their share of
team responsibility.
No surprises or sudden demands –
give them time to adjust to
whatever is changing.
The “SELF-
Communicate praise in a
DEPRECATING”
Behavioral Type meaningful manner, despite their
balking, to encourage positive
thinking on their part.
Constructive Use examples to bolster praise.
Responses This will temper their tendency to
doubt praise because of poor self-
esteem.
They miss important deadlines.
They make and act on decisions
despite their knowledge of a
The “SELF-
negative result.
DESTRUCTIVE”
Behavioral Type They are frequently unwell,
resulting in excessive absenteeism.
Substance abuse may be an issue.
Characteristics
Don’t ignore self-destructive
behavior.
The “SELF-
Be aware of and document signs
DESTRUCTIVE” of self-destructive behavior.
Behavioral Type Never cover up for them or hide
their self-destructive behavior.
Constructive Promptly and consistently
Responses address self-destructive
behavior.
They appear dissatisfied or
unhappy
They often use speak in a whiny
The “MARTYR” tone that irritates others.
Behavioral Type They often complain.
They seemingly suffer many
Characteristics mishaps and feel compelled to
share them with others.
Don’t volunteer them for extra
work. They will willingly take it
on, but complain about how much
work they have.
The “MARTYR”
Behavioral Type Talk to them about their view and
the expectation that in the
workplace, they are responsible for
Constructive their own actions.
Responses If they continue to complain, send
them up the chain-of-command.
The hate direct confrontations.
They criticize through sneaky,
sarcastic remarks or gestures, e.g.
rolling eyes, biting tone of voice.
The “SNIPER” They are often poor team players
Behavioral Type because they put others down.
They take pleasure in stirring up
trouble.
Characteristics
They enjoy making others laugh
with their posturing as a means of
raising their self-esteem.
Document the behavior.
Call them out if they make a
potshot Repetition of the remark
may be embarrassing, and the
The “SNIPER”
Behavioral Type attention may hinder future
“Snipe”-like behavior.
Take all their remarks seriously.
Constructive Show no signs of amusement.
Responses If they deny making a remark, ask
others to verify that it was made.
Suggest a meeting and state that
you take all comments seriously –
they are less likely to resort to
humor and sarcasm, and more
The “SNIPER”
likely to offer legitimate grounds
Behavioral Type
for grievance (if any exist).
Constructive
Responses
(cont.)
They often appear tense or
frustrated.
They blow up easily.
The “ANGRY” They lose emotional control and
Behavioral Type may start shouting.
Characteristics
Do not confront, which will
exacerbate the situation – attempt to
defuse the anger instead
Do not try to shout over them when
The “ANGRY” they are in the throes of a tantrum –
Behavioral Type call their name, use hand signals, etc.
Sympathize with them and show
you’re paying attention, e.g. “I can see
you’re really upset. Maybe we can
Constructive talk about it later?”
Responses
Remain calm – rising to their level
will only escalate the conflict
Don’t know what they really want
Lack confidence to make a
decision
The
“INDECISIVE” Need to discuss decisions with
Behavioral Type others
Prefer oral information and don’t
want to be pinned to a written
Characteristics
agreement, which is binding
Put off any course of action until
it is too late
Document their behavior.
Don’t put them in charge of any
project involving critical deadlines.
The Don’t intimidate or hurry them,
“INDECISIVE”
which will make them nervous,
Behavioral Type
causing a natural response to
postpone any decision.
Use praise, when warranted, to
Constructive
engender confidence in their
Responses
judgment.
Inform them of the importance of
prioritizing, thereby alleviating their
tendency to mull over unimportant
The matters.
“INDECISIVE” Boost their confidence by assigning
Behavioral Type them a minor task involving quick-
thinking.
Constructive
Responses
(cont.)
Our Goal and Objective:
Effectively confront and
address difficult behavior
Options:
1. Denial
Ignore the behavior and suffer the consequences.
2. Acceptance
Weigh the pros and cons of the behavior and
decide to learn to live with it.
Take Advil and seek therapy.
3. Confrontation or Intervention
Identify and address the behavior.
Ineffective Confrontation/Intervention:
Respond to aggressive behavior with similar hostility
Effective Confrontation/Intervention:
Logically assess your options.
Plan an assertive course of action. Use the “if I
were in the person’s shoes” test to gauge the
potential effectiveness of a planned response.
Calmly and confidently execute the planned
course of action.
Methods of Confrontation/Intervention:
1. Public Confrontation/Intervention
2. Private Meeting/Intervention
Effectiveness of “Public
Confrontation/Intervention”
A public confrontation is rarely appropriate or
effective.
A public confrontation may be appropriate:
if the person has chosen to be difficult in a public
arena; and
the intervention is require to regain control.
Even if appropriate, public confrontation may not be
effective because it may not achieve the intended
result, i.e. to regain control and command respect, not
embarrass or punish.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #1:
The public confrontation should be assertive,
concise and brief.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #2:
Quickly and affirmatively move on after making
your point.
“Public Confrontation/Intervention” Tip #3:
Don’t engage in further argument on the point in
contention.
Method of Confrontation/Intervention
“Private Meeting”
A private meeting is appropriate in most
circumstances.
Benefits of a private meeting:
The difficult person is less likely to feel or allege
they are picked on.
You avoid surprises or unexpected interventions
from others.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #1:
Allow a cooling off period between the difficult
incident and the private meeting so emotions do
not interfere.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #3:
If you anticipate the person will abusive, request
that someone from HR or another supervisory
person attend the meeting.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #2:
Do not postpone the meeting for an extended
period of time. Meet within a couple of days, but
no longer than a week after the incident.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #4:
When you schedule the meeting:
Briefly identify the purpose but don’t explain
further. The time for discussion is at the meeting,
not before the meeting
Put the meeting request in writing if possible
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #5:
Prior to the meeting:
Prepare an agenda to guide the discussion
Prepare a meeting script or outline
Clearly and concisely identify the inappropriate
behavior
Identify policies, procedures and/or behavioral
expectations violated.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #5 (cont.):
Prior to the meeting (cont.)
Identify future behavioral expectations to be
discussed
Identify behavioral directives to be issued
Allocate sufficient time for the meeting
Select a private meeting location
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #6:
During the meeting:
Follow your meeting agenda and outline/script.
Calmly, concisely and briefly present your points.
Actively listen. Your body language should convey
the speaker has your full attention...
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #6 (cont.):
During the meeting (cont.):
Paraphrase and address only relevant counter-
points and remarks.
Take detailed notes.
Identify future behavioral expectations and
directives.
Private Meeting Confrontation/Intervention
Tip #7:
Following the meeting:
Review and supplement meeting notes if appropriate.
Write a follow-up letter outlining the discussion,
behavioral expectations and directives.
Document and provide periodic feedback regarding
post-meeting behavior.
Address behavior and behavioral changes in annual
performance review.
DIFFICULT EMPLOYEE BEHAVIOR
1. Absenteeism 6. Too Slow/Low
2. Extended Lunch and Productivity
Coffee Breaks 7. Finger-Pointing
3. Personal 8. Day-Dreaming
Calls/Emails 9. Dishonesty
4. Clock-Watching 10. High-Maintenance
5. Constant Mistakes 11. Informing
12. Entitlement
Addressing: EXTENDED BREAKS
1 . Regularly distribute and review break policies
and perfor mance expectations with staff.
2 . Use a log book or in -out board to hold staff
accountable for their time.
3 . Document patter ns obser ved.
4 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
prog ressively discipline ong oing and documented
absenteeism
Addressing: PERSONAL CALLS/EMAILS
1 . Regularly distribute and review electronic
tele phone, email, and inter net use policies and
perfor mance expectations with staff.
2 . Document patter ns obser ved.
3 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
prog ressively discipline ong oing and
documented inappropriate/excessive personal
calls, emails and inter net use.
Addressing: CLOCK-WATCHING
1 . Document and discuss obser vations with
staff.
2 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment)
and prog ressively discipline ong oing
documented clock-watching.
Addressing: CONSTANT MISTAKES
1 . Monitor, identify, and document er rors.
2 . Provide coaching and training if appropriate,
and document it.
3 . Establish shor t -ter m and long -ter m perfor mance
g oals, document it, and meet to review prog ress
4 . Immediately, unifor mly (equal treatment) and
prog ressively discipline ong oing and documented
mistakes
Addressing: SLOW PROGRESS/
LOW PRODUCTIVITY
1 . Deter mine and document the reason for the
employee’s pace and prog ress.
2 . Address issues identified, i.e. adjust
workload, provide coaching and training,
reassign, prog ressively discipline.
Addressing: DAY-DREAMING
1 . Deleg ate interesting or challenging work to
combat long-ter m fatigue and lack of
motivation
2 . In the case of boredom, inquire as to a
depar tment change is war ranted
3 . Explain impact of er rors and failure to reach
targets and, in some cases, let the employee
go
Addressing: DISHONESTY
1 . Monitor frequency of expenses or
disappearance of company materials and
regularly distribute and review expense and
materials use policies with staff
2 . Approach a suspect only when you have
fir m, incontrover tible evidence.
3 . Practice the honesty you preach.
Addressing: HIGH-MAINTENANCE
EMPLOYEES
1 . Differentiate between the detrimental high -
maintenance employee and those who are
valuable long -ter m assets.
2 . Assign another senior super visor to them in
order to shift time -burdens.
3 . Set boundaries and regular time for feedback.
4 . Eng ender tr ust in the team by encouraging the
employee to rely on others for feedback or
answers.
Addressing: FINGER-POINTING
1 . Ensure workload is at an appropriate level in
order to discourag e passing the buck.
2 . Eng ender a culture that does not blame by
explaining problems will be handled and staff
will not be blamed.
3 . Advocate for personal accountability and
shared responsibility.
Addressing: INFORMANTS
1 . Foster collaboration and teamwork – in a
culture where staff feel they are all in it
together, infor ming is less likely
2 . Advocate for personal accountability and
shared responsibility – infor mants will
respond when they believe they have a
personal stake in success
3 . Ensure that employees know that any
disciplinar y action will be meted out fairly
Addressing: ENTITLEMENT
1 . Steer away from personal criticism, but focus
on par ticular instances where there was a
neg ative outcome
2 . Document infractions so that you can be
direct about them and sug gest ways to solve
problems
DEALING WITH
DIFFICULT BOSSES
Characteristics of a Good Boss
1. Experience 6. Positive Attitude
2. Perspective 7. Flexibility
3. Vision 8. Fair
4. Creativity 9. Affirming
5. Balance (Power and 10. Good Mentor and
Life) Leader
Characteristics of a Difficult Boss
1. Inexperienced 6. Negative or
2. Narrow Perspective Pessimistic Attitude
3. Lacks Vision 7. Inflexible
4. Lacks Creativity 8. Unfair
5. Lacks Balance 9. Not Affirming
(Power and Life) 10. Poor Mentor and
Leader
Types of Difficult Bosses
1. Aggressive Boss
2. Hands-on Boss (Micro-Manager)
3. Hands-off Boss (Passive or Inattentive Manager)
4. Inexperienced and/or Weak Boss
Uses aggression and fear to
The manage
“AGGRESSIVE” May engage in temper tantrums
Boss or angry outbursts
May give employees the silent
treatment or ostracize them
Characteristics
May not demonstrate
appropriate verbal and/or
physical boundaries
1. Document the unprofessional
The and/or offensive behavior
“AGGRESSIVE” (who, what, when, where, why)
Boss 2. Address your concerns
privately, rather than publicly
Request a one-on-one meeting
Constructive
Responses Request a facilitated meeting
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #1:
Seek advice from HR regarding whether a one-on
-one or facilitated meeting is appropriate.
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #2:
Prior to the meeting:
Prepare an agenda to guide the discussion
Prepare a meeting script or outline
Clearly and concisely identify the inappropriate
behavior
Identify policies, procedures and/or behavioral
expectations violated
Identify future behavioral expectations to be discussed
Identify behavioral directives to be issued
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #2 (cont.):
Prior to the meeting (cont.):
Discuss specific behavior.
Stick to the facts.
Don’t make it personal.
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #3:
During the meeting:
Follow your meeting agenda and outline or script.
Calmly, concisely and briefly present your points.
If possible, help your boss save face.
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #3 (cont.):
During the meeting (cont.):
Use phrases like:
You are probably unaware...” or
“You may not have intended to.....”
Actively listen.
Propose a strategy for constructively moving
forward.
Take detailed notes.
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #4:
If your boss responds aggressively and/or
negatively to your concerns:
Firmly and calmly tell them their behavior is
unfair and you don’t expect to be treated that way;
If HR did not facilitate the meeting, ask for a
facilitated meeting.
The “AGGRESSIVE” Boss
Meeting Tip #5:
Following the meeting:
Review and supplement meeting notes with detail.
Write a follow-up letter to your boss with a copy
to HR, outlining the discussion.
Provide too much oversight and
direction
Are reluctant to delegate
The “HANDS-
If they do delegate, regardless of the
ON” Boss
amount of detail committed or the
times you check in, it is never right
Characteristics Do not seek or accept input from
others
In order to alleviate anxiety,
anticipate issues prior to submitting
finished work and take care to show
The “HANDS- you’ve covered all the bases –this
ON” Boss fosters future trust
Address their behavior respectfully
and directly with phrases such as, “I
Constructive would like you to trust my
Responses performance so you have more time
to spend on other important issues.”
Complete key assignments in
advance of deadlines and prior to
your boss becoming involved
The “HANDS-
If you suspect your boss is holding
ON” Boss you back for fear of competition,
discuss that issue with them and if
warranted, inform their boss of your
Constructive concerns
Responses
(cont.)
May have too much on their own
plate
May feel overwhelmed with
The “HANDS-
responsibilities
OFF” Boss
Their self-absorptions leaves their
team feeling rudderless and
unappreciated
Characteristics
Document specific areas where the
boss’s involvement has adversely
affected individual and/or team
The “HANDS- productivity and morale
OFF” Boss Assess and document the direction
required to improve team
productivity and morale
Constructive Discuss your concerns and
Responses proposed solutions with the boss
and document their response
If necessary, seek HR intervention
Perceived as inexperienced or weak
because they were promoted too
The quickly or show signs of insecurity in
“INEXPERIENCED their role
OR WEAK” Boss Demonstrated that they are
inexperienced and/or weak
Do not give direction
Characteristics
Do notunderstand
program/employee workload
Do not provide support on critical
issues or lobby for necessary
The resources
“INEXPERIENCED Avoid conflict
OR WEAK” Boss
Are people pleasers and encourage
or do not address difficulties
Characteristics Avoid taking necessary risks.
(cont.)
Communicate your feelings – a
gentle reminder, preferably in
The writing, makes it more difficult
“INEXPERIENCED
OR WEAK” Boss for them to ignore problems
Try to establish an opportunity
to receive direction by
Constructive requesting or initiating weekly or
Responses
monthly individual and/or team
meetings
Embrace the opportunity to build
skills that will be important when you
The become a boss. Become a self-starter
“INEXPERIENCED and decision-maker by setting goals
OR WEAK” Boss and objectives and personally
evaluating your effectiveness.
Attempt to solve conflicts on your
Constructive own, but send an email to your boss
Responses and others in your reporting chain in
(cont.) order to cover yourself
