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About Comics Thousand Oaks, California
TABLE OF STUFF IN THE BOOK
Introduction: It’s a Funny Business . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
Buzzline #1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9
Classic Condensed Comics Classics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17
Batman & the Dark Outsiders: Episode One . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Understanding Understanding Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31
Tony’s Hourly Online Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37
The Punisher Returns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43
Teen Romance: “My Love - My Shame!” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49
Backsmash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55
The Runner in the Dark . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .59
Commentary Track . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65
Legends of the Batman and the Dark Outsiders Episode One, Part II . . . . . . .69
Watchmen Bloopers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75
Purple Reign . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81
Buzzline #2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .85
Brendan “Nightwing” Hockenberry’s Dark Room . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93
Dave Sim’s Guide to Getting Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .97
Wizard issue 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .101
Wetout . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .105
Galactus Blog . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .109
Fern’s Fiction Glade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .115
Bizarro Preacher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .121
Conan and Hobbes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .125
Earth’s Wake-Up Call . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .129
Callings from a Silent Cave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .135
Lone Wolf and Cub: A Cricket Knows Not . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141
The Final Buzzline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .147
Brendan and Fern’s Dark Glade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .151
How to Write Comics the Gail Simone Way (with Boobs and Food!) . . . . . . .155
3
NEW Condensed comics classics
Scattered throughout this
book are Condensed
Doctor Who: Human Nature by Paul
Cornell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63
Comics Classics,
Doctor Who: Father’s Day by Paul Cornell
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63
abbreviated versions of
Battlestar Galactica by Mark Verheiden .
great comics (and a
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63
The New X-Men by Len Wein . . . . . . . . .64
couple other ones, but we
New Titans by Marv Wolfman . . . . . . . .64
won’t point out which
Astro City by Kurt Busiek . . . . . . . . . . . .74
Ms. Marvel by Brian Reed . . . . . . . . . . .80
ones they are) written for
All-Star Wonder Woman by Adam Hughes
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .91
this book by actual
Captain Marvel by Brian Reed . . . . . . . .92
creators from those titles.
New Frontier by Darwyn Cooke . . . . . . .92
Robin by Adam Beechen . . . . . . . . . . . .92
Resurrection Man by Dan Abnett and
Andy Lanning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .92
Meridian by Barbara Randall Kesel . . .15 Teen Titans Year One by Amy Wolfram
and Karl Kerschl . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
Jonah Hex by Justin Grey and Jimmy
Palmiotti . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 White Tiger by Tamora Pierce and
Timothy Liebe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
Lions, Tigers and Bears by Mike Bullock . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 Every Shaenon K. Garrity Comic by
Shaenon K. Garrity . . . . . . . . . . . .104
Casanova by Matt Fraction . . . . . . . . . .16
Unknown Soldier by Joshua Dysart . . .104
Captain Britain by Paul Cornell . . . . . .16
Street Angel by Jim Rugg and Brian
Birds of Prey by Gail Simone . . . . . . . . .16
Maruca . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .104
X-Force by Chris Yost . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
Secret Invasion: Front Line by Brian Reed
Superman by Keith Giffen . . . . . . . . . . .24 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .114
Swamp Thing by Joshua Dysart . . . . . . .24 The Final Night by Karl Kesel and Stuart
The Phantom by Mike Bullock . . . . . . . .24 Immonen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .119
Manhunter by Marc Andreyko . . . . . . . .24 Firebreather by Phil Hester and Andy
Suicide Squad by John Ostrander . . . . .30 Kuhn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .119
Guy Gardner by Beau Smith . . . . . . . . . .41 Fallen Angel by Peter David . . . . . . . . .120
Annihilation Conquest by DnA (Dan A Distant Soil by Colleen Doran . . . . .120
Abnett and Andy Lanning) . . . . . .42 JLA/Avengers by George Pérez . . . . . . .120
World War Hulk: X-Men by Christos N. Crisis on Infinite Earths by George Pérez .
Gage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124
The Amazing Spider-Man by Roger Stern . New Teen Titans by George Pérez . . . .128
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42 Wonder Woman by George Pérez . . . .134
The Coffin by Phil Hester and Mike Superman by Roger Stern . . . . . . . . . .134
Huddleston . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48
Salvation Run by Matt Sturges . . . . . .140
Hawk and Dove by Karl Kesel and
Elsegirls by Barbara Kesel and Matt
Barbara Kesel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48
Haley and Tom Simmons . . . . . .145
Birds of Prey by Tony Bedard . . . . . . . .48
ShadowHawk by Jim Valentino . . . . . .146
Here, There Be Dragons by James A. Owen
Starman by Roger Stern . . . . . . . . . . .146
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
The Plain Janes by Cecil Castellucci . .146
Doctor Strange by Roger Stern . . . . . . .54
Wonder Woman by Gail Simone . . . . .154
Conan and the Midnight God by Joshua
Dysart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
Note from Gail: Heya, everyone! Each year, Rolling Stone Magazine does a survey to
find the best unsigned bands in the country, and many of these bands go on to major record
Batman & the Dark Outsiders: Episode One
contracts. I’m hoping for similar success for my special guest this week, Brendan "Nightwing"
Hockenberry, undoubtedly one of the finest fan writers out there.
I first became aware of Brendan’s dark visionary take on traditional superheroes through
a conversation with his girlfriend Fern, who was raving about this young man’s talent in a Birds
of Prey chat room. It’s my special honor to present a sample of his work here in my column, so that
you too may experience the razor-sharp insight he has into the Batman family.
Let’s hope that this is the LAST "fan" fiction this gifted junior college student has to write.
Those who hate fanfic are in for a real treat!
And now, I give it over to Brendan.
Thank you, Gail. Before we begin my tale, a few notes seem to be in order.
NOTE TO DC COMICS:
Dear fellow creators.
I write this story not for money or "fame". I write this story becauseI believe in
the Batman. And I believe in the man "INSIDE" the Batman. You see, I write because, as
writers must, I feel I have something to share with "pros" and "fans" alike. I write
Batman because I believe in him. Maybe YOU did, too...Once upon a time.
Maybe you look at this story as just the work of a "fan." Or maybe, just maybe,
you’re willing to look beyond that and just enjoy my vision. You may not like my "take"
on Batman, but you can’t ignore it. If you’re reading this, and you like what you see, well,
then, you know how to find me. If you see a glimmer of truth in my words--if you see a
ray of hope for the Batman in my ideas...maybe it’s not too late.
For EITHER of us.
Thank you for listening.
NOTE TO READERS:
Dear friends,
It is for you, ultimately, that I set these words down on paper. Not for the "suits"
or for the toy manufacturers or for Joel Schumacher. For you, the "fan." I dedicate this
story to you, since it’s YOUR opinion that ultimately matters most. Even if I "make it"
and become one of those names you see in the credit box...I promise you this: I won’t sell
out. I’ll tell the kind of tough stories you’re about to read here. This I vow. I feel I "owe"
it to you.
For you see, I’m just like you.
I’m a "comics" "fan."
25
BATMAN AND THE
DARK OUTSIDERS
LEGENDS OF THE BATMAN AND THE DARK OUTSIDERS: EPISODE ONE
By Brendan "Nightwing" Hockenberry (BHNIGHTWING@YAHOO.COM)
ACT ONE: A NEW HOPE
"The world is now a darker place.
"The old heroes will no longer do."
These were the bleak thoughts that swirled like ashen snow behind the stern,
stencilled-on eyebrows and arched white eyes of The Batman as he stood upon the high
rooftop surveying the angry, hellish streets of Gotham City, the very city he so long ago
swore an oath over his slain parents’ dead interred bodies to protect, his cape billowing
and ears erect (LOL!) against a really large full moon.
"The world needs... new heroes," concluded the more dynamic half of the
Dynamic Duo. "Yes, new heroes indeed."
But what would Clark say about this? Or Diana? Or Kyle? Or Wally? Or J’Onn? Or
Arthur? Or Eel? How would they react?
It wouldn’t matter, thought The Dark Knight. They would not get the chance to
react.
The Batman wouldn’t give it to them.
***
Blood dripped/seeped slowly from the flesh wound on The Batman’s skull as he
dangled his athletic frame one-handed from a gargoyle on the corner of the roof of the
Museum of Gemstones. "Ignore the pain", he thought grimly to himself, and wished, not
for the first time, that his parents were alive to see his dedication. He wished the way he
did everything. Hard.
26
Understanding Understanding Comics
Understanding Understanding Comics
Introduction
I’m Scott McCloud. Or, more accurately, I’m the
words of Scott McCloud. Or, even more accurately,
I’m the ink symbols that REPRESENT the words of
Scott McCloud. But that’s a lot to remember. Just
remember this, even though you can’t prove it: I’m
Scott McCloud. My drawing hand hurts, so just
imagine the little cartoon guy with a lightning bolt
on his shirt saying all this. That’s me.
In 1993, I published a book titled Understanding Comics.
it was revolutionary, because it, for the first time except for
the other books that preceded it, examined comics as a form,
and what comics mean and why, and there was some stuff in
there about the Aztecs, too. THEY knew how to support their
cartoonists. The editors back then were very strict, though.
A simple misplaced Snake God could get you eviscerated and
your whole temple wall cancelled.
If we make a chart of the responses to my question
One of the
“What is Comics?”, it would look like this:
things I set
out to do with
that book was
define comics.
What iS Comics,
I asked a lot
of people? One
guy stabbed me
with a pen.
What we see by this chart is that there is
a wide range of answers to this question,
with most people falling roughly in the
middle, and the relatively rare response
of being stabbed with a pen at one
extreme. Charlie Brown is only PART of
the wonderful panorama that is the
answer to “What is Comics?”!
What do we learn from this? That my
definition of comics, “JUXTAPOSED
PICTORIAL AND OTHER IMAGES IN F***!
DELIBERATE SEQUENCE” didn’t
catch on like I thought it would, as
catchy as that phrase is.
31
Anyway, that tells me that I need to do a book to help people
understand my other book. But I’m tired of drawing that little me. Just
imagine that the little cartoon me is saying all this. And don’t skimp on
the imaginary backgrounds!
in a perfect world, this would be a Both kids are wrong, of
typical conversation between kids: course. The best juxtaposed
pictorial and other images
Hey!
Let’s go to the juxtaposed in deliberate sequence is
pictorial and other images in Zot. I can’t believe this didn’t
deliberate sequence store and get catch on... but in the REAL
some juxtaposed pictorial and
world, it’s much more common
other images in deliberate
sequence! to hear conversations like this
Yes!
one: Boy,
I ALSO enjoy juxtaposed these electronic, soul-
pictorial and other images in destroying “video games”
deliberate sequence. My favorite is are sure fun!
MARVEL juxtaposed pictorial and
Much
other images in deliberate
better than those
sequence!
"funny books!" Those
You’re SUCK, dude!
crazy! DC juxtaposed
pictorial and other images
Let’s go commit
in deliberate sequence are
some CRiMES!
far superior!!
These kids are headed for a lot of trouble, and all because they didn’t
read my book carefully enough. But here’s the catch: They’re not real!
They’re just drawings I would have done if my hand didn’t hurt! Ha! Comics
can FOOL you! Man, if you could see the look on your face right now!
This is why a second book.
So no one gets hurt.
CHAPTER ONE
UNDERSTANDING A METAPHOR FOR UNDERSTANDING
Apparantly, some people were left befuddled by the in-depth analysis in my
last book. If you imagine my book as the top half of a bikini and the cups are
filled with Sharkleberry Kool-Aid, one of the cups would represent people
who understood the book, and the other would represent those who
didn’t. And that cup would hold about three gallons.
That’s not a very good
metaphor. imagine two fat Got it! imagine a pie, a nice
guys with cowboy hats on Dutch Apple pie, and cut a
scooter bikes. The one that teeny slice. Those are the
No, that’s people that understood my
is going downhil hits a
no good. chapter on Time Frames. Now
homeless guy, then comes
back and runs over him eat the pie. Tastes good,
again and again... doesn’t it? HA! FOOLED YOU
again! There iS no pie!
32
TeEN
Teen Romance: “My Love - My Shame!”
Romance
Pretty young Chrissy seems to have it all. Popularity,
beauty, and a good reputation make her a hit with the boys in
her class. Outstanding study habits make her a favorite of her
teachers. But how will the kids in school respond to a sudden
change in chrissy, when she finds herself falling for an
unusual beau? What tragic turn of events could cause chrissy
to cry out…
"MY LOVE-MY SHAME!"
JANEY: Come ON, Chrissy! Todd and the gang are having a picnic up at Turtle
Point to celebrate winning the big game! If we hurry, we can catch
a ride with them!
CHRISSY: …No, thank you, Janey. You go on ahead, all right?
JANEY: Chrissy, you haven’t been around much lately…I think Todd’s starting to
lose his patience with you. Is everything okay?
CHRISSY: Everything’s fine! I just have a lot of things to do today…
JANEY: Hmmph! Well, Chrissy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. A guy like Todd -
clean-cut, popular, and captain of the team - isn’t going to wait
around forever! SOME clever little girl is going to move in and be
the girlfriend you WON’T be!
CHRISSY: Oh, Janey…I don’t care what Todd thinks. I’ll do as I please, and there’s
nothing he can say about it!
JANEY: Well, you just mark my words...keep it up with THAT sort of weisenheimer
talk and you’ll be the most popular girl in school WITHOUT a
boyfriend, Chrissy Talbot!
As Janey leaves to catch up with the gang, Chrissy quietly cries to herself…
CHRISSY: Oh, how can I explain, even to my BEST FRIEND JANEY, that I’ve fallen
in love, not with a boy from school, but with a real MAN?
Janey’s parents try to set their confused daughter straight, but can even her
parents’ wisdom sway the love-stricken girl?
MR. TALBOT: That’s IT, young lady! I’ve tried reasoning with you, and it’s come to
nothing! Now, I must be firm. I FORBID you to see that man
again!
CHRISSY: But, DAD! You’re being UNFAIR!
MRS. TALBOT: Listen to your father, dear…That man is not welcome in this house!
49
Galactus Blog
a blog for Galactus
Galactus Blog
Meta-Chronological Marker One
8:42 am UNIMAGINABLE DISTANCES
Hunger.
8:53 am TRAVEL’S END
Soon. Consumption. Soon.
11:28 am Ever Have This Happen?
MOOD TODAY: Blue
Interesting day, today.
Was already somewhat, how do I put this, less than optimal in my
cosmic state, I suppose, and was about to commit myself to some
serious ‘dining therapy’ (you know what I’m talking about, right ladies?
ha ha!) by devouring this insignificant little peckerwood planet. Nobody
would even miss it, right? Do not give me those looks--I am starting an
exercise program with the next solar revolution.
Anyway, suddenly, out of the planetary orbit comes my employee and
galactic herald, Norrin Radd, and he is all up in my business! He is like,
"Master! For the first time I realize the dreadful enormity of what you
plan to do! You must not tamper with other worlds! You cannot destroy
the entire human race!"
And it is like he is SAYING, "These are NOT ants, Master! They
think..they feel...they have even created the primitive civilization which
we see all about us!" But what I am HEARING is, "Galactus, you are fat
and no one will ever REALLY love you."
People can be real jerks sometimes, do you not agree? He has some
sort of affection for an Earth woman, apparently. You’d never catch
GALACTUS doing that.
Anyway, it turns out these things on my hat get good tv reception. Have
spent most of the past few minutes absorbing every incident in this
planet’s history. Lot of interesting stuff, but mostly have been listening
to Dr. Phil.
MUSIC: Soundtrack from CHICAGO
109
NEW Condensed comics classics
A Distant Soil
A Distant Soil by Colleen Doran
by Colleen Doran
The Earth is in danger! Aliens could destroy us all any minute!
Oh my god, is that a totally great outfit or what?
Do you think I have time to do my hair before the interplanetary coup?
JLA/Avengers
JLA/Avengers by George Pérez
by George Pérez
Pérez: I want to draw every member of both teams, in every incarnation. Every page,
every panel! I want the readers' eyes to bleed!
Busiek: Including Vibe?
Pérez: Hey, I want THEIR eyes to bleed, not MINE!
FA L L E N
ANGEL
by Peter David
Fallen Angel by Peter David
PAD: It's my best comic book work.
FAN: It sucks.
PAD: It's a dark and intense story
about a heroine in a strange
city...
FAN: She's got too many clothes on.
PAD: It explores philosophical
questions of–
FAN: Who cares?
PAD: Buy one issue.
FAN: I skim it on the stands and put
it back.
PAD: Must...restrain...fist of...death...
The Final Buzzline
WAR IS
OVER!Geeks Declared Winners of Everything
(The Internet) A bunch of snot-nosed,
ungrateful nerds were found complaining
extra-comfy Barcaloungers, paid for with
daddy’s hard-earned cash. “Hey, gramps,
today over their alleged poor treatment we have it rough, too! Nowadays, we have
from society, aggravating a group of to go all the way to the local Borders to get
slightly older comics dorks. our huge selection of quality graphic
“These kids today, it’s like they got NO novels from all over the world,” complained
IDEAR what we went through in the early whiny teen CaptainAnus. “And those
2000’s,” said IHEARTGHOSTRIDER, on the Amazon.com order forms that deliver
demi-popular website, comics to our front doors within hours
MetamorphoIsADick.com. “They have aren’t going to fill themselves out, you
GOOD movies like Iron Man and Dark know!”
Knight Returns – we had Catwoman for “Feh, fie on your Abalone Dot Kong!,”
Christ’s sake!” retorted IHEARTGHOSTRIDER, becoming a
To which GOWESTCOASTAVENGERS strangely cartoonish angry senior
totally added, like, “I know! And with stereotype. “When I was a kid, there was
games, they get Marvel Ultimate Alliance only one comic store in the entire world,
and Mortal Combat vs. DC Universe, and we and it was in the middle of a live volcano,
had to play Aquaman. With our feet! On a and they only carried Jughead’s Yuk-Yuk
Nintendo Flintlock 64! You could only play Funtime Ha-Ha-Hamburger Diner Summer
for ten minutes before it exploded in your Silly Special!”
face!” “But, but – it’s still rough,” responded
The younger group of ingrate punks the sniveling twit CaptainAnus, who, I
responded to these complaints with howls swear, I’d just like to punch right in the
of virtual derision, no doubt from their snivel bone, “ I was reading a copy of the
147
