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					My Life Story: The Trials and Tribulations of Living With
                 An Alchoholic Father
    And My Fight With Bad Relationships and Drug
                       Addictions


          Chapter One: My life in the beginning

     Well I guess the beginning of my life should start
from when I was conceived and the struggles that were
present before I was even born. I was born on July 6th
of 1974 to my parents, my father Robert Griffin Priest
at the young age of only 30 and my mom Peggy Lucille
Tidwell of a young age of 28. My life story is one that
some people would either read about in books or see
on a lifetime movie on a national tv station. I was born
to what you could call any normal parents when they
were younger, of course age and other worldly things
affected their lives and mine and my sister's drastically.
My name is Angela Lavelle Priest born only minutes
after my dad's birthday was over. See my father was
born on July 5th of 1944, and was told all his life by my
grandma Mae that she bought him from the black
market. This was not a big deal in the early 40's
because single women just didn't have children out of


1
wedlock in those day's. My mom on the other hand was
born on September 7th of 1946 to an alcoholic father
and a mother whom abandoned her and her two
younger sister's before my mom even turned 9 years
old. Both of my parents had difficult childhoods and
went through alot just to make it in the 50's and 60's.
My dad never finished school so he could barely read
or write. My mom went to school but she never finished
either when she was suppose to because she had to
help raise her younger sister's which included her
middle sister my Aunt Bertha and their youngest sister
my Aunt Joyce. Everyday after school all of them had to
go into the fields and pick cotton as their daily chores. I
know some people may call this stereotypical because
we were born in the south but believe me it wasn't
something that just slaves were made to do in the
southern states. My mom's and dad's generation did
their share of back breaking labor to help support their
families, or rather contribute to the households.
     My mom at the young age of 14 married her first
husband to get away from her abusive father and now
new step mother, so she could make a life for herself.
She married a guy by the name of Danny. Their
marriage didn't last a total of six months because he
complained that my mom didn't even know how to


2
make biscuits to his liking. Sounds pretty ridiculous I
know but in those days things this simple was not that
simple and they separated. It took them 3 years to
finally get a divorce. Shortly after my mom's divorce
from Danny she ran into my dad and they were married
rather quickly after that. My dad at the time was not
working because he was taking care of my grandma so
when he and my mom met he got the first job that
would take him which was a job at sears. My dad was
and has always been a very hard worker so when he
and my mom married they moved into their first place
off of Levi Road in Memphis Tennessee where my dad
would walk to work everyday. The years started out
pretty good as I stated before and in December of
1965 my mother had a baby boy that was named after
my day, Robert Griffin Priest the second. It was bad
though because my brother was born with spinal
cancer and dies a short time after he was born only,
four months and four days after he was born he died.
My mom says she remembers it well because it was
around easter when he passed. The loss of my brother
has and will always haunt my dad but two years after
my brother's death my mom and dad tried and became
pregnant with my sister which was born on March 13th
of 1967. They named her Robin Renee. They were


3
happy and continued on with their life as any other
normal family would, my dad had several other jobs and
my mom even started working once my sister was
born. When seven years later they found out that they
were pregnant with my mom's now third child, which
turned out to be me, my mom and dad decided that my
mom should stay home and tend to me and my sister
on a regular basis. This is when my dad his job at
Yellow Freight on the docks loading and unloading
trucks. Once I was born my dad worked the docks for a
little over a year and got his truck driving license which
made it accessible for him to drive a diesel truck. He
was an over the road driver starting out which put
somewhat of a strain on my mom and dad's marriage
because he was never home anymore. This is when
problems began to develop more on a regular basis
with my parents. My dad started drinking on a more
regular basis and started cheating on my mom on more
than one occassion.
      What was so upsetting for me was that my dad
was never discreet with his cheating on my mom. There
were times he would even take me with him on his
sexual excapades with not just one but several different
women. He went so low as to once put me in the same
bed with him and a woman he was having sex with, this


4
is one instance that still brings me nightmares of my
childhood. I always thought I was too young to
remember. So every time I was alone with my mom I
would tell her of the things I seen and heard while dad
was suppose to be doing other things. This was just the
tip of the iceburg, he began to become abusive to my
mother and stayed drunk now more on a regular basis.
If he wasn't drinking then he was at work or saying he
was going bowling which at one time he did do, but
when everything started to fall apart with my mom and
dad he stayed drunk as much as possible. My mom
even tried to talk him into going to marriage counseling
but my dad would always say he didn't need no
counselor telling him what was wrong with their
marriage. It was once this tactic didn't work that my
mom decided to call it quits on a marriage of seventeen
long years.
     Court proceeders was not for children in the 70's,
especially when you were as young as myself. I was not
allowed into the courtroom during the divorce
proceedings but me and my sister both were pulled
aside and asked by the court who we wanted to live
with. My sister at the time being seven years older than
me of course said my dad, and once I was asked all I
said was I wanted to stay where ever my sister stayed.


5
Little did either of us know that this one question would
mark our fate with a man that should have never raised
or rather try to raise two daughters on his own. I was
way to young to even been asked the question in the
first place and my sister at the time was looking at it all
in the wrong perspective. Neither of us knew what the
next following years would bring us. So after their
divorce my mom went her way and we went to my dad
which was something at the time my sister thought was
the right thing for both of us, because my mom had to
establish herself a new life without my dad in it to care
for her. My dad had several different girlfriends that he
often brought into our home and was none to discreet
about it, my sister tried to shield me the best way she
knew how. I was small but I saw and heard everything
that was going on in my home and wished everyday
that I had went with my mom even though I knew I
would have done without the things my dad was so
capable of giving me but that would have been alot
better than what I had to endure.
      A couple of years later my mom remarried to a
man by the name of David Hamm and she then in
August 20th of 1982 had my younger brother. David
was not much better than my dad had been so my
mom and David didn't last over 2 years of their


6
marriage. So my mom now had a newborn son and was
now single again. She had to start her life all over again
because now she had my younger brother to take care
of. Remember this was still the early 80's and a single
mom was just not as well accepted as it is today in our
society. My mom raised my brother with all the love and
guidance she could and he turned out better than he
ever could have, he is a strong man with now a family
of his own with a 4 year old daughter and a newborn
baby boy. Him and his wife Dee are two very hard
workers and take pride and care in their life. My mom
did get her life together and raised my brother with her
instincts and knack of hard work to get what you
deserved. I admire my mom very much, she is a very
hard working woman and has a heart of gold.

     Chapter Two: The Day My Sister Left Me All Alone To
                    Fend For Myself and
    The Following Years I Did What I Had To Do To Make It
                     Living With My Dad

    My sister helped raise me until she got pregnant at
the early age of 17. Once she found out she was
pregnant with her first child Stephanie Mae, her and her
boyfriend at the time by the name Steven W. Gabriel


7
decided to get married only 3 months after my sister
found out she was pregnant. This devastated me, I was
only 10 by this time and I felt as if my sister was
leaving me behind to deal with a now even worse dad
than we had several years earlier. I now understand
why she decided to leave but it still didn't help me feel
any better. I knew that the following years would test
me to the point that might scar me inside if not even
outside for my entire remainder of my life. Yes my dad
before had never whipped me like he did my sister, but
I didn't know what it would end up like once my sister
was once gone and out of the house. To my relief and I
think to my dad's also he had me so mentally scared of
him he never had to whip me but a total of maybe 3
times my entire time I remained with him. I know that
sounds pretty bad but people think that someone that is
physically abused is worse than mental, let me advise
those of you that don't know this mental abuse lasts a
whole lot longer than the physical does. I loved my dad
but I feared him so much I never liked him and still to
this day can say that I don't like my dad what so ever.
He is my dad yes but that doesn't give him the right to
frighten his children into doing what he feels is right. I
can give you a great mental picture of how afraid of my
dad I actually was. I could be sound asleep in my


8
bedroom just down the hall from the living room and
when it came to my dad all he had to do was raise his
voice and call my name in the mornings and I would sit
up so quickly out of a sound sleep that you would think
that I was simply just waiting there in my room for his
wrath to come upon me. That is not the way a child
should be when it comes to their parent or parents. I
feared my dad that is way different than respecting him.
But that is enough of the sad story of my fears of my
dad he did provide for me, anything I wanted as a
matter of fact but it was all material things. Love and
encouragement was the things my dad lacked in giving
me.
     My dad did finally remarry to a woman by the name
of Nancy. She had 3 younger kids of her own that came
with that marriage that was so surprising to me that it
shattered my world all over again. I was now about 13
when Nancy and her 3 kids moved into my home that
my dad had made for me and him and eventually
everything that was once mine she tried and
accomplished taking from me and let her kids use or
take possession of. I was uprooted from my own room
which had been mine ever since I was little and I was
placed out of my own bed and had to start sharing a
bed with her youngest which was my now step sister


9
Angela Nicole. It didn't bother me at the beginning but it
was new and I had been alone for so long that the kids
being their made life with my dad a little easier for me. I
finally had someone to talk to, to do things with and to
have fun with. Nancy was a very greedy woman though
and I didn't start to realize this until I was given
something that my sister's new husband had made for
me. I was now 15 and was already getting pretty sick
of all of my things being taken from me so her kids
could use them or whatever she wanted to do with
them. It was this day that I even shocked myself, I
stood up to her and told her no that she wasn't letting
her oldest son use what had just been given to me. I
told her I had been gracious in the past by just standing
aside and letting her kids take over my things as if they
were theirs but this was something I was not going to
take anymore. She looked very shocked by my display
of defiance against her she grabbed me by my arm with
her long nails digging into my skin and told me that she
would whip me if I didn't do as she said. That was when
my temper got the best of me. See I am half Cherokee
and Choctaw Indian from my mom's side, also from my
dad's I have Cajun and French mixed within me also. So
my temper once it gets to that boiling point is very hard
to control and she had just stepped over and I mean


10
way over the enemy line and into dark water's she really
didn't want to be in. I told her that I hoped she tried to
lay a finger on me because if she did I would knock her
off of her ass and not think twice about it. She was so
mad she called my dad and told him her side of the
story, I got on the phone and told him mine. He then
told me that we would discuss it once he got home, so
I handed Nancy the phone and he told her the same
thing. He also told her that she better not touch me,
which totally pissed on her parade. That evening my
dad came home and I already knew what I was ready to
do, I had been thinking about it ever since the incident
occurred earlier that day with Nancy. I was going to go
and live with my mom, she was now remarried to a
wonderful man by the name of Bobby Joe Wilson and
they lived in Brighton Tennessee. I had already called
her and asked if I could come to live with her and she
never hesitated she told me that I would also and had
always been welcome to come and be with her. It was
just that until I turned 15 that I was able to do it without
my dad giving me any grief or even my mom as a
matter of fact.
     My dad got home and I ran to him crying because I
was so mad that my life had turned out so horrible
since his marriage to Nancy and I told him what she did


11
to me and even showed him my arm where marks still
were visible of her digging her fingernails into me trying
to make me compliant to her demands. Yeah I know my
dad was a hard person in many ways but knowing what
I had been giving up those few years to Nancy and her
kids was enough for anyone to take. My dad was also
finally getting sick of her selfish ways too so when he
walked into the house and Nancy opened her mouth he
told her to shut the hell up and listen as carefully as she
could. He told her that I had every right to knock her on
her ass for even touching me and that if he ever saw
any marks on me from her again then he would let me
take out my frustration any way I saw fit. He was
implying that he wanted me getting into a fist fight with
her or anything like that but he made it very clear that if
she had grabbed him like that then he would have felt
the same way I did and would have probably knocked
her for a loop. After this conversation with me and
Nancy in the same room I asked my dad to step
outside because I really needed to talk to him. Once
outside he could already tell by my actions what was
coming and he says in a low voice that you want to go
and live with your mom don't you and I started to cry. I
told him that it wasn't him, not exactly it was everything
in general. I never lived with my mom after they got


12
divorced and I wanted to see what would my life be like
if I did live with her for the remainder of my growing up
years. So he shook his head yes and gave me his
blessings and told me that no matter what I would
always be his little girl.




Chapter Three: Starting A New Life With My Mom and A
                  New Way Of Life

     So I moved in the middle of my 9th grade year, I
left my life long friends and a high school I had just
started to become accustomed to. It was really strange
for a while because I went from my former school Horn
Lake High to enroll into Munford High School. I didn't
know anyone there which made the first year at my
mom's and new step dad's sort of weird. I started to
get more relaxed once my step dad's youngest
daughter Wendy came to live with us. I now had
someone that I could have lots of fun with, see she was
two years behind me in school and was a petite girl.
Myself totally different, I as slightly overweight so I
would use her almost like my life size barbie doll. I
would put her makeup on every day before school and


13
always help her pick out her outfits that I thought would
look great on her. I know this sounds sort of weird but
it helped me feel better even though it wasn't me that
looked beautiful and tiny I had Wendy that was all to
eager to let me make her up and everything that made
her look way older than she was.
     So once my 9th grade year ended my mom and
step dad found land on the outskirts of Covington to
buy that had over 2 acres of land and a double wide
trailer on it. So they bought it before school started and
all of us moved in the summer before my 10th grade
year of high school. My brother Jeff was I think going
into 2nd grade by this time and Wendy was going into
her 8th grade year, which meant that this was her last
year of middle school. I started my 10th grade year like
the year before not knowing anyone at my new school,
but to my surprise I made friends in this school rather
quickly. I became friends with a girl by the name of
Shannon Pierce and her boyfriend named Scott. Then I
met Kimberly Anderson and Wanda Rowland. These
were my close knit friends until I graduated, because
Scott which was Shannon's boyfriend whom at the time
was a senior introduced all of us girls into the idea of
becoming the football managers for the Covington
Chargers team. We all were welcomed by the head


14
coach of the team Coach Zurheln which everyone called
Coach Z for short. I was not a small girl and neither was
Kim our first year but we were the only football team
that had almost all girls as managers. Since we were
managers we got to go to every scrimmage, away and
home game our players had. In our 11th grade year we
even went to the nationals because our football team
was awesome. We had some the best players that
Covington had to grace that field in several years. So
thinking back at those days brings back many fond
memories to me. I didn't just enjoy Covington High just
because of me being a football manager for 3 years
but I also did very well academically there, and I made
many friends went to dances and all sorts of things that
were quite different than even my hometown. I had lots
of friends in my hometown but I wasn't what you could
say in the popular crowd, but in Covington I was more
popular than I even thought I was. Being a football
manager I believe helped me out in that area. Being
over weight in my high school years did hinder me
when it came to boyfriends but I did have two between
my 10th grade year and my 11th grade years. At the
end of my 11th grade year I started realizing that I had
to lose weight if not for my health then to also make me
more appealing to the guys. So the summer before my


15
12th grade year I lost a total of over 150lbs. I went
from a size 22 to a size 7 by the middle of my 12
grade year. I had taken my senior pictures the
beginning of the summer after my 11th grade year and
by the middle of my 12th grade year they didn't even
look like me anymore. I started getting attention from
several of the same guys that looked at me only as
friend material only a few years and months earlier. I
did get asked out by some of them but I made it a point
to let them know that even though my outter
appearance may have changed I was still the same
person on the inside and that if they didn't like me or
wasn't interested in me before why the sudden change.
Many didn't have anything to say about that and that is
why I didn't date anyone from my school after my
drastic weight loss.
     It was sort of weird how I did get my real first date
that ended up taking me to my prom. It was a guy and
his friend that came to our house before summer hit
that was there to install a central air conditioner for us
that caught my attention. He was very interested in me
and we began to date shortly after we meet. He lived in
Memphis Tennessee which made it kind of hard to see
him but he came to get me as much as he could until I
graduated and decided to move back into my dad's and


16
my horrid step mom's house again. I did this because I
wanted to go to college and Northwest Jr College was
the school I had decided to attend. So the night of my
graduation I had packed all of my things and moved
back to Horn Lake Mississippi to start my new life.
     I was young and me and the guy that took me to
my prom didn't last very long because me and him had
very little in common so I waited a few months and
entered into what I thought would be my new life by
starting my core classes at Northwest. I was going to
classes daily but was still not quite sure what I wanted
to be yet. Heck what 19 year old truly know exactly
what they want to be for the rest of their life, not many
let me tell you because I was not sure I even wanted to
be in college yet. But little did I know how much my life
was about to change and in a major way.

   Chapter Four: My First Real Relationship Also Not
                    Knowing That
I Was Going To Have To Fight For My Life On A Regular
                        Basis

    I was settling in at my dad's pretty well this time I
was older of course and not as naive as I once was,
though I thought. I was going to school regularly and


17
enjoying being a new person. Being in a size 7 was
something that was very new too me so I was not use
to getting stares or asked out on dates, so when me
and my step sister Angela went to the local pool hall I
never knew what was headed my way. We had been
there for a while and were playing pool for what
seemed to be a few hours. See Angela was still a minor
and I wasn't old enough to drink alcohol yet so this was
the only place that we were allowed to go into that
didn't care your age if you were going to play games.
There were a couple of guys sitting at the bar while me
and Angela were playing pool, they on occasion looked
in our direction but I didn't think much of it because
Angela was a pretty girl I thought they were checking
her out. Then a guy with a black leather jacket long
black hair and big brown eyes walks in and goes to one
of the guys at the bar who had been watching us for a
while. They sat there for about 10 to 15 minutes until I
looked up and seen both of them coming towards us. I
didn't think anything of it I just assumed they were
coming over to talk with Angela, I had no thought that
the good looking long black haired brown eyed one was
coming over to talk to me. The other guy went directly
to my younger step sister and started talking, I spoke
up load enough for him and her both to hear and said


18
she is way to young for you sorry but you can talk to
her but she doesn't leave my side. He smiled a little bit
and said so you must be older huh and I said oh yeah
by about 3 to 4 years older than her and that's when
the tall dark haired guy asked me so how old are you
and I replied 19 just turned 19 in July why and he
smiled at the other guy and told him sorry brother but it
seems that I did pick the right one this time and him
and his brother laughed as if they were betting on who
would get me or what. I made it very clear I was more
interested in the dark haired one more than his brother
and he said oh well you got this one right out from
under my nose because I've been scooping her out
since I got here. The one standing in front of me
extended his hand and introduced himself. Hello he said
my name is James, James McCoy as a matter of fact,
and what is your name. I smiled and told him that my
name was Angela too but everyone called me Angie for
short. And your last name by any chance he said and I
looked like a deer in head lights and said oh Priest. He
gave me the most charming smile I had ever seen in
my entire 19 years of life. He reminded me of a rebel
because of the black leather jacket and helmet he
carried in with him I immediately knew he rode a
motorcycle, which made the bad boy image in my head


19
look very tempting. I never knew that this guy was the
devil in disguise, well not really disguise but he was
making me feel all right in all the good places that no
one else ever had or did. So after the introductions
were over we all started playing pool at the same table.
He took no time at all to become very close to my
personal space. He made sure to be as close to me as
he could get without actually holding me within his arms
each chance he got to get near me. This was so new to
me I was over whelmed with fascination and awe that
this good looking devil was actually trying to seduce me
which didn't take very much coaxing on his behalf.
     It was getting late and it was getting close to
Angela's curfew and I knew that I had to get her home
on time or I would never be able to take her out with me
again. I didn't really have a curfew but my dad did say
that he wanted me home before midnight so I told
James and his brother that we would have to be getting
home soon. That was when James pulled me into the
corner of the pool hall and grabbed me and kissed me
so hard and demanding that I thought I would faint, he
whispered to me that I could get my step sister home
and that he would come to get me at my house by
midnight and take me somewhere that we could be
alone. My heart leapt into my chest because I had only


20
dreams of a good looking guy like this wanting me to
go off with him, so I told him to meet me at my address
at midnight and I would be waiting for him. He followed
behind me so he would know where I lived and would
come back in about an hour or so to see me again. I
was outside by midnight waiting when I heard the
motorcycle I knew belonged to James, the bad boy I so
much wanted to get to know on a more personal and
familiar level. The roar of the motorcycle seemed to
stop right at the top of where my cove began and he
walked his bike up to my house. I was so excited I
didn't even know what to expect but he came over to
me and took me into his arms and began to kiss me so
much I thought I would drown, once he pulled away
from me his voice was deep with his desire for more
than our kiss. He looked at me and said do you want to
be bad or should we just stay here and I couldn't help
myself I wanted to be oh sooo bad. So I told him what
do you want and his response was that he wanted to
take me to where we could be all alone with no
impending danger of my dad. We walked to the end of
my cove he got on the front of his bike and handed me
his helmet, I put it on and then he told me to hop on
behind him. I did and I was so excited because this was
my first time ever riding a motorcycle. He pushed down


21
on the pedal and the motorcycle roared to life, he took
it slow out of the trailer park but once we got to the
main roads and back roads he hit 75 miles and hour in
no time. Before we had left he told me not to worry that
he would have me home before my dad got up even if it
was right before daybreak.
      We got to a house I thought was his but I didn't find
out till months later that he didn't have a permanent
residence he stayed where ever he could and right now
he was staying in his truck outside of his sister's trailer.
Heck I was 19 and this was way too exciting for me to
know all the warning signs that should have been going
off in my head about this gorgeous guy. It was mid
summer and in the south if people don't know it is way
warm enough to sleep in your car, tent or what ever
you had handy. This was the first time I ever
experienced in drugs and I mean any kind of drugs.
James asked me did I smoke and I said well yeah
cigarettes and he sort of laughed out loud. He said no I
mean pot you know marijuana and I sort of looked
shocked and told him no of course not. So he rolled us
a joint and we smoked it, being my first time I got so
stoned I couldn't think straight and laughed at some of
the most stupidest things now that I think back to that
first time I sounded like a little girl laughing at Saturday


22
cartoons. Once we were through James started right
into what I knew about from talks and a little
experimentations of getting felt up while I dated a little
in high school but this guy was much more experienced
in this area than anyone I had ever been with before. He
was also much bigger than anyone that I had ever been
with before so when I thought I had lost my virginity in
the past boy was I wrong. Way wrong because the first
time with James was the way my mom had explained to
me years before and I never had an orgasm like what
this guy was giving me. He didn't just give me one on
this first night before he took me home he had given
me more than multiple orgasms and had received
several for himself also. I knew that night that my life
had and was about to change on a very drastic
measure.
     We were dating now which should have also thrown
up warning signs for me way before I started seeing
them. He was all I wanted, I wanted to be with him
every part of the day. I started dwendeling more and
more with smoking pot and was doing it on a daily
basis and more than one time a day. I was working and
wasn't having to pay rent so I had lot's of extra money
to support my drug habit at the time. It wasn't too long
after I moved back with my dad that he divorced my


23
step mom Nancy, so it started getting cold and since
James had a motorcycle I told him to hid it in our back
yard to where my dad couldn't see it and I snuck him
into my house and he would sleep under my bed until
my dad went to work the next morning. I had a day bed
so he had plenty of room to sleep under my bed and I
had a skirt that went all the way around the bottom of
the bed and touched the floor so he was hidden in case
my dad ever tried to look into my room when I was
asleep. Once my dad would leave for work he would
climb up from under my bed and crawl into bed with me
and tell me he wanted me in there with him all day. So
needless to say I dropped out of college, because I was
so in love at this time I did any and everything that
James suggested to me. My dad and mom had met him
and neither of them liked him so I had to sneak him in
just so he had a place to sleep out of the cold. I was
still so young and stupid I didn't realize that he was a
bumb and would and couldn't keep a job to support
himself let alone help me if I ever decided to move in
with him.
      I felt as if things were going pretty good, I was in
love, I thought he was in love with me and being faithful
to me. Little did I know just how evil this guy really was.
James had never been faithful to me, while seeing me


24
when he wasn't with me he was either trying to
manipulate another innocent girl or he was with another
girl. It wasn't until I moved in with him that I started to
see exactly what he was up to. Like I said because he
wouldn't hold down a job I was working two jobs just to
support the two of us. I did this for about 4 months till
my body couldn't take it anymore. I came home early
one night and James wasn't there. I went to my next
door neighbors house to ask if they knew where he
could be and that's when I heard from the girl that lived
next to us tell me that he was often out when he was
suppose to be in bed with or what ever he should have
been doing to be faithful to me. I called him on it when
he got back and he lost it he started hitting me and
tried to choke me to death in the apartment I was killing
myself to pay for. This was one of the worst out bursts
he took out on me and I became very afraid of him. I
didn't know what to do because he told me that he
wouldn't let me leave him that he would kill me before
anyone else could have me. Little did I know then how
far would he torcher me and hurt me just to be with
him.
      He would always take me out in my car off into
places where no one would hear me and hurt and
torcher me till I would bend to his will and become his


25
slave to mold. I know loving him was sick but I truly
loved him with all of my heart he was my first love and
wanted so badly for him to be good to me and do what
a normal human would do if they loved someone but
James wasn't normal. He had major anger issues and it
wasn't until I got away from him the final time I did that I
truly saw how sick and twisted he really was. He had
left his scars physically on me and mentally which took
a while to rise from. The last time he threatened me
that if he couldn't have me no one else could either was
when I knew I had to get away and I mean as far away
from him as I could or I wouldn't live. He would kill me
and wouldn't bother him in any way what so ever.
     By this time I had been introduced to a guy by the
name of Kevin by a friend of mine and we had started
seeing each other. He was from Oxford Mississippi so
he would come up from his house to where I worked at
the time at a convenience store and we liked each
other very quickly. As soon as he knew what James
who was now my ex and had been my ex for a while
was saying he told me to come and move in with him. I
didn't have to think about that very hard so I told him
yes and within the next week I moved in with him. The
only people who knew where I had moved was my
family. I did this because I didn't want James knowing


26
where I was and start any trouble. Things were going
pretty good now for me and I got me a job in Oxford at
a convenience store. Kevin worked in construction and
we lived in his bosses hunting cabin, well in the back
part of the cabin that had two bedrooms, a bathroom a
huge living room and a little area that Kevin was making
into a kitchen for us. Everything was going great until I
was introduced to some of Kevin's friends that turned
out to be in a biker club from Memphis Tennessee. We
started selling pot that we got from them on a regular
basis. When we weren't working we partied and I mean
we partied hard. That was when I was first introduced
to LSD and Crystal Meth. We had many keg parties and
other parties that entailed drugs with it but we always
paid our bills.
     My step sister Wendy eventually moved in with us
and the partying got even more and the drugs we did
was more frequent. I liked smoking pot and dropping
acid more than the crystal meth but I did do the meth
on more than on occasion. I can remember one night
we went to a biker party at their biker lodge in Memphis
one night and I remember someone giving me an
extacy pill and I don't remember much of what
happened that night. All I can remember is that one
minute it was night and the next it was morning. This


27
was pretty much all we did and I had started working
for the biker families general store so getting our
weekly stash was alot easier than I ever had to worry
about it before. It was nothing that I didn't think I could
handle at the time so I never thought I had become an
addict of any kind of drug. So we keep doing the same
old thing as we always did.
     It was one sunny day though that I was sitting in my
chair at the general store that my life was about to
change again. I was in the middle of doing a sandwich
for a customer not at all minding who walked in when
my best friends husband walked in and said well how
the hell have you been doing. All I remember is my
mouth dropping open so wide a fly could have flown in
and chocked me to death. Jason's expression mirrored
the question he knew I was about to ask, how in the hell
did you know where I was. Jason just smiled and told
me that he wasn't the only one that knew where I was
because James had been following me for months and
knew where I worked, lived and alot of other things I
didn't and I mean definately didn't want him to know. So
I was a little scared at first but I was also aching just to
see him again. Isn't that crazy, I know it sounds that
way but in my defense I wanted to see him and mess
with the girl he was now living with. I wanted her to get


28
a taste of being cheated on. I didn't look at it as me
doing the same thing to Kevin, all I wanted was to let
that bitch Cindy know how it felt to not know who
James was sleeping with when he wasn't with her. So I
knew I was going to be getting off of work really soon
and I knew Jason smoked pot so I told him to wait till I
got off of work and he could come with me to the
house and we would smoke a couple of joints while
would be pumping questions out of him about James. I
knew Kevin would still be at work so it worked out
perfectly. I got off of work and me and Jason went back
to the house, Wendy looked just like I had when Jason
had walked into the store I worked at and she kind of
looked at me and expected James to be coming in right
behind Jason. He just laughed and told us that he was
at work and he had to come to Oxford any way that is
why he made his surprise visit. Wendy knew all too well
what I was after and she didn't care she knew how
much James had cheated on me and she thought that
the bitch he was with know needed a dose of her own
medicine. So we got toasted and Jason told me exactly
where I could find James, it just so happened he was
working at a scrap yard in Horn Lake and he gave me
the address and even a phone number to get in touch
with him.


29
      So I waited a couple days later and tried calling him
and he answered and I told him that I was coming up to
visit my dad the next day would he like me to stop by to
say hi and we'd smoke a little and he said yes of
course. The next day was my day off and Kevin had to
work so I told him I would be at my dad's all day and
that I wouldn't be back till about 8 or 9 that night and
he said ok, so I drove to see my dad first and once I
left I called James and he met me and I followed him to
his job. Hell what a easy job he had he barely did
anything so that gave me lots of opportunity to seduce
him into sex. It was even any seducing to it he wanted it
as bad as I did and I made sure I left my mark on him
so that Cindy would definately know it. He didn't even
realize what I was doing but I did and I didn't just do
one on his neck I had several placed on definate places
she would see them and know what had happened. I left
that day very satisfied with myself and planned on
making him part of my agenda when I did come up to
see my dad.
      This went on for several months until I confided
with my friend Dana and the bitch decided to blab it to
Kevin so that ended the relationship I had with him
pretty quickly. I don't blame him or anything but things
were not going that well with us any way. We had just


30
not been sexually compatible after a while and it began
to take a toll on me to keep the relationship going. He
was not as well endowed as James by no means so it
was getting harder and harder to stay focused on him.
So I guess the end to that relationship was for the best.
After we broke up I had to move once again back into
my dad's house but by no means was I starting another
relationship with James, I already knew what type of
person he was and heck we were happy with how
things had become friends with benefits.


     Chapter Five: More Drugs, Another New Relationship
                     and The Birth of My
                  Beautiful Daughter Desiree

     I was know living yet again with my dad and
working at a convenience store again in Horn Lake. I
would go to a karaoke bar on the weekends or nights
that I wasn't working and that's when I ran into the girl I
once considered a good friend of mine's ex's. Travis
Wayne Rodgers, I had met him when I was with James
and on occasions had thought he was a good looking
guy I was and have always been into the salt and
pepper look and this guy had that and the most


31
beautiful sky blue eyes I had ever seen. He just so
happened to be at the bar one night I came into the
bar. He was suppose to be meeting someone there
that night but hell I was still small and he noticed me as
soon as I walked into the bar. He came over looking to
see if James was close behind and I told him not to
worry me and James was no longer together and that is
when he smiled so wide I thought I could hear his face
crack. He instantly forgot about the female that was
suppose to be coming to meet him and he called her
and told her he had other plans which I knew was going
to include me. We stayed there for a while and drank
and sang karaoke until he asked me if I wanted to go to
his place and I said sure. He lived in Memphis a few
miles from the bar we were at. Before we got to his
house he called one of his dealers and got something I
didn't have any clue of what it was. He opened the little
plastic holder and pulled something out that looked like
a piece of ear wax out and broke off a piece and put it
into a long glass cylinder with something black that
looked like a piece of something you would use to
scrub your dishes with. He lit it and held it in for as long
as his lungs would allow and then let it out. I noticed
immediately how quick his eyes dylated. Then he looked
at me and asked if I wanted a hit me not knowing what


32
it was said no the first couple of times but having had
my experience with crystal meth I could definately tell
this stuff was pretty powerful to get your eyes looking
like that after only one hit. So he pulled out the other
three he had bought and opened another one this time I
told him I would like to try it and he put a good size
chunck on the end and told me to hold the pipe up and
enhale while he lit the end and I did. That first hit made
my ears ring so loud I thought the fire alarm had gone
off and he just laughed at me and told me that the first
time hitting this stuff was always the best. I then asked
him what it was and he told me the street name for it
was rock or crack cocaine. As soon as I heard that I
new that I was hooked and would have a hard time
saying no to this no matter what I did.
     It didn't take me and Travis longer than a week
before he was asking me to move in with him. We were
sexually compatible and we both liked smoking crack
and he knew I would help him get it when ever we
wanted it. So our relationship started out with drugs
from the first night we got together. We smoked as
much as we could and as often as we could. Hell I
worked at the store right across from our apartment
and that made it so easy for him to come over and ask
for money for it while was at work and I wasn't stupid I


33
always made him wait till I got off of work so that I
wouldn't miss out either. I had been working there for
about 2 months when we ran into friends of ours Cheryl
and Brian. The moved in with us and I got a job for
Cheryl at my store. I thought I was hooked on crack
before this one night but this one instance proved me
so wrong. I was training Cherly one night which was
suppose to be my night off and Travis was furious
because we had planned on smoking that night
because we both had gotten paid that day. Living in the
area we lived in many of the dealers we bought from
came in and out of my store on a regular basis. So I
noticed one of our dealers walk in that afternoon and I
had just walked away from Cheryl now that she had a
grasp on how to run the register and I was going out to
the floor to check in the order from the Coke
Distributor. I don't know what made me look but I
glanced down and saw a bag full of what couldn't
believe was in it. So I quickly picked it up put it into my
pocket went over and checked in the coke order from
the delivery guy and rushed behind the counter and
whispered to Cheryl what I think I had just found and put
into my pocket. Of course she smoked too, both her
and Brian did so she wanted to see too so I told her to
take care of the front first and I was going to the back


34
bathroom to make sure it was. I opened my pocket and
when I opened my bag I saw so much crack that I
thought I was going to faint. It had to be over five
thousand dollar street profit worth I was holding in my
hand. I called Cheryl into the bathroom so she could
see and she got so excited she wanted us to leave
right then and I told her we couldn't do that but we had
enough that we wouldn't have to spend any money on
any that night. That's when she told me she noticed a
guy that had just been in and then he came back
looking all over the floor, that's when I knew what we
had was 100 percent the real deal. I told her to not let
on to Travis about me having all of this or we would
never get any peace for the rest of the night from him
or Brian for that matter. So we did try to stick with the
being quite part until Travis started calling me at about
8 and we didn't get off of work till 10 that night so I told
him to come to the store I had to talk to him. When he
got there I told him that I would only do this if he didn't
call me back on the business phone and bug me about
it because he was going to make the next couple of
hours we had left seem longer than they already were. I
got him to walk into the bathroom with me and I
showed him the bag in my pocket and I thought I was
going to have to pick him up off of the floor.


35
Immediately he started with baby give me some and I
promise I won't bother you anymore until you get home.
I layed a big chunk into a piece of toilet paper and told
him that if he went through all of that and started calling
and bugging me before we could get off then that was
all he was going to get. So he said ok and left without
one other word. I didn't hear anything from him until we
got off work that night at 10. But once we got home we
had enough that all four of us smoked till daylight the
next morning. This is when I know how addicted I was
to this drug.
     We started losing everything and that's when we
moved in with my mom we had only been there for
about 2 months when I found out that I was pregnant
with my daughter. By the time I found out I was about 3
months pregnant which means I had been smoking
while I was pregnant but that never stopped me. I feel
so about it now but I was so addicted and I was around
Travis and now his sister names Cheryl who smoked it
just as much as I did, so it was something that I
couldn't stop doing even though I knew it was wrong
and could hurt my unborn baby. The drug was so
powerful and it had complete control over all of us. I
smoked the entire time I was pregnant with my little girl
I am amazed she was not born with the addiction


36
symptoms. Because they had ways of detecting if a
baby was or had drugs in their systems. My daughter
was clean, and I mean she had nothing in her blood
stream to get her taken from me by the state. I think,
no I'll say that I know that God had something to do
with this miracle. I was far from done with the drug yet
but at least my daughter was healthy and able to
function like a normal child.
     Me and her daddy didn't last very long either
because he decided to get with our across the street
neighboor and get married to her before our daughter
was even 1 1/2 years old. I struggled for several years
after this with my addiction to crack. Got into major
trouble with theft charges for going into stores and
taking to support my drug habbit. It took me till the year
of 1999 to finally come clean and sober off of that
drug. I continued to smoke pot but that was the most I
did after my last bout with the law in 1999 which made
me realze that my daughter was more important than
crack. After getting off of crack I started working at
SlimFast in Covington working in the part of the
warehouse where the order's were picked to be sent to
stores or other areas of the United States. I met a guy
there and we started dating and dated for almost 7
years.


37
        Chapter Six: A New Life In A New Town
        A Fresh Start For Me and My Daughter

     My sister talked me into moving to Boise Idaho in
May of 2002 and I have been happily living here ever
since then. I became pregnant with my youngest child
Dustin after I moved to Idaho. In the year of 2006 me
and the guy I don't care to name went our separate
ways and I was introduced to my now love of my life.
We have been together since November of 2006. I did
get into trouble one more time because we were still
trying to mingle with smoking pot and not using our
money for the right things. I got caught shoplifting and
had to be on house arrest for 120 days which cost me
eighteen hundred dollars and I was on probabtion for 2
years. The court fee, my probation fees and the cost of
being on house arrest came to a total of over thirtyfive
hundred dollars I had to pay to get myself out of trouble
yet again. It was during this last episode of being in
trouble with the law that in August of 2008 me and my
now current fiance have been completely drug free. It
feels so good to be free from the chains drugs and
abusive relationships have put on me that living normal
now is how I should have always been living. But I have


38
a saying that goes something like this, What ever don't
kill you only makes you stronger. Also don't ever try to
forget about your past because many of us learn alot
about what has happened to us. Remember it will only
make you a better person.




                        The End




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