Say what you want_ mean what you say

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					?One of the most profound differences between those with wealth and those without
is the ability to engage in direct, honest and straightforward communication.

Until you've mastered the art of saying what you mean and meaning what you say in a
loving manner to those around you, your wealth will never reach its full potential.

You can't build a community or support network if you can't communicate directly
and you need a support community to have wealth. If you need a refresher as to why
you need a community to build wealth, please see part one and part two of our series
on creating a loving and supportive community.

So many misunderstandings, stress and, for lack of a better word-drama-can be
resolved by simply communicating what you really want.

Yet before you take this as a license to be brash and rude and simply spew all over
people in the name of "direct, honest and straightforward communication," I need to
make it clear that your communication must be thoughtful and loving. The objective
is to build up the strength of your community, not tear it down in the process!

So with that said, let me give you a few examples of what direct, honest and
straightforward communication looks like because it may not be what you think:

Example 1: You're feeling ignored or neglected in a close relationship:

Wrong Approach: You get angrier and angrier with your friend, but instead of talking
to him or her you go to a third person to discuss it or make up stories in your own
mind about why your friend is acting like this to you and eventually you begin to
retaliate in little ways.

Right Approach: You privately sit down with your friend and share how you've been
feeling using "I" statements, such as: I really care about our friendship and I'm sad
because I feel as if you have not been giving our friendship/relationship the attention I
want.

Yes, having this kind of a conversation can be a little scary. But, if you want to
strengthen and deepen your relationship you will do it because you care more about
the health of your relationship than your own fear, pride and ego.

Example 2: An overly needy friend or relative is sucking you dry and preying on your
kindness and willingness to always say yes:

Wrong Approach: You keep saying yes to their every request because you just can't
bear the thought of hurting their feelings or letting them down. Then, you begin to
feel resentful, but you still keep saying yes until finally you snap.
Right Approach: You privately talk with your friend and let her know you truly
appreciate her friendship and value her in your life. Then, using "I" statements, you
tell her how you are feeling.

For example: I am having a difficult time saying no to you because I love you so
much. But, by saying yes to everything you ask, I am not honoring myself, so for now
on, I'm only going to be able to [fill in a boundary that you can set and keep].

Example 3: A co-worker isn't pulling his weight on the job and you're fed up with the
extra stress.

Wrong Approach: You let yourself get so mad at the co-worker and your boss for not
doing anything that you begin to think about quitting your job, even spending a good
portion of your day surfing the internet looking for other jobs.

Right Approach: You have a private and honest conversation with your co-worker
letting him know that while you like him as a person and you enjoy working with him,
you are exhausted picking up the extra slack and will have to talk to the boss if you
can't resolve the work load between the two of you.

For example, you might say: "John, I like working with you, but I'm feeling
overwhelmed here at work and need more assistance from you. Specifically, I need
{list out 3 ways John can support you.} Can you do these things or should I talk with
{boss} to work out something that will get us both the support we need?

Now I'll be the first to admit that walking in direct, honest and straightforward
communication isn't easy. Sometimes we can't even figure out what we want-let alone
communicate those desires to others!

So rather than pressure yourself to make a change this week, just start by noticing
those situations where you are not being honest with your feelings or saying what you
really mean. Put some space around it and just sit with it for a while. Eventually,
you'll get clear on the situation and start to move ahead with direct, honest and
straightforward communication.

When that day comes, you'll begin to notice deeper and more meaningful
relationships with those you love as a result.


------

Alexis Martin Neely is America's Personal Family Lawyer, author of the bestselling
book "Wear Clean Underwear! A Fast, Fun, Friendly - and Essential - Guide to Legal
Planning for Busy Parents" and the nation's leading legal expert guiding you to smart
financial and legal decisions for your family. Subscribe to Alexis' free online
magazine, Family Wealth Secrets, and have wealth advice delivered right to your
inbox each week.

				
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posted:5/3/2011
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