! Buffalo Billy A Larry the Cable Guy Movie for Kids Written by Rebecca Arney Thar’s treasure in them thar Nebraska hills ! Starring Larry the Cable Guy as himself (present) and Uncle Billy (1972). Rebecca Arney Twitter: @BeccaZ ! 1 OVER BLACK: An AUCTIONEER CHANTS. Cows MOO. Sheep BAH. FADE IN: INT. LIVESTOCK BARN - PAWNEE CITY, NEBRASKA - PRESENT DAY - DAY A huge BLACK ANGUS COW circles the ring at the Pawnee County Fair livestock auction. LARRY THE CABLE GUY (late-40s USDA Prime redneck farmer) stands front-and-center in a PURE-COUNTRY CROWD admiring the magnificent creature. The cow sells and LITTLE 4-H GIRL (age 11) bursts into tears as she leads her probably-hamburger cow out of the ring. A proud FFA BOY (age 16) enters with his very fine hog. This is STUD MUFFIN, a fully intact male specimen, who struts like he owns the place. Larry adjusts his CAMO HAT as he eyes the pig with keen anticipation. AUCTIONEER Now Pawnee County, are you ready for the Grand Champion Hog of 2011? Well here he is and he’s one mighty fine pig! Yes, this is Stud Muffin! And will ya’ look at that feller strut! He’s quite a ham, ain’t he? Now who’ll start the biddin’ on this champion Hampshire hog? Gimme one, gimme one, gimme one thousand, gimme one, gimme one-- Larry WAVES in. A FARMER next to him leans over ... FARMER Whatcha’ gonna do with that pig, Larry? LARRY Gonna start me a big-time pig farm, Charlie. Larry continues to bid. FARMER Larry, you know I’m down wind ‘a you. ! 2 LARRY What’s the matter, Charlie? Ya’ don’t like the smell a’ money? FARMER I don’t like the smell a’ pig poop. LARRY Why, Charlie, that’s biogas! The future. No more ‘a that foreign oil and sheiks buildin’ castles in the sand. Gonna run our tractors on pure pig pooh now. FARMER Not my tractor. Larry finally triumphs at $3000 to APPLAUSE from the crowd. FFA Boy makes his way over and shakes Larry’s hand. FARMER Sue Anne’s gonna have a fit. LARRY OH, I’m just kiddin’ ya’, Charlie. I ain’t startin’ no pig farm. They stink! That there pig is headin’ to North Platte. He’s my Uncle Billy’s new stud boar. We get a clear view of Stud Muffin’s amazing HUGE TESTICLES as he exits the ring. LARRY (CONT.) Will ya’ look at the nuts on that feller. EXT. LIVESTOCK BARN, PAWNEE CITY - PRESENT - DAY Larry loads Stud Muffin into the bed of his RED TRUCK. We see the PAWNEE CITY WATER TOWER in the background. LARRY Come on Skeeter. Time’s a wastin’. We gotta hit the road. They load in the truck and drive away. Skeeter eyes the pig through the back window and WHINES with doggie concern. ! 3 LARRY Skeeter, you ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. INT./EXT. LARRY’S TRUCK, NEBRASKA ROADS - PRESENT DAY - DAY MUSIC: ELVIS “Hound Dog” without lyrics On the road MONTAGE: corn fields, tractors, I-80, barns, cows, horses, center-pivot sprinklers, the winding Platte River. Yes, this is Nebraska... God’s country. LATER, SIOUX LOOKOUT appears, the tallest hill rimming the wide Platte Valley. Larry exits I-80 and turns at a SIGN: “Sioux Lookout 5 North Platte 2 Scouts Rest Ranch 5” EXT. FORT CODY - NORTH PLATTE - Present DAY - DAY Larry drives up and parks by a 40-foot STATUE OF BUFFALO BILL. LARRY Skeeter, you guard Stud Muffin, ya’ hear? Gotta get Aunt Winnie-Fred somethin’. Larry heads into the old-time LOG FORT with SIGN: “Welcome to North Platte, Home of Buffalo Bill”. INT. FORT CODY STORE - NORTH PLATTE - PRESENT DAY - CONT. Larry heads to the gift area. A TOUR GUIDE dressed straight out of “Little House on the Prairie” talks to JAPANESE TOURISTS. Shy Japanese girls eye Larry as he passes. TOUR GUIDE Buffalo Bill made his home in North Platte at the Scouts Rest Ranch. He traveled the world with his famous Wild West Show starring Annie Oakley, real Indians, buffalo, and a rousing re- enactment of Custer’s Last Stand with Chief Sitting Bull. Larry picks out RUBBER DOG POOP and a FART NOISEMAKER. He gives the farter a TOOT. Japanese girls GIGGLE. Larry dons a Davy Crockett raccoon hat and conks himself in the head with a toy tomahawk. More GIGGLES. ! 4 TOUR GUIDE (CONT’D) In 1872, Buffalo Bill was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his bravery as an Indian scout. Larry picks up a BLACK HILLS GOLD CHARM BRACELET and heads to the cash register, FAUX-FARTing all the way. Alarmed Japanese tourists scatter. TOUR GUIDE (CONT’D) Buffalo Bill died in 1917 while visiting his sister in Denver. He’s buried there atop Lookout Mountain. Shocked Japanese EXCLAMATIONS continue as Larry exits the Fort. INT./EXT. LARRY’S TRUCK - PRESENT DAY - DAY Brick streets HUM as Larry drives through NORTH PLATTE DOWNTOWN. We see the WATER TOWER. Skeeter sticks his nose in the FORT CODY SACK and comes out with the RUBBER DOG POOP. LARRY Skeeter. Why do dogs eat their own do- do? Larry heads out of town on Highway 30. We see a “Lincoln Highway” SIGN. A UNION PACIFIC FREIGHT TRAIN comes into view. It HONKS long and loud. Larry HONKS back. LARRY We’re gettin’ close Skeeter! EXT. BILLY’S FARM - NORTH PLATTE - PRESENT DAY - DAY Larry drives up to a neat FARM HOUSE. A WALKING PIVOT SPRINKLER sits in the nearby CORN FIELD. Larry exits the truck as AUNT WINIFRED (late 60s) steps out the house. She’s a sweet no- nonsense lady and still quite the looker. Like most farm wives, she’s also incredibly industrious and hardworking. WINIFRED Larry! I’ve been watchin’ for ya’! And look at you. You get more handsome every time I see ya’. And look at this handsome pig! ! 5 LARRY Yep, Grand Champion of Pawnee County. Come on porky, you’re home. Larry unloads Stud Muffin. Winifred grabs him by the tail and examines his impressive FAMILY JEWELS. WINIFRED Oh yes. He’ll do just fine. Let’s get you in the pen to meet your new girl friends. Larry leads Stud Muffin to a nearby pen. SOWS SCREECH at the arrival of a new fertile male. WINIFRED Yes girls. Put your lipstick on. There’s a new man in town. As they enter the pen Stud Muffin charges Larry, staking his claim on the females. Larry dodges the pig. LARRY Hey there, pork chop! Watch it! Stud Muffin persists, chasing Larry around the pen. LARRY Whoa! WINIFRED Think that boy’s smelled the alfalfa. LARRY And he’s bein’ a real pig about it. Winifred plucks apples from a bin and tosses them to the ground. The sows scuffle and get them all, easily fighting off Stud Muffin. WINIFRED That’s right girls, show him who’s boss. LARRY Man up, pig. You’re makin’ us look bad. ! 6 Stud Muffin GRUNTS. Winifred and Larry exit the pen. They head to the house, passing a monster tractor beside the barn. All we see are its HUGE TIRES. This is BULLDOGGIE III, a real Tractor Pulling beauty. WINIFRED Come on in. Billy will be back soon. He’s pickin’ up a new turbocharger for Bulldoggie. LARRY (slaps tractor tire) Yeehaw baby! You’re gonna roar! INT. BILLY’S FARM - LIVING ROOM - PRESENT Larry and Winifred enter. The room is full of Winifred’s handiwork. A PICTURE of ELVIS PRESLEY is on the wall. WINIFRED You make yourself comfortable while I get some goodies. Winifred exits. Larry takes the rubber dog poop from the sack and tosses it on the floor. He calls out... LARRY Sure smells good in here, Aunt Winnie- Fred! WINIFRED (O.S.) Got your favorite in the oven. LARRY Is it Tater Tot casserole!? WINIFRED (O.S.) It sure is! Larry extracts the Black Hills Gold bracelet. We see an EAGLE amongst its charms. Larry sits down in a recliner. An ANTIQUE WOODEN BOX sits on the nearby side table. A BLUE FELT COWBOY HAT sits on the box. Larry takes the hat and puts it on. We see TWO GOLD B’s INSIDE A CIRCLE emblazoned atop the dark wooden box. ! 7 Larry opens the box. Inside sits an old POLAROID on a silk lined tray. Larry examines the photo: YOUNG WINIFRED (mid-30s) holding a Gold ribbon with YOUNG BILLY (late-30s) and LITTLE LARRY (age 9) in BUFFALO BILL OUTFITS beside her. “Buffalo Billies - 1972” is written at the bottom. LARRY Well howdy. The Buffalo Billies. Larry pops the footrest and eases back in the recliner. He settles the hat down over his face and begins to DOZE. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! FADE OUT TO DREAM: EXT. BILLY’S CORN FIELD - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (ALL 1972 scenes are Young Billy, Little Larry, Young Winifred) ROAR of a tractor and LAUGHTER of young boys. FADE IN: Little LARRY (age 9) runs through tall rows of CORN. He emerges into bright sunlight followed by KIT KINCAID (age 9). Larry’s a big boy, the devil-may-care type. Kit’s smaller and more cautious. They’re having a ball. Up the trail UNCLE BILLY (late-30s) drives a TRACTOR hauling a cart full of IRRIGATION PIPE. Billy wears a Nebraska BUG-EATERS t-shirt. CARSON KINKAID (age 18) unloads pipe from the cart. BILLY Hey Larry, go down yonder and pull that lever. Larry points up the trail questioningly. BILLY Yep, that’s right. Go get ‘er done. Larry runs up the trail and pulls the lever. Water spills into the trenches. Billy stops the tractor and climbs down to move pipe. CARSON Hey Kit. Bring up the cart. ! 8 Kit climbs aboard the tractor. He’s young to be doing this, but knows what he’s doing. He drives up, then jumps off to unload pipe. Larry climbs into the tractor seat. CARSON Okay Larry, move him to the other side. Larry turns the wheel tentatively, then hits the gas hard. The tractor takes off straight towards the corn. Larry freezes. CARSON Hey! What the... Carson jumps on and steers. They stop. CARSON You ever drive a tractor before? Larry shakes his head no. CARSON Should ‘a told me. Could a’ plowed down the corn. Billy returns having seen the ruckus. BILLY Hey there little fella’. How ‘bout we teach ya’ to drive this thing while you’re here? We got two weeks before your folks are back from the Stampede. Think we can do it by then? LARRY Yeah! Billy climbs up and they drive away with Larry happily in his lap helping steer. Kit and Carson ride the pulled cart. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY WINIFRED (mid-30s) works in the garden. She’s one of those hot country chicks, but in a sweet way. The tractor approaches with Larry doing all the steering now, WEAVING like a beginner. Winifred comes to greet them with cabbage, cauliflower, and huge rutabagas in her arms. She holds up the rutabagas. ! 9 WINIFRED Will ya’ look at these monsters! BILLY Now them’s blue ribbon rutabeggers. WINIFRED They’re goin’ to the fair. Think that bull manure made all the difference this year. They hop off the tractor. LARRY Aunt Winnie-Fred, can we go swimmin’ in the crick? WINIFRED Why sure, if Billy don't need ya’. BILLY Gotta slop them hogs first boys. It’s feedin’ time. Then ya’ can go. WINIFRED And be back by supper. I'm makin' somethin' special. EXT. PIG PEN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry pours corn in a bucket, atop a mix of grody kitchen refuse. He adds water and stirs with a big stick. Banana peel and assorted gunk wells up. PIGS SCREECH with hungry anticipation. Larry pours slop in the feed bin and a raucous piggy shoving match ensues. Then they eat like pigs. Larry and Kit head to the PASTURE. Billy calls out: BILLY Hey boys, call them cows on your way out. And stick to them cow paths, ya‘ hear? Don’t want ya’ gettin’ lost. (BEAT) And stay outta’ that bull pasture! Or ol’ Elvis will getcha. ! 10 EXT. COW PASTURE - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit run down a COW PATH calling unseen cows. LARRY,KIT (OVERLAPPING) Come bos! Come bos! Come bos! COWS appear and trot by towards their dinner. Larry and Kit take off running. A huge bull in a nearby pasture gives them the evil eye. This is ELVIS THE BULL. EXT. CREEK IN PASTURE - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit splash in the creek. Larry pulls out a CRAWDAD. It waves its claws threateningly. Larry frees him. We see TADPOLES in the shallows. LARRY Look! Them little frog’s got tails! KIT They’re tadpoles. Lose them tails when they get outta the water. LARRY Lose their tails? How? I wanna see this. Larry grabs futilely for a tadpole. KIT Well they gotta grow up first. They’re babies. That’s why they got them tails. LARRY Well, I’m still gonna get one. They try, but fail, to catch the slippery tadpoles. KIT Need somethin’ to scoop ‘em up with. Off in the distance stands an old DILAPIDATED BARN. LARRY Bet there’s somethin’ in that barn. ! 11 EXT./INT. OLD BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit peek through a dusty window. We see vintage plows, wagons, cattle yokes, and lots of cobwebs. Spooky. Larry pries open the door. They enter. Kit points to a big dust ball on the floor, with hay mixed in. KIT Watch it, there’s ghosts in here. LARRY There ain’t no ghosts in here. KIT Sure are. See that. That’s a ghost turd. Big one. From a cow. LARRY Cows don’t have ghosts! KIT Everything’s got ghosts. We got one in our barn. She’s nice. Carson said she’s’ a milk cow that’s why she never gives us any trouble. Ol’ Bessie. She poohs a lot. Larry prods the dust ball on the floor. KIT By the size a’ that thing, could be a bull. They’re mean. LARRY That ain’t ghost poop. Kit picks up the dust ball and tosses it at Larry’s head. KIT Sure is. Smell it! Larry YELPS and dodges the dust ball. Suddenly a loud SWOOSH as BARN SWALLOWS fly from the rafters. The boys YELL in fright. A beat as they eye the birds in the rafters. KIT Wow! Them’s barn swallows! They’re good luck. ! 12 LARRY Do they like ghost poop? KIT No, but dogs do. Larry spies a tin can sitting up a rafter. LARRY There! Let’s get that for the tadpoles. Larry climbs the LADDER to the hay loft and crawls over the RAFTERS. He carefully makes his way, avoiding NESTS, and encounters something tucked up in the rafters wrapped in a BURLAP SACK. He lowers it to Kit, then knocks the can from the self. He makes his way back. KIT (teasing) Careful a’ the chicken ghosts up there. They’ll peck ya’ to death. Larry hits a swallow nest with his foot and it FALLS. Kit looks worriedly at the sad little thing lying on the FLOOR. KIT Ain’t supposed to mess with swallows’ nests, Larry. It’s bad luck. Larry climbs down and investigates the sack. He pulls a box from the sack. It’s the old ANTIQUE BOX (seen in Winifred’s present day living room), with the two B’s engraved on the top. They open it to reveal a plush silk lining and EMPTY UPPER TRAY. KIT What is this? LARRY Looks like a jewelry box. Bet Aunt Winnie-Fred would like this. I’m gonna give it to her! KIT Where you gonna say you got it? We ain’t supposed to be in this barn. It ain’t safe. ! 13 LARRY Maybe I won it. KIT Like some stuffed animal at the shootin’ gallery? LARRY Yeah. KIT They ain’t got no jewelry boxes at the shootin’ gallery. LARRY Well maybe I bought it. KIT You got money? LARRY No. KIT But ya’ would if ya’ won the Mutton Bustin‘ at the fair. Champ gets ten bucks. LARRY Ten bucks?! You doin’ it? KIT Of course! I always do it. And next year, when I turn ten, I’m steppin’ up to calf ridin’. LARRY I ain’t never rode no sheep. Do they buck? KIT Not too much. It’s easy. All ya gotta do is git on, squeeze hard with your legs, and hang on tight. And hope ya’ don’t get a wild one. We hear the THUNDERING ROAR of a monster tractor off in the distance. ! 14 LARRY Hey, that’s Billy! He’s firin’ up Bulldoggie! EXT. TRACTOR TRAIL – 1972(DREAM) – LATE DAY MUSIC: CRAIG MORGAN “Little Bit of Life” Billy races a huge tractor fast down the trail. This is BULLDOGGIE, a hot-rod tractor made just for Pulling. Monster wheels, monster engine, and monster fun. He's all shiny with “Bulldoggie” painted on the sides, next to a horned half-bull- half-bulldog mascot with steam coming out his nose. Billy stops, then revs the engine and an impressive cloud of fumes spits high in the sky. Down the trail a BUNNY sits nibbling away. Bulldoggie takes off fast, headed straight for the bunny. The bunny’s eyes bulge out and she high-tails it outta there fast. EXT. COW PASTURE - 1972(DREAM) - LATE DAY MUSIC CONTINUES: Larry and Kit run through a pasture heading towards BULLDOGGIE'S ROAR. They’re not on a cow path. Larry runs ahead with the burlap sack. He climbs under a fence and charges forward. Kit comes to the fence and stops. KIT Larry! That’s the bull pasture! Larry’s already half way across. He turns to see ELVIS THE HUGE BULL, a thousand pounds of angry testosterone, heading fast down the pasture. The bull stops and sizes up a petrified Larry. A FURRY GOPHER pops up from his hole and watches this all. The bull LOWERS HIS HEAD and PAWS the ground, ready to charge. The gopher CHITTERS an urgent warning at Larry. KIT Run Larry, run! Larry DROPS THE SACK and runs like hell for the opposite fence. The bull charges after him. Just as the bull’s about to get a piece of him, Larry escapes under the fence. He stands panting on the other side as the Bull swaggers menacingly. ! 15 With the bull distracted, Kit sprints out to fetch the sack and retreats back to safety. He heads along the fence line, going around the pasture, not through it. As he plods along the BULL comes over to stalk him too. KIT Go away Elvis! You want a cowpie in your face? Kit tosses a dried up old COWPIE over the fence like a Wild West frisbee. The Bull attacks it when it lands. Larry arrives. MUSIC FADES. LARRY Did you see that? He was gonna kill me! KIT No kiddin’! You’re lucky he didn’t toss you sky high and stomp ya’ into the ground like some gopher. A dead gopher! LARRY Well I out ran 'im. KIT Yeah. And look at him. He ain’t happy ‘bout it. He’s gunnin’ for ya’ now. The angry BULL snorts. KIT (CONT’D) You gotta stay outta the bull pasture Larry. We hear Bulldoggie ROAR in the distance. As they take off, the gopher pops up again and watches them go. INT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - LATE DAY Larry and Kit enter the barn, sack in hand. LARRY We gotta hide this. ! 16 KIT Up in the hay loft. They climb the LADDER. HAY BALES are stacked high. They stash their treasure then jump from the loft into the HAY STACK below. INT. BILLY’S FARM, SEWING ROOM - 1972 (DREAM) - LATE DAY Winifred sits at her SEWING MACHINE. BRIGHT SHIRTS and PANTS surround her. These are GROOVY BAND OUTFITS for a 70s country- rock band. In the background we see the beginnings of the BUFFALO BILL JACKETS (seen in the 1972 polaroid). She takes a fancy WESTERN SHIRT from the machine. It has two- foot long white fringe across the chest and down the arms. EXT. BILLY'S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - LATE DAY Billy drives up on Bulldoggie. Carson opens the engine and starts adjusting. CARSON Okay, fire ‘er up! Billy hits the gas. The engine runs rough. BILLY Check the intake valve. Carson adjusts again. Billy revs the engine. Still rough. Billy cuts the engine. Larry and Kit arrive. LARRY Can I drive him, Uncle Billy? BILLY Not today, Larry. Bulldoggie’s runnin’ like bull-pucky. We got work to do to get him ready for the pull. EXT. BILLY'S FARM – 1972(DREAM) – LATE DAY Winifred comes out the door with the groovy band outfits. Carson inspects them. ! 17 WINIFRED Tell the boys to come on by if they need adjustin’. Winifred admires the incredible fringed shirt. WINIFRED (CONT’D) Think this is my favorite. Carson tries it on. Billy walks up with Larry and Kit. BILLY Whoa, will ya’ look at that fringe. You’re a real band now, Carson. CARSON Just in time. We’re playin’ the teen dance at the Moose Lodge tomorrow night. WINIFRED Well I used plenty a’ stripes playin’ up your name. KIT The Streaks! They were the Streakers, but mom made ‘em change it... or they’d be naked. CARSON Okay, little rat fink. Come on, mom’s probably got supper on the table. WINIFRED Wait. I got somethin’ for you to take to Annabelle. Winifred hands over a box of PUPCAKES -- cleverly decorated cupcakes that look like dogs. BILLY Well doggies! Those look good. WINIFRED They’re pupcakes. I'm gonna enter some at the fair. I wanna know which ones she likes best. Carson and Kit leave in CARSON’S TRUCK. ! 18 WINIFRED Come on, boys. Supper's ready. BILLY Good, I’m starvin’. ‘Bout ready to eat that tractor. LARRY Me too. WINIFRED Well ya’ better be hungry. I made some really nice Jello. Larry, can you set up the TV trays? I wanna watch Love Boat. INT. BILLY'S FARMHOUSE, KITCHEN – 1972(DREAM) - EVENING LOVE BOAT theme music plays on TV. Winifred dishes oddly appetizing TATER TOT CASSEROLE onto plates. She extracts an extremely tall JELLO mold from the fridge. It’s freakily white with bright green jello cubes floating throughout. WINIFRED I’m trying some new recipes for the fair. This here’s the Crown Jewels. What do ya’ think? BILLY Looks fit for a king. WINIFRED It’s a dessert, so we’ll save it for after supper. She puts it back in the fridge and pulls out two more tall JELLOS. Each lime green with vegetables chunks suspended throughout. She sets them on the table next to a “JOYS OF JELLO” COOKBOOK. WINIFRED These are the Summer Veggie Delights. That cabbage one’s a little dull lookin’, don’t ‘ya think? But this here cauliflower-pimento sure is purty. Billy examines the strange looking thing. ! 19 BILLY Why that is cauliflower in there, ain’t it? Didn’t know you could do that. Winifred places a final JELLO on the table. It’s lime green too. A round ring-mold with celery, sliced green olives, radishes, and tuna suspended in all their shocking glory. WINIFRED This here is Ring-Around-the-Tuna. BILLY Now that’s nice lookin’. WINIFRED We gotta taste test ‘em all. Can’t judge a book by its cover ya’ know. CLOSE on the incredible JELLOS as Winifred slices and loads them onto plates. BILLY I need me some ketchup for my tots. Billy streams KETCHUP over his tot casserole. He points to the green TUNA JELLO on his plate. BILLY This here's the tuna? Winifred nods yes. Billy squirts ketchup on the tuna jello. WINIFRED Hey Larry! You want some pickled pig's feet? LARRY (O.S.) Yeah! Winifred takes pickled pig's feet from a jar. They are fully intact and very pink, with more than a little congealed fat in the mix. Billy heads to the living room, then calls back... BILLY Hey Winnie-Fred, can you bring the Dorothy Lynch? ! 20 WINIFRED Sure honey. Winifred grabs a bottle of Dorothy Lynch salad dressing and heads to the living room. INT. BILLY’S FARMHOUSE, LIVING ROOM - 1972 (DREAM) - EVENING LOVE BOAT banter fills the air. Larry gnaws a pig’s foot clean. STATIC appears in the TV picture. WINIFRED Darn! And this is the good part. Larry jumps up and adjusts RABBIT EARS. He moves them around... BILLY Yeah, that’s it. Right there. The picture quality is better until Larry lets go, then static reappears. BILLY No, try ‘er again. Larry touches the rabbit ears and static immediately disappears. He lets go, then static. He grabs it, no static. WINIFRED Maybe just stand there ‘til the next commercial? BILLY Winnie-Fred, I was talkin’ to Harvey in town the other day. They got this new thing called cable TV. He said he’d string it on out here if we wanted. And ya’ know what? They got six whole channels on that thing. WINIFRED Six? I didn’t know there were six channels. What are they? ! 21 BILLY Beats me. Don’t know what ya’d do with that much TV. Cain’t watch it all. But we wouldn’t have this problem with the reception no more. Comes in over a cable somehow. I’m thinkin’ a’ gettin’ it. Larry continues to faithfully hold the rabbit ears. A HAMMS BEER commercial begins, with cartoon bears and tom-tom drum jingle “From the land of sky blue waters”. BILLY Winnie-Fred, I think it’s time for the Crown Jewels. Winifred goes to fetch dessert. Larry continues to hold the rabbit ears. He’s into this. LARRY Uncle Billy, Kit’s doin’ Mutton Bustin’ at the rodeo. Can I? BILLY Why sure, cowboy. LARRY Hotdog! Kit says the winner gets ten bucks! BILLY Ten bucks? You’re gonna be rich. Winifred proudly brings in the jello. We hear LOVE BOAT music. Life is sweet. EXT. RODEO ARENA - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry peers down from the stands into a corral full of huge BRAHMA BULLS. Mean and scary as hell. Bull riding is underway. Larry retreats to sit with a bunch of LITTLE COWBOYS and COWGIRLS - the mutton busters - watching TOUGH BULLRIDERS get tossed around like rag dolls. A RODEO BULL tosses his RIDER, then struts the arena pawing the dirt threateningly at the RODEO CLOWNS. ! 22 RODEO ANNOUNCER And the bull they call Dr. Evil digs the cowboy’s grave! It’s two thousand pounds of hate and hell right here at the Old Glory Blowout! TENDERS run to the downed rider. They assist as he limps away in severe pain. RODEO ANNOUNCER Now, North Platte, are ya’ ready for our next cowboy?! We’re gonna open it up for ya’ one more time in chute gate number two. Chad Wilcox on the bull ... the bull they call Jack the Ripper! Another scary ride. RODEO ANNOUNCER Now Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s cowboy up and get serious here. NERVOUS SHEEP are let into the arena. RODEO ANNOUNCER (CONT’D) Do ya’ wanna see the future bull ridin’ champions of America? Yes siree, we got ‘em right here and they’re ready to go! Say hello to the proud, the brave, the Mutton Bustin’ cowboys of North Platte, Nebraska! The kids parade in with football helmets on. The sheep skitter around the arena looking for an escape. The Announcer chats up the crowd calling out the name and time for a contestant who rides only a few seconds before crashing. Larry’s up next. Billy’s at the chute with him. RODEO ANNOUNCER And our next superstar mutton buster is Larry, riding the sheep called Wooly Monster! And he’s got that look folks. That look of a champion rider! Now are we ready?! Are we? Well here we go! Yes siree! ! 23 BILLY (OVERLAPPING) Get a grip on ‘er Larry! That’s right. Tight around ‘er neck. Yes, that’s it. The sheep launches out with Larry clinging for his life. BILLY (CONT’D) Hang on to that sucker Larry! Yes, that’s right! Come on! Come on! Get ‘er done! Larry rides the semi-freaked critter for the required six seconds, then rolls in the dirt as the BUZZER sounds. He comes up WIPING HIS MOUTH. RODEO ANNOUNCER Now Larry I hate to tell ya’, but that ain’t all dirt you’re spittin’ outta your mouth out there. (crowd LAUGHS) But that right there is how ya’ do it folks! Not only does he get six seconds, but, ladies and gentleman, listen to this! How about a score of eighty-two points for that cowboy! Larry struts off proud, but shaken. BILLY You got it buddy! MONTAGE of remaining kids riding to the WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE. SLOW MOTION of their FALLS complete with crash-and-burn SOUND EFFECTS and BAHING SHEEP. They’re falling like flies, not even close to six seconds. But the last one rides and rides, way beyond six seconds and the tenders have to chase the sheep around the arena to finally pluck the rider off. RODEO ANNOUNCER Now we’re gonna roll it up here folks. Eighty-two points is in the lead right now. And let’s see the score for our last rider. Do we have it? Yes we have it! A score of ninety-five points! Yes, our new Grand Champion Mutton Buster is Chris Calhoun! ! 24 Chris takes off the football helmet to reveal that Chris is a cowgirl. Ouch. Larry stands tall, but disappointed. LATER: All contestants are lined up getting little ribbons. RODEO ANNOUNCER And our third place winner receives a free pass good for two games at the Cedar Bowl bowling alley. (prize given) And our second place winner gets a spankin’ new cowboy hat from Dick’s Western Wear. (hat put on Larry) Will ya’ look at that handsome cowboy! Larry doffs his hat to the crowd, looking a little down. RODEO ANNOUNCER (CONT’D) And for our grand prize winner we have the Old Glory Blowout Belt Buckle and ten brand new silver dollars from the North Platte State Bank! The prize is given to the cowgirl to CHEERS from the crowd. The kids file out the arena. Billy greets the dispirited Larry. BILLY Ride ‘em cowboy! Will ya’ look at that hat! LARRY But I wanted the ten bucks. EXT. FIREWORKS STAND - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Billy drives up in his truck with Larry. Larry wears his new hat. They step out a fireworks stand loaded to the brim with fabulous fireworks. Billy pulls a TEN DOLLAR BILL from his wallet. BILLY Well, here’s your ten bucks. Pick out what ya’ want. Larry looks tentatively at the ten dollar bill. Keep it or spend it? A moment’s hesitation, then sanity rules. He starts to pick out the coolest fireworks a kid could ever want. ! 25 LARRY I’ll take them whirly birds, and two cones, them bottle rockets, some sparklers, and those roman candles... oh, and give me them snakes and some smoke bombs. FIREWORKS GUY grabs the loot. BILLY And we’ll need a few pinwheels and some fountains for Winnie-Fred. She loves that stuff. And, if you got ‘em... I’ll take a few cherry bombs. Fireworks guy loads up the box. FIREWORKS GUY That it? Larry points urgently at some Mighty Mite firecrackers. LARRY Oh! Gimme some a’ them Mighty Mites too! MOMENTS LATER: They carry their fireworks to the truck. BILLY Think we’re loaded for bear, Larry. Now we better hurry. We gotta get ready for the pull tonight. EXT. GRANDSTAND ARENA - TRACK/BLEACHERS - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT TRACK/BLEACHERS: A TRACTOR PULLIN’ CROWD sits in the bleachers. In the background carnival rides fly high, lighting up the night sky. Winifred and Larry sit with Kit, Carson, and their mom ANNABELL (age 40). FOXY LADY, a fine tractor, PULLS a big weighted sled down the track. She stops about three quarters of the way. ! 26 PULLIN’ ANNOUNCER (O.S.) And there she is folks! Foxy Lady! What a pretty pull that was! She sure is a fox tonight! You betcha! Billy’s on Bulldoggie at the starting line. He revs the engine and a huge black plume fires straight up with fiery bursts mixed in. Monster wheels spin in the dirt. Bulldoggie bumps and bobs, doing a half wheelie all the way down the track, pulling the sled well past the finish line. PULLIN’ ANNOUNCER (O.S.) And there’s ol’ Billy takin’ Bulldoggie all the way to the dog house! Yes, he’ll be gettin’ his supper tonight! You betcha! You betcha! You bet! BIG CHEERS. Larry and Kit run off excitedly. They head under the bleachers and Larry takes out some Mighty Mites. He lights and tosses a couple. They BLOW UP loud, too close to folks low in the bleachers. An angry HEAD pokes out between the rows. It’s JESSE FARLEY (age 12). JESSE Hey, knock it off! You want me to come beat the crap outta you? KIT Shoot! That’s Jesse Farley. He will beat the crap outta us. They run back and sit with Winifred as a smaller tractor rolls down the track. AUDREY FARLEY (age 17) drives and waves to the crowd. She pulls a sled, but the progressive weights are off and she cruises along unhindered. PULLIN’ ANNOUNCER And there she is folks! The Queen of this year’s Lincoln County Fair! Miss Audrey Farley! Now that’s right Audrey, wave to the crowd! And I see your momma wavin’ back! And there’s some boys wavin’ too! Now don’t forget to steer Audrey. Will ya’ look at her pull boys! Ain’t she somethin’! You betcha! You betcha! You bet! ! 27 Carson takes a special interest in this all. PULLIN’ ANNOUNCER And now here’s what you’ve been waitin’ for. Our winner tonight, takin’ that sled all the way to the dog pound! It’s our own Billy and the mighty Bulldoggie! Yooou beeetcha! Billy drives up on Bulldoggie. He wears a “My Wife is Hot” t-shirt. CHEERS from the crowd. Winifred blows him a kiss. INT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit watch from the HAYLOFT DOOR as Billy and Carson drive off on the tractor with some pipe. Larry takes the box from its hiding place. He opens it and removes the top tray to reveal a SILVER CIGAR CARRYING TUBE, CIGAR CUTTER, AND LIQUOR FLASK. He pulls open the bottom drawer and we see several SHRIVELED CIGARS. This is an old Cigar Humidor. KIT Are those cigars? Larry picks up a cigar and sniffs it. LARRY Holey moley. They are. Glad I didn’t give this to Aunt Winnie-Fred! Kit shakes the flask. KIT There’s somethin’ in here. (unscrews and sniffs) Ewww. Larry unscrews the cigar tube. A ROLLED-UP PAPER falls out, tied by a string. They open it to reveal a colorful WILD WEST SHOW FLYER with Buffalo Bill decked out on his fine horse along with his Rough Riders. Larry reads... ! 28 LARRY Buffalo Bill’s Wild West and Congress of Rough Riders of the World. A company of Wild West cowboys whose daring exploits have made their very names synonymous with deeds of bravery. (beat) Wow! KIT Are these Buffalo Bill cigars? Larry points to the BB emblazoned on the top of the box. LARRY B. B. Buffalo Bill. I think so! Larry notices writing on the back of the map. LARRY What’s this? The writing is old fashioned script in fountain pen ink. A map orientation symbol shows North at the top. Near the middle a small “t” with “Lookout” next to it. Up to the right a small “x” with the words “Tall” “Gold” “Eagle” written one below the other. Then a dotted line down to encircled double Bs, just like on the box. “200” is scrawled by the line. At the bottom “1917 WWW”, smaller and barely visible. LARRY It’s a map! KIT To what? LARRY I don’t know. It says lookout. KIT There’s them B’s again. LARRY (reads) Tall gold eagle. KIT That’s an Indian name. ! 29 LARRY It could be a real gold eagle. KIT A tall eagle made out of gold? LARRY Yeah. And it’s buried. Like a treasure! Right there. (beat) We found Buffalo Bill’s treasure map! KIT In the old barn? LARRY Yeah! We gotta find it. That’s way better than some an old jewelry box. KIT Where do we look? LARRY Don’t know. KIT Maybe it’s at Buffalo Bill’s ranch. LARRY Where’s that? KIT Right by the fair grounds. Scouts Rest Ranch. My class went there with Miss McMurtry last year. Tractor pulls up outside. They look out the HAYLOFT door. Billy calls up. BILLY Come on boys. We gotta get to the fair and see how Winnie-Fred is doin’. They’re givin’ out ribbons today. They re-hide their treasure and jump excitedly to the haystack below. ! 30 EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY - CONT. Larry and Kit run to Billy’s truck. BILLY Okay, let me look at ‘ya. You clean? LARRY/KIT (UNISON) Yeah. BILLY Well stay that way. We’re goin’ to the smorgasbord at the Elks Club tonight. We’re surprisin’ Winnie-Fred, so keep your lips zipped. They climb into the truck and drive away. EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY PARKING AREA: Billy parks the truck. Larry and Kit run off towards the carnival. Billy calls after them... BILLY You got one hour and then be back for the Champions Ceremony. Four o’clock, right at the stage. Ya’ hear? And I don’t wanna have to come lookin’ for ya’! LARRY Okay! We’ll be there! CARNIVAL: Larry and Kit move through the colorful MIDWAY. Jesse Farley and JACK FARLEY (age 15) appear. They’re your average bullies. JESSE Hey there little Kitty. Did you ride your pony over? Kit ignores them. They continue to taunt... JESSE Here kitty, kitty, kitty! ! 31 JACK Yeah kitty. Come over and we’ll let you ride a real horse. KIT How ‘bout you come over and I let you ride my pig! Fart face! Kit runs ahead to escape the Farleys. Larry follows. LARRY Who were them fatheads? KIT That’s Jack and Jesse Farley. I call ‘em the Fartleys. They’re always mad ‘cause Carson beats ‘em at calf ropin’. LARRY Well they can kiss my grits! KIT Mine too! EXT. SCOUTS REST RANCH - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit run across a road towards an impressive old 1800s VICTORIAN HOUSE. A huge candy striped RED BARN sits behind it. This is SCOUTS REST RANCH, the home of Buffalo Bill. INT. SCOUTS REST RANCH BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY - CONT. They enter the Barn. It’s huge and full of horse stalls from the Wild West Show days. Old wagons, saddles, bridles, and assorted cowboy gear everywhere on display. They step into a room showing old-time VIDEO CLIPS: BUFFALO BILL rides his fine horse, Indians dance in full headdress, and Buffalo Bill shots with his business partner PAWNEE BILL. Larry and Kit resume their search of the barn. WILD WEST SHOW FLYERS line the wall, including one with a bevy of female horse riders titled “BUFFALO BILL’S WILD WEST AND PAWNEE BILL’S FAR EAST”. They see an old BRANDING IRON hanging on the wall, with DOUBLE Bs IN A CIRCLE. LARRY Look. It’s them B’s! ! 32 KIT That’s a brandin’ iron! LARRY Circle B’s. It’s Buffalo Bill’s brand! The elated boys run out the barn. EXT. SCOUTS REST RANCH - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit peer into an old LOG CABIN. It’s the real deal. Stark, empty, and certainly no treasure. They move on. A big WINDMILL stands beside the barn. Larry perilously climbs up. He points to a cupola atop the barn roof. LARRY There! INT. SCOUTS REST RANCH - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit run to a stairway with sign DO NOT ENTER. KIT We can’t go up. Larry turns the sign backward. LARRY Sure we can. I don’t see no sign. Do you? They head up the stairs like little thieves. Moments later they peer out the roof cupola. LARRY If this is the lookout, then the gold eagle would be... (points to PASTURE) ... there! EXT. SCOUTS REST RANCH - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit climb through the fence into the pasture. They count steps. Suddenly they stop. Dead ahead they see several HUGE BUFFALO, with grizzly heads the size of Montana. A buffalo eyes them, then begins to trot towards them. ! 33 LARRY Uh-oh. KIT He’s bigger than Ol’ Elvis! They turn and run. MOMENTS LATER: Walking towards the VICTORIAN HOUSE... LARRY What about in there? INT. BUFFALO BILL’S HOUSE - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit enter and look over the PARLOR. The house has extremely old VICTORIAN DECOR. They move to the DINING ROOM. A RANCH TOUR GUIDE dressed in old-time prairie dress and bonnet talks to TOURISTS. Larry spies an OLD PHOTO on the wall. BUFFALO BILL and an INDIAN in fine headdress, standing next to a simple white gravestone engraved “Spotted Horse”. A plaque reads: “BUFFALO BILL and CHIEF TALL EAGLE, FORT McPHERSON, 1892” LARRY It’s Chief Tall Eagle! KIT Tall Eagle is an Indian. The Ranch Tour Guide sidles over. RANCH TOUR GUIDE Yes, that’s Buffalo Bill and Chief Tall Eagle at a ceremony honoring Pawnee Lookout Scouts. LARRY Lookout Scouts? RANCH TOUR GUIDE Yes. The Pawnee served as lookouts for the Army during the campaign against the Sioux. The Pawnee and Sioux were always fierce enemies. ! 34 LARRY Did Tall Eagle have gold? She points to a TEA SET on the buffet. RANCH TOUR GUIDE According to legend, some Indians had large amounts of gold from the Black Hills up north. This tea set is Black Hills gold. It was a gift from Chief Sitting Bull. She runs her hand along GOLD INLAY in the extravagant frame of a PAINTING of Buffalo Bill on his beautiful horse. RANCH TOUR GUIDE And this is Black Hills Gold too. Pawnee Bill presented it to the men of North Platte when they attended Buffalo Bill’s funeral in Denver in 1917. LARRY Is Tall Eagle buried in Denver too? RANCH TOUR GUIDE Don’t know. But you can see Spotted Horse is buried at Fort McPherson. (points to photo) See the headstone there? KIT Where’s Fort McPherson? RANCH TOUR GUIDE Why just up the road a few miles. You should visit, there’s lots of history to see at Fort McPherson. LARRY We’re lookin’ for treasure. RANCH TOUR GUIDE (amused) You are? Well, I hope you boys find it. Larry and Kit can barely contain their excitement as they hustle away. ! 35 EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - 1972(DREAM) - DAY INTERCUT: MONTAGE of Larry and Kit enjoying FRONTIER LAND at the Fair. Ferris wheel, cotton candy, tilt-o-whirl, 4-H kids washing cows and powdering pigs. MONTAGE of Billy admiring combines, corn pickers, and tractors. He has a spry conversation with a TRACTOR GUY. LATER: “BULLS-EYE CORRAL” SHOOTING GALLERY Larry and Kit shoot at passing targets with Winchester-like rifles and real BBs. CARNY GUY Okay, you both won prize level one. Pick out what ya’ want. GIANT STUFFED ANIMALS line the wall. Larry points to a HUGE RABBIT. LARRY I’ll take that. CARNY GUY Sorry, but that’s prize level three. This here is prize level one. We see PUNY LITTLE STUFFED ANIMALS. Larry and Kit look them over disappointedly. Larry spies a STUFFED BULL up on level two. LARRY Can we get that bull? CARNY GUY That’s level two. You’re level one. CARNY GUY grabs a pathetic hairy SNIPE from the reject shelf. CARNY But tell ya’ what. You take one a these snipes, and I’ll let you have the bull. ! 36 LARRY What do ya’ think, Kit? KIT Okay! Carny guy hands over the snipe and bull. CARNY Now you go tell all your friends to come by the Bulls-Eye Corral and try their luck. But they’d better hurry, ‘cause these bulls are goin’ fast. They leave and come face-to-face with the Farleys who snicker menacingly. Larry and Kit high-tail it outta there. EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - STAGE AREA - 1972(DREAM) - DAY A CROWD is gathering. Band equipment sits on stage with six tables on the flanks. Nine BLUE RIBBONS hang on the table with Winifred’s winning entries. Winifred has a GOLD RIBBON attached to her dress. Larry and Kit arrive. WINIFRED Larry, quick, I need you in your Buffalo Bill outfit. Billy’s got ‘em at the truck. And hurry, the ceremony’s about to start. Larry and Kit head away. Carson and his BAND MATES are on stage in their groovy band outfits. Several TEEN GIRLS mingle with them. Audrey Farley talks to Carson. EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - PARKING AREA - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Billy and Larry strut towards the stage like matching peacocks. They're in their Buffalo Billy jackets, fringed chaps, and cowboy hats. People clear the way for the impressive duo. They march along, heads held high, dressed to kill. ! 37 EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - STAGE AREA - 1972(DREAM) - DAY The CEREMONY ANNOUNCER is in 70s PLAID SUIT and FAT TIE. Happy gold ribbon winners stand on stage: CABBAGE GUY, BROWNIE LADY, WOOD CARVER, SHEEP GIRL with her SHEEP, QUILT LADY, and Winifred with Billy and Larry in their fine Buffalo Billy outfits. CEREMONY ANNOUNCER Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Lincoln County Fair Champions Ceremony! Let’s hear it for our Gold Ribbon winners! APPLAUSE as Cabbage Guy hoists his huge cabbage, Wood Carver swoops his Sand Hills Crane, the sheep BAHs worriedly, and Brownie Lady bites into her brownie. Billy doffs his hat and bows toward Winifred. Larry earnestly does the same. CEREMONY ANNOUNCER And who’ll be our Champion of Champions for 1972? Will it be fudgey-chunky- rocky-road? This beautiful cabbage? The amazing Sand Hills Crane? Or will it be Millie the sheep? The Going West Quilt? Or the Buffalo Billies? The crowd calls out their favorites. CEREMONY ANNOUNCER And, folks, this year our prize is somethin’ special. It’s a big surprise and we don’t get to do it every year. But if you’ve been payin’ attention you’ll know what I’m talkin’ about. What’s the biggest concert of the year? A CRY from the crowd “Elvis?”. CEREMONY ANNOUNCER That’s right! We’ve got four tickets to see Elvis On Tour in Omaha next week! The crowd reacts with SHOCK and AWE. WINIFRED Elvis?! ! 38 CEREMONY ANNOUNCER And who is our winner? Our Champion of Champions is our Buffalo Billies right here! Congratulations Winnie-Fred! A thrilled Winifred accepts her ribbon and prize. As the crowd CHEERS Billy grabs the microphone. BILLY I’m Buffalo Billy and we’re goin’ to Elvis! Yeehaa! CEREMONY ANNOUNCER Okay folks, now let’s give it up for our local boys. The Streaks! CARSON We’re gonna sing ya’ a little tune by Three Dog Night. And I just wanna say that Winnie-Fred made our band outfits too! Ain’t they somethin’?! Carson swings the mighty fringe on his shirt. The band launches into “JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG”. Carson sings “Joy to the World”! INT. NORTH PLATTE ELKS CLUB - 1972(DREAM) - EVENING Billy and Winifred dance to a lively polka band. Kit’s parents, Annabelle and WYATT, are in the swarm of polka dancers. A “Brothers of Bohemia” BANNER hangs on the wall over a stuffed ELK HEAD. Larry and Kit examine an old time map hanging on the wall full of Buffalo Bill pictures and Old West items. The map shows Scouts Rest Ranch, Fort McPherson, and Sioux Lookout. KIT There it is! Fort McPherson. LARRY How far is it? KIT We can ride the ponies there. (points to map) See that crick? I’ve been that far before. ! 39 Jesse and Jack Farley sidle up. JESSE Whatcha lookin’ at? LARRY Nothin’. Kit and Larry run off. The Farleys examine the map suspiciously. INT./EXT. KIT’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Kit and Larry take ROPE HALTERS from the barn. Two SHETLAND PONIES are in the pasture. PETUNIA and her son JOHNNY RODGERS, a pure black horse that can run like the wind. KIT The grey one is Petunia. And that’s Johnny Rodgers, her yearling. LARRY Can I ride Johnny? KIT Yeah, but be careful. He ain’t completely broke yet. I’m still workin’ ‘im. Larry and Kit chase the horses. The Shetlands are not playing along. Uncatchable. The boys stop, out of breath. LARRY Boy, that Johnny Rodgers sure can run. KIT Let’s just catch Petunia, then Johnny will do whatever she does. They finally catch Petunia and put on the halter. KIT Take her to the barn and I’ll get Johnny. Here, I’ll give ya’ a hitch up. ! 40 Larry climbs aboard bareback. Petunia bolts off. She goes for the trees, the fence, whatever it takes to brush Larry off. She finally DUMPS him and runs away. Larry comes up limping. LARRY She’s the tame one? KIT Shetland’s are just onry. And they’re bein’ extra onry today. LARRY Suppose they know we’re goin’ to Fort McPherson and they think it’s too far to go? KIT Could be. They got that extra sense ya’ know... horse sense. LARRY What are we gonna do? They think a moment, then with a sly look from Larry... LARRY We could take the tractor. KIT We ain’t supposed to be on the road with no tractor. LARRY But we gotta find the treasure! INT. BILLY’S FARM - LIVING ROOM - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Billy snoozes in the recliner. Larry and Kit tip-toe by. INT. BILLY’S FARM, SEWING ROOM - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (CONT.) Winifred sews something big and white. The beginnings of an Elvis cape for Larry. Larry and Kit enter. LARRY Can we take the tractor over to Kit’s to give his ponies some hay? ! 41 WINIFRED Sure, but don’t be gone too long. Billy’s gonna need to move pipe. (beat) And, Larry, before you go, I need a measurement. She holds a measuring tape from Larry’s neck to below his butt. EXT. COUNTRY ROADS - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Kit and Larry drive the tractor right by the SHETLANDS standing at the fence. No hay is given to the ponies. MUSIC: ELVIS “Trouble” LATER: Larry and Kit poke along down the road. A truck passes them. Cows stare curiously. They pass a rider on horseback. Jesse Farley. He gallops up, yelling... JESSE What ya’ doin’ out here on that tractor? LARRY Gettin’ your panties in a knot! They speed up. Jesse gallops faster. JESSE What’s wrong Kitty? Your little pony gone lame? Larry hits the gas hard. The tractor spits a cloud of fumes and speeds away. KIT Eat my dust, Fartley! EXT. FORT MCPHERSON CEMETERY - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit pull into FORT MCPHERSON. There’s an OLD LOG FORT, rows of white military HEADSTONES, and the tallest hill around -- SIOUX LOOKOUT -- visible nearby. ! 42 Larry and Kit walk through HEADSTONES dated in the 1870s and 80s. We see “SPOTTED HORSE” and “UNKNOWN INDIAN SCOUT”. They examine their TREASURE MAP, then point towards a Pony Express MONUMENT. MOMENTS LATER: At the monument. Larry reads... LARRY Pony Express Riders carried mail two thousand miles along this route from Missouri to California. KIT Do ya’ think Tall Eagle would ‘a buried a treasure here? Larry and Kit look around at all the graves.. LARRY If he did it a’ been dug up by now. KIT Maybe this was the lookout. LARRY Then the treasure would be... They examine the map. They count steps as they approach an OLD WOODEN BUILDING. It’s small with a half moon window opening. LARRY, KIT (UNISON) ... hundred ninety nine, two hundred. They size up the building. LARRY It’s under here. Larry goes inside. INT. OUTHOUSE - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (CONT.) We see an old wooden toilet seat. EXT. FORT MCPHERSON CEMETERY - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (CONT.) Larry steps out the outhouse. ! 43 LARRY It’s an outhouse! KIT Did you look inside? Maybe it’s decoy. INT. OUTHOUSE - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (CONT.) Larry lifts the toilet seat and peers in. It’s definitely an outhouse. EXT. FORT MCPHERSON CEMETERY - 1972(DREAM) - DAY (CONT.) Larry steps out the outhouse. LARRY It ain’t no decoy. KIT Well I ain’t diggin’ here. MOMENTS LATER: They sit dejected. Larry points to a stand of TREES. LARRY How ‘bout over there? LATER: They dig. There’s a pile of dirt and a medium size hole. Larry hits something. He pulls an Indian ARROWHEAD from the dirt. KIT An arrowhead! LARRY Indian stuff. Right here! They dig harder and faster. Behind them we see JESSE FARLEY approach on his horse. JESSE Thought that was your tractor out there. KIT Beat it Fartley. They don’t let snakes in here. ! 44 JESSE What ‘ya diggin’ for? Treasure? Larry holds up the arrowhead. LARRY Arrowheads. JESSE Gimme that! Jesse dismounts and comes at them. He tackles Larry to the ground. They roll around. Larry breaks free. They spar. Suddenly Jesse’s horse comes at him. Kit’s in the saddle. JESSE Cheyenne! Stop! It’s me! Kit rears the horse at Jesse. Jesse takes off running with Kit in pursuit. Kit pulls up, dismounts, and slaps the horse on the rear. KIT Go on. Git! The horse runs away. Jesse pursues him in vain. LARRY That boy’s lower than a snake’s belly in a tire rut. KIT And he don’t deserve that horse. Too good for him. They climb aboard the tractor and speed away. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Larry and Kit drive the tractor. A SHERIFF’S CAR approaches and trails them. Then it passes them. As they turn onto the road with their farms up ahead the SHERIFF DEPUTY sits waiting. He wears a big TEN GALLON HAT and has a mighty BIG GUN in his holster. He's a weird little dude, swamped by these accouterments. He waves them over. DEPUTY Where you boys headed? ! 45 LARRY Home. DEPUTY Where’s that? They point down the road. DEPUTY Where ya’ been? LARRY/KIT (UNISON) Fort McPherson. DEPUTY Fort McPherson!? On that tractor? Doin’ what? LARRY Diggin’ for arrowheads. DEPUTY How old are you boys? LARRY/KIT (UNISON) Nine. DEPUTY Well, you cain't be out on that road with no tractor. I’m gonna have to take you in. MUSIC: ELVIS “Jailhouse Rock” MOMENTS LATER: The Deputy drives with the SIREN blaring. The boys sit in the back looking plenty scared. EXT. BILLY’S FARM - 1972(DREAM) - DAY MUSIC CONTINUES: Billy HEARS the NOISY SHERIFF CAR coming up the road. He’s waiting as they arrive. MUSIC DOWN: BILLY What’s up Deputy? ! 46 DEPUTY Found these boys up the road on your tractor. Say they’ve been to Fort McPherson. BILLY Fort McPherson? LARRY We went to see the Indian graves. BILLY Indian graves? Well, did ya’ find ‘em? Larry and Kit nod yes. The Deputy looks STERN, expecting the boys to be in big trouble. Billy notices.. BILLY Now boys, ya’ shouldn’t a’ been drivin’ that tractor on the road so far. There’s crazy people out there who’ll run into ya’. Ain’t got no respect for no tractor. The Deputy is semi-confused at this odd scolding. BILLY (CONT’D) Thanks for bringin’ ‘em in Deputy. I’ll take it from here. I’m puttin’ these two on poop duty. The Deputy looks satisfied. As he drives away he pauses... DEPUTY Hey, I hear you won tickets to Elvis! BILLY Yeah! Winnie-Fred did. Ain’t she somethin’! As the Deputy drives away, Billy shakes his head. BILLY Now there's a bucket 'a weird. Ten gallon hat on a two gallon head. (beat) Did you two really drive that tractor all the way to Fort McPherson? ! 47 Larry and Kit nod yes. BILLY Well, I’ll say. That showed some get up and go. KIT We tried to take the ponies, but they wouldn’t go. BILLY Well, ya’ know what they say boys. If your horse ain’t wantin’ to go there, you shouldn’t neither. Now you run on up and get my tractor. LARRY Can we drive it on the road? BILLY Yes. But watch out for that Deputy or I’ll be gettin’ you outta jail! And when you get back, you take it right on into the pasture there, ‘cause you two are on poop duty. You should a’ told me where you was a’ goin’. The boys look chastised. Billy reassures them... BILLY (CONT’D) Now go on. I need me a full load a’ cow-pies. ‘Cause we’re havin’ a bonfire tonight! LARRY A bonfire? Yea! KIT Can we make a teepee and sleep in it? BILLY You build it, you can sleep in it. Now you go get them cow-pies! (Larry and Kit run off) And I don’t want any a’ the mushy ones! Just dry crunchy. And stay outta that bull pasture! ! 48 EXT. COW PASTURE - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Kit drives the tractor as Larry picks up COW-PIES and piles them on the cart. Larry uses a STICK to poke cow-pies to see if they’re soft. Several fail the poke test. LATER: Larry drives as Kit picks up cow-pies. The cart has quite a pile of crap on it. Elvis the bull watches as they near his fence. Larry spies a MAGNIFICENT COW-PIE just inside the bull pasture. Huge. A must have. LARRY Look at that. It’s the king ‘a cow- pies. MOMENTS LATER: Larry and Kit stand admiring the elusive treasure through the fence. The bull looms over it threateningly. The gopher pops his head up to watch. LARRY I’m gettin’ it. KIT We don’t need it. We got plenty a’ crap on that cart. LARRY Well I’m still gettin' it. KIT Ain’t you learned your lesson yet? Look at ‘im. I told ya’, he’s gunnin’ for ya’. LARRY You distract him. And I’ll do the rest. Kit grabs a red rag from the tractor cart. He waves it at the bull and runs down the fence line. The bull follows. Larry SPRINTS into the pasture and plucks up the HUGE COW-PIE. The gopher CHITTERS in disapproval. The bull turns and makes a beeline towards Larry. Larry runs but drops the cow-pie just before he scoots under the fence. ! 49 The bull arrives, he’s fuming. Larry pokes a stick through the fence and drags the cow-pie to safety with the bull pawing madly in defense. Larry holds the cow-pie high in triumph. LARRY Hey Elvis! Guess what?! We’re goin’ to Omaha. To see Elvis! What do ya’ think a that?! The bull turns tail to the boys and drops a pile of pooh. It makes a HUMONGOUS COW-PIE, landing right on top of the gopher hole. We hear furious underground CHITTERING. LARRY We’ll be back for that one tomorrow! The gopher pokes his head up through the fresh steaming pile of pooh. He’s covered in crap. He CHITTERS in disgust as Larry and Kit drive away. EXT. BILLY’S FARM - 1972(DREAM) – DAY Tractor Guy from the fair gets in his truck and drives away. Billy pushes a SMALL GARDEN TRACTOR towards the barn. Larry and Kit arrive with the cart of cow-pies. LARRY What's that? BILLY Well, I decided if you wanna drive a tractor so bad, maybe I'd just get ya' one. That way I can get more work outta ya'. You can move pipe, and feed the cows, and that Deputy can’t complain when you’re out on the side ‘a the road mowin’ the ditch. Larry looks a little worried at all this work. BILLY (CONT’D) And when I beef him up a bit, you can even drive him in the Juniors at the tractor pull! What do ya’ think ‘a that? LARRY I can?! ! 50 BILLY You can. And there's a pull up at Ogallala on Thursday. Wanna go? LARRY Yeah! BILLY Well, he’s gonna need a name. What do ya' think? Scary Larry a' the Prairie? LARRY How ‘bout Mighty Mite? BILLY I like that. When I get him fixed up, he will be a Mighty Mite. Larry hops on the tractor. They try to start it. It sputters. They try again. No luck. BILLY He’s gonna need a little work. Larry helps Billy push Mighty Mite towards the barn. EXT. BILLY’S FARM - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT A big BONFIRE burns, a mix of wood and cow-pies. A TEEPEE sits on the lawn. Kit and Larry roast WEENIES. Billy tosses several cow-pies into the inferno. Sparks fly up on the weenies. The boys bite into them, fresh off the cow-pie flame. WINIFRED Kit, I talked to your momma and guess what? KIT I can sleep in the teepee? WINIFRED Yes you can. And you’re goin’ to Omaha to see Elvis with us too. Your daddy’s loanin’ us your camper. LARRY We’re goin’ campin’ in Omaha?! Yippee! ! 51 Larry and Kit toss the huge BULL COW-PIE into the fire. Flames burst high. Winifred appears with two LITTLE ELVIS CAPES, complete with rhinestones. She puts them on the boys. MUSIC: ELVIS “BURNING LOVE” Billy does an Elvis-the-pelvis dance with hot-dog as microphone. The boys join in. They shoot off fireworks. Sky rockets burst in the brilliant night sky as we STAY ON the bright MOON. MUSIC FADES: Sounds of the night: CRICKETS, OWLS, FROGS. INT. TEEPEE - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT NIGHT SOUNDS continue. The MOON shines through the opening at the top of the teepee. Larry and Kit lay quietly inside. LARRY How are we gonna find the treasure? KIT I think we lost our luck. LARRY How? KIT We broke the swallow’s nest. That’s why we got Fartley after us. And the ponies didn’t wanna go. And the Sheriff picked us up. LARRY And Mighty Mite won’t run. (beat) How do we get our luck back? KIT We could fix the nest. But we ain’t supposed to be in that barn. LARRY Come on. Let’s go. KIT Now? ! 52 LARRY Yes, time’s a wastin’. Let’s get ‘er done. EXT. COW PASTURE - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT Larry and Kit traipse down a cow path with a flashlight. A coyote HOWLS. Larry steps into something soft. He shines a light on nasty fresh cow POOH on his shoe. LARRY Oooh! Yuck! KIT Told ya’ we lost our luck. EXT./INT. OLD BARN - 1972 (DREAM) - DAY Larry shines the flashlight through the window. It’s spooky inside. Something white and wispy SWISHES by. LARRY What was that?! KIT Think it was a ghost! They shine the light through the window and barn swallows erupt from the rafters. LARRY It was just them birds again. KIT I’m not goin’ in there. LARRY Come on, don’t be chicken. We gotta fix that nest. Larry opens the door. Then it happens. The WHITE WISPY COW GHOST wafts out the door. We HEAR the sound of trotting hoofs as it disappears into the night. KIT Did you see that?! ! 53 LARRY (shaken) Ye..ye..yeah. KIT I told ya’ there was ghosts in there. They shine the light inside. We see a fresh new ghost turd. KIT See that. It’s fresh. They cautiously enter. The sad little MUD NEST still lies on the floor. Kit picks it up gingerly. Larry climbs the ladder. Kit hands him the nest and Larry tucks it safely in the rafters. Larry shines the light around the rafters. We see a BARN SWALLOW sweetly watching this all. EXT. COW PASTURE - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT Larry and Kit head back across the pasture. A cow MOOs and they stop. The sound of WALKING HOOVES nearby. Then the GHOST COW appears right in front of them. She’s sweet and wears a bell saying “BESSIE”. LARRY Do you see what I see? KIT Ye.. ye.. yes. LARRY Do we run? Bessie smiles and MOOs softly. KIT I think it’s Bessie, from our barn. See her bell? Bessie winks, then jumps high over a haystack. KIT/LARRY (UNISON) Whoa! Bessie leaps again, even higher in the night sky, kicking a STAR as she goes. The star SHOOTS AWAY. WE HEAR a magical PING. ! 54 LARRY A shootin' star! We see Bessie jumping happily from star to star. KIT She kicked it! And shootin’ stars are good luck? Another star streaks by. KIT Make a wish. LARRY I wish we’d find the treasure! Bessie jumps high over the moon. LARRY The cow who jumped over the moon. KIT Hey diddle diddle. Ol’ Bessie’s really feelin’ her oats tonight! LARRY I think we just got our luck back. INT. BARN - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Larry and Kit sit with the box in the hayloft. They examine the map. Carson enters the barn below. KIT Think we should show this to Carson? They think for a moment, then Larry acts.. LARRY Hey, Carson! Come here. CARSON What are you two doin’ up there all the time? KIT We found somethin’. Come look. ! 55 Carson climbs to the loft. They show him the box. CARSON What is it? LARRY A cigar box. We found it in the old barn. CARSON Grandpa’s old barn? You ain’t supposed to be there. It ain’t safe. KIT We needed somethin’ for the tadpoles, so we went in and we found this box. It’s Buffalo Bill’s. CARSON Buffalo Bill? LARRY Yeah. And look at this. Larry shows Carson the map. LARRY A treasure map. Buffalo Bill’s treasure. We think it’s gold. Carson examines the map. CARSON You found this in the old barn? (reading map) What’s that. Sioux Lookout? LARRY Sioux Lookout? CARSON Tall hill over yonder. Indians used to to spot wagon trains goin’ west. Then they’d go scalp 'em. LARRY Can you take us there? ! 56 CARSON What? You two don’t wanna drive Billy’s tractor? I heard about your shenanigans the other day. LARRY We’d take Mighty Mite, but I don't think he’d make it. KIT And the Sheriff, he might put us in jail. LARRY We gotta find the treasure. CARSON Sounds like some ol’ snipe hunt to me. LARRY No, it’s real treasure. Look at the map. CARSON Tell ya’ what. I’ll take you two to Sioux Lookout, but you gotta catch me a snipe first. LARRY Okay! Where do ya’ find ‘em? CARSON They live out in the pastures. Only come out at night. That’s why you never see ‘em. You can catch ‘em by tapping a couple a’ sticks together three times. Like this. (taps sticks) Their matin’ call. They come runnin’. Larry take the sticks and taps. LARRY Like this? ! 57 CARSON Yep, I caught one once a couple years ago. You’ll need a flashlight. They’ll freeze up stiff when ya’ shine a bright light on ‘em. Then you can just pop ‘em in a bag. Kit taps the sticks. CARSON Yep. That’s right. You got it. EXT. PASTURE - 1982(DREAM) - NIGHT SOUND OF TAPPING STICKS. Larry and Kit roam a pasture. They find nothing. They come to the bull pasture. Larry shines his flashlight around. We see the HUMONGOUS COW-PIE. LARRY There’s that cow-pie. I’m gonna get it. KIT No Larry! We’re lookin’ for snipes. Larry climbs under the fence with the flashlight. KIT Larry! Elvis is gonna think you’re a coyote and stomp you into the ground. Larry heads to the cow-pie. The gopher pops up from the middle of the cow-pie to see what’s going on. He has dried crap all over his fur. Larry dives with the sack and captures the gopher. The furious creature squirms inside. LARRY I got one! KIT You did? LARRY Yes! He was under the cow-pie! We HEAR Elvis the bull coming. ! 58 KIT Larry! Get out! It’s Elvis. Larry grabs the cow-pie and runs with his sack. The bull is about to get him when we hear a sexy MOO. Bessie the ghost cow sidles up in front of Larry and winks at Elvis the bull. He stops and swoons romantically. She gives Larry a little push with her hoof and he escapes under the fence. Bessie gives Elvis a little smooch, then trots away with Elvis following. LARRY She’s the best ghost cow ever! KIT Told ya’ they were real. Larry yells out... LARRY Thanks Bessie! We owe ya’! Larry and Kit head off into the night. INT. BARN - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING Kit and larry sit in the hayloft. The gopher is in a makeshift cage sitting on his cowpie. Larry talks to him. LARRY (shows map) And then we found this map, and we’ve been lookin’ for the treasure, but we had to catch you so Carson will take us to Sioux Lookout. The gopher examines the map curiously. WINIFRED (O.S.) Larry, Kit! Come on. Time to go. LARRY (to gopher) We gotta go to Omaha now. But we’ll be back. So you be good. You got plenty a’ food. The gopher CHITTERS in protest, then turns tail and lets out a big FART. ! 59 KIT That’s what he thinks ‘a that. WINIFRED (O.S.) Come on boys. LARRY Don’t worry, Buddy. It’s just a couple a’ days. The gopher crosses his arms in disgust. EXT. FARMHOUSE – 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING - CONTINUOUS A camper is hitched to Billy’s truck. Kit and Larry arrive. BILLY You get them hogs fed? LARRY Yep. BILLY Well load on in, cowboys! Time to hit the road! INT. CAMPER – 1972(DREAM) - MORNING Little Elvis outfits hang in the camper. Winifred enters with cookies. Battleship sits on the table. WINIFRED You gonna be alright back here? LARRY Yeah, we're gonna play Battleship. WINIFRED Here’s some rutabegger cookies. And there’s plenty ‘a goodies in the fridge, so help yourselves. Winifred exits. LARRY I don't wanna leave the box here. What if someone finds it? ! 60 KIT Well get it. I'll cover for 'ya. EXT. FARMHOUSE – 1972(DREAM) - MORNING - CONT. Kit stands guard outside the camper as Larry goes to the barn. Billy returns and loads a suitcase in the truck. KIT Can we get a deck a cards to take along? BILLY Why sure. You two gonna play some poker back there? KIT Yeah. We’re gonna play poker. Billy smiles and heads to the house. Larry comes running with the box. INT. CAMPER – 1972(DREAM) - MORNING - CONT. Larry and Kit hide the box. Billy pokes his head in and hands them a deck of cards. BILLY Here's your cards. And I don’t wanna see any strip poker back here or that Deputy will be pullin’ us over for sure, puttin’ you two in jail. Now, you ready to go?! KIT/LARRY Yeah! BILLY Let's get 'er done! The truck+camper drives away on Mission Elvis. INT. CAMPER – 1972(DREAM) - MORNING Larry and Kit watch out the window as they roll down I-80. We see SIOUX LOOKOUT in the distance. ! 61 LARRY See that? Is that Sioux Lookout? Larry grabs binoculars. He spys a TALL INDIAN STATUE in full head-dress atop Sioux Lookout. LARRY Look! It’s Tall Eagle! Kit views the binoculars. KIT He's on top a’ Sioux Lookout! The boys watch worriedly as Sioux Lookout fades in the distance. LARRY Fartley didn’t see our map, did he? How’d he know we were diggin' for treasure the other day? KIT We better get back here soon. LATER: They play Battleship. Larry eats a rutabaga cookie, then goes to the fridge. He makes grape Cool-Aid from its purple packet. Kit takes the flask from the Antique Box. He opens it and sniffs. KIT This stuff’s rotten. Larry sniffs. LARRY It’s whiskey. Always smells that way. Try it. KIT Not me. Larry daringly pours a dose into his Cool Aid. KIT That stuff will give ya’ the scoots. And we don't do number two in the camper toilet. ! 62 Larry drinks. He grimaces, then puts on a brave face. LARRY It’s not bad. Larry takes a shriveled cigar from the box. He lights a match. KIT You’re gonna smoke that!? Larry lights the cigar and takes a puff. He coughs. Kit takes a little puff and coughs. Larry takes a bigger puff and starts to choke. He hands it to Kit who waves him off. Larry puts it out. LARRY These are too old to smoke. LATER: They play cards. Go Fish, not poker. KIT Larry, do you have any jacks? Larry looks over his cards. LARRY Go fish. Kit draws a card. KIT Okay, your turn. Larry doesn’t move. He’s looking a little sick. KIT You okay? LARRY Yeah ... I’m ... okay. KIT You look like you been rode hard and put away wet. And, remember, no number two in the camper toilet. Larry starts rolling around, moaning, holding his stomach. KIT Told ya' that stuff was rotten! ! 63 LARRY I think I’m gonna blow. Larry runs and opens the door. PURPLE PUKE splashes onto I-80. EXT. CAMPER PARK – OMAHA – 1972(DREAM) – LATE DAY Larry and Kit step out the camper wearing Elvis outfits. Winifred follows. She has a big Priscilla Presley bouffant hairdo. Billy appears in a western shirt, just like Carson's, with fringe to die for. A NEIGHBOR CAMPER calls out... NEIGHBOR CAMPER You goin' to Elvis? BILLY We sure are! NEIGHBOR CAMPER We drove all the way from Kansas City this mornin’. Can’t believe we’re gonna see the King! Neighbor CAMPER WIFE steps out with an equally amazing hairdo. CAMPER WIFE I talked to my sister. She saw him in San Antone last week. Said if you wait by the back door, he’ll talk to ya’ when he comes in. Ya’ see him up close. We’re headin’ in to get a spot. You wanna come? WINIFRED Yes! I wanna see him up close. CAMPER WIFE And I want a kiss. WINIFRED Me too! LARRY You’re gonna kiss Elvis? WINIFRED If I’m lucky! ! 64 Larry looks to Billy questioningly. BILLY Don’t worry little feller. It’s just one of them girl things. They all wanna kiss Elvis. EXT. OMAHA ARENA – 1972(DREAM) – EVENING ELVIS FANS everywhere, dressed in their 70s finest. BACK ENTRANCE: Winifred, Billy, Larry, and Kit, along with the Neighbor Campers stand in a small crowd. The Elvis motorcade arrives. CHEERING erupts. (Only rear and side views of actor Elvis, no clear face shots.) ELVIS and his MEMPHIS MAFIA exit the cars. Elvis shakes hands and KISSES women on his way in, including Camper Wife. He TOUCHES Winifred’s hand, then sees Larry and Kit in their outfits. He turns to his Memphis Mafia. ELVIS Bring them up front. I like their style. Elvis heads into the arena. A MEMPHIS GUY talks to Billy amidst the pandemonium. INT. OMAHA ARENA – 1972(DREAM) – NIGHT STAGE AREA: Winifred, Billy, Larry, and Kit stand front row. The BAND plays on stage. The CROWD goes wild, anticipating Elvis’ entrance. Memphis Guy PEEKS out the curtain and catches Larry’s eye. He WINKS and disappears. Larry jumps up and follows Memphis Guy. As Larry disappears behind the curtain, Winifred sees him go... WINIFRED Larry! Where are you goin’?! BACKSTAGE: Larry runs smack into the Memphis Mafia. ! 65 MEMPHIS GUY Hey, you can’t be back here. Memphis Guy starts to lead Larry away. Elvis intervenes. ELVIS Hello son. What’s your name? LARRY Larry. ELVIS You’re lookin’ good tonight Larry. LARRY My Aunt Winnie-Fred made this. And she wants a kiss from you. The Memphis Mafia LAUGHS. LARRY And guess what Elvis! We found Buffalo Bill's treasure map! ELVIS You found what? Elvis gets his cue. He and the Mafia head towards the stage. Larry shouts after them... LARRY Buffalo Bill’s treasure! It’s buried at Sioux Lookout! (All Concert Scenes with Elvis use Actual ELVIS ON TOUR (1972) outtake footage. Intercut or CGI Larry.) REAR STAGE: POV Larry watching Elvis bound up the stairs to the stage. LARRY Go Elvis! Get ‘er done! STAGE: Elvis launches into SEE SEE RIDER. He points his guitar side stage. SIDE STAGE: Larry waves at Elvis. Winifred and her crew cheer below. Larry jumps down and rejoins them. ! 66 STAGE: LATER, Elvis in final SONG. He does kneeling SPREAD WING POSES in his jeweled cape. The crowd goes wild. Elvis runs off stage. Larry jumps up and follows. BACKSTAGE: Elvis and the Mafia run to the exit and dive into a waiting car. Larry arrives to see disappearing tail lights. LARRY Bye Elvis! STAGE: The crowd CHANTS “We want Elvis!”. Girls swoon. The Announcer STATES “Elvis has left the building”. EXT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING MUSIC: ELVIS “ALL SHOOK UP” The Truck+Camper rolls down I-80 with the NEBRASKA STATE CAPITAL tall in the distance. VALENTINO’S PIZZA and RUNZA HUT billboards pass by. INT. CAMPER – 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON MUSIC CONTINUES: The boys watch excitedly as SIOUX LOOKOUT comes into view. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON MUSIC CONTINUES: They turn down the road to the farm. Carson’s at the fence talking to Audrey Farley with her fine BARREL RACING HORSE. Billy stops. MUSIC DOWN: CARSON Hey, how was Elvis? WINIFRED He was great! He touched my hand. I still haven’t washed it. Larry and Kit come out the trailer. Billy sees there’s clearly something blooming between Carson and Audrey. ! 67 BILLY Looks like everything’s under control here Carson. Bet you could use the rest of the day off. CARSON I still gotta take hay out to the pasture. BILLY No, we’ll do it. Won’t we boys? LARRY We wanna go to Sioux Lookout. BILLY Sioux Lookout? KIT Carson said he’d take us if we caught him a snipe. LARRY And we did! He’s in the barn. BILLY Hear that Winnie-Fred? We got a snipe in the barn. Carson’s attention is clearly on Audrey. BILLY He can take ya’ tomorrow. We got work to do around here now. Life ain’t all vacations ya‘ know. The dejected boys load back in the trailer. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Larry and Kit load hay on the tractor cart. Billy drives towards the pasture with Kit and Larry in tow. ! 68 EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING The sun rises. Roosters CROW. Larry runs to the barn. He slops the hogs all by himself. He scoops poop from the pig pen, loads hay on the cart, and gathers eggs from under pecking CHICKENS. LATER: Carson and Kit arrive. CARSON What got into you, Speedy Gonzalez? LARRY We gotta get up Sioux Lookout. We got your snipe in the barn. CARSON Well I can’t wait to see this. INT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING Carson, Larry, and Kit view the gopher in his makeshift cage. CARSON Sorry, that ain’t no snipe. It’s a gopher. Kit holds up the STUFFED SNIPE won at the shooting gallery. KIT No, look! He’s’ just like this snipe we won at the fair! CARSON No. That’s a gopher. And he’s got crude all over his fur. Where’d you get‘im? LARRY Out in the bull pasture. CARSON Well I’d say that’s a gopher covered in bull crap. KIT What? You mean all that and we caught some crappy ol’ gopher? ! 69 The gopher CHITTERS in protest. LARRY Sorry, buddy. We were lookin’ for a snipe. The gopher rolls his eyes at the silly gullible boys. CARSON Okay. Tell ya’ what. You set this guy free and I’ll take ya’ to Sioux Lookout. Cain’t believe you actually caught the little feller. Larry lifts the cage. LARRY Okay buddy. Go! You’re free. The gopher runs and perches himself up on a high hay bale. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING Billy works on Bulldoggie as Carson’s truck pulls away. Kit and Larry are in the truck bed with their shovels. EXT. FARLEY FARM - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING Audrey Farley practices BARREL RACING on her horse. Carson pulls the truck over on the road and HONKS. She waves. AUDREY Hey, time me! Audry takes off like lightning, racing around the barrels on her extremely talented horse. INT./EXT. CARSON’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING - CONT. Larry and Kit CHEER Audrey on. CARSON Woohoo! Look at her go! She streaks back and her cowboy hat flies off. Carson jumps from the truck and runs to fetch it. ! 70 LARRY Hey! Come on. We gotta get goin’! Carson waves him off. A beat, then... KIT What the heck? Several cows walk up the road towards them. We see more down in the ditch eating grass. KIT Whose cows are those? Carson and Audrey come over to investigate. CARSON Those are Billy’s! How’d they get out? (to Kit) You take the truck up and get the ponies. We gotta round ‘em up. AUDREY (to Carson) Here, take my horse. INT./EXT. CARSON’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING Kit and Larry drive up the road. A fence gate lies open. Kit pulls over to investigate. Horseshoe prints are visible in the dirt. LARRY Who opened this gate? KIT Look! Horseshoes. Kit and Larry jump in the truck bed and scan the pasture. A horse and rider are visible off in the distance. KIT It that Jesse Farley’s horse? LARRY That snake! He did this! They close the gate and speed away down the road. ! 71 EXT. PASTURE ROAD - 1972(DREAM) - NOON Kit and Larry ride Petunia and Johnny Rodgers up the road. They herd several cows along with them. They arrive as Audrey and Carson put cows in the pasture and close the gate. LARRY We saw Jesse out in the pasture. He did this. AUDREY Jesse? No... LARRY Yes! Just wait ‘til I get my hands on that varmint. KIT There! It’s him! Jesse is riding down in the ditch on his horse, sneaking home. Larry takes off on Johnny Rodgers. He leaps off Johnny and tackles Jesse into the ditch. They scuffle. Carson intervenes. He hangs on to Larry as Audrey harnesses Jesse. AUDREY What are you doin’ Jesse?! You don’t let people’s cows out. JESSE He rode my horse! Jesse breaks away. Kit goes after him with Petunia. LARRY Cattle rustler! Jesse starts to run. Carson catches hold of him. CARSON What’s the matter with you? You want me to let them pound your candy little behind? Audrey takes the reins of Jesse’s horse. Jesse tries to mount. ! 72 AUDREY No, you ain’t ridin’ ‘im. You’re walkin’. Let’s go. They leave. CARSON Come on. We gotta make sure we got ‘em all. LARRY What about Sioux Lookout? CARSON It’s gonna have to wait. LATER: Larry and Kit ride up the road. They find a cow grazing in the ditch. They take it back towards the gate. What a wasted day. INT./EXT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Billy, Winifred, and Larry drive down the highway. Mighty Mite’s in the truck bed and Bulldoggie’s towed on a trailer. BILLY Hey! Who cut the cheese? (beat) Laaarry?! Guilty look from Larry. They pass SIOUX LOOKOUT. Larry peers longingly through the back window. BILLY What’s the matter? Didn’t ya’ find any Indians yesterday? LARRY We didn’t getta go ‘cause the cows got out. BILLY Well it‘ll still be there tomorrow. Sad SIGH from Larry. ! 73 WINIFRED Don’t ya’ wanna do the tractor pull today? It’s gonna be fun. You get to drive Mighty Mite. BILLY Yeah. And if we win we’ll have enough cash to go to Vegas. WINIFRED And see Elvis? BILLY You bet. LARRY Are you gonna kiss Elvis? WINIFRED I’m gonna try! LARRY I think Carson’s kissin’ Audrey Farley. BILLY (mock shock) No! People kissin’ each other right and left? Doggies! What’s this world comin’ to? EXT. OGALLALA FAIRGROUNDS - 1972(DREAM) - DAY MUSIC: ELVIS “A Little Less Conversation” MONTAGE of tractor pulling. Bulldoggie stops three quarters of the way down the track. A beefy tractor beats that mark. Billy shakes the winner’s hand and admires his tractor. A souped-up garden tractor, UNDERDOG, pulls a little sled all they way down the track. He’s shiny and spiffy compared to Mighty Mite. Larry pulls with Mighty Mite, but breaks down with big puff of smoke half way down the track. Billy runs out to push the dead Mighty Mite away. ! 74 INT./EXT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - DAY MUSIC CONTINUES: They drive home. Their look says “we lost”. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING MUSIC CONTINUES: The sun rises. Roosters CROW. Larry runs to the barn, slops the hogs, scoops poop in the pig pen, and gathers eggs. INT./EXT. CARSON’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING MUSIC CONTINUES: Carson drives down the gravel road. Kit and Larry ride in the bed of the truck with shovels. EXT. FARLEY FARM - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING - CONT. MUSIC CONTINUES: Carson pulls the truck over and HONKS. Audrey gets in. As they pull away we see unhappy Jesse scooping horse poop into a big pile. EXT. SIOUX LOOKOUT - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING MUSIC CONTINUES: Carson parks. Larry and Kit jump out with their shovels. Carson and Audrey stay put. HILLSIDE: Larry and Kit struggle up the Nebraska sand hill. HILLTOP: Larry and Kit arrive at the TALL INDIAN STATUE atop Sioux Lookout. We can see all the way up and down the wide Platte Valley. They start digging. LATER: They sit exhausted by a big pile of dirt. They head away downhearted. PARKING AREA: Larry and Kit approach the truck. Carson and Audrey smooch inside. LARRY Great. All that diggin’ and all we find are them two doin’ the hoochy- koochy. ! 75 INT./EXT. CARSON’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - LATE MORNING As they pull away, Sioux Lookout, the last great hope, fades in the distance. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING Billy works on Mighty Mite. He’s spiffed up now with “Mighty Mite” with fire cracker explosions painted on his side. Billy starts him up. He runs smooth. Billy drives Mighty Mite around, popping a wheelie or two. INT. BILLY’S FARM - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING - CONT. Larry watches DAVEY CROCKETT on TV. The picture quality goes bad. He jumps up and adjusts the rabbit ears. We HEAR Mighty Mite outside. Larry drops everything and runs out the door. EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - MORNING - CONT. Billy brings Mighty Mite back to the barn fast. He hits the brakes and skids in. Larry runs to meet him. BILLY What do ya’ think? All he needed was a little goosin’ up. Now he’s a real Mighty Mite. LARRY Can I drive him! BILLY Sure, but take it slow ‘til you get the feel a’ him. Larry drives around. LARRY I’m gonna go get Kit! BILLY Okay, but stay on the side a’ the road or that Deputy will have you in handcuffs for sure. ! 76 EXT. COUNTRY ROADS - 1972(DREAM) - DAY Larry drives Mighty Mite down the gravel road. He goes by a “PRAIRIE CABLE TELEVISION” truck parked with a giant spool of cable. A CABLE-TV-GUY works at a telephone pole. Larry climbs off Mighty Mite. LARRY What ya’ doin’? CABLE-TV-GUY Puttin’ in cable up to Billy’s farm. LARRY Ya’ mean for the TV? CABLE-TV-GUY Yeah. LARRY And we’re gonna get six channels? CABLE-TV-GUY Yes siree. And by the end ‘a the year there’ll be seven. LARRY Seven?! CABLE-TV-GUY Yeah, got somethin’ new comin’ ‘in called HBO. But ya’ gotta pay extra for it, so I don’t think it’s gonna last. No one will do that. Cable-TV-guy grabs the cable. LARRY What’s that? CABLE-TV-GUY It’s the cable. Wanna help? LARRY Yeah! CABLE-TV-GUY Okay, take it and pull it on down to the post there. ! 77 Larry grabs the cable and unspools it. CABLE-TV-GUY That’s right. Think you’re gonna make a great cable guy someday. Cable-TV-guy earnestly holds up a piece of cable... CABLE-TV-GUY (CONT’D) This is the future. Larry contemplates this wisdom, then climbs on Mighty Mite and drives away. LATER: Larry and Kit drive the tractor down the road. Mighty Mite sputters and conks out. They try pushing the dead tractor, but it’s too heavy. They leave it behind, sadly walking up the road towards the farm. INT./EXT. BILLY’S BARN - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Larry and Kit enter. We HEAR the gopher CHITTERING in alarm in the HAYLOFT. LARRY Is that Buddy? The gopher zooms down the wall to Larry and Kit. He points up urgently to the hayloft. LARRY What’s wrong Buddy? The gopher zooms back up the wall. Larry and Kit go up the ladder. We see the box lying open. Buddy points at the hay bales. We see Jesse Farley hiding. LARRY Fartley! What the? You snivelin’ weasel! Jesse tries to run. Larry tackles him. They wrestle. KIT Get ‘im Larry! Smash ‘im! They roll over the edge and land in the hay stack below. Jesse runs out the door. We see him gallop away on his horse. ! 78 MOMENTS LATER: Larry and Kit sit silently in the HAYLOFT with the box. Buddy sits on a hay bale watching. Billy walks in below. He calls up. BILLY Larry? Was that Jesse Farley ridin’ away? LARRY Yes, he was trying to steal our box. BILLY What box? LARRY Buffalo Bill’s box. BILLY Buffalo Bill’s what? Billy climbs the ladder to the loft. LARRY His cigar box. We found it in the old barn. Billy looks over the box. BILLY You found this in Grandpa’s old barn? LARRY Yes. And it had this treasure map in it. We’ve been lookin’ everywhere, but we cain’t find it. KIT That’s why we went to Fort McPherson. LARRY And Scouts Rest Ranch. KIT And Sioux Lookout. Billy ponders the map long and hard. ! 79 BILLY Well I’ll be, boys. I think I know what this is. Grandma used to talk about it. Larry, you go on down and get Mighty Mite loaded in the truck. We’re goin’ on a little trip. LARRY Mighty Mite’s out on the road. He conked out. BILLY Well did ya’ put gas in ‘im? LARRY No. BILLY Well I bet that’s all he needs. Now, go get ‘im. And hurry. We got somethin’ we need to do. Buddy dances around and does a triumphant little fist pump. INT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Billy, Winifred, and Larry drive down I-80. Mighty Mite is in the truck bed. They exit at a SIGN: “Julesberg” EXT. JULESBERG PHILLIPS 66 STATION - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Billy gases up the truck. BILLY Forty two cents a gallon. Talk about highway robbery. EXT. JULESBERG TASTY FREEZE - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON Billy and Winifred carry take-out baskets of food. A SIGN at the window says: “Rocky Mountain Oysters $1”. They sit by the Julesberg Pony Express statue and eat. The fried food is something round. Larry’s chowing down fast. LARRY Is this chicken? ! 80 BILLY No, just tastes like chicken. LARRY What is it? BILLY Eat it. It’ll put hair on your chest. LARRY Is it beef? BILLY Yep, it’s beef. WINIFRED They’re called Rocky Mountain Oysters. LARRY Oysters!? I don’t like oysters. WINIFRED They just call ‘em oysters. They’re nuts. LARRY Nuts? Thought they were beef. BILLY They are. Larry holds a big round delicacy up on his fork. LARRY Are they meatballs? BILLY Yep, they’re meatballs. Larry devours his last round delicacy. LARRY Sure are good. Billy devours his last delicacy. BILLY Yep. And they’ll make ya’ big and strong. We’re gonna need it. ! 81 INT./EXT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - AFTERNOON They drive down I-80. The tall buildings of downtown Denver pass by. They turn at a SIGN: “Lookout Mountain - Buffalo Bill Grave” EXT. LOOKOUT MOUNTAIN - DENVER - 1972(DREAM) - EVENING PARKING AREA: Billy, Winifred, and Larry walk to Buffalo Bill’s grave. BUFFALO BILL’S GRAVE: The grave is surrounded by a wrought iron fence and covered by cemented rock. The Great Plains stretch far and wide below. Billy, Winifred, and Larry examine the scene and consult their map. HILLSIDE: They climb up a hill and come to the tallest Rocky Mountain pine around. A GOLDEN EAGLE soars in the sky. It settles into a NEST atop the tree. BILLY A golden eagle. WINIFRED In a tall tree. TREASURE SITE: Larry counts steps. LARRY ... ninety-nine, two hundred. We see a flat spot surrounded by half buried boulders. BILLY This is it. Let’s get the shovels. PARKING AREA: They arrive at the truck. The sun is setting. A GROUNDS KEEPER comes towards them. GROUNDS KEEPER Sorry folks, but you’re gonna have to leave. We’re closing early for a special event tonight. WINIFRED But we haven’t seen everything yet. ! 82 GROUNDS KEEPER You can have another ten minutes, but then you’ll have to go. The Grounds Keeper leaves. Billy gets in the truck and backs it up, hiding it behind a building. BILLY There, he ain’t kickin’ us out. We got work to do. Winifred, you stay here and keep watch. Come on Larry. We’re losin’ daylight. Billy and Larry take shovels and head down the hill. TREASURE SITE: They dig and hit something. Billy pulls an old rusted branding iron with circle B’s from the dirt. LARRY A brandin’ iron! Is it the treasure? BILLY Nope. Keep diggin’. They dig and hit something hard. They scrape away dirt to reveal the top of a big wooden crate. BILLY Larry, go on up and get Mighty Mite. Bring him down. PARKING AREA: Larry arrives. It’s near dark now. Two CADILLACS pull into the parking lot. ELVIS and his Memphis Mafia step out. Elvis wears one of his signature capes. He has on a BLUE FELT COWBOY HAT and big 70s Elvis sunglasses. We see only a silhouette, but it’s enough to know it’s him. LARRY Elvis? Larry runs toward Elvis. Memphis Guy stops him. MEMPHIS GUY Hey. We’re supposed to have this place to ourselves. LARRY It’s me. Larry. From Omaha. ! 83 MEMPHIS GUY Larry! Why that is you. You know Elvis has been talkin’ about Buffalo Bill all week ‘cause of you. We have a show in Denver and Elvis just had to come see Buffalo Bill while we were here. LARRY We’re diggin’ for the treasure, right now! MEMPHIS GUY The treasure? LARRY The one my great Grandpa buried here when he went to Buffalo Bill’s funeral. MEMPHIS GUY Your great Grandpa? LARRY Yeah! Billy says Grandpa was gonna come back for it, but he got sick and passed away. And the map’s been lost ever since... ‘til I found it. Larry turns and runs towards Elvis. Elvis kneels and talks with Larry. We watch from a distance, not hearing what they say. Elvis and Larry head towards the truck. As they arrive... WINIFRED Elvis? Larry climbs on Mighty Mite. He fires up the tractor and backs it off the truck. The Grounds Keeper comes running. GROUNDS KEEPER Hey, you were supposed to be outta here. I’m sorry Elvis. (to Larry) What are you doin’ with that tractor? ELVIS It’s all right. I asked him to bring it. I’m thinkin’ a buyin’ it. We’re gonna drive it a little now. You go on up and make sure no one else comes in. ! 84 GROUNDS KEEPER Okay Elvis. No problem. Grounds Keeper heads away. Elvis climbs on Mighty Might. LARRY Come on Elvis. This way! Elvis heads down the hill on Mighty Mite with Larry leading the way. TREASURE SITE: Billy has a big wooden crate dug up. He hitches it to Mighty Mite. Elvis drives up the hill with the big crate in tow. It’s tough, but Mighty Mite muscles his way up the hill. And Elvis is loving it. PARKING AREA: They pry open the box and we see a handsome saddle, high boots, a big hat box, and a small elegant box. Larry opens the small box to reveal BUFFALO BILL’S CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR. It’s bronze and star shaped. He hands it to Elvis. Elvis reads... ELVIS From the Congress to William F. Cody, Guide, for gallantry at Platte River Nebraska. April 26th, 1872. (beat) That was a hundred years ago. This is a Congressional Medal of Honor. Buffalo Bill was a great man. Billy opens the hat box to reveal BUFFALO BILL’S BIG TEN GALLON HAT. There’s a note inside. Billy reads... BILLY Bury my hat and boots at Scouts Rest Ranch, where I spent the best years of my life. Elvis removes his own Blue Felt hat and places it on Larry. Elvis then dons the Buffalo Bill hat. ELVIS How do I look? ! 85 WINIFRED Like a king. Elvis returns Buffalo Bill’s hat to its box and takes his Blue Felt hat off Larry. Memphis Guy comes and whispers in Elvis‘ ear. Elvis turns to Billy. ELVIS We have to go now, but I appreciate you letting me help. If you ever get to Memphis, look me up. I’ve got a nice place there. Tell ‘em the Buffalo Billies are here. Elvis heads away. We watch his gorgeous silhouette against the moonlight. Larry runs after him... LARRY Elvis! Wait! Larry talks to Elvis. Elvis walks back and softly gives Winifred a kiss on the lips. He pulls his silk SCARF from his neck and gives it to her. He heads away, pausing to put his Blue Felt Hat on Larry as he goes. ELVIS There ya’ go cowboy. Remember me. Elvis reaches Memphis Guy and says something to him. Memphis guy returns to Larry and hands him ten silver dollars. MEMPHIS GUY Elvis wanted you to have these. Got ‘em fresh from the mint today. You take care now. MOMENTS LATER: Billy, Winifred, and Larry watch as Elvis climbs into a Cadillac. The cars pull away. MUSIC: ELVIS “Good Luck Charm” Up in the night sky a SHOOTING STAR streaks. We hear a magical PING. Bessie the ghost cow jumps happily in the stars. ! 86 INT. BILLY’S TRUCK - 1972(DREAM) - NIGHT MUSIC CONTINUES: Billy, Winifred, and Larry drive down the highway. Winifred has Elvis’ scarf around her neck. Larry leans sleepily against her arm. He begins to DOZE. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! FADE OUT OF DREAM: INT. BILLY’S FARM - LIVING ROOM - PRESENT - AFTERNOON (All PRESENT DAY scenes are older Billy, Winifred, Larry) The SOUND of BULLDOGGIE III firing up. VROOM, VROOM, VROOM! FADE IN: Larry awakens. LARRY Wha ... what? He takes the hat from his face. Aunt Winifred sticks her head in from the kitchen. WINIFRED You awake? LARRY Yeah. And, boy... was I havin’ one heck of a dream. WINIFRED We thought we’d let ya’ catch a wink. Billy’s out workin’ on Bulldoggie. Winifred spots the rubber dog poop on the floor. WINIFRED Skeeter! What did you do on my floor? Skeeter looks confused. Larry laughs... LARRY Go on, Skeeter, get it. Skeeter obeys, taking the rubber poop in his mouth. WINIFRED Well don’t eat it! ! 87 Skeeter drops the rubber poop. Winifred sees she’s been duped. WINIFRED Why Larry! You scoundrel. LARRY Now I don’t care who ya’ are, Aunt Winnie-Fred. That’s funny right there. WINIFRED You go on out and see Billy’s new tractor. He’s a beauty. I got some jello I need to finish up in here. As Larry starts to get up he notices the blue felt hat. He examines it. Inside we see the label: “MEMPHIS HATS”. Larry spots the Antique Box sitting open on the table. He raises the tray. We see the silver flask. He opens and sniffs. LARRY Whew, that is nasty. Larry opens the bottom drawer of the box. We see ten silver dollars, along with Elvis’ scarf, and one last shriveled cigar. A look of wonderment crosses Larry’s face. He calls out... LARRY Aunt Winnie-Fred, I’m goin’ in to town for a minute. There’s somethin’ I wanna see. I’ll be right back. EXT. LARRY’S TRUCK - PRESENT - LATE DAY Larry drives down the road with Skeeter. We see Billy racing the massive BULLDOGGIE III down a nearby tractor trail. He’s a Pro-Stock class beauty now. Billy doffs his cowboy hat and waves at Larry. Larry yells out the window... LARRY Git-R-Done! EXT. SCOUTS REST RANCH - PRESENT - LATE DAY Larry drives up with Skeeter. They walk to the old windmill. A big round cement SUNDIAL, not there in the 70s, sits beside it. The sundial arm is a circle B’s branding iron, topped by a bronzed Buffalo Bill cowboy hat. A bronze star, like the Medal of Honor, is in the middle. ! 88 The engraved PLACARD reads: “This sundial given in honor of Buffalo Bill and the brave pioneers of Nebraska, by William and Winifred Whitney, August 1972” Larry looks up to the heavens. EXT. NEBRASKA SITES - PRESENT - DAY We fly up into the sky on a high-altitude tour of Nebraska. We see the North Platte water tower, Sioux Lookout, Chimney Rock, Courthouse Rock, Scottsbluff, then follow the Platte River back east across Nebraska, seeing the Great Platte River Road Archway, Nebraska State Capital building, Memorial Stadium, and finally the Pawnee City water tower. FADE TO NIGHT with the water tower illuminated. EXT. PAWNEE CITY - PRESENT - NIGHT - CONT. The water tower shines in the night. Larry’s truck drives up where he left town earlier that day. He’s now towing Mighty Mite on a trailer. Larry steps out the truck wearing Billy’s BUFFALO BILL JACKET and Elvis’ BLUE FELT COWBOY HAT. He puts a foot up on the trailer and gives Mighty Mite a thoughtful once over. A shooting star STREAKS the sky. Larry tosses his hat high in the air and Skeeter lets out a big WOOF. Bessie the ghost cow suddenly appears, catching the hat on her head. She winks. Larry looks slyly into camera... LARRY Git-R-Done. MUSIC RISES: ELVIS “Memories” ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! FADE TO BLACK: MUSIC CONTINUES: Credits role with inset of ELVIS ’68 footage singing “Memories”.