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					                                             “  “     Thought I was gone?
                                                          Think again!
                                                  I’m back and better than ever!


                                          Volume 21 Issue 4
                                                                      - The 432



                                                                                  ”
                                                                     January 22, 2008”
                                                BY THE SCIENCE UNDERGRADUATE SOCIETY OF UBC
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!




Science WeEK
YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK! YAY SCIENCE WEEK!




    2008
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   Y A Y !                                           Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   Y A Y !                                           Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   Y A Y !                                           Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   Y A Y !                                           Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   Y A Y !                                           Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   SCIENCE     WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!             Y A Y !   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
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                                                                                          Y A Y !
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
                    YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
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                                        YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
                                        YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
                                                            YAY !
                                                            YAY !  It’s coming...         Y A Y !
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!   YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
   2                                                                  THE 432                                                   Jan. 22, 2008

                         Dogwash!
                By: Varun Ramraj
               Fedora Bearer

   T    oday we are going to talk about wash-
        ing your dog. Your dog professes to be
your best friend every time it sits on command
and looks you in the eye with that all-knowing
stare, when in reality, it’s thinking about what
you are going to feed it. Nevertheless, percep-
tion is reality, and therefore it is important to
reward your dog with the occasional wash. Let                                                                Volume 21
us begin by breaking down the scents that ema-
nate from your furry friend.
                                                                                                             Issue 4
                                                                                                             January 22, 2008
  1. Soil: I, like most connoiseurs of nature,
  enjoy the smell of fresh pine-strewn soil.                                                                 M
  Your dog, however, is on an exponentially                                                                  Varun Ramraj
  greater scale of mud-love. Your dog will
  frolick and roll around, and return home
                                                                                                             Q-BRANCH
  with minute particles of soil trapped in his                                                               Casey Chan
  fur. This will go unnoticed for a few days,
  or, if it’s raining outside, a few hours. After
  such time, your dog will smell bad enough                                                                  MI-6
  that he would be rejected by your city’s            Dogwash: The smug face of one of the                   Jacob Cosman
  garbage collection services, if he were in          subjects of our study... before the treatment.         Paul Lu
  fact, garbage, and not your dog.                    ible for use with a pressure washer. Next, in-         Chris Tarantino
                                                      terface this soap with a pressure washer. Place        SUS Councillors and Execs
  2. Leaves: When the soil gets cold and the          your dog in an outdoor pool, and position the
  grass dies, a new contender emerges. Dry            pool at the corner between two walls, perhaps          MONEYPENNY
  leaves and wet leaves are both very suscep-         in a garage. Ample lighting is key!                    Lois Chan
  tible to being attacked by your dog, espe-                   You are now in your “ready” stance. Al-
  cially when they are organized into a neat          low water to flow into the pressure washer and         TELEGRAM WATCH BOND
  pile. Your dog will return home from play-          slowly raise the washing head towards the dog.
                                                      Pretend to spray the dog a few times, without          GADGET
  ing outside, covered in either whole leaves                                                                Horizon Publications: Vancouver, BC
  or moist mulch (assuming a typhoon went             actually doing so. Yelling “BOO!” is recom-
  through your area a few minutes ago), and           mended. At the fourth or fifth time, spray the
  he will immediately qualify for a discount          dog (it is imperative that the pressure washer        LEGAL INFORMATION
  on mushroom manure.                                 itself is off at this time. We are only using it to   The 432 is a publication of the Science
                                                      mix soap and water, not for its ability to break      Undergraduate Society of UBC. We are not
  3. Miscellaneous compounds: For fear of             through the side panels of a house). The dog          responsible for misuse of this paper; including
  sounding crass and rude, I have grouped             will probably show a hint of surprise. Repeat         but not limited to usage as instruments of
  every other item into this category, since          the steps of feigning spraying followed by a real     arson, assault, armed robbery, impaired driving,
  there are numerous other ways your dog              spray. See what we are doing here? Condition-         rape, murder, fraud and gross indecency. This
  can smell awful, and I wish to target the           ing is very powerful when rewards are given           issue is made from 100% recyclable materials
  more important issue of how to wash your            occasionally, rather than at every time. Your         <Science Week is coming>.
  dog correctly.                                      dog will soon begin to salivate in anticipation
                                                      of a soapy spray!                                     All views expressed in this issue are strictly
        Washing your dog is an art, not so much                                                             those of the individual writers, and as such
in the sense of beauty, but due to the sheer diffi-   [This strategy was tested on a sample of four         are not the responsibility of The 432,
culty in obtaining a squeaky clean canine at the      dogs: a greyhound, a toy poodle, a schnauzer          The Science Undergraduate Society, or
end. If you have a dog who is afraid of baths,        and a Great Dane. The bigger dogs responded           the Faculty of Science. <Science Week is
this guide is for you!                                well to the treatment, while the smaller ones         next week> Writers and cartoonists are
        The best strategy to employ is to first       suffered acute heart attacks due to trauma. Use       encouraged to submit their material to The
purchase some gentle soap solution, compat-                                                                 432. <That’s not far away at all> Submission
                                                      this strategy at your own risk.]
                                                                                                            must meet the requirements of making the
                                                                                                            director chuckle thrice and must contain the
                                                                                                            author’s name and contact information.

                                                                                                            <Clear your schedule>
                                                                                                            Hit us up at: the432@gmail.com
                                                                                                            <Attend our events>




 http://sciteam.ubc.ca/~sciteam/w/index.php/Sciteam:07-08/Events/Get_Learn’d_Conference
  Vol. 21 Issue 4                                                          THE 432
                                                                                                                                                       3
Grade Watching
                By: Lacey Fishnets
        Nephelococcygia. That’s the term for when
                                                                                           FILLER                                           By Paul Lu

you are laying back on the grassy knoll staring at the
sky and wondering if the cloud you are looking at is
the shape of Stephen Toope taking an axe-swing at
the budget, or more of a 99 Bline speeding through
a puddle and soaking your new jeans. Yes, cloud
watching is fun. But have you every tried staring
at course grade distributions? We here at the 432,
proud to bring the latest in recreational trends to
Science students, did, in the very same manner in
which we lead the charge with Ugg boots. First,
we went to the very useful website: http://www.
pair.ubc.ca, presumably staffed by a collection of
lulu lemon-wearing StatsCan rejects inhabiting the
bowels of some nook in the GSA building. We
then picked a few courses and interpreted what the
grade distributions were telling us.
          CHEM 233: Organic Chemistry




         Looks sort of like a ski slope. Although
instead of smoothly carving down it, you hit a rock
at the top and crash, tumble, and roll – along with
your GPA – to the bottom. On the way you hit a
woman in a pink frock, a small dog, and what ap-
pears to you to be some sort of chocolate bar. After
it all you need medical attention, which is ironic
since before you got your mark in this course, that
was the career field you had planned to enter.
        MICB 402: Advanced Immunology


                                                         AMS VP Administration Candidate’s
                                                            Right Hand Aide Tells All!!!                        stop that kind of momentum; no one knew what
                                                                         By: Lacey Fishnets
                                                                 It all began with a knock and slip of an       hit them”
                                                         envelope under the Inter Faculty Publishing Of-                 Other AMS insiders corroborate what
                                                         fice door in the SUB basement: one of Sarah            Right says.
                                                         Naiman’s aids wasn’t happy, and was willing to                  “There are no two golden winnebagoes
         This course is strange for a number of          bare all for this reporter. After agreeing to meet     about it, she’s stacked politically.” says Rodrigo
reasons. First of all, the prof’s name is Harder.        at an undisclosed location, the knocker, known         Cashonlioni, manager of the Pit Burger Bar. He
(Please insert raunchy annotations here) Second of       only as ‘Right,’ peered through a sweater-type         goes on to say that he at one point complained
all, the grade distribution looks like its giving us     veil and told its story.                               about the time it was taking to get the ketchup
the middle finger. We could also say that if you                 “Up until now, Ms. Naiman has presented        dispenser replaced to Ms. Naiman, and she re-
look at it upside down, it resembles an ass crack.       a unified front in her bid for the position” Right     sponded by launching her political torpedoes at
There really is some Ag:Ab specificity here.                                                                    him.
                                                         said.
           PHYS 313: Thermodynamics                                                                                      “I mean, all we wanted to do was dip our
                                                                 “But, there really is a deep valley between
                                                         the two facets of her platform” it continued. In       fries in the stuff, and she wouldn’t hear anything
                                                         her published platform, she claims to be commit-       about it.” Cashonlioni states.
                                                         ted to streamline the administration process for                Naiman supporters say people are
                                                         clubs, but Right says that this just isn’t the case.   squeezing too much out of Right’s allegations.
                                                                 “She always has two [big] opinions about       In a press release, issued by Naiman Headquar-
                                                         every issue, and sometimes they don’t even point       ters, officials state that they are disappointed to
                                                         in the same direction” says Right.                     hear of Right’s allegations.
                                                                 When queried on how these stances re-                   “We have been made abreast of its views
        This course is possessed. What appear to                                                                recently, and we would like for it [the source]
                                                         late, Right says that there is a left and right wing
be devil horns project from this graph. Worse, it’s                                                             to open up a dialogue with the campaign execu-
a thermodynamics course, which if we remember
                                                         theme to all her views.
                                                                 “You never know which one’s going to           tive.”
correctly, dictates that there exists a function of H                                                                    Aside from turning the proverbial politi-
= U + PV, where H is hellishness of student’s life,      pop out first” it says.
                                                                 The source states that clubs will be at the    cal headlights onto the issue, Right says it will
U is ugliness of student (-1 to 10), P is percent (0-                                                           remain firm, but welcoming to attempts by the
100), and V is vagina (1 or 0).                          mercy of her political bazookas if she is elected,
                                                         and will have little bounce with AMS council if        campaign to rectify things.
        There you have it, now that you have been
                                                         they dislike what she does.                                     “This will be a hands-on process from
introduced to the soothing technique of grade dis-
                                                                 “She has all kinds of support; I’m mean,       this point forward.”
tribution watching, you too can achieve a new level
                                                         just look at what she did to SAC. No one could                                  Continued on Page 6 >>
of nerdstrom.
4   THE 432   Jan. 22, 2008
Vol. 21 Issue 4   THE 432
                            5
   6               Selected S.W. Events
                                                            THE 432                                                        Jan. 22, 2008
                                                                                                    Continued From Page 3 >>

(1) DR. DAVID SUZUKI SPEECH @                       (2) FYC BBQ:                                                         Editorial
WESBROOK 100:                                               SUS’s First Year Committee is                                 Board
         Dr. David Suzuki will be among us on promising nothing less than delicious                         After exhaustive interviews, research,
January 28th to direct our focus to, provide us “gourmet” style burgers for just a BUCK             and fact finding trips to Washington State, the
with a deeper insight in, and share his vision and (...and just 50 cents more for cheese!). Feed    432 is pleased to bring you our endorsements (of
leadership about one of the biggest challenges your hunger while saving all that cash! Oh the       the serious candidates) for the AMS Presidential
our world faces today: Sustainability. Come and things you can do with all of that! (Proceeds       election:
be a part of this stimulating experience and learn from Science Week are going towards              1. Mike Duncan: YES
how you can be an agent of change and how you supporting the David Suzuki Foundation).              Why? He’s in Science. And he has been entirely
can make a difference that impacts our planet                                                       blue for over one hour in a given day. This is im-
in a positive manner. Come to learn about hear- (3) Super SCI-Fun!                                  portant to us. Plus, unlike the other candidates,
ing him address present days most controversial             An outreach effort from SUS for kids    he can scuba dive. If the cliffs every gave way
challenges such as global conservation, fighting at Canuck Place Kid’s hospice.                     and UBC suddenly submerged, who would you
climate change and how to build a sustainable               Do YOU want to experience Science       want as President? We think that settles it.
economy. Join us in Wesbrook 100 at 4:30 PM week in its full spirit? Think you are popular          2. Matt Naylor: NO
for finding solutions and building hope for our with kids? Most of all, Do you want to make         Why Not? He’s not in Science. He was, but then
planet’s future. All proceeds from Science Week a difference in lives of kids by spreading the      he left. If you can’t handle the heat stay out of
will be going towards supporting the cause in good word about science? IF your answer               the kitchen, eh Matt?
David Suzuki foundation.                           is YES, then we WANT you! Come join in           3. Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes: NO
Little Miss Science
              By: Little Miss Science
                                                   as SUS volunteers travel down to Canuck
                                                   Place Kids Hospice and spend a GREAT,
                                                                                                    Why Not? Although we are tempted to vote
                                                                                                    for an Italian sports car/holy woman, we simply
                                                   SCIENCE MAGIC filled time with kids. This        cannot tolerate the amount of pompous aloofness
Q      : Ph.D students from my lab keep bor- event, like no other- promises lots of COOL
       rowing my solutions, dropping my pi- Science TRICKS, great deal of FUN and of
pettes, and then asking me to wash dishes. course- that good old warm, happy and fuzzy
                                                                                                    this candidate displays. Jam Spaces? What are
                                                                                                    those? Is Smuckers going to be onsite? Pick and
                                                                                                    can all in a day? We’ll stick with peanut butter.
I feel like it’s putting strain on our relation- feeling that comes from knowing you have
ship. Should I bring it up? Or submit to the had a positive impact on a kid’s life! Apply
inequity of scientific hierarchy?                  now! Do it!
                       -Drowning In Glassware Date: 30th January, 2008 (Wednesday)
                                                   Time: Meet up at 12:30 PM. Back on

A     : This is definitely a difficult situation,          campus by 3:00 PM
      DIG, and I can definitely sympathize. At Place: Canuck Place kids Hospice
my last summer research job, the grad student              1690, Matthews Avenue , Vancouver
at the desk next to me knew that I was his sub-
ordinate and therefore required to listen re- (4) Beat the Tension!!**
spectfully to his thoughts. Generally they were             When FORCES of nature pull you
concerned with Princess Diana, and often this back into great deep void, see who can run
involved the Jews too.                             the farthest, defying the impregnable and
         “You know, the Jews killed her. Diana, all mighty laws of physics and SURVIVE.
                                                                                                     Exec Reports
I mean. Very good people – cunning and hard- Gallant survivors will get yummy prizes and            Mike Duncan: President
working. But they are sneaky. She was going to those who can pass the line of power will            The best week of the year, Science Week, is upon
have an Arab baby.” Whereupon I nodded po- qualify to win a $15 gift cerificate! This event         us. If you haven’t ever been to Jello Wrestling,
litely and tried to hide the bagel I was eating.                                                    Science Olympics, or Cold Fusion, I seriously
                                                   is brought to you by your very own First
         Anyway, I digress. My point is as fol- Year Committee. (**Disclaimer: The FYC is           suggest you check them, and the many other
lows: grad students were in exactly in your posi- NOT responsible for any participants who are      amazing events that take place during Science
tion less than three years ago, and now they are unable to conquer this tension and get sucked      Week, out. This is my favourite time of year
elevated to this position of mystical authority, back into the black hole).                         (although I think I might be biased).
with great power over the marks of individual
undergraduate students. So it’s understandable,                                                     I want to send out a big welcome to Varun
                                                   (5) Open House:                                  Ramraj, who was recently appointed as the
I guess, that this goes to their heads a little.
                                                            Class time and office hours aren’t      interim Director of Publications after Ally Vaz
         Unfortunately, there is not a whole lot
                                                   enough for you to chat with your professors?     resigned due to personal reasons. We are really
you can do. Saying something directly to the
                                                   Do you have burning questions and ideas for      excited to have Varun join the team and look
grad students (e.g., “stop stealing and breaking
                                                   the Deans about how to improve the faculty of    forward to some awesome issues of the 432.
my things, jerks”), hopefully in a polite man-
                                                   Science? Or DO YOU WANT FREE FOOD?
ner (e.g., “please stop stealing and breaking my
                                                   Come in on Tuesday, January 29th from            Finally, I just want to get everyone excited about
things, jerks”), might work well. They might
                                                   11:00 PM to 1:00 PM at the Abdul Ladha           SUS Elections. They are still about 2 months
not really notice that the issue, so this might
                                                   Centre to get to your fellow science students,   away; however, if this is something that you
clear everything up. Even if they get offended,
                                                   talk to your Deans, have some fun playing        think might interest you I suggest talking to the
just remember that, in the end, grad students are
                                                   games, have some refreshments,and above          current executive to see what the job entails. It
not the ones who get to hire and fire you or re-
                                                   all, get to know your AWESOME Science            is a big time commitment, but has also been one
new your grant, generally speaking.
                                                   Undergraduate Society!                           of the most rewarding experiences I have had
         Look on the bright side – in a couple
years, you yourself might be a grad student, and                                                    here at UBC. Think about it.
then you’ll be able to exact revenge on a new (6) JelloWrestling:                                   Jamil Rhajiak: VP External
crop of undergraduate students.                             Your craziest fantasies have come
                                                   alive, SUS make sure they do! Take on that       Please see “Science Week”.

         Hey science students! Are you having challenge, jump in the ring and wrestle that          Jimmy Yan: VP Internal
                                                                                                    Greetings! I continue to run my committees;
issues with ettiquette, relationships, or second- annoying kid from your chem lab... all in Jel-
                                                                                                    First Year Committee is preparing for its event at
year organic chemistry? If so, email little.miss. lo! Although SUS advises to avoid any con-
                                                                                                    Science Week (come out to check it out!), while
science@gmail.com and we will see what we sumption of Jello, but if you must, go right
                                                                                                    Academic Committee has resumed examining
can do! (If you’re failing second-year organic ahead!
                                                                                                    department relations. The next couple of weeks
chemistry, maybe med school isn’t for you af-
                                                    And this is just a TASTE of Science Week!       should be eventful, so I will have a longer report
ter all. But that’s okay; there are lots of other
                                                                                                    next time! Stay tuned!
things you can do with a biology degree.)
  Vol. 21 Issue 4                                                       THE 432
                                                                                                                                                         7
   For Your Convenience                  By: You Know Who?

  A      n old friend came to visit from Ontario,
         a short adorable pink-haired astronomy
major. I endeavoured to show her all the
                                                       of dildos in all colours of the rainbow as
                                                       well as a veritable library’s worth of books
                                                       on the clitoris. (Seriously, if you ever need         Exec Reports
prominent aspects of Vancouver culture. After          to know a whole lot about the clitoris,
all the basics (sushi, Wreck Beach, the night          and you learn well through reading, head straight     Alex Lougheed: Director of
market, Granville Island, more sushi – what do         out to Womyns’ Ware.)                                 Administration
tourists do here?) we ended up on a grand tour of              My astronomy major friend spent               Please see my quarterly reports.
Vancouver’s sex shops.                                 about two hours in here, talking to a friendly        Lois Chan: Director of Finance
         For the most part, I pride myself in          saleswoman in a button-down shirt. It was pretty      Please see my quarterly reports.
knowing the basics of safe sex, kink, and other        clear that neither of them really needed to read up   Varun Ramraj: Director of
such excitement – but this was probably the most       on the clitoris – they knew what they were talking    Publications
educational day I’ve had in a while. After listening   about. Many of the displays are accompanied           I have taken over as Director of Publications until the
to her conversations with various cheerful and         by little cards explaining the rationale for          next SUS exec. election. I spent most of last week
knowledgeable sex shop employees, I feel as            selling the product – one row of Lucite dildos        organizing this issue of The 432, the one you are
if, given a cow and some brass, I could fashion        was accompanied by a short but fascinating            currently holding. I will also be helping out during
                                                                                                             Science Week and I want to see EVERYONE there!
a fully functioning strap-on harness. With my          explanation of plane shearing in glass. (Some-
bare hands. Their discussions were surprisingly        where out there, there must be a cabal of materials   Meghan Ho: Public Relations
science-heavy, with lots of talk about friction and    chemists and condensed-matter physicists              Officer
wattage and vibration – I was pretty impressed,        looking for new shear-proof and dishwasher-           Hi SUS, I hope you’re off to a great start to 2nd term!
actually.                                              friendly materials, and when they find them,          The PR Committee meets every Friday at noon at Ladha,
         Anyway, there was a huge range in             there is nowhere to sell them except to sex toy       if you’re interested in joining (pro.sus@gmail.com). In
quality between the stores, both in terms of staff     manufacturers. I am looking forward to grad           1st term, Science won Shinerama ($337.50), and we
                                                                                                             raised $2807 for Let’s Talk Science. We also held a
and wares. It didn’t really seem to correlate          school already.)                                      Welcome Back BBQ, a Buck-a-Burger, water balloon
with price, or location, but a few had the                     After this first visit to Womyns’             fight (we beat the EUS!) and gave away cotton candy.
knowledgeable staff and user-friendly products         Ware, I was impressed, and when a friend              Come out to the Open House at Ladha on
of an Apple store, while most had the surly            expressed curiosity about a related purchase, I       Tuesday, Jan.29 from 11 to 1:30 to meet profs,
septuagenarian lurking behind the counter and          recommended that we hit up Womyns’ Ware. He’s         deans and advisors! Get some free food as well!
                                                                                                             New SUS clothing will be on sale during Science
the messy rows of merchandise that one would           a humanities major from SFU, and a little on the      Week at the SUS booth! 50% of the profits
expect at a Seven Eleven.                              androgynous side – but once his maleness was          go to support the Free the Children charity.
         Under the assumption that someone in          established, things got rather chilly with the        Check out our website, http://www.sus.ubc.ca,
Science is getting laid (what with the Science         same salesperson as before. I’d recommend             for a chance to win free tickets to conferences!
Week and all the associated partying) it seemed        this store if you are of the female persuasion,       See you during Science Week!
like a good idea that we inform you, the consumer,     but otherwise it’s probably not somewhere that        Sonia Purewal: Director of Sports
of which are the best sex stores in Vancouver, for     you’ll feel welcome.                                  The year has been going very well! The science
any purchases you might care to make. Therefore,                                                             undergraduates put out 10 different teams and
                                                                                                             sponsored over 25 teams in UBC Rec’s intramurals
the following is the Official 432 List of the Best     1. Priape – 1148 Davie St
                                                                                                             leagues. All the teams did great in the playoffs and
Sex Stores in Vancouver.                                       Known as Gay Mart (seriously) until it        represented well! Science is currently second in the
                                                       was bought out by Priape (which is some sort          Pomfret Division for unit points, second only to Arts.
3. Little Sister’s – 1238 Davie St                     of national chain of similar establishments), the     Sports Committee held the Amazing X-mas Race
         Little Sister’s Book and Art Emporium         storefront of this establishment features             in late November with over 30 participants and is
                                                                                                             currently organizing Science Olympics. If you would
is an old-school gay bookstore and somewhat            mannequins in briefs, bondage gear, and a row
                                                                                                             like to participate email sports.sus@gmail.com. We
of a Davie institution. Currently the owners are       of posters featuring models in similar gear.          are looking to host a series of workshops in the coming
engaged in a drawn-out court battle with the           Priape does not have the same little cards as         months to introduce science students to new sports and
Canadian government, because the government            Womyns’ Wear; most of the clientele are middle-       activities to promote health, well-being and to just
asserts its right to declare a lot of things           aged Davie denizens with superbly maintained          have fun!
obscene (including disappointingly bland news          facial hair, and they already know what they are      Lawrence Chow: Social
magazines that are on sale at Chapters anyway)         doing.
– so shopping here is kind of fashionable in that              Fortunately, for the rest of us, the staff
                                                                                                             Coordinator
                                                                                                             The social committee has kicked it up a notch this year
you are supporting the fight against censorship,       members are friendly, helpful, and surprisingly       with bigger and better events. On November 30th, we
if you are concerned about that sort of thing.         unflappable. One of them started a lot of             ran the incredibly successful event, Alchemy with a
         Back on topic, the shop has an impressive     sentences with “When I was domming in                 turnout of over 250 people. This term, we are working
selection of paraphernalia that should appeal to       Amsterdam…” and I took this to be a reassuring        hard on our annual Science week concert Cold Fusion
                                                                                                             (featuring A Whole Lotta Led), another dance party
a wide audience, including some vintage porn           sign of experience. If he was perhaps particularly    at Ladha, a video game tournament (in association
(everyone has a mustache), assorted toys, and          friendly to the scrawny twenty-year-old male          with the Competitive Gaming Association of UBC),
a big shelf of lube with clearly marked sample         companion of the customer – more so than to the       biweekly movie nights at Ladha, and possibly a year-
bottles (useful for taste tests of the edible          customer herself (he apparently felt the need to      end semi-formal party at the Telus World of Science.
lubes).                                                touch my arm with every sentence) – well, this is     We are working hard to bring you the best of science
                                                                                                             this year, we hope you enjoy it. On a side note, OMFG
         It loses points, however, for the             part of Priape’s charm. The toys were impressive,     COME TO COLDFUSION ALREADY!
supremely unhelpful staff. They don’t bother           with dildos ranging in size from index finger
to hide the fact that they want you to leave, and      to femur, and the conversation educational            Diana Diao: Science Student
generally can’t offer any advice about their           (although I probably didn’t need to know what         Senator
wares. For those of us who aren’t hardcore             sounding was – and if you don’t know, don’t                    HAPPY SCIENCE WEEK everyone!
                                                                                                             Senate-related business affecting science students, I
experts in this kind of things, it’s difficult to      Google it).                                           will keep it short and sweet:
figure out what to buy, and sort of intimidating               I have since gone here with other friends     1) Provincial Exams will still be required for
in the first place.                                    (including a physics grad student who actually        BC secondary students entering UBC this fall.
                                                       brought a shopping list) and the service and          2) Please send me your comments regarding potentially
2. Womyns’ Ware – 896 Commercial Dr                    selection have been consistently impressive.          implementing new English requirements that are more
                                                                                                             faculty specific (e.g. Science students will take 3 or
        Womyns’ Ware is epic. The Georgia              For what it’s worth, most items were also a lot       6 or 9 credits of “English/Communication/Writing”
Straight and the Westender name it the best sex        cheaper than comparable or identical ones at          courses offered by the Faculty of Science instead of
store in the city year after year. Located on the      Womyns’ Ware. If you feel the need to patronize       English 110 or 111 or 112 or 120 or 121 etc. offered by
rapidly-gentrifying lesbian-friendly Commercial        any sex shop in Vancouver, I’d say this should be     Arts) at senator.sus@gmail.com.
Drive, this store stocks a ridiculous range            your first choice.                                                    YAY SCIENCE WEEK!
8         THE 432    Jan. 22, 2008


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